Photography by Bri Horne

~

Notice where you are

When you don’t want it to end

~

Notice where you are

When you don’t know what the time is

~

Notice where you are

When you are just…

Yourself.

~

Read more

Who turned out to be a full blown vicious narcissist.

When I was cutting off contact she said,

“I can’t believe you’re doing this Amanda, after EVERYTHING I’ve done for you.”

It’s funny how that was meant to make me feel bad, when the only thing it made me was most certain of my decision.

When someone says that, you run for the hills.

Why?

Because ‘everything’ they have ever done for you, has been for them. Nothing has been “for you”. Every act, has been a hook, to gain something from you (love bombing) & to eventually be weaponised against you.

A narcissist keeps constant tally and score, there is nothing altruistic or genuine about their giving, it is all for a hidden purpose.

I honestly feel so sorry for people like this because this is the only love they have ever known, they have NEVER experienced unconditional love themselves, therefore the only love they know how to show is manipulative and all comes at a cost (conditional love).

Note: whilst we can have compassion, which helps us forgive and frees US from the weight of these atrocious experiences — it is still essential to maintain as much distance as humanely possible, in my opinion.

To evolve to a heightened level of consciousness, is to move beyond the tally of giving and receiving.

I can only thank the narc because the best most healthy and fulfilling connections of my life have come after it…!!!!

It was a portal to move beyond any sort of tallies. To not only love others for more than ‘what they do’ but to also love myself for that.

In healthy relationships there is no question of ‘who’s turn’ it is to shout coffee or dinner… have you noticed ??? that it’s mostly 2 people fighting over it or one sneakily trying to pay without any recall of the figure, just this happiness within them of ‘yes I got to pay! I love my friend so much!!!!’

This is a feeling, when you know you know…. And the people who don’t keep any score — they are the ones to stay closest to.

In the same token, your heart is precious and a healthy relationship will eventually always find a natural flow of yin and yang, give and take. It may not be on the same day as a 3D muggle relationship begs and demands and expects for…

But a healthy relationship will ALWAYS naturally find homeostasis over a year, a lifetime— it’s not so linear — but it always finds its way. You’re in a good season, your friend is having a shit one. You lend a hand when you can, when it’s true. You don’t when you simply can’t — because a healthy relationship doesn’t depend on you abandoning yourself.

I’ve come to a place where I feel to care less about “what you do for me” and more about “what you do for you”. Doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for all generosity!!!! And boy oh boy do I keep the most generous company…

Itt just means what we’re getting to at the end of the day…

This is about sovereignty isn’t it?

It’s so clean and crisp and pure to love a person that loves themselves — to love someone that doesn’t ’need’ you but deeply wants you, the good, the bad, the ugly — all of you!!!!

And if you find yourself in a place where you look around and don’t see people loving you how you want to be loved… the first place to start and continue and forever water is on loving you —

I promise you all the lonely, lonely chapters — are worth it for the bond you make with you, and the people who magically appear from this, ready and willing to love you (& just for who you are — not what you do for them).

Your circle will get much smaller from this but you won’t care because just a few of these solid gold friends — is worth a hundred who were keeping score.

At the end of the day — don’t we all just want to be loved for who we are?

Who we actually are.

Our essence.

Our Spirit.

X

“Behind each face there is a unique world that no one else can see. This is the mystery of individuality. The shape of each soul is different. No one else feels your life the way you do. No one else sees or hears the world as you do. The creation of the individual is a divine masterpiece. We were dreamed for a long time before we were born. Our souls, minds, and hearts were fashioned in the divine imagination.

Such care and attention went into the creation of each person. Given the uniqueness of each of us, it should not be surprising that one of the greatest challenges is to inhabit our own individuality and to discover which life-force best expresses it.

The great law of life is: Be yourself. Though this axiom sounds simple, it is often a difficult task. To be yourself, you have to learn how to become who you were dreamed to be. Each person has a unique destiny. To be born is to be chosen. There is something special that each of us has to do in the world. If someone else could do it, they would be here and not us.”

-John O’Donoghue,

To Bless The Space Between Us

Read more

My spark has been so busy

Not making money

That I almost forgot to notice

That I’ve even been busy…

Read more

I said the words out loud, the ones I shouldn’t feel because I have literally nothing to possibly complain about & everything to be grateful for.

“Not with us, we’ve never been better. Not with our beautiful growing family. But creatively, in my work. I can’t find my edge. Everything’s great the family is all humming but me, also, not great…because I’m not forging new ground.”

Read more

As we turn on to the freeway I call my Dad. It always takes him til it’s nearly rung out because he’s always working away with his hands and he has that Boomer flip case that I swear makes it much harder for them to answer a call. I do that thing I do every time I call and wait for him to answer. Eyes well. Because I always imagine the day that will inevitably come, when he’s passed and I can’t do this thing that I love to do when I’m driving around sipping my chai, which is talk about everything and nothing for as long as my kids let me. He always answers and if he doesn’t he calls back in five minutes and I don’t have many people I talk to on the phone.

Sometimes I really resent being this way, so acutely aware of death, of impermanence. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just live, pretending that this is forever and that death will never catch me or anyone I love.

But it’s just how I’m wired, to know and feel that this all ends and live from that depth of place.

Last week upon leaving the pizza shop we’ve been frequenting almost weekly at times for the past few years, I cried…I actually wailed, the whole way home. I’m an Aries, so to love something the only way I know how is to love it all the way through, or not at all. “Please get a grip” my partner said, he could only laugh at how much this seemingly natural progression had broken my heart.

“It’s foggy down there, yeah?” Dad asks, calling from the middle of outback Queensland, currently on their yearly caravan trip up North.

“It’s so foggy, I can hardly see 50 metres in front of me.”

He can’t talk for long as he’s on a tour of an old general store but he is thrilled to know I’m driving down to one of Mum’s best friends house, who’s offered to have the kids for a couple of hours for me.

As I get off the phone and continue down the freeway, without the distraction of another my mind wanders back to wrestling with - what will I do with the time I have today? -

I have been sitting in the fog, in all ways.

Creatively confused, blocked, I’m just not sure.

After all these years it still takes me so much to sit and to write and more broadly, know that it is enough.

I have been wrestling with much self doubt, in this grey fog. Searching through the clouds for my clarity, for my confidence, for my gusto.

I have often wondered over the years what it would be like if I could be more prolific. Or if I could sit my impatient Aries self down to edit for once in my life. What it would be like if I could more curated, if my photos were more artistic or aesthetic? I feel like a hot fast mess when I create, my partner observes it as “steam coming off the keys” when I get going because it all comes out at once and my fingers can hardly keep up with the keys, much like what is happening in this moment.

I had a friend say to me once, in the aftermath of one of my classic very vulnerable very honest shares online, “you really do just write it and post it don’t you?”

And I do, I really do, did you know this? Did you feel this?

I hardly read over anything I write, if I did, I don’t think I would post anything because I would go too up into my head. I have to write without thinking. And if I write fast enough, I don’t think about anyone, I just feel…

[pauses to cry in public at cafe]

The emotion is in the relief this gives me — as someone whom in day-to-day finds it

challenging

to

stop

thinking.

My daughter said to me this morning after I screamed at my son for drawing in texta on the couch, “it will be nice to have your time today mummy, what will you do?”

I smiled, “I’m going to write today”

“Writing, isn’t that boring?!” she asked, puzzled

“You know how you like to do all your crafts and that fills your bucket? I like to write, it fills my bucket and makes my mind feel all calm.”

I have been wrestling with many ideas and so in the fog, of mercury retrograde, of this big month astrologically, when I can just sense, so much is moving under the surface without even having the words for it - have you felt it too?

[I’ve loved Steve Judd & Pam Gregory’s transmissions, have linked them just click on their name there if you like to receive them on youtube]

I have been wondering if just to write from today is enough.

My Mum’s best friend asked as I was leaving to walk down her street to the cafe, “you sure there’s nothing else you want to do?”

“I’m sure” I said, with a soft and grateful smile.

Because there is nothing I’d rather do on this Thursday, a week and a half into a deep and hearty school holiday portal with my kids, than to walk to the cafe by myself, be offered the best table in the house, enjoy my coffee,

and write from the truth of today,

ordinary,

as the sun breaks through the clouds,

extra-ordinary.

Subscribe now

The power of a month of asking, Where Are My Hands? continues to ripple. It seems merely through becoming aware and more loving towards myself that my relationship to my phone and technology has tilted on its axis, in the direction I was hoping for.

Prior to Where Are My Hands, I had become aware that my phone had crept into more places than I was previously comfortable and I knew this was not just a matter of more discipline but more a matter of the trauma of early pregnancy loss that I experienced the year prior.

After the loss I saw myself too sensitive for social media yet I still leaned into my phone as a comfort in other ways — whether it be reading other women’s stories, dissociating completely with another marketplace rabbit hole or reaching out my trusted confidante for support. A big part that I believe is missing from the conversation of phone addiction is addressing what’s actually underneath. It’s not always a matter of more discipline, after all.

Read more

Born from an experiment in awareness over a fortnight, to simply notice with curiosity more often throughout the day; “where are my hands?”

With an unshakeable desire to remember the daily toil of hands, in the way our ancestors used them, the moving meditation, the creation of that which is full of spirit.

Captured on iPhone, to make for the least glamorous and most everyday, in-the- moment capture of hands.

To allow more intentionality and acceptance and presence with whatever one is doing, that would naturally spring from this place, rather than through judgement or criticism.

Would documenting the truth of now allow more parts to come to the light, rather than be hidden in dark and shameful spaces?

What if there is a space where all parts, ancient and analog and slow, modern and fast were all welcome and integrated, instead of shunned…even the undeniable enjoyment of realestate.com.au on the toilet?

Would embracing all parts, even the less desirable, allow a more loving relationship with this moment in time we find ourselves incarnated in?

Read more

I said to the fellow mumma I’d just met in the waiting room of the hospital. It was the mic drop, the truth we both knew but had to wade through all our mental chatter and self berating for.

Both our 6 year old girls were under having extensive dental work done. And in between my son telling her everything he knows about cranes, we were together dealing with and releasing our guilt and self hatred for ending up in such a spot.

“I gave my daughter $10 last night for the tooth fairy last night coz I feel so fucking guilty” she confessed

“I just spent $180 on snacks post procedure for Sophie because I feel so fucking guilty” I confessed

~

The truth is I live for these moments with open hearted strangers and often find myself opening up to them more than I would even my own family. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember.

Due to the weight of the moment, we were able to move past all the fake platitudes and straight into the guts, openly discussing our opinions on usually taboo subjects, openly sharing our fears and shortcomings, our joys and triumphs.

I still remember returning to Matt halfway through the conversation and him saying under his breath, “seriously where do you find these people?”

Him, still in awe after all these years that God seems to arrange these ‘meet-cutes’ for me wherever I am.

What he finds most entertaining is my Marketplace endeavours, which often end up in a 15 minute heart to heart on pick up. The contrast of his deals which are a handshake and a few short words.

Read more

One person vibrating at 600, which is the vibration of peace, balances 10 million individuals vibrating at 200 and below.

One person vibrating at 700, the vibration of enlightenment, balance 70 million individuals at or below 200.

-findings by Dr. David Hawkins

I recently discovered this information by way of one of Pam Gregory’s fantastic astrological videos. She was speaking to this in relation to how it doesn’t take many of us, to have a significant, monumental affect on the collective energy.

I indeed used these findings to spark my own courage when it came to sharing my heart’s work again. I think one thing to make note of here is that we truly have moved into a new era. We truly understand now that via a platform is only ‘one of’ the ways we broadcast our vibration - but it doesn’t have to be done in that fashion to be felt.

But I indeed did take it as inspiration, coming off the back of a conversation with a friend, discussing what’s the point really, in sharing online, if for example, the businesses or structures we used to directly funnel, no longer exist.

Would it be easier to just live offline? Would it be of more service? To myself, my family & my community? Could I spark a change in that way, where we rage against the machine and reject it entirely?

I sat with this at length following my pregnancy loss in October. After sharing a few sentiments about the loss, I decided to go offline. When I say offline, I mean off social media platforms, I did however simply shift my dopamine hit to Facebook Marketplace.

With a very broken heart and very fragile nervous system, I knew the best place for me to be was home, and I stayed there as often as I could, cocooned in the safety of my own walls, without the strength for much more than surviving with two young kids still needing me to pack their lunchboxes and wipe their tears. Beyond that, I didn’t have anything leftover.

I started looking into flip phones at this time and researching how to transition my life back to analog. I watched countless videos and was closing the gap on making this happen. I also happened to pick up, very unexpectedly, over the summer, a very casual job at a vintage shop. The owner, a fabulous woman in her 60s, self proclaimed ‘old school’, I remember my heart soaring when she told me, “sorry we don’t have an iPad, it’s just pen & paper to write down the sales & then there was an old cash machine that made a “ding” when you opened the drawer to put the money in.

All I could think was jackpot! Because I had found myself in a place that was technologically averse. I wanted to completely reject the modern way that has become so ‘normal’.

Read more

~ Welcome to the next evolution of this space - now Hope & Humour,

formerly known as Amanda’s Substack,

originally known as The Tea Party ~

This artistic and soul space exists because of patron saints, truly angelic beings also known as my paid subscribers.

My eternal thankyou for being here.

X Amanda

I'm currently feeling how I imagine I'll feel next year in the wake of my first-born daughter starting school...

I've been finding it hard/strange/missing a limb

- to let go.

Incase you haven't heard the exciting news, our book HOME, has officially grown wings and been released into the wild aka. the World!

And from this point forward I wish to indeed refer to it as our book....why?

After I had my daughter I spent the first couple of months offline, completely immersed in the experience. I had so much depth of feeling to express that I would scribble notes on my bedside table, at all hours of day and night. Following the first forty days, I started sharing some of those musings and poetry online.

And?

It resonated.

One person said, "I couldn't stop reading your words, you should put this in a book!"

Another said, "This needs to be a book!"

I brushed it off as platitudes.

But it was something about a third person saying, "this would make a wonderful book and resource".

Alongside even my Dad spontaneously around the dinner table one night, "Amanda you should make notes of all this, someone might like to read it one day."

(Whilst I was chewing everyone's ear off about birth lol)

That I finally cracked open and got out of my way...with a feeling that, maybe this is bigger than me.

It was with that cracking open, I was able to conceptualise, maybe God is trying to write through me, to share messages through me.

And that is how I started 'writing' a book.

So now, does it make sense, why this needs to be called 'our book'...because without the interest and fierce encouragement...there would be no book.

All this to say, thankyou for believing in me and seeing my potential, before I even did.

And that maybe, just maybe, this is a book we wanted to co-create because let's face it, there simply aren't enough stories of motherhood, stories of love & stories of hope.

We could always do with more.

~~~

And so it has been five years of tending to this creation. Up until the final hour, the final day, last Thursday when I pressed share...I was pushing, labouring...this third baby of mine over the line.

Now it's here, it's been so surreal, the response has been so overwhelming (in a good way!) ... but I'm almost twirling my thumbs... as I imagine I will be when I'm waiting to pick up Sophie from school next year.

And... relief.

And...lots of cups of tea.

Marvelling in the journey & leaning into acknowledgement...because birthing this broke me in half

(as birth does).

So as I twirl my thumbs, I sit in deep trust that this book will find the hands and hearts and homes of all those it's meant to.

And I (try) to let go.

And let her fly.

Thankyou for supporting this story of motherhood.

This is the book I wanted to read, so it's the book I wrote.

Infinite spacious love,

X Mandy

HOME

By Amanda Crafter

…is now officially available.

To order your copy:

amazon.com.au

& worldwide

US // UK // Germany // France // Spain // Italy // Netherlands // Poland // Sweden // Canada // Australia

Holding her heart

In her hands

Asking if you’d like to buy it

~

~

This is the Mother’s book you know. I felt this whilst I was writing it. I’ve just been the vessel for some reason but we all have our own story and everyone’s story is so important and has a place and I really feel that. And then also I felt like so many of the threads are pieces of all of us. I just feel like this is the book that doesn’t get written because of the fullness of early Motherhood. The only reason I wrote it was because I had to because that was my catharsis you know. This book is about elevating the status of the Mother in our society like giving her a voice and being like these things that we go through. It's real, it’s rite of passage and it’s important. All the shifts we move through, all the small choices we make, the big ones and everything in between, it’s not for nothing, it’s doing so much for our lineage. My hope is that this book may contribute to the elevation and acknowledgment of the sacred role of Motherhood in our society. And speak to how poetic it truly is, to become and to be, Mother.

~

5 years

/Lifetimes

In

The

Making.

HOME

By Amanda Crafter

…is now officially available.

amazon.com.au

& worldwide

US // UK // Germany // France // Spain // Italy // Netherlands // Poland // Sweden // Canada // Australia

X

I’m writing today to let you know that I’m taking a break from Substack!

I know know WHATTTTTT?!!!!

I understand that this may be as much of a shock to you as it was to me when my inner guidance whispered this to me this week.

But I’m going to keep this short and sharp!

My energy simply wants to move & flow in different places right now.

I feel I have moved through a deeply creative & artistic season and now my energy is feeling a lot more dynamic, quick and FLUID.

All of a sudden I’m having a blast creating instagram reels (expect the unexpected lol).

I’m wanting to focus on my mentoring services and pouring into my women there.

Whilst also creating space to deep dive in the first round of edits for my book that I’ve received back from my editor!

I have several masterclasses coming too… omg! All happening.

And the overarching theme is that I have plugged into a whole new creative vision and well…it’s calling the shots right now!

I have been sharing deep, long form posts on my substack for a year now… and here’s the thing…nothing is meant to BLOOM all of the time…the season has shifted and I can feel the tea party would like a breather, to evolve.

I’ll be back, when the pulse is A L I V E to be back.

In the meantime I want to assure my paid subscribers that you will not be charged during the pause.

Billing will recommence when I recommence sharing on substack.

If you have any questions about this change: amanda@amandacrafter.com

~

THE WAYS WE CAN PLAY:

~

Instagram: @amanda_crafter

Follow me there, I am breaking all of the cages I’ve placed on my expression there right now. It’s hella fun. Come play.

~

The Spark: https://www.amandacrafter.com/thespark

For the women aching to be fucked into her creative fullness - this is for you!

Doors close tomorrow Saturday 4th May 5pm AEST!

A pristine sisterhood awaits you there. X

~

1:1 Mentoring: https://www.amandacrafter.com/mentoring

Where your soul meets with your craft.

20% off mentoring services to ALL of my substack (free & paid) for anyone who would like to book a hot lap or the roadtrip this May 2024! Just mention “Amanda’s Substack” when you get in touch!!

~

Here’s to following the spark,

even and especially when it doesn’t “make sense”.

~

SEE YA WHEN I’M LOOKING AT YA!

X Mandy

Soooo…about find your spark the masterclass…^ (!!)

This is my favourite space I have ever held - the depth, the joy, the medicine.

It was unlike any other space I have held before, if you were there, then you just know.

I have been marinating in it all weekend, quite literally speechless afterwards.

If you feel the call - this experience will be available this week to purchase.

The recording for Find Your Spark is going to expire this Friday 26th April 11am.

Purchase it now here!

That also happens to be the time when your exclusive tea party price access to THE SPARK ends and the prices will rise.

~

If you reading this and yet to join as a paid member of this substack - now would be a pretty fkn epic time! You’ll get the full roadtrip postcard experience and also at the end of this piece you’ll get the option to join THE SPARK at the special pre party price I mentioned! Remember you can cancel any time! Join for just $9 and get access to the entire treasure trove here! Woop woop!

As always a shout out to my paid subscribers the tea party - you are the angels of my arts! You are literally why this space exists! Over the last few months I have had more souls joining to be part of the tea party than ever, I am in such gratitude for you all, please don’t be a stranger, holla in the comments, I always love to hear your thoughts and unfoldings from what you read here :)

If you haven’t yet perused, check out this piece for the backstory first.

A collection of film photography, stories & songs in the wind from a spontaneous three week 5,147km adventure with the love of my life Matt and our “spirited” children Sophie (4) and Beau (2)!

MAY IT INSPIRE YOU TO FOLLOW THE SPARK!

(the surest thing in life).

Sunrise at the servo…we left at 5am the Friday of the Easter weekend.

~

Going bush…our Easter tradition is camping off the grid with 30 of the best people we know. It’s just out of Swan Hill in the top North West of Victoria. A friend of friend’s private property…so we have this absolute paradise completely to ourselves. Matt has been doing this trip since he was a young boy. To be able to share the joy of camping, especially of the grid bush camping with our children, we are so grateful for.

~

On the Saturday morning I turned 31, I woke up to a swim in the river and then homemade cards by the fire. Everyone kept asking me, “it couldn’t beat last year though?” (I had a huge house party for my 30th and Matt proposed to me in front of our loved ones).

I say, “it’s even better.”

And I genuinely meant it, because the quiet birthdays are just as magical as the big ones. And camping is one of my favourite things in this life.

~

Beau & Matt’s Dad Stewart - they have the most special bond.

~

Feeding time at the zoo. Every meal is a team effort and cooked on the fire. Here we have Saturday lunch which is tacos!

~

She feels like home.

~

The infamous “gracious living” (grazing platters)

28 degrees and sunshine every day - eat, chat, swim, repeat.

~

Read more

*shared anonymously with permission

WHEN THE WORLD GOES MAD

When the World goes mad, we go MADDER – in purpose, in love & in service.

When the World goes wild, we go WILDER - in purpose, in love & in service.

When the World goes crazy, we feel the heartache, we cry, we scream, we roar, we wail, we rage.

We tend to ourselves.

We go to the depths of depression, of sadness, of hopeless and helplessness.

We dive to the deepest part of the ocean and then press a foot on the sand floor and we kick back up to the surface, holding the treasure we found, ready to beam it through our lighthouse, to anywhere still lost out at sea. 

And this process, it burns a fire within us deeper than ever before - to BE & DO in purpose, in love & in service.

We channel our anger, to creating the world we wish and know can exist…we create it in our world, in our home, in our neighbourhood, in our village, in our online community.

We do the thing we fucking know how to do - our piece of the puzzle. 

We take care of our puzzle - we offer our gifts, our service, our love.

My alarm went at 1:45am this morning, to join a masterclass happening in America, that my soul knew I had to be PART OF & wanted to experience live. It lit a fire in me, gosh I am grateful for this work…

& death is the ultimate teacher.

We hug our children more closely, we live more brightly, we don’t worry about what “they will think” when we know that this all ends and nothing is guaranteed and we’re here for a time we don’t know what time so let’s fucking go. 

When I lost my soul grandfather I navigated the depths of a grief I didn’t know possible. When he left I really realised…like really realised…everything we leave behind will decay - the money, the house, the car, the possessions, they may last 100 years at best? 

Literally the only thing we leave that lasts is the IMPACT we have on others. 

It lives on, through those we have loved and served.

This is the greatest legacy, this is the ultimate focus. 

Let the atrocities burn a new one in your passions and rise for your people, in honour. X

Photography by Bri Horne

WE’RE HOME 

After 5,147kms we’re cruising down beach road coming into St Kilda just out from the Palace. Stopped at the lights the middle aged bloke in the Ute next to us motions to wind down the window. Matt and I think the same thing at the same “what’s happened to the van.” 

We wind down the window and he says, “the van! I love it! I just did one up too! The checker plate! LOVE IT guys!!!” The lights turn green and we all smile and head off, 

“You wouldn’t get that on the goldy” I say

“You wouldn’t get that in Sydney” he says 

We’re home, I feel. 

Exactly what *that* is, is hard to describe, was it the way he was so genuine, was it the way he wouldn’t have said it he didn’t mean it, was it because he’s a man who’s word is his word… 

It’s hard to put your finger on but if you live in and love Melbourne then you know… you just know. X 

“I’d give you all of Sydney harbour, all that land and all that water, for that one sweet promenade.”

Would you believe it if I told you we were in that exact spot Paul Kelly sings about?

*more film photos of the trip to come…would you like another visual feast? an inspiration to follow the spark? let me know in the comments xo

IT’S OKAY TO LOSE YOUR SPARK 

I went through a time in my life which was in black and white, the colour drained from my life.

The lights were on but no one was home. 

A dark night of the soul, depressed, lost, asleep…definitely. 

“I lost my girl for a while there.”

My love reflected back to me, after the fact.

I have written about it extensively in my book, as it has been such a key part of my journey as a Woman and as a Mother.

You see, a lot of the narrative out there is to “never lose yourself to motherhood”. To make sure you are always doing enough for yourself, self care, time for you, exercise, eat well, etc, etc. 

YES! 

And also, I believe that losing yourself, at some point in the piece, is unavoidable.

Especially if you have more than one child.

This may trigger some people but I can only speak from my personal experience and the Truth of which is this:

For me,

For ME,

FOR ME:

One child felt like splashing in the shore of Motherhood.

Two children felt like diving into the deepest waters of the ocean.

A complete immersion, of all of myself

Drowning

And then

Popping back up to the surface, 

More me than I have EVER been

Broken and made completely new. 

My second child humbled me in every way you could possibly imagine. 

I couldn’t be told anything with my first. 

I had it all figured out.

When I had a second child, I truly became one of the Mums.

Able to relate to any Mother, at any time, anywhere.

Her deepest struggles, her highest highs.

Because I had the courage to walk both, finally. 

I lost myself, I lost my spark (one of the bravest and most necessary parts of motherhood, not to be feared but to be walked towards). 

Saturn Return… say no more. 

I started being honest about it, too.

When people asked me how I was, I would say, “I’m not coping very well, I’m finding it hard at the moment.”

And whilst being one of the most challenging times in my life, it was also very liberating.

To tell the truth.

A certain peace came over me, in the chaos, in the despair.

There was a moment where I just kind of said to myself, “this is really hard and I’m going to just let it be hard.”

This was not something to self care my way out of.

I’m going to chew,

I’m going to gnaw on the bones of that season.

It was the breaking and making of me as a Mother and a Woman.

Deep, deep, deep down, there was a quiet whisper that said, “on the other side of this is EVERYTHING you’ve ever wanted to feel and know in this life. Don’t skip this part though.”

“Mother of Two energy”, The Sovereign Creative.. Photography by Bri Horne

It was an internal Winter, the coldest I’d known.

And it had nothing to do with my children, how much I loved them.

Because that’s the thing, there’s a cultural pressure to “enjoy” and “be grateful” for motherhood, for life, etc…

If you’re not, it’s a shove in the face to those who would kill to have kids? Don’t you know how lucky you are? Your kids are healthy and beautiful, etc?

Whilst all this is true, your personal Truth is also completely valid and needs and deserves to be felt.

You can be grateful and in love with your children or your partner or your life or yourself and still lose yourself…

I started to feel my life force come back to my soul leading up to my 30th birthday. 

I spent hours on hours, sitting in the front yard of our fishing shack in Safety Beach, whilst the kids were playing, I started to vision up my party, the front yard full of our friends and family. 

When I saw that day in my mind’s eye, all I could see was colour. 

It felt like a victory, after the year I’d walked prior.

Something whispered to me that it would be a marker, a sign of the way forward, I would pop out the other side, of all the depth I’d experienced. 

When I picked up the balloons I’d ordered that morning, with my kids in tow, they were bright pink and blue and yellow and orange and red. 

The lady asked “how old is the birthday?” motioning towards the children..

I said, “30, they’re for me.” with the biggest smile on my face. 

I couldn’t have loved this moment anymore if I tried! 

When I went to get my hair done before the party, “so how would you like your hair?”

“Can you do disco buns, like two half buns, right on top of my head?” my inner child was flying

The playlist, a 90s dreamscape. 

The front yard, a playground, a festival. 

The fence, being painted by all the children that came to the party - I’d asked the landlord if we could paint it, since we were moving out the week after and the block was being redeveloped, “yes, go for it!” 

The faces at the party, young and old, being covered in glitter, by the glitter fairy I’d booked for the day! 

The love of my life, declaring his love and adoration for me, and then asking me to marry him, in front of so many people I love…as he got down on one knee, all I could see was colour.

Every colour of the rainbow, spinning around him and all I could see was him. 

The depth and breadth of colour that has entered and engulfed my life, on that special day, and in the year following, so much of it I attribute to my courage to lean into the dark, that year prior.

I have the deepest love and reverence and tenderness and compassion, for the woman who walked in to the dark.

Because that is why the light shines so bright right now. 

We are not meant to ONLY bloom.

Life is not meant to never be hard, or depressing, or challenging.

It is all of it - nature shows us a Spring, Summer, Autumn and a Winter.

And as we know, we are nature itself.

To deny your Winter is to deny yourself.

To deny your Summer is to deny yourself…

To deny your Spring is to deny yourself…

The deny your Autumn is to deny yourself…

~

Why do we stop using colour, in adulthood? 

My children have showed me a technicolor reality and invited me into it. 

Not to watch but to paint and be part of it, too. 

Some seasons in life are black and white, and we muster the courage to go there and to let it be.

But we don’t stay there forever my love.

You know when it’s time to colour again. 

Photography: Matt Crafter

FIND YOUR SPARK: https://www.amandacrafter.com/findyourspark

This Friday 19th April 11am AEST (Melbourne time)

You are invited to find your spark !

This is going to be spectacular — for your inner child and your womanhood, too. X 

It’s okay to lose your spark.

In fact, it’s brave AF. 

Know that you can show up however sparkly or not sparkly you are currently feeling.

Put yourself in the place of inspiration, of receivership — be humbled by being a student, again. Let yourself be guided, you deserve it. We all do.

Join us!

*shared anonymously with permission

https://www.amandacrafter.com/findyourspark

Dedicated to my son Beau “The Prince of Burleigh” !

On your second birthday;

Here we are celebrating in the place you were born,

Memories of your arrival,

On every corner…

If it wasn’t for you,

I would’ve been the Perfect Mother,

Thank God you came.

Photography: Matt Crafter

REST IN MY ARMS SON

by Amanda Crafter

One day you’ll have a heartbreak

One day you’ll need to be strong,

The strongest

One day you’ll do hard work,

Tough work, dirty work 

One day you’ll be brave,

The bravest,

One day you’ll take a punch,

One day you’ll throw a punch,

One day you’ll do things you don’t want to,

One day you’ll do hard, 

Very hard things,

One day you’ll love another with everything you have,

One day you’ll be a man,

But for now,

You rest in my arms,

Rest in my arms son.

Photography: Chelsea Foster

~

Mother and Son
One day I might find the words
But for now
Two years in
I am
Still
Completely
Speechless…

A previous piece, attempting to place words to a bond that is indescribable —

And don’t forget!

You’re invited to…

Price rises this Friday 12th April, get it while it’s hot!

https://www.amandacrafter.com/findyourspark

Photography: Bri Horne

~

You’ve come to a place in time where you can’t go any further with what has been.

You feel an ache, you want to break free.

2020-2023, we thank you for the medicine…

Now the phoenix is ready to rise from the ashes…NEW.

You’ve been dancing around the edges, like you’re about to…

Speak as candidly online as you do with your ride-or-die’s,

Wear and paint new COLOURS,

Play with new mediums

and welcome the fullness that is all of YOU.

~

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.

IT’S ABOUT WHAT WANTS (& NEEDS) TO MOVE THROUGH YOU.

~

You are either:

1: A creative woman whom is ready for change…a burst of colour, an injection of fresh, new energy into the way you do things!! You are ready for NEW sprouts of creativity to seep into every area of your magnificient life

2: A woman whom doesn’t necessarily see herself as “creative” but has been called to explore this part of herself because she is feeling a sense of dissatisfaction, of dryness, of days rolling into days and weeks rolling into weeks and months…with a lingering “is this all there is” feeling?

~

For both…there’s a bit of same shit different day going on…

The FULLNESS we seek is not from getting more followers or once the kids get to school and I have more space or anything else out there.

It is all within you.

Aching to accessed, expressed and found…with joy.

Who are you to change your mind, change your colours, change your brand, change your offerings, change your clothes, change your…life?

YOU’VE BEEN SENSING THIS FOR SOME TIME…YOU’RE READY FOR THE NEW…

WHO ARE YOU NOT TO?

Not going there, eats at your soul and leaves you feeling “mehhh”.

Time just keeps rolling on…

At the end of this year, I can guarantee this is something you will look back on and say “thank god I did it”!

Photography: Matt Crafter

You deserve this;

Break the shackles, free yourself & explore all the colours of your rainbow.

It’s time.

https://www.amandacrafter.com/findyourspark

Photography: Bri Horne

If you feel you receive value from what I share online, I invite you to join my Substack as paid subscriber. It is $9AUD/month (around $2/week) and honours the exchange of art and energy. It allows me to create from a deep well, a sustainable well. I am so grateful for my paid subscribers (the tea party). You are the reason this space exists and we are growing, together. I am so grateful for the likes, comments & engagement you generously offer (when you feel the call & have the energy for it). I read every one, sometimes a little later after the fact because of family life but I do nonetheless!! I would not be here bearing my heart if it wasn’t for you. Thankyou for dancing with me, believing in me and my work & honouring what it offers you. It brings me the deepest fulfilment to know that this space nourishes and nurtures your spirit. X

Photography: Bri Horne

I have been in business for 10 years and I often wonder what I’m doing wrong when it comes to growing my audience.

It’s something my inner critic and ego love to beat me up about.

I watch new people enter the market and within a year they’ve gathered a bigger “following” than me. 

I wonder if you’ve ever felt the same?

If you could just be/do more x, y, z…

do more reels…

get better branding…

maybe you’d grow like that too.

But the Truth of what I’ve come to know, through my own online business and through knowing the ins and outs of various colleagues and clients businesses too -

The numbers don’t mean shit.

A big audience does not EQUAL an engaged or even a paying audience.

Perfect branding or a life that “seems perfect” from the outside looking in does not EQUAL a perfect life nor is it one that you would trade places for…when you pull the curtain back.

Growing your community, collaborating and reaching more people with your work are all relevant and meaningful parts of running business.

But they are not the indicator for your success…like real true success, in line with YOUR values, the success that makes you feel like “I’ve never been more me”…not the success you abandon yourself for.

When it comes to the satisfaction and FULLNESS that you seek, at the end of a day…

Your gaze must be fixed on the actual prize - your lane.

Is it REALLY the ‘algorithm’/followers to blame, or are you actually just not expressing the depth of pure life force that aches to move through you?

Sis, I’ve made something for you.

The woman who is yearning to be enveloped by:

- COLOUR, JOY & FUN

- NEW WAYS OF BEING AND BREATHING

- CREATIVE EXPLORATION & CONFIDENCE

- FREEDOM & EXCITEMENT

- CHILDLIKE PLAY

& JUST MORE OF HER OWN GOD. DAMN. LANE !

*DJ spin that track*

https://www.amandacrafter.com/findyourspark

Claim your spot now for $33

Price rises this Friday 12th April.

X

A PERSONAL LOVE NOTE FOR THE WOMAN WHO DOESN’T SEE HERSELF AS “CREATIVE” OR “GOOD AT CREATING”:

Sis, I grew up not thinking I was creative in any way shape or form. “I don’t have a creative bone in my body” was what I heard over and over and it became my story and reality too. I wasn’t in the art class at high school, I didn’t draw or paint or sing or do music…

Over the past five years in particular, I have come to understand how deeply creative I am. We are camping as I write this and after looking through our renovated caravan that’s shades of pink and blue, our neighbour asked me “are you an artist?” and I replied, “yes”.

Smiling as if the Universe wanted to check that I now embrace and own how deeply artistic and creative I am.

Hint: we all are.

Through school and our conditioning many of us were taught that if it didn’t look a certain way, if it wasn’t perfect, if it wasn’t approved of by someone above us, then it’s not art.

This couldn’t be further from the Truth.

Every single person is an Artist, a Creative and every single person has the capacity to PLAY in the arts.

My deepest re-wiring of this has come from my children. I watch them go from painting to playdough to the mud kitchen to baking to watching TV to I’m hungry to I want to paint again.

It strikes me watching them; two things especially:

1: they don’t have to explain why they changed their mind, they just follow their spark in every moment

2: they don’t give a shit if it “looks good”, they are just fully in the play and fun of it

Witnessing their freedom and joy with creating led me to ask myself something very powerful last year:

What if nothing was off the table for me creatively?

What if I could play with any medium, at any time?

It was this notion that led me to start singing lessons. It is honestly bizarre and wild to me still, that I am doing that. I could’ve never imagined myself having the courage or ability to sing in front of someone else. But my children have unlocked so much for me and I feel it is my responsibility, to learn from them and to act on that creativity…to follow that spark.

Because it’s all well and good to say, “go for it, try anything you like!”

But the deepest way a child learns is from role modelling.

At some age, when the World starts to get noisy, they will fall back on their teachers and role models and parents and what they have established as ‘normal’ in their World…

I write this to say, if it’s hard to get out of your own way and embrace your creativity..if “your stuff” around it feels noisy, then get out of your own way and do it for your children and/or future children.

Over time the worthiness and confidence will grow for how much you deserve this, just for you, too.

Because it’s not what we say, it’s who we are…it’s how we be, that impacts them most.

We want you painting and playing alongside them, with them, not sitting and watching because someone told you that you weren’t good at it 20 years ago.

This is your safe space to explore creating and it’s going to be so much fun.

Do this for you, you deserve it!

There’s so much on the other side of this liberation, all you need to do is say yes!

Loving you in the leap,

X Mandy

https://www.amandacrafter.com/findyourspark

Photography: Bri Horne

“After Easter, we should just keep going on the road I reckon”

Everything inside me sighs a relief and a resounding yes please, take me.

He speaks my ultimate love language — spontaneous last minute adventures...

The Crafters are currently on one hell of an adventure… 2,358kms under the belt in a week. 

Photography: Matt Crafter

You’ll have to wait a few weeks for the four rolls of film memories currently been made…I promise to share the magic xoxo

~

NOTE: Highly recommend…going off grid… then interstate…during eclipse season.

Man on man - you hanging in there sis?

All I know is we’re coming out the other side of this bigger and badder than ever before.

But for now, we hold ourselves in the tenderness and compassion that we would a child whom has growing pains…

April this time last year, the portal between eclipses, I felt the exact same way.

Like something major was happening to me, something cosmic, something ancient. 

Something on the tip of my tongue, yet beyond words.

Something that required solitude and space, reflection and contemplation. 

Film Photography: Sophie Crafter

Port Melbourne, April 2023.

My first roll of black and white film, that has sealed this moment in time in my heart forever xoxo I was just different after this stay in an old miner’s cottage that charmed the pants off me

~

Honesty. 

Who and what and why and where, was I giving my precious energy?

I emerged different. 

I emerged more inspired than ever, to create. 

Knowing that it’s what gives me the most life force. 

Therefore it’s also my greatest gift to my loved ones and wider community. 

But it took time, it took space, it took shedding and it took more space. 

And Truth, so much Truth.

The Truth is fine tuned, sharpened like a sword. If not listened to, it cuts. 

Boy does it cut! 

I have been sitting with much. 

Literally sitting…2,358 kilometres of it. Staring out the window. 

Digesting, churning, processing…moving through the portal. 

Of rain, torrential rain, of sun, of wind, of screaming kids, of kids holding hands, of parents arguing, of parents holding hands. 

Today we arrived on the land my son was born… and on this day 2 years ago, my contractions, the waves, they started.

We pull into the first servo across the border in Queensland and as I wipe my vulva…blood.

My period.

I’d been logged out of my Clue app (blame the retrograde, the eclipse, whatever…) but I haven’t known my “day” for weeks…

The delight when I come to understand that here I am, bleeding as I arrive in the state where I gave birth to him. 

It’s like my body knows (it does).

It’s like we were always doing this trip (we were).

Even though it only unfolded a week and a half ago.

All I can say is…

A Spark. 

The Spark arrives as an idea, a quiet whisper, a vulnerable seed.

It arrives in a moment

“It takes 10 seconds of insane courage” - we bought a zoo

*Sound on for one of the most beautiful roads I have ever been on…and the trademark Crafter roadtrip vibes!!!

~

The Spark is fleeting… sliding doors, if you will.

The same spark that made us pack up our home in April of 2021 and jump in the car with a trailer carrying our belongings and no jobs, no homes…

No worries…because following the spark is the surest thing in life, this I know for sure.

I sit on the beach this afternoon, our family frolicking in the afternoon sun, exhaling on the beach after a long week on the road. 

Tears well in my eyes.

This is the life I always wanted to live. 

I am living it. 

I always feared that having kids would change our adventurous and spontaneous ways.

It turns out it’s only amplified it (I truly believe having children amplifies whatever and whoever we are).

The adventures are only getting bigger, riskier (although they don’t feel like a risk, when you know and trust the spark…it’s a muscle after all). 

A week and a half ago it was let’s change a 4 day holiday to a 3 week holiday…why not.

In a year it will be let’s spend a month in the US on the road, promoting my book and seeing America. 

In a couple of years it will be let’s go to Spain next week. 

I find myself tempted to write some sort of disclaimer about finances and yet, Matt & I followed The Spark when we had <$50 to each of our names, in our first year of uni. OH the stories I could tell! 

Like the night we drove down the Great Ocean Road, spent our last pennies on dinner & a drink at the pub in Apollo Bay, slept in the back of his ute, woke up by the ocean…and drove back to res (residence…we lived “on res” at Deakin Geelong campus:) the next day. 

No matter your finances, or any other situation, The Spark ALWAYS feels like a stretch, an edge, a leap.

On the journey we wonder why we said yes to it…

Aka when two kids are screaming, when the rain is so torrential we have to pull over on the side of the freeway, when my daughter is not fully toilet trained, when my 2 year old son has no ability to listen or follow instructions (he’s an aries, fuck me lol), when we question why we’re going, what we’re doing…

And then, we burst out the other side, we arrive…in a place that feels like home.

We arrive in the ocean…

Cackling in the waves…

Salt in our hair 

Salt in our eyes

Tears of joy

We land in the feeling…

Thank God we followed it

Imagine if we didn’t

And

Most profoundly…

I’ve never felt more like me. 

I remember when Matt first suggested this trip, I was in the middle of a tech failure (you remember? Was that last week or a lifetime ago…eclipse/retrograde feels lol) 

But what about The Spark? I thought.

But what about The Spark…this is the spark…after all.

With my family…just like the shoot. I am a Mother, so my work is birthed from how I live but inevitably how we live, too.

I couldn’t imagine anyone more qualified to teach this topic, than myself.

Honestly.

I live the most unreasonable life and every day, The Spark is my muse.

Come and learn from me who lives and breathes and bears the fruit of this every day.

And I want to learn from you too..what the spark is for you…I want you to strengthen and flex and love this part of yourself..in a space where it’s celebrated.

Coz there’s enough people out there who think you’re fucken crazy…

But we know deep down, crazy is the most sane you could be.

I know you know the spark too, you wouldn’t be here reading my work if you didn’t know.

But if the spark feels like an old friend that’s become more distant than you’d like…

“Nothing is ever lost, nor can be lost. The body, sluggish, aged, cold, the embers left, from earlier fires, shall duly flame again.” - Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Film Photography: Bri Horne

~

To continue reading this piece, plus have full access to The Spark virtual exhibition, exclusive offer, our pristine sisterhood (be able to see and contribute comments) AND to also access the treasure trove - that is, a whole year of juicy hearty conversations like this one (I write 3-5 publications a month)…please consider joining my substack as a paid subscriber!

If you receive benefit & inspiration from what I share online, I ask you to consider joining. Your subscriptions mean the world to me…it is an exchange, an honouring. An honouring of me, so that I can honour you, with my best possible work.

If you are reading this and are a paid subscriber, I thank you today and everyday, you bloody legend!!!!!

If you’re not yet, is today the day you join the (tea) party?!

Thankyou so much for considering a paid subscription love u xoxox mandy

Read more

Your invitation: to indulge in the upcoming sensory feast in an unhurried and spacious way. Best experienced on a laptop. Save it and savour it for: a cuppa in hand, soundtrack on, a candle lit & nowhere else to be.

Read more