The clichés are real. Although I shouldn’t be surprised, because those who say those old wise words have been there themselves.

It’s a weird, maybe unfamiliar feeling to realize that perhaps more of my life is behind me than in front of me. In my mind, I have all the time in the world. Or do I? I understand what I have been told. Time is a thief. And it makes sense why many become their most creative post-50 years. Fear and time begin to fade, and there is no time like the present. If not now, when? When do I start living the life I have dreamed of? Or, have I been creating it all along?

I have procrastinated dreams for “later” most of my life. I’ve become great at stopping and starting projects. Falling in and out of the flow of life. Today feels different. It’s not just another birthday; it’s a beginning. As I write this, it feels like a switch has flipped. Where do I want to go from here? What do I want to create?

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Maybe most importantly, am I going to allow my past to define my next fifty years? Or can I run those lessons through a colander, take what I like, and leave the rest?

I am sitting in gratitude for having made it here this long. I am also learning that acceptance is the key to peace. I can only do what I do, and I must let the rest go. I have dear friends who didn’t see this birthday, and with each passing one, I have no doubt they would have loved more time with their friends and family.

I am noticing that intentionality is mandatory. What I give my time to, and who I give it to, matters. How I manage my calendar is directly connected to how well I do in my days. There was a time I wanted to do it all and see everyone; today, not as much. Too many nights a week of gatherings leave me overdone the next few days.

Paying closer attention to my stress levels has become mandatory. I notice stress on my mind and body where I didn’t before. I also can’t carry another person’s stress. I can listen, and I can’t do anything about it. I suppose it wasn’t mine to hold in the first place.

I am noticing that I have been coaching myself, which can be good and bad. I have heard repeatedly that our worst counselor is me, myself, and I. The best is reasoned out with Jesus and perhaps another. This is more of a process, so I am giving myself a pass on this one:

1. Check in with myself. How am I doing? Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Is there anything I need to do for myself to help myself get healthier in these areas?

   I get granular here. Maybe it’s a glass of water, maybe it’s reading scripture, perhaps it’s a walk I need, or calling a friend. I cannot be or do anything for anyone else, pouring from an empty cup.

2. Check in with the two others who live in my house. Repeat number one with my family, and if they need my assistance, help out. Also, how is my environment? A chaotic environment equals a chaotic mind.

   I am the queen of cleaning out and giving it away. It is amazing how much stuff we collect over the years. Yesterday, I did a stainless steel cup giveaway. I gave away a shopping bag of cups and lids. I cleaned out one cabinet and one drawer. I am no longer facing the fear of them all tumbling out when I open the doors; how simple is that!

3. Then, if there is still energy left over, anything else. After I attend to myself, my family, and my home, I have space for my extended family and friends.

   

   The Nature of God to Guide Our Steps

Friends, I am studying the nature of God to help me guide my next steps and His will for my life. God’s nature is creative, all-powerful, intentional, personally involved, purposeful, light, life-giving, orderly, clear, beautiful, meaningful, everlasting, cyclical, counted, and revealing.

Lord, direct my steps in this new decade of life. Show me Yourself. Help me to pace and be well-minded, healthy, spiritually fit, and connected to what You will for me.

Be very careful how you live. Do not live like foolish people, but like wise people. Understand what the Lord wants you to do. — Ephesians 5:15–17

Happy Birthday to Me!

And remember, as I learned long ago… Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Building Christ-centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

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If you’re navigating change and want to talk it through together, I’d love to connect. I help clients with their toughest relationships, including with themselves, using a faith-led lens.

You can book a free 30-minute clarity call with me here.

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How I Got Here

I did not set out to homeschool. It was handed to me as a choice when I received those words I knew were coming from her teacher in 4th grade, “She is not going to make it here.” As harsh as those words were at the time, they were exactly what I longed to hear after years of fighting, or what seemed like fighting, school administration, and chasing a scenario that would suit her educational needs. She learns differently, and they were not set up to provide her with the learning environment she needed. And so, I did it myself. I think of Psalm 139:14 often, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” and I have come to believe that her wiring is a gift from God rather than a diagnosis to treat.

If you have a child who thrives in school, be blessed and press the easy button, and please have grace for those of us who do not. Let me say it another way, if you had a textbook infant, don’t frown upon the momma or daddy who is trying to calm a seemingly inconsolable baby.

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Yesterday and Today

This week, we had a hard homeschool day, as we are adjusting yet again, this time we are transitioning from a traditional model to a classical model, and change is hard. It requires us to give up something familiar for something unknown. After a rough day, my daughter came to me and said, “It was just hard today, we will get it.” Moments before, I was texting our homeschool coach, questioning my decision to switch models. The rest of the week went great and was highly productive. I quickly learned yet again that life can shift in 24 hours or less. Life is like that sometimes, and I’m reminded of Lamentations 3:22-23, “His mercies are new every morning,” which is exactly what a hard homeschool day needs the morning after.

I was ready to throw in the towel, and was I? Galatians 6:9 says, “Not to become weary in well doing, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Our homeschool coach reminds me of this often. I am not going to sugarcoat it. For me, homeschooling is a sacrifice. Things in my life had to go for me to be 100% present for her. And, I wonder if there is a better investment? I don’t think so. While I also know I am an “all-in” person. I can’t “halfway” myself through many things. All in or all out. I know, not much grace.

What I’ve Learned

Being on the “outside” of the school system provides me with an interesting perspective, and I have learned that there is good and bad in everything. There is something “wrong,” and at the same time, there is something “right,” with every school situation, homeschool too. It’s about which wrong and which right you choose to enroll in. It is our parental responsibility to educate our children, and we are given the freedom to choose how we do that, which I believe is a gift. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 puts it plainly, “We are to impress His commandments on our children, talking about them when we sit at home and when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up,” which tells me teaching was never meant to be confined to a classroom in the first place. Well, that’s a can of worms, and check out how our school system got started. My eyes were opened.

A Note to Parents

So, mommas, daddies, and caregivers, go easy, react slowly. If your child says it’s the worst, believe them; that’s a feeling. If they say it’s the best, believe them, that’s a feeling too. Also, hold enough space that the good can get bad and the bad can get good and back again, because feelings ebb and flow.

You will know if it’s time for a shift in your child’s education, and I encourage you not to wait as I did, when the need became so clear that I found myself scrambling for options quickly. I read today in a teacher manual that an engaged parent will help a child move more quickly through material.

Keep loving, stay interested, stay involved, keep asking questions, and enjoy the journey.

And, next week, ask me how I’m doing as this curriculum ramps up!

If you’re navigating a similar season with your child’s education and want to talk it through, I’d love to connect. I help clients with their toughest relationships using a faith-led lens.

You can book a free 30-minute clarity call with me here.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

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When you were a child, were you ever told to hug and make up after a fight with a sibling or a friend? I certainly was, and I carried that same principle into my adult relationships, thinking I had to keep myself open to others regardless of their choices and behaviors toward me. Somewhere along the way, I picked up phrases like “agree to disagree” or “make up with so and so, you are family,” and that last one gets me even now because love does not equal trust, and it certainly does not equal access. I have had to learn that lesson the hard way. Let me walk you through how I got there.

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God Is Love

God is love and love is God. I come from a broken family, and what I sometimes experienced growing up was a distorted version of love. I learned early on that performance equaled acceptance, which made love conditional on my choices, my obedience, and my willingness to do as I was told. Step out of line, and you risk being disinherited. Yes, that happened to me, and performance-based love was written all over my childhood from the very beginning.

1 Corinthians 13:11 gives us insight into a shift that has to happen in how we understand love. It says, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” To grow myself up out of my own childish ways, I had to surrender to defining love the way God defines it, rather than the way that some of my family had shown it to me. I came to understand that God is love, and as it says in 1 John 4:8, to know love is to truly know God.

Let me say that another way. God is only capable of loving us because He is love, and that remains even when His love feels like it hurts, when it seems unfair, when it does not look loving at all by our earthly standards. Our good God is leading us toward Him, and He is love. I know these are bold statements, and I know they take a tremendous amount of faith that does not come naturally to our human hearts and minds. Getting to a place of full surrender has been a steep uphill battle for me, and the clearest way I can describe it is that I had to forfeit my earthly existence for a Heavenly one, a trade of the seen for the unseen. Holding on to that level of surrender takes trust.

Trust in the Lord

I recently got a message on social media from someone who was upset with God for allowing the situation they and so many others find themselves in. I get it. And I have been in this place myself.

I loved it when Brené Brown offered us the word rumbling to describe a vulnerable, curious wrestling with a topic. In this case, a rumble with God. That’s how it feels sometimes. God and I are going round and round about something, and ultimately it comes down to my surrendering to His will.

Do you trust God? With everything? If you do, you learn to accept what comes into your life and what leaves it as part of His master plan for your life. If you do not, you spend your days fighting an uphill battle, arguing with reality. We can only do what we can do, and mostly, life is out of our control.

Where are you today with trusting God? I agree, it is hard to accept that we live in a fallen, sinful world, and we see the evidence of that every single day in how humanity is suffering. It can feel like evil is winning while good people are hurting, and that is not fair. I do not disagree with that at all. I have heard people ask, if God is so good, why does He allow this or that to happen? That is a fair question, and my answer is always the same question back to them. Are your eyes fixed on earthly things or on Heavenly ones?

Something interesting happened when I was walking through the thick of my divorce. God used Scripture to speak straight to me, and He was persistent about it, putting the very same verse in front of me through different people at different times until I could not possibly miss it. I first received it at an ACTS (Adoration, Community, Theology, Service) retreat, printed on a bookmark. The ladies in my company gave God an agreement nod when I read my bookmark out loud. I was not intuned to thier agreement at the time. Not long after, I sat down at a dinner with the same group of women, and there were prayer cards face down at every place setting. I flipped mine over and found the very same verse looking back at me. Then I went back to serve others for the next retreat, and that same verse showed up again on my bookmark. Shortly after that, my dear cousin sent me a journal with the very same verse printed on the cover. Do you see the message God was so clearly sending me? I have since told Him to make whatever He has for me so unique and so bright that I could never miss it, and this verse came through as clear as day.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.”

~Proverbs 3:5

Access to the Father

I once heard a pastor say, guard your gates. I did not know it at the time, but that phrase is rooted in Scripture, in Proverbs 4:23 through 27. The Bible doesn’t use that exact phrase, but it does teach vigilance over the gateways into our souls, our eyes, our ears, our mouths, our feet, everywhere we allow ourselves to go. You are the gatekeeper of who and what you allow into your life, and that is one of the great blessings of the gift of freedom, a gift I believe we here in America have started to take far too loosely, though that is a topic for another day.

I hear myself repeating that phrase to my clients and to people I meet all the time. When someone tells me about a person who keeps hurting them, or a situation where they are not being respected, I say it plainly, “Guard your gates.” We do not have to engage with people we do not want to engage with, even if they share our blood. We are allowed to love them loosely. We can let them be, wish them well, keep things pleasant between us, and still never invite them over for dinner. Jesus calls us to forgive, so there is no room for holding offense, speaking ill, or carrying vindictiveness in our hearts, but we can love people well from a distance. I have family members I love over there, meaning not up close and not in my everyday life.

Love exists, trust is broken, and access is denied, and I can say that sentence easily now, but it did not arrive overnight. It took years of trying to force a square peg into a round hole, so to speak, before I finally landed on this truth.

“As far as it is possible, and it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

~Romans 12:18

And peace, my friends, looks a whole lot like what Mel Robbins calls, “Let them.”

As we walk this road of earthly life on our way to a Heavenly one, I hope you walk away from this remembering that love, trust, and access are not the same thing and were never meant to be. It is okay to “love loosely,” a phrase I learned in Al-Anon, to trust only where it has been earned, and to give access exactly as far as you see fit. I give people access up to the exact extent that I trust them. If I do not trust someone, I simply do not give them access. Because you know what lies in the gap, my exposure to getting hurt.

Guard your gates, my friends, and guard them well.

I would love to hear from you. Where in your own life is love still present, but access needs to be guarded a little more closely? Tell me about it in the comments.

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Building Christ-centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

If you are struggling with relationships in your life and are looking for someone to help you reason it out to find a path forward, let’s talk. I work with men and mostly women who are navigating separation, divorce, and broken relationships.

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My husband challenged me on my thinking and my attitude.

Is it the place? The work? The responsibility?

Let’s go with D. All of the above.

I also know this:

Transition is hard, and stagnation is harder.

I know many cliches about getting started on a new path, a new idea, and God knows I am an idea box. My start-up is great; my follow-through, that’s another story. As soon as an idea starts to take flight, I’m bored, I pass it to a doer or abandon it, and I move on to the next new thing. I also know that creativity flourishes when it has space, and task management rarely makes space.

Ordinary time isn’t friendly about creating an abundance of freedom. It requires responsibility, upkeep, organization, planning, order, and so on. And so, it’s the season. School is starting, extracurricular activities for both my daughter and me are beginning, the house needs maintenance, the flower beds need tending, and the closets need organizing.

Friends, this is my Achilles’ heel.

None of this sounds fun, and it’s the have tos and need tos that drive me batty. I also know completion of these tasks brings about peace, order, and the exact space I crave to be creative. Writing, studying, and reading are my happy place. I have to figure out how to get myself over the finish line and hold on to joy at the same time, so I can put Bad Mood Betty to bed.

Systems work for me. Put me in a system, and I can do it.

Keeping it, that’s another story. At least it works once while I’m into it.

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Action is the way through.

I am calling us both into action:

1. Plan.

   1. Make a reasonable, keyword being reasonable, plan for what you can accomplish in a day. The smaller the goal, the more likely you are to accomplish it, and then you have margin, add another goal. For example, clean out one drawer in a space instead of the whole room. I don’t know about you, but a whole room cleanout overwhelms me. Truth be told, a little at a time adds up.

2. Timers.

   1. God love timers. “Hey Siri, set a timer for X minutes.” I’m constantly talking to my watch to keep myself pacing. Otherwise, I get lost in a sea of whatever catches my attention for however long the task can hold it. And sometimes that sea is a pit, like social media. I’m well enough in awareness to know when I’m spiraling, and it’s on me to stop the drift. Sometimes I willingly let the drift take me down to avoid the thing I need to be doing. If this is you, it’s self-control. Engage your consciousness. Being conscious helps you stop the scroll and get back to the task.

I promise you, nothing you witness on Social Media will give you

peace and clarity like your own accomplishments.

Set a timer for the amount of time you want to focus on a task, and go for it. I use my phone and the little box timers I ordered from Amazon. Check them out here. No, I’m not an affiliate, I just like them.

3. Breaks.

   1. Give yourself healthy breaks. Walks, stretches, time outside, or love on your pet. I am sure they would love the attention. Do something to boost your mood and break up the task. I also love a cup of tea or my beloved coffee.

4. Use a calendar.

   1. I’ve heard it said that what’s on your calendar and what you spend your money on tells the story of your life. I believe that’s true. I use both my iPhone calendar and a large physical paper planner. It’s color-coded with specificity, and I’m clear on which pens I use. This helps me see where, if anywhere, my margins of free time are, and whether I choose to fill my time or rest. Rest is seldom on the menu, and I’m learning more as I approach fifty that I need to work on that. I will work myself to the bone and then crash at 7 pm on a Friday.

   2. 5 pm calendar tip: I draw a yellow line with a highlighter at 5 pm on my physical calendar to remind me that it’s family time. Anything below the line has to be discussed with my family. Because I work mostly from home, my default is to keep going until bedtime. Make a stopping point in your afternoons to connect with the people who live in your house.

5. Post-its.

   1. Post-its are lifesavers in this house. I have them in every size, shape, and color, lined and unlined. I use them in the car, on doors, on mirrors, anywhere I know my attention needs to follow. They’re colorful reminders of things I need to do, pick up, people to call, and bills to pay. If a task makes it onto a Post-it, it’s very likely to get done. They work as mini to-do lists of what I can accomplish at one time.

6. Use the feeling of the outcome to get moving.

   1. When I think about how I’ll feel, or how a space will look, once I finish a task, I’m more motivated to get the engine running. The same goes for a workout. I imagine the good feeling of accomplishment to get myself rolling.

Time management and transitions are a conscious choice. We both get to choose how this day goes. It’s easier to rely on the status quo. Remember that old commercial: a body in motion stays in motion, a body at rest stays at rest. Maybe there’s a happy medium I haven’t found yet. I do know that getting motivated for tasks I’m not interested in is work. I have to place intention around it, or I won’t get anything done. Days pass by, and a bad feeling settles in.

Remember, there is a time for everything under the sun:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Plan, use a timer, take healthy breaks, use a calendar and Post-its, and go set your day on fire.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

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I remember my first retreat in November of 2017. When I heard those words, my immediate thought was, “What have I gotten myself into?” And truthfully, I was in such a low place at the time that I would have been open to doing anything moral, right, and just that the retreat leaders guided me toward. I was desperate for something real, even if I could not yet name what that something was.

When I entered what I now call my retreat season, which lasted five years, my eyes were opened in ways I had not anticipated. I could not get enough of the light that began pouring in. I have a plastic tote full of manuals and journals from the various healing modality retreats I attended during that time. I also put myself through coaching school in that same season. It was a time of gathering, healing, and receiving on a level I had never allowed myself before. I was in a season of transformation, and I did not rush it. I was in my cocoon for a long time before I emerged as a butterfly, ready to say all the things unapologetically and without shrinking.

I recently received a comment on social media that said, “Thank you for saying the things publicly that I am thinking.” That landed like music to my ears. Being a truth teller sets my soul on fire. Speaking words of simple truth, offered in love, just as they are and not as they are not, while still honoring and respecting others — that is the work I feel called to.

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Before my retreat season, I had been living what I can only describe as a fake life for at least a decade. That is a strong statement, and it was a strong reality. I was keeping up with the who’s who, jet setting wherever I wanted, and spending evenings on our private yacht just to watch fireworks. It was a very privileged and incredibly empty existence. People who did everything for me had quietly taken my power away, and somewhere deep inside, I was fighting it. None of it fed my soul. The best justification I could offer myself was that it provided jobs for those we employed, and that we took good care of them. Do you sense the justification in that? I certainly do now.

Meanwhile, on the inside, I was secretly craving the simple life and faking a smile through the life I thought I had always wanted. And I got what I wanted, alright. What came with it was more pressure, more expenses, more keeping up, and more responsibility than my heart could hold. The conundrum I could not escape was this: how does this privileged life serve Jesus? Was this truly the best life I had been craving all along?

Those five years of unpacking my childhood and adult wounds — work that continues today as new layers fall away — have led me to ask a deeper question. Am I living my best life? And is this the best that is yet to come?

By many external standards, I had hit the jackpot. But had I really?

I believe I traded a life of peace for a life of keeping up.

Trading the fast-paced, privileged life for the simple life has cost me in ways I did not fully anticipate. I have lost family members, friendships, material things, and more. Where those relationships felt real and true to me, perhaps they were not real in the same way for others. What I quickly learned is that what remains on the other side of fallen relationships is grief. There is a very real loss and sadness for what was, even when what you are walking toward is the peace you had been craving all along.

My dear friend and mentor has told me repeatedly, “God brings you people.” I suppose the opposite is equally true. God also takes people away. Perhaps the most painful of all of life’s experiences is losing someone you love, whether to divorce, to a broken relationship, or to death. The grief is real regardless of the form it takes.

In the Catholic Mass, the priest speaks the words of John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; I do not give to you as the world gives; do not let your heart be troubled, and do not be afraid.”

Does this mean that Jesus is the holder of peace? His peace, specifically? I learned to pray it this way: Jesus, give me the peace of your understanding. Because there were seasons where I was clearly not capable of rendering my own peace. Peace is what I had been craving all along, and not just any peace — the peace of His understanding. That is why the phrase “The Best is Yet to Come” has transformed so profoundly in my life. I had the world’s best, and it was empty. What I want now is the Heavenly Best.

Today, I understand that statement a little differently than I did in 2017.

Jesus is the Best, and He is Yet to Come.

Lord Jesus, thank you for transforming and renewing my mind. Thank you for taking away all the people, places, and things in my life that were not aligned with you. Thank you for showing me the truth of who You are and how real peace is from You. You, Lord Jesus, are whom I crave, and you are my sufficiency. Lord Jesus, keep my eyes on you and let me not be distracted by any person, place, or thing in this world. Amen.

If this work has blessed you, I'd be grateful for your support.

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Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,
~Alison

If you are in a season where the BEST seems far away, and you need directions back to the ONE (Jesus) who can, let’s talk. I coach women who are in transition due to broken relationships, separation, and divorce. From one to another who has been there and survived that.

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It’s interesting to me how themes arise when I am coaching different clients during the week. It makes me wonder: is it the weather, the season, the energy of the day we are living in? In any case, this week I found myself saying the same thing to more than one person: this time in your life feels like the messy middle.

What Is the Messy Middle?

The messy middle is when clarity is fuzzy. My husband, Josh, has his own analogy for this. He calls it the gray fuzzy ball. I might ask him, “How was the meeting with so-and-so?” And he would say, “We passed around the gray fuzzy ball.” He means they didn’t get anywhere, and the task is unclear.

Going through difficulty in life can feel a lot like this. Clarity is in the distance. The world is cloudy. Your thoughts are scattered. And finding your grounding can be like finding a speck of gray sand in a sea of white sand. (Can you tell I am near a beach with this analogy?) It’s nearly impossible, and let’s face it, these times are nerve-racking. They can drive you to a place of deep chaos. Or, using one of my favorite analogies, you can find yourself circling the drain.

Clients typically find me when they have tried multiple things to get back on track and need help finding a pathway toward their goal. Most have a goal of peace. Some seek a peace they have never had. For others, a return to a peace they have lost.

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The One Source of Peace

Last spring, I did a Bible study that opened my eyes to the source of peace. The world offers many suggestions: a bath, a walk, a workout, yoga, heck, even coaching. I tried all of those countless times, only to return to the same old feelings. The scriptural study pointed to one source. The Prince of Peace Himself, Jesus Christ. Those earthly modalities are helpful, yes. But they are not eternal.

The scripture tells us in the book of John:

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Are those not the most comforting words? Is there anyone who does not want that?

When I Was in My Own Messy Middle

When I was going through the valley of separation and divorce, I remember praying, “Jesus, I want the peace of your understanding.” I had peace labeled as a reconciled family. If only we could work it out, I would be at peace. If only we could be a family again, I would be at peace.

I “if only’d” life to pieces during that season. None of it came true the way I had originally designed it in my heart and mind. God had a different vision for a reconciled family — and He outdid Himself. But I could not see what He saw, which left me resistant and firmly planted in the messy middle.

I remember asking God for the whole picture so I could be at peace.

He said “no” every time.

If this is where you find yourself, know that you won’t be here forever unless you choose it openly. God has a plan for your life that perhaps you don’t see right now. And that’s not a platitude. That’s something I lived.

What to Do While You’re in the Messy Middle

I didn’t find these practices in a book. I found them in the dark, one at a time.

Pray.
As lofty as that may sound. Pray. Talk to God like you would talk to someone you trust. Tell Him your situation. Tell Him the grief, the confusion, the longing. You don’t need the right words. You need honest ones. Connection begins with a conversation.

“In everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.”

Philippians 4:6

Praise and Worship Music.
Music has a way of opening the places in us that words can’t reach. Put on worship music while you drive, cook, or sit in silence. Let it do the heavy lifting when you don’t yet have the language. Something shifts when you surround yourself with songs about who God is.

“Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.”

Psalm 100:2

Be Still.
Seeking God doesn’t always mean doing more. Sometimes it means stopping. Five minutes of quiet with no phone and no list. Just you and the invitation to notice that He is already here. Stillness is where most people first hear Him.

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

Psalm 46:10

Journal.
Write what you’re feeling. Write what you’re afraid to say out loud. Write what you’re asking God for. The act of writing slows you down enough to pay attention, and paying attention is how you start to recognize when God is answering. I need this pause. The pause gives God time and space for grace.

“Write down the revelation and make it plain.”

Habakkuk 2:2

Faith Community.
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“Do not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing.”

Hebrews 10:25

It Takes the Time It Takes

This process was slow for me. A lesson within a lesson of waiting on the Lord. He is the holder of time, maybe He can speed it up for you, because that was not my experience. I sat in deep angst for 18 months post-separation before I could feel snips of joy.

Though I suppose that’s not so long compared to Moses and the Israelites being led into the wilderness for 40 years. Could I have held out that long? Could you?

You are not lost. You are in the middle.

And the middle is exactly where God does some of His best work.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

If you’re in your own messy middle right now and you’re not sure how to find your footing, I’d love to sit with you in it. Sometimes all it takes is one conversation to help you see what God might already be doing.

Click here to get a spot on my calendar for a complimentary clarity call.
No pressure. Just a conversation.

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As a young woman, my understanding of freedom was simple. It meant doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with no one telling me where to be or what to do. I genuinely believed I had hit the jackpot as a stay-at-home wife in my previous marriage. Wide-open spaces, wide-open schedule, wide-open life, and a lot of time on the tennis courts. What I did not realize at the time was that I was living in a cage I had built myself, and somewhere along the way, I had handed someone else the key without even noticing.

From the Inside Out

Here is what that actually looked like from the inside: sit there, look cute, and don’t say too much, especially about how I feel, because if I feel that emotion, it may mean something is wrong, and that’s too much for the company I was keeping. That was the unspoken agreement I had made, and for a while I was very “good” at it. I kept the peace, I played the role, I volunteered here and there, kept up a few houses, helped people sort through their problems, because what else was I supposed to do? Make a gumbo? That was not enough ambition for my soul, and deep down I knew it. I had dreams and gifts and a voice that kept pressing against the inside of my chest, asking to be let out, and I kept telling it to wait or to be quiet. It’s funny looking back at how many ways I recreated myself to live out my authenticity within the boundaries I had committed to. At least I can say I was persistent and creative.

I kept it quiet until I simply could not anymore.

The Shift

Something began shifting in me, slowly at first and then all at once, and my definition of freedom began to change from the inside out. It stopped meaning the absence of restrictions and started meaning something far more specific to who I actually am. I was craving being fully expressed in my gifts and talents, no longer suppressed by someone else’s comfort or someone else’s vision of who I was supposed to be in the role I was living. That is when I became the writer and coach I had always known was living inside me, and I will not pretend that the journey was simple or painless, because it was neither.

For as long as I can remember, going all the way back to high school, people have told me to write a book. “The book,” specifically of my life’s story. People have come to me with their most tangled life situations, needing someone to help them make sense of them and bring some clarity out of the chaos. That has been happening for over thirty years, and here I am on the verge of 50, finally living it out loud. Finally saying what I have always known about myself. I will not pretend the timeline doesn’t sting a little, because thirty years is a long time to sit on what you know you were made to do. But I have stopped mourning the years I spent in that quieter, smaller version of myself, because that woman was doing the best she could with what she understood at the time, and I have nothing but grace for her now.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

~2 Corinthians 3:17

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Real Freedom

What I have come to understand is that real freedom, the kind that comes from stepping fully into who you were created to be, costs something. It costs the version of you that kept everyone else comfortable. It costs the silence you had mistaken for peace. It costs the smaller life you were living in exchange for the larger one that was always waiting on the other side of your own voice. And I want to be clear that I do not see that as a loss. I see it as the most worthwhile trade I have ever made.

If you are reading this and you recognize yourself somewhere in these words, the suppressed dreams, the quiet role, the gifts you have been sitting on because the timing never felt right or the permission never came, I want you to hear this: it is not too late. The fact that you still feel the pull toward something more means the door is still open. Your gifts did not expire while you were busy keeping the peace. They have been waiting, and they will keep waiting, because purpose does not care how old you are when you finally show up for it.

Freedom is not the absence of responsibility. It is the presence of purpose, and I am living proof that you can find it even when you arrive later than you planned.

Happy 4th of July and Happy 250th Birthday, America, and may you celebrate not just the freedom of our nation, but the freedom you were always made to walk in.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

_________________________________________________________________________

If this resonated with you, if you felt something stir as you read, pay attention to that. That is not an accident.

If you are wondering what it might look like to do this work toward personal peace and freedom with support, I would love to connect.

Book a discovery call here.

Let’s talk about where you are and where you want to be.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

www.alisonrenee.com

It did not open because you were doing something wrong or because you lacked effort, faith, or willingness. Perhaps it was our good God, in His sovereignty, who had decided that door was not yours to walk through.

Yeah, me too.

The Song We All Learned

Not long ago, someone I love brought up a phrase we all know well. Let it go. Queen Elsa of Arendelle made it famous in Disney’s Frozen. Millions of children sang it at the top of their lungs. And, they were onto something.

The concept being described is the practice of releasing attachment to outcomes, to people, and to impermanent things, which is everything we see as uncomfortable, as that is to process. The invitation is to stop white-knuckling what was never ours to control in the first place.

But here is what the song never quite got around to explaining.

Letting go is not a single moment of release, at least for me. It has been a daily, sometimes hourly, act of surrender. I remember in my separation and divorce season, I took AA’s “One Day at a Time,” and made it one moment at a time. A day was too long for me to process all at once. I would get overwhelmed and shut down. A lot can happen in one day, and that was my mindset.

Letting go is not a single moment of release. It is a daily act of surrender.

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Where the Tug of War Started

I was six years old when my parents divorced. I did not have language for it then, but looking back, I can see exactly where the pattern began. I wanted something I could not have. I was resisting a reality I could not change.

And so I met my old friend: resistance.

I have spent years studying resistance in myself and in the people I coach. The coaching work of Byron Katie, an author and teacher whose method is called The Work, helped me name what was happening. She asks four questions designed to bring us face to face with the facts of a situation, stripped of the story we have layered on top.

Here is what resistance actually does. It does not change what happened. It only creates emotional chaos, tension, and an exhausting sense of being wronged by the world. Left long enough, that feeling can harden into something worse: victimhood. And from victimhood, we are cut off from the very peace we are desperate to find.

Resistance does not change what happened. It only creates chaos and keeps us from the peace we are desperate to find.

This fight we wage against reality is where suffering takes root. I say this with full awareness that I am not exempt. When things do not go my way, when I am overlooked or dismissed or cut off in traffic, I still feel the pull to argue with what is.

But I am getting better, and that is the point.

The Practice Nobody Talks About Enough

Merriam-Webster defines practice as performing something repeatedly to gain skill and proficiency. I think that is exactly right.

How many times a day do you suppose you get the opportunity to practice letting go? If you are paying attention, the answer is probably: a lot.

Some days it is a small thing, an unkind word, or a plan that fell apart. Other days, it is something that changes the shape of your life entirely. On those days, the practice is harder, and it is still a practice.

I have started thinking of life as a test. Until I pass it, the lesson resurfaces, and some tests I would very much prefer not to repeat.

The Cows in the Rain

This image has stayed with me for years. Cows in a rainstorm.

When it rains, cows do not panic. They do not run for cover or look around to see who is responsible for the inconvenience of the weather. They stand still. Some of them lie down. They are, in a word, unwavering.

That is what I want. When it rains in my own life, I want to be the kind of woman who does not scatter. A person who does not reach for something to numb the discomfort or something or someone to blame. I’m giggling on the inside as I remember the old Milli Vanilli song, “Blame It on the Rain.” Even more, was it even them singing? And if so, could they blame the person actually singing? That’s another topic for later, perhaps.

Running for cover looks different for each of us. For some, it is gossip. For others, it is a glass of wine or a scroll through social media or the slow, seductive pull of playing the victim. Anything to avoid sitting in the discomfort of a reality we cannot control.

My goal is to reach a place where I can be at peace with anyone, anywhere, doing anything, at any time.

I know. It is a big, lofty goal. That is why we call it a practice.

What I Do Instead

I am not asking you to pretend the pain is not real. It is real, and the grief is real. The injustice may be real, too.

What I am inviting you into is something different. The invitation is to face the reality of the situation fully. Then find a way to tend to your heart that does not create more damage in the wake of your pain.

For me, that looks like journaling. It looks like worship music played loud enough to shift the atmosphere of the room I am in. It looks like writing, like this, where the act of putting words to the experience helps me find the thread back to peace.

The facts of your situation may not shift right away, and your heart posture toward it or them can. That shift is where peace begins.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~ Alison

Ready to Stop Opening the Wrong Doors?

If this resonated with you, if you felt something stir as you read, I want you to pay attention to that. That is not an accident.

If you are wondering what it might look like to do this work with support alongside you, I would love to connect.

Book a discovery call here.

Let’s talk about where you are, and where you want to be.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

www.alisonrenee.com

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He was not available to me much when I was a child.

His alcohol addiction shaped my early years in ways I’m still uncovering, even now, nearly 50 years into this life. Growing up in an all-girl household meant I got very little masculine influence. What I did get came from men who owed me nothing.

Today I want to talk about those men.

THE ONES WHO SHOWED UP

I had spiritual fathers who walked with me and helped shape who I am. My maternal grandfather was my greatest male influence. Friends’ dads who stepped in. One who called me his “other daughter,” as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

My stepfather, a man I met as a teenager and couldn’t fully appreciate until adulthood, has quietly, consistently shown up for me ever since.

As a grown woman, I see things I couldn’t see then.

I understand now that God the Father is my father. He was always there. Which means, technically, I was never abandoned at all.

ON THE WORD “ABANDONED”

Brené Brown makes a distinction I’ve been sitting with for years. She says adults cannot be abandoned. They can be betrayed, rejected, hurt, heartbroken, and left. Abandonment, she explains, more accurately describes a childhood wound being triggered in an adult body.

When I first heard that, I pushed back.

I sure felt abandoned.

However, the more I’ve sat with it, the more I believe she’s right. The feelings were real. The experience was real. What I’m less sure about is the story I told myself around it.

My father loved me to his fullest. His love was his 100%. Once I stopped measuring his 100% against what I needed and expected, something in me began to release.

The victim's story I’d been carrying had lost its grip.

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GOD IN THE GAP

God does not abandon His children.

Which means every year I spent believing I was fatherless, I wasn’t seeing the whole picture. He was filling in the gaps through grandfathers, friends’ dads, stepfathers, and mentors, the whole time.

I just couldn’t see it yet.

HE DIDN’T HAVE TO BE

There’s a Brad Paisley song that undoes me every time. “He Didn’t Have to Be” is about a man who comes into a single mom’s life and chooses her and her child. Not because he had to. Because he wanted to.

I watch that play out in real life every single day.

My husband, Josh, is a father who doesn’t have to be. My daughter has his full attention and his whole heart, and she knows it. God made it good. Real good.

I know, as both a stepchild and a stepparent, that there’s nothing that perfectly replaces the original. However, the daily, chosen, consistent love of a man who shows up is a gift. And since every good and perfect gift comes from above (James 1:17), we receive it with open hands.

Thank you, Josh, for loving us. All of us.

Thank you to every man who stepped into a gap you didn’t create and filled it anyway.

Happy Father’s Day.

If anything in this story struck a chord with you, I want you to know there is a path for you, too. Whether it’s a relationship pattern, separation and divorce, step parenting, or something else you’ve been negotiating with God about, you don’t have to carry it by yourself.

If you’re ready to talk it through, I offer a free introductory clarity coaching call where we can pray, talk, and take the next step together.

Book a call here.

To God be the glory, one day at a time.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

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My relationship with him often reminded me of one of his favorite movies, Forrest Gump. He was a box of chocolates. You never knew which version of him you’d get that day. He loved me as much as he was able to, and the addiction eventually took his life twenty years ago. I was 29 years old, he was 55.

I’ve spent many years in therapy working through that season of my life, and without realizing it, I recreated it with the first husband I chose proloning the season. Living in that pattern for decades has kept me cycling in and out of therapy for over forty years.

Now, seven years free, it was time to take the next step. It was time to say a final farewell to the substance that had quietly shaped so much of my story.

A Few Tipping Points

The Whisper I Kept Negotiating With

A few years before my last glass of champagne on June 16, 2025, I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit ask me to stop consuming alcohol. I understood, in that moment, that I would not fully walk into my purpose if alcohol remained part of my life. So, I negotiated. I told God I wasn’t ready to let it go. Looking back, that should have been my first sign. I ignored it, and the Holy Spirit kept asking.

In my late thirties and forties, I cut back significantly and went through seasons of not drinking. For a while, I would have argued that one or two glasses of wine a night wasn’t harmful, probably because I needed permission to keep going. I don’t see it that way anymore. Looking back, I can see it was part of something building beneath the surface. I had it in my mind that there was some safe amount of alcohol I could drink; well, the newest research says the opposite. I guess that tosses out the old belief that red wine is good for you.

Had I become a cheerleader for drinking without realizing it? A friend in recovery once told me something that has stayed with me ever since: if you have to control it, it’s out of control.

I don’t know if I would have qualified, if there is such a thing as qualifying, as having a substance use disorder, but my family history tells me the risk was always there, and it was certainly a relationship. Addiction runs through my family in many forms, and as I did in my former marriage, if you can’t beat it, join it. And for a long time, I did.

My Daughter’s Brave Request

My then 11-year-old daughter asked me to stop drinking. She told me she felt unsafe around alcohol because of things she had experienced while she wasn’t in my care. Her words, paired with what the Holy Spirit had already been asking of me, were enough to bring this to serious prayer. I couldn’t ignore it any longer.

A Sobriety Birthday Sounded Cool

I remember hearing Brené Brown talk about her years of sobriety and thinking, I want one of those. It opened my eyes to how many successful, whole, thriving people carry a sobriety birthday with pride. It’s a rite of passage of sorts, a turning point from a life lived in the dark and numbed out, into a life of light, clarity, possibility, and opportunity.

I want to take this opportunity to give a virtual hug to my “miracle baby” and step-daughter, Heather, who is in her 9th year of sobriety. I didn’t understand her excitement with each passing sober birthday these last 9, and now I do. It’s a BIG deal, and now get it. I am so, so proud of you.

I didn’t set out for June 16th to be the day. It happened one day at a time, which is fitting, since that’s a slogan of both Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. I started counting days, and before I knew it, I had three months. Then six. Then nine. And today, I’m celebrating one full year alcohol free!

“He loved me as much as he was able to,

and the addiction eventually took his life twenty years ago.”

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One Year Later

Friends, I have so much more to say on this topic. After living with alcohol on the front burner of my life for my first forty-eight years, I may be something of an expert by now. But today, I simply want to celebrate this milestone.

Goodbye, spirits. You can go back to where you came from, in the name of Jesus.

A Word from Scripture

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” — 1 Peter 5:8

3 Things You Can Do Now

• Pay attention to the whispers. If something keeps surfacing in prayer, in conversation, or in your own conscience, ask God why it keeps showing up.

• Listen to the people closest to you, especially your children. Sometimes the people who love us most are the bravest truth-tellers we have.

• Pick a day and start counting. You don’t need the perfect moment. One day at a time is enough.

You Don’t Have To Do This Alone

If anything in this story struck a chord with you, I want you to know there is a door open for you, too. Whether it’s alcohol, a relationship pattern, separation and divorce, or something else you’ve been negotiating with God about, you don’t have to carry it by yourself.

Is the Holy Spirit asking something of you?

If you’re ready to talk it through, I offer a free introductory clarity coaching call here where we can pray, talk, and take the next step together.

To everyone in Lafayette who has walked with me through every season, thank you for your comments, your calls, and your encouragement as I step into this new writing journey. More to come.

To God be the glory, one day at a time.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

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Homeschooling has redeemed my education in ways that deserve an article of its own. It has stretched me, and I would choose it again without hesitation. But back to words that fall short.

My husband, Josh, speaks three languages: English, Spanish, and French. Now we are weaving in Latin and a bit of German that my daughter spent years teaching herself on Duolingo. I imagine we sound something like a small international summit to anyone listening in.

We also have a dear friend whose native language is Arabic. Over dinner recently, he showed us how Arabic is written from right to left. I looked over at my daughter, who has carried the label of dyslexic for years, and thought maybe her brain is not wired wrong. Maybe it is just wired to read in both directions. I suppose that is what I get for putting too much stock in the experts.

When our friend searches for the most fitting English word to communicate his thought and cannot find it, he will sometimes pause and say, “There just isn’t a word for that.” I understand exactly what he means.

The Feelings Wheel and Its Limits

I remember sitting in the dark valley of separation and divorce, desperate to name what I was feeling. I had the tools. I even had a feelings wheel, all those emotions arranged in a tidy circle. I stared at it and thought, none of these.

Heartbroken was the only word that came close. And the quiet irony was not lost on me: one of the things my ex repeated often when we got together was, “I will never break your heart.” Those words had been music to my ears, given what I had come from. I believed them. That part is on me.

Name It to Tame It

There is a tool I first heard about at an Al-Anon meeting that has stayed with me. Dr. Dan Siegel, a clinical professor of psychology at UCLA, calls it “Name it to tame it.” The idea is simple: when a strong emotion hits, your emotional brain takes over, and things can spiral quickly. But when you name the feeling, you shift it to your logical brain, where you regain a measure of control and clarity.

The difference sounds small, but it matters. There is a gap between saying “I am angry” and “I am feeling angry.” That small distance between you and the emotion is where steadiness lives. Feelings come and go. Easy Come, Easy Go, as the old George Strait song goes.

When There Are No Words

Sometimes, there really are no words. It is like a language barrier between you and your own interior life. No single word captures it, and that is okay. Maybe it takes a handful of words. Maybe it takes sitting quietly until the emotion tells you what it is.

That is how heartbroken worked for me. I was sad. I was mad. I was resentful. I was all of it at once. My grandmother would have said I was “beside myself,” meaning temporarily overtaken by feeling, temporarily out of range. She would have been right. And as uncomfortable as that season was, the only way forward was through.

What to Do When Words Fall Short

Sit with it. Let the emotion speak. Pray and ask the Lord to reveal what is underneath it. Bring it to a trusted friend who shares your moral compass. Write it out in a journal and see what surfaces.

Moving through difficult emotions is often an act of will. And learning to do it with intention and honesty is one of the quiet pathways to emotional sobriety.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If this resonated with you, I write about faith, relationships, and finding your footing after hard seasons, especially after separation and divorce. Subscribe to stay connected and get each new post delivered to your inbox.

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I sat still for 48 minutes on the edge of the sofa and listened as a loved one told me stories of her life. I’ll confess: I am usually doing at least two things at once. Aren’t EarPods made for exactly that? But something told me to put everything down. And I am so glad I did.

“I don’t remember your faith being this strong when we were growing up,” I said. “What happened to turn your life this strongly to Jesus?”

She didn’t hesitate. She knew exactly. Two occasions. Two specific, sacred moments that changed the entire trajectory of her life. Following those events, she described the way her father had spoken directly to her, his words wrapped in scripture, calling out the good before she could see it herself. And then her grandmother, steady, grounded, immovable, standing like Mother Mary as she walked through some of the hardest news of her life.

Two life happenings and a faith that has carried her ever since.

I told her, “What a beautiful testimony you have.” The details belong to her. But what that conversation stirred in me belongs to all of us, and that is what I want to share with you today.

Conversation Stirred, not Shaken:

· She reminded me that we are not limited by our physical bodies, that the spirit inside us is capable of things our circumstances never could be. In our case, faith walks. Or rolls, as it does for her. And watching that, I was reminded that life beyond what we can see is real. More real, maybe, than anything in front of us.

We walk by faith, not by sight ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7

· God is close to the brokenhearted. I have felt that. And He will provide, not when we have it all together, but when we are faithful to Him in the middle of the mess.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted ~ Psalm 34:18

· She also commented on protecting her home from rising floodwaters approaching her physical house. I immediately thought of something else entirely: protecting the home within us. The inner home. The one no storm can touch, unless we let it.

Guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ ~ Philippians 4:4-7

· Paired with arriving at our summer location, a place that genuinely feels like home to me, the theme of Dorothy’s famous words has been ringing in my mind ever since, “There is no place like home.”

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord ~ Joshua 24:15

But what if home isn’t a physical place at all?

Dorothy never lost her home. She just forgot where it was.

The Wizard of Oz has unfolded differently for me at every stage of life. With Wicked adding new layers, I see the characters and plot from a completely new vantage point. Years ago, in coaching school, I was asked to choose an avatar. I chose Glinda the Good Witch, calm in chaos, unafraid, a blessing to many. I am not sure I would pick her today after seeing Wicked. But at the time, she felt right.

What I know is this: during my separation and divorce, there were many moments I would have given anything for a pair of ruby slippers. I wanted to click my heels and go home. Back to before. Back to what felt familiar and safe, even when it wasn’t.

Maybe you know that feeling.

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A Wizard of Oz and Real Life Connection

1. Dorothy Had to Get Lost Before She Could Find Her Way Back

Most of us don’t start the inner work until something breaks or a trauma happens. We are too busy managing, performing, holding it together. And then the tornado comes.

It is loud. It is unwelcome. And it leaves devastation in its wake.

But here is the truth that is hard to see when it hits: the tornado was not the tragedy. It was the invitation.

God allows disruption in our lives when we have built on the wrong foundation, so He can bring us back to what is real. I have heard many pastors say that God is a jealous God. He wants our full attention. He wants us for Himself more than He wants us to hold onto a situation we are desperately trying to save.

The storm does not destroy your story. It clears the ground for a truer one.

If you are in the middle of that disruption right now, I want you to hear this: you have not lost the plot. You are at the beginning of the part that matters.

When my separation first happened, I met with two trusted friends. They smiled, big, genuine smiles, and told me they were so happy for me. I was completely baffled. What I couldn’t see yet was what they could see into the life I had been living and further down the trail. They knew that if God brought it, He would bring me through it. And they were happy for me because they knew I would not walk it alone.

2. Dorothy was Wearing the "Ruby Slippers” the Whole Time

Dorothy didn’t need magic ruby slippers to get home. And neither do you.

No thing, no relationship, no achievement, no version of your old life, can bring you back to yourself. That road leads within. And you get to choose to walk it.

This is one of the most quietly powerful truths in restoration work: the peace you are desperate to find, the identity you think you lost, the wholeness you are chasing. God placed all of it inside you before you ever knew you would need it.

You do not have to earn your way back to yourself. You do not have to prove you are worthy of healing. You just have to stop running long enough to remember what was always true about you.

3. Believing Lies About Ourselves

The Scarecrow believed he had no brain. The Lion believed he had no courage. The Tin Man believed he had no heart.

Wrong. Wrong. And wrong again.

They walked the yellow brick road looking for something to be given to them and discovered along the way that they had been carrying it all along. The journey didn’t create those qualities in them. It revealed what was already there.

Your crisis is not exposing your weakness. It is unveiling God's strength in YOU.

The work of restoration is not about adding something new. It is about locating the break, challenging the story you have been telling yourself, and finding what has always been true beneath the fear, the shame, and the exhaustion.

I have done things this season I never imagined I could do. I have had strength I did not know I had. God rose in me in ways I had never experienced before. Not because I was exceptional, but because I stopped relying on myself and started relying on Him.

4. Looking Outward for What Only Exists Within

Dorothy traveled all that way to see the Wizard. She believed, like so many of us do, that the right person, the right program, the right prescription could fix what was broken inside her.

He could not. He was a man behind a curtain. Impressive on the surface. Powerless at the core.

Oh, that Oz has taught me quite a bit.

No man can restore you. No church program can do the inner work for you. No self-help framework, including mine, can hand you healing on a silver platter. Coming home to yourself requires something far more personal than any of that.

It requires radical responsibility. It requires owning your part, challenging the story you have believed, and surrendering the outcome to the One who actually holds it.

No earthly person, place, or thing can restore you. These things can make you feel better for a moment. But it comes back. Jesus heals. Like gone. Healed. Done.

5. Home Is Not a Place You Return To, It Is the Person You Become

The house in Kansas did not change. Dorothy changed.

Same for me. My circumstances didn’t change. I did. I didn’t get the dream I had been holding onto. I got something better, something upleveled, restored, and a far better fit for my daughter and me.

When you do the real work of restoration, you don’t go back to who you were before the storm. That version of you was not yet fully yourself. You step forward into who God always intended you to be, clearer, softer in the right places, stronger in the ones that matter, rooted in something no circumstance can take away.

That is the difference between surviving and thriving. Surviving is getting back to Kansas, back to the old life, the old patterns, the familiar pain. Thriving is arriving home as someone who finally knows themself and who He is within them.

“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again,

I won’t look any further than my own backyard.” — Dorothy Gale

6. Dorothy Clicked Her Heels Three Times

Not once. Three times. Intentional. Repeated. Deliberate.

I have wondered if Mr. Lyman Frank Baum, author of The Wizard of Oz, knew that three is a sacred number, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Maybe. It makes me smile to think about it.

Coming home to yourself is not a one-time event. It is a practice. It is the daily choice to return to your identity in Christ, even when the world is loud. It is choosing prayer when your flesh wants to control. It is speaking the truth about who God says you are on the days when you feel like nothing.

If you need a reminder of who He says you are, take a listen to Lauren Daigle’s You Say. Let it wash over you.

It is showing up for yourself with the same tenderness you offer everyone else.

Click once. Click again. Click a third time. Not because the magic is in the repetition, but because God honors the person who keeps choosing to come back to Him, and to themself, no matter how many times the wind has knocked them sideways.

Where Are You on the Yellow Brick Road of Life?

Have you been through something that tried to convince you that you were lost? Maybe it almost worked. But friend, you are not lost. You are on the road. And the road leads home.

Not to a house. Not to the life you had before. Home to yourself, to your identity in Christ, to the person God formed before He formed the world, to the peace that surpasses every circumstance the storm ever brought.

There is no place like home. And you were never as far from it as you feared.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~Alison

Ready to Come Home to Yourself?

If this resonated with you, if you felt something stir as you read, I want you to pay attention to that. That is not an accident.

If you are wondering what it might look like to do this work with support alongside you, I would love to connect.

Book a discovery call here.

Let’s talk about where you are, and where you want to be.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

www.alisonrenee.com

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We know the saying well. “When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.” Sounds simple, right? And it is not. Disappointment is real. It says plainly: this person, place, thing, or situation did not go the way I wanted it to. I have found myself disappointed in people, places, things, and circumstances. I have been around the block enough to know that these are tests, and I need my tools.

Tools? You ask.

Yes. Tools for life.

My default waits for me at every door. I know that about myself, and I know my weaknesses. I want to push, pull, argue my point, and plead my case until I get what I want. That is what I want to do, and I know better. So I pray, and I wait.

The worst thing I have done in the past is violate my own moral compass to be loved by another. That is a roundabout way of saying co-dependency. I’ll keep my recovery, thank you.

I let a dear friend pre-read this article, meaning before I edited it. She reminded me of something I had forgotten. Disappointment comes from expectations. Let that land. What expectations are you holding on to today?

So let me ask you this: when life hands you lemons, what is your procedure? How do you respond when things do not go your way? How is that response serving you? Is it bringing you closer to your goal, or keeping you stuck?

Tough stuff. I know firsthand.

My mother used to say, “Agree to disagree.” I wonder how much of that kind of tolerance is left in our world. Can two people stand on opposite sides of an issue and still move forward? I believe the answer is yes. I do not agree with many things I see around me, and it is possible to live in peace with those I disagree with.

Al-Anon Family Groups puts it beautifully in the group preamble: it is possible to find contentment and even happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. We may not be talking about alcoholism here, but the principle holds. It is possible to find happiness and contentment with a person, place, thing, or situation, even when you are disappointed. This work for contentment. That work is on me.

Here is what that work looks like:

1. Take it to God.

Pray. Ask. God, am I off base here? Should I be disappointed?

A heartfelt conversation with Jesus helps me see whether I had a role in the disappointment. Was I holding an expectation? Am I allowing others to be and do as they are according to what they believe?

I do things that may be outside your comfort zone. I ask for signs to make sure I am on the right path. When I am open to His signs, they come. When I get that confirmation, I move to step two.

2. Share with wise counsel.

I have three people I go to when I need to discern a situation: my Al-Anon sponsor, my Spiritual Director, and my Spiritual Mentor.

Think of it like the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire lifeline, poll the audience. I lay out the facts of the situation, share what I believe is my correct response or the next right move, and I listen. This step takes courage because these three people tell me the truth. I am going to hear my faults. When I look in the mirror after these conversations, I do not always like what is revealed. But this is the surest way to stay on the right track and check myself.

3. Amends.

Armed with honest information, I am asked to see my part. What did I do to contribute to this situation, if anything? Is there a corrective action I need to take? Most of the time, there is. Al-Anon Step 9 says: “Make direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except to do so would injure them or others.” Others can include me. I had to learn that the hard way. That part matters more than we think.

4. Back to God.

Sometimes I need to go back up to God and sit in the discomfort of disappointment. That is okay. The discomfort is not the enemy.

5. The right time to act.

This is the hard part, and it is not always obvious. All I can say is: pray about it. Ask the Lord when to act.

I held something in that needed to be said to my ex-husband for years. Seven years of a less-than-ideal post-separation situation. I was too scared to say much of anything to him after he left.

Until one evening on the porch. He had an exchange with our daughter, and in the middle of it, something opened. She went inside, and there was an opportunity to let him know what I knew, why I believed we are in the predicament we are in, and that he was not fooling anyone. The door opened, and I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Go.”

And I went.

The whole thing was recorded on my Ring camera at the front door. My worried mind relived the whole thing as I rewatched it frame by frame. I was shaking like a leaf. But I was prepared. Had I said those things earlier, maybe they would not have landed. Maybe I would not have been able to get through it. Maybe I would have cried. Not that day. That day, I stood up for our child and for myself, and I said what had needed to be said for a long time.

I told my tribe afterward. They asked if I felt better. Kind of yes, and kind of no. Yes, because those things needed to be said for us to move forward. I was carrying resentments for years. And no, because I was sad that our situation had come to such a place.

None of this is easy. I hear you.

Finding grace in all situations can be an act of obedience to the Father. As much as possible, live in peace. Romans 12:18. And remember, God is near the brokenhearted. Psalm 34:18.

Cover yourself in the Word as you navigate the hard seasons.

Do the next right thing, honoring Him and His Word. You will not regret it.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If this resonated with you and you are wondering what it might look like to do this work with some support alongside you, I would love to connect. Book a discovery call here, and let’s talk about where you are and where you want to be.

Share this with someone who may be navigating a disappointment and leave a comment below, I read every one.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

~ Alison

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Please don’t take that as disrespect to her biological parents. What I mean is, I feel like she came from my heart. My heart knows one thing, and my mind knows another. Perhaps that’s the way it should be.

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Thirteen plus years ago, I received a call: “These people have heard about you and want to know if you are interested in adoption.” After 10+ years of infertility, I was like: Say what? Is this real? This can’t be real.

I had been praying hard for my “dream girl” for 10 years. I even told my ex-husband that I would be a mom and not birth a child. I chose no fertility treatments. I just knew, and I don’t know how I knew, I just knew. Faith, you might say. You might even say I was ordering Helena. This is her name. This is her skin color. This is her eye color. This is her hair type. This is what she will be like. She was one big, faith-filled daydream.

I was approaching 37, and the thoughts crept in: I’m too old. This ship has sailed. You can imagine the doubt and self-sabotage.

When a seemingly favorable door opens, you show up and see what it’s all about.

I nervously went to meet the family. My ex-husband and I, with my cousin, met Helena’s biological mother and grandmother. Her biological mom looked after conversation at me and said, “I knew I was carrying this baby for someone else. I needed to find her mom — and you are it.”

It was that simple. This selfless angel in front of me was the first person to call me a Mom. I had been a step-mom for a long time, and this was different and in some way, the same. Regardless of whether I fully raise this child, I would share the title with another woman. More on that later. It’s a big one and not one I believe crosses a biological mom’s mind.

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There are several ways to take in and raise a nonbiological child into your home: foster care, private adoption, open adoption, or caring for a family or non-family member. We chose open adoption. In short, we know who they are, and they know who we are. It doesn’t mean co-parenting.

I promised to do my best to raise her according to God’s plan. Life happened. I did not want the divorce, and she and I are both better for it. I am sad that this is part of her story, part of our story. And I know that God can redeem anything. Even divorce.

She is the child who was born in my heart 10 years before she came to be in my life. That’s 23 years of prayers over her.

As we look back on her 13 years, to God be the glory. I am ever thankful for her life and for the gift her biological parents gave her by choosing life.

I often tell her: God has a great plan for your life.

JEREMIAH 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

My mom reminds me, “Children don’t come to you, they come through you.” That resonates today as we celebrate Helena’s 13th birthday. As she approaches adulthood in these next 5 years, may God bless her, protect her, and guide her to Himself.

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If you are in the thick of infertility, I am so sorry you are here. It’s hard. Please know, God sees you. He is the author of life. Keep praying. Surrender to His will. And love the children He puts before you daily, at church, your nieces and nephews, wherever He places them.

If you are in the season of divorce and this is not what you wanted for your children, we can’t change history. But we can choose where we go from here. Model for them what a healthy relationship looks like. Ask yourself the hard question: would I want my children to marry someone like my spouse? Only you know what is best.

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3 THINGS YOU CAN DO NOW

1. Pray with specificity. If you are in a season of waiting for a child, for clarity, for healing, name what you’re believing for. Write it down. Date it. God is not bothered by the details of your ask.

2. Show up when the door opens. The call will come in a form you didn’t expect. Show up anyway. Information is not commitment, but absence closes doors before they’re ever opened.

3. Love the child in front of you today. At church, in your family, in your neighborhood, children are watching, and you never know the influence you can have on a young life. You may be someone’s spiritual parent long before you know it. I have many spiritual children, and I am a spiritual child.

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YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE

Whether you are navigating infertility, an unplanned adoption journey, or a divorce you didn’t choose, the road is long, and it was never meant to be walked in silence. There are counselors, adoptive parent communities, Al-Anon rooms, and people of faith who have walked exactly where you are standing.

Reach out. Ask for help. Let someone sit with you in it. Surrender is not weakness; it is the beginning of the miracle.

If I can help, book a clarity call here, and let’s walk this together.

If this piece spoke to something in you, share it with a prospective adoptive parent or someone going through separation and divorce who needs to hear it. And leave a comment below, I read every one.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

— Alison

As her mom, I want to save her from anything uncomfortable or unpleasant. And quite frankly, I can make a lot of things go away. Distractions. Material goods. A well-timed yes when I should have said no.

But as she has gotten older, I keep asking myself the same question: How is my decision to shield her actually helping her grow?

The honest answer? It isn’t.

The Uncomfortable Truth I Had to Face First

I eventually realized something that stopped me cold.

I wasn’t shielding her to protect her. I was shielding her to protect myself from my own discomfort with her discomfort.

Here’s what that looked like in real life:

She wants something that isn’t in her best interest. I say no. She expresses her disappointment loudly, visibly, unmistakably. And that’s where the fork in the road appears. I can hold my word and sit with her disappointment. Or I can give in, hand over the item, and watch her light up again.

The second option feels like relief. But it isn’t parenting. It’s conflict avoidance dressed up as kindness.

When I give in, I tell myself I was being loving. What I was actually doing was teaching her that disappointment is something to be rescued from not something to be moved through.

When Her Happiness Became My Report Card

For years, I made her disappointment mean something about me.

If she was unhappy, I was failing. If she was upset, I had done something wrong. The quality of my parenting became entirely dependent on the temperature of her emotions. That is unstable ground. And it is not representative of how the real world works.

The world will not reorganize itself around her feelings. Employers won’t. Friendships won’t. Life certainly won’t.

If I never let her practice sitting with disappointment inside the safety of our home,

where she is loved unconditionally, I am sending her out completely unprepared for the moments when no one steps in to soften the blow.

I parented from fear. Fear that she wouldn’t like me. Fear that she would reject me. And that season offered her no favors.

A New Season. A New Posture.

I am in a new season of parenting now, and I have come to a few hard-won realizations.

The adage that no one will love your child the way that you do is more true to me now than it has ever been. That love is not just warmth and comfort. That love is also the willingness to hold the line when holding the line is the harder thing.

I have regretted not implementing some of these truths earlier. And I cannot parent the years behind me. I can only parent the ones in front of me and I intend to do it differently.

That includes the digital world. My daughter does not have a cell phone. She is one of the oldest children I know without one, and I do not intend to change that for at least another year. Day by day, as she is ready, I am educating her on what it means to hold a device that gives her access to the world and gives the world access to her.

Some days, in comparison to other families, it feels like an uphill battle.

I am happy being the uncool mom.

3 Things You Can Start Doing Right Now

If any of this resonates with you, here are three places to begin:

1. Let the disappointment land and stay with it.
The next time your child is disappointed by a boundary you’ve set, resist the urge to fix it, explain it away, or distract from it. Simply stay present. Say: “I know this is hard. I love you, and my answer is still no.” That combination with love and a held boundary is one of the most powerful things a child can experience. You don’t have to be comfortable for it to be right.

2. Separate their emotions from your identity.
Start noticing when you are making their unhappiness mean something about you as a parent. Write it down if you need to. “She’s upset. I am still a good mom.” Practice saying that out loud. Your child’s emotional weather is not your report card. When you stop parenting to manage their feelings, you start parenting to build their character.

3. Introduce small, age-appropriate doses of hard things.
Resilience is built in the small moments, not just the big ones. Let them fail a test they didn’t study for. Let them navigate a friendship conflict without you mediating. Let them be bored. Let them figure out how to earn something they want instead of receiving it. Each small moment of working through difficulty is a deposit into the account they will draw from for the rest of their lives.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Parenting in this season is genuinely hard. The cultural pressure to keep your child happy, connected, and comfortable is relentless and it runs directly against what most of us know, deep down, our children actually need.

If you are in a season of re-evaluating how you parent, questioning old patterns, or simply trying to figure out how to hold the line with love and confidence, I would love to sit with you in that.

I offer one-on-one calls for moms who are ready to parent from a place of conviction instead of fear.

There is no script. No judgment. Just an honest conversation about where you are and where you want to go.

Book a clarity call with me here →

If this piece spoke to something in you, share it with a parent who needs to hear it. And leave a comment below. I read them!

About Me: I write about faith, divorce recovery, broken relationships, intentional parenting, and the courage it takes to live in a world that is moving faster than most of us are ready for.

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I still have my Sesame Street alarm clock in the attic.

It doesn’t work anymore. But I can’t bring myself to get rid of it. A little Google search says it was made in the 1970s, and that‘s about right!

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These days, like most of you, I wake up to my iPhone (I know, it’s not ideal, especially in perimenopause, when sleep is already a negotiation.) But here’s what matters more than which alarm I use:

What I do in the first moments after it goes off.

Because that’s where the day is won or lost.

The Honest Part First

I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with my phone. With electronics in general. And I’ll be transparent; there’s a certain irony in the fact that the very place I’m trying to keep at arm’s length in the morning is probably where you’re reading this right now.

God has a sense of humor.

A phone is a tool. I remind myself of that daily. Use it wisely. Put Him first.

Why Routines Saved My Life (Literally)

After my separation and divorce, I was not thriving.

I was drowning.

I had to make myself do things I didn’t want to do. Get up. Move. Show up. Repeat. Routines became the scaffolding that held me together when I had nothing left to hold myself up with.

So, when I talk about morning routines, I’m not talking about productivity hacks or aesthetic flat lays with a latte and a journal.

I’m talking about survival strategies that became life strategies.

The 5-Part Morning That Works For Me

Before we get into it, a quick note on tools. I use timers, a physical calendar, a digital calendar, and colored Frixion erasable pens by Pilot (game changer). Structure isn’t rigidity. It’s freedom. Without it, time slips, things don’t get done, and I end up feeling like a bump on a log.

Can I get an Amen?

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23

1. First Fruits (10 Minutes)

The first moments of my day belong to God.

Not my inbox. Not Instagram. Not the mental to-do list already forming before my feet hit the floor.

“Lord, thank you for waking me up. Help me to make good choices today that glorify you.”

Short. Simple. Intentional.

I heard something once at an Al-Anon meeting that stuck with me: every night, the negative thoughts come back to reclaim their place in your mind. Every morning, you must reset and reconnect to the Source, Jesus our Savior.

This looks different for everyone. A devotional. A scripture. Silence. A worship song. Whatever it is, set a timer and protect it.

2. Hydrate and Caffeinate

Yes, both.

I drink an electrolyte drink and coffee like it’s my other religion. Coffee makes me smile. I make no apologies. I recommend high-quality, organic products. If you want to know exactly what I use, ask me. I’ll tell you.

3. Check the Calendar

One question: Is there anything that needs my attention right now?

Most mornings, I’m being called to write. Your answer will be different. But the practice is the same, where I look at the day, find my next right thing, and move toward it with intention.

4. Do the Work

This one shift changed everything for me:

“I get to” instead of “I have to.”

And here’s another one to try on for size: I work for Jesus.

Whether you’re in your dream job, a stepping-stone job, or a placeholder until something better-suited comes along, this is where God has you right now. Show up for it. Pray over it. And if you don’t like it, take steps to change it.

One day at a time.

5. Love Your Body

Movement. Nourishment. Rest. Bloodwork. Community. Learning. Hobbies.

I’ve been health-conscious my whole life, and I’ll tell you straight, as I approach 50, the margins are closing. The things I could get away with at 30 are simply no longer available to me.

So, the real question isn’t what I should be doing.

It’s: what is your relationship with your body right now? How are you treating yourself?

Start Here

If you’re not sure where to begin, do this:

1. Write down what you need to have a healthy, thriving day

2. Order that list by priority

3. Pencil in realistic times for each item

4. Start tomorrow, not next Monday, not next month. Tomorrow.

The discovery part is quick.

It’s the commitment that reveals whether you’re willing to stick with it.

If your get-up-and-go is busted, let’s talk! I’ll help you sort this out and get a morning routine that works for you! Book a call. Don’t wait, your life is happening now.

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One of the things I hear from coaching clients is that their mom has disappointed them. She wasn’t there, she put them down, she called them names, etc. The first question I ask is:

“Was there any other woman in your life who lifted you, who was there for you, or who gave you positive affirmations?”

Generally, another woman had filled that role.

Then I ask:

“Is it possible that this woman was your spiritual mother in the moment you needed a mom?”

The answer is mostly yes, and their faces light up.

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Sitting in Al-Anon rooms taught me a lot about expectations and how they lead to resentment. Am I expecting one woman to fulfill every need I have as a daughter? When I think so, that’s setting her up to fail, and I refuse to do that. I’ve learned to “send my mail to the right address.” My mother’s famous expression for telling the exact person what you need; don’t tell people who can’t do anything about it.

If I need comfort, I call this mom.

If I need advice, I call this mom.

If I need a recipe, I call this mom.

If I need help, I call this mom.

If you were blessed with a mom who fills all those roles, that’s beautiful. I needed a small army of moms to help me navigate life.

My biological mom is a gift. Talented, loving, selfless, and a great provider. I know exactly when I can go to her, and when I need to reach for another mom.

I was abundantly blessed to grow up with a spiritual mom, Ms. Sandra. She was my dad’s longtime girlfriend. She taught me table etiquette, how to make homemade biscuits, about dollhouses, and most importantly, about a personal relationship with Jesus.

I’ve had Al-Anon sponsors who listened, without judgment, in my darkest days and didn’t try to fix me. A babysitter who gave me the birds-and-bees talk; my mom didn’t want to touch. A cousin who stood beside me when I received the gift of the Holy Spirit in confirmation. A friend who ushers me to the feet of Jesus every single time I bring my frustrations to her.

And me. I am an adoptive mom.

I don’t know biological motherhood. And, I know I am a mother to many.

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms.

As children, we offer grace to the moms doing their best. And we give thanks to every woman who filled that role for us when we needed her.

I’ll leave you with likely the most important thing I’ve learned as a parent of an adult child and the thing I do not want from my mother:

Your adult children do not want your unsolicited advice.

There, that’s all. Keep the peace.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also praises her. — Proverbs 31:25–28

If this found you at the right time, you’re already in the right place. Every week, I write about building Christ-centered relationships with your kids, your family, and yourself.

If you are struggling with your relationship with your mom, this is my specialty. Let’s find a way to be at peace with her and maintain your integrity. Honoring her does not mean being her whipping post. (Book a call here.)

Subscribe for free below so the next one lands straight in your inbox.

Building Christ-Centered Relationships Together,

— Alison

Weekly reflections on relationships. The hard and hopeful parts of following Jesus through relationships. If it’s landing for you, subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next.

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Teach them to pray.

My squirrel brain wants to wander and write about what I want, and it’s an order of obedience. God pulls me right back and allows for His famous dose of angst until I do as I am told. That’s a lesson too, my friends.

He says, “Teach them to pray.” I’ve learned to stop arguing with that voice. (More on discerning the voice of God in a future post, but if you’re curious now, Priscilla Shirer’s book Discerning the Voice of God is your next read. She offers a beautiful test to discern His voice. Does the voice have: the message of the Spirit, the model of Scripture, the mode of prayer, ministry, and the mercy of confirmation? If it fits all five, pay attention.

My heart is convinced that there is absolutely NO WAY the adversary wants me teaching you this.

Back to where Jesus would have you go, evil one. There. That’s done. Now let’s talk.

Why This Is the Most Important Thing You Can Do

Scripture is clear, our children are a heritage, a reward, and a trust from God (Psalm 127:3). They were never fully ours to begin with. They were placed in our hands, and our prayers are one of the most powerful tools we have to steward that gift well.

I’ve heard it said that some people live on the prayers and protection of their grandparents. I can tell you with certainty that this is absolutely happening in this house. The chain of prayer you start for your children today can protect generations you haven’t even met yet. That is not small. That is legacy.

So let me ask you: Is this important to you?

And if you’re hesitating, I want you to sit with this question: What is the cost of not praying for your children?

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The Four Pillars of Praying Over Your Children

Here’s how I’ve organized my prayers for my daughter, Helena. These aren’t rigid scripts. They’re a framework or an outline you can put your own heart and words on top of. Pray from the heart. Always. But when you don’t know where to start, this is your map.

1. Protection and Safety

Invoke God’s protection. Not just from physical danger, but from spiritual harm, from influences that would pull them away from who He created them to be. (Psalm 91:11, Isaiah 54:13)

“Thank you, Lord, for Helena’s life. Thank you for choosing me to be her mom. Lord, please bless and protect her from every hair on her head to the bottom of her feet. Lord, wrap her in your armor of protection. Let no evil meant to harm her ever prosper and guard her purity. Close her eyes, ears, mouth to anything that isn’t of You.”

2. Salvation and Spiritual Life

Pray that they develop a real, personal, breathing relationship with God, not just the faith we hand them, but the faith they choose for themselves. (Psalm 63:8, 2 Timothy 1:7)

“Lord, I ask that you help Helena keep her flashlight on You. (That’s code for focus.) That she seeks you in the good times and the bad. That she comes to you for counsel when things get hard and when she is deciding. Lord, please intervene in her discernment. Please let her choices in media glorify you and anything that isn’t of you, let it be bitter for her eyes, ears, and mouth.”

3. Wisdom and Guidance

Pray that they make wise choices, walk in integrity, and that God’s plan for their life becomes so obvious they can’t miss it. (Proverbs 22:6, Psalm 119:37)

“Lord, please bring Godly friends into Helena’s life and Godly spiritual adults. Help her to walk in integrity of word and deed. Please make your plan for her so obvious she can’t miss it.”

4. Character and Heart

Pray that they become the kind of person who serves, who loves well, and who chooses God’s ways even when the world offers easier alternatives. (Ephesians 6:7, Colossians 3:12)

“Lord, please prepare her to be on your team and to choose your ways over hers. Cultivate her heart to serve you and the people you put on her path well. Help her have a heart posture toward you and to discern what she should walk toward and away from.”

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Your Teachable Moment: How to Actually Start

I see people stop short or not speak out because they think their prayers have to be perfect. They don’t.

You don’t need eloquent words. You don’t need to cite the right scripture. You don’t need to kneel in a specific spot at a specific time with a candle and a journal (though, no judgment if that’s your thing).

What you need is to show up consistently from the heart.

Here is a simple three-step way to build your prayer habit starting tonight:

1. Pick a trigger moment. Bedtime is the most natural, as you’re already at their door, already slowing down. Use that moment and make it non-negotiable.

2. Use the four pillars as your outline. Protection. Salvation. Wisdom. Character. You don’t have to cover all four every night. Start with one and let it grow.

3. Pray out loud. I know this one feels vulnerable, especially the first time. But here’s what I know: Helena could tell you her prayer in her own words, on the fly, right now. That happened because she has heard me recite it over and over. Your children are listening. Even when you think they’re not. Especially then.

You don’t say the same words every night. You just pray from the heart, with the framework as your guide. I promise, it gets easier and somehow holier.

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A Prayer Template, Just Add Their Name

To make it easy, here is a complete prayer you can start using tonight. All you have to do is fill in the blank. I have my girls, and I have four grandchildren now, three on Earth, and one in heaven, and this prayer covers all of them.

Heavenly Father, I ask you to keep ___________ as your own and guide and protect them to a deep love for you, and that they practice their faith in a way that glorifies you and your Kingdom. I pray the fruits of the Spirit over them. May they be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and practice self-control. Help them to be considerate and loving to all your creations.

God, please guard their hearts, minds, and purity. Let nothing that isn’t ordained by You get to them. I pray that they will never suffer any serious illness, that they will never be a victim of a crime, or be in a serious accident.

Help them discover Your plan for their life and cultivate their unique, unrepeatable gifts and talents. I pray for their friends, that you send Godly friends and adults into their lives, and that you direct their path. Teach them to trust in You and know that You are the answer.

I ask that you prepare them to be a Godly spouse. Let them not be distracted by others, and let them remain pure until marriage. Let them have a long, happy life with Godly children, glorifying You.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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This Is the Work

Parenting is one of the most overwhelming, beautiful, terrifying, holy things we are called to do. And so much of what we pour into our children happens in the quiet moments in the car, at the dinner table, and yes, at their bedside in the dark when we think they’re almost asleep.

This is the work I love walking alongside people in. Not just the faith piece but the whole picture. The decisions that feel too big. The seasons that feel too hard. The moments when you’re not sure if you’re getting it right and you need someone to help you think it through, get clear, and move forward with confidence in Jesus.

Because here’s what I’ve learned: you don’t have to figure it all out alone. The clarity you’re looking for? It’s closer than you think.

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Let’s Talk

If something in this post stirred something in you about your faith, your family, or a season of life you’re trying to navigate, I’d love to connect. A coaching conversation is just that: a conversation. No pressure, no pitch. Just a space to think out loud with someone who will listen and help you find your next right step.

[Book a Call Here] I’d be honored to be in your corner.

And in the meantime, go pray over your kids tonight. It matters more than you know.

Blessings, friends,

—Alison

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Where It Started

Josh and I met in 1995, it was our second semester of college, we were eighteen years old, at USL (University of Southwestern Louisiana), now UL Lafayette. He will correct you on that, by the way, because to Josh it is still USL, and he has the merch collection to prove it.

He was studying architecture, and I was studying interior design, freshly switched from psychology, which remains my first love. Coaching is how I stay close to it. Josh never left his craft and is an energy architect today who genuinely loves what he does. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to the story.

The Markers

We had a drawing class together that required art supplies that I could not afford, so I did what I do and negotiated. I asked to borrow his markers. Not just any markers, either. I am talking about a large, immaculate, color-organized box with every shade known to man. I love school supplies deeply, and this man was loaded, and those markers started everything.

Over the next four and a half years, we moved through our curriculum together at Fletcher Hall. He was my person, my best friend. He thought we were heading somewhere as a couple, and I thought we were just friends. I had bad-for-me boyfriends, three jobs, and a messy home life. He had stable parents, a steady home, and something I didn’t recognize yet, a quiet, consistent kind of love.

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The Pitch I Missed

He told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him too, the way you love a friend. I missed the boat entirely, and the boat tried to be obvious. We bring this up often to each other, dreaming and wondering what would have been, and we are both aware that it is spilled milk to live in the “what if”, so to speak.

The Long Way Around

I made a hard pivot and married the wrong man for over eighteen years. I didn’t know it then and wouldn’t have believed it if someone told me. What I know now is that my children and grandchildren are the greatest gift from that season. Josh was invited to my wedding, and he didn’t come. He quietly carried on, staying single, working, and caring for his aging parents.

The Phone Call

In May of 2019, my ex-husband chose a different life that didn’t include me, a painful truth delivered bluntly by his best friend, and I am strangely grateful for that honesty. That August, Josh called from Houston to wish me a happy birthday, like he always had. He started singing, and I started crying.

What Came Next

He began sending pictures of his lunch and trying to start a conversation while my heart was pointed somewhere else entirely, still trying to put my family back together. I told him thank you and no thank you. There are many more details to this story than a Substack can hold, and I am saving them for the book. But here is where it lands.

May 3, 2025

Six years later, with the annulment of my first marriage affirmed and my heart finally free, there I was a bride again. There was a time I could not picture that for myself, and a season where I didn’t even want it. Today I am grateful I said yes to this man of God, whose steady, selfless, consistent nature does something to my soul I don’t take lightly. He loves my children like they are his own, and I have never seen anything quite like it.

The Gift I Want to Leave You

If you’ve read this far, here is what I want you to carry with you: hope. I know what divorce costs because mine was messy, painful, and life-altering in ways I am still unpacking. But God will bless your obedience when you live His way, even when it’s hard, even when it’s slow, and even when the door you wanted closes. He has something, and someone prepared specifically for you, and as Anne Wilson sings, He can do for you what He has done for me.

This is my area of work. I walk alongside people navigating divorce and broken relationships, and the path to freedom is real and possible. If you believe we’d be a good fit to work together, set up a free 30-minute call, and let’s start there.

Godspeed, friends.

— Alison

[Book your free call here]

Happy Anniversary, Joshey! Your clever gift giving is one of my favorite things about you. I love your creativity, your steadfast love for us, your MacGyver ways, and your love and dedication to Jesus.

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Then I saw it. A black ribbon draped over the crest of a local high school. The school my daughter attended before we moved to homeschool. The school where many of my friends’ children still walk the halls, and many have graduated.

My stomach dropped, and my nerves went on high alert. I sat in the unknown, wondering what had happened and to whom.

I searched for answers and found nothing, so I texted a friend who might know something. In the silence between not knowing and finding out, my spirit went heavy in a way I can’t fully describe.

Then the news came.

A high school senior, someone’s beautiful child, someone’s future had lost their life at the hands of another in a public place, doing ordinary things.

My head swarmed with anger at the person who made that choice for the child and with grief for parents who will never see the bright future their child was racing toward.

The Perspective Shift That Resets

In an instant, everything rearranged itself inside me:

I am not in control.
Life is precious.
Life can be lost.

My first instinct was to look up at the ceiling and say, “God, why? How is this part of Your plan?”

I don’t have that answer. I’ve asked it before for various reasons, and especially after losing my best friend, my stepson, and my five-week-old granddaughter to SIDS. What I’ve learned to hold, even when I can’t see it, is this: He is still good. Somehow, He makes it good. I don’t see how. But I choose to trust that.

My second instinct? The world is going to hell in a handbasket.

(If you know me, you very likely have heard this dark cloud statement come out of my mouth; I regret)

That’s exactly where the world wants me and you to stay. Stuck in that spiral.

What I didn’t realize at the moment was that even though I hadn’t said much out loud, my pre-teen daughter felt everything I was carrying. I was faking it till I made it, not to cast a cloud on the day we had both been looking forward to. It didn’t work; she showed on the outside what I was holding on the inside. She showed nervousness, agitation, and uncertainty. That’s not a small thing.

Our energy as parents is not invisible to our children.

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This Young Person Could Have Been Any of Us

This student wasn’t on a stage. They weren’t a public figure. They were at the mall.

We could be anywhere. At any time. Our lives, like theirs, could change in a moment through another’s hand, an accident, or a natural cause.

That’s not meant to frighten me or you. It’s meant to wake something up inside us.

Doing Things Differently:

This week, I have been doing things differently to honor what happened. I picked up my pen, and I am journaling and talking to God. I am reaching out to women I want to connect with and letting them know they matter to me. I am changing up the prayers I say with my daughter to bring her into the conversation with Jesus. I’m getting braver about putting my work out there.

The gold in tragedy is now knowing what we know; how can we honor the loss?

What are you willing to do differently?

The Parable That Came to Mind in Prayer While Holding This Family Up

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the story of ten women waiting for a bridegroom.

Five came prepared. Five didn’t.

When the bridegroom finally arrived, the five who weren’t ready had run out of oil. Their unpreparedness cost them the moment. The door closed. When they returned and knocked, the Lord said:

“Truly I say to you, I do not know you. Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”

The truth here is gentle, but it doesn’t waver: preparation is personal. No one can do it for you. As the parable says, you can’t borrow oil (preparedness) from another.

And here’s what I had to sit with: I have been the foolish maiden. More than once.

The Door Is Still Open

Jesus isn’t trying to catch you or me off guard. He’s giving us time. The time is right now, today. That’s the mercy inside the warning.

The oil (preparedness) we need is available. A relationship with Him, a life surrendered to Him, that’s what readiness looks like. You don’t have to have it all figured out. I sure don’t. I just make the next right steps as I feel guided to do so.

You just have to come while the door is still open.

Three Things You Can Do Today

1. Have the conversation you’ve been putting off.
Whether it’s with God, with your child, or with yourself. Don’t wait for tragedy to strike to prompt it. Start today.

2. Check your oil.
What does your spiritual preparation actually look like right now? Not what it used to look like, right now. Honest inventory is the beginning of readiness.

3. Let your kids see your process, not just your performance.
Your children are reading your energy whether you speak or not. Let them see you bring your fear and grief to God, not just your polished Sunday self.

Ready to Go Deeper into this Journey?

This kind of moment, the kind that stops you mid-scroll and forces you to look at your LIFE. It doesn’t have to pass without meaning something.

If you’re feeling the weight of unfinished conversations, broken relationships, spiritual drift, or a quiet sense that something in your life needs to shift, that’s not an accident but an invitation.

I work with women and men who are ready to stop circling the same broken patterns and start living with intention, clarity, and faith that actually holds up when life gets hard. I help guide you to heal your most difficult relationships. The ones with yourself, your loved ones, and even “BIG G” upstairs.

If you’re ready to do some deep healing work, book a free discovery call with me today.

This is your moment. The door is open.

[Book a Call with Alison link]

And if this resonated, share it with someone who needs it today. You never know what someone is carrying.

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