When I turned twenty-five, I had asked my parents, “When did you first feel like an adult?”

My mother had paused, opened her mouth, and paused once again. Finally, she spoke, “When your grandfather died. His death, the moment I realised I had lost both my parents, I knew I was an adult, and no longer a child.”

Her words had struck me so deeply that I had been speechless. Unable to respond in any way that would offer comfort, confirmation or understanding. I had no way to relate to her, and didn’t want to pretend otherwise. The thought of even pretending seemed painfully simple. How could I?

I do not remember much of my grandmother. Not her life, not her death. I do however remember my grandfather. I remember that in his last years, his memory began slipping away. First with small details, then details even smaller. Being so young, I couldn’t understand how such a big man could forget anything small. I finally understood when he forgot me.

It was all very gradual. He lost the memory of his daughter’s birthday, then memories with his daughter, then all memories that he had a daughter. Slowly, my mother began returning the care of her childhood. She helped him get dressed, helped him eat, helped him shave, helped him laugh, helped him feel safe. Slowly, she became every bit of the parent she had once had, and then more. His daughter, my mother. My mother, his mother.

I want to be my mother’s mother, not through an urge to retell her childhood, but instead an urge to uphold it. I wish I could bring out her wander, her innocence, her bursts. I wish I could quiet her understanding, her experience, her responsibilities. I wish I could answer her questions, ease her burdens, and anchor her memories.

I wish she would remain a daughter just as she remains a mother. In times such as these, the concept of motherhood feels all encompassing, all suffocating. Women are considered motherly without a child. Considered mothering without one. Our bonds with siblings, cousins, friends are mapped out and applied to possible future scenarios. Our wombs are forgotten, our uteruses left behind. Our behaviours become scrutinised, extended, stretched out. All that is seen interpreted.

She’ll be such a good mother! She’s so good with children! She’s so caring, so responsible.

All things told to a child.

I wish my mother could forget being a mother for an instance. I wish that she were not reminded of it, not even by my smile when greeting her. I wish she felt just as much a daughter as she does a mother. I wish I could make her feel just as much a daughter as I do a mother. I wish.

Love,

Anastasia

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And then Bonjour Tristesse by Françoise Sagan appeared on my radar, and I became consumed by every word. I remember my mother being impressed that I had been able to understand the intensity of the novel without backing away from it. Around a hundred pages of brilliance, against three hundred pages of confusion.

This summer, as I landed in the heat of Marseille, I gave myself one clear objective: reading as many short and easy French novels written exclusively by women.

Before I even made it the a bookstore, I landed in Marseille’s cultural museum and saw a brilliant exhibition on womanhood. Amongst the collection, I spent nearly twenty minutes watching Simone Veil’s speech to legalise abortions in France. At the checkout I picked up a written copy of her speech, “Elles sont 300 000 chaque année” (find in French here and English here), which I would recommend to every single person, regardless of background or interest. It reminded me of a time where I first read Héléne Cixous’ “Le Rire de La Méduse” (find it in French here and English here), and was immersed in her talents as an orator.

After that, I swept through multiple bookstores in Marseille to find novels from (in my humble opinion) to big four: Marguerite Duras, Annie Ernaux, Françoise Sagan and Simone de Beauvoir.

I began with Annie Ernaux’s Le Vrai Lieu, an account of her time with documentarist Michelle Porte, who spent time in her home to depict her life as a writer. I have always loved peeking into other writers’ process from pen to paper, and this book had me highlighting nearly every page.

Some of my favourite quotes:

Is it in my writing? Perhaps. There are so many things in one’s writing. It is not interesting to look for where writing comes from, I don’t believe. What is interesting, is what we write. It’s in front of us, writing, always in front of us. I do not speak with ease of the books I have written, for I always think of those ahead.

When I began writing, I did not feel like I was writing with my skin, my breasts, my uterus but with my head, and all that supposed consciousness, memory, fighting with words! I never thought, there, I am a woman who writes. I am not a woman who writes, I am someone who writes. But someone who has a woman’s history, different of that of a man.

It’s a lot of work, writing. I’m always afraid of writing for writing’s sake, that what one must say hides behind easiness.

I followed with purchasing Annie Ernaux’s Les Armoires Vides, a fictionalised tale of her own life as a young woman undergoing a clandestine abortion, before Veil’s law was passed.

Just as relevant, I picked up Simone de Beauvoir’s L’Age de la Discrétion, a short novel on the conflict in politics between two liberal parents and their less-liberal son. Just as Ernaux’s novel, I found it to be incredibly relevant to the current political and personal climate. I have always loved her reflections on womanhood, and found her reflections on family to be just as pertinent.

Some of my favourite quotes:

How many times had we sat face to face at this small table, in front of these cups of tea entirely black, entirely warm? And once again tomorrow, in a year, in ten years… This moment had the softness of a memory and the bliss of a promise. Where we thirty, or sixty?

One must always wait for the sugar to melt, the memory to disappear, for the wound to heal, for the sun to set, for the boredom to dissipate.

Of course, I could’ve have left the country without getting one or two novels by my beloved Françoise Sagan. This time, I purchased La Chamade and Bonjour New York. The first follows Lucile, who chooses a younger Antoine over wealthy Charles. Upon hearing the news, Charles believes he will only have to wait for her to return. The second follows Sagan herself, in a series of articles she wrote for ELLE magazine on the places she travelled to during her life.

Lastly, the longest novel of my series ended up being Marguerite Duras’ L’Amant, for which I favoured entirely by its reputation. Somewhat autobiographical, the novel serves as an account of the questionable romance between a pubescent French girl and a wealthy Chinese-Vietnamese man in French Indochina.

As our world’s literature continues to become more and more accessible, it becomes crucial to recognise the translators and writers who works to create a borderless literary world. With our online safe havens of the past decades, like Wattpad and Substack, have brought countless of voices from every corner of the earth, literature has never felt more public, more accessible. I therefore find it to be a duty and a privilege to consume literature written or characterising those from all gender, cultural, political, racial, and ethnic backgrounds.

These female authors may represent the poster-women of white privilege to the unassuming, but those who scratch the surface will find themselves reading from the working-class, the survivors, the activists… the very women who started countless of conversations and had the last word, towards a better world.

Before the end of the year, is there a foreign book you’d like to read?

Leave a comment

Love,

Anastasia

PS: As a believer of rendering literature accessible, I am starting to develop a digital library with sources and commentary who all wish for a quiet space to share and exchange recommendations and tips. Think of it as a reading club for introverts, without any deadlines or meetings. A place for you to participate on your own time, at your own pace.

If that is something that would interest you, please let me know!

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A few days ago I was sitting down in a cafe with my cousin, discussing our dating goals after we made a pact to bite to bullet and download hinge (not my proudest confession, but I did have to encourage her somehow, and she’ll apparently only jump off a bridge if I do). As she has never dated as an adult, she was unsure about certain “codes” and “understandings” that exist in the modern dating world. It seemed she was excepting some clear cut steps that the rest of us have known about for years, so imagine her disappointment when I had to tell her that most of us made up things as we went along, on a case-by-case basis.

Through the plethora of advice I was able to give her, I still felt unable to give her clear answers. Had I made no progress from dating through my twenties? “How can a person know everything at 18 and nothing at 22?”

Progress has been on my mind since my month long hiatus from my newsletter. Even in my ability to stop, I desired to know if I had advanced. How arrogant.

There is a certain instinct to categorise progress. And I’ve found that each time I succumb to a form of categorisation, I struggle to not add category upon category. Once I take a step upwards, I suddenly imagine myself capable of climbing hundreds of different ladders. The progress is no longer a singular success story, no longer singular at all, but rather a base line to keep climbing on.

The issue with this is that when I cease to see my life as a singular climb, a singular set of stairs, I suddenly fail to see any progress. How can I be proud of myself for doing one task out of twenty-seven? How can I consider my progress linear when I’m trying to go in every direction all at once? Does that not make every step I take forward, also a step I take backwards?

Perhaps that I why I was so set on be MIA for the past few weeks. Because I knew that if I remained online I wouldn’t notice any progress. If you sit down and scroll through different set of lives, yours will look bleak in comparison. How could it not when you compare your one life to a mixture of hundreds? So many of you resonated with this passage of my last essay:

Some of us are going through a breakup right now with the best skin they’ve had in months. Some of us are going through the loss of a pet with the brightest laugh. Some of us are going through career setbacks in the nicest apartment. Some of us are going through a turmoil of uncertainty feeling more confident in their body than ever.

A testament that we make all be doing well in one category and less in another. A testament that progress and loss go hand in hand. Two steps forwards and one step back. Two steps forwards and three steps back. No step forwards and no steps back.

But if we find every ideal version of those categories in dozens of others, we will naturally feel unsatisfied. Who made us think that we can pick up the best parts of our algorithm - of hundreds of influencers and personalities and ingrain them into one?

More than this, by optimising every part of our life, we lose confidence in each of them. This month, I decided to only have two goals. No professional goals, no social goals, no anything else goals. And what has it shown me? That I might not need to jot down professional goals because I know I work hard already. That I don’t need to challenge myself to become a yes friend because I’m already out and about almost every other day. I have found that I don’t need to put pressure on myself to work on something I already am. I can just let it be.

No longer do I wish to look at every aspect of my life and map out a goal for each. That way, the progress I make feels entirely natural, entirely seamless. I know I excel at parts of my life, so I have no need to voice them. Why not have a “let it” approach? What’s the worse that could happen?

Sometimes you try to control the world by shutting it out. You focus on your health programme, your to-do list, your intention board… The belief that you can control the world or yourself is an illusion. There will always be a birthday with a homemade tiramisu, always be an old friend reaching out, always be a good intention from someone else that will override your control. My advice? Let it.

The grocery store can wait on your last minute brunch plan. The reading list can wait on your all-day binge fest on a new romance show, or an old TV sitcom. The vacuum can wait on the drinks in the city. The party can wait on your evening slowing down. Who cares if the progress isn’t immediate? Steady wins the race.

The best progress comes from being who you are, not who you want to be. Figuring that out takes a lifetime. Disappoint yourself by creating a life you want now, rather a life a more conditioned version of yourself might’ve once mapped out for you.

Let life surprise you, let life slow you down and throw you around. Not every disruption will slow you down, some will simply clear your path.

Love,

Anastasia

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And if you’re not sick of me yet, feel free to follow me on instagram and read some of my recent articles!

It can be disconcerting when looking okay takes over feeling okay. When you are both at the receiving end of compliments and at the end of your rope. When you are given advice that although beneficial to your appearance, negates your feelings.

In the past two months, I have had to watch family members and my closest friends deal with close calls and life changing diagnoses. I wake up everyday and go through all the motions: I make my bed, take my shower, brush my teeth, do my makeup… I do it all. Every advice that the internet reminds me to put on my check list is being ticked off. I look great. So why don’t I feel great?

We must be careful to not forget that not every part of ourselves go hand in hand. What we feel, what we think, how we look, how we react… can just as easily contradict one another as they can imitate one another. One cannot be a synonym for another.

Some of us are going through a breakup right now with the best skin they’ve had in months. Some of us are going through the loss of a pet with the brightest laugh. Some of us are going through career setbacks in the nicest apartment. Some of us are going through a turmoil of uncertainty feeling more confident in their body than ever. All of us are going through things feeling lost, joyful, hesitant, resentful, inspired, angry, amused, grateful, confused, and all of the above.

There is a sense of guilt we all feel when we do not offer the best version of ourselves to others. How ironic, when we never expect the same of others. I know with certitude that all those reading this do not expect perfection from their loved ones. So why do you expect it from yourself?

We are so quick to encourage others to take steps we ourselves hesitate to even consider.

To my friend who cannot walk, let me sit next to you. To my friend who is incapacitated by fatigue, let me rest with you. To my friend who has lost their appetite, let me cook for you, send recipes to you. To my friend who is still healing, let me encourage you. To my friend who feels heavy, let me lift your burdens away from you.

These thoughts are not unique to myself. I pour into those I love, as they pour into me. But I must remind myself to pour into myself too.

You cannot call yourself a lover when you turn yourself away from a mirror. You cannot call yourself a lover when you do not lotion your scars, oil your sunburns. You cannot call yourself a lover when you do not get yourself gifts for an important milestones, or a shitty day. You cannot call yourself a lover when you do not carry your medicine, call your doctor, make the appointment.

You cannot call yourself a lover when you do not listen to your voice. You cannot call yourself a lover when you do not read your own words. You cannot call yourself a lover when you do not give yourself time. You cannot call yourself a lover when you do not love yourself properly.

You cannot call yourself a lover if you negate or neglects yourself, in favour of some unattainable perfectionism no one asks of you.

So be a lover.

In an effort to encourage you, I will take the first step in letting you know that I will be taking some weeks away from writing, in favour of being a better lover. While I have not be religiously consistent in sending out essays every single week, this will be my first hiatus since creating this newsletter two years ago.

I will however still be present on Substack to enjoy the writing of others, as there is so much I refuse to miss out on. I have already saved a few essays to read through in the next few days, but if there is anything you would recommend I read, please let me know!

As always,

LOVE,

Anastasia

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If you’d like to keep up with what I’ll be up to during this hiatus, feel free to follow me on instagram. Otherwise, I welcome you to go through my recent and older articles until my next essay next month <3

Since graduating high school, I have moved to a different place every year. Eight times in the past eight years. Four countries, four student accommodation, two studio apartments, and one house later, I would consider myself somewhat of an expert when it comes to making packing lists.

Were I not extremely meticulous and organised - a type A poster child - I would most likely have had to revisit my love for always being one step away from uprooting my life elsewhere. Nevertheless, my love for discovering new countries, new cultures, and new places has made me somewhat of an expert on what to pack in one’s bag depending on where one goes.

I have made hundreds of lists over the years, yet each of them has always had the same items again and again, regardless of where I was or where I was going. So for those of you that always struggle to think of what to pack, or for those of you that simply wish to compare my lists with your own, please enjoy the items you’ll always find in my packing lists.

the everyday bag (here’s mine)

• wallet

• notebook/journal and pencil case

• gum (for a minty breath), honey drops (for a sore throat) and liquorice (for feeling dizzy/faint)

• lip balm/ lip gloss/ lipstick

• sunglasses

• digital camera

• two sample perfumes

• kindle and/or book (my current favourites: Cleopatra and Frankenstein, Yesteryear and The Wedding People)

• travel hair brush, a French pin and a satin hair tie

• corded earbuds

• house keys

• hand sanitiser

• pad/ tampon

• plasters/ medicine

• jewellery

the weekender bag (here’s mine)

• pyjamas

• dental care (toothpaste, toothbrush and tongue scraper)

• body, face and hair care (dove soap, lotion, face cream, serum, hair oil and hair brush)

• deodorant and travel perfume

• blue light glasses

• cotton underwear

• favourites jeans (my current favourites: Levi’s ribcage bell and icon skirt)

• 100% wool sweater

• tees

• socks

• sneakers and loafers

• vitamins, supplements and tea pouches

• water bottle

• charger + adapter

• raincoat and/or umbrella

• bath bombs/ soaks

• hot water bottle

• travel jewellery box

• sweet treat (my current favourite: Tony’s milk caramel sea salt chocolate bar)

the beach bag (here’s where mine is from)

• 2 swimsuits (one for tanning one for swimming)

• book

• sudoku book and pencil

• spray SPF

• water

• cash (for drinks + ice cream stands)

• sunglasses and/or hat

• flipflops

• plastic pouch (to prevent water damage for phone, cash…)

• fruits (my current favourites: watermelon, peaches, strawberries)

wallet (here’s mine)

• payment cards

• museum cards

• cash (+ coins)

• picture or note from a loved one

• ibuprofen

• driving license/ ID

• health care

• cafe punch/stamp card

• dried flower, sea shell, small stone…

I hope you’ve found these lists useful, and if there’s anything you think I missed, please let me know in the comments!

Leave a comment

Love,

Anastasia

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The night of the French defeat of the 2022 FIFA World Cup finale, I spent hours on the social media accounts of the four players that had made our penalty shots. On each of their posts regarding the finale, I reported hundreds of comments, flagging them as “Hate speech or symbols”.

I had known of course, upon seeing Kylian Mbappé Lottin, Kingsley Junior Coman, Aurélien Djani Tchouaméni and Randal Kolo Muani make their penalty shots, that the consequences were much larger than the sport at hand.

I can still remember the sinking fear I had watching those last few minutes of back and forth. Fear, not because I was French, and worried about my national team loosing. Not because I was amongst my brothers, proud football fans since they could kick, and worried about them loosing. But because the penalties would be made by French players of African descent, and that while their victories would be shared, their loses would be individualised.

Some may think of the post-colonial elements at play with a game like Senegal vs France, or Ghana vs England. But I’d argue that it is impossible to tune into any World Cup match without those stakes being at play.

…Let’s talk about statistics

Numerically, the French national team of the 2022 FIFA World Cup was composed of 15 players of African descent, 2 players of Caribbean descent, 1 player of Filipino descent, and 8 players of European descent. To put things into perspective, almost two thirds of the French national team could trace their heritage to French colonies.

To name a few: Mbappé to Cameroon and Algeria (once both French colonies), Coman to Guadeloupe (current overseas department and region of the French Republic), Tchouaméni to Cameroon (once a French colony).

If you are not at the table, then you could be on the menu. - Pat Rusk

To fully understand what I mean by “being at play,” one may simply have to consider the history of the sport.

…Let’s talk about history

The Federation Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) was created by seven founding members — Belgium, Denmark, France, the Netherlands, Spain, Sweden and Switzerland — in 1904, in order to organise and coordinate international football competitions. With the exception of Switzerland, all founding countries were colonial powers at the time.

The reality of FIFA being created by colonial powers at the turn of the twentieth century should not be neglected, or brushed over. While many of the countries they colonised have fought for and won their liberation and autonomy, the economic structure of football remains European.

Why does this matter? It matters because we are so often told not to make things political these days. But how can we accomplish that when things are already political?

The 2026 FIFA World Cup is not political because I made it so. The 2026 FIFA World Cup is political because it is being hosted in the United States of America, under a president who has initiated so many visa restrictions that for the first time in history, no official delegation from Senegal or Ivory Coast will be attending. Some Iranian officials and supporters, as well as Somali referee Omar Artan have also US entry restrictions. And so many more…

While people continuously point out to who the players on the grass are, and where they seem to come from, is it not just as important to point out who supports them in the stands?

Speaking of the players… The 2026 FIFA World Cup is political because players have since the beginning of time been asked to sing along to their national anthems, represent the colours of their national flags, and stand next to their presidents, their prime ministers, or their royal family on camera, smiling in a show of supposed mutual support. How more political could it already be?

Whether they loose or they win, these players will do so representing one nation, regardless of their heritage. That choice, whether one of pride, of necessity, or of obligation, is inevitably political. So whether they lose or they win, I can only hope that loses and victories will be shared, not individualised.

Leave a comment

Love,

Anastasia

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Now, in truth, I had an entirely different essay planned today. An essay stemming from almost three weeks of having deleted social media, and turning my attention towards my kindle and downloaded epubs (literary essay pending, don’t worry).

I could lie and say that deleting my social media has been a seamless process, that I have not been tempted to check Instagram or TikTok at all, but my browser history will tell you an entirely different story. So rather than clearing my history, I have had to clear my conscience and confess: maybe it’s not just that damn phone.

Initially, I decided to delete social media because social media has become a source of isolation more than connection. Hours spent on my phone focusing on strangers in favour of connecting with friends. Deleting everything was a quick tantrum. I did not have an initial plan or timeline - did not have all of the answers - and I still don’t. Especially considering that I spent the beginning of my social media cleanse swiping my fingers through Youtube shorts…

Perhaps none of us have a full-proof method for reinventing ourselves, but we do all have some piece of advice, some words of reassurance. I know this, because so many were shared with me repeatedly since posting my note.

Many felt my same desolation at quickly transferring their own habits to other platforms. Platforms like other social media apps less used, like Snapchat, Twitter, or even Reddit. Platforms that had not once been used like social media, but were now an appealing alternative, like Pinterest, LinkedIn and Vinted.

Some turned their ban into an opportunity to obsess over other sources of information, such as Google news, The New York Time app, New York games. Many confessed much more niche interests: following random rivers on google maps, scrolling through photos album or scanning Google maps reviews.

All of us did agree on one thing: transition to alternatives with lower dopamine hits. Like nicotine gum or anxiety balls for socials. Once those niches interests made there way into our psyche, we can consider other valuable advice:

• Downloading the “I am sober” app for the encouragement to stay “clean”

• Forcing yourself to access apps exclusively through web browser or on your computer

• Signing out of apps and turning off your history (specifically YouTube) to ensure you go there intentionally rather than distractingly

• Making sure you have a different activity planned for peak scrolling hours (take some time to notice when those are)

• Turning off recommendations on your search bar

• Getting a Brick

• Setting a screen time on every app and giving a flatmate/ sibling the password to ensure you have to physically get up and ask for access

• Downloading the app Opal, which sets screen time limits

• Getting the app Foqos, which restricts your access to an NFC tag or QR code you must unlock

• Ensuring a good friend will let you know about a good trend or screen record a fun post

• Taking an old shoe box, decorating it, and then using it as a phone jail

• Downloading SocialLite, which removes reels/shorts from your social media

• Getting SocialFocus for Firefox/Safari that allows you to disable certain features on various social media websites

I strongly believe that we as humans have never been as informed as we are now. What a privilege it is for us to benefit from a device that connects us to everything and everyone. But heavy is the head that wears the crown. For it is difficult to ensure this privilege does not become a burden. That we do not become overfed with information.

We must stay vigilant of what information we are given, and where it comes from, yes. But we must also remain aware that the companies between these apps invest millions every year to guarantee that we stay engaged for longer periods of time. We may be part of the play, but we are not the players.

Building that awareness and attempting to do better is already something we deserve to be proud of. Something we should recognise in ourselves and each other.

Love,

Anastasia

PS: A big thank you to all the wonderful advice from Carlie, Nikita Andester, Santiago Galindo, Naman Patel, Nikki, Alyvia Bombe, rue, Carly Brownberger, Ivy Charlotte Dally, Austin, G Bailey and Vladimir Campanelli who all unknowingly inspired me and helped me write this essay <33

If there is anything you believe we missed, please leave your advice in the comments!

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And yet, many of us are still writing. On post-it notes, on the back of receipts, in text threads, in conversation, we are noting down every details, every idea of what our summers will look like.

As I adore all forms of writing, ranging from long hand written essays to quick notepad scribbles, I have always aimed to reflect this adoration in my own newsletter. While I somehow worry that I need to constantly be sharing something Serious and Provoking to be taken seriously, I believe in the value of writing about the mundane just as much as the extraordinary. In fact, I believe nothing is short of being extraordinary, especially the mundane.

So as I share with you my bucket list for June, I do sincerely hope you find something that will resonate with you, just as some of my social commentaries have. That you share the belief that writing for joy is just as noble as writing for skepticism. My mantra for these bucket lists: use what you find pertinent and ignore the rest.

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Before we begin, I wish to share with you a quote that came across my browsing a few days ago:

“Nostalgia is a privilege, yearning for your own memories proves that you’ve lived a life worth while” - Daisy Pyo via Youtube (original source unknown)

This is the approach I aim to take this month. Let me know yours!

your june bucket list:

• host your friends for an apero

• buy a disposable camera

• take a nap outside

• attend a workshop (i.e. glass blowing, lino cut)

• take a new bus route on a boring day (explore the neighbourhood it leads you to)

• make your own collage (my own tutorial here)

• find the perfect second-hand summer accessory (i.e. handbag, earrings, belt)

• hang the frames lying on your floor (commit)

• feed some farm animals

• clean your makeup brushes, clean your towels, clean your bedsheets

• go to the cinema on a rainy day

• avoid perfume, use scented oils instead

• annotate a book you love (again, commit)

• leave the house without your phone

• look into your health (whatever you’ve been delaying, make it a priority)

• watch a series pilot and finale of an old show (even if you haven’t watched the whole show)

• write a letter to a stranger (check out programmes online)

• sing loudly with the window open

• make an outrageous salad

• try morning pages

• make fun ice cubs (add lemon, edible flowers)

• start an outdoor exercise (i.e. hiking, swimming)

• wear SPF religiously

• go wine tasting (or chocolate testing)

Love,

Anastasia

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In the past two years since starting this newsletter, the question I have gotten the most is, without a doubt, “How do you make your art boards/ covers/ collages/ mood boards?”

Now while the name changes, the process does not. Whether I make a cover for an essay, a monthly board or a gifted collage, I have always gone through a particular process which I will share with you, and more!

The process, apps and tricks will be accessible to all, but I have also made an additional treat - a catalogue full of the details and doodles I myself use + some of your favourite art boards of mine - for paid subscribers. If you want access to it all, do not hesitate to upgrade to paid this month! Paid subscribers help support the time and love I pour into this newsletter, so your contribution is much appreciated 💌

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Now let’s begin!

Every art board I have ever made has started on one platform: Pinterest.

I first focus on what I wish to convey: the warmth of a particular season, the variety of one colour, the message behind an essay… In this case, I wish to convey the process of creation. I will therefore begin by selecting images I believe might correspond, and downloading them onto my computer.

In order to have as much variety as possible, I lookout for three different categories:

• Images (i.e. a picture, a magazine cover, a movie still…)

• Quotes (i.e. book quotes, movie subtitles…)

• Details (i.e. doodles, small bows, stars, hearts… any small detail)

I try to collect both pictures and art pieces. Typed quotes and handwritten ones. Textured details and drawn ones. All in all, I try to find as much variety as possible to ensure that I have the freedom to go in whatever direction I wish for.

For some of these items, where the background brings little value, I go onto another platform: Remove.bg. For those of you who have a paid editing platform, you may skip over this step, but my Canva account is free, and therefore I go through this in-between step first. I simply have to add the picture I choose, and then click on download + preview. That way, I have the same image without its background.

Once I have gathered everything, I make my way to the final platform: Canva. I select a template (instagram post or my own size) and open it up. I then transfer all my pictures from downloads to uploads on Canva.

As this is the art board for the essay I am currently writing, I will first add the text. For this, I use two different fonts: Autograph and Lovelace.

Once that is done, I focus on creating through the same three categories I have mentioned above:

• Images

• Quotes

• Details

I start by inserting the bigger images and then layering smaller ones. I readjust where needed. Once I’m satisfied I add a few quotes, and then go in with the details. I find that step to be the hardest and it’s the one that brings everything together, creates harmony within the collage.

Once I am satisfied with all my elements, I click on the board as a whole and go to the background colour. In order to reinforce the harmony, I select the background colour from the “photo colours” option, like this:

Now that I have an art board I love, I simply download it as a PNG and add it into my essay.

Here is it!

Thank you for making your way to the end of my explanation. Hopefully this tutorial was a helpful as possible!

If not, I have created a catalogue full of the own materials I use, as well as some of my most popular art boards on Substack. This is a catalogue for paid subscribers, so if you want access to it all, do not hesitate to upgrade to paid this month! Paid subscribers help support the time and love I pour into this newsletter, so your contribution is much appreciated 💌

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Many of us do not have the opportunity to travel abroad and book an all inclusive hotel getaway. Many of us will remain in the same apartments, in the same neighbourhood and in the same city. And while that narrative isn’t as often exposed online, I would like to remind you that the sky is the limit even while staying on ground.

Now, I know it can get lonely, especially when most your friends and family have themselves gone up in the air to discover new and fascinating destinations. Sometimes it even seems like a waiting game. As if the fun will come back when everyone is in town. But, as someone who has been slowly creating her itinerary for the next few summer months at home, I would like to share some tips to ensure that if you feel lonely, you do so without being alone. No friends or family this summer? Welcome to community summer.

1. Take a picture of every poster you see in your city

A few weeks ago, in my favourite onigiri shop, I saw a poster regarding the Copenhagen Sakura festival, in which said onigiri shop would be participating in. I snapped a quick picture right as I was about to order, and took a look at it the next day once I had more time. Similarly, I snapped another quick picture while shopping with a friend of a pop-up event happening that same week.

In the month of April and May alone, I have been able to join three different events (i.e festivals, pop-ups, launches, museum expositions) simply from keeping my eye out on the posters displayed in my city. The habit requires a good eye and a few minutes, and allows you to stumble on some wonderful gems you might miss out on!

2. Pick up any mildly interesting flyer

Similarly, every city library is filled with a bunch of flyers promoting different activities and events. Many mights have no correlation to your interests at all, but having a browse every month to see what’s new is truly how you make luck repetitive.

3. Check out your city’s/ municipality’s website

I am not proud to admit that as a teenager I fled municipality notices like the plague. I always thought it would be filled with half-boring, half-political initiatives I would feel no connection to. However, these are always the online platforms that are the most informed, or at least capable of steering you into the right direction. Not to be overlooked!

4. Find the social media pages of your favourite bars/ restaurants/ bookstores

Bonus points if these pages are visibly run by Gen Z staff. Truly the backbone of my calendar getting filled up.

When I lived in Oslo, a big bakery chained I followed on instagram would announce events for a new bakery opening every other month, which included free buns and coffees. Here in Copenhagen, I follow a few brands known for doing fun concepts and pop ups. Even without following them, simply doing occasional research on instagram has put me on the algorithm that informs me of these kind of activities. I’ve added post notifications to my favourite bookstore as they do free bi-weekly workshops on a first come first served basis.

5. Find cool people/artists that grew up or lived in your city

Many a times, when a well-known artists grows up in a city, there remains a mountain of memorabilia even after they pass. An architect has their house turned into an exhibit. A sculptor has his work displayed in the centre. It’s almost exiting, to find an artist and track down their public memory.

6. Talk to your community leaders

No, not your politicians. Your librarians, your tour guides, your front desk assistants, volunteer leaders… The people whose careers are based on creating a sense of community around. Whose interests lie in bringing people together.

7. Track your bus routes

You may think that every bus remains within your city, but that is simply not the truth. Many bus routes take you to the edge, take you to the unknown. Find the bus routes and see where you could go, where you’d like to go. I once spent a hefty sum on a three-day bus ticket in Edinburgh and barely used it by day two as the weather was too nice not to walk around. So, like any girl who wants a bang for her buck, I took three different bus routes and went as far as interested me. You can do that right at home, and still see places you’ve never been to.

Be open. Be observant. Be brave. Be everywhere! Even if everywhere remains within the same city.

Love,

Anastasia

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With over a decade spent navigating in person interactions and witnessing online interactions, there seems to be a new mantra making its way into my vocabulary. “If people want to misunderstand you, they will.”

No matter how well-constructed your sentences are, or how well-phrased your intentions are, people will misunderstand you before you’ve even spoken. We see it in the shift of celebrities and influencers being cancelled more for what they say than what they do.

Actions have become quieter than words. Actual crimes less discusses than the “crime” of being mean - or quite frankly - honest.

“I don’t want to be working in ballet, or opera, or things where it’s like, ‘Hey, keep this thing alive, even though like no one cares about this anymore.’ All respect to all the ballet and opera people out there.”

It took only a few sentences for hundreds of thousands of people to cancel Timothee Chalamet for allegedly disparaging the arts. The sound on TikTok has generated a million likes and almost six thousand comments from a single video. Some of the comments: “How to destroy your career in less then 10 seconds!”, “Are we witnessing the downfall of Chalamet?”, “don’t feel any respect for him anymore” and “I miss when he was French and quiet” with 382 THOUSAND likes!!

Now granted, his thought was terribly phrased. So badly phrased that outside of its context it does seem that he is disparaging ballet and opera. Rather, he seems to be admitting to the difficulty of working in a seemingly dying industry. Whether you agree with the current state of interest of opera and ballet, you cannot disagree that it takes a strong willpower, and an even stronger passion, to work in a dying industry. To do it for the love of it, more than the benefit of it.

Chalamet was entirely right to mention how demanding it takes to work in the creative industry. Entirely right to admit that he does not have the strength to do so. To admit his fault, even when speaker in such a light hearted tone.And yet, we hesitate. We hesitate to admit, to mention.

As a writer, I sometimes fear the full page more than the blank page. I fear of being intentionally misunderstood, misinterpreted. I rush to self-censor before anyone does it on my behalf. I question whether my humour will translate, whether I may poke fun at things without being met with restraints.

Now, public figures engaging in human rights discourse are labelled as “brave”. They must question whether or not they are willing to put their careers on the line before doing something as simply as denouncing genocide.

In a 2024 Teen Vogue interview, actress Nicola Coughlan spoke on the backlash of speaking against the genocide in Palestine by stating:

“You do get told, ‘You won’t get work,’ ‘You won’t do this.’ But I also think, deep down, if you know that you’re coming from a place of ‘I don’t want any innocent people to suffer,’ then I’m not worried about people’s reactions.”

People’s reactions. That is what it boils down to for many. Having to frame and re-frame our words for a more palatable version of our thoughts and opinions. Having to carefully read each sentence and place yourselves in the shoes of someone who so wishes to devalue your opinion, to contest your intentions.

In her most recent article, Ayan Artan writes of Nabokov’s Lolita:

i don’t know if i’m as brave a writer as nabokov was. i care still about being misunderstood. i must explain and quantify, but that has to stop. he did what all great artists do. he risked being labelled the worst thing imaginable because he refused to dumb his work down.

Our words and our art need to be honest. Need to be uncensored. They need to risk. Risk being misunderstood, taken out of context, misinterpreted. Risk being torn apart and mocked. Risk being renounced and shunned and cancelled.

Without that risk, our art cannot risk being adored. Risk being applauded. Risk being repeated and studied and taught. Risk being copied and reformulated and regurgitated. Risk being written in diaries and walls. Risk being posted and shared. Risk being understood.

Love,

Anastasia

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In 1912, Sigmund Freud defines the Madonna-whore complex in his essay, “On the Universal Tendency to Debasement in the Sphere of Love,” writing of men:

“Where they love they do not desire and where they desire they cannot love. They seek objects which they do not need to love, in order to keep their sensuality away from the objects they love (…)”

And in 2026, Caro Claire Burke introduces Christian wife/ influencer Natalie in her debut novel Yesteryear, who in returning to the past admits:

“I remind myself, with more than a little bit of unease, that nothing is accidental. Nothing in this world happens that is not part of His plan. (Visions of martyrs dance in my mind: women burning alive, children losing their heads, so some man’s faith might be restored. My hand drifts back to my stomach, and another wave of light headedness passes through me. I’m not some sacrifice, am I, Lord?)”

While Freud theorised that women were to put on a pedestal or in bed, Burke adds another possibility: that of the stake.

the death of the Virgin

Truth be told, the Virgin seems an outdated distinction in pop culture. When is the last time we were presented with an ideal version of femininity men were eager to respect and love in favour of desire? What women do all men put on pedestal? I think back to the distinction of Sinners and Saints in the first season of “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” - a distinction which falls flat almost immediately as the chosen villain of the season is meant to be a Saint.

Time and time again, we are given an ideal version of femininity so we can tear it down. And that’s where the Martyr comes in.

Womanhood exists within the frames of socialisation. When becoming a woman, we are given the choice to remain within the structure of patriarchy or set ourselves apart from it. Both conscious political choices - to comply or defy - knowing that neither choice will easily empower us.

In the case of Yesteryear, the author seems to present a brief figure of the Virgin. Rather than the perfect wife who her husband respects and loves, it is the daughters, specifically Mary, who replaces her mother as the head of the house while having no husband of her own (the perfect Virgin). The figure is brief, and falls from grace as none of the daughters can remain the Virgin once they emerge into adulthood. Within their new agency they must decide to be a Whore or a Martyr: two choices of how to be reduced, how to be punished for their autonomy.

The nauseating realisation that the Virgin is not the wife but the daughter is a deliberate choice from the author: one that shows how a young girl’s evolution must be followed by a regression. The threat of the woman has to be contained within the traditional realms they exist in.

The modern world is quite similar: there are no Virgins, just women navigating the unsolvable enigma of patriarchy. This is why Natalie’s image of the Whore as a predator falls flat. While Natalie envisions herself a Martyr, i.e. the sacrifice to restore her husband’s faith, she depicts her college roommate Reena and assistant Shannon as Whores, as she does largely with all modern women.

In one incident, a few months after Natalie laid in her bed while her college roommate had a man over, she accuses Reena of being a predator for telling the rest of her friends that the man made her feel uncomfortable and had pressured her into sex. She flips the situation entirely and reframes the incident through her lens: that of an unreliable narrator, one who has been taught of sex as a duty. In flipping back to the incident, it is more than obvious that Reena was pressured, and simply tried to appease the man.

But it is so easy to blame the woman. To read compliance and agreement. We see this in all aspects of pop culture. The urge society has to point the finger at the woman: the Whore as a predator, the Martyr as a sacrifice.

“Learn this now and learn it well, my daughter: Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. You remember that, Mariam.”

Excerpt from A thousand splendid suns, Khaled Hosseini

Love, Anastasia

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Preparing for summer means preparing yourself to enjoy the activities of a slower, much warmer version of life. It means adding to your gelato lists, expanding your cocktail knowledge and climbing up the vacation ladder (NOT to confuse with corporate which is an autumn/winter exclusive). As far as I’m concerned, the only career moves we should be concerned with this summer is adding to our sommelier and air hostess experience.

Hibernation is presented as the only period of the year one prepares for the upcoming season, but I would wager that it is almost as important to prepare for the upcoming season as it is for any. There’s a particular freshness with spring, a certain sharp wind that jolts us back into considering the bigger pictures.

With the nights getting shorter, we are no longer going home in the dark, eager to get the day over with. It seems we now have time, additional hours of the day we scatter to use. So, if you are in need of ideas for how to use your time wisely in preparation for summer, I hope you will enjoy my list.

Now it goes without saying that nothing of this list is mandatory, some ideas may resonate and some may not. Use what you find pertinent and ignore the rest.

2026 pre-summer bucket list:

• Make your own bookmark

• Learn the recipe to your favourite summer cocktail/ drink

• Make your own bouquet by walking in nature and collecting as you go

• Have an after-work drink at home and outside: on your garden, your terrace, your balcony, your side of the window, whatever it is

• Support a new local coffee shop

• Buy your fruits and veggies somewhere else than a supermarket chain

• Find a new dream to work towards

• Find a new third space

• Attend a festival or an outdoor concert

• Try a new ice cream flavour

• Watch a nostalgic movie

• Make pancakes/ crepes one morning

• Spot a lady bug, a butterfly and a beetle

• Make a new playlist

• Visit the botanical gardens

• Make a photo collage

• Go bare feet in the grass

• Make summer jewellery

• Help a stranger

• Make your own dips (hummus, tzatziki…)

• Sunbathe in short amounts to avoid suburbs before summer

• Donate some old clothes/ books

• Open the windows and put on some music

• Add a pop of colour to your bedroom

• Try a new nail polish shade

• Print out some pictures

• Host a board game night

• Do some research on the places you’ll be this summer

• Read a new book

• Clean your computer and phone

• Volunteer

• Plant herbs on your windowsill

• Treat yourself to something small but meaningful

• Write yourself a letter about everything that happened this winter (keep it or burn it)

Let me know in the comments if there’s anything I missed!

Love,

Anastasia

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April 2026.

I had always thought that deciding to take a break would feel like stepping into a warm bath. That the days leading up to the break would be thrilling, and that the break itself would feel rewarding. If only the second had turned out as correct as the first.

Almost two years ago, I wrote about the glorification of exhaustion, arguing that,

Our culture of productivity has lead to a glorification of exhaustion. A pissing contest of who has the most on their to-do list. It seems like life is a constant question of: “What’s that gap of your CV?”

I had not expected the feeling to get that much stronger as I grew older. With age comes experience, and with experience comes certainty. At least that’s what I’ve been told time and time again. Yet, the more I think about it, the more it should be the opposite. More answers should lead to more questions. More information should lead to more digging. More experience should lead to more trials and errors.

In taking a well needed break starting this month of April, I found myself almost at a loss between nothing happening (in the “grand scheme of things”) yet everything happening (in terms of activities, plans, itineraries). I had two visits that led more to tour Copenhagen and its outskirts, and then did some travelling of my own. I discovered a new art form I’m still exploring and reconnected with an old hobby I had not had time for. And yet, in having my direction be inwards instead of upwards, it feels like I am not being as productive as I should be. It feels like I haven’t bounced back the right way, even if I have no intention to bounce back into anything right now.

So why is it that I am feeling such guilt for doing something I have intentionally taken a step back from? Am I not cool enough to enjoy a break?

In truth, our society might be a great starting point. The idea that one can balance taking a break while remaining productive is a societal obsession. Productivity is a societal obsession - one that has ruined the very idea of balance.

Leaning into the idea that we are just a small fish in a much larger pond leads us to believe that we should be constantly on the move to avoid being left behind. That what is meant for us could be quickly caught by someone else. That we are one step back away from being plucked out of the water. But if our pond truly is that big, then we should feel the possibility of being able to go in any direction, including inwards.

Things that helps me towards this mindset:

• The quote “It’s everyone’s first time living”

• Jean de La Fontaine’s fable “The Hare and the Tortoise”

• People around me asking anything but “What’s next?” and “What are you going to do after?”

• Taking the time to question my allegiance to productivity, and what I actually want to accomplish on a break, if anything

• A lack of labels

Labels because it leads to the illusion that everything needs to be defined to be justified, including wasting time. Lying in bed for a while has to be called “bed rotting” now. People online are having to promote fun, promote the idea that fun is not wasted time. Why can’t it be? Why can we no longer waste our time?

Maybe I am not cool enough to enjoy a break. Maybe I am simply enjoying a break, regardless of how cool, productive, creative, smart, social I am. Maybe there are no standards for breaks, or people.

So just for fun, here are some things I’ve done during my break that would put productivity in a spiral:

• I woke up at 6.30 am (as I did when working) just to have breakfast, and then went back to bed and forgot lunch

• I bought a book I’ve been wanting to read on Kindle, and then bought the physical copy. I haven’t read either yet.

• I worked out for an hour in the morning and sat in the same clothes for the entire day. I am meant to be leaving to see friends in ten minutes, wish me luck.

Love,

Anastasia

Hidden under a paywall:

• A page of my diary that prompted this monthly essay

• My writing setup

• A few pictures of my travels with narration

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Admittedly, I do not have thousands of dollars, nor am I a Justin Bieber fan. I do have a dust allergy and an Iphone, so my knowledge of the performance is mostly the result of scrolling through dozens of clips posted online. None of this matters of course, as I do not need to see the twenty minutes of him singing along to his old music videos and sing along’s on YouTube (part of a ninety minute performance mind you) to determine that we now have a new poster child for the “lazy artist” society insists on stamping on every other month.

Art, muddled with entertainment, has always been subjective. While some may value the high production of a performance like Sabrina Carpenter’s, others may value the intimacy and self-reference of a performance like Justin Bieber’s. Both, no matter how different, figure as artistic expressions. The issue lies when the fact of entertainment, the reality of purpose becomes more valuable than the art, the expression.

All comments I’ve seen of women not being able to get away with performing as he did seem irrelevant, as he did not get away with anything. MANY seem to believe that Justin Bieber “owed” the audience a performance closer to Sabrina’s. But did he?

When has art been ever valued on the standard of it being universally palatable? Of it being pleasing to all members of the public? An artist should not question whether or not what they do is of value. Their impact is not in their hands, therefore not part of their job. Similarly, if history has taught us anything it is that the world is an extremely unreliable critic.

Think about it. Has every piece of art you’ve learnt about not been met with some push back? Has every great artist that pushed boundaries not been deemed as lazy? Now I’m not suggesting we equal Justin Bieber to Dadaism artist Marcel Duchamp, whose art includes a reproduction of the Mona Lisa with a moustache and goatee, but I am suggesting that an artist is a poet and a poet is a fool. Let artists play the fool.

So much of art is met with “Even I could do that!” by individuals who will never pick up a brush other to paint their living room walls white. Art is not meant to please everyone. It is not meant for a larger audience. Art should be met with skepticism, with confusion, with laughter and even with disappointment. No art should be universally palatable.

The day art becomes universally palatable is the day freedom ceases to exist. The day propaganda and art are not distinguishable. Art should not have a blueprint, for we all know who would be in control of said blueprint…

As loss for those who paid thousands of dollars for the glitz and glam that comes with camping in the dust for three days - a win for art.

Love,

Anastasia

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So, as words best written come from experience, I decided to challenge myself to do something creative every day for a week. If creativity is like a muscle, then I must admit that recently I have had neither the sneakers nor the sweat to show for it.

There seems to be a particular pressure we all put on ourselves to be creative in the right way. As if consistency or talent have anything to do with being creative. Maybe on social media it does, but what of ourselves? Does being creative in a messy, unpolished, confused way not feed us just as much as anything?

So, armed with old supplies and a creative eye, I began my journey of finding creative outlets beyond writing. First an hour of doodling things I found of Pinterest, then of making a bracelet with leftover materials I had from a Christmas present I’d made from my brother. No grand scale planning, no new supplies - just myself and a real desire to create.

Some of my creative tasks I’d start in the bus, continue at the office in between meetings. Some took time and planning - such as the free Vino cut workshop I attended at Copenhagen’s queer bookstore The Pond. Some made me happy, others left me indifferent. Regardless of any of it, I persisted.

What I noticed wasn’t necessarily a growth in talent, but rather a change in perspective. By giving myself no other alternative but to be creative, I did much more than I possibly could’ve imagined. I saved plenty of videos and tutorials of hobbies I knew nothing of, I made a list of resources and courses in my city, I actually signed up for a free workshop and got accepted. I finally allowed myself to spend money I have on an expensive camera I’ve been eyeing for over a year. Having no other choice gave me the choice. To be brave, to step outside my comfort zone. To fail, to succeed, to stagnate.

I started with no rules, then saw a possibility of engaging in a different art form every day and took it. I didn’t do it every day, allowed myself days off and started up again without feeling shame. I started posting my art boards on TikTok - something I’d felt too shy to do before. I discovered a new bookstore, followed new artists. I nurtured and fed my creativity.

I gave myself five days to be creative every day. Engaged fully in one thing one day and turned to something else the next. It may not be feasible every week, but there’s no harm in trying every month, or every other month.

So for everyone wanting to be more creative this spring and summer, please try this out and let me know how you find it!

Details on what I did every day:

day 1. drawing

day 2. making a bracelet

day 3. decorating/ threading my earphones

day 4. trying Linocut

day 5. making a video for an art board

Hidden under a paywall:

• links and resources I found and used for each day

• photos and scans of the process and result

• bonus day

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I worked a lot in order to just have money. It was called “f##k you” money. If you have it, and something’s not working out, and they say you have to take this job, or you’re fired, you can be like, “f##k you.”

F##k you money prevents someone from being trapped - whether it be a bad job, a bad relationship, a bad apartment, or something else entirely. Yet lately, it seems that I am being trapped by myself. My fear of consuming, of over consuming, is making me save up without a reason to say f##k you.

A few days ago I did a quick closet clean with the intention of purchasing things that are still sitting in my multiple open tabs. I enjoy having less because it gives me more free time. Yet, this free time from picking through hundreds of options of products each day before leaving the house gives me ample time to go online and watch others do exactly that. I under consume physically to over consume digitally.

Many women tend to hesitate to consume as we have been hounded by the horros of overcosumption. As therealmanifestelle mentions in one video, we willingly internalise the misogynistic myth of overconsumption because:

It is under the guide of something generally reasonable: the premise that overconsumption is bad. (…) women cannot take up space. (…) It is important to dispel these myths because they trick us into believing that our economic influence is a liability instead of what it truly is: one of the most powerful levers women have to shape culture, markets, innovation and future.

Consumption isn’t the problem - unquestioned/ unintentional consumption is. So, as an attempt to say “f**k you” to the misogynistic myth of overconsumption, here is how I combat overconsumption - and its myth - while consuming.

I believe everyone should have a list of things they would like to buy. Whether it be a phsycial list in your notebook, a digital list in your notes app, or anything else - everyone should have a list of things they’d like to treat themselves to, no matter how unrealistic. In fact, the more unrealistic the better.

Now in order to know what you truly like, and what you’ll truly use, you need to know your pattern of interest. Because consumption is not wrong, uninformed consumption is! I myself see it through the collages I make - I notice what colours, what textures, what silhouettes and products I’m drawn to. I also make sure to take pictures when I see something I like but is not quite right.

1. The perfect everyday bag

I have been scouting the perfect everyday bag that would fit my needs for over a year. I know my requirements (big enough for a book, doesn’t reduce itself to a puddle when empty…) and have been seeing what catches my eye by taking and saving pictures. Most recently, I’ve ended up on this beautiful bag that might fit all my requirements.

The print is inspired by the Islander bags I saw on my trip to Edinburgh last year (I took terrible pictures so I won’t share - but they do exist). This version has much larger straps which will allow for most than one book, and is also much less sturdy. Also, while looking at my purchases in the last year, I’ve noticed I’ve navigates away from black and closers to brown: brown coat, brown sunglasses, brown hair elastics… Therefor, this bag would be in closer harmony to what I gravitate towards.

2. A camera to carry with me at all times

Similar to bags, I’ve been meticulously watching people on social media showing off their cameras for months. I see what camera they have, how the pictures look and what kind of pictures they take, hoping to make an informed decision. I have a whole Tiktok album dedicated to cameras. Now, part of my decision will ultimately be reduced to the brands that ship to Denmark, and the products the brands ship to Denmark (as the range of products aren’t as broad as in the US/UK).

For now, I seem to have settled on a Canon one, and will try to see what some of the experts at camera stores in Copenhagen recommend. If possible, when making a larger purchase, I always try to see the product in person and have a conversation with someone who knows much more than me.

3. Creative materials

As I will have more free time on my hands when my internship ends, I have had to question how my routines and habits will evolve and how I might nurture and feed them. I have decided to focus on my creative skills, which might include buying certain products or investing in a retreat to hone in on my skills or diversify my interests. I have not yet settled on specifics as I am still scouting what feels right for me, so for now I am using all the materials I already have, whether physically or digitally.

If you’re interested in reading more about that, please let me know!

I will end my thoughts now, as it is not my intentions to make a long list of things of things to consume (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but rather show to important of consuming when it is done thoughtfully. So f**k you to the misogynistic myth of overconsumption, and let me know what you intend of buying/ consuming soon!

Leave a comment

Love,

Anastasia

March 2026.

The first half of the month dedicated itself entirely to my internship’s purpose: the documentary festival. Having meticulously organised each step, I was left with no other choice but to watch it run its course, inapt and someone intrigued in preventing its end. What I did find stricking, between the early mornings and late nights, was my own inadicacy towards the documentary genre.

A comment I overheard a few months ago, “a Eurocentric way of making a documentary - of storytelling” has now finnaly made sense. Here I was, in between screenings, both aware that I was an expert in analysing words on pages and aware that I was completely lost in analysing words from film. Each documentary more enlightening than the other, I realised that exposure would be the only remedy for having underdevelopped critical thinking skills when it comes to film.

How does one develop critical thinking skills, even later on in life? What questions, reflections should I arm myself when watching documentaries? Are the 5 w’s enough? What, where, when, who, why? “Amazomania” does certainly not have a Eurocentric way of storytelling. Neither does “Daughter of the Forest”. But how can I determine that?

I observe.

I absord.

I ponder.

I meditate.

I deduce.

I play around.

I question.

I keep going through the process for each, unwrapping new ways of absorbing another’s form of storytelling.

As the festival has come to an end, and the pull that have kept us interns - now friends - together has weakened, I find myself prioritising the smallest opportunities for us to spend time together. One of them has spend the past few days as mine, as she prepares to make her way back to her own home. The adolescent thrill of having to share secrets over stove tops and pillow forts has rushed back to my reality. It’s precious.

While killing time while my parents were selecting Easter wine, we stumbled inside a store and purchased A1 paper, exitedly agreeing to brain dump all our future plans, dreams, ideas… We sat next to the fireplace with dozen of coloured pens and scribbled away our words, sometimes exchaging them to get inspired, sometimes exchanging them to get approved of.

For the first time in a while, I had the space to map out next steps without the blockage of having the next career pivot come up. In having written my “life quests”, here are a few things I look forward to as the heavy perfume of March leaves the room:

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Like many things, taste has developped into a kind of commodity. The less one’s taste is noticed, the rarer it is. This has developped into creators themselves marketing themselves through appealing to a niche community. It seems everything has become more and more tailored to a specific, niche community. An “you either get it or you don’t” mindset has taken over the digital world, where every aspect of creativity is hyper aware of its specific target.

Even on Substack, essays and thinkpieces market themselves as hitting a specific brand of intellectualism. Many essays go even so far as appealing to a specific range of female intllectual. Understandable, as more than 60% of female users on Substack are women. This platfom seems to offer a unique community, under the illusion of being open and accepting. Yet a number of its users remain cling to an idea of Substack being more elevated than other social media platforms. Of being a community for some kind of literate elite, advertised through the lens of various trends, such as the “thought daughter”.

Yet this marketing of being part of an understated circle is not entirely new. Women are much more online because much like being a woman, being online is a performance. Our understanding of how to adapt our appearance is led entirely by our long understanding of other’s perception of us. We understand that our aesthetic communicates much before we do. Why else would so many of us have over a dozen Pinterest boards?

Women know how to play it up or how to suppress it, in a way many men fail to do, all because it hasn’t impacted their lives in the same way.

If taste is at present the darling idol of the polite world, as Professor Ruby Justice Thélot argues, then it is no wonder women are so conscious of how they choose to communicate it. As a point of social discourse, we all seem to be under the impression that our social media presence is a constant answer to the question “What is Taste?” In our most self-conscious moments, it seems like a simple “like” is at risk of being disected.

In ending his essay on taste with,

When uncreased white sneakers question polished penny loafers, begging “What’s Taste?”, the real question asked is, “What’s Good?”

I wonder whether the question draws curiosity on the interior or the exterior: is it a question of what is good in the world or what is good according to me? While both may have drawn the same answers in a society where taste was a matter of virtue, our digital capitalist age deploys taste as a symbol of class, a symbol of proper consumerism.

In a way, being hesitant towards having likes be made public is less about the realisation that other people can see what I consume, but rather the hyper-awareness that the algorithm and every unknown machine can see what I consume. How can we be sold intimacy and community on platforms that track every second of our online activity?

Privacy is dead, sure, but don’t rub it in my face.

Because that is precisely what we are expected to forget. In the discourse of “I don’t want my high school friends to see the dozen memes me and my brother send each other”, we seem to forget the machine we truly do not wish to track our consumption. Because if we aren’t at the table, we are surely on the menu.

Now there is no need to be entirely pessimistic, but it is important to be aware. I have found myself resisting by refusing to like anything, yet have slowly come to the conclusion that it only harms creatives - creatives I so wish to support. So fuck it, let’s make sure we are loud when we like something. Let us leave a like, leave a comment, post it on our stories. Let us make sure that everyone around us knows exactly where we stand.

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Love,

Anastasia

Thank you so much for supporting the time and effort I put into my writing. It truly means the world to have you here <3 If you’d like more day-to-day updates, feel free to follow me on instagram!

In case you missed my last essay, find it right here:

The promise we make to ourselves as the season renews seems important. Will we bloom alongside it all?

Of course, each and every one of us may have a singular and differing definition of what we would consider a bloom. We are each carried by different pursuits, different elements of survival and play. Some of us may find spring a time to soak up the sun leisurely, while others find it a time to accumulate a tier of tasks. And some of us may have no clue on where to get started.

Perhaps this list will go right over your head, or perhaps it will speak directly to your heart. Nevertheless, here is my attempt at creating a few notes of some of the pursuits I will be following and some I will be recommending.

1. A singular creative act every day

Inspired by Izabella Raczkowski’s series in January where she pained a single post card every day of the month, I will be picking a time this spring to begin a thirty-day challenge of my own. Sometimes, it is not about quality or quantity. Sometimes, it is a silly line each day rather than a well-thought out page. Sometimes it is one small doodle on a post-it note each day rather than a drawing. A small, singular creative act every day simply for the joy of being creative.

2. Create a space for film/book reviews

Lately I have had to acept that I am not meant to have an app to recount the books I read over time. However, I do need a space where I write down what I read, just as others need an opportunity to access to printed reading material. Whether it be creating a film review account, signing up for a library card, or something else entirely, we must find a source of engaging with art this spring.

3. Write down a step-by-step of the day you’ve enjoyed most this year, and try to implement one element from it every day

While the year has only just begun, there must already be at least one day you can look back on and consider close to perfect. I know I have mine. And I know that there is at least one element, one moment from that day I am able to replicate in all those to come. Because while we are not always able to live a close to perfect day, we are able to live a close to perfect moment each day.

4. Post something brave

Now, this is especially for those of us with a weird relationship with social media. If we are going to be living on social media (as we have been for at least a decade), we might as well start living. This means getting over ourselves and our fears related to these platforms. I know I’m in great need of getting back out there on there.

5. Renew your bag’s essentials

We all have a few items we carry in our bags that we deem essential, whether they are every day essential or in case of emergy essential. Yet, our gum packs have two left, our hand sanitizer is close to empty, our lipstick shade hasn’t been a favourite in four months… It is time we empty that bag and rummage through it all. Also, it is time I enjoy a rewatch of my favourite “what’s in my bag” tours.

Here is one of my favourites from seven years ago.

6. Go on a crawl

Could be a study crawl at cafes we’ve yet to try, or a bar crawl recommended by a friend. Whatever it is, whoever it is with, sometimes things are enjoyed in abundance.

7. Get some of your favourite pictures printed or go take pictures in a photo booth

As I took my own pictures at a photo booth only a week ago, I told myself I would be going to the same booth every year around the same time, so as to document my changes throughout adulthood. Some many of us remember being measured and pencilled in against our doorways. It is time we celebrate growth and age in other ways.

8. Go steal something

Whether a flower on the side of the pavement or a rock on the beach, we all rediscover our appreciation for nature once the weather clears. Let us ensure we do so, and keep a small memory of it indoors for when the next winter rolls around.

9. Make your dating profile extremely niche

Now this may or may not be sourced from a conversation at a bar while drinking matcha cocktails (who even knew that was a thing). The point is, if you are on dating apps, especially if you are a heterosexual woman, your dating profile is surely extremely accessible. No issue there when attempting to cast a wide net. However, the wider the net the more the filter through. So, let me live vicariously through you as someone with no apps and let me see how niche your profile can be - how you your profile can be.

10. Take an online course or an in-person class

As we are on a platform that is considered somewhat intellectual, I will end with one last tip to bloom this spring: education may exist outside the classroom, but it is intensly nurtured by it. I wish I could develop my own curriculum and spend every other evening learning a different topic. Yet, I know I thrive best when given some kind of structure. So, this spring I will most likely sign up for an online course or take a few in-person classes. Whether they be language courses or pottery classes, we should all thrive to broaden our knowledge.

Here is a collection of free resources Emmelie Arents recommends for more accessible + quick lessons.

In hopes that all these will help you bloom this spring <3

Love,

Anastasia

Thank you so much for supporting the time and effort I put into my writing. It truly means the world to have you here <3 If you’d like more day-to-day updates, feel free to follow me on instagram!