So, becoming was naturally a very central theme in my conversation with Sara Benna - and it came at the perfect time.

I really wanted to speak with because she has a uniquely interesting perspective on what she calls being “soul rooted in science.”

Her approach to becoming is grounded in presence, intuition and being in your body, but it is also informed by a degree in neuroscience and a background working in tech.

On the surface, these worlds might seem opposed: science and self-discovery, technology and mindfulness, structure and intuition.

But Sara’s story is an example of how they can, and perhaps should, coexist.

It is something I have been exploring myself this summer as I have constantly tested and refined my own creative strategies.

I started the Becoming Without Burnout Challenge in June to offer more practical ways to find joy in ambition. But now, I feel like the word challenge is perhaps too methodical.

Maybe experiment - or even play - feels more fitting.

The core question, however, remains the same:

Is it really possible to find presence and fulfillment while still chasing more?

Our conversation led us towards an answer through identity, intuition, fear and the space between structure and exploration.

You don’t have to choose one version of yourself

We began with more context around Sara’s own journey.

After getting a degree in neuroscience and beginning to work towards her PhD thesis, COVID redirected her path and led her to move to Italy.

At the time, she was navigating an internal conflict between wanting to travel and resist settling into one career, while also having studied medicine and developed a growing interest in software development.

Eventually, she found her place in tech.

It was a career that was well paid and gave her valuable skills that could be applied to almost any field. But having that stability also created space for some bigger questions:

“Do I really want this, or is it just something that felt right in the moment?”

Those questions eventually guided Sara back to her hometown of Boston, where she began writing on Substack.

Looking at her journey from the outside: travelling, neuroscience, medicine, software development and tech might seem like very different versions of one person.

So I asked Sara: how did these different versions of herself fit together?

She explained that much of her identity was not necessarily shaped by her work or location, but by her parents, who immigrated from Morocco.

“They really drilled in the importance of education and building something because they sacrificed so much, and I’m very grateful for that,” Sara explains. “But I think a lot of that initial free spirit nature came as a result of maybe a little bit of backlash.”

Even when she started working in tech, she says she still felt a fragmentation between choosing one lane and following uncertainty.

“I feel like now I’m at a place where there is importance for structure, but there’s also room for exploration. And I don’t want to lose that childlike spirit that I have recently gotten very close to.”

What I love about Sara’s story is that she hasn’t shied away from taking an unconventional path.

There is a sense that she has remained very in tune with her internal monologue, trusting redirection when things haven’t unfolded exactly as she expected.

And perhaps that is the point.

“You’re not losing any part of yourself by opening your mind up to the possibility of exploring. If anything, you’re losing time by thinking, ‘what if?’”

She adds:

“It’s never going to feel easy in the moment, but taking that first step always leads to more.”

And, importantly, she reminded me that you can always go back.

This is something I hadn’t really given much thought to before.

We are constantly encouraged to think about progress as moving forward. But the reality is that you are still every previous version of yourself, too.

If an experiment doesn’t work, there is nothing stopping you from returning, changing direction or starting again.

As Sara says:

“I think that the most interesting people have the most random backgrounds.”

Perhaps the goal isn’t to worry so much about whether every decision fits perfectly into one linear path.

Instead, it is about appreciating each opportunity, connection and lesson along the way - and pivoting when you need to.

How do you know when to listen to your head or your heart?

Given Sara’s neuroscience background, I had to ask: how do you know when to choose between your head and your heart?

This is where our conversation moved towards the distinction between intuition and ego.

Sara explains that when you are running away from a feeling or identity, it can often come from a place of fear and uncertainty about what might be on the other side.

Fear is creeping in.

But, she says, when you are running towards something - whether that is a feeling, passion or sense of inner knowing - there can be a clearer picture of who you want to become.

“When you are running towards something, you have a clearer idea of who you’re going to see in the mirror or the type of personality that you want to develop.”

Both paths can still involve fear. But perhaps the difference lies in whether there is a sense of clarity underneath it.

Is this decision purely about avoiding something? Or do you have a sense of the person you are moving towards?

As Sara puts it:

“I think making that distinction comes from, do I know who I want to see at the end of this journey? Do I know who I want to become?”

With that clarity, doubt doesn’t necessarily disappear. But it can become quieter.

Don’t eat the whole bagel at once

As we head into a new season, many of us might be thinking about what we want to achieve before the end of the year.

Personally, I find it harder to stay motivated during the shorter, darker days.

Sara’s advice?

“Don’t eat the whole bagel all at once.”

When you try to fix every part of yourself and your life all at once, it rarely works. The pressure simply isn’t friendly.

Instead, simplify your goals and take baby steps.

For Sara, that currently looks like creating better organisation systems and improving her sleep schedule. Her aim isn’t necessarily constant improvement, but reaching a greater state of calm.

For me, I am currently focusing on my health and fitness goals.

But releasing the attachment to fixing everything at once makes it easier to actually enjoy the process.

And, according to Sara, that is where momentum begins to build.

Or, to use her analogy:

You actually get to enjoy the bagel.

What happens when you make your experiments public?

But what happens when you decide to share this evolving identity with other people?

When your experiments become public?

Sara has recently been challenging herself to post on Instagram every day for 30 days.

The experiment has made her more confident and, in turn, created opportunities of its own.

But we also spoke about how these opportunities don’t only happen online.

A conversation with a waiter in a restaurant, for example, could lead to your next opportunity.

It made me think about how often we keep our ambitions and experiments private because we don’t yet feel confident enough to claim them.

But perhaps there is value in letting people see what you are trying. Be brave enough to share your experiments. Be open about your interests. And never underestimate the power of a good conversation.

Experiences are information

This brings us back to Sara’s own journey.

The neuroscience degree. Travelling. Working in tech. Returning to Boston. Starting on Substack.

On paper, it could look like a series of pivots. But I see it as collecting information.

Each experience gave Sara another piece of data about what she enjoyed, what she valued, what she wanted and who she was becoming.

And this is where I think her idea of being soul rooted in science becomes particularly interesting.

Feeling. Emotion. Intuition. Connection.

These are all experiences, and experiences are information.

Information feels like such a practical, scientific word. But perhaps that is exactly how intuition and science can coexist.

You don’t always have to know exactly where an experience is leading. You can simply pay attention.

What did that feel like? What did you enjoy? What did you learn about yourself?

Every experience can tell you something. And when you start seeing life this way, perhaps there is less pressure for every decision to be right.

Because even the unexpected detours give you information and help shape the next decision. They help introduce you to new people, perspectives and possibilities. And ultimately, they tell you something about who you are becoming.

Sara’s final message was to leave room for freedom.

To appreciate the small moments of joy without putting pressure on yourself to know exactly where they will lead.

Perhaps that is something worth carrying into the next season.

You don’t need to have the whole path mapped out. You don’t need to become a completely new person by the end of the year.

You might just need to take the next step, pay attention to what it teaches you, and enjoy the bagel along the way.

The Becoming Check-In: Journal Prompts to help you reflect on what you’ve learnt, what you’re being drawn towards, and who you’re becoming:

The Becoming Check In Becoming Without Burnout

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Hey, I’m Amy and by day I work in social media marketing for Kitch, and in between those hours I am usually journaling, running, spending time with friends and family, or writing here on Substack.

Here is me at work:

and TODAY I launched a new Substack publication if you want to read more about social strategy, and building community online.

I kind of fell into social media marketing while I was working as a journalist for a local magazine at university. I realised I loved the combination of creativity and strategy - getting to make things, while also thinking about why they work.

I love that social media can connect people and give users a creative outlet.

Here is an article I wrote on social media as a space for contribution, connection and becoming:

Anyway, I started working at Kitch in November 2025 and can honestly say I have found something that feels much more like work-life alignment.

My hobbies and passions outside of work have started finding their way into my career, and equally, what I am learning in the workplace has positively impacted my life and thinking outside of it.

The idea that work and life don't always need to be perfectly balanced, but can sometimes positively feed into one another, has been incredibly fulfilling for me

I wrote more about that idea of work-life alignment in collaboration with here:

Except, the other day I had a super interesting call with and she made me realise there was one huge disconnect.

I wasn’t applying what I know about social media marketing to my Substack.

It sounds so obvious now, but I was treating Substack as a place to share my thoughts and connect with others, which is wonderful, but I wasn’t really looking at the data or applying any real strategy to grow.

Which is literally what I do every day for brands.

Without really realising it, though, there were a few principles from social media marketing that I had already carried over.

Having a clear brand

For example, I have always tried to keep a relatively clear brand on Substack.

I keep my colourways, typography and even my imagery in line with some self-created brand guidelines.

If you want to update how your Substack looks, you can go to the Website Editor on desktop and play around with the layout, colours and typography.

I also think branding goes beyond just making everything look aesthetically consistent.

For me, it’s about making Becoming Without Burnout feel like its own little world.

I want you to know, before you have even read an article, what kind of space you have landed in.

Content pillars

I also have clearly defined content pillars.

Though, I want to confess that I did not have these straight away.

Sometimes it can take months, or even years, of writing to know exactly what it is you want to say.

I think there is so much pressure online to find your niche immediately, but sometimes you just need to create first and look back at the patterns later.

If you want some help defining your content pillars, my advice would be to look at what themes you are already writing about and see if there are any overarching connections.

Your content pillars don’t always have to be the most obvious categories.

Sometimes the connection is underneath the things you are writing about.

Give people a reason to keep reading

Another skill from social media marketing I have been trying to apply to my articles is having a really clear hook.

You want to give readers a reason to keep reading.

Sometimes this looks like a really engaging title or subtitle. Sometimes it is a question. And sometimes it is a story - like I have used in this article - to build trust with your reader and encourage them to become invested in what you have to say.

But the article doesn’t end with the hook.

Like a good social media video, you need to keep people’s attention.

For me personally, I know I am more engaged with Substack articles when they are visually appealing and easy to read.

Include clear subtitles. Add images. Embed quotes.

Have fun with your Substack and treat it a little bit like your own magazine!

Moving forward, I am going to experiment with adding playlists, more resources I love and different formats because this is essentially your own little corner of the internet to share what you love with the world. (And I think that’s pretty cool).

I think the more colourful and characterful you make your Substack, the more people will have to connect with.

But here is what Loren made me realise I was getting wrong

I wasn’t looking at the data.

The number one misconception about marketing is that it is just about taking pretty pictures or making a video that gets lots of views.

But a huge part of the job is looking at what worked, what didn’t, refining the strategy and then testing again.

And I wasn’t applying this to my own work.

I found out this week that my largest audience is actually in the US, yet I was still publishing Notes and articles based around a UK timezone.

Which means my biggest audience could potentially have been asleep when I was publishing.

It is such an obvious thing when I think about it now.

To check where your audience is based, you can go to Dashboard → Stats → Audience.

In the Growth tab, you can also see where your subscribers are coming from.

And this is where I had another little lightbulb moment.

I didn’t realise that one of my Notes had gained me 167 subscribers.

From one Note alone!

Now, we can’t always predict what will go viral or what people are going to respond to. But we can increase our chances of growth by paying attention to what works and experimenting with it again.

The same way we would for a social media strategy.

But again, this is just another thing to test, measure and refine.

Which leads me to my next little Substack experiment.

Introducing new tools to Becoming Without Burnout

For the first time, last week’s article included a downloadable PDF for daily intentions, time-blocking and a habit-tracker.

I want to experiment with earning money from my writing, but if I’m being completely honest, I’m still figuring out the balance between building an audience, experimenting with ideas, listening to feedback and knowing when the right time is to introduce paid content.

I shared via Notes last week that the article ended up being one of my lowest-performing posts, and I wondered whether putting a paywall halfway through the essay had something to do with it.

So, I've made a small change. I've moved the paywall. The writing will remain free to read, while the additional tools and resources are what I'm experimenting with charging for.

And to give you a taste of what I’m creating, I’m making this PDF completely free: a simple tool to help you plan your Substack content.

I recommend printing the pages, or copying the template into your own journal.

Or, you can download this Google Sheet which you should be able to copy and personalise.

Substack Content Planner:

Substack Content Planner Becoming Without Burnout

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If you’re interested in more tools like this, my paid tier is £4 a month or £40 a year. My aim is to share a new downloadable resource each week, meaning each tool works out at around £1 or less.

But more than simply creating PDFs for the sake of it, I want these to be genuinely useful.

I think one of the things that sets Substack apart from other platforms is the sense of support and community. It feels quite unmatched.

We may all be strangers, but somehow we’re also each other’s biggest cheerleaders.

So if I can create something that genuinely helps you - whether that’s through an article, a conversation or a practical tool - then I want to share it.

Becoming Without Burnout is ultimately about helping us become the people we want to be and build lives we genuinely enjoy, without sacrificing our wellbeing along the way. And sometimes an essay might help us think differently. Other times, a practical tool might help us put those ideas into action.

I want to explore both.

With that said, I’d love to know what lessons you’ve learned on your own Substack journey so far.

And, of course, if there are any downloadable tools or resources you’d like to see from me, please let me know. I’d genuinely love to create things that you actually find useful.

I sometimes get asked how I balance a full-time job, engage on Substack daily, write weekly articles, train for a half marathon, and still make time for friends and family.

But it’s not really about filling my time, it’s about creating systems that give you more time.

I’ve spent years fine-tuning the systems and habits I have in place to make sure I can work towards my goals while still having a life outside of them.

Because I don’t want to spend my life being productive just for the sake of being productive.

I want to have time for the things I actually care about.

To write. To run. To see my friends. To spend time with my family. To work towards my goals. To have a slow morning. To cook dinner. To read. To do absolutely nothing sometimes.

And I’ve realised that the way I make space for all of these things is through small habits that I return to every day.

These are the habits that make my dream life feel possible.

Wake up at 5:55am

During the week, my alarm goes off at 5:55am. At weekends, it’s usually somewhere between 6:30 and 7am.

But that 5:55am alarm doesn’t mean I’m jumping out of bed at exactly 5:55.

It provides five or ten minutes to snooze and slowly pull myself out from under the covers.

Because while I love an early start, that doesn’t mean it’s any easier to leave the comfort of my bed.

An early start means I wake up slowly, journal, exercise, make a coffee and think about what I actually want from my day.

It’s not about squeezing more into my life. It’s about creating more space for the things I want in it.

Set a morning intention

I use those sleepy few minutes of lazing in bed to pull out my journal and document how I’m feeling and what’s on my mind.

I’m loving my 1% Sprouht Journal for tracking my mood and intentions each morning.

I especially love the daily prompt: “What question will you answer today?”

It sounds simple, but I love starting my day with a question rather than a list of things I need to achieve.

Some mornings I feel motivated and excited about the day ahead.

Other mornings, I’m tired and already thinking about everything I have to do.

Writing it down gives me a moment to actually check in with myself before I start reacting to the day.

My best days don’t necessarily start with the most productive morning. They start with an intentional one.

Move your body

My best days always start with movement. It wakes me up so much better than a doomscroll ever could.

And it doesn’t have to be an intense workout. Sometimes it’s a run or strength session. Other days, it’s a low-energy walk or a stretch.

The best thing about a workout in the morning?

You have the rest of the day ahead of you knowing you’ve already done something to improve yourself in a way that makes you feel good.

The key is finding a form of movement you genuinely enjoy and that motivates you to keep going.

Whether that’s training for a race, going to a pilates class, walking with a friend, or simply having a daily dance around the kitchen.

Movement should be something that adds to your life, not another thing you feel guilty for not doing.

Make time for your creative goals

Now, as someone reading this on Substack, you may also be publishing here.

And I see so many people say they haven’t got time to work on their Substack as much as they wish they could.

So, how do I manage it?

If you’d like some help putting this into practice, I’ve created a Dream Day Toolkit for paid subscribers at the bottom of this article. It includes a downloadable PDF template for time-blocking your day, a habit tracker and journal prompts for implementing some of these systems yourself.

I set aside just 15 minutes before I start my workday to check my notifications and engage with Notes.

Then, I’ll often spend 30 minutes to an hour after my workday either engaging, writing, researching, or working on some sort of experiment towards my Substack.

Sometimes I’ll write an entire article. Sometimes I’ll write a few paragraphs. Sometimes I’ll just research something I’m interested in or jot down ideas for future posts.

It all counts.

The benefit of doing it around my work hours is that I’m already in that creative-work mindset.

I think if you don’t time-block it into your day with as much importance as a workout, lunch break or doctor’s appointment, you’ll never consistently make time for it.

If something matters to you, you have to give it a place in your day.

Let me know if you’d like me to do an article dedicated to fitting Substack into a busy life. I’d love to share some of my tips and tricks!

Collaborate in the afternoon

This is the latest habit I’m working on.

If my mornings are dedicated to creativity and deep work, my afternoons ideally would be dedicated to collaboration.

Whether that’s a creative work meeting, catching up with a friend on my lunch break, having a meaningful conversation, or simply calling a friend on my way home from work.

I’m really starting to see the value in self-growth and personal development being a shared experience.

I’ve had some genuinely mind-opening conversations recently that have shifted my own thoughts around work and life in general.

And it’s made me realise how easy it is to think about personal development as something we have to do alone.

But some of the biggest shifts in my thinking recently have come from conversations with other people.

Someone sharing a perspective I hadn’t considered, or a friend asking me a question that makes me rethink something.

Sometimes the best way to grow is to get out of your own head.

So this is something I certainly want to prioritise - if not every day, then at least two or three times a week.

Because isn’t this what a dream life should be about? Building your goals while also building meaningful connections with the people around you.

Fuel your dream life

For the last nine weeks, I’ve been following a training plan for my half marathon.

I’ve been shifting towards a whole-food diet as much as possible for the last year or so, but for the first time in my life, this training plan has made me realise just how much I was under-fuelling my body.

And it has completely changed the way I think about food.

To live your dream life, you cannot do any of the above without first having the energy to actually do them.

I spend Sundays meal planning, food shopping and meal prepping, which makes it much easier to fuel myself well throughout the week.

In a world where diet culture is rife and there is so much nutritional advice out there, I’ve always been hesitant to add to this conversation.

I’m not a nutritionist, and I’m certainly not here to tell you how you should eat.

But I do think it’s worth remembering some of the basics we learnt in our early years at school.

Carbohydrates aren’t the devil. Fruit and vegetables are important. Protein is important. Eating a varied diet is important.

And if you’re exercising regularly, you need to make sure you’re actually giving your body enough fuel to support it.

Food gives us the energy to go out and live our lives.

This podcast episode has some fantastic advice:

No screens before bed

Sorry to sound like the mum who says, “If you sit any closer to the TV, your eyes will go square,” but I cannot stress enough how much better my sleep has felt since avoiding devices after 8pm when I can.

I often use those two hours before sleep to read or journal any end-of-day thoughts.

Now, I can’t always stick to this. But when I do commit, I always feel 10x better the next morning.

There’s something about ending the day without filling your brain with more information that makes it feel like you actually have time to switch off.

Two hours without a screen can feel like giving yourself two extra hours in the day.

Reflect on your day

And the last thing I do before the end of every day is my evening journal reflection.

I write how the day felt, my highlight of the day, something I’m grateful for, something I learnt, tick off my habits, and anything else I want to “switch off” in my mind.

It gives me somewhere to put all the thoughts that otherwise might follow me into bed.

It gives me much more clarity and allows me to wake up the next morning feeling hopeful, refreshed and excited by the prospect of a blank slate.

You don’t have to solve everything before you go to sleep. Sometimes you just need somewhere to put it down.

None of these habits are groundbreaking, nor will they make you feel like a completely different person overnight.

But I think that’s what I love about them. They’re small enough to actually fit into a normal life.

I don’t think living your dream life means having the perfect morning routine or becoming the most productive version of yourself.

It’s about creating a life that has enough space for the things that make you feel like you.

So, now that I’ve told you what my ideal day looks like - and the habits I implement throughout my morning, afternoon and evening - it’s time for you to think about what your ideal day would look like.

Your dream life doesn’t have to start someday in the future. You can start building it in the ordinary days you’re already living.

Because sometimes, the hardest part isn’t knowing what you want. It’s deciding to start building it.

Read more

Meaningful work is not found in one defining purpose or a perfectly planned career, but through conversations, curiosity, collaboration and a willingness to keep saying yes before you know exactly where it will lead.

Last week I went live with to talk about what it means to live a meaningful life. We covered a lot in the 45-minutes, from redefining success to meaningful work, but there was one idea that hasn’t left my thoughts: life feels most meaningful when we approach it with a sense of play.

Before we dive in, I want to share something and I wrote together recently in What story do you want to tell?

“One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt through Becoming Without Burnout is that building a meaningful life isn’t about rushing towards certainty. It’s about making intentional choices, staying curious and trusting that clarity arrives through consistent action rather than perfect planning.

Every conversation you have, every new experience, every risk you take and every opportunity you say yes to gives you more information about who you are and what matters to you.

Rather than waiting for certainty, begin collecting experiences. They become the evidence that shapes the next chapter of your story.”

I invited onto a Substack Live not only because our publications are so aligned, but because we both shared the perspective of working in hospitality marketing. I was curious to explore how our careers had shaped our perspectives on life.

Ben’s definition of a meaningful life is one where you can “see the fun moments in life. And it might not be work, but it might be making life outside of work more exciting, more interesting for yourself.”

That sense of play, freedom, adventure and experimentation really stuck with me.

It shifted my perspective of meaningful work. I began to see it as something rooted not only in your values, but also beyond yourself - something to be found, shared and experienced with other people.

As I said during the live, self-reflection is incredibly valuable. But when you share that work, it gives it purpose.

“And for me, that is what I think makes it meaningful work.”

But can work be meaningful, even if it doesn’t have a clear purpose?

I think it can, and my conversation with Ben helped me understand why.

Later in the conversation I said, “If it’s something you can walk away from and feel like you’ve learned something, you’re inspired or you’ve made a new connection, then that, to me, is meaningful.”

It’s not always about what you put into the work. Sometimes it’s about what the work gives back to you.

And that’s why collaboration matters so much.

Ben hosts a networking group called Best Before, and he shared:

“It’s when everyone’s coming together after the talk and having a drink together and realising that you’re in it together. They’re the magical moments. What we really love is when people have a conversation there and then go off and create a little collaboration together. We see those happen, and that always feels really meaningful.”

Substack gave and I that same opportunity to connect.

After writing our first collaborative article together, Maybe You’re Not Burnt Out - Maybe You’re Misaligned we jumped on a video call for the first time. He was in Michigan; I was on the south coast of England. From that single conversation, a second collaborative article was born.

Through meeting Ryan, I was then introduced to , and another wonderful article came from that connection: The Messy Middle.

You get my point?

With collaboration come meaningful conversations, valuable lessons and opportunities that simply wouldn’t have existed otherwise.

“Was the project interesting? Did you get to work with some really cool people? Did something unexpected come from it? Are you now part of a stronger network?”

These are the questions Ben asks when deciding whether work has been meaningful.

For me, it was incredibly rewarding to see my name appear in ’s journal this week and to know my writing had resonated so deeply. I am so grateful that she chose to share such honest and vulnerable reflections.

That feeling of excitement, connection and hope is exactly what meaningful work is all about.

Of course, collaborations don’t simply appear out of thin air. You have to be willing to talk about what you do, share what you love and stop hiding your ambitions.

That was another topic Ben and I explored: finding the confidence to share your work publicly.

“What I’ve really learned is this idea that the things you want or the life you might want is often actually the other side of being a bit uncomfortable and just crossing that cringe,” Ben said.

“If that’s the price of having a bit more, or giving myself a greater surface area to get lucky and for more opportunities to find me, then that feels like an alright price.”

This idea - that a little fear or embarrassment is simply the price of growth - reminded me of Roy T. Bennett’s quote:

“Do not fear failure, but rather fear not trying.”

Standing still feels far scarier to me than embarrassing myself.

Maybe that’s why I keep shooting my shot.

In a recent Working Hard podcast episode, How to Engineer Your Own Luck, Grace Beverley argues that too many of us spend our lives waiting, relying on manifestation and believing that “what is meant for me will find me.”

But as she points out, something can’t find you if you’re not in the right place to be found.

The episode was inspired by Alexa Rose’s brilliant article, Engineering My Own Luck (If Anyone Wants Anything).

You cannot build a meaningful life without a little hard work.

Ben even challenged me to share my Substack more openly with friends and family after I admitted that most of my readers are people I’ve never met.

He said, “You’ll instantly become a person of interest. People will say, ‘Wow, that’s really cool. What is that then? Tell me about it.’ Suddenly you’ve created an environment where life becomes a little more interesting and a little more meaningful.”

Whenever fear does creep in, Ben encourages us to treat life like an experiment.

“Then it doesn’t really matter. Turn it into a game. Turn it into an experiment. Framing more things like that frees you up to try more things, and that’s where you’ll find more fun and more joy.”

I unknowingly took that advice with me on a 16 km run last weekend.

To make the run a little less repetitive, I decided to see how many high-fives I could collect from complete strangers.

It was a silly little game that pushed me outside my comfort zone.

By the end of that hour and a half, I’d collected eleven high-fives. That’s eleven more smiles than I would have seen otherwise.

When you spread joy, joy has a funny way of finding you too.

Maybe that’s what a meaningful life really is.

It’s not waiting until you’re certain.

It’s sending the message. Asking the question. Publishing the article. Inviting someone onto a livestream. Offering the high-five. Saying yes before you know exactly where it will lead.

Because every conversation becomes another connection. Every collaboration opens another door. Every uncomfortable moment becomes another piece of evidence about who you’re becoming.

The meaningful life isn’t found all at once. It’s built - one curious experiment at a time.

We tell ourselves we’re too late, not experienced enough, not creative enough, not disciplined enough. Eventually those stories stop feeling like opinions and start feeling like facts.

The uncomfortable truth is that most of these stories were never ours to begin with.

They were inherited from parents, teachers, workplaces, culture, social media, or a single comment that lingered longer than it should have.

But the beautiful thing about stories is that they can be rewritten.

To build a life that feels like your own, you first have to become aware of the narrative you’ve been living by, and decide whether it’s still one you want to keep.

This month, Ryan and I have been exploring the stories we tell ourselves - where they come from, why they keep us stuck, and how we begin rewriting them. In this conversation, Amy explores the psychology behind limiting beliefs, while Ryan reflects on how these ideas have shaped his own life and writing.

What are limiting beliefs, and where do they come from?

Amy

Nir Eyal defines a limiting belief as a belief that drains motivation and increases suffering.

Think about something you’ve told yourself recently.

“I’m not experienced enough.”

“It’s too late to change careers.”

“Rest is lazy.”

“Success means climbing the corporate ladder.”

None of these are objective truths. They’re interpretations that we’ve accepted as reality.

Our brains naturally conserve energy by turning repeated messages into assumptions. Over time, what begins as someone else’s opinion can become our own identity.

Sometimes limiting beliefs aren’t even things we say - they’re decisions we make without questioning whether they’re actually ours.

Once you realise that a belief may simply be inherited, you also realise it can be rewritten.

Ryan

Limiting beliefs are the stories we repeat so often that they begin to feel like facts.

“I’m not creative.”

“I’m just not ready yet.”

“I’m not the type of person who can do that.”

Most of these beliefs are not consciously chosen. They are oftentimes absorbed from parents, school, work, culture, social media, or even one comment that stuck around longer than it should have.

Because some of these beliefs are inherited from the people you love, they can be difficult to recognize at first. They often sound reasonable because they are familiar. I’ve talked about this before:

“A lot of the things I once believed I could not do were never actually based in truth. They were based on repetition. Old assumptions. Other people’s voices. Earlier versions of me I never bothered to update.”

6 Hard Truths About Growing Up - by Ryan

Beliefs sit somewhere in the middle of fact and faith. They may not be objectively true, but we believe them strongly enough that they shape what we try, avoid, and think is possible.

Before we can rewrite a belief, we have to recognize that it may have been borrowed in the first place and ask ourselves whose voice we are actually listening to.

How do we rewrite limiting beliefs?

Amy

The challenge is that limiting beliefs are difficult to see while you’re living inside them.

Nir Eyal explains it perfectly:

“Just like you can’t see your own face, you can’t see your own limiting beliefs. So what do you need? A mirror. Reflection.”

Self-reflection becomes that mirror.

Whether it’s journaling, walking, meditation or simply sitting in silence, creating space allows you to hear your own thoughts instead of everyone else’s.

As thoughts arise, ask yourself:

• Is this thought useful?

• Does it motivate me?

• Or does it create suffering?

If it consistently leaves you feeling stuck or smaller than you are, you’ve probably found a limiting belief.

For Ryan, journaling became that mirror.

Ryan

Journaling helped me notice the same thoughts repeating and ask where they came from. As I wrote before:

“If I did not make space to hear myself think, the noise of the day would usually do the thinking for me.”

414,000 Words Nobody Asked Me to Write - by Ryan

But awareness alone is not enough. Once you identify the belief, you need to start collecting evidence against it.

Amy

If your belief is “I’m not experienced enough,” start collecting evidence that contradicts it. Write down every conversation, challenge, success or lesson that proves you’re more capable than your inner critic would have you believe.

You don’t erase limiting beliefs overnight, but you can replace them with evidence.

Ryan’s experience shows what this looks like when you actually begin collecting evidence against an old story.

Ryan

For a long time, I believed I was not a writer and did not have anything worth sharing. I did not overcome that belief by simply replacing it with a positive affirmation and hoping for the best. I began to write. Every journal entry and published article became a small piece of evidence that the old story might not be true.

Eventually, the evidence became stronger than the belief…

The power of self-talk

Amy

The stories you repeatedly tell yourself eventually become the stories you live.

Self-talk reinforces identity. The exciting part is that it also works in your favour.

If your imagination can convince you of the worst, it can also help you imagine the best.

Instead of telling yourself,

“I’m someone who never follows through,”

what if you began saying,

“I’m someone learning to trust myself.”

Of course, mindset without action isn’t enough.

But action always begins with the story you’re willing to believe.

Ryan

If you repeatedly say, “I’m not a runner,” you are less likely to run. If you say, “I’m not creative,” or “I’m not a writer,” you stop yourself before you have the chance to gather evidence that proves otherwise.

Changing your self-talk does not mean forcing yourself to believe something that does not feel true yet. It means leaving room for growth.

Instead of saying, “I’m not a writer,” I began acting like someone who writes. I published consistently, and those actions changed the way I talked to myself:

“I did not become a writer because I waited until I felt like one. I became one because I kept writing.”

The Contracts You Make With Yourself - by Ryan

Letting go of old identities

Amy

One of the biggest limiting beliefs we carry is the idea that we have to keep being who we’ve always been.

We tell ourselves it’s too late to change.

That we should finish something simply because we started it.

But that’s just another story.

Eckhart Tolle argues in The Power of Now that fulfilment only exists in the present moment.

Guilt lives in the past. Anxiety lives in the future. Life only happens now.

So instead of asking,

“Who have I always been?” ask, “Who do I want to be today?”

Sometimes rewriting your story means letting an older version of yourself go.

As I explored in The Messy Middle: What Actually Happens Between Burnout and the Life You Want, growth often happens in the uncomfortable space between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming. The hardest part isn’t knowing where you’re going - it’s letting go of the identity that no longer fits.

Ryan

Part of reclaiming your narrative is accepting that not every identity, goal, or path needs to follow you forever.

We often keep going because we have already invested a significant amount of time, effort, or money into something. Walking away can feel like failure, especially when that path has become part of how we explain who we are to other people (and to ourselves).

But as I have written:

“Past investment doesn’t guarantee a path is right for your future.”

The Clarity That Only Comes From Hard Times

Setbacks should be treated the same way. A failed attempt is simply information, not a permanent statement about your ability. You do not have to turn one difficult chapter into your entire identity.

Letting go does not erase the time you invested. You carry the lessons, skills, and experience forward. The story continues. You are simply allowed to choose a different direction for the next chapter.

Clarity comes through action

Amy

Once you’ve recognised the stories you’ve been living by, the next question becomes:

What story do you want to tell instead?

That can feel overwhelming. We often believe we need to have everything figured out before we begin. Social media only amplifies that feeling, presenting polished snapshots of lives and careers that seem to follow a perfectly mapped-out path.

But that’s another limiting belief.

You don’t need a ten-year plan to start building a meaningful life. You don’t have to choose one identity forever, and you certainly don’t need certainty before taking your first step.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt through Becoming Without Burnout is that building a meaningful life isn’t about rushing towards certainty. It’s about making intentional choices, staying curious and trusting that clarity arrives through consistent action rather than perfect planning.

Every conversation you have, every new experience, every risk you take and every opportunity you say yes to gives you more information about who you are and what matters to you.

Rather than waiting for certainty, begin collecting experiences. They become the evidence that shapes the next chapter of your story.

Ryan

I do not think most people find direction by thinking harder. They find it by paying attention to what fascinates them, trying things, and noticing what those experiences reveal.

I believe this more than anything:

“Clarity rarely comes before experience. It usually comes because of it.”

Your 20s Are for Testing, Not Perfecting

That was true when I began writing publicly. I did not have a detailed plan or know where it would lead. I started because I was curious, had something I wanted to explore, and was willing to begin before I felt ready. The process eventually revealed my voice and direction.

Research and reflection are only useful to some extent. Without action, they can become another way of delaying uncertainty. At some point, you have to test the idea, enter the room, begin the project, or have the conversation.

Ask yourself:

What fascinates me?

What kind of person do I want to become?

What small action would help me learn more?

Then build from there. Curiosity, learning, adventure and conversation are not distractions from the journey. They are how the journey takes shape.

The story is still being written

The stories we inherit are rarely the final draft.

Some help us grow, some keep us safe, and others quietly convince us to settle for a life that no longer fits who we’re becoming.

The challenge isn’t to become someone completely different overnight. It’s to notice which beliefs are no longer serving you, question where they came from and choose whether they’re still worthy of your future.

Because every journal entry, every difficult conversation, every risk you take and every small act of courage becomes another sentence in the story you’re writing.

You don’t rewrite your life in one dramatic moment. You rewrite it through the choices you make every day.

Ryan is the author of Present & Progressing, a publication for people who want to live with more clarity, discipline and direction, without losing the presence to enjoy the journey. You can subscribe and read more of Ryan’s work here:

Present and Progressing

I write about intentional living, self-discipline, and the systems that keep you motivated long after inspiration fades. Present & Progressing helps you simplify the noise, build clarity, and design a life that actually feels aligned.

By Ryan

Ready to go deeper?

The free newsletter is where we explore the ideas behind living more intentionally. The paid membership is where we turn those ideas into practice through actionable frameworks, guided reflection, monthly challenges and deeper conversations.

My goal isn’t to help you do more.

It’s to help you build a life that feels calmer, richer and more aligned with who you want to become.

If that sounds like the journey you’re on, I’d love for you to join us.

You can also follow more of my journey on Instagram @amy_stanborough

I published my first Substack in February 2025, but I don’t think I’ve ever properly introduced myself or explained why I started writing here.

So whether you’ve just stumbled across this publication or you’ve been reading for months, I wanted to share what Becoming Without Burnout means to me, and what I hope it becomes for you.

Becoming Without Burnout is a newsletter about building an ambitious life that still leaves room for joy, presence and the people who matter most.

Subscribe now

It all started after my beautiful Nan passed away in October 2024.

In the months that followed, I convinced myself the best way to honour her was to become the happiest, healthiest and most successful version of myself. I filled every spare moment with self-improvement, stayed relentlessly “productive” and constantly chased the next goal.

Except by keeping busy to mask the pain, I wasn’t healing.

By the new year, I felt exhausted. Grief had caught up with me, and so had the pressure I’d been putting on myself. I knew the way I was living wasn’t sustainable.

So I started asking different questions.

Instead of asking, How can I achieve more?

I asked, What kind of life do I actually want to wake up to every day?

I let go of what no longer filled my cup and slowed down enough to notice what genuinely brought me joy. One of those things was writing.

I’ve always been a storyteller. I’ve kept journals for as long as I can remember, started a travel blog at 14, and even worked as a journalist while I was at university. But somewhere between graduating and starting my first full-time job, I’d forgotten how much writing made me feel like myself.

Then I discovered Substack.

Very quickly, it became the place where I could explore - and share - the questions I couldn’t stop thinking about.

Can you build an ambitious life without sacrificing your wellbeing?

Can you chase big goals while staying present enough to enjoy them?

Because I knew I couldn’t be the only person wondering. Or the only person doing what looked good on paper, even when it didn’t feel good.

We’re living in a world that’s more connected than ever, yet many of us feel increasingly disconnected - from ourselves, from each other and from what actually matters. Burnout is everywhere. Being busy is celebrated. And so many of us are trying to become “better” without ever stopping to ask what “better” actually means.

What I’ve learnt is this:

A meaningful life isn’t built through constant optimisation.

It’s built by knowing what you value, then creating more space for those things.

For me, that’s meaningful work. Deep conversations. Movement that makes me feel alive. Time in nature. Creativity. Curiosity. Little adventures. Quiet mornings. Family. Friends.

When you know what matters to you, success stops being something you endlessly chase and starts becoming something you experience.

Over the past year, I’ve written about journaling, habit psychology, running, meditation, everyday adventures, meaningful work, and the small routines that quietly shape our lives.

I’ve documented buying my first home, changing careers, moments of confidence, moments of doubt, and the days when I haven’t quite felt like myself.

Along the way, I’ve realised my niche isn’t really wellness or productivity.

It’s my honest pursuit of becoming more intentional, more present and more fulfilled.

Rather than chasing an end goal or searching for one life purpose, I think we’re here to enjoy the adventure of becoming - to keep learning about ourselves and the world around us, and to find joy in our ambitions instead of waiting until we’ve achieved them.

Working in marketing has also given me a front-row seat to how technology, AI and social media are changing the way we live, work and connect. Understanding human behaviour has only reinforced what I already suspected: the things that make us feel most alive aren’t found on a screen. They’re found in real conversations, meaningful work, nature, creativity and the people we love.

So if you’ve ever wondered...

Can I be ambitious without constantly feeling behind?

I’m exploring that alongside you.

What actually makes a good life?

I believe it’s connection - to yourself, to others and to the world around you.

How do I stop always chasing the next milestone?

By learning to appreciate where you are while still being excited about where you’re going.

That’s what this newsletter is here to help with.

You’ll find personal essays, journal prompts, practical tools, recommendations, challenges and reflections that you can actually apply to your own life.

I don’t want this to be another corner of the internet telling you to optimise every minute of your day. I want it to be a place that reminds you to live.

Because creating a meaningful life doesn’t happen by accident. It happens through hundreds of small, intentional choices made over time.

My hope is that Becoming Without Burnout gives you permission to chase big dreams without losing yourself in the process.

To embrace everyday adventures. To celebrate progress without constantly searching for the next achievement. And to create a life that feels every bit as good as it looks.

This week, I want to go a little deeper by unpacking a word we use all the time: productivity.

What does it actually mean to be productive?

It’s a question worth asking if you genuinely want to improve the quality of your attention, become more present and ultimately avoid burnout (which is what this Substack is all about!)

I want to backtrack to an article I wrote back in November, Sustainable Habits & Productive Rest. At the time, I had just started reading Slow Productivity by Cal Newport, and one idea in particular has stayed with me ever since.

Productivity is a vague word.

Most people think productivity means getting more done. I think productivity means doing less, well.

Productivity is about the quality of what you do, not the quantity and ensuring what you choose to spend your time on is meaningful.

I think too many people associate productivity with being busy. But I think there is a better word for it: fulfilment.

If a task, project, conversation or even a day spent exploring leaves you feeling satisfied, inspired or connected, then that, to me, is productivity.

A slow walk with a friend. Reading a chapter of a book. Cooking dinner without rushing. Journaling in the morning before the world wakes up. These moments may not be traditionally productive on paper, but they contribute to a life that feels full rather than simply rushed through.

We’ve become so used to measuring our days by how much we complete that we’ve forgotten to ask whether the things filling our calendars actually matter.

If productivity is about quality rather than quantity, then rest is no longer something we earn once the work is finished. It’s part of the work itself.

Journaling, meditation, long walks and other forms of mindwork stop being nice-to-haves and instead become essential practices for protecting our attention in a world that constantly competes for it.

As The Psychology of Your 20s podcast puts it:

“Rest is one of the most basic biological needs your body and mind requires. They require recovery just to function normally… Your body will break down without it.”

Rest isn’t the opposite of productivity, it’s the fuel that keeps us moving forward.

If you’re a fan of time-blocking and to-do lists (just as I am), make sure “do something for me” has its own place in your calendar.

Professor Moshe Bar, a renowned cognitive neuroscientist, explains that mind wandering plays an important role in our mental and physical lives. Giving our minds space to drift improves creative thinking, decision making, mood and mental resilience.

The word resilience is the one I want to draw attention to.

Because we’re not looking for quick fixes, we’re looking for sustainability.

The goal isn’t to squeeze more out of ourselves today if it means having nothing left tomorrow. The goal is to build a way of living that allows us to keep showing up with energy, curiosity and joy over the long term.

Which brings me to another question I think is just as important:

What does success look like to you?

Having a strong sense of purpose is one of the greatest protectors against burnout because it gives your effort somewhere meaningful to go.

For a long time, success has been measured through wealth, status, job titles and material possessions. But perhaps success looks different. Perhaps it’s quality time with friends, meaningful work, creative fulfilment, learning something new or having the freedom to spend a slow day exactly how you choose.

Health psychologist Dariusz Krok explored this idea while studying firefighters and their relationship between purpose and burnout. He found that those with a stronger sense of personal meaning reported fewer symptoms of burnout, including exhaustion and disengagement, and instead experienced greater fulfilment and personal accomplishment.

As Krok writes, meaning in life helps us organise our experiences, recognise what truly matters and develop a deeper sense of purpose.

Maybe that’s why productivity has become such an unhelpful word. We’ve allowed it to become synonymous with output when, in reality, it’s deeply connected to meaning.

So perhaps the most productive thing you can do isn’t tick off another task on your list. Perhaps it’s opening a journal.

Ask yourself what success genuinely looks like. What gives you energy rather than drains it? What makes you feel fulfilled rather than simply occupied?

Because productivity isn’t about fitting more into your day.

It’s about giving more of your attention to the things that deserve it.

And maybe that’s the definition we’ve been looking for all along.

Ready to go deeper?

The free newsletter is where we explore the ideas behind living more intentionally. The paid membership is where we turn those ideas into practice through actionable frameworks, guided reflection, monthly challenges and deeper conversations.

My goal isn’t to help you do more.

It’s to help you build a life that feels calmer, richer and more aligned with who you want to become.

If that sounds like the journey you’re on, I’d love for you to join us.

You can also follow more of my journey on Instagram @amy_stanborough

Subscribe now

Every day we’re encouraged to do more, earn more, optimise more and become more. I mean, you just have to look at ‘maxxing’ trending on social media ie. maximising how much we do something.

Success has become synonymous with being busy, and rest is often treated as something we have to earn rather than something we need.

How often have you heard the terms “busy means business”, “that’s great that you’re keeping yourself busy”, “I can sleep when I’m dead”, “no rest for the wicked” or quite simply, “I haven’t got time.”

So where does presence fit into all of that?

Welcome to Month 2 of the Becoming Without Burnout Challenge. Last month, we focused on slowing down, finding clarity and building self-respect. This month, we’re exploring something a little different: how to build ambition without urgency. How to feel productive without feeling consumed by your work.

Because perhaps slow living isn’t about escaping work altogether. Perhaps it’s about changing the way we experience the hours we already spend working.

According to Mental Health UK, up to 39% of young adults aged 18–24 have taken time off work because of stress-related poor mental health. Even more concerning, 93% of young workers report experiencing high or extreme levels of pressure. Burnout is no longer an individual problem; it’s becoming part of the culture we’ve normalised.

And honestly, it’s not difficult to see why.

Many of us are trying to build careers while exercising regularly, cooking nutritious meals, maintaining friendships, nurturing relationships, caring for children or ageing parents and somehow finding time for ourselves too.

You can visualise your dream life: long mornings by the sea, working remotely from wonderful destinations, yoga classes at sunrise or booking spontaneous weekends away.

But those visions can feel impossibly distant from our own reality making it hard to take action.

But what if we stopped waiting for a completely different life before allowing ourselves to slow down and live fully?

If you’re in a job you can’t leave right now - or perhaps you’re in a career you actually enjoy but still feel like something is missing - this article is for you.

Because while we can’t always change our circumstances overnight, we can often change how we move through them.

For me, one of the greatest gifts in my current role is hybrid working. It allows my work to fit around my life rather than my life fitting around work. Before, I rushed through workouts, came home exhausted and felt like I had nothing left to give outside of office hours. Now I have the space to move my body, enjoy time with my friends in the evenings, and begin work feeling like I’ve already looked after myself.

That doesn’t mean flexible working is the answer for everyone.

Some people genuinely thrive with a structured 9–5. Predictable routines can reduce decision fatigue, make healthy habits easier to maintain and create clear boundaries between work and home.

The point isn’t that one way is better than another. It’s asking yourself: What kind of working life allows me to feel like myself?

If there are small adjustments that would help - perhaps working from home one day a week, shifting your hours slightly or protecting your lunch break - it might be worth having that conversation. Sometimes we assume the answer will be no before we’ve even asked.

But, even if the answer is no, there’s another question I’d encourage you to consider.

How much of your day actually belongs to you?

One of my favourite quotes from The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari says:

“Saying that you don’t have time to improve your thoughts and your life is like saying you don’t have time to stop for gas because you’re too busy driving.”

Before trying to overhaul your schedule, spend a day simply observing it.

Could that hour-long meeting become thirty minutes? Could that conversation become an email? Do you instinctively reach for your phone every spare moment, or could those five minutes become an opportunity to read a few pages of a book, take a short walk or simply look up at the sky?

Time-blocking isn’t just about productivity. It’s about recognising that we often have more agency over our days than we realise.

But perhaps my favourite way to romanticise the workday has nothing to do with calendars or productivity systems.

It’s changing the atmosphere.

Every so often, I’ll work from a local coffee shop instead of my desk. I’ll order a flat white, find a seat by the window and spend a few hours working surrounded by the gentle sound of conversation and coffee machines.

Nothing about my workload changes. But somehow, everything feels different.

Research suggests that changing your environment can boost creativity and motivation by introducing novelty to the brain. A new setting interrupts autopilot, reduces environmental triggers for old habits and creates a sense of possibility. Sometimes, all your brain needs is a different view.

Even if you work in an office every day, perhaps you could eat lunch outside, work from a different meeting space, take a walking meeting or simply spend ten minutes in the sunshine before heading back inside.

These small rituals won’t eliminate stress.

But they remind us that life is happening while we’re working, not just after we’ve finished.

And maybe that’s what romanticising your workday really means.

It isn’t pretending work is always enjoyable. It isn’t buying expensive stationery or perfectly curating your desk. It’s choosing to notice the moments that already exist.

The first sip of your morning coffee. Opening the windows before you start work. Meeting a friend for lunch instead of eating at your desk. Playing instrumental music while you answer emails. Lighting a candle before opening your laptop. Stepping outside to feel the sun on your face between meetings.

These moments are small, but small shifts create big results.

Real growth happens when it feels like nothing is moving.

Above all else, though, I think the biggest change happens internally.

Flexible hours, time-blocking and new environments all help. But none of them matter if we’re mentally somewhere else the entire time.

Presence is a practice.

Even if all you can manage is five quiet minutes before bed, write down three things you’re grateful for. Journal about how you’re feeling. Empty your thoughts onto paper instead of carrying them into tomorrow.

Perhaps instead of checking your phone every time you’re waiting in a queue or walking somewhere, you simply notice your surroundings. Listen to the birds. Feel the breeze. Take one deep breath before opening your next email.

These aren’t dramatic life changes.

They’re gentle reminders that your attention is one of the few things you truly control.

So, can we genuinely live slowly in a world built for speed?

I think we can.

Not because we’ll all move to the countryside or spend every morning reading beside the sea. But because slow living isn’t defined by where you are or how much free time you have.

It’s defined by the quality of your attention.

The goal isn’t to escape your everyday life.

It’s to become fully present in the one you’re already living.

Ready to go deeper?

The free newsletter is where we explore the ideas behind living more intentionally. The paid membership is where we turn those ideas into practice through actionable frameworks, guided reflection, monthly challenges and deeper conversations.

My goal isn’t to help you do more.

It’s to help you build a life that feels calmer, richer and more aligned with who you want to become.

If that sounds like the journey you’re on, I’d love for you to join us.

Subscribe now

From practising slowing down and finding joy in the everyday, to refining what you consume and understanding that growth happens in the “messy middle” - the space where it feels like nothing is moving.

This final week explores how self-respect deepens when you believe in your voice and your vision.

The first three weeks of our Self-Respect month have been about gaining clarity. This week is about taking action - integrating those reflections into your life. Because consistency, built through repeated habits, is evidence of your hard work.

Subscribe now

Read more

Almost nothing talks about what happens in between - the part that nobody prepares you for.

It’s a space where you’ve named the problem and know the old way wasn’t working. But you don’t have the new thing yet, and some days it doesn’t even feel close. It’s an uncomfortable stretch where it can feel like you’re failing simply because nothing about it feels like progress.

Both - author of Trials, Tribulations & Torches - and I have lived through a version of this.

One of us walked away from a misaligned engineering career and a business that was never going to work, with no real plan for what came next. The other has been moving through a quieter transition - building a life deliberately, one small choice at a time, while learning not to rush the parts that can’t be rushed.

Different timelines and circumstances, but the same terrain.

This piece is for anyone who is also in a quiet space between who you were and who you are becoming.

Subscribe now

The Grief Nobody Warns You About

One of the biggest misconceptions about personal growth is that ambition and grief are opposites.

But you can be excited about the life you’re building and still mourn the life you’re leaving behind.

Sometimes the grief of your old self is obvious. You can miss the title, routine, certainty, or simply knowing what came next.

Sometimes identity grief it’s more subtle.

You might be grieving years you spent on the wrong path, or opportunities you didn’t take. Maybe you find yourself wishing you pursued your dream sooner.

Amy

I’ve come to believe that life moves in seasons. Sometimes we can feel like things are constantly moving, sometimes you feel stagnant and not quite sure how to take the next step. But understanding that everything is temporary, and nothing is ever permanently guaranteed can be unsettling, but also extremely freeing.

The best act of self-care we can offer ourselves is learning to enjoy our own company and grounding ourselves in our values. Because our bodies are the only permanent thing we own. When you learn to sit with your emotions rather than outrun them, you become better equipped to move through any external circumstance - any way of grief or ambition.

I also believe every experience serves a purpose.

Every relationship, success, failure and detour becomes a building block. Together, they form the person you are becoming. Uncertainty in the ‘messy middle’ is part of the pieces coming together.

Growth requires patience. Don’t rush through your life searching for the next win before you’ve acknowledged the last one.

Dido

For the longest time, I assumed that looking competent on the outside was a form of success that I needed to chase.

And I did achieve it. I had the engineering career. I had the side business. To all of my friends and co-workers, I seemed like the guy that had it all together.

The reality is, on the inside, all I was doing was escaping myself. I was chasing external validation in order to replace the emptiness that I felt inside.

Of course, this all caught up to me, where I ended up quitting my job impulsively because my body couldn’t take it anymore.

I thought the side business would save me, but I couldn’t get funding. So, now, I was stuck in a messy middle space that I could no longer escape.

It was the first time in my life I didn’t have external validation or status from school, career, or business.

Eventually - after a transformational experience walking in the rain you can read here:

Trials, Tribulations, & Torches

Torch #6: Once You Go Into The Unknown You'll Never Want To Go Back

Torch #6 takes place April 2025, when I was willing to do anything to find an escape…

Read more

7 months ago · 14 likes · 11 comments · Dido Torchi

- I was able to get past it and finally accept my pain to let go of the past.

That’s what the grief looked like for me. Not grieving a career. Grieving the version of myself I thought I was supposed to be. That’s when I knew I needed to find a new direction.

The Trap of Rushing to Fill the Gap

Once you’ve left something behind, the temptation is immediate:

Find the next thing: A new career. A side hustle. A plan. Just as Dido did with his side business.

There comes a point where you grasp for anything that makes you feel like you’re moving.

The problem is that movement and progress aren’t always the same thing.

Amy

I’ve always been someone who loves a challenge. My instinct is often to do more.

But over time, I’ve realised that true productivity isn’t about doing more - it’s about choosing alignment.

And sometimes, this requires slowing down and rediscovering what is really important.

Optimisation can become another path to burnout if what you’re optimising is fundamentally not right for you.

That’s why staying connected to your why matters so much. When you trust that your actions are serving a deeper purpose, patience becomes easier.

Taking time to slow down is also an act of self-respect.

It reminds you that success isn’t only found in the milestones you’re chasing. Sometimes it’s found in a slow morning, a meaningful conversation, or the quiet satisfaction of knowing you’re moving in a direction that feels right, not forcefully closing a gap.

That’s why I opened by Becoming Without Burnout Challenge with a week of slowing down.

JOIN CHALLENGE

Sometimes the most radical thing you can do in the messy middle is stop trying to escape it.

Dido

The hardest thing to come to terms with is the fact that even if you leave a misaligned situation, it doesn’t mean that alignment will naturally come to you.

For me, I thought the answer after I quit my engineering job was to go all in on my side business. But it turns out I was only running away from something else because I hadn’t done the inner work yet.

I never had a plan, really. I was moving through life on autopilot.

That autopilot became a huge indicator of misalignment in action.

When you find yourself not taking the time to direct your actions intentionally. Instead, you are trying to escape the present moment by filling voids.

This leaves you in a state of fight-or-flight.

Adrenaline is constantly being pumped and stress levels are higher. As a result, it’s hard to see the bigger picture because you are running on fumes.

There is no foundation to stand on, so at any moment you could collapse completely.

And that’s exactly what happened to me.

It was only then that I was forced to sit with the discomfort of that emptiness.

And that gave me the space to finally start self-reflecting and understanding what I actually wanted out of life.

Building Self-Trust Without a Map

The final challenge of the messy middle is learning to trust yourself before you have proof that everything will work out.

We often think confidence comes first and action follows. In reality, self-trust is built through action.

Amy

For me, three practices consistently bring me back to myself: movement, journaling and connection.

Connection manifests through walks in nature, meditation, or simply a really deep and meaningful conversation.

In other words, doing something for the body, mind, and soul.

These acts remind me of what matters when life feels uncertain.

Over time, they’ve taught me that happiness isn’t a destination. It’s a practice.

The same goes for success.

These days, I define success less by achievements and more by emotional regulation, health, meaningful relationships and the ability to move through life with self-awareness.

I’m still building towards things I want in my dream life.

But I don’t need those things to happen tomorrow. I am enjoying the learning and the processes.

The work right now is showing up consistently, staying present and trusting that each small action is another building block towards the future I’m creating.

Patience isn’t passive. It’s active trust.

Dido

Once you’ve been able to take the step of self-reflection, you have to combine it with taking action towards that better future. This is the messy middle space. The space between your misaligned (past) and aligned (future) identity.

The problem is, you can’t just jump straight into large shifts and changes within your lifestyle.

There’s a reason why New Year’s Resolutions usually don’t get fulfilled. That high intensity, high expectations mindset will set you up for failure again. And it might even make you revert back to misalignment, which would be devastating.

The key before you get to a path of success is to build up your self-trust. This is your capacity to walk into the unknown and not second guess your capabilities of getting to the other side.

So what is the best way to do that?

You have to take small aligned actions consistently towards your future self. Big emphasis on aligned, which you can only get that clarity if you have done the self reflection step before this.

Over time, as you keep taking action, your new identity will slowly start to solidify. And from there, you can slowly keep improving to become a better version of yourself each day.

This period of my life built up the most self-trust.

The end of my engineering career pivoted me towards Substack, and I recently launched my coaching program, making sure it was aligned with my values and therefore built to last.

The path to your dream life will look different, but is absolutely possible.

Build your self-trust, take aligned action consistently, and you will transform yourself into a better version with enough time.

Conclusion

If there’s one thing both of us would want you to take from this, it’s that the in-between isn’t a gap to get through as fast as possible.

It’s the work itself.

The messy middle isn’t where your progress disappears.

It’s where your new identity is being built.

So if you’re grieving something you knew you had to leave behind, fighting the urge to fill the silence with anything that looks like progress, or trying to trust yourself before you have proof it’ll work out - you’re not behind.

You’re not stuck. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re in the process of becoming.

And being in it intentionally, patiently, and with presence, is how you get through it.

About The Authors

is the author of Becoming Without Burnout, created to help you live your dream life, while staying present & grounded. From June-August, subscribers can take part in the Becoming Without Burnout challenge which includes actionable steps for becoming without sacrificing wellbeing. Subscribe & join the chat to take part.

is a transformation coach who helps hardworking professionals who are struggling with burnout within their job or business. His Torches Transformation program is built to help you design a life you don’t have to escape from anymore. Learn more at www.torchestranformationcoaching.com.

Dido’s publication is called Trials, Tribulations, & Torches, where he writes about how to re-direct your energy before burnout does it for you, subscribe here:

Trials, Tribulations, & Torches

You’re disciplined. You work hard. So why does your life still feel off? This is about fixing where your effort is going before burnout does it for you.

By Dido Torchi

It sits in my journal with the instruction: Open December 31st, 2026.

The idea was simple. Capture who I hoped to become, the goals I wanted to achieve, and the life I imagined myself living by the end of the year.

For the purposes of this mid-year reflection, I’m breaking my own rule and opening it six months early.

As I read through the letter, I noticed that many of the goals are still in progress. But the person I hoped to become is already starting to emerge.

Success Isn’t Just About Reaching the Goal

One sentence stood out immediately.

“I have found harmony between career ambition and resting without guilt.”

Of all the things I wrote, it’s the word harmony that resonates most.

This year, I’ve learnt what it feels like for my work to align with my values rather than compete with them. If that’s something you are struggling with, you may find this article inspiring:

Through my new role at a social media marketing agency, I’ve become increasingly interested in modern living, particularly the relationship between technology, AI, wellbeing, and how we create meaningful lives in a constantly connected world. Naturally, those ideas have found their way into my Becoming Without Burnout writing.

For the first time, I feel like my career, creativity and curiosity are all pulling in the same direction.

I’ve discovered that fulfilment is about doing work that feels connected to who you are.

And when that happens, balance becomes less about strict boundaries and more about alignment.

Progress Doesn’t Always Look Like Completion

In my letter I wrote about reaching 2,000 Instagram followers and 1,000 Substack subscribers by the end of the year.

Those goals are still in progress, and being on track for these goals is a reminder of my consistency.

In a world that seems to be craving a return to slower, more analogue living, setting audience-growth goals might sound contradictory. Yet building an online community remains deeply important to me.

Not because of the numbers themselves, but because they represent reach, connection and impact.

The possibility of creating a corner of the internet that feels useful, thoughtful and inspiring.

The possibility of helping people build ambitious lives without sacrificing themselves in the process - which is what this is all about.

Let this be your permission slip to acknowledge just how far you’ve come so far rather than obsessing over the final destination.

A Shift in Direction

My letter also mentioned publishing a book and journal.

And while neither exist yet, I don’t feel pressured to meet a deadline.

The dream is still alive, but unfolding at it’s own pace.

I deeply feel as though I am in a stage of learning and collecting data at the moment. Meaningful work requires patience.

My Substack has become a place to develop ideas, strengthen my voice and explore what truly resonates. Turning on paid subscriptions recently felt like an important step towards creating more practical resources that help people move from inspiration to action.

While the destination hasn’t changed, the route I am taking to get there has.

Living a Present & Connected Life

The letter wasn’t only about career goals and business ambitions.

It spoke about deeper relationships, creating a warm and inspiring home, hosting a journaling workshop, spending quality time with loved ones and seeking adventure.

Some of those things have happened exactly as I imagined. But the greatest adventure of this year hasn’t been travelling somewhere new - it’s been getting to know myself better.

Because I strongly believe that strengthening your relationships to the people and places around you can teach you so much about yourself.

I have been learning what matters, my values, new boundaries, learning to trust my voice and create a life that feels present rather than impressive.

Becoming Stronger

One area where I’m intentionally challenging myself right now is health and fitness.

Recently, I started a new training plan with the goal to become stronger, healthier and happier than ever.

I’ve adopted an “if not now, then when?” mindset.

This looks like more strength training, more steps, more hydration, and more attention to the habits that support the person I want to become.

What’s surprised me most is how much I’m enjoying the process of building, and not hyperfxating on the outcome.

And that feels like growth in itself.

What I’m Taking Into The Next Six Months

If there’s one lesson I’ve taken from revisiting this letter, it’s this:

We often underestimate how much progress we’ve made because we’re measuring ourselves against goals that haven’t happened yet.

But growth isn’t only found in achievements - it’s found in identity, habits, mindset, and the quiet ways we show up for ourselves every day.

As I move into the second half of the year, I’m returning to three things that help me feel grounded:

For my body, I train.

For my mind, I journal and write.

For my soul, I practise what Robin Sharma calls the MVP framework - meditation, visualisation, and prayer - although I prefer to think of the final element as making a promise to myself.

A promise to keep showing up, keep building and keep becoming.

In order to stay on track I have another half marathon in September, I’m continuing to grow this Substack community, and I will keep creating work that helps people live ambitious lives without burning out.

But reading this letter taught me something. The most important thing isn’t whether I achieve every goal by December. It’s whether I continue becoming someone who enjoys the journey towards them.

And perhaps that’s a reminder we all need from time to time - maybe you’re closer than you think.

As we reach the halfway point of the year, what’s one area of growth you’ve achieved that isn’t visible on a goals list?

Ready to go deeper?

The free newsletter is where we explore the ideas behind living more intentionally. The paid membership is where we turn those ideas into practice through actionable frameworks, guided reflection, monthly challenges and deeper conversations.

My goal isn’t to help you do more.

It’s to help you build a life that feels calmer, richer and more aligned with who you want to become.

If that sounds like the journey you’re on, I’d love for you to join us.

UPGRADE

Month one of the Becoming Without Burnout challenge is all about self-respect. I truly believe the number one thing holding people back from their dream life is a fear of judgement, so these challenges are designed to help you reconnect with yourself and choose yourself anyway.

If you’re new here, this article is a great place to start:

Week One was all about slowing down and creating space to notice life again, because self-respect begins when we stop abandoning ourselves in the rush. This week we’re exploring refining what you consume, because your mind deserves more than constant noise.

This article, and the challenges that follow in the chat, will help you protect your attention and become intentional about what shapes your thoughts, mood and self-image.

A quick note before we dive in: a lot of this week’s thinking has been shaped by my reading of Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. If you’ve been feeling like your attention isn’t fully your own lately, I can’t recommend it enough.

Subscribe now

Problem #1: We are busy abandoning ourselves in the rush of everyday life

This is why I wanted to start this challenge by slowing down and taking the time to truly notice life. The rush of everyday life means we don’t take enough time to really think about what it is we value. And once you know what you truly value - the things that matter, that are worth your time and energy - you show yourself self-respect by putting those things first.

The fix: spend more time outside and journaling

If you’re ready to start slowing down and stop abandoning yourself, I strongly recommend spending more time outside. Time in nature actively lowers stress hormones and blood pressure, shifting your body from a stressed state into one of rest and healing. Never underestimate the power of a walk -alone, or talking through your values with someone you love.

Journaling has also been such a powerful practice in my own growth. Every day I sit down and reflect honestly on how I’m feeling, and the key is always to ask why. The more honest you can be with your journal, the better you know yourself - and that’s a form of self-respect in itself.

This week’s action: Every day, go for a walk before you start your day, and journal before you end it. Even five minutes each. That’s just 10 minutes a day dedicated to you - choosing clarity and calm over rush.

Journal prompt: What parts of yourself become visible when you slow down?

Further reading: A Treasure Hunt for Inspiration • How to Build a Life That Feels More Aligned

Problem #2: Algorithms are choosing what we ‘like’

When we’re not busy at work, we’re busy on our devices. We choose the convenience of doomscrolling and its quick dopamine hit over actually connecting with our passions and hobbies. Notifications are constant, distraction is just a tap away - and as a result, algorithms are feeding us what we ‘like’ until our taste disappears into a void of trends.

The fix: switch off and choose analogue hobbies

Self-respect looks like switching off from this noise. What did you love doing as a child? When was the last time you made space for it? Newport puts it well in Digital Minimalism - by keeping your use of attention-grabbing apps to set, limited windows, you protect the rest of your time for things that actually matter.

This week’s action: Take some time away from your phone and do something hands-on instead - paint, garden, build something. Remember: apps and devices are designed to be addictive. Reclaiming your time and attention from them is self-respect.

Journal prompt: How do I fill my time when I’m not online?

Further reading:

Problem #3: The internet is full of bad news

Even when we’re on our devices, the internet can be a deeply negative place. If it’s not fake or negative news, it’s a steady stream of judgement and comparison.

The fix: curate your own algorithm

As someone who works in social media marketing - and who has had genuinely great opportunities come from social media - I don’t think the internet has to be a negative place. The key is curating your own feed of useful, uplifting resources. I follow accounts dedicated to positive news and accounts that teach me things. Sometimes it’s okay to be blissfully ignorant. Stay alert, but be selective about where you consume your media.

This week’s action: Choose a handful of media sources that educate and inspire you - stay switched on, not overwhelmed. Mine include the Vanity Fair newsletter, the Working Hard podcast, Radio 1 over playlists, Substack (of course), and an Instagram feed I’ve curated around what actually interests me. Newport makes a similar point in Digital Minimalism - tech companies are competing for your attention, and protecting it takes real intention and a bit of discipline.

Journal prompt: What good news have you learnt or received lately?

Problem #4: We think the internet is a suitable form of communication

In her 2015 book Reclaiming Conversation, Sherry Turkle argues that face-to-face conversation is the most human - and humanising - thing we do. It’s where we learn to listen, develop empathy, and feel truly heard and understood. But we keep choosing convenience over connection, telling ourselves that a like or a text is enough to maintain a friendship. It isn’t - text simply can’t satisfy our brain’s craving for real conversation.

Real conversations are grounding and promise connection. A flood of notifications only parodies that connection, creating overwhelm and draining the energy we need to actually respond.

The fix: connect more in real life

Be part of a community. Fill your time with conversations and connections that actually mean something. Try turning your phone off - or at least silencing it - when you’re with people you love.

As Newport puts it, conversation is what counts, and we shouldn’t let the shiny stuff on our screens distract us from that. Turkle adds that in-person communication lets us pick up on tone and emotional nuance that text simply can’t carry - and that’s part of what makes us more empathetic as humans. If you’d love more genuine connection in your life, chances are the people around you feel the same. These small shifts could be exactly what someone you love needs too.

This week’s action: This isn’t about never calling or texting your friends again - it’s about taking more responsibility for seeing people in person. I aim for at least two social meetings a week: dinner with a friend, a run with my run club, lunch with family.

Journal prompt: Who could I reach out to this week to spend time with in person, and what would I want that time to feel like?

A final thought

Self-respect isn’t just about how you treat yourself in quiet moments - it’s about what you let into your mind every single day. The walks, the journaling, the analogue hobbies, the curated feeds, the real conversations: they’re all small acts of the same thing, choosing yourself over noise.

You don’t need to do all of this at once. Pick the problem that hit hardest, try its action this week, and just notice what shifts. That noticing is where the real work begins.

I’d love to hear which of these resonated most. Drop a comment below, or share this with someone who might need the nudge to put their phone down this week.

A note for free subscribers

This article is a free example of the kind of content paid subscribers will receive moving forward.

While free posts focus on ideas, reflections and thought-provoking perspectives, paid content is designed to help you put those insights into practice through actionable frameworks, step-by-step guides, journal prompts and practical tools for navigating modern life more intentionally.

By becoming a paid subscriber, you’ll receive:

✨ Detailed “how-to” guides and frameworks

✨ Journal prompts and reflective exercises

✨ Monthly self-development challenges

✨ Community discussions and accountability

✨ Tools to help you balance ambition with rest

✨ Exclusive content designed to create lasting change, not just inspiration

If you’re ready to move from reflection to implementation and build a life that feels both ambitious and sustainable, consider upgrading to a paid subscription.

Subscribe now

Today marks Day 1 of the Becoming Without Burnout Challenge, and the first monthly theme is self-respect.

Because with any challenge or goal you're striving to achieve, the hardest part is often choosing to say yes to yourself and take action.

And you deserve the life of your dreams.

Through over a year of research and writing on Substack, hosting workshops and community groups, and having countless conversations with friends, I've found that the number one barrier holding many of us back is the fear of judgement.

So that's what I want to explore today.

Why Fear of Judgement Keeps Us Stuck

In a world shaped by social media, much of our lives can feel public even when we're not sharing them online. We can feel like we are constantly exposed to criticism and judgement, which makes already vulnerable or challenging situations feel even more intimidating.

As a result, meetings with colleagues can feel daunting even though you speak to these people every day. Private conversations with friends and family become overthought. Personal dreams are abandoned before they're even given a chance because limiting beliefs convince us not to try.

But here's the truth: these fears and doubts won't magically disappear. You have to choose to override them.

Showing up for yourself, even when it feels scary, intimidating, or uncomfortable, is one of the strongest forms of self-respect you can practise.

Self-Respect Is Not a Feeling - It's an Action

Repeated action creates new patterns. The more often you move through discomfort, the less power it holds over you. In doing so, you're teaching yourself that your dreams and values matter more than your fears.

What an incredible thing to teach yourself.

Not only that, but you're proving to yourself that achieving your goals is more important than seeking approval or avoiding criticism.

Honouring your worth in this way is the essence of self-respect: giving yourself the things you love, desire, and deserve.

Self-respect is an inner knowing of your worth. What others often perceive as confidence is simply the outward expression of that inner belief. You cannot build lasting confidence without first developing self-respect.

The truth is that confidence is rarely built before action. More often, confidence is what grows after you've taken action despite your fear.

What If Feeling "Cringe" Is Actually a Sign of Growth?

I'm a big fan of Grace Beverley's Working Hard podcast, and a recent episode about reframing "cringe" as growth felt particularly relevant to this theme.

The premise was simple: if something makes you feel uncomfortable, it may be a sign that you're evolving.

To create opportunities, build meaningful connections, and move closer to your dreams, you have to step beyond your comfort zone, even when it risks looking "cringe" to someone else.

I like to remind myself that embarrassment only exists if I choose to carry it.

Most people are far too busy worrying about themselves to spend much time thinking about you.

And even if someone does judge you, is that opinion more important than the life you're trying to create?

Why Criticism Feels So Personal

If you think back to our tribal roots, belonging was directly linked to survival. Being excluded from the group could genuinely be life-threatening. It's no wonder criticism can still trigger such a powerful emotional response.

But because of this, many of us hold ourselves back. We're too nervous to speak up. We fear making the wrong suggestion or decision. We shrink our personalities in the name of protection.

Growth, however, requires risk - not stagnation.

If you want your life to change, you have to be willing to change with it.

That, too, is self-respect.

And when you respect yourself, others are more likely to respect you too.

Borrow Confidence Until It Becomes Your Own

If all of this feels overwhelming, try creating an alter ego.

I first came across this idea through manifestation expert Roxie Nafousi. The concept is simple: when you start acting like the person you want to become, eventually that version of yourself stops feeling like an act and starts becoming reality.

Imagine the qualities your higher self possesses.

Confident. Intelligent. Articulate. Courageous.

Then begin embodying those qualities before you fully believe them.

Your alter ego might even have a name or a signature item of clothing. I have a pair of cowboy boots that I wear to meetings because they make me feel confident. It sounds silly, but it works.

The psychology behind this is that creating some distance between yourself and your alter ego can reduce self-consciousness and make it easier to take bold action.

Sometimes self-respect starts with borrowing confidence until you have enough evidence to create your own.

The Three-Step Self-Respect Framework

So, self-respect can be summarised in three simple steps:

1. Get Clear on What Matters

Take time for honest reflection. What values are truly important to you? Which ones matter enough that you're willing to honour them over fear and discomfort?

2. Take Action Anyway

Persevere through the difficult feelings. Use tools like an alter ego if they help.

Remember: courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is choosing to move despite it.

3. Choose Yourself Consistently

Repeated exposure reduces fear.

Choose yourself again and again, and you'll gradually strengthen your sense of self-worth.

Self-respect isn't built in one brave moment.

It's built through hundreds of small decisions where you choose your future over your comfort.

Your Challenge This Week

If you're ready to build greater self-respect, subscribe and join the Becoming Without Burnout Challenge. Or, head to the Chat to find this week’s task.

Month 1 is dedicated to self-respect, and Week 1 focuses on slowing down and exploring what self-respect means to you.

Week 2: Your mind deserves better than constant noise.

Week 3: You do not need to perform an identity to deserve belonging.

Week 4: Self-respect deepens when you trust your own voice again.

Here is a journal prompt to kickstart your journey:

What would you do differently this week if you trusted yourself more than you feared being judged?

Subscribe

Ready to go deeper?

The free newsletter is where we explore the ideas behind living more intentionally. The paid membership is where we turn those ideas into practice through actionable frameworks, guided reflection, monthly challenges and deeper conversations.

My goal isn’t to help you do more.

It’s to help you build a life that feels calmer, richer and more aligned with who you want to become.

If that sounds like the journey you’re on, I’d love for you to join us.

UPGRADE

Last week, I shared that Becoming Without Burnout is evolving.

Not just into a place for reflection, but into a space for practical tools, accountability and creating a life that feels more intentional.

Today, I want to delve deeper into the first step.

On 7th June, we begin the very first Becoming Without Burnout Challenge.

And for the next two months, it’s completely free to join.

Over the last year of writing on Substack, one thing has become increasingly clear to me:

Most of us already know what steps to take to become the best version of ourselves. Yet, we seem to find barriers for actually taking action.

Modern life makes it incredibly easy to stay stuck in autopilot.

We consume endless content about healthy habits, but rarely create space to actually practise becoming.

That’s what this challenge is for.

Not to transform your life overnight. Not to create a perfect routine. Not to become the most productive version of yourself.

But to start making small shifts that bring you back to yourself.

June’s Theme: Building Self-Respect

If I had to choose one thing that sits beneath so many of our struggles - burnout, comparison, people-pleasing, overworking, self-doubt - it would be this: Self-respect.

Because self-respect is what helps us:

• Show up for ourselves.

• Keep promises to ourselves.

• Trust our decisions.

• Protect our energy.

• Build a life that actually reflects who we are.

So throughout June, that’s what we’ll be working on.

Think of the first month as a gentle reset for people who want to feel more grounded, intentional and connected to themselves again - without perfectionism, hustle culture or overwhelm.

What To Expect

From 7th June, you’ll receive challenge content in the Chat to support articles around each month’s theme starting with Self-Respect in June.

Week 1: Slowing Down & Everyday Joys

Week 2: Refine What You Consume

Week 3: Identity In A Digital Age

Week 4: Building Self-Trust

Expect:

• Weekly challenges in the Chat around the monthly theme

• Articles to support the challenges for wider reflections

• Journal prompts and reflection exercises

• Practical mindset shifts

• Gentle accountability

• Simple lifestyle experiments

• Content connected to the wider Becoming Without Burnout themes

This isn’t another self-improvement sprint. You just need a willingness to show up for yourself in small ways.

In July, we will explore Work/Life Balance (free), and August’s theme will be on enhancing your Daily Routine (for paid subscribers only).

The Challenge Rules

• Progress over perfection

• Curiosity over judgement

• Rest is productive

• Small actions count

• Make it work for your real life

If you’ve been reading these articles quietly. If you’ve been feeling burnt out from trying to do everything right. If you’ve been waiting for permission to slow down without giving up on your goals. This is it.

Subscribe to receive weekly challenge and article updates straight to your inbox.

And join me from 7th June to build something that lasts longer than motivation.

Amy x

The thing that always seems to bring us back to Cornwall is the time we get to spend outdoors in beautiful settings: on sandy beaches, wandering around quaint cobble towns, and aimlessly strolling coastal footpaths with a sense of play and curiosity.

Through all this walking, I seem to notice more.

Whether that’s giving space for my feelings and ambitions, finding deeper connections through conversation, or simply appreciating my surroundings more, I seem to perceive things differently.

What intentional walking - walking with curiosity and presence - unlocks is solitude we can rarely find elsewhere.

Solitude, by definition, is the choice to be alone in a positive, healing way.

Learning to enjoy your own company and have the curiosity to explore your deepest thoughts and ideas is the key to unlocking your true potential and living your most fulfilled life.

Cal Newport writes in his book Digital Minimalism, “In short, I would be lost without my walks because they’ve become one of my best sources of solitude.”

A walk offers you fresh air and a fresh perspective.

Newport continues, “On a regular basis, go for long walks, preferably somewhere scenic. Take these walks alone, which means not just by yourself, but also, if possible, without your phone.”

The choice to not take your phone on a walk means you are truly alone and without distraction. This gives you space to truly listen to what thoughts and feelings arise during your walk.

This is why I believe walking can be meditative. It is a way to enjoy silence and see where your mind wanders when your feet take control. Being outside makes you vulnerable and your wildest dreams and ambitions free to run wild.

Thought prompts: How am I feeling today and why? What would I have been doing this time last year right now? What do I hope to be doing this time next year?

As I wrote in my article, Why Walking Outside is the Best Therapy….

“It’s too easy to get lost in the whirlwind of life - to become glued to screens and forget to make time for being outside.”

However, an intentional walk is an escape from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Even a short walk on your lunch break can pull you out of a whirlwind, and reset your thinking in the most powerful way.

“The hardest part isn’t the walk itself, it’s the moment before it. When you’re sitting on the sofa, feeling flat, the easier option would be to lie there a little longer staring at the walls.

It’s not about the walk. It’s about deciding, in a very small way, not to stay stuck.”

I wrote in ‘When I Don’t Feel Like Myself, I Start Here’.

Your daily walks are so much more than movement - they are a choice to not stay stagnant. They are a treasure hunt for inspiration. An adventure you can take no matter where you find yourself.

And with this comes a new appreciation for your surroundings. When you allow yourself to be truly present in your walk, feeling and hearing the ground beneath your feet, you spot the unfamiliar in the familiar.

It is hard to resist the urge to look up and appreciate the views when you are somewhere as beautiful as Cornwall, but take this curiosity with you on your daily commute, or evening stroll too. You will be so much more connected to yourself, and more grateful for your home.

If you need a starting point, next time you are on a walk, check in with your senses.

Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.

Even more beautiful than being in Cornwall was being there with my family. While walking is a fantastic source of solitude, it is also a fantastic way to have a deeply connected conversation with someone you love. Particularly when you consider the lack of distractions, as mentioned above.

“I always find that conversation flows more easily when you’re walking. You’re not forced to look someone in the eye, and somehow, surrounded by trees and birdsong, there’s a kind of protection - a safe space for vulnerability to unfold.” - from my article Why Walking Outside is the Best Therapy

Next time you take a walk with someone, ask them a question that you can learn something from. Open up the space for vulnerability to exist.

Walking is such a beautiful way to feel simultaneously accomplished and grounded. You’re choosing to do something fantastic for your brain and body the moment you decide to stand up and go.

While I had the most amazing time in Cornwall, it gave me something better. A new desire to be curious with every path I take. To give myself the self-respect to listen to my own ideas. Bravery to say what I truly believe when walking with people I love.

And a feeling of adventure, no matter where in the world I am.

Ready to go deeper?

The free newsletter is where we explore the ideas behind living more intentionally. The paid membership is where we turn those ideas into practice through actionable frameworks, guided reflection, monthly challenges and deeper conversations.

My goal isn’t to help you do more.

It’s to help you build a life that feels calmer, richer and more aligned with who you want to become.

If that sounds like the journey you’re on, I’d love for you to join us.

UPGRADE

This piece is the ‘how to’ companion.

Because recognising misalignment is one thing. Knowing what to do next is another.

If you’ve ever felt like life looks good on paper but still feels slightly disconnected, these are four problems I think modern life creates, and some practical ways to start building a life that feels more aligned.

Read more

But over the past few years, both Ryan and I have started questioning whether some forms of burnout come from something deeper than simply doing too much.

Because there is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from living a life that looks perfectly fine on paper, yet still feels emotionally disconnected.

You can read more about this in our collaborative post, ‘Why High-Achievers Still Feel Lost’.

We concluded at the end of this article:

“You can be disciplined, capable, and progressing and feel unsure of where you’re headed. That tension isn’t a flaw. It’s the work”

However, there is another case-scenario that this work may actually be a disconnection from yourself.

And I think a lot of people are experiencing this without fully realising it.

Burnout vs. Alignment

Ryan first noticed this in his mid-20s.

“On paper, my life looked good. I had the degree, the job, the habits, the ambition. I was doing everything I was supposed to do.

But I still felt unsettled. I started wondering whether the tiredness was not just from doing too much, but from trying to build a future without fully knowing whether that future actually felt like mine.”

I resonated with this immediately because my own burnout did not come from ambition itself. It came from feeling disconnected from the things that naturally energise me.

Earlier in my career, I worked in roles where I felt like I was not learning enough or using my creativity fully, two things that are deeply important to me. The work felt restrictive, repetitive and disconnected from the kind of lifestyle I actually wanted to build.

At the same time, I realised I was trying to build purpose through being useful. Which in theory, sounds positive. Our purpose is defined by how we can serve others, right?

But looking back, I think I was trying to create fulfillment externally before I had really understood what mattered to me internally.

That is the difficult thing about misalignment. Sometimes you can be doing objectively “good” things and still feel exhausted by them.

Because too much of your life is being built around expectation rather than genuine connection to yourself.

Ryan describes this difference really well when he talks about “chosen effort.”

“The work that naturally pulls me in usually sits at the intersection of creativity, structure and meaning. I like writing because it helps me make sense of what I’m thinking. I like strategy because it gives shape to messy ideas.

That kind of work can still be demanding, but it does not drain me in the same way. It feels connected to who I am.”

I feel similarly about work that combines creativity, storytelling and human connection.

I love building ideas that make people feel something. I love understanding why humans emotionally connect with certain stories, spaces or experiences. I love work that combines emotional intelligence with creative thinking.

And importantly, I love work that allows space for growth, curiosity and movement.

When those things are absent for too long, life starts to feel heavy very quickly.

A lot of this connects back to something Ryan explored in 10 Things That Make Me 1% Happier - the idea that fulfillment is often built through small moments of alignment rather than dramatic life changes. Tiny habits, movement, creativity, conversations, time outdoors, curiosity.

The things that quietly reconnect you to yourself.

The Blurred Line Between Work and Life

I used to think work-life balance meant separation. Success meant being able to switch off from work when you’re at home and vice versa.

But the older I get, the more I think I’m actually searching for integration instead.

Not in a “hustle culture” way where work consumes your entire identity.

But in a way where your career, health, creativity, relationships and values feel like they are moving in the same direction rather than competing with one another.

Ryan explains this perfectly:

“I do not want work to consume my life. I just want my work, creativity, health, relationships and values to feel like they are pointing in the same direction.”

This is something I’ve started noticing more through my work in marketing too.

Social media marketing feels meaningful to me when it is done intentionally. I enjoy understanding why certain stories resonate emotionally with people online. I love the challenge of creating connections through a screen.

My interests in psychology, self-development, AI, consumer behaviour and creativity have naturally started blending into my work.

Even the questions I ask myself in my journal: Why do I feel like this today?
have started becoming questions I ask professionally too: Why does this piece of content resonate emotionally?

That crossover feels exciting to me because it makes work feel more connected to who I already am.

Running has become another part of this alignment too. It gives me time to think clearly. It pushes me physically. It allows me to reconnect with myself away from screens and constant stimulation. And ironically, making time for it makes me better in every other area of my life too.

Ryan talks about this crossover as well through writing, fitness and personal growth.

“Writing has naturally blended into how I think. Fitness has shaped my discipline and mental clarity. My career has pushed me to think about strategy, systems and communication. When those things feel connected, I feel more aligned.”

I think this is where burnout conversations sometimes become too simplistic.

The goal is not always to work less.

Sometimes the goal is to build a life where your work supports your wellbeing rather than constantly pulling you away from it.

Values, Trade-Offs and Fulfillment

I think a lot of misalignment comes from unconsciously inheriting other people’s definitions of success.

The impressive career. The constant busyness. The pressure to always be productive. The need to keep up.

And because these goals are socially rewarded, it can take a long time to realise they may not actually fit you.

Ryan describes this as “following a script.”

“The world is more than happy to hand you a script: chase the impressive job, stay busy, keep up, do what everyone else is doing.

None of those things are automatically bad, but they become dangerous when you never stop to ask whether they actually fit.”

That idea appears in Ryan’s piece If You Don’t Design Your Life, Someone Else Will. Because if you are not intentional about your values, lifestyle and priorities, the world will happily decide them for you.

That is where trade-offs become important.

Both of us still believe in hard work. We care deeply about growth and ambition. But there is a difference between meaningful sacrifice and performative sacrifice.

Ryan explains it beautifully:

“Sacrificing for health, freedom, family, creativity and personal growth feels different than sacrificing for status, comparison or a version of success I never consciously chose.”

For me, fulfillment looks less like reaching some final destination and more like creating a lifestyle that feels energising while I’m living it. For more on this, you might be interested in my article ‘Making a Life, not just a Living’.

Because happiness is not some reward waiting for us at the end of burnout. The work itself should feel meaningful too.

And realistically, life will always ebb and flow. Some seasons will be demanding. Some projects will require longer hours and more energy. But if there is no recovery, no intention, no space to reconnect with yourself, eventually your body and mind will force you to slow down anyway.

Ryan describes fulfillment as alignment in practice:

“It is when your calendar, your energy, your relationships, your work and your goals are at least pointing in the same direction.”

Redefining Burnout

Burnout is not always a sign that we need to do less. Sometimes it is a sign that we need to live more honestly.

Because there is a difference between being tired from growth and being tired from performance.

One feels purposeful. The other feels empty.

Sometimes the deeper issue of exhaustion is that too little of your daily life feels connected to your actual values, identity or future self.

Ryan puts this perfectly:

“Sometimes the deeper issue is not that I have too much on my plate. It is that too little of what is on my plate feels connected to who I am becoming.”

That is the kind of tiredness that makes you ask harder questions.

What am I building?
Why does this matter to me?
What parts of myself have I neglected?
What am I saying yes to when I really mean no?
Am I living according to my own values, or simply trying to meet other people’s expectations?

Which links to Ryan’s piece, You Can Be More, But You’re Already Enough.

A lot of burnout is tied to the belief that we constantly need to optimise ourselves to earn rest, worthiness or happiness. That we always need to become “more” before we are allowed to feel enough.

But true alignment comes from not earning happiness, but feeling happy while we grow. You are allowed to want more for your life while still appreciating yourself in the present version of it too.

Closing Reflections

If you are reading this while feeling exhausted by a life that looks “fine” on the outside, I hope you know you are not alone in that feeling.

Ryan says it best:

“Sometimes the life you built was based on an older version of success. Sometimes you followed the path that made sense, only to realise later that ‘making sense’ and ‘feeling aligned’ are not always the same thing.”

I think one of the biggest questions worth asking is this:

How much of your life is genuinely lived for your own values and goals, and how much is lived to meet other people’s expectations?

Because there is a huge difference between doing things because they matter to you and doing them simply because you feel like you “should.”

For me, there are three core questions you should ask yourself if you are feeling burnt out:

What do I truly value?
What time can I reclaim for myself?
What am I saying yes to when I really mean no?

And perhaps alignment starts there. By slowly becoming more honest about the kind of life that actually fits you.

About the Authors

Ryan writes Present & Progressing, a weekly exploration of clarity, growth, and living with intention in your 20s. His work blends reflection, systems thinking, and lived experience, often focusing on high achievers navigating ambition, uncertainty, and becoming without rushing arrival.

Amy Stanborough writes Becoming Without Burnout, where she explores sustainable habits, emotional awareness, and productive rest. Her writing centers on building a life that feels energizing rather than exhausting, helping readers grow in a way that honors both ambition and wellbeing.

Together, you could say that we write for people who are doing “well” on paper, but still quietly figuring things out in real time.

“People think AI will take over - but it is actually the people who know how to use AI properly that will take over.” - Debbie Weinstein, president of Google across Europe, the Middle East, and Africa.

At first glance, it sounds contradictory to the mainstream narrative that “AI is making us lazy.” But I actually think the opposite is true. If you are lazy with AI, you will fall behind.

The people who benefit from AI won’t be the people asking it to do everything for them - it will be the people using it to sharpen their thinking, refine their creativity and expand what’s possible.

Every major technological shift has triggered fear. The internet. Smartphones. Social media. We worried they would replace human connection, creativity, or intelligence. Instead, they became tools, and the people who learned how to use them effectively gained an advantage.

AI feels no different.

Working in social media marketing, I spend a lot of time researching how AI is changing creative industries. The general consensus seems to be this:

AI will become incredibly powerful for collecting data, identifying patterns and analysing audience behaviour. But human taste, emotional intelligence, storytelling, and personality still remain the differentiator.

Because creativity has never just been about efficiency. It’s about perspective.

From Sex, Love and Robots, one line particularly stayed with me:

“In a world where AI is smart and capable of doing so many things, the things that make us human will make us much more important instead of much less important.” - Daniela Almodi

And I think that’s exactly it.

The people who thrive in the AI era won’t necessarily be the most technical. They’ll be the people with emotional depth, critical thinking, curiosity, discernment, taste and vision.

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Because AI can generate information. But it cannot replace emotion, culture, or soul.

One thing I’ve noticed is that AI works best when it’s collaborative rather than authoritative. Instead of saying, “Write this for me,” I think the better approach is: “Help me optimise this idea for this audience.”

The human still brings insight, experience and creative instinct. AI simply accelerates the process.

A friend of mine recently used ChatGPT to help refine her job search. She asked what roles aligned with her qualifications and strengths. Not because she couldn’t think for herself, but because she wanted a broader perspective on opportunities she may not have considered.

That’s where I think AI becomes powerful: not as a replacement for thinking, but as a catalyst for new ways of thinking.

I experienced this myself recently.

This week, I uploaded three of my personal journal entries into ChatGPT alongside prompts from ’s article:

Present and Progressing

I Wrote Letters to My Future Self for Nearly Two Years. Then I Asked AI to Analyze Them.

For close to two years now, I’ve been doing something that sounds a little strange when I say it out loud…

Read more

9 months ago · 12 likes · 10 comments · Ryan

I asked AI to map out a potential life trajectory based on the passions, values, and dreams depicted in my journals.

Of course, AI cannot build that life for me. It cannot take action, make decisions or create discipline on my behalf. But what it did do was reflect patterns back to me that I hadn’t fully seen myself. It connected dots. It gave structure to instincts I already had.

And strangely, that exercise sparked one of the most creative afternoons I’ve had in months.

I started mapping ideas. Building plans. Writing concepts. Dreaming bigger.

Not because AI gave me creativity, but because it gave me a new perspective.

That distinction matters.

Author and creativity consultant Linda Naiman once said:

“When we engage in what we are naturally suited to do, our work takes on the quality of play and it is play that stimulates creativity.”

I think AI can support that alignment when used intentionally. It can remove friction. Save time. Organise thoughts. Refine ideas. But it still requires human direction, discernment and imagination.

Because ultimately, AI is only as powerful as the person using it. Smart inputs create smart outputs.

And maybe that’s the real conversation we should be having. Not whether AI will destroy creativity, but whether we are willing to deepen our own creativity enough to use these tools wisely.

The future probably doesn’t belong to people who resist AI entirely, nor to people who rely on it blindly.

It belongs to people who know how to combine intelligence with humanity. Logic with intuition. Efficiency with taste.

In a world increasingly shaped by machines, the most valuable thing we can build is trust in our own creativity and judgement. And as a result, become more deeply human.

AI is undeniably a controversial topic in the creative space, and I know many people feel uneasy about where it’s all heading.

I don’t think there’s one definitive answer yet - and honestly, I’m still forming my own opinion too. This piece is less about having the “right” perspective and more about opening the conversation.

I’d genuinely love to hear how others are navigating AI in their work, creativity, or daily life. Do you think it enhances creativity, or slowly erodes it? I’d love to broaden my horizon on the topic.

Ready to go deeper?

The free newsletter is where we explore the ideas behind living more intentionally. The paid membership is where we turn those ideas into practice through actionable frameworks, guided reflection, monthly challenges and deeper conversations.

My goal isn’t to help you do more.

It’s to help you build a life that feels calmer, richer and more aligned with who you want to become.

If that sounds like the journey you’re on, I’d love for you to join us.

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Earlier this week, I came across his 2024 article discussing how algorithms have influenced physical spaces, particularly coffee shops.

As someone who works in hospitality marketing, I spend a lot of time thinking about how spaces are reflected online in order to connect with audiences. But I had never really considered it the other way around: the influence of social media on constructing the spaces themselves.

At first, I felt slightly defensive reading Chayka’s argument that coffee shops around the world have begun to look the same. Brands work incredibly hard to retain their identity in an oversaturated hospitality industry.

But then I thought about the coffee shops I’ve visited while travelling - and I love an independent café with specialty beans and a good flat white - and I realised he was right.

Minimal logos. Clean interiors. Neutral tones. Plants dotted around the room. Slightly industrial lighting. Funky artwork on the walls.

And somehow, almost instinctively, you walk in and think: I bet they do good coffee.

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“Aesthetic shorthand has become a signal of quality.”

The truth is, how much can I really tell about the quality of coffee purely from a minimalist interior?

What Chayka argues is that this common visual language exists because café owners and baristas across the world are all consuming the same content online. Through Instagram and algorithmic recommendations, they begin influencing one another in real time until a recognisable aesthetic standard emerges.

A look is curated so that, no matter where in the world you find yourself, you recognise the cues immediately.

And I have absolutely fallen into the trap.

As much as I recognise myself as the perfect culprit in this scenario as a customer, the marketer in me is also deeply impressed.

Because, strategically, it makes complete sense.

“Adapting to the norm wasn’t just following trends but making a business decision, one that consumers rewarded,” Chayka writes.

Creating spaces, brunch dishes and coffees that are visually pleasing enough to be shared online is effectively free advertising. Customers become marketers. A beautiful café becomes both a hospitality experience and a lifestyle accessory.

And in a social media economy, optimising for sharing is genius.

The problem is not sameness. It’s the erosion of taste.

The article was adapted from Chayka’s book Filterworld, which I’ve since started listening to on Audible, and the central argument becomes less about coffee shops specifically and more about what algorithms are doing to human taste itself.

Because while these spaces feel comforting and familiar, they also risk flattening individuality.

Chayka suggests that algorithms cannot truly distinguish between likes and taste because taste is something deeper and more instinctive. Often, real taste contains an element of surprise - liking something and not fully being able to explain why.

Taste therefore takes time to develop because it requires encountering the unfamiliar, or even questioning your preferences. It is deeply human: instinctive, emotional, shaped by memory or experiences.

In a world increasingly shaped by AI, taste matters more than ever.

Technology may not fully understand our taste, but it can slowly weaken our ability to form it independently.

“Algorithms don’t just shape what we consume. They shape what we learn to value.”

I was reminded of this when reading this article by Tod Perry, who references social strategist Carmen Vicente discussing how algorithms have “killed taste.”

He compares it to television culture in the 1990s, when proudly watching endless hours of TV was often associated with lacking curiosity or personality. Today, doomscrolling and “bed-rotting” are almost worn as badges of honour.

And perhaps this is why critical thinking feels so important right now. To continue to develop creativity and individual thoughts.

Reading actual books. Spending time outdoors. Having conversations that require presence. Ordering with a waiter instead of a QR code. Conducting your own research.

These small acts matter because they force us to engage intentionally rather than passively consume.

And perhaps most importantly: seek places beyond the algorithm.

Some of my favourite restaurants while travelling have not been the places that appeared on my Instagram Explore page. They’ve been the tiny family-run restaurants discovered accidentally down cobbled side streets. The places with handwritten chalkboard menus, imperfect interiors and stories that cannot be condensed into an aesthetic.

Those experiences felt memorable precisely because they were unexpected.

“Taste requires curiosity. Algorithms reward familiarity.”

Working in social media means I understand the importance of online visibility and the genuine power social media marketing has for businesses.

But I also think there is a growing difference between spaces that are designed to connect with people and spaces designed primarily to perform online.

Visit places because the owner’s story resonates with you. Because the building has history. Because the atmosphere makes you feel something. Because it aligns with your values - not simply because it looks good on Instagram.

And for business owners, maybe this is the challenge too. Use social media to share your values, perspective and story, not just aesthetics designed to perform well on the algorithm. Because genuine connection to your audience is what will make you stand out.

Perhaps algorithms don’t have to kill taste and culture after all. But preserving them requires intention.

It means working harder to think critically about what we consume, questioning why we love the things we do and allowing our tastes to develop beyond what is simply fed to us online.

Because real taste is built through curiosity, surprise and lived experience - and some of the best inspiration still exists offline.

Ready to go deeper?

The free newsletter is where we explore the ideas behind living more intentionally. The paid membership is where we turn those ideas into practice through actionable frameworks, guided reflection, monthly challenges and deeper conversations.

My goal isn’t to help you do more.

It’s to help you build a life that feels calmer, richer and more aligned with who you want to become.

If that sounds like the journey you’re on, I’d love for you to join us.

UPGRADE