Anyway, my doctor told me to reduce my carbohydrate intake and come back after three months for another test. Since I knew absolutely nothing about nutrition, I immediately decided to start the keto diet. I genuinely believed it was the healthiest thing I could possibly do.

Food stopped being something enjoyable and became my biggest source of anxiety. I spent ridiculous amounts of money on healthy foods. The fridge was packed with Greek yogurt, organic eggs, high quality meets, organic frozen berries, fermented carrots, homemade sauerkraut, expensive Parmesan and blue cheese, Caesar salads, and don’t even get me started on those lettuce burgers. To this day, those foods still irritate me because I associate them with one of the darkest periods of my life.

Before keto, I weighed 61 kg at 5’8”. Afterward, my weight dropped to 52 kg. I was happy about the model body figure, but the price I paid was that i developed menstrual problems, Constipation, severe sleep issues, and fainted multiple times because of low blood sugar. My entire existence from waking up until falling asleep revolved around food. I thought about it constantly. I even stopped going out with family and friends because I was terrified that eating something unhealthy would ruin everything. I remember crying because I genuinely believed I would never be able to enjoy comforting meals with the people I loved ever again.

I even discovered a behavior I never thought I would be capable of: chewing and spitting. I called my friend one night and told her about my eating disorder and how bad it was affecting my life. She got so angry at me and gave me a lecture to stop obsessing over my blood sugar levels. She told me to eat whatever I wanted and swallow it completely without stressing about it. I did what she told me. I ate a whole slice of pizza that night, and somehow, that single moment broke the dieting curse, and I forgot everything my doctor told me. After that night, I said fuck counting calories, fuck tracking macros, fuck obsessing over blood sugar, fuck all the diet coaches, and fuck anything that makes me live in constant fear.

Now, two years later, this is what I’ve learned:

There are many schools regarding the treatment of eating disorders, and I feel that the “no stress” approach is the one that suits me the most. Health problems do not come only from what you eat, but also from how you feel while eating. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I really believe it.

HOW YOU FEEL WHILE EATING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT YOU ARE EATING.

Your neurotransmitters do not distinguish between physical and emotional violence. Both stimulate the same pathways that send signals to your brain and can contribute to anxiety.

And fat in your body is only stored because of elevated levels of the fear and stress hormone (cortisol) So when you eat and there is no cortisol in your bloodstream, why would your body store the fat from what you eat?

If you break your diet one day just shut the fuck up and enjoy your meal. Eat with gratitude instead of guilt and fear.

And when life hurts and becomes stressful, don’t always run to food to numb yourself. Don’t eat from boredom, and don’t eat when you don’t feel like you need that much energy.

Though i know food exists to nourish our bodies and provide us with energy, but it also exists for pleasure, connection, memories, and happiness. I don’t want to reach the end of my life lying in my grave thinking about all the delicious things I refused to try because I was afraid they would damage my health. I don’t want to regret missing breakfasts with friends, random ice cream runs, or moments that could have become beautiful memories.

Now, I eat healthy in a way that makes me happy, and most of the time my meals are both nourishing and delicious that makes me feel excited. Those exciting meals nourishs not only my body, But also my soul in ways that numbers and nutritional labels never can.

And please no matter what illness you’re dealing with, don’t let fear consume you. Don’t treat it as the end of your life. I went through all of this because I wanted to stay healthy, and all the stress ended up hurting me more than anything else.

Also, don’t forget to chew your bite well! Chew your food until it has the consistency of baby cereal, then swallow. It will make you shit so much better.

I haven’t really traveled that much in my life, but I’ve had some pretty deep experiences with it. The biggest thing I learned? If you feel safe and at home within yourself, you’ll feel at home anywhere. Literally anywhere.

When my family travels, they get so frustrated when anything goes slightly off plan—like a plan getting canceled, a place being closed, ending up at a restaurant they don’t like, the hotel not looking like the pictures, spending more than they planned, etc.

But me? I travel with zero attachment to expectations or plans. I just let things happen, let the universe surprise me. I’m chill the whole time, I accept whatever comes my way, and I actually enjoy it so much.

And when we come back, they complain about the whole trip—and that’s when I realize… the problem isn’t the trip, it’s them. They just don’t know how to travel. Travel is just a reflection of your inner world. An anxious person will find things to be anxious about anywhere. A controlling person will get tense and irritated the second something doesn’t go according to plan.

Embrace the uncomfortable experience of traveling, be free even from yourself

My mom and my sister went to a wedding, but I didn’t go with them 3shan maly 5l8. Anyway, after they left, around 10 p.m. I took a shower and cleaned my room. I put on a hot pink nightgown and burned some incense around the house.

I started to feel bored… So i went to my brother’s room and stole a cigarette from the pocket of his thobe, a white Marlboro. Then I went to the abandoned maid’s room and into the abandoned bathroom. The lights were off, the bathroom was completely dark. I stood next to the toilet and opened the window a little. And sob7an Allah the moonlight came in through the window

I put the cigarette in my mouth. My heart started beating fast and hard. I lit the lighter. My hands were shaking as I lit the cigarette. I took a quick drag and blew the smoke out quickly. I felt the fear fade and I started to relax. I took a second drag, calmer this time, and left my mouth slightly open so the smoke could drift out slowly.

The dark room, the moonlight, and the smoke filling the room.. it looked like The Starry Night, a fucking beautiful piece of art. I really enjoyed the view, The taste of the smoke was like its smell. it didn’t bother me, But I didn’t like it either.

After that I started smoking faster until I reached about half the cigarette and threw it away from the window.

Then I went back to my room and started thinking about how to get rid of the smell of the cigarrets from my clothes and hair. I didn’t want to change my cute hot pink nightgown , so I took it off and sprayed it with shit load of perfume everywhere, then i put back on. Then I went to my bed to sleep، It was a cigarette before bed.

I live in a big house full of family members. The wedding night was the perfect timing to smoke without getting caught. Otherwise, it would be impossible for me to find time to smoke

I was too scared, didn’t inhale properly, and didn’t give the drag its full breath. I felt the experience wasn’t completely satisfying. I want to repeat it. I want to feel that Nicotine hit more deeply. One day I’d like to have a toxic relationship with smoking hahaha.

People always say teenagers fall into smoking because they think it looks cool. But honestly, let’s not lie, it really does look cool.

I did that just for 3b6 tho