One thing I’ve learned over the years is that stylish people aren’t necessarily creating brand new outfits every morning.

They’re repeating the same formulas.

Once you have a few outfit equations you love, getting dressed becomes so much easier. You stop staring at your closet wondering what goes together and seeing new possibilities in pieces you already own.

These are the five equations I come back to all summer long. The clothing might change, but the formula stays the same.

01. Wide-Leg Bottom + Fitted Tank

The Classic Silhouette

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably noticed this is my personal uniform.

Why?

Because it easily solves one of the biggest styling challenges: balance.

When both pieces are fitted, an outfit can sometimes feel flat. When both pieces are oversized, your eye doesn’t always know where to land if you don’t do it right.

A fitted top paired with a wide leg bottom creates easy contrast. One piece defines the body, while the other creates movement. That’s what makes this silhouette feel effortless and timeless.

Here’s what I pay attention to:

✓ Waist definition
Whether it’s a bodysuit, tank, or tee, I almost always make sure my waist is visible. It gives the volume of the pants an intentional starting point.

✓ Pant length
I actually prefer my wide leg pants to skim the top of my shoe. That extra bit of length exaggerates the silhouette and elongates me as a 5’1 girly.

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I realized I have a habit of accidentally making “favorites” every month.

I’ll try something once...then suddenly I’m wearing it three times a week, using it every morning, or telling everyone I know about it.

So instead of pretending I’m not obsessed, I figured I’d start sharing them with you.

This isn’t a roundup of new launches or the “best” products. It’s just the things I’ve genuinely been reaching for over and over again this month.

Let’s get into it.

This Month’s Favorites

👗 The Fashion I’ve Been Living In
The outfits, pieces, and accessories I can’t stop wearing.

💄 The Beauty I’ve Been Reaching For
The products that somehow keep ending up in my hands every morning.

☀️ The Things Making Life More Fun
Playlists, shows, snacks, books, random internet finds...you get it.

🌱 One New Thing I’m Trying
A habit, routine, mindset, or experiment that’s making life a little better.

👗 Fashion

The outfit I’ve been living in

If you’ve seen me lately, there’s a 90% chance I’ve been wearing this Lucy & Yak set. (Sizes 26 to 0) Note: The top is sold out but the pants are available in some sizes. They have other sets available similar as well.

It’s one of those combinations that makes me feel put together without having to think too hard. Which is exactly what I need when I have somewhere to be in 20 minutes.

The piece I keep grabbing

This Rhi Dancey top is an iconic new edition to my closet. You would think it was a neutral with how much I’ve been wearing it.

I’ve worn it with...

• These Lucy & Yak Checkerboard Trousers (Sizes 26 to 0)

• These ASOS Curved Leg Jeans (Sizes 24 to 14 & 14 to 0)

Safe to say she’s earned her spot.

Accessory of the month

My head scarves have been CLOCKING IN, especially on a bad hair day.

💄 Beauty

Makeup I keep doing on autopilot

Apparently this is my face now.

• Primer: Danessa Myricks Yummy Skin Blurring Balm Powder| Universal

  (it’s literally sold out on Sephora, so I linked it straight from her website)

• Foundation: HAUS LABS Medium Coverage Foundation | 530 Deep Neutral

• Blush: MAC Cosmetics Strobe Beam Illuminating Liquid Blush | Shade: ALMOST ALL OF THEM

• Lips: KIKO Milano 3D Hydra Lip Gloss

• Setting Spray: L’Oréal Infallible 3-Second Setting Mist Spray

I don’t even think about it anymore, I just reach for these.

Skincare

I take my skincare veeeerrrryyy seriously. I have, however, been experimenting with some new products I am loving.

These are the products I’ve actually been using instead of letting them collect dust.

• Medicube Booster Pro

• CYKLAR Vanilla Verve Vitamin C Body Oil with Ectoin

• Mixsoon Galactomyces Ferment Essence

What I’ve been smelling like

If you hug me this month...

This is probably why… as always

YSL Libre Eau De Parfum with Orange Blossom & Lavender

☀️ Life Lately

The playlist on repeat

I just rediscovered my live, laugh, love playlist lolllll. Ya’ll it’s such a vibe. It gives fun car ride, hair blowing in the wind vibes. Just hit shuffle.

Something I’ve been watching

The Afterparty (Apple TV | 92% on Rotten Tomatoes)

After a murder is discovered at a high school reunion, the attendees try to remember what happened, despite all of them remembering the fateful night differently and the murderer remaining at large.

Dancing with the Stars: The Next Pro

Twelve talented up-and-coming dancers live together and compete through a demanding audition process for a coveted pro dancer spot on Season 35 of "Dancing With the Stars."

Something I’ve been eating way too much of

Listen...

I know.

But it’s so good.

Popcorners Spicy Queso

TruFru Strawberries in Greek Yogurt & White Chocolate with Granola

Little habit that’s making life easier

This one is a little different.

A few weeks ago I saw a video of a woman talking about something Steve Harvey once shared. He said he wrote down 300 things he wanted God to do in his life, and as time went on he started seeing those prayers answered.

She said she tried it too...and started noticing the same thing.

So naturally, I was like...👀 let me see.

I’ve been working on my own list of 300 things all month.

At first I was just writing whatever came to mind, but then I decided to rewrite everything into categories like family, health, career, finances, relationships, travel...you get the idea. I figured it would make it easier to look back one day and see what had changed.

Y’all...

Before I could even finish rewriting the list, three things had already happened.

I just sat there staring at my notebook.

Whether you believe in God, the universe, or simply the power of being intentional, I think there’s something really beautiful about putting your hopes into words.

For me, it’s become less about checking things off a list and more about having a place to see God’s faithfulness. It’s a reminder that even when life feels slow, things are often moving in ways I can’t see yet.

And if nothing else, it’s made me so much more aware of everything I already have to be grateful for.

So if you’re looking for a little project this month...maybe grab a notebook and start your own list.

Who knows? You might surprise yourself.

Anyway...that’s everything that’s been making me happy lately.

Now I need your recommendations.

Seriously.

Reply and tell me one thing you’ve been reaching for this month. It can be a moisturizer, a pair of jeans, a Trader Joe’s snack, a TV show, literally anything.

See you next month. 💛

Angel

There was a time when the goal was for everything to match.

Your shoes matched your bag. Your belt matched your shoes. If your outfit was dressy, your shoes had to be dressy too.

Fashion has gotten a lot more interesting since we let that rule go.

So... What Is the Wrong Shoe Theory?

The Wrong Shoe Theory is the plot twist of an outfit.

It’s when you look at what you should wear... and choose something else entirely. Not because you’re trying to be quirky…

Because the unexpected choice makes the outfit feel more interesting.

The “wrong” shoe isn’t actually wrong.

It’s simply the shoe that introduces a little bit of tension.

And that tension is often what makes an outfit memorable.

The Mistake Most People Make

When people hear “Wrong Shoe Theory,” they usually think:

Pretty dress. Chunky sneaker.

Or...

Feminine outfit. Combat boots.

That’s definitely one way to do it.

But I think that definition is way too limiting.

The real magic isn’t about choosing the opposite style.

It’s about understanding what your shoes contribute to the outfit.

Every shoe brings four things with it:

• Weight

• Shape

• Texture

• Color

Once you start paying attention to those four things, getting dressed becomes a lot more fun.

Four Ways to Use the Wrong Shoe Theory

1. Weight

Every shoe has visual weight.

Some feel light and delicate. Others feel grounded and substantial. That visual weight changes the balance of an entire outfit.

If your outfit already feels soft and airy, adding a chunky shoe can create contrast and make the look feel more intentional. On the other hand, if you’re wearing oversized or structured pieces, a lighter shoe can keep the outfit from feeling too heavy.

Think of visual weight as a balancing act. You’re not trying to match what’s already there; you’re deciding whether the outfit needs more grounding or more lightness.

2. Color

Most of us instinctively reach for the shoe that matches our outfit.

But sometimes the most interesting choice is the one that introduces a new color instead.

A shoe can echo a small detail elsewhere in your outfit, create contrast against your palette, or become the unexpected pop of color that draws your eye through the look.

The goal isn’t to make your shoes stand out for the sake of standing out. It’s to use color as another styling tool instead of treating it like an afterthought.

3. Texture

Texture is one of the easiest ways to add depth to an outfit, even if every piece is a neutral color.

A patent leather shoe feels completely different from suede. Mesh creates a different mood than woven leather. Satin gives a different impression than canvas.

When everything in an outfit has the same finish, it can sometimes feel a little flat. Introducing a different texture creates visual interest and gives the eye something new to discover.

4. Pattern

If your outfit feels like it’s missing something but you don’t want to add another accessory, consider your shoes.

A patterned shoe can become the conversation piece that pulls everything together or intentionally interrupts a simple outfit in the best way.

Whether it’s leopard print, stripes, polka dots, florals, or another pattern, the key is to let your shoes contribute something the rest of your outfit isn’t already doing.

Sometimes the “wrong” shoe isn’t wrong because of its shape.

It’s wrong because it’s the only patterned piece in the room.

And that’s exactly why it works.

Troubleshooting

Trying the Wrong Shoe Theory for the first time? Here are a few things to keep in mind.

The color feels completely out of place.

Don’t abandon the shoe just yet. Instead, repeat that color somewhere else in your outfit. A bag, earrings, a belt, sunglasses, or even a lipstick in a similar tone can help the color feel intentional instead of random.

The shoes are stealing too much attention.

If your eye immediately goes to your feet and nowhere else, your shoes might be overpowering the outfit. Try toning down the color, choosing a simpler silhouette, or repeating another element of the shoe elsewhere in the look.

The contrast feels too harsh.

There’s a difference between unexpected and disconnected. If the jump feels too dramatic, try a shoe that’s still different from your first choice but shares one quality with your outfit: maybe the same color family, a similar texture, or a comparable level of formality.

The outfit suddenly feels unbalanced.

This usually comes down to visual weight. If your shoes feel much heavier than everything else you’re wearing, add another structured element like a blazer, chunky jewelry, or a substantial bag. If they feel too light, a sleeker shoe may restore the balance.

You can’t tell if it works.

Walk away.

Seriously.

Our brains get attached to the first shoe we put on because it becomes our “expected” version of the outfit. Try a few options, leave the room for a minute, then come back with fresh eyes. More often than not, the pair you weren’t expecting ends up being the most interesting.

Final Thoughts

The Wrong Shoe Theory isn’t about breaking rules for the sake of it.

It’s about giving yourself permission to experiment.

Some combinations will surprise you. Some won’t work at all. And that’s part of the process.

The more you play with weight, color, texture, and pattern, the more you’ll start to trust your own eye instead of relying on styling “rules.” You’ll stop asking whether a shoe is the right choice and start asking whether it’s adding something interesting to the story your outfit is telling.

Because that’s what Fashion Friction is all about.

Not making an outfit look perfect.

Making it look like you.

The heat. The humidity. The sweat. The makeup that suddenly decides it no longer wants to participate. The chafing. The perfume that disappears before you make it to brunch.

Over the years, I’ve collected more than a handful of products that make summer significantly more enjoyable. These are the products I keep reaching for when the temperatures rise, and my calendar starts filling up.

If you’re trying to survive the season looking cute, smelling good, and feeling comfortable, here’s what’s currently making the cut.

💄 Makeup That Survives the Heat

There are plenty of products I enjoy using in the summer, but these three are the products doing the heavy lifting. Together, they create a makeup combination that survives heat, humidity, long days, and questionable decisions involving outdoor seating.

🏆 Angel’s MVP Trio

Danessa Myricks Yummy Skin Blurring Balm

If you struggle with getting shiny throughout the day, this product is worth the hype. The Blurring Balm does an incredible job of keeping my skin looking matte without making it look flat or dry. You can wear it under makeup as a primer or tap it on throughout the day to absorb excess oil. Either way, it works overtime.

L’Oréal Infallible Setting Spray

I’m not saying this setting spray glues your makeup to your face... but I’m also not not saying that.

The first time I used it, I was slightly concerned because my makeup felt completely locked in place. Thankfully, that’s exactly what I wanted. If you have long days ahead, this is the product doing the heavy lifting AND it’s affordable.

Huda Beauty Easy Bake Setting Powder

Every time I use this powder, I understand why people won’t stop talking about it.

It blurs, smooths, and somehow makes my skin look significantly more expensive than it actually is. My makeup stays in place, my pores look minimized, and everything just looks more polished.

🧴 Body Care for Hot Girls

Summer is fun until your body reminds you that physics exists.

These are the products helping me stay comfortable when the temperatures start climbing.

Megababe Bust Dust

If you know, you know.

This powder helps absorb moisture and keeps the girls comfortable during hot days. Whether you’re commuting, traveling, attending an outdoor event, or simply existing, this product earns its place.

Fur Chafe Cushion

One thing about me: I refuse to let thigh chafing ruin a perfectly good outfit.

Fur Chafe Cushion creates a smooth barrier that helps prevent irritation before it starts. It’s one of those products you don’t think about until you need it, and when you need it, you really need it.

🌸 Fragrance That Lasts

The goal isn’t just smelling good when you leave the house. The goal is still smelling good when you get home.

Future Society Fragrance Enhancer

Think of this as a supporting actress deserving of an award.

I use it underneath my perfume to help extend wear time, and I’ve genuinely noticed a difference. If you’ve ever felt like your fragrance disappears after an hour, this is worth trying.

Aquaphor

Not technically a fragrance product, but one of my favorite perfume tricks.

I dab a tiny amount onto my pulse points before applying perfume. Fragrance tends to cling better to moisturized skin, which helps it last significantly longer throughout the day.

✨ Random Summer MVPs

These don’t fit into a category, but I would be dramatically inconvenienced without them.

Clutch Glue

Summer outfits require a surprising amount of engineering.

Whether I’m securing a neckline, preventing a gap, or making sure an outfit stays exactly where I put it, Clutch Glue has saved me from multiple wardrobe malfunctions.

NOODS Boob Tape

A summer staple.

Sometimes a bra isn’t the answer, but support is still required. That’s where boob tape comes in. It’s one of those products that expands your outfit options dramatically.

Owala Water Bottle

Hydration isn’t exciting, but dehydration is even less exciting.

My Owala comes with me basically everywhere. If I’m leaving the apartment, chances are it’s coming too. Staying hydrated makes every other part of summer more manageable.

Final Thoughts

Summer is already doing enough. I’m not interested in fighting my makeup, chafing my thighs, or reapplying perfume every 45 minutes.

These are the products currently earning permanent spots in my routine because they make hot weather a little easier, and a lot more comfortable. ☀️💛

What products are helping you survive summer? Drop them in the comments. I’m always looking for new favorites.

1. You Will Never Feel Ready to Take the Leap

There is no perfect moment where everything suddenly feels safe to take that initial leap.

You’ll always think you need more money, more followers, more brand deals, more proof that this can work. And yes, preparation matters, but at some point, you have to decide whether you’re waiting to be ready or waiting to not be scared.

For me, there was no magical sign, just a decision.

I was caught at a fork in the road where I had to decide whether to continue with the work rotation my job was putting me on or slow down on building something I had already started. I knew I couldn’t give 100% to both forever.

So I took the risk.

Not because I felt ready, but because I knew I would regret not finding out what was possible if I gave this my full attention.

The truth is, confidence usually comes after the leap, not before it. You learn as you go. You figure things out because you have to. And while there have been plenty of moments over the last 15 months where I’ve questioned myself, I’m grateful I didn’t wait until I felt completely ready, because I probably would still be waiting.

2. Having a Support System Is Everything

You need people outside of the industry who keep you grounded and remind you that you’re more than your work.

But you also need people inside the industry who understand the very specific challenges that come with this career. The uncertainty, the negotiations, the pressure of constantly creating, the weirdness of making your life your job.

One helps you stay human. The other helps you feel less alone.

You need both.

3. It Will Never Always Feel Like the Right Decision

Some days will feel incredible.

You’ll land the partnership, hit the milestone, attend the event, or publish something you’re genuinely proud of.

Other days will feel slow. You’ll question yourself. You’ll compare yourself to everyone else. You’ll wonder if you should have stayed where things felt safer.

That’s normal.

I’ve learned that uncertainty isn’t always a sign that you’re on the wrong path. Sometimes it’s just the price of building something for yourself.

4. Savings Give You Room to Breathe

If you’re thinking about leaping, build your runway.

Having savings doesn’t eliminate stress, but it gives you options. It allows you to make decisions from a strategic place instead of a desperate one.

It gives you room to experiment, pivot, and take calculated risks without feeling like every single opportunity has to be a yes.

Creative freedom feels very different when survival mode isn’t driving every choice.

5. Don’t Be Afraid to Pivot

The thing that got you here might not be the thing that takes you where you’re going next.

Your content will evolve. Your interests will evolve. Your goals will evolve.

That’s a good thing.

Some of my biggest growth moments have come from trying something new, even when I wasn’t sure how my audience would respond. Pivoting doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Sometimes it means you’ve grown.

6. You Need Structure Like a Regular Job

Being your own boss sounds exciting until you realize you’re also the assistant, strategist, producer, editor, accountant, project manager, and talent.

Nobody is telling you when to clock in.

Nobody is making sure you hit deadlines.

Nobody is checking if you took a day off.

Structure isn’t the opposite of freedom. It’s what makes freedom sustainable.

7. You Have to Redefine Productivity

This was one of the hardest adjustments for me.

In a traditional job, productivity is usually easy to measure. You attended the meeting. You completed the task. You checked something off a list.

Creative work doesn’t always work like that.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is take a walk. Read a book. Travel somewhere new. Have a conversation. Rest.

Not every valuable part of the creative process looks productive from the outside.

8. Your Self Worth Cannot Be Tied to Your Metrics

Some of your favorite pieces of content will flop.

Some of the posts you spent hours creating won’t perform the way you hoped.

And sometimes the thing you threw together in ten minutes will be the one that takes off.

The sooner you separate your value from your views, the healthier this career becomes.

Analytics are useful. They are not a measure of your worth.

9. Being a Creator Is a Lot Less About Creating Than People Think

People see the events, photoshoots, gifted packages, and finished content.

What they don’t see are the contracts, invoices, negotiations, emails, reporting, strategy decks, scheduling, budgeting, and planning.

A surprising amount of this job happens behind a laptop.

Being a creator isn’t just being creative. It’s running a business.

10. Relationships Matter More Than Follower Count

Some of the best opportunities in my career have come from relationships.

Not because someone owed me something, but because they remembered how I showed up.

Be kind. Be reliable. Follow through. Support other people.

The internet can make it feel like everything is about numbers, but people still matter.

A lot.

11. Comparison Gets Louder When This Becomes Your Full Time Job

When content creation is your career, it’s hard not to notice what everyone else is doing.

Someone will always be growing faster.

Someone will always land a bigger campaign.

Someone will always seem further ahead.

I’ve learned that comparison rarely makes me better. It usually just distracts me from the work I’m supposed to be doing.

The goal isn’t to win someone else’s race.

The goal is to build a career that works for your life.

12. You Need a Life Outside of Content

This may be the most important lesson of all.

When your life becomes your content, it’s easy to feel like every moment should be documented, optimized, or turned into a post.

But some of the best things I’ve done for my business have had nothing to do with my business.

Spending time with friends. Investing in my faith. Taking swimming lessons. Traveling. Trying new hobbies. Being fully present in experiences that never make it online.

The irony is that the better my life feels offline, the better my content tends to be online.

People follow creators because they’re interested in their perspective. If you’re constantly creating but never living, eventually you run out of perspective to share.

Final Thoughts

Fifteen months in, I still don’t have everything figured out.

I still have days where opportunities feel endless and days where I question everything. I still have moments where I feel incredibly confident and moments where I have no idea what comes next.

But I’ve learned that being a full-time creator isn’t just about making content.

It’s about building a sustainable life around creativity.

And that’s a very different thing.

The goal isn’t to become someone who works all the time.

The goal is to build a life that gives you something worth creating about. ✨

So instead of giving you 100 dresses you’ll forget about tomorrow, I pulled together pieces I genuinely love across different styles and budgets. For every category, I’ve included affordable options and investment pieces that feel special enough for a wedding and versatile enough to wear again.

Note: Most of the pieces have other color options than those pictured available.

For the “I Hate Dresses” Girl

Jumpsuits, matching sets, and elevated separates that still feel wedding-appropriate.

Read more

Lately I’ve been realizing life is really just a collection of tiny things carrying us through the week.

They aren’t necessarily groundbreaking things. Just little things quietly improving the quality of your days.

So here’s a current look inside my brain: the routines, media, foods, thoughts, and random obsessions currently rotating around my personality. Some practical. Some slightly chaotic. All very real.

♫ Music Hyperfixation

I listen to music like I am addicted to it… to the point where I make quirky playlists with fun finds. So if I get hooked onto an album or song, just know it’s for good reason.

There are two albums I already know will be making my yearly recap because I genuinely cannot stop listening to them.

First: The Art of Loving by Olivia Dean.

This album is for the lover girls. It feels refreshing and freeing, raw and honest, but still a light listen. The kind of album that makes everything feel softer somehow. I listened to the entire album three times today alone… so that should tell you enough.

Then there’s This Music May Contain Hope by RAYE.

RAYE is a once-in-a-generation artist to me. Her vocal abilities are unreal and the album feels like nothing I’ve heard before. Her songs are complex and beyond honest. She says the quiet thoughts out loud in a way that makes you feel seen instead of ashamed for having them.

This album has been such a good reminder to me that we are capable of so much in this world and that no matter how stressful life may feel, things will be okay.

✿ Routine Hyperfixation

Recently I’ve picked up the habit of meditating in the morning before I do my devotional and read my Bible.

It has honestly kept me so grounded. There’s something really calming about reminding myself that things are okay and working out for me before I even let my feet touch the ground. Before the notifications, before the stress, before the overthinking.

Lately I’ve been doing a “lucky syndrome” meditation in particular because I’ve been really hard on myself at times about things not going the way I imagined they would. And while I know the internet has kind of turned “lucky girl syndrome” into a trend, for me it’s been less about pretending life is perfect and more about retraining my brain to stop expecting disappointment all the time.

It’s been helping me shift from constantly thinking, “What if nothing works out?” to “What if things are actually unfolding better than I realize?”

✿ Food Hyperfixation

I’ve been eating soooo good lately and honestly I can feel the difference.

I’ve really been prioritizing making sure I’m actually getting nutrients in. I’ve been doing these Yellow Picnic meals lately and they’ve been so flavorful and nourishing.They get delivered every Sunday and they have been saving me so much time!

Also, while I’m not the biggest snacker, I have been OBSESSED with PopCorners Spicy Queso lately. Something about them is dangerously addictive. Like I’ll open the bag planning to have a few and suddenly half the bag is gone.

And I just got put onto Pretty Tasty tea… iced tea with COLLAGEN in it. I was skeptical at first because some “health” drinks taste like punishment, but it’s actually delicious. Like genuinely good. I finished an entire case in a week which probably tells you everything you need to know.

✿ Media Hyperfixation

Your Friends & Neighbors has genuinely had me screaming at my TV every single week.

I don’t even want to overexplain it because I think going in slightly blind makes it even better, so I’ll just leave you with the description that sold me immediately:

When a financial titan suddenly finds himself divorced and jobless, he starts robbing his wealthy neighbors to stay afloat.

Like??? Say less.

Michelle Khare continues to amaze me. I love creators who push themselves in ways that feel genuinely inspiring instead of performative, and she’s one of those people for me.

She recently did 7 Marathons in 7 Days on 7 Continents and the mini-series documenting it is SUCH a good watch. Not even just because of the challenge itself, but because it’s such a reminder that humans are capable of way more than we give ourselves credit for.

Watching her content always makes me want to try harder, dream bigger, and stop talking myself out of things before I even begin.

✿ Random Hyperfixations

Swimming!

I love the water so much!

I’m currently three lessons in and honestly really proud of myself because learning something new as an adult can feel surprisingly vulnerable. There’s something humbling about it but I’ve been picking up so quickly!

I still need to register for my next class, but I’ve been taking lessons through Take Me to the Water and it’s been such an incredible experience so far.

There’s also something really healing about reconnecting with water in this way. It’s forcing me to slow down, be present, and trust my body more. And honestly? I think everybody deserves the experience of learning something that reminds them they are still capable of growing.

Humans are honestly so interesting because why are we all just rotating around the same oddly specific things at any given moment?

Anyway, these are mine right now. Please tell me yours because I love hearing what people are currently making their entire personality.

Beauty became way more fun once I stopped treating it like a set of rules I had to master perfectly.

A lot of what we learn about makeup online is centered around perfection. Perfect skin. Perfect blending. Perfect products. Perfect faces. However, real beauty, the kind that actually sticks with you, usually comes from trial and error, weird little discoveries, and learning how you like to exist in your own face.

These are the beauty things nobody really told me, but completely changed how I approach makeup, skincare, and beauty in general.

Your Makeup Is Not Supposed to Look the Same in Real Life as It Does Online

I genuinely need us to free ourselves from this expectation.

Beauty content online is filmed under lighting that could literally resurrect people. Add filters, editing, ring lights, softening effects, touch ups, and cameras that blur texture naturally… and suddenly everybody looks poreless and untouched by humidity.

Meanwhile you are outside, commuting, sweating, hugging people, laughing, eating, and existing as a human being with skin

Your makeup is going to move. Your under eyes are going to crease a little when you smile. Your forehead may get shiny. Your blush may fade after six hours. Also, EVERYONE HAS TEXTURE!

That is not failure.
That is literally makeup sitting on a moving human face.

Sometimes I think beauty content accidentally makes us feel like we’re supposed to look preserved instead of alive.

Makeup Shouldn’t Fix You…It Should Enhance You

Somewhere along the way, beauty became weirdly centered around “correcting” ourselves.

How to slim your nose.
Hide your cheeks.
Lift your eyes.
Blur your texture.
Fix your dark circles.
Correct your lips.

And listen, makeup can absolutely transform you if that’s what you want. I love glam. I love drama. I love playing with makeup.

But I also think there’s something really beautiful about approaching makeup from:
“What do I want to highlight?” instead of “What do I need to hide?”

The shift from correction to enhancement changed everything for me.

Now I think more about:

• what features I love

• what colors make me feel alive

• what makeup feels like me

• what moods I want to create

Because beauty gets significantly lighter when you stop treating your face like a problem to solve.

Read more

I’ve realized one of my favorite forms of self care is window shopping.

Especially online.

Like genuinely nothing relaxes me more than opening 14 tabs, scrolling through clothes I absolutely do not need, making mental outfits, adding things to my cart, removing them, then adding them back again like we’re in a toxic relationship.

It calms me down.

Life still feels life-y, but I feel lighter. More inspired. More like myself again. I’ve been having fun with fashion in a way I haven’t in a minute, and I think that always tells me where I’m at mentally before anything else does.

Because when I’m happy? I browse.
I find weird little pieces.
I rediscover personal style.
I save things “for inspiration” knowing full well I’m probably going to buy at least one of them.

So here are some recent fashion finds I’ve been obsessed with lately.

Accessories

I fear accessories are becoming the main character in my wardrobe again.

I’ve been gravitating toward pieces that make an outfit feel a little more styled without needing to do the absolute most.

Also? I fully support buying accessories purely because they make you feel cooler for absolutely no reason.

Fashion should have whimsy.

Some recent accessory finds/bookmarks:

• It’s Fat Swag

• Maira Champ Bags

• Organic Garmentz

Matching Sets

Matching sets are life.

You mean to tell me I can look put together with minimal brain power involved? Revolutionary.

I’ve been loving sets lately because they make getting dressed feel easy while still looking intentional. Plus you can break the pieces apart and suddenly it feels like you bought six outfits instead of one.

That’s called girl math.

The ASOS Terracotta Polka Dot Set

Plus Size

• Balloon Pants

• Ruffle Top

Straight Sizes

• Ruffle Top

• Balloon Pants

The ELOQUII Sequin Set

• Strong Shoulder Top

• Wide Leg Culotte

Pink Set Perfection

• Msolagos Baby Pink Brunnette Set

Pants

I’m in a very specific pants era right now.

I want pants with personality.
Interesting shape.
A little drama.

Skinny jeans and I will forever be on a break.

Recent finds currently sitting in my brain rent free:

• ASOS Curve Tova Tapered Curved Leg Jeans

• Kai Collective Khala Denim Barrel Leg Jeans

• Ruksala Mode WFBM30 Pants

Crazy Shoes

One thing about me: if the shoe is slightly questionable, I probably love it.

I’ve been finding so many shoes lately that make absolutely no logical sense but would absolutely change an outfit.

Current shoe hyperfixations:

• Vibram FiveFingers Trailope Sneakers

• Steve Madden Santino Blue Suede Shoes

• Jeffrey Campbell Phases Vinyl Slip-On Sandals

  ---

  Anyway… this is what’s currently living in my tabs, my cart, and unfortunately, my brain.

  🔐 Stuff I Wouldn’t Gatekeep is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Okay… so I accidentally disappeared from Substack for six weeks.

Not in a dramatic “I’m leaving Substack forever” way. More in a “life started life-ing faster than I could process it” kind of way.

And honestly? It wasn’t the plan.

Because while I did Bloom Back… life has still been kicking my ass a little.

I’m still navigating relationship changes. My grandma passed away. Work has been simultaneously hard, exciting, overwhelming, and somehow still looking up at the same time.

The last six weeks have felt like trying to rebuild a plane while flying it.

But somewhere in the middle of all of this, I learned something I don’t think I would’ve learned otherwise:

I needed to release control.

Not every season of life is going to be polished. Not every season is going to make you feel inspired, creative, productive, or “on.”

And for the first time in a long time… I stopped being so hard on myself about that.

Oddly enough, I think that’s part of why I was okay disappearing for a bit.

I needed to live more than I needed to perform.

And I think… slowly… I’m becoming myself again.

Not the version of me that knows exactly what she’s doing.
Not the version that has all the answers.
Just me.

A little softer. A little wiser. A little more honest.

They say sometimes you have to go low before you can go high, and I finally feel like I can see the base of the mountain I’m supposed to climb next.

Maybe it’s the weather finally warming up.
Maybe it’s growth.
Maybe it’s PMOS.
Maybe it’s all of it.

But I’m back.

And I owe y’all.

So consider this comeback week.

We’re catching up properly.

Relationship-wise. Work-wise. Life-wise.

Everything just felt… clouded. Heavy. Like I couldn’t see clearly, let alone move forward. And if you know me, you know I’m not a girl who backs down when life starts swinging.

So instead of sitting in it, I created something.

I called it Bloom Back.

Not because I had it all figured out, but because I needed a way back to myself.

I committed to:
• 10 minutes of intentional time every morning (reading, prayer, journaling, devotion… whatever I needed)
• Moving my body for at least 30 minutes a day
• One intentional connection daily (call, FaceTime, coffee, long text)
• Cooking 5 out of 7 days each week
• Doing one special thing for myself each week

The goal was simple: pour back into myself.

And here’s what I learned from actually doing it.

🌱 10 Minutes of Intentional Time

I used to think 10 minutes wasn’t enough to make a difference.

It is.

Those 10 minutes became my anchor. Before the notifications, before the noise, before the world had a say in how I felt… I got to choose myself first.

Some days it was prayer. Some days journaling. Some days just sitting in silence because that’s all I had in me.

But what I realized is that clarity doesn’t come from doing more… it comes from creating space.

Those 10 minutes gave me space.

And slowly, the cloudiness started to lift.

🏃🏾‍♀️ Moving My Body Daily

This one was less about fitness… and more about release.

There was so much I was holding in stress, confusion, emotions I didn’t even have language for yet.

Movement became the place I could let it out. I forgot how powerful it was.

Not every day was cute. Not every workout was strong. But every single time, I felt a little more like myself afterward.

I learned that my body isn’t just something to style or present.

It’s something that carries me through everything.

And it deserves to be taken care of accordingly.

☎️ One Intentional Connection a Day

This might have been the biggest lesson for me.

I had a habit of isolating. Of convincing myself I didn’t want to “burden” people with what I was going through.

But this challenge forced me to reach out anyway.

And what I found was… I was never a burden.

I was surrounded by people who wanted to show up for me. Who were just waiting for me to let them in.

Community isn’t just something you build for the good times.

It’s something that carries you through the hard ones.

And I had been taking that for granted.

🍳 Cooking 5 Days a Week

This one surprised me.

Cooking became less about food… and more about care.

It slowed me down. It made me present. It reminded me that I deserve nourishment that isn’t rushed, skipped, or replaced with something quick and convenient.

There’s something really grounding about making a meal for yourself.

It’s like saying, “I’m worth the effort.”

And I needed that reminder more than I realized.

✨ One Special Thing Each Week

This was my joy practice.

Life felt heavy, and it would’ve been easy to wait until things got better to do something fun.

But I didn’t wait.

Whether it was trying something new, going somewhere different, or just romanticizing a moment… I made space for joy as I was.

Not when everything was fixed. Not when life felt perfect.

Now.

And that changed everything.

Because joy isn’t a reward. It’s a resource.

If I had to sum up this entire month in one sentence, it would be this:

The biggest change was choosing myself over and over again.

Not once. Not when it was convenient. Not when I felt like it.

Every day.

Even on the days I didn’t want to. Especially on the days I didn’t want to.

And that’s the real lesson.

Choosing yourself isn’t a one time decision. It’s a daily practice.

It’s in the small things. The quiet things. The things no one sees.

So if you take anything from this, let it be this:

Choose yourself.
Again tomorrow.
And the day after that.

I did.

And I bloomed back.

Like literally closing their doors to the largest population here in the USA.

The average size in the U.S. is a size 18… like helloooooo.

But we shouldn’t be discouraged.

Because there are some incredible smaller businesses killing it right now.

And let me just say…

The clothes are way cuter than what those bigger brands have been offering.

Here are some of the size inclusive brands currently on my radar…

Street Grandma

Sizes 24 to 0

The vibe:
Masculine tailoring meets softness, play, and real life wearability, oversized

What caught my eye:
• ONION DRESS IN ORANGE GINGHAM TAFFETA
• PARACHUTE PANTS IN YELLOW PLAID

Read more

When I heard that Ami Colé was closing, I’ll be honest, I hadn’t personally used or heard about the brand.

But let’s be so real, the news felt familiar… unsurprising.

Every time a Black owned beauty brand closes, it’s not just a company disappearing. It’s infrastructure shrinking, shelf space being reclaimed, and capital moving back toward businesses that already have it.

And the beauty industry has a very FAMILIAR pattern: Black brands are celebrated loudly in February. They go viral in February. They’re featured in roundups every February.

And then when it’s time to sustain them? Silence.

So before I even list the brands I personally use and rebuy, let me talk about why this conversation matters.

Why Supporting BIPOC Owned Beauty Brands Actually Matters

The beauty industry is a multi billion dollar system, but Black and other BIPOC founders have historically had less access to funding, fewer retail partnerships, smaller marketing budgets, and way less room to mess up before being labeled a “failed brand.”

Meanwhile, legacy brands can flop publicly, rebrand three times, release mid products, and still keep their shelf space.

Black owned brands rarely get that kind of grace.

And here’s what matters most: the brands I’m about to talk about aren’t great because they’re Black owned. They’re great because the products are good.

Posting a list once a year is visibility. Rebuying is sustainability. Finishing a bottle and buying it again? That’s what keeps brands alive. And as someone who films, goes to events, and manages textured hair regularly, I don’t keep products around for aesthetics. They either work or they leave. So what you’re about to read isn’t symbolic. It’s practical.

Fenty Beauty

Butta Drop Hydrating Body Milk

Why it works:

Most body lotions fall into two categories:

1. Lightweight but evaporates in 30 minutes

2. Thick and suffocating

Butta Drop Body Milk sits in the rare middle:

• It has a fluid texture that spreads easily without dragging

• It absorbs quickly instead of sitting

• It leaves a subtle sheen

• It layers beautifully under fragrance

It’s the perfect summer & warm weather formula.

Trace’d Out Longwear Waterproof Pencil Lip Liner

Why it’s elite:

Lip liners on deeper lips can be hit or miss

Trace’d Out:

• Has real pigment payoff

• Has enough creaminess to glide without tugging

• Sets down without cracking

The undertones are intentional. They don’t give ashy. They don’t oxidize into something unrecognizable. And once it sets it stays for a good time.

Mented Cosmetics

Foundation Sticks

The Undertones!

Most brands create “deep shades” by deepening the orange or red bases… have you looking like an oompa loompa.

Mented foundation sticks:

• Blend seamlessly because the formula has a flexible, creamy consistency

• Does’t sit heavily in pores

• Allow spot concealing without looking patchy.

• Has undertones that actually reflect golden, neutral, olive shades

Stick formulas are overall underrated. They allow precision. You can sculpt, layer, and control coverage better.

Danessa Myricks Beauty

(Eyes + Primers)

This is professional grade formulation

Danessa Myricks products are built with pigment concentration in mind:

• Color shows up immediately

• No chalkiness

• No grey cast under shimmer

The primers:

• Create grip without stiffness

• Extend wear time under heat and lighting

If you’ve ever worn makeup to an event and watched it disappear under bright lights, you understand why this matters.

TGIN

Literally Everything

Moisture science for textured hair

TGIN products:

• Have a thicker, more emollient base

• Provide real slip

• Support elasticity instead of stiffening strands

When your hair feels soft days later… don’t say I didn’t put you on.

SheaMoisture

Strengthen & Restore Leave-In Conditioner

This product earns loyalty because it does three key things:

1. Softening

2. Helps reduce breakage during styling

3. Plays well with other products

Some leave ins fight your gel, or pill under creams, or even weigh down curls. This one does a good job of playing nice.

PATTERN

Hair Curler

Technically i’m not rebuying this but if it were to break… I would.It comes with 3 Interchangeable Barrels, a Carrying Case, gloves, has auto shut off… that’s all I’ll say.

What are some of your repurchases?

If discomfort were framed honestly, we’d stop calling it sexy.

We’d call it what it often is:
a requirement
a performance
a quiet tax women are expected to pay in order to be seen

The idea that femininity must hurt is not accidental. It is cultural training disguised as style. And while it shows up most clearly in fashion, its consequences stretch far beyond the body.

This isn’t about taste and power.

The myth that pain equals desirability

High heels that shorten your stride.
Corsets that force you to hold your breath.
Clothes that ask you to sit carefully, move carefully, exist carefully.

These aren’t neutral design choices. They are visual cues that reward restriction and control. They teach us that desirability lives in containment, that to be appealing, a woman must override her physical reality.

The phrase “beauty is pain” is often treated like a joke. It isn’t. It’s a philosophy.

One that teaches women that discomfort is not only normal, but virtuous. That endurance signals effort. That effort signals worth.

And that being comfortable means you didn’t try hard enough.

The male gaze is not aesthetic, it’s behavioral

The male gaze doesn’t simply shape what looks attractive. It shapes what behavior is rewarded.

It values stillness over movement, compliance over presence, and silence over sensation.

When you’re taught to ignore the signals of your own body: the ache, the restriction, the lack of breath, you’re also taught that your internal boundaries are flexible. Negotiable. Secondary.

This is how fashion becomes instruction.

A woman trained to tolerate discomfort in her body is easier to train to tolerate it elsewhere. At work. In relationships. In systems that benefit from her being agreeable, contained, and grateful.

The dress codes we accept don’t stay in the closet. They echo into the lives we’re willing to live.

The illusion of choice

This conversation is often reduced to “choice.” And technically, yes, women can choose heels, choose corsets, choose discomfort.

But choice does not exist in a vacuum.

When desirability is rewarded and comfort is subtly punished, decisions stop being neutral. They become strategic. Performative. Protective.

We don’t ask what feels good, we ask what will be received well.

And that question - once internalized - becomes a blueprint for how much we’re willing to tolerate in exchange for approval.

The female gaze reframes desire as agency

The female gaze is often misunderstood as aesthetic preference. I like to see it as a shift in authority.

It centers embodiment over optics, experience over consumption, and agency over validation.

Under the female gaze, desire is not something granted by an observer. It’s something generated internally rooted in comfort, confidence, and consent.

This doesn’t reject glamour or drama. It rejects obligation.

Discomfort, when chosen deliberately, can be powerful. But discomfort that is expected, that is required for legitimacy is control dressed up as femininity.

Why comfort still feels radical

Comfort threatens a system that relies on women being distracted from themselves.

A woman at ease in her body moves differently. Speaks differently. Accepts less. She is harder to manipulate, harder to silence, harder to convince that suffering is a prerequisite for worth.

That’s why comfort is still framed as laziness. As giving up. As letting yourself go.

It’s not.

It’s autonomy.

The real distinction

This was never about sneakers versus heels.

It’s about the difference between choice and conditioning.

Between discomfort as a tool and discomfort as a rule.
Between desire as self expression and desire as performance.

Being desired and being comfortable were never opposites. They were positioned that way because a woman who knows the difference is no longer easily managed.

Valentine’s & Galentine’s Day are among us and every year, they show up with opinions.

What you should wear. How romantic is too romantic. Whether it’s about love, friendship, yourself, or just having an excuse to get dressed and leave the house.

So instead of feeding the noise, think of this as a seasonal moodboard with looks that work no matter how you’re celebrating.

The Mood This Year

Let’s do this as a moodboard by category. Pick the one that feels right and ignore the rest.

Soft & Intentional

Fluid fabrics, gentle drape, nothing you have to fuss with once you leave.

Playful & Flirty

A little texture, a little fun, outfits that feel good and photograph well.

Dark Romance

Black, wine, oxblood. Lace, leather, sheer moments. Romantic with an edge.

Effortless but Put Together

Clean silhouettes, rich neutrals, pieces you already trust.

The Looks (Links Included)

I broke the looks down the same way. Scroll to the category that fits your plans, your mood, or your energy.

Read more

If you’ve just cleaned out your closet and somehow feel worse, you’re not alone.

I’ve been there more times than I can count.
Less clutter. Fewer options. And still… nothing feels right.

That’s how I know this feeling usually isn’t about the clothes.

It’s about timing. Self confidence. Personal identity.

And no amount of purging fixes that.

What’s Actually Happening When You Hate Your Closet

When people say “I hate everything in my closet,” they usually mean something more specific:

• Their life has changed faster than their wardrobe

• Their confidence has shifted, but their clothes still reflect an older version of them

• Their body feels different and they don’t yet know how to dress it

A closet clean out removes noise, but it also removes distractions. What’s left is the gap between who you’ve been dressing as and who you’re becoming.

That gap is uncomfortable. But it’s not a failure.

What I Don’t Do When This Happens

Read more

It felt like every purchase came with a question mark. I’d convince myself something might work, and a lot of times, it didn’t.

And when it didn’t, the frustration wasn’t just about the clothes. It was the time. The returns. The back and forth. The quiet spiral of why does this always feel harder than it should?

At some point, I realized something that changed how I shop completely:

People who are “good” at shopping online aren’t lucky. They’re skilled.

It’s not intuition. It’s not having the “right” body. It’s not knowing your size by heart. It’s learning how to read what’s in front of you and trusting yourself more than the size tag.

For a lot of us, online shopping isn’t just a convenience. It’s the main option. After years of doing most of my shopping this way, I’ve built a system that works so well I rarely return anything anymore.

Not because everything magically fits, but because I know what I’m looking at now.

This is how I learned.

1. The Lie I Had to Let Go Of: “Once You Know Your Size, You’re Set”

The biggest myth about shopping online is that the goal is knowing your size.

That idea will set you up to fail every time.

Sizes change by brand, by country, by fabric, by cut - sometimes even within the same website. A number on a tag is not a universal truth. It’s a suggestion. And sometimes it’s a bad one.

Once I stopped expecting consistency, shopping got easier.

I stopped asking, “What size am I?”
And started asking, “What is this garment actually telling me?”

That shift alone saved me so much frustration.

2. I Don’t Shop by Size… I Shop by Information

Now, before I click “Add to Cart,” I slow down. This part matters more than the outfit photo.

Here’s what I look at, every single time:

Measurements

Not just the size chart, the actual garment measurements. Waist, hip, bust, length. If a brand doesn’t give them? That’s information too.

Fabric
This tells me more than the model photo ever could. Some fabrics have more give than others.

Cut
A straight leg, a wide leg, a bias cut, a wrap: these are not neutral choices. They change how a piece lives on a body.

Where it’s made / sold
Sizing standards are different internationally. Never assume.

Reviews

I look for patterns in the responses.

Return policy

Because now a days you have to pay to return!

Once I started shopping this way, I stopped guessing. Shopping became quieter.

3. How I Choose a Size Without Spiraling

The single most important thing you can do when shopping online is have your measurements on hand.

Not memorized.Not guessed.
Written down somewhere you can easily reference.

I recommend getting a soft measuring tape and keeping it in your drawer or bag. It’s one of those unsexy tools that quietly changes everything. Waist, hips, bust, and sometimes inseam, those numbers will guide you far better than any size label ever could.

If you don’t have a measuring tape yet, here’s a workaround

This is a hack I still use when I’m in a pinch.

If there’s a retailer you already shop from regularly, one where you know how a certain size fits you, use that brand’s size chart as your reference point.

Here’s how:

• Find the size you usually buy from that retailer

• Look at the measurement range listed for that size

• Take the highest number in that range

• Then line that number up with the size chart of the new retailer you’re shopping from

You’re essentially matching measurements instead of guessing sizes.

It’s not perfect, but it’s far more accurate than hoping your “usual size” means the same thing everywhere.

I don’t choose a size based on what I hope will fit.
I choose a size based on what the measurements are telling me.

Sometimes that means sizing up. Sometimes that means sizing down. Sometimes it means staying true. Sometimes it means deciding the piece isn’t worth the risk and closing the tab without guilt.

4. Fabric Is the Thing People Ignore

Two pieces can be the same size and fit completely differently because fabric behaves differently on real bodies.

This is where most online shopping goes wrong.

Fabric tells you how forgiving a piece will be, and how it will move with you

What I always check

Stretch
This matters more than fiber type. Stretch gives you options. No stretch requires precision.

Weight
Light fabrics skim. Heavier fabrics drape and hold shape better.

Blends
Blends are often easier to live in. A little elastane or spandex can completely change the fit.

A quick fabric stretch guide

Very stretchy
Jersey, ribbed knits, ponte, anything with elastane high in the content.

Some stretch
Stretch denim, knit blends, twill with elastane.

Little to no stretch
Linen, woven cotton, poplin, satin, rigid denim.

When I see a fabric with little to no stretch, I size up from my typical size.

5. Cut: Where Fit Is Won or Lost

Before I think about sizing up or down, I think about where I hold weight and how the garment is shaped to sit on a body. It’s about understanding how clothes are built.

The cut tells you:

• where a garment will cling

• where it will skim

• where it might dip, pull, or feel tight

That information helps me decide whether to size up, size down, or stay true.

Examples of what I pay attention to

• High rise vs mid rise
  High-rise gives more room through the waist and belly. Mid-rise can feel tighter even in the same size.

• Straight vs tapered vs wide
  Tapered cuts need more room through hips and thighs. Straight and wide cuts are often more forgiving.

• Bias cut vs structured
  Bias cuts drape and move. Structured pieces hold their shape and ask more of your measurements.

• Wraps, smocking, elastic, darts
  These details matter. They can create flexibility or lock you into a very specific fit.

Two garments can have similar measurements and fit completely differently because the cut is doing different work.

6. Shopping Internationally Made Me a Better Shopper

Different countries size differently. Period. So when I shop outside the U.S., I throw my usual size out the window and start from zero.

The first thing I always check

Before I even look at sizing, I check where the company is based.

Not every website puts this on their homepage, so I’ll scroll to:

• the footer

• the “About” page

• shipping or returns

Knowing whether a brand is U.S., UK, EU, or elsewhere immediately changes how I read the size chart.

About size conversions

I don’t rely on conversion charts alone. I use them as a starting point, not the answer. (I’ll include a conversion chart here for reference.)

Measurements still matter more than the converted size.

How I approach international shopping

• Measurements over conversions

• Fabric over assumptions

• Fewer impulse buys

• Higher standards

I accept that returns might not be worth it, so I’m more intentional going in. I buy fewer pieces, but better ones.

International shopping isn’t always low risk, but when it works, it really works. And learning how to navigate it made me more confident shopping everywhere else, too.

7. How I Actually Read Reviews

I don’t read reviews looking for reassurance. I read them like research.

I’m scanning for:

• Repeated comments about fit

• Mentions of stretch, arms, rise, length

• Patterns across multiple people

I ignore:

• “Love it!!!”

• One-off complaints

• Reviews from people with completely different proportions than mine

I’m not looking for validation.
I’m looking for clues.

8. Why I Rarely Return Anything Now

Returns dropped when I stopped treating shopping like a gamble.

I don’t rush checkout.
I don’t force things to work.
And I stopped believing every piece deserves my energy.

Not everything is meant for me, and that’s not personal. It’s just information.

Once I accepted that, shopping stopped feeling emotional.

The Real Shift Was Trusting Myself

The biggest change wasn’t learning about fabric or sizing systems.

It was trusting myself.

Shopping got easier when I stopped letting a number on a tag tell me how something should fit. Fit became the priority. Comfort became neutral. And bad design stopped feeling like a personal problem.

Shopping online is a skill.
And skills can be learned.

On those days, I don’t overhaul my routine.
I don’t try anything new.
I reach for what I already trust.

These are the beauty products I come back to on low energy days… not to fix anything, just to feel like myself again.

Read more

Somewhere along the way, “flattering” became the gold standard.

Not interesting. Not expressive. Not intentional.

Just: Does it flatter you?

And for a long time, I chased that question like it held the answer.
If it looked “right,” I wore it.
If it hid what I was taught to hide, I trusted it.

But eventually, my closet stopped feeling like mine.
It felt like a set of rules I never agreed to.

What “flattering” is really asking

Read more

Not because I don’t believe in growth, but because I don’t believe in punishing myself with a list of expectations I made on a hopeful day in January, and then beating myself up when life doesn’t follow the plan exactly.

Instead, I choose a word of the year.

A word isn’t a checklist.
It’s a lens.

It’s something I return to when I’m making decisions, when I’m unsure, when I’m scared, when I’m standing at a crossroads. I ask myself: Am I moving like the person this word represents?

Last year (2025) my word was abundance.

I moved through the world believing I already had what I needed. I didn’t wait to feel “ready” or “chosen.” I trusted that there was enough… enough opportunity, enough creativity, enough room for me. That mindset cracked open doors I didn’t even know to knock on. It brought blessings, lessons, and confirmations I’m deeply grateful for.

This year took me a little longer to name.

The word I landed on made me pause because it’s complicated. It has weight. And depending on who you ask, it isn’t always framed kindly.

My word for this year is audacity.

Audacity can mean being rude.
Disruptive.
Out of line.

But it can also mean something else entirely.

It can mean boldness.
It can mean taking risks.
It can mean showing up even when you don’t want to.

And I find it fascinating that one word can hold two completely opposing definitions because that’s often how confidence is treated, especially when it comes from people who were never expected to take up space.

In my opinion, we all need audacity.

The audacity to show up scared.
The audacity to walk into rooms where we feel like we don’t belong.
The audacity to be seen before we feel ready.
The audacity to be loud, soft, complex, unsure, and still worthy.

This year, and beyond, I want to move through the world with the audacity to be my full self. Not the edited version. Not the “easier to digest” version. The whole thing.

I’m leaving behind shrinking.
I’m leaving behind waiting for permission.
I’m leaving behind the belief that confidence has to look a certain way to be valid.

And I’m carrying audacity with me into my work, my relationships, my creativity, and my joy.

Not recklessly.
Not unkindly.
But unapologetically.

Here’s to moving forward with intention, not pressure.
With courage, not perfection.
With audacity, not fear.

What I’m Leaving Behind

• Shrinking to make other people comfortable

• Waiting until I feel “ready” to begin

• Letting fear masquerade as practicality

• Believing confidence has to look quiet or polished to be valid

• Measuring my worth by timelines that were never mine

What I’m Carrying With Me

• Audacity, even when it feels uncomfortable

• Showing up scared and doing it anyway

• Trusting my voice, my instincts, my timing

• Taking up space without apology or explanation

• Choosing alignment over approval