Welcome to alternative love.

⏱ 6-minute read.

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In two weeks I will have 39 years of life, yet I am closer to death than ever.

Today I start treatment for stage IV colon cancer and a journey deep into the unknown.

I share this with you to be witnessed in my journey and to hopefully, help another.

Let me start by taking you back to the beginning.

it begins with blood

2024

On a van adventure from Central America to the U.S. Sam and I decided to try anal sex. Because, FAFO.

Shortly after I started to experience bleeding from my rectum. Small drops of bright red blood that created spiral art as they fell into the bowl. Now I don’t know if this was the true beginning of the blood, but it is the time I consciously remember tracking its presence.

I visited a doctor who referred me to a GI specialist but her lack of concern and urgency eased my own. It wasn’t painful, it wasn’t consistent, so why see more doctors. I was leaving in a few weeks for an Australian adventure anyway!

it follows with 💩

2025

We landed in Peru in March and I began having immediate and ongoing GI issues. This can be common in South American countries—different bacterias, different foods, so I did my best to manage it.

When I finally went to see a doctor I had an anal fissure. What proceeded was 2 months of daily sitz baths (which I fondly named butt baths) and discomfort. It felt like there was this constant entity pulsating at my root. It wanted my attention, but I didn’t know what it needed. Eventually it became infected.

In December I returned to the US and underwent surgery for a fistulotomy and botox injection into my bum. Not just for wrinkles anymore apparently.

I thought I was done.

moved to tears

2026

Sam and I returned to Peru to begin our new life—we had purchased a home and had plans to start a family. Shortly after I got parasites that led to daily mucus and blood in my stool.

At times the pain was unnoticeable, and other nights I laid awake feeling a burning sensation that kept me quietly worried and wondering, “what’s wrong with me?”

I returned to the U.S. yet again, to receive care. I imagined I had colitis or bleeding hemorrhoids as a result of the surgery. I planned a 3 week trip and to return to my life in Peru with answers and a path forward. We were preparing to go to Burning Man (my first time) and Australia—more adventures ahead!

facing reality

June 15th after having a endoscopy/colonoscopy the doctor told me there was a mass that looked like cancer.

I felt the tears welling in my eyes as my father held my hand in quiet protest. A strange sense of disbelief and sadness draped over me like pulling the sheet over the dead. Have I been sentenced?

Over the next few weeks I had a series of uncomfortable procedures, tests, and lab work all to name the diagnosis.

Stage IV colon cancer.

And to more powerfully step into the unknown.

It’s beautiful to have dreams and visions, to witness their unfolding in unique and unexpected ways. To feel like life is conspiring for you and cherishing bringing your desires into matter.

And sometimes, life has its own wild plans that you get to know nothing about.

what now

This diagnosis is asking me to reflect as to how I got here. How did my body get so lost that cancer began to grow?

I do not blame myself for cancer. I do however, take responsibility for how I can grow and transform through this opportunity.

It’s time to return to myself, to return to the great womb of life and experience a death like no other. To be reborn into yet again, another version of myself through devotion to embodiment.

I remain grateful.

A mi precioso esposo por sostenerme en la siguiente etapa de mi transformación, my parents who are housing me, a rare group of powerful women who are loving me…

And to the medicine path for showing me how to journey. I have spent the last 2 moon cycles in preparation, and see the treatment phase as the ceremony. Integration…well that will come when it comes.

time to journey

It is a privilege to journey into the unknown, and as shitty as cancer is, I am choosing to believe something magical will come from this.

One of the things I have been doing daily is a chakra cleanse (thanks Spotify). I believe connecting to and clearing the energy body is just as vital as healing the physical body.

Although this is not how I imagined presenting my new offering to you, I offer it just the same.

I invite you into self-devotion alongside me with my new online course:

— Bridge To Temple —

This is a 7 part journey of self-love, embodied presence, and devotion, traveling through the energy centers, or chakras, of the body.

Whatever you are healing, running from, or wanting to connect with, this course will offer you the time and space to come home to yourself.

And right now, that is exactly what I am practicing.

If you feel called to take this journey with me, you can begin Bridge To Temple here.

→ [Begin Bridge To Temple]

if you want to walk alongside me

There are a few ways you can support me through this season:

Purchase Bridge To Temple
Join me in a 7-part journey of self-love, embodied presence, and returning home to yourself.

Become a paid subscriber
For $6/month, you help sustain my writing and creative work while also offering practical support during this unexpected season of life.

Subscribe now

Do both
Take the journey with me and become a paid subscriber.

If these letters have touched your heart, and you want to touch mine back, becoming a paid subscriber is one of the simplest ways to walk alongside me. ❤️

However you choose to show up, know that I feel it. Your purchase, your subscription, your message, your prayer, your presence—it all moves me.

And if you are bleeding from your ass. Please, seek help. Colon cancer (among others) is rising in young healthy people, and you deserve to live a long and fulfilling life. I do not regret for a moment not seeing a GI specialist sooner, and, I do not wish the pain and discomfort my body has held on anyone.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

May you find,

Hello Everyone,

I am honored to have been a guest on the Better Beliefs podcast and am sharing it with you below.

In this conversation Brent weaves my story of reconnecting with sexual energy (life force) on stage, and the importance of finding your own vitality to truly live in presence. We discuss how the current of life moving through you, the one you were born with, requires going inside to discover its power.

If you’ve been longing to change your own beliefs about what it means to truly feel alive, I think you’ll find something potent in this conversation.

Give it a listen and drop me a note with what resonated for you, I read each one.

Better Beliefs: The oldest way to feel fully alive.

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May you find,

Welcome to alternative love.

⏱ 6-minute read.

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Living a spiritual life isn’t about renouncing everything. It isn’t about hiding your dark parts or seemingly unnatural desires. It definitely doesn’t mean becoming more wholesome (whatever the fuck that means).

It’s about finding more pleasure in everything. And I mean everything. Even that thing that you do when you’re quietly slipping away from yourself (mine is binge-watching 00s tv dramas).

And. Being deeply devoted to your aliveness.

In that devotion, you will begin to remember that sexuality and spirituality are inextricably linked.

Keep reading to learn about my journey of reunification and how you can embody the sexual and spiritual life you’re seeking.

Want to listen?

I had the pleasure of joining the Better Beliefs Podcast. Listen here, and experience how Brent weaves my story about rediscovery with the importance of finding your own aliveness in the midst of this thing we call life.

the separation

When my hormones started raging at 14 and I fell in love for the first time—”you two should stop having sex, god doesn’t approve”—was the message I received from the church.

The spirituality I was offered was based on separation and performance. Show up to church, show up to small group, show up to volunteer in Sunday school, and don’t give in to bodily temptations.

It was at this time my sexuality started to go underground, and by the time I went to college, I had little if any connection to spirituality.

I thought there was only one flavor.

It wasn’t until I started exploring the world of Tantra and Sacred Sexuality that my eyes widened again.

Through the Tantric path I started to remember…

the remembering

The journey of spiritual awakening didn’t take me back to church. It took me inside the temple of my own body.

The human vessel is where I felt the spark of life swimming through my veins, and acknowledged that same spark caresses everything in this world.

That you are not separate from god, you are a living breathing vessel of pure love. And what is god if not love in its purest form.

I remembered that spirituality isn’t something you do, it’s something you embody.

How does it feel to be in your body at this place in your life? Are you feeling alive?

If you’re ready to explore your body as a temple, I wrote something just for you. My guidebook, Spirit Sex is 55 pages of wisdom, journal prompts, embodiment practices, and creative projects for anyone ready to soften, listen, and to remember.

You can purchase it here.

pleasure as prayer

Sensual pleasure offers a bridge between spirituality and sexuality because it helps you drop into the body.

The flowers I admire as they bloom, tantalizing with their scents—“come closer and dip your nose in for a smell.”

The warmth of the shower gently pounding on my skin, offering relief and comfort in its waves.

The taste of cacao lingering on my tongue, reminding me the blessing of this rich delight in my mouth.

Sensual pleasure holds space for spirit and matter simultaneously. i.e. you can experience transcendence and embodiment at the same time.

And the spirituality I’m into—wants you to experience as much pleasure as possible.

Because from this place…

You can create.

And the energy of creation is the tiny seed that portals into aliveness.

Can you think back to the last thing you created, and how you felt?

sexuality as creative force

Sexuality is bigger than sex.

It’s about the energy of love moving through and beyond you, when you are embodying your unique essence.

How you share that energy with yourself and the world.

When I stopped performing sexuality for others on stage and in the bedroom, I started cultivating and harnessing the energy for pleasure and purpose.

At the close of a medicine ceremony, a friend said to me, "I'd love to create something for my housemates that helps them drop into this energy. Let me know if that's something that turns you on.”

What is turning you on in life at this moment, and where do you notice that in your body?

You deserve to feel turned on by your life!

For this reason, I’ve spent the last few months creating my first online course.

It’s an invitation to return home to your body and remember that self-love and devotion support your aliveness.

It’s coming very soon. If you’re already feeling your body saying YES as you read this, stay close.

the blending

For the last five years I devoted myself to endless sexual and spiritual practice and study.

And then.

Life started to become the practice.

The reunification happened when I wasn’t looking.

I remembered—working is part of my orientation to life because it allows me to be in purpose, pleasure, and most importantly service. It offers me a space to create and share my authentic expression with the world.

My marriage offers me an opportunity to embody unconditional love and sacrifice by supporting my husband in following threads of his own aliveness, even when it doesn’t always suit mine.

A morning ritual that includes walking, Tandava, and listening to my bodies needs and desires. From this place, I can hear my intuition and practice trusting myself.

Connecting to the earth and her elemental treasures in reverence and reciprocity. I return flowers to sources of water, I stand barefoot on the grass, and I pray to the Apu’s of the Sacred Valley for their strength.

And, a sex life that isn’t tied exclusively to my husband. I make love to myself. I enter conscious sexual spaces with dear friends while honoring the boundaries and agreements of my partnership. My sex life isn’t just about intercourse, it’s about pleasure.

This blending is what gave me the courage to share an online course so you too can reunite sexuality and spirituality through embodied practice rather than performance.

I cannot wait to share it with you.

an invitation

If you’re feeling numb, lost, or just plain curious about a more expansive sexual and spiritual life, I encourage you to start looking within.

Where to begin?

1. Work through my guidebook Spirit Sex if you want to begin your own remembering. Purchase here.

2. Purchase my online course if you’re ready to devote yourself to loving yourself (coming very soon ya’ll).

3. Become a paid subscriber if you’d like to continue walking this path with me through these letters.

Subscribe now

Remember.

Thank you for reading ❤️

If these letters are touching your heart, consider becoming a paid subscriber for just $6/month.

Your support has always helped sustain the time, energy, and devotion behind this work. Today, it also helps me navigate an unexpected Stage IV colon cancer diagnosis and the financial realities that have come with it. Every contribution allows me to continue writing, creating, and sharing these offerings while meeting the needs of this season.

Thank you for walking alongside me.

Subscribe now

May you find,

Hello Everyone,

I am honored to have been a guest on Beyond Transcendence with Andrew and am sharing it with you below.

This conversation gave me space to reflect on what embodiment truly feels like. For me, it means being a person who is willing and able to listen to themselves and the wisdom of the body, especially when the mind wants to spin webs of chaos.

If you've been longing to reconnect with yourself, your intuition, or your body's quiet knowing, I think you'll find something potent in this conversation.

Give it a listen and drop me a note with what resonated for you, I read each one.

Beyond Transcendence: How listening to the body and heart can unlock authentic living

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May you find,

Welcome to alternative love.

⏱ 6-minute read.

All my life I’ve been the type of woman who was a leader.

I didn’t wait for permission to do things, if I had a desire, I followed and went for it.

This often included lots of pushing, pressing, and yang energy.

Today, I’m learning to follow. My husband (at times), and the mystery of life itself.

Keep reading to learn about the joys and pains of embodying a new way of being.

Following my desires used to look like creating the life I wanted, at whatever cost.

After pursuing a degree in dance, I ended up with femoral acetabular impingement (deathly hip pain) and the need for surgery.

After pursuing my dream job in the substance abuse recovery space, I ended up in disbelief and gave up sobriety.

And after a wonderfully exciting and successful burlesque career, I felt empty and alone.

Leading my life used to place me in my masculine, often.

In my female friendships, women often asked me to hold the masculine in our dynamic. Reaching out, making the plans, holding the container, etc. And I enjoyed being in this role.

With men, I used to go after who I found most attractive and enjoyed the pursuit and capture, rather than the man underneath the mask.

These experiences of leading my life and pursuing my desires with gusto brought me immense power and purpose…

Until they didn’t.

Have you ever spent so much time leading that receiving started to feel foreign and slightly unsafe in the body?

When do I get to sit back and go along for the ride?

Eventually, I was so burnt out that I took 6 months off from “working” to begin the shift into listening and slowness.

The shift into being led.

Enter, Samuel Thomas John Hines and the mystery.

I met Sam in November 2023 and shortly after was invited to visit him in Costa Rica.

I LOOOOOVE an invitation. So the answer: fuck yes.

This yes led to a whirlwind romance.

This season of learning to follow inspired my guidebook, Spirit Sex. It's 55 pages of wisdom, journal prompts, embodiment practices, and creative projects for anyone ready to soften, listen, and let devotion become a way of relating to themselves and life.

You can purchase it here.

Fast forward to disillusionment

As Sam and I started to settle into a life together, I found it more difficult to honor the balance of submission in our relationship.

I have quite a lot of natural desire, and without the hormones of new relationship energy, we stopped feeling that overwhelming pull to be intimate.

So, I started asking for more from our sex life, which was often met with resistance and activation.

I learned my husband felt averse to my masculine energy. It confused him. He didn’t feel comfortable submitting to my desire. To letting me lead.

Sometimes it brought up that feeling of waiting around all day for the guy to call about the supposed date…

Deep longing mixed with the salty tears of self-abandonment.

Some of my agency started to fall away. I couldn’t act naturally on my desires anymore because it started to threaten the relationship dynamic.

I started yearning for someone to let me lead.

The Practice of Tandava

At this place, I find it’s important to start asking yourself:

“How do I come back to myself, to my power, while still being led?

To take time to listen to the body, to feel the sensations and conversations happening within you that want to guide you home.

What did this look like for me?

I started a mentorship container and Tandava. An embodiment practice that invites you to slow down and attune to the subtle energy moving through you. Encouraging and teaching you to let go of control and wait for the breath of life to lead.

This practice has become one of the anchors of my own becoming. If you’re navigating the tension between independence and surrender, desire and devotion, I offer 1:1 mentorship for women seeking to reconnect with their bodies, trust their inner knowing, and learn how to be led by life without abandoning themselves.

Apply here.

Integration

Today I am slowly coming back to myself, my desires, and my own version of surrender.

I am discovering ways to embody the balance between the masculine and feminine energies within me, rather than living fully in one or the other.

Sam and I have agreements in place that allow me to let go of the feeling of waiting for him.

We create space for intentional connection, i.e. we spent the last 2 months in daily devotional practices of our choosing. Inspired by this journey, I’ll be sharing a new online course this September focused on self-love, devotion, and embodied practice for those who wish to cultivate this connection within themselves. Stay tuned.

I continue to practice Tandava 3-4x a week to find my own center and connect to the Spanda of life leading me through the unknown.

And, I am finding gratitude and patience with the unfolding of life on its terms, rather than my own agenda.

What wisdom can I offer you?

Notice where you have been attempting to bend life to your will.

Notice the silent tears you’ve been holding back because you want to keep the peace.

Notice moments where you can’t locate yourself anymore and the accompanying sensation of confusion spinning a web of polite pain.

Start a practice of surrender like Tandava.

And remember…

Thank you for reading ❤️

If these letters are touching your heart, consider becoming a paid subscriber for just $6/month.

Your support has always helped sustain the time, energy, and devotion behind this work. Today, it also helps me navigate an unexpected Stage IV cancer diagnosis and the financial realities that have come with it. Every contribution allows me to continue writing, creating, and sharing these offerings while meeting the needs of this season.

Thank you for walking alongside me.

Subscribe now

May you find,

Something new is opening.

For the first time, I’m offering a limited number of 60-minute 1:1 sessions throughout July.

A space to bring your questions, your desires, your confusion, and your becoming.

This is an opportunity to be witnessed, supported, challenged, and guided deeper into your truth.

If you’ve been considering booking, I wouldn’t wait too long. These sessions are only available through July, and once the remaining spaces are filled, they’re filled.

If your body is saying yes, trust it.
[Book your session here]

If these letters are touching your heart, consider becoming a paid subscriber for just $6/month. Your support funds the time, energy, and devotion behind every piece, helping my work continue to grow and reach those who need more love.

May you find,

p.s. if you’re not ready to meet 1:1, you can feel into my work through my guidebook, Spirit Sex.

[Purchase here]

⏱ 5-minute read.

Welcome to alternative love.

Read part 1 - How Well Do You Surrender To Change?

Subscribe now

Before we dive in, I have something new to share.

For the first time, I’m opening a limited number of 60-minute 1:1 sessions for the month of July only.

If you’re already feeling the pull, you can reserve your session here. [Book Now]

To become a mother sounds like an awfully wonderful adventure.

The journey to get there.

Requires shedding.

I was born Heather Lee Mazzei.

After a burlesque career as Lulu Lor, my identity became Lulu Lee Mazzei.

And my husband, well I can’t reveal all the sweet pet names he has for me 😉

We all carry many identities, many names, and well, this can feel confusing and disorienting.

These past few years, it feels like I’m shedding.

Everything…

At a gathering of women in San Francisco, we shared about the journey from Maiden to Mother.

Much of what I heard centered around the logistics required, the changes that would need to take place, and most touching, the lack of opportunities to be held by community during this transition.

Perhaps the greatest sacrifice of all.

This liminal space holds great power.

A time of emptying, shedding, evaluating, and asking really fucking hard questions.

And.

If you are willing to travel into the darkest confines of your own psyche, great depth.

Social media is wrought with all the things a woman SHOULD do to prepare for motherhood.

Endless women telling you they have the answer to a blissed out birth.

Post after post of adorable pregnancy photos and the infamous “in bed holding baby photo.”

But.

What about the space in between? The time before conception?

For my husband and I, conscious conception means choosing the path of parenthood and being with what arises until the time comes, even if that means, it never comes.

I have been processing what seems like layer after layer of fear, doubt, and confusion.

Just a few of the beliefs I have been exploring:

• I don’t have a right to share about this process because I’m not a physical mother yet.

• I’m too old and it’s too late for me to get pregnant.

• I won’t be enough for my husband if I don’t produce a child.

• If I don’t become a mother, I won’t be a fully developed woman.

• Motherhood will force me to lose my wild erotic self.

What beliefs are you sitting with about an identity that is emerging?

Now, how to traverse this liminal space?

Let go of limiting beliefs and make space for an unconditioned self.

i.e. love yourself, hard.

It’s important to acknowledge beliefs are present, explore where they come from, if they’re really yours, and when you’re ready, release the energy they hold (and are holding you back from) to the earth and the ether.

Shed.

I spend time harnessing energy from Pachamama (Gaia, Danu, whatever you’re into) and listening to her wisdom. I ask the Earth to lead me and teach me how to embody the next layer of myself.

And most importantly, I allow myself to be held in mentorship by powerful women, and through the love and tenderness of my husband. These containers make this time fucking potent.

In order to become a mother, I believe you have to descend so deep into the dark that you can bring back life.

In order to embody the next identity, the next layer of yourself, you may need to do the same.

Remember, the darkness is where everything comes from, don’t be afraid. Crossing a threshold of change requires rebirthing yourself.

Sending my love to all the mothers—thank you for your sacrifice, your service, and your unconditional love.

If you’re feeling yourself in a space of shedding, questioning, or becoming—
I created something to support you inside of that.

Purchase Spirit Sex

For the first time, I’m opening a limited number of 60-minute 1:1 sessions for those seeking individualized support and guidance.

I’ll only be offering these sessions for the month of July.

Once they’re filled, they’re filled.

This is an opportunity to dive deeper into what you’re moving through, ask a burning question about sex & relationships, or to be led through an embodiment practice from my guidebook, Spirit Sex.

If you feel called, you can book your session here:
[Book your session]

Thank you for reading ❤️

If these letters are touching your heart, consider becoming a paid subscriber for just $6/month. Your support funds the time, energy, and devotion behind every piece, helping my work continue to grow and reach those who need more love.

Subscribe now

May you find,

Recently, I was invited to record my first podcast episode.

This conversation was meaningful because it highlighted the importance of healing the feminine in a world that still prioritizes the mind over the mystical.

It reminded me the long (and very weird) journey I have traversed to come home to myself. I was the first time in maybe 7 years I used my birth name to introduce myself.

And, the conversation opened the doorway to something deep I’ll be sharing more about next week….

I hope you enjoy it.

Subscribe for deeper teachings and embodied wisdom.

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Keep listening,

⏱ 6-minute read.

Welcome to alternative love.

Subscribe to stay in the know and receive inspiration, wisdom, and love letters.

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I have now lived in Peru for almost a year.

A dream come true.

And a nightmare in disguise.

Keep reading to learn about my journey and the embodiment of change.

Embodying change. Big change. Is no easy task.

When I first arrived in Peru in 2025 it was under the presumption that I would be here for 5 months. I was living in a small 13 home medicine community and hosting my first retreat with my husband.

You can only stay in Peru for 90 days at a time. So we quickly had to make a choice.

Stay and pursue residency or leave…and go somewhere???

My husband is Australian and I’m American so staying in one country isn’t the smoothest experience. Extended Visas are not guaranteed.

We chose to stay.

But really, I’m learning, we allowed the mystery of life to guide us here.

In order to hold residency, we needed to get married (this was the easiest route, easy being a joke here).

We wanted to get married, so we went for it.

No big ceremony, no white dress, no family, just a simple process and a humble beginning.

I never imagined a traditional wedding, but I did need to let go of being celebrated and sharing in the experience with those I love.

A sacrifice in order to follow the beloved and to begin grounding.

October 27, 2025

I woke up to my mind screaming:

I had never experienced this before. Fear, sure. But terror.

I wanted to run.

I never really felt a sense of belonging in the 7 months of living in the Sacred Valley.

I felt a lot of isolation on the land.

Going to town required tuk tuks (mototaxis) or collectivo’s (tiny vans stuffed with people).

Each time I left I felt the shock of being a minority and struggling with confidence to speak Spanish.

My life here felt really hard, and now I realized I committed to staying in this reality.

So what did I do?

I sat. I cried, wailed really.

And thankfully, I started a mentorship container with a woman who held my hand through the darkness of this nightmare.

Regardless of the situation, it often comes with a lot of resistance, grief, and confusion.

When we finally moved into our home, a different shock and disappointment set in.

The entire downstairs space was just larger than my childhood bedroom.

I had to go outside to use the bathroom. Which had a compost toilet, i.e. I poop in a bucket, cover it with sawdust, and every 4 days or so go through the process of emptying and cleaning it.

No closet. All of our clothes hung on a single rod, or sat on the floor.

And flies. A lot of flies.

All of this was met by more resistance in my psyche.

Then theres the reality of daily life here.

We drive an hour to pick up organic meat. We go to 3 or 4 different tiendas (stores) to gather groceries.

Taking a hot shower requires turning the therma on 30 minutes before, to get a good 9-12 minutes.

And the pace of life is slow, sometimes so slow I’m bored.

So why stay?

Devotion to embodiment, the beloved, and evolution.

It seems we’re taught (or at least I was), that discomfort means there’s a problem, that something is wrong, and it must be fixed—immediately if not yesterday!

Today, I am choosing to stay with discomfort, boredom, and the challenge of change.

To feel all of life.

To let it strip me bare, because I believe in staying I will become the woman I am meant to be.

Ready to dive into yourself?

Grab your copy of the Spirit Sex guidebook and cultivate spirit-centered sexuality.

Purchase Spirit Sex!

Now, I haven’t told you all the fucking amazing things about this new life (stay tuned for a future Substack), but

Why should you care?

Because I know there’s something you want to run from. A nightmare hiding underneath the bed.

Maybe it’s a conversation with your partner you’re afraid to have, maybe you just started a new job and it’s really hard, maybe you’re experiencing pain in the body that is sending off alarms of panic and fear.

I want you to know it’s okay to stay with it.

It’s more than okay to be confused.

It’s perfectly sane to feel lost and out of control.

Change can be scary. Your mind might try to convince you it isn’t safe.

That this is a nightmare you need to wake up from.

But the truth I’m experiencing—

Once you do, you can integrate the dark and the light. You can feel whole.

What wisdom can I offer you about staying through change?

For the past 6 months, nearly 4x a week I have practiced Tandava. A nonlinear movement meditation that invites you into deep presence.

To practice being rooted and expansive, to wander into the dark, to let go of control, and surrender to life.

With the support of this practice I have been learning to sit with everything.

Not just the parts of me or of life that I want to see.

I am able to stay because I am finding life is about all of it, not just the pretty parts.

If you’re going through a big change and want support, I’m here to guide you.

To stay and to to go deeper.

Check out my mentorship container here.

And in case you missed it, you can read about my mentorship journey with Sarah Zahava here.

Thanks for reading!

If this spoke to you, please click the heart, write a comment or share with a friend. It helps spread the love beyond this space. ❤️

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Keep listening,

⏱ 5-minute read.

Welcome to alternative love.

Subscribe to stay in the know and receive inspiration, wisdom, and love letters.

Subscribe now

I don’t believe in libido in the traditional sense.

I don’t think people have higher or lower drives for sex.

Because I don’t think sex is a drive. It’s an energy.

To diminish sex to the physical act of intercourse is incredibly narrow and reductionistic.

If you’re not having a lot (whatever that means) of intercourse or oral sex you might start to think something is wrong.

You might think that your libido is gone.

It’s not.

Sexual energy is always present.

But can you tap into it?

Some people are more connected to their bodies, in relationship with the aliveness pulsing there. From that intimacy, sexual energy and desire become easier to access.

When you’re disconnected from the body, if you live in the mind, always thinking and planning and doing, it’s hard to hear the whispers from within.

It’s harder to feel embodied pleasure, and if it’s harder to feel pleasure, you likely don’t crave it too much.

You might even feel averse to it.

If the body has become a place of trauma, fear, or shame, I get why you don’t think about your sexuality, or put effort into exploring that piece of yourself.

But what if being in the body felt PLEASURABLE?

What if it felt good to be so present, so attuned to the subtle sensations and feelings, that you wanted to spend MORE time in the body?

I think you might just crave sex. Not intercourse, but the current of sexual energy.

Or at the very least, be more interested in it.

Forget about libidos for a moment.

Let go of sex as some elusive drive that some have and some don’t and imagine…

Sex as an embodied experience of pleasure.

Sex as a somatic energy exchange.

Sex as a time to reconnect with your essence, power, and divine nature.

You need to reconnect to your body in order to desire this experience.

Desire is fluid, it comes in waves, and in long-term relationships, needs to be cultivated.

You likely wouldn’t plant a garden, never return to it, and expect it to bloom.

Well, your relationship is a garden.

It needs tending.

And that tending, begins with you.

If you’re ready to learn how to tend it…

I’m here to guide you.

Learning how to experience the subtleties of the body, and then in life, will help you experience desire in a new way.

These realms are gifts of the feminine.

Start Here

The Spirit Sex Guidebook is the shallow water.

A 56 page devotional guide to reconnect you to your body and experience spirit-centered sexuality.

→ Purchase here.

Ready for the deeper dive?

If you feel the yes—I have two different 6-part programs for women.

This is for the woman who knows she is meant to feel more.

More pleasure.
More desire.
More softness.
More power in her body.

Your desire is not missing. It’s waiting.

You don’t have a libido problem.
You have a disconnection problem.

Ready to change that?

→ Check out my offerings here.

Thanks for reading!

If this spoke to you, please click the heart, write a comment or share with a friend. It helps spread the love beyond this space. ❤️

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Keep listening,

⏱ 7-minute read.

Welcome to alternative love.

Included in this letter is a shared story of transformation and an invitation to purchase my new ebook-Spirit Sex.

Subscribe now

In my previous role as a sex therapist, I merely received glimpses into the lives of my clients.

I sat with them on a screen, hoping and praying that what we worked on travelled into the world with them. But, I never really knew. How could I? The dynamic was clinical.

When I started alternative love, I craved something different. To be in relationship with clients from the lens of a guide. Not a woman above, but a woman in front perhaps. Someone who had gone a bit further down the rabbit hole and could guide another inside.

I’m sharing my journey with Sarah Zahava so you can remember what it means to be held, to be witnessed, and to become the version of you that you so deeply crave.

I am honored to share this story with Sarah rather than about her.

May it bring you hope.

The Before…

I met Sarah through a cannabis therapy training group, Soul Archeology.

I remember her appearing on the screen and thinking, “that gal looks quite empty, and sad.”

She learned about a women’s circle I was offering in San Diego and said YES to joining.

I was sweetly surprised, because although the being I saw on the screen was quite frozen, she had the capacity to be in her body when guided.

Shortly after, we began working together in a Mentor/Mentee relationship and having regular sessions and communication.

Over the course of the next year Sarah embarked on a journey of personal discovery and surrender.

What blossomed was clarity, ease, and more love.

→ Ready for a journey of your own?

Purchase Spirit Sex

I met lulu during a time in my life in which I felt deeply stuck and insecure.

I was longing for a stronger connection to my intuition, pleasure, aliveness, and power – sick of feeling frozen and numb. Literally sick... my skin was flaring up in acne and rashes, I didn’t have a consistent menstrual cycle, I was always tired, and my gut was a mess.

I needed help moving out of imposter syndrome, and stepping into the roles of service and power that life was asking of me.

Experiencing lulu’s magic, I saw how she embodied her power in a way that was both strong, yet feminine – commanding respect and reverence, while also inviting softness and trust.

That, I thought. That is what lives inside me.

Although I felt a deep call to begin mentorship with lulu, I had to move through some resistance around money.

I asked the universe for a sign. That same day I saw a license plate that said “lulu” on it… lol.

So, I made the trust fall and said yes.

That yes opened a portal to the most transformational year of my life.

Crossing the Threshold

As we whirled around dancing at ISTA, I remember Sarah stopping me to ask, sweetly (but with deep craving), “can you help me take my top off?”

I didn’t do it for her, instead I lovingly encouraged and stood beside her as she bravely stepped into a new layer of freedom, and fun!

On retreat, I remember sitting beside her as she asked my husband another question, somewhat desperately seeking answers, wanting to “do it right”, and needing validation from something or someone outside herself to confirm her truth.

There was a level of helplessness and lack of self-trust I was witnessing.

As we closed our mentorship container, I was delighted to hear Sarah say, “yeah, I realized I already know the answer.”

They were inside her all along. She simply needed to listen, and trust herself.

Over the course of our mentorship, I was met with many initiations/challenges – each inviting me to dive deeper into the unknown, and to be brave amidst fear.

I am so grateful I trusted and chose to book a one-way ticket to Peru, and that I completed a deeper 3-month mentorship container with lulu and her husband, Samuel.

Being immersed in their slow, simple, free, easeful, and joyful way of living showed me what is possible in this life – allowing me to reclaim it and step into it myself.

I knew major shifts were happening when I found myself enjoying doing nothing but staring at the mountains.

I was wanting less and less input from the outside world, because I was finally receiving what I needed from within.

What the Work Asked of Us

The work we did together asked Sarah to let go of the mind and endless thinking, to go slower, and to remember—life can be easeful if you learn to trust yourself, your intuition, and the mystery.

She needed space to really hear herself and to reconnect with her bodies wisdom.

To come back to her soft feminine power.

I needed to be reset and cleansed of everything that wasn’t actually me.

This required holding myself and my process with a tremendous amount of love, patience, gentleness and courage.

What the Work Asked of Me

I had to let go of waiting for someone to change, and instead offer myself as a transmission, a model you might say, of femininity, self-love, and aliveness.

Her process taught me patience.

Her pain humbled me.

Her work reaffirmed my path—I am here to serve women. To watch them come back to life.

What Lives Differently Now

I am no longer the helpless, insecure girl I was when I met lulu.

I am now an empowered woman who has fallen in love with herself and her life.

I’m doing “work” that lights me up, and am making more money for less work.

My creativity has sky rocketed.

I have a deeper connection to my desires and pleasure.

My health has drastically improved. I’m bleeding (menstruating) regularly again, my skin has cleared, and I have consistent energy and aliveness.

This all became possible because I stopped fixing & figuring out, and learned how to embody the feminine and her gifts.

Witnessing Integration

As time weaved on, I watched Sarah come alive again.

She expressed more openly—she even sang with me at an event in San Francisco.

She said no. To clients who weren’t aligned, to the urgency of life, and to living near her family just because they wanted her to.

She said yes. To living in a foreign country, to guiding first psychedelic journey, and to ending a romantic relationship that didn’t feel fully aligned in order to say yes to the man who is coming.

Her helplessness and mistrust retreated.

All I did, was walk with her on the journey.

And love her.

Why This Matters

I push the edges, I challenge myself, and I evolve so I can guide others back to themselves.

My journey with Sarah reminded me—

There are women who want to to reclaim and embrace their soft feminine power. 🌀

If this is you, I invite you to purchase my ebook.

It was written for you.

Purchase Spirit Sex

Thank you, Sarah Zahava. For allowing me the great honor of walking with you in this life.

Thank you lulu. For radically trusting and loving me, so I could remember to radically trust and love myself, again.

Thank you for reading.

If this spoke to you, please click the heart, write a comment or share with a friend. It helps spread the love beyond this space. ❤️

Subscribe now

Keep listening,

⏱ 4-minute read.

Welcome to alternative love.

Today is the official launch of my ebook—Spirit Sex.

Grab your copy below and start a journey of sexual expansion and discovery.

p.s. the Spirit Sex workshop is coming Saturday, April 18th, followed by a private 3-month women’s journey. Subscribe to stay in the know!

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You were likely introduced to the world of sexuality through tv, film, and the shit your friends said.

Your recent education may have included Sex, Love, and goop — Netflix, Come as You Are – by Emily Nagoski, and shit Esther Perel said.

You probably never received information, better yet an initiation, into the possibilities that exist when you explore your sexuality freely and deeply.

There are so many things I wish I had been told, shown, given permission to feel into.

Just a few…

Your genitals are beautiful, perfect, different from everyone else’s and imperative to explore (on your own).

Your sexual energy is also healing energy, and should be shared with intention and love.

Orgasms can happen all over your body, not just the genitals (hurray 😉).

You are born with a current of energy—known to some as kundalini, to others as the Holy Spirit. And with devotion and practice, it can uncoil in the body and help you feel more alive!

There are stages of sexual development, and if you choose, you can grow through them.

→ Ready to discover all that sexuality has to offer you? Spend $25 on Spirit Sex and watch the mystery unfold…

YES, I'm Ready!

I’d love to share some of the wisdom and knowledge I’ve received through my own sexual journey.

To offer you a path into the world of spirit-centered sexuality.

It’s what’s waiting when you explore beyond the physical act of sex.

When you begin to uncover a deeper purpose of your sexuality—a reunification with your true nature and the tools to cultivate and harness your unique sexual energy.

The result—you’ll feel more desirable, more purposeful, more creative, more connected to your body, and more ALIVE.

p.s. way better physical sex too 😉🥳

Spirit Sex is a series of 7 powerful invitations to support you in embodying spirit-centered sexuality. Included is 55 pages of wisdom, journal prompts, embodiment practices, and creative projects.

Thanks for reading!

If this spoke to you, please click the heart, write a comment or share with a friend. It helps spread the love beyond this space. ❤️

If you’d like to stay connected between letters, you can find me on Instagram→ @alternativelove.sf

Keep listening,

⏱ 3-minute read.

Welcome to alternative love.

My ebook—Spirit Sex, is coming. Keep reading to learn how to receive a FREE copy!

p.s. If you’ve been waiting for a more accessible way to work with me, it’s coming this April. Subscribe to stay in the know and follow me on Instagram for more content→ .sf

Subscribe now

I believe you go through a sexual awakening the moment you’re born.

You arrive in this world with a certain sense of aliveness coursing through your veins.

Over the years you learn to hide this aliveness because it feels overwhelming or threatening to people—conditioning begins.

And eventually (I pray), you start to wonder what happened to that aliveness. You start to crave more.

More sex.

More adventure.

More freedom.

More life.

Enter, spiritual awakening.

A time in life when you start to ask big questions and discover your purpose beyond the job or career you’ve chosen. A time when you start to wonder, “is this it?”

This doesn’t happen for everyone. Some folk are happy following the rules, coloring inside the lines, and feel content with the status quo.

But if you’re like me, you have always been a little bit different…

The journey of spiritual awakening, for me, began when I started listening to my heart over my mind. ❤️

I started wanting to protect and honor my sexuality instead of sharing it with others. And when I started to believe, there was more waiting for me.

Along this journey, I was guided by rituals and practices I didn’t consciously understand at the time, yet they quietly led me home.

To remembering who I really was when I let go of everything that I thought I was.

As I wrote about this journey in an effort to answer the question, “how did I get here?”, it turned into invitations I could offer you.

Today I feel sexual aliveness in a way that is centered around spirit. My sexuality in fact, offered me a bridge into spirituality. This was a spiritual sexual awakening.

So.

If you’re curious about spirit-centered sexuality, and want to feel turned on by your life, let me be your guide. I would be honored to introduce you to another layer of your being, something deeper, something more mystical, something more alive.

If you’re a woman who loves supporting woman-owned businesses, I’m gathering photos and videos of you connecting with water to help launch this eBook.

This book is for you, and I’d love you to be part of it.

The final 3 women who share will receive a FREE copy—55 pages of wisdom, journal prompts, embodiment practices, and a talisman of alternative love.

Subscribe now

Thank you for subscribing, I appreciate you!

If this spoke to you, please click the heart, write a comment or share with a friend. It helps spread the love beyond this space. ❤️

If you’d like to stay connected between letters, you can find me on Instagram
→ @alternativelove.sf

Keep listening,

p.s. join me on IG LIVE Tuesday, March 3rd to celebrate the launch of Spirit Sex!

⏱ 6-minute read.

Welcome to alternative love. I’m so glad you’re here.

Included in this letter is the opportunity to pre-order my brand new ebook, Spirit Sex—with a chance to receive a copy absolutely FREE!

Keep reading to learn more and subscribe to receive a special offer.

Sending you love.

p.s. If you’ve been waiting for a more accessible way to work with me, it’s coming this April ☺️. Join me on Tuesday, March 3rd to celebrate the launch of my ebook on Zoom!

Subscribe now

Building a business can be exhausting and exhilarating in the same breath.

When I left my life behind in 2023 to pursue something deeper, something more aligned, that included leaving a private therapy practice, a burlesque business, and moving towards an unconventional life.

It meant starting yet ANOTHER business.

Truth.

It’s been slow. It’s been messy. It’s been real.

Today I’m celebrating 2 years of alternative love, and the joy of embodying the journey!

I’ve always had an incredible drive and a resistance to the “system.”

Starting alternative love was an act of defiance as much as it was a leap of faith in following my dharma (calling, path, whatever you’re into).

It is an act of discipline and ongoing bravery.

Being your own boss requires willingness, patience, commitment, courage, passion, and then some.

Sharing your art over and over again means sitting with and moving beyond doubt.

I wish I could tell you things were smooth and consistent.

If you’d like to stay connected between letters, you can find me on Instagram→ @alternativelove.sf

Deeper truth.

A lot of the time I feel lost. I wonder if I’m doing enough. If I should just go back and see clinical therapy clients (although this path led me to incredible burnout).

I just want to help people! But I’ve learned I have to wait to be asked.

My energy can be quite penetrating (projector vibes) and meant for those who are ready to go deeper.

I like to think of my work as what you do after therapy.

I write this to share the realities of living an unconventional life. A life outside the system.

It can be quite lonely.

And

I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Why?

Because of the freedom I am experiencing. The challenges I am overcoming.

And because I believe in what alternative love has to offer women.

I believe all the lives I have lived, all the pain I have felt, all the growth I have moved through has meaning.

And, I want your life to feel meaningful too.

Invitation

As I wrote about my journey into spirit-centered sexuality, it turned into a book—SPIRIT SEX. It’s a series of 7 invitations to help you reconnect to your body and experience a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with your sexuality.

And, I’m asking for your help.

If you’re a woman and would be willing to support the launch of the ebook, I want a picture of you with water.

In return—the first 10 women will receive the ebook absolutely FREE! This is 55 pages of wisdom, journal prompts, embodiment practices, and beautiful artistry with my co-designer Camila Nuca.

This ebook was written for you, and is a living talisman from my heart. ❤️

Thank you thank you thank you for witnessing my journey, and for your willingness to support alternative love!

🥳 Join me on Tuesday, March 3rd to celebrate the launch of the ebook on Zoom. 🥳

Remember, you don’t have to be great to start—but you have to start to be great.

Thanks for reading!

If this spoke to you, please click the heart, write a comment or share with a friend. It helps spread the love beyond this space. ❤️

Pre-Order Spirit Sex

If you’d like to stay connected between letters, you can find me on Instagram→ @alternativelove.sf

Keep listening,

Meeting an existential crisis, or having BIG life questions, are not problems, they are an invitation—to go deeper.

In March of 2023 I left a life behind in search of more depth, more sacredness, in hopes of evolving. Where did it lead me?

To land that holds the sacral chakra of the earth—Peru, and specifically the Sacred Valley. A place where creation, fertility, sexual energy and ancient wisdom collide.

Now I am inviting you into a life with more sacredness, more depth, more aliveness!

If any of the statements below resonate with where you find yourself in life, I lovingly urge you to check out our upcoming SELF retreat—March 18-25, 2026.

Learn More

If you’re feeling lost and not sure what to do next with your life

If you’re feeling confused about the point of it all

If you’re wanting to connect with more conscious and heart-centered people

If you want to love yourself more deeply

If you want life to feel more mystical and magical

If you crave a cultural experience that expands your idea about what it means to live

If you want to discover your purpose

If you need a reset of mind body and spirit

If you need support transitioning into the next truest, most authentic version of yourself

OR

If you’re just ready to shake the snow globe and watch what happens…

Join us on the adventure of a lifetime, an adventure to meet yourSELF. We would be honored to hold you and guide you in the land we now call home.

Your body already said yes, are you willing to surrender to the mystery?

Apply Here

Sending love and blessings for your transition into 2026, may it be slow and expansive.

If you feel called to work with me, reach out for a more personalized journey through 1:1 mentorship.

You can view all my offerings here.

Keep listening,

The holidays can feel intense.

Family dynamics.

Endless parties, potlucks, and people.

All of this can create expectations of giving and people pleasing.

In the body this might feel like tightening, performing, managing.

So, what does the art of receiving have to do with this?

Because receiving isn’t just an idea — it’s an embodied state. The body has to soften and unclench before the heart can open.

If you’re ready to get what you need this holiday season, which might not always be what you want, keep reading.

many of us are conditioned to operate from a place of pursuing.

If you want something, you have to make it happen. You have to figure it out. You have to go after it.

I grew up being told—there are 3 types of people in the world:

• Those who make shit happen

• Those who watch what happens

• And lastly, those who wonder what happened

Most of my life was spent following door number 1.

I got really good at creating the life I wanted. Going after my dreams and desires.

I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.

And,

I’m saying, there’s another way.

A way with more ease. More gentleness. More faith.

enter, the art of receiving.

To receive is a quality of the feminine. It lives in the body, in the breath, in the capacity to soften instead of brace. It’s an art because it requires patience, trust, and surrender. Practices you may not have had the space to cultivate in the western worldview.

It’s a shift, a prayer really, to receive what you NEED, which may not always be what you want.

Remember, the universe is conspiring with you, not against you. So, can you allow it to provide for you, what’s best for you.

What’s required?

You need to get out of the way. Let go a little.

imagine this:

You’re preparing to go out for a holiday date night with your partner. You’re tired from all the parties and commitments, but you want this night to feel special, so you’re doing your best to activate and stay present.

Your partner senses your fatigue and offers to cook dinner at home for you instead.

Initially you think, “but we have to go out, I have to show up, he’s been so busy too, I can’t let him do that for me”...

But then, you shift into allowing.

“Sure that sounds really nice”, you respond.

You notice your shoulders drop.

Your breath gets a little deeper.

You feel your body soften and welcome the relief.

He invites you to lounge on the couch while he prepares the meal.

You feel a bit of guilt, “but I should help”, and still you let yourself relax and begin to feel the pleasure in being cared for.

As you sit and watch, you enjoy deep conversation, presence, the type of intimacy you’ve been craving, and feel yourself continue to soften into this space. It feels loving.

The night continues in this fashion and ends with love making that’s slow, tender, and where you’re partner stopped to asked, “how would you like to be touched?”

Everything unfolds sweetly and is in fact exactly what you needed.

You didn’t orchestrate any of this.

You didn’t “make it happen.”

You just allowed yourself to receive.

This holiday season, practice receiving with your body first — soften your belly, relax your jaw, exhale.

Let yourself be someone who wonders what happened, because you are open to being surprised by the mystery of life when you surrender.

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My writings are free. However, as a Paid Subscriber, you are sending me a message that you acknowledge and value the time and energy that I take to write these posts, and you would like to offer a token of appreciation.

Thank you for subscribing whether for free or paid. I deeply appreciate you.

Subscribe now

If you feel called to work with me, reach out for a more personalized journey through 1:1 mentorship.

You can view all my offerings here.

Ready to dive deeper? Learn about the SELF retreat.

Keep listening,

You may have heard of Tantra, and associate it with eye gazing, hippies, and wild sex. It can include all of those things, and, it’s so much more. In truth, Tantra is a way of being, its a pathway to greater presence and embodiment. Keep reading to learn how Tantra can support you in feeling more presence and pleasure in your life.

why should you care about Tantra?

It can help you…

• Feel more inspired and alive—reconnect with your purpose and move beyond existential dread.

• Reconnect to your body’s wisdom —learn to feel, sense, and trust your intuition so decisions come with ease.

• Expand your capacity for distress—meet challenges with resilience and grace.

• Deepen your spiritual connection—make life feel meaningful and special.

• Experience more pleasure—create more intimacy and aliveness in your sex life (I mean, who doesn’t want this)

what is classical tantra?

Traditional, or non dual (ND) Tantra is an ancient philosophy born in India over a thousand years ago. This form of Tantra emphasizes spiritual awakening, or consciousness, as a path to liberation and pleasure. Unlike religions or spiritual practices that promote asceticism or renouncing the body as the path to God (the universe, creator, whatever you’re into), ND Tantra teaches that you are already a unique expression of the divine, you are already whole. Awakening happens through remembrance and deep embodiment—by honoring your humanness rather than trying to transcend it.

It is not about learning how to have better sex (although it may lead there), its about learning that there is no separation between spirit and matter, the light and dark, pleasure and pain. Through this path, you learn to be with all of your feelings — the joy, the desire, the grief, the uncertainty. And from deeper presence, more energy, pleasure, and vitality begin to flow into your everyday life.

what is neo-tantra?

Neo Tantra is more about cultivating conscious relationships through intimacy, love and sacred sexuality. This happens through blending Eastern mysticism, psychology, and sexual liberation. It cultivates presence, slowness, and devotion — antidotes to modern overstimulation, disconnection, and the lack of passion you may feel.

Many lineages trace themselves back to Osho, one of the most influential figures bringing Tantra to the Western world. This form of Tantra is often more approachable and immediately transformative for modern women — offering a space to reclaim your sensuality, feel safe in your body, and experience intimacy as a spiritual practice. Neo Tantra invites you to soften, to open, and to remember—

sex lies at the root of life—when you learn reverence for sex, you can experience reverence for life.

how to start practicing?

Classical Tantra requires a Guru and often involves working with particular mantras, yantras, deities, studying sutras, yoga, etc. For the modern women, because I believe you are your own Guru—here’s 4 ways to begin:

• Discover a person, Goddess (whatever calls to you) and begin spending intentional time with their energy. Allow yourself to be mentored by their essence, their spirit, their wisdom. i.e. follow them on insta, read their Substack, purchase one of their online programs, read a book about them, etc.

• Find a symbol that feelings meaningful to you. Print it out, put it on the wall above your desk (better yet make an altar), sit with it, study it, and allow it’s energy to teach you something. For example, did you know that the classic Venn diagram is actually an ancient womb symbol/sacred geometry — Vesica Piscis — that represents creation, union, and the feminine portal of birth?

  

• Develop a personal mantra and use it on a daily basis. Whether you’re feeling high, low, or everything in between, allow the mantra to provide you with some grounding and focus. My current mantra:

I can go slow.

I can walk through fear.

I am in a season of great stillness.

I am here now, and I love it.

• Purchase my ebook, and be guided through 7 invitations to embodying spirit-centered sexuality.

Neo-Tantra can often include expensive retreats (which I recommend), multi-hour pujas, or a particular mentor to learn from. But for the women with less time, and more commitments, try this:

• If you have a partner, spend time just looking into each other’s eyes while you sit in yab yum. If you’re flying solo, connect with your own eyes in the mirror. Look beyond who this person/you are and start honoring the spark of divinity within.

• Start building a solo sex ritual—time to connect with yourself without needing to orgasm or experience arousal, just put on some sensual music and feel your skin.

• Name your desires out loud to a partner, a friend, a lover, without them needing to be met in this moment. Be honest about what it is that will bring you pleasure!

• Purchase my husband and I’s 7-part video series—Bridge To Temple—where we guide you through self-connection and self-love rituals from Crown to Root.

invitation

If you’re ready to explore a Tantric path, or are already on one, and would like to dive deeper, consider joining our next retreat in the Sacred Valley of Peru.

SELF—A medicine journey to embodied union.

Whatever you do, remember you are not alone, and that life is a wild adventure. You can choose to approach it with curiosity and find the love in everything, just start by opening your eyes.

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All my writings are free. However, as a Paid Subscriber, you are sending me a message that you acknowledge and value the time and energy that is required to write these posts, and you would like to offer me a token of appreciation.

Thank you for subscribing whether for free or paid. I appreciate you!

Subscribe now

If you feel called to work with me, reach out for a more personalized journey through 1:1 mentorship.

You can view all my offerings here.

Keep listening,

Transitioning into new life stages can be wonderfully challenging. Perhaps the most profound I am experiencing—the space between Maiden and Mother. Whether or not you birth children, all women are invited into this sacred evolution. Join me as we explore this threshold and journey into darkness, and deeper love.

who are the maiden & the mother?

As a macro life stage, the maiden represents a time of outward expression and expansion. Guided heavily by the personality and a desire to see and be seen, she is on a quest of discovery and finding her place in the world.

In contrast, the mother archetype signifies a time of inner exploration, a slowing down, and a quest for deeper soul alignment. This can be a season of great integration.

These signatures may look different for each woman; they are not always linear or fixed. You may experience floods of maiden and mother energy during all seasons of life. The potency of these archetypes lies in your ability to honor and embrace them as guides that have supported women collectively for millennia.

You are not alone.

what does it mean to transition from maiden to mother?

This is a time to let go of the ego, the trying, the pushing, and surrender to the next evolution of womanhood. It often requires traveling into the underworld, into the darkness of your being in order to reveal deeper layers of self. A liminal space between self-interest and legacy awareness. This passage can open a doorway into the greater unity of life — an expansion that deepens consciousness of your inner world and creates room for…more love.

A space where you move softly from accomplishing to allowing.

what does it feel like?

For me, this feels like the universe, my soul, are asking me to make sacrifices. For someone who has LOVED and enjoyed the Maiden, it can feel hard to let go. I used to receive a lot of admiration and love through my work, I was always “out there”, moving things forward, climbing mountains, and spreading my energy far & wide. I was expanding externally.

Today, my energy is unfolding internally. I am diving deeper into my light feminine, exploring astral realms, and spending more time alone or with my husband. I have moved from projective to receptive. It often feels quite mystical.

why can it feel so painful?

Becoming a new version of yourself often means leaping across a vast chasm, with the fear you may be swallowed whole. Fear of the unknown and fear of losing yourself—all of this fear can cause emotional pain. Emotional pain isn’t simply having emotions, it can cause physical, energetic, and spiritual discomfort. The tension between what was and what lies ahead.

For me, sometimes it feels like I’m dying (metaphorically speaking). Other times I am unrecognizable to myself, and still others as though I am playing a part I have not yet been given. This leads me into the void, a space I am learning to navigate. This darkness holds the emptiness to find the light. The pregnant potential for what is next—the ideas, the energies, the creations that want to come through your new being. The trick? Learn to love it. Welcome it. And most of all, surrender to it.

what happens if I don’t surrender?

Honestly, I’m unsure. I imagine you will remain in a place of stagnation and distress. In the body this energy feels like resistance, tension, and lack of breath. The more you allow yourself to surrender to what’s next, the more easeful the transition.

I am finding it helpful to remember I am saying goodbye to some things, but I am making space to welcome in newness. And we know how much the brain and nervous system enjoy new things. This embodiment doesn’t have to happen overnight, or even in 2+ years as is my case. It can take as long as it takes, and, at a certain point it would be wise to surrender.

So remind yourself sometimes—it passes.

what about me?

Whether you are transitioning from Maiden to Mother, already went through it, or are trying to avoid it, I pray you have support. Remember, these archetypes are universal— you don’t need to become a literal mother to experience the shifts. To be a cyclical being and go through not only a monthly cycle, but a life cycle is an awfully big task and deserves to be witnessed and respected. So, I see you, I feel you, and remember you are not alone.

If you feel called to explore more, and dive deeper, consider joining my husband and I’s upcoming retreat or reach out for a more personalized journey through 1:1 mentorship.

You can view all my offerings here.

Keep listening,

The Dakini Within begins October 1st, and I wanted to personally invite you before the container closes.

Remember, you are magic and deserve time and space just for YOU. Find my 6 reasons to spend 6 weeks on yourself below and say YES to diving deeper into your feminine.

1. It pays big time to say YES to yourself. — Choose to spend time, energy, and $$$ on experiences rather than stuff. Your highest most aligned self will thank you.

2. Being in devotion to your unfolding is like enjoying a personal retreat from the comfort of your bed. —We literally journey from your bed!

3. Connecting with your body and finding pleasure in being-ness is essential to self-love. — Learning to turn yourself on and actually spend time in your body will help you radiate love and magnetize your desires!

4. You deserve to have a spiritual practice that is about exploring. — It isn’t about knowing everything—it’s about opening. Beyond books and teachings, it’s tuning into energy, ancestral and womb wisdom, and creating rituals that truly nourish you, not ones that were shoved down your throat. At the heart of it all—love.

5. Embodying the things you believe in requires not just thinking about them, but living into their truth. —If you want to embody aging gracefully, stop using botox and find mentors who are choosing another way.

6. Because damn, it feels good to be a woman who remembers she is magic. Embracing your feminine is about learning to receive, to listen, and to trust your intuition. This path is best walked, together.

✨ the dakini within ✨

A 6-Week Group Journey for Women: October 1st - November 5th, 2025

What’s Included?

• 6 Weekly 90m Group Sessions

• Opening And Closing Ceremony

• Private WhatsApp Temple Space

• *BONUS - Bridge to Temple*

• Weekly Journal Prompts & Integration Practices

• Weekly Embodiment Playlists

• Optional 1:1 Session With lulu

• Exclusive Participant Discount

👉 Learn more & register here: the dakini within

We begin October 1st, and the door will close September 29th at midnight.

If you feel the call, I would love to welcome you in.

Click below for ALL the details.

the dakini within

If you feel called to explore more, and dive deeper, consider joining my upcoming retreat or reach out for a more personalized journey through mentorship.

Keep listening,

I’m getting married in 7 days, and for my reimagined bridal party I received a Tantric massage. It was in this space of deep presence, slowness, and intentional touch that I remembered—pleasure is a pathway back to love. I had been in a bit of a darkness portal, appropriate for the luteal/inner autumn phase of my cycle, and it was getting hard to find the joy and optimism in life. I was facing a wall of doubt and dark thoughts, feeling frozen by fear.

As my body relaxed under the gentle touch of warm oil and soft hands—nowhere to go, nothing to do—I felt waves of pleasure wash over me, again and again, and just like that, I returned to love.

I visualized everything working out.

Orgasmic energy surged through my body, and I felt the wall of doubt crumble down as fear was replaced with hope.

Pleasure, dear lovers, is a pathway back to love AND…

It is your birthright. It is essential. It allows us to feel into our vitality—our aliveness!

Join me starting October 1st and reconnect to your body—your portal for pleasure, and remember what it feels like to be ALIVE!

✨ the dakini within ✨

A 6-Week Group Journey for Women: October 1st - November 5th, 2025

The Dakini Within is a 6-week group journey to connect with your divine feminine essence and the power of women in community.

💃 Embrace your inner fire without fear
🌙 Trust your intuition fully
🌊 Embody a balance of wild and graceful energy

This is a call to step into the fire of transformation and move more deeply towards the life you desire.

👉 Learn more & register here: the dakini within

Sign Up Here!

✨ begin your journey with bridge to temple

Not ready for the full 6-week program? You can still start your journey of transformation today with Bridge To Temple.

A 7-part video series of guided self-connection rituals to open & clear the energy centers of the body, awaken your Sacred Sexual Self, and deepen your aliveness.

This offering was born from the erotic and playful intimate evenings of my lover and I. We hope it brings you deeper into embodiment and self-love.

Bridge To Temple

Keep listening,

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