Before the almost 2 years I was on grief sabbatical/homeschool duty/ohnowillieverfindajob time, I spent most of my working life at Microsoft. Roughly 20 years, after subtracting the year I spent at a Seattle startup and the 14 months I spent as a stay at home mom in 2012-2013. (Got that fantasy out of the way and realized it was not for me, more on that later).

About 6 months ago, Microsoft offered a voluntary retirement package to long-term employees and for a minute I regretted quitting, until I did the math. You were eligible for this if your (Years of Service + Age) >= 70. Even if I had stayed until 2026, I wouldn’t have been eligible, partly because some of my years were contract jobs which don’t count, and I guess I’m not old enough yet, haha.

A LOT of wonderful people I worked with over those 20 years took this sweet deal and I’m happy for them. But I have feelings about this whole thing, and it’s tied up in my unresolved feelings about working at Microsoft in general.

First, a ton of experience and knowledge is walking out the door. Excellent that it was voluntary so people could choose to leave instead of wondering whether they’d be laid off next. But it feels…wrong. Ageist, but in plain sight. Given my trouble finding a job in 2025, I feel for anyone looking right now, and doubly for those over 45.

But also. You don’t realize until you get OUT of a dysfunctional environment that it doesn’t have to be that way. I just thought it was how work was. People being rude, dismissive, unhelpful, gatekeeping, competitive, and sometimes outright sexist and racist. Turns out all work environments are not like that. I will not miss people swearing AT each other in meetings, or the constant Blame Game when something went wrong.

I had 3 roles at Microsoft were distinctly NOT like that. One of those is why I have my Excellent New Job now. A friend/coworker referred me, and the people I met were the same nice people I had previously worked with on this somewhat unusual Microsoft team. It’s the only one that had MULTIPLE women software engineers and I was never the only woman in meetings.

Another of those good teams was the unicorn work experience we all want: interesting project and a great team. Until our product got cancelled right before release and rolled into another one that wasn’t shipping for a year. I took that one personally, y’all. That’s the one that taught me not to get too attached to a project because anything can happen.

Overall, though, I loved working for Microsoft. They paid me well, they had free soda, I worked remotely for most of the last 10 years, and made long term friends. So I kept quitting and going back, 4 times in all. But now I know for sure I’m done.

Microsoft isn’t universally terrible- it really depended on your management, and like any big name tech company focusing on profits over people and culture, a LOT of bad behavior was excused in the name of brilliance and people who delivered results. I get it, but it’s no longer for me. I’ve seen what a healthy work environment looks like and I can’t settle for less.

It’s taken me 3+ years to work out all these big Feelings about my career, but I’m in a good place now. I like my job and my coworkers, but my job doesn’t define me like it did for so long. I’m developing my interests outside of work so when this train pulls into the station, I know what I’ll do with my time. I’m grateful to figure this out, finally.

Thoughts? Are you comfortable with the idea of retirement? (Aside from health insurance and saving enough, that’s a whole other can of worms!)

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You know the one - you’re tired, scrolling social media, and something rankles. Maybe it’s someone bragging about their new job and fancy title and 15 people commenting how well-deserved it is, the one where their perfect child with perfect grades won a national sportsball tournament, the happy family on an exotic expensive vacation, or they are posting the 17th perfectly crafted sourdough boule because they “have time for self-care y’all and grocery store bread is full of chemicals.”

I am self-aware enough to realize these negative reactions are about me, the observer. If I’m tired, feeling bad about my career, or had an argument with a kid, seeing posts around someone else’s “bragworthy” success just makes me feel worse. It’s human nature.

But you know what’s not human nature? Subjecting yourself to these bad feelings for hours a day, day after day. The algorithms are designed for clicks and to elicit strong feelings, usually negative ones so you’ll self-soothe by shopping or just keep scrolling hoping to feel better.

I spend a few minutes on LinkedIn when I post my Substack links and inevitably feel terrible afterwards. I’m going to stop doing that. My 100-odd readers subscribed here are enough (thanks guys!).

I was so grateful I hadn’t seen the post my friend was referencing - it was on a platform where I’ve deleted my account so I can’t even peek, which is good, because I already know how it will make me feel.

There are so many of these “little frustrations” in our day, like a personal annoyance version of a micro-aggression. I don’t need to actively seek them out.

Back in 2012, when I quit social media for 40 days, not only did I find abundant time I didn’t know I was wasting, I found more peace. I mean, yeah, I was still pregnant and had a toddler so life was a bit rough, but I wasn’t also taking in content that was slowly eroding my happiness, pixel by pixel. It was noticeable how much better I felt.

I don’t think we’re meant to have all these “loose ties” with people we barely know. As an introvert, it used my social battery to interact on social media, so I was less motivated to reach out to my real, in person friends. Now that I’m off all those apps, I see my friends more often and honestly, have better conversations. I don’t think this is a coincidence.

I’m not sure we should be sharing our daily business with this vague cloud of “people we knew once”. I read about a creative professional losing a potential lucrative client because he shared the private messages he was exchanging with that celebrity client. You didn’t even need to be connected to him to see them. This is an obviously bad situation, but I can imaging a thousand smaller ones where you’re sharing info that can be misused later.

One thing I did learn from social media was that the posts that engendered the worst feelings in me were about SKILLS I didn’t have. This was one useful lesson. When I saw someone post an incredible photograph they had taken, a stunning piece of jewelry they made, or painting they created, that green-eyed monster rose up. So there was motivation for me to keep practicing my creative skills.

But overall, the math on social media was and IS not worth it to me. I am learning to aggressively protect my peace and mental health and this includes the content I consume. So yeah, I felt a sheer sense of relief when my friend asked me “did you see…?” and I did not.

Life is too short for this bs, y’all.

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Back in March at our local coffee place, affectionately known as Dead Bird Coffee, I heard a catchy song with a familiar voice and looked it up. It was “No Sunlight” from 2008 and Spotify conveniently told me Death Cab would be in town in July. Since I’m in my “Live Music is Always a Good Idea” era, I bought tickets as soon as I walked home.

Err…ticket. Because I don’t know anyone who likes them. I have gone to several shows by myself and it’s great. I don’t have to worry about whether TJ/child/friend is having a decent time or wants to leave early to beat traffic. I can just listen and zone out to the music and maybe even cry without feeling like an idiot.

Which I did. They played “What Sarah Said” back to back with “I Will Follow You Into the Dark” and that was a lot. Even the old dude next to me was tearing up and I pretended like I didn’t notice. It was lovely, honestly. They played every single song I hoped they’d play (I’ve been really lucky with this lately, thanks concert gods).

Then on Monday we resumed our weekly College Meeting with T, our 16yo. This was a great idea I got from admissions expert Rick Clark, to basically compress all “college talk” into 1 hour or less per week so it doesn’t take over every interaction with your kid during their senior year. Freaking brilliant, right?

The Common App opened at the end of last week - for those outside the US, it’s like the UCAS in the UK, a common portal where kids apply to colleges. It’s a LOT of form-filling so I offered to help T with the data entry of her grades and courses so she can focus on writing 100 essays about why she wants to go to college, why she wants to go to THAT college, and how she’s an interesting person. (Sigh, I hate it all.)

So I began entering her transcript knowing it would take a while. And it did, it took HOURS. Didn’t help that I accidentally clicked the wrong thing and lost all of 9th grade. I’m still not done.

That stupid form-filling sent me over the edge into my feelings. This is real, you guys. Next year at this time we’ll be buying Twin XL sheets and a shower caddy and whatever else people buy for kids moving into a dorm for the first time. T’s list includes 3 schools in Pennsylvania, one in Arizona, and the rest scattered across different states that are also not Arizona (see a pattern here?). Chances are high she will be far away. And we want her to go and experience ALL THE THINGS.

But also we don’t because we like her and want to keep her. I don’t know how this is supposed to work, just like every phase of parenting before it. I started reading The Last Parenting Book You’ll Ever Read and it’s brilliant and exactly what I needed. I love when The Universe sends me the right book at the right time.

Today was her last first day of school. Anti-climactic because she didn’t need to be there since she doesn’t have high school classes on Thursdays. We didn’t know that. On the bright side, her lighter schedule means she will be home more often, so maybe I’ll get to have lunch with my girl here and there this academic year. Silver linings and all that.

So this is where we are, a time of huge change and transition over the next year. And several of us hate change, haha. But change is the only constant.

Turns out I lied. In June I signed up for ART 110 at ASU, “Drawing as Seeing and Thinking”. More on that in a minute but let’s go back in time first.

I loved drawing as a little kid - I drew the same scene over and over with my crayons - house, grass with rolling hills, maybe a tree, and the sun at the right corner of the paper. I didn’t worry about whether it was good or interesting. And then around age 9, I realized I wasn’t “good” at art, and started noticing other kids who had “talent”. It didn’t matter that I enjoyed the process. I stopped drawing. I did the required projects for art class through 6th grade, and then quit entirely. I never took an art class in high school, college, or grad school, figuring I was “too far behind”.

In fact, I didn’t have any “artsy” hobbies until I was 30 and picked up jewelry making. THAT I could handle - stringing beads, learning metalworking techniques. None of it involved drawing anything and it felt safe. I moved into paper crafts as well - scrapbooking both digital and physical and card-making. It also felt manageable - I was “just assembling stuff”, not actually creating anything (or so I thought). I still love both of those hobbies and don’t feel complete without them.

We’ve always encouraged our kids to pursue art. They surpassed my drawing skill at around age 8 because they drew all the time for years. Anywhere we went, they brought a sketchbook (perfect for restaurants!). They still draw almost daily and they are both VERY good. It’s intimidating when your 9 year old can draw much better than you, a fully grown adult.

I’ve always wanted to learn how to draw well. But it felt scary because I am truly bad at it. And after about age 6, we’re terrible about things we’re bad at. We don’t want to try. We are too self-conscious. We fear criticism. You might remember this same thought process when I wrote about joining the parent choir last spring.

So, back to the present. As these things usually go, I signed up for the ASU art class on a whim when I was feeling optimistic. I bought all the required supplies at our cute local art supply store. (I’m great at buying new hobby supplies, less great about actually using them.) Once it started, I really stressed out about the first assignment.

You mean I have to DRAW? I don’t know ANYTHING about drawing as a grown up, y’all. The instructor emphasized that a daily sketchbook practice was key to learning, and of course she’s right, but that first blank page is hard to conquer. I had to draw five pages of “gesture drawings” of a mug and five pages of “contour drawings” of a shoe with laces. Sounds absolutely terrifying, right? The class videos covered the difference between the two types of drawings but they didn’t cover HOW TO ACTUALLY DRAW. Which of these 5 pencils should I use? What is this charcoal stick for? I was paralyzed with fear. I wanted to quit and get my $25 back.

As the deadline loomed, I realized I had to get started because they didn’t want to see 10 pages of drawings from one day. It’s supposed to be a daily practice. So I fired up YouTube and found a couple of excellent videos that actually broke down in baby steps how to do each of those kinds of drawings, even down to how many minutes to spend. Gesture drawings are quick and sketchy, just a few minutes. Contour drawings are detailed and slow, maybe even 20+ minutes depending on how complex the object is.

And of course, I loved it. Once I got started and knew what to do, the daily process became comforting. You know I love drawing the same thing over and over and I could see myself improving with each series.

We had to share our drawings with the class via discussion board posts, and yes, there are excellent artists in our midst, but there are also beginners like me. Until I saw others’ work, I felt like mine would be the “worst”. But it turns out, in a beginner college art class, you’re not being graded on how “good” your art is, whatever that means. Sometimes it’s completion. Sometimes it’s on the written reflection about the drawing, or whether you understood the concepts being asked. We had guidance to be kind when commenting on others’ work and it’s been lovely.

I’m so glad I took this class. I’m still “bad at drawing” but I’m not afraid of it anymore. I can see that practice leads to improvement. Every new assignment is just a bit less scary. When I sit down to draw, I can feel time slowing down and my world calming around me. I can see that I might actually be decent at drawing someday - that feels attainable. I have almost filled an entire sketchbook in 6 weeks, which is shocking.

So here’s my Life Lesson (#3, I think?). Do the thing that scares you. It’s never too late to learn something new. I mean, don’t pick up motorcycle stunts or anything super scary or physically risky, but take the class. Go on the trip. Ask that interesting person to coffee. It could be amazing!

While utilitarian, my Notion catalogs aren’t PRETTY. When I had an iPhone, I used the Stylebook app religiously to catalog my wardrobe and loved it. But I’ve been an Android user on and off since 2010 and consistently since 2021-ish. I couldn’t find an Android app I loved the same way.

I stuck with Whering for a while but it’s too…British. You can’t change category names so I’m stuck with ‘jumpers’ for sweaters and ‘tracksuit bottoms’ for joggers, and after I loaded in 200+ items, app performance was abysmal so I’ve been avoiding it entirely and feeling a bit lost. (Sunk cost of entering all those items!)

A few weeks ago, I went back to tracking my worn items in Notion and it’s…fine, but not FUN :)

Today I downloaded Indyx, another wardrobe tracking app with good reviews (including the New York Times Wirecutter!). Since I’m on vacation, I spent a chunk of time while my teenagers were still asleep loading in the 22 items I brought with me. And it’s easy-breezy. I can tag items to categorize them further, and love the fact that neither sizes nor brands require me to choose from a drop down list - I just enter them as text. I can update the number of wears without being tied to setting up outfits and logging them, which means I can transfer over my existing cost per wear data from Notion! This is huge, most outfit apps don’t let you do this.

It helps that I have a OneDrive folder with all the item photos for my existing wardrobe because I know I’m flighty when it comes to tracking apps. At some point I’ll “have to” transfer in the individual data on each item: number of times worn, price, secondhand or not, fabric details. But I’m the weird person who finds that fun and relaxing.

This excellent article from the Indyx founder clarified why this process works so well for me. I like having a VISUAL inventory on my phone of my closet, so when I’m out shopping, I can check it before buying YET ANOTHER black t-shirt. I have too many items to hold them in memory, so I need to be able to search and browse. I also get inspired by seeing pretty flat-lay photos of my items and will wear things I “remember” when the app jogs my memory.

Yes, this means my wardrobe is larger than it needs to be and I’m working on that, but it brings me great joy to have a good selection. Packing for this trip was a breeze - I finally have a closet full of clothes that doesn’t necessitate last-minute shopping for new occasions. I can put together new outfit combos in the app instead of making a mess of my real closet and only try on the ones that look promising.

My favorite use case for a wardrobe app was entertaining my kids at restaurants from ages 4-11 by letting them make outfits for me in Stylebook and promising to wear them. This was surprisingly fun - we discovered K’s talent for putting outfits together wasn’t just for their own clothes! (Seriously, this kid has been dressing themself since age 2 and wowing me with their combos. Definitely a superpower.)

Today is a rainy, cold, cloudy day. One kid’s got a sore throat brewing. We did our daily planned activity and are probably in for the night except maybe for dinner. Guess what I’m going to do? 22 items down, about 200 to go ;)

Have you used a wardrobe tracking app?

This year I tried something different thanks to the Best Laid Plans class - I split my goals up into categories: Health, Relationships, Hobbies, Home, Work. I also separated out which goals were actually habits I wanted to cultivate, and couldn’t be easily “checked off”.

My idea was to pick just one goal in each category and focus on that until it was done. I chose the things that could be completed (i.e. not habits) and here’s what I’ve accomplished this year:

• Found new doctor’s office and got bloodwork done

• Used half of my fitness allowance at work and got the Pixel 4 watch to track exercise

• Found a therapist I like and started meeting regularly now that our health insurance covers it (woot)

• Savored our Montreal family trip at Winter Break

• Watched all of Bridgerton season 4 with TJ

• Went to Durant’s Steakhouse for our 21st anniversary with TJ (our marriage can drink now!)

• Planned and savored my work retreat in the Dominican Republic, with T as my +1

• Planning our summer trip to Vancouver (my favorite city in the whole world)

• Watched Project Runway Season 8 with T (SO.MUCH.DRAMA)

• Started scrapbooking again (this is HUGE, I missed it)

• Saw the band Rush live (life goal, really)

• Finished my Rush Listening Project in January 2026

• Started and have made significant progress on my Hip Hop Listening Project (someone please tell me how I missed Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) when it was released?!)

• Renewed our musical theater ticket subscription at ASU Gammage AND signed up for our local theater’s subscription as well. I think we have, no joke, 22 plays and musicals coming up before August 2027!

• Joined and performed with the PCC Parent Choir

• Started a college level art/drawing class (ASU ART 110). It’s kicking my butt in a good way.

• Finished my 2024 family scrapbook (finally!)

• Started our 2026 family scrapbook (jury is out on what to do with 2025)

• Cleaned off my craft table (this got me to scrapbook again!)

• Put liners in all my office/craft drawers so stuff doesn’t slide around

• Decluttered our home’s entry

• New computer setup for work that’s easy switch to personal laptop (ngl, I’m proud of figuring this one out)

• Selling clothes that no longer suit me on Poshmark (I have 100 sales now!!)

• Presented (twice!) at our work conference

• Signed up for the 401k retirement plan at work

• Updated my Ideal Week schedule

Writing this list out here makes it feel like a great accomplishment, while looking at my original goals list, with the tsunami of unfinished items engulfing the “few” I completed, makes me feel like a failure.

That’s the benefit of a different perspective, right? I HAVE done a lot this year. I set too many goals (again) and I have literally 43 Habits on that list. That is WAY too many.

I got some advice from the recent Best Laid Plans class mid-year check-in to select ONLY 2-3 habits to focus on for the next quarter. When I tried to figure out what the most impactful ones would be, I realized even 3 was too many. So I chose two, and they are:

• Move 10 min after meals

• Daily Morning Pages journaling

I wanted to pick a habit that would be fun for me - journaling regularly - and one that was health-related and would be more difficult. 10 minutes shouldn’t be hard, but it’s 105+F degrees out for the next few months, and I am an exercise hater, so this will require some effort. I discovered that walking outside at 7pm, while still over 100 degrees, is lovely because the sun isn’t trying to kill me. So the real hard part is that post-lunch movement. I guess the next step is to unearth the stationary bike from all the crap piled up on it.

But overall, I’m feeling pretty darn positive! How are you doing on your 2026 goals?

Finding someone to go with me turned out to be more of a hassle than I expected. Rush is kind of a polarizing band, with Geddy Lee’s distinctive voice and their complicated songs mostly without the familiar pop song structure.

I don’t have local friends who are fans. College friends I knew who liked Rush already had tickets or couldn’t make a trip to LA for it, my own husband hates them, and my usual ‘concert buddy’ 16yo T was likely in a musical theater camp that week.

The stars aligned at the last minute - T ended up not having camp, and agreed to go if we did other things in Los Angeles. She was a trooper, as it turned out to be a busy trip - we had meals with 3 different friends, hit up Din Tai Fung in Santa Monica (much easier to get a reservation than the new Scottsdale AZ location!), wandered Venice Beach, and tacked on a college tour as well.

Aside from spending time traveling with my kid, which is always a delight, the concert was phenomenal. I wasn’t sure what to expect from a band whose two surviving members are in their 70s and who just hired a new drummer (RIP Neil Peart). Friends who had seen them 10-12 years ago said Geddy Lee’s voice was already rough.

I went in with low expectations and came out BLOWN AWAY. I sang along, I cried, I made friends with the enthusiastic Rush fans all around us. It was such a lovely experience. They played for around 2.5 hours with a 25 minute intermission. People were so dang friendly. We even got out of the parking lot quickly thanks to my college friend M and his brother who drove us there. The stars truly aligned.

Here’s the thing - a lot of the 80s and 90s music I like is bands full of dudes. That’s just the nature of rock ‘n’ roll from that time period. Rush is especially known for its audience being mostly male (and geeky, just my type I guess).

I was pleased to see a lot more women attending this show, but the icing on the cake was the new drummer, Anika Nilles, who was breathtaking to watch. She hits hard, she can play all the complicated stuff, and she learned 40+ songs in less than a year. Talk about a massive “girl power” moment - I was so glad for T to witness that too. And if that wasn’t enough, they played my Favorite Rush Song Ever, Time Stand Still, and freaking Aimee Mann came out to sing her part. Which has never happened live, ever. I SAW THAT YOU GUYS. Two women on stage with one of my favorite bands? I can’t even.

Rush has been changing up the setlists for each show so far so I need to decide if I want to see them again in December when they come to Phoenix. Probably yes, though I know it won’t be as magical since I’ll be less surprised by everything.

But I’ve realized, over and over again that my version of Gretchen Rubin’s adage “Choose the bigger life” is “I will never regret seeing live music.” Even if it’s inconvenient. Even if it’s standing-only. Even if I have to go by myself. Hell yeah.

What I did notice is that when I spent time listening to it on my ancient (but good) headphones, it was SO much more impactful than listening in the car. Our car has an okay stereo, but nothing special. I noticed the same thing with the quieter Eurovision 2026 songs as well. There were whole subtle parts I was missing in the car because they were just too quiet.

My over-ear headphones were decent back in 2016 (beats impulse purchase for about $150) but they are not audiophile quality. I’m sure technology has come a long way since then. They’ve been around the world with me and through two interstate moves. I even found out I could replace the ear pads inexpensively once the old ones started disintegrating, so I did last year and they felt new again!

I’ve tried to find in-ear buds that work but even with the smallest covers (kid sized!) they’re still painful after 10 minutes. One of my kids reports the same thing, and both kids have giant chonky headphones they prefer.

So big headphones it is. And wow do they make listening to music so much more of an *intentional* experience. I can’t help but notice all the details when I can actually hear them. The latest Taylor Swift album yielded tons of surprises on headphones and made me appreciate it more.

I’ve picked up my Hip-Hop Listening Project again after a brief Eurovision detour. I’m nearly on track with my original plan, but only because Spotify saved me by no longer hosting Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J (the album, song is still there).

I absolutely adored my trip through the 80s, notably Eric B and Rakim, Public Enemy, and N.W.A. I’d heard a couple songs from the latter two but nothing from the first, and I LOVE them all. It’s depressing hearing that the social and political issues they rapped about in the 1980s are still issues today.

I’m entering the 1990s now and I can see the slow shift in style and content. Less political, more weed, women and wealth (the 3 Ws?). It’s the era I’m most familiar with, but I chose albums I’ve never heard in full. I gravitate to rappers with silky-smooth flows and great vocab so as we get more modern, I think I’ll struggle a bit to connect and enjoy, but that’s part of the fun of exploring new music!

I recommend you buy a high quality, comfortable set of headphones to listen to music and audiobooks - it’s a much more immersive experience! I’m late to that party, but glad I’m here now!

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At that time my kids were in elementary and middle school and I wasn’t feeling the time crunch. Sure, we had a few extra events but nothing unmanageable. Now with a kid in 8th and 11th grades, our schedule has EXPLODED.

Here’s a quick rundown of the ‘extra’ things this month so far (14 if you’re counting):

• 3 play performances of A Midsummer Night’s Dream (full Shakespeare, 2.75 hours!)

• 3 choir concerts (T & I performed twice, and then we also saw my mom’s chorus show)

• 1 college visit out of state

• 3 Eurovision watch parties (OK, that was my own doing)

• Thespian Society banquet and awards

• NASA Techrise Awards Showcase presentation (K fka C)

• ASU research project presentation (T)

• “Extra Musical” month - we have season tickets at two theaters but one is only 3 shows, and of course May is a month with shows from both, haha

• SO.MUCH.DRIVING - my kids and their friends have finally cracked the code on coordinating in-person hangouts (yay!) but the Phoenix metro area is HUGE so most friends are 30-45 min away.

I’m not really complaining. Life is unfolding exactly as it should. I’m happy that my kids are doing cool stuff that they enjoy. I’m thrilled they both have tight-knit friend groups that meet up to do things IN PERSON and not just on Discord.

An absolute highlight was the 80s-themed production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, with K as the fairy Moth and Philostrate, requiring a dramatic change in costume mid-show. I love that we are in the era of kid productions being actually GOOD and not just a family obligation.

Runner-up was watching both kids present major projects they had worked on over the entire year. K’s team of four was the only one selected in Arizona for an engineering challenge called NASA Techrise, and they got funded to build a science experiment that will go up into the stratosphere and return to them with data. How freakin’ cool is that?! They worked with a NASA engineer every week this semester. I was floored watching a group of 8th graders present their project so confidently to the other winners. I DIDN’T KNOW MY KID COULD DO THAT.

T presented her history research with an ASU professor and watching her calmly answer questions and explain her project was a delight. She is out there DOING STUFF and I am really, truly not involved. I just get to enjoy learning about what she learned. Having big kids is awesome, you guys.

But dude, the calendar is HOT. Every time I look at our shared family calendar, new events pop up, which is By Design, bc my kids are finally USING THE CALENDAR AS INTENDED, praise the Lord. In the last 24 hours one child added two social events this weekend.

This is raising teenagers. And it’s getting us used to them not being around 24/7, too, which seems also By Design. I did not see this coming when they were 1 and 4 years old and the only “alone” time I had was in the bathroom (and not always then either)! Both will be in high school in the fall and one in college, probably not nearby, the year after. It’s a transition for all of us, and something I’ll be thinking about a lot after we wind down this crazy month.

For y’all in the northern hemisphere, how are you surviving Maycember?

Because most of you are American, this needs an explanation. Eurovision Song Contest is a long-running annual tradition in Europe since 1956. Countries send an original pop song (under 3 minutes) and they compete via judging and an online/tele-vote. The winner gets to host the competition next year. ABBA is one of the past winners. So was Celine Dion (competing for Switzerland).

I’m not sure how I discovered this magical event - it may have been Trillian who told me about it (having kids is paying off!) I think we started watching in 2023. She keeps track of when countries choose their songs (February-ish) and tells me when they’re out on Spotify so we can start listening. The first couple of years both kids were really into it, but now Charli is too cool for us :)

By the time the contest rolls around in May we know the songs WELL so we’re INVESTED in the contest. In each of the semifinals the 35-ish contestants are vying for a spot in the finals. Some of my faves in past years did not qualify (justice for Laika Party, Ireland 2025!) and it’s heartbreaking. One of the hosts of our favorite podcast Switched on Pop said, “this is my Super Bowl”. I feel the same way, dude.

Americans will be familiar with the overall format, similar to American Idol. But what I love is that it’s refreshingly European. So much less interpersonal drama on screen. Contestants cheer for each other and film cute videos together singing each others’ songs leading up to the main events. Many of the songs are in languages other than English - typically, but not always, in one of the home country’s native languages. There are also confusing entries like Lithuania’s whose title is “Solo Quiero Mas” but the lyrics are in at least 3 languages.

I love pop songs in other languages, and it’s super cool when countries incorporate their native instruments/rhythms/scales etc. It’s delightfully multi-cultural but also accessible. Some of the entries are strictly humorous, like the Swedish entry last year “Bara Bada Bastu” about going to the sauna. There are websites that translate the lyrics so you can ‘research’ before the show.

For the past 2 years I’ve researched getting tickets and going to see it live, but unfortunately it’s scheduled exactly during Trillian’s Cambridge Intl exams (similar to AP or IB exams, a big deal, cannot be rescheduled). There was no way to get to Europe and back without missing an exam. I’m holding out hope for next year though when she’ll only have one left :) Sounds like the perfect graduation trip, right?

Here are my top 5 songs for 2026 - check them out on Spotify or YouTube:

1. For Vi Gar Hjem (sorry Denmark I don’t know how to type the special letters)

2. Leikenheitin (Finland, has a killer violin player)

3. Jalla (Cyprus, SO FUN)

4. Eclipse (Australia, yes, for some reason they are in Eurovision and always send AMAZING songs)

5. On Replay (Georgia the country not the state)

6. Honorable mention to Armenia and their Paloma Rumba about getting out of a soul-sucking office job.

Tomorrow I will sign Trillian out of school early to watch Semifinal 1 live, just like we did last year. We’ll pick up lunch and eat and watch together. I love that she shared this with me and started a tradition.

P.S. If you’re watching in the US you can watch on Peacock (paid) or YouTube (supposedly free, but it’s been blocked in past years).

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But this email caught my eye. They were starting a Parent Choir. I hovered over the Delete key because I have literally never sung in public. I got rejected from the school musical twice and never joined choir either. I figured the parents in this choir would be people who sing regularly given that their kids are talented singers. I waffled, then let it sit in my Inbox.

Then both TJ and Trillian mentioned they had seen this email and “thought I would be interested”. When I told Trillian I’m not a good singer, she said “How will you get better if you don’t try?” And that’s when I knew I was stuck because this kid has been absorbing the lesson we’ve been teaching her since she was a toddler. It’s my own fault, really.

So I signed up. I listened to the practice tracks the director sent before the first rehearsal and tried to sing along in the car. I already knew most of the words to all three songs - Seasons of Love from the musical Rent which was my absolute favorite in my 20s, Route 66 (Depeche Mode, not the jazzy choir version we were supposed to sing), and Why We Sing, which my kids have sung for 3 years in this choir.

But I couldn’t do it. Even as an alto, most of the notes in two of the three songs were too high for me to reach, and the third song was really fast and hard to sing.

I sent an email to the director apologizing that I would have to quit because the music was too hard for a beginner. I rationalized my way out of it to both TJ and Trillian, who gave me a disappointed look.

The next day I received an email from the director suggesting I try the first rehearsal, just to see how it goes. I thought he was being polite, and was about to reply that I couldn’t, but that little nagging voice in the back of my head suggested it might not hurt just to try and THEN I could quit.

I showed up on Day 1, absolutely terrified. I didn’t want the people next to me to hear me trying to sing. I sat on the end towards the back so I could hide. We started by introducing ourselves and I learned that about a third of the people in the room had never sung in a choir before and I felt better. Many of us had played an instrument and that gave me some confidence, since I took piano lessons for 10 years as a kid and still remember how to read music. There were a LOT of people who hadn’t sung since high school or college and they were old like me :) We had some parents who were current members of (good!) choirs in the area, which was scary.

And then we sang. We did vocal warmups which I can handle - I’m decent at matching pitch. We sang through 2 of the songs and the director slowed the too-fast one down to make it manageable. And you guys, IT WAS FUN. Those psychologists are not lying when they say singing with other people makes you happy. I discovered that singing alto is hard because it’s not the melody and you have to tune that out.

When I tried to practice at home the following week, I felt the urge to quit again. It’s hard work. I didn’t want anyone to hear me so I waited until everyone was out of the house or sang in the car when alone. I still couldn’t hit those high notes.

But I told myself to go back to one more rehearsal because it was fun. The ladies sitting next to me were super nice and we were all helping each other out while marking up our music with the director’s instructions. We started sitting in the same place each week.

At week 3 I noticed I could hit some of the higher notes. And I found an easy vocal warmup on Spotify that I did regularly in the car. (shout out to Jacobs Music Academy and the German dude who narrates!). Every week I wanted to quit, until the last 2 rehearsals. Then I figured I was already that far so I should go through with the rest of it, including the two performances at the regular kids’ choir concert.

The nice thing about being bad at something is that you can see improvement really quickly! This was super encouraging.

We had our concerts this past weekend, in intimidating but amazing venues. One was the gorgeous Tempe Center for the Arts theater in which we’ve seen REAL artists perform. It was so fun and the group and audience were so supportive. We didn’t have to memorize our music like the kids do, but having all 200+ choristers on stage for the final song meant I didn’t have room to open my music folder, so I had to sing from memory. AND IT WAS OK.

I met new people and tried a whole new hobby. It made my brain tingle and fulfilled my need for novelty and learning. What a great experience!

I’ve learned to follow the Gretchen Rubin adage “Choose the bigger life.” I need a lot of downtime and quiet, but I also need variety. This choir was the perfect bit of excitement and novelty I needed in a life that sometimes feels like the movie Groundhog Day.

If they do the Parent Choir again next year, I’m there. I’m contemplating taking a few lessons with Trillian’s voice teacher to work on my technique but I’m not quite ready to sing alone in front of someone. But man, am I glad I tried this new and scary thing!

As my kids get older, they spend a lot of time outside our home. I don’t get to see them going about their days and interacting with others. Have I raised nice people? I think so, but I DON’T KNOW. It’s a lot more complicated than reminding your three-year-old to say please and thank you in public.

That anxiety got a bit of respite a few weeks ago. One kid and I were walking back to the car from a nice sushi lunch. Ahead of us there was a guy delivering cases of beer to a local shop and he was going to struggle with the heavy door. As I was thinking “oh I should grab the door for him”, my kid, who was a few steps ahead of me, did it without a word. And though it’s a tiny thing, it was an aha-moment for me, a tiny glimpse that maybe we did something right in the past decade.

Note that this is the kid with autism, who sometimes seems (to us) like they are oblivious to their surroundings. I will spare you the rant about the stereotype of autistic people “lacking empathy” - that’s definitely not our experience - but I just felt so HAPPY that this kid, who has legitimate challenges in some social situations, did this tiny thing for a stranger without being prompted.

In the words of the immortal Bob Marley, “every little thing is gonna be alright”.

Do you get those glimpses as a parent?

At first I thought I was just crashing out and shopping (it’s happened before), but it’s actually a conscious shift of my preferences. Some is due to me noticing trends, but I’m also leaning into being comfortable while I work or lounge. Maybe that’s where age is catching up with me. I am no longer willing to suffer through uncomfortable but cute clothing! Here’s what I’ve noticed about that shift.

No more leggings as pants. I really got into athleisure the past few years and added a ton of loose tanks and colorful leggings to my wardrobe. After trying that, it’s just not my vibe and leggings aren’t actually that comfortable to me after a few years of wide leg pants.

Shorter tops. This is definitely “proportions changing with trends”. I was a devotee of long top/skinny pants for years, maybe even decades. In the past few years, wide pants/short top is in and I’m here for it. It looks good on me and is WAY more comfortable especially in a hot climate.

Giving up on shorts. I have tried for YEARS to find shorts that fit properly. I’m short, so they can’t be too long or they look frumpy. But also if they’re too short they don’t stay put and ride up errywhere. I’ve had minor success with 7-8” inseam, heavier fabrics like denim, French terry, and cotton twill, and sizing up at least one size. But it’s still a crapshoot and I’m tired of buying and returning. Skirts and light, loose pants it is.

Fewer, better prints. Just in the last few years, I’ve figured out that there are a lot of colors and prints I like theoretically but not ON ME. I prefer solids because they’re calmer on the eye. My kids call them “Boring Mama clothes”. I have 4 print dresses from Zuri Kenya that I love, but they fall into specific categories - prints with only one color on a neutral background, or a SMALL rainbow geometric pattern. I bought a couple of striped tees with one color on a white background in patterns that don’t hurt my eyes. Everything else feels like “too much”.

Mostly “my” colors. I got a color analysis a few years ago and learned that my best colors are actually my favorites - blues, greens, magentas, cool clear shades, no browns or yellows or oranges. I no longer feel like I “need” beige or khaki to round out all my colors. My neutrals are grey, black, denim, and white and I love those colors. I do have some olive green and a bright orange linen hoodie but I now mostly buy colors that look good on me.

Interesting tops and tees. I got stuck in a rut for many years of buying extremely boring solid colored tees. You know the type - cotton/elastane, somewhat fitted, buy 2-3 different colors and call it good. These are great as a layering piece but on their own, they’re just BLEH. So late last year I intentionally started looking for solid colored or simple print (see above) tees in interesting shapes or with graphics and cool details. Muscle tees, square loose boxy tees, tees with puff or eyelet sleeves, tees with subtle embroidery, etc. I even bought some linen and cotton “blouses” even though they’ll require a bit more care in the ironing department. One of my favorite graphic tees was $3 at a local thrift store!

And that brings us to the topic of this post - ThredUp. It’s not sponsored, I promise. I have replenished my wardrobe using this online secondhand shop. The difference between ThredUp and my beloved Poshmark is that ThredUp holds the clothes you’re buying so you pay one shipping cost for everything in your order and the photos are consistent.

They have a HUGE variety of stuff and it changes daily. And for the things I like, generally mall brands, the clothes are CHEAP. I’ve gotten most of my tops for <$15 and generally <$10 and free shipping is available over $50. This lets me try stuff without much risk, and items not marked Final Sale are returnable!

Their search feature, while not the best, allows me to filter on natural fibers and things in ‘excellent’ or ‘very good’ condition. What shows up is not always in agreement with that condition rating, but their customer service has always made it right. Now the first place I look when I need anything is ThredUp. I’m trying to shop secondhand as much as I can - there are so many clothes in the world already! I love the sustainability aspect and not relying only on what’s available new right now.

I got another shipment from them today with hot weather items and half are definite keepers. (3 green short sleeve tops, I have a type.) I’m ready for summer, which is right around the corner here in the desert!

How has your style changed as you have gotten older?

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Watch your tone in email - read it out loud. If you are upset or pointing out a mistake, re-read your email ACTUALLY out loud before sending. If you can append “you jerk!” to the end of any sentence and it flows well, you need to soften/re-word that sentence. For example, “I can’t believe you forgot to turn off that scheduled task (you jerk!)” vs. “Hey Joe, I think we agreed to turn off that scheduled task before running the xyz job”.

As a brash 20-something, I thought “we’re all adults here, why do we need to soften our language” but now as a “seasoned” PM, I realize a little politeness goes a long way. And I can feel it when I work somewhere that isn’t prioritized, and it makes work more stressful. Thanks Dave for that great advice, 23 years old and it still stands the test of time!

The first 3 months of any new job will SUCK. You will feel like you don’t know anything and like you are constantly asking your coworkers and manager for help. For high achievers and people working on their growth mindset (hi! it’s me), it’s a terrible feeling. When my (now retired! so jelly!) friend Doyle told me this, I felt an immediate weight lifted off my shoulders. You mean everyone feels like this, even the smartest engineers I know? Ahhh.

Several years later I read a business book called “The First 90 Days” about exactly this and how to maximize your noob time. It wasn’t my favorite but it also acknowledged this fact. The bonus is that when you do something useful or can make any impact those first three months, it feels AMAZING. But it got me comfortable with discomfort. My favorite tool is collecting my questions and setting up 1:1 meetings with the people who can answer them. Somehow pinning down those questions and getting concrete answers makes me feel like there isn’t this amorphous “stuff I don’t know” following me around like Pooh’s little black rain cloud.

Bring the solution, not just the problem. This has the dubious honor of coming from one of the worst managers I’ve had (that’s a story for another day) but even a stopped clock is right twice a day, haha. It transcends work and has become part of how I handle my own life challenges AND something I’ve tried to teach my kids too.

When I was new to Microsoft and new to the Product/Program Manager role, I was pretty good at spotting issues and raising them with my manager. But I was taken aback by the next question, “So what do you think we should do about this?” I felt like I was too new and too inexperienced to ADVISE on these issues.

But you don’t get good at creating solutions without practicing. It’s brilliant, really. I learned to bring a couple of possible options when I raised a problem and it’s made me a lot more effective in all aspects of life, because I spend time thinking through the scenario instead of just stopping when I realized HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM. And if the other person doesn’t agree with my solution, we talk through why and I’ve learned something new.

The downside of this is that sometimes friends and family just want to vent, and they do not need me to be a “fixer”. I’m still working on that.

Bonus: Work (and life) are not “fair”. This also came from that terrible manager, so maybe he wasn’t the WORST since there were a few gems that have stuck with me after all these years. I know this is something a lot of parents say to their kids, but mine never did so I had the expectation that most situations should turn out fair or equitable. Again, at that time I didn’t have the life experience to know that of course this wasn’t true - I had a pretty charmed life before that!

This came up when another team wasn’t doing the work they agreed to, but it was something we needed done as a dependency so the work ended up falling to us. I felt like it was rewarding bad behavior (not fair!), but in the end, we needed it done more than we needed to argue about it in endless meetings. Sometimes the solution is more important than being “fair” about the original agreement. (And sometimes other teams deal in bad faith, another thing I learned multiple times at Microsoft.)

Obviously now I know mostly things AREN’T fair OR equitable and we muddle through with solutions as best we can. But early in my career I was super fired up about getting to the “fair” solution.

Of course, as I raised my own kids, I found out that both gifted and autistic folx often have a “strong sense of justice” so make your own conclusions there, haha. I guess I should not be surprised this was something I had to learn through experience.

What’s the best piece of work advice you’ve ever received? Share in the comments!

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As part of me crashing out about…everything, I also quit Facebook, Whatsapp, and Instagram a year ago. It took ages to quit typing those sites into my browser or trying to open the app on my phone, but eventually I stopped.

I have no regrets. Sure, it’s annoying that I can’t post on my kids’ school Facebook group to offload a few logo t-shirts my kids never wore, or look at pretty scrapbooking photos on Instagram. But let’s be serious, even before I quit, Facebook and Insta were seriously controlling the feed algorithm so I saw maybe 2 posts I wanted before I saw ads and other inflammatory posts I never asked for. And that would, in turn, get me riled up and irritated, so in the end it was not worth the 25% of posts that were things I actually wanted to see.

I had the Substack app on my phone for a while so I could read the posts of people I follow, but I couldn’t figure out how to stop it from showing me the random feed. Yes, I could MUTE people from that feed, but it was still a constant stream of stuff I never asked for. Even if it politically (mostly) leans the same way I do, I don’t need to be reminded 10x a day that our country’s government is shit. In fact, it raises my anxiety. I could actually feel my heart rate increase every time I was confronted with this feed.

I cross-post my Substack posts on LinkedIn because it’s the last social media I have where I’m connected to people I know, and as long as I’m working, I can’t quit. Turns out a lot of companies use LinkedIn to find out if applicants are real and not AI bots. So it’s a necessary evil.

But when I go to the site and see the feed? Again, political posts I never asked for, many of them NOT aligning with my beliefs and extra-inflammatory, a ton of “suggested content” I also never wanted, and most people are trying to sell me coaching or their online class or “women’s retreat” or whatever they’re shilling. I’m tired y’all.

I’ve always known I have to aggressively protect my peace online. Many years ago I installed a Chrome plug in that blocks the Facebook feed and it was so much better. (But you know what’s even better than that? Ditching Facebook entirely.)

I set up my Reddit app to not show me trending or popular topics and only show posts from the subreddits I’m subscribed to. So far the ads are mostly innocuous, but as soon as that gets more aggressive, I’m out.

We’ve bought into this idea since the mid 2000s that somehow we need to be on these apps for “staying in touch” whether that’s with friends or family or networking. After a year with none of this, I can confidently say I am fine losing all those “loose ties”. The people I want to keep in touch with, I can still text or (showing my age here) email. I haven’t missed out on any school events or kid activity things, only drama between parents I didn’t need anyway.

I’m WAY more mindful about how I feel when I’m scrolling and it makes a world of difference. I removed the LinkedIn app from my phone because I realized seeing that feed gives me bad vibes every single time. It is infuriating to see mediocre men I’ve worked with rise to become VPs, CTOs, and CEOs and humble brag about how they are so “grateful” to be promoted (in a system that’s broken for everyone else). It lays bare the sexism and ageism in my industry and I don’t need to be reminded of that every time I pick up my damn phone. Again, “icky feeling” = app’s gotta go. Now I post and run.

To this end, I also don’t seek out news headlines. If I want to read about an event, I look it up deliberately in specific sources that are less inflammatory. The AP News website is decent, and I also love The Guardian. Being “more informed” about current events isn’t going to help me fix anything in the world, it will just destroy my mental health. I don’t need anything else to be outraged about, I’m full, thanks.

Back in 2012, for my “fake Lent” (I’m not Catholic), I gave up social media. It was TRULY SHOCKING how much free time I had suddenly. I read so many more books, watched movies, and had tons of time to craft. Social media is stealing our free time and it’s egregious. I set a timer on my phone to allow Reddit only for 30 minutes/day and it is absolutely MINDBLOWING how quickly that goes.

I’m enjoying my life more with minimal social media. No FOMO, I’m buying less crap I didn’t need from ads, and my blood pressure doesn’t increase every time I look at my phone.

I see no downside here.

I really need to stop drinking Coke Zero late in the day. It’s clearly making me more anxious. But that aside, Trillian and I had a fantastic time. So much that she already called dibs on being my +1 if my company does this again next year (!).

I was worried that she might not have fun - being on her own a lot during the day while I was in meetings, and then having to attend “boring work dinners” with me and my coworkers. It didn’t sound like a lot of fun for a 16 year old, but she loves to travel and she speaks Spanish so she was a great companion.

And it turns out, she had a great time. She had ample time to catch up on the schoolwork she was missing, practice her choir songs (director was not happy she missed 3 rehearsals!), make friends with the other teen in our group, and eat a lot of free ice cream from the all-inclusive resort. Not to mention singing karaoke with one of my coworkers! (My heart grew two sizes that day, it was fantastic, and at 3x her age I am not that brave!)

Even though I’m an introvert, it was phenomenal meeting so many of my coworkers from around the world for the first time in person. I discovered these people I work with are truly as nice in person as they come across on Teams meetings and chat. The event was impeccably planned - just the right amount of work time, social time, and down time. It was such an enjoyable week when usually work events like this exhaust me with all the people and talking. But this was FUN.

I gave two presentations at our internal conference and they went well. I was nervous as hell because I procrastinated so much getting the slides done and practicing. Then I promptly got sick the week before the trip, so I never practiced the second one with my partner! Turns out we did fine and got good attendee reviews, whew. I got a new headshot with my current hair color (blue “ghost roots”, thanks Nevin) and tried Dominican food a few times.

It’s really all rainbows and unicorns here. I work for a tiny company, yet they prioritize us meeting in person and spending actual quality time together (not just in meetings). They gave us canvas swag bags with company gear. Our designer even created a gorgeous custom pattern from scratch with relevant local images and company icons used for the swag. It just made me feel…appreciated in a way that’s been missing from work before this job.

So while T and I were ready to come home (we tacked on 3 extra days at the end to hang out in Punta Cana), I felt that familiar post-travel sadness once we got back to our regular routines.

I’m working on not being a cynic and living in the present. Yes, things might change as the company grows. My kids’ school has outgrown their spring “camping” trip at a local spot in the desert, and they’re both really sad about it. But they have memories of that trip from years past and they were lucky to experience it.

In a similar vein, I can stop overthinking, and just enjoy this amazing experience that went wayyy too fast. And maybe next year I’ll be brave enough for karaoke!

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Amazing New Job (which still feels new after 8 months!) has an annual work retreat at a resort somewhere warm and beachy. I’m here now in the Dominican Republic with Trillian, who fortunately speaks Spanish and it has already come in clutch!

We arrived a day early because most of our flight options involved a red-eye flight and I didn’t want to roll right into work events after a 12+ hour journey. Turns out that was a GREAT call because the resort is a 90 minute drive from the airport and we had to wait a few hours for our room to be ready, so we were going on 30 hours without much sleep.

Today we’re well-rested and Trillian had some schoolwork she wanted to get done so after breakfast I found myself wandering around. I realized this is a VERY different type of vacation than our typical family trips. At this all-inclusive resort, there are a handful of optional activities planned (mostly sporty) but generally the point is to lounge by the pool or beach, punctuated with eating and drinking, and repeat.

On vacation we’re pretty mindful about snacks and drinks when we’re out and about, for cost - Switzerland traumatized me after our afternoon cafe treat was $75 for 3 of us! Generally on vacation we eat two actual meals a day and bring our own snacks (or buy them at the local grocery or convenience store). So it’s really weird to wander around a resort where no money is exchanged. You just ask for drinks and snacks and it’s “free”.

I tried a “BomBon coffee” this morning which was iced coffee with sweetened condensed milk and it was a delight. I took said coffee down to the beach, grabbed a lounge chair and…sat, feeling incredibly restless. Of course the caffeine didn’t help that, but also, I SUCK at relaxing. This is clearly something I need to work on.

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So I sat with that feeling, chatted with a coworker who walked by, texted friends and family, and finally started reading a book I have owned for 15+ years but never read :) After about 20 minutes of being antsy, I settled in. Until it started raining and I headed back to the room to find Trillian diligently working on her research paper 2.5 hours later.

I would like her to learn too that her value does not come from her productivity or achievements. How do we teach something like that? We’re obviously not leading by example!

It took me part of January to finish my Rush Listening Project, and despite the last two albums being my least anticipated, they were quite good! The instrumentation was killer, though the hooks weren’t as catchy and memorable. I found a few favorites on each, and I can definitely say that there isn’t a single BAD Rush album. My favorite song that I didn’t hear until this year is “Marathon”, though my all time favorite is “Time Stand Still”.

This project was really fun for me and cemented my belief that they are some of the most talented rock musicians EVER. I’m really looking forward to seeing them live in June. I didn’t think I’d get another chance so that was truly a great surprise!

During this listening project, I created two new playlists - one of all the albums I listened to with every song, and one of my favorites. The built-in Spotify artist playlists have only their popular tracks so I like creating my own.

I’m sad to say goodbye to this project - it’s one of the few long term, sustained goals I’ve actually completed! It was a gift to listen to two (mostly new-to-me) albums each month, and really pay attention.

Given how much joy it brought me, I decided to do a 2026 Listening Project, this time for Hip-Hop/Rap. I got this idea from the Best of Both Worlds podcast Patreon group and as soon as I read it, I KNEW. I found a Reddit post detailing a consolidated list of the top 50 albums from several “Best Of” lists, and selected the top 20.

Since January is over, I can only listen to 22 albums this year, at 2 per month. Last year, having more than 2 made it hard for me to get to 3-4 listens and it felt like a chore. I removed a couple of duplicate artists from that list to get a broader selection (more women thankyou), and added a few acclaimed albums from the past 5 years as the original list was heavily weighted to releases pre-2005.

Here’s my plan - 2 albums per month, chronological order by release:

1. Run-D.M.C. – Raising Hell (1986)

2. Eric B. & Rakim – Paid in Full (1987)

3. Public Enemy – It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back (1988)

4. Beastie Boys – Paul’s Boutique (1989)

5. N.W.A – Straight Outta Compton (1989)

6. A Tribe Called Quest – The Low End Theory (1991)

7. Dr. Dre – The Chronic (1992)

8. Wu-Tang Clan – Enter the Wu‑Tang (36 Chambers) (1993)

9. Nas – Illmatic (1994)

10. 2Pac – All Eyez on Me (1996)

11. Missy Elliott – Supa Dupa Fly (1997)

12. Lauryn Hill – The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (1998)

13. OutKast – Aquemini (1998)

14. Eminem – The Marshall Mathers LP (2000)

15. Jay‑Z – The Blueprint (2001)

16. 50 Cent – Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (2003)

17. Kanye West – The College Dropout (2004)

18. Kendrick Lamar – To Pimp a Butterfly (2015)

19. Tyler, The Creator - IGOR (2019)

20. Little Simz - Sometimes I Might Be Introvert (2021)

21. Killer Mike - MICHAEL (2023)

22. Doechii - All My Life (2024)

I know there are really great albums missing, and that some of these artists are…problematic, but for this project, I’m separating the art from the artist. Since it’s streaming, they’re probably not getting paid anyway :P.

I needed something totally different from Rush and this fits the bill. I’ve also heard of so many of these albums and know the singles from many of them, but haven’t listened to any of them all the way through! So it will definitely be a fun exploration.

If you want to join me, let me know! I’d love to chat about it with someone :) If you’re doing another Listening Project, I’d love to hear about it!

Rush Listening Project posts:

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Several years ago, scrapbooker Ali Edwards shared a series of pages she made for her kids about things she had learned as an adult. I loved that idea, but instead of making scrapbook pages about it, I’d rather write about them.

My weird newly acquired ability to see patterns has made me collect a few of these “Secrets of Adulthood”, as Gretchen Rubin calls them. The first one is “It all works if you keep using it.” I’m talking about diets, planners, self-help books, journals, budgeting programs, etc. All of the tools we use to improve or organize our lives in some way will work IF YOU USE THEM CONSISTENTLY.

Instead, like a magpie, I’m always looking for the new, shiny one that works “better” or gives me “planner peace”. I’ve realized over many years and many planners, pens, apps, gadgets, and diets, the choice of item doesn’t matter.

What matters is the habit you’re building. Tracking your spending. Focusing on healthy foods. Thinking through your day before it happens. Getting some movement daily (no fancy workout gear or gym membership needed!)

The $400 handmade in Paris journal cover isn’t going to automagically make you write Morning Pages every day. While there may be a diet that works better for your preferences and body, they likely all have utility in helping you feel better. Trying 3 different finance apps and switching around isn’t going to make you more aware of your spending, and you’ll get lost in learning how the apps work.

I mean, if you HATE the thing you’re using, obviously try to find one that you like better. But if the one you’re using seems ok and it’s the habit that’s difficult, that is BY DESIGN, as we say in the software industry. Habits are hard, especially ones for self-improvement. Give yourself some grace on that, but don’t distract yourself with new tools. You don’t need them.

I’m finally realizing this, and this year I did not buy a shiny new planner for 2026. I stuck with my trusty Bullet Journal in a notebook I started back in July.

Intermittent fasting has been working really well to control my A1C numbers for 2 years, so I’m still doing it. With an app I already had on my phone.

We have been using You Need A Budget (YNAB) for several years now and have gotten better about not spending our family money on dumb stuff (my personal spending is still a work in progress).

I’ve finally “calmed down” my new gadget energy and I’m focusing on putting in the work to sustain my habits. That is HARD though, and not as fun. But honestly, it’s working. I see a lot of improvement over the years. I have fewer abandoned apps and planners every year. Maybe this will be the first year with zero? Time will tell.

What do you think? Is this controversial in our culture of constant optimization?

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This role was different depending on your team, your manager, and your actual job responsibilities so I learned to adapt. One of the things we joked about over 20+ years of working at the same company was how much we were “overfunctioning” - ie we both became really resourceful at figuring out how to get stuff done, or filling in gaps when it wasn’t clear whose job it was. I just assumed that was part of the role because it was so multi-faceted - we were the Swiss Army knives of software development :)

It made me moderately successful to be “the glue” - I was easily able to switch jobs or leave Microsoft and come back for more money.

I kept doing this over the years because it seemed like what people expected and I thought it would help me get promoted. (Spoiler alert, it did not.) On one team, I pushed back when the group leader asked only the women of color to do “non-promotable tasks” and got labeled as a complainer, though eventually a few white men were also asked to take on these tasks (whole other post about that coming eventually).

As you all know, in the Year of Our Lord 2025, I got a new job at a small company with a really amazing culture. A few months ago I got a new manager, and I won’t lie, it struck fear in my heart that I had JUST found this great job and already things were changing and WHAT IF IT ALL SUCKS? Yes, my 13yo and I share the delightful trait of negative catastrophizing, which I now know is anxiety, sigh.

A fair question because I had 20 managers in my time at Microsoft - not kidding, I counted - and it was not always a positive change. (BTW any former managers reading this - if you are worrying about whether I’m talking about you, the fact that you’re asking probably means it’s not you, lol.)

One of the first things my new manager brought up was defining roles more clearly, because at our small company, people were doing a lot of things that weren’t strictly “part of the job”. And that’s expected at a small place, but he spoke about making sure people got credit for doing the “extra” stuff. He clarified that my primary role is Technical Project Management, just like my title (what a revelation). That means I’m not expected to write product specs, do customer research, update a developer’s work items for them “because it’s just faster”, etc.

You see where we’re going with this? Overfunctioning is NOT what I’m expected to do. I’m expected to do the job I was hired for, and work with people (even those at higher levels), expecting them to do their part, instead of doing it for them.

I won’t lie, that’s a scary thought. I’m coming from an environment where it felt like I could never do enough to get a raise, get promoted, etc. “Just doing my job” sounds like what people do right before they get fired. And watching the tech industry in the last 5 years has certainly put the fear of layoffs in me, so my immediate instinct is to do MORE and become “indispensable”. Which, again, spoiler alert, NO ONE is.

One day on a whim (and missing my friend Michelle) I looked up “overfunctioning” online and found this amazing article. And it was a legit Oprah A-Ha moment for me. She tied it to anxiety (of course!) and wrote about how it shows up in your personal life as well - a million reminders to people capable of getting things done themselves, interrupting people or finishing their thought for them (arghhh), doing chores yourself because it’s faster/easier. Basically REMOVING AUTONOMY from others in the name of my own anxiety.

So, um, yeah. One of my kids needs autonomy like oxygen and I’ve known this since they were 2, and yet, I still remind them when they don’t need to be reminded and clean up after them because I don’t want to argue and it’s “just faster”. The other kid needs autonomy because they will be leaving for college soon (fingers crossed) and need to figure out life management themselves. My husband is a grown man and can manage his tasks himself without me trying to project-manage all of us.

I love it when work and life intersect serendipitously like this. A manager conversation sparked a revelation for me about a bad habit I need to rein in at home, too. And maybe trying a different way of working (aka “just doing my job”) will actually lead to different results and personal satisfaction, instead of feeling like I will never measure up. Fingers crossed!

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