Here are five things that caught my attention this week inside the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy.

A fascinating client case, a brilliant result with imaginal rescripting, a question about a famous couples therapy approach, what to do when a client has a low window of tolerance, and why I’m so excited about the new teaching that goes live tomorrow.

1. 🧠 THE CLIENT WHO DIDN’T FIT THE APPROACH

Every day our coaching hub is open to members to share real client cases with the rest of our community and me. A fascinating case this week was a client who didn’t seem to vibe with one of the approaches I teach. Every attempt was hitting a brick wall with them.

It sparked a really interesting discussion inside the Academy about what you do when a client’s experience doesn’t fit neatly into the therapy model you’re trying to use.

This is where therapy gets interesting. Therapy models give us a series of steps to relentlessly follow. Yet clients have a delightful habit of not wanting to follow them. As well they should because that’s what autonomy looks like.

But when we are tied to a series of steps that are no longer going to happen, it can bring feelings of panic and stuckness. Members tell me that the biggest change for them inside the Coaching Academy is no longer having that feeling of “what am I meant to do now?!”

That’s because I teach a map, not a protocol. When the unexpected happens, protocols leave you stuck and wondering what to do next. Maps give you the agility to keep heading in the right direction, just in a different way.

QUESTION: When was the last time your approach hit a dead end, so you felt stuck mid-session and wondered “what do I now?”

2. 🔔 THREE SESSIONS. ANXIETY GONE.

We had a lovely success from another member. She’d been using one of the many approaches within the Coaching Academy that deliberately use the client’s imagination as a mismatch experience.

The aim was to help a client struggling with an anxiety response. Three sessions later, the response had completely resolved.

I love these posts because they give us something much more useful than “this technique works”. We get to look at what the practitioner actually did, what the result was for the client, and then pull the process apart together for everyone’s benefit.

That’s how you turn a technique you’ve learned into something you deeply understand and embody.

QUESTION: What is your own biggest win from the past week, and how did you create it?

3. 💡 HOW DOES MEMORY RECONSOLIDATION FIT WITH YOUR FAVOURITE APPROACH?

One of my favourite questions this week came from a member wanting to explore how memory reconsolidation fits with Emotionally Focused Therapy. Emotionally Focused Therapy from Sue Johnson is one of the more popular approaches used in couples therapy. But does it trigger memory reconsolidation?

It’s a great question - and one that applies to any therapy model you like to use. That’s why we have a tool that can be applied to any therapy model whatsoever.

The tool allows you to take the steps of your favourite therapy or coaching approach and see which steps do the transformational heavy lifting, and which may not be necessary for reconsolidation at all.

Better yet, it exposes the gaps in an approach too. What if your favourite approach doesn’t trigger consistent transformational change? Do you have to get rid of it like when you learn a brand new modality?

Happily not. You simply use the tool to tweak the approach. You get to keep what you love about the model and add in what the brain needs to reliably create transformation.

Here’s a great example of that. In our most recent therapy demo, I used an approach that, as initially created, didn’t reliably trigger memory reconsolidation. But using this same tool, I tweaked. Now it is one of my most consistent winners.

This is why mastering the steps of memory reconsolidation is so valuable. Instead of being on the treadmill of learning modality after modality, you just master the ONE key reason why transformation happens at all.

QUESTION: When your favourite model works brilliantly, do you know what actually made the transformation happen so you can do it consistently?

4. 📚 HELPING YOUR CLIENT WITH A LOW WINDOW OF TOLERANCE

It can be tricky for therapists when clients are more highly distressed. The client has the courage to explore the issue. At the same time, they don’t want to be emotionally flooded and fear that they could be.

This can be a worry for you as a practitioner. After all, you may need to explore things to move forward in the work. But you don’t want that exploration to trigger an overactivation that sets the client back.

The latest episode of my podcast deals with one usable technique you can apply right away. It’s called The Thermometer Technique. I use it with every client whose window of tolerance seems low.

You can listen to it here or wherever you get your podcasts. If you’re a YouTube fan, you can get it there too.

QUESTION: Try out the Thermometer Technique and tell me - how was it to use?

5. 🚀 THINKING IN TRIGGERS: AVAILABLE TOMORROW

Every month within the Coaching Academy, I launch an action learning mission. This is a short, targeted training that you can implement right away to get huge breakthroughs with your clients. It is one of the most popular and well-used parts of the Coaching Academy.

The new mission goes live tomorrow. It’s called Thinking In Triggers.

Members wanted to go deeper on the inner workings of my process: what do I do before and after a session? What are the salient points I note? What do I focus on as I prepare for a session?

And it revealed to me that I focus on triggers. Each step of the roadmap has a key trigger moment. We need to know those triggers and their relevant responses.

Whether I am preparing for a session, in the middle of a session, or making my notes afterwards - it’s these triggers that I hold in mind.

I realise that being so connected to these triggers are the reason I never feel stuck in sessions anymore. If I hit a dead end, I focus on the trigger and find a new way to reach it.

I’m excited about this mission because I know it will be a game-changer for my Coaching Academy members. So I’ve created a new, special version of the roadmap that brings out this Thinking In Triggers approach.

I’ve never taught this before, ever. Tomorrow, all my members get it.

QUESTION: If I paused you mid-session and asked, “What exactly are you looking for right now?” would you know which trigger tells you what to do next?

EXTRA: 🎉Live Case Conference Happening on Friday 4th September.

Our next live case conference is this Friday. This is where I meet with members and hot seat real client cases. I love these sessions. Members bring questions, successes, reflections - and their knottiest cases.

I go through 1:1 how to unlock each case from a memory reconsolidation perspective. Members love it because they can get direct help with their own cases. They can also just show up and learn from other people’s cases too.

It’s exclusive to Coaching Academy members and is at 1pm UK time on Friday, with the recording available the same day.

ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT

If you experience that moment in a session when you think, “Oh no, what do I do now?”, this is what the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy helps you to leave behind.

The result is that you understand what creates transformational change so deeply that you can think on your feet, adapt to the client in front of you, and know exactly where to go next.

If that’s the kind of practitioner you want to become, now is a great time to join.

The new mission goes live tomorrow, and you’ll also be in time for Friday’s live Case Conference, where we’ll work through real client cases together.

→ JOIN THE MEMORY RECONSOLIDATION ELITE COACHING ACADEMY

P.S. Why not send me your answers to the questions in this post - I read each one personally.

How do you, as the practitioner, navigate these two competing issues? You want to help them explore the issues driving their problem. Yet you want to keep them safe as they do so.

I will talk you through The Thermometer Technique. This is the tool that I use in these exact situations.

It helps clients to explore without being triggered. Moreover, the very fact that this framework is in operation provides a legitimate feeling of safety that often lowers activation.

This is something you can quickly learn and apply in your own sessions right away.

This is one of many approaches and skillsets taught within The Memory Reconsolidation Coaching Academy. Click here to join us.

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Resources for Therapists & Coaches
Get free training and resources on memory reconsolidation
https://freshtherapists.com

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

This week inside the Memory Reconsolidation Coaching Academy, there’s been a nice mix of people getting results, sharing what they’re learning and finding ways to make the whole process easier for everyone else.

Here are five things worth knowing.

1. 🔔 THE CLIENT WIN

Susanne shared a lovely client success this week using one of the techniques we champion inside the Memory Reconsolidation Coaching Academy.

It’s interesting that this approach is so successful because initially it wasn’t inherently a reconsolidating technique.

Yet one of our milestones is called Deconstructing Transformational Change. It shows you how to take a promising approach, assess it, and adapt it so it gives the brain exactly what it needs to remove the problem completely.

With this adaptation, it’s a consistent winner.

QUESTION: What’s the approach that you use that feels hit and miss, and you’d love to be able to turn it into something that consistently delivers transformation?

2. 😎TRANSFORMATION IS FOR YOU TOO

A number of members are exploring their own challenges around visibility and authenticity this week.

I notice it’s a common one for people in our line of work. Indeed, the work itself can sometimes press our own buttons and get in the way of our success as therapists and coaches.

I always say that two things made me a better practitioner. Both relate to memory reconsolidation.

One was mastering it so well that I can use it with my clients to get consistent, reliable results.

The other was going to a memory reconsolidation-aware therapist for myself.

The first gave me the mastery to be effective for my clients. The second let me be fully present in sessions without my own stuff getting in the way. (Yes, we all have stuff.) Reconsolidation is for us too.

QUESTION: What hot buttons sometimes get pushed in your own work that you know limit your effectiveness as a practitioner?

3. 🧠 WHAT ACTUALLY GETS IN THE WAY OF TRANSFORMATION?

Ana suggested something this week that I’d love us to build together.

A living document of the common hiccups and obstacles we encounter when doing Memory Reconsolidation work, along with the different ways people have found to navigate them.

I think this could become incredibly useful.

Because learning a process when everything goes according to plan is relatively straightforward. The real learning starts when the client doesn’t respond how you expected, or you find yourself wondering what the hell to do next.

This is why I built a Coaching Academy rather than sell a course. Coaching ensures I’m there with you when you get stuck applying the learning. That means you have someone to troubleshoot with you every step of the way.

Even better, you’ve also got a community of practitioners who can tell you what they’ve tried when they’ve hit the same problem, what worked, what didn’t, and what they learned from it.

QUESTION: What are the common hiccups you have faced that you’d love to troubleshoot?

4. 💡 THE FORMULA FOR PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION

We had our latest live therapy demo on Friday. It’s our members’ favourite feature because it lets them see exactly how to implement the ideas I teach.

It’s one thing to learn something conceptually. Another entirely to see it practised in a real-life case.

This time I demonstrated The Swing Technique, a framework I created to help our practitioners stay on track when attempting a reconsolidation.

The formula for triggering memory reconsolidation is simple: ACTIVATION + MISMATCH + REPEAT = RECONSOLIDATION.

But like anything, implementing it without a framework can be difficult. It’s why I created The Swing Technique. It ensures the formula is always met, so success becomes consistent and reliable.

The best thing about The Swing Technique is that it can be used with any approach you choose, so you are not limited to working in a particular way.

QUESTION: Which technique or approach would you most love to see me demonstrate?

5. 👀 THE VALUE OF SHOWING YOUR WORK

There’s a theme running through Susanne’s success, Ana’s idea and the live demonstrations that I think is worth pointing out.

A lot of practitioner development happens when somebody is willing to show their work. Here’s what happened with my client. Here’s where I got stuck. Here’s something I tried. Here’s an idea that might help the rest of you. Here’s a success broken down step by step.

It gives everyone something concrete to think about, question, test and improve.

I love that the Academy is where we learn from what happens in each other’s sessions, rather than simply accumulating more information about therapy and coaching.

This weekly post is my way to share that with you, too.

QUESTION: What is the number one insight or question that you have after reading this post? Message me and let me know.

BONUS: 🚀 CONGRATULATIONS TO ALISTAIR

Congratulations to Alistair, who has now been added to the coaches section of the memory reconsolidation practitioner directory. Coaching Academy members refer clients to this directory all the time. It means that many of our members are actually making a profit from their membership.

COMING SOON: 🔉 NEXT EPISODE OF THE PODCAST

I’m recording the next episode of my podcast later this week. So keep your eyes and ears peeled for that.

But also, what do YOU want me to talk about on the podcast?

I’d love to build my episodes around what you most need me to talk about. So let me know. I’m waiting to hear from you.

That’s my five for this week.

What I love about the Coaching Academy is seeing people take these ideas into real client sessions and discover what actually happens when they use them.

They come back with results, questions, things that didn’t work as expected and distinctions that make their work so much more effective.

That’s how you get good at this stuff. Implement the learning, pay attention to what happens, and have good people around you to help you troubleshoot it.

Want to join us?

If you’re a therapist or coach (or training to be) and you’d like to learn this alongside people who are actively putting it into practice, come and join us inside the Coaching Academy.

→ You can find out more about the Memory Reconsolidation Coaching Academy here

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Resources for Therapists & Coaches
Get free training and resources on memory reconsolidation
https://freshtherapists.com

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

Share Alun Parry on Therapy, Coaching and Memory Reconsolidation

This week, inside the Memory Reconsolidation Coaching Academy, there have been some fascinating conversations and insights. Here are five things I thought were worth sharing with you.

1. 🔔 WHEN THE INVISIBLE TWIN TAKES OVER

A key part of my Invisible Twin model is that the client wants change. But a powerful Part (their Invisible Twin) does its utmost to block change. For effective transformation, the Invisible Twin is our focus. Our job is to discover the worldview that makes the problem essential.

If outdated, we can help the Invisible Twin update its worldview using memory reconsolidation. When it does, it will no longer need the problem, so the problem will naturally cease.

But what if the Invisible Twin takes over the session so it’s the only part we can talk to, and it’s refusing to play ball?

I’m good with that because the Invisible Twin is the very Part I’m wanting to talk to. Like any person, treat the Invisible Twin with empathy, reflection and validation. I also like to remind the Invisible Twin that change will only happen consensually. I’m not there to force it or trick it into anything.

WATCH: You can find a video about my Invisible Twin model when you click here

2. 🧠 SEVEN QUESTIONS WORTH STEALING

One of the great things about the Memory Reconsolidation Coaching Academy is the reference library that every member gets access to.

One of our members has been excited to discover my mini masterclass on Redecision Therapy and the seven questions Bob Goulding liked to ask clients. It’s great to see, because only the other evening I was thinking about Bob and Mary Goulding and how, in my view, they were achieving memory reconsolidation decades before neuroscience knew it existed.

Maybe my favourite of those questions is: “What do you tell yourself that scares you?” I like it because it makes that flip into Invisible Twin territory. It’s no longer something happening to the client, but something that the Invisible Twin is doing for some very good reason - scaring the client away from the very change they want.

GIFT: As a special gift for reading this, and to get a sneak preview to the kind of things we do inside the Coaching Academy, you can see the full mini masterclass here.

Psst, make sure to like and subscribe to my YouTube channel when you’re there.

3. 👀 WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO

On Friday 21st I’m doing a live therapy demonstration inside the Memory Reconsolidation Coaching Academy. Every month, I’ll demonstrate a core technique or idea so members can see how it's used for real.

This month, I’ll be using the Swing Technique - a model I created to help members through sessions where an attempt to trigger memory reconsolidation is being made.

It gives you something to orient yourself around when the client inevitably does something different from the nice neat process you had in your head.

Members tell me that these demos are one of their favourite features, because seeing how I adapt when that happens is often where the best learning is.

4. 💬 WHAT ARE YOU DOING WELL ALREADY?

We still have two weeks of our current mission to go. This month is super useful because it’s a Self Assessment Scorecard. The key skills of transformational work are broken down so members can notice what they’re doing well - and spot where to improve.

Our member Tara found this particularly useful because it showed her just how well she is doing across the many skill sets of memory reconsolidation. Better still, it helped her identify additions to improve her work even further.

I love scorecards like this for that very reason. It helps us to reconnect with what’s working, while reminding us of things we can quickly add to further improve our effectiveness. It’s the ideal tool for you if, like Tara, you’re committed to becoming the best you can be.

QUESTION: What are you currently doing well? What change would make you even more effective? Is there anything you’d particularly like me to create some training on?

5. 🎙️ WHAT SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NEXT?

I released a new podcast episode here on my Substack on Thursday. It’s called Talking Sense Into Your Clients. Did you listen to it yet?

It looks at a conversation we’ve been having inside the Coaching Academy recently - that impulse to talk sense into our clients. Some training approaches even encourage it by categorising certain thoughts as irrational.

I made this episode because it’s an approach that is not only hard work, but gets in the way of consistent client transformation. I think it will help you so if you haven’t listened yet, go and give it a listen.

Prefer these things on YouTube? No problem - the episode is there too. Click here to get it on YouTube.

QUESTION : What would you like me to cover in a future podcast?

Maybe there’s something you’d like my take on, a question you’ve been wrestling with, or even something you disagree with me about.

Hit reply and let me know, because there may well be an episode in your question.

That’s my five for this week.

What I love about the Coaching Academy is seeing people take these ideas into real client sessions and discover what actually happens when they use them.

They come back with results, questions, things that didn’t work as expected and distinctions that make their work so much more effective.

That’s how you get good at this stuff. Implement the learning, pay attention to what happens, and have good people around you to help you think about it.

Want to join us?

If you’re a therapist or coach (or training to be) and you’d like to learn this stuff alongside people who are actively putting it into practice, come and join us inside the Coaching Academy.

→ You can find out more about the Memory Reconsolidation Coaching Academy here

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Resources for Therapists & Coaches
Get free training and resources on memory reconsolidation
https://freshtherapists.com

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

Leave a comment

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Resources for Therapists & Coaches
Get free training and resources on memory reconsolidation
https://freshtherapists.com

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at
https://alunparry.com

Surprisingly, only one has to do with my mastery of memory reconsolidation with my clients. And one has nothing to do with memory reconsolidation at all.

All three have benefited my clients enormously. Yet two of them are not about my clients at all. They are about how I took account of me.

If you want to know the truth behind showing up present, potent, and effective, session after session, this one’s for you.

If you’d like to master this work with me, the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is open at freshtherapists.com/coaching

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

In this episode, I make the case for none of those three. I look at why staying with that resistance, and going deeper into it, is what actually moves the work forward.

This is the discovery work that sharpens everything downstream: a clearer worldview, a sharper mismatch, and a memory reconsolidation that actually holds.

If you've ever nailed a session and then couldn't explain why, or felt yourself soothing a client's concern instead of following it, this one's for you.

If you’d like to master this work with me, the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is open at freshtherapists.com/coaching

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

When someone goes to coaching or therapy, people assume that it’s because life is in crisis. Of course, if we’re really stuck, that is a good reason to pay attention and get some support. But it’s only one of the reasons why people seek to work things out with a coach or therapist.

Another is that we notice patterns that we no longer want to carry forward. We spot them, notice they’re getting in the way, and decide to deal with them so we don’t carry old baggage with us.

But there’s another reason that’s often missed. It isn’t a result of stuckness, and it isn’t because life is in crisis. It’s because life is expanding.

Growth-minded people do personal development work to maximise the growth they’re capable of.

This is an important point because it’s easy to miss that personal development isn’t just for people who feel stuck.

It can be even more important for people who are growing, because the upsides are potentially enormous.

When we get success, we inevitably place ourselves in new and different situations. And in those new situations, some of our old psychological baggage gets touched in a way it didn’t before the growth.

Change brings its own psychological demands, and crucially, change means that some old buttons - buttons that existed all along but were rarely getting pressed - now get pressed a lot in this new situation.

Here’s a daft example to illustrate the point. Suppose a person is terrified of frogs and always has been. But this person lives in the middle of the city. So even though they’re scared of frogs, it’s a fear they needn’t address. After all, how often do they encounter a frog?

They stay scared of frogs. But it’s not an issue. It hardly touches their life.

Then they move to a rural cottage with a lovely little pond. And guess what’s in the pond? Frogs. Lots of them.

Now, they encounter a frog almost every day.

Notice that nothing at all has changed in their internal psychological landscape - but their world has changed. In this new reality, the issue that had always existed is now being activated daily.

That is a light-hearted case about frogs.

But what about the growth that happens in our own lives that triggers some long-held block?

The person who enters a new relationship, only to find any emotional closeness feels vulnerable and suffocating.

The business leader who gets great success, only to find that, now, everyone wants a piece of them. Suddenly, their long-held difficulty with saying no is being tested hourly.

The professional whose big promotion means they now need to give regular talks. They bump into that old fear of being fully seen. It wasn’t triggered so much when playing smaller. But now, it has turned their success into an ongoing nightmare.

Or the small business owner whose newly learned sales skills bring in a huge boost in revenue. But then notice they feel anxious whenever they break through a certain income ceiling.

This is the nature of change, and few things create more change than growth.

When we grow, rather than maximising the benefits, we can find it presses psychological buttons that try to push us back and sabotage our victories.

This is why growth, more than crisis, is often what brings the most capable people into a coach or therapist's room.

If you recognise yourself, come and talk to me. I'd love to hear what you're working with.

Links

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Seeking to help others achieve transformational change? Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Often it comes down to one thing: you're mismatching the right way. But with the wrong emotional learning.

In this episode, I examine one of the most common mistakes practitioners make, even when they are aware of memory reconsolidation - focusing on the surface trigger and overlooking the deeper emotional learning that lies beneath.

I show you the difference between working on the surface and going deeper, and why it matters if you want consistent client transformations.

If you’d like to master this work with me, the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is open at freshtherapists.com/coaching

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy

Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

A big mistake, made by both practitioners and those seeking help, is to fixate on the modality or type of therapy.

To do so is to get overly interested in the mode of transport rather than the destination itself.

There are lots of therapies out there. Hundreds, in fact.

Let’s say you’re a practitioner and there’s a client or two you’re struggling with. You go and talk to other practitioners and ask: “How do I get the kind of results here that I’m getting with others?”

And someone will say, “Oh, I used to have that problem too. I started using this approach, and it’s really helped.” And they’ll name a therapy model.

It works the same way for your own personal development. You’re reading, listening to podcasts, talking to people, and someone says, “I had that problem too, and the thing that worked for me was…” And they also name a therapy model.

So whether you’re looking at this for yourself or to become a more effective practitioner, you’re facing the same situation: people tell you that the answer is this particular mode of transport.

Here’s why this is the wrong way to think about it.

Let’s say you’ve always wanted to go to London. You’ve never been, you’ve tried different ways of getting there, but you’ve never made it.

Then you meet someone who says, “I had a lovely weekend, I’ve just been to London.”

So you say, “Wow, I’ve always wanted to go to London. I’ve never figured out how to get there.”

And they say, “Well, let me sort that out for you. I got the train!”

Brilliant. The train is the answer.

So you go to a railway station, you see a train, and you think: woohoo, London here I come!

You jump on the train - and you end up in Aberdeen.

What on Earth happened?

You jumped on a train - the thing they said was the answer.

But it turns out that the driver was going to a completely different destination.

By fixating on the mode of transport, you missed that the more important thing was where it was headed.

Someone successfully got to London by taking the train. So, understandably, you think the train is the answer. Just as we think a particular therapy approach is the answer.

But what makes the difference isn’t the train itself. But whether it is driven in such a way that it ends up in London.

The important thing isn’t the mode of transport. It’s where that mode of transport is headed.

Because whatever therapy approach you use, it’s pointless if it doesn’t take you to the destination you need.

A former therapy teacher used to say to me that therapy is a process, not an event. A journey, not a destination.

This is wrong.

Transformational therapy is not just a journey or a process. It must arrive at a specific destination and so trigger an event.

For any change that involves updating emotional learning, that event is memory reconsolidation. It is the only known brain mechanism capable of functionally erasing old emotional learnings that hold us back.

If you ever learn a new therapy model, they’ll likely tell you that this modality is THE way to do it. Forget everything else.

It’s like how trainspotters say it’s all about trains, and car enthusiasts say the car is where it’s at.

But like the journey to London that ended in Aberdeen, it’s the wrong focus. Worse, it assumes that other modalities couldn’t possibly get you there. This limits your therapeutic agility and freedom.

It promises potency. But not only does it fail to deliver, it also restricts your confidence in the approaches you already know.

Inside the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy, this preoccupation with modalities is replaced by an emphasis on what the brain needs from your sessions to trigger transformational change.

It casts off the idea that this or that approach is the only way. There are many ways. A relentless focus on getting to the right destination is what gets you there - however you travel.

If you’d like to master how to get consistent client transformations for your clients, find out more about the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy here.

You watch someone else work in a completely different style, getting results, and that small flicker of doubt arrives - should I be doing it like that instead?

In this episode, I want to take that question off your shoulders.

I’ll share:

• why your client’s brain doesn’t care which style you lean into,

• the liberating difference between following a map and following a protocol,

• and the better question to ask yourself in session - one that’s much easier to answer, feels lighter in the body, and puts your focus where it matters.

If you ever wonder whether your way of working is good enough or whether you have to throw everything out and start over, this one’s for you.

If you’d like to master this work with me, the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is open at freshtherapists.com/coaching

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

Share Alun Parry on Therapy, Coaching and Memory Reconsolidation

Let me share a question I keep on hand for our coaching calls inside the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy. The moment I sense a therapist filling in a gap with their own thinking, I’ll put it on screen:

Has this come from your client, or has it come from you?

You’ll know the moment I mean. You’re with a client, listening, and your brain starts making connections - reaching for what’s really going on for them. But wait. That isn’t data. That’s you reaching.

It happens especially when the client leaves a gap. They don’t quite answer the question. Or they give a pat response with nothing emotionally alive underneath - something that feels almost regurgitated. In those moments, it’s tempting to fill the vacuum ourselves. We’ve got the training, haven’t we? The protocols, the frameworks, the clever conceptualisations. They’re right there, waiting to be used.

So when a therapist tells me something like, “What’s happening here is the client is resistant, so they’re reluctant to…” - I’ll ask: has this come from the client, or has it come from you?

Why this matters in memory reconsolidation work

The goal of all transformation work is to achieve memory reconsolidation. It is, after all, the only known brain mechanism that can functionally erase emotional learnings - completely and forever.

I see the work in three stages.

• First, we identify the problem.

• Second, we do the discovery: finding out why the problem makes sense.

• Finally, we move to the mismatch that creates the reconsolidation response in the brain.

Of course, the word discovery implies that we don’t already know.

That’s why this coaching question matters. It steers us away from interpretation and assigning meaning. A meaning that hasn’t come from the client is just a guess. No matter how “educated” the guess is, it’s still a guess. Guesses only get in the way.

Labelling and discovery are not the same thing. Discovery is what we learn from the client. Labelling is what we assign ourselves.

Constructivism v Objectivism - the key divide

Many of us have been trained in categorisations, diagnoses, disorders, and conceptualisations - frameworks for thinking about the psyche.

So no wonder that we can lean on those rather than on where the answer actually lies - our client.

I work from a constructivist standpoint and encourage members of the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy to do the same.

Constructivism means that the underlying reason for a client’s problem is individual to the client. Two people can share an identical issue. Yet the underlying prediction that generates it can be entirely different.

Emotional learnings are constructed by each individual client. So we always start discovery anew, even if we’ve seen other clients with the exact same issue.

On the other side, objectivism says, “If you show up with that problem, the cause is this.”

It assumes and imposes objective knowledge onto that person. As such, it negates the need for discovery. Why find out when we already “know”?

Two people, same presentation, same cluster, same “diagnosis”, same intervention. “Ah, you’re depressed? Well, this is what drives depression. So this is the right intervention.”

Constructivism turns that on its head.

Think of two people standing on the same train platform. From the outside, identical. They are both waiting for a train.

But they haven’t come from the same place. They aren’t going to the same place. The reason each of them is standing there is entirely their own.

Presenting problems are the same.

I invite practitioners to use this same outlook when working with the problems our clients seek help with.

The cost of stepping in with your own answer

When we step in with our own explanation, we stop discovering. And then we spend the rest of the work trying to update an emotional learning we’ve assigned, rather than the one the client actually holds.

Beyond being a little disrespectful, the practical problem is that you’ll mismatch something inaccurate. The problem will persist because you’ve not updated the real reason it exists.

This isn’t a failure of memory reconsolidation. It’s a failure of discovery.

The work will reach a dead end, and you won’t know why. You’ve relied on your own knowledge, your own hunch, your own interpretation rather than the truth.

And the truth exists in the client. Our job, together, is to reveal that truth so we can update it.

If you'd like a roadmap that keeps you in discovery instead of interpretation - that's exactly what you'll master inside the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy. You can find it here: freshtherapists.com/coaching

• Why “it makes sense” is a more transformational stance than “there’s something wrong with you”

• A quick tool to uncover why a problem is essential, and the core emotional learnings driving it

• Why asking “how is this essential?” stops you from doing reconsolidation work on the wrong thing - the single most common mistake in this approach.

If you’d like to master this work with me, the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is open at freshtherapists.com/coaching

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

Your client goes quiet. Something shifts in their expression. And somewhere within you, a story begins to form. This is about their mother. This is grief. This is the old pattern showing up again. You recognise it. It feels true. And so, without quite realising it, you work with your interpretation rather than their truth.

We can’t beat ourselves up too much for this. It’s how human brains tend to operate. We are story machines, pattern-matching constantly. We make meaning.

It might seem essential in a profession like ours. In truth, it’s quite the saboteur.

You simply can’t know what’s going on inside someone else. You can’t read their mind or discover what’s really going on for them. You have to take them on a journey where they bump into it themselves.

Anything else is just a guess.

Deep work isn’t about you as a therapist or coach being clever. (Phew! Take that as a positive - pressure off!)

It’s about setting up experiences so that the knowledge the client already has, but is too deep to connect to, emerges. Our role is to help clients harvest their own deep knowledge, the kind that lives beneath the surface.

The reason guessing and interpreting hinder the work is this: if you’re guessing what the prediction is, then the prediction error you create will be matched to your guess rather than to the truth.

There’s no point in creating a prediction error for one of your guesses.

The only way to get to the prediction that keeps the problem alive is to learn it from the client.

Being in a position of not knowing is useful. It means you can relax when you don’t know, because you’re already in the right place.

It also means you can let go of any “knowing” that didn’t come from the client.

Inside of the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy, I have a favourite coaching question: “Did that come from the client or did it come from you?”

It’s a great way to catch those moments when we stray into guessing.

Transformation happens when memory reconsolidation is triggered. We do that by activating the old learning that keeps the problem running, and repeatedly mismatching it.

Mismatching our own faulty guesses does nothing at all. If transformation is important to you - and I know that it is - learning from the client is the only sure way to get there.

This is one of the things we work on directly inside the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy - learning to stay in the right position so the client leads you to exactly what the brain needs to change.

If that’s the kind of practitioner you want to be, you’re welcome to join us.

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

Most training never explains why that gap exists. It hands you protocols and expects the results to follow. But when they don’t, there’s nowhere to look.

This episode offers a different orientation entirely.

The Invisible Twin Framework reframes what a presenting problem actually is - and what needs to happen before any intervention makes sense. When you understand what a symptom is protecting, the work stops feeling like guesswork.

In this episode:

• Why the problem isn’t the problem - so look elsewhere

• How to identify the real reason a client's problem is happening - and why that changes everything

• The key question to discover what keeps client problems alive

Want to understand the mechanism behind every transformation you create - so you can trigger it reliably, with any client? The Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is open.

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Other ways I can help you as a practitioner
You can get my book, access my free audio training course, and a whole host of other stuff at FRESHTherapists.com

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

The thing that I like most about the practitioners who read these articles is how dedicated you are to creating change and being the best that you can be. Because of that dedication, you’re already skilled at helping people when they’re in distress or have a problem.

You already have a set of tools that help people cope with their problems. That matters because it does create change. It creates a sense of ease in the burden of having that problem.

These are real improvements that help clients function better and help them regulate when they feel emotionally dysregulated. These are all very valuable skills.

But here’s what you’ve probably noticed about those results too. They need ongoing effort on the part of the client.

They have to keep “doing the work” because the problem is still around. It’s almost like wrestling with a bear rather than the bear leaving. While the bear is there, of course you have to wrestle with it. Likewise, when the client stops wrestling with the problem - stops doing those techniques and tools that ease the burden - the problem comes back.

You’ve probably had clients who seem to be improving but then are straight back to square one. That’s not because your tools aren’t useful. It’s simply that they’re in a category of results that fall short of transformational. Those tools and techniques, despite being useful, only manage the problem rather than resolve it.

Memory reconsolidation work overwrites the emotional learning that keeps the problem alive. The result is that the problem is gone forever. When the problem is gone, the client no longer needs all of those tools and techniques. All of that effort, all of that ongoing work the client had to do, is no longer needed either.

Memory reconsolidation is not a modality. It’s the brain mechanism that explains how transformation happens. It is the only known brain mechanism that can functionally erase old emotional learning. When that old emotional learning is gone, the problem falls away.

All our clients have this brain mechanism. When it is triggered, we go beyond coping. We go beyond problem management to genuine transformation.

When I say transformation, I don’t mean that we simply manage the problem well. We’re not just coping better while still giving energy and effort to dealing with the problem.

Transformation means the old emotional learning is gone, and so the problem falls away too - not temporarily, but permanently. It means the removal of the old prediction that made the problem necessary.

No maintenance, no ongoing homework to keep it at bay, because there is nothing to keep at bay anymore.

What I teach inside the Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is how to do that reliably for the people you help. Inside, I coach you to trigger that brain mechanism consistently. It means that transformation becomes your expected outcome.

No more of those disheartening moments when a client returns to where they started. Instead, a settled sense of: “I am a different person now.”

Want to understand the mechanism behind every transformation you create - so you can trigger it reliably, with any client? The Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is open.

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Finally understand why transformation happens - so you can achieve it every time https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Other ways I can help you as a practitioner
You can get my book, access my free audio training course, and a whole host of other stuff at FRESHTherapists.com

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

This episode is about why, happily, that assumption is wrong.

In this episode: why the age of a pattern is completely irrelevant to how quickly it shifts, the cassette tape analogy that makes the brain mechanism instantly clear, and what you’re actually working with in every session - regardless of how long the problem has been there.

If you’ve ever walked into a session to work with a pattern that is stubbornly long-held and wondered whether you’ll be able to really help - this one’s for you.

Want to understand the mechanism behind every transformation you create - so you can trigger it reliably, with any client? The Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy is open.

Links

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Find out more about becoming the practitioner everyone longs to work with
https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Other ways I can help you as a practitioner
You can get my book, access my free audio training course, and a whole host of other stuff at FRESHTherapists.com

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

One of the most common sources of distress for practitioners is the felt urgency to get results. It’s common to want to push through to that breakthrough moment in every single session. We can view any session that didn’t achieve that as a failure.

But that pressure can work against the very thing you’re trying to do.

In this episode, I’m sharing a simple three-part framework for what a genuinely good session actually looks like - even when memory reconsolidation itself doesn’t occur.

It reframes the finish line - and might just change how you feel when you walk out of the room.

Links

FREE Client Transformation Roadmap 1:1 Session
I’m hosting a free 1:1 session for 10 therapists and coaches who want to create consistent, fluke-free transformations with their clients.
Book yours here: https://freshtherapists.com/roadmap

Memory Reconsolidation Elite Coaching Academy
Find out more about becoming the practitioner everyone longs to work with
https://freshtherapists.com/coaching

Other ways I can help you as a practitioner
You can get my book, access my free audio training course, and a whole host of other stuff at FRESHTherapists.com

Working with me for your own personal development
Want to work with me to unlock your own bigger life?
Find out more at https://alunparry.com

Everything makes sense.

This is a revolutionary idea. When clients come to us - or when you look at your own issues - things may feel like they don’t make sense.

I want you to flip that around and assume that they do.

Every time I work with somebody, I learn that their problem makes sense. Even when things seem really strange. Even when the person is thinking: why on earth is it showing up like this? This has to be irrational.

Many therapy approaches are based on the idea that what’s going on for you is irrational, or disordered, or broken in some way. I take the opposite view. It makes sense. It’s adaptive.

Our job is to learn how and why it makes sense - to get to what your system’s worldview actually is.

For some part of your internal system, the problem is essential. The issue that’s showing up in your life, frustrating as it is, feels necessary to some part of your system. That’s why it won’t easily let it go.

Too many approaches ask: How do we reduce it? How do we manage it? How do we keep it at bay?

My stance is very different. If the issue is still there, it’s because, at least from the system’s point of view, it’s doing something important. Something essential.

This is even true of patterns that can seem quite mean and brutal. For instance, highly critical self-talk. Why would your system want you to feel worthless or useless?

But even those turn out to make sense. They turn out to be protective. They are strategies that prevent you from experiencing something your system doesn’t want you to experience again.

For example, imagine a part that delivers critical self-talk. When we explore why, we might learn this underlying protective prediction: “If I call you worthless and stupid, that stops you from being around people, and that stops you from being ridiculed like when you were bullied at school.”

From that perspective, the work of the therapist or coach isn’t to use willpower to continually battle with the issue. That’s exhausting and brings only temporary wins.

Our job is to discover the core prediction that makes the problem emotionally necessary.

That starts with “this makes sense”.

Then we guide the person into experiences that allow them to learn, at a deep level, why.

Once we know the autopilot prediction that seems essential, plus the worldview behind it, we can bring memory reconsolidation into play.

By triggering the brain’s own innate update mechanism, the old worldview is removed. When the problem is no longer essential, it falls away.

So let’s make a change in how we view patterns and problems.

It’s not disordered. It’s not pathology. It’s not irrational.

It makes sense. It was once essential. Change doesn’t come from fighting the problem. It comes from removing the need for it.

We mistakenly think that personal development work is only for when we are stuck or in crisis.

However, many of the people I work with are giving time to their personal development because they are growing.

When we grow, it places new psychological demands on us. And that’s what this episode is all about.

Are you someone who is growing your life and expanding your success? Do you notice that this brings some discomfort too? This episode is for you.

Links

Get your Free Clarity Call: The Bigger Lives Program - https://freshtherapists.com/biggerlives

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