The Tonic is a lighthearted newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about my long COVID origin story, check out my Health Rising blog post, My Long COVID Disability Journey. If you are interested in the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Unbound: art in the face of illness

Some of you will remember a few posts back when I announced the upcoming global premiere of Unbound, a dance project I took part in along with nineteen others living with ME/CFS and long COVID.

It is a remarkable work of art, dreamed up by fellow spoonie and artist and brought to life by her and the inimitable of Unfixed Media, who also lives with chronic illness.

The premiere was held on YouTube Live and the Q&A event that followed had over 1,000 attendees via Zoom. The project is getting some beautiful press coverage, including a spread in Ability magazine and here in Sara’s local Marin County newspaper. There was also this heady piece written about the film by Renee K. Nicholson, titled Grace Under Constraint: Unbound as Health Humanities, which analyzes “what dance can teach us about the body, and what those lessons can tell us about health and care.”

Before further discussion, the just- north-of-six-minute video is worth a watch, listen, and feel:

Pretty powerful, right?

I was unfortunately unable to attend the premiere and Q&A with my fellow castmates, so I watched it for the first time later that night. Prior to that, I had seen it only in pieces, and without a musical score. I found it more beautiful, haunting, and moving than I could have imagined it would be, and I felt immensely proud of us all for mustering up the courage and the enormous energy needed to film our parts. I also came to so fully understand the enormous labor of love my friend Sara had poured into directing us all and to getting this across the finish line - what emotional, mental, and physical energy that required of her in the context of her own life with ME/CFS.

Some days later, I watched the Q&A, where the cast fielded questions from the audience about what it took to make their part of the film happen and what participating in it meant to them. The cast of dancers included people with zero dance experience (like me) to people who had to give up their passion for dance once getting sick. It also included folks along the spectrum of illness severity, from the nearly recovered to those who spend many of their days bedbound or housebound (the project could not, for obvious reasons, feature the very severe among us, who spend their days in darkened bedrooms, often unable to move or speak).

Filming took nine months; since the vision was for our dance moves to flow seamlessly into one another’s, as if we were part of one dance, we each had to wait for the person before us to film their part on their smartphone before we could film our own. Some of the folks with more severe illness presentation would have to postpone filming their part for weeks at a time, waiting for symptom flare-ups to quiet down a bit.

Although our parts were only 15-20 seconds long each, they often required several retakes as Sara (and sometimes her husband Les, a dancer himself) would watch what we had filmed and give us notes or tweaks for how to make our first move flow from the final move of the person before us.

I filmed my part in the summer of 2025, when I was a few months into the recovery program I was doing and feeling stronger each day. Even though I had more energy by that point in my journey, the two hours it took to get the right take mentally and physically depleted me for hours afterward (though, unlike some others, I was past the point of my illness where that kind of flare up would have lasted into the days and weeks to follow).

I share this to engender an appreciation for how each cast member had to carefully weigh the costs of participating. One can imagine that the cast members in mobility chairs, in regular chairs, or in bed were likely sicker and, understanding the costs, would have opted to conserve a bit of their energy by choosing to be seated throughout their dance. But, as per usual with these illnesses, looks can sometime be deceiving - some of the dancers standing up were just as sick or symptomatic. Some verbalized wanting to be a part of this project so badly and wanting to claw back a bit of agency and joy, that they risked a crash afterward. The choices many of us made in the moves we chose underscored the cost/benefit analysis that folks living with ME/CFS and long COVID have to make multiple times a day, down to the minutest of daily living activities such as cooking, showering, reading, or even talking.

Some chose to show the viewer a visual depiction of life with the illness, by dancing seated. Others chose to create moves that evoked what the illness experience felt like to them. I found these choices so gripping and powerful, so much so that my third time watching the film just a few days ago, I openly wept. The musical score matched up brilliantly to become an integral part of the storytelling here as well. My heart was feeling so much - grief-heavy with memories of the days where my own darkness matched those in the faces and bodies of my fellow dancers, and yet joy-filled at what we were able to collectively overcome in order to create.

The choices I made for my own brief segment of the dance

At the time of filming, I was emerging, feeling grateful to be regaining parts of my life I had thought were lost to me for good.

I knew I wanted the background to be light-filled, signifying the hope that was returning for me.

When I twirled out of the connecting move from the dancer before me, I stood in the center of the room and hugged myself, smiling warmly, because this body of mine…oh, this body of mine. It withstood a superstorm, and yet it never stopped fighting to keep me alive, to keep me going.

I came out of the hug and extended my arms long to the side as if to open up to what would be next, as if to say, “there is more that awaits me in this life, and I will receive it.”

I have not been, in the “before times” or since, what anyone would call a dancer. It usually takes a few drinks to get me on the floor at a wedding. And I have never really considered myself “a creative,” at least not compared to Sara, Kim, and many of my fellow dancers.

But for brief moments in time, both while filming and while watching the finished product, I felt a bit of the charge that creatives must feel - the thing many will say compels them to create. And what’s more, I felt part of a community of creatives.

Our illnesses have left a lasting impact, but they aren’t the only things that define us.

A heartfelt thank you to Sara, Kim, and my fellow castmates for inspiring me and reminding me of that.

(If you are so moved and are able, consider the surprising benefits of a five-minute dance break).

🦠 COVID cases: they’re increasing in some areas. Here’s what experts want us to know.

🧑🏽‍🧑🏼‍🧒🏽 Racial disparities in long COVID: Black patients underdiagnosed in the US compared with White patients.

📈 Long COVID project: the final newsletter with infographics on a four-year study out of the University of Helsinki showing LC as a prolonged defense response.

🚶🏽‍♂️ Why pacing isn’t working: with a short on why pacing (by itself) may not be working for you.

🧘🏼 Learning to trust your body: a post by on the difference between listening to your body and living in fear of it.

🩶 Life after 50: four nutrients you may need more of in these years.

🔥 The dangers of wildfire smoke: how particulate matter impacts our health. We have been downwind of a lot of the Canadian fires these last few summers, and I have been extra sensitive to it since my LC experience. I just purchased on indoor air quality monitor because sometimes I can smell the smoke in here even when the air quality index (AQI) for our area is fairly low.

🥶 Frozen shoulder: the surprising perimenopause condition. I developed a frozen shoulder a few years back, and within six months, my other shoulder froze up too. I started calling them Anna and Elsa. But there was nothing cute about losing the use of my arms for almost two years.

😔 R.I.P. Glen Hansard: before we engage in much tomfoolery, I just wanted to acknowledge the tragic death of a musical giant that you may or may not have heard of, but who you should know about. The indie movie Once, which Glen created with singer Markéta Irglová, is breathtaking and the main song from the movie won an Oscar (it was up against like four Disney songs that year, so it better have won). I was so fortunate to see Glen and Markéta perform at Radio City Music Hall a few summers ago with my sister and my sibkid, and it was a gorgeous performance. Here is a video from YouTube of his final night doing what he loved, just a few hours before he died on his motorcycle. Bono, Eddie Vedder, and others sang at his funeral in Dublin. Rest in peace, sweet Glen.

🙉 Bagpipes can suck it: as we’ve just established - Irish music yay! But bagpipes? Arguably the worst man-made noise that exists. Apparently, I’m not alone because they are being proposed as the first line of defense against an alien invasion. I approve!

🐀 Capybaras: these giant rodents are keeping their chill while crashing Brazilian legislature.

🥵 Labiahead: perimenopausal pop stars!

🫗 Erewhon or hose? Check out this hilarious video of people being suckered by the marketing machine.

🎶 Love shack, baby love shack: in honor of a new season of Ted Lasso dropping (thank you, streaming gods), please enjoy this rousing rendition by two of the show’s stars. What a hoot!

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Opening day of the catio!

Jury’s out as to whether they enjoyed it. They haven’t ‘asked’ to go back, which they often do when it comes to going out in the yard with a harness on. They ask, and ask, and ask, and ask…

Thanks for being here. Like anything you saw? 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about my long COVID origin story, check out my Health Rising blog post, My Long COVID Disability Journey. If you are interested in the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

If you’ve been hanging around The Tonic for at least the past month or so, you may recall my June post Why do we have to turn on each other?, which I wrote in the aftermath of the Wired article by Alan Levinovitz and the strong feelings it elicited from so many. In it, I ask why, as people living with and/or recovering from a post-viral illness, we can’t respect one another’s personal choices around treatment and recovery.

I heard from a lot of you about that post. Many of you thanked me, a good amount of you having reached out to me privately, and I can only guess that’s in part because you did not have the energy or desire to be potentially trolled or attacked by anyone who strongly disagreed with me or with you. I understand that completely. In our condition, nervous system activation can cause crashes, and I know from experience that sometimes it doesn’t take much. I remember the days where mere annoyance or gentle disagreement with someone would send my POTSy heartrate spiking and then I knew the adrenaline dump was on its way, followed by unrelenting fatigue, neuropathy, cognitive dysfunction, etc. - all because I got irritated or activated.

I am naturally opinionated and love a good debate. When I realized that I had to curb my true nature in the service of nervous system regulation and eventual recovery, it was like I had to grieve the loss of a dear friend. Just ask my former therapist (herself a person with ME/CFS) and she’ll tell you (with my written consent, of course) that it took me over two years to figure out how to actually down shift my reactions to almost everything. Change is hard and takes time.

The point is, I get it. And I appreciated hearing from supporters who felt that what I wrote about needed to be said.

I also appreciated the folks in the comments that maybe didn’t agree with me, but who showed up with respect and sought to have a meaningful exchange. The whole point of my post was that there is room for all of our perspectives. As my BFF Lisa pointed out to me, “you literally say in every post that what you say and what you did to recover may not be for everyone.” (And that’s a non-post viral illness person connecting those dots! And reading every one of my posts - bless her heart). I have been intentional about creating a space where there are no absolutes, because hello? Our illnesses - including the causes, the mechanisms, the downstream effects, the treatments, and the recoveries - are constant moving targets. None of us knows the One True Way™️ that will work for all of us (does anything in life work that way anyway?).

But then, I have to say, there were a few in the comments who just underscored the point I was making with the post. Little respect and few attempts at a good faith exchange.

Someone wrote that I was pushing the specific recovery program I used in every post (umm, NO. I make mention of the program I used in the context of the topics I write about here, because I, uh…used it, and it worked for me, and I am not ashamed of the program. Also, not to be a toddler about it, but this IS my Substack, and I will write about whatever TF moves me. Again, not for everyone. And if it’s not for you, or if you’re tired of seeing the name of the program I used - CFS Recovery - then thanks for having been here for as long as you were and I genuinely wish you all the best).

One person even asked me if I was being paid by the program to hawk it (umm, NO. The program gave me my life back; why would getting paid be the only circumstance in which I might talk about it? So strange. And if I was being paid by them, I would have disclosed that every single time. I promise each and every one of you that I do not have the energy nor the desire to peddle in dishonesty or to pull any sort of fast one on you).

Eventually I had to close the comments because there was a barrage of noise and it had all become largely unproductive.

We were, in short, turning on each other.

(I generally really LOVE being right about things (omg I love it so much), but I did not relish having been right about that).

Brain retraining is nervous system regulation is brain retraining is…

As I have been reading all of the pushback pieces and petitions around the Wired piece and continuing to think critically about it all while going about my daily life, I happened to listen to this podcast episode in which Dr. Nancy Klimas, longtime respected ME/CFS, Gulf War illness, and now long COVID researcher, discusses post-viral illnesses with the host, Dr. Farzanna Haffizulla.

(For those with limited spoons, all of what I’m discussing below can be found between minutes 12:25-18:00, approximately).

In it, Dr. Klimas describes the autonomic dysfunction (POTS, etc.) and the sympathetic (“fight or flight”) nervous system overdrive in post-viral illnesses as being akin to what folks with PTSD experience.

(But wait - comparing long COVID and ME/CFS to PTSD, which is primarily thought of as a psychological disorder one experiences after a trauma or series of traumas? How will the “long COVID is strictly a disease of physiologic dysfunction” crowd handle this news?

The answer is, I don’t know. But if they could take a moment to really understand something like PTSD, they’d know that those with PTSD have documented changes to the brain, and the brain is a part of the body. In other words, physiological. Just like ME/CFS and long COVID).

Dr. Klimas then goes on to describe what can be done to help get people out of a sympathetic state and back into a parasympathetic, or “rest and digest” state.

Her answers? Meditation. Breathing techniques. Vagal nerve stimulators. In other words, things that are intended to shift the mind and body away from fear and panic, and toward regulation.

Here’s that part of the podcast transcript:

Dr. Klimas: So if you think about what you can do to help people, you got to do things that make their parasympathetic system come back. Now, there are things you can do that have nothing to do with drugs that do that. In fact, some of the most effective PTSD treatments ever was transcendental meditation. I mean, putting people but really aggressive, intense, real meditation where people go into these weekend workshops and really learn how to get it to the point where they’re having physiologic changes because they get that relaxed and then learning how through sort of a biofeedback loop to get themselves there quicker, quicker, quicker. And then do daily meditation.

There’s parasympathetic breathing techniques where you’re just moving your diaphragm by huffing and puffing up and down your diaphragm which is a vagal nerve which is parasympathetic nerve. So you’re driving it. There are parasympathetic drives that are vagal stimulators that people can buy this stick right behind their ear or on their neck…

And a minute or so later:

Dr. Klimas: So there are different ways to try to and it’s not fast. It took years at least months but sometimes years to get so out of balance that the super highways in your brain that regulate this are sympathetic. And trying to get a balance back and get that normal signaling pattern back that’s more balanced. It takes months and months of real personal hard work.

It’s not just “here have a medicine,” you know, “I can fix that.” It’s like you need to put in vagal nerve training and these are all the things you need to do to try to do that.

WOW.

Here you have a trusted woman of medicine and research (go here to see her impressive bio), who is as committed as they come to finding the mechanisms of these illnesses as well as what medical treatments might work, stating what some of the dysfunction is and how patients can help themselves.

And it amounts to nervous system regulation. The brain is part of the nervous system. What people are calling ‘brain retraining’ is to some degree about shifting thoughts and mindsets, yes - but in the service of going from a state of nervous system dysregulation to regulation. Lowering the fear signals that keep the biological mechanisms of the brain activated and on high alert. “Learning how through sort of a biofeedback loop to get themselves there quicker, quicker, quicker…”

A.k.a., brain retraining.

This respected researcher is giving us permission to understand that all of these physiologic disorders - PTSD, ME/CFS, long COVID - can be helped with non-medicinal approaches. If people can use therapeutic work and nervous system regulation like meditation, breathwork, and vagus nerve stimulation to recover from PTSD, why can’t we use similar tools to recover from ME/CFS, long COVID, post treatment Lyme disease, etc.?

As Dr. Klimas says, this takes months and years. She’s right; it took me two to three years.

Now, it’s a hard (non) pill to swallow to think about this all taking years to work. Often, we give something a few weeks or a month or maybe even a few months, and when we don’t see steady or fast progress, we declare it ineffective. I get that. I almost lost hope a few times during my own recovery slog.

But Dr. Klimas knows something that we all know too, if only we’d admit it to ourselves. The field of medical research will take years, maybe even decades, to come up with effective treatments for a novel disease like long COVID (don’t even get folks started on how non-novel ME/CFS is, and the little progress that’s been made there). And I for one am cheering science on every step of the way.

But in the meantime (and I do mean t - i - m - e), why not give Dr. Klimas’s suggestions a try?

Head to the comments to discuss

(As a reminder, check out my Recovery Tools series if you want some additional ideas that might work).

😶 Sucking it in: Women were told to do this for years. Now our bodies are paying for it.

🫗 Stress incontinence: a great post by yoga master and pelvic floor expert on the three must-haves to end leaking.

🍕 Pizza and bagels: when I was a young person and started traveling outside of the NY tri-state area, I realized just how different our pizza and bagels were - like, no- comparison, better-than-everywhere else different. Local lore had everyone believing it was the water here that made all the difference. This audio segment from NPR on why NY pizza and bagel recipes may change opened my eyes; what makes ours legendary is a flour additive that may possible be carcinogenic. Say it ain’t so!!! Why does all the good stuff have to be ruined? 😩

😖 Stress and memories: stress impairs your brain’s ability to link memories — dampening insight.

⛱️ Sunscreen: we’re finally getting the kind Europeans have here in the states, and dermatologists are thrilled.

🫛 “Pass the peas like we used to say”: five reasons to add peas into your diet.

🧨 Red light therapy: about three years ago, at the height of my illness, I read an entire book on red light therapy and then purchased a recommended box via payment plan so I could potentially supercharge my flailing mitochondria. To this day, I sit in front of it for 10 minutes in the morning at least four mornings a week. Did it contribute to my recovery from long COVID? Who can say. But did I just get carded at the liquor store at the age of 51? Yes, yes I did.

📖 New memoir alert!: , who writes the brilliant newsletter Surrendering to Sappho, has published a brave and fierce memoir called Hurricane Lessons. I tore through it in two weeks (very fast for me!). Go pick it up here or at your favorite non-demonic bookseller!

💨 Science finally settles the air: men fart more than women. The best part? The name of the app! “Using the Chart Your Fart app, Australians self-reported an average of five flatus per day, with a higher number recorded among males versus females, at 5.2 versus 4.8.

🫨 Earthquakes: can concerts and sporting events cause them? This ear worm is all I kept thinking about.

👻 Pale people: we are sick to death of hearing these 13 comments from the rest of you. My natural skin tone: corpse. Like, not just white, but translucent. But unlike the author of this piece, no, I cannot tan. It is a physical impossibility. Believe me, I risked death trying before I even knew I was risking death. Also? Self tanner is a giant pain in the ass, and I’m done struggling with the process, the smell, and the upkeep just to make other people more, what…comfortable? (People really need to gain some insight into their discomfort). We could all take a lesson from…

🚸 Dutch children: they are uncommonly happy and healthy. Perhaps it’s this walking ritual? (and look at how pale they are!).

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. A “who wore it better?” comparison and a video of our loveable feral, Ripley.

For anyone following along on Operation Domesticate Ripley, a recent attempt to trap her before a brutal heatwave failed spectacularly. She had a trauma response to the trap and wouldn’t go near it or us that day. Luckily, she let us pet her again the following day. We are still trying to figure out how to get her to the vet and then inside for good - stay tuned!

Thanks for being here. Like anything you saw? 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about my long COVID origin story, check out my Health Rising blog post, My Long COVID Disability Journey. If you are interested in the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout out!

A big Tonic thank you goes to Kira S. for recently buying me a coffee! (Specifically, the “fou fou-fiest Frappuccino” 🤭).

Unbound: creativity beyond confinement

One of the gifts of chronic illness is that it forces you to rethink everything—including creativity and movement.

But what if creativity through movement didn’t have to be big to matter?

Born from the personal experiences of director and filmmaker —both artists living with chronic illness—Unbound is a collaborative dance film that reframes disability through the language of movement. The work weaves together short, self-recorded videos from participants located in their backyards, beds, chairs, and living rooms. Rather than hiding their limitations, the film leans into them—amplifying the truth of a body that aches to move and the creative resilience that emerges when movement is redefined.

The result is a visual dialogue, a passing of the dance in which one gesture flows into the next, echoing collective struggle and shared joy. With a painterly color palette and poetic editing style, Unbound invites audiences into the lived reality of ME/CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) and Long COVID, offering not just awareness but a reframing: illness as choreography, constraint as canvas.

I'm honored to be part of Unbound, along with friends new and old, like , , , , , , and many others.

What emerged is not a story about what we’ve lost, but about what remains.

Illness is not the end of dance.

It’s not the end of creativity.
It’s not the end of beauty.
It’s not the end of connection.

Join us for the premiere of Unbound, a dance film created by twenty people living with ME/CFS, Long Covid, and other disabilities.

July 29 • 6:30 PM ET

Register for the free event here

Thanks for being here. Like anything you saw? 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about my long COVID origin story, check out my Health Rising blog post, My Long COVID Disability Journey. If you are interested in the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout out!

A big Tonic thank you goes to Dr. Talia for recently upgrading to a paid subscription! A real live doctor, y’all!

WT actual F?

People. PEOPLE!

The world is generally not kind, educated, or super understanding about issues of chronic illness and disability, I’ll give you that. We see glimmers of hope every so often, but mostly it’s barriers and ableism and assumptions, oh my.

So why are we spending what little spoonie energy we have fighting among ourselves?

(I’m feeling a lot of feelings at the moment; I’m going to try my damnedest not to make this post a million miles long, but brevity is not my strong suit, and I can’t make any promises).

Many of you in the long COVID world have by now seen or heard of the controversial article published by Alan Levinovitz in Wired on June 1st, titled The Painful Truth About Long COVID: There might finally be a way forward for Long COVID treatment - if only you were allowed to talk about it. (It may be behind a paywall, but you can sign up for a free trial of Wired to read it and then cancel, like I did).

I am not going to rehash what was written in the article. For context to my piece here, see the blazing hot comments section of the article or any number of Substack posts that have already been written about it, mostly by folks slamming the piece.

The gist of it is this: long COVID can be awful and debilitating. Billions have been spent around the world on medical research, some of which is getting us closer to figuring out what’s physiologically going on inside our bodies, none of which has come up with any effective medical treatments aside from a few that create symptom relief in some sufferers, but definitely not most or all. Many millions are suffering, and some subsection of those millions have turned to recovery programs usually described as brain retraining. Many who do have recovered some or all of their health. Talking about recovering this way is a hot button issue because those who are still quite sick or who tried these programs and didn’t improve (or may have even gotten worse) feel gaslit by what they perceive these programs to be saying: that if you can shift your mindset around the illness and heal your body, then it’s all been “in your head.”

The second part of the subtitle of the article - “if only you were allowed to talk about it” - is a nod to how silenced those who run these programs, do research on programs like this, or recover using programs like this have felt when they try to talk openly about any of it. (To be fair, these groups feel silenced by large groups of very sick people, all of whom are also feeling silenced, dismissed, and left to suffer, as well as by medical researchers who are fighting to get the research money and run studies that look for the causes and treatments that will work).

Levinovitz has created quite a stir in our world, to be sure. In the comments section and in the opinion pieces about the article, you can read the words of impassioned folks on both sides of this issue, but mostly on the side of those who feel gaslit by the idea of brain retraining.

Let’s get this out of the way

I first want to be clear on my perspectives here, which will probably come as no surprise to those who have been subscribed to me for more than the last month or so.

I was sick with long COVID, at times couch-bound and house-bound, for most of the five years between 2020-2025 (give or take, as there were moments where I thought I was recovering, only to crash spectacularly for months or years). You can go back through my archives here, which start in July 2023, or you can go here or here to read/view the evidence. I like to keep things here light, but there are some things you can’t make light of: my experience was harrowing and it was awful. The worst thing I have ever been through, by a landslide (and I’ve had my fair share of shit in life).

Even while deeply fatigued and disabled, I ran to and fro all the doctors, including those at a post-COVID recovery center and specialists who were a long ride away in Manhattan or who saw me virtually from California. Some didn’t know jack; others were kind and knowledgeable about what there was to know about long COVID, but ultimately could not help me. None of the symptom-reducing medications helped. None of the supplements helped. While I fought like hell for my two sources of disability benefits and needed to keep some of these doctors around to support these cases, eventually I stopped all the running. I ran out of energy for modern medicine, and I had to decide for my own mental wellness to loosen my grip on it all.

Around that time, I was also watching many recovery stories on YouTube, most notably on Raelan Agle’s and Dan Buglio’s respective channels, and later, on Miguel Baustista’s/CFS Recovery. Alex Howard’s book Decode Your Fatigue was also enormously helpful, as were others (see link to my recovery tools series at the top of this message). As I was walking away from modern medicine, I found myself walking toward these stories of recovery, building hope and belief that if these folks who had walked a similar path to mine could use these tools to recover, maybe I could as well.

And then I engaged with some of these programs, a few of which got me some progress but ultimately were not a great fit for me. Until I signed up for CFS Recovery last April 2025. The rest, as they say, is history, and you can read about my experience in that program here.

In sum, I have been on all sides of this thing: the thick, soupy depths of suffering and the dark moments of immense grief that accompany it, and the buoyant, sunshiney highs of recovery and the reclaiming of parts of my life I thought might be permanently, cruelly out of reach.

This gives me the ability to have compassion for those who feel crushed by their symptoms and by the feeling like they are to blame if they either can’t buy into brain retraining or if they do and it ultimately doesn’t work for them.

It also gives me understanding for those who are sometimes made to feel bad about having recovered using these non-medical, unorthodox tools, to the point where they can’t talk about it without upsetting the sickest among us.

But why should either group have to be made to feel bad for any of these reasons?

This is especially insidious coming from within the community - one which made history in 2020 as a millions-strong group of patients and patient advocates bonded by the shared experience of a terrible new disease, further bonded to those isolated folks with a long history of a similar, existing terrible disease (ME/CFS).

I’m not the arbiter of anything in our community, and neither are you, and I think that’s the point. Who among us could be? Especially with a disease as heterogenous as long COVID, where no two people suffer from the exact same combination of over 200 documented symptoms, and no two paths to recovery (if accessible) even look the same.

So why can’t our experiences be our own?

Why can’t those who are sick with long COVID be free to decide for themselves what route to feeling better is most comfortable or makes the most sense to them? Why can’t they tell us that something works for them or doesn’t? Why can’t we look on these folks with more compassion and grace, and not assume it is some sort of moral failing or character flaw if they don’t choose the route others have chosen?

By the same token, why can’t we support and even be happy for those who have found a path to wellness that works/worked for them? Why do we have to make those who have recovered feel like the way they did it is taboo, or that they can’t talk about it? Why do any of our recoveries make some of those who are currently suffering doubt whether we were “ever really that sick to begin with”? Isn’t that also a form of gaslighting?

Why are we cannibalizing ourselves? Who benefits from that?

I believe this only further splinters us and isolates us from each other, at a time when our research agencies are being defunded and the world wants to forget that this pandemic ever happened, making us feel even more forgotten, more left behind than at any time during the past six years.

Bringing this back to the personal

I have to admit, Levinovitz’s subtitle was what drew me in.

I have at times felt like those of us who have recovered in these ways are made invisible by our own community and by the media. The fact that a mainstream publication was willing to shine some kind of light on the experiences of those of us who have used these recovery programs made me feel validated and seen. Although I too feel there were some problems with the way Levinovitz presented some of it, I do feel that no one - not even someone with lived LC illness and recovery experience - could have done an article like this perfectly or in a way that didn’t at least piss off some. Ultimately, I felt it was brave of him to “go there,” especially when one considers the amount of criticism and in some cases vitriol that has been flung his way since the piece was published.

And why shouldn’t he have included some of these recovery stories? If thousands of people are using these programs to recover, isn’t it irresponsible not to at least give the public the information and let them make their own choices?

When I wrote a strong plea to our main long COVID media site about this very thing, I was basically told that they were happy for me that I have largely recovered, but that they could not write about the experiences of patients like me and so many others because these programs are not rooted in evidence-based science.

Meanwhile, the same outlet has published many other non-scientific, lived experience pieces of long haulers from all walks of life - as they should, but why is my experience any less valid?

(There is BTW science to back up some of this, with more on the way. The Gupta Program for one has multiple independent randomized controlled trials demonstrating its effectiveness. There are many studies showing that neuroplastic pain and other chronic symptoms that put our nervous systems in a state of fight-or-flight can be shifted with somatic tracking interventions. The Boulder back pain study is the biggest one cited, and this group is working on studying the same interventions in folks with non-pain chronic symptoms).

These recovery programs do have a bit of a PR problem, in my opinion. They are indeed all about neuroplasticity - the same way your brain learns how to play the piano, for example, can be the same way your brain learns to get out of a panic loop around symptoms. Brain retraining is really just a less fancy term for neuroplasticity.

But in my experience, these programs are really about learning how to calm the nervous system by reducing panic and fear around symptoms which are very real and very present. Calming the nervous system is not a quick fix - it can take months or years to do, as it did in my case. I believe that addressing the dysregulation shifted me away from a racing heartrate, poor digestion, adrenaline rushes, sensitivities to sounds/light/foods/medications, and other panic-inducing symptoms. My body was then able to return to a state of homeostasis, where it could quiet any remaining inflammation and let cellular repair happen naturally.

This is very challenging to explain in the pithy way that marketing tends to require. I leave that to the pros. But something has to be done to counter the “it’s all in your head” conclusion that many jump to about these programs.

In the end, these programs have worked for me. I don’t know for sure if they can work for you - that is for you to decide. All I can do is present my experience for you to reflect on. Is my story of recovery helpful to you? It may or may not be, as this terrific post by illustrates.

Thinking, Chronically

Are illness recovery stories helpful or hurtful?

I’m gonna cut to the chase. The answer to if illness recovery stories are helpful or hurtful is a resounding: it depends…

Read more

3 months ago · 20 likes · 12 comments · Dr. Talia

But no matter, let’s not turn on each other over any of this. We walk(ed) through a unique kind of fiery hellscape, and that should unite us more than divide us. Let’s hold each other up. Let’s ask what is needed in any given moment, which can of course shift over time, and then let’s honor and respect the answer.

No links today, but be well, my friends. I’ll be back sometime in July.

Thanks for being here. Please feel free to let me know what your perspective is on any of this 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about my long COVID origin story, check out my Health Rising blog post, My Long COVID Disability Journey. If you are interested in the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout out!

A big Tonic thank you goes to Brian M. for recently upgrading to a paid subscription!

Liminal limbo

Hello again, friends. I needed an extended time between posts because I was taking a four-week certification training on pain reprocessing therapy, an evidence-based treatment for chronic pain and symptoms of many kinds. I’m very excited to share more on this in a future post, but you can contact me here if you’re interested in a free consult.

Aside from the training and building up my therapy caseload, what’s been on my mind for a few months has been this interesting liminal state I’m in between active illness and living life as a fully recovered person. There have been many strange moments where I’ve realized there’s sometimes a dissonance between how the world sees me and how I really am and/or how I’m identifying or perceiving myself.

Of course, this “problem” is not something I gave much thought to when I was still living with long COVID. I’ve said here before that I never gave up hope that I’d recover - even when I was at my worst, when symptoms were raging and the belief was minimal, like 3-5%. Case in point, here’s a video of me on one of my worst symptom days:

And a few pics of this ever-hopeful sicko:

(For newer folks, you may be interested in my post Long COVID in pictures).

I always said I’d be grateful for any amount of recovery. For example, when I was at about 20% capacity, I’d have settled for only ever getting to 50%. Just the thought of getting back some of the activities I loved was enough to keep me going.

So now that I’d consider myself at a steady 95-98% recovered, it seems somehow greedy to have anything resembling a complaint about being here. To pull a reframe (something I do often with my therapy clients), this is not so much a complaint as it is an observation. And one that makes me reflective, because it brings with it feelings of strangeness, wonder, discomfort, curiosity, and sometimes touches of grief still.

Let me get more explicit and tell you when and where I first experienced this liminality.

Many of you know I’ve been playing more and more pickleball ever since my local BFF Lisa taught me and another former volleyball player friend how to play last summer. The various pickleball crews I run with tend to skew a good bit older than me, mostly due to the fact that these are the folks available to play on weekday mornings - mostly retirees, though a few younger folks who work in the service industry. When I first started playing more, I was hardly working yet and so I was available in the mornings; now, I’m working more but have a good amount of flexibility. Therapy clients tend to favor evening appointments, so I can usually squeeze 1-2 mornings of weekday play in most weeks.

Last fall, I was still getting my ‘sea legs’ and my energy/conditioning back after years of doing not much more than laying around or walking. I would fatigue fairly easily and might be the first to volunteer to sit out a game when we had to take turns, or I would listen to my body and decide to call it a day. This would sometimes lead to a comment like, “C’mon! You’re too young to be that tired!” (frequently compounded by the fact that no one can believe I’m 50; they all say something between 28-38. It’s kind of hard to get too cocky about looking ‘good for your age’ when an illness basically had you sheltering in place for five years, but alas).

Other times, I’d have to hear that some 70-year-old did an hour of cardio before coming to play three hours pickleball that morning.

I recently did a two-hour drills session that nearly leveled me with exhaustion by the hour and a half mark, only to watch one of the other participants who I’d say was between 65-70 reserve a court for another hour after, something that would have been utterly out of the question for me. He then went on to boast that he is an endurance sport guy, frequently running marathons and doing triathlons.

Ouch

Under ‘normal’ circumstances, comments and situations like this would hit a 50-year-old a certain way coming from 60–80-year-olds. For a recovering sicko, it hits even harder.

Sure, it triggers old achiever and competitive athlete patterns (the same patterns that got triggered 20 years ago when I was dealing with infertility - I hate to be told I can’t do something).

But it’s more than that. It hits that tender place in me that is only a year into recovery. The place that still feels shame about not living up to people’s expectations of me, around being taken ‘off-line’ for a full five years from the non-elderly ages of 44-49.

I wasn’t ready to slow down yet at 44. I was still playing competitive volleyball, working out with heavy weights, climbing mountains, holding down a more than full-time job, socializing multiple nights per week, traveling.

Yes, there is a certain amount of both ableism and ageism in thoughts like these. But they are honest thoughts that trigger real feelings.

(Also, just typing all of the things I was doing at age 44 makes me pause for a second to consider how go-go-go and dysregulated I was. I thought I was happy living that life, but in reality, there was no time in there for any groundedness or presence, no slowing down to just…be. There were messages my body was sending me that I was not only flat-out ignoring but sticking my tongue out at).

I digress. Back to the liminal. The comments and situations I’ve encountered while playing pickleball put me in this funny place of feeling like I had to explain why someone so much younger than these folks can’t muster the same energy that they can (for a while, that made sense; my two-day CPET report from 2022 stated that I had the VO2 max of “an inactive 76yo woman”. I was 46 at the time, so that one really stung).

I didn’t go around offering up my health status unprompted, but if I got a comment like the one above, or a certain look when I chose to rest, I would tell folks that I had long COVID for five years and only recently recovered enough to be playing pickleball (and to my great surprise, not a single person doubted, disbelieved, or dismissed me; I got nothing but empathy and thoughtful questions about my experience). I felt like it was my responsibility to bridge the gap between their expectations of someone my age and the reality.

In truth, it wasn’t and shouldn’t be my responsibility to do this. But it did have the intended effect in that I no longer have to explain my offers to sit out a game. Many of these folks are now friends. They know my story. I am also able to view them with compassion when there’s an hour left to play, yet they’re packing up their stuff to leave. They know their limits and they model that for me, and in that sense, we have more in common now than just our love of pickleball.

But alas, this liminal limbo land isn’t done with me yet. Just last night, I was playing outdoors, and my brain just hit a wall. It’s like a switch was flipped and nothing made sense anymore. My partner gave me funny looks when I didn’t react to balls I usually get to, or when I had absolutely no clue what the score was. I began to have a feeling of derealization, like I wasn’t on the court, like everything was closing in on me. I finished the game, sat for a moment, played one more half-assed game (I know, I know), and then called it.

Later, once Baldy and I were home, I began crying when I told him how it felt to get those looks and comments about balls I had missed when I was feeling so off. It was my old buddy shame returning. Normally, athlete to athlete, those kinds of looks and comments might be fair game (pun intended) when your partner, whose head was in the game two points ago, is now…somewhere else.

I am just really sensitive to this idea that what people (even the ones who saw me at my sickest) see now is a healthy, vibrant person. A lot of times that perception feels correct and I own that perception, especially when a fellow player calls me “smasher” (referring to my overhead shot, the only one I was good at immediately because of 30+ years of playing volleyball) or I’m asked to separate from another strong player in a game of fours in order to make the teams ‘fair.’

But at other moments, their perception isn’t correct. I’m feeling fatigued, extra sore, or like a mental fogzilla.

Do I warn folks ahead of time that I’m in this state, to ward off their expectant comments and looks? Sometimes I’m not aware of it until they are, and then, like I did last night, I talk about it after almost each point that I mess up. It’s like I’m going to put it out there before anyone is left to wonder. That doesn’t feel great, but it seems to make me feel a little less bad in the moment.

And in all of these examples of this in between place between illness and recovery, I’ve realized that it’s as if an invisible illness has disappeared from view even more.

You’re not who you were when you were sick (hooray!), yet you’re not (yet? ever again?) who you were before you got sick (hooray?!).

Somehow, you want to be seen as being in this middle place without having to explain that that’s where you are, but it’s awkward, uncomfortable, and perhaps no one’s business/responsibility to care.

So where does that leave me/us? What’s the ‘lesson’ here? I think it’s two-part:

1. I’m/we’re still recovering, to a lesser degree physically and to a somewhat larger degree emotionally. We may not always be this reactive or sensitive. We may get more experience at living in this liminal space. Or we may gain more physical recovery (or physical conditioning) to the point where this becomes a non-issue. I also have to imagine that, for me in particular, as physiological age becomes more aligned with energy levels, other people’s expectations of me will calibrate accordingly. But ultimately, I can only exert so much control over that.

2. Give people more grace. This goes both ways. On the one hand, we don’t know what someone has been through that might be impacting their energy or abilities at any given time. Be mindful of this and try to use it to stop the ageist/ableist comment before it leaves our mouths.

   

   On the other hand, sensitive-me can give my fellow players some room to do the things that fellow athletes sometimes do - expect or want more from their partners. It is not their intention to make me feel bad or cry. They are not operating with the full story, and that’s not their fault.

I am going to attempt to do what I often coach my therapy clients to do: hold it all more loosely. More gently. Have compassion for myself and understanding for others.

Key word: attempt. I’ll be sure to report back :)

Now it’s your turn

Have you made any gains in your recovery, and are you also now in some sort of weird limbo land between perception and reality? Or does this resonate for you because of a different situation in your life, possibly unrelated to illness? I’d love to hear from you.

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💰 Long COVID: it costs world’s economy billions.

🦠 Preventing COVID: a pill that can prevent COVID after exposure.

💥 Long COVID as rupture: a beautiful, thought-provoking piece by .

The Wellness Aesthetic

Long Covid - The Rupture That Broke Me Open

I recently came across a video that caught me so off guard that life around me slammed on the brakes, tears were streaming down my face without an explanation, all in under a few minutes. The concept was so unexpected and profound, it didn’t just make me look at my entire choric illness journey in a new way, in real time…

Read more

4 months ago · 10 likes · 4 comments · Lauren, The Wellness Aesthetic

😣 Upcoming webinar: When Someone You Love Is in Chronic Pain: A Live Q&A for Caregivers. Register here.

🪺 Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS): just got renamed to something (polyendocrine metabolic ovarian syndrome) more validating and in line with the experience.

🪲 Ticks in 2026: especially bad. Here’s how to stay safe.

💊 Mental health medication: six questions to ask your doctor before starting one.

😟 Anxiety: if you experience it, here’s a meditation specifically for you.

❤️‍🩹 Your Nervous System Can Heal (You’re Not a Special Case): a video by Helmut, the Mindful Gardener (content warning: filled with swearing, sarcasm, and humor to get the point across)

📖 New book alert!: my dear friend, the acclaimed writer Amin Ahmad, just published his latest thriller A Killer in the Family, and I loved every page of it. It’s one of the books featured in this article in The Guardian: The best recent crime and thrillers – review roundup. Do check it out!

🎈 Hot air balloon…in your backyard? Hot air balloon with 13 aboard makes emergency landing in California backyard. The pilot did an amazing job because that backyard was NOT big.

🌎 Planet Earth: brought to you live. So cool!

🦅 While you’re at it: check out the baby bald eagles webcam from Big Bear Valley in California. They’re like teenagers now. Check ‘em out before they fly the nest! Oh, and barn owls!

📽️ ‘Very demure, very mindful’: how Jools Lebron went viral – and her life fell apart. But she’s getting it back, and who doesn’t love a good comeback story??

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Fashion alert, some helpful info, and an important pupdate.

1. First, fashion. Check out this cozy sweater I got for a song from Vinted (a totally addictive thrifting site).

   

2. Next, check out Jackson Galaxy’s YouTube playlist for cat preparation in case of emergency.

3. Now for the Operation Domesticate Ripley “pupdate” - those of you who have been subscribed for a while may remember that five years ago, we adopted a feral girl that we named Ripley. She came from a hoarding situation in Florida and the rescuer was seeking people with garages or barns to adopt her as a feral, since she was not acclimating to people. She lived in our detached garage for four years before becoming more attached to Baldy last year and hanging out more and more near our basement door. We hoped to get her inside before last winter, but alas, we have had to move at her speed (she did go missing between our two 20+ inch snowstorms this winter, and we feared the worst, until she came trotting back up the driveway exactly a week after she bolted when the snowplow came).

   Well, I am happy to report that Ripley now lets us pet her! And she absolutely loves it. She meows and writhes around on our stone wall and we give her all the love she wants (and treats). She mainly resides in what I refer to as mini-homeless encampment under some bushes near our basement door, perched up high on a stone wall where she can monitor predators (like the coyotes that like to get up close). Our resolve to get her inside before winter has only strengthened (and maybe to get her inside before the intense heat of NY summers sets in - stay tuned!).

Thanks for being here. Like anything you saw? 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about my long COVID origin story, check out my Health Rising blog post, My Long COVID Disability Journey. If you are interested in the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Giddy up!

Well folks, after a much-needed break to finish up my coaching program and take a breather, I’m back in the saddle (albeit sort of pathetically, since I felt like Miss Piggy here trying to remember how to set up a draft of a new post after only being gone for three months).

A lot has happened in these few months that I want to tell my dearest gentle readers all about. I also want to tell you about some changes coming around these here parts (the saddle thing may have gone to my head).

But first, let me say a warm welcome to all my new subscribers. I thought it was just Substack lore that when you pause or stop your ‘stack, the new subs just keep rolling in, but I’m here to tell you it’s true. Well, these days, they more like slow-trickle in (the glory days for The Tonic were 2023-24, when I’d average something like 100 new subs a month).

Nonetheless, there are 64 more of you here now than there were in January, and that’s nothing to sneeze at. I’m only sorry you jumped on the train right before the long delay. Given my recent travel experience in England, you now know how I felt. If trains were delayed and canceled in NY as much as they were in England, there’d be rioting in the streets!

I digress (fair warning for the newbies: digression is a common occurrence around here). At the risk of making this unnecessarily long (also a common occurrence), here’s a bulleted recap of what’s gone on:

• I paused The Tonic and focused on the final few months of studies and practicing for my two-year therapeutic coaching training program.

• I got to read a few books for fun! After two years of studying, who knew? Two I particularly enjoyed were The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason and Leverage, the debut banger of a novel by . Check out what Amran is up to here on Substack and go get his book. I devoured it, which only happens with the frequency of Halley’s comet, so you know that means it was great.

• With a few lessons and more playing time, I leveled up in pickleball. I can finally hang with the 75-year-olds (even a few 80+) who have been routinely kicking my 50-year-old ass. I wish I was kidding.

  

• I grew my therapy caseload and started making some money again, after 3.5 years of living on disability benefits alone. I now work for three different therapy practices in varying part-time capacities while I work toward the three years of supervised hours I need to get my clinical social work license.

• I said goodbye to my friends at CFS Recovery, which I had joined in April 2025 at about 75% recovered. By September, I was in the Beyond Recovery portion of their program, where I spent about six months before feeling ready to launch back out into the world fully on my own. For more info on how this program helped me get to near-fully recovered, check out this post.

• I caught up on latest seasons of shows I enjoy, including Bridgerton, Shrinking, Paradise, and Virgin River. It was a veritable deluge, and the current drought is bringing me down a bit. Currently taking recommendations! (I tried Reggie Dinkins but could not get into it. Just started Bad Mistakes and enjoying it. Who doesn’t love Dan Levy?!).

• I traveled to England! For the first time, and all by myself (I had never traveled abroad alone and never without my Baldy, so I was having a lot of anxiety in the weeks leading up to the trip. Despite my meltdown in the car on the way to the airport, I got through it all and lived to tell). I went for the final assessment week of my coaching program. I spent the week traveling and rooming with a dear friend from the program and made so many other heart connections with my fellow classmates during our time of sharing our vulnerabilities and working through them. And…I passed the assessment week! Got home and submitted all my final paperwork and I am now officially a certified therapeutic coach.

Post-travel adjustment period

I expected to be jet-lagged for a few days when I got home, and I planned a lighter work and life schedule in the days following with this in mind.

What I didn’t expect was to have my main long COVID symptoms return (though maybe I should have?). The day after I returned, even after a good night’s sleep, I was super fatigued, like that old walking through molasses feeling that comes with LC or ME/CFS. Then the neuropathy in my arms and neck returned with a vengeance, followed by broken brain (I find that calling it brain fog doesn’t do it justice - who’s with me on that?).

This was all pretty upsetting to me, given I hadn’t experienced these symptoms in this way for probably 9+ months. My brain did what our brains do: it got frustrated, then it panicked and got out the massive searchlight to try to determine why this was happening (I know, I know…you’re like, “duh, Amy. You just got back from this big trip overseas, physically exhausting to anyone walking among us, where you were also on the hot seat and trying to pass your course. OF COURSE you came back to symptoms!”).

That’s fair I suppose, though I felt physically great the whole time I was there and wasn’t expecting to feel worse. This recovery thing is a trip because in some ways, your brain begins to fall back into old patterns of thinking around your wellness, and it takes certain things for granted; like, if I feel well now, of course I’ll feel well tomorrow.

So this AP (adjustment period, which is what CFS Recovery calls ‘flare ups’ or ‘crashes’) took me by surprise and the searchlight came out. And what it discovered was that there were likely a few contributing factors to this AP, starting with excessive smoke inhalation the night before I left England, when we gathered around a fire pit in this largely enclosed structure that felt very much like a death trap. I am super sensitive to smoke, and it immediately sent me into an inward panic. I wrapped my scarf around my mouth and folks asked me if I was okay (why they all seemed unbothered by the large amounts of smoke, I couldn’t figure out). I later learned that most of my classmates didn’t sleep well and felt unwell the next day, though I’m not sure they made the connection.

Then the following day, my travel buddy and I were due to catch two trains back to London, which turned into four trains and a three-hour trip wound up taking six hours. Trains were flat out canceled or diverted, and everything was a mess. I had a huge 50lb suitcase with me which made navigating the tight, crowded trains all the more stressful. Thank goodness I didn’t schedule my flight until the next day, because I never would have made it in time.

Speaking of my flight, that also involved delays and stress, starting with the experience of Heathrow International Airport, where they don’t believe in telling you your gate number until an hour before boarding, forcing you to cram into what is essentially a glorified shopping mall area with some seating.

So, all told, while the trip was amazing in so many ways, it ended on several rough notes for me, and I do believe those are the reasons why I was experiencing symptoms.

It took me about two weeks to get close to my previous baseline, with the first five days or so of symptoms being the strongest. I got there by reminding myself of the tools I already have - namely, the ability to respond well to the symptoms by dialing down:

• the fear of them and what they mean

• the analysis around why it happened (which comes with a smattering of self-blame for having ‘allowed’ it to happen, even though I know cognitively it wasn’t my fault), and

• the attention I was paying to them.

I pulled back on physical and cognitive activity, but otherwise, I gently returned my energy back toward living life. And eventually the fears quieted down and so did the symptoms.

(One thing to note: I remember once in CFS Recovery something coach Junior said - that if you are far along in recovery and lay down to rest and don’t feel better afterwards, rest wasn’t what you needed. This was happening to me within the first several days of returned symptoms; I would lay down for an hour or two and get up more fatigued and super irritable. So when I felt like I needed a break, I started doing meditations while sitting up and felt much better afterwards than I had when I laid down to rest).

I tell you about all this because it is easy to think that The Tonic has turned into a recovery newsletter. In some ways I guess it has, and I’ve appreciated that many of you have celebrated that with me. But I will always keep things real with you, and the reality is, I am not 100% recovered yet. I am not sure if or when I will be.

While I don’t tell people I have long COVID anymore (a personal choice; I wouldn’t judge someone who still occasionally had symptoms from still owning the label), I don’t shy away from telling them that I had it for five years. Because I do think I still generally fatigue more easily than those who have never had it, and I do still have to pace my activity and my exposure to stimuli in order to protect my energy. I’ve got a separate post I’m planning on how tricky it is to navigate appearing healthy but having those who never knew you were sick question why you tire more easily than someone your age ‘should’ - stay tuned for that.

What’s up next

It’s been a busy few months and I’m grateful to have had the break here. But now I’m ready to tell you what’s to come.

First, some changes around here.

Many of you interpreted my last post about the hiatus as a swan song (I got some truly lovely messages about what The Tonic has meant to folks - I was so touched). And that’s okay because as I stated, there was a chance it might have been. As I’ve gotten busier with work and have still been figuring out how to manage my energy levels, it often feels like it would be easier to let The Tonic ride into the sunset. But the trip and the subsequent symptoms tell me I have more to say and contribute here. Even prior to the trip, there were observations I’ve been making about what it means to be out there living life in the wake of a five-year illness that I really want to keep exploring and sharing with you.

So…The Tonic lives to see another day.

Perfect meme for the occasion, because while we ride, we will be riding s-l-o-w-l-y. Our new cadence here will be whenever we have the time/energy and something worthwhile to say.

This is a mutual benefit because it honors my own need for space and rest while also respecting your time (you’ve got a lot of good reading to do, I know). As a heads up, I will be turning paid subscriptions back on today. If any of you need to end your paying status, please feel free to do so with no hard feelings from me.

Another change coming here: many, many fewer links.

Many of you love the links, I know. I enjoy a good link roundup as much as the next guy. But one thing this hiatus taught me was how nice it was to have a break from all the curating (which wasn’t just a daily activity, it was a multiple times a day activity). I will still include select links/videos/resources, but greatly pared down, and without multiple subheadings. While this feels like the right decision for me right now, I’m open to feedback as we go - want more links than I’m giving? Want specific link content? Miss the subheadings? Feel free to let me know.

Lastly

Over these years, some of you have reached out to me asking if you can talk through your illness or recovery with me, and a few of you have offered to pay me for my time. Within the next few months, I will be starting to include info in each post about how you can work with me in my capacity as a therapeutic coach.

My practice will be open to clients from anywhere in the world and initially will focus on supporting folks experiencing health challenges, including though not limited to long COVID, ME/CFS, chronic Lyme, etc. The therapeutic coaching model was designed by Alex Howard, who himself recovered from ME/CFS, and thus provides many of the tools to help people on these journeys. In addition, by the end of May, I will also be certified in pain reprocessing therapy, which is a neuroplastic model that involves helping people shift the chronic pain/symptom signals that their brains might be sending in response to perceived threat or danger. These tools can also be quite helpful in calming things down, finding a state of nervous system regulation, and helping the body return to homeostasis, where healing can occur.

What therapeutic coaching isn’t: it is not long-term therapy (I do that work as well, licensed in a few states in the U.S., and am happy to help someone decide which model is right for them). And the goal will never be to ‘cure’ anyone. Rather, it is an opportunity to process the parts of the journey that one might be struggling with, whether it is the grief over what’s been lost through having the illness, the acceptance of what is right now, the fears and beliefs around illness or recovery, and more. It can also be an opportunity to pick my brain about how I managed to slowly shift my own fears and beliefs in ways that ultimately helped get me where I am.

Within a few months, I will include a link here to a website with more info on the services - including individual session rates, package discounts, and sliding scale fees for those in need - and how to get in touch with me. In the meantime, anyone interested in these services now can send me a DM and we can discuss your needs and how I might be able to help.

⚖️ Long COVID diagnostic equity: a study examining sex, race and ethnicity, and insurance type. A notable, though not surprising quote: “Black, Hispanic and Medicaid patients are less likely to be diagnosed with Long COVID as compared to white patients and those with private insurance.”

🦠 COVID’s long-term harm: Trump policies at odds with emerging understanding (again, no surprise).

👴🏼 Healthy aging: here are what doctors say are the nine supplements that support it. I’m taking many of these, but just can’t get myself to stick with creatine.

🫸🏽 How to stop symptoms from coming back: a video by Dan Buglio of Pain Free You.

🐦‍⬛ Achoo! Rescued raven imitates human sneeze, says his name. Watch the video all the way through.

🫣 Nothing to see here, folks: live possum found hiding in stuffed animal section of airport gift shop.

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Operation Domesticate Ripley update! She started letting Baldy pet her. Still won’t let me do it, but she’s warming up to me. Here’s some footage. Hopefully we can get her inside by next winter.

And a few more pics from our time on hiatus.

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about my long COVID origin story, check out my Health Rising blog post, My Long COVID Disability Journey. If you are interested in the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

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Time for a break

Folks, I’ve wrung my hands over this quite a bit for the last few months, but I’ve landed on a decision: your girl needs a break.

It’s (mostly) for a good reason: my recovery is going well and I’m working more and more. This has involved much more screen time most days than I’ve been used to, and while that has kicked up a few niggling long COVID symptoms, it’s also re-introduced my previously resolved chronic migraine problem and that has been no fun at all.

And so, extracurricular screen time will have to be shelved for the time being while I do the smart thing and pull back certain activity so I can move forward on others that need to be prioritized (umm, making money).

I said above that increasing work was mostly the reason, and that’s true. Another contributing factor is that engagement around here has been down a bit, and that is dampening my motivation to keep pushing through with content, especially when I’m a bit tired and life is calling in other ways.

My open rates, which used to hover near 50%, are now around 35%. The number of new subscribers has slowed. From what I can surmise from other Substackers, open rates do tend to go down over time and with a greater number of subscribers (I’m not entirely sure why, other than people’s attention is pulled in so many different directions that it’s hard to always hold it). I have also seen that with some of the changes Substack has made to its algorithm, many, many Substackers who have been here for years are seeing a dramatic drop in the number of new subscribers. There was a magical time here when I averaged nearly 100 new subscribers a month; now I’m lucky if I get 20.

I tend to average maybe 20-25 likes on each post and about half of that in comments (not counting my replies to comments). I know that 85-90% of my readers are viewing my posts via email and not in the Substack app, and so one will just not get the clicks for likes and comments that one otherwise would in an app. But this means I really have no sense of how many people are meaningfully engaging with each post. Open rates are about people opening your post or email; they don’t tell the story of readers actually reading what you have to say.

On occasion, I get a new paid subscriber or a reader giving me a one-time contribution through Buy Me a Coffee, and they will most often include a brief note about what my words here have meant to them. These often take me by surprise, because they are the names of people who have not engaged in the comments section of my posts or via email, so their notes remind me that I do have readers out there and they are paying attention and finding information/hope/inspiration in my words. And I have taken these notes to heart every time.

But again, this is pretty infrequent. And without a more regular sense of who is engaging or how many are, I’ll be honest, it is hard to maintain motivation. The motivation in that case has to come from within, and I currently do not have the spoons to keep the fire lit most weeks. There are more and more weeks where the thought of sitting down here to put a post together feels more like a chore than a joy, and that, my friends, was another realization I had to come to terms with that is prompting this break.

I want to see if the joy has a chance at coming back. So this hiatus is something of an experiment, and I’m going to try as much as possible to remain outcome independent. The Tonic may live to see another day, or it may ultimately sail into the sunset. I’m not fully ready for the latter, but if that day comes, there will be another post about what it has meant to be here, in community with 35% of you (🤣).

One way or another, I plan to be back here by April(ish). Until then, I will be pausing paid subscriptions and focusing on ramping up work, finishing up my therapeutic coaching training (culminating in my first ever trip to the UK!), and trying to keep some sense of balance. The goal is to maintain this newfound, gentler wave of nervous system regulation, where stress and overwhelm and the subsequent return to a parasympathetic, rest-and-digest state can gently pendulate in a realistic, more reasonable way. In this way, I hope this break serves as a model for those of you still making your way through these illnesses and, hopefully, your recoveries.

See you on the other side, my friends.

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

☠️ COVID’s ongoing toll: with a piece titled How many is too many? that should be on the home page of every news site. Why are we so numb to this unrelenting, tremendous loss of life? Supporting info: COVID Continues to Take a Toll, Especially Among Older Adults, Study Suggests.

👶🏽 The COVID generation: the neurodevelopmental consequences of in-utero COVID-19 exposure. This may take years to become fully evident, and society at large may never connect the dots.

💪🏽 ME/CFS and muscles: are we dealing with an acquired muscle myopathy disease?

😷 Surgical masks: are fairly useless at protecting anyone, which we’ve known this for a while now, and yet healthcare providers continue wearing them (when they wear one at all). They should be swapped for respirators, says a group of experts advising the World Health Organization (WHO).

📉 Masks and harm reduction: a compelling post by on what happened when she posted about masks and why the discourse is failing us.

Resources

👵🏼 Older adults with long COVID: check out this link for info on a clinical trial involving computerized cognitive remediation of LC symptoms for older folks.

🩸 Menopause care: Let’s Talk Menopause is hosting this webinar Taking Control of Your Menopause Journey: Getting the Menopause Care You Deserve in 2026 on January 23rd at 12pm ET. More info and register here.

Health miscellany

⬇️ Cortisol and inflammation: 8 Foods That Can Help Lower Your Cortisol Levels and Make You Feel Calmer and 8 Powerful Herbs To Fight Inflammation Naturally.

🍎 America’s healthiest states: a map.

🍹 Dry January: asks if you’re just kicking the can down the road by only cutting out alcohol for one month.

👨🏽‍⚕️ Doctors Without Borders: Israel has banned them and other aide NGO’s from Gaza. Also, a doctor on returning to Gaza after 665 days in an Israeli prison.

🤬 Government fuckery: by now you’ve likely heard about the changes the current administration made to the vaccine schedule. And RFK Jr.’s new food pyramid puts meat and dairy on top — and it doesn’t add up. Then there’s the Trump administration halting $10 billion in social service funding to 5 Democratic states. And this: The EPA is changing how it considers the costs and benefits of air pollution rules, meaning it will no longer include calculations on the costs to human health, but will only measure economic impacts (because: money matters more than people, and that is not really news). Lastly this week, Trump bill may result in over a million missed cancer screenings. They operate in the land of opposites: make America great/healthy again while they actively dismantle things that are great/healthy.

💪🏾 Fighting back: this might be the first time I’ve encountered more examples of fighting back than fuckery, and well, isn’t that cause for hope? (isn’t it?). First up, the monks! Buddhist monks walk across the U.S. on peace mission. Next, vaccines! Medical groups' challenge to Kennedy-backed vaccine policies can proceed, US judge rules. And Vaccine Integrity Project will conduct independent review of HPV vaccine (which has basically wiped out cervical cancer as a thing, but you know: women. So.) And there’s this: Kennedy's new vaccine schedule ignored by major healthcare providers, and thank goodness they are thinking for themselves. And then, some excellent rulings (thankfully some parts of the judiciary appear to be working…not looking at you, SCOTUS): Ruling: Trump administration cannot slash NIH research funding. And judge orders HHS to restore $12 million in funding to American Academy of Pediatrics. And judge blocks Trump effort to cut Head Start funds over words like ‘race’ and ‘women’. And locally, Wyoming Supreme Court keeps abortion legal, strikes down pill ban. And there’s this: lawsuit dismissed after Trump admin quietly restored tens of millions to Planned Parenthood (side rant: how much money has been wasted by this administration’s rash moves to cancel funding and fire people that they’ve then rolled back and restored/rehired? Just more proof that he has always been a terrible businessman, because this has to be wildly inefficient and costly. But the media noise from the ‘bold’ actions is louder than that of the restorations, and maybe he’s banking on that to sway a largely uninformed electorate. End rant). Lastly this week, federal employees file complaint against ban on gender-affirming care. Let’s hope they are heard.

🕊️ Cancer survival rates: an astounding report of progress from the American Cancer Society, despite all the fuckery. Seventy percent (70%) five-year survival rate for all cancers combined. Wow.

5️⃣ Five women’s health myths: debunked by doctors.

🤤 Can’t get motivated? This brain circuit might explain why — and it can be turned off.

🏋🏼‍♂️ How fit do we really need to be? Experts explain whether there’s such a thing as too much fitness. Chronic illness really loosened my grip on my workout beliefs (though I recommend just reading this article instead).

7️⃣ Seven health effects of loneliness: experts say it’s epidemic in the U.S. Read more here.

Inspiration & Recovery

🥲 A little non-recovery inspo: Father-daughter dance inside notorious prison changes lives of inmates.

🪞 Who Is Coming To Save You? A little motivational kick in the rear by Dan Buglio.

🤔 CFS vs. Long Covid: What’s the difference? And does it really matter? An excellent video by Coach Junior from CFS Recovery.

🗽 Statue-esque: Her 1951 walkout helped end school segregation. Now her statue is in the U.S. Capitol.

📺 Streaming superlatives: The 100 Best TV Episodes of the Century, except that this list doesn’t include the penultimate episode of This is Us, which was the single best episode of television I’ve ever seen, and yet includes episodes from the Kardashians, Love Island, and Top Model. There is simply no justice in this world!

🔦 Blinded by the light: How Bright Headlights Escaped Regulation — and Blinded Us All. (My pro-tip: when headlights from an oncoming vehicle are blinding you, look ahead and to the right, at the white line on the edge of the road. This allows you to still see what’s coming but to not be looking directly into the ridiculously bright lights that aren’t actually someone’s brights).

🌋 Science in pictures: the best images of 2025. Click on this link; you won’t be disappointed.

🌃 NYC lore: I found this one interesting and enjoyable. Walking the Upper West Side: How a Dolphin Led Me to a Scandalous Story.

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: so many buffoons, so few posts…but this week, Jeanine Pirro caught my eye (she was once was the District Attorney where I live before her descent into right-wing windbaggery), after yet another high-profile defeat as the U.S. Attorney for Washington D.C. Her focus since being appointed to the role by Trump has been pursuing harsh penalties against individuals accused of attacking federal officers or threatening the president; she has failed multiple times. This time, it was trying to prosecute a man accused of pointing a laser at a Marine helicopter Trump was in. The jury acquitted the man after 35 minutes of deliberation. (For a good time, check out YouTube videos - like this one - of Cecily Strong as Pirro on SNL - 10/10).

🏆 Winner of the week: we have a repeat winner here, folks. It’s MacKenzie Scott, ex-wife of Jeff Bezos of Amazon infamy (and I’m only classifying her that way because it makes her wealth redistribution efforts more poignant - a real f-u to capitalism). In addition to the many tens of millions she has given to a variety of groups serving disadvantaged populations, she has now given $45 million to the LGBTQ+ youth program The Trevor Project. You may recall that our awful administration cut funding to the LGBTQ+ national youth hotline, which TTP runs and which provides life-saving counseling services to these young people. (side note: I wonder if MacKenzie thinks her marriage to Bozos was worth it so that she could single-handedly give away half of his obscene haul. No matter, we applaud her!).

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. This one needs no explanation. I’ll let you decide who arrived on this chair first.

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout outs!

A big Tonic thank you to Tanya for buying me a coffee! A few coffees, actually. So generous!

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A (mostly) good year around here

2025 started out shitty in The Tonic household. Baldy had to have two emergency retinal surgeries, one of which required us to hop in the car toot sweet and high tail it to a fancy private facility in Manhattan that does overnight surgeries at a hefty, not-covered-by-insurance price tag (luckily, the second one was able to happen in a hospital and was covered, although it feels funny to use any version of the word ‘lucky’ when one needs a second retinal surgery within weeks of the very expensive first one). The second surgery required Baldy to stay face down for two weeks.

Soon after, our sweet elder stateswoman Zira (a.k.a. little girl or little squirrel or circus cat) started going downhill - her stage one kidney disease advanced to end stage pretty quickly, and she was having a lot of trouble walking. Soon enough (too soon), we brought Lap of Love into our home and bid our sweet, sassy girl farewell.

The combined stress of the surgeries, recoveries, anxieties about whether the surgeries would ‘take,’ plus the loss of our girl was all pretty devastating for us. As hard as this was on Baldy (extra hard because for Zira, the sun rose and set around her daddy), it all weighed on me emotionally and physically as the primary caretaker for both of them, and I found myself feeling way more fatigued, neuropathic, and foggy than I had been in the several months prior.

So 2025 had been supremely unkind to us until around May or so (June for Baldy; that’s when he was out of the woods as far as the chances of his second surgery not taking). At the end of April, I joined CFS Recovery (see my more in-depth post on that experience here), which turned so much around for me. In June, we celebrated my 50th birthday in Woodstock with a bunch of friends and fam. And the year got better and better from there.

Sometime around September, after having been in the Academy portion of CFS Recovery for four months and going from about 75% recovered when I joined to 95% recovered, I moved over to the Beyond Recovery portion of the program, which is tailored to people no longer primarily concerned with symptoms and illness, but more focused on living life and adding activities and goals back in. The group calls got smaller and more intimate, the topics were more about how to adjust to a fuller life again, and the flow was more interactive.

I’ve skipped a few of the weekly calls lately, mostly because life is getting busier and it’s been hard for me to be on so many video calls (to meet with my clients, my therapeutic coaching classes, and CFS Recovery). I almost skipped this past Monday’s call out of tiredness (the coaches will often say they’re happy when people skip calls, because it usually means they’re out there living life). But then my evening therapy client rescheduled, and I had more energy, so I hopped on.

I’m really glad I did. In light of it being nearly new year’s, the topic for the call was what are five things you could do in 2025 that you weren’t able to do in 2024?

We were given ten minutes to think about it and write down our answers. I only needed about three minutes, and my list was long. Here were my answers:

1. Recover! This is the big kahuna, obviously. It happened mainly through the permission my coaches gave me to nudge my activity at various points in time and to realize the ways that fear was holding me back. Oh, and recognizing that symptoms are just signals, and sometimes we can listen to them to pull back but other times they are false signals in an attempt to keep us ‘safe’ when in fact we already are. That’s where the overcoming fear part comes in.

2. Work, another biggie, and one that I was fortunate enough to be able to ease my way into (and still am).

3. Lift weights, quite happily making my way from 1lb in each hand to 10 by year’s end.

4. Jog/run, which I do not love doing, but it’s nice to know I can attempt to escape if being chased 😳

5. Learn a new sport (pickleball, thanks to BFF Lisa), and, by year’s end, play it for hours at a time and make a few new friends.

6. Play volleyball, my main love (also thanks to BFF Lisa). Only got to play once, but what it did for my spirits was immeasurable. I had played for 32 years and didn’t know my last game would be my last, due to lockdown and then the long-ass COVID. Wasn’t sure I’d ever play again.

7. Hike up to 4 miles, another of my loves, and a distance I didn’t think I’d see ever again.

8. Play basketball, in my driveway, which I only got to do at our new house once before COVID took me down.

9. Socialize in noisy spots without needing my Loops earplugs.

It was a poignant ‘take stock’ moment, and it gave me a chance to tell both the coach leading the call (Junior) and the program’s founder (Miguel, also on the call) what their work has meant to me and how it changed my life this year. Junior then summarized the bigger picture of what we each were able to do in 2025 and ask us if we wanted more of that in 2026. We all unequivocally said yes.

He then had us decide on three things we wanted to accomplish by the end of January, stating that most people don’t stick to longer term resolutions and then they just wind up feeling a sense of failure. It was really refreshing to not be asked what my resolutions were, but instead to be asked to come up with three tasks that were achievable in roughly 30 days’ time.

I am grateful for that group call, because in the frenzy of holiday prep/travel/exhale, I had been feeling kind of existentially tired (who doesn’t at this time of year?). In fact, when I took the time to really reflect on what I could do in 2025 that I couldn’t in 2024, it gave me a chance to marvel at my life of late - at my steady work to shift my mindset and stay the course, at the love and support I have around me, at the privileges and benefits I try not to take for granted.

So now I ask you - what could you do in 2025 that you couldn’t in 2024?

Maybe you experience long COVID, ME/CFS, fibromyalgia, chronic Lyme, or some other fatiguing or chronic illness. Maybe some aspect of that experience or your life got a little easier/better in 2025. If you saw no physical changes or improvements, maybe you worked through a bit of the grief. Perhaps you edged your way over to acceptance. Maybe the only thing you could do in 2025 that you couldn’t in 2024 was appreciate a butterfly that fluttered by your window. Maybe you were able to laugh at yourself a little more. Maybe you put an important boundary in place with a loved one and gained some strength and a bit of inner peace from that. Maybe you finally decided to not give a shit what people thought when you masked in public.

You may find that if you ask the question and really reflect on it, at least one thing will come to you, and likely more. Please take a moment to share yours in the comments - I would love to gain inspiration from you, and I know other readers here would too.

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For a little more end of year inspiration, here is a picture of my “good things that happened” jar for 2025, along with select highlights that I unfolded and read on January 1st.

Lastly, I’m including a video ‘above the fold’ this time because the new year might spark a desire for change. It is for anyone who has been suffering with long COVID or ME/CFS, has tried all the things, and isn’t sure what to make of all of that. It really resonated with the me of a few years ago, and maybe it will resonate with you too.

Why Your Tests Are Normal but Your Life Isn’t (Start Guide for CFS & Long COVID)

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

🧬 The genetics of ME/CFS: this study is titled “The most detailed genetic analysis of myalgic encephalomyelitis ever conducted.” Impressive if true.

💰 Long COVID research funding: a big boost in Germany. Will they find new treatments?

⛔ Long COVID study flops: the RECOVER Neuro study aimed to improve patient cognition, but fell short, to no one’s great surprise.

😵‍💫 The roots of mental fatigue: scientists’ findings could help those with LC and ME/CFS especially.

💪🏽 Muscle repair in ME/CFS: study finds that muscles aren’t being damaged, they just aren’t repairing properly after exertion.

💉 COVID vaccines: how a breakthrough created a public-health crisis.

🫸🏽 Doctors with (rigid) Borders: The Sick Times with this piece on doctors who refuse to complete disability benefits paperwork. I found a new PCP in my early days of long COVID. She was empathetic to my plight, but made it very clear from jump that she does NOT fill out disability paperwork. At the time, I was still trying to hold onto my job, and I told her so, partly because I didn’t want her to add me to her pile of patients to judge for not being able to work. After a few appointments, during which she repeated this ridiculous mantra to me several times, I decided to find a new doctor. I didn’t know if I would need disability benefits in the future, and I couldn’t risk getting in deep with her if she was unwilling to help me. Baldy, btw, still uses her as his primary care doc, and every single time he sees her, she asks about me. And every single time he comes home and tells me this, I ask, “did you tell her I stopped seeing her because I wound up needing disability benefits, and she refused to help me before I even asked?” (I could injure myself eye-rolling over her persistent yet utterly futile attempts at care badgering of my husband about me).

Resources

🧘🏽‍♀️ Spoonie yoga: are you a spoonie (someone with an energy-limiting condition) who has thought about getting some movement in or has just been curious about spoonie-friendly yoga? My favorite yogi Shannon of Nourish Therapeutic Yoga is offering a free info session on Tuesday, January 6th from 1-1:30 EST to answer any questions you may have. More info and registration here. (P.S. I am recovered and still attend her weekly classes, because they are a welcome moment of calm and reset in the middle of my week).

⚙️ ME/CFS recovery resources: a ‘starter kit’ list compiled by Raelan Agle.

🆕 What's New in ME/CFS? Interview with Dr. Chris Ponting.

🤐 What not to say to someone who is grieving: a super helpful post by .

How to Create the Best & Survive the Worst

"Let me know if you need anything," and other things you should stop saying to someone who's grieving

“Let me know if you need anything…

Read more

10 months ago · 6093 likes · 291 comments · Jamila Reddy

Health miscellany

❄️ Shoveling snow: at what age should you stop? Here's what heart experts say. I learned a few things here I didn’t know, and I was much more cautious when I had to shovel out from under 7 inches while my Baldy was away.

💯 Living to 100: surprising longevity secrets from centenarians. I wonder what their average age was when they stopped shoveling snow.

🩸 Menopause: what to know about when it comes early. Also, there was no increased breast cancer risk with menopausal estrogen in BRCA gene carriers.

🫸🏽 10 symptoms you should never ignore: according to ER doctors.

🧘🏼‍♂️ Hip mobility exercises: six that can boost strength and flexibility.

🌹 Tattoos and your immune system: apparently the ink accumulates in your body and triggers cell death. Oopsy. I swear this big piece I’m getting on my upper right arm that will take many months to finish will be my last. Maybe?

😡 Government fuckery: the blaze of damage and destruction continues. Grant cuts, arrests, lay-offs: Trump made 2025 a tumultuous year for science. Then Trump administration bans VA abortion services. You can fight to defend Americans’ rights while having yours stripped away. Disgusting. Then Trump administration plans to end prison rape protections for trans and intersex people. This should go without saying, but no one should be without rape protections, right? Let the disgusting human rights’ violations continue: Transgender health leader’s name changed on her official HHS portrait. And here’s more from our dystopian hellscape: ICE is using smartwatches to track pregnant women, even during labor. The depravity continues: Trump officials celebrated with cake after slashing aid. Then people died of cholera. Over in Texas, probably the worst of all the 50 states: New law aims to stop doctors from sending abortion pills to Texas and Texas is making a list of transgender Texans using DPS data (driver’s license info).

💪🏽 Fighting back: Americans more likely to accept guidance from AMA than CDC on vaccine safety. Thankfully this sham government is losing credibility, and integrity still exists: This HIV expert refused to censor data, then quit the CDC. And WHO expert group’s new analysis reaffirms there is no link between vaccines and autism. That the WHO has to waste time and resources on this is such bullshit. House Democrat Files Articles of Impeachment Against RFK Jr. I’m not up on whether this went anywhere over the holidays, but I don’t think so. In transgender rights news: Georgia's prison system must continue hormone therapy for transgender prisoners, judge rules. And 19 states sue HHS over move to curtail youth gender-affirming care, because I don’t know, we shouldn’t want to lose kids to suicide in droves. Finally, 20 states lodge lawsuit against Trump’s $100,000 H-1B visa fee (which includes healthcare workers).

💉 Shingles vaccine: the evidence that it may reduce dementia risk, a post by .

🔥 Burnout and chronic illness: a terrific post by I seriously don’t know how the good doc has a family and a full-time practice and has the time to write/curate these incredibly informative, clearly written posts multiple times a week. Don’t burnout, doc! We need you healthy.

✈️ Airline drinking water: here’s the results of a recent report, and YIKES. Their three main tips? NEVER drink any water onboard that isn’t in a sealed bottle. Do not drink coffee or tea onboard. Do not wash your hands in the bathroom; use alcohol-based hand sanitizer containing at least 60% alcohol instead.

🥩 Protein: nine signs you’re not getting enough. Though TBH, a lot of these are also signs of other health problems, so who can really tell? Consult a nutritionist if you’re concerned. My health insurance covers visits to them at 100%; yours might too.

Inspiration & Recovery

📽️ The Mindset Shift You Need for Long Covid & CFS Recovery: a video short by Miguel Batista of CFS Recovery.

⏩ Rapid recoveries from long COVID: a look at three patients who recovered with monoclonal antibodies.

🌴 Hawaii’s former leprosy colony: read this super interesting article to be inspired by individuals who took back the power to tell their own stories.

🌱 Plants and food: new Substack alert! Check out for “plant enthusiasts and foodies to inspire you to grow, taste, and observe.” Here’s a recent, super fascinating post on the planting of a local micro forest. I seriously learn so much from each and every post of theirs. Give them a subscribe - you won’t be sorry!

📚 Spoonie book list: I’ve been loving the end of year reading lists that some writers on Substack have been publishing, and put out a terrific post on the best books they read in 2025, with quite a wide array of intriguing titles.

😄 Best SNL skit of this season: Melissa McCarthy is a comedy genius, is all I have to say. But it’s the very end of this skit that had me and Baldy in stitches, because it’s spot on. Watch to the end and see what we mean.

🤦🏻 Buffoons of the week: I could not decide between two, so they’re both getting the honors. The first is Liam Neeson, who denied anti-vax views after narrating documentary questioning the legitimacy of COVID vaccines and praising RFK, Jr. Dude, you attached your actual voice to this horseshit and now you want to back pedal?

Our second buffoon is Max Barnhart, who wrote the article Why I volunteered to be infected with dengue fever. Ever hear of long-fucking-COVID, Max? Apparently not, since there’s not a single mention of it nor any other post-viral conditions under his ‘Taking a calculated risk’ heading. Yes, people are inviting risk all day, every day, but not taking precautions in risky viral-spreading situations. But to sign up for a study to actually be directly injected with a virus that’s known to be dangerous? Sheer buffoonery. You and Liam should go bowling.

🏆 Winners of the week: Detroit resident Joshua Threatt is our winner, for spotting a young girl walking to school alone in the cold and making sure she got there safely. He later brought a coat and proper winter gear to the school for her and had a heart-to-heart with the girl’s father.

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Heart-warming/fun cat-related videos edition:

Get out the tissues for this one:

If anything here in particular resonated with you, or if you’d like to see more of anything, please let me know.

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout outs!

A big Tonic thank you to Deb for buying me a coffee! A few coffees, actually. So generous!

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The Tonic goes on break

I’m starting training for my new job next week, so my weekdays are about to get a lot busier. For that reason, I’m keeping things goosy around here - I may drop down to one post a month, or I may keep my biweekly cadence and do more Antidotes (link roundups) than narrative posts. We shall see. This is the new me: holding things lightly, adapting to changes as they come, loosening my grip on lifelong perfectionism. This fits in nicely with this week’s topic. More on that soon.

There will be no post on 12/20. The next post will be…1/3/26? Maybe. Probably. Who knows.

If you usually enjoy the holiday season, have at it and I wish you all the merriment.

If you usually white-knuckle it through, godspeed. There’s a great Jonatha Brooke lyric for you (from the song Secrets and Lies): “Once a year the holidays come swinging at your head, feast until you’re full of pain again.” Ouch.

No turning back

When I started this newsletter back in July 2023, I was a pretty sick puppy (had been all my life, yuk yuk). But for reals, I was ill. Not the sickest I had been with long COVID, which began in March 2020, but not amazing. Nowhere near what I’d consider actively recovering. I’d say that didn’t really start in earnest until sometime in 2024.

When I started here, I created a list of writing prompts in the Notes app on my ‘flat thing’ (how comedian Paula Poundstone refers to smart phones). Over time, I checked them off as I wrote posts, and I also added new ones along the way. I haven’t looked at this list in a long time, because going this year from 75% recovered to near 100% has me thinking different thoughts. But I was at a loss for a topic this week, and so for shits and gigs, I opened up it up. The fifth topic down and still untapped was today’s: life as you know it isn’t coming back (and that’s okay).

The reason I find this curious in December 2025 at near fully recovered is that this wasn’t a recovery-oriented topic when I jotted it down in the summer of 2023. If I had come up with this idea today, it would most certainly be that. But back then, it was a topic about acceptance.

The kind of acceptance you move toward after getting a new-to-the-world, disabling chronic illness comes only after a cheek-to-cheek slow dance with grief. What you’re grieving is fairly obvious: key parts of the life you had. We grieve because we love.

For me, I grieved things like a career I was convinced that I loved and that more than paid the bills, the ability to hike mountains when I wanted to and to play competitive volleyball, and other less tactile things, such as identity (as someone who could do all of the above) and a certain (perhaps cocky) take-my-abilities-and-good-health-for-grantedness.

What immense privilege. And oh, what a precipitous drop, losing all those privileges in one fell swoop.

So, the grief. The crying, the journaling, the therapy, the wistfulness watching folks around me carry on, either with my beloved activities or with any that I was no longer capable of even contemplating (whether or not I ever actually did or tried them - and why hadn’t I? Missed opportunities = something else to grieve).

The only way to get to the other side of grief is, well…through it. There are no shortcuts. This is both the agony and beauty of the human condition. The inevitability of suffering, and the lessons that suffering teaches.

Which brings us to acceptance, which comes on slowly and overlaps with grief as grief begins to fade (even if it never fully goes away). Accepting what is here right now, what the current reality is and what little control one has over it takes tremendous patience, courage, and self-compassion. Fighting against it is perhaps a very human emotional survival mechanism (layered atop the physical survival struggle of our newly dysregulated nervous systems, stuck in a perpetual fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn).

Acceptance, for me in this very specific context, meant learning to undo lifelong patterns of perceived control over the outcomes of my life (TFG for therapy, I tell you, because this is no easy work and this part took me upwards of three years). It meant loosening the grip. It meant coming to terms with the fact that medical science also didn’t have the answers to my problems, and that sometimes in history, this happens (see HIV/AIDS for the first 15-20 years and so many other diseases).

It meant allowing feelings of sadness and disappointment and sometimes anger to exist and flow through, rather than springing into action to tamp them down or push them away. It meant slowly starting to see the small glimmers of beauty in everyday life - the sparrow in the bushes, the shapes of certain leaves, the smell of food I craved, the feel of a hug from Baldy, the way a cat slow blinks at you when it trusts you.

It started small and built from there. Eventually, thoughts of, “I want my old job back” became, “wow - that job I thought I loved? It was extremely stressful and very likely contributed to me staying sick as long as I did.”

Other thoughts shifted too, like “if I can never hike up a mountain again, at least I might be able to go for a gentle walk in the woods.” After all, what was the most important aspect of each thing I thought I wanted back? Was it the physical challenge of making my heart pound as I ascended a steep trail, or the smell of the pine trees along the way?

If I could only ever sit on a bench in a wooded state park, or lay on my couch watching a nature documentary, would that suffice?

The journey through grief to acceptance had me increasingly recalculating my values.

Of course, I now know that grief ➡️ acceptance also had a hand in my recovery, because along the way, I calmed my nervous system down a lot. I got out of constant survival mode, and the inflammation in my body came way down over time, allowing my body to be in a healing state.

So while I told myself that being able to sit on that bench in the woods could be enough, I am now able to hike longer trails again, small hills. Acceptance, for me, was on the way to recovery, not a total acquiescence of my values and wishes, but a necessary weigh station for my psyche and my body.

Grief ➡️ acceptance ➡️ recovery

Where I’m at now

I say that I am nearly recovered because I still sometimes struggle with vestiges of fear, and this brings on mild symptoms. The reason I know it’s fear is because when I finally name it as such and process it, the symptoms abate pretty quickly. My brain throws these symptoms at me in a last bid effort to warn me, to keep me safe. It’s just doing its job, and while I love it for that, the thing is, I am safe. When I realize what’s going on and remind my brain of that fact, again the symptoms subside.

So, at nearly recovered, I could choose to get my life back as I knew it. I could take on a full-time, executive level non-profit job. I could find a volleyball league, I could hike big mountains.

Life as I knew it is not coming back, and I’m okay with that. Because now it’s that I choose for it not to.

I’m choosing new work (therapy and coaching) that affords me the flexibility to take better care of myself throughout the day. I’m choosing to hike, but more gentle ones that allow me to appreciate the smells, sights, and sounds along the way. I’ve played volleyball only once, but I’m now playing pickleball; a lower intensity way to scratch my itch for sport and competition.

Maybe your life as you knew it is also not coming back, and you’re still not totally okay with that. Maybe you have long COVID or ME/CFS, or have had another illness or life situation that caused you to recalibrate your values and choices. Or maybe you have come to a place of acceptance of that fact, but are struggling to be good with the idea that your current capabilities and choices may be where you spend the rest of your days. In other words, something resembling partial or full recovery may seem or actually be unattainable for you, and for those reasons, this might be a hard post to digest.

All of this is okay. It’s welcome here. And it’s 100% relatable, because in those sentences above, I recognize myself at different points in my long COVID timeline. If this is you, perhaps you are still on the grief ➡️ acceptance highway. My hope for you is that you too can find the glimmers along the side of the road.

In that spirit, I recommend a few books that really helped me along that highway.

• How To Be Sick by Toni Bernhard

• The Chronic Illness Workbook by Patricia A. Fennell

• Resting in Presence: Reflections from the Heart of Healing by Marie-Eve Bonneau

• Poetry of Presence: An Anthology of Mindfulness Poems, edited by Phyllis Cole-Dai and Ruby R. Wilson

Stay gentle with yourselves, my friends. See you in the new year.

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

🦠 The viruses are here: it’s the “most wonderful time of the year” - virus season. Norovirus is rising right now and is awful.

😷 Masking: here’s a great post by on how to return to masking (just in time for that nasty norovirus and the crazy flu strain that’s starting. Oh, and COVID, RSV (which my family has gotten recently), and all the other things). And here’s a review from Wired on the best face masks. I personally favor the Powecom masks, and they do come in colors, as M suggests in her post seems to minimize people being critical buttinskies.

💉 Vaccine myths: a post by on the myths that just won’t die. Also, from NPR: navigating vaccine misinformation with a pediatrician.

🥾 Chronic disease ‘journey’: don’t call it that, according to this guy. I’ve definitely been guilty of this. Though I don’t necessarily think a journey has to imply positivity. But also? Some of my own experience has been positive, in that there are ways of living I’m never going back to and I’m glad to have learned that lesson, even if via the hard way.

🤧 Long COVID as autoimmune disorder: Health Rising brings us the latest from Akiko Iwasaki’s lab at Yale.

Resources

🩺 Prepping for medical appointments: a super helpful blog post from earlier this year by .

🪫 Caring for your mitochondria: a wonderful interview of , who in addition to being a recovering long hauler has a wealth of knowledge and experience in health, immunology, and trauma.

🫁 Breath practices: two free short sessions from Breathing for Long COVID & ME/CFS. One releases on 12/26 and the other on 12/31. Click on those links to sign up.

🪞 Reflection workshop: ring in the new year via Zoom by engaging in some regulating skills and practices with .

Health miscellany

💪🏾 Protein: 18 foods that have more of it than an egg.

🧠 Lifespan brain changes: your brain undergoes four dramatic periods of change from age 0 to 90.

👩🏾‍🦱 Black maternal mortality: were you aware that Black women in the U.S. are three to four times more likely to die in childbirth than White women? That statistic should blow everyone’s minds. Here’s an opinion piece on why Black women shouldn’t have to engineer their survival in the delivery room.

💉 HPV vaccination: tied to huge reduction in cervical cancer risk.

🏥 U.S. healthcare: five ways our system has become out of control, a post by Your Local Epidemiologist .

😡 Government fuckery: we start with the CDC, since ‘tis the virus season. CDC Quietly Turned Off Its Vaccine Search Tool. It’s Not Clear When It’s Coming Back. And Inside the CDC whiplash, which features struggling CDC workers and denials by HHS that anything is wrong, naturally. And this one hits my actual home: After Shutdown, Federal Employees Face New Uncertainty: Affording Health Insurance. We have these benefits and the rising costs are outpacing those from the private sector. Then Trump administration warns it will withhold some SNAP funds from states that don’t share data. Can you say BULLY? In gender fuckery news: US Cancer Registries, Constrained by Trump Policies, To Recognize Only ‘Male’ or ‘Female’ Patients. And this absolutely non-sensical head hurter: Trump administration plan to exclude nursing from professional degrees sparks outcry. I can’t help but feeling this is just part of their covert attack on women, and on independent women to boot (yes, I know there are male nurses like Greg Focker, but the vast majority are women). Lastly, in state level war on women news: Republican-led states challenge FDA approval of new generic abortion pill.

💪🏼 Fighting back: sadly, I’m seeing less and less out there. Is it not happening as much? Is the media not covering it? Who knows. But there was this: SNAP Benefit Rules Spark Legal Challenge From 21 States. And this: US judge blocks Trump from cutting Medicaid funding for Planned Parenthood in 22 states.

🚫 Eradicating autoimmune diseases: CAR-T therapies send autoimmune diseases into remission. This could be huge news once it becomes standard treatment.

🏳️‍⚧️ Trans healthcare: from , a post on a study in the journal of pediatrics finds trans youth care lowers suicidality, with few detransitioning. Don’t let conservatives try to convince you they actually care about children while they actively work to take away life-saving healthcare. Also? This was disgusting and I would have expected better from Memorial Sloan Kettering: A trans woman secretly recorded her doctors during cancer surgery. She’s suing over what she heard.

🦖 T-rex sleep position: it feels cozy and comforting, but it’s cutting off your circulation and possibly causing nerve damage. I sleep like this almost every night (sigh…). There’s some talk of it being a trauma response, or an attempt by an activated nervous system to protect against a perceived threat. I’ve been consciously trying to extend my arms once I’m warm.

Inspiration & Recovery

🤳🏼 Stop tracking: with Your body isn’t a case to solve. Letting go of my paper tracking, my wearable tracking, and my Dr. Googling contributed to my recovery, though she’s not touting it as a recovery tool. More of a softening, “you are enough” approach, which I wholeheartedly endorse.

🪟 Window of tolerance: your nervous system’s comfort zone. Have you heard of it? explains it beautifully here.

Modern Hysteria

Your window of tolerance: Why you're not broken, just overstimulated

Hi. It’s Micah from Modern Hysteria, your podcast and newsletter about the taboos of women’s brains and bodies…

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10 months ago · 16 likes · 4 comments · Micah Larsen

🧫 Mast cell activation syndrome: I recently got off of all three of my MCAS meds and while that was a bumpy downhill ride, I have now stabilized. I’m convinced I needn’t have been on them for many months, ever since I truly regulated my nervous system. Here’s the Mindful Gardener with his hot take.

🎄Holiday viewing: watch these 22 movies and specials, according to the LA Times. Warning: I watched ‘A Merry Little Ex-Mas’ on Netflix, and I’ll never get that hour and a half back. Skip it. (Also, if you’ve never seen ‘The Family Stone’, what the hell are you waiting for? So, so good). And here’s something that didn’t make the list: the Dancing with the Stars holiday special on Disney+/Hulu, where I gained back an hour of pure delight.

🎶 Greatest songs of the 21st century: so far, anyway. 250 of them. I have multiple problems with this list, including the fact that Hozier’s Take Me to Church appears nowhere on here, and Rolling Stone should be utterly ashamed of themselves.

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: This Italian man, who dressed up as his dead mother in order to try to continue receiving her pension. Although the staff at the benefits office thought he looked suspicious and reported him, I say he did a pretty convincing job, wouldn’t you?

🏆 Winner of the week: This week our winner is NPR for having Brandi Carlile back on Tiny Desk Concert. It made a lot of people’s weeks, including mine and my big sister’s (and we have tix to see BC in February - yay!). Also, if you’ve never experienced the talented musicians SistaStrings who play with BC, you’re in for a real treat.

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Fritzy makes the big time!

MeowStack

MeowStack #53: Fritz will stare straight into your soul

MeowStack is always looking for new kitties to feature. Featured kitties are never sponsored, and we don’t charge for submissions. We just want to meet your cat! Finally, a way to give your feline overlord the respect, admiration, and worship they so obviously deserve…

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9 months ago · 47 likes · 7 comments · Robin Cangie (she/her), Gabe Dreer, and Amy - The Tonic

Here he is taking online yoga with me (or…preventing me from taking online yoga, if you’re a glass-half-empty kinda cat).

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

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Make some money!

A fellow Substacker, Kira Stoops, posted about Ally Bank in her newsletter many moons ago. It’s an online bank that offers higher interest rates than most other banks. I used her referral code (thanks, Kira!) and opened a savings account with 3.5% interest (it’s gone as high as 3.8%). And, by using her code, she got $50 and I got $100 (after three months of minimal monthly deposits to a savings account). How can you go wrong? They have options for savings, checking, and investment accounts.

If this sounds good to you too, here’s my referral code. One of you beauties has already used my code and is on the way to making some dough. Could another of you be next?

Mish mosh

No big topic from me this week - life has been lifing in all good ways, but my screen time is way up with school sessions and my therapy/coaching appointments, so it’s getting a bit harder to devote oodles of time here. I’m trying my damnedest to strike a balance as things ramp up. It’s not easy, but I am finding my body will definitely send me clear signals when it’s not so happy with how busy I’ve gotten.

Along those lines, I bring you this from The Mindful Gardener. If you’ve never listened to him before, he’s a little ‘out there’ and brash at times, but I quite like that about him. He may not be for you though, so you decide:

R.I.P. Alice

In other news, the world lost an incredible human last week.

Alice Wong, ‘luminary’ writer and disability rights activist, dies aged 51. Gone way too soon. I remember watching a panel presentation that Alice was moderating, using assistive devices to speak, and I just remember being struck by her combination of fierceness, smarts, and - my favorite of all - humor.

wrote a beautiful tribute post to her friend:

The Disabled Ginger

Thank You Alice Wong

Late last night night Alice’s friend Sandy Ho shared a message on Alice’s social media… Alice had passed away. She had written her own goodbye because she knew she was running out of time…

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10 months ago · 379 likes · 64 comments · Broadwaybabyto

Torment and hope, all in one song

Do you guys know the singer-songwriter Colin Hay?

The answer is YES. Of course you do. He’s the lead singer of Men at Work, which boast such hits as Down Under, Who Can It Be Now?, Overkill, and others.

I have always loved his voice. When I saw years ago that he was touring as a solo artist, I got tickets. That was 2020. Some *stuff* was going on, so the show got pushed, then pushed again, then I couldn’t go.

But nevertheless, I persisted (see what I did there?). And all year I’ve had tickets to see him at a local theater in early November.

Before that, though, I got to see him with Men at Work (he is the only original band member left, but he now tours with a fabulous group of mixed-gender and mixed-culture musicians) as the headliner for the 80’s day of a music festival this summer. And they were FANTASTIC. He is in his early 70’s, and yet his voice has lost NOTHING, I tell you. It is vibrant and strong and unique as it ever was.

In November, he was still wonderful - a talented musician and an artful storyteller (the story:music ratio was a bit high for what’s billed as a concert, but we all happily indulged him). He has never achieved the commercial success he did with Men at Work, and he told a few self-deprecating stories about that. And I’m here to say that it’s a damn shame, because he is such a good songwriter (and I’ve already told you how good his voice still is).

My only regret is that when I saw him in November, he didn’t play my favorite of his solo songs: Next Year People. I share it here with you because I think it is a song for these times. It’s about farming people who live through a terrible, protracted drought. It is plodding and haunting, as one would expect it to be, but it is also a song about hope. It is a song about the human spirit, about never giving up.

I hope you feel all the feels I do when you listen.

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

💉 Vaccines: conflicting advice around COVID vaccine likely to drive uptake down even lower, experts say. And this: the flu vaccine of 2026 could be dealt a blow by events of 2025.

😵‍💫 Nervous system: could a WEAKENED fight/flight response be causing ME/CFS and long COVID? (many of us have been thinking our NS dysfunction is fight/flight overdrive).

🚸 Long COVID in young people: then and now (an opinion piece; also, wild to think we’ve been at this long enough to have a then and a now…sigh…).

😶‍🌫️ Cognitive symptoms in long COVID: this phase 2 randomized clinical trial failed to demonstrate differential benefits for online cognitive training, a structured cognitive rehabilitation program, and tDCS for cognitive long COVID. I did a structured cognitive rehab program last year, and while I got some neat ideas for improving my memory, I can’t say it moved the needle at all. Also, another study showing that supplementation with the NAD+ precursor nicotinamide riboside did not help cognition in long COVID.

🥦 Nutrient deficiencies in long COVID: , a registered dietitian who recovered from LC and now treats patients with it, on the three most common deficiencies she sees.

🤧 Reinfection: more evidence that additional COVID-19 infections increase one’s chances for developing long COVID.

Resources

🗣️ Ring theory: what to say to someone who is ill or in crisis, a wonderful post by .

🧘🏾 The power of qigong: for chronic inflammation, by the always helpful .

Health miscellany

🤧 Cold season essentials: a super helpful post by . And my reminder to finally pick up some saline nasal spray, FFS. I have told myself to do this ten times in the past year, ugh…

💊 To medicate or not: another great post by (yes, I’m a big fan) on when to start, stop, or question taking meds.

🫗 Clean your water bottle: I refuse to tell you the story of Baldy’s unclean water bottle and what happened as a result, but the images (and omg, sounds) are burned into my brain. Yes, it can make you violently ill. Wash that shit, and more often than you think!

🦠 Epstein Barr virus and lupus: research now shows that pretty much everyone with lupus has unhinged EBV in their system. EBV can also lead to MS and cancers, and most of us have the virus lying dormant in our systems (if not reactivated, which COVID or other viruses can cause to happen).

🍓 Gut health: how prioritizing it may soothe chronic skin conditions.

💨 The air you breathe: what it may be doing to your brain.

🤬 Government fuckery: things seem a little…quieter? in the health fuckery department since the shutdown ended, but there are a few local, national, and international bits. First up, Trump administration plans SNAP reapplication due to fraud after shutdown, because poor people didn’t suffer enough scrambling to get to food banks. Also, the media sucks: how about adding “alleged” or “perceived” before fraud, since we know this administration often likes to conjure up problems where they don’t exist as a method of distraction. And then a record number of U.S. adults are anxious about health costs going into 2026. From all appearances, we have every reason to be. And on the global humanitarian front: Western aid cuts could cause 22.6 million deaths by 2030, study warns. We exploit the world’s people and resources and then leave them to die. And then measles outbreak in Arizona and Utah could end U.S. elimination status, and the messaging coming out of this administration and its followers is directly to blame. Should we be surprised? A small Texas think tank cultivated COVID dissidents. Now they’re running US health policy.

💪🏾 Fighting back: I came across no examples of fighting back this week related to health or healthcare. Doesn’t mean it’s not out there, just means I didn’t see it. So don’t lose hope.

🩸 Menopause hormone therapy: FDA to pull boxed warning. For an informed analysis, check out and this post.

🤟🏾 Deaf culture: education about it is missing from medical school curricula. I don’t know much about med school topics, but I do know that my own education about Deaf culture several years ago at my job opened my eyes to all sorts of things I couldn’t have known. A medical professional in the comments on this article expressed outrage (“what now, we have to learn about cultures in a jam-packed medical curriculum??”), which just shows a gross misunderstanding about how much this particular culture is tied simply to being able to communicate with others (and many cultures are, but maybe none more so than Deaf culture). And if you’re a doctor who doesn’t value the ability to understand and communicate with a specific disabled community, I might go as far as to say you’re violating some sort of code of ethics, no? (<end rant>).

💤 Melatonin: does it increase risk for heart problems?

😟 Time to worry: schedule it! I just recently advised a client to try this.

☕ Coffee: stop doing these five things when you drink it.

Inspiration & Recovery

🏆 Start small, win big: an inspiring post by .

👱🏻‍♀️ Woman change agent: Frances Oldham Kelsey’s refusal to approve thalidomide changed medical history.

👴🏾 Man change agent: a legendary transplant surgeon’s work isn’t done at 88. He fought racism in medicine and built a movement that saved thousands of Black lives.

🏡 Solving long-term homelessness: one village’s bold aim.

❤️‍🩹 Nervous system healing: five signs it’s happening (even though it won’t feel like it). I can vouch for having experienced all of these on my way to recovery. Confusing at times, but reassuring.

💖 You don’t have to be perfect to be loved: a guided meditation.

🦕 Dino discovery: a new species was discovered after an intact skull was pulled from the ground in Mongolia.

📸 Fun photog: check out , a brilliant street photographer based out of London. I especially loved his post on disembodied legs.

😚 Kiss kiss: the first known ones date back 21 million years.

🤦🏻 Buffoons of the week: anyone going to a plastic surgeon to request “Mar-a-Lago” face. According to one plastic surgeon who refuses to go this far: “you’re going to look like Maleficent.”

🏆 Winner of the week: it’s Melinda French Gates, ex-wife of godzillionaire Bill Gates, for donating $250 million to 80 non-profits focused on global women’s health.

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Nova gone wild edition.

Our new kitty is certified bonkers, and we love it. The latest quirks we’ve discovered are that she can (and will) leap onto the tops of doors, and she likes to play fetch with a very particular type of toy mouse (the little felt ones; she eschews all others we have laying around).

Fritzy and Birdie are starting to play with Nova more, and that’s been good to see. Also, we’ve started letting her roam free at night, and that’s been going surprisingly well. We don’t let our kitties in our bedroom at night, but we do keep the door slightly ajar via latch so we can hear any noises that might need our attention overnight. It’s always a challenge to start to let a new kitty roam freely at night, because often they will stand at our bedroom door and cry or try to get in. But Nova hasn’t woken us up once, which is kind of a miracle. She picks up on the rhythms of our routines very quickly. She also knows that when I sit down at my computer in the guest room/office, it’s kitty quiet time and she promptly curls up on a blanket. Such a good girl.

I’ll leave you with possibly one of the best photos I’ve ever taken: Nova playing with a wand toy, squatting like a kangaroo (or like Jackie Chan, as a friend pointed out).

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

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‘Supdate

Life in this mostly recovered place continues to be interesting.

After three interviews, much internal and household deliberation, and a heaping dose of fear around the future and what I can handle, I finally accepted a job offer. I’ll be joining a second therapy practice part-time along with the one I’m currently working for extremely part-time. Whereas the practice I work for now is owned by a dear friend and very anti-oppression and anti-colonialist with pro-chill vibes, the one I’m joining is a national outfit with a more corporate (cough cough, white, cough cough) feel. Together, these two gigs will get me enough client work to start counting hours toward my clinical social work license (I need to log 2,000 supervised hours in at least three but no longer than six years…and then I’ll have to sit for a dreaded exam…but, let me not go there).

The fear I was feeling for a few weeks around this whole sitch caused a very definite return of my three worst symptoms: fatigue, brain fog, and a touch of neuropathy. I was also not sleeping great, which always makes my days rough. It’s wild to have been basically on the other side of these symptoms, only to watch them crop up again and see how clearly linked they are to stress, fear, and a dysregulated nervous system.

Simultaneously, I am beginning to taper off the many medications I’ve been on for years, primarily for mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS), and that has been A LOT. I’ve been itchy for a few weeks (after getting off hydroxyzine, an H1 blocker) and have had acid stomach for about a week (after stopping famotidine, an H2 blocker). I also dropped down from 10mg montelukast (a leukotriene blocker) to the 5mg made-for-children chewable tablets in a bid to step down from this too. For anyone interested, I did baseline MCAS urine and blood testing a few months ago and will do so again once I’m off all these meds, especially if I’m still itchy/acidy. My immunologist is trying to determine if I truly have MCAS, as the testing really wasn’t done properly back in late 2020. It’s just been assumed that I have had it all this time (many long haulers do) and I’ve been on some variation of these three different meds since then, possibly needlessly.

Yay, medicine?

In any event, once I threw caution to the wind and signed the offer letter, I started sleeping better again and my symptoms pretty immediately got better. Coach Junior from CFS Recovery spoke on a call this week about how facing the fear often means just taking the first step, and I think signing the offer was that for me. Each step from here feels a bit more manageable. I start the job in December with two weeks of training before they begin helping me build my client caseload. It’ll likely take a few months to get up to the number of clients I’ve agreed to, so I’ll have time to adjust.

This is life post-recovery: figuring out how to incorporate the lessons I’ve learned as I venture back into things, and navigate it all in a calmer, more tuned-in and grounded way. Testing the ‘edges’ of this recovery with varying levels of real-world stress helps me figure out how to calibrate. For example, I realized I had gradually let my daily meditation practice drop off as I started feeling fewer symptoms. This work situation made me incorporate it back in and it’s been helping a lot again.

I have the tools I need; I just need to remember that I do.

Other goings-on include NEW CAT (scroll down to Cat Dump for that update).

It’s always a big energy expenditure, even when it goes well.

I have a bunch of therapy clients, a few coaching clients, and my days are getting FULL. And here’s a fun update…

Below is a screenshot of the last time I played basketball. Note the date at the top…otherwise known as The Day Before Everything Changed™️.

Next up is a pic from November 3, 2025: my (triumphant? more wrinkly?) return.

Quick backstory: we moved into this house in 2019, and I was so excited that it came with a basketball hoop in the driveway. I vowed to revisit my high school varsity days, except this time not warming the bench. After months of unpacking, settling in, and then winter, with 2019 ticking over to 2020, I finally got outside on a warm day in late March to shoot some hoops. Little did I know I wouldn’t be able to get back out there for five-and-a-half years.

But back I am, and it feels sooooo good. I’ve still got some skillz. Just like riding a bike, except way less uncomfortable in the undercarriage.

“Thank you for being a frieeeend…” 🎶

I’ve recently started rewatching The Golden Girls (on Hulu).

So why write about it in a newsletter about health?

Well, as I’ve said before about this newsletter…

But moreover, and simply put, the show still holds up comedically, which sparks joy and laughter, which convey messages of safety to my brain and nervous system. You simply can’t be in a state of fear and panic when you’re belly laughing. The brain can’t hold those two states simultaneously.

To take this further, let’s cover the health benefits of laughter, as brought to you by my quick search on the interwebs:

• Stress Reduction: Laughter reduces stress hormones and activates the body’s relaxation response, helping to alleviate stress.

• Improved Immune Function: It strengthens the immune system, making you less susceptible to illness.

• Pain Relief: Laughter can ease pain by triggering the release of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers.

• Enhanced Social Connections: It helps deepen social bonds and improve relationships, contributing to overall well-being.

• Mental Health Benefits: Laughter can reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, and insomnia, and even improve memory.

If you’ve been reading The Tonic for any amount of time, you know that I love the memes. I love humor. I love watching comedy specials, sitcoms, funny movies, etc. In fact, within eight hours of typing this, I’ll be in a theater seeing the comedian Leslie Jones live. Yay! (Reporting back: lotttttssssss of dick jokes 🍆).

My family has always been big on sarcasm and yuk yuks. It started with the OG of alternating dry humor with goofiness, my pops:

As for me, I had long COVID during the entirety of the pandemic, as many of you know (some say the pandemic is still going on, and I don’t necessarily disagree). During these years, I’ve watched or rewatched a lot of comedy. My favorites are Schitt’s Creek, Ted Lasso, The Big Bang Theory, Friends, Shrinking, Platonic. I stick with SNL, even though it is extraordinarily hit or miss, mostly miss these days, but it’s like a car wreck and I just can’t look away.

And now The Golden Girls. Like I said, it still holds up, though there are some cringe-worthy moments in the writing around gay folks, Black folks, and Midwesterners, to name a few. It straddles the line of including story lines about such folks, which was probably ahead of its time in the mid 80’s-early 90’s, and being offensive. Taking it in that context…helps? (shrug).

My favorite character by far is Dorothy, played by Bea Arthur. The writers gave her a lot of the zingers, along with Sophia, her mother, played by Estelle Getty. They are both gifted with excellent comedic delivery. But Dorothy plays sarcasm and dry humor perfectly, including with her facial expressions. I often marvel at how she didn’t crack, though it was filmed in front of a live audience and edited for the at-home audience, so who knows.

Here’s some fun, weird facts I’ve noticed or looked up while watching season one, which I’m still on:

• In the first episode, the women had a live-in (gay?) chef. His presence was strange, given that they were clearly not wealthy women and Blanche’s home, while Florida-lovely for the times, was no mansion. He also just didn’t fit into the snappy rhythm of the women’s lines and comedic timing. Still, one can’t help feeling a bit bad for the actor who played him; the show took off like a rocket, and the ship left him on terra firma.

• Also in the first episode, Blanche’s bedroom was off to the left while the other women’s rooms were down that hall more to the right. This is characteristic of a lot of Florida homes, where the main BR is on the opposite side of the house as all other bedrooms. But the lanai was also to the left, and I think the writers didn’t realize how much they’d use the lanai in subsequent episodes, so they moved her room near all the others.

• Sophia was a year younger than Dorothy IRL! The ages in the pic below are what they were when the show started. They did a hell of a make-up job on Sophia to age her up to age 80. Also, wild to think that Blanche was only a year older than I am now, and that was considered “golden” (picture my palm to my 50yo face).

• A late-night Wikipedia rabbit hole taught me that Dorothy didn’t much like Rose IRL. Can you imagine anyone not liking Betty White? It seems like a capital offense. But apparently Bea Arthur was uber-professional on set and didn’t like to break character between scenes, while Betty White enjoyed turning to the audience and being playful, and this irked Bea Arthur tremendously.

• The outside shot of the house for the first three seasons is a house in Brentwood, CA, not Miami, FL where the women supposedly lived. They later built a replica set of the house in Florida that became part of backstage tours at Disney’s Hollywood studios.

• And lastly, a fun fact that also involves yours truly: I went to LA only once in my life, and only for two days, and the only celebrity sighting I had was seeing Blanche (Rue McLanahan) driving her BMW, squinting into the late afternoon sun to make a right turn on red.

And finally, if you weren’t already aware, there were two entire episodes (“Sick and Tired”, which aired in 1989) about a mysterious, months-long illness Dorothy has after getting the flu. Incredible that the show highlighted this just five years after the 1984 outbreak of what would later come to be known as ME/CFS in Incline Village, Nevada.

Also incredible? How little has changed as far as society’s and the medical system’s dismissiveness and gaslighting around any illness involving fatigue, and namely, women’s fatigue. Sigh…long COVID has helped with awareness raising, and we stand on the shoulders of those who suffered in isolation for decades with ME/CFS.

Back to the comedy of it all

Do you love The Golden Girls as much as I do? Have you used joy, comedy, and laughter as part of your daily living or recovery plan? What shows or movies have you particularly enjoyed? Spill it!

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COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

😷 COVID-19 spreading again: how serious is it and what are the symptoms?

🚸 COVID and children: Covid raises risk of heart issues in children more than vaccination and COVID in pregnancy linked to kids’ risk of neurodevelopmental disorders.

💉 Vaccines: IDSA 2025 guidelines on the use of vaccines for the prevention of seasonal COVID-19, influenza, and RSV infections in immunocompromised patients and people with some cancers live longer after a COVID vaccine.

🩸 ME/CFS: blood flow to the head in a person with myalgic encephalomyelitis experiencing postexertional malaise: a case report.

🫀 Infections and heart disease: some acute and chronic viral infections may increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.

💊 Metformin and long COVID: studies show it reduces risk, so why isn’t it more widely used?

💪🏻 Creatine and long COVID: with a super informative post on the mechanisms and potential benefits of creatine.

🎭 Mental health and long COVID: people with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression may be at increased risk for long COVID, according to this study.

⚖️ Weight loss drugs: insights and trials underway for GLP-1 agonist use in ME/CFS, FM and Long COVID.

Resources

💰 Long COVID and disability benefits: join Pandemic Patients and Kantor & Kantor LLP for their upcoming webinar, From Brain Fog to Benefits: Navigating ERISA and Winning Long COVID Disability Appeals on November 12th at 3pm ET. Register here. (side note: Kantor & Kantor gave me free advice a few times when I was going through my own employer-based disability journey - they are top notch!).

🫂 Caregiving workshops: #MEAction is hosting two upcoming workshops for caregivers of folks with ME/CFS, long COVID, etc. The first is Top 10 Lessons from 20 Years of Caregiving Workshop with Kim Moy on Sunday, November 16th @ 12pm PT/3pm ET. Tickets here (they ask for a suggested donation - any amount will do). The next one is Chronic Illness Caregiving for Youth, Teen, and Adult Children
with Denise Lopez-Mojano on Saturday, November 22nd @ 12pm PT/3pm ET. Tickets here (same suggested donation situation).

🩸 Menopause webinar: join Let’s Talk Menopause for their upcoming talk, Breaking the Silence: Menopause, Leadership, and the Workplace on November 14th at 9am ET. Register here.

🔬 Long COVID study: check out the study sites for clinical trials of the drug Bezisterim through the ADDRESS-LC initiative. Must be 18 to 64 years of age, have brain fog and fatigue attributed to a COVID infection, and have symptoms for at least 3 months. The study recently expanded to accept ‘first wavers’ (2020 infections) and there are sites across the country.

📖 Guide for caretakers: check out Kim Moy’s Navigating Clinical Uncertainty: Practical Tips for ME/CFS and Long COVID Caregivers, or share with someone you know who is caretaking.

😷 COVID-safe youth: a wonderful compilation of resources for young people trying to stay COVID-safe, by .

Health miscellany

🤢 Gluten sensitivity: it could be something else entirely.

🏓 Pickleball: as the sport continues to gain players, injuries are increasing.

🦷 Bad gums: tied to big brain risks.

🥤 Soda recall: FDA announces recall for three popular Coca-Cola sodas due to possible metal contamination.

💤 Better sleep: why “dark showering” could be the secret. Sounds dangerous to me.

🤖 AI and health: AI is transforming medicine. Could it bring doctors and patients together? And yet, more than a million people every week show suicidal intent when chatting with ChatGP. And large language models struggled in responding to menopause questions.

🫸🏽Racism and cardiovascular health: researchers in JAMA Health Forum linked structural racism with a higher prevalence of coronary heart disease and stroke.

☠️ This week in genocide: WHO leads medical evacuation of 41 critical patients out of Gaza, and billions needed to rebuild Gaza’s health system (the U.S. and Israel should PAY). And tragically, famine is declared in Sudan.

🏳️‍⚧️ Trans suicide: with a post on how every trans suicide is a murder by those in power. RIP, Lia Smith.

😡 Government fuckery: no shortage once again. Here’s some government shutdown fuckery: as Obamacare premiums climb, some plan to drop their health insurance and go uninsured. And SNAP benefits cut spark rush to food pantries across the nation and at least 25 states plan to cut off food aid benefits in November. And civilian employees at several federal agencies miss their first full paycheck and Trump administration hints furloughed workers may not be paid after shutdown - how incredibly depraved and illegal. In trans fuckery, judge strikes down rule extending health protections to transgender care and SCOTUS okay putting trans folks directly in harm’s way as they rule against passport gender markers in shadow docket ruling (raise your hand if you didn’t know what a shadow docket was before this shady administration took office?). Everything RFK touches turns to shit: Kennedy directs CDC to study alleged harms of offshore wind farms, and RFK Jr to urge Americans to eat more saturated fats and HHS employees now being measured by loyalty to Trump’s policies (fascism much?). Research cuts may widen racial disparities for common blood cancer, multiple myeloma. Make America…healthy again?

💪🏾 Fighting back: first, Democrats sue after Trump administration says it won’t pay November SNAP benefits, then Trump administration ordered to restore full SNAP benefits by Friday (then, these fucks filed a federal appeal to block this judge’s order. They want people to starve). And here was a good move: Senate Democrats head to Trump’s ‘backyard’ to press him on Obamacare. And eureka!: California union floats idea of taxing billionaires to offset Medicaid cuts. And California invests over $140 million to support Planned Parenthood health centers amid Trump’s efforts to defund. Lastly, new righteous fight anthem by Brandi Carlile:

Inspiration & Recovery

💗 Loving yourself: 8 Things Every Person Who Loves Themselves Actually Knows, a beautiful post by .

🗣️ TED Talk: What long COVID taught me about life (and data), by graphic data artist Giorgia Lupi.

🙏🏻 Gratitude: the different types, and why it isn’t always helpful, a post by .

📽️ Recovery wisdom: I’ve recently discovered Sam Miller’s YouTube videos. Here’s an intro post from her, in case you want to check her out too. You may also want to check out her video on The Schedule as Safety.

🔤 Language matters: a video by Dan Buglio. I have found it very effective to shift away from super descriptive language around symptoms/flare-ups. Worth giving a try!

😹 Nikon Comedy Wildlife Awards: some real gems here. I think my fave is the bird who’s got the other bird’s head in his beak.

🌭 Hot diggity dog: this furloughed IRS lawyer is living out his dream of being a hot dog vendor. I love that he charges people more for ordering what he deems the ‘wrong’ hot dog toppings. My kinda guy (I’m looking at all of you who order vanilla or mint-anything ice cream!).

🐧 Penguin of the year: get your vote in! Maybe you like Captain here best.

🖼️ Art with a side of insults: German museum’s ‘grumpy tour guide’ is surprise hit.

👻 Halloween health haikus: right up The Tonic’s alley!

🤦🏻 Buffoons of the week: there were a few this week, so here goes. Woman Sues SeaWorld Orlando Claiming Duck Hit Her Face on Roller Coaster. “Ma’am…you do know there’s WATER at SeaWorld, right??” And here comes absolute piece of racist trash Colorado congresswoman Lauren Boebert, who wore a Mexican sombrero and dress for Halloween and holding a sign that said, “Mexican Word of the Day: JUICY. TELL ME IF JUICY ICE COMING.” Because making light of people indiscriminately getting snatched off the street in front of their families is hilarious. TRASH.

🏆 Winners of the week: we’ve got a few here too! First up, ballerina Misty Copeland recently retired, after returning to the stage in post-partum years in a changed body. Her embrace of the changes is what we’re celebrating here, along with her triumphant and historic career as the first Black woman to become a principal dancer at American Ballet Theatre. Then there’s this guy, who won $1 million on a scratch-off after he showed up for a doctor’s appointment only to learn it had to be rescheduled. And lastly, it’s sister act: meet the Austrian nuns who fled a nursing home to break into their old convent. They moved right back in! Some sets of ovaries on these gals.

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Acclimating new kitty Nova edition.

Nova is a sweet and super-duper playful girl, making up for her lost kittenhood by running her new mom in circles with requests for play! She’s definitely more play-motivated than food-motivated (like Birdie) or affection-motivated (like Fritzy). We took all the recommended steps to introduce them slowly, keeping Nova in the guest room for a week and doing scent-swaps (we put Nova in the bathroom with Birdie’s and Fritzy’s cat beds, and let Birdie and Fritzy sniff around the guest room for a bit). We then put up the baby gate so they could all get visuals. Fritzy jumped the gate a few times, but he kept hissing at Nova, so we had to remove him. Birdie keeps her distance and remains unsure about her new sister. And just this morning, while Nova was still in the guest room where she spends overnights still, Fritzy was going after Birdie uncharacteristically and I had to separate those two for a bit. <Sigh>…it’s a transition and to be expected. Overall though, it’s going as well as can be expected, and we are staying patient. We’ve been through this phase before with each cat we’ve added to the brood.

If anything here in particular resonated with you, or if you’d like to see more of anything, please let me know.

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout outs!

It was a banner few weeks here at The Tonic for feeling loved! A big Tonic thank you to JD D. for buying me a coffee. And big thanks also to Ann E. and Rachel S., who both upgraded to paid subscriptions. WOW!

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I am currently a student in the final stages of training in therapeutic coaching, and my fellow students and I are seeking folks who would be interested in receiving short-term services (6-10 sessions). These services are totally free of charge and our work as students is overseen by experienced supervisors. No matter where you are in the world, we can help (mostly in English, though some of our coaches speak other languages).

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If you are interested in an assessment to see if these services are right for you, please email me back or DM me here in the Substack app. Please include your name, email address, time zone, and a brief description of what you’d like help with.

Dialing it back

I am ridiculously good at parallel parking.

If I had to guess, I’d say I nail it on the first attempt 94% of the time.

Passengers often marvel at my skills.

I don’t even use the back-up camera that comes with my car. I pull up to the car in front, line up our side mirrors, drive straight back about a foot, and start turning the wheel. Instinct tells me when to turn it the other way, and voilà! I wind up about six inches from the curb almost every time. I breeze away from the car to head to my destination on foot feeling all smug and cocksure. Nothing can bring me down after. NOTHING.

Except…remembering what I suck at. Like, suckity suck suck. And that is (among other things) backing my car straight into a parking space.

Yup. I cannot for the life of me simply back straight into a space. I end up crooked EVERY DAMN TIME. I use the backup camera, or I don’t. Doesn’t matter. I never, ever nail it perfectly, or even decently. I wind up making sometimes three or four adjustments just so I can walk away from my car not feeling completely embarrassed, or so that passersby don’t go, “look at the way that asshole parked!” (you know you’ve said this before about someone, probably many someones).

Well, maybe not like an asshole. I don’t park like this, for example.

As I’m always telling Baldy whenever he curses out another driver on the road, “asshole implies intent; that guy was just stupid.”

Let me revise.

It shouldn’t be so complicated. Parallel parking has 5-6 times as many steps as just backing in straight. So why does it have to be so hard?

Answer: I do not know. It’s not for lack of trying or even practicing. There is no good reason why I should be epically good at the way more complicated going-in-reverse maneuver than the extremely simple one.

But it had me thinking this week about how we often over-complicate what could be really simple in life. And we often do so to our detriment.

We don’t really intentionally do this, not most of the time. But often it takes someone pointing it out for us to recognize it. A few recent examples:

• I was on a Zoom last month with one of my coaching classmates, catching up on the goings on in our program, when all of a sudden I got an alert that I had a Zoom session with one of my coaching clients in five minutes. I panicked! I forgot I had a session with her that week and thus I didn’t do any prep for it. I pulled myself together and not only got through the session, it wound up being possibly our best session up to that point. After I told my classmate this, she said, “it’s because you didn’t have time to overthink it.” Bingo!

• I cook Baldy eggs for breakfast on his days off. Recently he asked if I’d switch from over easy to scrambled for a bit. No problem. I sauteed some onions and cooked the eggs, adding some salt, pepper, and dill to jazz it up a bit. A few days ago, he thanked me for the eggs, and requested them plain from now on, with just a little salt and pepper. It never occurred to me that he wouldn’t want them tastier (or what I would perceive as tastier). I told him I was using this as an example in my post this week on dialing things back.

• Also, I’d say my recovery in general. I concentrated so, so hard on finding the right doctors, chasing down any treatment with any potential, tracking all my symptoms, monitoring my FitBit and Visible wearable constantly, focusing on anything and everything long COVID related. Until recovery video after video began advising me to slowly loosen my grip, to scale back on largely unhelpful doctors’ visits, to stop tracking my symptoms by hand every night, to stop analyzing what was causing each and every symptom or flare up, to take off my wearables. My recovery only took off after I began implementing these dial backs.

A great example of someone who has been intentional about not overthinking something is of the fun and wonderful newsletter here on Substack. She eliminated daily decision fatigue by completely simplifying her wardrobe, wearing THE SAME THING EVERY DAY. I know, right?? Bonkers. But also pretty brilliant. Check out her post here:

CAFÉ ANNE

I Wear the Same Thing Every Day and I Love It!

Hello everyone…

Read more

3 years ago · 381 likes · 209 comments · Anne Kadet

How this all relates to how I’m living these days

Recovery from this seemingly intractable hellscape of an illness has pretty significantly shifted my perspective on many things.

Remember last week’s post on that awesome job interview I had and my laidback mindset around the whole thing? Here’s how that sitch played out in the end: I had a great second interview, after which I received an email from the owner of the therapy agency saying that the p/t role they had available was for Thursdays and Fridays and I would have to see 8-9 clients a day. The old, dysregulated me might have tried to make that work. The new me? Hell to the no. I have only recently started being able to see two clients in the same day, spread out by a few hours.

I am not willing to rush the tail end of my recovery, nor my transition back into working life. While I had been upfront with both interviewers about my recovery and my daily caseload limitations, it must not have gotten to the boss in that level of detail. So I wrote a very respectful email explaining that I needed to be more intentional about ramping up my work hours and thus could not accept the position as it was presented.

The boss lady replied very kindly; she appreciated my honesty and my willingness to protect my health. She said they would keep me in mind if they got more referrals for virtual/remote therapy work, which would allow me to see 3-4 clients in a day. I thanked her and that was that.

I am already pretty dialed back with regard to my professional life; I am enrolled in my coaching course and easing into taking new therapy clients. But this was an example of me letting an opportunity go because it would require me to dial up too quickly. And I felt good about this decision.

A few days later, I applied for two other positions that would allow me to start at 12-15 hours a week, spaced out over however many days I want. I had initial screening interviews with both this week, and a second interview with one. Both look promising, and I am feeling very much like the universe will send the right thing my way at the right time. Passing on an opportunity that isn’t the right fit will just leave space for something that is.

And then there’s my new habits, designed to have me intentionally stay dialed back from the frenetic pace life can take:

• I schedule nothing before 10am, if I can at all help it. I usually wake up these days between 8-9am and proceed to have what I like to call “slow coffee mornings,” where I give my brain and nervous system a chance to come back online after being offline overnight. I sit on my couch, sometimes with a kitty on my lap (sometimes two if they cram in), sipping my coffee and playing NYT word games on my phone. (Gone too are the days of waking up (early or not) to exercise soon after waking. Way, way too jarring. I want to enjoy my exercise, not trudge through it half asleep and resentful.)

• I create purposeful space in my days, which gives my nervous system time to adapt between different types of activities. I may meditate, take a music break, eat a snack, or play with my cats. Along with that,

• I no longer squeeze things into my schedule to accommodate others. Doing so still causes me a bit of fatigue, and sometimes mild-moderate brain fog. I will not intentionally put myself through that for someone else’s convenience if it can be avoided. And along with that,

• I will not schedule coaching or therapy clients back-to-back. This one is for me, yes, but it’s also for the clients. Who wants a coach or a therapist who isn’t clear-headed and tuned in because they’re fatigued or foggy? The proper space in my day enables me to show up as the best version of current-day me.

• I try to limit phone conversations or Zoom meetings after 8pm. I’ve noticed that my nervous system still has a hard time ‘coming down’ from the stimulation of lively conversation even by lights-out at 11pm. I also tend to have wildly active dreams after such activity, which makes me feel less rested the next morning.

I know that being able to have such habits is a privilege, since I don’t have children to tend to or other caregiving duties, and since I don’t have to work a lot right now nor do I have to work set hours. I am grateful for all of that, though because these privileges come toward the end of a five-year illness journey, they are hard won in some ways. I am however also fortunate that I can pivot my career to one that will likely allow me to keep most of these new habits intact. And that feels pretty great.

So how about you?

What can you dial back that would simplify your life or add ease to your days?

What might you be overdoing or overthinking that has you feeling dysregulated, overwhelmed, exhausted, out of touch with being present and grounded?

What new habit(s) can you create and stick to that prioritize your mental/emotional/physical well-being, however small?

Tell me more in the comments or reply to this email.

Leave a comment

We can (gently) hold each other accountable (unless of course your new habit is to be accountable to no one, lol. RESPECT).

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

🔬 Blood test for ME/CFS?: what scientists think. And here’s the study.

🦠 COVID infections: are they worse this year? Here’s what doctors think.

😷 Masking: some companies are still banning the practice among employees. Grrrr…

🫄🏽 COVID vaccine in pregnancy: first trimester vax not linked to major birth defects.

😏 RFK’s long COVID consortium: it’s been a month, and we still don’t know much about it.

Resources

😔 Grief and chronic illness: a workshop with Marisa Renee Lee on Tuesday, October 28th from 3-4pm ET, hosted by #MEAction. Learn more and register here.

😋 Chickpea brownies for spoonies!: check out ’s post and gluten-free recipe here.

🛳️ COVID conscious travel: provides access to COVID spoonies who want to experience the joys of travel but do it safely. Their latest post reviews a recent cruise they took on Virgin Voyages Brilliant Lady.

🎭 Emotional resilience vs. emotional processing: coach Junior Ky from CFS Recovery breaks down the difference.

Health miscellany

🧑🏼‍⚕️ Dr. Google: should I tell my doctor that I consulted the interwebs? (my take: if your doc’s ego is too fragile to handle you seeking out your own information, change docs - if you can).

😑 Medical gaslighting: while we’re on the topic of untoward docs, here are six ways to protect yourself from it, but Dr. Eleanor Stein (if you prefer to watch or listen to this instead of reading, here’s a link to Dr. Stein’s video tip of the month on the same topic).

🤘🏼 Lead in protein powders: here’s why you shouldn’t panic (check out the cute rock-out emoji I was given when I typed ‘metal’ into the emoji search 🤭).

💉 Shingles vaccine: tied to drops in heart disease, dementia, and death. I’ve been holding off at the suggestion of my functional medicine doc, who said he’s seen some bad reactions in long haulers, but as I gain more strength in recover, I think I’ll move toward getting this soon.

🏓 Pickleball eye injuries: they’re rising alongside the sport’s popularity. I’ve been taking lessons and playing in a weekly league but I already wear my glasses so I can see (my BFF wears frames with no lenses just to protect her eyes! she’s so clever…and great at pickleball…and taught me how to play…and I adore her!).

🤬 Government fuckery: here we go. Premium increases: What to know about the ACA drama as posting rates begin. And hospital-at-home program collateral damage of the shutdown. And declining medical school diversity thanks to the Supreme Court striking down affirmative action. LGBTQ+ youth mental health is getting worse, according to a study by The Trevor Project, and I’m putting it here because take a guess as to one reason why these kids are suffering?! And be wary of Newsom; he’s got some sick burns of the orange menace, but after chiding Democrats on transgender politics, he vetoed a key health measure.

💪🏽 Fighting back: local health leaders rebuke federal vaccine policy. And ACOG leads coalition of 20 medical organizations in amicus brief stressing safety, efficacy of COVID-19 vaccines. And take this, Newsom: no one was helping Black transgender youth. So these parents stepped in. And take this, too. Me at No Kings last weekend.

🚶🏻‍♀️ Ditching high intensity: women (including me, and my sister) are switching to walking and weights. Also, what’s with weighted vests?

🎃 Pumpkin seeds vs. chia seeds: they both have benefits, so you don’t have to pick!

🤳🏻 Social media use: linked to lower reading, memory scores in preteens.

🙉 Misophonia: having strong negative reactions to certain sounds is linked to mental inflexibility. I have an n=1 here at home that confirms this! (love you, honey).

🚫 Wellness influencers and misinformation: with a great post debunking a bunch of recent bad info. (Also, I love this description of what they’re doing: “At Unbiased Science, we try to be the Jim to wellness marketing’s Dwight…holding up the camera with a knowing look while calmly explaining that no, your tampons are not plotting your demise.” Haha, brilliant!).

Inspiration & Recovery

🌟 Seven things: that took the brilliant beyond what was believed to be medically possible.

Warrior Within 💌 Healing, Reformed

7 things that took me beyond what was medically believed possible

3 years ago, I moved into a static caravan so that I could continue prioritising my health above everything…

Read more

a year ago · 13 likes · 15 comments · Amber Horrox ✨Warrior Within✨

📖 Recovery journal: check this out - a fellow ‘thriver’ of mine from CFS Recovery created this beautiful guided journal to help folks heal from anxiety, burnout & chronic fatigue.

⬆️ The power of making subtle change: a wonderful post by .

Tafakari Letter

How to change the subtle forces that govern your life

How often do you dream of dramatically changing the direction of your life…

Read more

a year ago · 11 likes · 4 comments · Zan Tafakari

⛰️ From long COVID to hiking mountains: with an inspiring video!

🧠 Neuroplastic symptoms: five things you should know, from Dan Buglio of Pain Free You.

💰 Book math: my goodness, I had no idea just how much Amazon screwed over authors. Check out ’s ingenious graphic post on this. And buy your books direct from the publisher (or from Bookshop.org, which at least benefits local bookstores instead of further lining the pockets of a godzillionaire).

🥵 Menopause rhapsody: hilarious!

🐿️ Splat!: Chicago’s beloved ‘rat hole’ was actually made by a squirrel.

🎉 Fun shop: check out fellow Substacker ’s Redbubble shop here. Some really colorful and joyful items! Great for unique holiday gifts.

📊 China’s new underwater data centers: could slash power by up to 90%. This kind of blew me away!

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: sorry folks, but it’s our extremely mature dicktator once again for the win. Donald Trump posts AI video of himself bombing protesters. The headline forgot to say he bombed us with SHIT. Lord knows between him and his cabinet of deplorables, he’s got enough of the brown stuff on hand to get the job done. To be so fragile and yet have so much power…so dangerous.

🏆 Winner of the week: is Natalie Grabow, the 80yo who just made history by finishing an Ironman. (These headlines like to say “80yo grandmother,” as if being a grandmother somehow makes this feat more amazing, but I call bullshit on tethering this woman to her progeny’s progeny as a qualifier). Here she is looking ripped. Congrats, Natalie!

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Fostering edition.

First, check out this awesome interview that did with about the dedication and selflessness of cat fostering.

Minding Mittens

Feline foster files (Part I)

Today, I bring you the first part of my conversation with Cindy Ojczyk. Cindy is an award-winning writer who works in conservation and fosters animals. Cindy is the author of Like People, Like Pets and PetStack…

Read more

a year ago · 37 likes · 16 comments · Minding Mittens by K. Colitti

Second…drumroll, please…we’ve had our own interactions with a cat fosterer over the last few weeks, as she took care of our future (and now current!) newest family member. Say hi to Nova! She’s about 1.5 years old and has birthed some adorable kittens in her short time on this earth. We are just spending time getting to know her while we keep her separated from Fritzy and Birdie for now. She’s a real sweetheart and we can’t wait to learn her whole personality as the days and weeks unfold.

Like anything you saw here? 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout out!

A big Tonic thank you to my comrade in recovery Dusty D. for their Buy Me a Coffee contribution!

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Work it, girl

I’m going back to work, friends (super-duper p/t), which is at once exciting and scary. I’ve been away from work for three and a half years at this point. I have acclimated to deliciously s-p-a-c-i-o-u-s days, the kind of days that allow my nervous system generous on and off ramps from anything that requires physical, cognitive, or emotional spoons. It has been a real privilege to live this way. I fought hard for disability benefits so that I could have such days, and I believe leaving behind work stress and being able to use my days in ways that supported healing significantly contributed to my recovery.

But now it is time to stretch my capacity further. I’ve been seeing a handful of clients - some for therapy (I’m planning to convert my social work license into the kind that allows me to do therapy, and I need at least three years of client work to qualify) and some for my therapeutic coaching training program. I still find that intensive listening and talking for an hour or more depletes my energy. Actually, it probably depletes most people’s energy. What I’m talking about though is it still induces a bit of the fatigue that I had during long COVID, which is unlike the tiredness or fatigue I may have felt prior to getting sick.

The good news is it’s a milder, more temporary fatigue than the kind I used to have, and it’s slowly getting better with time and with increased exposure to cognitive activity. I’ve been careful not to schedule clients too close together on a single day, because they should not have to endure a lesser version of me due to my poor planning. But a few months ago, I wouldn’t have even scheduled two of them in the same day. Now, I can space them apart by a few hours and do just fine.

It’s also time to make some MONEY.

Did I mention I’ve been lucky to get disability benefits? Indeed I am. And, two things can be true at once, like my good fortune AND the fact that it’s been really challenging living off of such a reduced income. My two forms of disability combined pay me about one-third of what my full-time salary was. Combine that with Baldy’s planned retirement in 2020 (a week after I got the cooties we didn’t know I wouldn’t recover from for five years), and...

Finances have been, to use a technical term, tighty tight tight. Several times, we’ve had to discuss selling our home, the one we moved into only seven months before my infection. The home we love.

Baldy had to find work again. We had to cut way, way down on expenses. We racked up debt. We all but drained Baldy’s retirement account. I moved money around like it was a chess match. We’ve had a bit of support from loved ones. And thankfully, we’ve survived. I know so many others with long COVID and ME/CFS have not been so lucky, either because they didn’t start out with as much to begin with or they just couldn’t sustain their expenses because they couldn’t work and were unable to obtain disability. Unpartnered spoonies have had it particularly rough. None of this is lost on me, and if you see yourself in this paragraph, I send you all the love.

Fortunately, both of my sources of disability seem to allow a stepdown period, where they will allow you to earn some of your own money and keep theirs too (for a certain amount of time, or up to a certain dollar amount). They must have realized that providing this help to folks incentivizes them to work as much as they are capable of and to maybe someday transition off benefits entirely. That cannot be everyone’s goal, based on their disability and limitations around work, but I am hoping to make it mine.

So, I dusted off my resume and tweaked it a bit. It’s strange when you make a later-in-life career pivot, especially when most of your work experience is in an entirely different area. In my case, it’s still social work, but for two decades, I was an administrator and non-profit executive. I’m having to carefully decide how to explain a) the gap in my work experience caused by long COVID, and b) my pivot to what may seem to hiring managers as a much less…ambitious? hierarchy-ascending? form of social work. In other words, I intentionally stepped off the ‘getting ahead’ ladder and to most of our society, that doesn’t compute.

I would seem bizarrely overqualified if I didn’t somehow explain the shift. When I was hiring staff, if I saw a resume like mine with no explanation, I’d have thought, “shit - what went wrong with her?” Like, did this chick get shitcanned (fired), have family issues, become disabled? (ding ding ding!).

Obviously, one may get discriminated against by being so open in a cover letter about their gap in employment, or why they are only seeking part-time work at this time (especially when their previous jobs were uber full-time). But one may also face that discrimination by not explaining it, so it’s a bit of a catch-22, isn’t it?

I chose to frame it as positively as I could by saying I took time off to recover from a health condition and now I’m working toward my clinical license. I don’t need to spell the whole thing out.

So, someone just this week bought what I was selling, because I got called for an interview (woohoo!). I was even honest on the phone call, stating that I needed part-time because while I am largely recovered, I am choosing to ramp up my work life in a measured way.

Interviewing at age 50, after a five-year illness journey, hits different. I’m not anxious like I used to be. I’m not telling myself that I have to present a less than authentic version of myself in order to get hired. This is who I am, and that me is pretty great. Hire me and I’ll be great for you. Or don’t hire me, because some part of my situation won’t work for you. That’s cool. You can’t win ‘em all. Someone else will be okay with meeting my requirements, at some point.

But also, here’s a few random thoughts that are wild.

• I haven’t had a job interview in 11 years. Yikes? Eh, it’ll be what it is.

• This job would be hybrid (some at an office, some at home). I haven’t had to think about the bottom half of my work wardrobe in five-and-a-half years.

Ugh, work pants. Do they even fit this menopausal, estrogen-estranged body anymore??

• Bottom-half planning also involves…shoes. A whole other ball of wax. My work shoes are a collection that has been catching ALL the dust. I’ve been trying them on again, and some of them are just torture. I actually wore these on a regular basis for 10-12 hours a day? No longer. If they’re uncomfortable, they’ve gotta go.

  But also…matching work shoes to work pants/outfits? Double ugh. Hopefully it’s like riding a bike.

• COMMUTING. ‘nuff said.

  

Fortunately, mine wouldn’t be insanely long and it’s in the opposite direction as most, so I guess it won’t be so bad. But I’ll have to fill my gas tank more than my current cadence of once every two months.

• In office days = exposure to germs. Not wild about that at all.

BUT, I am curious what it’s like to see clients in person. It’s a little disorienting at times to only know someone through video. Audio and video issues sometime keep me from understanding or ‘reading’ a person properly. I’m also trying to embrace the CFS Recovery concept that my recovered nervous system will be able to handle getting sick, as it did this summer when I got a wicked virus.

The interview: it was what it was

AND, it went well! The interviewer was super cool (a fellow ginger, how about that?) and she did not grill me. She treated me like an adult with a lot of worthwhile experience to bring to the table. They don’t mind that I need to ramp up slowly. They actually prefer that I’m more available to work afternoons and evenings. I was able to be as honest about my illness and recovery as could be, and she did not bat an eyelash about any of it.

I have a second interview next week.

I feel good about the place. I can work in the office that’s closest to my home (15 minutes away). She understood my nervousness about getting sick again and was fine with me bringing in an air purifier; she also said I could wear a mask as needed or offer one to a client.

They do in-house training for their therapists and I can get continuing education credits for that. And she said there’s very little therapist turnover there because they really let therapists manage their own schedules and meet their own needs. I can still work part-time for the therapy practice I’m with now, too, which is important to me because that’s also a place where I’m afforded a lot of flexibility and where I’m learning a lot.

I’m excited about the possibilities. I’m also nervous about handling more than two clients in a shift, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there and trust that the agency will work with me. I laid all my cards out on the table, so we will see!

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

💉 Vaccine news: the CDC says people must consult a health professional before COVID shot. And Moderna says updated next-generation COVID shot shows strong immune response in patients. And COVID vaccines still effective against severe outcomes.

✊🏾 Black and Latino LC advocacy: don’t miss this post, Don’t Put Your Voice on Chill, where long COVID baddie announces the launch of a four-part series designed to help Black and Latino long haulers advocate for their proper care.

👵🏼 Age and long COVID: older adults less likely to be classified as having long COVID, study finds.

🚸 Youth and LC risk: kids and teens who got Covid twice between January 2022 and October 2023 were almost twice as likely to develop long Covid as compared to those who were infected once during that time.

📖 A novel about long COVID: Patricia Lockwood explores the depths of long COVID in the new novel, Will There Ever Be Another You.

🧑🏻‍🏭 Medicaid work requirements: will devastate people with ME/CFS, long COVID, and other invisible disabilities (free MedPage Today account required).

💊 NMN supplements: determined to be lawful in dietary supplements by FDA. Some of us long haulers were taking this supplement a few years back before the FDA banned it. Well, now it’s back. And here’s some info on it from Healthline: within your cells, NMN is converted into another molecule known as nicotinamide adenine dinucleotide (NAD). Your body needs NAD for a variety of functions involved in metabolism and energy production.

👃🏻 Post-COVID smell loss: may be more widespread than recognized (free MedPage Today account required).

🗺️ ME/CFS and LC tool: check out this post by on RTHM’s AI powered “Health Roadmap” tool, which is free and which Lauren has been using on her own journey with these illnesses.

Resources

🍽️ Cookbook for spoonies (for everyone, really): the wonderful , featured here before in The Tonic, has finally had her beautiful cookbook In Good Health published. My copy arrived and it is a work of art. The recipes are healthy and relatively easy. I’ve already been using post-its to bookmark what I want to try. Anyway, Rachel wrote this blog post for Health Rising if you’d like to learn more. In Good Health: How Chronic Illness Redefined My Relationship with Food.

💻 RECOVER seminars: join RECOVER for the next R3 seminar, “Social determinants of health and Long COVID: Insights from the RECOVER observational studies,” to be held Tuesday, October 14th, 2025, at 12:00–1:30 pm ET. Register here. Also, their seminar on Long COVID in Older Adults will be on Tuesday, October 28th at 12pm ET. Register for that one here.

💤 Menopause and sleep: join Let’s Talk Menopause for a webinar entitled Tired of Being Tired? to be held on Thursday, October 16th from 12-1pm ET. Register here.

😖 Anxiety: the three types and how to identify them, by Alex Howard.

🤤 What keeps long Covid and ME/CFS alive?: a video by Raelan Agle.

Health miscellany

🍬 Blood sugar: 18 snacks that can help you lower it.

🥤 Liver disease: both diet sodas and sugary drinks raise the risk of non-fatty liver disease by up to 60%. Ouch.

🩸 Menopause care: why it’s still 30 years behind and what you can do about it, a post by .

🍸 Drinking and dementia risk: there are no safe levels to consume, sadly.

🤬 Government fuckery: no shortage, once again. Social Security plans to make it harder to get disability benefits. Harder than it already is? Mind-boggling to me. ACA Marketplace Premium Payments Would More than Double on Average Next Year if Enhanced Premium Tax Credits Expire. And Federal shutdown hurts Native Americans, because this country hasn’t caused them enough anguish. My Equity Research Is Being Censored. I Knew This Day Was Coming. And Adult Trans Care Under Fire: ‘Devastating’ Impacts for Those Who Lose Access. Can you imagine not being able to live the truth you’ve been living? And the persecution and control of women continue: Over 400 pregnancy-related prosecutions occurred after Roe v. Wade was overturned. And state-specific fuckery: Planned Parenthood officials say Missouri is seeking abortion patient records. And finally, internationally: Myanmar’s children suffer as US aid cuts take hold. America: making lives worse at home and abroad.

💪🏽 Fighting back: now for some encouraging bits. Psychiatrists call for RFK Jr. to be replaced as health secretary. And the many ways Democrats are actually “doing something” to obstruct Trump. And this one had its bummer moments, but was really a fascinating, sweeping look at history: How societies can recover from the brink of crisis.

🚶🏼‍♂️ Walking: does faster or farther deliver more results?

💅🏼 Gel manicures: are UV nail dryers safe? When I was gainfully employed, I used to get regular gel manicures, which is probably why I have the hands of a 75yo at age 50. But since the pandemic started, I’ve been doing my nails at home (my go to polish is Essie Expressie because it dries fast and lasts a week, on average).

🩻 What happens in vagus: do at-home vagus nerve stimulation devices work?

Inspiration & Recovery

💥 Avoiding push-crash: here’s again with a fantastic recovery-oriented post on how she has minimized flares and post-exertional malaise.

🧘🏻 Toward wellness: Jackie Baxter, who records The Long COVID Podcast, did a short episode on the liminal space between illness and wellness. Check it out on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your pods.

🪸 Being moved to change: an inspiring post by .

🐧 A flightless bird who is determined to fly: a short, amusing video.

🦸🏻 Pharmacist-as-Superman: donning his suit yet again.

🌟 What Do You Have To Lose?

🛞 Bad pasta shapes: why do they exist? (and I agree: penne is terrible).

🐻 Fat Bear Week: a big boi named Chunk won!

🚘 Drive these into the ground: here are the cars that tend to last more than 250,000 miles. I had a Honda go to 207k once, and Baldy had a Hyundai (much lower down on the list) make it to almost 300k.

🐒 RIP, Jane Goodall: what an extraordinary life she lived. Here are the three ways she changed science.

🍄 Mushroom music: enjoy this video of a mushroom in the wild hooked up to play music. So cool!

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: I went online just now to look for this week’s buffoon, and this is the first thing that came up: Trump says Nobel Peace Prize winner Machado accepted the award for him. My god, hasn’t this needy attention-whore taken enough things away from women??? DJT once again for the “win.”

🏆 Winner of the week: it’s billionaire MacKenzie Scott, who got a godzillion dollars from Jeff Bezos in their divorce and is doling gobs of it out to worthy institutions. This time it’s $70 million to the United Negro College Fund to support historically Black colleges. Redistributing wealth and supporting excellence at the same time. Good on you, Mac!

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump.

If anything here in particular resonated with you, or if you’d like to see more of anything, please let me know.

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Here I am

I am almost afraid to say this, but this could very well be the last part in my Recovery Tools series (well, the last part that details what got me here; I may still include posts in this tab that have to do with keeping recovery going).

The series

So here we are at part six, which focuses on the online program that took me from 75% to near done. If you’ve been reading my posts for the last several months, I’ve mentioned the program CFS Recovery several times. More on all of that shortly.

For those who are new here or who may have missed them, I will link to parts 1-5 of the recovery series below. Additionally, I created a tab at the top of my Substack page (accessible via website only, not through the app) for all of these Recovery tools posts, so you can put your hands on them easily in the future.

Part one (particularly the intro) is important to read because it lays out all of the disclaimers and qualifiers that any person with Long COVID or ME/CFS should present before claiming to have anything resembling answers to these complex chronic illnesses. In fact, I do not claim to have the answers. I only share what has been helpful and why I think this has been the case for me so you can decide if it might make a difference for you too. Much of this is the result of me reading, watching, or listening to other people’s recovery journeys and culling tools from them, so I am merely paying this forward. To quote perhaps the most important part of the intro to part one:

If you’ve met one long hauler, you’ve met one long hauler.

Try what might speak to you, leave the rest. Maybe circle back. It’s your recovery journey and you have to do what feels right.

Also important to say

There was no one magic fix, at least not for me. Each of the things listed in all six parts of this series has contributed to my slow, steady, and overall recovery. Just because CFS Recovery is what helped me with the last 25% doesn’t mean that the Gupta Program (which I also tried and which you can read about that in part one) didn’t “work” for me. The knowledge I gained through Gupta was a strong foundation; it helped me cultivate the understanding of what was going on with my brain and body and it cracked open a bit wider the door of belief that I could get better (which is crucial to success here, in my opinion).

Many of the tools in all six parts are things I still use today and plan to keep using, because I now understand my own tendencies and traits, and what it takes specifically for me to keep my nervous system regulated so I can put my body in the best position to reach homeostasis. Of course, stress and illness are always possible, but I have found particularly this summer that I am better equipped to deal with both as a result of the knowledge I’ve gained and the deep work I’ve done.

Also, I believe in CFS Recovery so much, that I do acknowledge that had I found it sooner, I may not have needed some of these other tools. But I cannot live with any regrets about the path I’ve taken, because everything taught me something. There are, however, people enrolled in the program who have been sick a year or less, and they are having terrific results also.

If this is not for you

That’s okay. It’s your decision, or set of decisions, to make. None of these approaches are blaming you for your own illness, as much as naysayers want to think that. The illnesses and the symptoms are quite real. The people who have written these books, suggested these approaches, or started these programs have all come through an illness like this. Some were so severe, they were hospitalized for months. They are the first to acknowledge how real these conditions are from firsthand experience.

So please - before you are tempted to say things like, “well if they were able to recover on their own, they must not have been that sick to begin with” - lawd child, check yourself. No one would ever cast doubt on how sick you are or have been, because we’ve been there. So please don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to you. I have a deep catalog of posts here on what this illness has been like for me, but you can start with Long COVID in Pictures if you want photographic evidence. Also, here’s a blog post I wrote for Health Rising on the hell I went through to obtain disability benefits. You cannot fake or exaggerate this shit. The insurers are on to anyone who does.

To my mind, these approaches became something I slowly opened my mind and heart to simply because I became exhausted by the endless rat maze of doctors’ appointments, tests, specialists, and so-called specialists (like every single doctor at the long COVID clinic). Medicine didn’t and doesn’t have the answers to this, and I spent a shit ton of money and even more psychic energy to have the needle moved not at all. Not even a little. Do I believe science will figure this out? Yes, someday. But not anytime soon.

The way I saw it, I had nothing to lose by believing the hundreds of people whose recovery videos I watched on YouTube. If they could do it, why couldn’t I? And if it’s all some weird form of placebo effect - who cares? As long as it works. Or could work. All I needed was a sliver of possibility.

CFS Recovery

I can’t remember how I first learned about CFS Recovery - probably through one of the videos on Raelan Agle’s YouTube channel - but sometime in 2024, I signed up for an online informational event to learn more about the program. The event was led by the founder Miguel Bautista, who himself had suffered from severe ME/CFS and had fully recovered. Here is his recovery story on Raelan’s channel:

At the time of the informational event, I had already done the Gupta program as well as Alex Howard’s RESET program, and I had watched many hours of recovery videos with a lot of different strategies. I was intrigued by Miguel’s approach, which seemed to offer more hands-on coaching than the other programs did at the time, but the program was several hundred dollars a month, and at that time, this seemed out of reach for me. I also felt like I could make progress on my own just using the tools I already had and watching a lot of free content on YouTube.

Miguel, Raelan, and people like Dan Buglio offer tons and tons of free videos (Dan in particular puts out a free video every single day) with virtually everything you’d need to know about their (overlapping) approaches. This is one thing to keep in mind when the temptation comes to think of these folks as snake oil salespeople. They genuinely do want people to get better. They also have to make a living, and I don’t begrudge them that. We don’t get mad at doctors and therapists for charging for their help, so why get mad at coaches and program creators?

So I tried on my own - I watched a ton of content, took little tricks where I could, had a few mindset shifts, and kept working on my nervous system through things like meditation, socializing, walks in nature, getting good sleep, eating regularly and well, hydrating, a bit of journaling, this Substack, etc. And within a year (by late 2024/early 2025), that all got me to about 75%.

I felt really good about that most days. I slowly started getting bits of my life back (the parts that were good for me, lol). But, I was also a little impatient. Getting to 75% by getting 1-3% better each month felt glacial, but I was grateful for where I was and I kept at it.

Then one day, I watched this recovery video on Raelan’s channel:

Jon had recovered from severe long COVID using CFS Recovery and he had since become a coach for the program. Something about his story and his way of explaining things just clicked for me, and I thought, “it’s time to jumpstart this.” Soon after I had a free discovery call with Coach Adrianne (here is her Raelan Agle interview; all of the coaches in the program have had ME/CFS or long COVID and recovered through the program). She was so warm, so encouraging, and related to so much of where I was in my journey. She also, refreshingly, didn’t pressure me in any way. In fact, she told me she thought it would only take a few months of the program for me to fully recover (turns out she was right!).

What appealed to me most was the coaching aspect, which is something that sets this program apart from others. I needed a written plan where I could be accountable to myself, and I needed a place to get questions answered on an ongoing basis.

I joined the CFS Recovery Academy, which would run me $297/month. There’s a seven-day free trial, during which time you can watch all of the video content, and the membership is month-to-month, so you can leave at any time. There is also a Platinum program that costs more but gives you full time access to coaches, and there’s a much lower cost option (I believe $47/mo.) that I believe gives you access to the videos and the community, though no access to the coaches.

The way I saw it was that at $297/month for maybe 4-6 months, I’d still be spending far less than I spent on the years of trying various medical interventions that didn’t work. I viewed it as an investment in my health.

Here’s what I got out of the program for that $:

• A nervous system assessment that showed me where I was in recovery and what areas I needed to focus on next.

• Video modules explaining the science behind nervous system dysfunction, what is happening during ‘adjustment periods’ (a.k.a., crashes), and how to respond well to symptoms (the basic tenet of the entire program). The videos in this program were shorter and easier to follow than Gupta.

• Several group coaching calls each week, offered at various times to accommodate folks in all time zones (this is a very international community), where we share our wins with one another and get a chance to ask the coaches our recovery questions.

• 1:1 coaching calls (you get one at the start and one at 90 days, though you can pay for an additional one in between), where you get to talk to a coach specifically about your symptoms and approach to recovery, get your questions answered, and discuss a plan for moving forward that they then put in writing and send you.

• Access to a community of folks also in the program through an app called Skool (with a social media-like ‘feed’) which provided a place to get support from others who know what this experience is like, to feel less alone, to get questions answered, to have people lend you their hope, and for you to lend your hope to others.

I have discussed the basic tenets of the program here in previous posts, but the main one is recovery is all about how well you respond to symptoms. Recognizing that you have the symptoms but developing a neutral mindset toward them where you aren’t analyzing why they happen or panicking over them is key. The idea is to lower the level of fear so you can begin to get yourself out of fight-or-flight, and once you are more consistently in this calmer state, your body will naturally start to heal and your energy will expand.

Another big piece is what Miguel calls ‘adjustment periods’ or ‘AP’s’, which is basically a reframe of ‘crashes’ or ‘flares’ from overactivity or overstimulation. Often you’ll hear folks on the group calls saying they are in a ‘spicy AP’ (a rather intense symptom flare). Miguel posits that we need these AP’s in order to find the outer edges of what we’re capable of, and then learn how far we can ‘nudge’ against those edges in order to make progress.

If you’re familiar with the concept of pacing, it’s a bit like learning what your ‘energy envelope’ is, except that in traditional pacing, we’re always advised to stay within that envelope for a while before nudging up our activity or stimulation. Miguel’s and the coaches’ approach is really individualized to where folks land in the nervous system assessment that the program does - generally, the higher functioning you are, the more they like you to nudge.

I would say this is where I saw the biggest mindset shifts for myself early on in the program: the coaches gave me ‘permission’ to nudge more than I was. In other words, I had more capacity than I knew, but was being held back by fear of symptom flares and permanently making myself worse.

On my first 1:1 coaching call, when I shared with Coach Junior about my fears in particular of returning to work and eventually leaving disability benefits behind, he asked me one simple question that I needed to sit and think about:

what might be true if fear wasn’t the whole story?

That one made me really think. In response, I wrote in my recovery journal: “I’ve slowly been absorbing the idea of betting on me. Betting on my recovery, on my ability to work robustly again someday…the key difference is that I’ll do this from a place of alignment and intention, and not from fear of scarcity or desperation.”

WOW. That was a huge shift for me.

In this same journal, I wrote so many ‘golden nuggets’ that came out of the coaches’ mouths on the group calls:

• this is a fear journey.

• symptoms after nudging activity/living life is GROWTH.

• recovery intentions that are from a place of desperation will trigger your nervous system to go into or stay in fight-or-flight.

• stay in your ‘three-foot world’ (like a mountain climber who only focuses on the next step or two instead or worrying about what’s way up the mountain) and ‘live in the grey’ - get away from thinking in extremes or ‘all or nothing’ thinking.

• when you nudge a lot, the brain sometimes causes greater fatigue because it’s processing the fear that comes with the nudge. It’s part of a progress cycle - a chance to ‘level up.’

• the brain brings on fear and panic FAST because it wants to protect you quickly. It won’t ease its way into warning you.

• “is this true, or is it just a thought?”

The backbone of the program, in my opinion, are the coaches themselves. Every single one of them is so wise, so nurturing, so supportive. I found myself signing up for different calls and choosing different coaches for my 1:1 calls so I could experience the range of them. They are really gentle with the program participants and really encouraging of nudges when they have to be. I have tremendous respect for each of them. Miguel does a fantastic job choosing and supporting them, and they seem to work very well behind the scenes as a team with a shared vision, always coming up with new ideas and ways to offer help and support.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the other program participants. It is such a caring and supportive environment, whether it’s comments folks write in the Skool community or in the group call chats or folks reaching out through DM to check in on you. It’s not toxic positivity, either (which I’m sensitive to) - people share their struggles too, though we are encouraged by Miguel to find a win and a solution to ‘bookend’ the struggle or question in our posts, which keeps us in a good frame of mind.

Bringing this in for a landing

I had mentioned a few posts ago that I realized as I was out there having my summer that I was really ‘okay.’ I was able to travel, tolerate heat exposure, enjoy socializing and a cocktail or two, work a bit more, without having any AP’s. As a result, I am now in the Beyond Recovery part of CFS Recovery, which is a bit cheaper at $197/month and the group calls are more about what it is like to be out there living life again. These calls are smaller (maybe 4-6 people, as opposed to the Fundamentals and Integrations calls, which can have over 50 people on them). More intimate. We are having fuller discussions there, and I’m enjoying that. I think I will probably stay in this part of the program for a few months as I transition further into working again. I am really grateful that this part of the program exists, so we don’t have to get all of this support and then just ‘drop off’ into the world. It’s a lovely transition, and good ‘modeling’ for our newly regulated nervous systems.

That’s about all I have to say about this most excellent program. I am very grateful that someone like Miguel exists and decided to use his own experiences recovering to help others.

Here is a recent instructional video that Miguel put out on YouTube, if you want to get a sense of the concepts:

If I can answer any questions, drop me a comment or a DM here on Substack.

Leave a comment

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

💨 Air quality advocate: Violet Affleck (daughter of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner) speaks at the U.N. this week on the devastating effects of long COVID on adults and children and why better air quality should be considered a human right.

😣 COVID headache: what is it?

🩸 Long COVID periods: women with long COVID may have heavier menstrual bleeding (free MedPage Today account required).

💊 Paxlovid and long COVID: treating acute COVID-19 with nirmatrelvir-ritonavir (Paxlovid) was associated with a slightly lower risk of long COVID in some adults but not in younger people, claims data showed.

🩻 Vagus nerve stimulation: the promise of it, and the no-brainer long COVID trial underway.

🫣 Hidden disabilities: living well with them, a blog post by Stacy Taylor, LCSW.

💉 COVID vaccine tourism: a new era.

💰 Vaccine benefits: the economic value ($38 trillion!) of the COVID vaccines in the first year alone.

🫀 Cardiovascular disease and COVID-19: a clinical consensus statement on prevention and treatment.

Resources

❤️‍🩹 Long COVID podcast: When COVID Rewrites Your Love Story, an episode of the Embodied podcast on NPR.

🫂 Support group: Long COVID Justice is starting a new support group, The Complexities of Living with HIV, on October 2nd. More information and register here. Particularly helpful for anyone experiencing new or worsening health issues after a COVID infection, leading to Long COVID or conditions like ME/CFS, POTS, or dysautonomia.

🗣️ HIV panel discussion: Long COVID Justice again with a conversation called HIV complexities: a community conversation, on October 16th from 6:30-8pm ET. Register here.

😟 Managing anxiety: when the world is falling apart, a conversation with and Dr. Jessi Gold.

Are You Okay?

How to Manage Anxiety When It Feels Like the World is Falling Apart with Dr. Jessi Gold

Episode Summary…

Listen now

a year ago · 45 likes · 2 comments · Dr. Lucy McBride and Dr Jessi Gold

🎭 Anxiety documentary and comedy special: Kill the Butterflies, by comedian . Worth your time, and funny too! (Also, Steve looks just like my older ginger brother, so I have a warm spot in my heart for him).

Health miscellany

🪲 Ticks: they’re migrating, raising disease risks if they can’t be tracked quickly enough.

🚶🏻‍♂️ ‘Japanese walking’: here’s what it is, and how it can boost work-life balance.

☠️ Genocide: Israel destroys Gaza health center after evacuation. Someday the world will reckon with what’s being allowed to happen here.

🥚 PCOS: Polycystic ovarian syndrome is deemed a "women's condition," but read this fascinating piece about how men and children can also be impacted.

🔥 Wildfire smoke: scientists predict it will be the most costly climate-related health hazard.

🤬 Government fuckery: no shortage this week. If you like your fuckery with an unhealthy dose of spin, check this out: EPA Releases Proposal to End the Burdensome, Costly Greenhouse Gas Reporting Program. And because we know they’re hardened criminals (eye roll), childcare workers in D.C. go underground amid ICE crackdown. And, if you enjoy hypocrisy, this should help with all those school shootings that conservatives say are really about mental health and not guns: RFK Jr. panned mental health screenings in schools. And hunger? Who cares? As long as those at the top have enough to eat: USDA cancels survey tracking how many Americans struggle to get enough food. And what’s that fuck Hegseth up to these days? Oh, you know…tormenting honorable members of our military: San Diego Navy doctor removed from role over social media profile. And the attack on trans folks continues: The Heritage Foundation wants transgender people and allies designated as terrorists. (The Heritage Foundation is the right wing “think” tank behind Project 2025 and has outsized influence on U.S. policy, so I’ve included it here under G-fuckery).

💪🏽 Fighting back: I’ve decided to start countering the fuckery category with a more hopeful one, and it’ll be here to stay, as long as government health-related fuckery continues. First, if you haven’t seen it: What Jimmy Kimmel said on his first night back. Then Trump administration cannot proceed with overhaul of US health agencies, court rules. States are also fighting back: PA joins Northeastern states' regional public health coalition. And here are insurance companies doing the right thing for once: Health insurers' associations says member plans will still cover vaccines. Hope this gets traction: Michigan Democrat moves to impeach HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. And I am not sure this one will pass, but I remain hopeful: Bipartisan bill seeks to reinstate national suicide hotline for LGBTQ+ youth. And in trans news: Trans health care “skeptics” lost a key ally—now they’re having a meltdown. And I thought this was a neat idea: UCLA researchers host science fair to showcase work suspended by the Trump administration.

🧴 Magnesium lotion: it’s popular for sleep, but does it work?

😞 Suicide rates: from this new analysis of CDC data - “suicide rates among Black people in the U.S. rose 25% from 2018 to 2023, while rates among Hispanic people rose 10%. Suicide rates among white people decreased 3% in that same time. Suicide rates were continuously highest among American Indian or Alaska Native people — but those rates did decline 15% between 2021 and 2023.”

🩸 Genitourinary syndrome of menopause: why it’s often missed.

☕ Decaf coffee: benefits, nutrition, and facts. I’ve been a decaf aficionado for decades. Caffeine just doesn’t make me feel good in any way. For those who think it doesn’t taste as good as caffeinated, you just haven’t tried the right decaf. A nice Swiss water processed (so, no chemicals), dark roast decaf is *chef’s kiss*. Here’s the one I’m drinking these days.

🍬 Artificial sweeteners: new study links six sweeteners to cognitive decline.

Inspiration & Recovery

🧠 When brain retraining isn’t the whole answer: a helpful video by . Some with long COVID or ME/CFS, like me, get some improvement with these programs, but it doesn’t take us all the way. Harry’s got thoughts on why, what worked for him, and what he is now offering.

🌴 Crowd out the symptoms: by expanding your life (a short by Dan Buglio of Pain Free You). This was absolutely part of my recovery. Fear of worsening symptoms was holding me back from experiencing life. I gently began nudging through that so I could replace fear and worry with moments of joy.

♿ Disabled people: reimagining expectations about them, an excellent piece by who writes the Rolling With It newsletter here on Substack.

🥲 An act of kindness: when he had no one in the ER, his uber driver stayed.

🦷 Science is incredible: man, 34, has tooth implanted in eye to restore his vision. Don’t skip this link!

🌟 No limits! A daily planner: on a whim, I ordered this on sale in January, after having not used a written planner for years and years. Now I love it and don’t want to be without it. I use it in conjunction with the calendar app on my phone, but it’s also a great place to outline things like aspirational goals, books I want to read, adventures I want to have, small daily tasks I need to complete, and space to make rough outlines of my Substack posts. The company almost went under this year, but luckily a buyer came along who saw the value in this planner. Check it out!

🥵 Good fucking riddance, summer: the most overrated season there is. I quite enjoyed this article.

🤦🏼‍♀️ Another installment of White people fucking with Black people: 'The Bear' Writer Detained After Train Passenger Complained About How He Was Sitting. Look, I’m no fan of feets-on-the-seats, but FFS, I’m not calling the cops over it.

💒 Wedding crasher mystery: SOLVED, after four years!

🐻 Fat Bear Week! Vote for the fattest bear of the year at Katmai National Park in Alaska. While you’re at it, bookmark the livestream of these bears like I did and make it the first link you click on when you hop on the interwebs. So interesting and calming!

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: it’s Dr. Suhail Anjum, an anesthesiologist in the UK who left an operating room in the middle of surgery to go have sex with a nurse. A medical disciplinary tribunal decided he could keep his license. Women, get your best eye roll ready: he was only out of the operating room for eight minutes (so it’s almost certain the nurse didn’t get off, haha). Also, keep your eye roll going, because the MARRIED FATHER OF THREE had this to say: “I let down my colleagues who gave me a lot of respect.”

🏆 Winner of the week: it’s Connor Belanger, a Canadian teen who rescued a stranded baby beaver while on a tubing trip with his mom. They then drove the little guy an hour and a half away to a wildlife sanctuary. ‘Little Timbre’ is thriving and will eventually be released where he was rescued. Nice work, Connor!

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Science edition: using baby talk will grab your cat’s attention, but this effect appears to be limited to the cat’s owner. So don’t talk gibberish to my wittle babies, you sound pathetic.

Like anything you saw here? 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Special note to those with long COVID, ME/CFS, or other conditions affecting visual stimuli or cognition

On occasion, I receive a comment or a note from one of my readers informing me that some aspect of my newsletter is difficult for them to consume. One such comment over a year ago led to my eliminating the use of GIFs (except on rare occasion). That person told me that seeing something that moves within their visual field while they are trying hard to concentrate on reading was basically causing their brain to scramble.

I have been there too, friends. If I had not experienced long COVID’s brand of cognitive dysfunction (and still do sometimes), I might not have believed it. I also know that plenty of folks who haven’t had one of these conditions experience visual overwhelm sometimes.

Many thanks to the reader who recently told me that it was difficult for them to make sense of my headings - the text was sometimes too overwhelming. After a bit of back and forth, we agreed I would try adding more page breaks between the link headings. I also changed the name of the Webinars/conferences/podcasts/videos/resources heading to simply Resources.

I welcome this kind of feedback from anyone struggling to get through my posts. It’s sometimes easier to just disengage and leave, but the folks who have given feedback have wanted to stick around, and I really appreciate that.

He made me cry

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of emotionally numb. How about you?

I’m able to feel a level of outrage at what’s going on in the world and particularly in the U.S., but admittedly it’s been a sort of cognitive-only outrage, banging around against the walls of my head whenever I read the latest report of fuckery in the news, but not really dropping down into my body in any obvious way.

I’ve also been noticing in my recovery program (CFS Recovery) that there is a lot of talk of people being in “emotional AP’s” (AP stands for “adjustment period,” and is basically a more constructive spin on a symptom flare after overdoing it, the idea being that we actually need to experience AP’s in order to progress upwards toward recovery). Junior Ky, one of the program coaches and a certifiable sage (he seriously always has a great answer for every question he’s asked) recently created a handout for program participants on how to feel and process emotions, because so many of us with these conditions are either getting lost in our emotions or are unsure how to feel them and move them through.

While I have been making great progress toward recovery and feeling positive and happy about that, I have been wondering lately why I seemingly haven’t been able to feel or process heavier or negative emotions. As my fellow thrivers in CFS Recovery post about being in these emotional AP’s, I’ve been sitting and wondering why I haven’t been having any of these lately (though I do recognize now that I was having periods of sadness/anger/grief/despair much earlier in my illness and recovery). Overall, I’ve been feeling a bit like something isn’t quite ‘working right’ inside of me.

Which brings me to last weekend, and Baldy’s and my wedding anniversary (22 years! Dang, how did that happen??).

I cried on my anniversary, which sounds sad and like not the right idea.

But it wasn’t Baldy who made me cry; it was Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Well, and the current guy.

Let me explain.

For years and years and years, Baldy and I have talked about visiting the FDR Presidential Library and Museum in Hyde Park, NY, not terribly far from where we live. Initially when our anniversary was approaching this year, I really wanted to do a hike, now that I can again (we did a four-miler the weekend before - yay!). But the weather didn’t look great (cloudy/rainy/humid and warm - in the 80’s). So, I suggested this could finally be our day to head to Hyde Park, and Baldy agreed.

We entered the visitor center and hit the bathrooms. When we emerged, I noticed that there was some loud audio coming from an open door, outside of which was a sign that said, “orientation movie, plays on the half hour.” Baldy wasn’t so interested, since although he has a shaved head, tattoos, a motorcycle, and a generally bad attitude, he then surprises people by being a Renaissance man who likes artful filmmaking and devours books on history, politics, and current events. But I only got a 3 on my AP American History exam because: boring (back then, anyway). I wanted to see the movie and brush up on my FDR history before walking through the whole museum.

After killing ten minutes in the gift shop (which rather oddly had a whole section of books on Lyme and chronic Lyme - anyone know what connection may have existed between the disease and the Roosevelts?), we went back to the small theater and watched the orientation film along with two other couples who had 20+ years on us (the museum attendees skewed older…well, than us).

It was maybe a 12-minute video giving an overview of FDR’s and Eleanor’s lives, his ascendancy to the presidency during the Great Depression, the dire nature of the economy and Americans’ lives, and what he accomplished during his multiple terms that helped turn things around for so many people. It also briefly touched on WWII.

I’d say it was about eight minutes in when my waterworks started. As the video quickly ran through a list of all the domestic programs FDR created or signed into law, I was struck by something that feels so foreign in 2025 America: “wow, this guy actually gave a shit about the people.”

His nebulous New Deal is thought to have spanned the 12 years of his presidency (he was elected a mind-boggling four times, at first by enormous margins, and then increasingly smaller ones with each subsequent election, though still wide margins by today’s standards). Taken from the University of Virginia Miller Center’s webpage on Franklin D. Roosevelt: Domestic Affairs, FDR had a hand in:

• the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC), guaranteeing the savings of average citizens.

• the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), which was charged with regulating financial markets.

• the Federal National Mortgage Association ("Fannie Mae") that, along with the Federal Housing Administration (FHA) made it possible for millions of Americans to buy or renovate homes.

• the Federal Emergency Relief Administration (FERA) made direct cash allocations available to states for immediate payments to the unemployed.

• the Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC) put 300,000 young men to work in 1,200 camps planting trees, building bridges, and cleaning beaches.

• the National Industrial Recovery Act (NIRA) provided for national economic planning as opposed to individualistic and competitive, laissez-faire capitalism. The NIRA included the Public Works Administration (PWA), which allowed for the construction of large-scale public works and put many to work, and the National Recovery Administration (NRA), which proposed a business-government partnership in which business leaders would draft fair codes of competition regulating prices and wages.

• the Works Progress Administration (WPA), which aimed to give unemployed Americans jobs rather than signing them up for “the dole.”

• the Wagner-Connery National Labor Relations Act (or the Wagner Act, for short), which guaranteed labor unions the right to organize and bargain collectively—and established the National Labor Relations Board to enforce these rights.

• the Social Security Act, and with its passage came programs like Old Age Assistance (Title I), Old Age Insurance (Title II), Unemployment Insurance (Title III), Aid to Dependent Children (Title IV) and Aid to the Blind (Title V). Taken together, these programs represented a significant commitment to developing a welfare state in the United States.

I think it was that last one that really hit me personally.

Had the SSA never been passed, I and so many others would never have had access to cash disability benefits in our time of need.

I felt bizarrely, retroactively, cared about. This feeling only deepened, and prompted more tears to fall, when I thought about the current state of the U.S. and on some level, the world.

I am undoubtedly not the best person to write about the nuances of history nor of current affairs. But I can write about how these things affect people’s lives and how that makes me feel.

The New Deal vs. the One Big Beautiful Bill Act.

One sought to repair, to lift up, to remedy.

The other sought to further line the pockets of the already wealthy at the expense of those most in need.

To be sure, FDR’s policies and actions were less than perfect and certainly had their critics (conservatives of course felt he was giving money away to the “undeserving poor”). The benefits didn’t always reach down to those living in abject poverty, to the working class, or to poor white or Black tenant farmers and sharecroppers (and in reality, still don’t - just look at the many who apply for Social Security Disability who are repeatedly denied).

In the museum’s fairly extensive inclusion of the great works of FDR’s wife Eleanor Roosevelt, there was evidence that she often tried persuading him to do more for those who were marginalized. By these accounts, he listened to her respectfully but kept his focus on fixing the larger economy and then on WWII. Lifting a nation out of a depression is indeed no small feat. (If you’d like a dispassionate summary of FDR’s legacy, including what was not achieved and for whom, check out UVA’s brief essay Franklin D. Roosevelt: Impact and Legacy).

To my mind, FDR’s accomplishments - and even his limitations - were at least rooted in dignity. They were about trying to do right, not by himself, but by the people of this country.

They stand in direct contrast to the active, pernicious moves by our current president (and legislature, and oh, Supreme Court) to discount, demoralize, deport, imprison, and disenfranchise the American people. To strip so many of their rights, to instill fear into the hearts and minds of its people, to create a dictatorship.

What once were considered very American rights like free speech and due process, and what should be considered fundamental rights, like bodily autonomy, public health guidance based on science, the right to vote without obstruction, and healthcare for all, are being systematically shredded to bits.

I’d say it’s like comparing apples to oranges or to some other fruit, but what we are comparing is not in the same category by any stretch of the imagination. There is no fruit that is so revolting that I can rightfully use it in this comparison. I’d say it’s like comparing apples to the bacteria-laden scum buildup that accumulates around the insides of my garbage disposal, the kind they warn you online to wear a mask and goggles when you clean. The sight and smell of it nauseates me every time, and yet it’s here to stay.

I know a lot of you will relate to feeling this way. Graphic artist has been asked a lot lately how she stays hopeful in these times. Her recent graphic post might resonate:

Graphic Rage with Aubrey Hirsch

The Stories We Tell

Lately I’ve been doing interviews for my new book, and I keep getting some variation of the same question: How do you stay hopeful…

Read more

a year ago · 84 likes · 17 comments · Aubrey Hirsch

Back to the crying

Of course, I didn’t have any of these words in Hyde Park. I just had the feelings. As Baldy and I exited the visitor center after viewing the orientation film, passing by the bronzed Eleanor and Franklin statues as we walked across their beautiful property, I turned and tried to articulate to Baldy just what I was feeling.

All I could say was some simplified version of, “he did so many things for people. I wouldn’t have disability benefits if not for him,” as the tears freely flowed. I think I may have mentioned how stark it all is when we think about what’s happening these days, and as he agreed and said a few words about the detritus that currently rules us, I saw his eyes also well up a bit.

I was struck by how foreign it felt to be crying - to be feeling such heavy emotion at a time when I had been feeling like I was incapable of it. I realize now that it’s just been accumulating. All of the grief, anguish, despair of living in this country at this moment in time. (I have yet to mention our funding the genocide in Gaza, which of course spans back into the last administration).

I am relieved in a sense that something - this long overdue visit to a wonderfully curated American history museum - could get the tears out of me. The tears feel like an act of resistance to the growing presence of fascism, which relies on the populace going increasingly numb, dissonant, compliant.

I can still feel. I still have that.

This week, I’m moving the Government fuckery links that normally appear in the Antidote to “above the fold,” as they say in newspaper lingo. It feels important to drive home some of the points made above with some headlines-as-evidence of what is happening. Sadly, I accumulate way too many health-related government fuckery links each week to think this subcategory is going anywhere anytime soon. But at least for this week, you can scroll down and read the Antidote without the fuckery folded within.

• Two Texas moms were forced to wait for urgent care after pregnancy loss. They died

• Federal agents arrest firefighters working on WA wildfire

• Pentagon told trans troops to get diagnosed. It's using the paper trail to kick them out

• Health centers in Speaker Johnson's Louisiana district risk closure

• RFK Jr. and Trump silenced a groundbreaking report on cancer and alcohol

• RFK. Jr's family members call him 'threat' to Americans' health and want him to resign

• FDA Pulls RFK Jr. Critic Off Its Vaccine Advisory Panel

• Donald Trump faces political catch-22 over COVID, vaccines, RFK Jr.

• Poll: Trump's job ratings stay negative; Americans express strong support for vaccines

• For some, Medicare isn't covering the updated Covid vaccine yet

• Florida’s surgeon general said he didn’t calculate the costs of ending vaccine mandates in the state. But scientists have.

• The fate of children who don't get vaccinated

Stay hydrated and rested, good people. But most of all, stay awake.

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

👃🏾 Preventing COVID: with a common nasal antihistamine spray. As soon as I read this, I ordered two bottles for me and Baldy, as we are heading to COVID hotspot Florida soon for a wedding.

🗺️ Everything COVID: did a great one of his Covidlandia posts recently that included a U.S. map of where COVID is hot right now, an update on vaccines, and a great breakdown of that study above re: the antihistamine spray.

🦠 Spike protein: ever wonder what the difference is between the spike protein in the SARS-CoV-2 virus and the spike protein in the vaccines? again with yet another fantastic post, accessible to the lay person as is his way.

💊 Metformin: a study on the effect of metformin on the risk of long COVID among overweight or obese individuals. Starting it within three days of infection can reduce risk of long COVID by quite a lot.

💉 Vax injury: Vaccine Makers to Study Potential for Rare Spike Persistence After COVID Shot (free MedPage Today account required). It may be rare, but it’s wreaking havoc on the lives of those who have it, just like long COVID does.

Resources

🩸 Perimenopause 101: Menopause Talks is hosting a one-hour online talk called Perimenopause 101: The More You Know, the Better You Feel by Dr. Wen Shen on September 25th from 12-1pm ET. More info and register here.

🎨 Online event for BIPOC creatives: Sista Creatives Rising Presents: Art & Mind - COVID, Climate & Our Future! September 25th from 6:30-9:30pm ET. For free tickets or info on donating, go here.

🥄 Pacing webinar: join for her webinar Pace Yourself: Honoring Your Body in a Chaotic World, October 5th from 8-9:30pm ET ($25-$75). Register here.

❤️‍🩹 Chasing health: a video short by The Mindful Gardener on the more you chase health, the sicker you get.

📈 How To Finally Make Physical Progress with CFS?

Health miscellany

🩺 AI stethoscope: can detect three heart conditions in 15 seconds!

😔 Mental health conditions: over a billion people live with at least one; the world desperately needs more services.

🔬 Science on Substack: why scientists are flocking here.

🏳️‍⚧️ Anti-trans legal risks: breaks this down by U.S. state and by adult and youth risk. Meanwhile, transgender people who legally change their gender rarely detransition, a national cohort study from Sweden found.

💪🏾 High protein: our needless preoccupation.

🧑🏼‍⚕️ Primary care: it’s broken. Here’s what you can do about it.

🫀 Heart disease in women: study pinpoints inflammation as a major contributor.

Inspiration & Recovery

🤸🏽‍♂️ The 50-year-old gymnast: determined to make her ninth Olympics.

🌀 The path of healing: this video is 26 minutes and has ads but provides an interesting perspective, much of which has felt true for me in my own recovery.

❤️‍🩹 Healing the nervous system: I have to agree with the premise of this post; there were aspects of recovery that were never going to happen for me until I learned how to get out of fight-or-flight.

Brain & Balance

As a therapist, I hate to break it to you, but...If your nervous system is stuck in “survival mode,” no amount of journaling or meditation will save you.

As a therapist, I hate to break it to you, but…

Read more

a year ago · 1029 likes · 38 comments · Brain & Balance

🐶 Dog gone it: Why the origin of the word 'dog' remains a mystery.

🛸 UFO! Reaction to shocking video of a U.S. missile striking an unidentified flying object (and NOT obliterating it into a million pieces - scary!)

🥄 New take on spoonies?: I boiled my wooden spoons – and what emerged from them will haunt me forever.

🤔 Curious About Everything: ’s newsletter of that name is always chock full of super interesting reads. Here’s a recent one I enjoyed.

🍝 Pasta: the real reason it tastes better at a restaurant, according to chefs.

🐌 Ding-slime-ditch: Doorbell prankster that tormented residents of German apartments turns out to be a slug.

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: So much going on, so many buffoons to choose from…but this week, I’m choosing Jerry Seinfeld, who had the audacity to compare the Free Palestine movement to…the Ku Klux Klan? “Free Palestine is, to me, just … you’re free to say you don’t like Jews. Just say you don’t like Jews,” the 71-year-old comedian said. Umm, no Jerry…how about we just don’t like the slaughter and starvation of tens of thousands of innocent people? I can’t figure out how anyone can conclude that letting a people live in peace and have their basic survival needs met is the same as hating another set of people.

🏆 Winner of the week: The National Book Foundation is awarding Roxane Gay with its annual Literarian Award for her service to the American literary community, and this writer thinks it’s very well-deserved. Gay is receiving the lifetime achievement award for her own prolific writing, as well as for her advocacy for underrepresented and emerging writers. Congratulations to this legend.

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump.

Here’s a great post by on how to actually pet your cat. This approach really works: I only got little Birdie to start loving me back when I stopped forcing her to take affection on my terms.

If anything here in particular resonated with you, or if you’d like to see more of anything, please let me know.

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout out!

A big Tonic thank you to the always lovely and supportive Amy E. for their monthly Buy Me a Coffee contribution!

Make some money!

A fellow Substacker, Kira Stoops, posted about Ally Bank in her newsletter. It’s an online bank that offers higher interest rates than most other banks. I used her referral code (thanks, Kira!) and opened a savings account with 3.5% interest. And, by using her code, she got $50 and I got $100 (after three months of minimal monthly deposits to a savings account). How can you go wrong? They have options for savings, checking, and investment accounts.

If this sounds good to you too, here’s my referral code. Let’s make some money together!

Thank you for the feedback

Several of you responded to the request in my last post So…what brings you here? by letting me know…well, what brings you here. Most of you dabble in the links and many of you said you enjoyed hearing my updates, about recovery or otherwise, or just enjoyed the humor I try to bring. This was really helpful; it basically let me know to stop overthinking the content here.

One of you specifically said you are now also here for updates on ODR (Operation Domesticate Ripley - our feral garage kitty we’re working hard to bring inside with the privileged pair). That also made me smile. Progress is slow, but this girl keeps charming us with her sweet meow.

We recently went away for about a week to visit my in-laws, and our good-for-very-little cat sitter didn’t engage with Ripley much at all (oh, and she also didn’t change the water in her bowl - I KNOW! She will not be asked back). Baldy has a Ripley-cam in the garage, and while we were away, he could see that without our interactions with her throughout the day, she was going in her little hut as early as late afternoon and staying there all night. We both surmised that she was feeling blue without us around, and that made us a bit sad.

But the day she realized we were back, she followed Baldy all around the yard as he did his morning rounds, and she meowed up to us in the house for much of the morning. She still won’t let us pet her or and she doesn’t come into the basement much; we think she just wants us to hang around with her outside all day. <Sigh>…for now though, all is right with our little homestead again.

August had me rolling

For the past two summers, I have been more focused on planning a bunch of fun events or outings that, by summer’s end, will make me feel like I made the most of the season within my spoonage. This summer threw me two curveballs - the first was the terrible cold I had in late June/early July that forced me to miss outdoor Shakespeare.

I stayed calm through the illness and rested a lot and was grateful to have fully recovered within a few weeks. (I did not, as many in CFS Recovery said I would, “level up” in my recovery after the cold. Apparently, that’s a thing that can happen. All I wanted was to get back to my pre-cold baseline, and that’s what happened).

The second curveball was even more of a doozy than the first. It went like this: during the second-worst day of the aforementioned cold, I had an appointment scheduled with a new primary care physician and after calling their office, I was advised that although I was sick, I should wear a mask and keep the appointment, since new patient slots are hard to come by. I also took my second at-home COVID test before the appointment, which was negative. I did not want to be responsible for giving my new doc the covids.

I had a good visit and really liked the new doctor; she was warm, funny, smart, and treated me like a partner in my own healthcare. This largely involved her turning her screen toward me and sitting next to me while we discussed the myriad of meds I’m on, most of which are long COVID-adjacent.

One of these meds is hydroxyzine, prescribed to me three years ago by my then functional medicine doc. It has been part of my MCAS (mast cell activation syndrome) arsenal. I had mentioned to my new doc that I wanted to start coming off of some of these meds now that I am pretty close to fully recovered. She agreed this was a worthwhile endeavor and felt strongly that hydroxyzine be the first one I come off of, since she said some studies indicated that it could contribute to dementia if an older person stays on it too long. She explained it is not meant to be something that one is on for more than a short time, and certainly three years was way longer than that. (I didn’t ask her if I was now considered an “older person” at 50. All I know is that if I hadn’t married a Baldy that’s 14 years older than me and thus become eligible for AARP membership at age 36, I would now at 50 be eligible on my own).

Being firmly planted in the “I’d love to skip right over dementia, please and thank you” category, I agreed that I wanted off of this med. I asked her if this was a med I needed to titrate down from, and she sort of nonchalantly said, “yeah, you could cut them in half for a bit.” I took her vagueness and nonchalance as a signal that getting off this drug was, in medical terms, no big whoop.

On the drive away from the doc, I was also feeling disappointed that my functional medicine doctor never told me I shouldn’t be on hydroxyzine for so long (and in fact, his office kept sending in refills). He prescribed it for the dual purpose of MCAS management and sleep enhancement. I think this is a big problem in modern medicine - even quality, well-meaning doctors aren’t keeping their eye on medication management the way they should. And I trusted him and never looked further into it. I should probably have known better, but you know.

Back to me cutting pills. I took half a 25mg hydroxyzine each night and felt a little bit itchy, but that was all. After two weeks of that and in line with the “no big whoop” theory, I thought, “that’s probably good enough,” and I stopped taking the half pills entirely.

Big whoop…big, big whoop

Within two days, the dumpster fire of virtually every major long COVID symptom came raging back. Intractable fatigue, buzzing/tingling neuropathy, brain fog so severe that I literally thought maybe I had had a stroke. Oh, and the ITCHING. By the third or fourth day, I was on the couch in a state of constantly scalp scratching and periodically scratching elsewhere. It was intensely uncomfortable, though I had read online to expect this, since stopping hydroxyzine causes the body to start releasing histamines again.

It was the long COVID stuff I couldn’t really bear. It felt like all of my recovery gains were gone in an instant. I was grateful to be in CFS Recovery during this shitshow, since I posted something in the community asking for guidance/support, and so many told me that I had not gone back to square one and that quite possibly I needed to have titrated down more slowly. Thank goodness for these people, because I really calmed down a lot after reading their comments.

Several messages to new doc in the patient portal and a visit to a new allergist later, and I was back on track. I went back on the half pills and resolved to stay at that dose for at least a full month, before I will attempt to cut the halves into quarters and stay there for at least a month too.

Within two days being back on the half pills, my long COVID symptoms began dissipating. Thank goodness, because the last two weeks of August held some of my most anticipated summer-fun plans.

I drove myself 2.5 hours each way to visit my college bestie, her family, and another of our college friends. I got to spend time with my bestie’s grown kids who I adore, including her youngest who is my godson (and who recently left for college at - get this - our alma mater! Where he’ll play on the volleyball team, like we did when we were there). I even played pickleball twice when I was there. We had a blast! And I did just fine.

And then a few days later, Baldy and I left to head to South Carolina to visit my in-laws. This trip was a very big deal to me, since the last time I was able to travel there for a visit was April 2022. Not seeing your beloved in-laws for 3.5 years when they’re in their 80’s is a big bummer. My MIL and I cried when we first hugged again and then yet again when we left.

The trip was great. I handled the very long car rides to and from quite well. We went for walks each morning, spent time at the beach, did a little shopping, ate out each night (with cocktails!), and played cards into the night. I had zero symptoms the entire time - no unusual fatigue, no neuropathy, no brain fog. No heat intolerance issues (and it is SO g.d. humid down there). No dysregulated nervous system from all the stimulation (loud TV, music in the background at restaurants, constant conversation, bickering in-laws (hey, they’ve been married for 65 years!)).

I’ve been saying that I am about 90% recovered these days, though that’s hard to pin down obviously. Did I always feel 100% even in the “before times”? Surely not. But this trip and the lack of any kind of blowback from the long car ride, the heat, and all the activity have me feeling like I might actually be closer to 95%. I’m almost afraid to say that out loud!

Yesterday morning, I had a 90-day check-in call with a coach in CFS Recovery (though I’ve actually been in the program over 120 days). Coach Jon is one of the newer coaches and thus he has reached full recovery more recently than some of the other coaches. (Here’s a link to his interview earlier this year with Raelan Agle).

My conversation with him was enormously helpful, as I asked him so many questions about being this far along in recovery and if it was really real. He told me our minds think we are fully recovered before our bodies do, and so while we feel we are pretty much there, our body may throw some lingering symptoms our way. It’s our nervous system’s way of just poking you toward the end and saying, “are you really going to keep listening to us now? Take the breaks you need? Stop zooming through life in a dysregulated way? Will you, will you??”

After feeling great on these last two trips I took and having this reassuring conversation with Coach Jon, I feel I am mostly there. The 95% holds up. What was also helpful is that he said full recovery is not some finish line we cross where balloons and confetti drop down and a marching band comes through.

He said that I should get the 100% number out of my mind, that it’s more like you return to living your life fully and eventually the remaining symptoms just fade away, in some cases without you even noticing.

This day is coming for me. I’m ready for it.

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

🧬 Big ME/CFS genetics study: a 15k person study that points unequivocally to ME/CFS genetic ‘signals’, providing validation for patients and researchers worldwide. Here’s a second article on it from Science, since this was big news. (See below for a Jarred Younger video describing the outcomes of this study, if videos are more your jam).

🫸🏼 Social distancing: six feet ain’t gonna cut it, according to this study.

👩🏻‍⚕️ Manual for docs: the Cohen Center for Recovery from Complex Chronic Illness (CoRE) at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai created this provider manual on infection-associated chronic illnesses.

😵‍💫 The advocates are TIRED: Helen, who writes , with this spot-on post Advocacy: The World’s Worst Wellness Plan.

💉 Vaccine update: breaks down the dumbfounding and perplexing COVID-19 vaccine recommendations and availability. Also, here’s a Politico piece on how the fall trip to the pharmacy for a Covid shot may be strewn with obstacles.

🩸 COVID and vascular aging: gives us the goods in his post COVID and Our Arteries. P.S. this if for anyone who has had COVID, not just long COVID.

🤔 Defining long COVID: Differing Definitions of Long COVID Cloud True Prevalence (free MedPage Today account required).

🤧 Kids and COVID-19: rhinovirus infection may actually lower kids’ risk of getting a COVID infection (free MedPage Today account required).

😣 New fibromyalgia treatment: Tonmya is FDA Approved to Treat Fibromyalgia: CEO Seth Lederman Talks.

Webinars/conferences/podcasts/videos/resources

👩🏼‍💻 SSDI webinar: a recording of the recent webinar by Pandemic Patients. Fun fact: a webinar on applying for disability gave me useful strategies that helped me win my disability appeals.

🧘🏻 Taking charge of stress: if you don’t already subscribe to ’s Substack, get over there, stat. She’s an expert in so many things (including long COVID recovery) and her posts are a fantastic source of accessible information. In this post about stress, she shares a short video she recently worked on.

🧬 Genetics study: here’s Jarred Younger’s video explainer of the aforementioned ME/CFS genetics study.

Health miscellany

🍴 Famine in Gaza: What does it take to make this pronouncement? I also listened to a podcast panelist talk about this and I learned that it actually takes quite a lot to declare this. And, it’s a war crime in this case. Also, here’s an eye-opening piece on how the U.S. is quite okay with starving children, both here and abroad.

💩 Race as biology BS: an opinion piece on the fallacy by a physician who says that race-based medical practices often worsen outcomes for the people they're meant to protect (free MedPage Today account required).

❤️‍🩹 Health promoting behaviors: another gem by - his top 100 list of things we can do to help improve our health outcomes.

🍸 Alcohol: speaking of health promoting behaviors, US alcohol consumption at record low as health concerns rise, survey finds.

🚶🏽‍♂️ 10,000 steps debunked: with a great post on how many steps you actually need to support your health.

🏳️‍⚧️ Trans folks: How Many Adults and Youth Identify as Transgender in the United States? Trans care is healthcare, period. That’s why this link is here.

💪🏾 High-protein snacks: worth the hype? I do admit I’ve fallen prey to this situation (is it a craze? I dunno).

🤬 Government fuckery: this subcategory isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, it seems. RFK Jr. is getting personal authority over who to kick off medicaid and the hidden costs of cutting Medicaid and looming Medicaid cuts could hurt Black children, advocates warn. Oh, and drowning prevention program comes to a halt at the CDC. And this week in voter disenfranchisement, Trump’s promise to end vote-by-mail is yet another attack on disabled voters. And we’ll just keep shitting on those who serve our country with veterans could lose work requirement exemption under 'big, beautiful' spending law. Oh, and with climate change worsening, FEMA staffers accuse Trump of weakening disaster programs.

😶‍🌫️ Preventing dementia: even if it runs in your family.

🦠 The gut: and its role in histamine intolerance and MCAS (mast cell activation syndrome).

🧪 Preventive tests: try this when your doctor says ‘yes’ but insurance says ‘no’

🩸 Menopause: an opinion piece on why it’s not a disability and why this sets a dangerous precedent (free MedPage Today account required).

🪲 Invasive ticks: scientists warn of invasive long-horned tick carrying debilitating Ehrlichiosis infection.

🤓 Bye bye, bifocals?: new eye drops can fix farsightedness. I’d love to save money by not having to buy progressive lenses anymore!

Inspiration & Recovery

🌹 The rose that survived Hurricane Katrina: an inspiring lesson in resilience!

🦸🏽‍♀️ Sleeping superhero: Man Wearing Batman Pajamas Leaps from Bed to Detain Burglary Suspect. Choose your nightwear wisely!

🌊 Overcoming Life’s Waves: how to keep going when challenges hit, by Dr. Eleanor Stein (a longtime ME/CFS doc who herself recovered from the illness recently after 33 years).

📚 Put down your phone and read a book.

💪🏾 Also, the recent launch of the National Association of Black Bookstores.

🍫 Why chocolate tastes so good: microbes that fine-tune its flavor.

🐻 Bear makes surprise appearance at California ice cream shop. Chooses strawberry. I approve!

💔 Welcome to the 'menodivorce': Why women aren't sweating marriage in a sea of hot flashes. (Don’t worry, Baldy; I’m in it to win it). Loved this line though:

“Life is too long. Not too short. I’ve got time left in me and I don’t want to spend it with someone that I don’t respect who doesn’t love me.”

🤯 121 random fun facts that will blow your mind. Most fun: Laughing came before language. Least fun: Chainsaws were first invented for childbirth.

🏙️ This New York skyscraper had a 1-in-16 chance of collapse. Only one man knew. At once terrifying and fascinating.

🤦🏻 Buffoons of the week: RFK, Jr. and Pete Hegseth faced off in a ridiculous fitness challenge that neither of them achieved. Of course, this Fox News link called it “impressive.” So I guess we really have three buffoons this week.

🏆 Winner of the week: 10-year-old prodigy Bodhana Sivanandan became the youngest female to defeat a chess grandmaster. I just love how utterly bored she looks here as she’s whipping old white men’s asses.

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Fritzy goes outside edition. A few links first:

Stray Kitten Wanders Into Packed N.Y.C. Subway Car in Viral Clip and Finds a Mom in the Crowd. A little calico! Click on the link to see the video.

Are Scented Candles Safe around Your Cat? I’ve all but stopped burning them here. Turns out they’re not great for us, either.

I’ve been dabbling in harnessing Fritzy and taking him out on the deck for some fresh air. He has been loving it (see him patiently waiting for me to get out of the bathroom on top left).

At first, he had no idea how to walk with a leash, so all he would do is plop down (like he is here on the top right). But over a few months, he got the hang of the leash. We decided to treat him and Birdie with flea/tick meds so I could take him on the grass, which he was dying to do. That finally happened this week.

BUT, about five minutes after the bottom right pic, something freaked him out (I think it was Baldy), and he houdinied his was right out of the harness. And then when I tried to grab him, he hissed at me and ran into the flower bed against the house. I was so freaked out at the idea of him running off for real, that it made me panicky at first. Then I realized he was responding to my panic. So I sat in the grass and spoke sweet words to him. Baldy got me a towel so when I did grab him, I could hold him tight and protect my skin. And eventually, I sweet talked him into a rescue grab. PHEW!

Yesterday I ordered the Houdini™️Escape-Proof Cat harness from Amazon. Most cats in the reviews have not escaped from this, though a few have. I guess we’ll see what happens.

Like anything you saw here? 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

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A lil’ check-in

The Tonic recently turned two years old, y’all. Two years since I’ve had to wonder, “will anyone care what I have to say?” Over 2,200 of you at some point said you did, either with your words, your gifts, or merely by subscribing and staying quiet in the background. However you have chosen to show up here has worked for me <smile>.

After two years, I’m still figuring out the Venn diagram of what I want to write about, what people want to hear about, and FUN.

For the most part, I’ve gone with a combination of the first and last one, eschewing the things that don’t light me up or that actively dysregulate me. I may occasionally throw a more serious topic your way, but I am constitutionally incapable of biweekly gloom and doom. Most of you know by now that if you’re here for the downside of things, you’re in the wrong place.

But lately I’ve been thinking about the second one, or the “so, what brings you here?” question. All of you have jumped onto this merry-go-round at different points in the ride.

What I mean is that I have both long-time subscribers as well as newbies, and I’ve been reflecting on why various folks hit subscribe and/or choose to stick around these parts.

I don’t mean this in an insecure way; this is not about my worth. I mean it more in a “what motivates people to be here, and how does that fit in with the ‘arc’ of my posts?” way.

On the one hand, there’s the Antidote. So…many…links. Maybe they are overwhelming at times, but my hope is that folks scroll through and click on what is of particular interest. If a lot interests you, maybe bookmark the post to come back when you have a bit more time. I often receive positive feedback from people who enjoy a good link roundup. And I love learning new things and curating the whole thing, so safe to say the Antidote section is here to stay.

On the other hand, there’s the longer narrative pieces (I used to separate out narrative posts from link-heavy posts, but now I just smash them together). While there’s always been somewhat of a thread of hope and humor running through my writing, my posts in the early days were a lot of observations about life with a disability. As I have moved through regaining my energy and experiencing fewer and less severe symptoms, my posts have become a lot more about recovery. About getting back certain parts of my life that I had grieved the loss of for five years. About the things I’ve grieved that I now know I’ll never go back to, and about the changes I’m making to my life that will make it different - better in many ways than when I was “healthy.”

This has been an exciting time for me, to be sure.

And yet.

I recognize some of you more recent merry-go-round participants may be struggling still. You may be newer to long COVID, ME/CFS, or another chronic illness. You may not have any of these conditions but experience other forms of disability that may be permanent, more static or unchanging over time.

You may be here because you wanted to commiserate. To get regular information about related conditions. To find a small corner of the internet where someone (and their readers) understands what you’re experiencing. To feel camaraderie with someone who didn’t shy away from their disability and who often shined a light on it.

But you may (also?) be here for a bit of hope and inspiration, and my writing honestly about where I’m at in the arc of illness/recovery might provide that little spark and maybe some helpful insights.

This is all entering the merge lanes of my skull highway at the moment.

How can I do my best to keep myself happy here (and thus motivated) while respecting the many and varied reasons why my readers are here?

Slight detour

To be clear, as you may have gotten from my posts of late, I am now in the land of, “I believe most people with a chronic fatiguing illness can improve their health.” Many can make a full or nearly full recovery. I always believed it was possible I’d get better, even when I only believed it 5% or 10%.

For some reason, this angers some folks in this community. If others have used neuroplasticity or nervous system regulation programs or tools to get better, they think we’re somehow endorsing an “it’s all in our heads” model of thinking. Or that somehow, we were never as sick as they are right now.

Both of those things couldn’t be further from the truth. For proof of both, see my Health Rising blog piece called My Long COVID Disability Journey, or my Substack post Long COVID in Pictures. I’d be offended by such assertions that I didn’t ever have severe, disabling long COVID; that I didn’t fight like hell to eventually successfully prove that to both private and government disability agencies. But I don’t waste energy being offended by that anymore, because I don’t need anyone else to believe me.

What I needed to do was to focus on putting my mind and body in the right state to give my cells and organs the best possible shot at healing.

Will that work for everyone? I don’t know.

But it certainly can’t hurt to feel into your body, to calm your senses, to create moments of joy, which in turn signal feelings of safety to your brain. It can’t hurt to feel lighter, more hopeful. You can still experience all this while you’re also experiencing symptoms. That’s a choice you can make.

Back on track

Detour over.

I don’t have any ready answers for how to meet my needs here and all of yours. As I move through recovery, I naturally find myself wanting to write less about being sick and disabled and more about what life is starting to look like for me now.

But I recognize that there is sometimes a fine line between loaning out some hope and creating a feeling of abandonment.

The truth is, I have become a part of the disabled community here on Substack and that identity over these past two years has not limited me; if anything, it has reinforced me. I have felt seen, heard, and less alone. I got support and perspective from so many here, both from disabled Substack writers as well as readers. I will forever keep opening my eyes to this community, to the range of experiences and insights that I couldn’t get anywhere else. After all, although I entered one specific nation in the world of the disabled, that world is vast and the experiences are incredibly diverse and very often beautiful. The learning never ends.

I will keep chewing on the questions in this post, and to that end, I’d love for you to tell me what brings you here.

I was going to insert a survey, but the Substack poll function is notoriously limiting; it doesn’t allow you to choose more than one response. So meet me in the comments section, if you would.

Leave a comment

I promise I’m not fishing for compliments here.

I really want to know things like: do you like the links? Do you like the narrative section? Do you like both?

Are there just too many links and they overwhelm your brain? Do you prefer links about long COVID and ME/CFS, or general health links? Or do you prefer the lighter, After-party links?

Do you want me to keep writing about my recovery and related topics, or would you prefer I wrote about other things (and what would those be)?

I make no promises about where I’ll head, but I do promise to carefully consider the feedback. If you read my posts via email and prefer, you can simply hit reply to the email to share your thoughts with me.

Thank you for your feedback.

Thank you for being here.

COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

🤕 Long COVID and ME/CFS: a study about the symptoms and causes of symptoms.

🥴 ME/CFS: a new study of illness subgroups based on cerebrospinal fluid and blood-plasma proteins.

🦀 COVID and cancer: infection may ignite dormant cancer in survivors (free MedPage Today account required).

🤒 Post-viral illnesses: an excellent brief history, from long flu to long COVID.

💉 Long vax: Living with Post-COVID Vaccine Syndrome in a Long COVID world. Many thanks to The Sick Times for shining a light on this problem.

🍴 Diets and long COVID: a study looking at intermittent fasting and a no-sugar diet for Long COVID symptoms.

🤳🏻 Crowdsourcing long COVID: an opinion piece on the dangers of patients looking for cures amongst themselves (free MedPage Today account required). My take: Honestly, what did you expect us to do - sit around and wait decades for medical research to find us the answers? Ask the ME/CFS crowd how that’s worked out for them.

🧫 Brain-gut-immune axis: an excellent, if very sciencey, piece by . In his piece, he covers this incredible study: merely seeing someone who is sick triggers your immune system to act. WOW!

🚽 The gut: some GI disorders have increased since the pandemic (free MedPage Today account required).

😷 Unmasking mask hate: an excellent piece on the racial-criminal pathologization of dissent by The Disability Visibility Project.

🧠 Brains during COVID: they have aged faster, even in the uninfected!

Webinars/conferences/podcasts/videos/resources

♿ Navigating SSDI: a webinar on U.S. disability benefits hosted by Pandemic Patients on August 18th at 12:30pm ET. Register here.

💊 Low-dose rapamycin: a webinar on targeting autophagy in long COVID, ME/CFS, and related conditions, sponsored by Solve M.E. and held on September 4th at 6pm ET. Register here.

👨🏽‍💻 ME/CFS autoantibodies: a recording of a Solve M.E. webinar featuring the great Akiko Iwasaki, immunologist and researcher at Yale New Haven.

🧠 ME/CFS and the inflamed brain: a recording of research findings by Jarred Younger, Ph.D.

😢 Feeling your emotions:

Health miscellany

☠️ Genocide: This piece by , titled How to Absorb a Nightmare, succinctly and hauntingly drives home the disconnect and dissonance of watching this horror unfold over our phones. The horror, if you haven’t been paying attention: Dozens of kids and adults in Gaza have starved to death in July. And On Gaza malnutrition ward, a child’s arm is as wide as mother’s thumb. And Aid workers, doctors, journalists risk starvation alongside people in Gaza.

⚕️ LGBTQ+ women and Medicaid: what happens when they lose it?

🤕 Symptoms never to ignore: according to ER docs.

🪭 Neck fans: do they really cool you down? I have one of these and all it seems to do is blow cool air right into my already dry eyeholes.

🥵 Summers: hotter than ever. Can we still enjoy them?

🤬 Government fuckery: it keeps churning on. Don't Be Fooled: Trump Is Gutting Our Healthcare System. And Trump administration to destroy nearly $10m of contraceptives for women overseas. And ACA health insurance premiums will spike next year, unless Congress acts. And Texas researcher may get deported after weeklong detention in an airport (he is researching a Lyme disease vaccine, FFS! But he got caught with some weed on him like 15 years ago, so by all means, send this hardened criminal packing. I CAN’T EVEN). But perhaps the biggest fuckery of all from the last few weeks: RFK Jr. halts $500 million for mRNA vaccine research. I can’t express the idiocy of this nor the outrage any better than does here:

💤 Improving sleep: These 3 exercises may help with insomnia, study finds. *As long as you don’t have post-exertional malaise.

🏋🏼‍♂️ Iron: 12 foods that have more of it than spinach.

♨️ Microwaves: eight foods you should never cook in them.

🥛 Milk: Fairlife — the popular milk brand — and its many animal welfare investigation scandals, explained. We’ve been drinking a lot of Fairlife in this house. Had no idea they were owned by Coca-Cola and that their suppliers are rampant animal abusers, even when caught. Shameful.

😞 A “good” death: with a poignant post about the personal nature of end-of-life choices.

Inspiration & Recovery

🎶 Dancing through life: a video with an inspiring message (at the end) by the creators of South Park. (It’s kind of ironic that this video is about how the best part of music doesn’t happen at the last note, and yet the best part of this video happens abruptly at the very end. Watch to see what I mean. Still, it’s a worthwhile message).

🐦 Frozen birds: you’ve heard of fight-or-flight, but ever hear of freeze? Check this out - from my own backyard.

🍸 No more Sex: Sarah Jessica Parker Mourns Sudden End of Alter Ego Carrie Bradshaw After 27 Years. Even though the Sex and the City sequel-series And Just Like That has been pretty terrible, I’ll still miss these gals. For those who have also been hate-watching AJLT, here’s a funny piece: How Did ‘And Just Like That’ Become So Divisive? Best line: “This show is awful. I’ma watch it tho.” 🤣 My feelings exactly.

👶🏼 You’ve come a long way, baby: World’s most premature baby celebrates first birthday. Click on the link and see what this teeny tiny peanut looked like when he was born. Pretty remarkable.

🤗 Profiles in joy: Celebrating Disability Pride During a Crisis. I’m a little late here, since Disability Pride Month is July, but really, it’s never too late for disability pride.

😃 Happy workers: the four-day workweek wins out.

🔬 RIP, Tom Lehrer: I didn’t know who he was until he died, but here’s the delightful video of his song The Elements (a cheeky ode to the periodic table).

🦊 Sly as a fox: stereotypes are sometimes kind of true, no? A Fox Has Stolen 32 Shoes (and Counting) in Grand Teton. Rangers Want It to Stop. “Maybe it’s a toy. Maybe it’s a nesting material collection. Maybe it’s fashion.”

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: scroll up to Government Fuckery in the Health Miscellany section. It’s RFK, Jr. A dangerous, stupid man. We will not soon recover from his brand of ignorant fuckery.

🏆 Winner of the week: let’s give it up for Katie Ledecky, who recently won her seventh consecutive world title in the 800m freestyle. “With the win, Ledecky remained undefeated in the 800-meter freestyle finals event on the world stage dating back to 2012. She has now gone 11-0 in major international titles in the event, including four Olympic golds.” Incredible talent and hard work!

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. Operation Domesticate Ripley (ODR) continues.

You may recall from a few posts back that we are trying to get our feral girl Ripley, who resides in our detached garage, to get comfortable coming into our basement so that maybe she’ll spend winter nights there, where it’s warmer. She had been slowly coming in when we left the door open and exploring, until some dumbass (uhh, me) decided to speed up her training and close the door behind her, and she kind of freaked and was traumatized for weeks.

Well, we are happy to report that she has started venturing back into the basement again little by little, even for this dumbass. This time we won’t rush her.

She hangs out day and night now on the stone wall near the basement door and at various other places right up against the house. She has even started hanging out on our top step, and Baldy put a little hut there so she can get out of the elements as needed (she would freak and run if we opened that door, so we’re sticking to working on the basement door). As you can see, we’re still trying to get the indoor crew to get used to seeing her around and not scaring her off. Progress there is slowish too.

More ODR updates soon!

I seek external validation, because: human. Please send likes, emojis, memes, GIFs, or comments. Share and subscribe if the spirit moves you.

Above all, add some joy to your August! I’ll see you again at the very end of the month.

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

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It was just a cold…and yet…

Could anything be less intriguing than reading a post about a cold someone had?

Generally, I agree. A real snooze fest.

But, after not getting any new viruses at all for almost five years (how often does that happen to the people?), I’ve got a few reflections and observations. Things to say. These things may or may not interest you. For those in the latter camp, there are links, and you may scroll.

For the former, the good news: the cold didn’t do me in. It didn’t send me spiraling back down into long COVIDville. In fact, a few “healthies” I know got a very similar cold recently, and it walloped them for a few days, just like it did me. But we all made it through just the same.

Without walking you through the daily progression of this cold, I’ll sum it up by saying it came on like a lamb, roared like a Jurassic-era beast for two days in the middle, and is going out like a sloth, but with a lot of Kleenex and not nearly as adorably.

The beastly two days in the middle, though: WOW. My entire head clogged up and dripped incessantly. Constant sneezing, constant runny nose, eyes watering so much that I sometimes couldn’t open them, or if I tried, they’d involuntarily roll back up into my head. I haven’t experienced involuntary eye rolls like that on the worst, longest, most offensive Zoom meetings. I had zero control over it. I also had the junkiest cough I think I’ve ever had in my life. Baldy commented that he had never seen me so sick in 23 years together. He was right - not even acute COVID did me that dirty.

I tested negative for COVID twice and for strep throat once. On day two of beast-mode, I had a longstanding appointment to establish care with a new primary care doctor. I called the morning of to explain how sick I was; they were okay with me coming in since I tested neg for COVID, and they sort of kind of urged me to keep the appointment or else it would take months to get a new one. So I did and I got through it, and the new doc was actually a dream. Super warm, engaging, treated me like a partner in my own care (referred to me by a fellow local long hauler). Being that she was seeing me on one of my worst days (eyes so puffy, it looked like I had been crying for a week) and assured me that it was just a cold, I believed her and felt better after.

Now that I’m crawling out of the other end of this cold, here are the observations and reflections I wanted to share. Some of these may help some of you who are in the same long COVID or ME/CFS boat as me and wondering how you’ll fare if/when this happens to you.

• I cleared my calendar for over a week (except for the aforementioned doc appt). I moved my therapy client, skipped a few meetings, left paid-for seats empty at our local outdoor Shakespeare (we would have seen A Comedy of Errors, for those wondering), skipped the birthday party of the 1yo with whom I shared this cold. This was soooo not my usual pattern of operating. I worked (from home) every day during my two weeks of acute COVID, no rest. But some lessons come the hard way, and I will never ignore my body’s signals again. Clearing my calendar was liberating and felt deeply respectful of my body and its needs.

• I chose to respond calmly to getting sick, even before I knew whether it was COVID. I didn’t ruminate on “what ifs” and what the cold would mean for my long COVID recovery. The first thing that helped? This post by many months back. She recovered from long COVID and then was reinfected with COVID, and handled it like a champ.

  My Long Recovery

  The dreaded reinfection

  I’m not a doctor, nor a scientist, and the following is not intended as medical advice. Please always listen to your body, and always ask your medical providers what’s right for you…

  Read more

  2 years ago · 23 likes · 5 comments · Nicole

The next thing that helped was reaching out to the online community in my recovery program, CFS Recovery. I posted that I was sick and asked for encouragement, and the comments poured in, almost entirely from others in recovery who got through their colds/viruses just fine and how they did it. They all said they rested and gave their body the down time it needed to get better. A fair number of them even said their LC or ME/CFS recovery “leveled up” after they fully recovered from the virus. I am not there yet, but fingies crossed.

• This one is WILD: all my lingering symptoms of long COVID (fatigue, neuropathy - cold, numb feeling on my skin that moves around my arms, legs, neck, and face) went away during the acute cold virus. It’s like my nervous system said, “she’s got enough signals turned on right now, we don’t need to send these others.” I mean, I had some tiredness, but the kind you get with a cold, where you know you need to sleep and rest. Not the limbs-being-weighed-down-by-concrete, brain-fog type fatigue that comes with LC and ME/CFS. And, as my cold sloth-crawls its way out of dodge, the neuropathy has slowly been returning, and it’s been roving around my body. It has ramped up during fleeting moments of heightened stress or fear, very specifically. If all of this doesn’t point to these being neuroplastic or mind-body symptoms, I don’t know what else would. It was just further proof to me that I’m on the right track with this recovery.

• I had a key mindset reframe during the beastly days:

  Rather than seeing this cold as a terrible thing causing me immense misery, I told myself it was my immune system giving me a full show of force to demonstrate that it’s still got my back.

It still works. Still kicking ass. I found this reframe super helpful and reassuring.

• Two cold-remedy related observations: 1) while people I communicated with about my cold recommended all sorts of ways to treat and relieve comfort during the daytime, pretty much everyone universally suggested NyQuil for the nighttime (which I was already on top of and took for over a week). It’s not so surprising I guess that this was so widely recommended. I guess I was just reflecting on the way NyQuil has really cornered the nighttime cold market.

  

  And 2) my sister (an RN) had the same cold recently and she told me to mix four parts watermelon, one part cucumber, and a bunch of ice in a blender and drink it down. She said it would bring up all the junk. The first day I did it, I don’t think I noticed if it was effective, because the junk didn’t need an assist. But the second, third, fourth day? Holy expectorant, Batman! It was insane how instantaneous the effect was. She said a doc she knows calls it “nature’s steroid.” I highly recommend keeping this recipe in your back pocket for your next cold. It was miraculous, and delicious to boot!

  

Well, that’s all I’ve got by way of deep thoughts here. I’d love to hear your own thoughts on any of this, or anything related.

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COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

🧪 Testing, testing…: Many U.S. Adults Wouldn't Test for Suspected COVID, Survey Shows. I guess why bother when you don’t intend to protect yourself or anyone else, amirite? (free MedPage Today account required).

🫁 Silent hypoxia: what is it, and why are people with COVID-19 getting it?

📰 COVID & health news: no one does an update like . Her latest post is filled with things you’ll want to know.

🏢 COVID in jails/prisons: a really important piece by . Covers long COVID too. This is at the intersections of when your life counts less than others; you’re crammed like sardines into inhumane, un-air conditioned spaces; and everyone has given up on COVID anyway. Tragic.

🟰 Disparities in COVID treatments: totally fixable (free MedPage Today account required).

💊 Treatments: first, with a piece on treatments for ME/CFS (none FDA-approved for that purpose, but if you can find a doc willing to go off-label…). Second, an intriguing Health Rising piece on Open Medicine Foundation’s huge patient survey on treatments for ME/CFS and long COVID.

⚕️ Long COVID patients and Medicaid: with what should be an eye-opening piece on the huge numbers of LC patients who will likely lose their Medicaid because they can’t meet the new work requirements. Also, , a bedbound ME/CFS activist, has something to say about how losing Medicaid would impact him and those like him in his post Dear America.

😡 COVID government fuckery: federal charges dropped against doctor accused of destroying $28K in Covid vaccines. This guy should be losing his medical license, not being held up my MAGAts as some sort of hero.

Webinars/conferences/podcasts/videos/resources

🔬 Long COVID study: a remote study on mind-body approach to LC, sponsored by Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. More information and sign up here.

🥼 For healthcare providers and researchers: helpful resources pertaining to long COVID by Long COVID Justice.

📲 An app for ME/CFS and Long COVID: check out Freeme.

📃 Long COVID patient registry: join Patient-Led Research Collaborative’s registry to track LC patients and their symptoms over time. Also helps them know when folks recover.

🌀 Disaster preparedness: a webinar for parents with disabilities, sponsored by Brandeis University, and held on July 21st at 12pm EST. Register here.

♿ Disabled in a pandemic: a Disability Pride panel/webinar in collaboration with the NYU Center for Disability Studies on July 22nd from 6-7:30pm EST. Register here.

🤧 Mast cell disease: a webinar entitled Tracking for Better Care: How to Monitor Symptoms & Communicate with Your Doctor, sponsored by The Mast Cell Disease Society and held on July 24th at 6pm EST. Register here.

🧠 Brain health & cognition in menopause: Where is my mind?, a webinar on July 31st at 12pm EST by Let’s Talk Menopause. Register here.

Health miscellany

🌊 Microwaves: are they safe? Science says it won’t hurt your health or your food. IMO, they’re a spoonie’s best friend. At least this spoonie.

🥄 Speaking of spoonies: check out this newish Substack, , “where flavor meets fatigue.” Lots of great posts, and I particularly enjoyed How I Built a Kitchen That Works for Me. Go give them a subscribe!

🥴 Autoimmune disease: Turbocharged ‘killer’ cells show promise for treatment.

🪳 Tick bites: ER visits for tick bites near record levels this summer across US. As our chronic Lyme spoonies know, you don’t want to fuck with ticks. Be careful out there, friends.

😵‍💫 Stress: how it’s wrecking your health and how science can help.

🤕 Migraines: despite widespread prevalence, the disease remains undertreated. And I can personally attest that both the preventative and abortive medications have come a long way in recent years.

👃🏽 Sinus infections: swarms of tiny nose robots could clear them, researchers say. Science is AMAZEBALLS.

👶🏽 Reproductive technology: A couple tried for 18 years to get pregnant. AI made it happen. And then Lab-grown sperm and eggs just a few years away, scientists say. I sent that one to a friend, who immediately became wary of the eugenics uses. Yikes! Very possible though.

😡 Government fuckery: sadly, this is becoming a regular sub-category, and I don’t anticipate that changing for at least 3.5 more years. <sigh>. Trump Admin Hands Over Nation's Medicaid Enrollee Data to ICE. And LGBTQ+ Americans face a Medicaid coverage cliff with Trump's new law. Also, from the most wasteful country on the planet comes The U.S. Will Incinerate 500 Tons of Emergency Food Aid. And then, since our judicial branch has seemingly lost its checks and balance function, we have a rash of bad decisions, including Judge reverses CFPB rule erasing medical debt from credit reports. And here’s one out of the UK, but that applies to many nation’s governments/societies: Disabled people want to live a full life. Instead, we’re forced to scrap over our right to food and a wash. This was interesting and not really a big surprise for anyone who knows the term ‘weathering’: Why do ageing rates vary by country? Massive study says politics play a part. Trauma, stress, poverty, and oppression kill.

⛔ Genocide: Children killed collecting water in Gaza, medical officials say, as ceasefire talks hit sticking points. Why does Israel keep striking at civilians on aid lines? (rhetorical; I know why). Also, ICYMI, click on this link right now to watch Inigo Montoya (actor Mandy Patinkin) for the win. “How can this be done to you and your ancestors…and you turn around and do it to someone else?”

💪🏼 Cancer and exercise: the link you should know about.

🍽️ Dinnertime: when is the best time to eat?

🧑🏽‍💻 ‘Tech neck’: tips to prevent and fix it.

👱🏻‍♀️ Diabetic Barbie: company launches first doll with Type 1 diabetes.

Inspiration & Recovery

🧘🏽‍♂️ Intentions vs. goals: why one is better than the other, a post by .

😱 Scared of your symptoms?: a short video by HealingGems on how to respond better. Also, a video by Dan Buglio on how to stop scanning yourself for chronic symptoms.

🐶 Lost and found pets: Petco launches a database called Petco LoveLost that matches up shelter info with individuals’ pet info to help reunite pet havers with their missing pets. You can proactively register your pets today. I did it right away.

🧑🏼‍❤️‍🧑🏽 Celebrity couples from the ‘90’s: thirteen pairs you forgot were an item - or maybe you never knew! (hello, Jack Black and Kathy Griffin?!).

🩸 For all you peri- or menopausal people out there: WE DO NOT CARE (so funny!).

💨 Go take a ‘fart walk’: it’s good for your health!

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: this week it’s Republican Senator Josh Hawley, who wants to repeal parts of the “big, beautiful” law he just voted for. He decided some of the Medicaid cuts went too far and will hurt rural hospitals. Tell me this buffoon didn’t know that when he voted for the damn bill??

🏆 Winner of the week: I only learned about this beautiful soul after their passing, but it’s clear from all of the tributes that the world has lost a great one. Andrea Gibson, poet laureate of Colorado, author, performer, and Substack favorite is our winner this week, the week of their passing. They died from cancer just shy of their 50th birthday. Their wife shared that a couple of years ago, Andrea said, “Whenever I leave this world, whether it’s sixty years from now, I wouldn’t want anyone to say I lost some battle. I’ll be a winner that day.” RIP, sweet soul.

Here is a post of theirs from April that really touched me.

Things That Don't Suck

The Lifegiving Benefits of Befriending Our Mortality

Sweet Community…

Read more

2 years ago · 1938 likes · 381 comments · Andrea Gibson

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump.

I texted Baldy at work to ask why he shorthanded “lover girl” on the side of this case of cat food. Was there something he wanted to tell me? 🤔😉😊 (I thought maybe he designated that case for our outdoor girl, Ripley, and that he had secretly nicknamed her lover girl).

As soon as I hit send, it hit me. LVR GRL was shorthand for liver grilled.

Needless to say, we had a good laugh over this.

And speaking of our outdoor lover girl, here she is in one of her fave new spots, chillin’ by the basement door so that anytime one of us opens it, she can ‘mew’ at us and get a few treats:

If anything here in particular resonated with you, or if you’d like to see more of anything, please let me know.

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout out!

A big Tonic thank you to the always lovely and supportive Jenny D. for upgrading to a paid subscription!

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Tidbits from life

I’ve got no big main topic for you this week, but I’ll popcorn you with a bunch of short ones.

Fifty

It happened! I’m a big girl now. I had a wonderful weekend away with a smattering of family and friends (who all took COVID tests prior - the only thing on my gift registry). I had a wild symptom flare in the middle of the weekend, but it was nothing that a cold shower, a few salt tabs, some cello music, and some rest couldn’t fix. It was just my nervous system trying to protect me. Thanks, bud!

Speaking of birthdays, this note on Substack caught my eye and cracked me up. Buy your own cake if no one else will!

The good docs

Have you ever taken a moment to really appreciate the good docs in your life? Especially if a novel, soul-eating illness has exposed you to more mediocre ones than you care to count? In a post long, long ago, I shouted out Dr. K., my longtime headache specialist (from well before long COVID). She was the first doc to take me seriously when I said I wasn’t recovering. She sent me for that first MRI that started the ball rolling of uncovering the shitshow of dysfunction. She has also willingly and almost lovingly agreed to fill out any disability paperwork I’ve needed, and she’s super careful not to document any minor improvements I’m having in her notes, so that disability doesn’t cut me loose too quickly. She’s a GEM. And yes, she helped me resolve eight years of chronic, near daily migraines, because on top of just being a compassionate human of integrity, she’s a relentless searcher of solutions. She’s a “throw the spaghetti up against the wall and see what sticks” kind of doc. Just incredible.

Anyway, so I had my check up with her this week, and she was a delight as always. On my way out, she said, “oh, wait here for a sec.” She left the room and came back with this for me.

I couldn’t possibly love her more.

New friend!

I’ve made a new friend in the past few weeks. Whoa! So fun!

I’m never really “in the market” for new friends, mostly because I have a ton of existing friends and I already carry a certain level of guilt and frustration that I don’t get to see most of them as often as I would like. But sometimes new friendships just happen so organically, you can’t help but enjoy the buzz. This new friend is several time zones away and so far we’ve been using audio notes and text to get to know each other. It’s just been delightful getting to know someone new, discovering what you may have in common (we discovered she once dated my college philosophy professor!), learning about what makes you different, and getting in a few laughs along the way.

My new friend also became a new subscriber to The Tonic. So, hi to my new friend! 👋🏻

Operation Domesticate Ripley

Baldy and I (but mostly Baldy) have been on a mission this summer to domesticate our feral garage kitty, Ripley. Or, at the very least, to get her comfortable coming into our basement so that maybe she’ll spend the winter in a warmer place than the garage.

It’s been going quite well so far. Baldy talks to her a lot when he’s outside doing his chores, and she began meowing back at him a few months ago (and she has the sweetest, most endearing ‘mew’). Eventually she began seeing more of me and meowing at me too. She lets us get right up to her when we put down a food bowl (though she still shrinks away if we offer a hand to sniff). We’ve even gotten her to come into the basement for some treats and she’ll do a little exploring while she’s in there.

She’s now hanging out around both of us and our basement door so much that she’s sort of neglecting her job of being a vigilant, predatory outdoor beast. So it’s like we’re domesticating her without bringing her inside yet, and that feels a little…I don’t know…dangerous? Irresponsible?

Along those lines, a few days ago while Baldy was at work, I let her into the basement and gently closed the door behind her. My thinking is we need to make more progress soon so we can have her spend more time with us and get her out of harm’s way. She didn’t panic, but she was a little concerned that the door was closed. Then she explored both sides of the basement a bit before going to hide under the oil tank. She wouldn’t come out for me, even when I left the basement door open and went back upstairs for hours. I think maybe I moved too quickly for her.

We thought for sure she’d come out once Baldy was home from work, because he’s her person. But she didn’t come out then either. He had to get into the tight space near the oil tank and basically scare her out, after which she just ran and hid in other tight spaces in the basement. Finally, he was able to extract her. We were certain we had traumatized her and set back any progress we made, but within minutes, she was back at the basement door meowing. Cats! They’re an enigma.

Stay tuned for more updates on ODR.

I got a cold

My first one in almost five years! (acute COVID was March 2020, and then I got a minor cold in September 2020, but nothing since). What a strange feeling after all this time. I had been feeling kind of sluggish over the weekend, but just thought it was a long COVID flare from doing a bit too much socializing lately, or from having added a bit of jogging intervals to my walk a few days earlier. Turns out it wasn’t a true flare, just a cold. I tested negative for COVID and strep. I hung out at a park with a good friend and her near one-year-old last week and now baby girl is also sick with a runny nose and cough. She tested negative for all the serious stuff, thank goodness.

The main thing I’ve been trying to keep in mind is 1) not to panic, 2) not to overanalyze what it means that I got a cold (was I overdoing it? was I foolish to socialize so much with no mask on? will I regress in terms of my recovery from long COVID?), and 3) to get proper rest.

The truth is, I’ve sort of been bracing myself for the first virus of some sort during this recovery, and curious about how I’d handle it and what effect it would have on me. I’ve been reassured by my fellow “thrivers” in the CFS Recovery Program that many of them have gotten colds as well as COVID reinfections, and they have handled them fine just by using the tools of the program, those that help us swat away fears and keep our nervous systems calm. They have told me things like, “it’ll be different this time; you’re now equipped with the tools to respond well.” I am choosing to hold tight to their words and take good care of myself for these days. I’ve pulled back on my schedule and my compulsion to complete tasks, and I’m taking it easy with my boyfriend Fritzy. I’ll report back soon.

Make some money!

A fellow Substacker, , posted about Ally Bank in her newsletter. It’s an online bank that offers higher interest rates than most other banks. I used her referral code (thanks, Kira!) and opened a savings account with 3.5% interest. And, by using her code, she got $50 and I got $100 (after three months of minimal monthly deposits to a savings account). How can you go wrong? They have options for savings, checking, and investment accounts.

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COVID, Long COVID, and ME/CFS

😷 Black Americans with long COVID: ‘I'm still here, I'm alive and breathing’. Also, new COVID vaccine policy puts Black families and pregnant people at risk.

🤕 Razor blade throat: a symptom accompanying the latest COVID variant.

🤒 Immune dysregulation: could it be the tipping point in long COVID?

💉 More vaccine news: FDA Approves Moderna’s Next-Generation COVID-19 Vaccine mNexspike. And Infectious Disease Docs Slam New COVID Vaccine Recommendations and also CDC Experts Make the Case for Maternal COVID Vaccination (last two may require free MedPage Today subscription).

🛌🏼 Pacing is political: with a hot take on the privilege of resting and pacing as a human right.

🚸 Children: with an important piece on long COVID becoming the number one chronic illness in children. What an enormous crisis that very few are taking seriously.

😵‍💫 Dysautonomia: the with her fifth installment on decoding dysautonomia, this time covering how to address the root cause. This entire series should win an award - seriously. It is thoroughly researched and wonderfully written. Do check it out.

💊 Medications for ME/CFS: a study on the various treatment regimens of women with the disease.

Webinars/conferences/podcasts/videos/resources

🔬 RECOVER research review: “Characterizing Long COVID during early childhood,” to be held Tuesday, July 8, 2025, at 12:00-1:30 pm ET. Register here.

🌎 Pandemic prevention and preparedness: an international panel presentation on what will happen in the wake of the World Health Organization’s Pandemic Agreement. Tuesday, July 8 from 10-11am EST. Register here.

🥼 Long COVID research: join the Patient-Led Research Collaborative for a webinar on the status of the many research projects they have funded, to be held on July 9th from 1-4:30pm ET. Register here.

🫀 Dysautonomia conference: join Dysautonomia International for their 13th annual conference from July 11-13 in Raleigh, NC (online option available; note this conference has a fee). More info here.

👩🏾‍💻 Three-day online event: The Gordon Medical Forum: Long COVID and ME/CFS from July 17-19 with top integrative medicine doctors and health experts. Register for free here.

😣 Nervous system conference: The Reset Your Nervous System Super Conference will be held from July 21-27th and features many well-known experts. Register for free here.

🤖 Can AI Crack Long COVID? Here’s a recording of that recent webinar.

😔 Processing grief: a brief video by Alex Howard.

😪 Fatigue & PEM: Dr. Eleanor Stein with her video tip-of-the-month for June. Go here and scroll down. Note this topic is handled in two parts this month, so there are two videos.

💊 Low dose rapamycin for ME/CFS: a recent video by Dr. Jarred Younger.

Health miscellany

🏠 Evictions and Black mothers: how their physical and mental health suffers.

🤳🏾 Health trackers: Do Apple Watches and Oura Rings really make us healthier? (I’ve said it here before that I saw big gains in my recovery by taking them all off; they had become a dysregulating obsession).

👵🏼 Longevity: should we forget what we’ve been told about people who live in the Blue Zones? with yet another interesting and measured piece.

🥵 Heat waves and AC: excellent advice herein if you don’t have AC or if yours craps out during a heat wave. Also, climate change is boosting the risk of sleep apnea.

😏 Mistrusting your body: on five ways that doing so shows up in your life. A great read.

🏳️‍⚧️ Trans health care: a profile of this trans historian and her work on the Skrmetti case, which the Supreme Court just ruled on, saying that banning gender-affirming care for minors did not violate the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th amendment. It is going to take so many years to undo this colossal fuckery. In the meantime, we will lose children to suicide. It’s completely unconscionable.

😰 Stress and anxiety: what’s the difference?

😠 Government fuckery: by now you’ve probably seen that our U.S. dictator’s enormous shitshow of a spending bill is a done deal. Here’s a few pieces on the damage that lays ahead: GOP tax bill would mean 11.8 million people uninsured, $1.1 trillion in health cuts (this may not be the exact version that passed, but close enough). Too Sick To Work, Some Americans Worry Trump’s Bill Will Strip Their Health Insurance. In non-Big Stupid Bill-related health fuckery: Trump immigration crackdown is hitting nursing home staffs. Oh, and Chemical Safety Board to disappear under Trump's orders. The cruelty continues: Trump administration removing 988 hotline service tailored to LGBTQ+ youth in July. And as a reminder, The Scientific Research Lost Amid the Trump Administration’s NIH Cuts. Standing in the way of progress and people’s basic dignities is pure evil. Here’s a defiantly hopeful message from : In the Wake of the Big Beautiful Bill.

🌍 Fuckery abroad: First independent survey of deaths in Gaza reports more than 80,000 fatalities. And ‘A bloodbath’: doctors describe carnage at Iran’s hospitals after Israeli strikes. I truly hope that one day, Israel gets its comeuppance for all of the death, maiming, and destruction it has caused. This has gone tragically far beyond self-defense. This disabled, anti-Zionist Jew agrees: There is no disability justice without a Free Palestine. Here’s a quote:

None of this is being done to protect Jews. None of this is simply collateral damage. It is the intended outcome of a genocide that too many, especially those in both the Jewish and disability communities, are choosing to look away from.

💉 GLP-1’s for weight loss: advice from a doctor who’s used them.

🤧 Allergies: to other humans!

🍴 Food insecurity and cancer: a study out of the U.S. that found that food insecurity is a substantial factor associated with increased mortality among survivors of cancer.

🩸 Menopause: with 6 Myths About Menopause That Prevent Women From Getting Appropriate Care and Doctors don't get much menopause training. State lawmakers are trying to change that.

Inspiration & Recovery

🙏🏻 Honoring your body: with a great piece called To the One Who Cancels Plans.

❤️‍🩹 Healing: with A New Paradigm for anyone with long COVID or dysregulating conditions.

🚲 Dusty strikes again: this time on Raelan Agle’s channel. Dusty is in CFS Recovery with me and she’s a constant source of inspiration and support to me and others.

😰 Trying hard to recover?:

🧙🏻‍♂️ Ornamental Hermits? 18th-Century England’s Must-Have Garden Accessory. Hmmm…this feels a little like old-timey human trafficking.

⛰️ New Zealand: 'Best place to have herpes'. Pretty cheeky!

👧🏼 Sons over daughters? Not so much anymore. Now if only we could get their basic human rights back…

❤️‍🔥 Ms. Rachel: she says she’ll keep advocating for children in Gaza, even if it means risking her career.

📚 Local librarians: embracing an indigenous cataloguing system. Who knew Dewey was such a bastardo??

💓 Timeless beauty: Scientists reconstruct 10,500-year-old woman’s face using DNA.

🤦🏻 Buffoon of the week: It’s failed businessman DJT, failing again in spectacular fashion. His military birthday parade was an undeniable failure, but apparently, the small crowds may have been due to pathetic party planning. What a breathtaking waste of money.

🏆 Winner of the week: this week’s winner is Faith Kipyegon, who broke her own world record in the women’s mile. The video is thrilling and worth four minutes and six seconds of your life.

🐈‍⬛ 💩 And finally, it’s this week’s Cat Dump. (Where’s our Independence) Day edition.

Like anything you saw here? 👇🏽

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**Disclaimer: Although I AM licensed to drive and to practice social work, I am NOT a licensed medical professional. You should not rely on any information contained in this newsletter in making medical, health-related or other decisions. Please consult a doctor or other health professional.

The Tonic is a lighthearted, heavily resourced newsletter for folks interested in learning about long COVID, ME/CFS, and other health conditions. Come for the info; stay for the whimsy. Or vice versa.

If you are new here and curious about the tools that have been helping me in my long COVID recovery, please check out the Recovery Tools series tab on my Substack site. (Please start with part one, as it includes an important disclaimer about how highly individualized recovery tools can be with a heterogenous illness like long COVID).

Paid supporter shout outs!

All this beauty and kindheartedness!

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I also got a new paid subscriber! The incomparably loving and witty Rita S.!

A big Tonic thank you to all of you from me…and from Oprah, American royalty.

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Repost this week

Still recovering from 50th birthday fun, so enjoy this one from the archives. The links are something of a lift, so no Antidote this week. We’ll be back in two weeks.

I read this quote recently in People magazine (don’t hate) and it hit me differently than it would have in the “before times,” when I would have likely nodded in agreement and thought, “Same, Dennis. Same.”

When you enter the world of myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), you start learning all about the illness - including the hallmark symptoms of pervasive lack of energy, unrefreshing sleep, and post-exertional malaise (PEM). In lay terms, PEM basically means paying for today’s energy over-expenditure tomorrow or the next day or for days/weeks/months/and sometimes even years after.

You also learn that certain personality types are more prone to developing the illness; specifically, high-strung, type A, overachiever types or perpetual helpers or people pleasers. The thinking is that you’ve either been too busy accomplishing shit and/or too busy helping or responding to others’ needs, and this results in not enough attention paid to your well-being. Or it results in missing the warning signs - giant, flashing in neon, or subtle but growing larger or louder over time.

For me, it was the former: for years before the pandemic, I received big, frequent, billboard-sized warnings with arrows and underlining and little cartoon characters jumping up and down trying to get my attention. But I swatted them away and kept plowing through life. More on this later.

The achievement addiction

I have a little of both going on, the overachieving and people pleasing tendencies, though I am definitely predominately the overachiever type. I feel like my people pleasing has always been in the service of what I can accomplish, i.e. making people happy by being good at stuff or getting tasks done. So, if checking a box made others happy, and that made me happy, then it was really the accomplishing of things that was at the root of it all.

I have analyzed these tendencies up the wazoo in therapy with every therapist I’ve had (probably 7-8 over my adult life), and their origins will be no surprise: they come from early in my childhood and were cemented in place through my teens, 20s, 30s, right up to when I got COVID at age 44 and even through today.

I am the youngest of my parents’ five children, all of us born in the 1960s or 70s, and all of us struggling to find our footing in a family of seven with parents who were either clinically depressed or otherwise not very present. One of our brothers suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) when he was a boy; the rest of us did not have a “big T” trauma per se, but there was a boatload of neglect. No rules, no curfews, little to no instilling of good or healthy habits. We have a lot of crazy stories about our upbringing, and mostly we find ways to laugh about this as adults, but any of us could have easily gone missing, joined a cult, or succumbed to addiction, and it would not have been all that surprising.

I recently finished three years of intense dental work, all stemming from spending the first 18 or so years of my life eating total crap (provided mindlessly by my parents) and not brushing my teeth much (no one made me). Most of my metal fillings were 35 or more years old and so humongous, it’s a miracle my dentist was able to save each tooth. When I left his office a few weeks ago, after finishing the last of my eight crown/root canal combos, I told him I felt like we should be celebrating the end of my childhood dental trauma.

“Maybe we should have had a cake?

Oh wait…that’s what got me in this mess to begin with.”

Each of my siblings and I found our own ways to cope with the chaos that was our family life.

My way of making sense of life getting attention was by accomplishing things - first through excelling in school and then at sports. This was never a conscious decision on my part, as far as I remember. What six-year-old has that much presence of mind? But by that age, my three oldest siblings were teenagers or young adults. There was alcohol, drugs, parties, accidents, and lots of yelling by my parents ➡️ my siblings. It was a busy, noisy, messy, and at times dangerous, existence.

My brother just four years older than me was at as much of a loss for attention (and affection) as I was, and he got noticed by acting up. I must have figured out at some point that this was only getting him negative attention and I’d have to try something different in order to break away from the pack. Or maybe it went like this: I was good at school, or I showed some kind of promise that my teachers alerted my parents to. This got me the kind of attention my siblings weren’t getting, so I figured out how to keep it going.

It doesn’t really matter how it happened. All I knew is that I was getting praise while the rest of them were getting my parents’ scorn, judgement, and/or indifference. And that just turned me into a one-girl operant conditioning subject.

Achievement begot praise and praise released all the feel-good chemicals. The praise never lasted all that long, so I had to keep feeding the beast to keep it going. And round and round I went.

Wow, this is sounding a lot like addiction after all.

I remember studying for an elementary school spelling quiz in my living room while my brothers and their friends drank beers and smoked the weed that they harvested from our own backyard. They were being loud and obnoxious, but that was the normal din of our household. I used studying to go into a hyper-focused nerd-fugue so I didn’t have to think about the needs I (we) had that weren’t getting met. Not that I realized this at the time, but I can see this now as an adult. School became easier for me than life at home, so I basically brought school home whenever I could.

By fourth grade, I had been placed in the obnoxious-as-it-sounds Gifted and Talented program (G & T), which I was in through twelve grade. In sixth grade, I won the spelling bee for my elementary school. In seventh and eighth grades, I won for my middle school. After each win, I went to regionals, and after coming up short in sixth and seventh grades, I finally conquered it in eighth grade and made my way to the Long Island finals of the national bee, where I finished 9th out of 35.

Check out this geek brigade.

Regarding athletics, I’ll summarize: I was good at a bunch of different sports through middle school and high school, eventually landing on volleyball as the one I was best at. I played Division III college ball and then played competitively on local and regional teams from the time I graduated college up until a month before I got infected in March 2020, after which it was game over. A forced retirement, which stung hard since I was still playing at a medium-high level.

In high school, I continued obsessing over schoolwork. My thought patterns would go something like this:

“If I don’t do well on this quiz, it’ll affect my grade for the quarter, which will affect my grades for the year, which will impact my ability to get into a good college and impact the outcome of my life and career.”

Every 15-point quiz took on the weight of my entire LIFE. It was pretty intense.

I lightened up a bit in college, mostly because I went to an “elite” private school where most of the kids had a leg up on me as far as resources, upbringing, and what I thought of at the time as natural intelligence (I now know that part to be utter bullshit, but oh, the stories we tell ourselves).

Graduation, first job, promotion within four months, graduate school, getting my professional seminar paper (like a thesis) published in a clinical social work journal at the urging of one of my professors. More jobs, more obsessive and hard work, more attention, more success.

Lots of privilege along the way, admittedly. For example, at the interview for my first big job after grad school, the interviewer told me she almost didn’t call me, except she saw the name of the aforementioned college I attended and that impressed her and made her give me a chance. Things like that. The attention I got definitely wasn’t all from hard work alone, but none of this occurred to me. All that happened was the same formula that worked as a kid:

And then I got sick

By this point in our story, I have an executive-level job and a boss who I returned to after leaving for five years to work elsewhere because no one in the interim valued me (i.e. heaped praise, appreciation, and attention on me) like she did.

After I got sick and stayed sick, the profound fatigue, neuropathy, shortness of breath, brain fog, and a host of other symptoms should have affected my ability or drive to achieve. They did not, and I don’t say that with pride. I may have taken more breaks, but in essence, I worked just as hard, wrote just as many grant proposals, managed all the contracts, started up several new programs, managed and lead teams of smart people and high performers.

In other words, I kept trying to make my lifelong, overachieving patterns work while my body was sending me the most critical alarm bells it had ever rung. It’s as if all up until age 44, I was able to hammer a square peg into mostly square holes (but sometimes these were more like square-ish rectangular holes, and I’d keep hammering and eventually force the dimensions to work). After COVID, it’s like I was trying to hammer these same square pegs into round holes. I did some great work during these years, in spite of it all, but my body was what paid the price, not my career.

In comes Jamie, therapist extraordinaire

As you may recall reading in my earlier post Is Your Underwear Clean? (If so, everything else can wait), somewhere on the sickness/work journey, I found Jamie, a therapist from Canada who herself had ME/CFS and had paced her way to substantial recovery. It was Jamie who started gently interrogating the parts of me that were both adaptive and maladaptive, in life and in respect to the illness. We pretty quickly homed in on my “achiever” part.

Incidentally, I also began doing the Gupta program, one of the brain retraining programs available for people with ME/CFS, fibromyalgia, long COVID, etc. Ashok Gupta, the founder who also recovered from ME/CFS and went on to develop the program, talked a lot in his videos about these various “parts” - the achiever, the helper, the people pleaser, etc.

Jamie encouraged me to name the achiever part so that we had a way to both humanize and reference it. The name Saul came to me out of thin air. When I try to analyze where I got that name from, I think it goes something like this:

My achiever part feels inherently masculine (because: patriarchy? capitalism?), but it can’t be the name of anyone I know because I’ll just associate it with that person and POOF. Saul was named.

Parts can be wonderful things - they make you who you are and may have brought you a lot of success in life. They are inherently trying to protect you, to gain you the love and acceptance you need(ed) in life. But they can also contribute to you getting sick or staying sick, because you do not or did not see or take heed of the warning signs and REST. You routinely push(ed) past your limits.

This is where I have spent the past few years. At first, I did this while still working a big job, but I could not kid myself; working even part-time was making me sicker. I had no shot at recovery while my nervous system was continuously amped up by the stress I was carrying.

But even after I left work, I was still doing too much. I was approaching recovery with the same set of overachieving tendencies that I had relied on all my life: running to every doctor I could think of, getting every test done, pushing and pushing for my disability benefits until I was approved, writing a blog piece about that, doing media interviews. While all this was going on, I was still doing too much around the house; quotidian tasks that made my POTS symptoms (high heartrate/dizziness) and my fatigue worse. I did not feel that it was acceptable - that I would be loved and accepted - if I wasn’t accomplishing something during the day. Deep down, I felt unworthy of the kind of true, deep rest that my body would require to have a fighting chance of healing itself.

Even though the messages about pacing, as I’ve discussed here and here (the section on the Visible Plus app), have slowly moved from an intellectual understanding to a deeper integration into my consciousness and actions, I still at times find myself approaching my recovery with too much intensity.

Exhibit A: my weekly recovery chart, which legit helps me remember all the things during the day that help me feel better.

I used to add up the number of things I did in a day to help my recovery, until I realized that there was no point to doing that and it was just Saul taking over again.

Being more aware of Saul’s tendencies to fast-track my recovery then causes me to tape things like this next to my recovery chart (from the book Decode Your Fatigue by Alex Howard):