⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹ ᢉ𐭩⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹ ᢉ𐭩⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹

i’m having the best summer ever. i finally have friendships that my inner child/teen always longed for. im going on adventures i never thought id experience, getting out of my comfort zone and accomplishing more than i thought i could. my calander looks like purple ink exploded everywhere with how much ive had to write on it. i’ve been told or became an aunt three separate times this summer. i’ve spent every weekend surrounded by people who love me, whether it’s karaoke at my favorite bar in boston or swimming in my pool watching movies on my projector. i’ve been to two concerts this summer, melanie and ariana. i switched up my workout routine for summer by starting my running journey. i started a substack at the beginning of summer & feel more motivated than ever to write and share my work. i’ve finally accepted that i’ll never get back my old tiktok account that was hacked at 17k & decided to start fresh. my brains been exploding with creative ideas & i’ve actually have had the time to release them.

time. something im not taking for granted this summer.

no school semester to be worrying about, and no academic curriculum to be planning. i’ve had all the time in the world to have the best summer ever. my friends, my experiences and also the perspective it’s given me on life. life really is about having fun as much as you can because before you know it you may just not have time.

it’s august now. my school semester as a college students starts in a month & so does the school year for my new pre k students. i have a work related to-do list that has well over 20 things on it & a personal to-do list with around 15. all tasks needing to get done before september rolls around. i still have all the time to get them done. as stressful as that may seem, i actually look forward to this part of the year. to-do lists, set up & preparation. 35+ tasks may seem like a challenge but the real challenge will come once everything is crossed of that list.

my mind, body and soul have become accustomed to the fast paced-adventurous lifestyle i chose to live all summer. months of early morning runs, evening salem trips, night time swims, middle of the night conversations now to waking up at the crack of dawn everyday to teach & then sit in classes until 8pm.

quite the transition.

i know that with each season, humans change too. we go through phases like the moon. constant adaptation. it’s silly to think that a person can just become a completely different version of themself overnight. less spontaneous. more structured. this requires time.

so for the month of august, i am allowing myself to bask in the sunshine of summer while also slowly preparing myself for the inevitable season to change.

my calendar will still be covered in purple ink this august, but instead of every blank space needing to be filled with another adventure, some of them will be saved for slower mornings, quiet evenings, and time for me.

it’s still the best summer ever, but the door is starting to close & fall is beginning to open. however i don’t think we’re meant to step right in just yet. linger for a bit.

maybe that's what august is.

not summer.

not fall.

just the quiet space in between where we slowly become the version of ourselves we'll need next season.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹ ᢉ𐭩⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹ ᢉ𐭩⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡₊˚⊹

socials:

tiktok hacked at 17k:( - @ adricullen

pinterest - @ adrianaiandolo333

IG - @ adrianaiandolo

(i support back)

“only when the last tree has been cut down, the last fish been caught, and the last stream poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money.” a quote i’ve loved since childhood.

orange hue painted on a sky i know is blue

yet the birds still fly and the trees still stand high

“there’s nothing too worry about”

oh why do we lie?

to shield ourselves from the horrors above us

smoke settling in our lungs like dust

is our planet beginning to rust?

the heat feels like a curse from the sky

but not enough people are asking why.

the rivers turn brown and there’s no forest left in your hometown

we call it a season or a phase when in reality we are watching our earth disappear in a haze

scientists have warned us like no other

but humans don’t listen to one another

how much more warning can earth provide before it’s too late to hide.

in my first article, i wrote about how we as a society no longer can sit with stories long enough & how it’s turned us into mindless zombies. however we are also no longer experiencing stories together either.

⋆°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜

my favorite movie theater when i was growing up shut down in 2020. i grew up with a movie theater being a five minute drive from my house. i’d go there every weekend—i can still smell the popcorn and hear the arcade games. i can still remember the excitement i’d feel as i’d stand in line waiting to purchase a ticket. this movie theater saw many versions of me. it held little adriana watching the simpsons movie with my dad. it saw me and my siblings chaotic movie adventures. it was the spot for my weekend hangouts in middle school with my three best friends, i still remember seeing the first suicide squad in 4D. that theater took me into highschool too. showcase cinema held me in their leather reclining chairs but it also holds a lot of my memories.

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effects on modern dating:

there’s nothing better in my opinion than getting dressed up and the feeling of anticipation. to go to the movies on a first date & sharing thoughts together allowing for meaningful conversation. which helps you get to know the person better based off their opinions and thoughts on the movie. nowadays we have replaced movie theater dates with “netflix and chill”. making time spent together less intentional & exciting.

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ai in film/carelessness in TV:

i feel like this could be a major contribution as to why movies with the smallest budgets and youngest directors are currently dominating the movie theaters. we don’t want ai involved in the creative world at all. because of this there has been such a carelessness in movies—everything is a sequel or reboot of something that came out 20 years ago. it’s rare that movies playing in theaters feel original & genuine.

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different algorithms—everyone knew the same movies & shows:

i remember going into school on a wednesday morning after a pretty little liars tuesday night & almost every girl was talking about what happened in last nights episode. we grew up consuming television together, the same channels on cable TV. and now we consume media content alone, we all have different algorithms personally designed for us. the tiktok’s & posts we see on our feeds are vastly different than the ones your mother or boss is scrolling through. with the wide variety of entertainment that we are consuming, i could imagine it being hard for film makers to get everyone to want to watch the same content. in my childhood, you could shout a movie quote like “where the hell have you been loca” across the school cafeteria and everyone would understand the reference. can you think of a popular movie quote from a movie that came out in theaters in the last 5 years? if you were able to think of a quote… now if you say that to the general public will they understand you? likely not. the cultural moments that are being referenced nowadays are viral memes & not funny quotes from the latest movie in theaters.

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attention span/kids:

children growing up in this technologically advanced society are no longer able to sit through full movies let alone a movie in a public theater. as a young kid, going to the movies was one of my favorite activities. i have a core memory of watching twilight in theaters at like 6 years old. i can’t imagine most 6 year olds nowadays actually being able to sit & watch a movie. theaters are the one place where society would collectively come together to be quiet, silence phones and not engage with anything but the movie. this teaches social skills & patience in a way that most places & devices can’t do.

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movie theaters around the country are dying & so are our shared experiences as humans. for two hours, we laughed and cried alongside strangers, forced to stay present & leaving with the same people we walked in with yet we carry something new. memories. laughs. conversations. movie theaters feel like one of the limited spaces left for human experiences. so maybe i am not mourning the popcorn scented buildings itself, but the way being in one made me feel.

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for more content:

insta: @ adrianaiandolo

tiktok: @ adricullen

pinterest: @ adrianaiandolo333

was planning on writing another review for the casa episodes. i even started writing it however i felt like this topic was more important.

time and time again, the women of the villa are expected to regulate their emotions while the men are excused when they’re literally the cause. specifically the way that KC and corbin speak about women. the way that zach instigates women when their emotions are heightened. and the way sincere blatantly lies and peoples pleases his way through relationships with women. (like do all of these men have mommy issues this year lol)

i am noticing a pattern…women on reality tv are expected to remain composed, forgiving, and understanding. while men are given far more room to manipulate, dismiss and control narratives.

⋆°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡°𓏲ּ𝄢

corbin and KC: misogyny & brotherhood

an insecure man will really have the baddest women feeling ugly.

everyone wants to talk about zach and bryce and their bromance but let’s talk about KC and corbins. i wrote this at the beginning of casa—“it’s really pissing me off, if they give eachother one more inappropriate smirk or dab up in immature settings i’ll lose interest.” unfortunately that and more happens. these two men sit around belittling women and then validate each other. you don’t need to bring other people down to build yourself up—it actually makes you the worst kind of person. i honestly feel like KC and corbin are here to d!ck ride each other’s terrible thoughts, little do they know they’re quite literally this seasons villains. i think corbin is starting to realize based on his “apology” to kenzie & the girls. that was the most performative apology every, he literally did it during his performance mid challenge. speaking of a performance, KC and corbin’s “bro chats” felt like it just wasn’t one man's opinion and turned into something they're performing for one another at casa to help one another not feel bad for being selfish. making misogyny casual & social. they would pull eachother for chats JUST to trash on women—one example being when they found out anita had a connection with carl.

i think zach likes the “crazy woman trope” but hates a woman with emotions:

i can’t tell if it purposely or if he just can’t help but assert himself however he has a habit of engaging with women at the exact moment they're already emotionally overwhelmed. he’s always speaking up during moments with heightened tension and never about why women are upset in the first place instead about how they reacted. right after the fire pit scene, his snide comment about it going from “chill casa” and then you come back here to the craziness or whatever he said i do not remember verbatim. he is constantly making women feel irrational for having feelings.

and i hated this scene because for once i thought ouuu maybe he’s going to actually be helpful & comforting in a conversation with a woman—just for him to straight up lie to her to make his friend look better.

⋆°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡°𓏲ּ𝄢

sincere and his people pleasing but it’s actually very displeasing:

i never know how this man actually feels or who he’s genuinely interested in because he leaves women to piece together contradictions while simultaneously avoiding accountability. his favorite words to say over and over are he never meant to hurt melanie/anyone. this man is so insincere and you can see it in his eyes as amora comes out of the cake—he’s definitely thinking ohhhh fuck.

if he was pinocchio, his nose would stretch across that whole villa. if he is leading on multiple women, then it is no longer an accident. he must be so afraid of confrontation that he feels the need to tell everyone what they want to hear.

KC and corbin make misogyny feel casual, social, and “entertaining” & it’s been a real turn off to this season. zach instigates conversations so the focus turns to the women's reactions instead of what caused it. sincere avoids real feelings & conversations by portraying himself as whatever version of himself the woman in front of him wants to hear.

⋆°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡°𓏲ּ𝄢

none of this is unique to love island though, women have had these experiences for years. so yes love island is giving misogyny a platform, but i never said i thought it was inherently bad to do.

hear me out…. what i mean is i like what its revealing to the whole world. maybe it’ll be a slap in the face for men, decent men will use this as an opportunity to hear certain comments and jokes they make around their “bros” & hopefully realize how it makes people feel. also for women around the world who can relate to these islanders, they can use this as an opportunity too. it's often easier to notice unhealthy dynamics when you're watching someone else's relationship instead of living your own. this show is such a good social mirror & that’s why i enjoy it.

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⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢⋆˚꩜｡⋆‧°

the older dogs knew their way home

carried in their paws

like muscle memory

but little puppy didn’t have the same luck

far away

lost & scared

when i disappeared

i thought about the doors shutting without me

i’ve wondered if they miss me

i don’t know if they’re looking for me

i imagine the other dogs

now stretched across my new bed

and now all this time i wonder why they’re the only ones being called home

how do you go from being the picture perfect puppy

to hoping you’re the puppy in every picture on every flyer

and what if that hope is lackluster?

because when i look back

to the day i slipped away

i wonder if i got lost

or someone’s left me astray

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i went from being kenzie’s #1 fan to wanting her out the villa. she’s becoming a hard watch for me. why does she feel like she has entitlement over bombshells? and then her getting mad at melanie about the corbin kiss situation. the way kenzie handled the convo with melanie struck a nerve in me. trying to make melanie feel like she isn’t trying to salvage her relationship when that’s all the girl IS DOING & god forbid mel dares to try harder…the whole villa will call her crazy for it.

also did any of you guys peep kenzie’s facial expressions when corbin and mel had to couple up? i can read body language, and that girl was more mad about them coupling up than being separated from her own couple.

i saw someone on twitter say they really didn’t expect sincere to be the villain and I DID I DID!!! his connection with sol in soul ties was very apparent. he looks at her with literal puppy dog eyes. and what pisses me off is how much he’s downplaying it to melanie. sincere is playing in melanie’s face. and putting sol in a weird place.

i have a nuanced take about challenge kisses. as an OG watcher challenge kisses are supposed to be light hearted. the back and forth melanie did was an iconic watch for me. when she got the chance to kiss the same guy she went back-and-forth with outside of the challenge, she chose not to. challenge kisses and outside of challenge kisses are vastly different to me—so the fact everyone is perceiving melanie as the messy one in the couple is kind of crazy to me. (trinitys little comment about how he’s been so patient with her) melanie kissed.. what was it? one other guy in a challenge… i know i have bias because i will always defend when somebody goes all out in a challenge especially in early days. we are literally watching reality TV. i want to see your big one. however, sincere is literally kissing sol all the damn, being physically intimate/emotionally in tune with her and then totally lying about it to mel. to melanie‘s face he said no i do not want to explore, when she asked him yes or no and then moments later in Soulties him and sol have the most intimate moment that they’ve probably had in the villa so far. so honestly, i’m glad melanie did her big one in that challenge.

i found it interesting in the pie game when bea was voted “most likely to defend your name when you’re not around” and she is the one person out of all the girls that does the exact opposite. anytime she gets the chance she is certainly not defending any of those girls names— specifically melanie.

jen’s line “you may be sincere, but you’re not honest” was amazing i’ve been waiting for someone to finally call his behavior out. speaking of iconic lines, melanie saying something like “acting like chistopher columbus exploring shit that’s already been explored” had me cracking up!

kc is growing on me so much—i totally get why you all love him. his mannerisms & reactions to everything is so pure and wholesome. i need more screen time for him & aniya’s connection. as well as the others, i feel like we aren’t getting enough of their storyline because this season is so focused on mel & sincere.

^NEED MORE OF THEIR ROMANCE PLS^

👙give me your opinions and thoughts!

childlike wonder of thinking your birthday was tomorrow all the time

yet it really is &

hiking to 24 has been quite a cilmb

child me always eager for the day ahead,

wanting to turn older,

“you’ll miss it when your older” they said

where has the excitement gone

all the youthful whimsy feels withdrawn

time must’ve borrowed it and moved on

don’t worry i’m still 23

i sit with i, myself & me

alone in my room with a glass of wine

flipping through childhood photo albums of mine

traded capri sun for arbor mist

searching for the girl in pictures that i miss

vacations & childhood birthday parties

my old pink bedroom full of barbies

dance recitals & pool fun

why does everything feel so different, even the sun

the pictures—i begin to smell

to go back, i’d wish on a well

scents of sunscreen, birthday cake, and summer air

i can even feel the chlorine water in my hair

i try to invite the excitement back

with parties and friends

but the effortless joy is what i lack

and thats the difference between child & adult me

all i used to have to do is wake up excitedly

between planning & tanning,

doing nails and finding good bikini sales

now i plan and prepare down to the minute,

hoping excitement still chooses to live in it.

the thrill used to simply appear

and now adult me chases after it every year.

but what’s chasing me i fear?

the girl in the photos growing less clear.

they baited us so hard with an almost two hour first episode because episode two is barely an hour.

our first i got a text!!! oh how i've missed that. it's so interesting to me the type of excitement that i feel in my body when my favorite shows come back. i feel the excitement pumping through my veins for real. love island is one of those shows that instantly transports me back to every other summer i've spent watching it. the second i hear "i got a text!" i'm seated & locked in.

sincere’s analogy he made about the two fish really put me off and i love an analogy, but it wasn’t even a good one.

oh and sincere saying "red flag, she still ghosted someone" when melanie literally just explained a situation where she was in high school and was basically being pressured into having sex before she was ready... and THAT'S what he took from that story? i am so over him. every episode somehow makes me like him less. we need a bombshell for melanie immediately because i cannot watch another conversation between those two.

future editing adriana here: i wrote that reaction moment before we actually do in fact get a bombshell seemingly for melanie!!!

i'm seeing so much discourse about melanie doing too much or who's in the wrong between bea and melanie, and what i actually don't see a lot of people talking about—and this was my first thought—is that these girls, specifically bea, do not actually care about kenzie getting the chance to talk to the bombshell first because "she's single." bea pushed kenzie in the direction of getting first dibs because she does not want her talking to gabriel. i see it. i know the game.

maybe i'm wrong, but that entire conversation felt a lot less like "let's support our single friend" and a lot more like strategic positioning.

also, i am a stern advocate for not calling people out until emotions are no longer high risen. personally, i think things should’ve been slept on before addressed because such a small moment turned into such drama. whether we agree on what mel did was wrong or not, i think we can agree that it didn’t need to escalate.

from mel’s perspective walking over to a group of girls, where one is confronting you will always feel like you were just being shit talked a few moments prior, which they absolutely were doing, so it’s the wrong place and time to respectfully address someone’s behavior.

also this was her initial reaction after being confronted. it should’ve been dropped right then and there. and then bea keeps it going by saying “but… honestly it’s like….” but honestly it’s like…what? she apologized & said it wasn’t on purpose. what more could she want—a crash out i think. and that’s what we got🤪

the trajectory of love island usa has really taken a turn over the last few seasons. the girls come in trying to be girls' girls and trying to get along, but they slowly lose sight of that as the summer progresses because they're all trying to maintain a couple or win over a specific guy.

i want one season where all the girls just have a good summer and the men are the ones spiraling. let the men fight and brawl over which woman they want while they're stressing about leaving the island. i think we've earned that.

i honestly didn’t expect melanie to have the first crash out this season. however, no one can make me hate her. you know it’ll be a messy season when we aren’t a full week in & the villa already feels divided.

top laughs: i for real only had 2…

🏝️melanie in that one conversation:

🏝️i wanted to keep comments about physical appearance out of my reviews as much as i could, but zach shaving his legs did it for me. idk why that was so funny. is that a thing for english men? because the only men i know who shave their body hair are WWE wrestlers.

predictions:

🏝️i would still put money on him liking trinity.

🏝️it would be crazy is they brought in charlie for casa. but i would love it.

👙what are your thoughts? let’s keep it respectful, remember im trying to create the first ever safe space on the internet to talk about love island!

✨👙LETS HAVE A CHAT👙✨

let’s dive right in!!! yes spoils ahead ofc

kenzie, already i love her! she is the definition of rebranding the term bimbo. smart and sexy blonde who just graduated from nursing school—love!!!!!! she made me giggle when she thought your "moon sign" is how you act at night because that's when the moon's out. literally a bimbo queen.

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melanie is so beautiful and intriguing to me. i love her insight on not liking the term "girl's girl" because "real women who love other women don't need to call themselves a girl's girl." i've never thought of it that way, and i like the perspective.

those are likely my two favorite women in the villa right now, but like everyone says, things change so quickly here.

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"tell me i can't do something and i'll do it better than you." — beatriz. best intro quote this season.

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and of course, ariana madix's dress for her first appearance absolutely ATE down! (that's what the kids are saying, right?) the black is so stunning. one of my favorite parts of the show is her outfits. anyone else?

honestly, everyone's first dresses this season were breathtaking. i can't choose a favorite.

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top laughs:

🏝️ when bruce kept mentioning his “perception as a model/dj” however no one perceived him as such & instead got called a simp. i CHUCKLED.

bruce’s self perception after being called a simp.

🏝️ when kenzie said one of the guys kissed like a turtle.

🏝️the face KC and everyone made when he opened his door and no one was there

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fav couples:

💌 as of right now, the only couple i'm sensing real compatibility between is melanie and sincere. they come off as a couple who would realistically be together outside the villa.

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predictions:

🏝️ i'm sensing something between zach & trinity. when she originally got coupled up, i swear i saw disappointment on zach's face.

🏝️ i feel like kenzie is going to be this season's pot stirrer. she will either be this seasons fan favorite or villain.

🏝️sincere will be INSINCERE during casa amor. if you know what i mean….

🏝️aniya will be a fan favorite by week 2, guaranteed.

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👙who are is your favorite girl? favorite guy?

👙do you agree/disagree with any of my hot takes?

🌊🏝️👙LETS HAVE A CHAT👙🏝️🌊

✧˖°⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖✧˖°a quick doodle⟡ ࣪ ˖✧˖°⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖✧

what is an acrostic poem? simply just a poem where each line begins with the letter that will spell out a word.

Red blood flowing through my veins just like yours but yet i’ve been

Alienated from the rest of humanity

Ignorance is bliss.

Not for us,

Bliss for you maybe.

Oppression to everyone else

Why did it take so long for us to find bliss?

Parades celebrating in the streets were once

“Raids and rebellion”

Igniting an inextinguishable flame

Demanding the rights we deserve

Eventually lighting up our pride parades

Loving someone isn’t a choice

Or a phase to be cycled through.

Veined into our whole

Existence.

Intertwined with our hearts and

Soul deep

Love is simple, yet

Overcomplicated and

Vulnerable, so just

Exist as you are.

Colors of rainbow plaster the streets

Every store you wander into during june,

Love is in the air, advertised

Everywhere but not everlasting

But my colors are not a window display

Rainbow within doesn’t disappear in july

Authenticity can’t be sold or bought

This isn’t their rainbow to color

Every shade exists within me regardless of the month

✧˖°⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖✧˖°⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖✧˖°⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖✧˖°⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖✧˖°⋆.˚

what was your favorite show growing up?

think about it. maybe it was the vampire diaries, pretty little liars, friends, or i can almost guarantee any show that likely had 20-24 episodes in each season. and somehow we watched every single one. we knew side characters' names, remembered plotlines from six episodes ago, and waited months for finales. our attention spans didn't even question it. today, if you see a new & popular show with more than 8 episodes that’s a cultural phenomenon now.

i fear our comprehension skills are collectively taking a hit. i believe ai algorithms are to blame for this mostly, however i believe the media has trained us to consume things faster and faster. the quicker we consume, the more we actually consume. TV stories are being told faster because every show is competing for our attention. somewhere along the way we stopped watching television & started running through it.

i noticed a clear representation in today’s society’s lack of comprehension skills during the season finale of euphoria. now if you have not seen the finale,i AM NOT SPOILING ANYTHING. the discourse on twitter felt completely disconnected from the episode we had all supposedly just watched. entire character arcs were being misunderstood. scenes were taken at face value. motivations that had been built throughout the season were suddenly treated like plot holes. and honestly? i don't think it's because viewers got less intelligent over the last half a decade. i think it's because the finale was nearly two hours long. by minute forty, people were already mentally somewhere else whether they realized it or not. sitting with a full story feels like work to most people now.

we are becoming media zombies.

we as humans sit down for a meal and can enjoy it. we savor it. we digest it. but zombies aren’t eating to enjoy. they’re just eating to eat. quickly & mindlessly. that’s what we have turned into with media. before the credits have even rolled, we're reaching for the next episode, the next movie, the next tiktok to scroll, any next piece of content to feed on.

it’s very interesting to me how we are actually consuming more media than any generation before us, yet engaging with less of it.

hollywood has completely adapted this concept. no more episodes greater than 8-12 per season, and definitely no more than 5 seasons. and because of the lack of comprehension skills this has now caused, script writers can not rely on intuitive watching anymore. everything must be explained through dialogue because we are failing to understand subtext. emotions that should be communicated through an actors facial expressions, are now getting narration added in during editing. me personally, i can always pick up on the unnecessary voice overs & find it so cringey but am reminded why they’re being added.

god forbid the audience has to think and wonder for a moment.

in older television, if you missed something small in episode 3 then you’ll likely be confused on episode 17. if you weren’t paying attention, that was on you to go back and figure it out. shows were all about entertainment, yes, but also recognizing patterns and connecting dots. it’s what made them interesting for so long. this is a comprehension skill. a media literacy skill. a critical thinking skill. skills that naturally grew in us, influenced and shaped by our family, teachers, peers and even our media. however it’s our job to keep those skills sharp.

so no, the death of the 22 episode season didn't destroy society. obviously. however we’d all be lying to say there hasn’t been an obvious shift. entertainment stopped sharpening our comprehension skills and started sharpening our appetite for instant gratification. 🧟‍♀️ 📺

she will rise

and you can see her in the skies

or the people you love in disguise

she’s with you in your cries

you breathe her in your sighs

she’ll forgive you for your lies

she can see it in your eyes

pushing back on what we criticize

because all she does is empathize

you can never leave her a surprise

because she is oh so very wise

prettier than the butterflies

her beauty can paralyze

but not one to materialize

she is the ultimate prize

or your ultimate demise

one to solemnize

or be the hardest of goodbyes

cherish her before her love dries

she will rise

₊˚⊹♡✧˖°.₊˚⊹♡✧˖°.₊˚⊹♡✧˖°.₊˚⊹♡✧˖°.₊˚⊹♡✧

₊˚⊹♡✧˖°.₊˚⊹♡✧˖°.₊˚⊹♡✧˖°.₊˚⊹♡✧˖°.₊˚⊹♡✧

feel free to use my little prayer in your magical rituals—it has made me feel more connected to my divine feminine₊˚⊹♡✧

love splashed me in places i thought were gone

i thought the puddle was shallow,

but my feet now stuck in the depths of mud below

from the clouds i never had rain

yet my feet are wet, cold & in pain

but on a random day

you reflect a colorful array

murky waters glistening with a rainbow, turning blandness into a beautiful show

as i stumble across this puddle everyday

i find my feet returning to it anyway

soaked shoes walking back astray

mistaken a puddle for a pond or lake

visiting as if i had roots to make

the puddle may seem permanent, but when winter comes it’ll freeze

and when the weather warms it’s gone without a breeze

a lotus wanting to grow from a puddle that keeps drying,

roots colliding with cement, the flower can’t be the only one trying

which is righteous?

surely not the one shadowed

yet the universe only unveiled the door to the darkest path

i make my way with hesitance,

i knew i would feel its wrath

i tread lightly for this is not an easy walk

i’d stumble and fall, bleed and cry

and trip over every twig & rock.

visions blurry within the darkness, the only light is from the moon

i wonder when this will be over

my guess is not soon

like a creature from the ocean floor

my eyes start to adjust,

starting to see so much more

the rocks i stumbled on

were merely stepping stones

that i couldn’t see in the dark of dawn

the twigs that tripped me

led to what was guiding me free

i race towards this light,

i see it at the end of the road

does that mean the path i chose was right?

bruises and scars along the way

but also strength and resilience now destined to stay.

when the universe forces you down a treacherous road,

trust that is not all that is showed.

all this time, the dark path did in fact shine

i just had to survive to reach what’s been mine.

all i ask for is to live in bliss

am i asking for too much

or are we just that out of touch

i can’t fathom the situations i find myself in

i feel like im stuck in someone else’s sin

cleaning up messes i never made

carrying the price of something they should’ve paid

i can’t fathom why i have to chase

but this life isn’t something i’d willingly replace

why do hearts grow cold so easily

yet my heart aches deeply

i can’t fathom the time

so much with out me feels like a crime

how does one reconnect?

when all i’m left to do is sit and reflect.

maybe i have to stop trying to fathom life

and take it on with my pink selenite knife

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡

also as i was writing this poem i got this notification. the universe & i are always in alignment.

i know in massachusetts this weather is a tease

so i shall reminisce

in this sunlit bliss

the warm air tickles my nose,

carrying a scent only my childhood knows.

and suddenly i travel back in time

to when summer days were in their prime.

book reports & school vacation,

completed right away—no worrying about education.

my hallways full of a warm perfume,

smelling of childhood naps in my bedroom.

chlorine smelling hair

and pruney fingers but little me did not care.

as adult me walks up my sunlit staircase,

the smell of childhood summers reminds me of the feelings i still chase.

this time of my life is so far away,

but memories linger in the scents of my home are here to stay.

nothing is truly ever gone,

when our senses can bring something lost & turn it back on.

when your boundaries make others uncomfortable, it is pushed back on to you as if you did something wrong.

“i have to walk on eggshells around her” as if i’m supposed to lay down & be a door mat for your smooth & controlled entrance.

“i have to watch what i say around her” yes you do because i don’t hold space for ignorance or disrespect disguised as an opinion.

“you must be careful with your words around her or she will react”. perhaps my reactions are just challenging your own ideas and that to you is scarily confrontational when to me it’s simply conversational.

so i say, walk on those damn eggshells around me if that’s how it feels—but in reality you’re trying to walk on water and blaming me when you drown.

anxiety will sneak up on you in all of your spaces.

spirits in basements or behind walls,

anxiety lingers like possessed dolls.

anxiety creeps up on you slowly like a creaky floor that no one is walking on,

suddenly it speeds up like you’re racing upstairs in the dark of dawn.

as if i’m being chased by the darkness itself,

like every fear i’ve ever felt.

breathing through the vents like the house is still alive,

too frightening to endure but safe enough to survive.

doors swinging closed on their own,

anxiety forces me trapped & feeling all alone.

somebody call ed & lorraine

for all this house brings is pain.

exorcise the ghosts from the walls,

i don’t want them answering when silence calls.

the house is empty, there’s nothing there.

yet i still feel something watching in the air.

why are they still here?

do i have to live with this fear?

maybe this is their house too,

and maybe i can learn to not allow them to make me feel so blue.

i don’t run from what i can’t erase, it’s only something to embrace.

i have to share my space with the echoes in this place.

this is there home too, i now understand

a house can be haunted & still proudly stand.

somehow, i was both girls. possibly could be what happens when raised alongside 3 brothers & 3 sisters.

i was the girl in beauty pageants, performing in dance recitals & going home pretending i was a WWE champion. i would paint my face in makeup & then go beat video games on my playstation 2. i’d belt my heart out to karaoke with my sisters & then go shoot some hoops with my brothers outside. if i could’ve covered my bruises in sparkles i would have—beauty and the beast type of energy.

now with the rise of technology, almost everyone feels pressured to fit within a certain “aesthetic”. you have to look, act and be a certain way that matches the vision you have for yourself—instead of just being yourself. maybe you love y2k fashion, or you’re fascinated by vintage looks or the alternative community really speaks to you. but how could you possibly take interest in those topics when they’re all so vastly different? they don’t fit your aesthetic! that is because we are not meant to fall under one category, because we simply do not exist under one identity.

ever since the beginning of time, women have been forced to be one specific role. you are either the nurturing mother. the obedient wife. the party tramp. society—men—are more comfortable when women are categorized, seemingly making us easier to understand (control). you’d think as generations evolved, so would this narrative. instead, it just became more expansive, thousands of more labels for women to become. in the 70s you could be one of the hippies, or a witch. in the 80s maybe you were a career woman, the 90s the rebel. each generation providing us with more labels for women to squeeze into. once associated with one—there was this pressure to be that.

if you struggle with identity, it likely started as a child when society forced you to choose your favorite color, a seemingly innocent task but as women are choice then defined our personalities. pink/purple you’re the girly princess, however blue/green you’re now one of the boys. i remember feeling caught somewhere in between those colors. i loved beauty pageants and lip gloss while pretending to be a WWE champion. softness and intensity is what i wanted as a child and that’s what i’ve taken into adult hood.

with the rise of tiktok as i’ve entered my adulthood, i’ve been introduced to numerous news labels for young girls & women my age to feel pressured to fit into now. between the clean girl, coquette, gym girl, indie, dark academia etc there is a new label every few weeks. i will not fall into this trap of categorizing myself as one aesthetic so i can be easily perceived. i take interest in so many different things, and that’s what i like to call MY aesthetic. i can see myself in beauty and success, in structure and chaos, in femininity and rebellion all at once.

i got an oracle reading in salem the other day and she had said to me “younger you knew what’s up” & as im writing this—i now understand what she meant. as i reflect on this topic i realize that the younger version of myself was right to resist being narrowed down. ever since i was a little girl i wanted to be everything all at once. and i still do. there is so much to my identity, i couldn’t imagine just being the gym girl or just being the teacher etc. i exist to be everything i want to be—not pink and purple only, not blue and green only, but something constantly becoming.

their weirdness.

their authenticity.

their humanity.

LET WOMEN BE MESSY!!! there has been a cultural death on celebrity women’s authentic personalities. society has demonized women for being real, raw, loud, cringey or opinionated so now everyone is overly PR managed.

the internet/industry has flattened a lot of our favorite celebrities personalities for the sake of aesthetic & brands. think about your favorite childhood star? mine was selena gomez, maybe you thought of miley cyrus or demi lovato. let’s think about the reason…as young girl, you chose to idolize specific celebrities. was it because they were beautiful? possibly. was it because they made great music? most likely. but i argue it’s because they gave us something to relate to & made us feel like they were human at the end of the day. that’s what we are missing from celebrities now. not only did i feel like i could relate to them, i felt connected to them—as if i actually knew them, like they could be my friend. celebrities used to be able to make us feel this way through authenticity, before the internet/industry made them feel like showcasing their personalities was embarrassing.

none of what im going to talk about is maturity—because we can mature and age without dimming our light. growth does not equate to self erasure. i love every single woman i am going to reflect on—in no way shape or form is this hate towards them it’s an observation on the effects of society.

i miss selena gomez’s loud, sarcastic humor. her chaos in interviews, or her overly expressive facial reasons is what won me over as a little girl. not just her beauty, and banging selena & the scene songs but the fact that she was unapologetically herself. she was the teenage “it girl”, who ate unhealthily and did not care. from dipping popcorn into pickle juice, or her love for mcdonald’s—it made me feel seen. now when she’s in the public eye, it’s a lot more media trained & polished . you sadly will not see her stuffing her face with french fries in her latest interview. so much of this comes with shame. let’s not forget when she posted her real emotions about what was happening in the world, using her platform to bring attention to something that needed the attention, only to be ridiculed so badly she had to take it down. no wonder celebrities feel like they can’t even post them eating a french fry and making a weird face any more because celebrity women specifically get crucified for every. little. thing.

who remembers ariana grandes impressions? LOUD, expressive, opinionated ari. this almost sounds nothing like the ariana grande this generation is growing to know and love. however i remember the version of her who was spamming twitter & making little youtube videos. now she feels very scripted in every video she takes, rehearsed and polished with a calmer demeanor & carefully chosen words. being soft & classy doesn’t always need to be so quiet & scripted, she’s proven that to us before.

now any hunger games fan know jennifer lawrence as the literal blueprint for messy, unhinged energy. i loved her for it, no matter how “cringe” or “not lady like” her personality seemed, she was real. she was relatable—swearing during interviews & another beautiful women to talk about the reality of not eating healthy all the time. sometimes a girl just wants pizza!!!! this type of woman was so important to me because we grew up in a time of VS models raving about eating lettuce and being skinny. and nowadays, jennifer herself is seemingly embarrassed by her old behavior. i wonder if she would be embarrassed if the internet didn’t turn on her & make her feel like she was “too much”.  society loves to talk about “authenticity” yet real authenticity is what’s called performative and cringey????

miley cyrus’s bangerz era was loud, messy and intentionally uncomfortable for some. seeing her back in her hannah montana wig was beautifully nostalgic for my inner child but i couldn’t help but think about how the public eventually pressures women back into palatability. was her bangerz era not her trying to rebel against her youthful role on disney?

and if you grew up with the rise of youtube, you likely know the name tana mongeau. another great example of this. i fell in love with her raw, messy, unfiltered storytimes & now not only is she brand safe, for a literal podcast is called “brand safe”. at least she is acknowledging this change. it’s so interesting to me the way the internet used to reward chaos, and now it’s like you have to be a man to benefit from making unfiltered content. nowadays, most influencing is incredibly performative self-awareness coupled with overly curated feeds.

i could go on with other examples, but i don’t want this to be a list. why are women getting smaller? we know that it is the internet & industry as i mentioned, but why? women in day-to-day life are under constant review by society so now imagine that tenfold. we are always being told how we should dress, how we should speak etc—if our careers were dependent on it, i guess making changes is understandable. it just saddens me to think that women who have built up their careers, need to find a safe space to share their full personalities. i miss the days that i actually felt like i could relate and connect to celebrities. now that i am an adult, i don’t believe in idolizing celebrities but even if i did, i wouldn’t be able to. how could you idolize somebody so sanitized, so unattainable?

i’d love to hear your thoughts🫧 as i mentioned this is NOT hate towards these women—just some food for thought about the pressures society puts on celebrity women. 🍕💭