The city I am talking about here is Bangalore, the Silicon Valley of India, a city that probably never stops for anything except when it comes to water.

The first time I came here, what I drank water from was a plastic container, one of those big bottles you keep at home, and it was bizarre for me because I came from Kerala where water was never something I thought could become exhaustive. It was everywhere. We had a well, a water pump, rain all the time and there was literally a river near our home, flowing its way through the place I grew up in and towards where I currently stay.

There were times when the water in our well went so low that we could see the bottom of it, with the motor hanging from those long pump pipes, but never did we have a situation where we had to go somewhere looking for water. Water going down was something we noticed, but running out of water was never really a fear.

All of this probably explains why what I saw when I first came to Bangalore felt so strange to me

I came here with my parents when I was a child and my father was living with these plastic containers filled with drinking water. I didn’t know why. Was it really that problematic to get water here? Isn’t it a basic necessity?

Some of my father’s friends used to sell these containers filled with water to homes and it was bizarre and interesting at the same time for a child who hadn’t really seen the world. Until then I didn’t know that somewhere else, something that simply existed around me back home had to be ordered, delivered and paid for.

Years later, when I moved out of my maternal home to the house where I currently stay, there was only a borewell and the water coming from it had to be filtered before I could drink a glass of fresh water. That was probably when I started feeling that restriction myself.

In my 20s, I travelled to Mysore first and then Hyderabad for my job and almost every drop of drinking water I had came from bottles, except for the month I stayed at my colleague’s home in Hyderabad.

His mom looked after me just like my mom would and never made me feel like I lacked anything, especially my freedom. They never questioned me about where I was going or what I was doing, but somehow I restricted myself because I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn’t my home. I didn’t want to take more liberty than I should and eventually I moved out to live in a hostel because I didn’t want to trouble them more than I already had.

They never asked me to leave or even hinted at anything like that. I left on my own.

And once I moved out, I was back to those water containers again.

Even the water coming out of the bathroom taps had so much chlorine that my hair started falling, I caught a severe cold and my nose bled for the first time in my life because of it, and that too while I was on a train. I never went back after that.

Then I stepped back into Bangalore, the city where my father had spent more than 30 years of his life, and I didn’t realize until then how much scarcer water had become over those years.

The same kind of Bisleri containers my father used to buy were now around ₹100 with another ₹200 as an advance for the container, and water filters had become a normal thing inside homes because whatever came into the tank had to be filtered before we could drink it.

But then there is another question.

How does that water even get into the tank?

As far as I have seen, there are three ways.

First, the borewell, if your motor hasn’t already changed itself into a drilling machine after going deep enough to touch underground rocks. Finding enough water through it seems to be getting rarer nowadays.

Second, if the borewell fails, then comes the water tanker into your locality after somebody pays them a handsome amount, and if you’re living on rent, don’t worry, your owner is going to squeeze that amount right back out of you as an extra charge on top of the rent.

And third, Kaveri water.

Before I get to Kaveri though, there is another way water causes problems in Bangalore, which is funny considering how much trouble we go through when there isn’t enough of it.

Waterlogging.

When rain actually decides to fall properly on Bangalore, the whole city becomes Venice. Cars become boats, scooters start disappearing into the water and the people who apparently don’t know there is something called a footpath where other human beings walk suddenly start treating their cars like speedboats, splashing water onto everyone around them.

They remind me of that big guy who jumps into a swimming pool full of children whose sole reason for that jump seems to be terrorizing every child in that pool at least once in their life.

And somehow that is Bangalore’s relationship with water. When there isn’t enough of it, we suffer, and when too much of it falls from the sky, we apparently don’t know what to do with that either.

Now coming back to Kaveri.

I have a very distant memory from my childhood of a Kaveri water dispute when tyres were burnt on Bangalore roads and there was a strike. We were children then and we were scared, not because we understood what exactly was happening, but because we could see that something serious enough was happening for adults to be worried and roads to shut down.

Years passed and Bangalore kept becoming bigger, more modern, more crowded and more futuristic, and somewhere along the way I started thinking that nothing could really stop this city anymore.

Then two days ago, something happened that reminded me of all this again, except I had absolutely no idea what was happening at the time.

My auto guy dropped me at office but for some reason he didn’t go back. Even the roads were less crowded that morning and instead of wondering why Bangalore roads were suddenly empty, I was sitting there thinking, wow, so next time onwards I am going to come at exactly this time and on this day of the week. what an idiot I was.

I walked towards my office and there was a security guard standing outside.

“Sorry sir, we can’t let you in.”

I was like, “Why?”

“Sorry sir, Kaveri strike. It’s Work From Home for you guys.”

I was like, “What, really?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Ohh, okay.”

I came back outside and my auto guy was still there.

He looked at me and went, “Chale?”

And I was like, “Haan, chalo.”

While coming back I was laughing and telling him that I should probably start reading the news.

But later I thought, was it not always visible around me?

Maybe I didn’t have to read the news to understand that Bangalore had a water problem because I had been seeing it since the first time I came here.

It was there in those plastic containers my father used to buy, in the borewell at my current home, in the motor going deeper and deeper searching for groundwater, in the tankers entering localities, in the extra money being added to rents, in the filters we now keep inside our homes, in roads that turn into rivers when it rains and finally in a strike that was powerful enough to stop a city I thought couldn’t be stopped.

Water is something we need and because we need it, water is something we will fight for.

Maybe someday these moris, the contaminated water bodies running through Bangalore, will get cleaned and there will be a walk back towards becoming the real Garden City instead of trying so hard to be the American Silicon Valley.

Maybe we will get back a Bangalore where there is greenery between the buildings, where lakes can actually hold the rain that falls on them, where water doesn’t always have to arrive inside a tanker or a plastic container and where the pumps beneath our homes don’t have to keep going deeper until they turn into drilling machines.

Maybe that Bangalore is still somewhere underneath all of this.

Signing off,

Fighting with the worst bully, life

Ajayan N

Some mornings start with ambition.

You wake up thinking you will move fast, catch the metro on time, reach office like a responsible adult, and maybe even feel proud of yourself for once.

Then life sends you an auto driver who has clearly signed a private agreement with time itself.

That was my morning.

I ran quickly downstairs with the previous day’s waste to put into the common dustbin at our housing place. Then I quickly opened Rapido to book an auto. A riding partner got assigned, and the app showed three minutes until he reached my flat.

Then I saw the security guard cleaning a car outside and then coming in. I said, “Good morning, bhaiya,” annnd he left.

I was still waiting.

I thought, okay, three minutes, right? But it had already been 10 minutes. I looked outside and no, the auto guy was still not there. The wind was blowing like crazy, so I stepped out and took all of it in. The good smell and the bad smell, because honestly, I do not care. I live in India and I have higher levels of immunity, unlike the sissies from outside who come here and say, “Oh, your AQI is low.” Boohoo. It is your IQ that is low, dumb bro. I have inhaled dust, petrol, construction sand, rain smell, drainage smell and mystery smell since childhood. At this point, my lungs have probably developed their own Aadhaar card.

Whatever, back to the auto guy.

At last, he reached, and it was already around 12 to 15 minutes. I thought, okay, he is here finally. I got in and quickly said my OTP. The guy replied quickly too, so I thought maybe the time he took to reach here was just because of traffic or something. He typed in the OTP, and now, typically, an auto driver would turn the auto around and take off.

And if you have ever visited India or lived here, you know how fast autowaalas are. They can literally pave the road to heaven or hell before you even finish putting half your body inside the auto. One leg in, one leg still outside, and somehow your soul has already reached the destination.

But this guy.

He looked at his phone. He lit an agarbathi or something. Then he started moving as slowly as the sloth from Zootopia, only for Gen Z and kids, not you boomers. The clock in his universe moved differently, like the opposite of that planet in Interstellar. One whole minute on Earth was probably two hours on his Earth. Somewhere, a scientist could have studied this man and solved time travel.

He took five minutes just to move the auto from in front of my home.

There I was, thinking I would reach the metro in fifteen minutes.

Boy, I was wrong.

The ride started, and I immediately understood why he took ten minutes to reach me. He drove like he was in love with the road and did not want to hurt it. I became one hundred percent sure that he loved his life more than I loved mine. He was enjoying every turn of the tyre, every inch of the road, every small movement like it was a meditation retreat. If there was a pothole, he did not avoid it, he respected its personal space.

The ride was not even moving ahead. I could see three emotions pass across people’s faces before my auto crossed them. First confusion, then pity, then the confidence that they could walk faster than us. I thought I would catch the metro at 7:45, but at that point I would have been happy if I caught it before lunchtime.

I could see the sun slowly moving from my eyesight to the line of my forehead. This was the first time, after trying to learn driving, that I saw people walking past me while I was actually inside a vehicle.

When I finally reached the metro road, I almost jumped out because of the inertia from all my past auto experiences. Usually, by the time an auto stops, your body is already planning an exit. But with this guy, if I had jumped out early, I would not have been close to the destination. I would have been mankind’s thirty minutes away from the metro, but this guy’s five minutes away from it. His clock and my clock were clearly from two different civilizations.

For the people who are curious, yes, I did reach by 8.15, maybe just 30 minutes late than usual.

But I never, ever thought an auto can go so slow and an auto guy could drive this slow.

I have seen buffering videos move faster. I have seen government websites load with more urgency.

What a day. What a ride.

Signing off,

Fighting off the worst bully, life

Ajayan N

In Mastery, Robert Greene writes:

When I read this, I could not help but think about social media, because as the name itself says, it is “social”. It is a group setting, a room full of people performing, comparing, reacting, judging, copying and sometimes quietly suffering.

The problem is that we do not leave this room anymore. We carry it everywhere, in our pockets, in our hands, beside our beds, and even when we want to walk away, we bring the room with us.

Social media has become a strange concentration camp of attention. Nobody is physically forcing us to stay, but somehow we are still trapped inside it. We keep watching, scrolling, comparing and checking whether we are doing life correctly. Am I successful enough, attractive enough, productive enough, or am I already behind? What will society say? What will the neighbor say? What will our future kids say?

Maybe they will not say anything, because maybe even they will be trapped in their own digital slot machines, losing their future one small moment of satisfaction at a time.

That is what scares me. Social media has put such a strong grip on humanity that even the newborn gods of our age, AI and AGI, seem to have their roots connected to our conversations, reactions, habits and attention spans. How do we react to an event? How long do we watch? Which first words make us stop? Which last words make us stay? What makes us angry, what makes us buy, what makes us return?

At one point in my life, I was mesmerized by all of this. I loved the idea that language, photos, videos, emotions and behavior could be broken down into data, into patterns, into 0s and 1s, into mathematics. Maybe that is why I chose this field, but now I sometimes wonder whether all of this was also a way to reduce human beings into metrics.

Attention, retention, engagement, conversion, churn, sentiment. These are not just words on dashboards anymore. They are pieces of us. We gave machines our language, our faces, our memories, our private thoughts, our anger, our loneliness, our love and our boredom, and in return, they gave us analytics.

This is where the fight begins for me. It is a fight between my only two real interests, human psychology and analytics. One tries to understand the human soul, while the other tries to measure it. One is my passion and the other is my job, so I do not know which side to stand on. If psychology wins, I may break my wallet, and if analytics wins, I may break my heart.

Maybe this is the strange tragedy of modern life. We are building systems that understand us better than we understand ourselves, not always to heal us, but often to hold us, predict us, sell to us and eventually replace us.

Maybe this advancement is not here to free us. Maybe it is here to replace the only creatures who complain about being trapped.

Us.

Signing off,
Fighting with the worst bully, life

Ajayan N

I always want to conquer the mornings.

They feel like the best time to be alive. The best time to move. The best time to feel this earth before the world becomes too loud.

To an IT guy like me, life is often confined to four walls. Most of my day is spent inside a room, staring at screens, solving problems, attending calls, and pretending that this is movement.

But my real enjoyment is smaller than all that.

It is watching my wife’s little expressions. Her small activities. Her love quietly changing the mood of the room.

When I was alone, I genuinely felt this room was big. But when she came back from her parents’ house, the same room started feeling tiny. Maybe love does that. It fills the space until even walls feel closer.

And still, in the mornings, I have to pull myself away from her and step outside.

I walk to feel the breeze. To feel the warmth of the sun. To look at some faraway land, even if that land is now blocked by buildings. I try to stay numb and silent for a while, so I can hear what my mind is saying.

But the mind is never silent.

Sometimes it ruins my mood by replaying old conversations. It teaches me how I should have spoken, how my tone should have changed, how I could have been better.

But sometimes, it brings back memories I had almost forgotten. Like Google Photos showing a collage from previous years, my mind quietly throws old moments in front of me.

And strangely, I am happy that I can still hear it.

Recently, when I visited my cousin’s house, her husband told me something after I spoke about the direction I wanted my life to take. He said, “At least there is still someone who thinks about all these things.”

That stayed with me.

I wondered how hard it must be to move from a phase where you are always thinking about yourself, your dreams, your meaning, your direction, to a phase where you almost stop thinking about yourself at all.

Maybe that will happen to me too when I have a child. Maybe that is what graduating in life means.

But until then, I want to experience everything.

Because if we do not experience life, why were we born here at all?

The only person you can truly control is yourself. And if you do not even know how far you can go before you break, then have you really lived?

Maybe life should have had a “y” in it.

Lyfe.

Then maybe people would have cared more about the “why” in it.

Winning or losing does not matter.

The trying matters.

A few months ago,

I stood on the edge of a decision that scared me.

It wasn’t life-threatening or dramatic, it was one of those choices that would change how I show up in work and life.

I hesitated, I reasoned and I avoided.

In this book, when I came across, Nelson Mandela’s words:

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.

I aim to make it my compass. I don’t have to get rid of the fear, I should start walking with it and embracing it.

What we’re about to talk about

• Why fear and courage actually need each other

• Practical ways to respond to conflict and criticism

• How courageous action creates freedom for others

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 184 to end)

This book wasn’t just about navigating change, it was a toolkit for emotional bravery.

With wisdom, honesty, and just enough push, it helped me recognize how often fear is disguised as “being reasonable.” It left me with more clarity and oddly enough, more compassion.

💡Fear and Courage are Dance Partners

You know, it is kind of a pattern now, these small fights with my fiancée. I sometimes wonder if fighting actually strengthens our bond, or if that’s just something I tell myself to feel better about it.

What really gets me though is that every time we argue, it is not just between us, it’s like I get into a fight with my own mind too. One part of me wants to go all in, shut her down, not let her speak, just win. But at the same time, another part of me wants to hold back, give her some space, and find a better way through it.

This time though… I think I handled it better. It didn’t blow up. I didn’t let either my ego or hers take over completely. I kind of talked my mind down, told myself that maybe this tension comes from love, from closeness and not a bad intent. And she turned around pretty quickly too, which helped.

Honestly, I don’t think I could have managed this a few years ago. Saying “no” to both my impulses and hers took a kind of quiet strength I’ve been working on. And I like to believe that each time I respond differently, it helps her grow too. We are kind of evolving together.

Reflection:

• What fears are you currently trying to suppress or avoid?

• What might happen if you faced them with curiosity instead?

Task:

• Write down your top 3 fears around a decision you’re sitting on.

• Next to each one, list a small action you can take with the fear still present.

💡When You Respond Differently, You Shift the Room

So, during our recent project release, one of the higher-ups started handing out compliments to people who put in a lot of effort.

Fair enough.

But what really got to me was that, even though it’s debatable, he very intentionally skipped over someone from my team.

It felt deliberate.

And that stirred up this quiet kind of anger in me. Like, I started resenting the person... and honestly, the whole game they’re playing.

I didn’t say anything though. I just went silent.

My teammate, the one who got left out, actually spoke up. He asked why he was not mentioned. And that opened the door to them suddenly acknowledging him.

I keep thinking back to that moment. I stayed quiet, I could have said something. I could have stood up and asked why he was ignored. Maybe I could have handled it better. Maybe I should have.

Reflection:

• How do you usually react to conflict… fight, flight or freeze?

• What would it look like to stay rooted in your values instead?

Task:

• The next time someone reacts strongly to you, pause. Ask yourself: “What might they be needing right now?”

• Practice active listening instead of quick fixing or retreating.

💡The Courage to Fail, Learn, Repeat

Whenever I attend interviews, it always ends up being a win in some way. Either it shows me where I need to grow to reach the position I’m aiming for or it shows me how much I have already grown, how capable I actually am.

And honestly, I like both of those feelings.

What I have realized is that the courage to fail and still keep getting back up.. that’s rare. Most people are scared of change. They get comfortable in their zone, in the safety of routine, and never really push themselves to rise beyond it.

But to me, the willingness to keep showing up, even after setbacks, feels like a quiet kind of power.

Reflection:

• What’s something you’re holding back from because you’re scared to fail?

• Could failure actually be part of your path forward?

Task:

• Set one “imperfect action” goal this week, something bold enough that it might flop.

• At the end of the week, write 3 things you learned from simply trying.

wrapping up…

Finishing this book didn’t feel like closing a chapter, it felt like getting the green light to begin a new one.

When we live with this kind of bravery, we not only set ourselves free, we give others permission to do the same, it was not me who said it, 👇

Bonus quote from Nelson Mandela:

for to be free is not merely to cast of one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. Your actions are a contagious form of leadership; when you free yourself from conflict you help free others as well.

📚 If you like the read, tip me a book

Buy me a book

📤 Kindly share to those you feel need to read this

Share

💌 And really, I love to hear from you. You mean so much to me 🥰😇

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Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life.

A few months ago, I found myself stuck in a cycle that felt like a maze with no exit. I was unhappy with the way things were going at work… the expectations, the slow decision-making, the daily dance of diplomacy. But the alternatives I dreamt up felt... well, unrealistic.

I kept fantasizing about moving to the mountains, starting my own thing, maybe a writing gig. None of those felt quite real, but I also wasn’t doing anything concrete to fix the present.

That’s when this chapter hit me like a train coming against me in a dark tunnel not because it offered something new, but because it asked the questions I was avoiding.

2. What we’re about to talk about:

• How to stop fantasizing and start choosing with clarity

• Assessing the costs and benefits of staying, leaving, or changing the game

• What it means to be realistic and hopeful

• A courage-based framework to escape conflict loops

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 175 to 183)

The book is not trying to sell you magic. It respects that life is complicated, people don’t always agree and you are not a superhero.

But it still hands you a flashlight and reminds you that you can choose your way forward with clarity and courage.

🌱 Let go of the fantasy

Lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern in my relationship with my fiancée. Whenever she’s surrounded by decisions she didn’t make, she gets frustrated. It’s like she needs control or at least to feel heard. And when I don’t mirror that back, when I don’t fully agree or follow her lead, tension starts to build.

What makes it hard is that these decisions often come from deep within her… shaped by her past, her upbringing, the world she’s known. So when I try to offer another path, something outside that pattern, it feels to her like I’m not getting it. Like I’m standing on the outside, judging.

But I’m not. I try to understand more. I listen, I pay attention, I try to see what she sees even when it pulls me into places I don’t naturally go.

And still, sometimes, that isn't enough.

So I retreat inward. I imagine a future where things are lighter, where decisions feel shared, not weighed down. But that version of the future, it feels distant. Like a gentle lie I keep close, just to stay steady.

Reflection:

• Is your ideal future viable or just a coping fantasy?

• Are you using the dream as a distraction from real choices?

Task:

• Write down your most persistent “escape fantasy.”

• Cross-check it: Who would resist? What would it really take?

🌱 Define your real options

Do we take the service road or stay on the main road? It’s a constant argument, not just in traffic, but in life. I find myself always trying to explain why one path makes more sense than the other, while getting stuck in Bangalore’s never ending chaos anyway.

Lately, at least the service roads I take are getting tarred. Six months into the year, but progress is progress. And on some days, it finally feels like I’m in the tech capital of the country not just stuck in its traffic. Just picking a path and actually reaching the destination feels like a small, strange victory.

Life’s like that too. The roads, the choices, the endless justifications. It reminds me of a moment from Mr. Robot, “Are you a one or a zero?” One character pushes back: “You’ve spent too much time in front of a screen. Life isn’t binary.” But the reply cuts through: “Maybe some things look gray. But deep down, the truth is always binary. You have to decide. So, are you a one or a zero?”

Reflection:

• Which of your current options are feasible now?

• What are the hidden costs of doing nothing?

Task:

• Make a 3-column table: Collaborate, Do Nothing, Walk Away

• List anticipated costs/benefits under each.

🌱 Redesign the path

There are a few people at work I often find myself grouped with, mostly because we share a common language. But I’ve learned it’s better to keep some distance, especially from the ones who find joy in pulling others down with passive, wasteful remarks.

It’s not personal, I have realized.

Their behavior likely comes from deep-rooted patterns… shaped by upbringing, culture or the environment they’re in. As Optimal Outcomes puts it, we all carry emotional residue and some people never learn to clean theirs up.

What matters is that I don’t absorb it. I don’t have to carry their emotions and turn them into my own stress. I can step back, let go, and reduce the cost I pay just by avoiding that person… like avoiding a cold I don’t want to catch.

Reflection:

• What assumptions are making your ideal future expensive?

• Can support, compromise, or pacing reduce the cost?

Task:

• Pick one high-cost dream and brainstorm 2-3 ways to reduce its load.

• Think in terms of: shared ownership, small wins, phased entry.

🌱 Choose your discomfort

Lately, I keep wondering if I’m balding. I notice gaps in my hair and start blaming my cap, helmet, headphones even the chlorinated water I used for years living in cities like Hyderabad and Bangalore.

Maybe it’s stress.

The kind that quietly builds over the years, after losing my father, navigating a love marriage, trying to hold everything together or maybe it’s just that whatever I’m trying on my hair isn’t really helping.

But here’s the truth: appearance was never my priority. Not then, not now.

My focus has always been on pushing forward, doing the most I can with what I have. If I lose a few hairs along the way, so be it.

Better to let them go than waste my energy worrying about something that doesn’t define me. That energy belongs to the goals I’m still chasing.

Accept, Move on and Keep going!

Reflection:

• Are you living with pain from inaction?

• Would short-term courage save you long-term pain?

Task:

• Write a short paragraph: “The discomfort I choose is…”

• Say it out loud. Make it real.

wrapping up…

You don’t have to live at war with your situation or your imagination. The goal isn’t to become fearless or perfectly logical. It’s to become someone who sees clearly, decides bravely and keeps moving.

Even if it stings a little.

You’re not alone in this. Every honest step you take toward your optimal outcome builds the muscles you need for the next one.

I hope you take that step today.

If you like the read, tip me a book:

Buy me a book

Kindly share to those you feel need to read this

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Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life

I used to tell myself I was planning or crafting my ideal life in notebooks, mapping future scenarios in endless detail. But if I am honest, I wasn’t planning. I was hesitating.

There was always a reason why this wasn’t the month, that wasn’t the project, those weren’t the right conditions. The truth is, I was afraid of the change, of the unknown, of what would happen if I tried and it didn’t work out.

Eventually, I learned there were patterns to this fear. Four of them, in fact and they tend to show up disguised as logic or strategy. But once you see them, you can name them. And once you name them, you can move through them.

What we’re talking about today:

• Why your ideal future might be secretly keeping you stuck

• What a “walk-away alternative” is, and why it matters

• The trap of preferring fantasy over feasibility

• How fear of change gets mistaken for comfort

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 167 to 174)

This insight comes from a book that doesn’t just tell you to “be brave” or “follow your dreams”, it shows you why that feels hard, where the resistance comes from, and how to work with it gently and honestly.

Your ideal future is not visible, but you fantasize about it anyway.

Took a sick day on Wednesday. Stomach ache.

I’d been trying so hard lately, getting back on my feet, eating better, staying tuned in to how my body’s doing. But turns out, my body didn’t care. It just flared up anyway. Like my fiancée, honestly. (Kidding. If she sees this, I might not make it to the next post.)

But seriously, the whole thing wore me down both physically and mentally.
I kept spiraling into that mindset: "Why now? I’ve been doing everything right."
And somewhere during the day, between naps and youtube videos, I realized… maybe I didn’t have to give in so easily.

Maybe I could have gotten up, drank some water, straightened up a bit, even logged in and said hi to folks at work.

One step forward.
That’s all it would've taken to shift the whole day.

💭 Reflection:

• Is your ideal future specific and realistic, or vague and comforting?

• Are you using the fantasy as a shield from disappointment?

✅ Task:

1. Define your next week instead of your next decade.

2. List one action that proves you’re “working on things” — in real life, not just in your mind.

Your walk-away alternative is unfeasible, but you fantasize about it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my stomach lately.
Always wanted to cut down on non-veg, but cravings? They don’t care about intentions.
I keep telling myself I’ll eat less, but the truth is, I’m a salaried adult with the freedom to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. So I do.

“Why bother stressing about your stomach, right?”

Well… now that it’s flaring up more often, I’m starting to rethink that logic.

So I’ve started a new routine, 2 days non-veg, 3 days veg.
It’s not perfect, but it’s something. It calms me down a bit.
I’m also considering trying alternate non-veg options, but that might not go down well with the friend I eat with every Saturday and Sunday.

Still, I guess it’s better to plan ahead than to keep falling back into the same loop.
One meal at a time.

💭 Reflection:

• What emotional relief are you getting from imagining walking away?

• Are you postponing a difficult conversation in favor of a daydream?

✅ Task:

1. Sketch out the “costs” of walking away honestly (time, money, emotions).

2. Name one realistic step that creates breathing room without full escape.

Your walk-away alternative seems unfeasible, but it's better than your ideal future.

I picked up a fiction book recently, Klone and I by Danielle Steel and honestly, I got hooked.
There’s something about getting pulled into a made-up world that feels more real to me than most things.

I think I love books… really love them, more than anything else.
And someday, I’d love to be an author. Fiction, non-fiction, whatever lets me tell stories that matter.

But here’s what I’ve been wondering:
Why does fiction bring me more joy than anything else?
Why does reading about someone else’s imaginary world feel more fulfilling than chasing my own “ideal” future?

Maybe my future self isn’t someone I crave becoming or maybe it’s just someone I think I should be.
But reading? Writing? Sharing ideas from books with the world?
It does feels right.

💭 Reflection:

• What does it say if escape feels more honest than success?

• Is your “ideal” still aligned with your values, or just your history?

✅ Task:

1. Write down what your “walk-away” life might look like and ask, why does that feel more alive than what I’m aiming for now?

2. Consider if you need a new vision, not just a new tactic.

Fear of change and comfort in conflict.

One thing I’ve been struggling with lately is the tension between craving entertainment and wanting to build something meaningful.

I enjoy watching movies, going on trips, taking time off... partly to nurture friendships, partly because I don’t want people to think I’m someone who doesn’t know how to have fun.
And truth is, I do enjoy those moments. They calm me down.

But every single time, a question creeps in:
Am I wasting time?
Could I be using these hours, this energy, to build something for my future instead of just… consuming?

Am I letting life pass me by, one comfortable distraction at a time?
Or is this how I have to be in reality?

It’s a tough balance, to live and to build.
Still figuring it out.

💭 Reflection:

• Is this situation actually tolerable or just familiar?

• Have you normalized a level of stress or sadness that would’ve shocked the old you?

✅ Task:

1. Do a “discomfort audit”… list where you’ve mistaken pain for routine.

2. Change one habitual response… say less, pause longer, react differently.

wrapping up…

Change is scary not because we are weak but because we are wired to survive, not to transform.

Hesitation isn’t failure, it’s a signal.

“The work” to be put in, isn’t to silence change, but to get curious about what it’s protecting. Once you do that, the path forward becomes just a little more real.

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Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life

The day had started, but I wasn’t up, not really.

I lay in bed like a soaked log resting on the ground, weighed down by everything it had absorbed over the years.

That was me: soaked in regret, pinned by past choices and the weight of words exchanged with the people I love.

I knew what I had to do, I always know.

I’ve read the books, watched the videos, made the plans. But in those moments, none of it seemed to matter.

I’d lie there thinking about work, not doing it. Watching the same videos on loop, distracting myself from the growing pressure.

My body kept aging, but my mind felt like it was shrinking, stuck in the same cycle, unable to move forward.

🔹What We’re About to Talk About

1. How to use the 10-10-10 principle to make emotionally intelligent decisions

2. Why even well-intended actions can backfire and what to do about it ?

3. The power of mentally rehearsing hard conversations before you have them

4. How to run small emotional experiments with safe people to build confidence

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 155 to 166)

Optimal Outcomes helps you break out of stuck patterns in conflict by encouraging thoughtful anticipation, self-awareness and experimentation.

It doesn't just tell you to avoid conflict, it shows you how to move through it wisely, one step at a time.

🔮Zoom Out With “10-10-10”

It was that time of the night, the edge of sleep, when I become my grumpiest self. At that point, I don’t really hear anyone. It’s like my brain shuts off empathy completely. The world narrows into a square frame behind my glasses, just me, alone in it. My thoughts tilt, my posture stiffens and I become stubbornly unreachable.

And like every other night, my fiancée called, trying once again to wake me up and remind me to eat. She’s tried this so many times before, always with care, always with hope, even though I rarely listen.

This time was no different, I brushed her off again and chose the comfort of shutting everything out.

But something felt different after the call ended. The abrupt silence didn’t feel like peace, it felt like guilt. A cold sense of disgust settled in. For a moment, I saw it clearly: what if one day she stops trying? What if this repeated rejection, this one specific window of emotional shutdown, slowly teaches her not to care at all?

Reflection:

• What’s the cost of speaking now versus staying silent?

• Are you choosing short-term comfort or long-term impact?

Task:

Before a conversation, jot down how your words might affect things in:

1. 10 minutes: Will emotions run high?

2. 10 months: Could you regret not speaking up?

3. 10 years: What kind of relationship do you want to preserve?

🔮 Anticipate Unintended Consequences

I felt that familiar flicker of anger rising while arguing with my mom. I shouldn’t have barked at her, I know that. But the moment I feel my beliefs being challenged or the way I speak being picked apart, I tense up.

I don’t retreat, I turn sharp, cynical.

I start dismantling her arguments, one by one, until the conversation isn’t even a conversation anymore… just me trying to win.

But winning what, really?

Somewhere deep down, I know I need to be softer with her. Calmer, more patient. This bond isn’t permanent just because she’s my mother. It needs tending too, like anything alive. It needs water, attention, care. And I need to remind myself that being right doesn’t matter nearly as much as being kind.

Reflection:

• Are you assuming they’ll understand your intent?

• What might their emotional triggers be?

Task:

Sketch out potential outcomes. Ask:

1. What if they misread my tone?

2. Who else might be affected by this interaction?

🔮 Rehearse Before You Speak

There was this restaurant near my place where I’d had a bad experience about a month ago. I’d gone there for lunch, just wanting a simple roti and curry but after waiting for almost an hour, they casually told me they didn’t have roti. I walked out, frustrated, and told myself I’d never return.

So when a friend suggested going back there recently because they had better food options, I resisted hard. I didn’t want to be back in that space. I didn’t want to meet the eyes of the waiter who, in my mind, had disrespected me. I didn’t want to relive that moment.

But I also reminded myself of something: sometimes avoiding discomfort just creates more of it. So I chose to go… with the intention of letting go. I kept things light, made no sarcastic comments and actually enjoyed the food.

My friend was happier too as no need to pick between me and his favorite lunch spot.

In the end, it wasn’t just about food. It was about choosing peace over pride and it made the whole thing easier for both of us.

Reflection:

• What tone or phrase could defuse tension?

• What would it feel like to really listen instead of fix?

Task:

Write a simple dialogue before the conversation. For each sentence, ask:

1. Could this escalate the situation?

2. If so, how can I soften it without watering down the truth?

🔮Run Mini Experiments With People Who Love You

At work, I sometimes find myself pulled into conversations that probably don’t belong in an office… religion, politics, deep-rooted beliefs. I don’t seek them out, but the energy in the room, the bitterness in their tone, it draws something out of me. I respond and I push back. And once I’m in it, it’s hard to stop.

Later, I talk about it with close friends, the ones who actually help me process, not just react.

Their feedback is usually calm, often the same:
"Maybe it’s just that I never talk about these things at work."
"Sounds like the people you're around aren't really at peace with themselves."

At first, those responses feel like a mismatch to the intensity I felt. But slowly, they give me space. A way to mentally replay the conversation, to notice where I lost my ground and more importantly, how I can hold onto it next time.

Their perspective doesn’t change what happened, but it helps me see how I can protect my peace and maybe walk out of those situations with less weight on my mind.

Reflection:

• Who are your safe people to experiment with?

• Can feedback from them prepare you better?

Task:

1. Test your message on a friend or coach.

2. Ask them how it landed.

3. Adjust your wording or tone based on their feedback before going into the real conversation.

wrapping up…

Hard conversations don’t have to be landmines. With perspective (10-10-10), thoughtful preparation, and small experiments, you can face emotional moments with wisdom instead of fear. The outcome might still surprise you but you’ll know you’ve acted with clarity and care.

🌱 This week: Pick one conversation you’ve been avoiding. Use the 10-10-10 lens. Rehearse. Try it in a mini-experiment. Let growth, not fear, lead the way.

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Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life

It was one of those rainy days.

You know the feeling… Just before the downpour begins, everything goes quiet.

Pin drop silence.

No birds, no wind, no movement. It’s like the world is holding its breath.
And then, if you really listen, you can hear the rain approaching from a distance… like an army marching in. The sound builds and with it, that strange tension in your chest. You brace yourself.

And then… it hits.

The rain falls hard and fast, and you’re in it… completely soaked, no escape.

That moment, right before it all hits, reminds me of the 3-second pause before re-entering a tough conversation.

It’s not just a trick. It is instinct.

Something may be from a few centuries back. Your brain flashes back to “fight or flight” mode, just like your ancestors deciding whether to run or stay still.

And that pause? It has power.

Use it and let it settle in you before you speak next.

Buy me a book, if you like what you read : coff.ee/howto9to5

Today's source for daily insights:

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 146 to 154)

This part of the book is all about realistic action.

It offers thoughtful, structured steps to help you shift patterns of conflict in everyday relationship, starting from one-on-one conversations and gently expanding outwards.

It’s a refreshing change from advice that expects you to resolve everything in one go.

✍️ Involve a Small Group

At work, I’ve often found myself on one side of some ongoing tension and the older guy in our group, let’s just say, usually isn’t on my side. Group settings get heated sometimes, especially when we’re all in the same room. But because of our hybrid model, there are days when it’s just me and him at the office.

And on those days, something different happens.

We don’t talk about the conflict, we talk about life.

His cricketing years, my marriage plans.

We compare notes on the markets, our financial dreams, where we are in life him in an aggressive phase as he feels he is late, me still climbing slowly. He even shows me videos of his boundary shots and gets this kid-like grin while describing them.

What strikes me is how different people seem outside the group dynamic. Alone, there's no defense, no team lines.

Just two people talking.

That’s what involving a small group can do, it softens edges, shift assumptions, open doors that stay shut in big conversations.

🪞Reflection:

Who are 2–3 people in your conflict map you could bring into a low-pressure conversation this week?

✅Task:

Set up a short video call or coffee chat with a few people involved in the situation.

Your goal: to listen and gather new ideas but not to fix everything.

✍️ Create Shared Space for Communication

Every week, I sit down for lunch with some of my colleagues. These are people I don’t always agree with especially when the conversation turns toward religion, gender, or identity.

Sometimes the things they say make me feel distant, even angry. But I still show up.

Why? Because that space.. even with all its tension, also holds the possibility of understanding. I try to listen long enough to find something we as a group can laugh at or to ask a question that slows things down.

Maybe a personal story slips through and for a moment, things feel a little more human.

🪞Reflection:

What kind of shared space might help those in your situation feel more connected or heard?

✅Task:

If it feels right, create a simple shared space (a message thread on any social media group) where key people can exchange thoughts. Then observe what changes.

✍️ Let Others Know Your Intention

After my father passed away, I felt sad, confused and overwhelmed. But instead of talking about it, I became angry with my family, at work and even at myself.

It wasn’t explosive, but it built tension and made everyday life harder. My confidence dropped. I was not taking care of myself and I was pushing people away.

I didn’t want to burden my family, so I stayed quiet. But eventually, I told my girlfriend (now fiancé) what was going on. I told her I wanted to change and not stay stuck in that version of myself. She listened, and more than that she supported me. She reminded me of what I was working toward and helped me stay on track.

It helped… a lot.

Just saying it out loud made it real and a hundred times better. And having even one person who understood made the change feel possible.

🪞Reflection:

What change are you trying to make that others might support, if only they knew?

✅Task:

Choose one person and tell them what you are trying to shift even something small like taking longer to respond before reacting.

Ask for their support.

✍️ Test Your Path (and Prepare for What Might Go Wrong)

At work, I often jump in to solve problems mostly when someone from another team knows I have worked on something similar.

Sometimes I can give a solution right away. But other times, I can’t and it ends up dragging on longer than expected. I have already said yes, so backing out feels wrong.

The hardest part is, I rarely get credit for that extra effort. And I still say yes and that too when someone asks politely.

But it does take a toll. It puts pressure on my own deadlines and sometimes creates tension between me and the people I was trying to help.

It’s hard to say no. But it is also hard to keep giving without thinking through what it costs.

I am learning that slowing down and thinking ahead… even just for a few seconds, helps me avoid getting stuck in that cycle.

🪞Reflection:

What is one unintended outcome you could imagine if you act too quickly or don’t act at all?

✅Task:

Try a “mini experiment”. Take a small action in a new direction and observe what happens and then adjust accordingly.

This builds resilience instead of assumptions.

wrapping up…

You don’t need to solve everything this week.

Just pick one relationship, one pattern or one small step you’re willing to explore with fresh eyes.

Progress in conflict isn’t about grand gestures, it is about noticing when something starts to shift, even slightly and…

Follow that energy.

Signing off,

Ajayan N

Fighting with the worst bully, life.

It was early morning.

The birds were flying from one place to another, maybe in search of food, or hibernation. I don’t know much about that, but it looked cool. The more synchronously they flew, the more speed they seemed to gain. And then, occasionally, I would catch sight of just one bird.. alone.. gliding with slow, heavy wing beats. It always looked like that bird might never reach its destination.

Maybe I was projecting.

If I don’t start making up for the things I have left unsaid, the messages I have left unread, the questions that I have avoided... maybe I will fall into the same trap.
Maybe I’ll become that single feather, drifting out of rhythm with my comrades, falling to the ground alone, just lying there… waiting for the wind or this society to force me to take a direction.

Buy me a coffee, if you liked what you read : coff.ee/howto9to5

Today's source for daily insights:

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 133 to 145)

I am now so into this book, that its unreal.. It hooks me and is now forming a pattern breaking path that I can sure foresee in future to be useful in many of my conversations.

✍️Start With Yourself (The Inside Push)

“No, I don’t want that to happen.” That was the first thought that flashed in my mind, sharp and defensive.

I felt a surge of anger when my family suggested I follow a tradition I have always resisted: bending down to touch the feet of a relative from my father’s side.

A man who never once supported us.

I wasn’t ready to let go of my belief that doing so would make me feel small, like I was surrendering something I had spent years building up inside. So I reacted.. arrogantly, even brutally, not just to the idea, but to them, my family.

Looking back, it wasn’t just about the act. It was about a deeper fear. And I hadn’t taken the time to pause and understand what was really going on inside me before lashing out.

🪞Reflection

• Am I clear on what I want to change inside myself before trying to change others?

• How can I pause more before reacting to break the automatic loop?

✅ Task

1. Practice a 3-minute pause today.

2. Visualize or journal your ideal future for that relationship or situation.

✍️Connect With One Trusted Person (The Outside Pull)

With that same person, my mother and I ended up reaching out, inviting him to a family function at our home.

A gesture of inclusion.

Honestly, I still felt resistance. There was a quiet discontent inside me as we made the call. I didn’t want to pretend everything was okay. I wasn’t ready to fully welcome him into the circle again.

But I agreed anyway not because the change came from within, but because my mom and brother gently pulled me forward.

I let their momentum carry me, even if I wasn’t there yet.

I don’t know if I ever will be there.

But I showed up… at least a little.

🪞Reflection

• Am I balancing my internal readiness (push) with their openness (pull)?

• Could curiosity replace judgment in this connection?

✅ Task

1. Reach out with a simple question or invitation, without explaining everything upfront.

2. Observe their response without pressure.

✍️Keep It Simple and Reveal Little

I’ve noticed I have a habit of revealing too much, too soon even to someone I have just met. It’s like I use full disclosure as a way to break the ice: diving into what’s good, what’s bad, and what’s neutral in my family without hesitation.

In the moment, I either trust that they won’t share it… or don’t even care if they do. But later, I wonder if I’ve given too much away.

Maybe I make it too easy for people to lock me into a narrative, one I never meant to give them all at once.

I’m starting to see the value in withholding a little.

Not out of fear, but out of respect for myself.

I don’t need to explain it all upfront.

🪞Reflection

• Am I rushing to explain my whole perspective or pacing my sharing wisely?

• What small, simple step can I take that won’t overwhelm?

✅ Task

1. Choose one small message or action to share this week.

2. Practice patience with how much you reveal and when.

✍️Do the Unusual Without Losing the Thread

I have a tendency to throw my partner off when I suddenly change how I behave, especially around things she expected to go a certain way.

We’ve been in love for five years, and today marks exactly that. (It’s our anniversary)

Sometimes those surprises make her smile, even light her up.

But lately, I have started wondering if they also make her feel a bit unsteady like I am changing too fast or becoming someone she doesn’t fully recognize in the moment.

I don’t want to confuse spontaneity with randomness.

I want to stay connected to the path we’ve been walking and to shift things gently, step by step, building from where we already are, not leaping too far ahead.

🪞Reflection

• Have I been breaking too many patterns at once, causing never thought out consequences?

• How can my next step be linked naturally to what came before?

✅ Task

1. Plan a small, genuine act that’s different and logically follows your last step.

2. Avoid changes that cause backlash.

✍️Bring People Along: Lead Gently, Expect Less

I involve my mother in nearly all of my financial decisions and it is not just out of habit.

She’s been an accountant her whole career, either directly or in a supporting role.

She has always had a sharp grasp of her finances, even if love and life didn’t always go the way she planned.

Including her in my financial thinking has helped me stay grounded.

Even when I slip into a controlling tone, which happens more often than I would like, she stays steady.

She listens, offers her perspective, and always closes with something that humbles me:

“It’s your money. You can do whatever you want. I am just telling you what I see.”

That’s how I want to lead too: not by demanding agreement, but by inviting people in and trusting they will meet me with honesty.

🪞 Reflection

• Am I creating space for others to feel included, not just informed?

• Can I let go of needing agreement and trust the strength of honest input?

✅ Task

1. Share your next decision or idea with someone who brings clarity, not just comfort.

2. Practice listening without reacting and just absorb what they see.

Buy me a coffee, if you liked what you read : coff.ee/howto9to5

wrapping up..

A Pattern Breaking Path isn’t about one that is like a single blow and the rock shatters to pieces ideology, no, not at all.

It is about some intentional, simple steps at a time, balancing what is inside and what is around you.

Revealing little about you but meaningfully and inviting others along for the journey.

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting with the worst bully, life

It was an evening.

The sun set like a slow stumper ball that hits the grass and disappears quietly, hiding itself until tomorrow when everyone wakes up, energetic again to search for it.

And I found myself thinking about how conflicts often repeat, especially when people work in teams.

In those moments, it feels like you have to pick a side just to survive the battle and empathy rarely gets to show its face.

It also reminded me of patterns I’ve seen in myself, how often, when I bring up my ideas or values with loved ones or colleagues, they’re rejected not for their merit but because they challenge someone else's deeply held beliefs.

Today's source for daily insights:

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 112 to 132)

It was a good read this time and we got into the crux of the whole conflict session, which is to “break away from it“.

Some points from my daily life where I had to look back on :

🧠 Choosing Whether to Talk About Values…

There was this one day at work, we were talking about the government letting women ride public transport for free. And suddenly, the conversation turned into this heated rant about how unfair it is for the middle class, how it’s all politics.

I don’t know what came over me, but I just blurted out,
“At least now rural women can be out in the world without friction. Isn’t that worth something?”

I felt this anger rising, not because I love “freebies,” but because I’ve seen what it’s like for someone to have no way out, no space to move, no access to basics. That was the image in my head.

But I hadn’t even checked if they were open to hearing that. Or if I was in the right frame of mind to explain it without sounding like I was trying to win a fight.

I hadn’t slowed down enough to bring that into the room properly.

🪞 Reflection:

1. Am I ready to speak kindly, or do I need to practice first?

2. Is the other person ready to listen, or do I need to wait for a better moment?

✅ Task:

Check in with yourself:

• Role-play the conversation with a trusted friend or coach.

• Observe the other person’s signals. Are they open, or still defensive? Wait for readiness.

🧠 Build the Scaffolding First...

Most of my arguments don’t start with a sit-down or a plan. They just… happen. One minute we are talking, and the next, we are both somewhere neither of us wanted to go.

There was this one evening, a small disagreement with my fiancé had already started. Emotions were running a little high and in the middle of it, I said something like:
“Hopefully this wasn’t a wrong decision for both of us.”

I didn’t mean it to hurt. In my head, it sounded like concern, like wanting to make sure we’re both okay in this together.

But out loud? It sounded like doubt or a regret.

I saw it hit her and she went silent. I felt the sting too, that moment of “oh no, what did I just say”

We barely spoke for two days. It wasn’t the words, really, it was the timing. It was where we were emotionally.

Looking back, I think the message could’ve mattered… if I had brought it with more care. At a time when we weren’t both already on edge. Maybe during a quiet walk. A softer moment.

Sometimes it’s not what we say, but when and where we choose to say it.

🪞 Reflection:

1. Have I been using the wrong setting for the right message?

2. Where would this conversation feel safe and open?

✅ Task:

Pick one upcoming or pending conversation.

• Set a time and place that reduces tension.

• Ask the other person what setting works for them.

🧠Prepare the Content with Care…

There are moments when my partner and I sit back and realize, our values match in ways that really hold us together. It’s comforting, like finding someone who just gets the things that matter to you.

But then there are the quieter, trickier parts, the values we don’t talk about so easily. The ones we hide, or maybe don’t even fully admit to ourselves yet.

One evening, in a moment that felt safe, I gently brought up what I thought one of hers might be. Not to confront her or to fix anything. Just… to share something I had noticed.

And I didn’t ask for agreement. I let it land and gave her space.

She didn’t react right away and that was okay. That pause actually helped me slow down too. I listened more and I stopped trying to prove anything.

Looking back, that moment reminded me that conversations don’t have to be battles. Sometimes just showing you care even about the parts people haven’t fully shared is enough to build trust.

🪞 Reflection:

1. Did I speak from values.. or from fear?

2. Did I try to be right, or to be real?

✅ Task:

• Draft the 3 key things you want to say.

• Now rewrite them from a values-first lens. Make them gentle, grounded, and respectful.

🧠Imagine the Ideal Future…

Sometimes I catch myself replaying old arguments in my head, like looping scenes in a film I can’t pause.

But what if, instead, I played a different version? One that hasn’t happened yet, but could?

I imagine a future where a call with my mom isn’t weighed down with unspoken worry, where her voice sounds light and mellow.

I picture a conversation with my fiancé where we make a decision together and walk away feeling understood, not worn out. How great it would be if it’s just two people choosing the same side.

And at work? I see a room where people don’t talk over each other where disagreements still happen, but they move things forward instead of pulling us back.

That future isn’t guaranteed. But if I can picture it clearly, maybe I can start walking toward it, one thoughtful moment at a time.

🪞 Reflection:

1. Am I visualizing repair as a possibility or stuck replaying the past?

2. What does a good resolution actually feel like to me?

✅ Task:

• Write down your “Ideal Future” scenario in detail.

• Use all 5 senses.

• See it, Hear it, Smell it, Taste it and Feel how to make it a place your mind can return to, before you return to the person.

wrapping up..

When conflicts repeat, it’s easy to believe we’re stuck with them. That certain people will never change or that our values are just too different to bridge.

But what Optimal Outcomes teaches and what I’m slowly learning, is that we don’t have to force understanding in the heat of the moment. We can choose the when, the how, and most importantly, the why of our conversations.

It’s not about being the loudest voice in the room or the one who “wins” the argument. It’s about breaking away from loops that no longer serve us by preparing better, listening harder, and imagining what peace really looks and feels like.

We may not always change minds. But we can change moments.

And maybe, over time, that’s what shifts the rest.

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life.

It was late evening.

I always walk around my terrace so I find the least possible resistance to do some amount of exercise.

Whenever I do walk, I think about my dad. The interactions that I had with him before his death were not so good. His financial stability were like the government roads that crack open in the first monsoon, always ready to break down. Me, My mom and My brother suffered a lot at the time. Due to him being very weak both physically and emotionally, we were not able to put our anger on nobody.

What he lacked in finance he made up for it with his love for us. He always took care of the main question: Are we, his wife and sons, satisfied for today?. I did ask him before he left this world when once we were sitting in the verandah, “Did time go so fast?“ and he said, “Son, It went faster than the blink of an eye“.

Today's source for daily insights:

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 99 to 111)

Conflicts arise when you think the words that you put is a retribution, punishment for a crime. Looking at both our ideal and shadow values might reveal the real reason behind the tension and help us step out of the conflict loop.

🧭Values Speak Louder Than Logic

Jennifer introduces the insights of Dr Claude Steele, in his research on identity and resistance, he does state that:

There have been many such cases in my family when I question the religion people follow and how it affects our issues with thinking straight with no biases, I hear my mom saying all the time, “Lets not talk about this now“ and when I asked the same thing to my grandmother, she would start beating me throughout mentioning “What do you even think of yourself?“

The values they were born and brought up with if questioned, they do feel threatened , very very threatened looking at the bruise marks from my grandmom’s wrath.

🪞 Reflection

1. Did it feel like they were not hearing you?

2. Ask yourself: Was I unknowingly threatening one of their core values?

✅ Task

Identify one person you’ve argued with recently

Now write down:

• Their likely core values that were being protected

• Your own core values you were defending

• The language or tone you used that may have unintentionally challenged their values

🧭We’re Often Arguing the Same Thing

Surface disagreements often arise from the same values but thought out and expressed differently. Two people can scream at each other about “security” vs “freedom” when both are actually defending the same value, empathy, but applying it differently (globally vs nationally, present vs future).

Whenever Me and my gf had a quarrel, it was the same case. We both might be fighting on a word I said, an act she did, but it always would have broken down to a hurt in each others value of “trust“.

🪞 Reflection

1. What if our disagreement is not about the value, but about where and how we apply it?

✅ Task

Revisit a disagreement that still sits with you, maybe about work, politics, or relationships.

Now, try to write a shared value statement that both you and the other person would agree with.

Example:
“We both care deeply about people’s well being.”
And break it into:

• How you expressed that value

• How they expressed that value

See if there’s room for a middle ground or at least mutual respect.

🧭Shadow Values Cast the Longest Shadow

Conflicts that arise with other person’s shadow values are harder to tackle as even they don’t know it exists and can be easily misinterpreted.

Jennifer brings up writings from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow :

We are also blind to some facts due to the fundamental attribution error.

We attribute other people’s actions to their own personality flaws, while we attribute our own actions to situational circumstances.

I have tried to accept that my shadow value is being more competitive and I am trying to find middle grounds in working with it. The activities for doing this also includes:

🪞 Reflection

Ask yourself: What part of me reacts too strongly, too fast and what value is it protecting in the dark?

✅ Task

1. Choose a situation where your reaction felt “too much” defensive, irritated, or withdrawn.

2. Write down:

   1. Your reaction

   2. What that protected

   3. What shadow value was behind it (for eg, fear of being irrelevant, need for control)

🧭Draw the Map Before the Apology

Create a values map:

• Your ideal vs shadow values

• Their ideal vs shadow values

• Areas of overlap, tension, or misunderstanding

This builds a path towards understanding the problems before jumping into resolution.

These are some of mine that I have wrote down in the recent fight with my fiance.

This helped me avoid the conflict loop.

🪞 Reflection

Before you rush to fix or apologize in a conflict, pause to map both sides’ values. Most of the time, apologies without understanding each other feels hollow and unfinished.

• What if the map is the repair?

• Where is there overlap?

• Where is there tension?

• Where is there room to honor both?

✅ Task

Create a Values Map. You can sketch it or make a 2-column table and reflect on the above questions.

Maybe the point isn’t to win over someone or trying to change their mind but to recognize the invisible values that play underneath. There are values that we hide and we cling to but from somewhere through this values map above, we find a way forward.

I'd love to hear, What shadow value are you learning to honor in yourself lately? Hit reply if you'd like to share.

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life.

For a while, I’ve focused on public issues in India, especially Bengaluru, where I live. I hoped that CEOs or politicians might amplify those messages. But lately, that world has felt distant and out of reach.

So, I’m turning back to what I know best.

A world of early mornings, corporate deadlines, quiet grief from a recent family loss, and a love that is growing into something more permanent.

Sometimes I wonder how someone with such a regimented life ends up finding a partner. But discipline, perseverance, and a hunger to grow are attractive in their own way.

This series is for those who live with both discipline and depth, or who want to carve a future in that way.

Each post will be a reflection from the 5 to 10 pages I read every morning and how those insights echo in my life.

Today's source for daily insights:

Optimal Outcomes

by Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler (Pages 82 to 98)

I have been reading the book so deeply that I have started applying it in my life together with finding how I create conflicts and how others respond to it.

The book explores how we get stuck in conflict cycles and more importantly, how to break free from it.

In these 2 days read,

It talked about how we get trapped in unconscious emotional patterns and which could be due to our family upbringing, culture or beliefs due to which we inherit ways of reacting that seems automatic.

But what if we could pause, see the emotion for what it is and respond differently?

That is what this post explores into more for today.

✨ When You Realize the Emotion Isn’t Just Yours

Most weeks bring their share of unpleasant interactions.

Take this example:

I said, “I am a Mumbai Indians fan.”

The man across from me, in his late 40s, has tried hard in his career but hasn’t reached where he wanted. Out of frustration, or maybe seeing me as a child, he quickly names young players from all the other IPL teams he admires, none from Mumbai Indians.

When I ask about his recent trip to Kerala, instead of good stories, he lists only the bad. It felt like nothing went well for him in that trip.

At first, I felt triggered. But then I realized these reactions were echoes from deeper places, childhood, culture, pain.

What he said wasn’t about me. It was about a journey he didn’t fully choose.

Instead of fighting, I started asking questions. Instead of holding onto hurt, I returned their emotion with empathy.

I asked, “Mumbai Indians has Nitish Kumar Reddy and Tilak Verma, don’t you consider them?”

and about the trip, I questioned, “Didn’t you enjoy even a bit? I thought you liked driving through the western ghats“

Sometimes, you just need to remember:

Not all emotional energy is yours to carry.

🪞Reflection:

1. Think of a recent interaction that triggered you.

2. Was the emotional charge entirely yours or could it have been partly theirs ?

3. What part of their story might be showing up through that emotion?

✨When You Stop Hiding From Yourself

Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler quotes Carl Jung, who speaks of the ego, the self we show the world and the shadow self, the parts we hide.

The shadow holds our emotions, desires, and truths we don’t want to admit.

When someone points out something about us that conflicts with our ideal self, we feel embarrassed or accused. We want to hide it away.

But growth comes from bringing that shadow into consciousness. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Hear it.

This process is called individuation and it makes us whole.

For me, competitiveness was a shadow trait I hid. It pushed me to learn faster, work harder, and prove my worth. But it also caused fights with my fiancé, because I was defensive when she pointed it out.

Now, I embrace it. I am competitive, and I no longer apologize for it.

But I also know that love is my core value. So competitiveness can never overpower it.

🪞Reflection

1. What’s something you’ve been avoiding about yourself?

2. Is there a part of you that only surfaces when you're caught off guard or under pressure?

3. How might you begin to listen to it, without fear?

Let’s talk about that in the next one shall we?

✨When Your Values Are at War With Each Other

I mapped my 6 core values using James Clear’s framework, the blog for your reference:

1. Achievement

2. Authority

3. Competency

4. Growth

5. Love

6. Respect.

Among these, Competitiveness stands out as a shadow value clashing with Love.

It is strange.

On one hand, I strive to grow, improve, and win. On the other, I want those I care about to feel safe, supported, and valued.

Sometimes I push too hard, straining relationships. Other times, I silence my ambition to keep peace.

So there’s nothing I can do but to continue learning, Make iron from the iron ore.

I can’t silence one for the other, but I have to let love sharpen my focus and my ambition make space for others to rise with me.

🪞Reflection

1. Which two of your core values feel like they clash most often?

2. Are you prioritizing one while neglecting the other?

3. What would it look like to integrate both into your actions?

✨When You Own the Part You Tried to Throw Away

Jung calls “projection” a defense against our disowned self. We deny what we can’t accept and place it onto others.

I have done this many times in my family. I projected my fears onto those I love most.

When vulnerable, I am led by my heart, not my mind. My competitiveness and love take turns being the shadow.

I catch myself saying:

“They’re so controlling” when I resist my own need for control.

“They’re needy” when I hide my own desire for closeness.

Now I pause before reacting and ask, “Is this really about them, or something I hide?”

I explore those feelings with curiosity, not shame.

Competitiveness and love, control and care, discipline and openness, they don’t have to compete. They can coexist.

🪞Reflection

1. Can you pause before your next reaction and ask, “Is this really about them or about something I hide?”

2. Can you explore that part with curiosity instead of shame?

One book

Two days of reading

A reflection of where I stand and maybe, where you do too

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/technology/social/after-operation-sindoor-pak-ministers-met-to-plan-a-response-harsh-goenka/articleshow/121102469.cms → About Harsh Goenka’s tweet, I go through it more below..

In times of national tension, humor might seem out of place yet it often becomes a powerful weapon or aid. This tweet references a hypothetical Pakistan strategy meeting after India's successful Operation Sindoor, and it humorously suggests losing to India might be the best thing that ever happened to Pakistan.

Humor becomes a part of the social commentary at tough times so the tough times mellow down a little. Even if this particular statement was a jab at Pakistan, the genre still remains as humor and lets dive deeper into it.

Research indicates that satire serves as a form of adaptive agency, allowing individuals to process and critique socio-political events.

A study published in Humanities and Social Sciences Communications explores the motives behind the use of satire in Chinese social media, which can offer comparative insights into its function in other cultural contexts, including India. Nature

Twitter Voice

“One genius said: ‘Let’s attack India!’ Why? ‘If we lose – India gets our provinces, gives us food, jobs, roads, IPL, Bollywood, passports… we become a booming economy overnight!’”
→ View Tweet , Harsh Goenka

This tongue-in-cheek jab drew thousands of reactions, many praising its clever delivery.

The citizens of the internet or Netizens reacts as :

@anooshkabathwal : "Strategic foresight isn’t everyone’s strength!"

@soodparivar : "You know in Pakistan 82% believe that in case of war Pakistan will win hands down! And the balance 18% belong to Pak army."

@srikanth : "The best joke I've heard in recent times, the dialogue, what if we win is superb."

Harsh’s brilliance for blending humor with social commentary is all over twitter. For instance, ahead of the 2025 Union Budget, he tweeted:

"Ah, Budget Eve today! Tomorrow, we businessmen shall don the garb of economists and channel our inner Shakespeare, hailing it as visionary, bold, and a masterstroke! Aye, for most of us it is 'much ado about nothing' but shall hail it as 'midsummer's night dream'."

This combo of literature reference and economic satire showcases his unique approach to any events that he encounters.

Background / Root Causes

Satire has always flourished during conflict. In India, it goes back to cartoons by R.K. Laxman, lines from Bollywood classics like Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro and Munshi in Asianet News which is I think now at two thousand to three thousand episodes.

Today, digital India has upgraded that tradition: tweets replace punchlines, memes become literal word battles.

What causes this shift?

• Limited space for criticism in formal discourse

• Rising nationalism blending with humor to process tension

• Social media platforms amplifying one-liners over long reads

In countries where formal debate is often controlled by one side of the government (mostly the party in power), satire provides an outlet, both safe and sharp.

Impact on Daily Life

For many people in India, satire isn’t just a form of entertainment but it provides as a means of survival at times of national security concerns, economic stress and personal or social mental fatigue.

Humor becomes a form of a collective therapy.

To a person who has their own personal needs to cater to, a WhatsApp forward gets him to smile at the end of a long day. It’s the meme that makes a soldier’s spouse chuckle at moments of anxiety. It’s the tweet that turns fear into commentary and anger into irony.

Authorities / Responses

Unlike political satire that often draws legal threats or takedowns especially in India, this tweet went unchallenged.

Perhaps because its author, a respected business leader, voiced what many were thinking and many already knew.

While some trolls emerged in comments, no government or official accounts responded negatively. In fact, media outlets quietly liked and shared the post, suggesting approval to the tweet.

No official censorship, just quiet acknowledgment that humor sometimes says what policy papers cannot.

There are many previous cases of legal proceedings and public and antisocial element outrage on political satire in the world of which some noteable ones are:

1. Sinyavsky–Daniel Trial for Anti-Soviet Satire (USSR, 1966)

   Soviet writers Andrei Sinyavsky and Yuli Daniel were prosecuted and imprisoned for publishing satirical works abroad under pseudonyms. Their trial marked the first time Soviet authors were openly convicted solely for their literary work, highlighting the oppressive stance of the USSR towards dissenting satire. Wikipedia

2. Charlie Hebdo's Cartoons and Subsequent Legal and Violent Repercussions (France)

   The French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo faced multiple legal challenges and violent attacks due to its provocative cartoons, including those depicting the Prophet Muhammad. In 2015, the magazine's offices were attacked by terrorists, resulting in the deaths of 12 people. This incident underscored the tensions between freedom of expression and religious sentiments. The New Yorker

3. Jan Böhmermann's Satirical Poem on President Erdoğan (Germany, 2016)

   German satirist Jan Böhmermann recited a deliberately offensive poem about Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan on his television show, aiming to test the boundaries between satire and defamation. The Turkish government demanded legal action, invoking Germany's then existing lèse-majesté law (Law criminalizing insults against a reigning monarch or foreign leader). The German government permitted the prosecution, sparking a national debate on free speech. The case was eventually dropped, and the controversial law was abolished in 2018. Wikipedia

Hope / Actions / What People Are Doing

Satirical posts like this do more than entertain, they encourage calm civic dialogue. In fact:

• This is a great article on how humor should be the starting point of many and all discussions, it’s from 2017 : https://bangaloremirror.indiatimes.com/opinion/you/lead-with-humour/articleshow/58754366.cms

• Online creators increasingly produce multilingual satire, bringing unity through shared laughter. Some like Jordindian (youtube) helps us be on toes on some societal norms that we accept to be a part of being in a diverse and vibrant society delivering it as a great joke or at least a good laugh.

• Reporters Without Borders (RSF) has condemned instances of censorship in India during military escalations, highlighting concerns over freedom of expression. Such actions can influence the landscape in which satirical content is produced and shared. Reporters Without Borders

So as per me, humor is a type of intelligence that is carved out of creativity and not solely relying on the textbook norms. It can be used as a jab, a punch , a blow or any other martial arts techniques to the person , a party or even countries that stands on the other side.

Being a master of words is as good as being a master in fight.

In a world where words can wage wars, satire becomes a weapon. As we’ve seen with tweets like Harsh Goenka’s, humor nudges, provokes and even commands attention.

It’s a different kind of force, less visible than armies, but sometimes more effective.

And if we’re talking about power cloaked in words, we can’t ignore what Cersei Lannister once declared in Game of Thrones:

“Power is power.”

When Littlefinger tries to argue that “knowledge is power,” Cersei interrupts him and with a few calm, chilling commands to her guards, she proves otherwise. Knowledge may inform and Humor may deflect. But true power lies in being heard, obeyed, and remembered.

That’s what satire at its sharpest, achieves.

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, Life.

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/hotmail-cofounder-sabeer-bhatia-blasts-indian-education-system-we-are-producing-an-army-of-useless-kids/articleshow/120916691.cms?from=mdr —> Sabeer Bhatia on India’s setbacks termed as failures mindset.

Sabeer Bhatia’s recent critique of India’s schools and colleges has struck a chord. On a tech podcast he warned that India is “producing an army of useless kids”– a bad image of graduates who excel at memorizing facts but lack creativity or real skills.

India has the world’s largest youth population (about 65% under age 35), yet data suggest these youth are poorly equipped for tomorrow’s economy.

For example, only 9% of Indian students scored highly on international tests of problem-solving and critical thinking indiatoday.in

A recent survey of 30,000 Gen Z graduates, a HUGE 83% of 2024 engineering students reported no job or internship offers on graduation trak.in

So I would say that in this era of global tech / tariff wars and a booming innovation economy, with the schemes like Make in India getting prevalent, these statistics signal a deep mismatch.

India’s demographic dividend is at risk if its education system only churns out rote scorers and not innovators.

Public Opinion

Social media has lit up with debates over Bhatia’s remarks, revealing both outrage and agreement.

Namita Thapar (@namitathapar) comments : “it’s easy to move to another country & give gyan but the real impact & challenge lies in staying in your own country & facilitating change!” tweet

Replies under Namita’s original tweet:

Twitter user (against the critic from Bhatia): “Somehow I agree here with Namita… it’s really common for NRIs to talk against India on every aspect… not all but maybe 90%,” indianexpress.com showing frustration over critic from abroad.

Twitter user (support the critic from Bhatia): “Criticism is healthy if we take it. Someone criticizing then needs introspection instead of bashing them.” indianexpress.com. This commenter urged Indians to reflect rather than dismiss critique.

The public mood is split between people who are for or against this argument, whether one agrees with Bhatia or not, his critique has tapped into a deep, widespread frustration with the status quo and even the working class.

Background / Root Causes

Experts do suggest that India’s education ills are too deep than what’s at the surface.

The classrooms are alarmingly mechanical at the moment.

Bhatia mentions: “You’re never asked to write a paper. You’re asked to memorize 13 chapters and regurgitate (Vomit) them“.

Rote instructions and a system designed to sit quietly and absorb information purges the growth of curiosity and creativity.

By college, the same pattern repeats.

Top graduates are funneled into coaching for national exams (Bhatia notes that roughly 65,000 students each year go to Kota to grind through JEE preparation, “killing their brain cells” in the process.

The system produces obedient job-seekers, not risk-taking problem-solvers.

Even social attitudes amplify this issue, a culture of 100% conformity that yes, this is like this as it is like this (“learn silence, obey authority” as one critic puts it eurasiareview.com) suppresses questioning, and the magic or safety net of a secure government or corporate career encourages students away from entrepreneurship.

Impact on Daily Life

These systemic flaws causes burn out in students. Students who has to bash their head throughout their semesters graduates without even a bit of confidence to innovate.

For job-seekers, the picture is really bad. After doing all of these schooling, they find themselves in low level or unrelated jobs.

Personal Morale is another thing to take not of. The constant push to “perform” kills the joy of learning. It becomes a make or break point for many in their career trajectory as well as in their schooling.

Each year countless Indian youths feel trapped. They have degrees in hand, but no practical way to use them or even a little bit of passion to guide them.

Authorities / Responses

The Union Education Ministry’s National Education Policy (NEP 2020) explicitly calls for less rote memorization and more creativity, multidisciplinary study and vocational training.

In public forums the Education Minister, Dharmendra Pradhan, has stressed moving “away from rote memorisation to a holistic education in India, focusing on understanding and application” timesofindia.indiatimes.com.

Industry groups too have begun to flag the issue, on World Youth Skills Day 2024, experts from IT and education sectors highlighted the need for project-based, interdisciplinary learning and digital literacy to prepare India’s 542 million youth for the future education.economictimes.indiatimes.com.

Even if all these changes are proposed, these same changes are happening at a very minimal pace.

STEM educator Raghuveer VR, who helped shape parts of the NEP (National Education Policy), praised Bhatia’s point as an “alarm bell” and called on universities to do more than “revise syllabi” linkedin.com. He urged academicians to “reimagine learning” and “cultivate innovators” instead of just certifying graduates linkedin.com.

The Agenda has changed but concrete reform is yet to hit the classrooms or colleges.

Hope / Actions / What People Are Doing

A growing education technology sector is trying to fill gaps with fresh approaches.

Coding and skill bootcamps are popping up nationwide.

Times of India reports that intensive programs (e.g. in AI, full-stack development and data science) now offer hands on training with industry projects, helping students build portfolios and connect with recruiters timesofindia.indiatimes.com

Similarly, university entrepreneurship cells, hackathon series, and “maker spaces” in schools (like Atal Tinkering Labs) are giving thousands of students a taste of practical innovation.

An EducationTimes review noted that by 2024 many Indian schools had adopted AI-assisted teaching, virtual labs, continuous assessment (instead of one shot exams), and a heavier push on creativity and collaboration educationtimes.com

Economic Times commentators have begun advocating an “Entrepreneurship First Education Initiative” to infuse the curriculum with design thinking and startup skills m.economictimes.com

These all are real sukoon to the eyes of a patriot, who doesn’t want to leave India for their career aspirations and they do offer a ray of hope.

If atleast a few students who are enrolled in these curricula can break through and start building on their ideas by using the support given by these seed initiatives, there can be change, we may see a larger shift.

We always need these changes to be in effect or as Bhatia raises his voice even if its from abroad or anywhere, the voices of these young ones goes down as they feel and see it happening around them. Without much hope, without much real world experiences, they too wither down doing support jobs and being factory workers even if its in the IT sector.

If you are more curious to hear Sabeer Bhatia’s views, here’s the youtube podcast that aired him:

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, Life.

https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/pampering-is-killing-your-childs-future-rs-5000-crore-dr-velumanis-blunt-warning-to-parents/articleshow/120720657.cms?from=mdr —> Dr Velumani warns against pampering of children.

Every well intentioned love can backfire.

Worldwide, about 1 in 7 adolescents now suffers from a mental health disorder source. In India, this concern recently went viral, with Dr. Velumani’s post on saying, the growth in arrogance and sense of entitlements of people at this budding age is due to increase in pampering by parents. link to the tweet. As per a 2024 survey, it was found that nearly 74% of Indian parents admit being over-involved in their children’s lives (driven by fears about safety in what the children don’t know and what they already think they know and success in the fields that at this age looks tempting) timesofindia.indiatimes.com.

For the busy middle class families, it raises a question, are we really helping our kids by removing every obstacles in their way or are we removing all those crucial lessons that they should have learned alone?

Dependence vs Independence

Met a lot who are in 20s in last 5 yrs. Rich and poor. There are two kinds.

1. Parents did not guide or coach at all. Let to solve all problems on their own. They are clear, confident, independent and courageous.

2. Parents micromanaged by calibrating with their friends and peers. They are confused, stressed, dependent and scared. Parent, Do not pamper, Dr. Velumani wrote.

Children who are raised in a bubble grow overly dependent and the ones who solve problems on their own, grow confident. Children at an early age should be made to tie their shoelaces, to be allowed to cross roads without daily guidance and also to be allowed to express their thoughts but with maintaining respect.

Entitlement and Resentment

There are research that shows the so-called pampered child syndrome : spoiled youngsters often grow up “over-demanding and feel entitled” researchgate.net, timesofindia.indiatimes.com which can breed arrogance and parents often shower gifts on children while neglecting emotional guidance.

Stress and Mental Health

I have heard many incidents in the college my mom work in, out of nowhere, the students starts having panic attacks even with little to no stress given by the teachers. They never learn to cope so they get very much disturbed with small setbacks in life.

There are child wellness experts out there who mentions over anxiety and depression can also be due to over parenting or pampering.

A Times of India analysis warned that children constantly rescued from every problem become “prone to… becoming underconfident and unable to handle the burdens of life” timesofindia.indiatimes.com.

Background / Root Causes

The root causes for these are :

1. Nuclear families and fewer children → With one or two kids per family, parents often pour all hopes and energy into each child.

2. Busy, guilty parents → Doctors and psychologists note that modern parents (especially single or working mothers/fathers) often feel guilty about time away from home. Dr. Nimesh Desai explains that parents “feel guilty and over-compensate” giving in to demands or hiring help which ends up shielding the child too much timesofindia.indiatimes.com.

3. Economic comfort → Rising incomes and consumer culture make it easy to buy off children’s wants. Toys, gadgets and what all the child wants that is provided on quick delivery by just a tap on your phone.

4. Academic and safety anxieties → Fierce competition for schools and jobs, along with new worries (traffic, kidnapping, online perverts), drive parents to micromanage their children’s schedules and academics. Fear of failure can push a parent to take on problems for their child rather than let the child learn it by themselves.

5. Cultural norms → In India’s tight-knit communities, a child is always seen as a family’s responsibility. Being an affectionate parent is culturally praised in all the social circles.

Impact on Daily Life

Desai reports rising teen self-harm cases, saying overwhelmed kids “can’t deal with emotional stress” and sometimes “convert psychological pain into physical pain” timesofindia.indiatimes.com. Children whose “every need is catered to… don’t develop the ability to handle situations on their own,” he explains, often leading to low self-esteem later on.. timesofindia.indiatimes.com.

In short, many parents notice their once happy, sheltered child becoming anxious, disengaged or even resentful once challenges arrive.

Responses

Tennis star Andre Agassi famously once said,

the sign of good parenting is to raise kids to be independent and not need us at every step in their future

Hope or What People Are Doing

We should be starting young: even toddlers can pick up simple tasks and teenagers can learn to budget pocket money.

Many schools are starting “life skills” classes where students learn basic self care.

Parents say these steps help children feel proud rather than being overwhelmed. The goal is to raise children who feel supported by love, yet strong enough to tackle life’s adversities.

Question for you

So as we hustle to provide for our families, the questions if you are a parent you might ask is:

Are we holding our children back with our love or Are we helping them step forward into a confident future?

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life.

https://www.ndtv.com/feature/google-techie-sparks-debate-after-revealing-she-worked-4-hours-on-sunday-dont-get-paid-8277172 —> covering a tweet from Anu Sharma, a techie from google.

A techie, Anu Sharma faces backlash over a comment on twitter how for on call support she doesn’t get paid and still has to work for grueling outside of normal work hours. she also mentions the impact on what she is doing was greater than what she can do in a startup (Checks out as she is working in Google, it impacts billions).

Let’s now dive deeper into this rabbit hole of stress and work conditions..

The above image showcases how much percentage of the tech workers are in actually a burnout stage. source, this is 2024, but lets generalize as can’t find any good source.

Some tweets confirming on the same :

Trendulkar, commented on the pressures faced by junior employees:

"I have seen junior employees face unrealistic expectations, long hours, and a complete lack of work-life balance, leading to chronic stress and burnout.

Abhishek Srivastava highlighted the ingrained culture of extended work hours in India:

"India has a toxic work culture where most of the people feel satisfied by working late and unusually more than required... This has given rise to so many hidden mental issues and illness."
He further questioned the normalization of working beyond standard hours and its impact on mental health.

Laws here that allows this to happen :

1. Exemption from the Industrial Employment (Standing Orders) Act, 1946

   The Industrial Employment (Standing Orders) Act mandates that employers define and communicate clear terms of employment, including working hours, leave policies, and termination procedures. However, since 1999, the Karnataka government has periodically exempted IT and ITeS companies from this requirement. The latest exemption, granted in June 2024, extends until June 2029. This exemption allows companies to operate without standardized employment terms, potentially leading to arbitrary policies and limited grievance redressal mechanisms for employees. source

2. Industry Resistance to Regulatory Changes
   

   Efforts to extend labor protections to the IT sector have often met with resistance from industry stakeholders. For instance, when the Karnataka IT/ITeS Employees Union (KITU) advocated for ending the standing orders exemption, industry representatives argued that such moves could hinder business flexibility and growth (almost like supporting the employers, am i right?) This resistance has contributed to the continuation of exemptions and limited regulatory oversight. source

In the current case of Anu Sharma, there has been backlashes from others stressing on the fact that :

• she is paid 40 lakhs + in hand, so she should be able to do it for that

• while others saying that the work she does is no bigger than the ones done at a startup.

• even others comparing what she does under an AC in her comfort is far less worth than the work being done by laborers and gig workers under the scorching sun.

Is that fair?

​Indian tech workers are increasingly organizing and advocating for their rights in response to challenging work conditions, including extended hours, job insecurity, and insufficient labor protections.

This includes but not limited to forming organizations like:

1. Karnataka State IT/ITeS Employees Union (KITU)

2. Nascent Information Technology Employees Senate (NITES)

3. Alphabet Workers Union: instagram page

One prominent demonstration was when in March 2025, nearly 700 IT employees gathered at Bengaluru’s Freedom Park to protest against excessive work hours and to demand the enforcement of labor laws, regulation of work hours, and the codification of the "Right to Disconnect" . further reads about it here

All in all, from my point of view, I don’t think the work in this period of tech development most prominently in this period of AI, a tech worker is below any other workers.

The base where these startups and Indian growth stories are being build on should be firm and strong and those lies on the backs of these same employees, who work day in and day out.

The concerns raised by Anu Sharma may not be to form a resistance in any sense, she must have just expressed her views or perspective of a daily life activity of hers. Now when some people take everything on to themselves as a blame to their lifestyle or daily hard work, it is not in the hands of individuals like Anu Sharma to retaliate.

As a human being if I was in her shoes, better be calm, collected, enjoy the ride and when you start feeling it has a bad effect on many things like mental health in your life, you cut ties with it.

There are plenty of things in this world you should explore, we don’t need another Anna Sebastin Perayil, but we always will need another Kiran Mazumdar-Shaw

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/apr/22/tourists-killed-by-suspected-militants-in-kashmir-attack —> guardian, give them a subscribe

26 tourists have been killed and ten injured in a supposed militant attack in Kashmir’s tourist destination which was left untouched by terrorists for long. A group of gunmen came from a pine forest at 3 pm local time and opened fire. Tourists first thought it to be firecrackers and when they understood it was bullets, they ran for over 4 kms before they stopped. A militant group “Kashmir Resistance“ took responsibility of the attack and they did it with a reason that the Indian settlement was changing the demographic of the region.

In my WhatsApp statuses, I see a complete current government supporter mentioning a post as “Remember this“. Another two to three human rights friends mentioning solidarity in mourning the dead and another avid against the current government person mentioning a post of an older military official asking “why did the government cut the manpower of this region and now the boys have to take control of two different regions and in the mountains nothing can be done without manpower“

• A lady mentions that her husband with others were shot in the head.

• There were 2 foreign visitors as well among the dead.

• PM Narendra Modi cut short his Saudi Arabia visit and expresses great anger against this heinous act and that the country’s fight for terrorism will only grow stronger.

• Donald Trump as well gave his support to Narendra Modi and this happened at the time of a scheduled 4 day visit of JD Vance, US Vice president to India.

This is as truly from what all we see from all these information , a part of a curated plan. A decrease in manpower in the army or police so less surveillance, at times of when the US vice president visits India so lots of public audience and a time of 3 PM, a time to rest after a good meal, you fire at the visitors to India at an area where they least expect violence.

If you do start blaming, it will be a blame game for the books. This act of terrorism, this act of heinous acts on extremism grounds for an increase in Indian settlement changing the demographics of a region, why was that even needed? But who to question the acts of guns and blood, when the brains are tuned for acquiring lands and power.

A question mark to the people at government on what actually gets a government to grow, the economic, technological developments or a border control that never gets cut short of manpower for the former reasons.

A question mark to the vacation visitors to regions near the border of what actually should be the protective acts that can get you not dead, should you ever visit those regions and should it ever be opened for tourists?

A question mark to the people of India who find their own twists and blames on these acts, what could you do for the family of the deceased? what could you do differently to help those in need? and how can you not turn yourself to be the same extremists?

All questions are left to be interpret in a way that gives you comfort, but the questions still remain as is.

Is fear the only lifeline to live in this world? I would have ran 8 kms non stop, I would have ran, hopefully I don’t have to.

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/ajit4949_raising-daughters-in-india-is-a-revolution-activity-7312677612428873732-jkGU?utm_source=social_share_send&utm_medium=member_desktop_web&rcm=ACoAACH8HQIBFoOeRk8zSQVup8f_OukWy37-MjQ —> LinkedIn user : Ajit Sivaram

Ajit writes about the issues that as a woman his daughters face in this world and in an Indian environment, where they are able to clearly see the power play from men, when their ideas are repeated by the boys, it gets taken up but not theirs. And in his board meetings as well, he is able to see that women are usually cut off between talks and he notices it more nowadays. The way his daughters looks at him when he enters his home with their dreamy eyes of “Papa, did you make the world a better place today for us“ and he admits somedays he can, and most of the days he can’t.

In this society and in this world of social media, I as a man, are very much conflicted in all regards.

I see the same things Ajit mentioned in my corporate life as well and along with it the recent law passed for Women able to travel free on buses having spewed up a kind of rage in men when they are mentioning they are talking against freebies they as I can see are fighting against the women getting more rewards than men. The society has turned every man and woman against each other as the bad apples in both categories are the ones who get publicized than the good ones.

The recent cases of rape, to be frank its not recent cases, these have been happening for some time now continuously in India, where a lady was put in a bag and put in garbage by a gig worker and other one, where a lady was used multiple times giving her a roofie (drugs) for days on even apartment buildings, pubs/clubs, hotel rooms.

The above news just troubles me a lot..

Can’t justify rapes by suicides when one is in other peoples hands and one is in yours but for the sake of showing bad apples on women side as well.

There were many suicides from men due to women asking for alimony that were absurd and due to constant mental pressure at homes by the same wife and their parents. Atul Subash case was one such thing which ignited the same fire in men.

There are no such cases that gets highlighted in news where a couple lived happily ever after. Narayana Murthy and Sudha Murthy are one such couple that even if she has publicly mentioned how she had to be a wife of an entrepreneur and how much she had to understand the intimacy is in different way for her husband. Narayana Murthy has never mentioned a regret against her remarks, he just kept silent , almost acknowledging that that itself is the fact.

For me, there is a level of understanding in this context with couples, that doesn’t speak true for all these ill occurrences that gets publicized in media.

And as the new generation who are glued to their phones and the ones who have entered into marriage with the pre existing beliefs from what they hear, I think this will become the cornerstone of issues within people. Just how social media helped many of the political parties to come into power, the same small posts of hate spreads and it spreads like wild fire.

Loneliness will be the first place to go for a man or a woman now as they even if not have experienced the warmth that each gender provides to each other, the sense of responsibility sharing, the sense of protection, the sense of friendship, the sense of conflict resolution and mainly the sense of what love is, they will choose it so they don’t have to deal with each other and go into potential suicide or potential rape.

It is a growing trend now in all the countries where the child growth rates are less. We do have entertainment in other regards, Instagram, youtube, twitch.. gaming, porn.. what not. Why loose that all and become a responsible citizen of the society?

When Instagram videos speaks of your feelings, you should know it ain’t truly yours, your feelings are for your bubble and Instagram’s is for the collective bubble. It doesn’t make you and your life’s experiences special, it makes you a part of a metric. A metric that needs your first hook and then make you a part of a gigantic content machine’s cogs.

Help yourself out of it, live your life with experiences. As a man, express your love to many, don’t get stuck on one and become a stalker or a creep, and out of that many, you will find the one who loves you back.

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cly84vggk4ro → “waqf by user” gets removed under the new law passed by the government.

What is waqf?

waqf is a religious or charitable donation made for Muslims for the benefit of the community, such properties shouldn’t be used for any other purpose. These waqf properties are governed by a federal body called, Central Waqf Council. Previous to this bill, the decisions made by these waqf tribunals were considered final.

Why a change is being proposed?

As per the government, this bill was proposed at the time to reduce the legal loopholes surrounding waqf properties, where a recent dispute by a Christian community land also termed as a waqf property surfaced.

Government data shows that of 872,852 waqf properties in India (on paper), at least 13,200 are entangled in legal battles, 58,889 have been encroached upon and more than 436,000 have unclear status.

What are the key changes in the law ?

1. Oral declarations as waqf is taken off, and waqf properties needs to provide legal documents

2. Non Muslims can be appointed on the tribunal boards

3. Judicial interventions can be made on these decisions by the waqf council

4. All the current waqf properties are mandated to register within 6 months to retains its status as a waqf property.

Religion is a really hot topic at least in India.

This decision of waqf gives similar vibes to women being allowed to enter into Sabarimala , a temple that never allowed Women’s entry at an adolescent age. Both of these decisions even if its on the basis of equality or equal rights, former for every religion and latter for every gender will cause a huge divide when these topics comes into discussion.

A person who believes that the GOD himself wrote the term Waqf wouldn’t want any of us puny humans to re-write that law and Any devotee who constantly used to visit Sabarimala by taking a 41 day fast from all worldly sins would never want any type of distractions to be in front of their eyes on this GOD-ly path.

Religion is a hardened part of the daily lives of many people living here. On the brighter side, it promotes cleanliness, diet, calmness and humility in people and on the darker side, it promotes hate and divide in a society. The hate which clearly is visible in the eyes and tones of each and everyone when they start talking about the other religion.

As far as this hate looms around, there will never be a unified growth, there will never be an atomic meaning to the phrase “All Indians are my brothers and sisters“.

Hoping for a good tomorrow, hope is a good thing and it starts and stems from YOU.

Signing off,

Ajayan N,

Fighting off the worst bully, life.