I got a message for my 40th birthday from a dear cousin of mine.

It was beautiful. Carefully worded. Polished. Flowing. Emotional in exactly the right places.

And immediately, something in me pulled back.

Not because AI writes better than people.

Because it didn’t feel like her.

It was not even a suspicion. Recognition.

The kind you get when a text is too smooth, too balanced, too complete.

I didn’t need to read it twice. It was clear from the start.

That moment stayed with me.

Not because of the message itself, but because of what it forced me to ask myself:

What do I value more: perfection or authenticity?

That question didn’t stop there.

It kept following me.

A few weeks after, I was visiting a friend in Mallorca. Before we went out, he looked at me and said I should shave my beard.

“To the line.”

Perfectly clean.

Precisely shaped.

Controlled.

The same logic appears everywhere now.

AI generated images are flawless. Skin without pores. Bodies without limits. Hair thicker. Muscles bigger. Shapes more defined. Less grease. Less mess. Less life.

Humans can’t compete.

And knowing that, the battle almost feels lost from the start.

If perfection is the standard, authenticity doesn’t even get a chance to enter the race.

AI already generates better versions of every body people might ever achieve.

Stronger.

More symmetrical.

More desirable.

And yet, something strange is happening.

I now enjoy seeing spelling mistakes.

Typos.

Awkward phrasing.

Even autocorrect disasters.

Because they tell me one thing:

A human was here.

No polish layer.

No optimization.

No algorithm smoothing the edges.

Just intention, imperfection, and effort.

Another memory keeps coming back to me.

One of my exes was obsessively putting powder on his scalp to hide his balding. I can say this without distance because I’m losing hair too. It meant I could never caress his head.

At what price?

His comfort in believing people would see a more “perfect” version of him?

The illusion came with a cost.

Touch.

Intimacy.

Spontaneity.

His body became something to manage rather than simply live in.

So what’s really happening here?

Maybe authenticity isn’t about being imperfect.

Maybe it’s about risk.

The risk of being seen without filters.

The risk of saying the wrong thing.

The risk of not optimizing.

And maybe perfection feels empty not because it’s beautiful.

But because it’s safe.

And safety rarely moves us.

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I noticed the same shift recently while watching The White Lotus.

In the last season, two actresses stood out to me: Charlotte Le Bon and Aimee Lou Wood.

One Canadian.

One British.

Both with smiles that openly escape the standardized, perfectly aligned Hollywood ideal.

And yet, no one “corrected” them.

On the contrary.

Both became the faces of major brands.

Their teeth, once something casting directors would probably have fixed without hesitation, are now part of what makes them memorable.

A few years ago, this would have been unthinkable.

So what changed?

We might not be choosing authenticity over perfection.

We might simply be craving evidence of presence.

A crack.

A hesitation.

A trace of effort.

Filter free.

Something that reminds us:

Someone took the risk of being seen without optimization.

So don’t send me perfect images.

I’m ready for your typos.

Your mistakes.

The pimple on your face.

Your wrinkles.

Would you take that risk?

I want to feel that you were there.

Because when perfection is infinite, presence becomes priceless.

knotting else

where is the beginning
and where the end

there where i tore it
or where i am

there is an end
or maybe a beginning

start again

or maybe
untangle a few knots back

or maybe not

under my fingers
a tangled order

was it meant to be this way

was there any plan at all

or do i weave like this
without restraint

only the knots
still remember
what for
and how

My parents don’t know how today’s world works.
Not because they are ignorant.
Not because they are unwilling to learn.
But because this world was not designed for them.

Almost every time I visit them, I notice their day has acquired new landmarks. A prayer at a certain hour. A ritual that wasn’t there before. Something we are doing has to wait, or stop, because it is time for something else.

I don’t remember their days being like this when I was a teenager living under their roof. Religion was there, of course, but it didn’t seem to organize time in the same way. Now their days seem to move from one fixed point to another.

My parents were raised in a reality with structure. One narrative. One set of values. Even if it was restrictive or flawed, it provided orientation. You knew where you stood, who you were, and what was expected of you.

Today, there is no map.

We have more choices than they ever did, but also more competing versions of how a life should be lived. Opinions, truths, identities, possibilities… everything exists at once, without a clear hierarchy or center.

For me, this is the world I know. I’m used to having choices, questioning what I was taught, changing my mind, deciding for myself what matters.

Most of the time, I experience that as freedom.

But freedom doesn’t always come with direction.

And they don’t want to live without answers.

I think again about those landmarks in their day. The prayers. The rituals. The things that happen at a certain hour because that is simply when they happen.

For a long time, I saw this as my parents becoming more religious. Maybe that’s part of it. But I’m starting to wonder if religion is also giving them something the world around them no longer does.

An order.

There is right and wrong. There are rituals to follow, moments to stop, things that don’t have to be renegotiated every morning. In a world of endless choices, there must be comfort in having some things already decided.

I used to see certainty mostly as limitation. Something inherited, something to question, sometimes something to escape. And I still value the freedom that comes from doing that.

But freedom asks something of you too.

If there is no map, you have to keep deciding where to go.

Maybe that’s what I hadn’t understood about my parents.

I thought they were retreating from a world they could no longer understand. Maybe they were also finding a way to live in it.

My parents don’t know how today’s world works.

Maybe they don’t need to.

When I visit them now, their day still stops for prayer. Whatever we are talking about can wait. Whatever we are doing can wait. For a few minutes, they know exactly where they are and what comes next.

Then the day continues.

They go back to their world, with its landmarks. I go back to mine, with no map.

Quand une personne vient en coaching, elle sait souvent une chose :
👉 ce qu’elle vit ne lui ressemble plus.

Trop de questions, pas assez de clarté.
Une impression d’être déconnecté de soi, de tourner en rond, ou d’avoir perdu le fil de son histoire.

C’est précisément pour ces moments-là que j’utilise l’Arbre de Vie.

Cet outil de psychologie narrative permet de reprendre sa vie dans son ensemble, sans se réduire à un problème à résoudre.
Il aide à voir :

• d’où l’on vient,

• ce qui nous soutient aujourd’hui,

• ce qui nous porte déjà,

• et vers quoi on a envie d’aller.

Comment fonctionne l’Arbre de Vie ?

On dessine un arbre, puis on le remplit étape par étape.

• Les racines : le passé, les origines, les influences qui ont façonné la personne.

• Le sol : le présent, le contexte de vie, les besoins actuels.

• Le tronc : les compétences, les qualités, les valeurs — ce qui tient debout.

• Les branches : les projets, les envies, les directions possibles.

• Les feuilles : les personnes et soutiens sur lesquels s’appuyer.

• Les fruits : les réussites, les contributions, ce qui a déjà porté ses fruits.

• Les fleurs : les idées et projets encore en devenir.

En une séance, une histoire souvent confuse devient lisible et cohérente.

Pourquoi c’est puissant en coaching

Parce que l’Arbre de Vie ne demande pas :
« Qu’est-ce qui ne va pas chez vous ? »
mais plutôt :
« Qu’est-ce qui est déjà vivant, solide et prêt à grandir ? »

Il permet de sortir d’un récit de manque pour revenir à une posture d’auteur de sa vie.
À partir de là, les décisions deviennent plus simples, plus alignées.

🌱 Et ensuite ?

L’Arbre de Vie devient une boussole pour la suite du coaching :
on s’appuie sur le tronc, on choisit une branche, on avance pas à pas.

Si tu traverses une période de transition, de doute ou de réalignement,
cet outil peut être un point de départ puissant.

👉 Je l’utilise régulièrement en séance. Tu peux m’écrire si tu veux l’explorer à ton tour.

When someone comes to coaching, they usually know one thing:
👉 the life they are living no longer feels like them.

Too many questions, not enough clarity.
A sense of disconnection, of going in circles, or of having lost the thread of their own story.

This is exactly why I use the Tree of Life in my coaching work.

This narrative psychology tool helps people look at their life as a whole, instead of reducing themselves to a problem that needs fixing.
It helps bring clarity to:

• where they come from,

• what supports them today,

• what already gives them strength,

• and where they want to go next.

How does the Tree of Life work?

We draw a tree and fill it in step by step.

• The roots: the past, origins, and influences that have shaped the person.

• The soil: the present moment (life context and current needs).

• The trunk: skills, qualities, and values (what keeps them standing)

• The branches: projects, desires, and possible directions.

• The leaves: people and support systems they can rely on.

• The fruits: achievements, contributions, and what has already come to fruition.

• The flowers: ideas and projects still in the process of emerging.

In a single session, a story that once felt confusing becomes clear and coherent.

Why it’s powerful in coaching

Because the Tree of Life doesn’t ask:
“What’s wrong with you?”
but rather:
“What is already alive, solid, and ready to grow?”

It helps people move away from a narrative of lack and reconnect with a sense of authorship over their own life.
From there, decisions become simpler and more aligned.

🌱 What happens next?

The Tree of Life becomes a compass for the rest of the coaching journey:
we rely on the trunk, choose a branch, and move forward step by step.

If you’re going through a period of transition, doubt, or realignment,
this tool can be a powerful starting point.

👉 I use it regularly in my coaching sessions. Feel free to reach out if you’d like to explore it for yourself.

La plupart des gens pensent connaître leurs valeurs, mais lorsqu’on leur demande de les nommer, ils hésitent. Ils se souviennent de ce qu’on leur a appris à valoriser, de ce qu’ils pensent devoir valoriser, ou de ce qui semble socialement acceptable. Pourtant, les valeurs qui guident réellement vos décisions, celles qui agissent comme votre véritable boussole intérieure, se trouvent souvent beaucoup plus profondément.

J’ai fait cet exercice moi-même, et au début cela m’a semblé presque trivial. Choisir dix mots dans une liste paraissait être la tâche la plus simple du monde. Mais une fois que je les ai choisis, quelque chose d’inattendu s’est produit. Pas immédiatement, mais progressivement. Ces dix valeurs sont devenues un filtre, une sorte de tamis. J’ai commencé à passer mes choix, mes relations et mon travail à travers elles. Certaines amitiés n’ont pas survécu à cette clarté. Certains chemins professionnels non plus. Même si ce processus a été inconfortable, il a aussi été libérateur. J’ai compris que les valeurs ne sont pas de simples idées. Ce sont des limites. Elles indiquent où vous appartenez et où vous n’appartenez pas.

Cet exercice vous aide à vous reconnecter à ce qui compte vraiment pour vous. Non pas les valeurs héritées, ni celles que vous affichez pour les autres, mais celles qui façonnent discrètement votre manière d’avancer dans le monde.

Étape 1 : Choisissez Vos Dix Valeurs Essentielles

Trouvez une liste de valeurs en ligne et lisez-la attentivement.
Choisissez les dix valeurs qui résonnent le plus avec vous.

Laissez votre instinct vous guider. Si un mot vous attire, faites-lui confiance.

Étape 2 : Classez-les par Ordre d’Importance

Classez vos dix valeurs de un à dix.
Sans ex æquo.
Le classement apporte de la clarté et vous oblige à être honnête.

Étape 3 : Rédigez Une Phrase pour Chaque Valeur

Pour chacune des dix valeurs, écrivez une phrase simple qui explique pourquoi elle compte pour vous.
Une phrase suffit. Gardez cela clair, personnel et instinctif.

Étape 4 : Divisez-les en Deux Catégories

Valeurs Héritées

Valeurs issues de votre éducation, de votre famille, de votre culture ou de votre environnement.

Valeurs Auto-construites

Valeurs nées du contraste, de la rébellion, des difficultés, de la liberté ou de l’expérience personnelle.

Comprendre cette différence révèle quelle part de votre boussole intérieure vous appartient vraiment.

Étape 5 : Répartissez-les Dans Les Domaines de Vie

Créez trois colonnes.

• Valeurs qui guident votre vie professionnelle
• Valeurs qui guident votre vie personnelle
• Valeurs qui guident les deux

Des schémas vont apparaître.
Certaines valeurs appartiennent à votre identité professionnelle.
D’autres à votre monde affectif.
Quelques-unes s’appliquent partout.

Exercice Suivant : Faire Vivre Vos Valeurs au Quotidien

Choisissez vos trois valeurs principales et observez votre vie à travers elles.
Puis posez-vous ces questions :

• Quelles relations sont alignées avec mes valeurs ?
• Quelles relations me tirent régulièrement dans une autre direction ?

• En quoi mon travail actuel reflète-t-il qui je suis et ce que je défends ?
• Où entre-t-il en conflit avec mes valeurs ?

• Quel type de personnes m’aide à évoluer dans le sens de mes valeurs ?
• Où puis-je rencontrer ou créer des espaces où ces personnes se trouvent ?

• Comment cette valeur apparaît-elle aujourd’hui dans ma vie ?
• Où est-ce que je me vois agir en cohérence avec elle ?

• Quelle petite action réaliste puis-je poser chaque jour pour l’honorer ?
• Quelle habitude ou décision me rapprocherait d’une vie pleinement alignée ?

• Où est-ce que je vais à l’encontre de cette valeur sans m’en rendre compte ?
• Que dois-je ajuster pour me réaligner ?

• Quelle limite, décision ou conversation me permettrait de vivre cette valeur avec plus d’honnêteté ?

Le travail commence lorsque la valeur devient un comportement, et non un mot.

Réflexion Finale

Pour terminer, je veux partager quelque chose de simple. J’ai récemment posé à plusieurs personnes une question de base.
Qu’est-ce qui vous motive ?
Certaines ont répondu immédiatement, mais beaucoup n’ont pas su quoi dire. Une question qui semblait évidente a révélé quelque chose de plus profond. La clarté n’est jamais automatique. Nous devons la construire. Et nos valeurs sont souvent le premier et le plus puissant endroit où regarder.

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First Steps: My Values

Most people think they know their values, but when they are asked to name them, they hesitate. They remember what they were taught to value, what they believe they should value, or what sounds socially acceptable. The values that actually guide your decisions, the ones that act as your real compass, often live much deeper than that.

I did this exercise myself, and at first it felt almost trivial. Choosing ten words from a list seemed like the simplest task in the world. But once I picked them, something unexpected happened. Not immediately, but gradually. These ten values became a filter, a kind of strainer. I started putting my choices, my relationships, and my work through them. Some friendships did not survive that clarity. Some career paths did not either. Even though the process was uncomfortable, it was also liberating. I realised that values are not just ideas. They are boundaries. They tell you where you belong and where you do not.

This exercise helps you reconnect with what truly matters to you. Not the values you inherited, not the ones you perform for others, but the ones that quietly shape how you move through the world.

Step 1: Choose Your Ten Core Values

Find a list of values online and read through it slowly.
Choose the ten values that resonate with you the most.

Let instinct guide you. If a word pulls you, trust it.

Step 2: Rank Them by Importance

Put your ten values in order from one to ten.
No ties. Ranking forces clarity and honesty.

Step 3: Write One Sentence for Each Value

For each of the ten values, write one short sentence explaining why it matters to you.
One sentence is enough. Keep it clear, personal, and instinctive.

Step 4: Divide Them Into Two Categories

Inherited Values

Values shaped by your upbringing, family, education, or culture.

Self Constructed Values

Values formed through contrast, rebellion, difficulty, freedom, or personal experience.

Seeing the difference reveals how much of your internal compass is truly yours.

Step 5: Sort Them Into Life Domains

Create three columns.

• Values that guide your professional life
• Values that guide your personal life
• Values that guide both

Patterns will appear.
Some values belong to your work identity.
Some belong to your emotional world.
A few belong everywhere.

Follow Up Exercise: Bring Your Values Into Daily Life

Choose your top three values and look at your life through them.
Then ask yourself:

• What relationships in my life feel aligned with my values?
• What relationships consistently pull me away from them?

• In what ways does my current work reflect who I am and what I stand for?
• Where does it conflict with what I value?

• What kind of people help me grow in the direction of my values?
• Where can I find or create spaces where these people gather?

• How does this value appear in my life right now?
• Where do I see myself acting in harmony with it?

• What small and realistic action can I take each day to honour this value?
• What habit or decision would bring me closer to living it fully?

• Where am I acting against this value without noticing?
• What needs to change for me to realign?

• What boundary, choice, or conversation would help me live this value more honestly?

The work begins when the value becomes a behaviour, not just a word.

Closing Reflection

To finish, I want to share something simple. I recently asked several people a basic question.
What gives you motivation.
Some responded instantly, but many could not answer at all. A question that should have been obvious revealed something deeper. Clarity is not automatic. We have to create it. And our values are often the first and most powerful place to look.

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I used to work in the arts: production, programming, assisting artistic directors. Eventually I hit a wall that many people know too well. Nothing felt possible anymore. There was no evolution, no progression, only a quiet stagnation I couldn’t name at the time. It became clear only when COVID arrived and everything stopped. My CV is full of rich cultural projects across prestigious French institutions, but at some point I realised I was pouring my energy into things that did not truly matter to me. I was efficient, reliable, accomplished, and somewhat disconnected from myself.

I have lived in three countries and speak three languages fluently: English, French, and my mother tongue, Polish. I also have a proudly intermediate Italian that still gets me an espresso. During COVID, like many people, I began questioning everything. I started coaching sessions and, slowly but deliberately, reprogrammed my own mind. That process led to a radical shift. I realised I wanted to spend my life helping people rather than managing yet another “important” but ultimately insignificant project.

After I stepped away from the art world, I trained at the Institut de Coaching International (ICI). Coaching became the missing piece: a way to combine my experience, curiosity, human sensitivity, and my desire to be genuinely useful. Today, I help people align their decisions with the life they truly want instead of the life they think they “should” have.

I have not abandoned the artistic world. I have simply changed sides. I still develop performances, scripts, and creative projects whenever I can and whenever the muse is with me. These projects now exist within a healthier ecosystem: a life oriented toward purpose, clarity, and authenticity.

On this Substack, I will share the tools, ideas, and practices that helped me realign my own life and that I now use to help others do the same. If any of it resonates, stay with me. We are all rewriting our stories, one decision at a time…

🇫🇷 A propos de moi…

(version française)

Je travaillais autrefois dans le milieu artistique, en production, en programmation et en assistance auprès de directions artistiques. Puis j’ai fini par me heurter à un mur que beaucoup connaissent trop bien. Plus rien ne semblait possible. Il n’y avait plus d’évolution, plus de progression, seulement une stagnation silencieuse que je n’arrivais pas encore à nommer. Tout est devenu clair lorsque le COVID est arrivé et que tout s’est arrêté. Mon CV est rempli de projets culturels au sein d’institutions françaises prestigieuses, mais à un moment donné, j’ai compris que je dépensais mon énergie dans des choses qui ne comptaient pas vraiment pour moi. J’étais efficace, fiable, compétent, et pourtant quelque peu déconnecté de moi-même.

J’ai vécu dans trois pays et je parle couramment trois langues : l’anglais, le français et ma langue maternelle, le polonais. J’ai aussi un italien fièrement intermédiaire qui me permet encore d’obtenir un espresso. Pendant la période du COVID, comme beaucoup, j’ai commencé à tout remettre en question. J’ai entamé un travail de coaching et, lentement mais volontairement, j’ai reprogrammé mon esprit. Ce processus a provoqué un changement radical. J’ai compris que je voulais consacrer ma vie à aider les autres plutôt qu’à gérer un énième projet “important” mais au fond insignifiant.

Après m’être éloigné du monde artistique, je me suis formé à l’Institut de Coaching International (ICI). Le coaching est devenu la pièce manquante, une manière de réunir mon expérience, ma curiosité, ma sensibilité humaine et mon désir d’être réellement utile. Aujourd’hui, j’aide les gens à aligner leurs décisions avec la vie qu’ils souhaitent vraiment, plutôt qu’avec celle qu’ils pensent devoir vivre.

Je n’ai pas abandonné le monde artistique. J’ai simplement changé de place. Je continue à développer des performances, des scénarios et des projets créatifs dès que je le peux et lorsque la muse m’accompagne. Ces projets existent désormais dans un écosystème plus sain, une vie orientée vers le sens, la clarté et l’authenticité.

Sur ce Substack, je partagerai les outils, les idées et les pratiques qui m’ont permis de réaligner ma propre vie et que j’utilise aujourd’hui pour aider les autres à faire de même. Si cela résonne avec vous, restez avec moi. Nous réécrivons tous notre histoire, une décision après l’autre…