When we first get into relationship we do it for several reasons. Some of those reasons are financial, sexual, likes, dependence, and companionship and finally love. At the beginning of the relationship we tend to overlook little idiosyncrasies about the other person because we don’t want to blow it so we put up with things we normally would not tolerate. There is an old adage. I love you. I love you. I love you. NOW CHANGE! Then over the next months or years those little idiosyncrasies are now a big problem. They start out as a small stone in our shoe and end up to be a huge rock that we don’t know how to get rid of.

Subscribe now

The other problem is that we change as well. We can become demanding, intolerant, picky or downright mean and nasty. We end up being as toxic to the other person as they are to us. Both sides are pointing the finger at each other believing that it is not our problem but it is their problem. If only they would change back to what I believe they should be then all will be good again. Keep in mind that your partner is probably saying the exact same thing about you.

We need to step back and do some very deep self-examination to figure out if in fact we are in the right relationship with the right person for the right reasons. Life is fluid and the reason we got into this relationship in the first place may have changed. The other thing to consider is that maybe we have changed or they have changed. In many cases we are not the same person that we were, say five years ago or twenty five years ago.

Here are the Six I Wills that will help you understand where the problem lies in your relationship and whether or not the relationship should end. Keep in mind that the decision is yours and only yours. That is the same with any conflict that we have in any relationship we are in. The conflict does not belong to the other person as they honestly believe they are right the same as you believe you are right. Because I can only control me and not the other person then it is logical that I am responsible for any conflict in my life.

So let’s get to it…

1-I will celebrate your right to be you.

In all relationships there should be three colors. We call that the Rainbow Metaphor. There must be a vibrant red (individual one) and a vibrant yellow (individual two) when those two colors are brought together, they make a vibrant orange (the relationship).

The problem is the red keeps telling the yellow what kind of yellow it should be based on the red’s perception of what the yellow should be not the yellow’s perception of itself. Again, I love you, I love you, I love you now change. When one person in the relationship is constantly sucking the colour out of the other person in the relationship, the orange is not vibrant any longer and the relationship is no longer viable.

If you cannot celebrate the other person’s right to be the colour they believe they should be, then it is time to end the relationship. The onus is on you to accept the other person’s color unconditionally, plain and simple.

2-I will not knowingly harm you.

When relationships falter and we are constantly lashing out with the main goal of harming the other person then we are at fault. We need to do some self-examination and remember how it feels when someone lashes out at us by doing and saying hateful things. Harming the other person because you feel harmed is no way to create cooperative action and build or heal a relationship.

Michelle Obama said, “When they go low, we go high.” If you are at a point where it pisses you off simply because of the way they are chewing gum, then you are the one with the problem. Saying and doing hateful things will get you nowhere except to a quick end of the relationship.

If the issues that you are pissed off about are really that important to you that the relationship needs to end, then so be it, end the relationship and move on. Otherwise simply shut up because that is who they are the same as you asking them to accept who you are..

3-I will tell you what I need, not what you are doing wrong.

One of the biggest contributors to conflict is when we tell the other person that what they are doing or what they have said is wrong. Keep in mind that whenever we do or say something we honestly believe we are right or that we are justified in what we did or said. So when we tell someone that they are wrong we are harming them especially if they believe they are right. That type of interaction only exacerbates the conflict and then no one wins.

If the other person is doing something that you believe is wrong or hurtful, first do some self-examination to see if you have simply misread what just happened. Also consider the fact that you may have inadvertently done something to piss them off. If you did do something then own up to it and apologize with no buts. A simple ‘I’m sorry’ will suffice.

Remember the old saying, “count to ten before you react”. Simply count to ten and ask yourself, is this something that I really need to address or am I the one with the problem. Let’s say it is something that needs to be addressed, then simply tell the other person how their actions or words have adversely affected you, not what they are doing wrong.

Most people, when not attacked, will simply say that they understand and that they will try to do better next time. A small minority will give you half the peace sign and tell you that that is who they are and that they will not change. Or they will try to deflect it back on you and will never take responsibility for their own actions. At that point we have a decision to make, can we live with this or not the decision is ours and ours alone. And that brings us to the fourth I will.

4-I will come from a place of if I can I will.

When we are in concert with the other person in a relationship we will do our best to accommodate their needs. When the relationship is in conflict we become stupid by saying things we would normally not say and doing or not doing things we would normally do or not do.

Always look for a balance and equilibrium to seek cooperative action without losing your sense of self. Your sense of self can only be defined by you and only you. The level of toxicity that you can tolerate is entirely your call and no one else’s.

If the other person asks you to do something for them even if they pooped on you yesterday, then assess whether or not you are going to lose your sense of self by accommodating their request. If granting that request is going to make you toxic, then don’t do it. Here is where more self-examination comes into play. Is it really that onerous to do what they are asking or are you just pissed off and want to get even? Being pissed off or wanting to get even only contributes to the conflict.

Gandhi said, “Justice is rendered quickest by giving justice to the other party first.” When you can come from a place of if I can I will, conflict will be minimized or even totally eliminated. Keep in mind that it is also acceptable to say no if granting the request will make you toxic.

5-I will build all relationships on mutual trust and respect.

This one is very simple. If you believe that you have the right to have power over the other person in the relationship and that you cannot respect or trust the other person, then simply put, the relationship is over.

Trust and respect is primary to a stable relationship and if that is missing then there is no relationship. If you believe that the other person is the one lacking the trust and respect, then you need to do some self-examination to see how you might have contributed to that.

Donte said that we don’t see the world as it truly is, we only see it from where we stand. It takes two people to have a conflict but maybe, just maybe you were the one who actually started the conflict in the first place. Think about it without deflecting back to the other person.

6-I will walk away and let it go.

If you cannot mentally accept the other person for who they are and what they are doing, then it is time to walk away. If you cannot let go of the past, then it is time to walk away. If the other person’s actions, ways of being, behavior or personality is making you toxic and they are unable to accommodate your needs then it is time to walk away.

When you walk away there cannot be any anger or hate or vengeance because just as you are the person you are, they are the person they are.

Let us sum it up this way.

If I can celebrate the person for who they are. If I am able not to knowingly want to harm them. If I can tell them what I need and not what they are doing wrong. If I can do my best to accommodate their needs. If I can respect them and trust them. Then I do not have to walk away as the relationship is still worth working on.

If I cannot celebrate who they are as a person. If I want to harm them. If I am constantly telling them what they are doing wrong. If I don’t want to accommodate their needs. If I don’t respect them or trust them. Then I need to walk away and let it go. The relationship is over and cannot be saved.

Keep in mind this does not mean that either person in the relationship is wrong or that the relationship has failed. It simply means that for whatever reason the relationship is no longer viable.

Remember adhering to the six I wills is not up to the other person as you cannot and should not have control over the other person. The six I wills is about your behavior, how you see the other person and how you interact with the other person. Simply put, if the way you chew gum pisses me off and you cannot or will not understand how that makes me feel then it is time for me to walk away. I repeat, that does not mean you are wrong because you cannot change or will not change. It simply means that ‘acceptance is not necessarily agreement’ and it is time for me to walk away. I will accept the fact that you are you and I accept the fact that I am me. There is no right or no wrong, it is simply the way it is, let it go.

You cannot force someone to change as no one can force you to change. The bottom line is simple. The other person does not have to stop chewing gum the way they want and you do not have to live with the way they chew gum if it annoys you to the point of toxicity. Each of you is simply being you.

The final step is up to you. Either you can embrace the six I wills and live with the other person in cooperative action or you leave the relationship and move on. Simple.

Read more

I seem to puzzle (and sometimes upset) people when they learn that I am able to respect the views of some who hold opposing political/social/economic views to me while not respecting the perspectives of some even though those beliefs are in line with my own. How does this make sense???? A recent social post by Steve Magness that explains it beautifully:

“I did my research.”

Its the ultimate trump cared in modern arguments.

We claim victory because we found a link that agrees with us.

But there is a massive difference between searching and researching.

True understanding requires work...

In a world of instant answers, we mistake the act of Googling for understanding.

Finding a quick answer provides a feel-good hit of neurochemicals.

We confuse that fleeting satisfaction with actual knowledge.

Access to information is not the same as wisdom.

Look at the word itself: “Research” has “re” in front of it.

It implies going back, looking again, and searching multiple times.

If you stopped at the first page of results, you didn’t research. You just browsed.

I like to think of understanding in four distinct layers.

Subscribe now

The first is search.

This is the superficial hunt for a quick, convenient answer.

Its perfect for finding a song title, but terrible for understanding complex social issues.

The next level down is Explore.

Here, we move past the convenient, easy answer.

We look at multiple sources and seek out different perspectives.

We take the time to look around rather than grabbing the first thing we see.

The third level is review.

Think of a student conducting a literature review.

You’re combing through studies to make sense of the whole.

You’re synthesizing conflicting data to find the nuance.

Finally, we arrive at actual Research.

You move from simply collecting information to testing it.

You take your theory and put it through the wringer.

Whether through formal experiments or real-world stress testing, you demand proof.

You don’t need a literature review to know who won the Super Bowl.

A simple search works fine for verifiable facts.

But as complexity increases, your depth must increase too.

You can’t solve nuanced problems with surface-level tools.

Yet... too often that’s what we do.

The way I use this paradigm is ask myself what level of understanding does the problem demand? What level am I at currently?

And if in argument, do I need to bow out because I don’t have sufficient understanding.

Too often, we let a little knowledge fool us into thinking we know a lot...especially with ready access to Google and AI...

We need to stop claiming comprehensive knowledge when our quest ended at a Google search.

Be honest ab out the depth of your work.

True understanding earns its keep.

When it matters, stop searching and start thinking.

If you have researched your position, and I don’t agree with the position, I will still respect it SO LONG AS your position has been researched - it is based on fact, questioned before presented, and fully understood.

If you are adamant that you right because you merely searched it - I don’t care what you believe...no respect given.

A longtime employee recently shared their story: nearly 25 years with the same company, just a few years shy of retirement. But something’s changed. New managers have arrived. Young employees are everywhere. New ideas and approaches, like AI and crypto currencies, are flying around that feel completely foreign. And underneath it all is this nagging fear: Are they trying to push me out?

For anyone who’s nearing the twilight of their career, this probably sounds familiar. That uncomfortable sensation of the world moving on without you, like being a square peg trying to jam into a round hole that keeps getting rounder.

The good news? Anyone facing this situation has more control over how this story ends than they might think. The world is changing quickly, and yes, it can be hard to keep up. But there are concrete ways to navigate this challenge.

The Reality of Long Tenure

Let’s be honest about what’s happening. After giving a massive chunk of life to an employer or industry - 25 years is no joke - it’s natural to feel anxious about the homestretch. The company of even a decade ago isn’t the company that exists today. The new employees coming on board could literally be their children. Quite possibly, some of these new workers probably weren’t even born when those looking to retire first started.

That’s disorienting. It’s supposed to be.

The instinct is to resist. To dig in and say, “This isn’t how we do things.” But here’s the hard truth: resistance is exactly what can make those fears come true. To finish strong and go out on a good note, embracing the changes - not fighting them - is essential.

This doesn’t mean abandoning everything learned over decades. Expertise, experience, and institutional knowledge are valuable. Really valuable. But holding those things lightly, and being willing to let new ideas coexist alongside them, makes all the difference.

Watch Your Language

Pay attention to what’s being said. Phrases like “Boy, it’s not the same as it used to be” or “What we used to do do is…” are red flags. Those comments mark someone as checked out or stuck in the past.

Instead, try this: “Help me understand why we’re doing it this way now, because I want to understand so I can adapt.”

See the difference? Same curiosity, completely different message. One says “I’m stuck in the past.” The other says “I’m still here, still contributing, still part of the team.”

It’s not about being fake or swallowing opinions. It’s about signaling openness, willingness to learn, and commitment to remaining a productive member of the organization.

Get Off the Island

Here’s a challenge for veteran employees: interact with the younger workers. Don’t just exchange pleasantries at the coffee maker. Actually sit with them. Eat lunch with them. Get to know who they are and where they’re coming from.

When doing this, remember the golden rule: be more interested than interesting.

Listen to what they have to say. Ask questions. And whatever happens, don’t pull out the “in my day” card or the “when I was your age” speech. They don’t want to hear it, and honestly, it doesn’t help anyone.

The more genuine interest shown in younger colleagues, the more they’re treated as equals rather than kids who need educating, the more they’ll reciprocate. Instead of being “that old person who sits by themselves,” someone becomes approachable, engaged, and relevant.

Don’t Silence Experience

This doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. Experienced employees have knowledge to share. They’ve seen things work and fail. They understand the history of decisions that shaped the company.

Don’t be afraid to question things or offer perspective. Employers should absolutely want to tap into that experience—it’s an asset they’d be foolish to waste.

Remember, everything that has been the standard up to this point was, once upon a time, new as well. Past changes occurred for legitimate reasons. Treat new ideas and approaches the same way - as something meant to to correct or improve something. Experience usually means being able to more readily understand the value of a correction or improvement due to having greater insight into the various reasons that the current way of doing things is as it is.

The key is how this knowledge gets shared. Coming from a place of collaboration, not correction, works best. Offer insights without attaching them to “the way we used to do things.” Help younger colleagues understand context without making them feel like they need to earn approval.

A Word to the New Generation of Employee

For new managers or young Gen Z employees reading this: older colleagues aren’t obstacles. They’re not dinosaurs taking up space. Many of them feel genuinely threatened as the company gets younger while they get older.

Use their expertise. Mine their institutional knowledge. Make them feel like they’re part of the company’s future, not just its past. Sit with them. Be more interested than interesting - yeah, the same rule applies here too.

The results can be amazing when an experienced worker feels valued and included rather than tolerated and ignored. They’ll contribute in ways that surprise everyone. They’ll support changes they might have resisted. They’ll become allies instead of roadblocks.

The Bottom Line

Change is inevitable, especially in today’s workplace. But feeling left behind isn’t. Whether someone is the veteran trying to navigate a new landscape or the newcomer building that landscape, the answer is the same: connection, curiosity, and respect.

Everyone is just trying to do good work and feel like they matter. That doesn’t change with age, title, or tenure.

So reach across those generational divides. Learn from each other. And remember that the best teams aren’t built on uniformity—they’re built on people who value what everyone brings to the table, no matter when they sat down.

The Question

A reader recently reached out with a scenario that’s more common than you might think:

“We’ve had a major retool of our workplace and it has never been better. We have a new director and a few new managers in place, and most of the old managers have really changed how they deal with staff. My employer spent significant time and money on relationship training, and it’s working for most of us. Unfortunately, we have one manager who just won’t come around. She seems to have shut down and all she does is complain. How do we get her to realize that this workplace has changed and she’s the only one who can’t see it?”

Subscribe now

Understanding the Psychology of Resistance

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: some people struggle to let go of the past because the past has become woven into who they are.

Let me paint a picture of this type of person. She was the hub of the gossip network. She was the manager others turned to with hushed observations: “Everyone is upset with that last decision” or “Did you hear what so-and-so did to their staff?” She was the designated confidante for complainers, the person everyone knew would spread the word—especially when told something “in confidence.”

Sound familiar?

The Identity Crisis

Here’s what’s actually happening: by transforming your workplace culture, you’ve inadvertently eliminated her role. She was the helper, the perceived “fixer,” the person with her finger on the pulse of office discontent. That was her identity, her value proposition, her reason for being essential.

Now that the workplace has genuinely improved, with fewer complaints and proper mechanisms for addressing legitimate concerns, she’s lost her purpose. Without dysfunction to navigate, without whispered grievances to collect and redistribute, she doesn’t know who she is anymore.

So what does she do? She tries to keep the water churning. She searches for problems, amplifies minor issues, and works to maintain the status quo of discontent—because that’s where she feels needed.

The Pattern You’ll Recognize

This person exhibits predictable behaviors:

• Vague complaints without solutions: She’ll tell you something is wrong but offer no constructive path forward

• Shutdown when ignored: She retreats when people stop engaging with her negativity

• Nostalgia for “better times”: She romanticizes previous management—despite having complained about those same managers in the past

• Long tenure with the organization: She often has significant history with the company, which makes her attachment to old patterns even stronger

How to Neutralize the Behavior

The key isn’t to change her mind—it’s to box in her disruptive behavior through accountability.

When she comes to you with secondhand complaints or vague concerns, respond with something like this:

“Wow, do you really think that’s happening? I’m having a hard time believing he actually said that. You need to go straight to your manager and report what you know. We’ve changed this workplace, and that type of behavior isn’t allowed. Let’s get this straightened out right away.”

I guarantee she won’t take you up on it. She’ll deflect, saying nothing will get done or that she’ll be seen as “just a complainer.”

Why? Because this type of person rarely confronts issues directly. She prefers to work behind the scenes, pulling strings, recruiting others to her cause. Once an organization shuts down triangulation, puppeteering, and gossip networks, she has nowhere to turn. And she begins to shut down.

A Word for the Disgruntled Manager

If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself, this may be difficult to hear, but it’s important: you need to let go.

If your workplace has genuinely transformed and people are happy to come to work, it’s time for some honest self-examination. Where does the real problem lie?

I understand it’s hard not to be the person you used to be. It’s difficult to feel that no one needs you the way they once did. But consider this: maybe the workplace is actually fixed. Maybe your work is done.

If you’re a long-time employee approaching retirement, perhaps it’s time to walk away—not for the company’s sake, but for your own. No one should be unhappy at work.

Maybe it’s time to hang up your skates.

The Bigger Picture

Workplace transformation is never easy, and it’s rarely universal. There will always be people who struggle to adapt, not because they’re bad people, but because change threatens their sense of identity and purpose.

The healthiest organizations recognize this dynamic and respond with both compassion and clarity: compassion for the difficult transition, but clarity about what behaviors will and won’t be tolerated moving forward.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is to stop enabling their dysfunction—and let them decide what comes next.

What’s your experience with workplace transformation? Have you encountered someone who couldn’t let go of the old ways? Share your story in the comments.

Too often today, political and social conversations turn into battles of elimination. One side pushes to silence the other, convinced that their perspective is the only legitimate one. But the truth is simpler…and more difficult. Society needs both liberal/progressive thinkers and conservative thinkers working side by side. When one side dominates, or worse, cancels the other, society suffers.

Edmund Burke, the 18th-century statesman, warned that “a state without the means of some change is without the means of its conservation.” Change is necessary to survive. Yet Burke also cautioned that change must be handled carefully, with respect for institutions and traditions. In those two thoughts - progress and caution - we find the reason why both perspectives matter.

Why We Need Conservative Voices

Conservatism is not about resisting progress for its own sake. At its best, it is about asking questions: Is this change necessary? What might we lose by moving too quickly? What unintended consequences could follow? Conservatives remind us that “new” is not automatically “better,” and that sometimes stability is just as important as momentum.

George Santayana’s famous line captures this spirit: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Conservatives keep us grounded in history, helping prevent society from dismantling traditions or structures that still serve us well. Their voice acts as a steadying hand on the wheel, ensuring progress doesn’t outpace wisdom.

Why We Need Progressive Voices

On the other hand, progressives push society to face uncomfortable truths. They ask: Why is this tradition still in place? Does it serve everyone fairly? Can it be improved? Their energy ensures that society doesn’t become stagnant.

History shows that real improvements - civil rights, women’s suffrage, public healthcare - often began as progressive ideas. John Stuart Mill captured this value when he said, “Genuine worth and intellect are most often found on the side of the minority.” Progressive thought gives voice to those overlooked and insists on imagining a better future.

Without this push for change, we would endlessly repeat mistakes, patching up the old instead of building something better.

The Danger of Silencing One Side

But what happens when one perspective is shut down entirely? When conservatives are dismissed as outdated, or progressives are condemned as dangerous? The result is rarely peace - it is polarization.

Silencing creates fear. And fear, in turn, drives people to cling more tightly to their beliefs. When one side feels ignored or erased, its members often retreat into echo chambers where their perspectives grow sharper, louder, and sometimes more extreme.

For example, ignoring legitimate conservative concerns about stability and tradition can push people toward reactionary politics, where the goal is no longer thoughtful caution but outright resistance to all change. On the other hand, dismissing progressive calls for reform can push movements toward radicalism, where frustration builds into anger and the demand for change becomes uncompromising.

When voices are cancelled, the middle ground erodes. Instead of conversation, we get division. Instead of balance, we get extremism. Respectful engagement is the pressure valve that prevents this build-up.

The Balance Between Old and New

Neither the “old” way nor the “new” way is automatically right. The old way can provide stability, tested wisdom, and continuity. The new way can open doors to justice, innovation, and opportunity. But both have weaknesses, too. Blind loyalty to tradition can trap society in outdated systems. Blind faith in change can create chaos and unintended harm.

This is why both perspectives are needed. Progressives move us forward. Conservatives make sure we don’t leave people behind. The tension between the two isn’t a flaw - it’s the very mechanism that helps society make better decisions.

Moving Beyond “Cancel Culture”

We live in an era where cancelling or condemning opponents seems easier than engaging them. But dismissing one side doesn’t erase it. As Voltaire is often credited with saying, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Respectful disagreement isn’t weakness - it’s strength.

Dialogue, debate, and even discomfort are how societies grow. By keeping both perspectives at the table, we ensure that change is thoughtful and stability is compassionate.

Share

Final Thought…

Progress without caution can be reckless. Caution without progress can be paralyzing. Only by holding these perspectives together can society move forward steadily, fairly, and with lasting impact.

Conservatives ground us. Progressives drive us. And when we stop listening to either, fear fills the gap, pushing people to extremes. A healthy society doesn’t silence its differences—it embraces them as the very source of its strength.

Let’s pretend that the world is a school and the administration is the UN. Each country is a classroom with their respective governments being the teachers.

Each classroom/country has its share of disrupters but when the teacher confronts the disrupters they usually fall in line and behave following the rules of decorum in that particular classroom/country. This is accomplished because the teachers/ governments/courts/UN are impartial and respected therefore order is upheld.

The classroom of the USA one day gets a new student/Trump and this student is out of control. He bullies everyone the point where most of the students/citizens are afraid to confront him. A number of students/MAGA realize that if they align themselves with this bully/Trump then he will not pick on them. He/Trump also frightened the teachers/legislators/courts so much that many of them aligned themselves with him as well so they won’t lose their jobs but still maintain power.

Subscribe now

They are also afraid of this student’s parents/MAGA who stand behind him/Trump no matter how badly he acts us because they see nothing wrong with what he is doing, because they believe everything he says even if they might know he is lying and that he is wrong.

This is now affecting every classroom/country in the school/world. The problem is that this student/Trump and his bully gang/MAGA/the courts/the legislators are not playing by the rules and the other teachers/governments in all of the other classrooms/countries are baffled as how to deal with this plague that seems to be affecting the entire school/world.

Yet it is very simple if all of the other classrooms/countries would meet and agree on a simple tactic that works each and every time. All of the other classrooms/countries should get together and have a meeting to discuss how they are going to protect their students/citizens from this new threat that could threaten the stability of the school/world, the classrooms/countries and the students/citizens. This is where all of the players need to be on the same page because if the bully’s/Trump’s classroom/USA will not take care of the situation, the rest of the school/country needs to standup and protect all of its students/citizens or the entire school/world as we know it today will be changed forever.

No matter how scary it can be to deal with a powerful bully/Trump and his gang/MAGA/legislators, always remember that all of the other classrooms/countries in the school/world actually have the power to outnumber and outlast what is happening in that particular classroom/USA. Stand firm and do what’s right for the students/citizens of your classroom/country. The only power any bully has is the power everyone else allows him to have.

It is so simple it can seem to be complicated, so let’s break it down.

1-Everyone or at least the majority of the other classrooms/countries need to band together and refuse to play with the bully/Trump.

2-Several classrooms/countries need to get together in the playground of the school/world and play only with each other. That will neutralize the bully/Trump. At first the bully/Trump will yell and scream and have a temper tantrum. He will also threaten all of the others who will not align with him but if everyone stands together to help the weaker classrooms/countries then in fact this bully will be outnumbered and will soon have no power what so ever.

3-Once the bully/Trump is neutralized and his perceived power is lost, his gang/MAGA/the courts/the legislators will turn on him and he will be alone.

4-The rest of the students/citizens in his classroom/USA will now feel empowered to stop this bully’s/Trump’s reign of terror and destruction that is affecting the entire school/world.

Yes, it is that simple. It works in families. It works in real schools. It works with friends.

It works in all businesses. The bully’s/Trumps power is fear and division. Once the other classrooms in the school/countries of the world realize that they in fact have more

power than the bully/Trump he will crumble.

Will it be easy? NO! Will there be pain? YES! But it will all be worth it in the long run.

Subscribe now

Author and 2% Factor president, Ted Mouradian, was recently interviewed about his new book, “Yep, Sh!t Happens” by Kevin Werner for an article appearing in multiple Niagara-area newspapers. Here is an exerpt…” (link to full article below)

“Looking at a confident, exuberant and fit Ted Mouradian, you wouldn’t think anything is wrong.

Standing on stage in front of about 30 friends and family at Mahtay Café and Market in St. Catharines June 11, Mouradian promised during his book release event that “I’m just going to be Ted tonight.”

“And that is what the book is about. Being yourself,” he said.

Mouradian, a columnist who has been self-employed since 1973, is adored and appreciated by friends — even when playing golf — and family, has the respect of the community, is a successful businessperson and, to the chagrin of some people, spends his winters in Mexico.

He has just written his fifth book.

Yet behind Mouradian’s self-help tips when navigating an increasingly difficult and angry society, the author reveals a personal history he was forced to overcome.”

To read the full article, click HERE

If you want to purchase a copy of Ted’s book, you can buy it HERE

With society being so politically charged and divided these days, too many workplaces continue to tolerate a lot of aggressive behaviour - things like yelling, cursing, and taunting are common. However, when someone raises the problem to management, the response is basically: “That’s just the way it is these days…I am sure they don’t mean anything by it.”

But is that kind of behaviour okay? Where’s the line between lousy workplace culture and actual harassment or bullying?

Let’s talk about it.

Subscribe now

The Changing Landscape of Workplace Behaviour

The way we define respect and professionalism at work is changing. What was once dismissed as “harmless teasing” is now being seen for what it often is - psychological harassment. Across Canada, legislation is catching up. Many provinces already have laws in place that deal with violence and harassment at work, and more are on the way.

In the past, it was common to hear misogynistic jokes in the breakroom or see inappropriate calendars hanging in a warehouse. Times have changed. What was once brushed off as “harmless fun” is now recognized as completely unacceptable. The same shift is happening with bullying.

What Is Bullying or Psychological Harassment?

It can be hard to define. But the Quebec government laid out one of the most widely accepted definitions, and many provinces are now using similar language.

Here’s what constitutes bullying or psychological harassment:

• It’s repetitive

• It’s hostile or unwanted

• It affects a person’s dignity or mental health

• It creates a harmful work environment

And here’s an important point: even a single serious incident could count as harassment if it’s severe enough.

So… How Do You Handle It?

If someone says or does something that feels off - whether it’s a rude comment, an insult disguised as a joke, or something that crosses the line - the first step is to speak up. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. But it doesn’t have to be confrontational.

Here’s one way to approach it:

“I’m not sure if you meant anything by what you just said, and maybe that kind of talk has been normal here for a while. But I want you to know that it really bothers me. I find it inappropriate, and I need it to stop.”

Clear, direct, respectful.

If nothing changes? Take it to management - managers literally get paid to deal with stuff like this…if they have any degree of management competency.

Subscribe now

A Note to Leaders and Employers

If someone brings a concern to management about inappropriate behaviour, they have a responsibility to take it seriously. Saying things like “let it go” or “don’t take it personally” not only makes the situation worse—it is a great way to undermine future company success. Employees - especially those from younger generations - love to share the toxic experiences online with a vast audience. It doesn’t take long before top talent avoids your organization like the plague when you need new staff.

Legally, those who lead companies also have an obligation to:

1. Ensure employees are treated with civility, respect, and dignity

2. Prevent a work environment that is hostile or embarrassing

3. Create conditions that support the well-being of employees

Making sure employees are treated with dignity, respect, and civility has become as important - if not more so - than healthcare benefits, matching RRSP contributions, and company BBQs when it comes to employee attraction and retention.

It’s Not About Stopping All Jokes or Fun

Let’s be real - most of us enjoy a good laugh at work, and a little humour goes a long way in building a positive culture. But there’s a line between fun and harm. It's about how we interact with each other—tone matters, language matters, and so does listening when someone says, “That’s not okay.”

And for employers: enforcing respectful behaviour doesn't mean you can’t manage performance or provide feedback. It just means doing so with professionalism and care.

Final Thought

Whether you're an employee, a team lead, or a CEO, this message matters: everyone deserves a safe, respectful workplace where they want to perform and contribute. If something feels wrong, don’t brush it off. Speak up, listen up, and lead with empathy.

Never treat someone in a way that you wouldn’t want described in detail on the home page of a news website, because today’s “just the way it is” might be tomorrow’s court case—or worse, a culture that drives good people away.

Subscribe now

In today's politically charged climate, conversations about current events can quickly become battlegrounds. Whether it's around the dinner table, on social media, or in the breakroom, tensions often run high, and people feel pressure to take sides or prove their chosen side is “correct”. But just as seasoned professionals must learn to adapt in evolving workplaces full of new ideas and different generations, we too can apply those same principles to remain calm and conflict-free in politically divisive times.

Much like a veteran employee navigating cultural change in the workplace, staying centered in politically intense environments requires openness, emotional intelligence, and the ability to focus on connection over correction. Here are a few key lessons that can help anyone remain composed while still holding firm to their values.

Subscribe now

1. Accept That the Landscape Has Changed

One of the most important pieces of advice given to the tenured employee in the workplace article was to acknowledge that the company has changed and that new people and ideas are now part of the landscape. Similarly, in our political discourse, we must recognize that the world is not the same as it was five, ten, or twenty years ago.

This doesn’t mean abandoning your beliefs. It means understanding that society evolves, people’s values shift, and no one generation or viewpoint holds a monopoly on truth. When we resist this reality, we often fall into the trap of defensiveness and outrage. Instead, take a breath. Ask yourself: Am I reacting to change or trying to understand it? That shift in mindset creates space for calm dialogue.

2. Be Curious, Not Combative

In the workplace, employees are encouraged to use language like, “Help me understand why we’re doing it this way.” This same mindset is powerful in political conversations.

When someone shares a viewpoint you disagree with, resist the urge to immediately counter it. Instead, ask open-ended questions: “What led you to that conclusion?” or “Can you help me understand your perspective?” These questions do two things: they show you’re willing to engage without attacking, and they invite the other person to reflect rather than react.

Staying curious rather than combative doesn’t mean you agree — it means you prioritize understanding over winning. That alone defuses a surprising amount of tension.

3. Don’t Be the “In My Day” Person

One of the more subtle but powerful pieces of advice for those of more mature generations is to avoid pulling the “when I was your age” card. That advice applies directly to how we talk about politics, culture, and values today.

Nostalgia is comforting, but it can also be a barrier to dialogue. Statements like “things were better back then” or “this generation just doesn’t get it” shut down meaningful discussion. They imply that change is inherently bad and that only the past holds wisdom.

Instead, try saying: “I see how things are different now, and I’m trying to make sense of what that means.” This keeps the conversation open and acknowledges that every generation — and political perspective — brings something valuable to the table

.

Subscribe now

4. Be More Interested, Less Interesting

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was this simple phrase: be more interested, less interesting. In political conversations, this means focusing more on what others are saying than on formulating your own rebuttal.

Often, we listen just long enough to prepare a response. But real listening — active, curious, engaged listening — disarms tension. When people feel heard, they’re more likely to listen in return.

This doesn’t mean silencing your voice. It means choosing the right time and tone to express it, and ensuring your intent is to contribute, not to dominate.

5. Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, a conversation becomes too heated or unproductive. Just as a wise employee knows when to step back from workplace conflict, you should also know when to bow out of a political discussion.

You don’t need to attend every argument you’re invited to. If a conversation turns hostile, or if someone is clearly unwilling to engage respectfully, it’s okay to say, “I don’t think this is a good time to have this discussion, but I’m open to talking when we can both approach it calmly.”

Maintaining your peace is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of maturity and emotional control.

Final Thought: The Goal Is Connection, Not Conversion

In both the workplace and in political conversations, the most important goal is not to convert others to your way of thinking, but to build bridges. As the article wisely notes, when people feel included, respected, and heard, they are more likely to reciprocate.

In a polarized world, choosing empathy over ego, and curiosity over conflict, is an act of quiet strength. We all benefit when we approach difficult conversations not as battles to win, but as opportunities to better understand the people we live and work beside.

Subscribe now

In any close-knit family or work team, clear communication is the bedrock of understanding. Often, you may know precisely how you want information shared—straight to the point, free of needless detail, especially when decisions must be made. Yet, amid caring and well-intentioned relatives and colleagues, it can be easy for someone to bring pages upon pages of background, tangents, and caveats. Although this might stem from thoroughness, it can also create frustration on both sides, because the intended audience only needs a concise summary or specifics.

Subscribe now

The first step to addressing this situation is shifting the focus from what the other person might be doing wrong to clarifying exactly what you need. Instead of critiquing every unnecessary detail, express your desire for brevity and clarity, drawing attention to why a shorter presentation is beneficial. Suppose you invite a relative to contribute facts or recommendations for the family’s next big decision. If their lengthy approach overwhelms you, invite them to focus on the essential points. You might reassure them by explaining that you value their thoroughness but don’t require every line of research. Sometimes, providing an example of what you need—perhaps a trimmed-down version of all that they have found out—shows them how much more manageable the information can be when condensed.

Yet even a respectful tone can feel daunting if you anticipate a sensitive reaction. Still, there’s truth in the idea that straightforward conversations, once undertaken, rarely prove as painful as the worry that precedes them. If you speak calmly, showing you appreciate their work but need something more workable, you often find that mutual respect paves the way for a positive resolution.

On the other side of this dynamic is the family member who pours such effort into these exhaustive contributions. They, too, should pause and reflect on whether this approach might stem from past habits—perhaps from school or a different setting where thoroughness was always encouraged—or a fear of being wrong. If they can recognize that a new environment (in this case, the family dynamic) calls for a different style, it can open the door to flexible thinking. After all, if you’re not compromising your own integrity and can still share what truly matters, scaling back on verbiage can be not only more helpful to others, but less draining for you.

Ultimately, the aim is to nurture a family space where contributions are both valued and easy to manage. Instead of frustration or discouragement, concise communication fosters trust and a deeper understanding of everyone’s roles and needs. By focusing on what you need, modeling the desired outcome, and adapting to the circumstances, you forge a clear, respectful path that benefits the entire family.

How many times have you heard this statement? I am a victim of…(and you fill in the blanks). Or I have been victimized. Or I feel like a victim. All too often we automatically turn to victim status for anything that adversely affects us in any way. Whether it be bullying, health issues, injuries or simply someone saying something that offends us, we revert to being the victim.

Here is how to change perspective on this and regain control over your life.

Read more

Life often puts us in situations where tough decisions need to be made, and sometimes those decisions aren’t entirely in our control. In these moments, the uncertainty can spark rumors and speculation among friends, family, or within our social circles. Some of these rumors may seem far-fetched or even completely untrue, yet they gain traction. So how do you handle these situations when you don’t have all the answers or when you’ve been asked to keep certain details private?

It’s natural to feel conflicted. On the one hand, you may want to be transparent and honest with the people around you. On the other hand, you might feel restricted by circumstances that prevent you from sharing the full picture. The key is finding a balance: being truthful while respecting the boundaries of the situation.

For instance, imagine that in 2025 you’re planning a significant life change—perhaps a move, a career shift, or a tough financial adjustment—and people around you are starting to speculate. While you might not have finalized your decisions, it’s important to address the rumors in a way that feels honest yet measured.

Here’s an example of how you could approach it: “I know there’s been some talk about changes coming up in my life, and I want to be upfront about it. Yes, I’m facing some tough decisions, and it’s possible things will change significantly. I’m doing everything I can to figure out the best path forward, and as soon as I have more clarity, I’ll share what I can. If you’ve heard something you’re unsure about, feel free to ask me directly—I’ll always do my best to give you a clear answer.”

By taking this approach, you’re getting ahead of the rumor mill and maintaining control of your narrative. This can prevent misunderstandings and show others that you value their trust and respect.

Why Honesty Matters

People feel blindsided when they think they’ve been kept in the dark. Whether it’s your close friends, family, or even your neighbors, most people appreciate honesty and transparency. If you imagine yourself in their shoes, how would you want to be treated? Would you prefer to learn about a significant life decision directly from the person it affects, or through gossip and speculation?

Of course, there will always be individuals who react poorly no matter how honest you are. But at least by being upfront, you maintain your integrity and avoid accusations of dishonesty or secrecy.

The Power of Proactivity

Taking control of the situation before it spirals out of hand is a powerful tool. Celebrities, politicians, and leaders of industry spend great deals of money on PR support to help them step ahead of any potential scandal by addressing matters directly before others could control the narrative. This same principle applies to everyday life. When you’re proactive, you stay in charge and reduce the chance of misunderstandings or unnecessary drama.

Remember: You don’t have to reveal every detail, especially if some things are still uncertain or private. However, choosing your words carefully and being straightforward can go a long way toward fostering trust and understanding.

A Final Thought

At the end of the day, honesty and transparency are not just virtues when interacting with friends and family—they’re fundamental to building and maintaining trust in all areas of life. Being upfront about challenges, even when it’s difficult, helps others understand your perspective and creates a smoother path forward. While it’s tempting to keep quiet to minimize fallout, transparency often results in better outcomes and stronger relationships.

When in doubt, ask yourself: How would I want to be treated in a similar situation? That question will often lead you to the right course of action.

We are all in this fast-flowing stream called the River of Life. We are all in the same stream, COVID has proven that. We are all interconnected and interdependent no matter how separate we feel, whether we want to accept this reality or not.

The interesting thing about this stream is that we cannot control it no matter how hard we try. Most of the conflict we have in our lives is because we constantly try to control the stream.

You do this every single day without even realizing it. How you wonder?

Read more