It drips from the trees like manna. The doorknobs all glimmer with its shine. The stars are a brighter hue of yellow.

The perfect house in the perfect city with the perfect medical team and the perfect friends. Life is better than good.

So why am I afraid?

We moved back to —

Read more

I hit rock bottom today for what feels like the 8th rock bottom I’ve hit in the past week. Every time I think I’ve hit the ground, the gap between the soil and I grows an inch and I find myself free falling to the next level.

Vulnerable. Helpless. Abandoned. Alone. These are the words that ring freely in my mind as I attempt to take each day as it comes.

Nothing seems to quiet the rewinding, unwinding, fast forwarding thoughts that take over my mind. I pray and ask God to help me. I call on Him and all 12 of His names. It feels like I’ve gotten no response. If anything, the louder I cry the worse I feel.

Stuck.

So I walk.

Read more

My husband and I officially crossed the threshold of 6 months of marriage last Monday… I know, that’s merely a blink in time. We’re just babies on the journey of a lifetime.

It’s been a joy to watch our marriage unfold along the same timeline as my baby brother. He’s a few months ahead of us but watching our marriage play out beside a tiny infant has taught me a lot. These first few months have felt similar to the way a baby develops into a functioning human. 

In our 6 months, we’ve learned to crawl and have got the laughing part down. [It only makes sense that giggling is usually one of a baby's first developments.] We fumble through our speech, still only able to make a few distinct sounds. Copying the syllables we hear and holding each other's hand as we try to make out what the other is saying.

Of all the things we’ve learned, though, I’d argue that the greatest development has been patience. We’re learning patience.

Let me put it better- I’m learning patience. How good things can take time, and usually do. How it can be a gift to have to work at something. 

My greatest frustrations in life have always been centered around wishing I could pick something up faster or better. And as I clumsily (and I mean CLUMSILY)  make my way through wifehood, I’m learning that there is no better place to be than here- “here” being the clumsy stumbling.

I’ve recently wished I could call my mom just to recount my successes and failures of the day as a wife. Thankfully, she was a simple woman, and I know what she’d say most of the time. 

She’d laugh and tell me to relax. She’d maybe throw in some beautiful aspect of God I missed in the midst of my day. And then I’d find myself breathing deeper, settling in, and resting in grace.

She’s not here to say those things and help me get to that restful place. So, straight to my Father I go. And then I find myself: settling in, breathing deeper, and resting in Him. 

I’m learning- God is the essence of ease. And honestly, so is my husband. So I’m trying to fall in line… with ease. It’s not natural, but I’m starting to really love the grace, patience, and peace that comes from it. I want in. 

Here’s your reminder that God is a lot easier than you may think. Which makes living a lot easier than we believe it to be. 

In case you can’t call your mom and have her tell you to relax… I’ll do it. Relax. Breathe deep, settle in, and rest in grace.

Subscribe now