That’s basically where Justin and I found ourselves after one of the most chaotic weeks we’ve had in a long time.

Frank, our dog (aka our baby), ended up in the emergency vet and then ICU, the trip I’d planned all summer had to be canceled, we were exhausted, hungry, scared, overwhelmed, and very much not showing up as the best versions of ourselves.

But somewhere in the middle of all that chaos, I noticed something.

I could keep looking at Justin through the lens of he’s being mean to me, or I could get curious about what was actually happening underneath both of our reactions.

And that one shift changed the entire energy between us.

In this episode, we explore…

• Why it’s so easy to make your partner the problem when you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or already running on empty

• What to do when you need something, but life isn’t going according to plan and you can’t get that need met the way you wanted

• How to stop abandoning yourself when everything (and everyone) else suddenly feels more important

• How to move through hard seasons as teammates instead of turning against each other

  ---

This episode is for you if...

• You and your partner tend to snap at each other when life gets stressful

• You sometimes interpret a hard moment as evidence that something is wrong with the relationship

• You struggle when plans change or things feel outside your control

• You tend to abandon your own needs when someone else or something else becomes the priority

• You want to feel more like teammates when life gets hard

  ---

Your invitation…

In the comments, write your responses to these questions. You don’t have to post, unless you’re open to being witnessed in them. But at least write them out for yourself…

What am I hoping to get from others that I’m not giving to myself?

And then:

What is one thing I can do today to begin giving that to myself?

If you want support practicing this in real time, the Codependency Alchemy membership is where we go deeper through live Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing sessions, monthly AMAs, community support, and our full library of guided practices that will help you learn how to build safe and secure relationships.

Subscribe now

PS- if this podcast episode was supportive, please take a moment to like or share it with someone who you think might benefit from these conversations. As always, thank you for your support in my mission of healing the mother wound and codependency so that we can live our most authentic expressions of self.

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Is feeling safe in a relationship something we learn to create within ourselves, so we can tolerate the unknown without spiraling or trying to control what happens next?

Or is safety something that has to be built between two people, through consistency, communication, repair, and knowing that when someone says, “I need some space, but I’ll come back,” they actually come back?

I think the answer is both. Because the goal isn’t to become so self-regulated that we stop needing anything from the people we love. It’s learning how to stay connected to ourselves when we don’t know what someone else is going to do, while also paying attention to whether the relationship we’re in is giving us something real to trust. And that’s what I want us to explore together this September.

September Themes

First, welcome to 43 new members who joined the Codependency Alchemy membership this month! I am truly so honored that you are here, and that we get to walk alongside each other in this lifetime.

Welcome to our community, Lyndsey, Lane, Charisel, Chantel, Veritas, Haley, Shirley, Teja, Just-a-mystic, Kaylen, Alex, Kalani, Patricia, Nicola, Cassie, Kyle, Kait, Kristi, Krystle, Loretta, Ashley, Dalila, Melissa, Josephine, Mayra, Kiah, Samantha, Alrek, Kim, Marie, Sarai, Georgie, Heather, Diana, Celine, Jessica, Yana, Isabelle, Silvi, Jocelyn, Jennifer, Natascha, and Ashleigh!

Inside this space, we focus on one theme each month because I truly believe that healing isn’t about fixing yourself overnight. It’s about slowing down and building a relationship with the parts of you that learned certain patterns to try and keep you safe.

I have noticed that themes give us a steady container to notice, reflect, and respond differently over time.

If you’re reading as a free subscriber, our live calls and replay library live inside the paid membership. You’re always welcome to upgrade your subscription if you’re ready to go deeper this month.

Subscribe now

This month, I’ll be inviting our community to explore one of these two themes together…

1. When you can’t stop looking for signs something is wrong

You notice the slightest shift in their energy and immediately start wondering what it means. Are they upset? Are they pulling away? Did I do something? Are we okay?

We’ll explore the hypervigilance that keeps us monitoring someone else’s mood, words, distance, or behavior in an attempt to feel safe, and how to begin stepping out of the cycle of analyzing, reassurance-seeking, and trying to fix the energy around us.

2. How to feel ok when you don’t know what they’ll do

What happens when someone needs space, a conversation is unresolved, or you simply don’t know what comes next? How do you give someone room without spending that entire time spiraling, waiting, or trying to regain control?

We’ll explore how to stay connected to yourself in uncertainty, regulate the urge to immediately do something, and build the kind of internal safety that says: I don’t need to know exactly what happens next to trust that I can handle what comes next.

🗳 Make sure to vote in the poll above on which theme feels most alive for you this month.

September Live Events

Join me live this month for a guided shadow work and inner child healing practice on our theme, and our monthly AMA where we explore what is coming up for you in real time.

Substack Live | Guided Shadow Work + Inner Child Practice

🗓️ Tuesday, September 8th at 10am PT (click here to add to calendar)

Substack Live | AMA Chat

🗓️ Tuesday, September 22nd at 10am PT (click here to add to calendar)

Want more support this month?

If these themes resonate and you want a sacred space to explore them honestly and with curiosity, the Codependency Alchemy membership is where that work unfolds in real time.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

If you’ve been waiting for a moment to join, this month is a beautiful one to expand you. We’re about to anchor into sovereignty and clear what isn’t serving us. It’s truly powerful to do that inside the container with other cycle breakers doing this inner work.

What’s inside the Codependency Alchemy Membership

• A brave, supportive community where you can share openly and be met with care

• Live sessions and a growing on-demand masterclass library to help you understand your triggers and patterns

• Daily personalized 1:1 support from me inside our private member chat

• 30-day Healing the Mother Wound Journey with daily meditations and journal prompts

The practices matter, but the real magic of this space is the support and connection. Healing the mother wound and codependency happens differently when you’re witnessed in community with love and care.

Just click here to join the membership for only $90 for a whole year of support.

Codependency Alchemy is a community that grows and thrives because of you. Please like and share this post so that others can find and join us in these conversations.

As always, thank you for supporting me in my mission of healing the mother wound and codependency so that we can all learn how to build safe and secure relationships with ourselves, and with others.

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Or maybe they’re the one who pulls away. They say they’re fine. They don’t want to talk. So of course every part of you wants to figure out what happened, get them to engage, and make sure the relationship is ok again.

This month’s AMA ended up circling around one big question:

How do we stay connected to ourselves when someone else’s experience makes us feel unsafe?

We talk about what happens when feedback feels like criticism, how much reassurance is actually reasonable to ask for, and what to do when your partner needs space and every part of you wants to close the distance.

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In this AMA chat, we explore…

• How to hear your partner’s feelings without immediately defending yourself or trying to fix them

• When reassurance is healthy and when you might be relying on it in order to feel ok

• What happens underneath the urge to get someone to reassure you

• How to take care of yourself when your partner disengages or needs space

• What anxious-avoidant dynamics can show us about our attempts to create safety through someone else

  ---

A little invitation before you listen...

Bring a journal.

I did this AMA a little differently. Instead of only answering the person who submitted each question, I invited everyone in the live to notice where the same pattern might be showing up in their life.

So even if your exact situation isn’t discussed, listen for the question that makes something inside of you go, Oh... I do that too.

Sometimes someone else’s question is simply the doorway into something you’ve been ready to see in yourself.

🔒 This episode is available to paid subscribers of Codependency Alchemy.

Inside the membership, we don’t just talk about these patterns. We practice meeting them together through monthly AMAs, live Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing sessions, our private community chat, meditations, and an entire library of practices and conversations to return to whenever you need them.

Upgrade your subscription to listen to the full AMA and join us inside the community.

Subscribe now

Resources mentioned in this episode…

1. Download the Shadow Work + Inner Child Guide here

If you notice yourself getting defensive, fishing for reassurance, overthinking someone else’s response, or trying to get them to engage with you, this is the practice I recommend coming back to first.

The guide walks you through the same questions I use throughout this AMA to help you get underneath the surface story and meet the part of you that’s actually activated.

I use this practice in my own relationship whenever I notice myself getting caught in an old pattern, and it’s completely free.

2. What is Reasonable When it Comes to Seeking Support from Your Partner?

If the reassurance conversation in this AMA hit home, I have an older podcast episode that goes even deeper into this exact question.

We explore the difference between healthy reassurance and relying on your partner to regulate how you feel about yourself, plus how to recognize when reassurance feels good for a moment... but never quite seems to stick.

3. The Push-Pull Pattern You Don’t Realize You’re Creating (and Why It Keeps Happening)

If you recognized yourself in the part of this AMA about trying to get an avoidant or disengaged partner to talk, reconnect, or come closer, listen to this episode next.

It’s a deeper look at the push-pull dynamic and how both reaching for connection and creating distance can become ways we try to create safety in relationships.

Read more

In this episode, we’re looking at the push-pull pattern from a different angle: how our attempts to create safety can quietly become the very thing keeping the cycle going, and why understanding what you’re actually trying to get underneath the reaching, withdrawing, and shutting down can change the way you see your relationships.

In this episode we explore…

• Why one person moves closer while the other creates space

• How failed attempts at connection can eventually make the anxious partner pull away

• Why withdrawing can become an unconscious way of seeking reassurance

• How childhood experiences can shape our need for control and agency in adult relationships

• The more empowering question to ask when the same relationship dynamic keeps repeating

• How to turn regret about past relationships into wisdom you can actually use

  ---

This episode is for you if...

• You keep finding yourself in anxious/avoidant or push-pull relationships

• You chase connection until you feel rejected, then suddenly shut down

• You judge yourself for how you’ve behaved in past relationships

• You keep wondering why the same relationship dynamic follows you

  ---

Your invitation…

Instead of asking, “Why do I keep ending up in relationships like this?” try asking yourself:

“What is the lesson I’m being invited to learn when I find myself in this relationship dynamic?”

Actually write the answer down, and if you feel open to sharing, leave it in the comments.

Leave a comment

Maybe this relationship isn’t proof that something is wrong with you. Maybe it’s illuminating something you’re finally ready to see.

And if you want to go beyond understanding the push-pull pattern and actually tend to the part of you living inside of it, last week’s members-only episode is a guided Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing practice specifically for this dynamic.

Maybe you immediately feel rejected. Unimportant. Abandoned. Not good enough. Maybe you become afraid they’re never coming back.

But what happens when we go underneath their behavior and get curious about everything we’ve made that behavior mean about us?

That’s what we’re practicing together in this month’s Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing session.

We start with one question:

If they pull away, what am I making it mean about me?

And then we keep going…

Because underneath they’re pulling away might be I’m not important.

Underneath I’m not important might be I’m not worthy of love.

And underneath that might be a much younger part of you who has been carrying this fear for a very long time. In the live, members followed these fears all the way down to beliefs about being alone, unworthy, unsafe, rejected, or even feeling like they are “nothing” without the relationship.

This practice isn’t about getting the other person to stop pulling away.

It’s about learning how to stay with yourself when they do.

Subscribe now

In this session, we’ll practice:

• An energy hygiene practice to help you come back into your body

• The shadow work question that helps uncover what’s underneath your push/pull dynamic

• Creating an internal safe place for your inner child

• Choosing one tangible thing you can do today to begin meeting that need yourself

• Learning how to return to this part of yourself the next time the pattern inevitably shows up

And I especially love that last piece. The goal isn’t to do this practice so perfectly that you never feel abandoned, rejected, afraid, or activated again.

The patterns will show up.

The thoughts will come back.

The difference is that now, when they do, you know where to go.

What I hope you walk away with: Their distance doesn’t have to become your abandonment of yourself.

Every time the fear comes up, there is an opportunity to turn toward the part of you that is afraid and become the person who stays. That’s the practice where true healing lives.

Subscribe now

Resources mentioned in this live

1. This months theme post on push/pull dynamics

2. Shadow Work + Inner Child Guide (Download PDF version)
   

3. Spirit Animal Journey/Meditation
   

4. Energy Hygiene Meditation
   

Join our Codependency Alchemy membership

This community of over 500 members (and growing every day!) is where we move from understanding the pattern to actually tending to the part of you living inside of it.

Inside the full session, I’ll guide you through the shadow work and inner child practice we do together every month inside Codependency Alchemy.

You’ll leave with a deeper understanding of what you’re actually afraid of when someone pulls away, the younger part of you carrying that fear, and one tangible way you can begin giving that part of yourself what they’ve been asking someone else to provide.

Join the Codependency Alchemy membership to continue the practice with us and get instant access to our entire library of Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing sessions, monthly AMAs, meditations, and our community chat.

Join the Membership

Read more

And though that might be true on the surface, I think there’s something much deeper happening underneath this dynamic.

More often than not, both people are trying to create the same thing: safety.

The challenge is that they’re going about it in very different ways.

One person feels safer by moving toward connection. They want to talk it through, repair it quickly, seek reassurance, or close the distance.

The other person feels safer by creating space. They need time to think, regulate, or settle their nervous system before they can reconnect.

It’s important to remember that neither response is inherently wrong.

The challenge comes when each person’s attempt to create safety becomes the very thing that makes the other person feel unsafe.

The more one person reaches for connection.... the more overwhelmed the other person becomes.

The more the other person pulls away…. the more anxious the first person becomes.

It almost becomes a dance.

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One person pulls away because they need space → The other moves closer because they need reassurance.

Then the constant failed attempts at connection becomes too painful, so they pull away → Now the other person moves closer.

And so it goes… back and forth.

I’ve experienced this dynamic in different relationships throughout my life, and one of the most eye-opening realizations I had was noticing how quickly these unconscious survival strategies can become (dysfunctional) relationship dynamics.

In one of my past “relationships” (yes, I use that term loosely with this particular partner) I was desperate to be loved by this person. After countless attempts to get them to spend more time with me, or even just talk to me in the same way they did in the beginning, I finally realized that I was exhausting myself in attempts to be seen and loved.

We can only take so much rejection before it breaks us. I finally said enough was enough, and I stopped reaching out and trying so fucking hard.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you see it) I realized that whenever I finally stopped reaching out and withdrew my energy, the other person would come closer.

At first it happened naturally because like I said, I had reached the point of emotional exhaustion.

But once I noticed the pattern, it became really hard not to use it. My nervous system had learned that if I stopped reaching for connection, they would eventually come closer.

I didn’t consciously realize at the time how manipulative this was. I don’t think we intentionally do this in the malicious way we think about manipulation, either.

I didn’t do this because I wanted to manipulate them, rather because my very wise nervous system just learned that withdrawing created the connection I had been longing for.

What started as a decision to protect myself by not participating in the relationship anymore became my go-to attempt to create safety by trying to control the distance between us.

Looking back, I don't think I was trying to control him. I was trying to regain a sense of agency I didn't have as a child.

I think this is important to name because many of the behaviors we judge ourselves for aren’t coming from a desire to control another person. They’re often coming from a younger part of us that is trying to prevent abandonment, rejection, or disconnection the only way it knows how.

That doesn’t mean those strategies create healthy relationships.

It just means they make sense… to that part of us. Healing wasn't judging that part of me. It was understanding what she had been trying to protect all along.

When we understand why we’re reaching, withdrawing, shutting down, over-explaining, or trying to regain connection, we create space for compassion instead of shame.

A different way to work with the pattern

The biggest shift in my healing wasn’t finding a partner who never triggered me, or learning how to convince someone to stay. And it definitely wasn’t becoming someone who no longer needed reassurance.

The biggest shift was learning how to pause before reacting. Instead of immediately trying to close the distance between us, I started asking myself one question:

What am I making this moment mean about me?

If they’re pulling away...

Am I making it mean I’m not important?
That I’m being abandoned?
That I’ve done something wrong?
That I’m too much?

If I’m the one pulling away...

Am I making closeness mean I’m trapped?
Responsible for someone else’s emotions?
That conflict isn’t safe?
That if I stay in this conversation, I’ll lose myself?

More often than not, the intensity of the moment isn't only about what's happening with our partner. It's also illuminating something much older and from our past.

That’s why I don’t believe healing starts by changing the other person’s behavior. It starts by becoming curious about the part of you that’s asking for your attention.

Instead of being stuck in the same loop wondering, “How do I get them to come back?”

Try asking yourself:

• Where do I feel this in my body?

• What does it look and feel like?

• How old does this part of me feel?

• What is she afraid is about to happen?

• What does she need from me right now?

One of my favorite shadow work prompts for this pattern is:

“If they pull away/push, then...”

Try to finish the sentence without filtering it. Let yourself write the first thing that comes up in the comments:

“If they pull away, then...”

...I’m not enough.
...they’re going to leave.
...I’ll always be alone.
...I have to fix this.
...I’m unlovable.

Leave a comment

If any of these beliefs feel really familiar, there is not anything inherently wrong with you, and you're not alone in this. It’s both brave and courageous to bring curiosity to this part of yourself that learned these beliefs long before this relationship existed.

If you want support identifying the root of this fear for you, join us for our live shadow work + inner child practice on Monday, August 10th at 12pm PT.

ADD TO MY CALENDAR

Once you’ve identified the fear, slow your breathing, and place a hand on your heart or your chest. It’s important to remind yourself that the feeling you’re experiencing is real, but it isn’t necessarily evidence that your fear is true.

Then ask yourself one more question:

What would support me right now that doesn’t require my partner to change?

Sometimes that’s going for a walk.
Sometimes it’s journaling.
Sometimes it’s texting a trusted friend (or our community chat).
Sometimes it’s letting yourself cry.

Sometimes it’s about allowing yourself to feel disappointed without immediately trying to fix the relationship.

I want to be really clear that this does not mean you suppress your needs. It doesn’t mean you pretend you’re okay. And it doesn’t mean you stop asking for repair.

It means you’re no longer asking your partner to regulate the younger part of you before you’ve spent any time with her yourself.

Ironically, the more I’ve learned to stay with myself during moments of distance, the less desperately I’ve needed someone else to make me feel safe.

You hear me say it all the time: the goal isn’t to stop getting triggered.

The goal is to become less dependent on your partner’s behavior to determine whether you feel safe.

That's what earned secure attachment has looked like for me. It's not the absence of feeling triggered or activated. It doesn't mean I stopped feeling anxious when someone needs space. It means I can stay connected to myself while I wait for repair. It means I no longer make space mean abandonment before gathering more information.

Why does this pattern feel so familiar, and why do I keep finding myself in it?

One of the questions I hear most often is: “Why do I keep ending up in relationships like this?”

I remember being in one of my last relationships and feeling so much judgment toward myself. How could I be so aware, yet still find myself in a relationship and dynamic like this?

Now I can see that something much deeper was playing out.

When we find ourselves in these push/pull dynamics, we’re typically with a partner that mirrors both what we longed for and what wounded us.

In other words, we’re drawn to people who offer us glimpses of the love we’ve always wanted while simultaneously activating the places in us that still need healing.

For me, moments of emotional presence, openness, validation, and connection felt incredibly magnetic because they touched needs that hadn’t always been consistently met when I was a child.

But when that same person became unavailable or inconsistent, it activated something that also felt deeply familiar.

I’d find myself wondering where I stood. Trying to “earn” closeness again. Feeling responsible for bringing the connection back.

Looking back, I don’t think I was only trying to preserve the relationship. I was unconsciously trying to create a different ending to an old story. I think I was also trying to reclaim a sense of agency. As children, many of us didn’t have the power to make someone stay, comfort us, or choose us.

So it’s not surprising that, as adults, we sometimes try to regain that sense of control through our relationships.

I wanted this relationship to succeed where previous relationships had left me feeling unseen, uncertain, or not chosen.

I think many of us are doing the same thing without realizing it.

What’s also fascinating is that we’re often mirroring something for our partners, too. If they grew up without consistent emotional presence, your warmth, care, and desire for connection may feel deeply comforting to them.

But when you become overwhelmed and shut down, withdraw, or give the silent treatment, you may unintentionally recreate a familiar wound for them as well.

Neither person is consciously choosing this dynamic.

More often than not, two nervous systems are meeting with different strategies for finding safety, while unknowingly recreating emotional environments that feel familiar.

I don’t share this to place blame on our upbringing or our parents. I share it because awareness creates choice. When we understand what our nervous system learned about love, conflict, distance, and repair, we stop judging ourselves for repeating the pattern and start becoming curious about why it exists in the first place.

The beautiful part is that awareness gives us choice. When we can recognize the pattern, we no longer have to keep reenacting it.

If you’ve noticed this pattern showing up across multiple relationships, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re choosing the wrong people. It may mean your nervous system keeps recognizing something familiar.

Instead of asking our partner to heal the younger parts of us that still carry these wounds, we can begin turning toward those parts ourselves with curiosity, compassion, and care.

That, in my experience, is where the cycle finally begins to change.

Not all space is the same…

One of the most important things I’ve had to learn is that not all space is the same.

Healthy space creates the conditions for repair. For many of us with anxious or codependent patterns, giving someone space can actually feel like we’re creating distance or disconnecting from the relationship. In reality, healthy space is often what makes genuine repair possible.

Unhealthy space avoids repair altogether.

There’s a big difference between someone saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can we come back to this after dinner?” and someone disappearing for days without communication, leaving you wondering where you stand.

One is an attempt at regulation.

The other is often an avoidance of repair.

In my relationship with Justin, we’ve had to learn what healthy space looks like. If one of us notices we’re becoming defensive, emotionally flooded, or unable to have a productive conversation, we’ll “table” the conversation and agree to come back to it later.

That space isn’t about punishing each other or creating distance. It’s about giving our nervous systems time to settle so we can have a conversation that’s actually productive.

The repair is still expected. The connection isn’t being threatened. The conversation isn’t being avoided.

That’s very different from the dynamic I experienced in other relationships, where space often came *without* reassurance, communication, or a clear path back to connection.

If you’re healing codependent patterns, you might be wondering, “Okay... but how do I know which one I’m experiencing?”

For me, the answer isn’t found in the space itself… It’s found in what happens after the space.

When someone is taking space in order to regulate, they come back. They may not come back perfectly. They may still stumble over their words. But there’s a willingness to repair.

To have the conversation.
To take responsibility for their part.
To work toward understanding one another.

When someone is consistently avoiding repair, the pattern looks different. The conversation never really gets revisited. You’re left wondering where you stand. You find yourself carrying the emotional labor of bringing the relationship back together, over and over again.

No relationship gets this right every single time. I mean, we’re all human and we’ve all got loads of stuff we’re navigating at any given point in time.

The question isn’t whether someone ever needs space. The question is:

When the dust settles, are we both willing to come back and repair?

Part of healing is learning to regulate your nervous system when healthy space is needed.

Another part is developing the discernment to recognize when someone consistently avoids accountability, communication, and repair.

Those are two very different experiences.

I want you to know that you don’t have to navigate these patterns alone. This is the exact work we do together inside the Codependency Alchemy Membership through our monthly shadow work + inner child healing sessions, guided meditations, live Q&As, and a community of women learning how to stop reacting from old survival patterns and start creating relationships that feel safe, connected, and secure. I’d love to support you there, in fact → I saved you a spot!

Was this post supportive? If so, take a moment to like and restack it so that other people looking for these conversations can find it. As always, thank you for supporting me in my mission of healing codependency and the mother wound. I appreciate you!

Maybe you’re more emotional than usual. More irritable. More sensitive. You start questioning yourself, wondering why you’re reacting this way, or trying to force yourself to snap out of it.

In today’s episode, I’m sharing the unexpected practice that completely changed my relationship with myself. It helped me stop judging my emotions, understand my patterns, and communicate my needs more honestly in my relationship.

It’s simple. It’s free. And I genuinely believe it’s one of the biggest “cheat codes” I’ve ever learned.

In this episode, we’ll explore...

• Why understanding your patterns is more powerful than trying to control your emotions

• The simple practice that helped me stop judging myself

• How this practice changed the way Justin and I communicate

• How understanding your body can lead to more compassion, self-awareness, and healthier relationships

This episode is for you if...

• You often wonder why some days you feel completely unlike yourself.

• You tend to judge yourself for being emotional, sensitive, or irritable.

• You find yourself picking fights or pulling away and aren’t sure why.

Your invitation…

If you know what day you are on, share it in the comments, along with anything you notice about how you feel today.

Leave a comment

Mentioned in this episode…

• Taking Charge of Your Fertility (here are their free downloadable PDFs)

• Lively cycle tracking app

• What I have learned since tracking my cycle

Maybe it’s the same fear that keeps resurfacing after a breakup. The same guilt you can’t seem to let go of. The same relationship dynamic showing up with a different person.

It can be easy to make that mean you’re moving backward.

But what if you’re not?

In this month’s AMA Chat 💬 we explore why healing isn’t about never getting triggered again. It’s about learning how to meet the parts of yourself that return with more compassion, curiosity, and how you can lead yourself every time they come up.

Together we unpack questions around guilt, navigating heartbreak, boundaries, codependency, and the patterns that seem to follow us until we’re finally ready to respond to them differently.

In this episode, we explore...

• Why healing isn’t linear (and why that doesn’t mean you’re failing)

• The difference between guilt and shame and how each shapes the way we heal

• What to do when the same hope, fear, or relationship pattern keeps resurfacing

• Why trying to “fix” someone can actually create more distance

• How to build internal safety instead of looking for reassurance outside yourself

  ---

This episode is for you if...

• You feel frustrated that you’re dealing with something you thought you’d already healed.

• You’re carrying guilt after a breakup or recognizing unhealthy patterns in a past relationship.

• You’re learning how to stop fixing, over-functioning, and proving your worth.

• You’re ready to meet yourself with compassion instead of criticism.

  ---

Resources mentioned in this episode…

• Healing the Mother Wound: A 30-Day Journey

• Overcoming guilt and shame masterclass

• Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide

• My post on tracking your cycle and understanding your emotional patterns throughout the month

💌 A love-note for members…

One of my favorite things about these chats is watching how one person’s question becomes everyone’s question.

What starts as a conversation about guilt turns into a conversation about self-compassion.

What begins as heartbreak becomes an invitation to reparent ourselves.

And what feels like “starting over” often turns out to be another opportunity to practice showing up differently.

Thank you for bringing your honesty, your courage, and your hearts into these conversations every month. They are some of my favorite episodes to create, and I’m so grateful we get to do this work together.

This space isn’t possible without all of you 🙏🏾

*If these conversations were supportive, you can like this post and restack it so that it can find others who are looking to build a new relationship with themselves. As always, thank you for supporting me in my mission of healing the mother wound and codependency.

Subscribe now

Refer a friend

Read more

If things felt peaceful, I looked for what was wrong.
If someone loved me, I questioned it.
If life felt easy, I waited for the other shoe to drop.

Looking back now, I can see that I wasn’t protecting myself I was just delaying my own joy.

I had to learn how to stop punishing myself before allowing myself to feel good.

I had to grow my capacity to receive love without immediately turning it into a problem to solve… and I have a feeling many of us are still doing this in ways we don’t even realize.

So this month inside Codependency Alchemy, I want us to explore one question together:

What happens when love is no longer something you have to chase, earn, or prove... but something you’re simply allowed to receive?

Which one feels more alive for you right now?

• I keep ending up in push/pull dynamics— learn more about why we recreate push/pull dynamics, even when we crave consistency.

• I’m terrified something good is going to disappear— explore why “this feels too good to be true” can sabotage the very relationships we’ve been praying for.

  🗳 Make sure to vote in the poll above on which theme you want to explore in the membership for August.

  ---

August Themes

First, welcome to 31 new members who joined Codependency Alchemy so far this month! I am truly so honored that you are here, and that we get to walk alongside each other.

Welcome to the membership Lucy, Colleen, Christie, Birdie, McKenzie, Tara, Tiffany, Rfitz, Hailey, Kanza, Kahreena, Alessa, Alan, Corinna, Alicia, Elle, Jennie, Natalie, Darleen, Frederic, Sel, Em, Charity, Isabel, Maria, Rodolfo, Georgia, Sierra, Breana, Bridge, Jordan!

Inside this space, we focus on one theme each month because I truly believe that healing isn’t about fixing yourself overnight. It’s about slowing down and building a relationship with the parts of you that learned certain patterns to try and keep you safe.

I have noticed that themes give us a steady container to notice, reflect, and respond differently over time.

If you’re reading as a free subscriber, our live calls and replay library live inside the paid membership. You’re always welcome to join us if you’re ready to go deeper this month.

Subscribe now

✨LEARN MORE ABOUT THE MEMBERSHIP✨

August Events

Join me live this month for a guided shadow work and inner child healing practice on our theme, and our monthly AMA where we explore what is coming up for you in real time.

Substack Live | Guided Shadow Work + Inner Child Practice

🗓️ Monday, August 10th at 12pm PT (click here to add to calendar)

Substack Live | AMA Chat

🗓️ Tuesday, August 25th at 10am PT (click here to add to calendar)

Want more support this month?

If these themes resonate and you want a sacred space to explore them honestly and with curiosity, the Codependency Alchemy membership is where that work unfolds in real time.

OK SIS, I'M IN!

What’s inside the membership?

• A brave, supportive community where you can share openly and be met with care

• Live sessions and a growing masterclass library to help you understand your triggers and patterns

• Daily personalized 1:1 support from me inside our private member chat

The practices matter, but the real magic of this space is the support and connection. Healing the mother wound and codependency happens differently when you’re witnessed in community with love and care.

You can click here and get a year of support for only $90!

Codependency Alchemy is a community that grows and thrives because of you. Please like and share this post so that others can find and join us in these conversations.

As always, thank you for supporting me in my mission of healing the mother wound and codependency so that we can all learn how to build safe and secure relationships with ourselves, and with others.

Give a gift subscription

Subscribe now

A moment with Justin that brought up unexpected jealousy, led to one of the biggest ruptures we’ve experienced, and ultimately taught me that jealousy is rarely about what we think it’s about.

Together, we’ll explore what jealousy is actually pointing toward, why it often has very little to do with your partner, and how asking one simple question can help you move from reactivity to self-understanding.

In this episode, you’ll learn…

• The hidden fears that commonly live underneath jealousy

• How insecure attachment can shape conflict and repair

• The mistake I made when trying to repair too soon

• A shadow work question to help you understand what’s really happening beneath the trigger

  ---

This episode is for you if...

• You find yourself overthinking interactions between your partner and other people.

• Jealousy quickly turns into anxiety, anger, or self-doubt.

• You want to respond to triggers with more curiosity instead of shame.

  ---

Your invitation…

In the comments, share your reflections to this shadow work prompt:

When you felt jealous, what were you actually afraid would happen?

Then notice what lives underneath that answer. Jealousy isn’t asking to be judged, it’s asking to be understood.

You can read my original post from when this event happened here: “I don’t want to be with you anymore”

If you’d like to go beyond understanding your patterns and actually practice healing them, inside the Codependency Alchemy Membership we come together each month for guided shadow work, inner child healing sessions, live AMAs, and a private community where you don’t have to navigate this work alone.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE MEMBERSHIP

Was this podcast episode supportive? Please take a moment to like and restack it so that other people who are looking for these kind of conversations can find us. As always, thank you for your support in my soul’s mission of healing the mother wound.

I love that we are always magnetizing people who reflect something within us. I see these next two women I want to share with you as extremely intuitive, tapped in, and some of the most joyful humans I’ve ever met.

I can remember this one time at a women’s gathering in the Pacific Northwest, called Temple of Belonging, where they broke out into song on the last day. I was in awe of their courage, voice, and ability to move hundreds of women and children who chimed in to sing with them.

I know I am a broken record, but it’s me in my conviction. My soul’s mission is the heal the mother wound. To heal from the ways we have learned to isolate, judge, and compare ourselves to others. To heal from needing to do things alone, and carry it all alone.

The first layer of healing this wound for me, was to let myself be seen— messy, raw, unfiltered, and authentic. To put down the mask of “good" and be honest about the parts of me that I am embarrassed or ashamed of.

Not to put these parts of me on blast, but to give them a seat at the table and hear their deepest fears so that I can hold them and love them fully.

The first layer of healing the mother wound for me has been learning how to give myself the love and protection that I desperately needed from others.

The next layer is more external. It is learning how to celebrate and lift up those who it could be easy to compare and judge myself against. People who illuminate something within me… whether it’s a shadow part of me, or a part of me that I haven’t let be fully expressed yet.

We have grown up in a society that teaches us to compete against one another. To see each other as separate. To believe that if one person has it, it means there is less for you.

Wooooooooshhhhhhhhh.

I’ve be tirelessly working towards something I relate to as Unity Consciousness. When I think of what this means to me, it is the embodiment of remembering that when my sisters win, I win. When they have what I long for, it does not mean that I cannot have it— rather, it means that I can.

Both Anna and Rosemary are talented and gifted intuitive guides. Their paths to these gifts are so unique to them, and it’s proof that when you wake up to who you truly are, the whole Universe conspires to help you bring it forward for others.

We are all truly walking each other home.

Today I hope you read more about these amazing women and circulate support and love. If you resonate with them, subscribe (if you’re not already), or like and reshare some of their work that speaks to you.

Let this be the era where we support one another and let other women know that they are making a difference in the world.

That their story and their gifts matter.
That they are seen.
That they are celebrated.
That they are loved.

Here are some women whom I love deeply, and whose work is making a difference in the world…

Anna Blossom writes for her Substack publication Muses of a Medium. Her work is centered on helping people heal, find meaning, connect with loved ones in spirit & provide intuitive coaching & training. She is one of Portland's top rated Psychic Mediums on Google & Yelp and is a former acclaimed Fashion Designer.

Muses of a Medium

How a cat's sudden passing initiated a life changing healing

“My friend accidentally killed her cat,” she said. “She hasn’t been able to get out of bed for days and is really struggling,” my dear friend Rosemary said to me on the phone last Friday night. “Can you help her…

Read more

3 years ago · 8 likes · Anna Blossom

LEARN MORE ABOUT ANNA

Rosemary Brensen is behind the Substack publication (and podcast!) Money Portals. She is a lifelong entrepreneur turned money mystic & psychic healer. A Money Healing session with her will have you busting through blocks keeping you from abundance, ease & JOY!

Money Portals 🌈

someone else to raise this baby

“Don’t be surprised if rage or grief surface during or after the session,” my new pelvic floor physical therapist said as she lubed up her glove…

Read more

2 months ago · 5 likes · 4 comments · Rosemary Brensen

You can hear more about *my* Money Healing session with Rosemary on her podcast here!

Are you thinking about starting your own Substack, too?

Ahhhhh, we are three-weeks into the Substack Accelerator and the women in this group are celebrating finding names for their publications, writing their first posts, and most importantly they have started to get clarity on the home they are creating for themselves (and their soon-to-be communities).

If you’ve been thinking about starting a Substack— to either build community or have a place for your most authentic expression of self to shine, keep an eye out for an opportunity to join the next round!

I hope you all have a beautiful Sunday.
And in honor of their beautiful song…

🎶 Remember, as you carry on…
As you go, as you go remember….🎶

Subscribe now

You, like many others in our community, might be resonating with her questions. I could see myself in her share, and that’s when I went to dust off my journal from 7 years ago. But, before I get into my journal entry from summer 2019, I want to guide us all into a sacred healing moment, if you feel called…

I want you to imagine, we are sitting around the fire, sharing our unanswered questions with one another.

We come together as an act of practicing vulnerability, trust, and sacred witnessing.

We come together with the intention of building intimacy and connection… with others, but more importantly, with ourselves.

You ask….

“How do I trust the unknown?”
“Will I ever love like that again?”
“How do I stop living in the future?”

I open my palms facing up, inviting you to place your hands in mine. We take a moment to acknowledge one another.

I don’t just look into your eyes, I see through… to your soul.

My soul has asked these very questions, too…

Our hands touch, our souls meet, and I say:

“I want to tell you a story…”

This is how we have learned for centuries…

Story-telling.

I want to tell you a story because I too have experienced the same unanswered questions. I know the pain and burden of them. I know the loneliness of them.

I now know the value of community and learning from each other in the tender portal that these contemplations are birthed from.

When I was in that portal back in 2019 I grasped for community and guidance… honestly, from YouTube.

I didn’t know who to turn to, or where to go.

This is why I believe so deeply in community.
To have a space we go to be seen, witnessed, and heard.
It’s the fire that we gather around to transmute and alchemize.
It’s where we go to hear wisdom… and share wisdom.
It’s the web we weave, together.
It’s the home we can always come back to.

So, back at the fire.
Hand in hand.
Soul meeting soul.
I want to share with you something I wrote…

The Codependency Alchemy membership is for the ones who keep losing themselves in relationships. If you want to learn how to build safe + secure relationships and join over 450 members around the world doing this inner work together, you can upgrade your subscription today by clicking here.

Subscribe now

The part of me that wants a plan...

Read more

Whether you’re holding onto an ex, a relationship, a pattern, the need to be chosen, or the belief that you have to carry everything yourself… this month’s live shadow work session invites you to gently uncover what’s underneath that attachment.

Together, we move beyond the surface fear and follow it all the way to its root. Doing this usually reveals something much deeper than we expect.

Through guided shadow work, somatic reflection, and an inner child healing practice, you’ll begin to understand not only why it’s so hard to let go, but what the part of you that’s holding on has been trying to protect all along.

You’ll walk away with…

• A deeper understanding of the fear that’s keeping you attached

• A guided inner child healing practice to uncover what you truly need beneath the longing

• One small, compassionate step you can take today to begin filling your own cup from within

Watching this replay will help you move beyond simply understanding your patterns and into actually meeting the part of you that’s asking for your attention.

If you want support exploring this work more deeply, the Codependency Alchemy membership includes:

1. Live shadow work and guided inner child healing sessions

2. Monthly live AMA chats

3. Daily community support in our membership chat

4. An entire on-demand library of masterclasses

5. Access to our signature 30-day Healing the Mother Wound Journey

🔒 This episode is available exclusively to paid subscribers of Codependency Alchemy.

Upgrade your subscription here to unlock this replay and the full private podcast feed.

Your invitation…

Take a moment to journal and reflect on the following shadow work prompt:

Read more

It’s me leaving his house on a warm spring day, actually skipping from his apartment to my car with a cheesy ass grin across my face. I got into my car and put on Ella Mai’s song Sauce. I remember singing every word with the perfect amount of sass and confidence as the wind blew through my hair. I felt beautiful. Desired. Alive.

I drove home convinced that maybe this was it.

Maybe this was why everything with Justin had fallen apart.

Maybe this was the relationship I’d been waiting for.

My whole body was buzzing. It felt like being plugged into the most electrifying light socket while sitting up on cloud 9.

It was impossible to think that this could be anything but love. Soulmates. Finding my person. I couldn’t imagine any other reality.

It would take me months to realize that this wasn’t love. This was me intoxicated by a dream he illuminated for me and just like that, I had confused the high of possibility with love.

The future I built in my mind

In the beginning of our chats I saw the possibility of a relationship that had depth, something I had desperately wanted.

It was emotional, vulnerable, honest. I remember thinking that this was the kind of relationship I had always wanted. One where we talked about our triggers, our attachment styles, and our patterns in an open and honest way.

They weren’t easy conversations, but it helped me feel more trusting of him and the possibility of the relationship we were building. We were in constant communication… and I had become pretty attached to the good morning texts and check-ins throughout the day.

Every single time a message came in I would feel that electric buzzing feeling I mentioned. I remember thinking: yep, this is what love is supposed to feel like!

All the talks of our wounds, past relationships, our childhood shit, our dreams, the lives we wanted to build… we went deep real fast (that’s why I shared more about this in the podcast episode: Is it Chemistry or a Trauma Bond? Understanding the Difference).

When it started taking him longer to respond to my texts, the good morning texts became more sporadic, and the space between our after-work hangouts grew... I started feeling that perfect future we talked about slipping away, and I did everything I could to hold onto it.

I checked my phone constantly.

I reread our old messages over and over again.

I’d catch myself looking for his car whenever I drove through town.

I wrote novel texts I probably shouldn’t have sent.

The real stinger was the hours of tarot readings I would watch on YouTube, clinging to every crumb of hope they offered that maybe he was just overwhelmed, maybe he was scared, maybe he was going through something... anything that would validate the story I so desperately wanted to believe.

Subscribe now

Some days I drove out into the middle of nowhere so I could be out of cell service because I knew I needed distance. I’d spend miles hiking, crying, arguing with my spirit team, God, the trees… anything that would listen.

“Why would you do this to me?”

“Why did you make me believe this person was going to be such a gift?”

“Why would you let me believe we were soulmates just to take it all away?”

And even still I would race back toward town because I wanted one bar of service. I wanted my phone to light up and I wanted his name on my screen.

Sometimes I’d even text him to let him know I’d been out of service… but it wasn’t really because I thought he needed to know…

It was because I hoped he’d respond.

Looking back now, I can see how desperately I was grasping, but I wasn’t grasping for him. I was grasping for hope.

Hope that maybe this time would be different.

Hope that we’d become the couple we talked about becoming.

Hope that all the dreams I had attached to him could still come true.

Then came my sister’s birthday….

He had agreed that he would come, but as the day went on, I kept checking my phone.

Nothing.

I called him once, twice, three times… all going to voicemail.

At this point I had unfortunately gotten really good at making excuses for him.

Maybe he’s running late.
Maybe his phone died.
Maybe something came up.

I mean, the stories we tell ourselves when we’re trying to protect a future can be incredibly convincing.

Hours passed and there was still nothing.

No text.
No call.
No explanation.
Just silence.

It wasn’t the first time he’d disappeared, but it was the first time I couldn’t pretend it only affected me. My whole family was there to witness me in it… and somewhere between looking at my sister and my family, answering questions I didn’t know how to answer, and feeling the now very familiar nauseous feeling in my gut, something inside me became undeniably clear.

I was exhausted, and this whole thing I’ve been entertaining in the name of love is absolutely fucked.

I had spent months trying to hold a relationship together that only one of us seemed to be holding. I was so attached to the possibility of who we could become that I forgot to ask myself a much more important question:

Is this actually enough for me?

That night, for the first time, I stopped trying to convince myself that if I just waited a little longer, loved a little harder, or understood him a little better, everything would fall into place.

I finally admitted something I had been avoiding for months.

I wasn’t holding onto a relationship anymore… I was holding onto a fantasy.

The moment I confessed that truth to myself the fantasy burst like a glitter-filled balloon with a zillion tiny pieces of glitter everywhere.

One glittering piece held the woman who believed she’d finally found her soulmate.

Another held the belief that I was lovable enough to be chosen.

Another held the future where I finally got to stop searching.

Every glittering piece held a version of myself I thought I was becoming, and the dreams of a life that I had attached to this person.

And I had to grieve every single one of them.

Mistaking hope for love

Hope is a beautiful thing... until it becomes the only thing holding a relationship together. It convinced me that almost was enough. That the inconsistency just meant that he was overwhelmed. That if I could just be patient enough, loving enough, understanding enough, eventually we’d work out and all my dreams would come true.

I had to be honest with myself about what I was claiming to be love. I wasn’t chasing him and our “love”.

I was chasing the life I had attached to him.

I had wrapped my identity around the idea of us. My dreams of marriage. My dreams of motherhood. My longing to finally feel chosen. My hope that I had finally found my soulmate. It had all become tangled up in one person.

Of course letting go felt impossible.

I wasn’t trying to let go of a man, I was trying to let go of the life I thought I was finally about to have.

And that was the moment I finally understood what codependency really was.

It was not loving someone too much, it was believing my future depended on them. Believing my worth depended on them. Believing the life I wanted could only exist if they chose me.

I had placed my worth in his hands.
My future of being a mother in his hands.
My identity of being lovable and chosen in his hands.
My happiness in his hands.
And that’s a burden no human being was ever meant to carry.

That’s why the hardest thing I had to grieve wasn’t actually the relationship. It was the future I’d imagined with them.

And maybe that’s where you are today.

Maybe you’re telling yourself you can’t let go of your ex.

Or the person who keeps sending mixed signals.

Or the relationship that almost happened.

But I wonder...

Could it be that what you’re really grieving isn’t them?
Could it be the home you imagined?
The children you pictured?
The version of yourself you thought you’d become beside them?

So maybe, before you ask yourself, “Why can’t I let them go?” could you ask yourself something different…

What future have I attached to this person?

Because sometimes the thing keeping us stuck isn’t the relationship… it’s the life we’ve convinced ourselves can only happen through them.

Maybe that’s what the art of letting go really is…

Today, when I think back to that summer, I no longer see a woman who was weak. I see a woman who believed someone else was holding the future she longed for.

She didn’t know yet that life had dreams for her that were bigger than the ones she’d attached to one person.

She didn’t know she’d eventually discover that the love she’d been chasing outside herself was actually inviting her home.

Maybe that’s what the art of letting go really is…

Not convincing yourself to stop loving someone, or pretending that it didn’t matter, or forcing yourself to move on before your heart is ready.

Maybe letting go is grieving the future you imagined, while making room for the one you cannot yet see.

If this resonated, you might like…

📆 Don’t forget to add our July live calls to your calendar…

Together we’ll explore:

• why we attach our dreams to people

• how codependency keeps us trying to control the outcome

• what it really means to build inner safety after heartbreak

• a guided inner child healing practice to help you begin releasing the attachment without abandoning yourself.

Whether you’re navigating a breakup, struggling to let go of an ex, or simply noticing how tightly you cling to certain outcomes in relationships, this episode is an invitation to turn inward instead of chasing certainty outside yourself.

Because healing isn’t about getting someone back.

It’s about coming home to yourself.

What you’ll learn…

• Why letting go feels so difficult after a breakup

• How codependency fuels attachment

• One shadow work question that changes everything

• A simple inner child healing practice for building inner safety

• How to move from control toward self-trust

This episode is for you if...

• You’re struggling to let go of an ex

• You’re healing codependency or anxious attachment

• You want practical tools for moving through heartbreak

Your invitation

In the comments, take a moment to ask yourself this shadow work prompt:

What dream have I attached to this person?

Then notice:

• How do I feel when I believe that dream only exists with them?

• How would I feel if I didn’t believe that thought?

Sometimes what we’re grieving isn’t the relationship itself. It’s the story we’ve been telling ourselves about what our life can and cannot be.

If you’d like support exploring these patterns more deeply, you’re invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership, where we practice shadow work, inner child healing, and nervous system tools together through live sessions, monthly AMAs, and an ever-growing library of guided healing practices.

Click here to learn more and join our growing Codependency Alchemy community on Substack

*Was this episode supportive? If so, please like and share it with someone else who might need to hear these conversations. As always, thank you for your support in helping me in my mission of spreading awareness around codependency and healing the mother wound.

Subscribe now

So I thought I’d put together a little guide.

These are some of the most downloaded and shared episodes from the Codependency Alchemy podcast. Instead of telling you why they’re popular, I wanted to help you figure out which one might be exactly what you need right now.

💙 If your partner’s “no” feels deeply personal...

Have you ever asked your partner to do something, heard “no,” and immediately felt hurt, rejected, or like something was wrong?

This episode isn’t really about hearing “no.”

It’s about the meaning we attach to it.

Together, we explore why another person’s boundaries can feel so activating and how learning to separate their experience from your worth can completely change the way you move through conflict.

You’ll walk away with:

• A new perspective on why “no” can feel so painful

• Tools for responding instead of reacting

• A deeper understanding of the stories we create in moments of rejection

🎧 Listen here

🤎 If you’re unknowingly damaging trust in your relationships...

Most of us think trust is broken through lying, cheating, or betrayal… but sometimes trust is being broken every time we expect someone to read our mind.

Every time we hope they’ll notice our needs without ever expressing them.

Every time we say, “It’s fine,” when it really isn’t.

This episode explores one of the most common relationship patterns I see—and one that’s surprisingly simple to begin changing.

You’ll walk away with:

• A clearer understanding of what actually builds trust

• Why expressing your needs is an act of vulnerability, not selfishness

• A practical shift that can transform your communication

🎧 Listen here

🖤 If you feel like you keep having the same fight...

Most conflict isn’t actually about the dishes, the text message, or whose turn it was. It’s about the meaning we’ve attached to what happened.

In this episode, I share the three questions Justin and I come back to when we notice we’re feeling disconnected. They help us move beyond blame and defensiveness so we can better understand ourselves—and each other.

You’ll walk away with:

• Three simple questions to help you navigate conflict with more curiosity than defensiveness

• A new way to understand what your triggers are trying to tell you

• Practical tools to create more connection instead of repeating the same arguments

🎧 Listen here

✨ Bonus Episodes for Paid Members✨

If you’ve already listened to these episodes and you’re ready to go beyond listening into actually doing the work, that’s exactly why I created the Codependency Alchemy membership.

Subscribe now

Inside you’ll get access to an entire private podcast feed filled with subscriber-only episodes, live shadow work sessions, guided inner child healing practices, and monthly AMAs where we dive even deeper into the questions our community is navigating together.

Some of our most-loved private episodes include:

🔒 Upgrade your subscription to unlock the full private podcast feed.

Subscribe now

If you’re new here, I’d start with whichever episode made you think, “Oof... that’s me.” Trust that the one you’re drawn to is probably the one your nervous system is ready for.

It penetrates the tenderness of our soul and can feel like a slow, unmerciful kind of dying.

We’re left to sit with the grief of losing the future we thought we were going to have.

It can bring us to our knees in prayer… desperate for answers, for mercy, for another chance to make it right.

It can consume us so much that we lose sleep over it.

We lose our lust for life.

We lose our sense of self.

It empties us.

That’s why this month’s themes are in honor of the summer I lost myself, and what I learned in the process….

July Themes

First, welcome to 47 new members who joined Codependency Alchemy this month! I am truly so honored that you are here, and that we get to walk alongside each other.

Welcome to the membership Tara, Emmalee, Emily, Heather, Tosha, Jessy, Angelina, Krysten, Debbie, Carrigan, Kitzya, Bagelsallthetime, Kate, Alex, Bella, Alina, Rozemarijn, Ishtar, Jes, Elika, Sumaya, Katie, Maura, Rochelle, Vanessa, Maxwell, Nikola, Karla, Morgan, Melanie, Sara, Ivan, LAWLFS, Amy, Mekayla, Emi, Kyra, Amanda, Olive, Tanya, Cheran, Keely, Anastasia, Erin, Emilie, and Garden

Inside this space, we focus on one theme each month because I truly believe that healing isn’t about fixing yourself overnight. It’s about slowing down and building a relationship with the parts of you that learned certain patterns to try and keep you safe.

I have noticed that themes give us a steady container to notice, reflect, and respond differently over time.

If you’re reading as a free subscriber, our live calls and on-demand library of masterclasses live inside the paid membership. You’re always welcome to join us if you’re ready to go deeper this month.

🗳 Make sure to vote in the poll above on which theme feels most alive for you this month.

July Events

Join me live this month for a guided shadow work and inner child healing practice on our theme, and our monthly AMA where we explore what is coming up for you in real time.

Substack Live | Guided Shadow Work + Inner Child Practice

🗓️ Tuesday, July 14th at 10am PT (click here to add to calendar)

Substack Live | AMA Chat

🗓️ Tuesday, July 28th at 10am PT (click here to add to calendar)

What you’ll walk away with this month…

1. The ability to hold grief without letting it consume you.

2. More peace around what you’ve lost and more clarity about what comes next.

3. A deeper trust in yourself and your ability to keep moving forward, even when life doesn’t unfold the way you hoped it would.

Join us inside the Codependency Alchemy membership as we explore these themes together through live coaching, shadow work, inner child healing, and community support.

Subscribe now

What’s inside the Codependency Alchemy Membership

• A brave, supportive community where you can share openly and be met with care

• Live sessions and a growing on-demand masterclass library to help you understand your triggers and patterns

• Daily personalized 1:1 support from me inside our private member chat

The practices matter, but the real magic of this space is the support and connection. Healing the mother wound and codependency happens differently when you’re witnessed in community with love and care.

You can click here to join the membership!

Codependency Alchemy is a community that grows and thrives because of you. Please like and share this post so that others can find and join us in these conversations.

As always, thank you for supporting me in my mission of healing the mother wound and codependency so that we can all learn how to build safe and secure relationships with ourselves, and with others.

Share

Subscribe now

At that point I had invested in different community platforms (anyone remember Mighty Networks 😅) and hodge-podging chat platforms like Voxer and Telegram… but the backend of onboarding and off-boarding was a nightmare and completely unsustainable.

I was convinced that the only way I was going to be able to have a successful community was if I invest a kajillion dollars into Kajabi (listen, if you were a coach in this last decade then I KNOW you’ve thought it too!)

On this particular day my friend Rosemary (you can check out her Substack, Money Portals, here) invited me to a rooftop co-working hang…

How could I resist?!

Once I got there I learned that we were going to talk about Substack. I had never heard of Substack, so I opened my laptop to Google it while they shared more about the platform, something that was (at the time) for paid newsletters.

I bopped around the site and my Aquarian, unconventional, and rebellious brain immediately thought “I can make this my community space.”

I spend the next six-months studying and experimenting on the platform, with no traction whatsoever. In fact, each post that went out I LOST subscribers.

In January 2024 I finally decided to try something else, because clearly what I was trying was not working… at all.

That’s when this happened…

In four months, my new strategy had grown my membership from 20 paid subscribers to 100, and then Substack sent me this neat little email…

It was this moment when I realized that the vision I had for a global community, a membership and podcast that felt like my life’s work, was something that could actually become my full-time job.

Now approaching my 3rd anniversary on the platform, I am extremely grateful to say that the membership has grown from 0 to 470+ members- AND I have finally replaced my teacher salary (and some).

This community and podcast has become my full-time job.

Not only that, but I have been able to watch our community grow across timezones, reaching 148 countries around the world!

I have held a vision of being financially supported for showing up in my most authentic expression of self, and what has been built here is an embodiment of that possibility.

I get to show up here every day, in my joy, in my grief, in the middle of a conflict with Justin, and on the other side of one.

My Substack publication, Codependency Alchemy, is my living, breathing, journal. It is my love letter to myself, and in turn, to the world. It is my heart, bleeding out on the screen in front of you. It is what connects us all… in our honesty, in our truth, in our oneness.

I truly believe Substack is a platform that offers us an opportunity to be compensated for our authentic expression of self, and I am so grateful that it has literally become my full time job… and now I am on a mission to hold your hand and help you create this for yourself.

Tomorrow, Friday, June 26th at 10am PT I am doing a free masterclass on how I went from losing subscribers to becoming a Substack Bestseller.

SAVE MY SEAT

This is great for anyone who has a Substack that they want to monetize or grow a community on, or for anyone who is curious about starting one.

(Yes, I’ve literally helped people revive an existing Susbtack, and helped people sign up and start theirs from scratch.)

I’ll be sharing about the mistakes I made, and more importantly everything that has worked. I’m not going to lie, it miiiiight be like drinking from the fire hose a little bit- but definitely everything I wish I knew before I started mine!

Here’s the link to join the masterclass, I hope to see you there!

I'M READY TO LEARN MORE

Or maybe you’ve found yourself stuck between wanting to let someone go and hoping they'll finally choose you?

In this month’s AMA Chat, we explore some of the most common relationship challenges inside our community, including:

• Asking for support without feeling like a burden

• Navigating anxious and avoidant relationship dynamics

• What to do when a partner needs space after conflict

• How to repair without abandoning yourself

• Letting go of relationships that keep you stuck in uncertainty

What you’ll walk away with…

1. More clarity around how to ask for what you need without feeling guilty, needy, or like a burden

2. A deeper understanding of how to navigate conflict and repair without abandoning yourself in the process

3. A new perspective on letting go, self-trust, and what it means to stop chasing clarity from other people

🔒 This episode is available exclusively to paid subscribers of Codependency Alchemy.

If you’d like access to private AMA episodes like this one, monthly shadow work sessions, guided inner child healing practices, community support, and our full replay library, you can upgrade your subscription by clicking here.

Join our Codependency Alchemy Membership

If you’re tired of trying to figure all of this out alone, I’d love to support you inside the Codependency Alchemy membership.

Inside you’ll get access to:

✨ Monthly live shadow work sessions
✨ Guided inner child healing practices
✨ Private AMA chats like this one
✨ Real-time community support
✨ An entire on-demand library of healing replays

This is a space for the people who are ready to stop looking outside themselves for answers and begin building deeper trust in themselves, their relationships, and their own inner wisdom.

Upgrade your subscription below to unlock this episode and the full replay library.

Subscribe now

Read more

I was still a teacher at the time, but I remember looking around at my life and thinking: “Something big is trying to happen here.”

I couldn’t explain it.
Nothing was necessarily “wrong.”
But I could feel myself outgrowing things.

Outgrowing old ways of relating.
Outgrowing old dreams.
Outgrowing old versions of myself.

And yet I had absolutely no idea what came next.

I just knew I couldn’t keep pretending I wasn’t feeling the pull.

Maybe you’ve been there too.

Maybe you’re noticing relationship patterns you can no longer ignore.

Maybe you’ve been doing the healing work and suddenly friendships, jobs, or ways of living that once fit no longer do.

Maybe you’re feeling the call toward something bigger but every time you try to figure out what it is, you end up more confused than when you started.

Or maybe you’re freaking exhausted from trying to think your way into clarity.

This is the exact reason I created The Threshold.

Because there are seasons in life where the next step isn’t something we can logic our way into (trust me, I’ve tried and fallen flat on my face more times than I care to admit.)

It’s something we have to listen our way into.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, June 24th at 2pm PT
we are gathering for our Summer Solstice ceremony.

JOIN THE THRESHOLD

The solstice has always represented a turning point. A moment of illumination. A moment where what has been hidden becomes visible.

During our journey together, I will guide you into a shamanic journey to meet your star family and spiritual team.

Not because I think someone else has the answers for your life.

But because I believe you do.

My role is simply to help you access them.

During this live shamanic journey, you will be invited to:

• Meet your star family and spiritual guides

• Receive insight into your soul mission and purpose in this lifetime

• Gain clarity around what you are being called toward in this next season of life

• Receive healing for the parts of you that are ready to be tended to so you can move forward with greater trust and confidence

JOIN THE THRESHOLD

One of the things I’ve learned over the last decade is that purpose is rarely something we “find.”

It’s something we remember.

It’s something that reveals itself when we finally become quiet enough to hear it.

And often the answers we’re searching for aren’t actually outside of us at all.

They’re waiting underneath the fear.
Underneath the noise.
Underneath the overthinking.

That’s the space we’ll be entering together tomorrow.

If you’ve been feeling lost, uncertain, at a crossroads, or like you’re standing in between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming, I would love to have you join us.

To join tomorrow’s ceremony, simply upgrade your membership to The Threshold using the link below.

Once you’ve upgraded, you’ll receive access to the event details and Zoom link.

JOIN THE THRESHOLD

I don’t believe every person is meant to quit their job, write a book, start a business, or move across the world. Sometimes our purpose in a season is learning how to receive support. Sometimes it’s learning how to trust ourselves. Sometimes it’s finally grieving something we’ve been carrying for years. The journey will reveal what is true for you.

Honored to hold this space for you.

JOIN THE THRESHOLD

* Current Codependency Alchemy members will see a prorated upgrade amount based on their existing subscription.

* The Threshold includes four live guided shamanic journeys each year, held on the solstices and equinoxes.

* Tomorrow’s Summer Solstice journey begins at 2pm PT. Join now to receive immediate access to the Zoom link.