Listen to the Song

In celebration, I got messy devouring papayas in a waterfall. I let the juices drench me, soaked my hair in the stream, invited the song into my body and alchemized it through expression.

What follows is a photo series (and a video) capturing this divine experience.

Subscribe to unlock this series:

Or for an uncensored video

Read more

Dominant as it is submissive.

It subverts popular reggaeton tropes credited to the men of the genre.

It’s devoted to decolonization, reclaiming erotic innocence, affirming lust, and alchemizing shame.

I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to life.

Press Play

My new single is now streaming!

Press Play

Do I like it today? How ‘bout today? Do I believe every word I said? Does it still resonate?

The song I am releasing tomorrow, I’ve been intimate with for a bit longer than any other song to date. Something about it felt particularly vulnerable, a few lines I had to get used to hearing myself say. The way I wove Spanish, English, Spanglish together in my own manera. I felt so shy to let anyone listen for the longest.

Now, I find myself in a time of erotic renaissance. New experience influencing new waves of art moving through me at a pace I had been missing for what felt like a long time in the life of an artist.

Read more

To take the raw materials of my sexuality and create out of it in a way that makes Carrie Bradshaw look like a total prude, has its embarrassing moments.

My mom has quoted crazy things I wrote back to me. I’m sure some of my friends think its all TMI.

Read more

I saw an IG post this week that said: “Being a tender hearted lover girl with the libido of a teenage boy is not for the weak”.

I couldn’t agree more.

It takes damn near magic to keep your heart open while dating in a time where its considered cool to be aloof, un- needing, and where people are considered more disposable because of how many superficial connections are available to make (dating apps, social media etc). Why invest any respect or energy when the next best person could be one swipe away?

In a lot of ways its taboo to feel, taboo to yearn, taboo to want depths in a time of instant gratification and surface level shares. Even more taboo to admit it.

It’s easy to make yourself feel wrong, to blame or reprimand yourself for not being able to get with the program and act as if you’re way above it all already.

But I call bullshit on all of it! On the abundance of toxic dating advice, on the way it shuts us down to our own desires, on the idea that there’s a right and wrong way to be in general.

Read more

I found myself alone on the rainforest floor with my gaze turned towards the sun rays that poked through palm fronds. I shut my phone down and looked inwards. I

found all the answers. Tried to collect them all writing at lightning speed for hours until my shoulder blade ached. I gave form to my unborn songs as they descended from the ethers and let them transmit through my pen onto paper. Scribbles of a madwoman on a mission to be fully expressed.

I danced salvaje on my porch to an audience of bamboo trunks, tapping into the spirit of La Lupe and all the exiled, censored women who shimmied defiantly through life before me.

I walked pies descalzos down a path that led me to the foot of the goddess. Atabey, the Taíno creatrix of life, deity of fertility with her legs wide and her arms open towards the sky. I lay back on her stone belly hot from the sun and felt her hold me in her strength. I offered her the flowers I had collected on my walk, understanding why I gathered them in the first place.

I let warm water soak my sore muscles and sunlight sparkle on my skin. I took showers with the windows open so I could stare into the green abyss of tropical trees. I caressed my skin with flowers and fell asleep in flower petals and a silk robe.

I showed myself my respect, my love, let myself play, adorned my body in my favorite clothing and showed them off to myself in the mirror, I took long, meandering videos, I listened to sensual music that made me sigh with delight.

I spoiled and romanced myself with delicious food and wine and I remembered that I am so much more than I give myself credit for. That no one could possibly love and appreciate me as much as I do, and that I deserve all my love and more. I wrote a love letter to my cervix. I wrote poems to my lovers that they will never see.

I pleasured myself until my eyes curled back and my moans pierced the cacophony of coqui.

Radical Acts of Self Devotion

Uncensored Moments

Last year brought me through a powerful threshold of loss, existential abyss, and rebirth.

Under the Sagittarius Full Moon in May something majorly shifted. I came out on the other side back in butterfly mode after yet another chrysalis season of dissolution.

In these last few months since, I’ve experienced intense expansion. Thrilling, exciting, abundant expansion that I’ve been working towards and eager to receive for a very long time. Soon after it began, I felt a dip into a valley of contraction. Or so I thought.

What felt like a crash that could bring me to give up on my vision turned out to be a threshold. A portal through which I had the opportunity to a) opt out by numbing and reverting to old ways OR b) show up to fully, feeling everything I needed to feel with utter presence and commitment. This time, I fully chose option b and held on tight. I rode through a few dark nights of the soul, the tears, facing the wounds that were stuck in repeating patterns like a broken record. I had the support of many, and yet what i needed most was the support of myself in order to fully consent to and experience the up level.

Read more

These are raw pieces, barely edited, full of truth and acknowledging the imperfections as a way to tell the true story before developing it into something more literary and perhaps less literal.

I write this way because I revel in it. What’s more, I believe in women telling the tales of their own desires, fantasies, and sexuality from their own perspective. As the subject of my own narratives, I bask in the chance to share the moments that make me feel so alive, as a way to digest the delicious and the difficult, and share honestly not hiding behind fairy realms or romance arcs as erotic writing by women tends to be allowed to do. I share my stories as is and if that breaks the rules, good.

I hope reading this story stirs something inside of you as it did for me.

You can unlock this story with a paid subscription and with that you will access a library of other erotic written and visual art.

Read more

Before I went to bed I was processing a recently re-awakened fire inside of me. A very familiar one that has oscillated from a warm hearth to a raging wildfire throughout my life.

I wrote:

Read more

The past year has been as challenging as it has been beautiful. A new life, lifestyle, city, way of being. Also a lot of doors shutting, grief, loss and re-orienting to a new (or is it different?) identity.

How much of my past self am I carrying forward? And is it a choice or are we just ourselves no matter the circumstance or setting? Who else would I rather be? The answer has never changed but this time I wonder if it will.

I hide in air conditioning to soothe my heightened body temperature due to the bleeding phase of my cycle (no euphemisms here) as the outside world creeps into the 90s. I think about being in the chrysalis phase. Feeling myself disintegrating and re-membering. How long will this take? I wonder. Am I in transition or am I just lost forever?

For better or for worse, no matter the state of emotion I am in I have always felt like it will last forever. Unable to imagine the inevitable fluctuations that are inescapable.

The hose of my creativity feeling pinched. Loss of visibility making me wonder what it means to exist if I am not seen? Do I have the motivation to build my platform back up to be again? Or is it a gift disguised as a curse that i “get” to start over. Pessimism doesn’t let me entertain the latter, instead I feel lost.

I have an embodiment session with a healer. It reminds me of the spaces I hold when I lead one on one containers. I’m invited to scream from the place where it hurts. It feels so far away I struggle to get near it with my voice. I try but only a sliver of a shout comes out.

How did I get so far away from something that came so natural for so long?

I pause writing to breathe and look out the window at the sun baked road and Green Tea Peng lyrics waft through my mind: “are my words too damn earnest”. Aren’t I supposed to appear to have it figured out? I’ve always resented and rebelled against that notion and I suppose I always will.

On this particular day in fetal position listening to music I can only describe as wind chime-y, I try to let myself dissolve if I must. But I’ve been feeling like mush for quite some time. Weeks? Months? I’m too disoriented to know.

But on this particular night I have the option to perform. It feels impossible. I have nothing prepared. I feel icky and achy. But I’m over it. It feels like too long that I’ve felt like this. I need to break the routine. I need to express, move, create, let myself be seen.

I decide to do it. To be a part of the showcase at La Palmita Studio where I’ve been teaching weekly classes. I open my suitcase where my costumes remain packed tightly. Some of them decaying in the humidity, elastic no longer elastic-ing. I find lingerie that I forgot I owned. Its been so long since I put it on…

I choose a one piece that covers my mensturally inflammed belly. I choose a song that resonates most with me right now. Perreo Llorando which translates roughly to twerking while crying. Something I’m familiar with. The way shaking my hips can start the tears flowing or stop them depending on what I need.

I have nothing prepared so I decide to show up just how I am. The perfectionist in me screams in protest but what I have is all I’ve got right now. I throw on an oversized hoodie, put my hair in a messy bun and instead of a face full of makeup I put on mascara, then purposefully squeeze my eyes shut to smear it.

When I get to the studio there is chiffon and there is lace. I am covered and I am set to go third. I make a game time decision to start with my shoes off and enact the actual reclamation moment in real time. From hoodie to heels to healing in real time.

I give myself permission to feeeeeeeeeel the music, feeeeel the moment and let myself be… imperfect, unfinished. And to rely on the años y años of preparation that makes me the performer I am whether I rehearse for hours or not.

I needed something to kickstart motion. To let it go and move on. To command myself back to presence. I took the opportunity to show up and it got me off my ass (which looked great in the video I must say).

I felt myself for the first time in a while.

Witness the full performance with an paid membership below.

Dance With Me:

TODAY in San Juan, Perreo Heels @lapalmitastudio. RSVP

TODAY VIRTUAL Bedroom Flow sensual movement class. RSVP

THURSDAY VIRTUAL Tropical Twerkout Class. RSVP

OAHU Oct 19-23rd Pussy Empowered Retreat Learn More

More Ways to Connect With Me:

Uncensored Art

Pussy Empowered Podcast

Instagram

YouTube

Read more

From then on he lowered his phone volume significantly. As if a dirty secret was revealed and as if everyone in this coffee shop weren’t grown ups hearing an individual talk about a perfectly legal career. Its telling to me that up until then he was fine having a loud, flirty conversation with a woman on speakerphone in a crowded coffee shop but chose that moment to realize he should have the convo more privately.

Do you know that stripping is legal (not that thats the marker of good vs. bad of course)? Its common too. You probably know a handful of strippers and other sex workers. Maybe some of them never even told you they have this present or history because they don’t feel like having the complicated, tricky conversation that would follow where they are likely to find themselves defending their choice or overexplaining their decision.

I told the world about my stripping career because I was young and naive and wanted to be a part of positive change in terms of how folks in the industry are perceived. I also felt the need to express my opinions after I was shown in a “documentary” in which I strongly disagreed with the latent sex worker shaming that was weaved throughout. A few people expressed their concern for me in making this decision, I didn’t care. I felt strongly, passionately, I still do.

Many people say they love strippers or copy the aesthetic with a cheeky smile- so naughty! It makes them feel alive.

It makes me feel alive too. And I recognize the responsibility that comes with that because I’ve seen firsthand the ways that this stigma can have seriously detrimental impacts on individuals who actually do the work.

I see sex work handled especially carelessly by film and media all the time.

• I made the mistake of seeing Zola in the movie theaters- I almost RAN out of the theater feeling SO triggered but I didn’t wanna cause a scene so I just sat there and dissociated.

• A certain scene in Showgirls still flashes into my mind violently and scares the shit out of me.

• I couldn’t sleep after I saw Anora- I was PISSED, especially at the traumatizing ending.

Yes, I’m VERY sensitive to what I intake - I rarely watch movies, if ever. But also that’s because I’m not inundated by violent, whorephobic things all day. I do my best to protect myself thoroughly.

There was so much whorephobia in the club when I worked there itself- men asking me “what’s your plan after this”, telling me they don’t need to pay for things like this while mooching off the naked women for free, ALL KINDS OF MISOGYNISTIC PROBLEMATIC THINGS came out of their mouths.

But if this societal perception is the problem, whats the solution?

• Having the hard conversation head on when we see and hear problematic things

• Checking our own internalized whorephobia

• Asking ourselves how are we contributing to destigmatizing and supporting sex worker communities?

• Consuming media with a critical lens and recognizing when we are being fed hateful and/or violent stereotypes

Be a part of the solution:

If you want to be part of creating a more ethical landscape for sex worker representation in media, contribute to a non-profit fighting to end stigma through media and education, & deconstruct your own internalized whorephobia, join us tomorrow for a film screening & panel on exactly this.

First we will screen a film called For the Love of Strippers which was created with an ethical, intentional lens highlighting the stories of two strippers, Selena & NatsHoney.

Then, we will have a panel discussion on Ethical Media Representation. I will be a panelist alongside Daisy Ducati guiding this conversation and sharing about our own experience in media. Hosted by sex worker led organizations, YAS Work & Strippers United.

Its TOMORROW and just $10 bucks!

RSVP

PS. If you know anyone in the film industry or sexuality/sex work industry specifically, please do pass this information along!

Support my work:

Explore my uncensored art here.

OR:

Community Spotlight:

Help fund a feminist AF film! Featuring community member, Riv. Here’s a description:

Anarchist l3sbian vampires, Sway, Truffle, and Moonie, break into a pharmaceutical facility to destroy research connected to Dr. Sims, the “Father of Modern Gynecology.” They were just planning to 🧨 up the building but they discover a hidden testing operation where women are being held captive…

Help 🎬 Toxic Shock🩸cross the finish line!!! We’re raising funds for post production. We need to reach 80% in pledges in the next 4 days, to get any of donations! All donations are tax deductible and there are some pretty awesome incentives when you donate! Also, want to mention the three leads are swers, trãns, and BIPOC and it’s directed by qu33r female director! I’m one of the leads, Truffle, the bomb expert 💣

If you support queer art and the communities this film uplifts, would you consider throwing a few dollars toward it?

Support!

Here’s 5 things I learned:

*See below for the videos themselves for you to feast your eyes upon. Spicy versions linked as well ;)

Trust the vision and just keep GOING:

The different phases of music video creation are many and require different parts of your mind, personality, and skills along the way. Especially as someone who does literally every part myself apart from filming the damn thing (thank you to my incredible Emmy award winning videographer and partner Talltree!) There’s the planning and envisioning stage, the part where you see it through, direct, and film, the editing phase, and then the marketing phase to make sure all your hard work gets seen. From start to finish this can take a long ass time so there are many moments along the way that make you want to throw in the towel. Seeing each video through is nothing short of a spiritual process. There are many distracting factors to get past that can prolong the completion of your project but dammit, not giving up will make your muscle of getting things across the threshold a lot stronger!

Creating in community is gratifying AF:

The satisfaction of creating something in community is so delicious. Its important to trust the people you are creating with fully and if there’s anyone you’re iffy about- STEER CLEAR cuz they can really derail the whole thing. Inviting folks into your creative process can be so vulnerable but its also deeply gratifying when you can share the memories of bringing that vision to life. For the videos that were created as part of Pussy Empowered™ experiences especially it was SO rewarding to giggle and grow our way through it together. For the videos alongside my fellow professional performers it felt so good to join forces and ooze our essences all over the screen.

Making art is so damn vulnerable:

Maybe one day all my fucks will be gone. But as of today it still takes a lot of RAWR to get me from start to end with conviction. More often it is a rollercoaster of emotions and internal roadblocks alternating with the highs of bringing a vision into reality. The hardest part for me is how much work it takes to get people to JUST WATCH, let alone engage or give a damn. The numbers not being where I want them to be can make me want to throw my hands in the air. But I continue to engage in delusion as a practice and I encourage myself to just have the audacity to try again and again and again and again and again and again…..and AGAIN for as long as I still have trying left inside of me.

Now is not the time…is often FALSE:

There have been videos I sat on for over a year because I didn’t feel ready. Videos I was too afraid of the footage being “bad” to confront even watching for months. Videos that I wasn’t ready to show anyone or specific people for far too long. But the thing is, once something hits, everything glows up at once. You never know when the next thing is gonna strike a nerve and suddenly all your work is getting eaten up like hot cheetos.

Now almost never feels like the time- not during all the crazy shit this administration is putting the whole world through right? Idk, making art always feels useless in heavy times but art is also the thing that gets me through the darkest days- consuming and creating it alike. Now is definitely better than never and the longer you wait the more ready you will be for the next thing and not wanting to put out that thing you worked so hard on just because you see it from the eyes of your growth. It will make you want to go back and erase or redo and thats not useful at all. JUST PUT IT OUT.

Get creative with how your art bears fruit:

Its hella easy for music video creation to be fruitless for the creator. Even with representation, budgets for expensive videos died with the early 2000s. Being a DIY artist means getting real crafty about how to make a budget or lack thereof streeeeeetch. Some people say making your art with other people is never worth it if you can’t pay everyone involved. I have a LOOOONG resume of art I participated in creating with others for free for the sheer love of the game and I have zero regrets about it the time I donated to their finished visions. So I’m always as transparent as possible and do my best to pay folks when I can but also offer trades and work with folks who are equally passionate about making shit. Money isn’t everything for me and for the folks that it is everything for I’m always 100% understanding if they don’t align with the given project. Creating community projects, offering uncensored versions, doing live performances, creating merch are some of the ways I’ve attempted to recover expenses. For me, I may be just making ends meet but least I’m rich in expression! 😅

Without further ado, here are the videos themselves with every ounce of blood, sweat, tears but also joy, orgasms, and laughter:

Share this with someone who appreciates music videos, leave a comment on a video or 3 and buy an uncensored version if any of these have inspired you!

In chronological order of creation beginning to most recent:

uncensored version

uncensored version

uncensored version

Uncensored Versions

It had been a few years since I participated in a class series that ended up being a total bust.

This class was to be filmed for a “pole documentary” that sounded on paper to resonate deeply with my work. At the time in 2018, I was in a phase of reckoning, learning, growing. I was there largely to observe and I slid mostly under the radar. Actually, I felt totally invisible.

But what I saw, from my perspective and lived experience, was not it. So much so that I dropped out of the class somewhere around the halfway point.

I had been steadily stepping into leadership in the realm of empowerment but I was not yet out publicly as a stripper.

When the trailer dropped a few years after the filming, my stomach dropped with it. Everything that didn’t sit right with me bubbled up to the surface. I felt confused, angry. The more I shared about it, the more I realized that I wasn’t crazy to feel that way.

It was then that I decided it was time to speak about my experience. Especially since I did not want to endorse the whorephobia overflowing from the narrative on screen by being silent. I decided to use my platform and voice to more publicly advocate for sex workers and against the endless stigma pointed in our direction.

[whorephobia: hatred of/towards sex workers]

Once I started sharing my grievances with the film & modality it highlighted, I found my words reshared around the internet and instantly got connected to a community of fellow strippers, sex workers, & allies that had my back. I found myself in dialogue with thought leaders in the industry that not only validated my observations, but stood by me as well. From there, things snowballed to media interviews, podcasts, and a conversation series I hosted on my own podcast around de-stigmatizing sex work.

The main issues with the film, the class, & the stigma it highlighted:

—> It was overwhelmingly whorephobic, relying on tropes of villanizing and shaming strippers and other sex workers while uplifting spaces and individuals that white-washed and sterilized pole dance, pitting these communities against each other

—> It claimed to be a documentary but spoke minimally and patronizingly towards sex workers, the history of pole dance, its roots, and instead emphasized the separation between pole as “art” or “fitness” versus the truth of pole as a tool that was born of survival sex work by predominantly black and brown women. Furthermore, the pole studio behind it was & is capitalizing off of pole and stripper aesthetic with no credit or respect for its origins. This behavior is also known as cultural appropriation

—> It was mired in trauma bonding and focused on stories of traumatized individuals, non-consensually

As the one stripper in the room I felt I had a duty to speak to what I saw with my own eyes in class and the shortcomings of this practice.

It felt scary to speak out, I was doubting myself and being gaslit by others but time would reveal that the individual at the top of this modality was not only problematic in this sense but has also exhibited extensive racist behavior towards staff within her company, and even most recently showed up in a negative light on the Epstein list…

To this day, I still feel uneasy as I write about this. I never wanted to tear down another woman’s work, nor did I understand the direction of fascism we were going in and find ourselves in now. The stakes feel higher than ever to use our voices and yet thats exactly what I’ve always believed in, preached, and continue to practice.

An excerpt from my interview with Buzzfeed News:

The Danger of Depicting Whorephobia

Unfortunately, this reflects of a larger problem that can be seen across the pole dance industry and media alike. The most recent example of discrimination being a pole competition in Spain where an act depicting the unaliving of a sex worker alongside a sign that said Exotic does not = Striptease, won first place. This insistence on separation and even violence towards the sex worker community is what continues to deepen the chasm between these two communities and simply cannot go unchecked.

Violence against sex workers is ongoing and the stigma has real life consequences that ranges from censorship & deplatforming, to dehumanizing treatment, to violence towards/of workers themselves.

The Majority of Media Leaves out the Voices of Sex Workers

Time and again, film and media projects create deeply uninformed and stereotypical sex worker characters. It ranges from silly to downright hateful. These mistakes are glaring for sex workers who watch but often go unnoticed by individuals who aren’t informed against whorephobia which is dangerous because it feeds into subconscious narratives without opportunity for reflection.

Its important, as viewers, to watch films that include sex worker characters and/or sex work with a critical lens.

Some things to consider:

—> who created this film and does that person have any experience in the sex trade?

—> were any sex workers consulted?

—> do these sex worker characters seem one dimensional? disposable? are they treated like a human or like a casualty without remorse? does their story end in tragedy?

To add insult to injury, films made about sex workers often go farther in visibility and receive more opportunity than films created by sex workers due to discrimination in the industry, reach of sex workers being thwarted by social media platforms, plus other roadblocks that the majority of civilians don’t have to think about, and socio-economic factors that are systemically linked with the predominant demographic of sex workers- BIPOC & LGBQT individuals for example.

Our Voices Matter

After having a firsthand experience of what was done terribly wrong in a film and realizing that I was naive to expect a space devoted to empowerment would be further evolved in their feminism than it actually was, I have learned to be far more cautious. And to do things differently in my own business.

At the time I was optimistic, hopeful. I saw change happening with my own eyes, we were not in this current state of fascism quite yet and FOSTA/SESTA was just barely in place getting ready to wreak havoc on the world of sexuality on the internet. I saw women brazenly claiming and proclaiming their sexual agency and being vocal about sex work. I wanted to put both middle fingers up myself. I stand by this decision.

In the media interviews that followed, which despite having media experience myself, I was wildly unprepared for, my voice was often overlooked and omitted further.

Some examples:

• After pitching an article about this and getting approved by a staff member at Jezebel, I was totally ghosted when I delivered the finished product.

• After an 40 minute interview with the Hollywood Reporter, my thoughts and experience were again committed in favor of speaking about strippers from the perspective of non-strippers 🤦🏽‍♀️.

• This interview from Buzzfeed did include my thoughts although they made it seem like reactions from the stripper community were dramatic and remained neutral in their telling of what went down:

I was disappointed by this experience but I learned a lot from this process and since then. It even forced me to step up my own platform and hold space for elevating the voices of fellow vocal sex workers.

Lived Experience > Making Shit Up

A few blessings that came out of this experience- wisdom, caution, and outspokenness was activated and my own awareness increased which I was and am passionate about sharing with my community.

I also got connected with members of the community that I continue to contribute to and grow with.

One example is that through this debacle, I was first connected to AMD after I began. They offered a space to talk it through and extended an invitation to share about my experience on their podcast.

Today as a result of that first connection and being involved with their mission, I have been involved with their efforts and recently accepted a position as Treasurer of YAS Work Org.

YAS Work is a non-profit media org by sex workers creating educational resources and entertainment that seeks to dismantle whorephobia via its many projects including a podcast network, panels, and YAS Veterans program.

When they developed the YAS Veterans program that offers media consultation to folks looking to include sex worker voices for their film & media projects, I thought YES this so deeply needed. Through their website, a diverse group of sex workers, myself included, offer our services as consultants for media projects that wish to create informed projects.

The last panel we worked on regarding the state of Digital Censorship was so deeply important and we have another impactful one coming up:

Ethical Representation With or Without Us

Our upcoming panel is in conjunction with the streaming of a film, For the Love of Skrippers, spotlighting two strippers who are organizing and representing community powerfully, Selena & NatsHoney.

After the screening, we will host a panel called Ethical Media With or Without Us on which I will be a panelist alongside Daisy Ducati. We will address this issue of faulty media representation that we see across the board with films that include sex workers from Showgirls to Anora. We will highlight solutions for a future of ethical, inclusive media that contributes to the dismantling of whorephobia, crucial for the dismantling of patriarchal structures at large.

Join us in support of a film that did things the right way and stay for a discussion of what this future of media could look like if we continue down a more informed path together.

Because lived experience is more powerful than making shit up! And standing with sex workers is feminist AF.

Join Us

“Read the room, its not time to release a project about Abundance”

Another part of me is saying:

“And there never has been a good time in the span of your career to talk about abundance. Is there ever a good time for a woman to claim abundance for herself, anyway? Also, the world seems like its ending and you finished this project, so you may as well put it out because time is of the essence. Also, also, we need to dream and envision because it keeps us in touch with a feeling of hope and thats the point of art”.

So I put out the art. Because as an artist, that’s my job.

Here are the lyrics that I wrote as an ode to abundance:

I released this song in two versions:

Abundance (Inspired) & Abundance (Surrendered)

I released a music video too: Watch it Here

Download My Abundance Ebook

If you want to anchor more deeply into Abundance & support this project, download my Abundance Ebook or upgrade to become a paid supporter of this blog.

Download the Ebook

Abundance (Surrendered) & Abundance (Inspired)

Each with a very different mood infused with the same inspirational lyrics- both grounding and activating.

The accompanying music video is an opulent display of ethereal majesty made possible with the support of Los Angeles based designer, Señora Calzones and the incredible women who joined me for my Video Vixen Class Series.

If you haven’t yet, please watch the video, leave a loving comment & share with a friend!

Watch

The accompanying Abundance Ebook is now available for download!

For $11.11 you can support this body of work and receive a boost of abundance to your eyes, mind, body and spirit. Here’s what’s inside:

Download Your Copy

Your support is deeply appreciated!

It was described as:

“A delicious visual experience”- BSWWS

Since social media has proven largely unreliable, I have got the creative juices flowing for ways to go back to grassroots sharing and connecting.

I had the delight of screening the premiere virtually and in person this weekend at the Ecstatica Borikén weekend retreat in Rincón where I also got to teach a new werkshop, Pussy Empowered Perreo the following day.

Here is a room full of deliciously present, community vibes soaking up the video. I was so grateful for all the loving presence, comments and joy reflected back to me after the screening. Getting to share these creations in person is so nourishing, I was so grateful for the opportunity.

Making of this Video

This video was filmed as the culmination of Pussy Empowered™ Video Vixen Class Series in LA featuring the gorgeous women who went on this 8 week journey with me. I live to create this kind of communal creativity and can’t wait for the next one- if this interests you be sure to stay in touch for whats to come!

It was Directed & Edited by yours truly and filmed by Talltree.

Señora Calzones Couture

The gorgeous custom couture garments featured in this video were created by the incredible Señora Calzones whose garments are also featured in my Holy Water and Pussy Empowered music videos. She is so incredible talented!

Being an artist is SO VULNERABLE

Here I am asking you again to watch and care about my creation. ❤️

Its an especially vulnerable moment for my visibility. Having to start over on IG has me at 10% of the connections I had prior to suspension last month. This is likely to reflect on my numbers on YouTube and it would mean so much to me if I could have some or your support.

Would you take just 5 minutes to do the following?

1. Watch the video

2. Hit the like button

3. Leave a genuine comment

4. Share with 2 people you think would appreciate this

If you feel called to take one more step in support:

Pre- Order my Abundance EBook

For just $8.88 you’ll receive a deeper dive into this song, video, & inquiry into Abundance alongside the 2 song downloads and some original writing. Its a feast for your eyes and would mean the world to me!

Pre-Order

Thank you for all the love you’ve sent my way so far on this new project!

Holy Water (Uncensored) is the winner in the Erotic Video category for the WXSA Barcelona Film Festival! 🎉

This is one of my most erotic, fulfilling project to date. If you haven’t seen it yet, its time to feast your eyes on what all the fuss is about:

Check it our for yourself!

New Release coming out this Friday!

ABUNDANCE, 2 versions of the song and a music video are coming your way THIS FRIDAY!

To commemorate the release and the start of Spring, I created:

ABUNDANCE Ebook

You can pre-order it for just $8.88 before Friday’s release. It comes with the 2 new song downloads: Abundance (Surrendered) & Abundance (Inspired) alongside an interactive invitation into a state of abundance of your own.

Pre-Order

If you’ve ever received any value from what I offer, now would be an amazing time to support with a purchase or subscription and so deeply appreciated!

Thank you for reading, liking, commenting, subscribing, downloading, your support means the world to me!

Read more

“Las mujeres en el mundo entero, perreando sin miedo.”- Benito Martínez Antonio Ocasio aka Bad Bunny

Translation: “Women of the world, twerking/grinding/partying without fear”

My Boricua heart is exploding with pride and I am so grateful I get to be living here in Puerto Rico at this moment.

Perreo was on the biggest stage in entertainment that exists on this planet on Sunday. Gyrating gals, guys and gays twerked solo, crotch to crotch or culo to crotch, with their captain Bad Bunny forward thrusting to the camera giving us all a zap to the zipper.

Hips that don’t lie, but instead speak a truth that is baked into the DNA of the Caribbean- a history of colonization, slavery, resistance and resilience that overflows through artistic expression and enraptures us all. Baked with meaning, intention, historical context, a message of unity and of decolonization.

Love it or hate it, its the most watched halftime show in history.

I reflect on the backlash of Jlo and Shakira’s halftime performance in 2020- their dancing described as “vagina-wagging” by ornery conservatives disgusted to see natural body movements.

My algorithm knows better than to let the haters pop up in my feed but my father sent me a copy of Tuesday’s paper with this headline:

It infuriated many, including the Epstein file president himself who went on one of his social media rampages calling the performance “absolutely terrible” and is allegedly reporting Bad Bunny to the FCC for vulgar lyrics and dance. This from a man who holds no morals or human decency would be laughable if his whims and twisted logic weren’t so dangerous.

I watch in San Juan, Puerto Rico on a 25 foot pantalla (screen) at a popular sports park where upwards of a thousand people gather to witness the halftime show. Yes, the halftime show. I know it was not the game because 90% of the crowd left immediately upon its ending.

As we wait for the show to start, commercials are overruled by a DJ playing reggaeton. We are decked out in Boricua pride and Benito inspired outfits. All ages gather on a soccer field picnic style. My dear friend, dance instructor, client, and Co-Founder of Bombón “perreo pa’ la people” in the Hudson Valley, Adri is visiting San Juan where she grew up and we throw it back together, thrilled to share this experience as Bad Bunny fanatics.

(Footage from on of the many Super Bowl screenings in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Can you spot me in the crowd at :05?)

Each of us have been doing our own work as Latinas in our communities to release the shame that has so many locked out of their hips, to help folks unleash the freedom that resides there, to advocate for and resurrect perreo. We’ve led by example and have risked judgmental looks to give permission to dance floors for our whole lives. Now this innocent desire to get the party started is baked into our respective purpose on this earth. We are amongst the first to get up and dance as the performance nears.

Watch my recap:

Throughout the past, there are hips that have freed generations. And as Benito grinds with the air on a casita in the middle of the Super Bowl field, features two men grinding with one another, lights up the floor with salsa and traditional plena, I know his hips are living in their purpose in such a global way that its impossible to wrap the mind around.

It transcends any alleged agenda to splinter the country. Quite the opposite, he displays moments of unity, includes Lady Gaga and shows the myriad identities and shared culture of the folks who make up the fabric of the US and beyond. And he is inviting us all to the party, inclusive of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender. Granted we can overcome our prejudices, fears, and set our hearts, spirits, bodies free enough to feel what its like to let the rhythm take us.

He reminds us that its easier to dance when our hearts are not full of hate.

Within the greater context of the show, aside from the Caribbean celebration were the powerful political statements:

• the nod to the jíbaros or folks from the countryside who risked their lives to attempt to restore power during blackouts or apagónes post Hurricane Maria and the ongoing impact of a neglected electrical grid due to corporate greed and neglect

• uplifting small businesses owned by immigrants and/or folks of the diaspora such as Toñita’s in Brooklyn and women owned nail salons

• the wink to shared Latinx realities like the child asleep on the dance floor, seniors playing dominoes, and workers in sugarcane fields

• participation in valued institutions such as marriage and building families demonstrated by the actual wedding that took place (Bad Bunny himself signed as a witness- and get this, the brides name is Eleisa Aparicio! (no relation that I know of but “is it some sort of sign?”, I ask myself))

All this at this time of debilitating ICE raids impacting the Latinx community disproportionately. In the midst of this violent mess, he serves an exclamation point to our colorful, expansive, thriving despite colonial attempts to crush the spirit of our people for centuries. He is an embodiment of hope. It gave us all goosebumps and an opportunity to joyscroll instead of doomscroll for once. His art carries us through the mundanity of daily life and the downright terrifying age we are living in.

As Latinos, we are accustomed to dancing through any and all that is thrown our way and this is no exception.

Shaking off Shame

It might be easy to dismiss this hip shaking as surface level entertainment. Instead, realize that it is an act of resistance. Led by a man who has publicly defied gender norms, spoken up for women and trans folks, and continues to use his platform as embodied defiance. He managed to become the biggest global artist while doing all of these things, not despite, but in part because he refuses to be anyone other than himself. He leads with heart, emotion, vulnerability, strength, complexity and without apology. He gives us an example of a man living in his truth with integrity in a time when many of us are deeply disheartened and downright hopeless when it comes to men in power.

At the roots of Caribbean culture, there is nothing crass about shaking ones hips and yet the sexual shame born of colonial mindset has taken root here.

The current epidemic of lack of perreo is in Puerto Rican nightlife is testament.

I’ve seen the decline with my own eyes and hear the theories: social media interrupting privacy and used as a tool for shaming, pandemic inspired social awkwardness. In a moment where non-chalance is a la mode, passion and PDA has become less of the norm. At least in part, assimilation to mainland standards of morality is to blame. After all, that is the status quo in the rest of the US where, in general, there is a visible fear of letting lose on a dance floor.

There was a time local government was trying to ban perreo, ban reggaeton in the nation. There was a time it was illegal to fly the Puerto Rican flag. Bad Bunny reminds us of this in his song LA MuDANZA. But last weekend he ran the length of the football field carrying the flag featuring the light blue representing the independence movement and displaying his patria (homeland) proudly.

He reminds us to perreo which translates to one or all of the following words: twerk, grind, party. Reminds that we are free and should be safe to do so.

Which brings me back to the quote I opened with:

As his hit Yo Perreo Sola (“I Dance/Twerk/Grind/Party by Myself”) begins in the halftime medley, Bad Bunny says:

“Las mujeres en el mundo entero, perreando sin miedo.”

“Women of the entire world, dancing/twerking/grinding/partying without fear”

Dozens of women of varying race and ethnicity twerk on the field in front of him, as coordinated by his longtime choreographer, PR’s own Karina Ortiz and Compton’s Charm La’Donna.

This song is about women’s right to dance and feel safe from sexual assault on dance floors and the ability to say “no, I’d rather dance by myself”- a nod to Ivy Queen’s reggaeton classic Yo Quiero Bailar.

In this moment, this declaration also serves as reminder that we deserve safety from oppression as erotic expression becomes increasingly at risk of criminalization- including but not limited to severe censorship on the internet. Control and oppression over a woman’s body, a Latinx or Caribbean woman’s body in this case is an extension of ongoing systemic violence, colonization, sexism, misogyny, racism.

Its not Benito’s first time making political statements through his art. In the video for the same song, Yo Perreo Sola, he dresses as a woman as a statement of solidarity with the LGBQT+ community. He continues to show up as an ally in many ways and signs point to him being bi or pan-sexual himself.

Seguimos Aqui

The aggressive amounts of hate and racist rhetoric thrust in Benito’s direction leading up to this highly anticipated show made us all speculate if he was wearing a bullet proof vest as he accepted his 3 Grammys the previous weekend (what a week it has been to be Boricua).

He reignites flames in us all to defy and to do it with love in our hearts.

Love for our family and our communities, love for ourselves which fuels us to keep showing up shamelessly.

Towards the end of his performance Benito looks into the camera and says:

“Si hoy estoy aquí en el Super Bowl es porque nunca, nunca dejé de creer en mi. Tú también deberías creer en ti. Vales más de lo que piensas, créeme.”

“If I am here in the Super Bowl today its because I have never, ever stopped believing in myself. You should believe in yourself too. You are worth more than you know. Believe me.“

I let it land right in my heart and in my hips. I renew my promise to perreo in my truth.

He then said, “God Bless America” and listed every nation in the Americas. Finishing with:

“Seguimo’ aquí”.

“We are still here.”

And we will be here dancing our way through yet another wave at the attempt of erasure, making our presence known in the most vibrant, often sexiest, always most intentional ways possible. With hard work, determination, and love in our hearts.

A personal note:

Over the last decade I have shown up on social media, on beaches, in classrooms shaking my hips and leading others to do so with convicted defiance. My resilience is being tested as I face a wave of censorship that threatens to dismantle the decade worth of imprint I have made with my business. Most recently, 3 of my Instagram accounts were suspended abruptly and without warning (@sensual_radiance at 7K, @flash_the_abyss at 27K, @pxssy_empowered at 400) . Yesterday IG doubled down on their decision, making it unlikely that I will be able to get any of these accounts back. (If you know someone at Meta who could help, please let me know)

As I regroup and strategize, your support means more than ever.

If my work has ever resonated with you or made an impact in your life, please consider subscribing and/or upgrading to a paid subscription for more art, essays, and community devoted to imagining a new paradigm erotic liberation.

Subscribe now

More ways to stay connected:

✨Learn to Twerk/Perreo with my online course

✨YouTube for my censored visual art

✨Uncensored Art

✨Pussy Empowered Community & Offerings- including the upcoming Empowered Expansion Coven

✨My Website