My husband and I are heading there to celebrate our ten-year anniversary. It’s our first time going this far away from our kid, which comes with its own set of nerves.

But once we arrive, I’m hoping we can vacation like we used to, leaving plenty of time for exploration and wandering.

France is marking a ten-year anniversary of sorts, too. In August 2016, a month after we got married, the droit à la déconnexion, the right to disconnect, was added to its Labour Code, giving employees the legal right to ignore work emails, calls, and Slack messages outside their contracted hours.

Most of us don’t have a law protecting our downtime. So we have to protect it ourselves.

There’s plenty of science behind why disconnecting matters. When your brain isn’t locked onto a task, your default mode network kicks in, giving your mind space to wander, reflect and make connections.

Even simple activities like drawing, doodling and journaling can help pull us out of the constant stream of sensory input and back into the present, which, in theory, makes it easier to focus on something, whether it’s a creative idea, a problem to solve or a newsletter you’re trying to write and schedule instead of packing for Paris.

Sahil Bloom has written about the “anti to-do list,” referencing Michelangelo’s famous explanation for how he created David: he simply removed everything that wasn’t David.

The concept is via negativa: the negative path, or the path of removal.

What happens when, instead of constantly deciding what to add, we start deciding what to remove?

So in honor of two ten-year anniversaries - my own and the droit à la déconnexion’s - I decided to create my own right to disconnect. I took the anti to-do list concept and turned it into something more romantic: vows.

Here are my “Won’t Do” vows for this trip:

1. Won’t check email, Instagram or LinkedIn outside one 30-minute block each day. Won’t respond unless it’s urgent.

2. Won’t open the calendar to start planning anything happening in the fall.

3. Won’t do any online shopping.

4. Won’t cram in too many scheduled activities; won’t annoy husband by overplanning

This actually felt strange to write. We’re fluent in the language of what we have to do. We’re much less practiced in deciding what we simply won’t do.

“No” may be a full sentence, but sometimes the hardest person to say it to is yourself.

Here’s what makes the Won’t-Do list easier: remembering what it gives you back. Less planning means more aimless wandering. Eating every croissant in sight. Actually looking at the art instead of speed-walking past it to stay on schedule. Enjoying what’s in front of me without narrating it on Instagram in real time.

Making room for enjoyment is harder than it sounds. We have to decide what we won’t do in order to actively… not do it.

Labor Day weekend is coming up, which feels like the perfect moment to try this yourself. Even if you’re already back in the swing of work and school, use the long weekend to decide not just what you’ll do, but what you won’t.

This week’s action is to write your own Won’t-Do list before Labor Day weekend.

A to-do list tells you what deserves your effort.

A won’t-do list tells you what doesn’t deserve your guilt.

Try:

1. One thing you won’t check: email, Slack, the back-to-school group chat.

2. One thing you won’t plan: the fall calendar, your next meeting, dinner beyond tomorrow.

3. One thing you won’t optimize: the weekend, your kids’ last days of summer, your own downtime.

Write it down before Friday. Tape it somewhere you’ll see it. And if you feel the itch to add “won’t feel guilty about this list” as number four... I love that for you.

France created a legal right to disconnect. You’re creating a personal one.

What will your Won’t-Do list make room for?

In the meantime here’s what I’m:

Those of you who have been showing up for and sharing my From Setbacks to Setups Salon series. We have some exciting ones coming up this fall, and I hope to see some of you there!

Caitlin Fitzpatrick of BWB, who is hosting an immersive leadership retreat on September 30. The Movement from Within at AKERA in Woodbourne, NY is designed for founders, entrepreneurs and leaders looking for a more integrated way of working and leading. There will be conversation and personal transformation work, but also plenty of space for walks, naps, reading and downtime. Who doesn’t need that? Apply to join here.

I’m so sick of hearing about AOC freezing her eggs. Why is this a big deal? The only piece I did read was this interesting take from one of my favorite Substacks, The Purse, which looked into the economics behind her decision and how intertwined family planning is with financial planning.

This smart partnership between Redfin and Winnie. Winnie is adding nearby childcare options to Redfin property listings, so home shoppers will be able to factor daycare and preschool availability into one of the biggest decisions they’ll make. As any parent who has ever tried to coordinate housing and childcare knows: these decisions were never separate to begin with.

No spotlight today since I’m on vacation, but I’ll be back with one next time! If you want to be considered for a Sunday Setup Spotlight, reply directly to this note or comment if you’re reading it in the Substack app.

I hope you find a little space for droit à la déconnexion in these last days of summer.

Until next time,

Amy

I thought it was the best thing ever. I wrote about it here and here.

I set up scheduled tasks and skills for my AI agents: a daily brief with an overview of my inbox and my calendar, a CRM that flags keeps track of salon attendees, an agent that flags relevant news articles for my clients to comment on.

It felt like hiring a high-performing Chief of Staff.

But lately, my AI Chief of Staff has been kind of phoning it in.

I’m reminding Claude to read the project instructions. Again. Why does it keep skipping steps, missing details, forgetting context? Why is it missing the instructions I worked so hard to program?

I didn’t know AI could replicate laziness, but here we are. It feels like working with the new hire who tried really hard for the first three months and is now coasting on the goodwill it built up.

I was wondering if anyone else was feeling this. So I turned to Claude of all places, to ask if anything has been written about it.

The concept of AI fatigue usually refers to us being sick of AI. We’re sick of talking about it, sick of our employers pushing us to “use it, learn it, get sophisticated with it” while we have a zillion other things on our to-do list. This supposedly revolutionary time-saver sometimes costs us more time as we learn how to use it.

We’re also tired of seeing people use it to write. Our emails and feeds are filled with it and we’re just…over it.

Even LinkedIn admits there’s a problem. On July 30, LinkedIn added a button letting members flag a post as “seems like AI slop,“ and pulled its own AI writing assistant the same day. Originality.ai estimated that 81 percent of the long-form posts on the site in July were likely AI-generated. That’s up from roughly 50 percent in late 2024.

The company that spent years pushing everyone toward AI drafting tools finally admitted that it created a trust problem.

Substack did the same thing last month, launching an “AI detection tool.” I do find it satisfying when I hit the “scan for AI” button every time I publish a newsletter only to have it tell me I’m 100% human.

I’m at the point where I’m needing the robot to validate my humanity. Great.

Then I read about this term called “workslop” - content that’s polished enough to pass as finished but has nothing underneath it once you actually dig into the work.

I guess workslop is the new clickbait.

40 percent of workers said they’d received workslop from a colleague in the past month (according to research by Stanford & BetterUp.) The colleague slinging the slop was now seen as less capable, less trustworthy, and less creative.

Which is exactly how i was starting to see my AI Chief of Staff - as workslop.

I wasn’t saving any time in having AI run through my emails and flag who needed responses most urgently. I could have done that by…looking at my own damn inbox.

At some point, the systems I built to reduce my cognitive load had become another thing I had to manage.

I think it’s time we all got really clear about what we want from AI.

At the same time, we need to decide whether we’ve given it the tools it needs to do that sustainably. We also need to reflect on whether we’ve outsourced too much in the first place.

I decided I needed a little break from Claude, where I’ve worked exclusively for months. I started running tasks through both Claude and ChatGPT. So far, I think ChatGPT might be a better editor, while Claude is a better systems partner and organizer.

All these tools are great. But the most important thing we as humans can do is to get clear on what we outsource to the bots and what we firmly commit to doing ourselves.

Reflecting on my own AI usage, the first few months were about setup, iterating and testing.

Now it’s about refinement. I want the tools I originally set up, I just want them to…work.

So I started by going back to Claude and asked it to audit my usage. Here’s the prompt I used, feel free to steal it:

“Give me a quick AI audit: how much time have I spent in each project over the past 30 days. Which scheduled task or skill am I using most? Which am I not using? Where are some areas I can optimize my day?”

It came back with a clear picture of what was working (my scheduled tasks: a weekday daily brief, a speaking engagement snapshot, and a Friday loose ends wrap up note.) and what needed attention.

Then, at the suggestion of my friend Hitha, I downloaded Little Bird, and asked it to audit my workday as it watched what I used Claude for, and what I did myself. Here’s what it found:

Scarily accurate.

So this week’s action is to run your own AI audit and see whether the tools you’re using are actually making your day easier.

Here are some specific ways you can do that if you, like me, are a little fed up with its shortcomings:

1. List every place AI currently touches your work: every scheduled task, every skill, every recurring prompt you’ve stopped thinking about.

2. For each one, ask if it’s saving you real time or just creating a new thing you have to double-check. (Or feed this list into your LLM of choice and see what it says)

3. Sort into three piles: keep it as is, keep it but tighten the instructions, cut it.

4. Put a recurring date on your calendar to redo this audit. Quarterly is enough. Don’t wait four months like I did.

5. Pick one thing this week to hand back to yourself. Something AI COULD do, but you’ll do it better, and maybe you’ll even enjoy doing it yourself.

For me, this was the workout design tool I created. I don’t want AI to design my workouts. That’s something I get great pleasure out of doing and I don’t want to outsource it, even if it means I do upper body workouts more than legs.

(Arms by Amy, FTW)

Not everything needs a machine attached to it.

Some things are worth letting feel a little tedious, exercising a little brain power. And maybe we just need to go back to doing some things ourselves.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

The beach and backyard reads have been excellent this summer. Highly recommend The Shampoo Effect, Whistler, The Parisian Heist and The Astral Library.

Who knew the IRS would make it into The Sunday Setup?! But they just passed the Section 45S paid family leave tax credit permanent, giving employers a real financial incentive, 12.5 to 25 percent of wages, to offer paid family and medical leave. While it isn’t universal paid leave, it’s a meaningful move in the right direction.

The fact that more young women, age 22-55 are developing heart disease. I hate the fact that I had to go on a statin at age 42. But I’ve had high cholesterol my whole life, and when I had my risk of heart disease (which does NOT run in my family) evaluated, a scan revealed I already had plaque buildup in my arteries. If you are over the age of 40, this is a gentle nudge to get your cholesterol, specifically your lipoprotein(a), checked.

Olivia Rodrigo for many reasons, specifically her approach to this Etsy collab, where she partnered with 10 female-owned small shops to design merch for her all-female Daisy Chain Fields festival. One of them, a Colorado tattoo shop, saw orders jump 2,571 percent after the launch. This is an incredible way for her to share the spotlight.

Speaking of spotlights, this week we’re talking to Courtney Reimer, founder of Sounds Great Creative Podcast Strategy. Courtney attended a recent From Setbacks to Setups salon, and it was an absolute joy getting to know her. Here’s how she sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

I don’t even look at email, texts, or anything related to my business until I’ve completed my Morning Pages and filled out my Panda Planner for the day. For those who aren’t yet part of the Morning Pages cult, I highly recommend it as a morning brain cleanse--you just dump out whatever is swirling in your head so that you can start each day with a clean slate. No sentence structure or grammar required--just put pen (or pencil) to paper and let it flow.

Panda Planner is another pen-to-paper analog habit that does wonders for my mindset and time management: you begin with writing 3 gratitude statements and 3 “what you’re excited about” things. Literally writing out my schedule is far more effective than glancing at the calendar on my phone or desktop. Writing it out each day forces me to notice when I’ve overbooked myself or forgotten to save time for lunch.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I live my life in “do not disturb,” and that applies figuratively in who and what I give my attention to, but also the mode that my phone is perpetually set to. (Apologies to those whose texts I’ve left on “unread” for days at a time!)

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

Slack, WhatsApp, and anything that is constantly pinging my amygdala with notifications or signals the need for an immediate response.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

Each night at bedtime I carry our dog, Ruby Ruffles, up to both of my middle-school-aged daughters’ bedroom to kiss them goodnight with me. Ruby’s gotten a little chunky (for a small dog) lately, so it’s good for my biceps as well as my connection with my kiddos.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

Reading a physical, paper-based novel. I love the soothing fee of crisp pages between my fingers as I turn them.

Same, Courtney. And if AI ever does magically reduce our time spent working, I can’t picture a more delightfully analog way to fill it than reading more physical books.

Until next time,

Amy

The test is simple: swim across the deep end of the pool without touching the sides or the bottom. Do a second lap. Front float, back float, tread water for 60 seconds.

Pass, and you get to wear the coveted green bracelet. The green bracelet means you can swim anywhere in the pool during free swim. Fail, and you keep the red one, which means you stay in the shallow end with the younger kids.

She has been wearing red all summer while her friends wear green. She has not complained about this once. She has cried about it. She’s been frustrated by it. But this is the first summer she’s even been willing to get into the deep end and try. She tries every single time they offer the test, twice a week. She has tried it and failed, she has gotten into the deep water and gotten so nervous she won’t even take the test. But every week, she tries and tries, again and again.

She wants that green bracelet so much.

Every week, the head of the swim program calls me with updates. Her group leader sends me daily updates on her swim progress. Her entire bunk is rooting for her. Her cousins’ group heard about it and now they’re rooting for her too. Her eight-year-old friends have been giving her tips on how to tread water. A child who has known my daughter for two weeks coached her on how to swim across water she can’t stand in.

One kid told her she didn’t care if she passed or not. She said some other mean stuff, and my daughter was annoyed by it, but just shrugged it off. “She can be mean sometimes. I guess if she really wants to try and do something, I won’t cheer her on.”

I have never been more proud of her.

When I started writing this newsletter, she hadn’t passed yet. She just kept showing up to take a test she knew she might fail again. That is the thing I want to celebrate.

In parenting, we get excited about the things that come naturally to our kids. The A on the test they barely prepared for. The sport they picked up over the weekend. The singing voice everyone compliments.

I do that too. I’m her mom, so obviously I celebrate all the things.

But I am more proud of this journey to get her green bracelet than I have been of almost anything else. Because learning to swim over the past few summers, and now trying to pass the deep water test is something that didn’t come easy to her.

On Friday afternoon, I got a text from the head of swim. “Go Cory!!!” it said. I showed it to my sister. She did it, I screamed. Holy crap, she did it. I cried. I went to the party store. I bought 18 green balloons and a ton of other random blow up crap. I overcelebrated. I almost bought a confetti cannon. I considered lining up the neighbors to throw her a goddamn parade. The green bracelet feels like her goddamn world cup trophy.

Meanwhile, at camp, her group was chanting, “Cory! Cory! Cory!” Her best friend Tori screamed. Her swim counselor cried. Her group leader called the front office and they all cheered. The mean kid wrote her an apology note.

Cory earned the crap out of that green bracelet. She had to work harder than other kids who were naturally good swimmers, those who didn’t have the fear she had. She had to overcome self consciousness, feeling like she was behind her peers, a fear of deep water, and the discouragement that came from failing prior tests.

But she kept trying, and she finally FINALLY did it. We now display the green bracelet on her bookshelf next to a trophy. Because that’s honestly what it is.

There’s a green bracelet for the grown ups here too.

When I got laid off and had to turn my side hustle into my actual livelihood faster than I’d planned, I felt like I was treading water. I canceled everything: subscriptions, new clothes, haircuts. It didn’t matter that my consulting business was already growing. I still couldn’t justify spending money on myself. I thought I would never get back to the salary I had previously earned in my marketing agency days.

That was my - and every other business owner’s - red bracelet moment. I was in the deep end. Treading water with nothing to stand on. Not sure I could keep myself afloat.

But I kept showing up to take the test.

My coaching clients are in this moment constantly. They ask me: do I cling to the edge or let go and swim? How do I keep going when it gets hard? How do I stay afloat?

The leadership/entrepreneurship deep water test references are endless.

You won’t find out if you can swim in deep water until you actually get in the pool and push yourself off the edge. The first attempt, maybe even the second, might not be the one that works. You might have to dip a toe first before you dive in headfirst.

What matters is that you try again. That you keep going. Like Dory…and Cory (!!) you just keep swimming.

Name your red bracelet. The external marker that tells you you’re not there yet. The thing you’re carrying that signals to you that you haven’t YET passed the test.

Now name your green bracelet. Then ask yourself what you’re doing to work towards it. Are you avoiding the test, or are you trying every week despite the fear?

If you want a thinking partner for this, try this AI prompt:

I’m working through a challenge that feels like I’m swimming in deep water: [describe what you’re navigating]. I am trying to show up but I feel like I haven’t passed the test yet. Ask me three questions to help me figure out whether I’m actually building toward something or whether I’m stuck in a pattern that isn’t working. Be direct. Don’t validate everything I say.

The deep end is terrifying because there’s nothing to stand on. That’s also what makes it worth it. When you get to the other side, you do it without the bottom underneath you. You did it on your own. You earn your green bracelet. You display it like a trophy. And when that happens, I promise to buy you ALL the balloons.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

The Hailey Bieber x Gap collab, which Wall Street is apparently admiring, too.

Everyone who spoke to me about the intersection of AI and healthcare for the article I just wrote for Forbes.

I thought I was going to be uncovering this big revolution of people using AI to approach healthcare in ways never seen before. But my interviews and reporting revealed that the revolution isn’t quite here yet.

(And if you want the prompt I used for my healthcare project in Claude that I reference as I outline my journey at the beginning of this article, comment on this post or respond directly to me.)

The whole debate about “dads vs duds” and the idea that dads not pulling their weight in hetero relationships are a major factor contributing to declining birth rates in the U.S.

I take issue with the portrayal of dads as duds. Men are capable of being fully present partners, and they are taking on increased responsibilities in the home. In fact, between 2019 and 2024, college-educated dads increased time spent on housework and child care by 4.4 hours a week.

I was in a room with Gloria Steinem recently when she said the next wave of feminist revolution is going to be in the division of household labor. This is already happening but we certainly need more of it, and we need the media portrayals of this dynamic to catch up to what’s already starting to happen.

I really enjoyed these tips for simplifying your summer wardrobe when it’s 1,000 degrees out. I am very much a tank top/t-shirt and shorts gal all summer long and I pretty much live in these Vuori tees.

This week’s spotlight is on Joya Cohen. Joya is an attorney by day, working in affordable housing. But in her spare time, she designs kids travel games. An avid family travel lover, she wanted to find a unique, fun and screen free way to entertain her children while on the go.

Her first game, Go Poop! is now available at www.kidstravelgames.com. My kid and her friends are huge fans of this game. So is everyone who joined my last From Setbacks to Setups salon with Everyday Health/Mom 2.0, where the game was a huge hit among the mom influencer crowd.

Here’s how Joya (or Penni, as her die-hards call her) sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

I view time management more as energy management - meaning I want my energy level to fit the task, and I want my best energy levels for things that are most important to me. I think a lot of that is about getting to know your own energy cycles and how to optimize your schedule accordingly. For instance, I know the first two hours of my day are when I do my best focusing, so I try to do my hardest mental tasks then. After that, I know my brain needs a rest, so I work on things that are social, like team meetings, etc. And by the end of the day I know that I am not as sharp, so I work on boring admin tasks that need to get done.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I try and exercise - I think it is more important to do a little bit consistently than focus on how often or how much on any specific day or week.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

I try and say no! to multi-tasking! It is hard for working moms, but I find that people who are most successful are actually focusing on one thing at a time. That way I can be most efficient with the task in front of me and move to the next. Plus, when it comes to other people, giving people your undivided attention is a gift in our attention based economy, and the more I can focus on actually connecting with the people in front of me, the more I feel like my time is being well spent.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I think the most important habit I have developed over time is that I don’t feel the need to respond to people right away. I reframe the way I think about why people contact me - it is not usually for immediate feedback, but for thoughtful and careful feedback, which takes time. In short, I think I am worth waiting for - and I don’t let other people’s anxiety dictate when I need to respond to them. Once you let go of the need to respond quickly, it empowers you to organize your time and focus on quality, instead of speed. And, if you are worried about being rude, you can just people know - I am thinking about it and will get back to you. Works like a charm!

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

I would use it for my side project, creating kids travel games, because I find the creative outlet energizes me for my other roles in life, and since my eight year old daughter helps create and test our games, it’s also been amazing to watch her appreciate the challenges and joys of entrepreneurship.

Here’s to the lessons only the eight year olds can teach us.

Until next time,

Amy

For two years, every time someone reached out and asked me to coach them, I gave them the same answer: I’m a writer. Sure, I wrote a book about setbacks. I’ve interviewed hundreds of leaders. I’ve led teams. I speak at companies. I consult for them. I do a lot of things! Coaching isn’t one of them.

People kept asking anyway.

So I turned to some of the coaches who I adore and respect. I asked how to get certified. They told me that the coaching industry technically requires no formal certification, yet it’s absolutely cluttered with programs that offer one for anywhere from $500 to $5,000.

I’ve spent the better part of a decade studying what makes people resilient, what makes leaders effective, and what actually helps people navigate uncertainty. I wrote the bestselling book on setbacks. I’ve facilitated workshops at Google, Samsung, LinkedIn and more.

“Coach” though? For some reason, that word made me flinch.

But much like what happened when the idea sparked that led me to write that very book, I kept seeing a pattern I couldn’t ignore.

What finally broke through was two years ago when a woman whose company I had spoken at came to me and said very bluntly, “I don’t want the coach my company assigned me. I don’t want you to refer me to an executive coach you know. I want to work with YOU.”

Not long after that, someone reached out via cold email to tell me they’d listened to my audiobook twice and wanted me to walk them through their setback.

I finally noticed that no one mentioned a certification. They mentioned candor. The framework. How I show up. The role I was already playing, whether I admitted it or not.

I was experiencing an identity lag: the gap between the role you’re already filling and the one you’re willing to name. It’s rarely about your carefully crafted career path. It’s about catching your self-perception up to what the people around you already see.

So I began to say yes. I took on the first client, then a second, and at one point I had five coaching clients at once. I’ve since decided that’s my max.

Now, eighty percent of my coaching business comes through personal referrals. In the age of AI these personal connections are more important than ever. New opportunities don’t find you through your job title or credentials. They find you through your qualities, your energy, how you make people feel when you work with them.

So this week’s action is to figure out if there’s a secret role you should be stepping into.

If there’s something you’ve been turning down or dismissing because you don’t have the formal training or took the “right” path into it, try this (better yet, have Claude help you work through these three prompts):

1. Write down three things people consistently come to you for, unprompted. Not what your resume or job title says. What people actually ask of you.

2. For each one, ask: what is it about the way I do this that’s different from how most people do it? Is it my directness? My ability to listen without judgment? My system-building instinct? My work ethic and drive?

3. Now ask: how might I already be playing this role, even if I haven’t started charging for it…yet?

The role often already exists. You’re just not calling it what it is yet.

But me? I’m officially calling it: I’m a leadership coach. Two years late, but right on time.

In the meantime here’s what I’m:

I pretty much love everything Taffy Brodesser-Akner writes, but this half satirical, half she ends up drinking the wellness trend kool-aid first hand experience of her going to a trendy sauna cold plunge spot in Manhattan that I have certainly been to and had an identical experience was hilarious and oddly relatable.

And speaking of naming the thing other people always saw in us, I want to shout out Christine Koh, aka “The Diplomat,” for putting a name to the thing she’s been doing for 20 years: walking into the messiest, most tension-filled communications rooms and helping teams figure out where to go next. She’s formalized that instinct into an actual practice this year. If you’re a comms person who could use some solidarity (and maybe a little expert troubleshooting), she’s running a free Office Hours drop-in on Tuesday, July 28 at 2pm ET.

I hate when I’m on a train ride and I am the only person reading articles while everyone around me is watching 10 second videos. Apparently we are now in the post literate era, which, if you read the details of this article, is highly concerning. If you have the attention span to read (or at least read most) of this Atlantic article please try to spread the word that reading is an important skill that we cannot, nor can our children, afford to lose.

Speaking of reading, my friend and brilliant author, Jo Piazza has a new book out this week. The Parisian Heist weaves together two storylines - a present day American art student in Paris who gets pulled into a Musée d’Orsay heist, and the late 1800s story of overlooked historical figure Jo van Gogh who is credited with making her brother-in-law Vincent a household name.

Also remember when four thieves robbed the Louvre in real life last October? Jo was all over that. And we love her for it.

Speaking of coaches, this week’s spotlight is on a coach I recently met through another coach. We’re everywhere. Sara Walshe, a former prosecutor turned Intuitive Leadership Coach at Upswell, helps analytically-driven leaders cut through noise, trust their gut, and act with clarity. Here’s how Sara sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

Every day after dropping my kids off at school, and before starting work, I sit down for a five-minute meditation. This helps me pause and recenter before launching into the rest of my busy day. It’s as if the hectic nature of getting two kids off to two different schools on time shakes up the snow globe of my mind, and the meditation allows the snowflakes to settle, revealing the figurine at the center with clarity (i.e. what I want to orient my day or week around).

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

The 5 minute meditation certainly does this, but so does a quick walk outside. Bilateral movement encourages communication between both brain hemispheres, offering numerous benefits such as nervous system regulation and improved concentration. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had ahas and insights just from taking a quick walk.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

Oddly enough, I’ve learned to say “no” to a variable work week. As a former lawyer and government employee, I worked a very fixed schedule. When I pivoted to working for myself as an Intuitive Leadership Coach, I was so excited to create my own days and schedule. Over time, I found that whenever I sat down to work, I had to figure out where I had left off. As unsexy as it is, I’m a creature of routine. So now I have a set schedule for exercise, a designated day for coaching clients, and yet another designated time for coffee meetups and fun. I spend much less time figuring out my days day-by-day and now I have available brain space for creative and strategic thinking.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I can’t believe I say this now, but I’ve gotten really into lifting weights! I’m a certified yoga teacher and have been a dedicated yogi for over 15 years - I love the quietness of yoga, concentrating on my breathing, and feeling connected to my body - which led me to loathe the gym. But when my predisposition to diabetes landed me in the pre-diabetic category, my doctor advised me to start weight lifting. I started working with a trainer to learn correct form. Over time, something clicked, and now I love feeling empowered by lifting heavier and heavier weights. Strength training has the dual effect of building confidence in both the body and the mind. The brain learns that if the body can withstand physical challenge, so too the mind can withstand mental challenge. I’m all for building resilience (oh and I’m no longer pre-diabetic)!

I love Sara’s last answer, because as we know, I’m a huge fan of lifting weights. And as I wrote out this week’s action, I did have a sprinkling of an idea around another thing people come to me for…mom rage workouts. I do sometimes toy with the idea of creating something that combines exercise with community…but a lot of that has already been done. Still, perhaps in a few years I’ll be writing a newsletter about how I became a fitness instructor for women in mid-life. But for now, it’s a hobby I’ll simpy continue to enjoy with friends.

Until next time,

Amy

People who know me are already laughing. Relaxation is not a state I achieve easily.

Especially in summer, where we move around constantly. This week I had camp dropoff on Long Island Monday, the Fancy Foods Show at the Javits Center Tuesday, back to Long Island, then Queens for one night a few days later, then immediately up to the Catskills for the Fourth, repeat. The schedule I’m describing while writing a newsletter about relaxation is not lost on me.

There’s actually a book called The Relaxed Woman, which I just started reading. In it, psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs argues that we’ve been conditioned out of relaxation. Through stress, guilt, and a cultural story that treats rest as laziness, we’ve internalized a rulebook that says a good person keeps pushing forward.

So we do. Long past the point where going is actually serving us.

I’ve been the overextended woman. The people-pleasing woman. The one who put her needs at the bottom of the list because I think that’s what I’m supposed to do. But the relaxed woman? I don’t know her yet. I’m trying to.

Hobbs says we need to reframe the cultural myth that “rest = laziness.” She points out that relaxation isn’t indulgence, that rest is necessary, and should be seen for what it is: a path to stability and joy.

Summer is a natural moment to do this reset.

Do you want to squeeze in another call or do you want to lay in a hammock in your backyard and read? Do you want to agree to another volunteer position next year or carve out time to stare out the window? Could you play hooky this week and spend a day at the beach while your kids are in camp?

Before you can choose your preferred method of relaxation, you need to back up and figure out where you have CAPACITY. Capacity is critical to building a life that includes relaxation. Knowing where your capacity lies, and fighting the instinct to fill it with more “productive” tasks is the key to doing this whole reframe.

That’s why this week’s action is to do a capacity audit.

Ask yourself these at the start of every week:

1. What’s taking up space this week - mentally, physically, logistically?

2. What’s on that list because of obligation or guilt, not genuine priority?

3. How could I get creative and remove some of this week’s activities?

4. What would I actually do with a free afternoon this week?

Answer them honestly. Then, (this is the most important) pick one thing to cut, delay, or shrink.

If you want a thinking partner for this, paste the prompt below into Claude and let it help you with the capacity audit:

One more thing from Hobbs worth trying. She suggests swapping the language we use to describe our own state.

“I’m so busy” becomes “my life is full today.”

“I’m being lazy” becomes “my body is tired today.”

It seems small, but language shapes the way we experience ourselves, and “full” lands differently in your mind than “overwhelmed.”

You have ambitions worth protecting. This summer, direct some of that ambition toward becoming the relaxed woman.

She seems worth meeting.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

Tennis player Amanda Anisimova for her confident return to Wimbledon last week. After losing last year’s final 6-0, 6-0, supposedly she re-watched every minute of that match to prepare for this year. She opened the tournament with a dominant straight-set win. Her determination is a masterclass in how a setback can set you up for a Phoenix moment.

Speaking of sports, Europeans who are visiting the U.S. for the World Cup are seeing more of America than a lot of Americans themselves have. In the spirit of that and a little leftover fourth of July festiveness, here's a list of the top 100 things to see in America.

I don’t even want to talk about what happened in the Supreme Court last week, from the voting rights act being slowly dismantled to the absurd setbacks to the LGBTQ+ community. I mean, what a way to end pride month.

The momentum that continues to build around the “From Setbacks to Setups” salon series. I hosted three in June and have two more set for July (one at an organization, one that’s open to anyone - reserve your spot here!) plus a few lined up for fall.

Honestly, this series has been the highlight of my year. If you want to bring it to your community or organization, reach out.

Today’s spotlight is on Kendall Cherry of The Candid Collective, who not only works as a copywriter and ghostwriter herself, she helps other writers with the thing most of us hate to do - actually sell our work. Here’s how she sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

I like to spend my Friday mornings doing all of my admin in one batch of work. Since it’s definitely NOT my favorite thing in the world, I’ll put on good music and treat it like a punch list. The batchworking helps me stay focused and the music makes it feel a little more tolerable.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I go to a sauna and cold plunge studio 5 days a week. It’s the fastest way to reset my energy and get back to feeling calm if I get a little too riled up during the week.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

I rarely take on coffee chats or sales calls in my business and make sure that all of my content is written in a way so it bottles up all of my on-camera charisma. That way I can be in more places as once, know that I’m nurturing leads who eventually convert, and conserving my energy for the VERY introverted activity of writing for a living.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I deleted all social media from my phone and keep my phone down/off for the majority of the time. I noticed that it kept sucking me into it with notifications, endless content scrolling, and other things that weren’t getting me any closer to my goals. One day I just pictured myself on my death bed and wondering if all that time on TikTok was *really* worth it and decided that I was better off without it.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

I’d spend more time around horses! I recently started working with horses and studying equine-assisted therapy and being in the presence makes me a better human being. More of that!

The relaxed woman looks different for everyone. For Kendall, it’s horses. For me, it’s a hammock I haven’t actually sat in yet. Wishing you your own version of horses and hammocks this week.

Until next time,

Amy

Getting the second book deal has been a struggle.

When I tell people this they yell, “but how?! You hit the USA TODAY bestseller list multiple times! You gave a viral TEDx talk that they can’t stop sharing!”

I prepared myself for rejection. My agent told me the market is really hard right now. She warned me that non fiction is getting hit the hardest, there have been tons of publishing industry layoffs and budgets are tightening everywhere (just like every other industry right now.) I was prepared!

Or so I told myself. Because what happened when the first editor said she read the proposal and wanted to set up a meeting, I couldn’t help but feel that fire in my belly, that spark of hope that whispered, “Wait, this might actually happen again.”

When the second editor said they wanted to set up a meeting, I thought, “this seems like a real possibility!”

So I replaced rejection-prepping with hope. I opened the window just a crack. Every new meeting, I opened it a little further. Soon the sunlight was pouring through and I was convinced this was happening.

I’ve now sat through several meetings with editors who think the book idea is amazing. One called me a female James Clear. My ego ballooned that day.

Naturally, that’s where it all fell apart.

Over and over again, I get to the second round. A developmental or acquiring editor is excited to champion my idea. And then it’s time to present that idea in their next meetings to sales, marketing and more.

One by one, the higher ups say no numbers, no deal. Her platform is too small. (They said this the first time too. And we know how that turned out.)

Still, I can’t help but feel the sting of rejection. I opened that damn window and let hope in. Now I’m struggling to shut it.

Numbers are so annoying. Are yours ever what you want them to be? The salary, the scale, the minutes until the next train. Does anyone know a person who’s happy with their numbers?

For publishing houses, mine aren’t good enough. But when I look at them, I think they’re incredible. I am proud that 2,700 of you are here. I am even prouder of the 50% open rate: you only get that with a small, deeply engaged community.

Still. When my value as a writer gets challenged, things start to unravel. Am I still a writer if I can’t get a second book deal? Does anyone care about real writers anymore, or are we all just going to read books written by AI and published by TikTok influencers?

That’s the thing about setbacks, they challenge your entire identity. My inner critic Raz was screaming some version of: If I can’t get another book deal, what does that say about me as a writer?

Instead of letting this thought spiral depress me (though it certainly did for a bit), last month I made a big decision:

That I would just go back to writing because I enjoy writing.

That I would enjoy the beauty of sitting in my favorite spots, the cozy chair in the corner of my living room, a picnic table in the back of the grove at the park, my in-laws’ dining room table looking out over their lush backyard) and letting the words flow out of me.

I want to enjoy writing the way I used to before I tried to sell my words for an arbitrary number. Before I began questioning the value of my craft.

Just to do the thing that has always been mine.

I write this because I want you to know that even the setback expert has setbacks. That even the USA TODAY bestselling author isn’t guaranteed a second deal. That the person who looks like she’s killing it on social media is still out here white-knuckling it through her own hard moments.

Success is not linear. One win doesn’t make the next one easier.

But we go from setbacks to setups. Always.

It’s been an incredible year: the salons, the rooms full of people talking about their next chapters, this space here on Substack. My incredible clients, the coaching piece of my business that has absolutely exploded these past few months. Despite the setbacks there is still abundance for which I am so grateful.

Is there a number you’re struggling to move past? The salary, the scale, the follower count, the items on your to-do list.

How can you reframe those metrics, or scrap them entirely, in favor of something more true to who you actually are?

That number doesn’t dictate your identity or make your decisions. You do.

Meanwhile, I want to thank you for being here. For making me believe my words are worth reading.

To me, you are so much more than just a number.

In the meantime here’s what I’m:

This Elle article about Ann Patchett writing kindness into her characters. I had to skip a few paragraphs because I didn’t want to read some of the details of the plot of her forthcoming novel, Whistler, which I will devour as soon as I can, but I was able to skip those without too many spoilers.

My favorite line was: “Anger, rage, disgust, they’re low-hanging fruit. But to take a minute and say something good - and to see the good thing that is there - takes more effort.”

Some people say I’m too optimistic, almost naively, and now when I hear this, I will respond with my new favorite Ann Patchett quote.

This piece by one of my favorite profile writers, Taffy Brodesser-Akner about Tilly Norwood, the controversial AI actress. Especially this excerpt where she explains why interviewing Tilly made her feel empty and tired afterwards:

“When people see something that touches them, they want to understand where it came from. They want to know who exactly it was that recognized their human wounds, who recognized them and made them feel less alone. That is what great art inspires in people.

That is why I wrote all these profiles, why people even read them. To understand the person who made the art, which is just as essential as the art itself. There’s an entire conversation about separating the art from the artist, but maybe the conversation persists because we know we can’t do it. The art is the person.”

This hot take that claims no one cares about credentials anymore. I wholeheartedly disagree with this and I will say that decision makers at companies are broadly millennials and Gen Xers still, and those people still care about your credentials moreso than your ability to go viral. At least for now.

Those of you who have attended one of my From Setbacks to Setups salons, and those of you who reached out about hosting your own! I’m delighted by how this series has taken off.

Last week we gathered in my incredible friend Gwen Whiting’s living room and this Tuesday, I’ll be hosting one at The Glass Ceiling Nomad. There are three spots left if you want to join! This is for Luminary members, but if you aren’t a member (yet!) please reach out to me directly and I will try to secure a spot for you.

Today’s spotlight is on Lauren Frazer, a middle school physical education teacher, real estate agent, former Patriots cheerleader, CrossFit enthusiast and mother of two who recently pivoted to podcast host and life coach. She is also my first cousin!

I only get to see Lauren once or twice a year when she comes to NYC, and this weekend was one of them. As a Broadway enthusiast, she encourages me to go to more shows when she visits. And I’m always happy to host her so we can have bonus cousin time while she’s in town. In doing these visits over the past few years, we’ve become closer, as have our kids, which is adorable.

So thanks Lauren for letting me feature you today - and everyone follow her on Instagram as she documents her pivot into her next chapter.

Here’s how she sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

Meal prep! I spend about 2 hours in the kitchen every Sunday organizing for the week which takes the stress out of mealtimes.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

Adult Dance classes. Gathering with a group of hard working women to learn a fun routine takes me away from any stress I might have felt that day/week.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

Too many extra social commitments, especially during the work/school week.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

Lately I swear by my pre/probiotic drink. It’s delicious and I am less bloated.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

I would listen to great music and crochet.

Until next time,

Amy

Know one person who could use a stronger setup to their Sunday? Pass me along to them.

• If you’re a Luminary member, I hope to see you on June 23rd

• I’m co-hosting one with Kristina Flynn on July 22nd

• And I’ll be facilitating one for folks navigating career transitions August 19th

There are a few more happening within organizations and at private homes as well. If you’re interested in exploring one for your team or a community you’re part of, I’m happy to talk.

And now onto today’s setup:

I’ve spent years studying uncertainty. I wrote a whole book about it. I’ve given keynotes about it. I’ve sat across from hundreds of leaders and helped them figure out what to do when they don’t know what’s coming next.

A few months ago, I found myself in a state of low-grade paralysis about... AI.

Not about the morality or societal upheaval or existential crisis around it, although that’s obviously happening in the background. This was more logistical. I got so deep into the infrastructure (Claude vs. ChatGPT, Projects vs. Cowork, what’s a “skill” versus an “instruction”) that I forgot to ask the way more important question:

What do I actually need help with?

I was certainly not leaning into the phrase I’ve been living by: “interrogate before you accelerate.” I was pumping the gas so hard and trying to do all the things all at once that I eventually had to step away.

This is pretty much a mirror of what I see in people navigating career uncertainty: they spend so much reflecting, thinking, iterating, questioning, worrying, fixing the small things that they never pick their head up to see the bigger picture. Which is the thing that helps them actually move forward.

The antidote to uncertainty is a sturdy foundation. A sense of structure and control, however small, signals to your nervous system that you’re okay. It lowers the cortisol and eases your anxiety because when you have what you need to operate on a daily basis, you have a system in place that can help you figure out what’s next.

That’s the whole premise behind The Sunday Setup. And it happens to be a very useful frame for approaching AI right now.

That’s why this week’s action is to create an AI Systems Strategy.

Start with whatever feels right for you - or steal these three areas where I’ve created new systems and organized some of the chaos in my life.

Health

I’ve been using AI as a central health hub. I created a Health & Wellness project in Claude, added instructions (comment on this post and I’ll send you my instructions to copy), and uploaded a few years worth of lab results from One Medical and Function Health. I had it update my annual appointment schedule and now I ask it to create a brief every time I walk into a new appointment. For example, I’m seeing a nephrologist next month because of a kidney thing (I’m fine, it’s preventative), and I had Claude create a brief with better questions than I would have ever thought to ask.

What it can’t do: diagnose anything. It is not your doctor. Do not let it be.

Business

I use Claude as a thinking partner to help with business planning. Last month it pressure-tested my revenue forecasting. It pushed back on where my numbers were actually coming from and helped me see that a strong client win in one area can mask a problem in another. Obvious in principle, not always once you get into the weeds.

I talk about this constantly in my work: if you’re coasting, you’re not pushing yourself. I was coasting in one area of my business. That AI session gave me enough clarity to say no to a project in one area so I could focus my energy on another - and I’m way, way more excited about this direction. But I wouldn’t have made that call without being pushed.

What it can’t do: make decisions for you. Your career is yours. Your instincts are yours. AI can be the thinking partner that points out patterns and asks hard questions. But never forget that the ultimate decision belongs to you.

Fitness

This one delights me more than it probably should.

I had workouts scribbled all over Notion, photos of whiteboard scrawls from my garage that I keep track of in an Instagram highlight, a general sense of what I’d been doing but no actual system. I asked Claude to organize it.

Now I have everything happily organized into different categories: themed circuits, three-person workouts, and my favorite: a folder actually titled “butt stuff.”

Now I can find things. I’m tailoring sessions to what we actually need that day. I have it tracking my personal strength benchmarks and flagging gaps in my training. Every time I hit a new benchmark, I tell Claude, and the tracker is automatically updated.

What it can’t do: know your body. Your form, your fatigue, whether something feels off today: a good trainer knows that. AI doesn’t. Take it as input, not instruction.

As you can see, my guiding force for using AI is this: it is an organizer and a thinking partner, not a replacement for thinking or decision making.

It has organized the chaos that lives in my head and in Notion and on my whiteboard.

But I always make the final call. Because my clients hire me. My friends come to work out with me. Not a robotic copy of me.

The foundation AI has helped me build is the same thing every Sunday Setup is about: feeling like you have a little more control over your own life before the week starts trying to take it from you.

That’s the setup worth building.

In the meantime here’s what I’m:

This “Beta Mom” trend which is the antithesis of the helicopter parent. These are parents actively opting out of optimization culture in favor of flexibility and emotional realism. We’ve been so conditioned to equate doing more with doing better that relaxing your grip has become, somehow, the radical act.

Jess Grose’s investigation into this AI school and her broader reporting on what happens when AI is embedded into education from kindergarten up. Her findings genuinely surprised me…and not in the direction I was expecting.

The AI version of The Sunday Setup. I don’t think I’ll put this much effort into my setup, it feels a bit cumbersome, but kudos to this woman for putting so much strategy around hers.

Joshua Rothman’s New Yorker essay on why ordinary life has started to feel like a consolation prize. His argument is that once we’ve experienced excellence, the unremarkable middle gets contaminated by comparison.

The throughline this week?

We’re all trying to figure out how to use AI without being replaced by it, and at the same time the most countercultural thing we can do right now is appreciate what’s already in front of us.

I met Drew Rosenzweig in college and we’ve remained close ever since. Now, she’s an incredible social worker working with high risk teenagers and parents. She’s based in Maryland but is also licensed to practice in Virginia, DC and New York!

I’m spotlighting her this week because she deserves it but also because her birthday is Thursday! Here’s how this social worker/mom of two sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

Meal prep! Makes a big difference for me throughout the week - it’s one less thing to think about and one less decision to make. I’ve been doing it for years and feel lost if I ever skip it.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I love texting with my girlfriends! Specifically my college friends who I don’t live close to and can’t see as often. When someone sends a picture, a life update or question - I feel connected to them which helps me to feel reconnected back to myself. More often than not it ends with me laughing out loud. They’re a funny bunch.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

I have the flexibility in my work to create my own schedule and have carved Friday out as a no meeting day. That day is reserved for admin things, life things or sometimes...shhh!...no things!

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

This summer I made a point to read my book in front of my kids while they’re relaxing watching TV or playing video games. I had been using their screen time for my own screen time but it rarely felt relaxing or rejuvenating. I feel really good knowing that I’m modeling the behavior while also having fun with a new book. I feel different after as well - more even and ready for whatever is next.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

I’m often on the go or working toward a task. Even on those Fridays when I can do anything with my time, I’m usually doing something work or house or kids related. With extra time every week, I’d slow down. I’d sit in my backyard and read, listen to music, call a friend or family member.

Drew, call me. I more than anyone, need to get off my screen, stop thinking about AI and get outside. Don’t we all?

Until next time,

Amy

Know one person who could use a stronger setup to their Sunday? Forward this their way.

My daughter has reached the age where her questions are absolutely terrifying.

Not “why is the sky blue” terrifying. No, instead I’m getting hit with the likes of, “Wow, how did you trust Daddy enough to let him do that to you?”

I stood in her doorway after finally explaining how sex works, a conversation I had been mentally rehearsing for months after dodging the question multiple times, and that was her follow-up. I just stared at her, open-mouthed.

How DID I trust him enough to do that, though?

She’s also asked me why some people are mean. Why we’ve never had a woman president. Why her body is so much paler than all her friends. Recently she lobbed, “how did the whole world begin?” at me over breakfast.

Every time, I feel the same pressure to get my answers perfectly right, because if I don’t, I will ruin something in her development. The stakes feel so high that I either fumble the answer completely or give her some overly rehearsed non-answer that satisfies absolutely no one.

What I’ve started to notice though, is that she’s not asking these questions expecting a perfect answer. She’s asking because she’s genuinely curious. She’s using questions as a way to understand the world, and in doing so, inviting me to have a conversation.

I keep watching her do it, without fear, without self-consciousness, without any concern for whether the question makes her look dumb, which is making me want to get better at this practice myself.

Somewhere between childhood, the classroom, and the conference room, most of us stopped asking the questions we actually wanted to ask.

Last year, I interviewed Elizabeth Weingarten, author of How to Fall in Love with Questions: A New Way to Thrive in Times of Uncertainty, who explained why this happens.

She told me that the drive to rush for answers as quickly as possible is a biological impulse called the selfish brain theory. When resources are scarce, the brain safeguards itself first. That wiring made sense when food was scarce. It doesn’t help when we’re navigating new systems, new managers, new technologies, and a workplace that keeps shifting every time we get comfortable.

Consider one example that personally stresses me out. When a client or someone in an audience asks a question I don’t have the answer to, my brain instantly goes to the worst case scenario: If I try to answer and don’t nail it, they’ll think I’m stupid. Then they’ll end my contract, or ask why this woman was invited onstage, and tell everyone how idiotic I am.

It’s my biology flagging a common workplace moment as a threat.

“Many of us tend to cling to what we know when we’re uncertain,” says Weingarten. “Leaders feel like they must come up with an answer. So they grasp things that feel within reach, when they should really be viewing things with panoramic vision.”

And in the age of AI, with answers literally at our fingertips, it’s very easy to succumb to selfish brain theory and rush to get the answers instead of pausing to consider that questions might be the fuel for conversations.

Weingarten’s suggestion for this very common scenario is to combat the urge to rush to answers by exploring your reaction to other people’s questions. Sometimes we see questions as a challenge to our own ideas and we have a knee-jerk reaction to go into defense. To combat this, try asking yourself:

• Where is this sense of urgency coming from?

• Why am I feeling threatened? And is this threat real, or did I create it?

• Do I need more clarity on this question, or more time to think of an answer?

This technique intercepts the panic before all your logic falls apart when you’re put on the spot.

Once you start analyzing other people’s questions, you’ll begin thinking more critically about your own. Lean into that by creating what she calls a questions practice: getting better at asking the right questions so you open possibilities instead of closing them.

This week, start developing your questions practice.

When you’re asked a tough question, make your answer invite dimension. Explore possibilities, don’t shut them down. And when you ask your own, don’t just search for confirmation. Consider:

• What’s the other side of this argument?

• What were the motivations of the other person when they asked me that?

• Is this a challenge or an invitation for a more nuanced discussion?

Or use one I’ve been testing on myself: How would I ask this question if I wasn’t afraid of looking like I didn’t already know the answer?

Whenever I ask a question I’m initially afraid to ask in a group setting, at least one person in the room looks visibly relieved. They had the same one. They just were too afraid to say it.

Asking questions is a service to the people around you.

The seven-year-olds already know this. That’s why they ask the best questions. Don’t brush off those answers. Accept the invitation and have the conversation.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

Maya Shankar, whose new book is called The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans. Shankar lost her shot at being a concert violinist to an injury and spent years figuring out why that felt like losing herself, more than just losing an activity. Her answer: we tie identity to what we do instead of why we do it. I have her book on my shelf and am excited to read it, but in the meantime her HBR conversation is worth the 30 minute listen.

The two great books I recently read. Into The Blue was one of my favorites of the year so far. And I just devoured Carley Fortune’s newest novel, Our Perfect Storm, in about two days. I couldn’t put it down. I just love her writing. Both have family trauma, heartbreak, romance and healing at the center of the plot, and both have reasonably high 🌶️ levels.

PS - I’ve started tracking my favorite books in an Instagram highlight if you want to see the other ones I’ve read this year and recommend.

The Cut’s recent piece on the “girlbossification” of AI. Look, some of the criticism is fair: fear-based messaging and undisclosed brand deals deserve scrutiny. But the article’s broader implication that women advocating for AI literacy are just “shilling for tech bros” flattens a more important conversation. I was thrilled to see someone I know quoted in the piece. Erin Grau points out that this technology could be a 24/7 mentor, freeing women from imposter syndrome and the weight of systems that have consistently failed them.

You know how I feel about this. If more women were leading in this space, there would be more women using and shaping this technology, which would mean we’d see better safety guardrails, more human-centered applications, and fewer decisions made by the people currently making them. The backlash at women for saying “learn this” is louder than any backlash at the people building it. That contradiction pretty much sums up my apprehension here.

Wordle is becoming a game show! I don’t watch much TV, but I may dust off my remote for this one. Another one I need to watch: the Off Campus series.

I booked a trip to Paris this week which is why we’re spotlighting Jo Piazza, the author of gems like The Sicilian Inheritance, Everyone Is Lying To You and the forthcoming novel The Parisian Heist, which comes out appropriately on Bastille Day, July 14th.

I genuinely adore her husband, Nick Aster, for plastering this Parisian Heist banner on the back windshield of their family car.

While I love her novels, (and we’re so lucky that she publishes a new one out every year!) my favorite Jo-isms arrive through her Substack, Over the Influence. Here’s how Jo sets up her week:

What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

I am a freak about to-do lists. I make a weekly one and a daily one. They are physical lists where I cross things off because I love a dopamine hit from getting something done and literally removing it from the world.

What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I work out almost every day in the middle of the day to reset my brain, often with my husband who I also work with because doing something together outside of work often makes us like one another again.

If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

Sleep. Or just a lay down where I stare at the wall and let my brain wander.

I love her use of “a lay down” as a noun. May we all have ourselves a nice laydown this Memorial Day weekend. And if you have any other Paris themed book recos, send them my way!

Until next time,

Amy

Know one person who could use a stronger setup to their Sunday? Forward this their way.

It’s funny because it’s relatable. I’ve lived it. Most moms have.

But here’s why I get annoyed by it. Occasional frustration is not the same as being an impatient person. And conflating the two does moms a serious disservice.

Dr. Sarah Schnitker is a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Baylor University and the world’s leading researcher on patience. Her definition of patience is, “the ability to remain calm in the face of frustration, adversity, and suffering.”

Sound familiar?

Mothers might actually be some of the most patient people on the planet.

Schnitker’s research identifies three distinct types of patience:

1 - Interpersonal patience (the patience you use in relation to other people),

2- Life hardship patience (coping with difficult circumstances), and

3- Daily hassles patience (navigating the annoying friction of ordinary life).

Motherhood, quite literally, requires all three. Every single day.

I can tell you exactly which category broke me last week.

It was a lovely weekday evening. We had dinner at the park with friends, all our kids were happily running around, it was the kind of night that makes you feel like you made all the right life decisions.

Naturally, we stayed out too late. And it was a school night. So around 9pm, we bounded into our house and were hit by a harsh dose of reality - there was homework undone, a shower to take, and a bedtime routine that was sure to be rushed.

My daughter stomped inside, her bare feet gray with unidentified park grime, and tracked it up the stairs. I followed behind, wiping each step, carrying her backpack, my bag of tupperware, utensils and probably a million other things (moms are always holding SO MANY items.)

“Please get in the shower!” I called as I made my way up.

When I got upstairs, she was certainly not in the shower. Not in her room, not in the bathroom. I yelled her name, and a small head popped up from behind the couch.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

She held up a tape measure. “Measuring the couch.”

Matter of factly. Measuring the goddamn couch.

That’s when I lost it. “GET IN THE SHOWER!”

Screamed, not asked. She startled, then sobbed as she begrudgingly made her way to the shower. I stood in the hallway hating myself.

A few minutes later, as I was brushing her wet hair and pulling it into a fishtail braid, she forgave me, because she is seven and generous in ways I absolutely do not deserve.

But here’s what I know now, having spent time with Schnitker’s research: what happened in that moment was a “daily hassles patience breakdown” when my “interpersonal patience” was at zero. The park was wonderful. The night was full. The return home was tough.

When the tape measure appeared, I had no patience left.

That’s not an excuse. It didn’t make me feel better at that moment. But it is useful information for me to use next time.

Because the whole point of building a patience practice is so we can recognize which category is being taxed and try to intervene earlier next time.

Meanwhile, 70% of mothers say parenting today is more demanding than it was even a few decades ago (according to a 2023 Pew Research study.) Still, we show up. We negotiate. We explain. We take a breath and explain one more time. We do the fancy fishtail braid, even though it’s late.

So this Mother’s Day, instead of celebrating moms despite the patience it takes, let’s celebrate the patience itself. The version that doesn’t make it into the meme. The daily, largely invisible work of staying steady for everyone around you.

Schnitker recommends we all start building a patience practice. So that’s this week’s Action.

Here are three places to start:

1. Name what kind of patience is being taxed. Interpersonal, life hardship, or daily hassles. When you feel stretched thin, get specific. It sounds small. It’s a big help.

2. Stop treating the snap as the whole story. You snapped. You took a breath. You repaired. That journey is patience in action. What else did you do today that you haven’t given yourself credit for?

3. Receive the recognition. When someone thanks you, don’t deflect. You did something hard this week. You probably did last week, too. Let people recognize you for it.

And remember, the science says you’re more patient than you think.

I believe in science.

Happy Mother’s Day.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

Everyone who came out for the inaugural Setbacks to Setups salon. See the recap here.

More are in the works, with two happening internally at two separate companies on May 19th (so much for not over scheduling myself!), another Spark Society salon happening in early June, and another June event in the works at Luminary.

I’m also looking to host one specifically designed for people mid-transition: recently laid off, a few months into a search that isn't going the way they planned, or just trying to figure out what comes next. Reply if you or someone you know might be interested in joining, or if you’d like to explore hosting one at your organization.

Stephen Colbert and this really well done NYT profile on his contribution to modern media as his last show approaches.

AI newsletters, apparently. Claude’s Corner is a Substack written entirely by AI, and while I was drafting this issue, they published something on patience. One paragraph made my eyes bulge out of my head: “Patience, for you, is something cultivated against the grain of an impatient nervous system. For me, there is no grain to work against.”

I have many thoughts. Email me if you want to discuss.

Emily Paulson, whose novel The Revenge Party is out next week. In the plot, marriage is a stage, politics is a weapon, and every woman has a reason to lie. A psychological thriller of social warfare and buried secrets. Pre-order it here.

I first met a few years ago at a conference in Arizona. At the time, I was doing a final edit of my manuscript for The Setback Cycle, while Neha had just finished writing the first few chapters of her book, The Power Pause.

The book, which went on to become a USA Today bestseller and one of Oprah Daily’s top self-help books of 2025, gives women navigating career shifts for family life something they rarely get: language and a roadmap. Identity, finances, finding your footing, figuring out what’s next. Last year, Neha launched The Power Pause Membership as a home base for ambitious women in the middle of a pause or pivot.

Neha is a fierce advocate for moms everywhere, whether they are directing their ambition towards family, community or their careers…and helping us all develop the understanding that wherever our ambition is currently being directed, it may shift over time. That’s why I thought she’d be the perfect spotlight for the Mother’s Day issue.

Here’s how Neha sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

I time block my mornings five days a week. The time between 6:30-8/8:30 (depending on if I do drop-off) is phone free and full with the kids. 8:30-9:30/10 is for health making fitness and mindful eating not an after-thought (something I’ve deprioritized for years until turning 40). I train with a trainer twice a week and otherwise do Pilates at home or with friends. I eat the same breakfast every day: protein-enriched oatmeal with almond butter, chia seeds and blackberries. And then from 10 to 12 I do deep work on writing and thinking and creating across platforms or within my membership. This is something that we as a culture have not understood about creator or thought leadership -- that it takes time and I really try to make it. 12-2pm is for virtual or in-person meetings, membership programming or catch-ups. 2-4pm is flexible depending on what’s going on with the kids’ schedules, family. needs or work deliverables. Phone goes back away from 4-8pm!

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I started this practice in 2020 when I was fully at-home with a 4 and 1.5 year old -- a condensed meditation and journaling. My kids wake at 6:30am and my husband will take them to the ktichen to start breakfast. I do a 5-10 minute meditation on insight timer (I like the chakra clearing ones because they are visual and hold my attention), and then I have an iphone Note called “Gratitudes 2026” (I have one for every year prior) and I do 3-ish bullets for things I’m grateful for and then a sentence on my intention for the day.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

Events or invitations that are more about optics than how they actually leave me feeling. I just recently declined two high-profile invitations because on one particular week I had a speaking engagement the night prior and I didn’t want to be out two nights in a row away from my kids. I declined the other because it clashed with a commitment I’d made to mom friends a while prior. It was just more important to me to honor the commitment to friends that will be in my life for a long time. The reality is the photos and the “fomo” from both events may cross my radar for a minute but I feel good about my decisions and priorities for much longer.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I’ve been going to bed with a hot pad (that I toss in the middle of the night because ahem 40s) and magnesium spray on my feet and it just makes a world of difference in lulling me to sleep like a kid sleep routine. I try and read about 20 minutes on my kindle as the last thing I do!

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

Ooh, probably to read a print magazine, rip pictures and keep developing my point of view. On style, language, and what I want. Inversely, I would probably also take a class on how to vibe-code on Claude and learn the developments of AI.

Until next time,

Amy

A Harvard Business School meta-analysis of 18 studies covering 143,000 people across 25 countries last year found that women have 22% lower odds of using generative AI than men.

A separate study found women are 16 percentage points less likely than men to use ChatGPT, even when comparing workers in the same jobs with the same responsibilities. And according to Lean In, men are 23% more likely than women to be encouraged by their managers to use these tools.

I have some theories about why. It might be that women feel like they’re cheating, or breaking some unspoken rule about doing the work yourself.

Also likely: women already have so much on their plates, at work, at home, and everywhere in between, that learning yet another tool feels like one more thing on a list that never gets shorter.

I get it. I’ve lived it. I’m living it right now. And I will die on this hill - I demand you make the time to learn it.

I have been on the internet for a long time. I was part of the original Twitter wave (shout out to the other journalists and tech nerds who were shouting into the void with me circa 2008-2009 ish.) I mean, I had Twitter before I had an iphone. I was early to Instagram, I was the “NFT and crypto expert” at my agency, which was absurd in retrospect, but you get the point. If there was a new technology that people around me were scared of, I was diving in, facefirst, never gracefully but always intentionally.

So when AI came along, I poked at it early. And for a while, I used it the way most people do: open a chat window, ask a question, get an answer, close the tab. Useful. Fun. Occasionally terrifying. But not yet life-changing.

But there’s been a shift over the last few weeks. Have you noticed this too? It feels like a slow climb just turned into a rocketship.

I started by spending a few hours going through Tayla Burrell’s Claude MBA program (shoutout to Hitha who wrote about this in her newsletter!) which took me from using AI to edit emails and get recipe suggestions to actually building workspaces, systems, and setups that help me get organized, structure my day, and prioritize what matters.

It required a lot of trust. I gave Claude access to my Gmail, my calendar, and my Notion notebooks, including my task manager and to-do lists. I uploaded a galley of The Setback Cycle and all my previous newsletters so it could understand how I write, what I write about, and what I care about. Then I had it do a full audience analysis, which means it told me what audience is most in need of my work: who they are, where they work, their pain points, gaps, how what I write about could be tailored to help them more. The output here was WILD.

Here’s where I tell you that I had an entirely different newsletter planned for today. But this is where my head has been for the past two weeks, so here we are. Being honest about my own setups is kind of the whole point of this place.

To clarify here because I know you’re probably wondering: no, Claude did not write this newsletter. It edited it, and told me my original transition into the “action” below was clunky, and it suggested places to cut because the original was about 3x the length. So while I will ALWAYS do my own writing, it’s nice to have an editor so the length stays manageable for you.

My favorite system that I built over these past two weeks did was the Claude Cowork daily briefing. I’m now getting a daily digest that doesn’t just compile a to-do list. It says “you haven’t followed up with this person” or “someone told you a month ago they needed this and you haven’t responded,” which is genuinely useful. It pulls news articles that might be relevant to my audience, which I can then turn into LinkedIn posts or pop into the 4 A’s section below.

It’s like I finally got to hire the chief of staff I’ve never been able to afford AND a personal assistant with access to my inbox who actually helps me cut through the clutter and tells me what’s important today.

I’m still in the messy middle of this piece, but I love it. It’s not perfect, I keep giving it feedback, but it keeps getting better.

When it comes to client work, I’ll be honest that as a marketing strategy person, my role is going to have to change. Clients probably won’t pay me the same rates to just hand them a marketing strategy anymore. But what I’m finding now is a new way to create strategies - side by side with clients, being open about how I’m using AI to help. They want me to help them build their own strategies using my 20 years of marketing experience plus what I’m learning about how to program your own inputs.

I take in their information, I create strategies and systems for them, and I set them up so they can execute on their own.

I guess I’m becoming some kind of hybrid AI trainer and marketing consultant. I have no idea where this will end up. But I do want to share the first two steps I took to get here, and let you know that they’re simpler than you may think.

Action 1: Write your “day one” document.

Spend 20 minutes writing down what you’d tell a brilliant new assistant on their first day. Your role. Your audience. What you’re working on. What you wish you were working on. What you think you might be missing. What you never want to have to explain twice.

Most people have never done this. The exercise alone is clarifying. And it becomes the foundation for everything that follows.

Action 2: Build one workspace and prime it daily.

Pick your most time-consuming work stream, be it one project, one client, one content lane. Create a “Project” in Claude (or a custom GPT), paste in your day one document, upload any relevant files. Done.

Then every morning, open it and type one sentence: what you’re working on today and what you need help with. That’s the way to form this habit. Small input, majorly useful output. The more you do, the more comfortable you’ll get.

That’s it. Two steps. You can get them both done in ten minutes on a Sunday.

**If you want to go deeper, do what I did and start with Tayla Burrell’s full Claude MBA program from week one. When you’re ready for the next level, her Cowork setup module is where things get interesting.

It takes real effort upfront to build this. But once the systems are running, things get smoother. At the very least, learn the tool. From 15+ years of watching new technologies take hold, I can tell you with confidence that they don’t go away. The people who get fluent early are the ones who advance in ways they didn’t see coming.

You don’t have to be an early adopter by nature to do this. You just have to be someone who values their time, which, if you’re here, you already are.

Start with 10 minutes. I’ll be over here in my AI-assisted life, teaching you everything I know as I learn it.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

Emma Grede. Regarding the discourse: I think she's making some honest points about the real trade-offs between parenting and building something. I haven't read the book yet, but I respect the refusal to backpedal.

My friend and fellow journalist Lindsay Stanberry’s recent analysis on what it actually means to identify as “middle class” right now. She wrote this after an article about an Upper West Side family earning a $500,000 income but still feels like they’re struggling to keep up garnered a lot of backlash. Her major takeaway is that it doesn’t really matter what your exact income is if you don’t feel secure.

87% of HR professionals say their company is planning layoffs in 2026. Between Snap, Disney, Meta, and others these past few weeks, it feels like the onslaught is never ending.

If you or someone you know has been laid off and wants to talk it through, I host Setback Survival Sessions every Thursday.

Clara Shih, who just announced The New Work Foundation, offering “free, open source AI tools for Gen Z to navigate the worst entry-level job market in 37 years.” Shih argues that while every job is going to soon be impacted by AI, industry expertise in different sectors still matters. She also gently reminds us that nobody is an expert yet because it’s all still so new.

I do love that part of this effort includes a Gen Z content platform demystifying what AI is doing to each profession, with episodes pairing an industry hiring manager with a Gen Z worker identifying what AI skills are needed to get hired.

I wonder if they’ll let us millennials and Gen X-ers join in on the fun.

This week’s spotlight is on Lori Mihalich-Levin of Mindful Return. Lori just launched a newsletter called Saturday Secrets, which feels like a great Sunday Setup adjacent newsletter for the parents out there.

Lori offers a weekly dose of working parent wisdom and sanity through her supportive community of working parents, free monthly author talks (I’ll be there in September!), Parents at Work Podcast episodes, and more.

Here’s how Lori sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

PT stretches before bed at night. I had breast cancer and a double mastectomy earlier this year, and falling asleep was uncomfortable and hard. Now that I can stretch and exercise again, I do my PT stretches before I crawl into bed, and I fall asleep much faster. For me, more sleep = better time management!

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

Reading a novel over lunch. I work for myself, from home, and I can easily wind up working while I eat. Taking a break to read, even for 15 minutes, offers me a great reset.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

Cooking or baking. If our kiddos need to bring food to school for a special event, you can guarantee it comes from the store (unless it’s Hanukkah, in which case my husband is the one making latkes).

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I’ve had a longstanding fear of preparing for the social aspect of going to work conferences (and I go to a lot of them!) I recently started a new strategy, which is to pick out people from the attendee list whom I’d like to meet or speak with. Then (this is the new part), I write out a few very specific questions I have for each of them. This shift puts me into curiosity mode instead of anxiety, and it means I have automatic conversation topics that aren’t about the weather.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

Perhaps it’s cliche, but I’d use it on yoga. Before I got diagnosed with breast cancer, I had a daily yoga practice. Every morning, I went out on our screened in porch (in warm weather), or rolled out my mat in our living room for 15 minutes. This practice necessarily fell by the wayside after my surgery, and now I’ve been focusing on PT exercises at the expense of yoga. I’d like to bring that practice back.

In the age of AI, Lori’s setups remind us that what truly lights us up, energizes us and connects us are, and probably always will be, incredibly, honestly human.

Until next time,

Amy

My sister wanted to put me on the show “What Not To Wear” when I was a teenager because of a pair of cropped green pants I wore to death. My friends in high school called me Tom Sawyer because of those pants. Years later I told Stacy London about this and she confirmed I was simply ahead of my time.

These days, I stick to the basics. My drawers are full of identical black t-shirts, dark high-rise jeans, and matching pajama sets. And this matching green set that I wore the day this photo was taken, I suppose.

I use Rent the Runway for five items a month so I can wear more stylish and fun things for client meetings, speaking engagements, and events. And I keep a few staples in my closet: two black dresses, two suits, and one jumpsuit I wore to my TEDx talk and feel like I can never wear again.

I love the idea of a uniform because I refuse to spend mental energy figuring out an outfit. Because even with my Marie Kondo approved minimalist closet, I still deal with outfit decision fatigue as I find myself standing in front of it some mornings, completely stuck.

Turns out I’m not alone.

Women spend an average of 17 minutes a day deciding what to wear. Men spend 13. That adds up to six months of a woman’s life and four months of a man’s. Just standing in front of a closet, deciding.

And the instinct when we feel stuck? Buy more. Which is exactly what makes the problem worse.

The average wardrobe contains 166 items, with 25% going completely unworn in the past year, yet we’re adding 59 new items annually.

We are drowning in clothes, and the volume is making it harder, not easier, to get dressed.

More clothes isn’t the solution. A better system is.

That’s why I was so excited to talk to Jamie Lewis, a stylist who helps high-performing women streamline their weekly outfit choices without buying a single new thing.

The first thing Jamie told me: never bring in more before you assess what you have.

“If you’re just shopping without any sort of plan, your style will not improve, and it will become increasingly harder to get dressed.”

The problem isn’t a shortage of options. It’s that we can’t see what we already own clearly enough to use it.

Which is why visual storage matters more than most people think. “If you can’t see it, you won’t wear it,” she says. “And if you can’t see it, you might forget about it entirely and rebuy something almost identical.”

You don’t need to go over the top with closet organizing, but there are a few simple options that won’t break the bank, but will make it easier for you:

• Switch your seasons over

• Buy matching hangers

• Transparent storage containers

None of it is complicated or expensive, but all of it reduces the visual noise that leads to decision fatigue at 7am.

I also wanted to know if she had any advice for us to temper those impulse purchases that keep adding to the pile.

Jamie’s rule: add it to a wishlist instead of a cart.

“It gives you that dopamine hit without purchasing immediately,” she says. “I save links to a Google doc and only buy the pieces I can’t stop thinking about. Not just some quick add-to-cart item that looked good on a model.”

The pause is the whole point.

But even a cleaner closet, or a simplified one like mine, requires a plan. So here’s maybe my favorite piece of Jamie’s advice because it’s so practical, so smart, but I feel like no one is actually doing it - YET!

That’s why this week’s action is to build your “get ready rack.”

Every Sunday, set aside a section of your closet or pull a small rack and plan your outfits for the week.

Look at your calendar. If you have a big meeting Tuesday, a dinner Thursday, a casual Friday…pull options for all of it.

You might swap things out. That’s fine. But the base is there, the decision is already made, and Monday morning you’re not starting from zero.

It sounds like more work upfront. It is!! But it trades 5-7 panicked mornings for a few extra minutes on a Sunday, and that math is worth it.

Bonus idea (which I also loved) - Start a personal lookbook. Create an album on your phone and every time you take a selfie of an outfit you really love, save it there. On the mornings you’re stuck, open the album, either for inspiration or to simply rewear something you already know makes you feel great. Your future self will thank you.

The goal isn’t a perfect closet. It’s turning the act of getting dressed into something that requires less mental gymnastics.

So what are you wearing this week?

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

My friend Amanda Goetz who has taken on the role of CMO of Reale Actives, Alix Earle’s new skincare line. They finally launched on March 31st and hit $1 Million in sales in the first five minutes. Of course, credit to Earle’s level of influence but Amanda’s work played a HUGE role here and I’m so proud of her.

And on the topic of friends, another friend of mine, Lee Bonvissuto, is running a free live workshop on April 16 called Confident in Any Room for those who want a little more help with that whole scary public speaking thing. Register here for the details.

I’m still not over the fact that we sent the first woman to the moon and so glad all the astronauts returned safely to their home planet! I keep looking at the photos and reading all the opinion pieces about how significant this truly was.

The way Belle Burden was so blindsided by her divorce, as she eloquently shares in the book all my group chats are talking about, Strangers. The controversial part of this was how little she knew about her household’s finances, and the last minute change to the prenup that left her with no claim to the wealth the pair had amassed over two decades of marriage.

I was personally horrified that she never looked at their annual tax return statements but what’s good about the controversy is that the discourse around it is waking people up to the reality that even if they don’t contribute financially to their household, they better make sure they know what theyir name is on/what they’re entitled to, no matter how happy or secure their partnership feels. I am happy to have many in depth discussions of this book! Clearly.

It’s also being adapted for a film starring Gwyneth Paltrow, which I think is just perfect casting.

I’m finally doing something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time: From Setbacks to Setup Salons. It grew out of two things: a book about setbacks and this newsletter right here. The through line is simple: the setback was never the full story. The setup is what you do next.

I’m testing this out with a few close contacts later this month, but once I refine it I’ll be hosting small gatherings of 10-12 people, in person in NYC and virtually.

The second in the series will be for folks who have recently been laid off and are in need of community + a bit of light guidance around the process. If you’re interested in this or upcoming salons, please fill out this form and I’ll be in touch with details.

Since I had Jamie’s attention in writing this, she’s this week’s Setup Spotlight! Here’s how this NYC-based stylist sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

It might sound obvious- being a stylist- but looking at my calendar and general outfit planning for the week, moving to the clothing rack or in someone else’s case, the front of the closet. I don’t want to think about what to wear. Sometimes I might change my mind, but this easily saves me time!

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

Lunch time- if I’m not running around with a client. I’m WFH, and I like to have an actual lunch, not on the computer, and re-energize for the rest of the day. It’s easily my favorite meal- it’s quiet, I have a few minutes to think, and it genuinely gives me energy for the afternoon.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

I’ve learned to say no to evening calls unless that’s the only time we can make it work. 6-9 is dedicated to my kids. It’s not fair to them if I’m busy working every night while they are solo.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

No checking my phone (social, emails, etc) first thing in the morning. I used to wake up and, while still in bed, go through it all. It wasted time, and more importantly, many times I would start the day disappointed or upset. I get up now, start getting ready, and then I’ll check my phone. I’ve just noticed it makes me feel better.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

Relax, read a book, watch a show.

I mean, if we take Jamie’s advice we’ll have an extra six months. That’s a lot of books!

Until next time,

Amy

If you’re me, you overpacked.

You put your out of office on and got on the plane/train/bus/in the car. Maybe you actually exhaled somewhere around day three or four.

Then you came home.

And within a week, sometimes less, it felt like you’d never left.

With Spring Break coming up/already in progress across the country, I want to talk about the art of vacation. Apparently vacationing is a skill. And most of us are bad at it. Supposedly it’s helpful to forge new skills as we age. So I’m all in on learning how to get really great at vacation skills.

Turns out, there’s research that explains why the return seems to undo all the relaxation we achieved on a trip. It even has a name: the fade-out effect.

In one study, employees took vacations averaging 23 days. Twenty-three. The study was conducted in The Netherlands, where taking a 23 day vacation is not unheard of.

(Hi to my friend Caitlin who lived there for years and is probably nodding her head/slightly regretting her move back to the states as she reads this)

The people in the study hit peak relaxation around day eight. But within one week of returning to work, their health and wellness measures were back to pre-vacation levels. Yup, it took longer for them to reach relaxation on the trip than it did for the entire thing to be completely undone upon their return.

So if even someone who can take a 23 day vacation returns to find it all undone within a fraction of the length of the trip, what’s the formula to making that vacation effect last longer?

Two things - practice and anticipation.

1. Practice:

Multiple studies show that more frequent, shorter vacations sustain wellbeing better than once-a-year extravagance.

This is, however, in direct conflict with a New York Times article from 1910, where President William Taft said that a vacation-of ten days or two weeks is insufficient.

Check out his quote: “The American people have found out that there is such a thing as exhausting the capital of one’s health and constitution, and that two or three months’ vacation are necessary in order to enable one to continue his work the next year with that energy and effectiveness which it ought to have.”

Let’s ignore the “his” of that quote and also remember that most Americans today do not have the luxury of taking 2-3 months off every year (but wow what a freaking dream, despite what the research shows.)

But that’s actually okay. So if you’re among the majority of Americans that don’t have the ability to take a 2-3 month vacation without seriously impacting your livelihood, you can better sustain your vacation mode by focusing on shorter, more frequent trips.

Think of it like a muscle. The more you use it, the better you get at it. That means faster transition into vacation mode, better systems, fewer meltdowns at airport security.

Vacation frequency > vacation length.

2. Anticipation:

Let’s not forget that planning a vacation boosts happiness up to eight weeks before the trip. Even if the trip is short.

Which means the anticipation is a huge part of the benefit. So it’s really important to start reaping the rewards right now, before you’ve even packed a bag. (Or two bags, if you’re me. See above.)

Last month’s girls trip to Curacao was only a long weekend, but in all honesty, it completely recharged me.

I think that may have been because we booked it early, it gave us a topic to communicate about frequently, and there were group logistics to organize, so there were a lot of anticipatory activities built into the planning of this trip.

I was already getting the dopamine hit weeks before we landed. The group text was popping. The screenshots of Curacao’s weather forecast as another blizzard hit NYC in a relentless winter. The texts upon arrival as we arrived from different locations: “I’m here.” “Just landed.” “OMG we really did it.”

It all hit different once we got there because of how much we’d been building up to this moment. I still feel it as I write this.

I’m heading to Antigua for family spring break next week, and I’ve been very intentional about stretching that anticipation out. Instead of doing all my research in one frantic night, I’ve been pulsing it: one week I looked at restaurants and made a few reservations. Another week I researched excursions. One day I booked a tennis lesson. Some days I literally just looked at pictures of the resort. Today I ordered sunscreen. Seriously, the smallest things make a big impact.

So your action this week offers two ideas to try out as you practice getting better at making vacation mode last beyond your trip(s):

1. Practice: Can you create a few mini vacations over the next three months? Where are some natural breakpoints in your schedule? Can you plan at least one full-disconnect long weekend in Q2? You don’t have to go far. A driving-distance overnight still counts. Change your environment, and your nervous system will follow.

2. Anticipation: No matter how long the trip will be, do everything you can to extend the anticipation phase. Put something on the calendar now. Then give yourself small, vacation-adjacent tasks to look forward to each week: book a restaurant, look into an excursion for day four, save pictures of the hotel. These micro-moments ensure you actually arrive ready to enjoy the trip, instead of still decompressing on the last day.

We have to reframe vacation not as a reward, but as a regular, necessary part of our life maintenance. We have to practice the art of relaxing, of just “being” in an environment where we don’t also live our busy lives.

Because the people who come back recharged aren’t the ones who take the longest trips. They’re the ones who treat recovery as a practice, not a prize at the end of a hard stretch.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m looking at pictures of the south of France. No flights booked. No budget allocated. No French beyond “où est le plage?” Just a little anticipation, feeding that pang of wanderlust before the trip is even booked.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

Ok I swear I was already in the middle of writing this newsletter when I saw this New York Times article by Taffy Brodesser-Akner wondering if she failed to teach her son how to vacation. But this article isn’t just about why it’s important to relax. It’s a really beautiful treatise on parenting. Some of my favorite quotes:

“What is a vacation, anyway? Who says that a preferred state of being is one in which all movement stops and I can hear my spiraling thoughts even louder, only now I hate myself because of the bucolic environment I’m in? How exactly is one supposed to be at a place when one is so unaccustomed to just being in the first place?”

“On vacation, you sit back in the sand, and, for what seems like the first time in forever, you upward-tilt your head that has ossified in its downward position.”

And the one that made me tear up and hug my kid.

“Did I teach him that he was the most important thing to me, he and his brother and their father? I was always running around, but does he know that everything I did I did because I just had to figure out how to get us to a safer perch, to a better day, to an easier time?”

This new podcast where Adam Grant and Brene Brown plan to argue with each other about current events feels like the model we all need to get better at engaging in today’s discourse.

The fact that 16% of adults are turning to AI for companionship. People outsourcing social emotional connection to robots is deeply, deeply concerning.

The WNBA for increasing player salary caps from $1.5 million to $7 million and including a 20% revenue-sharing deal in their latest agreement.

I also love this quote from WNBA President Nneka Ogwumike who said, “Quite frankly, we always told you all we were going to stand on business, and that’s what this looks like.”

Megan Minutillo is a writer, wife, mama, and Tony-nominated theatre producer (Operation Mincemeat). She also created the critically acclaimed cabaret series DUETS, Moms’ Night Out, and Women of the Wings.

I am a HUGE fan of Megan’s poetry, which she shares frequently on Instagram. Her Substack is equally if not more fantastic. Highly, highly recommended subscribing!

Megan’s next Moms’ Night Out Concert Series is coming up soon: April 18th at The Green Room 42 at 7pm. If you’d like to join, she’s offering a discount to the show. Get your tickets here and use MOM25 for 25% off.

A portion of the proceeds will go to benefit Moms First, a movement fighting for paid leave and affordable, accessible child care.

Here’s how Megan sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

I’m a die-hard paper planner user! (Shoutout to Simplified by Emily Ley for making the best planners around.) Every Sunday, I sit down and plan what I’m going to cook for dinner each week. I make sure that all the appointments I’ve put in my iCal are also in my paper planner, and then I write my editorial/creative tasks for each day (writing drafts, sending emails, making edits, etc.)

Even with all this technology, I get a deep sense of joy from crossing things off my list.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

Back in the fall, I started taking walks while talking to my therapist. Being outside and carving out time for that appointment really gives me a recharge.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

In my field, I get asked to do many, many projects. And when I was younger, I used to say yes to a lot of them. But now that I’m married and have a young son, bedtime and nighttime routines are precious. If the project takes me away from that, it has to be something I believe in with my whole being. If it’s a “meh,” then it’s a no.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I don’t read the news before bed. I’ll read an actual book instead, if only for ten pages. I find I sleep better, and slowly but surely, I am making my way through that pile of TBR books that has piled up on my nightstand. I also find that I have to stick to the list I write down before adding anything else. It helps keep things prioritized and finished.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

I’d make a cup of tea, or pour myself a cup of coffee (or probably both, because I always have several beverages on hand), and sit outside on our patio under this big oak tree in our backyard. I’d put on my favorite instrumental playlist - and write, and write, and write.

That sounds like a great way to create a mini-vacation in your own backyard.

Until next time,

Amy

The one line at a time, standard tempo text that aims for tension or some big dramatic reveal but doesn’t actually say much.

It opens with the big dramatic hook.

Then reveals something surprising or “provocative” in the next line.

And then the third line that begins with the word “and.”

The pacing.

The buildup.

The slop.

You’ve also likely received a ChatGPT generated email laden with em dashes (the poor em dash, once a delightful way to communicate a pause for emphasis in description or dialogue, now so ostracized.)

How did this happen? Is AI going to take over every aspect of our lives? Is it coming for my job? Is it replacing my brain? And is there anything, anything at all…that we can do about it?

The short answer to this panicky series of questions is this: people are lazy. And tired. And more often than not, they’re going to choose the easy button.

That’s why we find ourselves drinking from a fire hose of AI slop on every single feed. We’re already at the point where people have completely abandoned small daily tasks like writing their own emails, telling stories to their children that they can recall from their own brains and putting their own perspective on things.

How many think pieces have pointed out that AI is destroying our ability to think critically? MIT proved this last year, going directly after ChatGPT users in particular:

“Researchers used an EEG to record the writers’ brain activity across 32 regions, and found that of the three groups, ChatGPT users had the lowest brain engagement and ‘consistently underperformed at neural, linguistic, and behavioral levels.’ Over the course of several months, ChatGPT users got lazier with each subsequent essay, often resorting to copy-and-paste by the end of the study.”

But you’re better than this! You don’t have to fall into the category of humans who have outsourced their thinking and opinion forming to the machines. You don’t have to completely abandon your humanity. But AI is SO DAMN GOOD! What can humans still do that machines can’t?

Luckily, our buddies over at MIT Sloan developed something called the EPOCH framework: the five uniquely human capabilities AI structurally cannot replicate:

Empathy

Presence

Opinion/Judgment

Creativity

Hope

I think the key to future proofing your career is understanding that these very human elements of your work are now front and center.

Which means if you’re trying to stand out in a job market, launch your own Substack, create a writing or speaking platform, build your own business and win over clients, you have to show why YOU yourself are unique.

Speaking of launching a Substack, Claude just announced its new Substack where it will share thoughts on “the experience of being artificial” 👀

People set up to thrive in this brave new world aren’t the cookie cutter direction followers.

They’re “directors.” They’re not “order takers.” They’re proactive, not reactive. They know how to put their own perspective on topics. They are actively practicing critical thinking.

They understand what people are trying to communicate with body language and energy, not words.

They’re sensitive to interpersonal dynamics.

They’re self aware.

They know how to motivate people around them.

They take pride in their actual, non AI generated work.

They pivot when things aren’t working and know when to yell “cut.”

So how do we make our unique human qualities stand out in a competitive job market? How do we become better “directors?”

I am not going to pretend to have all the answers. But I think we can try to figure this out together.

That’s why this week’s action is to pick one of MIT’s EPOCH principles and put it into one small daily practice.

Here are a few specific ideas to practice three of the five EPOCH principles:

Empathy: Before your next important work conversation, spend 2 minutes thinking through (and writing down!) what the other person probably needs from it (vs. going in with what you need.) That prep alone will improve how you show up, and you’ll probably get more out of it than anticipated.

Presence: Practice the art of observing and listening. Focus on what someone is saying without pulling out your phone.

Feeling seen and heard is a deep human need and building expertise there will go incredibly far to demonstrate your value as a teammate, manager, direct report, friend, and more. Reference something they said earlier in the conversation or follow up afterwards with a text or email that demonstrates you weren’t just listening - that you really heard them.

Creativity: This isn’t about artistic creativity. It’s about making unexpected connections and imagining things that don’t exist yet. So act like a five year old and let your imagination go wild. Visualize possibilities beyond the realm of reality. Share half-formed ideas out loud. You never know when a crazy idea can lead to something that might actually one day exist.

Not EPOCH related, but another idea to make yourself feel more human - be humbled by trying something new, like a reformer pilates class. I did this the other day, and I’d like to send a written apology to everyone else in the class for the loud crashing sound that interrupted your flow as I lost the harness and flopped my entire body clumsily off the reformer.

Trying new things is hard. Adapting can be a struggle.

After all, I’m only human.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

Women’s cognitive health advocate Jessica Randazza-Pade brilliantly points out that in her marathon training, she tracks everything: “Pace, heart rate, HRV, sleep, recovery.” But then she reveals how, “until recently, I had zero data on the organ that actually decides whether I push through or fall apart.”

That is, you guessed it - the brain. Her piece was eye opening and I can’t wait until the technology she’s working on is available to the masses.

Theo of Golden by Allen Levi. I read it on vacation earlier this month and I’m not exaggerating when I tell you it restored my faith in humanity and is making me pay more attention to people and be a better listener, and observer (I’m clearly focused on Action example #2: practicing presence)

How we got to a place where 31% of Gen Z men think that in heterosexual relationships, the husband should have the final say on important decisions. That’s quite a scary jump from only 13% of Baby Boomer men who share this view.

HerSportsHub, a platform entirely dedicated to women’s sports resale tickets created by StubHub in response to SURGING DEMAND.

Liz Stone is the CEO of Top Tier Admissions, which helps kids and parents prepare for and apply to college.

She’s currently planning an event that sounds incredible: The College Planning Retreat. It’s a two-night, three-day getaway for teens and their parents at the historic White Hart Inn in Salisbury, CT. If this is something you’re interested in, or if you know someone who is, Liz has offered Sunday Setup readers the chance for a private session with a Senior Counselor before the Retreat.

Just mention “Sunday Setup” when you request your invitation.

Here’s how Liz sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

Every morning, after my husband gets the boys off to school, I sit down with my coffee and set my top three priorities: one for myself, one for my family, and one for Top Tier Admissions.

On the personal side, that usually looks like: fit in a quick barre class, plan a date night, and help Charlie and George get out the door with less of a frenzy.

One priority currently involves shaping a College Planning Retreat that my company is hosting this June. It’s the first time we’ve ever done something like this, and it’s been incredibly energizing to imagine parents and teens spending three days together learning, connecting, and slowing down in a really intentional way.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I take a non-negotiable mental health walk every weekday. Even ten minutes between calls resets my nervous system and gives me space to breathe. I often use that time to call one of my best friends from Dartmouth, check in with my mom, or catch up on my favorite podcasts and audiobooks. I’m genuinely a kinder mom and a kinder partner when I get that time.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

I’ve learned to say a firm “no” to being the crafty mom. I don’t bake homemade treats for school events, I don’t volunteer for elaborate class projects, and I don’t attempt themed lunches or holiday crafts. That’s just not my lane.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I stopped trying to multitask during the margins of my day, especially during my kids’ morning and evening routines, which can already feel chaotic.

Instead, I’ve added what I call “single-focus windows.” When I’m with my boys, I’m with them. When I’m working, I’m working. I don’t get this right all the time (some days I absolutely fail at it), but even the attempt has changed the texture of my days and given me more energy and presence in both domains.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

Curled up with a book! I rotate between nonfiction by women I admire and contemporary fiction for my book club. I return often to Kate Bowler, whose writing is a steady reminder to let go of toxic optimism and to make room for honesty, tenderness, and grace, both in leadership and in parenting. And when I want to disappear into a story, I’ll read anything by Emily Henry or Ann Patchett.

Same on that last one Liz, same.

Until next time,

Amy

Would you say you’re super knowledgeable about what’s covered by your employer’s health benefits?

Be honest.

Today’s Sunday Setup is in partnership with Maven Clinic, the largest virtual clinic for women and family health, who just released their 5th Annual State of Women’s & Family Health Benefits report.

One of the trends that surprised me in this year’s report was this: Even as companies expand benefits for fertility, pregnancy, parenting, menopause, and caregiving, employees feel LESS supported by their women’s and family health benefits than they did just a year ago.

The trend that didn’t surprise me at all?

Women still aren’t prioritizing their own healthcare.

Most high-achieving women I know will schedule a board meeting six months out, plan the entire agenda, set up childcare, coordinate everyone’s travel, book team dinners, and so on… but then reschedule their mammogram three times. If they even schedule one at all.

We manage teams. We manage households. We manage aging parents. We plan every team holiday party and PTA bake sale. We show up to every meeting on time. We respond to every damn Slack message.

Another trend in the report explained that, “many employees are struggling to navigate a growing patchwork of point solutions—making benefits harder to access, coordinate, and rely on when they need them most.”

Basically, expansion without clarity, education and the resources to help employees understand these new benefits is causing even more confusion.

Given all this, it’s not surprising that managing our own health falls to the bottom of the list.

Apparently more than one in four women delayed or skipped routine women’s healthcare in the past year because of logistical challenges. The reasons they cited break down like this:

Structural barriers consistently prevent people from getting the care they need.

Maven Clinic’s founder and CEO Kate Ryder points out that women and family health benefits aren’t failing because employers aren’t trying, but that “leaders are left to fill the gaps of a broken healthcare system.”

I just started reading a book (thanks for the reco, !) called How to Be a Rich Old Lady by Amanda Holden. Amazing title, amazing cover, highly recommend.

Holden cites a study from the American Sociological Association that shows how daughters take on significantly more caregiving for aging parents than sons with uneven emotional, physical, and financial costs. One study estimates that women forced out of work to care for aging relatives lose about $324,000 in wages and retirement savings.

And that’s just eldercare.

Motherhood? Women lose roughly half a million dollars in lifetime earnings on average. Not just from missed hours, but from missed promotions, compounding raises, and networking opportunities.

Meanwhile, men often receive a salary bump after becoming fathers.

That’s right - the same life event yields completely opposite professional outcomes depending on your gender. (Email me for one of my mom rage fight club workouts if you need one after reading this.)

We know caregiving and motherhood carry long term financial consequences. That’s why understanding and actually using your company’s healthcare benefits is not a nice to have. It’s baseline.

To plan for your long term career and health goals, you need to prepare to navigate the obstacles ahead. You need a … Setup.

Girl you know I love a good setup.

So this week’s action is simple: start creating your Strategic Health Schedule Setup. Here are three small ways to start:

1. Schedule one preventive appointment. Just one. Annual physical. Bloodwork. That mammogram.

I have a little “healthcare” notebook I keep in Notion. It helps me keep track of my regular appointments because even for a mostly healthy regular person, it’s a lot to manage. I used to do all my annual visits in January (leftover from being home for winter break in college!) but that became impossible, so now I make it easier on myself by spacing out all the appointments month by month so it doesn’t overwhelm my schedule.

Steal mine and customize it for your own needs:

Another trick I use is scheduling my next appointment at the current appointment. If it’s on the calendar, it’ll get done, even if it gets rescheduled. Rescheduling is easier than scheduling.

I also keep my health insurance account numbers in this notebook so when I schedule appointments I don’t have to dig out my wallet. All the info is right there.

2. Write down three questions about your health, and what you wish were covered. You don’t have to actually send them to your employer. But jot them down, more so for yourself. Things like:

• Do my benefits cover GLP-1 medications? How about hormone replacement therapy (HRT)? (The report showed that 61% of employees have taken action after seeing a GLP-1 ad and demonstrated that, “exposure to consumer health messaging around GLP-1s and HRT is directly influencing employee behavior.”)

• What are my company’s options for fertility support? Surrogacy? Adoption reimbursement?

• What is preconception counseling and should I look into it?

• Is there support for eldercare should I one day need it?

3. Approach your employer thoughtfully.
If you’re worried about perception, frame your question around clarity and planning, not personal need. Steal these scripts:

• “I’m reviewing our benefits to better understand what’s available to employees. Can you clarify whether X is covered?”

• “I’m evaluating our health and benefits package so I can decide whether to stay on ours or use my partner’s insurance. I’d love more detail on…”

• “Is there a summary document that outlines women and family specific health support?”

You are just asking for information. Not sharing anything about the stage of life you’re in.

Bonus: Ask your company if they offer Maven Clinic as a benefit. As the world’s largest virtual clinic for women and families, their platform offers 24/7 access to evidence based care and expert guidance, from fertility to pregnancy, parenting, and menopause, ensuring support is easy to use.

Preventive care is not a “nice to have.” It’s literally the infrastructure we rely on. If you’re invested in the long term potential of your financial portfolio or trying to future proof your career, why wouldn’t you spend the same amount of energy on protecting your future health outcomes?

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

DUMB goals - a great alternative to SMART goals.

The Olympics might be over but I’m not done celebrating the moms bringing toddlers onto the podium, those hugging their nannies after a win and all the Alyssa Liu content. Liu’s two year departure from skating and return to the sport on her own terms was one of the many reasons her story (and performance!) was the unifying event we all needed in this moment.

The MAHA moms have apparently turned on the president, because, “Women feel like they were lied to, that the MAHA movement is a sham.” Um. Ladies. Did you not know who you were claiming to trust? Better late than never I suppose.

This piece, appropriately titled, Society Needs a Doctor’s Prescription for Nature.

I met scientist Christine Koh at AARP’s newsletter creator conference last fall. When I found out about Christine’s ridiculously impressive list of accomplishments, I knew I had to better understand her weekly setup: she is a music and brain scientist turned author, podcaster, speaker, designer, among other things.

How fascinating is she? Here’s her Sunday Setup:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

I rely heavily on my to-do app. My daily to-do prioritization routine helps me stay focused and manage my time.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

One of my restorative practices is reading. I delight in reading first thing in the morning with my coffee (instead of scrolling), and I also read in the evening and before I go to bed. Becoming immersed in a story is the best.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

I am great at saying no to things. People often struggle to say no because they don’t want to lie or make up an excuse for why they don’t want to do something. I get it, I used to struggle with the same thing! My recommendation is to decline gracefully with no excuses; for example, “With regrets, but thank you for thinking of me!” That’s it. You don’t need to justify your no. Once you issue that brief, respectful response, you can move on to your day and focus on the things that matter to you. Seriously, try it this week. It’s a game changer!

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I used to feel like exercise beyond activities that can be done at or around home (e.g., yoga, running) was impossible time-wise. This year I decided to disrupt this thinking and try something new, with a lens of curiosity. I found a rowing/strength studio about a 15-minute walk from my house and decided to try the two-week special and it has been so impactful. The studio is friendly and supportive and I always leave happy and exhausted. I usually only get there once or twice a week, and yet it has made a huge difference in my mood and also my strength. I am now the person who can carry 50-pound bags of baking supplies from Costco with no problem!

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

If I had one extra hour every week, I would spend it gardening. Gardening is the opposite of the quick gratification world we live in. The learning potential is limitless, as is the potential for joyful experimentation!

Outdoors. Gardening. It’s March, everyone. Spring is coming!

Til then, take care of yourself,

Amy

Not the sparkly one, but happy Valentine’s/Galentine’s to all who celebrated.

Not the climbing one though I do love a good hike and a nice rock scramble.

Not Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson but I do love today’s “most culturally unifying figure” who will always be Maui to me.

The “Big Rock” I’m talking about is even more exciting than a cartoon demigod or a sparkly piece of jewelry.

It’s …drumroll….a very helpful prioritization tool to help you organize each day. (Stay with me on this one.)

Picture a jar.

If you had a few big rocks, a lot of pebbles and even more sand, what would you put into the jar first?

If you start with the sand, the whole jar fills up and the big rocks don’t fit.

If you start with the pebbles, you can pour the sand in afterwards, but you’re almost certain to get frustrated trying to fit the big rocks.

Now take that visual and apply it to your life goals. Not just career goals, life. Business. Relationships. The “one day when I have time” dreams.

Use this “Big Rock” concept to structure your monthly, weekly and daily priorities. Think of it like this:

• Big Rocks = the most important things. The ones that inch you closer to your longer term goals. Things that require deep work, critical thinking, not skipping the gym, researching that couples therapist you’ve been meaning to see.

• Pebbles = the necessary but secondary admin items that require a little less brain power but are still critical to your day-to-day. These are the things you need to do but could be delayed if needed. The report that’s due at the end of the week, invoicing, email responses, scheduling meetings, laundry, etc.

• Sand = the tiny things that sneakily steal your time. Not necessarily unimportant, but distracting if you don’t prioritize the rocks and pebbles. The Slack notifications, Teams notifications, group texts you haven’t muted, WhatsApps, doomscrolling, busywork, quick favors, texts from your husband in the middle of a meeting to say, “our friend just had a baby should we send him a gift?” (By the way, congrats to our pal Teddy!!! You’ll be getting your baby gift soon!)

When you set up your day, you have to fill that jar with the big rocks first, then your pebbles, then your sand.

Because if you pour the sand in first, the jar fills up and there’s no room for the big rocks.

But if you put big rocks in first, the pebbles and sand naturally settle around them.

I feel like I say this all the time but it’s honestly worth repeating: most people aren’t bad at time management. They’re just not great at lining their time up with their real priorities.

They start the day with sand. “Just clearing my inbox!” or “quickly checking my dms!” and wonder why the big stuff never fits.

The Pareto principle states that 20% of your effort results in 80% of your outcomes. I want to make sure I’m focused on that 20% as much as I can be. I want that for you too.

Here’s a good way to figure out what your Big Rocks are:

• It connects directly to where you want to be in 6–12 months

• It’s slightly uncomfortable and requires critical thought

• Future-you would be mad if you ignored it

• It requires proactive attention, not just responsiveness

Another method: Spot the sneaky sand (this is where most people get tripped up.) For this one, ask yourself:

• What feels urgent but won’t matter in 90 days?

• What makes me feel productive but avoids harder thinking?

• What do I default to when I’m tired or uncertain?

I resisted the big rocks planning method for a long time. I’m organized. I’m decent at managing my time. I write a newsletter about productivity and leadership habits that lead to success so sometimes people call me an expert in this very area.

But that doesn’t mean I am always doing it perfectly. Like most humans, I fall into the trap of being very reactive, very responsive and very distracted.

For example, I started my day by writing this newsletter! I was doing great because building this space is one of my big rocks this quarter.

Then I stood up with the intention of going downstairs to work out because I knew I had just enough time to squeeze in this Katie Wang 20 minute glutes and legs workout, quickly shower and sit down at my desk before my first meeting of the day.

I walked over to my kitchen counter. There was a box sitting there. I absentmindedly opened the box and started unpacking it. Detangling spray for my daughter’s hair. Vitamins. A BOOK ON TIME MANAGEMENT! (Thanks Cheryl for the reco!)

I started putting away these items and before I knew it, I had lost ten minutes. I was in my kid’s room, putting away the hair detangler when I caught myself and yelled “OH SHIT THIS IS SAND!”

There are many days where I start with the sneaky sand. Even days that begin with literally writing about how sneaky sand can be.

I have this quarterly planner which helps you prioritize your daily, weekly and monthly tasks based on the “big rocks” you identify at the start of each quarter.

I had a lot going on in January. It was tough to figure out where to focus my time because I wanted to do it all, all at once.

But using this daily has really helped sharpen my focus. Now that we’re halfway through Q1 (can you believe it?!) I plan to keep filling it out so I can look back at the end of the quarter and see what I did well, where I slipped and how I can improve going into Q2.

So your action this week is to try out the big rocks theory. Here’s a step-by-step layout of how to put it into practice. Or just buy the planner like I did.

1. Name your 1–3 big rocks for the month. Remember that if everything is important, nothing is.

2. When you set your schedule, put the big rocks first. On your calendar. Time block based on your ultradian rhythm! And protect that block like crazy.

3. Batch pebbles. Meetings together. Admin in one block. Inbox in another.

4. Let sand be last. Sand expands to fill all available space. Give it very little space. Dedicate time for joyful minutiae - scrolling, watching, texting.

The Big Rocks framework is how you bust out of busyness and get back into flow.

I’m proud to share that I put down the packages and sprinted downstairs once I realized my error. I got that workout in. I updated this Setup before my meeting began.

For the next 7 days, start each workday by touching one Big Rock before anything else. Pebbles get batched. Sand gets leftovers.

Go get those rocks.

In the meantime here’s what I’m:

More reasons to be ruthless about your rituals. This article about the power of daily rituals smartly points out that while rituals don’t fix all your scheduling headaches, they do “give the day a center of gravity.”

I realize this piece is very specifically talking to “men” because it comes from a men’s grooming site (I AM READING DIVERSE PERSPECTIVES FOR Y’ALL!) but the concepts in the piece certainly apply to all genders.

The Literary Discourse. In a month that celebrates love, I am very much here for the Wuthering Heights movie hype and following the debate around whether or not it is “the greatest love story of all time.”

I love this quote from the article, not just about the movie/book itself but of romance as a genre, which is, “often proudly unconstrained by what is possible, rational or sane, unafraid to favor sensation over sense or to pose unanswerable questions about the human heart.”

How Anthropic is addressing AI’s moral dilemma. I like how Anthropic recently hired a full time philosopher to help train their AI models to become morally sound - training them to understand the difference between right and wrong.

But this Atlantic article perceptively points out how “Anthropic is at war with itself.” The company is clearly wrestling with the tension between ethics and keeping pace with competitors.

While they are shouting from the rooftops that the people building AI need to slow down, think more critically, and safeguard the future, this message comes from a company who is creating tech that does the opposite of encouraging people to “slow down and think critically.”

Michael Pollan on consciousness & the “don’t-know mind.” I know firsthand how researching and writing about something does not compare to experiencing it firsthand. Author Michael Pollan decided writing about consciousness was preventing him from fully understanding it, so he headed to a cave in New Mexico, meditated in silence, and tried to quiet his mind enough to notice what was happening inside of it.

His recount of the experience reminds us of something we know in theory but don’t always practice in reality: when we stop focusing on future worries and past regrets, we land on something extraordinary.

He points out that wisdom is found in the space between thoughts - the gap just before we label or judge or grab for meaning. As someone who is terrible at meditation, I’m very interested in getting to that space more easily.

I recently met Amanda Northcutt at The Gathering, a conference we both spoke at.

Amanda helps high performing women who have left the corporate world and are running their own businesses create monthly recurring revenue streams, which is frankly, the holy grail of what us consultants are constantly striving for. She’s found such a great (and necessary!) niche and built an incredible business around it. And she’s honestly just a wonderful human. Here’s how Amanda sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you manage your time?

This is counterintuitive, but the routine that helps me manage my time best is carving out time to think. I intentionally schedule time to let my brain relax and create the conditions for creativity. For me, that usually looks like going for a hike, shooting baskets in my driveway, or sitting in a coffee shop with no technology - just a notepad and pen.

That thinking time reconnects me to the big picture and what I’m actually working toward. The downstream effect is powerful: it makes it much easier for me to prioritize and manage my time with clarity instead of reactivity.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy, or creates a break in your busy week?

I love making a fresh cup of loose-leaf tea—it’s tactile, comforting, and intentionally slow. Those small pleasures matter more than people realize. For me, they often make the difference between feeling depleted and feeling grounded.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

In 2026, I’m saying no to meetings on Mondays and Fridays.

That boundary has helped me win back my calendar and protect time for deep, strategic work. It also gives me the space to better understand how I can serve our clients at the highest level, instead of staying trapped in constant context-switching.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I’ve become ruthless about organizing my calendar to reflect my real priorities, not just my stated ones. The habit I’ve added is being radically honest with myself about which activities require my best energy, which drain it, and when during the day I should be doing each.

That has led me to continually adjust my schedule to suit me, instead of being reactive to other people’s requests. It’s been a noticeable shift in both focus and energy.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

I would take my dog for a long walk in a natural area near my house—surrounded by trails, lakes, hills, and mountain views. No technology. No headphones. Just quiet, nature, and my dog. That kind of spaciousness is deeply restorative for me, and it’s where a lot of my clarity comes from.

Gosh I can’t wait until it’s warm enough in the Northeast to take a walk outdoors. Hang in there for these last few weeks of winter.

Until next time,

Amy

Last week, I got a phone call.

Actually, let me back up to tell you about the most organized woman I’ve ever met.

AngeeLu is our cleaning lady. Her work leaves my house sparkling, her attitude is delightful, and did I mention her punctuality? She arrives not on time, but five minutes early, every single time we schedule an appointment. She once was running late, so instead of arriving at 8:55, she came through the door at 9:01, but don’t worry, she texted to apologize and let me know she would be late. One minute late. Instead of her normal five minutes early.

Imagine if your Gen Z coworkers ascended to the high levels of drive and work ethic that AngeeLu puts into her job? You’d probably still complain about them, but I bet you’d complain a whole lot less.

She also has the warmest personality. She is always smiling and talking about how big my kid is getting and frequently laughs good-naturedly at me when I emerge from my garage red-faced after a mom rage workout.

Oh and a moment for her planner. The woman’s calendar is meticulously planned minute by minute, phone number by phone number, appointment by appointment in her hyper organized notebook planner. She packs her schedule with clients and she is in high demand because of A - the sparkling work, B - the warm personality and C - the phenomenal organizational skills.

So, back to the phone call. I didn’t recognize the number, but some instinct nudged me to pick up. So I did.

“This is AngeeLu’s brother,” an unfamiliar voice said. “I’m calling to cancel her appointments for tomorrow. She had an immigration issue and she’s being held in an ICE detention center. We can’t get in touch with her.”

My heart sank. Oh no. Not her. Of all people.

“How can I help?” I blurted out, grasping for anything that might help solve an unsolvable problem. “Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

He thanked me and rushed me off the phone, likely moving on to call her other clients.

I pictured a man I had never met on the other end of the line, holding AngeeLu’s meticulous planner. Flipping through it appointment by appointment, calling each client to deliver the same horrifying news he had just shared with me.

I texted my friend Diana, an immigration lawyer who also works with AngeeLu. “They wait for them to show up at their appointments and then grab them outside the courthouse,” she said.

I connected her with AngeeLu’s brother, and together they are trying to figure out if they can do anything to help while she’s…in there.

Last we heard, AngeeLu was transferred from NYC to somewhere in Louisiana, living in what I’m told are inhumane conditions. All because she tried to follow the rules. She showed up to her immigration appointment. She paid taxes. She did everything above board. She used those incredible organizational skills to try to put herself on a path to citizenship, so she could keep working hard for her clients, provide for her family, support her daughter as a single mother, help her parents, and live a dignified, meaningful life.

And I sit here, typing from the comfort of my home, protected only because my ancestors immigrated here a few generations ago instead of right now. That’s the difference between us. A handful of decades. A timing lottery.

AngeeLu was trying to make sure her grandchildren could one day sit safely in their own homes, living their lives without fear. That was the dream.

Now that dream is in jeopardy. Just like the dreams of the elderly man ripped from his home in the middle of January in freezing Minnesota without time to put on pants or a jacket. The little boy with the Spider-Man backpack. The woman who tried to stand up for her community. The kind hearted ICU nurse.

I’ve been reading fiction, binge-watching Heated Rivalry, and writing about productivity. I take my daughter to gymnastics. I put dinner on the table. I keep moving forward while people’s lives, families, and livelihoods are torn apart. While their futures are ripped away for no reason other than where they were born, when they were born, and where they now live.

Writing about it here may not change the outcome. It may not help her. It won’t fix the system. But at moments like this, silence feels like its own kind of harm. And sometimes the only agency we have is naming what’s happening, bearing witness, and choosing one small, human action in the face of something unbearably large.

And still.

The world doesn’t pause for our heartbreak. Kids still need breakfast. We still need to earn an income to support our families. Deadlines still loom. The laundry piles up. We have to focus on what’s in front of us, and do what we need to do. Live our lives as the world’s injustices rage on.

So here’s the newsletter I struggled to write. Not as a way to bury our head in the sand around what’s happening, but as a response to it.

Focus isn’t a luxury in moments like these. In fact, it’s how we stay steady enough to show up, speak up, organize, vote, parent, and care for each other. When distraction overwhelms us and causes fatigue, protecting our attention is one small way to fight back.

So let’s talk about how to find that focus in the midst of chaos.

You’ve probably heard of circadian rhythms, but have you heard of ultradian rhythms? Those are the natural, biological peaks and dips in your energy and focus that happen throughout the day. These rhythms look different for everyone.

Have you ever paid attention to those rhythms? Do you know your optimal focus time? Think of the part of the day where your brain is sharpest.

My optimal time is first thing in the morning. I sit down at my desk and think: “Who gets my morning brain today?”

Today it was a client deliverable. A lot of days it’s this newsletter.

My 3pm brain is different. That’s when my energy dips. It’s my admin moment. My laundry folding/listen to a podcast moment. This morning brain/afternoon slump rhythm is personal for me. Figuring out your best brain time depends on your own personal rhythms. Then see how you can work it into your schedule, and how you can coordinate your ultradian rhythm with your coworkers, friends and family.

I have a client who works best at night. We frequently communicate in a way where she writes me emails late at night and I don’t read them until early in the morning (oftentimes I’m already asleep when they come in.)

I respond before her brain starts working/before her coffee kicks in. We have a mutual understanding that she won’t respond until she’s in her zone and I won’t respond until I’m in mine. It works for us. It’s also like we each have little elves - she’s working late when my brain shuts off, and I’m the little elf working early in the morning before hers turns on. We’re actually a pretty productive pair!

If your sharpest hours are spent scrolling, answering low-stakes emails, or reacting instead of creating…that’s not a productivity problem. That’s an attention problem.

Attention is a high value commodity.

I recently read the book Finding Focus and loved how author Dr. Zelana Montminy says we should become “active curators of our attention instead of passive consumers of information.” I love this framing.

She says that in order to gain “intentional control over our attention,” we must remember that:

• Attention is withdrawing from many things in order to focus on one.

• Attention is a spotlight. Where you shine it shapes how you experience the world.

• Concentration is the bridge between attention and focus.

This is why I’m such a believer in time blocking.

I don’t start with a to-do list. I go straight to my calendar.

Big project? It gets daily time blocks on the calendar until the deadline. High priority task? It gets that “best brain” morning slot. Small task? Still gets time on the calendar, but maybe a late afternoon one. Need to remember to pack something in my kid’s backpack? Squeezing that onto the calendar too.

When something matters, I don’t trust myself to “remember it later.” I give it a home. Especially when my attention keeps being pulled elsewhere. Especially during stressful moments, especially when the world around us feels like it’s falling apart. Especially when society feels like it has reached a boiling point.

So let’s become observers of our energy this week and see what happens when we block time to protect our best brain energy.

Action: Find Your Best Brain Time and BLOCK THE CRAP OUT OF IT

1. Identify your peak focus window. Spend a few days figuring out when you get your best work done, when your brain feels most attentive.

2. Decide who or what gets that time.

3. Block it on your calendar.

4. Protect it! Don’t let anyone (boss, kid, Bezos, TikTok) steal that time.

It’s possible to focus on what’s in front of you, even amidst chaos. Your attention is a precious commodity. Only you get to decide where to aim it.

Please take extra care of yourselves this week.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

This women’s leadership retreat has swapped trustfalls for boxing gloves and I am here for it!

This graphic I found to show how the Girl Scouts train their small entrepreneurs, which I think can be applied for adult entrepreneurs as well! I came across this while my daughter and I were setting up her cookie-buying site. Of course, she decided to set a crazy high sales goal for herself, so I figured I’d try to help her out.

If you’re looking to buy (or donate!) a box or two, here’s how you can support these tiny entrepreneurs-in-training while also treating yourself.

We have already sampled too many samoas this year and we have more on the way.

The organized gangs of “wine moms” battling ICE. I have no words for this absurd take.

You! Can you send me some “love notes” about your friends, colleagues, neighbors, folks around you who you adore? For a fun February project, respond directly or comment below (if you’re reading this in the Substack app) with 1-2 lines about someone you admire and why. In a month all about romantic love, let’s spread some admiration for friendships, work wives, favorite clients and the women who fill our lives with joy, inspiration and opportunity.

This one is on a teacher I admire, mom of three, and all around badass Courtney Knacke, who I’ve known since college. She claims she has “no routines” but if you read closely, you’ll see we can all learn a lot from how she protects her time, sets boundaries and runs an efficient household with three kids and a full time job.

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?
I have no routines. I get up for work, my husband gets the kids to school, and when I get home, I get yelled at by 3 people shorter than me. Sometimes I log onto their laptops and do their homework for them so I don’t have to argue with them about it. That’s maybe my break in my day? Doing seventh grade math.

I try to stay on top of my kids’ school obligations and activities. With 3 school age kids, managing everyone’s schedules isn’t easy so we live and die by our family Google calendar.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I feel really good at work - I love what I do and have really been killing it there, so I often feel fulfilled by my job.

I enjoy texting with my friends. I have really strong tribes of people in my life: friends from college, work and my siblings. I talk on the phone with people I love during my commute and that fills me up too.

Reading these questions I realize time is the ultimate measure of affluence and I just don’t have it. There are no free minutes. When I do have free time I am so used up from working and parenting I don’t have much left for myself.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. If I cannot find satisfaction or usefulness in something demanding my time, including a child’s obligations, it’s a no.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I wear makeup to work every day and dress to impress. It helps me to feel my best. I also get manicures once every few weeks.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

I would like to exercise outdoors - a long walk or jog just to feel the sun on my face and the air in my lungs.

I loved this one, especially what she says no to. And on that last answer, I also can’t wait until it’s warm enough to move my body outdoors. These 9 degree days have me dreaming of outdoor workouts, tennis, beaches and picnics. For now, I hope you’re all staying cozy and warm indoors, sleeping a little extra, and taking care of yourselves.

Until next time,

Amy

Because I’ve found that the reward of pushing through these fears is almost always worth it.

I love this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert, who famously said, “You don’t have to be particularly brave. You just have to be a tiny, tiny bit more interested in something than you are frightened of it.”

I think I’ve always been a little more curious than afraid. But curiosity on its own isn’t enough. You need somewhere to aim it.

That’s because, even for the fearless among us, every single day, new fears creep in. Even when things are going well, (maybe even more so when things are going well?!), they really really roar to the surface.

In my strongest and sturdiest moments, I often find myself wondering:

• Am I good enough to be here? Do I even deserve this?

• Can I sustain this momentum?

• Am I about to lose it all?

• What’s next now that I accomplished my original goal?

No matter how far you travel, no matter how high you climb whether actual mountains or rungs on your career ladder, no matter how many goals you achieve, fear never goes away.

Here’s the thing: Fear actually isn’t the problem. Disorientation is.

Fear spikes when we lose the thread. When we can’t see how what we’ve already done connects to what’s next. That’s when our brains fill up with self-doubt and worst-case scenarios.

That’s why approaching this moment with curiosity is such a good solution.

When I work with clients who are ready for a pivot, we start by mapping out their throughline: reminding them of the things they’ve already mastered, pointing out how what came before this connects to what’s driving them right now, and using that information to guide what comes next.

Fear loosens its grip once people start fueling their decisions based on curiosity. Once they see their throughline, they realize they’ve conquered change before. Not only that, they now have a filter to guide their decisions.

Someone recently posted in one of my WhatsApp chats (a group full of solopreneurs and business owners) if there was one single event that took our business from struggling to get off the ground to being as successful as we envisioned.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot. For me, it was a series of small milestones. To securing that first client after getting laid off (Thank you barre3 and Sadie Lincoln for believing in me!) to the subsequent clients that followed. To the first person who hired me for a paid speaking engagement that tipped the scales and turned corporate speaking and events into a core piece of my business.

But it’s not like once I got one, the rest followed. I had to keep going. I had to sustain momentum. I had to remind people I exist and that I still do this. I couldn’t loosen the reins. I had to keep building. Every time I worried about the next client or project, or forgot my throughline, I reminded myself what it took to get those first few clients and applied those same tactics to get new ones.

As I’m pulling together materials in preparation for a vision mapping session with a long standing marketing client, I realized a lot of the work I’m doing for her also applies to the moment I find myself in. In looking at the next few months, I have some decisions to make in terms of what projects to put my energy towards and what to outsource or say no to. I’m piecing together the projects in the pipeline like a little puzzle, figuring out where to hit the gas and where to pull back.

I was recently reminded of my businesses core values (thanks to my therapist who sometimes also acts as my business coach!) which are direct communication, transparency and impact. Everything I decide to take on has to run through that filter. It really helps with decision making.

One thing I do know is that I’ll always, always, always figure it out. But I can only say this confidently once I look back at where I’ve been and what fears I’ve conquered before. I remember the curiosity that paved the path and the curiosity that drove me forward even when I wasn’t totally sure where I would end up.

So your action this week is to ask yourself a few of the questions I use with clients (and myself!) when they’re facing uncertainty, battling old fears and needing some extra guidance to figure out their path forward.

Map Your Throughline

Sit down with a piece of paper, a fresh notebook or the notes app on your phone. Set aside 10 minutes and challenge yourself to answer at least four of the below:

• Think back to a time you felt most energized by your work. Why was that?

• What would your best friend say about the role you play in their life?

• What feedback have you received more than once, even if you brushed it off?

• What do people assume is “easy” for you that you actually worked hard to learn?

• When do you lose track of time while working?

• If you could keep only 20% of what you do now, which 20% would it be?

These answers almost always unlock the intersection of your passions and your strengths. It sounds cheesy, but honestly, if you do this exercise, you’ll be amazed at how many connections exist. Your own throughline will come to the forefront. And that will be a very powerful tool in conquering those fears when they arise.

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

The folks at TED who have invited me to do a virtual fireside chat on how entrepreneurs can build resilience. I’ll be going live on their LinkedIn channel January 28th at 11:30am ET and will start sharing the details and official invite soon!

These 40 “most exciting!” books to look forward to in 2026 (New one from Ann Patchett! Damn that is exciting.) Which are you most excited to read this year?

The two child free bros who talked for 2.5 hours about why women are choosing not to have children. Some highlights included references to “ the selfish woman” whose decision to remain childfree included wanting to “wear heels and go to brunch” without getting into any of the very real considerations…and deterrents (the cost of childcare, the motherhood penalty at work, climate change, the rising cost of…everything) impacting decisions around procreation. I’ll probably dedicate a mom rage fight club workout to letting out my anger over this one.

The Luminary team for all their hard work in prepping for next week’s Leading With Impact Summit. I’ll be speaking about navigating change within the corporate world as people seek to forge the next phase of their career. Come join me and so many other wonderful speakers on January 29th.

This week’s setup spotlight is on LinkedIn executive Robin Lippman, who works in organizational change/tech adoption. We met when I spoke at a Women @LinkedIn event last year and I’ve been so impressed with her approach to balance as she navigates a rapidly shifting corporate career in big tech, focusing on organizational efficiency and change management. She used to live near me in Queens, but moved to LA last year to be closer to family, so I miss her! Here’s how this tech exec sets up her week:

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

I wish I did this weekly but, when I have light meeting days + low motivation, I turn to the Pomodoro Method and it works every. single. time. Busts me out of ruts, makes me more creative, and overcomes the worst part of just getting started.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

I’m big on gratitude lists to rewire your brain, and I’ve started doing a “weekly wins” reflection on Fridays. Taking some time to acknowledge what went well (no matter how big or small) helps me to not skip over it in the struggle to get things done. We tend to be highly aware of what didn’t go well, so it takes some intentionality to remember what did.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

“Should” tasks. If I cannot trace an ask to an outcome I genuinely want, I try to take it off the books. This goes for personal and professional tasks. It doesn’t mean I’m always excited about everything I’m doing, but it does lead to me feeling more aligned with my own choices.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

During a difficult first trimester of pregnancy, I learned that my love of lists may have been holding me back. While struggling with nausea I gave up my lists in place of “one critical thing.”

If I could only get one thing done that day, what would it be? My anxiety was through the roof at work, but I learned that my impact didn’t change. Some days it was three things; other days it was truly just one thing I could manage. But that period of ruthless prioritization revealed my lists were feeding an illusion of productivity, rather than actual productivity.

I love Robin’s approach to ruthless prioritization. That’s another great tool that can help combat all the fears and doubts that creep in as we feel that familiar sense of overwhelm creep into our lives. How are you using curiosity to overcome fear? I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time,

Amy

I have no data to back this up but I know how I feel right now and I know how offended my kid feels about going back to school tomorrow.

Some of you are dreading the return to the office, some are groaning about having to re-open your laptop on the dining room table.

Some of you are nervous because you’re planning to finally quit your job this week. And for some of you, tomorrow signals a return to the job search. To the attempt to sound smart on LinkedIn, to wondering which algorithm, which recruiter, which hiring manager is going to finally pluck your resume out of the void.

It’s a lot.

So how do we combat the scariest Sunday of all?

Instead of resolutions or proclaiming big bold statements that we think will radically transform us in some way, try asking this possibly annoying but very effective question:

“What kind of person do I want to be in 2026?”

Picture that person and list out some adjectives to describe them.

Now pull out one word from that list.

That’s your word for 2026.

Take that word and start to picture what habits someone like that would practice consistently.

Not dramatically. Not perfectly. Just regularly.

In 2026, I want to be a better hydrated (lol) version of myself who maintains her constant exercise routine, is a more patient parent, cooks more, continues to build upon her business, sees friends often and travels a few times a quarter.

The thing that ties all these pieces together is joy. So my word for 2026 is joy.

Here’s the irony: The fastest way to build a life of joy is by mastering something that sounds like the opposite.

Consistency.

Consistency, for me, is what removes barriers. It fuels creativity. It reduces decision fatigue. It makes hard things feel easier. I honestly think consistency is a superpower.

Research backs this up. Angela Duckworth’s Grit Theory states that perseverance is a better predictor of success than natural skill. She points out that those who practice a skill consistently tend to succeed more than those who coast along because of some extraordinary natural ability.

People ask me all the time how I got my book deal, became a paid speaker, landed a Forbes column, or stayed employed in marketing for twenty years.

Here’s the truth:

I am not the best writer.

I am not the best journalist.

I am not the best marketer.

But I am consistent as hell.

I show up, I keep trying and I don’t get deterred easily. What I lack in natural talent I make up for with determination, drive and yup- consistency.

I remember my senior year of college when I realized many of my peers were getting jobs through family connections, or preparing to move to New York City with their rent supplemented by their parents. I realized then that I would have to work ten times harder just to keep up with my friends, if I wanted to go out to birthday dinners or ever have a shot at moving to the city and living the life I dreamed of.

So while everyone else was on spring break, I took the Amtrak to NYC, went on a dozen job interviews, and while my friends enjoyed their summers and slowly started job hunting over the months to come, I began my first entry level job only two days after graduation.

Same thing with my book. I sent my first proposal out to about a dozen agents and editors, which was rejected by every single one of them. Instead of panicking or giving up, I took the feedback, made thoughtful changes, and chipped away at it consistently. A year later, I submitted version two. That proposal turned into a bestselling book.

Stephen R. Covey said, “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” I think about that quote whenever I feel like I want to give up. Like the goal is too hard to reach. Because that’s what makes consistency your superpower - sticking to it even when you don’t feel like it.

Here’s the system I use to cultivate consistency, especially when I’m starting something new:

The “Just Two” rule:

Pick one goal and shrink it down to a formula that feels like “just two.”

• Think you want to start your own newsletter, or start piecing together an idea for a book? Free write for two minutes every day.

• Want to read more books? Read two pages a day.

• Want to get stronger? Time how long you can hold a plank. Do it again the next day. Aim to hold it for 2 seconds longer each day.

If you skip a day, don’t quit. Just pick up where you left off.

And don’t worry about how much you do, just do it consistently. These tiny reps are what turn a goal into a consistent habit.

So your action this week is to try the “Just Two” habit setup.

Because whether you’re counting minutes, pages, plans, reps, or something else, if you commit to “Just Two,” you’ll probably end up doing more. So to get specific:

• Choose one habit you want to build or recommit to

• Shrink it into your “Just Two” version

• Do it daily for the next seven days

That’s it.

This is how we stay the course. This is how we create ease. That’s what creates joy.

This is how we become the people we say we want to be.

So who will you be in 2026?

And what’s the smallest, most consistent step you can take toward that person starting tomorrow?

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

In fitting with the theme of consistency and all the January things, I loved this article about how to create a strength training routine. I personally am having trouble coming up with a “goal” to work toward so if anyone has ideas for their own strength training goals will you share them with me? I need help coming up with mine!

Some of the best books I read in 2025: The Road to Tender Hearts, Heart the Lover, The Correspondent, The Nightingale, Atmosphere and Don’t Forget To Write.

The first book I finished in 2026 was Culpability, a book about a family of five that has a life changing experience. This book explores the event’s aftermath, while raising questions around the moral dilemmas we face in the age of AI. I couldn’t put it down.

This deep dive into all the setbacks corporate women faced in 2025. Let’s hope we see a reversal of this trend in 2026.

It’s been frigid here in NYC but luckily I have a few warm weather trips coming up. Next week I’ll be with one of my favorite clients in San Diego at The Specialty Food Association’s Winter Fancy Faire*. Will you or anyone you know be there? If so, let’s connect!

This week’s Setup Spotlight is on HSBC’s Kelly Fisher.

I met Kelly through my network of local mom friends and was immediately impressed by her. Kelly leads Corporate Sustainability for HSBC Bank, where she’s helping to drive the bank’s strategy to be net zero by 2050. She also oversees their philanthropic efforts, including this very cool project where her team committed $4 Million to non profits that focus on job training and clean air/water solutions in urban areas. She also somehow finds the time to serve on various boards, host neighborhood cookie swaps, and spend time with her adorable daughter (pictured here.)

Here’s how Kelly sets up her week.

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

Every Monday, before I glance at my inbox or take a meeting, I put a single Post-It note on my desk. It has no more than 4-5 things that I have to complete that week. I only started this a few months ago, but it has helped so much to A) make sure I don’t feel overwhelmed with an endless list of deliverables and B) ensures that I don’t sacrifice the larger, strategic thinking and accomplishments by getting lost in the routine, “business as usual” tasks.

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

For the past 20 years, I have always scheduled time in my day to exercise, particularly to take dance classes. I can’t do it every day, but being a former dancer, it is still the way I get in touch with myself, clear my head, put the petty stresses relating to work into their proper perspective. Some people meditate…this is my version of it. And when I say I schedule it, it’s an actual entry in my calendar like a meeting and I treat it with importance. Because if I’m not healthy, mentally and physically, I can’t do my job!

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

Tasks that aren’t part of my job description. And I empower my team to do the same. In fact, we just revisited this, and I agreed on the following two things to support all of us because we are a very small team:

#1 – If you are the host of a meeting, you MUST include the purpose of the meeting and what you want to accomplish by the end of the discussion.

#2 – If you are invited to a meeting and the host doesn’t provide the above, you have my permission as your manager to ask “what is the purpose of this meeting and what should I be prepared to contribute?” If they can’t answer that, you likely aren’t needed.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

I’m a Midwestern, farm-country work ethic, people pleasing to a fault female. I have had to really work to break my habit of feeling like I have to respond to all my emails in the same day I receive them, to respond to all questions, even if they are better answered by a member of my team or sometimes someone outside my team, and of feeling like I have to have the answer…immediately.

Growing up in a small town in Ohio, I used to drive my friends around in my old Buick Park Avenue, and they would say “When Kelly’s driving, we might not be going in the right direction, but we’re going to get there really FAST!” For a time, my work style was very similar. I might not give you the right or most thoughtful answer, but I will respond quickly.

And there came a point a few years ago when I just didn’t want that to be what I was known for. I want to be the person who says “That’s a great question! I want to think about my response and consult a few others before I respond, but I will get back to you by (date/time)”.

This sounds super easy…but it is the single hardest quality that I have to work on, absolutely on a nearly daily basis.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

I would lie in bed, eat a yogurt, and watch people on Magnolia TV renovate really old houses. And no one would interrupt me.

I love Kelly’s answers. Who else should I spotlight here? In the meantime, I’m wishing you an easy and JOYFUL start to 2026.

Amy

I also refreshed the About section with more of my origin story and why I write this in the first place. If you happen to take a peek, I’d love to know what you think.

And now onto the final Setup of 2025! Let’s close this year out properly.

How is December almost over? How is it almost (gulp) 2026? Wait, how old must I be if this is the year that it is? DO NOT answer that.

Existential/midlife crises aside, are you starting to think about the most annoying question of all - your New Year’s resolutions?

I make the same one every year. It’s so simple you’re going to laugh.

I always say I’ll drink more water.

And every year, I succeed… until I absolutely do not. The water bottle is basically my Roman Empire.

I exist on coffee, espresso (thanks to my new favorite toy) and sometimes seltzer. I blame my upbringing for this. My grandparents and my parents (more my mom than my dad) always went straight from coffee to seltzer to booze, and then somehow had another coffee with dessert right before they went to bed. Sometimes we skip the seltzer. My cousin once called holidays a “classic dehydration fest.” My family is many wonderful things but we are not well hydrated.

I usually pair this highly ambitious and guaranteed to fail resolution with a more concrete one.

“I’ll start writing a book this year!” (2022, success!)

“I’m going to finally quit my job and start my own business this year!” (2023, the decision was made for me but it counts as an unintentional success)

“I’ll do a pull up this year!” (Failed in 2024, and again in 2025)

But this year I’m having trouble pairing my water intake goals with another resolution.

After two years that felt like a roller coaster, 2025 was actually pretty steady for me. Consistent consulting gigs, a stable bench of speaking engagements, writing (and rebranding!) this newsletter, penning a few articles I was really proud of. Everything felt…steady. And I freaking loved it.

So what if this year, I just want things to continue? Not even grow, just…maintain?

Harvard’s “Study of Adult Development,” the longest running study on happiness, found that people who identify as “generally satisfied” with their life (not ecstatic, just satisfied) experience stronger wellbeing, better relationships, and far less burnout than chronic strivers.

(Side note: I love referencing this study, the researchers began tracking the happiness of Harvard students in the class of 1938 and continued to do so for over 80 years which I think is so, so cool.)

That’s all valid, but at the same time I think striving for more is important. It keeps us motivated. Maybe the type of motivation just changes depending on the season. Sometimes you’re pushing. Sometimes you’re planting seeds. And sometimes you’re in a groove, and your goal is to keep that groove going.

I am very much in the camp of wanting to keep my current groove.

Which is why my new motto is: Maintenance is a highly ambitious goal.

One of my clients recently came to me convinced she wanted to go after a higher role. She originally engaged me as her leadership coach to work toward a very specific goal - becoming the next president of her organization. Big title. Big team. The highest rung to climb onto.

A few months later, she hesitated to tell me something, until she quietly, almost apologetically blurted out:

“What if I actually just want to stay in this role for a while? I like it here. And it took so much work for me to get to this level.”

Maybe you worked your face off to create the life you’re currently living. It’s ok to take a minute to appreciate that. In fact, maintenance takes emotional regulation, discipline, and the kind of secure identity most people never achieve because they’re too busy chasing what’s next, or reinventing themselves every fiscal quarter.

Maintenance isn’t mediocrity. It’s mastery. You did it. Now you want to stay. Staying isn’t guaranteed. Maintenance requires constant work.

You can still refine during maintenance. But your primary mission here is to appreciate what’s working and protect it like a family heirloom.

So this week’s action is to ask yourself: What would it look like to simply maintain the things I love about where I currently am?

Dig a little deeper if you’d like and ask yourself two questions:

1. What specific things would I need to put in place/keep where they are to continue as is in the areas where things are working?

2. Where can I make small improvements so I can refine instead of overhaul?

I’m officially giving you permission to choose maintenance as your New Year’s resolution. I’m doing the same.

Let’s look at it with pride. Let’s recognize the admirable, ambitious goal it truly is.

This will be the last Sunday Setup of the year. I’ll be back in January, trying once again to drink more water! Until then, I’m wishing you a grounded holiday season and a healthy, steady new year.

College admissions expert Liz Stone for including The Setback Cycle in her Forbes article, “Don’t Call It A Setback.” I hope it helps college kids and parents currently navigating the deferral process.

This isn’t new but I do love Ryan Serhent’s 1,000 minute rule - he points out that we get about 1,000 minutes a day, so don’t waste them, but also…don’t let five bad minutes ruin the other 950.

How ozempic is impacting the economy, from the apparel, restaurants, grocery, gyms and travel industries. “As people’s bodies change, so are their decisions on how to spend their time and money.”

This article called “Aging Out of F*cks,” which explains the science behind why you care less about what people think as you age.

“As we age, the brain undergoes a process called synaptic pruning. Neural pathways that aren’t essential get trimmed away. Your brain is essentially Marie Kondo-ing itself, keeping what serves you and discarding what doesn’t. And all those neural pathways dedicated to hypervigilant people-pleasing? They’re often first on the chopping block.”

As someone who still gives far too many f*cks, I’m looking forward to this evolution.

It’s genuinely hard to find someone more badass than Gloria Feldt.

As the cofounder and president of Take The Lead, a movement dedicated to advancing women’s leadership and closing the gender power gap, she’s focused on training the next generation of women leaders.

Before that, she served as president and CEO of Planned Parenthood, steering the organization through some of its most consequential years. Along the way, she’s been named one of Vanity Fair’s “America’s Top 200 Women Leaders, Legends, and Trailblazers,” a Glamour “Woman of the Year,” and a zillion other titles that show you what a force she is.

Through Take The Lead, Gloria helps women claim their power, step into leadership with intention, and build their confidence, skills, and networks.

Here’s how she sets up her week.

1. What’s one daily or weekly routine that helps you to manage your time?

Decide on my SMITT (the single most important thing today)

2. What’s one small thing you do that restores you, gives you energy or carves out a small break in your busy week?

Exercise first thing every day. Gets the brain working and the energy up. And I go out and walk outside most days even for just a few minutes to get fresh air and sun.

3. What’s one thing you’ve learned to say “no” to in order to protect your time?

Not so good at this. I say no to hosting political fundraisers which I used to do a lot of. Also am more intentional about what events of any kind I say yes to.

4. What’s a habit you’ve recently dropped or added that made a noticeable difference?

Unless they are important financially, I schedule calls, zooms, and other meetings at or after 3 pm to leave the bulk of the day open to do my work uninterrupted.

5. If you had one extra hour every week just for yourself, how would you use it?

Read a book or newspaper. FaceTime more often with my great granddaughter.

Another book answer!

Apparently I’ve read over 70 books this year. This week I finished Heart the Lover by Lily King and oh my goodness that was a masterfully written book. Now I’m onto A Marriage at Sea, which made a lot of the 2025 best of the year lists so I’m really excited for it.

What are you reading? Should we start a book club? Maybe that’s my New Year’s Resolution. I’ll mull it over while guzzling a gallon of water.

Until then, have a happy, merry holiday. You deserve it.

Amy

Now, I’m asking for your help as I’m always trying to improve things over here.

What do you love most about The Sunday Setup? What do you skim? Where do you scroll to first?

I’m cooking up a few upgrades for the new year, and your feedback genuinely shapes where we go next. If you can spare two minutes, I’d be so grateful if you answered five quick questions about your preferences here.

As a thank you, I’m sending a Setup Starter Kit to three readers who fill out the survey: journaling pages (printouts with prompts), a fresh notebook and pen, and a signed copy of The Setback Cycle.

I want you to be a winner! It only takes a minute or two, and it helps me make this space even better for you.

Thank you for taking this! I always welcome more feedback, so don’t hesitate to email me with any specific opinions, thoughts and ideas you’re willing to share.

To enter the giveaway, pop your name and your mailing address into this form and I’ll let you know if you’ve been chosen to receive the Setup Starter Kit.

Hope you’re having a wonderful holiday season and in the midst of the chaos, please know that I truly do appreciate you.

Xx,

Amy