A Survivor may have to make plans without telling her abuser, withhold information, prepare several steps ahead, or behave as though everything is normal.

These actions can feel especially confusing when the abuser is also secretive and calculating, and then accuses the Survivor of doing the same thing.

“You’re hiding things too.”

“You’re lying too.”

“You’re just as manipulative.”

On the surface, some of the behaviors may look similar. But the purpose and the power behind them are entirely different. One person uses secrecy to control another person. The other uses secrecy because openness could allow her plans to be blocked, sabotaged, or punished.

The abuser creates the conditions that make secrecy necessary and then uses that secrecy as evidence that the Survivor is equally at fault. That is its own form of crazy-making.

This was one of the larger truths that emerged during today’s support group. Another was the difficulty women have finding support groups that actually fit their lives.

Some are referred to groups primarily serving people experiencing homelessness or recovering from drug and alcohol addiction. Those groups may be important and appropriate for the people they were designed to serve, but they are not automatically the right fit for every woman experiencing abuse.

A woman can still be living with an abuser and not be homeless. She may have a career, a business, a family home, or an outwardly stable life. She may be carefully planning to leave while trying to preserve as much of that life as possible. Or she may have left years ago and still need support as she makes sense of what happened.

There is a vast range of Survivor experiences that does not fit the narrow public image of domestic violence crisis.

These may seem like separate issues, but both come from the same narrow understanding of what domestic violence looks like. We misunderstand what a Survivor may need to do while preparing to leave, and we misunderstand what her life may look like while she is doing it. When her experience falls outside the familiar crisis narrative, she may be left questioning both her own behavior and whether she belongs in the support available to her.

Today reminded me that our group is filling a space that has been missing. Women are finding us who have looked for support but could not find themselves reflected in the groups they were referred to. They do not have to share a particular set of circumstances to belong with us.

I’m so glad they are finding us.

There was also something serendipitous about the way today’s group unfolded. The right women seemed to find the room at exactly the right time. I ended the day feeling hopeful, energized, curious, and a little in awe of the timing of the universe.

The best things don’t always follow a schedule

Gardening and organizing have a lot in common. Some seeds sprout right away, others take their sweet time, and some surprise you by growing in an unexpected place. The same goes for plans—sometimes everything falls into place, sometimes it takes longer than expected, and sometimes, just when you think you have it all figured out, a venue cancels or a snowstorm rolls in, threatening to upend everything (been there, done that).

The quiet work before the bloom

Weather, like life, has a way of reminding me that control is an illusion. Snow might delay my planting schedule, but those seeds will still grow when the time is right. An event might have to be postponed, but that doesn’t mean the momentum stops. Growth doesn’t follow a perfect schedule—it happens in its own time, in its own way. And often, when things don’t go as planned, that’s when the most unexpected and worthwhile things take root.

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Things have a way of working out (eventually)

So while I wait for the snow to pass and the seeds to sprout, I’m looking forward to the season ahead and to see what will be growing in my backyard—zinnias and snapdragons, sugar snap peas climbing their trellis, and leafy greens and herbs filling out the garden beds. It’s a good reminder that even in the middle of winter, good things are already on their way.

What are you planting this season?

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Finding My Voice on the Page

When I sat down to write my first piece, I stared at the blank page for a long time. I wasn’t sure where to start or if anyone would even want to read what I had to say. But then I reminded myself why I wanted to write in the first place: to connect.

Writing felt like stepping into something new. For years, I’ve used my voice in the community through speaking, organizing, and sharing on social media, but writing essays and articles? That felt different. It’s not just about putting thoughts into words; it’s about quieting that voice that whispers, “Who am I to write this?”

If you’ve ever felt that way too, you’re not alone. Writing isn’t about having all the answers or knowing exactly what to say. It’s about curiosity and being willing to show up, even if you’re still figuring things out.

A Voice That Reached Further

For me, writing isn’t just words on a page. It’s a continuation of the conversations I’ve been having for years. It’s a way to explore truths that some people might understand but others can only grasp if they’ve lived it.

Writing builds bridges, creating understanding where there might not have been any before. It’s not about being polished; it’s about being real. I approach writing the same way I approach community work: with honesty, empathy, and the hope to connect.

Start With What Feels True

You don’t need to write the perfect essay or know exactly where you’re going. Just start with what feels true. Maybe it’s a moment that changed you, a challenge you’re working through, or a question that lingers in your mind.

For me, the most meaningful stories often come from the simplest places. A lot of my writing has grown out of preparing for talks, community events, or even a single post on social media. I never know how it will land, but every so often, someone says, “I felt like you were speaking to me.” Those moments remind me that sharing what’s real, even when it feels small, can have a bigger impact than we expect.

Embrace the Courage to Share

Putting your story out there takes courage. It means being honest, even when it’s messy or unresolved. But in that vulnerability, I’ve found connection—not just with others, but with myself.

If you’ve ever doubted whether your story matters, trust me—I’ve been there too. But I’ve learned that our voices, just as they are, have something valuable to offer.

Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection

I’m still discovering my writing voice, and that’s okay. It’s not about getting everything perfect. It’s about showing up and letting yourself grow along the way.

Each time I write, I learn something new about myself or the world around me. That’s what makes it worth doing—not perfection, but the progress that comes with each small step forward.

Writing Is About Connection, Not Answers

I don’t have many answers, but I’ve learned that it’s okay to share what I do know. Not too long ago, when I went back to college to finish my degree, I took a creative nonfiction class and I remember sharing my writing with peers. Their feedback often suggested my stories needed resolutions or clear endings, as if everything had already been sorted out. But life isn’t like that. I was writing my truth—unfinished and unfolding.

Writing is about curiosity and connection, not conclusions. It’s about creating space for others to reflect and share their own truths. Life doesn’t always offer clean endings, and neither do our stories. But they’re still worth telling.

Sharing My Story, Encouraging Yours

Starting The Collective Journal has been a win for me. It’s a space where I can explore my voice, celebrate the stories of others, and connect with people who are on their own journeys of growth and discovery.

If you’re new to writing, I hope this feels like an invitation to start. You don’t need to be an expert or have it all figured out. Writing is a way to heal, grow, and connect. Every story you share has the power to resonate with someone who needs to hear it.

What’s a story you’ve been holding on to? What truth are you ready to explore? Start with what feels real and build from there—one story at a time.

Finding my Way

When I first started out, I was navigating so much alone - rebuilding my life after leaving an abusive marriage, building up my cleaning business, and figuring out what came next. It took time, but I eventually found women who had been through similar experiences. They had incredible ideas and talents, but like me, they didn’t always have the support or connections they needed to move forward.

The Power of Sharing Stories

That’s when I realized how powerful it is to share stories and build relationships with people who understand. Sharing where we’ve been helps us see what’s possible. It reminds us we’re not the only ones trying to figure it out, and that connection often opens doors we didn’t even know were there.

Why We Started The Collective Journal

That’s why I’m here, writing this. I want this space to be a place where stories inspire action, resources spark ideas, and conversations bring people together. Whether you’re building a business, starting over, or just looking for a community that gets it, you belong here.

Lets Connect

What’s something you’re working on right now? Or a challenge you’ve been trying to figure out? Let’s talk about it—I’d love to hear your story.

Thank You for Being Here

Rachelle Scheele

Founder, Allied Brands Collective

Host, The Bridge PDX Podcast

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Thanks for listening!
The Bridge PDX Podcast
https://www.alliedbrandscollective.com

Get Social with us! @alliedbrandsco on Facebook & Instagram

Read more

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