unlikable woman (noun)

1. a woman whose clarity gets mistaken for an attitude problem.

2. commonly mistaken for: cold, harsh, rude.

3. more accurately: direct, strong, powerful…and unwilling to perform likability at the expense of her own time, energy, or credibility.

that’s my definition, anyways. after studying these type of women for months (and making videos on videos on videos about them), I’ve found that they’re the ones we should be learning from—despite the fact that society would tell you to judge them.

in between researching these women, I realized something: as much as I want to, I don’t embody this type of woman (yet). I don’t always talk like them. I over-explain. I soften. I’ll write 4 sentences when it could’ve been one.

so I’ve been on a journey to become more aware of that. and I started stealing their lines—collecting the exact phrases that unlilable women use and testing them out in my own conversations, at work and beyond.

it’s uncomfortable, but it also works. I think you should steal them too…

and come back for more on the habits, phrases, and behaviors of “unlikable women.”

Read more

I just posted the first video in a new series I’m calling Smart Girl Problems—the sneaky, infuriating stuff nobody warns you about until you’re already successful enough to run into it.

Video #1 is about the Likability Bias, one of the most well-documented forms of gender bias at work. let’s break down what it means and how smart girls handle it.

What is the Likability Bias, exactly?

The Likability Bias is the pattern where competence and likability move in opposite directions for women. As a woman gets better at her job (more decisive, more direct, more visibly in charge), she’s more likely to get labeled cold, bossy, or difficult. A man doing the exact same things tends to get labeled a strong leader. This isn’t because her behavior has actually changed, but because behavior reads differently depending on whether a man or a woman is doing it.

And this bias doesn’t just mean that“people talking differently behind your back’”…it shows up in performance reviews, promotions, hiring decisions, and how much authority you’re given once you’re already in the room.

Let’s look at the research behind it

This is actually one of the most replicated findings in psychology.

The researcher most associated with it is Madeline Heilman, a psychologist at NYU who has spent decades studying what she calls the "backlash effect": women who display traits like assertiveness, self-promotion, dominance get rated as just as competent as men who do the exact same things, but significantly less likable, less hireable, and less promotable. Madeline’s work is where a lot of the "double bind" language in workplace gender research comes from: perform femininely and you're liked but not respected; perform competently and you're respected but not liked.

This also shows up at scale, every year, in real workforce data. The Women in the Workplace report has repeatedly found that women (especially women in senior roles) are far more likely than men to receive feedback that they’re “bossy,” “too aggressive,” or “intimidating,” while men displaying the same behaviors get read as confident or strong leaders.

It’s a pattern researchers keep finding, year after year, across industries.

How successful women handle the Likability Bias in real conversations

You don’t have to just accept this bias—smart girls understand that it’s there, how it works, and use these strategies to make it less impactful for them:

Strategy 1: use warmth as a dial

You don’t need to change or shrink your competence to make people more comfortable. Instead, treat warmth as a lever you pull on purpose, situation by situation—not a fixed personality trait you either have or don't. The point isn't to be warmer across the board. It's to decide, deliberately, when warmth buys you goodwill and when directness serves you better, instead of defaulting to one or the other out of habit or fear.

Strategy 2: name the bias out loud

Lean In's research on Likeability Bias points to something simple that actually works: when people understand a bias exists and is unfair, they're less likely to act on it. That can be as low-key as forwarding a colleague the research, or mentioning in passing that "there's actual data on why competent women get read as difficult." You're not accusing anyone of anything. You're just making an invisible pattern visible, which is often enough to interrupt it.

Strategy 3: ask "what makes you say that?"

If you do get feedback that seems like Likeability Bias, don't argue with it. Instead, frame your pushback as questions: ask "What makes you say that?" It's not confrontational, but it forces the other person to actually justify the impression instead of letting it sit as unexamined vibe-based feedback.

Strategy 4: build your allies

This bias is quieter and easier to survive when you're not the only one noticing it. Women with strong peer networks are measurably better positioned to navigate workplace bias—you want allies who'll vouch for you, flag it when they see it, and back you up in the room when you're not in it.

be sure to subscribe to see the next Smart Girl Problem!

talk soon,
Alex

My recent visit home to Kansas inspired this week’s topic—because more than once, I found myself obsessively looking at my phone, computer, slack, zoom after hours when I should’ve been enjoying a glass of Kim Crawford with my mother.

I’ve always taken pride in being the girl who responds fast and is highly available at work. But

it became clear this trip: that self-imposed expectation is starting to cost me more than it’s earning me.

Being reliable at work doesn’t require being reachable at all hours. Those are two different things, and I’d let them blur together. This trip was the sign I needed: boundaries aren’t a nice-to-have. They’re what actually let you show up for the people and things outside of work….which is the whole point of building the career in the first place.

So let this be is your reminder: the hottest, smartest, most ambitious girls have boundaries. And they enforce them!!!

This week on the feed…

I posted a Reel today about logging off at 5PM and then being guilt-tripped for it. That reaction isn’t unique to me—it’s something a lot of us deal with. The second you say “I’m off for the day” (or other similar boundaries) you feel like you have to justify it.

Here’s what nobody tells you: that isn’t a personality flaw, it’s trained behavior. Women managers are expected to do more of the uncredited “culture work” at their jobs: the mentoring, the smoothing-over, the being reachable.

So when you set a boundary (like refusing to do office housework or or staying late), you’re not just saying “no” to that one request. You’re interrupting a pattern that other people have come to rely on. That’s why it feels disproportionately dramatic to set a boundary that, on paper, is completely reasonable.

I used to think the discomfort was a sign that I was doing something wrong. Now I think it’s a sign I’m doing something correctly—I’m just not used to it yet.

The boundary scripts you need

Knowing you want to set a boundary is the easy part. It’s figuring out how to effectively but professionally say it that makes it hard.

Here are a few of my favorites to keep in your back pocket:

⏰ When someone messages you after hours: “I’m off for the day, but I’ll prioritize this first thing tomorrow morning. If it’s truly urgent, let’s talk about what emergency coverage should actually look like.”

💬 When scope creep shows up disguised as a favor: “I want to make sure I’m focused on what is most impactful. Can we talk about where this fits versus my current priorities?”

🙋When you’re interrupted or talked over in a meeting: “Let me finish this point, then I’d love to hear your take.”

⛔ When someone pushes back on a boundary you already set: “I hear you, but my feedback is still the same. What I can offer instead is [specific alternative].”

Q: “I told my manager I’m off at 5pm, but she still expects an immediate reply if she messages after hours. What do I do?”

A: You have set the boundary, but now, you need to start enforcing it.

Telling people a boundary tells people what you’d prefer. Enforcing it is what actually trains people on what you’ll tolerate. If you say you’re off at 5pm and then still reply within ten minutes when she pings you at 7, you haven’t set a boundary; you’ve set an expectation that your boundary is negotiable if someone just waits long enough.

The fix isn’t a harder conversation. It’s consistency without explanation. The next time it happens, don’t respond until the next morning (and don’t apologize or over-explain when you do). “Hey! Saw this first thing, here’s my take” is a complete sentence. No “sorry for the delay,” no justifying where you were. The boundary holds only when you consistently enforce it.

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Send me any + all requests for next week’s newsletter!

Xoxo, Alex

yes, I’ll admit it. I took a longer-than-planned break from this newsletter, and I won’t overexplain it (life, content pivots, the usual chaos of being an ambitious woman trying to do too many things at once). but here’s what I know: the whole time I was away, I kept having conversations (in my DMs, in my comments, in real life) that made me think this is exactly what the newsletter should be about.

so we’re back: giving you the information, tactics, and real talk that no one tells you about corporate.

let’s get into it.

how AI salary research tools are working against women—and how to use them anyways

have you ever typed your job title into ChatGPT and asked what salary you should negotiate for? maybe before an interview, maybe before a performance review conversation.

shoutout to you for being proactive. but here’s why I need you to be careful…

there was a salary negotiation study done where researchers gave ChatGPT the exact same resume. same job, experience, everything—except one was a man, one was a woman.

then they asked Chat: what salary should this person ask for?

the man = $400,000.

the woman = $280,000.

the difference = $120,000

here’s why this happens: large language models are trained on the internet—which means they’re trained on decades of salary data, job postings, and HR decisions that already have the gender pay gap baked in. when you ask ChatGPT what salary you should negotiate for, it isn’t calculating your worth. it’s reflecting what women have historically accepted.

and if you include any personal context (your name, your gender, any demographic information) you may be getting systematically low answers without knowing it.

but I’m not saying you shouldn’t use it; AI is one of the most powerful salary research tools that has ever existed. you just have to know how to use it without letting it use you.

if you’ve been using AI as part of your salary negotiation prep, the five steps below are how to do it without handing it the context that will lower your number.

how to use AI for salary research without getting lowballed

1. strip all personal context. no name, pronouns, or demographic information. you are a role description, not a person.

2. ask for ranges, not a number. try: “What is the typical salary range for a Senior Marketing Manager at a 500-person B2B SaaS company in Chicago?” never: “What salary should I ask for?”

3. cross-reference three sources. AI + Glassdoor / Levels.fyi / LinkedIn Salary + one real conversation with someone in your field.

4. use it to research the full package. ask about signing bonuses, equity vesting schedules, bonus structures, and title calibration for your level.

5. run the prompt more than once. aary the phrasing. AI outputs aren’t fixed—you want a range, not a single data point that you’re overly anchored to.

Q: “I’m the youngest person in almost every room I’m in at work. how do I get people to take me seriously, and is there any way to actually use my age as an advantage?”

A: YES. I actually think being the youngest at work is a superpower + here’s why.

I know that being young feels like a liability—but that’s because you’re measuring yourself by the wrong thing. you don’t have tenure, or decades of experience. so trying to compete on those terms is going to be a losing game no matter what.

but you do have a few things that nobody else in the room does:

you have proximity to what’s coming. you grew up with the tools, the platforms, and the cultural shifts that everyone else in that room is still trying to understand. that means you have market intelligence.

you have nothing to protect. the people who’ve been in their careers for 20 years have a lot to lose—status, territory, ways of doing things that have worked. you don’t. that makes you the person most willing to say the honest thing, ask the question, or suggest the approach that feels too different.

you’re being underestimated..so use it. when no one expects much, every good thing you do counts double.

💬 actionable tip: find one senior person who seems curious about your perspective and make it a habit to share it with them directly. not in a meeting but in a quick follow-up, a coffee, a Slack message. this helps you build social captial.

this week on the feed…

I posted a skit this week that apparently hit a nerve.

the premise: your coworker shamelessly steals your idea…and then you have to try to reclaim it on the fly.

apparently this has happened to A LOT of you. go watch it and tell me which version of that scenario has happened to you.

and if this situation feels a little too familiar, check out the full breakdown before it ever happens in real life ⬇️

The Credit Protection System: What to Do Before the Meeting

the skit showed you what it looks like in real time. but here’s the truth: if you’re handling credit theft in the moment, you’re already a step behind.

the women who never have to fight for ownership in the meeting room are the ones who made it impossible to steal before they walked in.

here’s the system.

Step 1: create a paper trail before the work is done.

every significant piece of work you produce should have a timestamped record that you originated it. make this a habit.

• send your manager a brief update email as you’re developing the idea: “wanted to loop you in on a direction I’ve been thinking through for [x]. Will have a full proposal by [date].”

• share a draft or working doc in your own name before the meeting it’ll be discussed in

• if it’s a verbal idea, follow up in writing: “following up on our conversation yesterday. the approach I outlined was [x]. happy to put together a more formal proposal.”

the goal: by the time the meeting happens, there are at least two documented touchpoints that place the work with you.

Step 2: pre-brief whenever you can.

credit doesn’t only get stolen by managers. it gets absorbed by whoever presents the idea first—a coworker who mentions it casually in a meeting, a peer who “built on” your suggestion in the group chat, a boss who genuinely forgot where it came from. the solution is the same in every case: get your idea into the room before the meeting starts.

send a quick message or email ahead of time (to your manager, a colleague, whoever will be there). “I’ve been thinking through an approach to [x] and wanted to share before we get into the meeting so we can hit the ground running.”

Step 3: own the follow-up.

after the meeting, send the summary and include references to the work that you’ve been doing.

“great discussion today! capturing the direction we landed on and next steps. happy to share the full doc if useful, I’ve been building this out for a few weeks.”

Step 4: say it in the room, calmly and publicly.

if someone presents your work before you can stop it, the goal isn’t to confront—it’s to attach yourself to the idea so clearly that there’s no ambiguity about where it came from. a few ways to do it depending on the situation:

• if they’re mid-presentation: “I’m glad we’re going in this direction. I’ve been building out the implementation plan on this, so I can walk everyone through the details.”

• if the meeting has moved on: “I’ll send the full doc after this! I’ve been developing this for a few weeks and have a few more thoughts to add.”

• if a peer absorbed your idea casually: “yes, that builds on what I was sketching out last week. I’m happy to share what I have so far.”

• if you’re caught off guard and need a moment: “I want to make sure we capture where this came from. Can I add some context?”

good to be back in your inbox. see you next week.

xoxo, Alex

welcome back to The Promotion Diaries! this week is a special edition: your inside look at how I went from associate to senior manager in 5 years without an MBA, secret connections, or luck. just strategy.

because promotions aren’t always about merit. they’re about visibility, timing, and leverage.
once I figured that out, everything changed.

The Weekly Standup 📅

when I first started my career, I treated visibility like a dirty word. I wanted my work to “speak for itself.” I thought being humble would make me likable.

but here’s the truth no one tells you: in corporate America, quiet excellence often gets mistaken for low impact.

the people who move up aren’t always the most talented, they’re the ones who make their results known.

so let’s talk about how to do that strategically and professionally:

1️⃣ Start Managing Your Professional Reputation Like a Product

think of yourself as a brand manager, and your career is the product.
you wouldn’t launch a new product and hope people just “find it.” you’d market it intentionally.

💡 try this:
set a recurring 30-minute “visibility review” every Friday. ask yourself:

• what impact did I create this week?

• who knows about it?

• how can I amplify it?

this keeps your visibility consistent—not accidental.

2️⃣ Use the 3R Framework: Results, Reflection, Reach

when you share your work, balance data with insight and distribution.

Results: show the tangible outcome.

“The campaign performed 30% above average.”

Reflection: add your learning.

“What worked best was testing X before launch—it saved us a ton of time.”

Reach: think about who should see it.

“Sharing this in the marketing #wins channel so the team can reuse the process.”

this turns your update from a “look at me” into “here’s something useful.” and that’s the difference between bragging and visibility.

3️⃣ Build an Internal Visibility Ecosystem

visibility isn’t just upward (to your boss). it’s lateral and cross-functional. you want people two levels above and two departments over to know your name.

how?

• Cross-team syncs: volunteer to present learnings at a meeting you’re not normally in.

• Lunch & learns: host short, fun sessions like “what marketing can teach product about storytelling.”

• Internal comms: when you post project updates, tag or thank collaborators—they’ll amplify you back.

visibility multiplies when it’s shared.

Ambition Hotline 💌

Q: “My manager never advocates for me or shares my wins upward. How do I get noticed by leadership without going around my boss?”

A: first, build indirect visibility. start showing up in the spaces your manager’s boss cares about —all while keeping it collaborative, not political.

💡 try this:

• share updates in team channels your skip-level manager reads

• offer to co-own initiatives that have executive visibility

• set up monthly 1:1s with your director

and when you do something impactful, make it easy for your manager to pass it up the chain:

“Feel free to share this with [Director’s name]—I know they’ve been focused on improving engagement metrics.”

remember: you’re not bypassing your manager. you’re enabling them to advocate for you better.

TOOLS OF THE TRADE 🛠️

visibility isn’t about being loud—it’s about being consistent and intentional.

here are 3 small habits that compound into big recognition:

💻 The Friday Recap:
send your manager a short “What I accomplished this week + next week’s focus.” builds narrative memory over time.

👥 Visibility Buddy:
pair up with a peer and hype each other up in group settings. when someone else mentions your name, it reinforces credibility faster than self-promotion.

📈 Impact Tracker:
create a private doc where you log wins + metrics monthly. you’ll never struggle during review season again.

promotions don’t just happen—they’re earned, positioned, and seen.

if you take one thing from this week: stop waiting to be noticed. start designing how people perceive your impact.

because when your work becomes impossible to ignore, your name becomes impossible to overlook.

stay tuned for next week, when I’ll share how I made myself indispensable to my team (without burning out or people-pleasing).

xoxo,
Alex

welcome back to The Ambition Diaries—your weekly playbook for rewriting the rules of success. because if we’ve learned anything, it’s that the corporate strategies that work for the Brads & Chads don’t always work for us.

this edition is for every woman who’s ever left a meeting thinking “should I have said something?” or replayed an email in her head 10 times, wondering if she sounded “too direct.”

because here’s the truth: not every fight is worth fighting—and knowing which ones to let go is actually a power move.

here’s what to expect:
✨ how to use the Impact vs Ego vs Energy framework to choose your battles
💬 scripts to protect your reputation capital and defuse conflict confidently
📈 how to stop dwelling & move on gracefully
🛠️ audit your emotional triggers (so you stop wasting energy on the wrong fights)

The Weekly Standup 📅

not every moment at work demands your voice.

but as a hot-tempered/eldest daughter/virgo working in a male-dominated industry, this took me far too long to realize. I yearned to always be right in my early career.

and I would go to battle, regardless of how big or small the situation was—I would dig up Slack receipts from months ago, look through weeks of data to prove myself right, and fight back every time I was “slighted” by a coworker.

I can’t remember the details of any of those battles at this point (because they weren’t important), but I can remember how I ended up feeling.

burnt out. aggressive. on-edge.

I learned the hard way: some fights make you powerful. others simply make you tired.

in the corporate world, you need to become a master of discernment—aka figuring out which fights are truly worth investing your time, energy, and effort into. and years later, I’ve finally figured out a framework for doing just that.

now, I like to practice something called “strategic restraint”—which involves asking myself these 3 questions before jumping into battle:

• impact. does this actually affect the work, my credibility, or a major decision?

• ego. am I reacting because I feel overlooked or offended, or because it truly matters?

• energy. do I have the bandwidth to fight this one well?

if it’s high impact, low ego, worth the energy—I will fight, as needed. but if not? I let it go. because protecting your reputation capital (and your mental health) is often about playing the long game. every argument you skip gives you more energy for the ones that move the needle.

Career Corner 🎯

how to master strategic restraint

to be clear: strategic restraint isn’t weakness. it’s wisdom—because it separates the people who react from the people who lead. here are 3 mindset shifts that helped me understand that:

1️⃣ not every misunderstanding needs a correction
sometimes the smartest move is letting your results do the talking. your consistency will outshine any one misstep in perception.

2️⃣ your tone is part of your credibility.
when tension rises, the person who stays calm owns the room. emotional composure is quiet confidence—and people trust calm voices more than loud ones.

3️⃣ private influence > public confrontation.
if you need to correct something, do it 1:1. you’ll protect relationships and your reputation capital. Most change happens in side conversations, not in front of an audience.

BUT, we all know that there will be situations where you decide the fight is worth it. you need to respond. and when you do so, it’s important do it with grace and authority (no defensiveness required). here’s how:

Ambition Hotline 💌

Q: “I know that not every conflict is worth engaging in at work. But then when I don’t speak up, I still stew about it for hours afterwards. How do I stop replaying things in my head?”

A: you protected your energy externally and now your focus should be on protecting it internally. when you decide not to fight a battle, that is a true decision. give yourself closure by reframing it as strategy, not avoidance.

try this:

• write down the situation

• lay out what you could’ve set and why you chose not to

• close the tab

that way, you’re getting all of your feelings out—but then you’re making the conscious decision to move past the conflict.

Tools of the Trade🛠️

you can’t pick your battles if you don’t know what sets you off. here’s how to do it like a pro:

1️⃣ track your “activation moments” for one week
open a note on your phone called Energy Audit. every time you feel irritated, defensive, or drained, jot down:
→ what happened
→ who was involved
→ what emotion came up
→ how long it took to move on

📝 example:
- meeting: client dismissed my suggestion
- emotion: defensive → embarrassed
- recovery time: 2 hours
- reaction: overexplained myself instead of pausing

2️⃣ find the patterns
at the end of the week, review your notes. look for recurring themes:
→ same people?
→ same settings (group meetings, emails, 1:1s)?
→ same issue (control, credit, fairness)?

80% of your energy leaks probably come from 20% of the same triggers.

3️⃣ name your top 3 drains
choose the three triggers that drain you most. for each, define a new rule of engagement.

💡 example:
- trigger: being interrupted → new rule: “If I’m cut off, I’ll calmly say, ‘I’d love to finish that thought.’”

- trigger: lack of credit → new rule: “I’ll summarize wins in my weekly recap — I own the narrative.”

- trigger: unfair feedback → new rule: “I’ll ask clarifying questions before defending myself.”

reflection builds emotional agility, which is the real mark of executive presence.

💬 remember: emotional self-awareness isn’t soft, it’s tactical. the women who master their triggers don’t shrink themselves. they just stop giving free energy to every battle.

until next week—remember: confidence isn’t always about how loud you are. it’s in knowing when silence serves you more.

xoxo

Alex

welcome back to The Ambition Diaries—your weekly playbook for rewriting the rules of success. because if we’ve learned anything, it’s that the corporate strategies that work for the Brads & Chads don’t always work for us.

this edition is for every woman who’s ever been asked to “just take notes,” “plan the team offsite,” or “help out because you’re so organized.” aka: the invisible, non-promotable work that keeps companies running but keeps women stuck.

here’s what to expect:

• why non-promotable tasks are career quicksand

• scripts you can steal for saying no (without looking like the office villain)

• advice from the Ambition Hotline on balancing being helpful and ambitious

• my favorite tools to protect your time & energy

The Weekly Standup 📅

I would bet good money that you’ve probably been asked to do non-promotable work before—and didn’t even realize it. I, for one, didn’t know that I was willingly doing this type of work until I was literally years into my career.

but what even is non-promotable work, you ask? isn’t all work promotable? not all work is created equal when it comes to raises, promotions, and overall career growth.

non-promotable tasks (or NPT) are the little administrative/logistical things that are necessary for an organization to function—but don’t actually move your career forward. think things like taking notes, onboarding the new hire, planning the birthday party, organizing office lunch, fixing the slide formatting at 10pm.

this type of work is career quicksand. here’s why.

• NPTs reinforce gender expectations. women get asked more often, and when we agree, it sets the precedent that we’re the default office caretakers.
  

• NPTs drain the most valuable resource we have: focus. every “small” task chips away at the time you could be spending on promotable, strategic work.
  

• NPTs are career camouflage. they make you look busy and helpful, but they keep you invisible where it counts: in promotion conversations.

and the real kicker is that women in professional settings spend about 200 more hours per year on non-promotable work than their male counterparts. that is more than a full month spent on things that don’t truly grow your career—and ultimately contribute to issues like the wage and leadership gaps.

which is why I am now challenging you to get really, really good at saying no to this type of work. let’s talk about how to do that ↓

Career Corner 🎯

how to say no (strategically) when NPTs come your way

the hardest part isn’t knowing you should say no—it’s figuring out how to say it without seeming unprofessional or unhelpful. here are scripts you can keep in your back pocket:

situation: asked to take notes
👎 don’t say: “ugh fine, I’ll do it.”
👍 do say: “I’d like to participate fully in the discussion—could we rotate note-taking across the team?”

situation: volun-told to organize a team event
👎 don’t say: “I really don’t want to.”
👍 do say: “I’m heads-down on my project deadline—maybe we can assign this on rotation or check if ops can support?”

situation: endless mentoring/onboarding
👎 don’t say: “I don’t have time for this.”
👍 do say: “I’m happy to do the initial onboarding, but for ongoing support, could we set up shared resources so it’s not falling on one person?”

pro tip: notice how each script redirects without rejecting. you’re showing commitment to the team while protecting your promotable work.

Open Roles for Ambitious Women:
* PR and Influencer Manager @ Sonos
* Ad Marketing Coordinator @ Roku
* Social Media Assistant @ The Atlanta Hawks

Ambition Hotline 💌

Q: “I don’t want to seem unhelpful, but I’m drowning in admin tasks my boss keeps giving me (which is not really in my job description). How do I push back without ruining my reputation?”

A: first, take a deep breath—you’re not unhelpful, you’re overloaded. here’s how to handle it:

1. frame it as impact. say: “I want to make sure I’m focused on projects that drive the most value for the team.” this shifts the convo from “I don’t want to” → “I want to maximize results.”

2. propose alternatives. suggest rotating responsibilities, using tools (see below 👇), or looping in someone else who wants exposure.

3. proactively re-balance. ask: “I’ve noticed I’m often assigned [support tasks]. I’d love to prioritize [strategic project] instead—can we align on that?”

remember: ambition ≠ selfish. ambition is knowing where your time is best spent and protecting it.

Tools of the Trade🛠️

because sometimes, the solution isn’t just “say no”—it’s delegate to technology. here are my favorite tools for dodging NPT quicksand:

• Otter.ai → auto-transcribes meetings = no more forced note-taking.

• Calendly → so you can stop being the team scheduler.

• Notion / Confluence → create onboarding docs once, stop training new hires 10x.

• Slack polls / Google Forms → no more “can you collect lunch orders?”

💡 bonus hack: keep a folder of go-to email/Slack templates for deflecting requests quickly. half the battle is not overthinking your response.

until next week—remember: your ambition is not in conflict with being a good teammate. the difference is, you’re playing the long game.

xoxo

Alex

helloo to my pretty and ambitious women! welcome back to edition 5 of The Ambition Diaries—here, it’s all about making business for the girls. for too long, we’ve been handed the same playbook for success as the Brads and Chads of the world. but the truth is: the same advice, strategies, and mindsets don’t work for women.

which is why I’m creating a space where ambition, strategy, and femininity coexist—and together, we’re rewriting the rules for success to fit us.

this edition of The Ambition Diaries includes:

• the hidden social economy of work (+ what you need to be depositing)

• tools & strategies to grab your boss’s attention

• scripts you can use to build your visibility at work & beyond

The Weekly Standup 📅

I used to think career success was a straight line: do great work → get noticed → get promoted.
…but then I realized the corporate world is more like a marketplace.

your output matters, sure. but the real currency? social capital. who trusts you. who advocates for you. who remembers and says your name in the room where decisions are made.

research shows that employees who engage more in internal networking behaviors report greater career success and more advocacy within their organizations — meaning you don’t just compete on performance; you compete on networks.

here’s how I like to think about the hidden economy: each interaction is either a deposit (building goodwill) OR a withdrawal (burning trust).

• deposits → think things like delivering good work, giving credit, sharing recognition, helping your peers.

• withdrawals → think things like not delivering when you’ve committed to something, going silent when others need support, hogging credit.

• interest rates → the more you consistently invest in others, the more your capital compounds.

like your investment portfolio or savings account, your relationships should get consistent attention—if you ignore them, you lose value.

Career Corner 🎯

how to *actually* build your social credit score at work

some people think that “social capital” = small talk with your coworkers. but I think that it’s MUCH more strategic than that.

here are 3 ways that you could boost your workplace credit score this week:

1. narrate your work

   1. don’t assume that people notice your wins—draw attention to them! share updates in team channels, tell your boss what you’ve done in your 1:1, etc. challenge yourself to do one of these things this week.

2. be a connector

   1. being the person who brings people together and breaks silos gives you an instant reputation boost. try to introduce colleagues across teams this week.

3. share credit

   1. shouting out others for their good work makes you look stronger. remember: the fastest way to gain social capital is by giving some away.

open roles for ambitious women:

* Manager, Marketing Planning @ Netflix 
* Manager, High Value Pricing @ The Real Real
* Software Engineer Intern (2026) @ Pinterest

Ambition Hotline 💌

Q: “I feel invisible at work. My boss barely notices me, even though I deliver consistently.”

A: first, I want you to understand that invisibility is not a reflection of your value. it’s a reflection of your distribution strategy. you need more attention and eyes on your good work.

here’s how you shift from overlooked to appreciated:

• visibility > volume: don’t. just. do. more. work. you need to make the work that you’re already doing seen.

• track your accomplishments: keep a running list of your successes—and talk about those successes frequently.

• create regular project updates: share proactive updates to both your boss and other stakeholders to demonstrate your leadership.

• participate effectively in meetings: this is the BEST place to drive broad visibility. speak up and contribute your ideas confidently so that your boss (and others) see you.

• build a broad network: if you can’t rely on your boss, focus on building a strong cross-functional network.

remember: your work does not speak for itself! you have to be the one to give it a microphone.

Say This, Not That 💬

because sometimes the hardest part isn’t what to do—it’s what to say.

1. cold messaging (to someone you admire at work or on LinkedIn)
👎 don’t say: “Hi, can we connect?”
👍 do say: “Hi [Name], I really admired the way you handled [specific project/meeting]. I’d love to hear more about your approach — would you be open to a quick coffee chat?”

2. giving credit (in meetings)
👎 don’t say: “We finished this project ahead of schedule.”
👍 do say: “A huge shoutout to [Name] for leading the charge on this. Their insights were the reason we hit the deadline early.”

3. public shoutouts (Slack / email)
👎 don’t say: “Good job team!”
👍 do say: “Special thanks to [Name] for catching that issue before launch—that save kept everything on track. 👏👏👏”

4. reaching out to a mentor
👎 don’t say: “Can you mentor me?”
👍 do say: “I admire your path in [area]. I’m working on building [skill/experience] and would love to ask you a few questions about how you navigated it. Would you be open to a 20-minute chat?”

5. visibility boost (when updating your boss)
👎 don’t say: “The project is going fine.”
👍 do say: “We’re 80% finished, and early results show a 15% lift. I’ll share the full insights in next week’s sync.”

💡 bottom line: visibility isn’t about bragging—it’s about making your work and relationships shine.

until next week—stay ambitious.

xoxo,

Alex

ICYMI: The Ambition Diaries is all about making business for the girls. for too long, we’ve been handed the same playbook for success as the Brads and Chads of the world. but the truth is: the same advice, strategies, and mindsets don’t work for women.

which is why I’m creating a space where ambition, strategy, and femininity coexist—and together, we’re rewriting the rules for success to fit us.

here’s what to expect from this edition:

• the latest (very concerning) update on pay equality

• survival tips for dealing with a micromanager boss

• if awkward negotiations are even worth it

• tools to help you know your worth at work

Subscribe now

The Weekly Standup 📅

Nina Dobrev just revealed that during The Vampire Diaries, she made less than Ian and Paul—despite being the lead. shocking? yes. but that was 2009… surely we’ve moved past that, right?

wrong.

a new report shows that in 2024, the gender pay gap actually widened for the second year in a row—the first time we’ve seen this kind of regression in over 60 years.

here are more of the…discouraging findings:

• women working full-time earned just 81% of what men earned (down 2% from 2023)

• men’s wages grew 3x faster than women’s
  

and the reasons are systemic:

• occupational segregation → jobs with flexibility (important for caregivers) often pay less

• the motherhood penalty → caregiving responsibilities still pull down women’s earnings

• policy & market shifts → layoffs, inflation, and weakened DEI initiatives disproportionately favor men
  

the result? a compounding effect: women retire with less, invest less, and have less financial independence.

this is proof that progress isn’t permanent. it can be undone—and quickly. systemic changes are required to make the progress real: pay transparency, caregiver support, and career paths that don’t punish mothers. these aren’t luxuries, they’re necessities.

Career Corner 🎯

I don’t care what CEOs say—micromanaging kills creativitiy. here’s how to deal with it.

Under Armour’s founder/CEO Kevin Plank just said “I do believe in micromanagement at certain levels. I think it's totally underestimated.”

ummm, as someone who has dealt with the boss who wants to see every detail, adjust every decision, even review my coffee orders…I have to disagree.

micromanagers kill creativity, freedom, and ultimately, motivation.

if you’re dealing with a boss like Plank, here are my micromanager survival tips:

• over-communicate before they ask. don’t wait for the “check-in”—get ahead of it. use the principles of managing up when you can.

• demonstrate your competence & consistency. document wins, timelines, and updates so they can’t question your results.

• carve out autonomy where you can. ask: “which parts do you need full visibility on, and which parts can I fully own?”

• negotiate for thinking time. push for those creative, brainstorming, “no meetings/no process” zones. if you can show how those spur innovation, better performance, or efficiency, you’ll have stronger ground to ask for independence.

• don’t take it personally. micromanagement is often about their anxiety, not your ability.

💡 the bottom line: you don’t have to fight a micromanager—you have to manage them just as strategically as you manage your actual work.

Open Roles for Ambitious Women:
* Associate Brand Manager @ Celsius
* Senior Consumer Communications Lead @ Pinterest
* Social Content Manager for CEO @ Betches (freelance!)

Ambition Hotline 💌

Q: “Should I even bother negotiating? I feel like they’ll just say no.”

A: I have had this thought myself—especially with the news that the pay gap just widened again. it’s easy to think, “why fight if the system is broken?” but that’s exactly why you have to. every raise you don’t ask for compounds against you: lower salaries today mean less retirement savings, smaller bonuses, and less financial freedom later.

here’s how to get more comfortable with asking for what you deserve:

1. anchor in data. use tools like the ones I’ve included in Tools of the Trade (down below) so you’re not asking “just because”—you’re asking based on market facts.
   

2. rehearse the ask. write your script, practice it out loud, and get the nerves out before the real conversation.
   

3. reframe rejection. a “no” now isn’t permanent—it’s an opening to ask, “what milestones do I need to hit to get to yes?”
   

bottom line: systemic change is slow, but your paycheck is too important to wait for the system to fix itself. every ask chips away at the gap—for you, and for the women coming after you.

Tools of the Trade🛠️

want to push back on the pay gap, advocate for yourself, and get the salary that you deserve? start with data.

here are my favorite tools for seeing what people in your role and industry are actually earning:

• Glassdoor Salary Explorer → crowd-sourced salary data that shows you what people in your role are actually making. perfect for spotting when your paycheck isn’t keeping up.

• Levels.fyi → the go-to for tech and corporate roles. see salaries broken down by level, title, and company so you know if you’re being paid like a newbie or a boss.

• LinkedIn → many states have pay transparency laws that apply to job listings these days. look up your job, role, industry on LinkedIn to see what salary ranges are listed.

• Blind, Fishbowl → anonymous communities where current employees spill the tea on salary, promotions, culture, leadership, etc. it’s like Linkedin…if people actually told the truth.

walking into a negotiation with real numbers from these tools will help you turn “I feel underpaid” into “here’s what the market says I’m worth.”

until next week—stay ambitious.

xoxo,

Alex

hi, hello, and welcome back to edition 3 of The Ambition Diaries newsletter! I am so happy to have ya here.

ICYMI: The Ambition Diaries is all about making business for the girls. for too long, we’ve been handed the same playbook for success as the Brads and Chads of the world. but the truth is: the same advice, strategies, and mindsets don’t work for women.

which is why I’m creating a space where ambition, strategy, and femininity coexist—and together, we’re rewriting the rules for success to fit us.

here’s what to expect from this edition:

• controversial things I’ve done as a woman in male-dominated fields

• ways to play the game & gain your own access

• unspoken corporate commandments & how to deal with them

• recent biz & culture news you need to know

Subscribe now

The Weekly Standup 📅

you may have noticed a shift in the culture this week. maybe your boyfriend preemptively delivered you flowers to make up for no longer being yours on Sundays. or maybe your couch was overtaken by snacks and yelling at the TV. football is so back, baby.

and you might be asking yourself, “Alex, why are you talking about football in your business newsletter??”

bcause it’s not about football. it’s about what it represents: access.

early in my career, I realized that some of the most valuable conversations didn’t happen in meetings or over email. they happened in circles where women were rarely invited or involved in—things like fantasy football leagues, poker nights, golf outings.

these were the informal circles where relationships were built, deals were shaped, and influence was established.

once I realized that, I did something controversial: rather than boycotting or writing off these male-centric hobbies, I learned them. I started playing fantasy football (and came in 2nd in the league. perioddd), picked up poker, even learned a few golf terms.

would I much rather be talking Rhode or The Summer I Turned Pretty with my fellow corporate girls? absolutely.

but the truth is that ambition sometimes looks like learning the unspoken rules of the room you want to be in.

empowerment isn’t all about rewriting the rules of the corporate world overnight.

sometimes, it’s about playing the game strategically—until you’re in a position to change it.

Career Corner 🎯

you can be the smartest person in the room—but if no one knows you, your career stalls. which is exactly why you have to focus on the access that I mentioned above^^

to be clear, access isn’t just about hobbies. it’s about being intentional with how you position yourself, who you build relationships with, and where you show up.

so… how do you do it?

• do an access audit. who are the people in your org with true influence (not just titles)? where are the informal conversations happening? map it out.
  

• strategically insert yourself. volunteer for cross-functional projects, join the committees that get visibility, shadow meetings above your level. these “side quests” give you proximity you won’t get in your day-to-day.
  

• build social capital. one senior advocate who casually says “she’s great” in a room you’re not in is worth more than 50 LinkedIn endorsements. cultivate those relationships.
  

• show your work. hard work in silence doesn’t pay off if no one sees it. don’t just execute—connect the dots back to your impact.

Open Roles for Ambitious Women:

* Marketing Manager @ Revlon
* Data Scientist - Merchandising and Pricing @ Macy's
* Strategic Finance Manager @ Zillow (remote!)

Ambition Hotline 💌

Q: “What are the unspoken corporate codex rules?”

A: ah, the invisible playbook—the stuff that no one tells you in onboarding, but everyone else seems to just know…

to be candid, there are tons of these “rules.” here are some of the biggest ones that I’ve learned (often the hard way):

1. first impressions last longer than you think
   your reputation is built shockingly fast. and that narrative sticks unless you rewrite it.

2. who speaks matters as much as what is said
   a mediocre idea from someone with influence will often land better than a great idea from someone without it. this is why relationship-building is power—not fluff.

3. visibility > effort
   working hard in silence doesn’t guarantee recognition.

4. allies make or break you

   well-placed advocates can change the entire trajectory of your career.

5. meetings are performances
   meetings aren’t just about exchanging information—they’re about presence. how you show up (tone, confidence, clarity) is as important as the update you’re giving.

6. the “rules” shift by company and culture
   the smartest move is to observe, decode, and then decide how much to play along—or strategically bend the rulebook.

the corporate codex isn’t about selling your soul. it’s about knowing the game well enough to navigate it—and then deciding where you’ll play by the rules and where you’ll rewrite them.

if you want more about unspoken rules at work:

* ALL my videos on office politics are here

Inbox Zero 📥

the must-know biz + culture headlines to keep you in the loop

• The August job report looks….rough: only 22K jobs were added in Aug (vs forecasts of 80K), unemployment rose to the highest it’s been since 2021, and there’s a general feeling of uncertainty in the market right now.

• Building a curriculum: this TikTok trend recently started as a way for people to combat “brain rot”—basically, you create a college curriculum to structure your life and set tasks that you want to achieve (like baking, reading, learning to sew, etc).

• Even AI is biased in negotiation: a new study finds that AI tool advise women + minorities to ask for lower pay in salary negotiations than white men—beware when using these tools in your own negotiations!

• Open AI is giving LinkedIn a run for their money: Open AI (the creator of ChatGPT) is creating a jobs platform that will connect qualified candidates to companies—aka exactly what LinkedIn currently does. would you use it?

until next week—stay ambitious.

xoxo

Alex

welcome back to edition 2 of The Ambition Diaries newsletter!

ICYMI the first time around: The Ambition Diaries is all about making business for the girls. for too long, we’ve been handed the same playbook for success as the Brads and Chads of the world. but the truth is: the same advice, strategies, and mindsets don’t work for women.

which is why I’m creating a space where ambition, strategy, and femininity coexist here—and together, we’re rewriting the rules for success to fit us.

here’s what to expect from this edition:

• the case for laziness (to help your long-term ambition)

• non-cliche ways to stand out in this brutal job market

• jobs to apply to that actually seem interesting

• how to deal with blurry friendship lines + set boundaries at work

• my recent must-read

Subscribe now

The Weekly Standup

this past week, I did something that would’ve sent old Alex into a panic: I took time off work without having any plans. no big trip, no activity to attend—I took 5 days off simply because...I felt like it.

although it’s often positioned as such, my take is that laziness isn’t the enemy of ambition. in fact, it might be the fuel. when you give your brain time to rest, you come back with more clarify, energy, ideas, and motivation than if you’re grinding nonstop.

rest is the thing that keeps long-term ambition sustainable—otherwise, it’s like you’re sprinting a marathon.

furthermore, space is the thing that keeps the good ideas coming—if you’re too close to something for too long, you’ll feel uninspired by the big picture.

so take the time off, even if just to sit in the park and eat mini mozzarella balls (like I did). give yourself the space to be a little lazy.

and remember: being ambitious isn’t about running yourself into the ground. sometimes the most productive move you can make is to take your foot off the gas.

Career Corner

you aren’t a totally unemployable failure: the job market really does just suck right now (+ here are 5 non-cliche ways to stand out)

the Boomers hate to hear it, but the old “go to college, get a degree, work hard and you’ll be set” is simply not the case anymore. and the next time that they try to convince you that it is, point them to this article.

TLDR: data shows that roughly 58% of Gen Z grads are still job-hunting, compared to just 25% of earlier generations at the same stage—making it nearly three times harder to land a role straight out of school. this is due (at least in part) to the takeover of AI and reduction of entry-level roles.

so, what can you do about it?

unfortunately, I don’t have a do-this-and-you’re-a-shoo-in playbook, but I do have 5 fresh, actionable ways to stand out in this market:

1. build a skills-first portfolio: employers trust proof of work more than a bullet list of skills. so even if you don’t work in design or engineering, show what you’ve done: collect slide decks, writing samples, mock campaigns, dashboards, or case studies. attach your portfolio to your application—and post it on LinkedIn.

2. personal brand: speaking of posting, I need you to get past the cringe of posting on LinkedIn. it’s the perfect place to build your personal brand, become a thought leader, and make yourself accessible to recruiters. challenge yourself to post things that showcase your skills: a short video demo, a GitHub snippet, a sample deck, or micro insight.

3. activate non-obvious networks: think beyond your LinkedIn network—check out alumni groups, events, volunteer orgs, hobby communities, even platforms like Glassdoor or Fishbowl. engage in community Slack channels, DM for brief coffee chats via mutual interests (e.g., “I saw your post on X—would love to hear 10 mins on how that shaped your role”).

4. cold outreach with a twist: DM a hiring manager or recruiter from a company that you’re interested in—but don’t asking for the job. offer a relevant insight (“I noticed X in your last campaign, here’s an idea I thought of”), competitive analysis, or 10 ideas list. it starts as a value exchange.

5. leverage AI, but with a human next step: yes, follow the usual advice of using AI to polish cover letters, tailor your resume, or prep for interviews—but then, add a human layer frame. point out one insight you discovered, one question you still have, one context only a real human sees.

Open Roles for Ambitious Women:

* Social Media Strategist @ Yeti 
* Inventory Control Intern @ Bottega Veneta
* Creator Operation Manager @ TikTok

Ambition Hotline 💌

Q: ““How do I set boundaries? I have an old manager that I’m on good terms with, but he takes advantage of our friendship—asking me to do work that helps him but isn’t part of my role.”

A: this is one of those tricky situations where friendship and hierarchy blur—and if you don’t draw a line, you end up doing invisible labor that doesn’t move your career forward.

here’s how to handle it:

step 1: acknowledge the relationship, but clarify roles

you want to preserve goodwill, but signal that a boundary is being developed.

• script: “I’ve always appreciated working with you, but since I’ve moved into this role, I’m focused on my current team’s priorities. I want to make sure I’m putting my energy where it’s expected.”

step 2: redirect the request

instead of just saying “no,” give him a pathway—either back to the right owner or to resources that aren’t you.

• script: “That actually falls outside of my scope now, but I think [X team/person] is best positioned to help you. I can connect you if that’s useful.”

step 3: use “yes, but” sparingly

if you do choose to help once in a while, frame it as an exception, not the norm.

• script: “I can help with this one since timing is tight, but moving forward, I’ll need to keep my focus on my core responsibilities.”

step 4: anchor back to priorities

if he keeps pressing, tie your boundary to your current role expectations—so it’s not personal, it’s professional alignment.

• script: “I’d love to support, but my bandwidth is fully dedicated to [X priority/project] right now.”

the bottom line is that boundaries don’t ruin relationships, lack of clarity does! by being respectful, firm, and consistent, you protect your time and signal that you take your current role seriously.

Tools of the Trade

would you believe me if I said that I had never read the American classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People? I know, I’m shockingly late on this one.

halfway in and I understand why it’s endured for nearly a century. it isn’t a networking book in the traditional, cheesy sense—it’s a manual on human psycholog, on making people feel seen and heard.

a few things I’ve underlined so far:

• people crave appreciation, not criticism

• curiosity is currency

• disagree gracefully

why I recommend it for ambitious women in business: because influence is often the unspoken skill that accelerates your career. you can be brilliant at your job, but if you can’t make people want to work with you, your growth will stall.

so, consider this your sign to not procrastinate this one, like me—read the book. now!

I’ll make it easy for you: HERE’S THE LINK.

Until next week—stay ambitious.

xoxo

Alex

did you know that you are officially in on the ground floor of history?

welcome to first-ever, inaugural, OG, maiden voyage of The Ambition Diaries newsletter. if you’re here, congrats—your ambition has officially been confirmed.

I’m sure you’re wondering what to expect. The Ambition Diaries is all about making business for the girls. for too long, we’ve been handed the same playbook for success as the Brads and Chads of the world.

but the truth is: the same advice, strategies, and mindsets don’t work for women. we’re navigating bias, perception, and politics that men could simply never dreammm of understanding.

that doesn’t stop us from aiming high. we want the fancy titles and higher salaries and power and undeniable success. but frankly, we don’t want to have to “act like a man” to get there.

which is why I’m creating a space where we don’t need to. ambition, strategy, and femininity coexist here—and together, we’re rewriting the rules for success to fit us.

Subscribe now

The Weekly Standup

today is special for more than just it being Launch Day of this newsletter. today is also my Golden Birthday (turning 27 on the 27th)—and yes, I chose to spend it with you.

people often use birthdays to reflect on where they’ve been, but I’m future-focused. I’m fixated on where I’m going next and how I’m getting there. because my ambition hasn’t faded as I’ve aged—it’s been reawakened, compounded, and evolved.

ambition looks different at 21, 25, and 27. initially, it’s all about proving yourself—getting straight A’s in school, working hard, saying yes, trying to do something (ANYTHING!) that makes a mark. as you get older, ambition gets sharper. it isn’t just about hustling harder and taking on more, more, more—instead, you realize that it’s about being intentional, strategic, and unapologetic in your pursuit of that more.

with that, here are the 7 lessons I’ve learned about ambition by 27 (I’m sparing you from listing a full 27 bullet points, you’re welcome):

1. your ambition is allowed to evolve—what drove you at 21 doesn’t have to drive you now.

2. saying no is often as ambitious saying yes—boundaries allow you to grow and focus your energy.

3. confidence compounds—you may not know where you’re headed, but you’ll trust yourself enough to get there.

4. when you’re stuck, create fake momentum for yourself—preparation paralysis is REAL. don’t let it own you.

5. failure is a data point, not defeat—every mistake, every mishap sharpens and informs your next move.

6. comparison steals clarity—focusing on the ambition, timelines, successes of others will take your energy away from doing it for yourself.

7. the higher you climb, the more important it is to bring other women with you—enough said.

Career Corner

Your Move This Week: ambitious women track and celebrate their accomplishments at work. your move this week is to start doing just that—set up a Weekly Wins doc (or use my free template) so that you have a running list of your impact when it comes time for performance review conversations.

Here’s my template, all ready for ya

Open Roles for Ambitious Women:

• Marketing Manager, Media @ Dyson

• Enterprise Revenue Operations Associate @ Grubhub

• Digital Brand Marketing Manager @ Gap

Ambition Hotline

Q: “How do I move past being intimidated by very confident dude energy? God I hate that I am.”

A: that intimidation you feel isn’t weakness, it’s social conditioning. we’ve all been taught (subtly and not-so-subtly) to defer when a man takes up space with big confidence. recognizing it is the first step to undoing it.

here’s how you handle it:

1. remind yourself it’s just vibes. when a guy is giving big confidence, it doesn’t mean he’s smarter, more experienced, or actually right. it just means he’s loud.

2. you don’t need to out-bro a bro. instead of trying to match their volume, match their certainty. speak clear, concise, and calm. nothing rattles “dude energy” like someone who doesn’t flinch.

3. bring the receipts. come back to your facts, your numbers, your impact. it’s way harder to argue with data.

4. practice power language. swap “I think” for “I recommend.” swap “maybe” for “here’s what’s next.” confidence is half delivery—and you can train yourself to sound just as decisive.

5. flip it. instead of seeing their energy as intimidating, treat it like proof. if they can walk into a room with that much confidence and nothing to back it up, imagine how unstoppable you are when you’ve got both.

takeaway: dude energy is not a threat—it’s a reminder. confidence is learned.

Tools of the Trade

the tried-and-true tools that women in business actually use. this week, I’m featuring all of my resources for FREE (as a treat and a thank you for being here):

• Confidence Terms Playbook: be more confident at work with a roundup of common work phrases & stronger alternatives

• Resume Template

• Manager 1:1 Template

• Accomplishments Tracker

• Job Application, Interview, and Offer Tracker (usually $5 value!)

until next week—stay ambitious.

xoxo, Alex