We are so grateful to be partnering with Laurel’s Grief Center in Tonawanda, whose generous support- including space, childcare, and a wealth of additional grief resources- makes this program possible twice annually for our community.

The ARROW Widowed Support Program is a free, comprehensive, ten-week grief support program for adults 21+ grieving the death of a spouse or partner, whether the loss was recent or years ago. Secular, trauma-informed, LGBTQ and neurodivergent-affirming, this program has been serving the WNY community since 2022.

PROGRAM DETAILS:

• Location: Laurel’s Grief Center, Tonawanda, NY

• 10 Weeks on Tuesdays, 6:30–8:00pm

• Fall 2026: September 8 – November 10

• Spring 2027: April 13 – June 15

• Cost: Free | Childcare available | Space limited to 10 participants; no drop-ins

• Donations to Laurel’s Grief Center are welcomed and appreciated, but never expected

Created and facilitated by Andrea Row, MA, GC-C- integrative grief coach, AuDHD therapist, Reiki master, and widowed mom.

To register or learn more: 716-336-8637 | www.arrowintegrative.com

Menus work beautifully for neurodivergent brains. They’re visual, scannable, and organized. No executive function required to figure out your options. No decision fatigue and blank stares. Just options, waiting patiently for you.

And of course, there are no “shoulds” on any of these menus!

The AuDHD Café currently offers three menus, each addressing a different but deeply interconnected area of neurodivergent life:

🌿 The Regulation Menu: practical, holistic tools for soothing an overwhelmed nervous system. From quick resets to daily foundations, plus breathwork and affirmations for extra support. They look simple (and for the most part are); however, I delve into more detail with my clients so they can get the most out of each option, including the science behind how each activity helps. Knowing the why behind it makes the activity much more meaningful. Regulating your nervous system is a critical factor in improving executive functioning.

⚙️ The Executive Functioning Menu: a fun peek into how the AuDHD brain works, what makes it challenging, and what actually helps. This menu has been a helpful way for my clients to identify the ways they are affected by executive functioning challenges so we can address them together in our sessions.

🧠 The Dopamine Menu: pairs well with the other menus (hmmm… maybe I’ll make it a “dessert” menu!) for when you need a feel-good boost, a motivation reset, or simply a reminder of what actually brings you joy. Organized by time and energy level, from quick five-minute appetizers to deeply nourishing luxuries.

Each menu is free to download, print, and share with clients, loved ones, fellow therapists, or anyone you think might benefit. Find them on my website at www.arrowintegrative.com!

The AuDHD Café menus pair beautifully with my article, Explaining Neurodivergence, which covers what neurodivergence actually is, how it shows up across a wide range of diagnoses, and why so many people go undiagnosed well into adulthood. Understanding your brain and why certain things feel so hard, why you've been misunderstood, and why the tools that work for everyone else don't always work for you, is the foundation everything else is built on. If you're new to this world (and even if you’re not), start with the article, then begin building your toolkit with the menus.

I created the AuDHD Café because as a late-identified AuDHD adult, I get it. I’m grateful to say that I also know what it feels like to finally find your people, understand your wiring, and start building a life that allows you to thrive.

Drop me a line at arrowintegrative@gmail.com or comment to let me know if these are helpful for you! 🦋

Created with love by Andrea Row, MA, GC-C | ARROW Integrative Coaching LLC ©2026
All menus are free to print and share with credit.

Then Saturday, July 25, I’ll be facilitating the Estrangement Group at 1pm (which is how I discovered this amazing organization). Register HERE

Check out Laurel’s other offerings, including their Men’s Grief Group, Children’s Grief Group, Special Needs & Siblings Support Group, Spouse/Partner Loss Support Group, and Pet Loss Support Group. There’s even a Nature Walk and Calming Yoga!

In September, the Widowed Support Program will begin it’s Fall session on Tuesday, September 8th (6:30-8pm) at Laurel’s Grief Center! To register, call/text me at 716-336-8637 or complete the contact form on the ARROW Integrative site. Since it is a closed group (meaning only those who register will be present for all ten weeks with no drop-ins allowed), each person is carefully vetted.

This October, Soaring Spirits is coming to Buffalo!!! The first ever Camp Widow Buffalo is taking place on Saturday, October 10 at the Grapevine Banquets Events Center (formerly The Hearthstone Manor) in Depew, NY. About as full-circle as you can get, Matt and I had our wedding reception at this location on July 27, 2002, and Soaring Spirits is the organization that gave me community starting at their inception in 2009. I’ll be one of several volunteers to welcome all who attend!

Today’s post is in honor of Matt, who would have turned 57 today but is forever 39. I credit him for being my first healthy attachment and loving me so well, and ultimately leading me to the work I’m doing today. Long Live Love <3

Their mission is to support children, families, and adults compassionately as they navigate their personal grief journey. They have several types of grief support groups and wellness programs that are facilitated by trained, certified peer facilitators who also happen to be some of the kindest people I’ve met.

I’m so grateful to be working along side like-minded people with similar goals of walking with people through their grief as they find their footing, providing tools for healing and growth, and growing a community that understands what they’re going through. What makes this feel especially meaningful is that my work resides at the intersection of grief and neurodivergence- and so does Laurel's. Finding an organization whose mission mirrors my own specializations so closely feels like coming home.

And you wanna know what else is so amazing?? I get to facilitate the Widowed Support Program IN PERSON at their location!!!

The ARROW Widowed Support Program will be offered twice annually- in the spring and fall- at Laurel’s Grief Center in Tonawanda. There is no charge for participation; donations are gratefully accepted for Laurel’s Grief Center.

More details to follow soon!

I think we feel this undercurrent of shame mostly because of fear of judgment. The truth is, we ALL are navigating a challenging life. We all make mistakes. We are all learning as we go. Life does not come with a set of instructions, nor should it- the mystery and mistakes are how we learn and grow. Every single person on this earth is struggling in some way; it’s part of the human experience. We should be helping each other through- not making it harder for each other, or assuming others have it better than we do.

It was scary putting it all out there in my last blog post, but knowing how much it resonated with so many people from my personal page, I’m glad I did which is why I shared here. It helped give others the language to express some of those same experiences and emotions. I didn’t have the language for those things either until it finally came spilling out that day. It’s heartbreaking to know that so many people identified so deeply with most of it, but I’m grateful to know I’m not alone with it all, and neither are you. We’re all in this together!

I hope that you’re all inspired to speak your truths and the contents of your hearts, too- it’s so cathartic to let all that out!

What are some things you’ve been holding onto? What keeps you from letting it go? Consider journaling about this for yourself.

AFFIRMATIONS

I am allowed to take up space.

I honor my truth and heal myself by expressing it out loud.

I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.

Thank you for being here. <3

She must have an eating disorder: I’ve been malnourished most of my life due to a rare, genetic progressive metabolic disorder that affects my digestive enzymes (and immune system by proxy), bones, eyes, kidneys, and who knows what else. Just found out in March what’s been plaguing me my whole life and progressively worsening.

She must be avoiding me: I have little left in me after attempting to meet my most basic responsibilities. I’ve had to give up so much of what I love.

She’s a libtard snowflake: I just want everyone to have what they need. Go ahead and judge me for that.

She dumped her friends whenever she got a boyfriend: I couldn’t afford to hire a sitter more than once a week. I so badly wanted my kids to have a dad.

She made a promise she didn’t keep: I have mad ADHD and juggling 1,000 things at a time- sometimes I need reminded even when I write things down. If I can’t do something I say I’m gonna do, I apologize- not ghost. If I didn’t apologize, that means I need reminded.

She moved on fast: I was painfully vulnerable and easy prey. And a young woman, still alive.

She’s widowed so she must be loaded: I felt sick about any money that came to me through his death so I volunteered, donated, and shared it with family in need. Plus moved six times (2x cross country), raised two kids, and put myself through grad school. It’s long gone. I’ve learned boundaries. Not that it’s anyone’s goddamn business; many widows are left with nothing but debt.

Everything comes easy to her: struggle looks easy when you vocalize gratitude to keep yourself alive and paint a smile on your face.

I wonder what she meant by that: my words come at face value and have no hidden meaning or passive aggressive intent. Ask for clarification- I won’t be offended. I’m very literal and assume you say what you mean, too.

She dumped her friends when she moved back: I became my mother’s caregiver while raising two neurodivergent littles with zero support, drowning in trauma and grief with raging unhealthy coping mechanisms, trying to keep everyone around me happy while dying inside. I feel terrible for not knowing how to foster healthy friendships. I didn’t communicate anything I was going through and just disappeared- mostly out of shame. That’s been a big hard lesson knowing I hurt some wonderful people and can’t undo it.

She couldn’t keep a relationship longer than a year: I was with my husband for 10 years until he died, and I have yet to meet someone I feel as compatible with. Truth be told, I’m not sure we’d still be compatible, either. I’ve changed and grown so much since his death. I’d like to think we would have grown and evolved together.

Must be nice to live in a ‘castle in a culdesac’: I got a bigger house to accommodate a blended family that didn’t work out and was stuck with the upkeep and expenses as a continual reminder. It almost killed me.

She wouldn’t let me sit by her: I waved her over to the seat next to me then watched her storm off. Why in the world would I intentionally hurt someone I am actively trying to help??

She gets so quiet around crowds: I have severe auditory processing disorder and one of the symptoms is not understanding words when multiple people are talking simultaneously. I end up having to read lips. I miss a lot. My brain tries to fill in the gaps and sometimes it makes mistakes.

She’s kind of boring: I am where gossip goes to die. I’ve been the subject of plenty of nonsense over the years. We should base our opinions of others on our own experiences with them- not just by what we hear. Jealousy is ugly, and assumptions are usually wrong.

She should know I’m upset with her: I rely on people to communicate their thoughts directly- I don’t always pick up on hints and cues. I want to know if I’ve done something to hurt someone so I have an opportunity to try to make it right.

She’s had a ton of support: the number of Facebook likes on a post has zero correlation to the actual support a person receives.

She turns down invitations all the time: I’m exhausted from managing a chronic illness, solo parenting, grad school, new career, building a business, volunteer work, AuDHD, and managing a household with two geriatric pets. I want to do ALL of the things, visit all the people, and celebrate life! But I’m pooped and in pain. I’m hoping this improves with the treatments. I’m missing so much, and so are my kids.

She stopped ____ (sending cards, giving money, buying gifts, etc): I’m learning to lighten my load however possible and prioritize my limited resources. It is not a measure of how much I care- I just can’t do what I used to.

She looks like she’s got it all together: If only you knew the battles I fought to get here, and the ones that still wage on.

I am a fucking warrior.

But I am tired.

In my healing journey, one of the many things I’ve learned is that sometimes it’s necessary to go within to take the time to process my experiences before being able to externalize them in any way. Challenges with interoception and alexithymia require me to take more time to identify what I’m feeling- whether physically or emotionally, and when already overwhelmed by the sensory input of physical pain, hunger, energy depletion, and the shock (and relief!) of finally getting an answer as to what has been causing all this (as well as learning how to self-administer injections three times a week) has all been a lot to absorb. Taking some space to allow myself that opportunity has been invaluable.

It makes sense that a progressive metabolic disorder could create an energy crisis since, in my case, the process of turning food into energy had also been declining for quite some time before finally figuring this out. As my energy returns, I feel an immense sense of relief and gratitude that I get to continue pursuing my personal and professional goals. As hard as I’ve worked for this, they were beginning to feel further and further out of reach, and it was getting scary. Even my cognitive functioning was affected which is another reason I hadn’t been able to write- especially since I refuse to have AI write for me. It's a gift to be able to continue doing work I truly love and to continue practicing the healing strategies I've learned over the years for myself as well as my clients- especially since that first big leap into healing is what ultimately led me to this pretty cool chapter of my life.

It’s kind of ironic that a Reiki master would have an energy crisis when we’re all about the energy! I have to admit, it forced me to be patient- I didn’t have the energy to even stay mad about it. If I’ve learned anything so far, it’s that while I’m human and occasionally get in my feelings, it helps me to focus on the lesson. What have I learned from this? For one, I now have a deeper perspective of chronic illness that will benefit my clients. I understand now how easy it is to internalize blame for ‘not trying hard enough.’ I didn’t even realize I was doing that until my diagnosis. There’s no workout, food plan, supplement, or strategy that could have fixed this. There are ways to possibly make it less debilitating, but I’d already been implementing everything I know to stay as healthy as possible, and did my best to maximize the little energy I had. Although all that has helped to put my autoimmune issues mostly into remission (ANA is now negative!), it’s sure defeating when you’re doing everything ‘right’ and still getting weaker. The treatment is working so far, and it doesn’t for everyone with hypophosphatasia. I can’t say enough how grateful I am to feel any improvement.

As a way to say thank you, I’ve decided to not charge at all for the Widowed Support Program. It started out free, and it’ll stay that way. I really miss facilitating this program and getting to see the light come back in the eyes of the participants. It keeps my light on, too. This life is hard, and we’ve got to do what we can to help each other through.

I’m also making malas again!! I didn’t even realize how much the pain in my fingers had been deterring me from creating more.

Look out, world- I might be unstoppable now! =P

Thank you for being here. <3

(Penelope & me, helping each other to heal)

For those who may have been considering participating but haven’t reached out, there are some options for you to receive support in the meantime:

• Request to be added to the waitlist and I will reach out if/when we have enough interest to form a new group for the September session;

• Schedule individual therapy/coaching sessions if that feels like a good fit; for you; and/or

• Request other widowed community resources or support options available in your vicinity.

As always, I’m happy to be a resource for those who are grieving and looking for support.

For more information about the Widowed Support Program, CLICK HERE

For more information about individual coaching services, CLICK HERE

To contact me for more info or to be added to the wait list, email arrowintegrative@gmail.com.

I’ve been dealing with a mystery ailment that has been depleting my energy more and more over recent years. I thought it was burnout from grad school and all the amazing but challenging things that have followed, but it turns out to be more than that.

After having abnormal bloodwork and symptoms repeatedly blown off by my primary for at least three years, I finally got in to see an endocrinologist who actually listened and was able to connect the dots. After several scans and more bloodwork, I was diagnosed on March 6 with a rare progressive genetic metabolic bone disease called hypophosphatasia (HPP). I’ve had it my whole life (explains a LOT), but for the past several years, it has become much more pronounced and has taken so much away from me. The next step is to have my children tested since it’s genetic.

Since many of the symptoms mirror autoimmune issues, I assumed it was that since being diagnosed with borderline lupus and psoriatic arthritis in 2018. The good news is, the healing journey I’ve been on ever since then has put my autoimmune issues in remission which helped to uncover this.

HPP is considered rare, but my guess is because it’s so frequently misdiagnosed and underdiagnosed since low alkaline phosphatase is routinely dismissed by most physicians. HPP is often overlapped by other conditions which is another reason it’s often missed, and I suspect it isn’t the sole cause of all the symptoms I’ve been dealing with. There are still a lot of unknowns about this condition. Being public about this could be helpful for someone out there to have this on their radar.

Hypophosphatasia (HPP) is a progressive systemic metabolic disorder that’s not only softening my bones by depleting my body of the enzymes bones need for mineralization (the primary symptom, along with intense fatigue and brain fog), but it’s also somehow wiping out my digestive enzymes which is why I have more and more intolerances and my body isn’t absorbing any of the food I *am* able to eat. I’m essentially wasting away and weak, no matter how much I try to eat or rest. It’s too painful to exercise, and I don’t have the energy for it right now. I think this condition shows up a little different for different bodies, but this is what it’s doing to mine.

There is one method of treatment for this that involves daily (or three times per week) injections. I’m hoping my insurance company approves the treatment (sooner rather than later), and also hopeful that it’ll be effective in restoring my bone density, digestive enzymes, energy, and cognitive functioning. Although that feels like it’s asking too much since different bodies can react very differently to this treatment, I choose to remain hopeful.

It takes more energy than I have to do the bare minimum each day, so I know I’ve been letting a lot of my friends and family down (yet again) with my absence. I finally found work I love and have been rebuilding my life into one that I actually feel at peace with, so I’m feeling pretty angry right now. And at the same time grateful that it’s not worse and that there is a treatment option… Adjusting to this news has been a journey in itself since it took 52 years to finally get an answer for things I’ve been dealing with my entire life. Even most of the people who know me well aren’t aware of my health challenges since it’s just been my “normal” and not something I usually bring up in conversation (hence the term “invisible illness”).

Don’t let your doctor blow off low alkaline phosphatase in your bloodwork. That coupled with an abnormally high B6 level and osteopenia (plus other symptoms) is what tipped off my endocrinologist.

Listen to your gut- if you feel like something is off, it’s probably because it is. Keep pushing until you get a doctor who listens.

Since 2009, I’ve been a resource to the widowed community as a peer, mentor, advocate, and more recently as a therapist and coach- with the ability to comfortably hold space and honor where someone is at in their grief, providing tools and strategies for processing loss in healthy ways, and guiding them through a process of self-discovery, rebuilding, and integration of grief and growth.

More recently, I've been providing support to adults with ADHD and late-identified autism, helping them gain a better understanding of their unique flavors of neurodivergence while unpacking years of masking and misunderstandings. I also provide strategies for improved executive functioning, greater self-acceptance and self-compassion, and authentic living with a more regulated nervous system.

Understanding how our brains and bodies respond to challenges- including the chronic health conditions that often accompany grief, trauma, and neurodivergence- is at the heart of my work.

What is unique about what I offer?

A profound understanding of the ways grief and neurodivergence intersect + actionable tools that actually help, and all grounded in love.

I use a holistic approach that takes the whole person and their environment into consideration, and includes the integration of nervous system regulation, neuroplasticity, and intuitive energy work. Specialized education, trainings, lived experience, and staying up-to-date on the latest findings keeps me well-informed for my clients.

A little update: As I continue to work toward full licensure as a therapist in NYS (passed my exam last year- just 975ish hours of supervision to go!), I've structured my schedule to best serve my clients while balancing the requirements for licensure and continuing education (and much-needed self-care). In addition, I’m currently down a rabbit hole of learning more about somatic work and psychoneuroimmunology, and excited about how much this knowledge will be helpful to the populations I serve!

Thank you for being here and letting me share my little corner of the world with you. <3

Seventeen years ago, I became a widow and solo parent overnight. I know the weight of grief, the isolation, and the overwhelming challenge of rebuilding life after loss.

That’s why I created the Widowed Support Program- the guidance I wish I’d had.

Now offered virtually across the US and Canada, this ten-week program is designed to initiate the move from survival mode to healing, whether the loss was recent or years ago. We cover practical tools for coping, nervous system regulation, solo parenting challenges, and so much more- all in a safe, secular, and affirming environment. It’s surprisingly positive and makes plenty of room for laughter to balance out the tears.

Two cohorts available in 2026: April and September

Limited to 12 participants per cohort; the Pay What You Can plan means no one will be turned away for lack of funds.

Read what some of our previous participants had to say about the program HERE.

Call 716-336-8637 to register or visit www.arrowintegrative.com to learn more.

Please share with anyone who can benefit!

AFFIRMATIONS

“I honor my own pace in this challenging process.”

“Healing doesn’t mean I don’t grieve- it means I'm learning to integrate my loss into a life that can also hold joy.”

Thank you for being here. <3

Although the majority of my work is done virtually for clients across the US, ARROW Integrative Coaching’s in-person location is now on Englewood Avenue in Buffalo within a holistic wellness space called Holistic Bodywork & Wellness. This location is on the first floor with no stairs to navigate, and accommodates individual coaching sessions as well as a serene environment for Reiki.

WIDOWED SUPPORT PROGRAM RETURNS

I’ve truly missed facilitating this transformational program, so I decided not to wait until I’m licensed after all (one more year to go!). For now, the program will only be offered virtually, which means no matter where you are in the United States or Canada, you can participate! The group program will still be capped at 12 people per session to ensure a more intimate environment where meaningful sharing can occur. The first ten week session will begin in April of 2026- additional details can be found on the website here. Mark your calendars! Registration is first come first served, and carefully vetted. As always, feel free to reach out with any questions!

‘PAY WHAT YOU CAN’ PRICING

To make the Widowed Support Program even more accessible, participants have the option to choose what works for their budget: a one-time fee for the ten week program anywhere from $0 to $1,100. No one will be turned away for lack of funds.

WIDOWED PARENTS WITH KIDS AT HOME

Rather than limiting only one ten-week session per year to include information helpful to widowed parents, I’m including it in every session, as appropriate. This provides an opportunity for widowed parents to discuss how loss is impacting their children and receive helpful information that gives insight into understanding children’s grief, as well as info that can be helpful for neurodivergent families.

INDIVIDUAL GRIEF PROGRAMS

A group setting isn’t right for everyone, and sometimes just isn’t an option. My work has evolved to support individual clients through a structured program- similar to what is offered in the Widowed Support Program, but tailored to different types of loss and specific needs. It provides an opportunity to go deeper into the topics that hold more weight for them, to receive more personalized journaling prompts for introspection, and the option to integrate Reiki into sessions. The individualized grief programs have proven to be incredibly beneficial for my clients who have chosen this option.

NEURODIVERGENT SUPPORT

My work has also evolved to provide specialized support for autistic and ADHD adults navigating grief. Not just grief pertaining to loss, but grief that goes unnamed and is masked by anxiety, depression, and burnout. This includes being late-identifying and becoming aware of how neurodivergence has played a part in every aspect of your life. Neurodivergence often comes with chronic health conditions that make it difficult to function from day to day. I provide support through teaching nervous system regulation, executive functioning coaching, and providing education that empowers and informs so that you start recognizing your challenges for what they are, as opposed to the “character flaws” you’ve been beating yourself up with. Learning to accommodate yourself and work to your strengths is a gamechanger.

AFFIRMATIONS in honor of Winter Solstice

“I am grateful for the lessons, blessings, and growth I’ve experienced this year.”

“I honor my connection to the earth, the seasons, and the cycles of nature.”

I’m so grateful to my clients, my loved ones, and for the opportunity to get to do this sacred work. May 2026 be a year filled with healing for us all!

Thank you for being here. <3

Healing is messy- there’s no secret in that. Part of my healing process has required my little family and I to make one last move. I had reached a state of burnout that was unavoidable and knew that if I waited until I had the stamina to make this move, it would never have happened. It required every ounce of energy I had (and had to borrow more from future me) to make it happen, which meant that I could only manage to do the absolute bare minimum to get through. I didn’t even have the energy to put this message out there at the time…

This move was necessary for a lot of reasons, but the biggest was to allow me to adapt to the changes in my body and what I can expect as I continue to age, while still allowing me to progress toward my professional and personal goals. It’s a preventative measure to avoid further burnout and create a softer place to land. Some wise words I encountered a while back have stuck with me: “Create a life that you don’t need to escape from.” I’ve been heeding that advice ever since. As challenging as this move has been, it’s already been so worth it.

Moving my home resulted in having to move my physical office location, too. It was sad to have to say goodbye to the office space and the amazing humans that embraced me so lovingly with my entry into the field of mental health, and I’m incredibly fortunate to have found another space closer to home, embraced by another amazing human.

I so appreciate how patient you all have been, sticking with me throughout this long period of silence in this space. Something I’ve learned over the years is that these periods of struggle and hibernation typically launch me into a more evolved place. Things start shifting back into focus, clearer than ever. Turns out this was part of the process as well, and as such, I have some exciting updates to share in my next post!

Fast forward sixteen years. After working closely with the grieving community, learning what my own needs were, a masters degree, specialized trainings, and a passion for this work, I now get to fulfill my purpose by helping others as a mental health therapist and coach specializing in grief, trauma, and late diagnosed autism and ADHD. Neurodivergent grief is where these all intersect, and I’ll go into more detail about that at some point in a separate post…

If you find yourself in the challenging position of searching for a therapist or coach for 1:1 support who understands the very unique challenges of different types of loss, my advice would be to seek out a professional who is non-pathologizing, has an in-depth understanding of grief and trauma, who understands the impact of secondary losses, teaches nervous system regulation and healthy coping strategies, and can guide you to rebuilding your social circle, if necessary. Bonus points for lived experience… And if you suspect that neurodivergence could be making grief a little more complicated, it is helpful if they are also neurodivergent-affirming and familiar with how different flavors of neurodivergence can impact how one moves through life as well as through grief.

If you are a mental health professional that fits this criteria, please drop me a line at arrowintegrative@gmail.com. I would love to connect with you to build upon my list of resources for those looking for more options.

Have you found a mental health professional that has been helpful with your loss? If so, what do you think sets them apart from the rest? What has been the most beneficial aspect of their care for you? What do you feel could be more helpful?

Affirmations

“My grief journey is unique, and I deserve support that truly understands my experience.”

“Seeking support is a brave act of self-compassion.”

Thank you for being here. <3

As a late diagnosed AuDHDer, I get to apply firsthand what I’ve been learning about these types of neuro-differences and how they affect me. I’ve been in a deep state of ADHD paralysis for a good bit of time- the sheer amount of tasks and responsibilities that come with all I’ve been facing has been intensely overwhelming. I know what needs to be done, but getting myself to do it is another whole animal. Having to split myself in so many directions has required energy I simply don’t have.

It occurred to me to step outside of myself for a minute and approach it as if I am a client: What would I say to her?

After a good talk, I’ve come to a couple of conclusions…

One, self-compassion is key. All that’s going on is overwhelming for anyone, and when you add in the challenges of AuDHD, the intensity of it all is exponential. I’ve learned the ways I need to accommodate myself so I can function best, and I’m still learning. It’s also forcing me to step outside of my comfort zone and ask for help. This is one of the hardest things for me to do, but very necessary, and am grateful to have more resources now than before and good people in my small circle.

Two, I haven’t made time for any of the self-care activities that have been keeping me well for the past several years, and boy do I feel it. As much as I have going on and as crazy as my schedule might be, it has become clear that the less time I have for these things, the more time I need to make for them. Time for meal planning and food prep; time for movement and exercise; time for meditation; time for fun and friends. Time for journaling- for myself.

In the mental health field, there’s a lot of controversy around self disclosure; however, I feel that when it’s done right, it can be really beneficial to clients. I’m sharing this for a couple of reasons:

1- the majority of my clients are late diagnosed autistic and/or ADHD;

2- to demonstrate transparency and authenticity;

3- these are the thoughts that finally got me to sit down and write something.

We’re all human. We are all in this life together and share many of the same challenges. It’s important to understand that as much as it is possible to “have it all together,” there are times in life when we get thrown off our game and have to regroup and recenter ourselves. The more challenges we are dealing with, the more frequent this process becomes. The good news is, the more awareness you have, the more tools in your belt, and the more resources you have, the more likely- and successfully- you can pull yourself back up. And we don’t have to do it alone.

I’ve written at least ten blog posts in my head since the last one I published, but because of overwhelm, I haven’t been able to sit down and put coherent thoughts together in a meaningful way. I’m taking this as a sign of improvement!

This week’s affirmations:

I am doing the best I can with the energy I have.

Even the smallest steps forward count.

I release what I can’t control and focusing on what I can.

I give myself permission to rest.

Thank you for being here. <3

*Photo of my kitty girl because keeping her well has been one of the biggest challenges this summer.

One of my good friends read my post and called me from across the country which instantly opened the floodgates. Turns out, she was going through a very similarly challenging moment herself. Connecting with each other was healing for us both.

Using humanity to heal humanity; sometimes the wound is the cure.

Weekly Affirmations

“Releasing shame and being open gives others permission to do the same.”

“Holding space for myself in hard moments is a form of self care.”

I’ll be taking a week or so off from posting in the ARROW Reflections blog so I can focus on family and rest, but I’ve been bubbling over with ideas to write about, so I’ll be back soon!

Thank you for being here. <3

Working as a therapist for the past couple of years has provided perspectives I don’t believe I would have gained otherwise. I’ve learned so much through my clients about my own children and how my parenting affects them in ways I hadn’t considered. Before I share a pretty profound lesson I’ve learned in the hopes it benefits others, here’s a brief explanation about a relevant piece of childhood development:

Understanding Children’s Psychological Development

Children are biologically wired to view their parents as their lifeline- they depend on them completely for food, shelter, safety, and love. Because of this total dependence, a child’s brain will go to great lengths to preserve that attachment, even when the parent is harmful.

When a parent abuses or neglects a child, the child faces an impossible psychological dilemma. They can either think, ‘my parent is bad and dangerous’ or ‘I am bad and this is my fault.’ The first option is too terrifying for a young mind to accept because it would mean their source of survival can't be trusted. So instead, children will almost always choose the second option- they will blame themselves.

This self-blame serves as a kind of psychological protection. If the child believes they caused the abuse or that they’re to blame for their needs not being met, then they maintain the illusion that their parent is still good and safe, and that they have some control over the situation.

This internalized blame often carries into adulthood, affecting self-worth and relationships long after the original harm occurred. Understanding this concept helps to explain why many adults often struggle with negative core beliefs that result in excessive feelings of shame, self-criticism, and low self-esteem.

This pattern happens because children’s brains aren’t developed enough to understand that adults can be both loving and harmful, or that bad things can happen that aren’t anyone’s fault. Heck- these are concepts that can be challenging for most grown-ups to grasp! The child’s thinking is very black and white- someone must be to blame, and it feels safer for that someone to be themselves rather than the person they need most.

Adaptive Responses

The child then adapts to keep themselves safe in different ways through either appeasing their parent, acting out, withdrawing and staying small / becoming invisible, and/or denying they even have needs at all. A child’s nervous system mirrors that of their caregivers- whether it’s in a state of calm or activation. They become hypervigilant to the adult’s emotional/nervous system state since their own level of safety depends on it. When there is a lack of safety, there is also a lack of connection (the root of attachment theory).

How to Begin Healing This Pattern

When a child reveals a scary or uncomfortable thought or emotion, resist the urge to shut them down by suggesting that they ‘shouldn’t feel that or say that.’ This is a surefire way to give the message that something they said or felt is wrong, causing them to internalize a message of shame- that they are somehow bad for thinking or feeling a certain way; they will likely not attempt to share those thoughts or feelings out loud again and instead, they’ll fester inside.

Instead, here’s a way to respond that’s healing to both of you: set aside your own discomfort, put yourself on their level to demonstrate that you’re invested in what they are saying, and get compassionately curious. This allows your child to feel heard, valued, and safe- some critical core emotional needs. Allow them to feel whatever it is they’re feeling, and validate their experience by acknowledging their words. You are your child’s primary source of safety, support, and love. Your words and actions become their inner voice long into adulthood. It’s these challenging moments that become deeply hardwired into their neural pathways and nervous systems way more than the others.

The Ultimate Challenge

This one’s even tougher… If they come to you with an uncomfortable thought or emotion that they say you caused, take the same approach as above (this applies equally to adult children). Listen to them. Validate their experience. This is about THEIR experience of you- not your experience of them. Acknowledge the effect you had on them, even if it’s not what you intended. Be willing to learn from them about what they need (or needed) from you, because it’s a little different for each individual. As parents, we make assumptions about our children that are often inaccurate- assumptions about their needs, thoughts, understandings, and perspectives. Ask them questions with compassionate curiosity and be open to their answers. Model for them that it is safe for them to come to you- even when it’s about you- and do your best to keep your ego out of the mix. These are the moments that build your child’s foundation for self-compassion and self-trust. As uncomfortable as that brief moment might be for you, it will feel much better in the long run than if you were to become defensive and shut them down. Try to see these moments for what they are- healing opportunities for the both of you.

Healing happens through compassionate listening, validation, and creating safety for authentic emotional expression. Below are affirmations that can be used by parents practicing this approach or by adults working to heal their own childhood wounds; many of us fit into both of these categories.

Affirmations

So, I got a little help with creating these affirmations. Thanks, Claude AI!

For Parents:

• "I am strong enough to hear my child's truth, even when it's uncomfortable."

• "My child's feelings are valid, and I am their safe harbor."

• "I choose curiosity over defensiveness when my child shares their experience."

• "I am learning and growing alongside my child, and that's okay."

• "My willingness to listen creates safety and connection."

• "I can hold space for my child's emotions without fixing or changing them."

• "My response to my child's vulnerability becomes their inner voice of self-compassion."

• "I model emotional safety by staying present with difficult feelings."

For Adult Children:

• "My feelings and experiences are valid, regardless of my parent's intentions."

• "I deserved to feel safe and heard as a child."

• "I can break the cycle of internalized blame and shame."

• "My needs matter, and it's safe for me to express them."

• "I am learning to trust my own emotional experience."

• "I can offer myself the compassion I needed as a child."

• "My healing journey honors both my pain and my resilience."

• "I am worthy of relationships where my feelings are welcomed and validated."

For Everyone:

• "Healing happens in relationship, one conversation at a time."

• "It's never too late to create new patterns of connection and safety."

• "Vulnerability shared with compassion creates deeper bonds."

• "We can hold both love and accountability in our relationships."

Thank you for being here. <3

Which ones resonate with you the most?

I am loved. I am protected and supported. I am connected to the universe.

I am healing in mind, body, and spirit.

Healing myself has a ripple effect on the world.

Every inhale draws in peace; every exhale releases tension.

I witness my thoughts with self-compassion and without judgment.

My mind has the ability to create calm in my body.

It is my nature to be peaceful and loving.

I’m committed to making positive changes in my life.

I can look at myself with compassion and without judgment.

I forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made along the way.

Every day is an opportunity for a fresh start.

Though I tumble through these waves, I will always resurface.

I am my home.

My mind is open to new ideas and perspectives.

I am willing to listen and observe.

It is safe for me to change my mind.

I am humble and continue to learn every day.

I can put my pieces back together differently.

It is safe to feel, and I’m allowed to cry.

Expressing my emotions helps me heal in mind and body.

Letting go of what no longer serves me creates space for new beginnings.

Being in nature helps to heal my body, mind, and spirit.

This is my season to bloom.

I allow myself to heal at my own pace.

I am discovering new strengths within myself.

I am patient with myself and with this process.

I am aligned with my higher purpose and trust its loving guidance.

I am connected to the universe and its divine wisdom.

I am loved, guided, supported, and protected.

Healing myself helps to heal everyone I come into contact with.

My heart has an unlimited capacity for love.

I will get out of my own way and be open to new possibilities.

My world expands when I seek to understand.

My story matters, and I give myself permission to speak my truth.

I have the right to acknowledge my feelings without needing to justify them.

Though I may occasionally revisit the past and consider the future, I remain fully anchored in the present.

I am overflowing with positive, healing energy.

An energetic bubble of protection surrounds my being and deflects what does not belong to me.

I lovingly release any thoughts and energy that no longer serves me.

I am tuning into my needs and find ways to meet them.

My body works hard every day to keep me healthy and strong.

I am healing in mind, body, and spirit- more and more each day.

I accept myself just as I am.

I am my number one source of love and validation.

I base my worth on only kind, loving thoughts about myself.

A piece of the Sun lives within me.

I am the sunshine I crave.

My spirit burns as bright as 1,000 suns and warms me from deep inside.

I am a being of light, warmth, and love.

For Parents:

• I am strong enough to hear my child's truth, even when it's uncomfortable.

• My child's feelings are valid, and I am their safe harbor.

• I choose curiosity over defensiveness when my child shares their experience.

• I am learning and growing alongside my child, and that's okay.

• My willingness to listen creates safety and connection.

• I can hold space for my child's emotions without fixing or changing them.

• My response to my child's vulnerability becomes their inner voice of self-compassion.

• I model emotional safety by staying present with difficult feelings.

For Adult Children:

• My feelings and experiences are valid, regardless of my parent's intentions.

• I deserved to feel safe and heard as a child.

• I can break the cycle of internalized blame and shame.

• My needs matter, and it's safe for me to express them.

• I am learning to trust my own emotional experience.

• I can offer myself the compassion I needed as a child.

• My healing journey honors both my pain and my resilience.

• I am worthy of relationships where my feelings are welcomed and validated.

For Everyone:

• Healing happens in relationship, one conversation at a time.

• It's never too late to create new patterns of connection and safety.

• Vulnerability shared with compassion creates deeper bonds.

• We can hold both love and accountability in our relationships.

How can others meet our needs if they are also looking outside themselves for theirs?

Let that concept sink in for a minute… We look to the people closest to us for this, whether they are able to provide it or not.

We base our opinions of ourselves (our internal beliefs about our abilities, worth, and overall value) on the opinion of others, when the truth is, how others think about us has so much more to do with how they think about themselves. The most critical and unkind people are usually masking some major insecurities of their own.

Growing up, we depend on our caregivers to meet our core emotional needs which are fundamental for healthy emotional development. These include secure attachment, freedom to express our needs, and a sense of autonomy. However, most of us don’t learn these concepts until we’re in therapy as adults! We rely on our families, schools, peers, and community teach and model healthy ways of being in the world, but when most people are living in a state of survival mode just trying to make it from one day to the next, we end up teaching and modeling survival mode. This creates vulnerability to all the unhealthy ways of coping that are normalized in society.

“It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted in a profoundly sick society.”

~ J. Krishnamurti

Since we’re biologically wired for survival, as children we adapt to survive our environments and our unmet needs. This is often in the form of internalizing the belief that we’re not worthy of having these needs met and/or denying to ourselves that we even have needs.

Forgive yourself for the ways you had to adapt to survive.

As adults, we have so much more to offer everyone around us when our needs have been met. If you are a parent, becoming more compassionate with yourself will give you more patience with your children, too. The best gift we can give our kids is to give them caregivers who demonstrate self-love and emotional regulation in the ways that we hope they will one day love and care for themselves. Healing yourself heals generations.

WHAT DO YOU NEED?

The first step in being able to meet your needs is knowing what they are. Being able to identify these could be somewhat new to you if you’re used to focusing on everyone else’s. Give some thought to creating a list of your needs (no matter what they are- there are no wrong answers!), as well as some ways to get those needs met.

Weekly Affirmations

“I accept myself just as I am.”

“I am my number one source of love and validation.”

“I base my worth on only kind, loving thoughts about myself.”

Thank you for being here. <3

It’s relatively understood that stressful or triggering situations (whether real or imagined) can activate the sympathetic nervous system and put us in a state of fight or flight, but when you’re striving for a more regulated nervous system, there are a few other common sources of dysregulation that you might not be aware of.

Hunger. Our body’s built-in survival mechanisms kick into gear when it detects a threat to our health. The blood sugar drops when the body lacks fuel. The sympathetic nervous system then springs into survival mode to put complex processes in motion to raise blood sugar levels so we can function enough to find food. In a healthy body, this process works. In a body that’s already struggling, this could have a poorer outcome. Since an unhealthy diet does not contain the necessary fuel for our bodies to function optimally, it sends that same message of ‘hunger’ and survival to the nervous system, creating a potentially a vicious cycle.

Fatigue. This is a symptom that tells us our bodies and/or minds require sleep or rest in order to heal and grow. Not addressing fatigue can eventually lead to burnout which has short and long-term negative consequences. We feel short-tempered, can’t think straight, become easily irritated, and our immune system suffers.

Injury, illness, and pain. All of these send a message of vulnerability to the nervous system, as does extreme exercise that exceeds the body’s ability to supply enough oxygen to keep up. To the nervous system, being in a state of vulnerability tells it to be on high alert for any threats to our safety and survival (and proceeds to remind us of all former threats). This is why our moods tank when we don’t feel well- somehow everything seems more bleak.

Life is hectic and full of distractions that can keep us from paying attention to the body’s signals like hunger, fatigue, pain, and illness. We often ignore these signals when it’s not a convenient time to attend to their needs, or if we’ve been conditioned to focus on everyone else’s needs but our own. These signals start out subtle and gradually become louder as the urgency to address the need increases.

Pay attention to your body’s whispers so they don’t turn into screams.

What happens inside the body affects your mental state, and your mental state influences what happens inside your body. It’s a feedback loop that can be negative or positive, depending on your mindset and how well your body’s needs are attended to.

Get more tuned in with one simple practice:

The Mind Body Spirit Check-In. Mind, body, and spirit are interconnected- each dimension affects the other, which is why I mention all three.

Mind. Give yourself a moment to notice what is at the forefront of your mind. What do you need today? Not what do you need to do, but what do you need to give yourself. Give your thoughts their due attention before letting them float away.

Body. Next, pay attention to each part of your body beginning with the top of your head and slowly work your way down to your toes. Mentally name the parts as you go along. What sensations are you feeling in each part? Do you feel any tension or pain? Release the tension as you move from one part to the next. Visualize sending a healing breath to those areas where you feel discomfort or pain.

Spirit. Finally, ask yourself what is one thing you can do today to make your spirit a little lighter or a little more joyful? Even if that means not doing something that would bring you down.

For those who find it challenging to pick up on your body’s subtle cues, or who struggle with identifying emotions, giving yourself just a few moments a day to check in with yourself can get you in better touch with your needs on the most basic level.

Weekly Affirmations

“I am tuning into my needs and find ways to meet them.”

“My body works hard every day to keep me healthy and strong.”

“I am healing in mind, body, and spirit- more and more each day.”

Thank you for being here. <3