Growing up as a quiet, introverted and shy kid he was not just a grandpa but a mentor, teacher, travel/play companion and my best friend as well. From running a fake restaurant with my little kitchen set where he used to pretend to be an ever satisfied customer with the food I cooked for him to my scrabble partner we did a lot of engaging activities together. I still remember when I actively trained for table tennis, he gave me a technical book, racket and at times we practiced using the dinner table with a made-up net. While, I did not end up becoming a table tennis champion like him, he most certainly taught me to be sporting and not get disheartened, remain equanimous in face of defeat. He once remarked “Learn to enjoy the game, don’t worry about winning or losing. " I still remember these words in trying times.

I never knew much about him as a research scientist or his love for organic chemistry. After he passed away, I went to the same university for my under-graduation as his by sheer co-incidence. It is only in my last year of college, I made a friend from the Chemistry Department. I briefly mentioned about my grandfather, since he was also interested in organic chemistry. Over time, my friend explained to me the significance of his doctoral thesis, then asked me to find research papers and my grandma handed over a big bundle. The more I spoke to him, other retired professors, his colleagues, students from his department when he was a teaching assistant and the then principal who was his mentee everyone spoke about how humble and kind, he was as a person and how he enjoyed mentoring, helping out young scientists to find their way something that was not so common in scientific circles apparently they said. I barely had an idea of the impact he left. As a kid and teen I only recalled taking my science lessons at times, reading out Tell my Why and Encyclopedia. I don’t recollect a single instance of him talking about his achievements or putting someone down either within the family or outside. I did not take much note of it at 19. However, I do get it now when I have come across many individuals who have jeopardized their personal life, refuse to engage with anyone outside academia simply because they hold the doctoral title. His attitude continues to be a guiding light and an inspiration for me.

He unknowingly showed me what true companionship in life looks like without the aggression, anger, domination but only respect, kindness, understanding and standing firmly together till the end no matter the problems. My grandmother often recalls, he was her closest friend and their marriage was truly a marriage of equals.

It has been more 14 years since, he passed away. At times, I wish I could thank him enough as a grown up and return the love in manifolds. From taking me to bookstores to cheering me when I struggled to get down from the jungle gym for the first time. For teaching me never to give up, for showing me the way to appreciate all disciplines and learn from them and to never lose the playfulness and innocence of childhood as we read Tinkle comics and laughed together. आजोबा, you taught me to not be afraid of losing, to go after my dreams and above everything else …..to serve others in a meaningful manner.

I miss him and remember him every single day. He left me with memories that would last a lifetime, values and ideals I try my best to live by. Wherever, you are आजोबा...grandma, mom and I would want to tell you.. Thank you for everything and we strive to honor your memory in different ways. Love you❤️

Song Recommendations (His favorites):

1. Bachelor Boy - Cliff Richard

2. Jane Kaha Mera - Mohammad Rafi, Geeta Dutt

3. Que Sera, Sera- Doris Day

I believe it is oddly one of those movies that made non-linearity and quirks look so human. Unlike the main protagonist Frances who was a rebel and enjoyed the topsy turvy state of life, I certainly did not. A stickler of linearity since a kid somehow my plans to be Sophie went for a toss due to ‘cosas de la vida’ (roughly translated as ‘such is life’). I ended up in almost same position as Frances Ha with my academic goalposts taking longer than expected, financial constraints, forced to change too many apartments, my real life Sophie with whom I wanted to rent with moved to another city. Unhappy on the curveballs being thrown at me yet keeping at it. It reminded me of the famous Italian proverb ‘Non ha il dolce a caro, chi provato non ha l’amaro’ (To taste the sweet, you must taste the bitter). A saying that began resonating with me over a period of time.

Growing up, in my teens and early 20s I used to get ecstatic with the tag ‘Miss Perfectionist’. Only to realize later on, that it only made me stressed out, obsessed with checking all boxes at the same time. When I decided to change my plan from corporate to research, it’s when things dramatically changed. At first, I was bewildered and overwhelmed with the environment. However, slowly the line from the movie ‘I like things that looks like mistakes’ 😆 made me feel at ease. I came across many Frances Ha’s, who weren’t looking for a balance all the time. They helped me understand that there is no such thing as absolute perfection. When I channelized my energy on certain goals, some other things had to take a backseat. I am learning to accept the non-linearity of my life, the possibilities lying in the realm of uncertainties.

Just as intentional experimentation, intentional imperfection is finding a place is my life quite unexpectedly. Each one has a different timeline and trajectory, there are pros and cons of being a Frances or a Sophie or a mix of both. Will leave it at that…

Have a great Friday ahead folks!

Song Recommendations:)

1. Everyone’s a Winner - Hot Chocolate

2. Be Here Now- Ray LaMontagne

At first, I was baffled at the dichotomy of it. Then, I recollected one such intense discussion with a friend of mine on patriarchal mindset in academia and how it impacts the women in economics. There is one particular statement that stayed with me, he said “While I cannot change my background that wasn’t liberal unlike our peers, I certainly do have a choice to not be like the men in my family. I will keep unlearning no matter how long it takes until I uproot it completely.” I was stunned and amazed at the same time.

Past few years, I am discovering how not everything can be compartmentalized into black and white, the aspects in working can be say color peach. Similar such conversation took place once with a friend, when I remarked what got you so interested in gender economics to which he replied “Ha sido un largo camino, desde el conservadurismo hasta las posturas igualitarias. Ha sido un camino largo para mí y mis amigos en mi país de origen.” (It has been a long journey, from conservatism to egalitarian views. It has been a long road for me and my friends back in my home country.) I remarked it is commendable and there is no need to have an apologetic tone. To make things a bit lighter I responded “Don’t I have flaws such as being hot-headed at times, impatient, pushy on work agendas?” To which we both laughed not in denial but in acceptance that we are humans working on our shortcomings:)

We do not get to choose our backgrounds and early exposure, but conflicting views that leads to psychological discomfort often propels one to take note of it and often act upon. For e.g. Since I was living in a matriarchal family and not patriarchal, when I was younger I thought it was the same everywhere for all the girls. Only to my rude shock, that unfortunately it was not the case for many. I realised rather than being judgemental and agitated about it, acceptance of the situation and finding ways by supporting my female friends and appreciating my male friends who showed the willingness to change for better was what I could and can do.

Thanks to my spiritual practices I am trying to be gentler towards myself as well as others who are in the process of unlearning and learning.

Here are some ways/methods I have come up to deal with aspects of my personality I am struggling to improve or change:

1. Being Judgemental is Unhelpful

2. Having a support system

3. Stop being defensive

4. Be more sporting

5. Lastly, owning up and being honest about my shortcomings

Have a great Friday ahead folks!

Song recommendations:)

1. One True Love - Markus Lytts (English song from the Swedish Play ‘Botnia Paradise’. Love the vocals by Markus and heart-touching music by KAJ)

2. Bondoon Ke Moti- Wake Up Side (It’s the time for monsoons in Bombay and this song captures the emotions beautifully)

It was only when I enrolled for an M.Sc program four years back did I have an opportunity for interaction with outgroup. Clueless, as I was as to how my experience would be I was a little anxious. In the first meet-up, I came to know about the composition of the class. There were just four of us Indians and Chinese, seven from Latin American and the rest from European Union and North America in a class of 52. I was quite nervous and diffident initially. I still remember one of my first two friends from class being from Zurich and São Paulo, one of the kindest folks who taught me about being open to new experiences. I remember while I was collaborating for a group project, one was from the state of New York. He was one of the most progressive person I have met with new, innovative ideas and a very friendly, warm demeanor :)

Then came my dear friends from China with whom I bonded over Asian kid struggle, living upto expectations and how not to be overwhelmed. Best collaborators and loyal friends for life. Lastly, was my group from Latin America with whom I could practice my Spanish, enjoy arepas, patacones while working and studying together. I once asked my friend from Peru, How do you make everything look so effortless? to which he replied you need to have a bit of our attitude to not be anxious over everything. I nodded and said I will try , mi amigo.

All my initial doubts, diffidence slowly subsided, there were times in the beginning I felt I may not make friends. As days passed weeks went slowly and steadily, the insecurities got alleviated. We did and do have our differences, diverging interests where one group wants to hike another chill at the beach. My friend often said the reason we bonded within a span of a few months was the fact that we connected as humans first. Not because we necessarily have same playlist, or bonded over the same pursuits outside work but due to shared values. I made real friends with whom I share the same connection even now. Of being there for each other, being the loudest cheerleaders for each other, unofficial peer reviewers. What really stood out was kindness and compassion. Over time and mounting demands, what really matters is the core values. It goes beyond faith, beyond cultural demarcation.

While, there will be rotten apples in every community, country, etc. and all my experiences aren’t and won’t be the same, it does not discount the goodness and support I have received and a sense of belonging. Maybe that is the reason, I gravitate towards Substack, a supportive community from different parts of the world curious to learn and eager to grow. This light shines bright in today’s times. It’s quite a statement.

Sunday Song Recommendations:)

Across the Universe -The Beatles

Sarà perché ti amo- Ricchi e Poveri

1. Spending time with parents: Growing up, the reality has dawned that my parents are ageing and they need my love and care more than ever. So, I try spending time whenever possible and explicitly show my affection towards them.

2. Do what anchors you consistently: In the uncertain times that we live in today, try to practice something that brings inner peace and happiness no matter the external conditions. It could be spending prolonged times in nature, doing art, building lego, practicing faith or anything. For me it is my spiritual life, that keeps me centered irrespective of the good and bad in my life.

3. Prudence in Finance and Health Awareness: Financial constraints in academia taught me early lesson of being smart with money. Whether it is meeting the savings goal or figuring out the investment scenario I am starting to realize its long term benefits. Similarly, with respect to exercising and eating healthy (cheat days of chocolate, pizza margherita and ice-cream don’t count :D) after a year of neglect when I was 25, I knew the neglect had done my body harm. It took me some time but the atmosphere in the university was the biggest nudge. Someone running a marathon after classes, another a climber and a regular hiker along with managing graduate studies made me take my physical fitness seriously. The time I invest to remain fit will serve me well in the coming decades.

4. Goals change and that’s totally fine: From wanting to become a poet and a writer to finally understanding that my true calling lied in behavioral economics, things changed quite dramatically. Experiences, increased understanding of oneself, changed many perspectives and beliefs I once held on to very firmly. As I look back today, I am glad I followed my instinct and did the right thing at each crossroad.

5. Collaboration and not Competition: I still remember when Professor Daron Acemoglu in one of his talks after winning the Nobel Prize in 2024 mentioned how changing the working style from working alone to working with collaborators from diverse fields helped him a lot. Working together has helped me grow a lot. Some of my most successful projects have been collaborations as opposed to solo effort.

6. Networking is not for everyone: In my M.Sc program, there was a networking program that I attended. I could not randomly talk to 100 odd people. It dawned that this is not for me. Whether it’s landing up research opportunities, co-authorship I have always bagged them because of good rapport, shared passion and complimentary ideas that lead to an exciting project. Working with people who are my friends, colleagues whom I get along really well with, professors whose working style and subjects are a match is how I prefer it , but then to each his own.

7. Not all friendships last and that’s okay: Throughout my teens and early 20s, I had this mindset that friendships should be maintained at all costs. Over time I have understood that not all friendships last forever and that some relations last for few years, for few months or just an evening. Instead of feeling sad about it, I cherish the good time spent with them.

   There are some of my inner reflections and learning. Hoping to learn even more in the coming decade.

   Thank you so much to all the readers for taking the time out to read! Would love to know is there is any lesson, a thought that changed your life for better:)

Sunday Song Recommendations:

1. Until- By Sting

2. Ti Amo- Umberto Tozzi

It’s only during my high school I realized that if I want to communicate my ideas coherently, hone my speaking skills as a requirement for my ambition, I need to overcome my fear of public speaking slowly and steadily. These are some hacks and successful trials that worked in my case I want to share:

1. Start with a group: In my high school there was a debate competition which comprised of 5 people and that was a comfortable scenario for me to begin with as I had to only put forth my ideas in front of a limited gathering. It was also a place to get honest feedback.

2. Have a friend/supportive colleague in the audience: In one of the presentations that I had to make as a discussant for a senior in the PhD program, I went in early only to realize there was no one from the junior year in the audience or as presenters. Thankfully, two of my friends anticipated this and attended the talk. I was so grateful for their moral support and also bringing some humor before the session began.

3. Fielding tough questions: One of the aspects that determine how smoothly one delivers the talk depends on how one responds to critical points raised. In one such discussions, three of my friends from class suggested we will ask you the toughest questions regarding the design and and results. They did ask the pertinent questions that actually helped me relieve the stress as well as up my confidence to take on criticism with equal confidence. Doing the same with respect to job market rehearsals for your friends, job interviews could do wonders:)

4. Getting creative: I decided to add artistic dimension so as to transform my own internal mindset from viewing this activity as a monster I am scared of, to considering it as my artist friend whom I love hanging out with. In one such experiment, I tried writing key words related to the topic and some fun unrelated words. Writing it out is one such mechanism I use it till date.

One such rambling….

5. Explore variants, combination: Instead of straight away diving into a long speech, dabbling with singing, acting in skit, taking part in exhibitions where one briefly explains their works helped in my case. Also, preparing for a talk can be a combination of notes, flashcards for self, writing down counterquestions, recording it to check for tone, speed.

6. Power to Discern and Patience: Every process is a learning curve and there are numerous instances it did not go well. At times fear took center stage, at times I forgot the argument. I did get disappointed in those moments but ensured I received feedback as well as reflected what went wrong whether it was lack of preparation, arguments based on a weak foundation, etc. In one of the classes I also learnt that sometimes that there would be some folks in the audience who could be absolutely rude and insulting to even their fellow Professors or other students during the presentation. We did have a discussion about it in the class wherein my professor mentioned the best strategy is ignoring such people and not let it deter you.

7. Not connecting your self-worth to it: Lastly, for me I realized that for longest time in my school days I drew a relation between how well spoken and confident I am to my self-worth. It is only when I stopped this did I start growing (leaving aside the self-destructive EGO also helped). On a lighter note, it also changed my facial expression from looking like a captive to a more relaxed individual😆.

   Actionable Steps :

   While every case and circumstance differs, I thought of some generic steps to tackle individual fears/insecurities:

   a. Start Small: Baby steps towards the goal.

   b. Community Support: Having a group of supportive people or people going through similar situations and figuring out the mechanism could be very helpful.

   c. Realistic Expectations: Pushing too hard backfires as it moves in the opposite direction of progress.

   d. Enjoying the learnings: Every failed instance is a prior to keep updating your database. Having an optimistic attitude even if things aren’t going very well keeps the momentum going.

   e. Waltzing with Tenacity : Sometimes we inflate the worst-case scenario and underestimate the best-case that could happen. Focusing on ensuring consistency helps to even out this tepid imbalance in the long run.

   We are all on a journey and individuals with imperfections:) Key is recognizing our gifts and working on those unpolished diamonds with a smile☺️.

   These are some learnings from my side. Would love to know your thoughts, your inputs, any fear you are working on to overcome or have achieved it.

   Here are my Sunday song recommendations:)

   1. Högt över havet - Arja Saijonmaa (Melodic and peppy Swedish track by the legendary singer Arja Saijonmaa)

b. Always With Me (Itsumo Nando Demo)- Spirited Away

And then like any other experiment I first decided to rekindle my passion at the pilot stage. I called up my friend who has been asking me for quite some to join her and few friends of hers on hikes. Though the rule of thumb for sample to be even considered as an experimental result is N=30 (often debatable with ever increasing complexities) , I realized I do not have the mental bandwidth for a big group of unknown people and so went hiking with a group of friends. And like any pilot that has many flaws, I too made those blunders. Forgot to pack nuts and bananas, insufficient water, did not get a cap, etc. And after the analysis of pilot, I reworked on its design adjusted the parameters such as building stamina, appropriate gear, the right warm-up before the hike.

St. Marti de Centelles

I kept varying the setup. Every hike did give me a fresh perspective, feeling of rejuvenation and ideas to implement in other aspects of life. I discovered I like having cold pasta at the top of the mountain, Organic Maps and All Trails are a blessing, watching ‘How to Pack Vegan Lunch For A Hike’ on YouTube helped.

And like every experiment scalability and external validity is often a cause of concern. In my case, I too realized I could not skip difficulty levels from medium difficulty to moderately hard. This experience taught me a lesson on embracing uncertainty, being open to unknown possibilities and not being rigid on all the matters. It is still a work in progress, but recognizing my shortcomings and learning new tools to navigate are skills that I am learning to develop.

Actionable Steps

Hence, I decided to come up with some questions that could ease the conundrum

1. What is my intention?

2. Do I have the necessary resources?

3. Do I have the mental/physical bandwidth?

4. What would be the tangible or intangible gains I would reap and in what aspects?

5. Is there any way it can serve other people?

These are just tentative questions and one can develop one’s own depending on the context and situation. I am striving to keep small and doable targets which align with my interest and sensibility rather than having all goals to be tangible.

Still from Frances Ha (2013)

Is there any tiny experiment you would want to share? Would love to know in the comment section.

Sunday Song Recommendations:)

Plagwitz- Duo Stiehler/Lucaciu , a mix of Modern Jazz and Contemporary Classical

Sing to me Goddess- Windsong Martin , a beautiful composition paying ode to Mother Nature

My Scottish Cottage

As a six-year-old,

I carried a longing I didn’t name,

dreaming of a Scottish cottage

mist curling around stone walls,

a place too perfect, too fragile to touch.

I imagined evenings by the hearth,

where poetry flowed in the glow of firelight,

and a magnificent castle stood tall beyond the hills,

with a knight who always appeared

whenever I was about to fall.

The cottage changed forms with time.

At times,

it was laughter echoing through small rooms,

love spilling from warm hands,

at times,

a quiet ache

reminding me how numbers and data

slipped away,

leaving empty spaces

where dreams once lingered.

I kept walking and fighting between two worlds

the life I wanted to build,

and the one my heart secretly yearned for.

Yet the cottage endured,

not its walls,

not its roof,

but what it carried:

The promise of family,

where voices tangled in art, music, and politics,

chai steaming besides coffee,

cricket’s roar meeting Wimbledon’s hush,

differences sitting side by side,

the ordinary becoming beautiful.

Now I know,

the Scottish cottage was never stone and timber.

It was a meeting of souls

to grow,

to love till the end,

to hold each other through the storm.

A home where love outlives

the noise of the world,

Where tenderness roots itself strongly and deeply.

And when the mist gathers

around the old stone walls,

the hearth inside will still burn

casting its luminance forward,

like the golden balance of courage and grace,

a union steady as the seasons,

holding light for all who enter,

teaching the heart

how to stay.

This Easter marked a year when my dear friend gifted a notebook especially to write poems as a birthday present. Little did I know this gentle and public nudge (Easter lunch of 20 ) would eventually lead me to start writing poems again. Truly grateful to my friend, a multi-faceted kind and accomplished woman herself for always being a pillar of support for me. It eventually led me to perform for an Open Mic for the first time at Backstory Bookshop, Barcelona. My lovely friends from the reading club had come as a show of support and calming my nervousness.

And this in a way, feels quite fitting that the journey began around Easter which is a quiet reminder that light doesn’t arrive all at once, but returns gently, through small acts of courage, kindness, and beginnings we often overlook.. On this note; wishing everyone a Happy Easter 🐰 to all those who celebrate:) May the Light eventually triumph over Darkness ✨🌟.

The Notebook:)

First Open Mic, 18th May 2025

Sunday Recommendations

1. Freedom Writers (2007): Inspiring story of Erin Gruwell starring Hilary Swank as a dedicated teacher who inspires her at-risk students to overcome racial tensions and personal hardships as well as document their lives in journals.

2. Podcast: How to Find Meaning in a Distracted World

Loved the Podcast of Cal Newport with Dr. Arthur Brooks on Faith, Purpose, Family, Work, Relationships and much more.

The answer indeed has many dimensions and open to interpretation. As the theory of Mimesis goes where Plato says that all art is mimetic by nature and art is an imitation of life. It also set me thinking on some of the Studio Ghibli movies I watched and how some of them stayed and taught life lessons in the most unassuming and non-preachy manner. For those who are unacquainted with Studio Ghibli, it is renowned Japanese Animation Studio well known for its hand-drawn technique interwoven with beautiful visuals, empowered female characters and complex narratives. While many of the movies have deeper meanings there is one common thread I have noticed is how different characters try their level best to make a difference knowingly or unknowingly. Whether it is Seiji Amasawa, an aspiring violinist who encourages Shizuku Tsukishima, who wants to become a writer or Souske who is that loyal and loving friend to Ponyo. They show how together we as individuals are inherently wired to co-operate and uplift each other. Relationships in our life too come in different forms from parent, sibling , child, student, spouse, friend, teacher, employer, employee and many more.

Contrary to Ghibli world which can be argued has many idyllic parts ; as opposed to the real world - a quagmire of various problems. The obvious question then pops into one’s mind ‘If life is not like a Ghibli movie then is all lost?’ The answer is no. If at this moment we take a minute to reflect the people in our life right now who maybe with us, the people who left a deeply imprint in our lives it makes one realize that how at different points in our lives people played the role of a Totoro (A magical character there in times of distress like an angel), Arrietty (someone who teaches courage and gives hope even in the darkest days) and the list goes on.

No matter the situations that come our way, our community, the relations we have nurtured on our way, the friendships, the colleagues each one has a unique role and special one. It does not take away the fact that there will always be a mixture of people, some who might not have a favorable attitude towards us but all we can strive to is to keep the relations that give meaning and happiness in its purest form intact. There is one teaching from my daily spiritual teachings I often remember and enjoy coming back to it ‘The mission of life and the greatest achievement is giving hope, giving co-operation on time’.

In the current circumstances and today’s digital AI age, something that personally gives me immense joy is learning and growing together. While I do realize many a times I cannot change circumstances people are going through but just as Ghibli movies suggest making someone realize that they have inner gems of virtues and qualities that requires some polishing is also a part of this magic key of bringing a change no matter how small. People around us today need depth in relationships more than ever.

As movies package the idea of spiritual love through storytellling, we can all try to play our unique roles and spread this sentiment that together we are stronger, unshakeable and shining rays of the sun. ☀️

In the meantime….

Sunday song recommendations:)

One of my favourite all-time song writer Carole King

Melodies of Life:)

 'We know what we are, but know not what we may be'. - Hamlet

One of my favorite quotes from Shakespeare’s Hamlet reflects my deep love for reading and writing poetry. Both have played a vital role in reconnecting me with fragments of my childhood; the quiet moments of wonder and introspection. The introverted part of me cherishes solitude, finding joy in her own company and a new lens through which to observe the world. But in the hustle-bustle of life and the demands of economics, my habit of picking up a book got lost. I started coming up with excuses even when I had time to spare. It wasn’t until my mother gently coaxed me to join a book club in Barcelona that I finally attended one session out of curiosity and there was no looking back.

It was a struggle initially to take time out consistently and go every Saturday, however reading a book of my choice and take part in engaging, lively discussions gave me a much-needed anchor. I realized what I needed was the company of like-minded readers, people just like me striving to find the balance and joy in life. With each passing week, I noticed a transformation that was taking place deep inside. In the quest for rekindling my reading life, I began noticing my happiness levels soared, I was productive in study as well as research. The club was not a distraction, it was a fuel. It created a ripple effect: I made life-long friendships, started taking proactive short walks, returned to hiking trails, and even found time for science museums.

When I contemplate this change in terms of my spiritual teachings, it feels like a reconnection with my true self. Childhood is marked by purity and innocence, qualities we often leave behind as we grow up in relentless pursuit of material goals. Staying loyal to our roots; our highest, most elevated self, or at least the recognition of it forms the foundation upon which we build the structure of life. That was my food for thought.

                                                    Loving coffee and my book 😀

                                                       The Science Museum:)