Once upon a time I briefly dated a guy from Brazil. This guy, Diego, a professional skateboarder, who looked a bit like Donald Glover, with these long cascading eyelashes was—despite our inability to communicate without Google translation—a lot of fun in bed. But there was one thing that irked me: he always kept his sock on during sex. Always.

When I asked him why, Google translate informed me that what he was trying to explain to me in a mashup of Portuguese-meets-Spanish-meets-English, was that sex was better with socks. I assumed this might have to do with the fact it kept his toes warm and cozy in a room that I had set at 68 degrees Fahrenheit to stave off the Barcelona summer heat; heat that was nothing compared to where he was raised in São Paulo.

When I shared his affinity for wearing socks in bed with a friend after our short-lived tryst came to an end, she told me that Diego actually wasn’t wrong in what he said. According to her, she’d read somewhere that socks can play a role in one’s ability to orgasm.

I dismissed it as an urban myth. I had already been told that men who can tie a cherry stem with their tongue were great at giving oral sex and, having been on the receiving end of these supposedly gifted lads, I was able to debunk that in less than two minutes. My clit is two inches north, please.

But as with every theory, every urban legend, every rumor, and everything else that has found its way into a game of telephone, it’s usually based on fact—at least somewhere along the lines.

There Is a Link Between Comfort and Orgasms

In 2005, the University of Groningen conducted a study about women faking orgasms and how their brains lit up when they faked it versus when they actually experienced a real orgasm. Faking it triggers proof of conscious control, while not faking occurs subconsciously, proving the French aren’t completely off base when they refer to the orgasm as “la petite mort,” meaning little death. Although the brain is very active during orgasm, control is gone, rationale goes out the window, and the parts of the brain that do the thinking, completely check out.

But where things got interesting is what the study found regarding a link between comfort, especially in women, and the ability to orgasm. Women, for example, can climax easier when their fear and anxiety is comforted, while men can climax when they know they will be physically stimulated. The study was quite intimate, as each partner took turns stimulating each other, while their brains were scanned to reveal what was being lit up and where.

In addition to the study finding how vastly different a situation and environment needs to be for women and men to climax, something else was found: cold feet stood in the way of an orgasm. While 50% of couples were able to orgasm without socks, when they were given socks, that percentage of orgasms jumped to 80%.

“By adding a layer of comfort, couples increased feelings of safety and lowered anxiety,” says CEO and cofounder of Dame Products, Alex Fine. “I believe the more vulnerable we allow ourselves to be during sex, the closer we feel to each other—so what better way to get rid of cold feet and close the pleasure gap?”

At the time Diego was keeping his socks on in bed, I actually had Dame’s Stash pouch in my closet that contained two pairs of socks, their bullet vibe Zee, and lube. But it never crossed my mind to pull out those cozy socks and slip them on for sex.

I asked friends and colleagues if, first, they’d ever heard of this, and secondly, if they’d ever experienced it. Although most people had heard of it, those who had experienced it—43%, but this is based on an Instagram poll I took, mind you—were all in the sexual health and sex education field. It was as if they’d been hanging onto this valuable information and, true to form, I was the only one who hadn’t put it into action.

“I used to think that in order to have sex you had to be completely naked,” explained one friend, adding that she’d heard an old wives’ tale that socks made sex better the same way that wearing gloves makes you feel less cold. When your appendages are warm, the rest of your body is comforted, therefore leading to less distraction during sexual activities.

This friend’s experience goes back to the study that came out of the University of Groningen: feeling comfortable, protected, and safe attributes to a mindset that’s ripe for an orgasm. As my friend shared with me, that comfort level, the feeling of cozy safety, made her a socks-during-sex convert, having incorporated thigh-high and over-the-knee socks into her intimate apparel. “They look sexy but are decadently warm, especially if you’re keeping the heat minimized to avoid overheating from exertion,” she said.

So Do Socks Automatically Equal a One-Way Ticket to O-Town?

Not necessarily. But if you’re someone like me, who’s yet to try, then it’s worth a shot. It’s also especially worth giving it a whirl if you’re someone who struggles to orgasm during sexual play. You might find that what you’ve been missing all this time is a cozy pair of socks to put your mind at ease, reduce those anxiety levels, and just let you melt away into orgasmic bliss.

Related:

If You’re Uncomfortable Receiving Oral Sex You’re Not Alone—Here’s How to Relax

Nocturnal Orgasms Can Be Experienced by Everyone—Not Just Those With a Penis

From the onset, the term “fluid bonding,” might make some cringe and ask, “Now what fluids are we bonding?” For others, the term may be commonplace and obvious: the mixing of genital fluids. While for others, those two words together can be the ultimate turn-on, so much so that they feel an overabundance of fluid just at the thought. No matter how you slice it, fluid bonding evokes different reactions, and that’s one of the (many) reasons I love human sexuality.

While deciding to skip the condoms and “bond” your fluids with someone else shouldn’t be something that’s taken lightly, it’s also not just about bonding fluids as a physical act. It’s trusting that each partner is honest about their STI status, the safety precautions they take with others (if there’s a poly relationship at play), and what birth control is being used (if one of the partners has a uterus). It’s also about what it means.

Does it mean you just hate condoms or is there something more significant in there as to why bonding fluids is important to you?

The Origins and Meaning of Fluid Bonding

Although the term “fluid bonding” is being used more often, the exact origin is unknown. However, it seems to have its roots in the BDSM community, stemming from the concept of “barebacking,” meaning sex without a condom. But because the term “bareback” fell out of fashion, especially among heterosexuals, “fluid bonding” took its place.

“Fluid bonding is when consenting sexual partners choose to no longer use condoms when having intercourse,” says Lovability‘s co-founder and CEO, Maureen Pollack. “The decision to move a relationship from using condoms to removing them is different for every couple and depends on many factors… But one thing that is across the board is there is a deeper level of trust.”

Trust should always be the component of a healthy relationship, but when it comes to an act that could potentially be harmful, the importance of trust is magnified.

The Physiological Impact of Fluid Bonding

When we decide to bond our fluids, we’re taking a risk. It’s not just about ditching the condoms because intercourse feels better without them, but about taking away a safety measure that was once in place. That’s why having a conversation about the physiological impact that such a move will have on you and your partner is something that should be discussed.

For example, you increase your STI risk anytime you fluid bond with another person and, depending on the experience being had, the risk can vary. For instance, if you’re monogamous, you’re less likely to contract an STI through fluid bonding, than if your partner has many other sex partners.

To further complicate things, that risk increases if your supposedly monogamous partner is cheating on you without using protection. As much as we don’t want to believe our partner would cheat on us, cheating is not uncommon. Granted, trying to get an exact percentage of infidelity isn’t exactly easy, because very few (if anyone!) wants to admit to such behavior even for a study, so scientific findings should be taken with a grain of salt.

“Most people get tested within the same timeframe when they decide to fluid bond, ensuring that they neither have or are passing along any STDs,” says erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, an online intimacy shop, Taylor Sparks. “If part of the fluid bonding decision is to not have any unprotected sex with others, then there is no risk.”

The Emotional Impact of Fluid Bonding

Knowing that you and your partner are having intercourse, skin to skin, without anything separating you can bring up a lot of feelings. Not only have you taken things to the next level, but it can create an intimacy that wasn’t there before. While that may be psychologically the case for some, it’s not a guarantee for everyone.

“There is a debate as to whether people who are fluid bonded are more emotionally bonded than couples who use a barrier method,” says Pollack, adding that in her opinion, couples who have intercourse are emotionally bonded regardless of whether they use a condom or not. “Caring for your partner’s safety is a pretty deep emotion,” says Pollack.

More than anything fluid bonding is about the commitment that has been made to each other and the connection that it creates. From an emotional standpoint, each partner has opened themselves up, allowing a vulnerability that likely didn’t exist before, and it can speak volumes as to what that means for the relationship.

“When you exchange all bodily fluids: saliva, vaginal, penis, anal secretions, and more, you knowingly want to bond in every way possible,” says Sparks. “For some, it’s ‘becoming as one’ in their relationship status.”

This “oneness” can feel incredibly intoxicating. According to a 2019 study published in “Behavioral Pharmacology of Neuropeptides: Oxytocin,” bonding is something people need from infancy and throughout their lives. Our physical and mental health depends on it. Whether this is from the symbolic act itself of erecting a barrier, the trust that the act entails, the increased pleasure that many report experiencing without using barrier methods, or a combination of these, many people experience the act of fluid bonding as relatively significant emotionally.

Granted, not everyone sees fluid bonding in such a way. And those who don’t probably don’t refer to it as fluid bonding, because they likely don’t see it as bonding, as much as they see it as skipping the condoms. But for those who do regard fluid bonding as an act of intimacy and taking things to the next level, it’s a big deal. And, as with all big deals in relationships, it deserves careful consideration and an open dialogue that includes answering the big “what if?” should an STI or unwanted pregnancy situation come up in the future.

A few weeks ago one of my favorite PR reps (hey, Ikenna!) reached out about a brand new sex toy company that had launched just this year: MYLO. Inspired by the five elements of nature, MYLO was created for those looking for more than just a physically pleasurable experience. According to their ethos, pleasure is the practice of presence and should be approached with intention. After all, when we allow ourselves to be totally mindful, no matter what we’re doing, we take more away from the experience—and that’s a good thing.

I received MYLO Earth a couple weeks ago and, from the very beginning, I knew the three-in-one sex toy was a cut above the rest. I mean, the packaging alone was absolutely stunning and, as Libra, I’m a sucker for beautiful things. When I opened the box, the MYLO Earth was equally stunning in both color and design. It had textured ridges in all the right places, and the shape of the dildo, with its raised internal point, was made for G-spot stimulation in a very obvious way so those who struggle to find their G-spot don’t have that hassle with this toy.

While one end is a dildo, the other end is a wand vibrator, and rounding out the three-in-one factor is what MYLO calls a sensory tendril that can be used to stimulate external erogenous zones. All three of these components vibrate, but have individual motors so you can choose which parts you want vibrating and which you don’t. It also has seven vibration modes and is 100% waterproof, so if you have a bath, you’re in luck.

But now on to the good stuff…

Although the Earth was a little big for me—although small and light-weight compared to some wand vibrators I’ve tried—it was extremely powerful. I’ve always been a fan of super-intense vibration, or rather my clit is, but with the Earth, I didn’t have to crank the power up to the highest level. While I preferred the wand side to the dildo side, as I need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, the curve of the dildo shaft was, as I predicted, perfect for G-spot stimulation, and because of the medical-medical grade silicone, it just felt good. I’ve also used the wand on my neck and upper back, which I highly recommend after a long day.

While I didn’t use the sensory tendril that much, I can definitely see how with a partner that could be a lot of fun, especially because it has some pretty intense vibrations packed into one little spot.

Overall, the MYLO Earth was pretty damn fantastic and considering MYLO just launched this year, that’s really saying something. As someone who’s tried the first release of toys from various brands, it tends to take some companies a couple years before they create a product that knocks my socks off—literally and metaphorically.

Although MYLO’s device aren’t cheap, as no quality sex toy is, nor should be, they’re more affordable than a lot of brands out there. In other words, if you’re looking to treat yourself with a three-in-one gadget that helps you practice mindful pleasure, this bad boy is the toy for you.

Related:

Lelubé’s Cofounder Bill Colli Is Going to Convince You Why Lube Is for You

It’s Time to Stop Using Spit As Lube, Thanks in Advance

“Have you ever woken up and you were having an orgasm?” a friend asked me recently.

“Of course,” I said. “Granted, it doesn’t happen as often as I’d like it to, usually only when I’m stressed out, but yes, it’s happened.”

“Phew,” she said, followed by a long sigh. “I thought there was something wrong with me. I didn’t think I could orgasm without, you know, touching it.”

“You know, ‘it’ has a name.”

“I know, but you know what I mean,” my friend said. “It’s kind of fun, huh?”

“Anything that results in an orgasm without any effort is always fun,” I said.

“I had no idea it was even a thing,” she said. “I knew teenage boys had wet dreams, but no one ever talks about women having them.”

“Because we live in a penis-centric culture,” I explained, about to get on my soapbox to lecture anyone within earshot about the patriarchy.

“I think you should write about it. So, no one else will think there’s something wrong with them.”

And so here we are…

Sleep orgasms among people with vulvas are more common than you might think. In 1953, renowned sex researcher Alfred Kinsey found that about 37% of people with vulvas will have a nocturnal orgasm by the age of 45 and that percentage increases with age. On average, people who have these sleep orgasms, tend to have them three to four times a year. So, as I said to my friend, definitely not enough.

What Triggers a Sleep Orgasm

In my personal experience, when I wake up realizing I’m having an orgasm, it’s never been linked to a sex-related dream. In fact, most of the time it’s because I’ve smelled something in my dream that I’ve liked. I don’t know why this is the case for me, but I also know I’m not alone, because there are many factors that contribute to having a sleep orgasm.

“Erotic dreams can trigger it, but so can the physical arousal of REM sleep with no sexy dream attached at all,” says sex and intimacy coach Annette Benedetti. “Hormone changes across your cycle may make you more prone to it, and some people notice it shows up more around ovulation or right before their period.”

These orgasms can also happen because of how you’re sleeping. For example, if you’re on your stomach and moving around in your sleep or up against a partner’s body, you can inadvertently stimulate yourself. “Your genitals don’t clock out just because you did,” explains Benedetti.

What’s Happening Physically and Psychologically When a Nocturnal Orgasm Is Experienced?

As my friend pointed out—although she was unable to say the actual words—she was shocked that her body was able to produce an orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. But what most people don’t know is what’s actually happening to our bodies when we sleep.

“During REM sleep, blood flow increases to the genitals for everyone, regardless of anatomy,” says Benedetti, adding that with vulvas this not only means engorgement of the area, but heightened sensitivity and increased vaginal lubrication. “Sometimes that buildup crests into a full orgasm,” explains Benedetti. “Psychologically, your brain is off duty from all the pressure and mental noise that can get in the way when you’re awake, [so] your body just does what it knows how to do.”

Why Sleep Orgasms in People With Vulvas Aren’t Discussed More

Nocturnal orgasm are not a rare, not a glitch, and definitely not something to feel weird about having. However, because of the silence around the topic it can make people, like my friend, feel like their body is behaving weirdly, leading them to question if they’re normal or not. Naturally, we can point to the patriarchy and, as I said above, our penis-centric culture for this thinking.

“We’ve built entire jokes, slang, and coming of age stories around what happens to penises, and almost nothing around what happens to vulvas,” says Benedetti. “Boys get ‘wet dreams’ explained in health class. Girls get silence.” According to Benedetti, the gap in this discussion isn’t biological, but cultural. “When you never name an experience, the people going through it assume they’re the only one, and that shame keeps the whole thing in the dark,” says Benedetti. “Naming it is how we fix it.”

So Is It Normal to Wake Up Feeling Aroused or Mid-Climax?

Hell yeah, it is!

“Arousal during sleep is driven by your nervous system and blood flow, not by whether you had a hot dream you can recall,” says Benedetti, adding that what happens to us during REM sleep never makes it into our memory. So if you wake up all hot and bothered, in the throes of an intense orgasm, but can’t pinpoint why it’s happening, don’t fret. It’s just your body doing its own thing.

But as much sleep orgasms are 100% normal and should be regarded as such, if the orgasm you’re experiencing is painful or it’s happening so often that it’s negatively affecting your sleep, then it’s worth talking to your doctor. While the orgasm itself isn’t the problem, as Benedetti explains, pain or distress is your body’s way of telling you something is up.

Related:

If You’re Uncomfortable Receiving Oral Sex You’re Not Alone—Here’s How to Relax

Vulva Mapping Is Here to Help You Get Acquainted with Your Bits

Although anal sex is nothing new, Anal August is. In 2010, sex toy store Good Vibrations declared August “Anal Pleasure Month,” as a means to destigmatize sexual activity involving the butt. During the first month-long celebration of anal sex, Good Vibrations hosted educational workshops and dispersed information not just on the act itself, but the toys and accessories one needs to have a pleasurable anal experience.

Fast forward 16 years later and it’s no longer just Good Vibrations throwing a parade in honor of anal play, but other sexual wellness educators—like myself and many more—continue to advocate for normalizing anal sex. After all, sexual pleasure doesn’t rely solely on penis-in-vagina penetration, but rather a whole spectrum of activities that include a wide range of body parts.

For those looking to give anal sex a try this Anal August, pjur’s in-house sex educator, Courtney Boyer, has some tips to make your first anal romp not just pleasurable, but something you’ll want to have again and again.

Talk About It In Advance

As is the case with any sex act, anal penetration should be discussed beforehand. Both partners should equally consent to having anal sex and at no time should anyone feel pressured to do it. “Anal play should never feel like something you have to endure,” says Boyer. “Anal pleasure is built on feeling safe, being genuinely curious, and having permission to slow down or stop at any point. Ultimately, good anal sex is about whether everyone involved feels safe and enjoys the experience. Curiosity is welcome; pressure is not!”

Make Sure You Have Lube Within Reach

Before you make any sort of anal play a reality, lube should absolutely be part of the equation. Because the anus doesn’t naturally lubricate on its own like the vagina, lube is paramount in not only making anal play feel good, but it also helps to minimize small tears and fissures in and around the anus.

“The muscles of the anus naturally contract in response to anxiety, discomfort, or moving too quickly,” says Boyer. “That’s why arousal, relaxation, communication, and plenty of lubricant are essential.”

When it comes to lubes, your best bet is a water-based lube. These lubes play well with silicone toys and are absorbed into the skin, offering a moisturizing aspect. While silicone-based lube is often recommended for anal play because it lasts longer than water-based lube, it’s important to realize it can’t be used with your silicone toys because silicone-on-silicone means degradation! Similarly, oil-based lube also lasts longer than water-based lube, but it stains and eats through latex condoms.

Work Your Way Up To It

Anal penetration isn’t something that you should just jump headfirst into no matter how much lube you’re using. Instead, start small and slow by massaging the outside of the anus with a finger or vibrator. “If you end up progressing to penetration, one well-lubricated finger may be plenty for a first experience,” says Boyer, adding that fingernails should be trimmed, jewelry should be removed, and a latex glove isn’t exactly a bad idea so as to prevent friction.

“Expect pressure or unfamiliar sensations, but do not push through sharp, burning, or persistent pain,” says Boyer. If something hurts, that’s your brain giving you heads up that something isn’t right, so it’s important to listen. “Pause, add more lubricant, slow down, or stop completely,” says Boyer. “Avoid numbing products, since it becomes easier to miss pain or injury if you cannot accurately feel what your body is communicating.”

After several sessions, you may find you’re ready to move from a finger to a butt plug. If that happens, make sure the butt plug is tapered for easy entry and also has a flared base to prevent it from going inside the body. Some people may find that a finger is enough for them, while others might not be totally satisfied until their partner’s penis or a strap-on is penetrating them. When it comes to anal play, pleasure should be front and center, and that isn’t based on the size of what’s in your butt.

Be Smart About Hygiene

Although we hear about anal douching before anal play, this isn’t a necessary step, but making sure your anus is clean and free of any possible, oh, how should I put this… dingleberries is important. That being said, when you engage in anal play, you do run the risk of bits of fecal matter rearing their ugly heads, so that’s something to not only keep in mind, but accept.

You also don’t want to pass anything from the anus to the vagina without it being thoroughly washed beforehand. If a finger, a sex toy, or a penis has been used in the anus, it’s off limits to the vagina until it’s been cleaned. Dragging fecal matter into the vagina is a quick way to get a bacterial infection.

Communicate Every Step Of The Way

Even if you and your partner aren’t exactly talkers during sex, anal play is a great way to introduce that to your sex life. It’s important to check in with each other during anal play, especially if you move on to actual anal penetration, so everyone feels safe and heard. With all this in mind, I wish you the best of luck as you go on and conquer uncharted anal territories!

Courtney Boyer’s Anal August recommendations:

pjur analyse me! Moisturizing

pjur BACK DOOR Moisturizing

(Now through August 31, pjur is offering 30% off anal products.)

\My Anal August recommendations:

Lelubé Ultra-Glide Water-Based Lubricant

HOWL Water-Based CBD Lube

b-Vibe Rimming Plug 2

(Now through August 31, b-Vibe is offering 30% off anal products.)

Related:

It’s Time to Stop Using Spit As Lube, Thanks in Advance

Lelubé’s Cofounder Bill Colli Is Going to Convince You Why Lube Is for You

In July 2025, the Lelo Dot came my way. Although I had seen it on the Lelo website many times and PR reps had offered to send it to me, I always passed. Based on the shape, I couldn’t fathom how it could possibly be pleasurable. After all, its head is teeny, tiny and I was used to rocking my clit with wand vibrators and never going smaller than bullet vibes. But when a box from Lelo arrived at my door, containing multiple vibrators, including the Dot, I knew I had to give it a try… and woah Nelly. That damn thing became one of my absolute favorite vibrators EVER.

You can read my review of it for WIRED here.

Now, a year later, another Lelo gem has come my way: the Lelo Dot Travel. Like the bigger version, the Dot Travel has eight super-intense settings, including speeds and patterns, and only three buttons, making it just as easy to use as its older sister. Whereas Lelo Dot is 2.4 x 1.8 x 6.5 inches and weighs 3.5 ounces, the Dot Travel is 5.4 x 1.02 x 1.06 inches and weighs 1.87. In other words, it really is travel-ready and has a lock, so you can toss it in your bag, not having to worry about it accidentally turning itself on and causing a scene at the airport.

While the Travel Dot only offers one hour of user time, compared to the original Dot that offers two hours, considering the fact that this bad boy is a clitoral pinpoint vibrator, meaning you’re not just stimulating the vulva and the clitoris, but the most sensitive spots within your clit, chances are you won’t need more than hour to get off. In fact, you can climax in a matter of seconds with this design, if you really want to. Then come back for more, of course.

Although the Travel Dot can be used to stimulate all your favorite exterior erogenous zones—nipples are a blast, as well—it’s the clitoris that really benefits from the Dot Travel, like all the Lelo Dots, to be exact. So, if you have a vulva, I highly suggest adding the Dot Travel to your sex toy collection. It’s also under $100 and that’s what I call a good fucking deal.

Related: Bigger Isn’t Always Better: My Favorite Teeny-Tiny, Yet Mighty Vibrators

I love lube. Although I was a little late to the party, having not really gotten into lube until my early 30s, as they say, better late than never. Now I can’t imagine a satisfying sex life without lube being part of the equation.

As a journalist in the sexual wellness field for 15 years, I’ve been fortunate enough to sample a whole boatload of different brands and types of lube. While I can say that many of them left me unimpressed and wondering what was supposed to make them so unique, there have been a few that have stood out as lubes that I not only love for myself, but recommend to others. One of those lubes, that just so happens to be relatively new to the market, is Lelubé.

I was lucky enough to chat with one of the founders of Lelubé, Bill Colli, about the inspiration behind the brand, how they came up with the amazing water-based formula, and the importance of including lube in one’s sexual experiences.

Lelubé Exists Because Sexual Wellness Deserved Better

Having spent most of his career in the beauty and wellness industry, Colli realized that as much as consumers paid attention to ingredients in their favorite moisturizer for example, the lube category hadn’t caught up. There was an expected transparency in the beauty and wellness sphere, but not with personal lubricants.

COLLI: “That surprised me because lubricants are used on the body’s most delicate skin, yet many formulas still contain ingredients consumers actively avoid. I’ve often wandered down questionable adult store aisles and been taken back by the sheer quantity and variety of lubricants and, more often than not, turned off by the shady formulations, messy silicones, piña colada-smelling oils, horrible packaging, and tawdry branding. Having worked in the prestige beauty industry for most of my life, it was fascinating to me that you could still buy gasoline can-sized silicone lube—pump included!

Then you’d walk into a drugstore and find dildos, stimulating devices, and generic flavored lubes sitting just down the baby food aisle. The whole category felt completely disconnected from the premium beauty and wellness experience consumers had come to expect.”

As Colli points out, it’s a bit a shocking that people care about what they eat and put on their skin, but when it comes to things like lube, that’s used vaginally, anally, or orally, consumers aren’t as diligent about what ingredients they should be avoiding. So he did what anyone with his years of knowledge and expertise should do and created his own water-based, long-lasting, non-toxic, high-performance, versatile, and luxurious formula.

COLLI: “We created Lelubé because we believed sexual wellness deserved better. Our philosophy is simple: better ingredients, better sex. We spent more than two years developing Lelubé Ultra-Glide, a luxurious, hydrating water-based lubricant with skin-soothing benefits that combines exceptional performance with clean, body-conscious ingredients. Our goal was to bring the same level of care, sophistication, and trust that consumers expect from premium skincare into sexual wellness—finally bringing wellness to sex.”

Colli and his company have succeeded, as Lelubé was a winner of Glamour’s 2026 Beauty and Wellness Awards. (Full disclosure: Yes, I was a voter.)

Lelubé Was Created The Same Way Premium Skincare Brands Are

As Colli explains, he and his fellow founders obsessed over the formula, unwilling to accept compromises. If you’re familiar with water-based lube, then you know that although many feel fantastic and even like silk at first, things can get sticky and dry fast. This was something Lelubé wanted to avoid at all costs.

COLLI: “We spent more than two years formulating Ultra-Glide because performance mattered just as much as the ingredient list. We approached it the same way a premium skincare brand would, every ingredient had to serve a purpose and contribute to the overall experience.

Lotus Flower Water helps soothe and hydrate delicate skin, while sodium hyaluronate, a form of hyaluronic acid, delivers long-lasting hydration to help maintain comfort. Sodium Usnate helps neutralize odors, vegetable glycerin provides a smooth, luxurious glide without feeling tacky, green tea extract offers antioxidant benefits to help nourish and protect the skin, and Vitamins A, C, and E.”

Another aspect that was essential to Colli was designing a formula that wouldn’t take away from the sexual experience being had. Because of this Lelubé is odorless, tasteless, and won’t stain sheets or clothing. It’s also pH-compatible—something those with vaginas should consider—and vegan. I can attest to the fact that it retains its silkiness for a surprisingly long time so you’re not constantly reaching for more applications, which can be distracting and unsexy, to say the least.

COLLI: “Beyond the ingredients themselves, we wanted consumers to feel confident in what they were putting on their bodies. Because it matters what you put inside you. Every decision behind Ultra-Glide was made with comfort, safety, and performance in mind, resulting in a formula that’s dermatologically tested, clinically proven to be kind to skin, and thoughtfully designed to fit seamlessly into people’s lives. We believe sexual wellness should be held to the same standards as premium skincare, clean, thoughtfully formulated, and uncompromising on performance. That’s really the philosophy behind Lelubé.”

Lube Should Be A Part of Every Healthy Sexual Routine

For far too long, some people have lived under the delusion that lube is just for anal penetration or menopausal women, but the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Not every vagina naturally lubricates the same and it really doesn’t take much to throw a wrench in that process. Stress, hydration, medication—even cold medication—are among the things that can affect lubrication. But as Colli points out, beyond these facts, why should anyone have to justify using lube? Simple answer: they shouldn’t.

COLLI: “No one questions using moisturizer because your skin already produces oil, or wearing SPF because you’ll probably be indoors most of the day. We use products because they improve the experience. Lubricant should be viewed the same way. If something makes intimacy more comfortable, more pleasurable, and helps people stay present, that’s reason enough.

At the end of the day, intimacy doesn’t look the same for everyone, and neither should the products that support it. Whether you’re with a partner, flying solo, using toys, or simply looking to make sex more comfortable and enjoyable, Lelubé was created to meet people wherever they are. We wanted a formula that feels luxurious, performs beautifully, and helps people focus on pleasure instead of the product. That’s why I truly believe Lelubé is for everyone. However you experience pleasure, we’re here to support and celebrate it.”

If Bill Colli Had One Piece of Advice to Offer Someone Who’s Never Used Lube?

COLLI: “My biggest piece of advice is to let go of the idea that lubricant is something to be embarrassed about or that it’s only for certain people or certain situations. If it makes intimacy more comfortable, more pleasurable, and helps you stay present in the moment, that’s reason enough to use it.

If you’re going to make it part of your routine, choose one that’s thoughtfully formulated. It should feel great to use, perform the way you want it to, and be made with ingredients you trust. That’s the standard we set out to create with Lelubé.

Look, if you’re lucky enough to be having sex at all, you’re already winning. Why not make it even better? Bring Lelubé along. We made it to enhance pleasure, not interrupt it—and I have a feeling you’ll wonder how you ever went without it!”

Related: It’s Time to Stop Using Spit As Lube, Thanks in Advance

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It was January 2025, when I realized something wasn’t right. Although I hadn’t written for Shape since 2022, I headed to the website to repost a first-person essay I’d written about my abortion in honor of Roe v. Wade’s 52^nd anniversary, despite the fact that the landmark decision had been overturned in June 2022. Since writing that piece in 2021, I’d been reposting it on social media every January 22 because, as an advocate for reproductive rights, that’s just how I roll. But the essay wasn’t there.

Not only was my abortion essay gone, but so were several other pieces I’d written. Of the dozens of articles I’d contributed to Shape between 2020 and 2022, only 12 remained. Everything I’d written about sexual wellness, sex and dating, reproductive health, and even something as benign as choosing a safe word during sex was gone. When I checked in with another former writer for Shape who’d also covered sexual health topics, she’d experienced the same thing. It was all gone. All that was left were safe, sterile pieces; the stuff I wasn’t particularly proud of in the first place, but was assigned because there seemed to be an interest in such trite things like how to tell if someone is your soulmate and 50 questions to ask on a first date.

To say I was heartbroken when I saw all that work wiped clean from the internet, would be an understatement. Although I knew it wasn’t personal, it still hurt. Like any journalist who’s deeply passionate about the subjects they cover, I felt a sense of loss and mourning. I also felt betrayed, because I was never directly given a heads up about the changes. Did I cry when I first found out? You’re damn right I did. I then proceeded to get choked up whenever I told someone what had happened. Which basically meant everyone I came into contact with for the next month.

When I finally stopped having my personal sob-fest, realizing I was not alone in this situation, I reached a justification for all the deleted pieces: rebranding. After all, Shape had recently been acquired by Dotdash Meredith, so it made sense. But what I didn’t know then, was the shift away from sexual wellness went deeper and this was just the beginning.

How I Found Myself In the Sex-Writing Business

Although I’ve been covering sexual wellness and sex-related topics, including sex tech, for a whopping 15 years, this was not my professional goal. While I loved “Sex and the City,” as much as the next person, I did not set out to write about sex. As someone who has an MFA in creative writing and a hard-on for the classics, I wanted to write the next great American novel—although who the hell even knows what that means these days. But when a friend launched a now-defunct website and needed someone to cover a blowjob class at Babeland’s Lower East Side store, I agreed to do it. We all need to start somewhere, I told myself, and saw the article that would come to fruition after taking the class as a stepping stone toward solidifying myself as a modern-day Joan Didion. Clearly, I still have a lot of work to do.

But when you get pigeonholed into a certain genre in any corner of the arts—just look at Ted Levine who played Buffalo Bill in 1991’s “Silence of the Lambs”—it’s hard to pivot. The more I covered sexual wellness and sex-related topics, the more I became known for that. In 2015, when an editor from Glamour emailed me and asked if I was interested in contributing to their sexual health vertical, I was floored. When other sites came knocking, like Mic, Popsugar (now PS), and Teen Vogue, what was once a way to pay my bills, became my passion.

As an elder millennial who came of age in the 1990s, I was subjected to magazines that prioritized men’s pleasure. But now the tables had turned, and it was women’s pleasure that was front and center, and it was something that became deeply important to me. I wanted to be part of the new narrative, giving younger generations the sexual education, confidence, and ability to voice their desires in a way I couldn’t have mustered in my 20s. In my mind, if I could prevent even one woman from taking a backseat to their life and sexual relationships, I would have made a difference. Not a monumental difference, but I wasn’t looking to build Rome.

Where Sexual Wellness Coverage Is Now

Not long after Shape wiped sexual wellness from their site, my editors at Glamour became very particular about language that could be used when discussing sex-related content and reviewing sex toys. Suddenly, it was about toning down language and not being as graphic (read: honest) about how sex toys made the reviewer feel during their experience. Again, I thought it was some type of rebranding and, again, I was wrong.

Having been in the sexual wellness industry long enough, I clearly remember sex toy companies, Dame and Unbound, fighting to advertise on the MTA. In 2019, Dame went so far as to sue the MTA, citing a double standard. “There’s plenty of space for erectile dysfunction drugs, but none for innovators making sex enjoyable for women,” Dame posted on their website, via The New York Times. And they definitely weren’t wrong. A year before, Unbound’s ads, which you can see here, were rejected for being too sexual. While at the time, it wasn’t completely shocking—as we do live in a patriarchy, after all—looking back now, it seems to be a foreshadowing of what was to come.

According to a 2021 study published in the International Journal of Sexual Health, big tech companies like Meta often flag sexual health content on social media as pornography. Because of this, sex educators, sexual wellness journalists, as well as sex toy brands and the public relations teams that represent them have to get around this by using words like “seggs” for “sex,” and similar infantile terminology just to avoid breaking community rules.

Censorship has always existed. But what we’re seeing in the last couple years is Orwellian-level type control. When we live in a society where the powers that be—Meta, Google, Amazon, and the rest of the big corporations—deem words like “menopause,” “endometriosis,” and “infertility” flag-worthy, it’s safe to say things have gotten out of hand. It also sets in motion a change toward cultural conservatism in a time when sexual wellness coverage and sex education is more important than ever.

“I’ve been losing followers on social media and I believe it’s due to censorship and shadow-banning, because no one sees us and no one finds us,” says Elsa Viegas, co-founder and creative thinker at Bijoux Indiscrets. “If I advertise, these corporations take my money, but the demographic I’ve set to see the ads, don’t see them. Instead, 70% of those advertisements are seen by men who are not included in my demographic.”

Elsa believes that Meta allows sexual wellness brands to advertise just to shut them up, but they don’t follow through on who should actually be shown these ads. “I think censorship is worse than ever right now,” says Elsa, adding that she thinks that people and companies want to behave, not rocking any boats in the process.

“Meta and Google, and all the big corporations, want to play by the rules,” says Elsa. “No one wants to be the outcast in this game that the government and those who have all the power are entertaining, so they play by their rules.” It’s worth noting that as a Barcelona-based company, half of Elsa’s business comes from the U.S., while the other half is from Europe.

But it’s not just brands and journalists who are feeling the effects, so are public relations people who represent these brands. “I think from a PR perspective we are seeing a lot of slowness in the media, and pitches that a couple of years back would have been a fit now are not landing anywhere,” says Danni LLapart, PR account manager at Little Leaf Agency, adding that they’ve received so many responses from journalists saying they love a particular topic, but it’s no longer a fit for the magazine or website.

“I guess the positive side is that you need to be very aware of the media landscape and how it impacts journalists, which allows you to forge more meaningful connections with them,” says Danni. “I really think the days of constant cold pitching are long gone in this industry and we should all be taking the journalists out for a coffee or a lunch, and helping out whenever possible. If we want them to make an effort for us and our stories in such a convoluted industry, shouldn’t we as PR reps do the same for them?”

In April 2026, SELF was officially closed online—the printed publication had ceased in 2017. As far as Condé Nast publications go, it was the last one that was still covering sex and sexual wellness. After its 47-year run, it was folded into Glamour and Allure, neither of which cover sexual health anymore. In other words, it’s another death to be mourned in the sexual wellness sphere. According to Condé Nast’s CEO, Roger Lynch, SELF was shuttered due to a shift in the audience behaviors, making the outlet no longer sustainable or profitable. At the time, Lynch also announced Glamour’s publishing operations in Germany, Spain, and Mexico would also be winding down.

Amplifying women’s health has always been a long and arduous journey. So much so that heart disease is the leading cause of death in women worldwide, but still, on a surface level (to which the media contributes), it’s something that affects men more. That alone speaks volumes as to how much women’s health, including sexual health, isn’t a priority.

“I’ve never seen it like this and I’ve been in business for 20 years,” says Elsa. “I think it’s the worst moment for us as an industry.” Neither have I. Frankly, I never thought I would, so much so that I took my career for granted, naïvely assuming that sexual health couldn’t possibly be fodder for censorship. After all, we’d come so far. But maybe we came too far.

As a friend of mine and a former sexual health journalist for Bustle said to me recently, she feels a bit responsible for the current cultural backlash. While she doesn’t regret the work she did during her time at Bustle—I, too, was at Bustle covering sex-related topics for seven years—she pointed out that we were part of the mainstreaming of feminism in many ways and pushing the envelope when it came to writing about sex. In other words, maybe we flew too close to the sun. While that may be the case, I refuse to drown because my wings aren’t made out of beeswax; they’re made out of gumption, perseverance, and an inability to be silenced.

That being said, please consider this the official launch of my Substack. While mainstream websites may be forced to throw in the towel on sexual wellness, I’m not. So welcome to the party.