I think it’s because they visually represent this chapter of my life that I’m in at the moment. The thing about spirals is that in order to physically get to the middle, you have to go through all the other parts of the spiral. There are no cheat codes or skip buttons. You gotta just keep goinggg. Either way you go, up or down, forward or back, you have to touch each point of the spiral, and I think that’s kind of beautiful.

I’ve been thinking about that concept a lot recently, the concept of “spiraling” in life, having to touch every point. I began to explore this concept a bit in my piece about quitting my job where I wrote about having to get through level 1 in order to get to level 2 in life (like in a video game), and I’ve been wanting to explore that idea a bit more. In that exploring, I’ve come to realize how similar that idea is to spirals, and alas, this framework or “guide” for how to spiral strategically was born.

One might call this how to spiral upward, which has been written about many of times on here, but I actually think strategic spiraling is different. To me, strategic spiraling — even though similar to upward spiraling — is more about taking a step back in life and looking down at where in the spiral of life you’re at and where you want to go next. The goal in life is an upward spiral, of course, but instead of just quickly reacting to realizing the spiral is going downward, we’re pausing and being strategic and intentional with where in the spiral we want to go next. Also, the spiral can be wide or narrow — we have the ability to choose, and that’s what strategic spiraling is all about.

For me, I tend to realize I need to start spiraling strategically when I’m going through something that feels oddly familiar, like I’ve-seen-this-movie-before type of familiar. This is where we begin this journey — at the “sorry you can’t pass” or “try again” phase. This phase is kind of a bitch, but you have to go through it, sorry!!! This is the part of the spiral you feel like you’ve already passed, but you unfortunately have yet to conquer.

My most recent/relevant example of this comes from last year. At the time, it felt like I had somehow ended right back in the same place in my career that I had worked SO hard to get out of. I wasn’t feeling very fulfilled in my current role, and it felt like I had maybe made a mistake going back to full-time work. Previously, I was at a company for many years and quit to do freelance, a BIG dream I had for probably over a year before I finally felt ready to pull the plug and try it.

Working for myself felt like the ultimate dream, and my time freelancing was (mostly) great. I was making anywhere from $10-20K a month (a few months where I even made more), and I never worked over 40 hours a week. I felt like my clients listened to me and respected my ideas. I rarely felt overwhelmed or overworked, at least in comparison to how I had then felt in my full-time role. And there was enough distance between my work and my clients that nothing ever felt personal.

After a few months of freelance, though, I got a little bored. I wasn’t sure if I had wanted to essentially start a consulting agency or just keep finding one-off clients, and so when an FT role presented itself, I decided to go for it.

After a few months, things were feeling a little… off. The feeling I was experiencing felt extremely similar to how I felt at the end of my last job, and so I felt as if history was repeating itself. The feeling was similar to how I imagined realizing you were actually lost in the woods would feel — just pure terror. I felt as if I had just wasted the last two years, building up my confidence to go freelance only to self-sabotage and end up where I had been before with what felt like zero progress.

I now understand that I was meant to experience my last two jobs, even if I mentally felt like I was ‘reliving’ the same experience. The universe was serving me up the same thing again to help me LEARN. I obviously hadn’t learned what I was meant to after the first time, so my only option was to try again. However, this time, I was a bit more prepared. It took me a while to realize it, but I began to understand that I needed to experience these feelings. I was getting a “re-do” in a sense. Like when you die in a video game and come back to the same spot, but this time you know when the snake pops out and bites your head off.

I also came to realize that whatever path I was going to go down next wouldn’t be possible without going through this again. Similar to the spiral and video game I referenced earlier, I needed to go through this level in order to get to the next. Cue Lost Weekend by Phoebe Bridgers reference when she says “I’m restoring the natural order, learning the same lessons over and over”… which brings me to my next point, and really the start of the guide:

Phase 1

Meeting the universe where it’s at. I had an experience earlier this year where I met with someone to read my human design chart. I had found them through a podcast that I listened to and kind of just said fuck it. I love astrology and having anything validate my experience/tell me why I am the way I am (sorry!).

Outside of the insights she gave me on my chart, she also told me something that has really stuck with me: it was around meeting the universe where it’s at, or, in a sense, restoring the natural order, as Phoebe Bridgers says.

What she meant (or what I’m assuming she meant) was the universe expects you to be in a specific place at a specific time to give you what it is that you need to level up or get to the next phase in your life. And if you’re not there, it’s kinda like WTF? And you FEEL it in your mind, body, and soul. Everything will be HARD. Nothing will be easy. Life will feel like moving through mud or molasses. This feeling will then nudge you to get to the place the universe was expecting you to be, albeit slightly late, but it’s your job to actually listen and take action. My guess is that throughout life, we will continuously have these nudges that we will ideally get better at listening to, and eventually we will meet the Universe at each moment we’re meant to and life will feel easy and breezy.

How do you do get better at listening/hearing these nudges and meeting the Universe where it’s at?

• write/journal

• meditate

• be bored

• cleaning (doing dishes specifically)

• running

• voice notes to yourself

This is at least what works well for me, you might be slightly different, but I think just getting QUITE helps, however you can do that. Once you start listening, you then must start taking action — whatever that means for you. This can slowly build up over time; you don’t have to make a huge change right away unless you want to.1 It all depends on what shape you want the spiral to take… see below.

Phase 2

The next phase is to start viewing everything as a lesson. This isn’t like in a toxic positivity way, though. Don’t get it twisted. This is more so looking at everything in life with curiosity. Asking yourself why did that happen or what am I meant to learn from this? How can I take this to the next level with me? Where does this bring me next on my spiral?

I got this idea from the book Conscious Luck by Gay Hendricks and Carol Kline, and I feel like it’s changed the neuroplasticity in my brain. In the book, the example of this that helped me the most was the one they gave where you’re not able to find parking close to your house to unload your groceries. In this example, you’re obviously a bit annoyed. Now, you’re allowed to be annoyed, but you can also take a moment to just ask yourself — why did I have to park far? Am I meant to see someone on my walk back? Did I avoid something that’s a few blocks closer? You don’t have to convince yourself to not be annoyed about an annoying situation; you just lead with curiosity, and you’ll find that the annoyance goes away. They also suggest taking a moment to feel grateful too. In this parking situation, you have the ability to carry your groceries the few blocks, where some people might not. Once you have that thought, you’ll almost instantly feel a sense of gratitude and the annoyance will disappear. The more you do this, the more this mindset will just happen naturally.

The goal here is to increase your frequency as best you can to continue on the strategic upward spiral. Remind your nervous system what it feels like to feel good, to feel lucky, optimistic, happy. Of course, there will be bad days, nobody is perfect! Also, two things can be true at the same time. You can be annoyed about something and then remind yourself to be curious (when you’re ready). Not to plug Phoebe again, but in the song Haunted, “I have no secrets, only feelings, and I know those go away” is a good reminder here.

Phase 3

Keep building momentum. I have this idea that I’ve been trying to find some kind of academic paper on because I KNOW it has got to exist, but I’m just not googling the right thing. But I have this idea about using the Law of Motion2 in life to build momentum. Now I’m definitely not a physicist, and I don’t think I’ve even taken a physics class, I’ve only just watched YouTube videos and have maybe read a thing or two about it, BUT let me just share an example of what I mean.

When you have a day where you wake up and you’re just feeling really bad, you have essentially two options:

• You can get out of bed, go for a run or stretch, have a good, balanced breakfast, and do things that make you feel mostly good.

• You could scroll on Instagram or TikTok, sleep in for longer, skip breakfast, and just drink coffee, and continue to feel not great.

The obvious “right” choice for most of us is option 1. This is also obviously very basic and also very obvious, but I think this is more so just a reminder when it comes to strategic spiraling: you must choose to go up the staircase or down the staircase.

This also isn’t an all-or-nothing mindset. What I more so mean by this is to try to have more days where you’re strategically walking up the stairs, so then you can afford to walk down a stair for one or two days. Again, nobody is perfect, and days where all you can mentally do is brush your teeth happen. The idea here is to just build momentum. Make micro decisions that make you feel good and lead you to other good decisions that make you feel even better. I picture this like a rock floating in space; if it gets pushed in one direction by another rock, it will continue to go that way until it hits something else OR gets hit by something else. Your energy and the decisions you make with your energy work the same.

Once you’ve mastered the above, you can then let goooo. Letting go is the final step in the process. This is where you see where the spiral takes you, like a marble being slingshot across a backyard or like those Sky Dancer toys from childhood <3

I hope you enjoyed reading (or listening) to this slightly chaotic piece on how to strategically spiral! If you liked it, please subscribe below for more :)

What I’ve Been Reading/Inspired By Lately:

my goal with this Substack is to create more of a community and share the love <3 so with each post going forward, I’ll be sharing what posts have inspired me in the last few weeks.

Tessa Stirling

a study of spirals

once you start noticing, spirals show up everywhere…

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a month ago · 45 likes · 1 comment · Tessa Stirling

unravelling

decisions are portals

I planted the fig tree so I will eat every fig it produces…

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a month ago · 115 likes · 5 comments · Unravelling and Caitlin Morgan

Over Capacity

A million girls would kill for this job

If you’re wondering how ridiculous it is to nearly die for your corporate job, I did too, laying on the couch of a flagship Footlocker in the middle of London with people trying on their Air Force 1’s next to my unconscious body…

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24 days ago · 45 likes · 6 comments · Hannah Busby

Chrysalis Disco

Astrologically Speaking.

I recently did a deep dive in my astrological chart, and I’ve learned so much about myself, as well as how the charts work in general. I’d like to think of myself as a mid-level astrologer, and I’m always researching and learning more. There is so. much. information. Surely, I’m on my way to being a master in no time…

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15 days ago · 5 likes · syd

Root & Remedy

I Ate for My Cycle for 3 Months and My PMS Basically Disappeared

For years I ate the same way every single day of the month, and it looked like this (don’t be too quick to judge): a breakfast smoothie and avocado toast (where the heck was the protein), a huge cold salad at lunch, and a pretty good dinner of the same formula I use now: protein with two veggie sides (one starchy, one non-starchy…

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a month ago · 277 likes · Honestly Alaena

It’s been a month since my last day, and I’ve been soaking up every minute of freedom. I’ve also weirdly been pretty busy, which has been nice! I’ve been somewhat intentional with how I’m spending my time, but I’ve also been allowing myself to do whatever I want within a day. No plans, just vibes babyyy. I’m allowed to be a little reckless! And by reckless I mean smoke weed and go to bed at midnight lol.

But anyway, here’s a list of things I’ve been doing that have been helping to cure my burnout. I think a lot of these things might be kind of obvious? But this is what I’ve been gravitating towards and what I feel has been helping the most, so I figured I’d share, given there are so many of you out there going through a similar situation or thinking of leaving your jobs.

1. Home projects: I had a list of things I wanted to do to our place for so many months now, so now that I have the time to actually do them all, it feels SO good. I recently painted our bathroom and spruced it up a bit, as well as our spare room/my office. It’s amazing what a fresh coat of paint can do for a room.

2. Running: I picked up running a little over a month ago and have been trying to get to 2 miles without stopping. I’ve NEVER been a runner; I always told myself that I hated running, but then one day I asked myself… why? I feel like I’m using running as a mental test; I started by telling myself I am a runner. I can run and like it, and so I just started running, and guess what? I do actually like it. I’m also crazy and run with no headphones and find it to be a pretty meditative experience. When I was working, moving my body was not a big priority for me so I’ve been trying to make up for lost time.

3. Learning Tarot: I signed up for an online Tarot class through Coursera just for fun and have been doing it a few hours a week. I’ve been doing Tarot for myself for many years now, but I still don’t 100% know all the cards and how to read a spread; I usually just wing it when I read for myself (which honestly has worked pretty well, I really believe there are no rules when it comes to tarot). But I want to be able to read for others without Googling what the Page of Wands means lol.

   

4. Touching grass, literally: This one is obvious and probably doesn’t need much of any explanation.

5. Nourishing my body: It’s crazy how poorly I treated my body when I was working. I remember feeling annoyed when I felt hungry during the day because I was deep in some silly project, and that meant I had to stop what I was doing and figure out what I should eat. INSANE. Now I have the time to make yummy and nourishing meals for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. I also feel like I’m spending less on groceries and takeout because I’m using more of my groceries and have the time to actually cook more. It’s wild how much of our capitalistic society runs off the fact that people are TIRED and can’t do things for themselves because they just don’t have time.

6. Limiting caffeine: I stopped drinking coffee on a bit of a whim after our wedding since I caught a bad cold and caffeine always makes any kind of sinus thing worse for me. Then I just sorta kept it going since I noticed how much BETTER I felt in terms of my anxiety. I never drank a ton of coffee, but even the slightest caffeine from coffee makes me BUZZ, in not a good way. I’ve since started to try out matcha and have been loving it. I do a little iced Matcha-cano (just water and a splash of coconut cashew creamer + maple syrup + vanilla). The caffeine in Matcha doesn’t make me feel crazy, and I think it’s helping heal me in more ways than one.

7. Exploring allll my interests: Another one that probably doesn’t need much of an explanation, but I’ve been going deeper on some of my “weirder” interests and have been thoroughly enjoying it. Outside of tarot reading, this has also included reading more about energy healing, astrology, and human design. I never had the time to do that when I was working full time, so being able to commit to learning more about the things that actually interest me has been thrillinggg.

If you’re in a similar boat, what are some things that you’ve done to help cure your corporate burnout?? Leave a comment below!

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Okay, no shade to The Artist’s Way at all, I’ve tried my hand at the iconic book many of times and have still yet to finish it all the way through (oops). But it’s definitely a classic for a reason, it has so many good tips like morning pages and artist dates, but I wanted to put together a list of other resources I have read or consumed that have helped change the way I think about life, purpose, career, etc. One might say these resources have helped to ~open my third eye~ or that they’re just a list of very interesting and insightful resources that I enjoy/have enjoyed consuming. When I say “third eye” here, I also more so mean that they’ve helped me look at life a little differently, whether that be my personal life, my relationships, or even my career. They’ve given me different lenses to view life through, and while I don’t always take everything away and apply it directly to my life, it just builds upon the framework I’ve been building over the years. So either way, I think they’re worth sharing! If you like this type of stuff, feel free to subscribe below!

I’ve always been on a quest to learn more about the world around us and have tended to do that with a very open mind. I enjoy consuming content that leans more practical and scientific, but also still enjoy the more whimsical/metaphysical/esotaric approach too. I do take many things generally with a grain of salt but enjoy anything that makes life feel a bit more fun, because literally why not? And if I come across anything or anyone claiming to “know it all”, I’m usually suspicious... usually a good rule of thumb in my opinion!

With all that being said, here’s my list:

• Conscious Luck by Gay Hendricks and Carol Kline: I’ve listened to the audiobook of this a few times over the last few months, and I feel like it has altered my brain chemistry. There’s a lot of good, tangible advice in here around mindset, creating your own luck, and reframing. It also doesn’t tout any kind of toxic positivity nonsense like some similar books might, which I like. My biggest takeaway from this book has been to view everything in life as a lesson. If you reframe any kind of annoyance or mishap as a moment to learn from, things get much easier and your anxiety becomes much more manageable - at least it did for me. I hope I continue to hone this mindset more over time! I’ll for sure re-listen to this again in the near future as I continue to explore what’s next for me in my career.

• Otherworld Podcast: Okay, maybe a random one, but I discovered this podcast last year on a long drive from LA to Vegas. My husband and I were driving through the desert and wanted to listen to some kind of alien podcast because… obviously. Thank god I married a fellow Aquarius. I stumbled across Otherworld and we listened to a few episodes and I was hooked. I really appreciate that Jack (the host) approaches things in a very pragmatic way, he’s very open but also very skeptical and practical, which I very much appreciate since I tend to approach this type of stuff in the same way. The reason I included this was more so because it’s helped me continue to open my mind and helped me give myself permission to explore my maybe weirder interests. I’ve always been pretty open-minded, but it’s further helped me to explore that open-mindedness. The episodes with Wendy are my favorite, IYKYK.

• The Twelfth House podcast and Substack: A recent discovery but also one that I think came at just the perfect time for me ;) I love how Michelle writes about practical things like career/business advice, Notion automations, and just general life advice but also writes about spell casting, auras, creating your own luck, building altars and soOo much more cool shit. It’s one of the few Substacks I pay for, and it’s very well worth it in my opinion!

• The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks: Okay, another Gay Hendricks rec! This one is a great pairing to Conscious Luck, which is why I added it here. I found Conscious Luck to be a bit more useful, but I still found this one to be very practical, especially when it comes to thinking about your career or big life decisions. It’s also a quick read, which sometimes you just need.

• The Karma of Success by Liz Tran: Love love love Liz Tran’s work. Her podcast was so helpful to me a few years back, and this book was so helpful to me when I first quit corporate to go into freelance. There are so many good nuggets in this book and helpful reframes I still use today. She pulls from some ideas from Gay Hendricks’ books so reading those together could be really helpful. I’ve revisted this one many of times and have found it helpful in all phases of my life!

• Hands of Light by Barbara Ann Brennan: Okay, probably the weirdest book on here but I felt like I needed to include. I’m not fully done with it, but from what I read so far, my mind has been blown. Barbara Ann Brennan is a super interesting individual, she was a physicist for NASA and ended up following her interests in spiritual healing instead and wrote the book (literally) on energy healing. The reason I like books and resources like this is because it’s just a different perspective and lense to look at life through. I’m a firm believer that even though we do know a lot (yay for science) we also know nothing at the same time. I think the world is much more complicated than we think it is, and so reading these types of books and somewhat cherry-picking what I resonate with is a helpful way to build up my own metaphysical “backpack”.

• Pea The Feary: I found Pea actually through the Otherworld podcast, she has an episode on their Patreon where she talks about manifestation that I’ve listened to a few times because I found it so interesting. She also tends to talk in a very “big picture” way so I literally had to in order to even begin to grasp what she was saying. I ended up booking an appointment with her to walk through my human design chart, which was also extremely helpful and something I refer back to time and time again. She’s also one of the very few people who is using AI in a very cool/inspiring way. I’m generally against AI and find it to be pretty, uh, not moral lol, but I don’t think it’s fully going away any time soon, and I think she has found a really interesting way to use it through her Refiner tool. Would recommend checking her out!

Well, that’s all for now! I am hoping to pick The Artist's Way back up again in the near future and actually finish it this time around <3 If you have other recs for resources you’ve used to help ~open up your mind ~, please do let me know in the comments below!

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Before I begin, let me segue a bit just to convince you to throw more dinner parties. For starters, people LOVE a dinner party. If you’re afraid people won’t come, you’re wrong. I swear. They’re also the perfect excuse to introduce people or get your whole friend group - big or small - together to hang out. Even if you have friends from separate parts of your life, it’s a great excuse to get everyone together. I’ve also never had a bad dinner party; vibes have always been high. And lastly, I firmly believe that now is the perfect time to start throwing more parties. The world is weird, and people aren’t having enough parties or excuses to get together with friends! So be the change you want to see in the world, you know?? Don’t wait for others to throw the party, throw it yourself.

Okay, now that I’ve convinced you, let’s begin.

If you’re a beginner

TLDR: My first tip really is to not overthink it. This is true step 1. Throwing a dinner party might sound intimidating, but I’m going to hold your hands while I say this: IT’S NOT. It’s actually very easy and fun. You just have to do a little bit of planning and prep, but other than that it’s easyyy! My next tips are as follows and in no particular order:

1. Ask people to bring shit: wine, beer, ice, dessert, snacks — all good options. You could also totally throw a potluck and have people bring a dish; that also counts as a dinner party! I personally love to cook, so I like to cook for my friends; it’s my love language <3 but if cooking every dish for a group of friends feels like too much, it’s okay to ask people to bring stuff, because they will ask. The goal here really is to get your friends together and have a fun night at the end of the day.

   

2. Buy kitchen stuff at Goodwill: When I first started to throw dinner parties, I didn’t have enough plates or any serving dishes. We ended up just going to Goodwill to find a few decent-looking plates and some serving dishes and spent probably less than $20. I still use those dishes each time we have people over. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy; you just need vessels to serve the food on. Secondhand shops have the best serving platters too, they’re usually fun and funky and… cheap!! You can even find good pots and pans if you need more vessels to cook the actual food in as well.

3. Choose a simple menu: Cooking for a lot of people sounds intimidating (and expensive) until you actually do it BUT you must choose a simple dinner menu; then it really is easy peasy and much more affordable. Set yourself up for success, girl! A few recipes you can try:

   1. Tiny roasted potatoes and a dip of some kind (I love the Alison Roman dip. It’s easy and delish.)

   2. Roasted carrots with fennel, cumin, salt, pep, chili flake (if you par-boil then roast the carrots turn out perfect). I’ve also made this on a bed of pumpkin seed kale pesto with chili oil, and it was 10/10)

   3. Honestly any roasted veggie that’s in season is a good option; asparagus, zucchini or squash, fennel — whatever! Anything can come alive with some olive oil, salt, pepper, and time in the oven.

   4. Tomato salad — SO easy but please only make during tomato season. You could honestly just cut up a bunch of tomatoes and add salt, pepper, olive oil, anchovies, and breadcrumbs and DONE. I will also throw some toasted sunflower seeds on top as well for a bit more crunch.

   5. A simple tossed salad and your favorite dressing (homemade or dare I say, store-bought!)

   6. Bread! Focaccia! Butter! Olive oil! Easy. Simple. Very good. You can also just buy at a good bakery and call it a day.

If you choose two items from the list above and a protein (chicken is the simplest, in my opinion), you have yourself a dinner party. Ask someone to buy dessert OR buy a tub of ice cream, chocolate sauce, and sprinkles, and you have dessert sorted too.

4. Prep!!!: This also doesn’t need to be anything crazy, but do a few things the day before to save yourself the following day. If you’re making salad, prep the dressing the day before. If you’re making chicken, marinate it the day before. If you’re roasting potatoes, par-boil them before. Any kind of prep you can do the day before really is such a time saver the next day (and cuts down on dishes post-dinner party).

5. Use some kind of digital invite: I use Partiful for my invites, and it’s much, much easier than starting a mass text chain and trying to keep track of everyone who is coming. My friends can get a little chaotic in a group chat, so this keeps people focused on letting me know if they’re coming or not. I know there’s some controversy over using e-vite tools, but for dinner parties it just makes things easier so you can grocery shop accordingly, but do whatever works for you.

level hard (but not really)

1. Choose a fun main: I recently made whole branzinos for my friends, and it was SO GOOD and also surprisingly easy, especially if you get them de-gutted/cleaned before. I just prepped with salt and pepper and stuffed with thyme and lemon. We BBQ-ed them and, dare I say, it was a hit. If you have access to a grill, it also makes clean up much easier if you can grill most of the meal.

   

2. Make a bev: Having friends bring bottles of wine and beer makes things very easy, but you can also make a batch cocktail if you’re feeling extra fancy. This is also definitely something you can prep the morning of for the most part.

Last thing, maybe a hot take BUT if you are throwing a dinner party, please don’t ask your friends to pay you. If you can’t swing buying extra food, just plan a potluck. Or go out to dinner instead! I firmly believe that if you choose an easy menu, you can make a pretty affordable dinner party happen, even with today’s grocery prices. A pasta dinner party is a super affordable option, especially if you choose to do a veggie pasta with a simple salad. Making your friends pay you to come over just feels… weird. Idk, that’s just me!

Have I convinced you to throw a dinner party yet? What other tips do you have to throw a successful dinner party? Leave them below!

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What I’ve Been Inspired by Recently

my goal with this Substack is to create more of a community and share the love <3 so with each post going forward, I’ll be sharing what posts have inspired me in the last few weeks.

unravelling

mind-body river: a guide to lymph

I’ve noticed (mostly since having substack) that a lot of online lymph-talk is framed as a ‘cosmetic’ self care ritual - focused on ‘depuffing’, ‘debloating’, reducing water retention etc. being overall just more focused on the minimisation of the bodies expression…

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25 days ago · 64 likes · 4 comments · Unravelling and Caitlin Morgan

The Best Movie Substack

In The Odyssey, Christopher Nolan Once Again Reckons With How He Sorta Killed Heath Ledger

In the first season finale of Cursed Films, the Shudder docu-series about “the myths and legends behind some of Hollywood's notoriously cursed horror film productions,” showrunner Jay Cheel examines the egregious individual, organizational, and legal failures that left…

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a month ago · 191 likes · 15 comments · Carmen Petaccio

Picture this: you’re in your mid-20s, working at a small farm-to-table restaurant in Manhattan on 19th and 2nd. You're the hostess and spend most of your time parked right next to the bar where you end up engaging in small talk with regulars. You’re about to graduate from college with a liberal arts degree and no clear plan for post-graduation, only that you really want to work at an online magazine, because you’re a young millennial and that’s the only job movies shoved in your face as a child. You're also in the midst of deciding whether or not to get back together with your long-term (and long-distance) on-again, off-again boyfriend who lives in California. You have no idea what to do, and every decision feels like the wrong one. A classic “should she or shouldn’t she”. You’ve spent the last year swiping Tinder and going on mediocre dates with mediocre men. Overall, you’re feeling very misunderstood and alone in your tiny apartment in Bushwick shared with two other roommates you met on the internet.

A regular who lives upstairs and comes in often enters through the vestibule and heads to the bar as usual, saying hi to you as he takes his coat off. He asks you how you’re doing and you word-vomit your dilemma, desperate for someone to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do because god forbid you make this decision on your own.

But alas, this was me around 2017 when I was in the midst of deciding what to do with my love life, and life in general. I recall this night very vividly because this was the night I got the advice that “every decision is the right decision.”

I was pouring my heart out to the aforementioned regular named Stephen. A middle-aged New Yorker who worked in television/movies (or maybe he made commercials? I’m honestly not too sure) and lived in the building above the restaurant. He would come in most nights either for dinner or drinks or both and sit at the bar. We would chit-chat every night he came in, and he knew a lot about my love life (or lack thereof) as I spent many evenings at the restaurant swiping on Tinder during the slow periods at the end of my shift. This was also a time in my life when I was in the on-again, off-again long-distance relationship mentioned above, and in a surprise to nobody, my ex and I had started talking again.

I knew that I loved him and that I wanted to get back together, but I also knew I didn’t want to leave New York anytime soon. A classic love story between NYC and a man from back home. I felt stuck and at a complete loss. This was also a period of time when my frontal lobe was just finishing developing, and I was deep in a constant “it’s now or never” mindset. So that night when Stephen came in and asked how I was doing, I told him my predicament. His response was a cool “Well, just remember, every decision is the right decision”. In that exact moment, I don’t think it registered just how impactful that statement would become for me, but hearing that every decision I make can be the right decision disarmed me in the way I needed back then. It helped me realize that if I spend too much time thinking about whether the decision was “right” or ”wrong,” I would probably be paralyzed in fear forever. That night, I absorbed that advice and filed it away in the back of my brain but found myself referring back to it time and time again.

Now that I’m older and I’ve given that same advice to many of my friends (and possibly even to strangers), I find that statement to become truer and truer every year. Every decision is the right decision. Every. Decision. Is. The. Right. One. There are no bad decisions. Every decision is a door that opens up new possibilities. Every decision is a portal into a new life. Whether that new life is “right” or “wrong” is for me to find out, but only in time. Thinking back now, I’ve made countless decisions over the last 10-15 years, all of them mapping to each other in some way or another. Opportunities I’ve had or people I’ve met only because of a decision I made years prior. Like dots on a map that only happened because of the dots that came before it. Honestly, highly recommend taking the time to think through all past decisions and roads taken (or not taken) to see how connected they really are.

As the time-old saying goes, “everything happens for a reason”, which I think, in some capacity, is true. I’ve said before that I don’t believe in fate, but I do think each decision we make in life nudges us toward the next. Similar to the Laws of Motion, our decisions are the unknowing forces that move us through life and through doors we didn’t even know were there.

Now I feel like I need to say this, but I’m only going to spend 1-2 sentences on this part. But yes, Sally, there are indeed BAD decisions you can make in life. Like hard drugs or hitchhiking or plucking all your eyebrows off in 6th grade. But that’s merely not the point I’m trying to make here!

The key here is figuring out the difference between a “right decision” and the right decision for you. I’ve come to realize that being good at deciphering the difference comes with time and actually just making choices. Both of which are tricky to speed up, but practice makes perfect! So try asking yourself if you’re making a decision because it would make your parents happy or YOU happy? Are you choosing that relationship because on the outside it looks perfect? Did you take that job because it would make your high school bully super jealous or because you really wanted it? I find asking yourself why multiple times is how you get to the root of understanding the motivating factors deep down.

Outside of asking yourself why, there’s also an element of intuition at play here. Intuition is tricky because we’re taught (especially in America, it seems) to ignore our intuition, which is unfortunate because intuition is something that can fade over time but really is our one human superpower. It never goes away, but it can become harder to access if you ignore it for long enough. Practice truly does make perfect here, actually. The more you listen to your intuition, the louder she becomes. Some things I’ve found helpful are as follows:

• Flip a coin: Yes, I know it sounds juvenile, but if you have to decide between two decisions — just flip a coin. Choose one option for the heads and one for the tails, then flip but don’t look at how it landed. Think about how you wanted it to land; that’s your answer.

• Use your imagination: Think about how you would feel if option A or option B disappeared and you had to go with the other option. How would you feel? Excited or disappointed? This usually tells you a lot about how you feel deep down. This also makes for a good journal prompt. Write out how you would picture your life going if you chose either option and explore the possibilities of both; you might be surprised that you end up in the same place at the end.

• Tarot: And finally, I find Tarot to be a very helpful tool when finding your intuitive voice. You don’t have to be a pro at Tarot or even know anything about it to choose cards for yourself. Simply set your intention (i.e ask yourself what you want to get an answer about), pull a card, and see what emotions come up for you. You can also look up what the card means, or not. The beauty of Tarot is there truly are no rules!

I know none of these thoughts or ideas are really novel, Ralph Waldo Emerson coined the term “decisions are portals” long ago. He also spoke about listening to your intuition and not making decisions based on public validation – all of which are very ~modern~ takes, if you ask me.

These days, I view decision-making about big life things (like quitting my job cough cough) with curiosity and excitement. Will it be the right choice? I’m not really sure! But I do know that it will open up doors that would have stayed firmly shut if I didn’t make that choice. And now, when I think back on who I was in 2017 when I heard that advice originally, I wonder if she would be shocked to know that even though we didn’t get back together at that moment, we would later on, and almost 10 years later we would get married in front of all of our friends in the most gorgeous house we’ve both ever laid our eyes on. At that moment back in 2017, making the choice to not get back together crushed me, but in the end, it really did end up being the right decision <3

What I’ve Been Inspired by Recently

my goal with this Substack is to create more of a community and share the love <3 so with each post going forward, I’ll be sharing what posts have inspired me in the last few weeks.

The Twelfth House

how to position yourself as the expert you already are and get paid to be yourself

I’m taking the paywall off this post because I think it might be helpful as we enter eclipse season. Want to talk to me about your gifts, talents, and career genius expertise? You can book a Matrix of Destiny reading here…

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a year ago · 17 likes · 1 comment · Holisticism

Where Change Begins.

if you’re feeling behind, this will set you free

Last week I signed up to ‘paint a bench…

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a month ago · 1 like · 1 comment · ashley simcox

The YASSSletter

Fresh Corn Cornbread Focaccia with Blackberries

I spend a lot of time thinking about bread. Sometimes it’s sourdough, mostly it’s pita, and sometimes I wonder what would happen if two completely different breads met somewhere in the middle…

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a month ago · 94 likes · 2 comments · BenGingi

I’m currently on a bit of a journey of starting over, and with that, I’ve decided to somewhat start my Substack over… again. My previous posts didn’t really have much of a “theme,” and I’m not entirely sure if starting over will mean it will now, but I do know the plan is to kind of just throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. As someone who suffers from having too many interests, I’ve always found it hard to just stick to one thing to write about, and thus I’ve decided to just not! The plan (or lack of plan) is to write about whatever I’m interested in at the moment; things I’m reading, cooking, learning, researching. This might include talking about how I plan my dinner parties to how I’m learning how to read tarot. I might talk about my experience with quantum healing and human design or my favorite books I’m reading. The world is my oyster!

I’m also going to start this one off a bit more anonymously (ooOOOooh), mostly because I do find myself getting a bit stuck thinking about people I know coming across my writing, so why not just take that part out of the equation? Easy! There are no rules, people! So if you know me, please pretend like you don’t.

I’m getting to a place in my life where I’m ignoring a lot of the “shoulds” because I find those “shoulds” end up stopping me from doing what I actually want to do. Should my Substack have a “niche”? Yeah, maybe? But that’s a silly little rule that I’m deciding to ignore so I actually do the damn thing and just WRITE. All the rules in life are made up anyway, so just do what makes you happy, baby (I’m the baby).

Also, my goal with this Substack is to build more of a community than I did previously. I feel like before, I was just dipping my toe in. Never fully committing. Never turning on chat or paid subscriptions or posting super regularly. Why? Because I was SCARED. I knew I wanted to build up my audience, but I felt like admitting that would be lame, so I tried to play it cool. I thought, if it were to happen, that would be nice, but that’s not the “reason I’m doing this”. But let’s be so for real, if I wanted to write without anybody reading it, I would start a diary!

Anyway. All that previous mindset did for me was not get me what I actually wanted (duh). So now that I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’m starting “fresh”. The goal is to really lean into the authenticity here.

Which speaking of authenticity, earlier this year, I made a promise to myself that this would be the year that I turn shit around (year of the horse after all!!) and fully align my outside life with my true inner desires. My life wasn’t bad by any means, but I felt pretty bad on the inside. I had spent a good part of 2025 borderline depressed without even realizing it. Crying a lot, sleeping a lot, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. Once the depression fog started to lift, I realized I had felt so far away from my inner self/compass that my self-care practice had taken a total back seat. I was still taking care of myself on the outside, generally, but the inside needed some work.

Before this depressive state, I had a pretty regimented self-care practice. That practice was built up of a monthly Tarot reading, meditation, acupuncture, Reiki, and daily journaling. Anything to keep my vibrations HIGH. But after moving across the country, quitting the job I was at for 5 years, starting my freelancing career, then starting a new job, moving again, getting engaged, I just didn’t know where those parts of my routine fit in, so I abandoned them instead. Big mistake. Now, I don’t know if that’s truly what led to my depressive state; there was also a lot of other stuff happening too (casually gestures to the state of the world), but I also felt like I had put my guard down and let the bad vibes seep right through.

Now, since making the promise to myself earlier this year to feel realigned with my inner compass, I’ve been making a lot of changes. I’ve been revisiting all my old routines and practices and letting go of whether others think it’s weird, because it turns out when you feel good on the inside, you don’t really care what other people think. So with all of that said, my intuition has been telling me to revisit my Substack again. It also feels like Substack is kind of the perfect place to share this kind of journey and these types of interests.

Before I get too carried away, I also want to add that I do think there’s something to doing things truly just for yourself. It’s worth asking the question “if I couldn’t post about it, would I still do it?” If the answer to that question is ‘no’, then it might make sense to table that idea for now. However, I think when it comes to art (whatever form of art that might be), telling yourself that you are only doing it for yourself is selling yourself a bit short. At least in my opinion! Having others engage with your art is what makes it interesting. There’s a difference between writing an essay in your Google doc vs. posting it online. If I truly just wanted to write for myself, then I would put it in a place where nobody could ever read it, but I’m not. I’m hitting publish. So if I tell myself “it’s just for me,” I’m not giving myself a chance to truly connect with others in the way I’m actually hoping for deep down inside. I think that’s somewhat true with all forms of art. That doesn’t mean it all needs to be monetized by any means, but not sharing your art with the world in some capacity (even if it’s just friends or family!) is selling yourself a bit short!

But anyway, I digress, and instead of acting like I don’t care, please PLEASE do subscribe and stick around for the ride! Or comment below if you’re on a similar journey <3

writing I’ve been inspired by recently

SOFSET

You’re Not Woo-Woo Enough

Over the past year, I have become increasingly woo-woo…

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a month ago · 6 likes · 2 comments · SOFSET

say more

but you're cool now.

About 10 years ago, when I was 25, my aunt (who was several glasses of wine deep at the time) confirmed one of my deepest fears…

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a month ago · 7 likes · 4 comments · leanna •°•°•

Full Disclosure

Lessons from inside a CPG acquisition

Note: If you’re equal parts woo woo and boss bitch like me, read until the end for the resources. You will likely appreciate them…

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a month ago · 18 likes · 9 comments · Julia

Wish You Were Here

Studio Notes - 07.26

This is the first post in my new series Studio Notes which, you guessed it, is literally just notes from my studio (my creativity has its limits). What’s been inspiring me lately, a part of my process, on my mind, stuck in my head….etc. And of course, works in progress…

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2 months ago · 12 likes · 6 comments · rosi riley

So, instead of doing either of those things, at the end of 2024, I got myself a full-time job again. I wasn’t expecting to, but it just sort of happened. It was a job where I was promised I’d make a lot of money (spoiler: I did) and where I’d get to work with a lot of my old co-workers/friends. Overall, a promising deal. That’s all I’m going to say about that, but overall, it was a whirlwind of a time.

So after just under 2 years, I was done. Burnt the hell out. I was working 10+ hour days for almost two years. Checking Slack probably once every hour, even on weekends, and right when my eyes opened in the morning. If I could check Slack in my sleep, I probably would. I’d be staring at my computer screen for truly hours at a time. Skipping lunch. Sitting for way too long. Skipping workouts. Sleeping like shit. Stressed. Not eating enough. I kept going because I knew it wouldn’t be forever and I wanted to be there to enjoy the fruits of our labor, if you will. There was so much work put in that throwing in the towel early felt like failure, a classic sunk-cost fallacy dilemma. There were also parts of the job I did still enjoy, but by the end, I was running on fumes.

So after a grueling 23 months or so, I was officially done. The business ended up selling, and I felt like I could finally breathe again. I took my first 2 weeks off in 2 years, and in that time, I felt my body HEAL. I slept great. I didn’t check Slack multiple times a day. My appetite was normal for the first time in months. It felt like I had been pulled out of a boiling pot that I didn’t even realize I was in. Taking that time off made me realize that I wouldn’t be (or honestly couldn’t be) staying much longer after I got back. So after my PTO, I gave it a few more weeks before I officially put in my notice.

Now I’m a few weeks away from my last day (as I write this), and I have zero plans for what’s next, and I’ve never felt more at peace. I have a few freelance projects planned, but they’re all very light and easy. I also have some trips planned and some home projects I want to do, but other than that… NOTHING.

I’m not someone who can sit still for long, so I know after a month or two I’ll be scheming up something, but in the meantime, I’m so excited to explore and figure out what’s next. I’ve known for a while that a career pivot was in my future, but I’ve been working since I was basically 14, out of necessity, so my choices have typically felt pretty limited. I’ve never had a moment to just SIT and let my brain marinate on ideas and truly answer “what do I want to be when I grow up?” I chose the career path I’m in now because I didn’t want to work in restaurants anymore and wanted weekends off in my 20’s. I also wanted to make real money, not just tip money. The mid-2010s were also such a prime time for DTC brands, especially in NYC, so I was lucky to fall into marketing during a time when so many brands were starting to really explode.

I think there’s also something to doing the scary thing, even in times of uncertainty. The world is… not looking great but I think a lot of us millennials and Gen Zers are realizing that we were promised a big fat lie, so we might as well just enjoy life. It’s like that meme — “economy so bad I might as well follow my dreams.” I mean, it’s true! Like if this is it, I might as well enjoy my time on earth and spend my time trying to follow my dreams (even if I don’t yet know what those dreams entail). I don’t want to be 80 years old wishing I had chosen a different path in life.

But looking back, I don’t regret my career choice at all. It has brought me a lot of stability, and for a gal who grew up with a lack of that, I’m forever grateful. I’m also someone who truly believes that wherever I end up next likely wouldn’t have been possible without the path I forged in my career previously. Not that I believe in fate necessarily, but more so that to get to Level 2 you have to finish Level 1 first, and Level 1 gives you the tools you need to get through Level 2 — you get what I mean?

Anyway, overall I’m feeling very positive about my next venture and wherever it takes me. Vibes are very high! Like I said, I don’t have much planned per se, but I am planning on exploring some of the following things during this time off!:

• Going back to school: I’ve been bouncing around the idea of going back to school, which I think I would really enjoy, but I’d really want to be 100% sure it’s something I’d want to do before I actually commit, so TBD!

• Opening my own art studio/store/shop/coffee shop/wine bar/etc: My family has a pretty deep history in SF of owning restaurants/bars, so the idea of creating a space where people can come and build community sounds SO fulfilling and fun.

• Working retail/coffee shop/etc: Also, the idea of just working retail or at a coffee shop sounds kind of nice! What I miss about working in restaurants is the interactions I’d have with people (aside from a few negative ones every now and again). I met a lot of people when I worked in restaurants in NYC and had a lot of conversations I still think about to this day!

• Writing!: I’m honestly hoping now that I have more time, I’ll be able to spend more time writing and maybe building up my Substack. I’ve always struggled with figuring out WHAT my Substack should be about and creating some kind of theme (I feel like it’s easier for people to find you that way) so we’ll see how that goes! I have some ideas, and I might just throw spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks.

• Research!: I love learning, and I also love learning about weird niche shit, and now I’ll have the time! I’m excited to dig into some weird topics and see what I find. I just ordered some books on quantum healing and healing your body through food soooo more on that possibly later?

• Selling my pottery: I don’t know if I could do this full time and enjoy it, but I plan to get back into my ceramics practice and sell a bit more of my work here and there. We’ll see!

• Freelance: I’m very grateful that my career has given me the opportunity to freelance very easily. I’ve worked for a lot of “buzzy” brands that get people really excited, so it’s something I can dip in and out of. I’m sure I’ll fall back on this a bit, especially if I’m getting nervous about $$ but I hope I don’t lean on it too much and let myself chill!

All to say, I’m really excited to allow myself to explore and REST. I’m someone who has so many different interests that I’ve never had the time to fully explore, so I’m grateful for the time to dive in. I’ll also never be this young again with no kids and no mortgage and no debt, so I might as well take advantage of this time! I’ll likely write more on what I get up to, so please do subscribe to come along for the ride.

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If you’re thinking of doing something similar or you’ve also quit your corporate job, pop a comment below!! Would love to connect <3

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I truly relish this time of year. I know I'm not alone when saying that the end of the year is my favorite time to reflect on the previous months and plan for my future. I have multiple end-of-year rituals, too, including making visualization boards and lists of goals I want to accomplish in the coming year. I even have a yearly tarot reading I give myself on New Year's Day to help me somewhat mentally level-set for the upcoming year (a fun tradition I would highly recommend). I’m sure if you looked at my astrological chart (Aquarius sun, Pisces moon, and Libra rising for starters) or my Myers Briggs results (ENFJ-A), you'll be able to decipher why I’m this way cause, honestly, I couldn't tell you. I’ve always been a list maker, though, even as a kid. The beginning of a new school year was my favorite, too, so it must stem from that. The idea of a new year is almost like the adult version of the start of the school year. Sometimes, I even buy crisp new notebooks and pens to kick things off on the right foot.

This year, however, feels different. I’m not sure if it's just the woes of getting older, the trauma of the news cycle, or just the general gloom and doom of 2025 (even just typing out 2025 feels cursed, honestly), but something feels… off. Now that we're halfway through December, these rituals I typically look forward to have felt somewhat uninspiring. I tried making a visualization board and completely fell short. By this point, I usually have whimsical images saved of others enjoying their lives in their cozy homes, living out the goals I wish to accomplish the following year. I’ll have collected images of people making art in their studios I wish I had and photos that reflect whatever my career aspirations were at the time. This year I just have this:

Inspiring or ominous? I don't know, but you tell me. I feel like it can go either way, depending on if you're a glass-half-full or half-empty kind of person, but it somehow sums up my mental state. But, as I said, this year just feels different. I honestly have no career aspirations (unless you consider living a life like Frog and Toad career aspirations…). I also feel lucky to say I don't really have any financial goals either. Sure, I'd love to win the lotto and never work again, but setting goals around my career and finances feels like a means to an end where I just won't actually end up happy. We all know that at this point, to get rich, like really rich, grinding in a 9-5 isn't the way to achieve that; it just leaves you soulless and burnt out. My goal, if I were to formally set one, would be to continue making enough combined money with my fiance so we can support each other and our dog while being able to put some money into savings each month for our wedding and order takeout when we don't feel like cooking and not feel bad about it.

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I also haven't even thought about what my life will hopefully look like in the next year. This isn't to say I have no clue what my life will look like, I have some general ideas, but I imagine it will be somewhat the same, just maybe more evolved. I suppose I'll be living in the same house, with the same fiance and the same dog, just with some additional layers to my life added on (new friends, new hobbies, new places traveled, etc.) I'm not expecting anything too out of the ordinary for 2025; I'm expecting simplicity with maybe a few curveballs just to set expectations for myself, but (hopefully) nothing too drastic.

Now, I can't tell if all this means I’m living in the moment more or if it's something else. Something deeper. I do feel like since I deleted Instagram in November, this need to always search for "what's next" doesn't feel as strong. I feel as if I can slow down a bit more, and I’m not constantly looking to evolve at a rapid, unnatural speed. The idea of "rebranding myself", which always flourishes during this time for me, is nowhere to be found. Part of me feels liberated by this realization; I no longer feel the need to listen to the constant hum of capitalism telling me that who I am and the life I'm currently living isn't enough. However, there's another part of me that feels kind of… sad? I always looked forward to this time of year, so does this mean New Year's Day will just feel like another day? How depressing and un-ritualistic!

The other layer of this comes from the fact that in the last few years, how I approach what I want out of life has changed a bit. I used to be someone who mostly set tangible goals, ones where I could write a list and check each off one by one. Got promoted? Check. Made X amount of money? Check. Quit my job? Yup. Read X amount of books? Yes. Traveled to that place? You get the idea. But as I approached life this way, I realized each time I checked something off my list, it didn't magically make me happier or feel better. I either felt like it was too easy to accomplish, so the reward was less satisfying, or I realized (looked around) my life was still the goddamn same. That good ol' arrive fallacy really rings true the older you get, unfortunately.

So, it sounds simple, but instead of setting tangible goals, I began to change my approach. While there were still goals I had that could be checked off a list, technically speaking, I’ve been challenging myself to focus more on how things in my life make me feel, with the end goal being overall happiness and satisfaction. Does that job make me feel miserable and bad about myself? Then, I'm going to figure out how to quit. Does that person make me feel exhausted after I spend an hour with them? Then maybe I'm going to reevaluate that friendship. I became more aware of how the things around me impacted my nervous system, and with that, things in my life changed quite a bit. I moved across the country back to San Francisco to be with my now fiance, and my life looks completely different than it did 2 or 3 years ago. I have a new job, some new friends, new hobbies, new experiences, etc.

Since there's been so much change in my life these last few years, though, setting more goals around more change feels silly and kind of unnecessary. It feels like your friend asking to leave the party right when the music gets good. Why would I focus on all the things I want to change when there is a lot of stuff in it I’ve been hoping would happen? We live in a time where we're always striving for the next thing or being told that there's something bigger and better out there, but why not take a second to appreciate what you have right in front of you? My twenties were spent in what felt like a never-ending cycle of improving and upgrading. Better job, more pay, better apartment, nicer clothes, more friends, more stability. Not to say these goals were terrible or that I regret pushing myself to improve constantly, but there is a little part of me that wishes I could have let myself just sit back for a second and enjoy the things I worked for, as opposed to just checking it off a list to then say, "Okay, so what's next?" So I guess that’s my goal for this year: to just live my life without the constant need for improving. Maybe this will be my Year of Rest and Relaxation, minus all the drugs and sleep…

So what about you? Are you planning on making resolutions for 2025? Do you have any rituals you love doing to close out each year and welcome a new one? I'd love to hear about them below!

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I also just want to note that while I type this, my 5-month-old puppy is lying next to me, asleep, wagging her tail from a happy dream. Wishing you a similar energy in 2025!

I tend to do this thing where I go all in on something when I first start it, and as soon as I lose that momentum, I end up stopping completely. I know this is not unique to me; most of us have felt this at some point in our lives with something we’ve started. But I’ve begun to notice I resort to I guess “giving up” a lot, especially with my creative endeavors.

I’ve started countless hobbies and projects and then stopped once life got too busy, avoiding picking up where I left off for some reason beyond me. Some of these things include the following: writing, painting, drawing, knitting, making TikToks and Reels (lol), ceramics (this one I still do, but not as much as I did… so yeah), and the beginning stages of a clothing line when I hated my job. I could probably keep going, but let’s just say that there are a lot of things I’ve picked up and then stopped doing when life got a little too hard.

The perfectionist inside of me feels that if I begin a creative project or hobby, and I abandon it for a week or two, then why go back? I’ve already lost the momentum so it’s clearly not for me, right? Then, the more time continues to pass, the harder it becomes for me to reignite the passion I had once felt for this creative endeavor that had once fueled me. The inspiration can be harder to grasp and instead of pushing through, I give up. It’s as if I have this all-or-nothing mentality with my creativity, and if I’m not able to stick to it 100% of the time, I tell myself, “What’s even the point?” It’s like the opposite of the sunk-cost fallacy hits me like a ton of bricks.

I’ve read so many books and articles about creativity throughout my life where artists have talked about how staying consistent is key to becoming “successful.” That you must write, paint, draw, etc., every single day, even if what you’re producing is bad, because creativity and inspiration are muscles that must be flexed as opposed to abstract things that hit us like an oncoming car. Inspiration isn’t supposed to be something that you catch out of the blue; it’s something that you create with consistency. At least, that’s what I’ve been told, I have (mostly) completed the Artists Way about four times, you know.

Now, of course, being consistent is the ideal state for artists or anyone trying to get good at something. But what about those of us who don’t feel like we need to be successful (i.e., make money) in order to feel like we’re succeeding in something? Or for those of us who don’t feel like we need to be a master at something to fully enjoy it or benefit from it? What about those of us who have a normal 9-5 job to pay the bills, and so we find pockets of time to commit to an outside passion? This mindset around consistency doesn’t really apply to us in the same way because it’s not always possible. Life gets busy, and there are times when other things just have to take priority over our art, whether we like it or not. It’s annoying and frustrating that we don’t live in a world where we can create 24/7, but at the end of the day, a girl’s gotta eat!

I think this mindset around consistency that I’ve absorbed via osmosis throughout my life has created this toxic obsession where I feel like if I don’t do something every single day, then I must have failed at it. I must not really be a true “artist” or passionate about this thing if I can’t find the time to do it every day. That I can’t label myself an artist or writer (or whatever!) if I’m not able to, at the very least, be consistent with my art.

Even though deep down I know that that’s not true, it can still feel so hard to get back into something if I’ve had to take a pause on it. It’s also a little ironic because I know these creative outlets keep me going in some way. When life gets busy and stressful, and I commit a few hours a week to creating, I end up feeling better. It’s like eating a nourishing meal, getting a few extra hours of sleep, or sitting in the sun. It makes me feel satisfied and good and (who would have thought) less stressed. But for those weeks when I just can’t make it work, I end up feeling so bad about myself that starting again can just feel pointless and sometimes even a little (mentally) painful.

The reason I’ve been thinking about all this is because this feeling has begun to creep up for me with my writing. I started my Substack just for fun, so I could have a place where I could share my thoughts and feelings and just write for goodness sake! I wanted to connect with other like-minded people and form this community where we can share our feelings and relate to one another. I was really consistent with it the first few weeks, and it felt really good! Some of my pieces were getting noticed, and people were relating to my words, commenting, and sharing my work, which was such a satisfying feeling.

Then, life got in the way and I started to feel like too much time was passing for me to post again (silly, I know), and I was even a little embarrassed that I felt like I was giving up so soon. I started to have thoughts again like, what if I write something and nobody reads it (spooky!)? What if the algorithm totally forgets about my existence and nobody relates to the words I’m writing? What if I… fail?! Now I know I’ve written about these things before, so apologies for being redundant but I’m working on it!

Anyway, then I remembered: this isn’t really something I can fail at unless I tell myself I failed. There is no scorecard or test. This little slice of the internet is totally mine, and I can do whatever I want with it. Every creative endeavor I pursue is for me at the end of the way. I can write here once a month, every week, or twice a year, and in the end, it doesn’t really matter. Of course, it feels good when my pieces get shared, and people comment telling me that they related to my words, but again I’m doing this for me. While I know I want to stay consistent with my writing and all my hobbies, I also know I need to be less hard on myself when I’m prioritizing other necessary things to help support my mental health (like cooking, sleeping, cleaning my apartment, cuddling my new puppy, etc.).

I also know being consistent isn’t actually toxic, but I do think this mentality around all-or-nothing that unknowingly gets pushed on us creates these high expectations that are bound to not be met from time to time and will inevitably make us feel bad about ourselves and the progress we’re making. This is obviously a symptom of capitalism in the end, where we tie our self-worth to how productive we are. Where we are made to feel bad if we aren’t getting shit done every single day. However, I (and many others) will argue that rest and doing nothing is also part of the creative process too! Consistency doesn’t have to mean every day, which I’ve been trying to remind myself of. So I guess the reason for this post is to say, let’s all be a little kinder to ourselves — we’re all trying our best! If you’re doing something creative and you lose focus for a bit, it’s okay! It doesn’t make you a failure, it just means you’re human.

Now, please enjoy some pics of what I mean when I say “life got in the way.”:

And of course, if you relate or even disagree with the consistency narrative please comment below! Or if you have felt this way before, what has helped ease the discomfort for you? Do you jump back in head-on or give yourself some time?

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With summer coming to an end and fall rearing its lovely little head, I’ve been thinking a lot about back-to-school time, especially when I was a kid. I loved this time of year, even more so when I was in elementary school. Getting lists from my new teacher of what school supplies were needed, making trips to Target and K-Mart (…is K-Mart still around?) to gather up paper and pens, circling clothes I wanted in catalogs that came in the mail, and heading to the mall. Planning out my outfit for the very first day and hanging it in my closet with care. Ah, the nostalgia! The excitement! The simplicity! Even just thinking about it now makes me feel a little giddy.

Now that I’m much older and reflecting on my life, I’ve begun to notice how much harder it can be to feel that kind of energy. Of course, that’s not so strange. When you’re a kid, everything feels sparkly and new, but as you age, you can start to feel a little jaded, and things begin to feel a bit more lackluster. And I don’t mean that in a depressive way, really! I mean it in a “been there, done that” kind of way. It just becomes so easy to slip into the mundane. Each day can simply begin to feel like the next. Most of us are creatures of habit, whether we like it or not.

With that, I often think about the structure I had as a kid, and how that structure led to so many memories that I now look back on with fondness. There was school, for starters—a constant in many of our lives for so many years that changed ever so slightly every few months, making it that much more exciting. The new people I met each semester, the projects I worked on, and the field trips that were planned. Then, there were all the sports I played and the outside activities I participated in that created opportunities for memories to simply unfold right in front of me with barely any effort. Then, one day, that structure dissolves, and you’re left with this wide-open space to do whatever you please with, which is amazing and exciting! It’s the moment we dream of for years, but like most things, you don’t always realize what you had until it’s gone.

Now, this isn’t meant to be an essay reminiscing about being a kid, full of nostalgia and wishing I could go back—because I don’t. I love being an adult and all the freedoms that come with it. Of course, I sometimes miss the joy of being a kid, but I love that I finally know what hairstyles suit me and how to do my eyebrows properly. However, this is meant to be an essay asking: How can we bring back that magical feeling we once felt as kids, now that we’re adults? How can we create more memories with the same ease?

I hope I’m not alone in saying this, but it sometimes feels like I’m fighting for my life to create core memories as an adult—memories that I’ll hopefully look back on with fondness when I’m older. I sometimes realize that the last few weeks of my life have looked the same each day, all by total accident. This isn’t to say these core memory moments don’t happen—because they do—they just sometimes feel a bit more sparse compared to my younger days. Why is that? Is it the effort that goes into making plans? The conflicting schedules with friends? The responsibilities that now linger in the back of my mind? The ease with which our brains default into a negativity bias, instead of focusing on the positives?

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In the last few months, I’ve been more mindful of all the above and have tried my best to combat it in any way I can. I’m on a mission to create more fond memories that I’ll look back on as I age, and I’ve come to realize it takes real effort. I’ve noticed that if I have something planned to look forward to, even something small, it’s incredibly helpful. It doesn’t have to be anything grand like a vacation or big trip—it can be something small but different from the usual day-to-day. I might plan to work from a coffee shop for the day or try a new route on my walk. Or, I’ll book a dinner reservation in the middle of the week with a friend instead of on the typical weekend. These small changes in my routine, especially when planned in advance, are the best little surprises when they pop up on the calendar.

I’ve also found that tapping back into things we enjoyed as kids is another way to create those core memories. A few months back, a group of friends and I went on a big trip to Mexico, and one of the highlights was playing a game called sardines each night (it’s like hide and seek but in reverse, if you’ve never played). I think we were all surprised at how much fun we had playing for hours and laughing like little kids. It’s funny how, as you get older, you begin to realize that when you do something you once enjoyed as a kid, it scratches a special part of your brain that you almost forgot was there.

And finally, gratitude! I feel like practicing gratitude always pops up in essays and articles like this, but focusing on what you’re grateful for—those little moments in your day that felt special—can be really helpful. Our days can be so hectic and busy that we sometimes miss those small moments. Taking a minute to look back on the day has been a useful little tool that I’m trying to get better at.

All that to say, I hope I’m not alone in feeling this way and that I don’t sound like a depressive mope. But for anyone else who might feel similarly, what are some tips you have for creating more core memories as an adult?

And for fun, comment below something you’re looking forward to in the coming weeks or months (or something you’re hoping to plan if you have nothing planned yet!). Let’s plan some core memories together!

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Something I’ve been thinking about lately as I’ve started posting on here again is this: being perceived as trying online is embarrassing. There, I said it! Well, at least it is for me.

It’s obviously mostly internal, right? I don’t have a bully who is actively making me feel embarrassed (well, actually, that bully is just myself…). I’ve only posted twice on here so far, and with that, my posts have gotten minimal traction, which is fine. Truly, it is. I wasn’t expecting overnight success here by any means. If you read my first post, you’ll know I’m attempting to do this just for myself and not for mass consumption or flattery — at least not necessarily. However, it’s been hard not to want others to read and praise what I’ve written. I’m only human!

After some thought, I’ve realized that this internal dilemma comes down to a few things. First, it feels similar to the thought experiment of “If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” While I know the tree makes a sound, I still can’t help but relate this theory to posting on the internet. Like, if nobody reads what I’ve written, does that mean it sucked? If nobody comments their thoughts, does it mean it wasn’t thought-provoking? If the algorithm doesn’t favor my thoughts and feelings, does it mean they’re not valid? Am I really just screaming into an empty abyss? The self-doubt is palpable, I know.

Secondly, I think it’s safe to say that every millennial who has been on the internet, at least once in their life, has felt embarrassed for trying online. Why is it so embarrassing, though? Is it because we don’t want others to think we’re trying to be “internet famous”? Or that we’re trying to become an “influencer”? All of us have seen posts from people we once knew and thought, “Hmm, that’s interesting to post online…” And don’t pretend it hasn’t crossed your mind at least once, even for a split second. I know you’re probably a nice person, but we all have some judgmental flaws, okay? With that said, the thought of others thinking that about you?! Game over.

But lastly, there’s something additionally embarrassing about feeling like you’re trying online, and then nobody acknowledges the effort. It’s just crickets. I think, for me, that’s the cherry on top of feeling embarrassed. It’s as if I’m performing and awkwardly waiting for the audience to applaud or laugh.

In the end, it all comes down to vulnerability and shame. Posting anything online, even a photo of your coffee, can feel vulnerable to some extent. You ask yourself, “Does anyone actually care?” Or, “Why would anyone care about what I have to say? I’m nobody!” At least that’s what goes through my brain whenever I post anything on the internet, especially my own thoughts and feelings. The fear of being rejected compounds each time I hit post. Then it compounds a little more when the post sits there in utter silence.

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But that’s exactly what vulnerability is: it’s sharing something where you perceive there’s a possibility you’ll be rejected for it. Even if that means you’ll be rejected by a random person in Kansas you’ve never met before, the mean girl who went to your high school, or worse… nobody will even bat an eye at the effort put forward. Any form of rejection is painful, even when you tell yourself deep down that you don’t care or that you’re doing it only for yourself. Humans are built for connection and building meaningful relationships, so rejection triggers our fight-or-flight response. No, really, it’s science!

I think a little bit of vulnerability will be good for me in the end, though. I’ve mentioned before that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to care a little less about what others think with each passing year. This doesn’t mean I have zero cares at all, but I think the more I step out of my comfort zone and do things that feel a little scary at first, the more I feel at home in my body. The self-doubt slowly disintegrates each time I do something I know deep down I should do, but feel the sting of fear as I do it. There’s something freeing about doing something you were once so afraid of. I imagine it’s what going skydiving may feel like — exhilarating, scary, but also pretty life-changing. I don’t think there has been a time when I made myself vulnerable (emotionally, I should clarify) and regretted it afterward. In the end, I either make a connection (the goal of life, in my opinion) or I learn something (the secondary goal of life).

That’s mostly why I wanted to write these feelings out — to attempt to make a connection. To wave my hand at those who are also new here and ask, “Are you scared too?” I also feel like writing these thoughts out is similar to when you name an emotion and the feelings become more manageable. I felt like naming the uncomfortable parts of being perceived online (or not being perceived?) would make things less weird and scary. For both me and you, trust me.

So, I don’t know about you, but I feel better already.

What about you? Those who are just starting, or those who aren’t — do you feel embarrassed when trying online, and if so, how do you push through? Leave a comment below and share your secret. I’m dying to know. 🙂🙂‍↔️

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Also: I decided to share some recent things I’ve read on here that have itched my brain in a satisfying way since I have no recipe to share this time!

1. We Need Moral Direction by Freya India: This piece touches on how therapy speak has infiltrated our relationships and the downside implications of that. A very thoughtful read!

2. More on Low Stakes Friendships by Maalvika: Somewhat similar to the above article, this one focuses a bit more on how friendships these days are all or nothing and that the “medicore” friendships are seen as bad when in reality they’re needed. Overall a very relatable read in my opinion.

3. Once You Get There, Will You Be Happy? by Toni Bravo: A short and sweet read about getting older :) Something I’ve been thinking a lot about myself so found this one also relatable and enjoyable to read.

4. Skin Health and Healing by Ella Henry: I’ve been on a hormone-balancing kick these days and have been following Ella on IG for a bit. Now that I’ve been deep in Substack I’ve been catching up on some of her posts and this one was super informative and easy to follow.

For some reason, maybe the fact that I’m a woman, I’ve felt a tad bit obsessed with getting older and my age. Not in a toxic, anti-aging kind of way but more so in a wow-time-is-passing-fast kind of way. It’s funny because I’ve caught myself on many occasions thinking I’m still 23 or even 18 as if my brain was frozen in time during those years and has yet to register that, in a surprise to no one, many years have passed since then.

But the thing is, I am getting older. I’m halfway to 31 which feels wild to write. While I know anyone older who may read this will scoff and think that I’m only just beginning, it’s starting to not feel that way. While I know I (hopefully) have a lot of time left, some things feel even more fleeting than before. For starters — motherhood. Since turning 30, my Instagram has been flooded with ads for prenatal vitamins and pregnant influencers on the verge of giving birth. While I feel like I still have time to start on the journey of motherhood, I know I don’t have as much time as I did when I was 23. My algorithm surely thinks I’m ready as I’ll ever be regardless of me feeling like I would succumb to teenage pregnancy if I got pregnant tomorrow. With that said, there’s part of me that feels like I need to start trying NOW or else my chances may be gone forever. I mean, who knows how long it might take, what if it’s not easy, what if I miscarry, what if I regret not trying sooner? I know there’s more thoughts I could get into but I’ll save that for another time.

Next up: going out. There’s also part of me that feels as though my time to have a specific type of “fun” is on the verge of fleeting. In the era of Brat summer (which seems to be fleeting too) I’ve spent time reflecting on my own “going out” era. I’ve never been one to party all that much so that time for me was short lived compared to others but as I’ve gotten older and I’ve gone out on the rare occasion, the nagging feeling of “Am I too old to be here?” has started to creep in. As the years have ticked by I’ve wondered if I’m starting to stick out like a sore thumb on dance floors, stirring my tequila soda and trying to go unnoticed by the 26 year olds around me. I know I’m not alone in those feelings, even Charli XCX the mother of Brat Summer, has a song with somewhat similar thoughts about not being sure if she belongs anymore too. For me, I also wonder though did I go out enough? Should I have a year that’s like a last hurrah where I go out clubbing every weekend? But honestly even typing that sounds exhausting and like I’d crumble after one weekend. However, I still have a little annoying voice in the back of my head who wonders if I’ll regret not partying more. If the current memories I have from my 20’s are “enough”.

I know that while certain aspects may be fleeting or completely gone at this point (like my 20s altogether) there are also future parts of my life that will be amazing and beautiful that I’m not even aware of yet. There are people that will make a huge impact on my life and that I’ll connect with deeply that I haven’t met yet or haven’t even been born yet. There are places I’ll go, things i’ll do, and more things i’ll learn that I can’t even begin to grasp now. How exciting and scary, but also fun! I guess the point of this essay was more to calm my nerves about how time is fleeting. I have no solution on feeling sad about moments slipping away since I know that’s all just part of life in the end. Doors close but others will open too. Experiences happen and then time passes and those moments get stored in our little brains, to be revisited by our future self’s when feeling nostalgic.

On reflection, I think my obsession with age and getting older comes from this era of social media and comparison. If I didn’t have access to the lives of so many other younger women who look to be having so much fun, I wouldn’t stop and think “Wait… did I have fun at their age?” I know I did and I know I still will have fun, but it’s easy to slip into a comparison loop when you’re being shown the highlight reel of other people’s lives. I guess that’s just reason number 2846 to delete my social media 😅

So what about you? Have you ever felt this way before? Share something that feels like it might be fleeting in the comments below.

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On a completely unrelated topic, I was recently in Copenhagen this summer and came back itching to bake. I haven’t baked outside of a random one-off banana bread, so getting the desire back was nice. For some reason, I decided the first thing should be bagels. Why? I have no idea, maybe I miss New York. I used the Claire Saffitz NYT recipe and it was mostly a success. They tasted delicious but could have used a bit more volume so I think I’ll likely try again. I’ve been eyeing this recipe so we shall see.

My topping of choice was whipped cream cheese (obvious choice imo), heirloom tomatoes, and smoked salmon. The photo doesn’t do it justice because it’s a bad photo but believe me when I say, it was very very good. Thankfully bagels are not one of those fleeting things.

I started my Substack in my tiny NYC studio way back in 2020 when I felt like I needed a place to post about my silly little thoughts and anxieties during lockdown. I lost momentum quickly though when three weeks later, my dad died and all those silly little thoughts felt unimportant and frivolous. Over the last four or so years, I’ve barely written anything, apart from journal entries ranging from panicky existential crises, to changing friendships, turning thirty and much much more. But writing for others to consume didn’t even cross my mind anymore. Maybe it did once or twice but those thoughts would quickly burn hot with vulnerability and dissipate.

However — since turning 30, a part of me has resurfaced, a part that just doesn’t care as much. I would say this part is new but I think it was always there deep down. One might even call it my “inner child” finding her way back to the surface, as unpoetic as that sounds. I say this knowing I would willingly wear my bathing suit in the middle of winter when my mom let me dress myself as a child. And yes I’m pretty sure I’d go out in public too without a care in the world.

I was told this whole “not caring” thing would happen, the older I got and I’m here to say the rumors are true. So while writing this out, knowing the end goal is to post it online, still makes me want to vomit just a bit — I’ve also come to the realization that doing something that feels a little scary at first usually pays off.

With that said, if it wasn’t painfully obvious, I’m resurrecting my Substack (yay!) and I’m doing it for me, myself, and I since at this moment in time I have only a few subscribers so it’s possible nobody may even read this. Ever. Which is fine. I don’t entirely know what I’m going to even write about and I don’t think I’ll ever actually decide. I don’t think I want a niche, I find they slow me down and give me writers block. I think I’d rather just see where my thoughts take me. I do know I’ll likely write about getting older, being engaged, deciding on having kids, female friendships, food, ceramics, life, etc. Honestly whatever seems to be on my mind is going to be my source of inspiration, which might be a bit blasé but alas… who cares!

All in all though I’m excited to give this whole writing thing another shot. Writing used to feel like the only way to organize my messy thoughts. Like I could untangle my neuroses and map them out on a page, in single file order. A task that calmed my nerves and cleared my head. Now that I’ve stopped writing for the last few years, those thoughts have begun to brew in this little brain of mine only escaping when I pick up my journal every few weeks. I’ve come to realize that my need for something “more” in life possibly stems from my lack of consistency with creation so making a habit of writing more, I hope, will be the anecdote. But the thing is, I’ve never been very good at keeping consistent with creative endeavors. I tend to try too hard at the start and burn out quickly or get discouraged too easily. I suddenly feel stupid for trying and immediately seize up, closing my laptop or phone indefinitely — metaphorically, of course. I’m hoping my mindset shift along with getting older will make this time different. I’m hoping that if I go into it just for myself then I’ll stick with it, and if what I said earlier is true — that I don’t care as much about what others think — this little corner of the internet will only be for my own benefit and I’ll never want to stop writing.

I mean… if others decide to read and join in that’ll just be an added bonus. But who knows, screaming into the void might be good for me. With all that said, I’ll be writing up another post — one with a bit more substance this week just in time for Labor Day weekend. WOO!