My darling friend,

I hope your summer is going beautifully, and that really nice things are happening to you these days ✨✨✨

I painted this cartoon on the day I arrived to Banff Centre for Arts and Creativity, for my first ever artistic residency:

And, yes!

Just as this cartoon says,

the last couple of years have been pretty chock-full of challenges and stressors.

I also recognize how, the life I thought I would live, is something that’s been left in my rear-view mirror a very long time ago!

Very little in my life has happened the way in which I planned, or I wished it to go when I was growing up.

But, still.

When I was in Banff,

I realized something.

And that something is that, I would have never imagined the miraculous and wonderful things that have happened to me either.

When I was doodling around in my room in Guadalajara Mexico, I would never have imagined I would be in the mountains, surrounded by the most otherworldly beauty, and working on my book, Dating As A Fellow Human, under a contract with Penguin Random House.

My book is getting closer and closer to being done. And that makes me feel soooo excited!! It’s been 3.5 years in the making!

I CAN’T WAIT TO SHARE IT WITH YOU!!!

But it’s not only Banff.

All the happy things that have happened to me have been quite incredible surprises!

Like, for example,

when I wrote my book PING, I was never even planning to be a book author. It just happened!

Almost by accident.

When I met my mentor, it was as if an asteroid crashed onto my personal planet and pivoted my life onto brand new territories of the universe.

When I had my babies, I didn’t know that they would become such interesting young characters that add such beauty and strangeness and stimulation into my life.

The people I’ve met, and loved.

They grabbed me by the heart and each one of them has changed the way in which I see the world!

The blessings in my life are impossible to count, and I couldn’t have imagined any of them❤️

So, I suppose life is like that, isn’t it?

We don’t always get what we want, and that can be a sad thing.

But we don’t always get what we want, and that can be a wondrous thing!

Because we didn’t even think about wanting the beautiful things that end up happening.

They didn’t occur to us!

Think about it,

what wonderful thing that has happened in your life has been the most wondrous and unexpected surprise?

I betcha there are a bunch of those.

The funny thing about doing this residency while I’m immersed in my Digital Convent, is that EVERYWHERE I WENT, people were talking about the soccer thing that was happening all over the world!

Everyone was glued to screens of all sizes!

At the airport, in the bus, in the plane, at the restaurants.

But since I haven’t been watching, I really had no much idea of what was going on!

It might be weird to you, but to me, it feels refreshing to be outside of the world for a little while.

I feel like I’m swimming in a secret, private undercurrent, while the whole world is happening in some other layer, a bit disconnected from my reality.

This was very healthy for me, creativity-wise.

ESPECIALLY since I was so focused on the writing of my book!

I would really like to thank many humans for making my very first artistic residency possible.

First, my darling best friend Jason for taking care of my kids so I could go and focus on working! Otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to escape my motherly responsibilities for a little bit.

I would love to thank the government of Saskatchewan and specifically SKArts for funding part of my residency.

Huge thanks to Banff Centre for Arts and Creativity for spoiling me rotten while I was there, they treated me so well!

Thank you for giving me every single thing I needed to be productive, well-fed and comfortable while I was so far away from home.

And a specially huge thanks to Mr. Fong and Mrs. Fong (Mary and Chris Fong Family Endowment), for making the personal effort to make it possible for me to go into this whole, beautiful adventure.

Seriously, your contributions have made a huge difference in my life!

This experience has changed me, it has nurtured me, it has inspired me.

I notice a strengthening in my writing, and I have the feeling I will never be the same artist as before I went to Banff.

I FINALLY figured out how to write the field notes section in my book, which is something I’ve been banging my head on the wall about, for a long time.

Working with my mentor Dodie Bellamy, while in the residency, really helped me see the book with a set of fresh, new eyes!

I even started sharing my poetry with other writers, can you believe it?

This is something I’ve reserved for my private journals!

For years and years and years!!

So, I feel that good things are coming up.

I hope that for you and for me, my friend.

I hope that beautiful surprises are coming our way.

May wonderful things that would have never imagined, show up in our lives, soon enough.

And may our hearts be ready to receive them, and to enjoy them, as much as we can.

I’m sending you lots of love!

Ani ❤️

One day, some years ago, I woke up all happy and fresh.

I was excited about my plans for the day, which were: making some banana pancakes for my baby, playing with her, putting her down for a nap and going to my desk to work for a while.

I saw the rays of the sun pouring all the way from outer space and straight onto my sheets.

How lovely! How ancestral! How spiritual of a moment!

I’m alive. I’m alive!! I’M ALIVE FOR ANOTHER DAY!!!

SUCH A MIRACLE!!!

Yeeehaaaw!!

It was then that I got distracted, and a thought came to me.

The thought was as follows:

- Hey!

Wanna grab your phone?

(Ok, it wasn’t a thought, it was actually just my body reaching for my phone, like a robot)

And I was like,

hey, body, why would I wanna grab my phone?

And my body was like,

- I dunno. What if you have a message or something?

So, I checked for a new message and I had no new messages.

And I felt sad. I wanted a message!!!

Nobody loves me or what?? - I thought.

I felt sad almost immediately.

Then, my body said,

- Ok ok. Do not panic.

There might be some magic on the horizon.

Whatabout opening instagram? Maybe if you open it, you will feel a bit better!

And I was like… okay, body!

So, I opened instagram and I saw, with my eyes still heavy and soft from sleep, some lady doing the downward facing dog in a bikini in Cancún.

Her stomach flat and taut like a prepubescent girl. Her boobs full and heavy. Her skin nicely tanned, the shade of the shell of a pecan nut. Her butt nice and round and pristinely smooth like the butt of a sexy baby, pointing towards the sun.

Now, I can do a pretty decent downward facing dog!

But, in a bikini? And in Cancún?

How could I ever compete with that?

And she’s so young! And so beautiful! Her hair is glossy and perfect.

And her hotel looks so fancy!

And her downward facing dog is actually way better than mine. She can touch her heels to the ground!!!

Aaaah!!

I wanna be her!!

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

I scroll down.

There is this artist in the photo, she’s is just receiving some award.

And I think…

I don’t have an award!

I want an award!

Why don’t I have an award??

Is my art not as good as their art or what??

Why do they have an award and I don’t have an award?

Life is not fair!

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

I scroll down.

And this Persian cat is coming down a chute or something.

And in fact, the chute is a beautiful, transparent slide that was built inside a gorgeous mansion on the hills of some exotic city.

Hey.

I don’t have a slide!

Why does this cat has a slide and I don’t?

How come I don’t have a slide? How come I don’t live in a mansion?

I want to live in a mansion, like that cat! I want a slide built inside my mansion in the exotic mountains!!

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

After a couple rounds of this self-torture, I say:

STOP!!

I CLOSE INSTAGRAM!

My body decides:

- Hey, maybe it would be better to look at your emails!

So, I open the app.

Oh! GAP is having a sale! My kid’s school is doing a fundraiser!

A hydro bill!

Boring stuff! Understimulating!

What other thing can provide me with joy?

- Oh, I know!

My body says.

- What if YOU LOOK AT THE NEWS!!!!!??? 😀

That will feel WONDERFUL, I’m sure!

⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

And after reading a couple of articles, I conclude the world is basically about to burst into flames.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

So, after hanging out with my phone for a little while, I felt really terrible about myself, about my life and about the whole entire world.

By then, it was late, my baby got buttered bagels for breakfast, I felt frumpy and sad on my way to the playground, and when I got down to work at my desk I felt pretty palpable feelings of despair.

This whole scene happened maybe as far back as 2010.

And a similar scene has repeated itself A LOT ever since.

So, it’s been about 16 years of mornings where my mood was transformed by my interaction with my phone.

Imagine!!!

I woke up in this mood:

And I ended up feeling like this, for one reason or another:

After many many many years of this rigmarole, I started to wonder:

HOW DIFFERENT WOULD A DAY OF MY LIFE BE IF I HAD RETAINED MY OWN ORIGINAL MOOD?

How would I FEEL?

What would I DO?

How would I approach my work? My environment? My people?

What would I think about, and dream about, if a bunch of randomized information hadn’t entered my eyeballs?

How would I feel about myself, my life, the world, if I wasn’t presented with a bunch of situations and people to compare myself to?

And the biggest question of all:

HOW MUCH IS MY MOOD WORTH TO ME???

Because, in one way or another, I have been surrendering my mood to other people and to algorithms, to mold it, manipulate it, play with it.

They didn’t always have my best interest at heart, lemme tell you!

These mood disrupters made me feel differently. Think differently. Dream differently. Want differently than what I would have thought, dreamed or wanted on my own.

A DIFFERENT MOOD MADE ME LIVE MY LIFE IN A DIFFERENT WAY!!!

I started to wonder how much a manufactured mood changed the ways in which I existed in the world.

They say we live in an attention economy.

That corporations are fighting for our attention.

And I think that’s true!

But then I think…

What if we’re actually living in a mood economy?

What happens if we buy more, fight more? Create less, connect less, question less? What if we feel the need to numb ourselves more when we’re scared, sad, insecure, inadequate, anxious, angry?

What if the way we FEEL is being used as currency?

While I’m in The Convent, I want to find out how it feels to be me, over here, without anyone telling me how to feel.

Has it all been happiness, inspiration, peace and joy?

NOPE!!

Absolutely not.

Humans are pretty marvellous but also pretty troubled, as far as I’ve noticed.

We have lots of light within our souls, but also this relentless tendency towards feeling dark emotions!

But,

even if I experience misery or sadness or anxiety, I would prefer those bad feelings to be MINE.

Of course, we need to consume information. Develop our knowledge. Learn about what’s going on with the world. Grow our consciousness. Participate with life!

And I always want to make abundantly clear that I do not think every piece of internet content is malevolent. Quite the opposite.

The internet is also full of love. It’s also made out of Fellow Humans. Like me! ❤️❤️❤️

And plenty of us have lots of good intentions! We want to make the world better!

But the internet and our phones were thrown into our hands without previous research!!

Phones and the internet are indescribably addictive.

I have the feeling that corporations are using our vulnerability to enter our psyches.

And I wonder what this is all doing to our brains, our moods, our thought patterns, our lives, our hearts, our creativity.

I DO NOT FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A GUINEA PIG FOR CORPORATIONS.

BUT I do feel pretty great to be a guinea pig for humanity by seeing what happens to my mind and my heart when I withdraw from the way I’ve been consuming information for the last couple of decades.

I suppose while I’m over here, at The Digital Convent, not consuming internet for entertainment for a whole year, I’m clearing my head a little bit of all the stuff I’ve consumed over the last twenty-something years.

I want to see what happens to my mind, my voice and my creativity when I listen to them. Uninterrupted. Clearly.

And when the year ends, and I start consuming internet stuff again, I want to find ways to consume it healthily, measuredly, and intentionally.

I do not think anyone has to be as extreme as I am on this experiment.

But I believe we could all enter a little Digital Convent of our own. And it would benefit us greatly!

Even for an hour or two a day, we could refuse to consume ANYTHING. And only allow ourselves to create, or to work, or to feast our eyes on the world.

We could put our phones in another room for a little while. Every day.

We could create little digital breaks for ourselves.

We could establish routines where we only connect to ourselves, with our spiritual realms and with our people.

Have you ever done anything like that?

Would you ever like to inhabit a Digital Convent, for a little while?

Well, if you ever do …

I’d really love to be there with you ❤️

So far, in my previous letters, I’ve told you about the realizations, frustrations, rejections and adventures that propelled me to create a convent for myself.

I would also like to tell you a little bit of how life is over here!

And, well, to be honest, the convent looks different from day to day:

I can be in the convent while in the library.

While in my studio.

While in my bedroom.

While walking around the city or the forest.

But the #1 most important thing is that,

when I’m in the convent,

I am

BY

MYSELF ❤️❤️❤️

With no-one to interrupt my train of thinking, and my listening to The Universe.

Being in The Convent, means, pretty much, being in a space where I can listen to my imagination without interruptions.

That’s the most important thing!

✨✨✨ Listening to my inner voice ✨✨✨

That’s what matters greatly, when I’m here.

It’s funny, because, when you think about being by ourselves,

it seems like we’re alone plenty of time!

Aren’t we?? Maybe even too much!

In fact, there something brewing in society called “The Loneliness Epidemic”!

According to this, us, humans, are the loneliest we’ve ever been throughout history!!

BUT!!!!!!

When we’re by ourselves, are we alone, really?

If we pay close attention, the times when us, contemporary humans are listening to ourselves is extremely rare.

When we’re “by ourselves”, we’re often hanging out with screens!

We’re either:

• Watching TV shows.

• Scrolling through social media.

• Reading the news.

• Listening to podcasts.

• Consuming all kinds of information, at an incredibly rapid speed, in one way or another.

All of these options are not bad, really.

It’s actually pretty wonderful that we have access to so much! There’s abundance of worlds, of voices, of possibilities, of realities!

I consider the internet a humongous gift and a tool we could use to humanity’s development and advantage.

But, for me, my dysfunctional use of the internet got to the point where I had completely lost control over it.

I watched too many videos, I scrolled too much on social media, I read too many news.

One link would take me to another, and another and another.

Scrolling became as natural as breathing, at some point. I stopped noticing when I was doing it!

I avoided silence at all costs.

I avoided boredom.

I avoided being with myself.

I wasted many many many hours.

Countless hours.

Thousands of them.

Slowly I became aware of one thing:

This over-consumption was taking me further and further away from myself!

My mind was constantly, incessantly, RELENTLESSLY filled to the brim with information!

By a bunch of information that the algorithms had chosen to put in there!

Isn’t it weird, when you think about it??

That we end up THINKING, imagining, remembering, dreaming things that someone else placed inside of our heads?

That we fall asleep remembering memes, news, jokes, videos, images, faces, sounds, words, that come out from other people or computers?

I guess it would be one thing if we got to carefully curate every bit of information that entered our brain.

But, a lot of the time, the specific pieces of information that end up shaping our consciousness, are pieces that the algorithms chose for us!

A lot of the time, the algorithms got to choose what we think about when we’re falling asleep, at night!

When I realized this,

is when I decided to take a year off from my mindless consumption of the internet.

I know a year might sound a bit extreme.

But I knew my situation was extreme!

I think this is the case for a lot of us.

So I wanted to fight for my freedom as hard as I could.

And I decided to turn this into an experiment.

Especially,

Because the odds are as high as my very own connection to myself!

My attention!

My hours!

My days!

My mind!

My mood!

MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!

That’s why I’m doing this Convent.

AND, with the time I save from mindless consumption, I’m creating Art!

Creating something every day is one of rules of my Convent.

You see,

I feel like a lot of us numb ourselves through all kinds of mindless consumption.

We numb anxiety. Uncertainty. Loneliness. Fear. Trauma.

It is really not our fault that painful things happened to us.

That scary things are happening right now.

That we feel lonely or anxious or sad.

That we feel the need to soothe ourselves.

It’s not our fault that technology got created. That they made it AS EXTREMELY ADDICTIVE AS POSSIBLE and that it was thrown into our hands without any instruction or care about our wellbeing!!

Because of this.

My Convent is an act of resistance.

But it’s also an act of healing.

Because Art has always been my way of coping and overcoming anxiety. Uncertainty. Loneliness. Fear. Sadness. Trauma.

Ever since I was a child!

And it has always brought me enormous amount of joy!

A way to connect with the universe, with myself and with the world ✨✨✨

But for years and years, I feel like overconsumption of the internet has slowly taken more of my time. It has quieted the volume of my inner voice.

But, through this year of disconnection, I want to give it the space it needs, in order to come back to me ❤️❤️❤️

I’m sharing with you, because, who knows?

Maybe you’re feeling the way I’ve been feeling too?

Big hugs, my friend!

All the way from The Digital Convent.

With lots of love,

-Ani ❤️

Why did I create a convent?

Well.

I’ll tell you the story!:

When I was a little girl, I was VERY catholic and very obsessed with Sor Juana Inés de La Cruz.

Have you heard about her???

She was the coolest nun ever to walk this Earth!

And she was born in Mexico! Like me! 🥰❤️

She was a genius.

She devoured books, she taught herself about every possible subject and a respected intellectual by age 15.

And she wanted, more than ANYTHING, to be a writer.

BUT since she was born a woman in the 1500’s, she didn’t really have the power to make too many choices about her life.

She could either marry and make a buncha babies, or escape the regular world and join a convent.

So.

She chose to join the convent!

And, from there, she wrote poetry, philosophy and theatre.

Her work was incredibly feminist and revolutionary for her times.

It was very very dangerous for a woman to write that kind of stuff in the 1500’s, especially with the Spanish inquisition hanging around her own courtyard!

But she wrote and she wrote and she did it with so much beauty and passion, and even sensuality that she became kind of a rockstar. She truly is my hero!

Ok, back to the current world…

For the last 4 years, I’ve been working on my graphic novel: Dating as a Fellow Human.

This book is a direct result of the dating experiences I’ve had after my divorce.

When I started writing the book, so many things had happened!

Good things and crappy things and exciting things and embarrassing things. I felt like I needed to tell those stories! Hence the birth of the book.

But once it ran out of pages, I continued having more and more dating adventures and misadventures.

It is truly strange.

I do see so many people that go and meet ONE human and they find the love of their lives.

But in my case,

I’ve met dozens and dozens and dozens of humans. And, up to that point, all I found were dozens and dozens of ways in which people can be terrible matches for one another.

It’s heartbreaking!

I got to the point where I just could’t bear the thought of dating anymore! I could not go on another date. Not a single one!

Not coffee! Not sushi! Not chicken shawarma! Not ramen! Not walks on the beach! Not bike rides at sunset!

No anxiety about who’s gonna text me, and when! Not anxiety about who’s gonna try to kiss me, and when! No getting dressed and made up just to spend hours wishing I was back home reading a book! No more swiping left and right! No more ghosting! No more bread-crumbing!

No more dream-like excitement, followed by the disillusionment and grief!!!!

NO MORE DATING APPS!!!

NO MORE!!

NO! NO! NO! NO!!

It dawned on me how much energy, how much time, how much mental space was just slipping through my fingers by engaging on the dating world over and over and over. I was extremely exhausted.

I needed a break quite terribly!

And then, an opportunity presented itself:

I was invited to join Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario to be the writer in residence for a couple of months. I was SO EXCITED!!

And, you see, this kind of escape is usually impossible for me, since I’m a single mom and I have to take care of my kids!

But, my sweet parents offered to come all the way from Mexico and take care of them for the length of my residency, so, suddenly I was able to think and act as a free individual for a little while.

Can you imagine??

What would I do with that freedom?? - I asked myself.

And the answer was:

I would JOIN A CONVENT!!!

I would be like Sor Juana Inés de La Cruz!

I would escape the regular world.

I would retire into reclusion, in order to listen to my spirit more clearly. I would stay away from men for a while, so I could reconnect with myself and my purpose on this Earth. I would create art, from the safety, the silence, the containment of my own private nun’s cell.

My plan was as follows. I would:

• Join a convent in Kingston.

• Stay there as my living space.

• Have breakfast (porridge, I imagine?) at the convent every morning.

• Go to work at Queen’s University.

• Return to the convent every night, and get away from the world.

• Do my chores.

• Help my sisters.

• Connect to the world of spirit.

• Write. Create art. Make songs.

• I imagined I would teach cartooning to the sisters? Play my guitar? Make eggnog?

So, with my plan very well figured out, I went and did some research and I found a perfect convent right in Kingston, pretty close to the university!

So, I wrote them a very nice, long email, asking if I could join the sisters for a li’l while.

I explained my spiritual goals, my credentials, my yearnings and my situation.

And!

THEY REJECTED ME.

——

This was very sad, because I din’t really have a plan B!

Although, it kind of makes sense. I’ve since figured out that people cannot become nuns willy-nilly. Especially since I’m not very religious these days!

But I was seriously yearning for this withdrawal.

So, for a while I had this feeling, brewing in my head. This desire.

This craving. This longing.

This spiritual hunger for some kind of escape. For renewal.

For purification of my heart, my body and my soul.

It was not only exhaustion from the dating emotional rollercoaster.

The whole world was overwhelming me!

The world, you say, Ani?

Yes!

But what part of the world, exactly, was overwhelming you, Ani?

Well, apart from the dating,

the other thing I identified that was REALLY really getting to me, was THE INTERNET.

Or more like, my use of the internet.

You see,

I ADORE the internet!

I think it’s just bursting with potential!

I think the internet is a gift for humans!

BUT.

It also has a lot of dangers and temptations.

I believe it began with beautiful intentions, but these days, it’s designed to create addictive and compulsive behaviour in humans.

The way I’ve been using the internet in the last handful of years has become more and more detrimental, I think, for my mental health, my life and even for my creativity.

I get incredibly immersed in a social media app. To the point where I don’t notice when time has passed.

I can consume huge amounts of information, silly, useless, shallow information, without even noticing it’s happening. And it’s usually information I didn’t even want in the first place! Too many news. Too many videos. Too many photos. Too many articles. Too much too much too much.

I realized I scrolled on my phone to escape the world.

To ESCAPE THE WORLD!!

And it really worked, actually.

It worked a little bit too well.

But, every time I finished one of my scrolling binges, I would feel some kind of spiritual numbness. Or sickness. I don’t know how to explain it. I would feel empty, more than anything. And I would vaguely remember what I even consumed.

I would wonder, what happened to that handful of hours?? Where did they go? Where did my mind go?

Is there a better way to escape the world? I wondered.

So…

Here is where the two story lines converge….

Since the real convent rejected me.

I decided…

What the heck.

I’M GONNA CREATE MY OWN CONVENT!!!

So, I kept thinking. How could I create my own convent?

How could I escape the world, for a little while. But more like Sor Juana?

How?

I suppose, I could escape the world, for a bit by:

Escaping the internet.

So, it was then that I decided,

For a whole year, I won’t use the internet for anything that could act as entertainment or numbing of my mind.

I will only use the internet for: Education, investigation, communication, and work.

But, not only that,

In order to really embody the spirit of Sor Juana, I would do something else.

With the time and mental space I save from my internet withdrawal, I would create art every day.

I would turn time of consumption, into time of creation.

Of listening to my inner voice.

Even a little drawing. Or a tiny poem.

Even a short song. Or a video. Or a photo.

Anything.

Every.

Single.

Day.

Then, I would put this art, on the internet.

This sharing, I believe, documents the live unfolding of an answer to the question: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE TURN OUR OWN ATTENTION INTO AN ACT OF RESISTANCE? INTO THE SHARPEST OF ART TOOLS??

I wanted to share the evolution of my project, in the same way in which Sor Juana sent her poems to Spain and to the whole world, even though she didn’t leave her convent in Mexico for 27 years!

So, it was on January 1st of 2025, that I entered The Digital Convent.

It was that day, that my project Letters From The Convent, officially begun!

(You can see The Convent unfolding here and here ❤️)

Well,

it didn’t start super intentionally.

BUT,

it kind of started internationally.

Tehehe (See what I did there? 😋)

I didn’t plan on it!

You see,

I happened to go to another country.

The name of that country: Spain.

I haven’t travelled very much in my life.

Which is a shame. When I was growing up, travelling was my biggest obsession!

More like, I was obsessed about THE IDEA of travelling. That was all I got at the time.

But I suppose I had other kinds of adventures.

When I was 6 years old, my Dad realized how many hours I spent drawing and painting.

He took an interest on it, and enrolled me in painting lessons with a cool guy who gave classes in his attic. This made my life explode with excitement!!!

Imagine.

At 6 years old I was painting with professional oil paintings surrounded by a bunch of adults! In an attic!! With a professional painter as a teacher!

I could not believe my excellent fortune. This was definitely not what most kids did with their Saturdays, back home in Mexico.

And, the other thing my Dad did:

He bought me two books about painters at the grocery store.

One was about Leonardo da Vinci, and one was Pablo Picasso.

Back home in Guadalajara, there are not public libraries. So, if you wanna read a book, you need to buy that darn book!

And because my family wasn’t one that travelled much or bought too many books, having not one, but TWO books about painters was a MASSIVELY EXCITING SITUATION for me!!

I felt like I won the lottery or something.

I devoured those books upon arrival. I looked through them until the pages wore thin and I got food and dirt smeared all over them. I carried them around the house. I went to sleep burning the images into my imagination. I brought them to school to flip through them.

I stared at the photos of their paintings until I memorized every little brush stroke. Every color variation. Every leg, every hand, every hair, every expression.

From Da Vinci, I got the idea of trying to be ambidextrous, so I wrote and used my left hand for an ENTIRE YEAR!

I ate with it. I wrote with it at school. I brushed my teeth with it.

That’s might sound a bit weird and nerdy, but it’s actually been very useful. To this day I can write with my left hand, even if a bit shakily, if I really have to!

Still, it was Picasso’s book that really sent an arrow straight through my artistic heart.

His book was about his Pink and Blue era, when he still used to paint people “realistically”.

Those images transported me to an entire new universe. The people were so interesting, so strange, SO BEAUTIFUL. So full of emotion. They were glowing on the paper!

For many years of my childhood, I would FEEL Europe through those paintings. I would inhabit good ol’ Spain through them.

Every time I looked through that book, I felt like I was suddenly immersed in a land where everything was possible. Where art was all that mattered. Where the air was sparkling with mystery and with magic.

And I WANTED to be like Picasso.

I wanted to be there, in Spain, with him!

I guess, more concretely: I wanted to BE him.

…

NOW, DECADES LATER…

I suddenly found myself in actual, real-deal, bona fide Spain!

Can you believe it??

I still can’t!!!

Many things have happened since I was a small girl, in my Guadalajara’s bedroom.

For example:

I actually became an artist!

Then I immigrated!

Then I got married!

Then I had babies!

Then I raised those babies!

Then I got divorced!

Then I became an author!

Then I continued raising my babies. They are teenagers now!

Some things have delivered, when it comes to the magic I expected from life when I was growing up.

Some things have definitely broken my heart, disappointed me, let me down quite terribly. I guess it was meant to happen!

But, when I was over there, staring at the art, riding the trains, inhabiting the architecture, breathing its nature, eating the food from its water, from its land…

Some fireworks went off inside my head. Something got unlocked in my brain. Memories. Feelings. Yearnings. Original dreams.

Being in actual Spain, made me remember…

This is what I wanted when I was little! Not only being there, but being like these artists!!!

The ones whose work surrounded me, hugged me tight, while in its presence.

The artists who LIVED art, the ones who BREATHED art, the ones who sacrificed EVERYTHING for art.

The ones who would create from morning to night, who lived in tiny rooms while writing, painting, sculpting, drawing, singing, creating architecture.

The ones who formed tight, adoring, perhaps dysfunctional but ever-exciting gangs with other artists.

When I was in the classroom at my elementary school, or on the bus. Every time I had a moment to think about my tiny existence, I would only dream about being an artist.

Then, I went and got married and had babies and my dreams got a bit derailed, didn’t they?

As almost any mother on planet Earth would tell you, having babies is one of the biggest, most transforming adventures you could go through! It is a gift. It grew me into the person I was meant to be! So, I wouldn’t change that part, really. I love them!!

But, my marriage was so sad. I can’t even begin to tell you. And it lasted for so long. It took my youth with it, basically.

Or more like, I gave my youth away!

People tell me I shouldn’t feel regrets,

but…

is it ok to admit that sometimes

actually

I do?

When I was in Spain, I started to wonder…

Had I betrayed my original dreams? Had I betrayed myself?

Because wanting a family had definitely turned me into another thing, for over a decade.

I lived for a very long time, the life of a non-artist.

Especially because my relationship caused me so much pain and I felt so desperately unhappy. Using my imagination just to survive the day to day. And later, to think of ways to escape, and to go through the raging flames of a horrible divorce and its aftermath!

But it was ME who put myself in that situation.

Didn’t I?

I had broken my own heart, as Heathcliff said to Cathy in Wuthering Heights.

I had abandoned art, in pursuit of another dream for a very long while.

Anyways,

I want you to have a feeling of WHY is that this trip took my breath away, to a spiritual extent!

When I was there, in some street or museum or restaurant or cobbled road, my heart got shocked. It got shaken. It got slapped into waking up. A thunderbolt went through it.

And I REMEMBERED.

I remembered how it felt to be ME, before all the shitty things had happened.

And not only the shitty things.

But also the numbing of my spirit.

The dulling of my edges.

The over-sharing of the decision-making about my own existence!

All of a sudden, I was me again, at six years old. Clasping my Picasso book to my chest, astounded, wide-eyed, in awe, IN MARVELLOUS AWE of what surrounded me.

THE WORLD, YOU GUYS!!! THE WORLD EXISTS!!!

THE WORLD I HAD ONLY HEARD ABOUT, AS A CHILD, ACTUALLY EXISTS!!!

SPAIN EXISTS!!

AND I WAS THERE!!!!!!!!!!

STANDING RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!!!

Eating cheesecake and salchichas and tapas and roasted chestnuts on the street.

That was me, at six years old, only older, taller and with a bigger butt!

That was me, at six years old, only with a bunch of PTSD and life experience!

That was me, at six years old, following the contours of a brushstroke. Of a portrait. Of a cheek. Of a hand. Of a leg. Of an arm.

The eyes that feasted on those book’s pages. The same eyes, following the contours of the REAL world I had only read about.

It’s still me!!

Had I betray myself, perhaps?

Maybe?

But, even if I did… is it possible that I could un-betray myself now?

Who says we cannot question and rectify the decisions we’ve made?

Or at least attempt to?

Even for a little while?

I arrived back home, to Toronto, to my teenage kids, to my responsibilities, to my regular existence on November 3rd of 2025.

Since the day I arrived, I’ve created art every single day.

It’s grown-up Ani, and six years old Ani, making the artistic decisions these days.

Together.

At least for a little while.

How do I find the time, you ask?

How do I find the space?

How can I hear the voice in my head, in the midst of all the noise and chaos?

Well, it was that day,

that I unofficially,

entered:

The Convent.

One weekend, Saturday o Sunday, I don’t remember, I had nothing much going on.

When I looked at my screen time, I realized that I had spent like 7 hours, altogether, farting around in the internet.

Just consuming like crazy.

Like a seal,

clapping at my master.

Lazy eyes - Smiling.

Swallowing fish.

Without chewing or thinking about it.

But the worst of it all is that;

I DID NOT REMEMBER the majority of the stuff I had just consumed!

It slid from my memory completely, like it never happened.

Ciao. Bye. Sayonara. Arriverdeci.

Good bye, seconds and minutes.

Minutes and hours that will never come back.

And I have NO IDEA what was happening,

while those hours were happening.

—— But that’s not the worst part ——-

The worst part is when I realized:

THIS HAPPENS OFTEN TO ME.

I have memories of myself breastfeeding and looking at my phone. At the movie theatre, looking at my phone. In bed, with people, looking at my phone. Reading a book and looking at my phone, in between pages. When visiting cool, new places, my mind in another place, checking my emails.

Scrolling feeds in bathrooms. Parks. Hospitals. Churches. Concerts. Funerals.

While riding the bus.

While riding the bus.

While riding the bus, as a child,

I used to imagine ENTIRE WHOLE WORLDS!

Stories and characters. Even conversations!

Planets! Mountains! Adventures! Mysterious universes!

But NOW. On the bus.

I look at my phone.

The phone is my feed.

Now.

Once I stopped imagining New Worlds,

The World is fed to me

By an algorithm.

My sweet, darling friend,

you might remember The Friend Within, from this post:

And now, here it is,

The Friend Within, featured in the 8th tool from the toolkit I was telling you about in this post! ❤️❤️❤️

Please share if you think this might be helpful for someone you love!! ❤️❤️❤️

Share

My dear friend, this is the toolkit I was telling you about in this post.

Here’s the 7th tool.

And a very cute one! 🥰

PS. You can read the whole story about my beloved little Robin here.

PS2. Since my Robin passed away, I have been fostering many many kittens with the wonderful people at Annex Cat Rescue. It feels really nice! Maybe you might like to foster as well?

Please share this post if you think might help someone you know! ❤️

Share

Here’s the 6th tool.

Please share if you think this might be helpful for someone you love!! ❤️❤️❤️

Share

Please share if this might be helpful for someone you love!! ❤️❤️❤️

Share

My dear friend, this is the toolkit I was telling you about in this post.

Here’s the 5th tool.

And a VERY IMPORTANT ONE!

Please share if you think this might be helpful for someone you love!! ❤️❤️❤️

Share

Here’s the fourth tool!

Share

Please share if you think this might be helpful for someone you love!! ❤️❤️❤️

My dear friend, this is the third dispatch of the toolkit I was telling you about in this post.

Here’s the third tool!

Please share if you think this might be helpful for someone you love!! ❤️❤️❤️

Share

My dear friend, this is the toolkit I was telling you about in this post about depression.

Here’s the second tool I promised you ❤️

Share

Please share if you think this might be helpful for someone you love!! ❤️❤️❤️

With lots of love,

Ani ❤️

Here’s the first tool!

Share

My dear sweet friend,

This post is a bit depressing. Yes, but it’s also very very very important.

You see.

The reason why it’s so important, is because heck, depression happens to a lot of us, but we don’t really send postcards to each other when we find ourselves in that part of the inner world. Do we?

And you know what I’ve found?

That one of the hallmarks of a full-blown bout of depression is that you believe NO ONE HAS EVER FELT AS TERRIBLE as you’re feeling at that moment. You feel completely alone in the experience. But that feeling of isolation is simply not true.

That’s why, I really really want to share my experience.

What you’re about to read, are little accounts of two different times I got feeling really terribly lonesome and depressed, and I somehow managed to write about it.

OK. Here we go.

(Trigger warning. My dear friend. I talk about very very bad depression on this post, so if you’re a bit sensitive to this kind of thing, maybe you should skip it and wait until I write a happier post!)

DEPRESSION #1

This first journal entry was from a handful of years ago. It’s from when I was still incredibly unhappily married.

It’s funny because when you’re single and you see people being married, you think they might be all jolly and blissful and fulfilled. Simply because they’re married.

But the loneliness I felt in my married life was like my heart had been taken out and replaced by a dark, heavy boulder of pain and loneliness and isolation. My existence felt so overwhelming and oppressive that I don’t imagine it could be understood by someone who hasn’t had such an experience!

Something really ugly and painful had happened around Christmas time, and I found myself feeling wounded, trapped and carrying extra levels of despair.

Christmas time is usually the hardest for me here in Canada, because I get to see all the happy families gathering and laughing and hugging and celebrating each other and life and love. And that Christmas I was sunken in a hole of hurt and anguish. This, on top of being away from MY ACTUAL FAMILY in Mexico, whom I love and miss so much.

So, while enduring my misery through the holidays, I got all depressed and wrote about it in my journal.

The title of this entry is:

“A COUPLE DAYS AGO, I WAS DEPRESSED.

Things I notice when I’m depressed”.

A COUPLE DAYS AGO, I WAS DEPRESSED.

Things I notice when I’m depressed.

• I don’t believe when people tell me they love me.

  (“If they only knew me a little better” I say”)

• If their love has the chance to reach me, I actually feel guilty! Like I don’t deserve it, and that they would be better off without me.

• I become incredibly obsessed with worries. Just thinking about them.

• I become numb and don’t even feel scared of danger (which for me is rare).

• I begin to welcome the thought of dying. I begin wishing for it.

• Lots of my thoughts are about death. About dying.

• I’m extremely tired.

• I sleep a lot.

• I let other people take control of my life.

• I feel very fragile and weak.

• I feel incredibly ugly.

• Nothing makes me happy. Nothing brings me joy.

• Every news are bad news. No matter how good it is. I immediately turn it into a negative.

• My eyes are heavy and I sleep a lot. I don’t want to wake up.

• My depression tells me that everything is hopeless. There is no future, and if there is future, the future is bleak. I feel like a terrible person. Like I do not deserve to be here.

• My body feels like a source of heaviness and frustration. It feels heavy and alien.

• I have a bit of trouble breathing. My throat feels tight.

• I just want to be alone and wallow in my sadness.

• When I go out and see people. I feel better. They distract me for a bit and I’m a good listener, since I don’t have the energy to talk. Although sometimes I get lost in the familiar, repetitive darkness of my thoughts.

• The world feels incredibly small and oppressive.

• I isolate myself (which makes me more depressed).

• My posture gets really bad.

• I eat junk food.

• I waste time watching shows or surfing the web.

• I cry a lot for any reason.

• I get dressed with whatever covers my body.

• I wish I was anyone but me.

• I feel bad for people who have me as a daughter, as a wife or as a mom.

• I don’t laugh. My face feels heavy and stuck.

This makes me so sad to read. To know that these thoughts were actually passing through my brain and that I felt so fragile.

Although, I must say that I find it endearing to imagine my younger self, barely making it out of bed. Making food for my kids. Washing clothes. Working. Cooking. Cleaning the bathroom. Opening Christmas presents. Throwing the recycling out, with all the colourful wrapping paper in it. Putting my kids to bed. All while carrying such a heavy burden of depression with me.

And then, afterwards, when I felt a little bit better, sat under a desk lamp and wrote about the huge attack of darkness I had just survived.

I just love humans. We are such fighters, and we’re always try to make sense of everything ❤️

But I must say that, what I found INCREDIBLY HELPFUL from writing this journal entry is that I realized some VERY important facts.

And those facts are:

DEPRESSION IS NOT ME.

DEPRESSION IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO ME.

DEPRESSION IS ITS OWN ENTITY, AND HAS ITS OWN VOICE.

Those horrible things that depression tells me, those hateful and hopeless words, they are not coming from my inner wisdom or my deep inner self.

I realized that when I’m hearing these dark thoughts, it’s actually:

DEPRESSION —- SPEAKING ——- TO ————→ ME!

This, my friend, might sound awfully simple to you.

But for me, it was a tremendously important fact to understand.

Because it was then, that I was able to separate myself from depression.

I started seeing it like its own dark cloud of gloominess and hopelessness.

This realization seriously liberated me. Because then, I was able to say, NO to it.

I was able to “hear” the words, but knowing very well that I wasn’t saying them, nor did I have to believe them.

That was the first little step towards escaping that bout of depression and the ones I’ve had afterwards.

The reason why I feel the urge to share this, very very sad journal entry, is because I feel like there might be someone in the world who might be hearing these thoughts at this very moment. Isn’t it just heartbreaking?

I want to tell that Fellow Human:

YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

DEPRESSION IS NOT YOU.

DEPRESSION IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU.

DEPRESSION IS ITS OWN ENTITY, AND HAS ITS OWN VOICE.

DEPRESSION —- SPEAKING ——- TO ————→ YOU!

YOU NEED TO RECOGNIZE THE DARK VOICE WHEN IT’S SPEAKING TO YOU.

AND YOU DO NOT NEED TO BELIEVE WHAT IT SAYS. BECAUSE IT’S NOT TRUE!!

I want every human on earth who is having these thoughts to know that, these thoughts are not a sign to believe them, or to give up.

But a sign to change some things in our lives, to get close to people we love. To get out in the fresh air. To shake things up. To get some help.

Seriously, my dear, darling friend. If you’re hearing these messages, it’s not you.

You’re lovable and valuable and irreplaceable.

There’s hope.

I’m begging you to seek some help ❤️

DEPRESSION #2

I wrote about this second bout of depression in my Instagram, as it was happening.

I happened about 3 years ago and I illustrated it in these slides:

By the time this depression came, I was already divorced, I was in therapy and actually don’t remember exactly why I was feeling so terribly lousy. But it was December as well, so that might have had something to do with it.

At the same time, sometimes a bout of depression just jumps on you out of nowhere! Like a huge, evil dog.

In the following days, I’m going to share with you the tools I talked about in these slides.

The Getting Undepressed Toolkit™, which is basically a collection of the strategies I’ve used time and time again in order to regain my inner balance when the huge, evil dog jumps on me.

I thought I’d share these things with you right now because the holidays can be such a hard time for so many of us. And, if this is you, I don’t want you to feel alone.

I hope this can be of support to someone who needs it.

If you think of a person for whom this might be helpful, or if you recognize these signs in someone close to you, please know that they’re possibly in pain and distress.

And they might need your love, and they might need some mental health support. Please give them some love and share this post with them, wontcha?

Share

Big big hugs my dear friend,

and lots of love,

Ani ❤️

My dear friend,

these little cartoons are part of a chapter in my book that talks about a relationship I had that felt so pure and so strong that was mind boggling.

It was one of those moments that, when you meet the person, it feels like the world stops and it shimmers.

And when you hug the person, it feels like a volcano erupted, an pegasus peed stardust on you, and you just arrived to a heavenly home.

- A CONNECTION -

What does this concept describes, really?

I feel like we walk on the surface of the earth and we’re just wandering and meeting people here and there and it’s quite pleasant and delicious just to be alive, smelling flowers and petting cats and chatting away and eating mangoes with their juices running down our chins.

BUT,

One day, a person shows up and it feels like there’s an earthquake shaking our concept of reality, doesn’t it?

It feels like stumbling upon an old friend we’ve known for several lives! It feels invigorating, inspiring, EXHILARATING.

AND, at the same time, it feels so relaxing, natural and peaceful like hanging out with a beloved and cuddly pet. Their presence is a soothing balm to all previous lonelinesses.

We feel understood, like never before.

THAT, I think, is finding a good connection with another Fellow Human ❤️

And yet.

And yet,

A beautiful connection must be RECOGNIZED, APPRECIATED and CHERISHED by both people in it, in order to take us in any kind of joyful direction.

It can be honestly goodness, that the hairy hand of God himself drew a straight line to walk two people into one another, with the purpose of writing an extraordinary love story together.

But, if only one person sees the preciousness in this miracle, guys, I’m sorry to tell you, but this connection is truly not worth very much.

I know it is sad news, but in a way, it’s always good to know that a miracle happened.

Even for a little bit. We got to experience one of those, because they don’t happen all the time.

I’ve experience this disheartening phenomena in several occasions.

It’s very sad when it happens. But little by little I’m starting to understand it. You know?

See.

• Sometimes, for a person, a strong connection is actually terrifying! So they run away.

Can you imagine?!

It’s weird.

These people WANT to feel love. But when they face the real, true possibility to have it… then, the possibility to lose it, or to lose themselves in it, becomes tangible. So they freak out and scram, yelling to the heavens: HELL TO THE NO!!!!!!!!!!

• For some people, they feel more comfortable being in superficial relationships, where there is no risk of being truly seen, or of being vulnerable and deeply intimate with another person.

• Some need to date someone who reminds them of their parent. Especially a crappy one. Someone who might be slightly cruel, rejectful and unavailable. Even a little bit narcissistic, if possible, just to keep things interesting!

• Sometimes there are wounds that must be healed in order for them to even recognize the shining treasure standing up in front of them.

• Other times, there are latent connections that are still throbbing and aching in some dark spaces of their hearts. So their eyes are half closed, so to speak, in their ability to see our light.

• There is also the possibility that, no matter how beautiful the connection, a person does not have the wish or ability to do the labor of building and sustaining a relationship.

And so… sooner or later, the connection withers and becomes a source of pain.

Because only one person cannot sustain it. And we’re not supposed to.

Because, aren’t there WAY more important things to do with our precious energy, with our life and our love, than trying to convince another human that THE CONNECTION WE HAVE is worth fighting for?

Seriously, we have bigger fish to fry.

It might feel like a waste.

Almost like the universe has put a delicate, wish-fulfilling, magical dove in someone’s hands, and the person’s response is to light it on fire.

It hurts.

But all I can tell you, is that,

IT HAPPENS.

And, even when we feel a heart blazing, unbelievable connection with someone, we CANNOT force them to see its worth.

It’s painful to let go.

But it’s more painful to cling, tooth and nails, to someone who sees a precious connection as disposable.

I’m telling you.

It’s better to let go.

When you’re not clinging to anything, your hands might be empty for a while.

But they will remain YOURS. They will remain peaceful. And joyful. And hopeful.

Hopeful that they’ll be full of art and cats and flowers and mangoes and other people.

But also hopeful about the possibility that someone special will find them.

Someone who will see the connection with you as the biggest gift they’ve ever received from the universe.

They won’t believe their luck for the simple fact that someone like you actually exists!

And you won’t have to cling, because the holding strong will happen both ways.

THAT is the only connection worth fighting for, my dear friend.

That is the only connection worth fighting for.

Lots of love,

Ani ❤️

My sweet friend,

I hope you’re happy and enjoying summer!

My version of enjoying the summer has been to work a lot on my book and trying to escape my children (who are in the apartment the whole time!), so I can keep working on my book.

Last summer we had lots of epic adventures and this summer we’re having a coupla of them as well. Just not as epic as last year’s. Something is pushing me to REALLY DIG IN and focus on the writing on my book.

And I like to listen to what my instincts are telling me to do!

Because of this, I haven’t really been keeping up with social media AT ALL.

Which feels terribly irresponsible for the modern artist!!

Still, since I spend so many hours of my days working, and still I feel like there’s so much I would like to share that doesn’t fit into the book, I thought I might share a bit of it here, along with my progress and my process.

Whatcha think about that? 😀

Now, for the little frame at the top of this post,

in this part of the book, I was talking to my beloved friend and mentor, Jason Logan, and I was telling him about this guy I was dating who got in touch with me pretty intermittently.

I would send him an email and he would take a whole week to respond!

He would write humongous, flowery, flattering and lovely emails. But there was such a gap in communication, nevertheless. And he never wanted to have any dates after our first one!

So, Jason was pretty much, in a very gentle way, letting me know me that this would not be happening if the guy was truly interested on getting to know me. And I agree with him!

Still, I keep meeting different people every day who have such different needs for communication.

My friend (who doesn’t like to text very much) was asking me the other day if he should message his lady friend in between dates.

I told him I like it best when guys continue speaking to me in between dates. It keeps the good ol’ connection goin’!

In fact I seriously dislike when guys go on dates with me and then don’t talk to me at all in between. It’s too much of a switch! From existent to non-existent. From appearing to disappearing.

Is it weird that I find that unnatural?

Once a fellow human has shown up in my consciousness, if I really like them, I keep them there!

And I like to behave as if I’m glad that they exist. So I find it hard to understand when other people prefer to act as if I’m not part of their world and psyche at all, after we’ve connected.

But when my friend started texting his lady friend in between dates, he found out that she didn’t like to text very much either, since she was very unresponsive.

So, I told him, “You know what, Pepe?” (let’s call him Pepe), “We all have different needs for connection and communication. So, what works for me, might not work for other people”.

That’s why, when I think about having a “dating advice column”, I feel like the best I could offer is a “dating support column”. Because I’m learning as I go!

But still, I can tell you some universal truths:

• If someone wants to get to know you, they’ll keep showing up in your world! Over and over. Because when a deep connection happens, even if it’s for a little bit, a fellow human can bury like tick under our skin, and the world feels richer and more exciting because they are in it. So it’s natural that they would love to rejoice in your existence and your presence once more.

• No. Not everyone has the same communication needs. This needs to be taken into consideration when it comes to compatibility.

• No. Not everyone has the same closeness needs. This needs to be taken into consideration when it comes to compatibility.

• Of course, everyone has different paces when it comes to building connection! Some people want to build slowly, and have quiet times and spaces to chew on the experience of having been with another human for a little bit. While other people prefer to stay tight and close to each other from day one.

• Still, if someone is REALLY interested in you, and you tell them - “Hey buddy, I really enjoy your existence, and it would be so wonderful to be in touch a bit more often”, they will try to meet your need. And in the end, it will somehow please them, because it pleases you! Even if it’s a learning curve for them.

• And MOST CERTAINLY there are people who have avoidant attachment style. So they’re basically human boomerangs. They get super close, they freak out by their feelings and then they need to go away ridiculously far away, just to feel normal again. I don’t date those anymore, but they’re not bad people. They just need a lot of extra patience (and perhaps, therapy!).

• And I can tell you in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, that a lot of people won’t be interested in you. So, they might stay away because they want to be away. It’s a painful truth, but really, all that means is that their eyes can’t see your light. You need to hang out with eyes that can see your light. So, these ones must immediately be eliminated from the competition to become the love of your life. They’re GONERS!

There’s also a bunch of people who will have a very similar communication style than us! So, those ones are easy peasy to communicate with. That’s not, on its own, enough to create a relationship, but it feels good to encounter humans who seem to have the same needs.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed dispatch #1 of the making of Dating As A Fellow Human.

If you have any comments or questions or anything, please let me know. It’s been a li’l bit lonely writing so much on my own. It would be so nice to connect with my dear readers once again.

Big hugs, and lots of love!

Ani ❤️

My dear friend,

I found this little note in an old and battered notebook I used for my to-do lists. It doesn’t have a date or anything! So I don’t know where it came from or for what purpose did I write it. But it made me smile!

So, I just took it as a gift from Ani of the past… And I wondered if it might make you feel good too! So I’m sharing it here with you ❤️

(Transcription below)

Do you ever worry

Are you beautiful enough to be loved?

Well, look around you.

I invite you to do this exercise:

GET OUT OF YOUR PHONE.

Go for a walk,

preferably where there are lots and lots of people.

The park - The mall - A ferry - The bus.

Look at the couples.

Are they ALL super insanely hot?

No, they aren’t. Seriously. Take a good look.

Couples come in ALL KINDS of shapes and mixes. Think about it.

He loves her. Love handles, wrinkles, white hair and all!

She loves him. No hair, big belly, warts and all!

LOOK CLOSELY.

Look so very close that you ACTUALLY stop seeing the person in front of you, the fellow human, the comrade in this journey of living on the surface of the earth, and ask yourself:

DOES THIS PERSON DESERVE LOVE?

Do they deserve to be loved?

Now, go back to your home.

To your school. To your bathroom. To your car.

Look at the mirror and stare at the magnificent beauty hiding inside your eyes. That deep pool of mystery and magic.

Ask yourself -

Does this human deserve love?

And from there, you can just go ahead and answer:

YES I DO.

I DESERVE LOVE.

You deserve love, my darling friend!!

And I’m sending you lots of it ❤️❤️❤️🥰

Big big hugs!

- Ani

for the last handful of months, I’ve been working pretty hard on a new project.

My publisher is still keeping things a little bit top secret, so I can’t tell you too too much about it!

But in this video, I’m showing you a tiny little bit of the process that goes into creating a graphic book. I also tell you about the story behind it!

Here it is:

I’m sending you lots of love!!

Ani