I have returned from San Diego after attending an international cultic studies conference. This conference was designed by the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA), of which I am a member of the Board of Directors.

This annual conference is known as the event in the cultic studies field. Attendees and presenters included former group members, concerned family members, helping professionals, researchers, lawyers, and educators.

Unlike cultic groups, ICSA’s conference is subdued, committed to actual freedom, platforming people from diverse backgrounds who hold diverse points of view.

Critical thinking, here, is the North Star.

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I am in my second month auditing a graduate-level class at a seminary. The seminary is near steps from my office. I am learning much, and being pushed intellectually, even spiritually. What prompted my joining into seminary classes was my slow realization that many survivors of spiritual abuse and religious trauma have actually not left spirituality or religion behind and many have no desire to. Many survivors are seeking a new relationship with spirituality, a new relationship with religion, a new relationship with God.

I am grateful I have been allowed to dive into Introduction to Spiritual and Personal Formation at United Theological Seminary—my hope is that it is aiding my ability to support such survivors.

Some things I have learned in my short time “in seminary” …

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What is real?

How can you tell when something is real?

What does it mean to be rooted in reality?

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After ensuring your new therapist is licensed in the state in which you reside, as well as ensuring their holding of competencies in your presenting concern and clinical goals, consider asking these additional questions before you start spilling the tea:

1. What is the difference between my relationship with you and my relationship with a close friend?

2. How will I know when we are done with psychotherapy?

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I’d put my childhood Evangelical Christian credentials against yours. Church every Sunday, youth group every Wednesday. I attended private Evangelical Christian schools from grades K-16 (you read that correctly). My first job was at a Christian bookstore in which I stocked more Left Behind books and Veggie Tales DVDs than I could count. In high school I could be found on Friday mornings leading a Bible study, or in a Christian Ethics class gruffly confronting my pro-choice classmates, or writing a poorly researched article for the school newspaper about why homosexuality is a sin — I’ve since repented for writing this article, including making direct apologies to a few people for the harm I caused (I also apologized to my pro-choice classmates for the gruffness).

There are parts of my Evangelical upbringing that I have indeed left behind. And there are parts I continue to hold close. My Evangelical upbringing, like everyone’s upbringing, taught me some good things, and some bad things. The good things — Bible-based values imbued in me from my Evangelical elders — are things I draw upon daily amidst my attempt to live a good life; whatever good I do on a daily basis, these values continue to be foundationally responsible. Though, shaky has my relationship become as of late with American Evangelicalism.

Around the year 2016, I observed the faith community in which I was raised becoming considerably unrecognizable: Evangelical leaders’ shockingly wishy-washy ethical reasonings. Long-held religious dogmas suddenly not mattering to friends and relatives. Inexplicable excuses being made for Biblical-sized sin, whole churches attaching themselves to an evil man the likes of whom the Bible explicitly warns.

When at the top, evil — I was taught — trickles down to all of us.

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… Integrity is Godly

While what is right and what is wrong can sometimes be difficult to discern, once we have clarity, there is no room for grey. The watering-down of what is right and wrong are signs of, I was taught, new age influences, moral relativism, the liberal influence on education, even signs of wickedness. Consistency in our principles — matching our words with our actions — honors God and provides a witness to others on how to live holy. Hypocrisy is a sin. Whom we attach ourselves to — those with whom we associate — matters, as our reputation is an important component of how we witness to others. As the book of James posits, “Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?” (3:11; NIV).

And what do we do in the face of sin, in the face of evil? We meet it with stout resistance. When Jesus stood trial in front of King Herod, the gospels describe a non-responsive Jesus. He simply ignored Herod. Jesus was not inclined to cozy-up to the King, not inclined to try and leverage him for political power. Sunday School lessons taught me that Herod was the epitome of the Mad King, and that Jesus simply had no time for that. Not wasting his energy on Herod, Jesus gave him no ammunition — gave Herod none of his oxygen — Jesus not allowing himself the chance to be influenced by, or attached to, Herod’s evil1. As 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV) warns, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”

Integrity?

• Eighty percent of self-identified white, born-again/Evangelical Christians say they voted for President Donald J. Trump in the 2016 election. Trump’s 65-percentage-point margin of victory among voters in this group matched or exceeded the victory margins of George W. Bush in 2004, John McCain in 2008, and Mitt Romney in 2012.2

• More than eight-in-ten White Evangelical Protestant voters who attend religious services frequently (85%) voted for President Donald J. Trump in the 2020 election3

• Roughly three months into President Donald J. Trump’s second term, White Evangelical Protestants continue to be among his strongest supporters:

  • 72% approve of the way Trump is currently handling his job as president.

  • 69% rate the ethics of top Trump administration officials as “excellent” or “good.”

  • 57% say they trust what Trump says more than what previous presidents said.4

• Evangelical leaders have almost unilaterally shown public support for President Donald J. Trump.5

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… A leader must have character

The character of a leader matters, as it directly trickles down to the rest of the group, down to the rest of the culture. A leader shall set the example by being moral, honest, and humble. As Jesus taught, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Matthew 20:26; NIV).

Character?

• James Dobson, in 1998, on concerns about President Bill Clinton’s marital affair: “Character DOES matter. You can’t run a family, let alone a country, without it. How foolish to believe that a person who lacks honesty and moral integrity is qualified to lead a nation and the world! Nevertheless, our people continue to say that the President is doing a good job even if they don’t respect him personally. Those two positions are fundamentally incompatible.”6

  • James Dobson, in 2016, on his support for then candidate Donald J. Trump: “We are electing a commander-in-chief, not a theologian-in-chief.” 7

• Franklin Graham, 1998, on concerns about President Bill Clinton’s marital affair: “The God of the Bible says that what one does in private does matter. Mr. Clinton’s months-long extramarital sexual behavior in the Oval Office now concerns him and the rest of the world, not just his immediate family. If he will lie to or mislead his wife and daughter, those with whom he is most intimate, what will prevent him from doing the same to the American public?” 8

  • Franklin Graham, 2018, on his support for President Donald J. Trump after the disclosure of his affair with pornstar Stormy Daniels: “I think some of these things - that’s for him and his wife to deal with… and I think the same with Stormy Daniels and so forth is nobody’s business.” 9

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… All persons are created in the image of God

And because we are Image-bearers, we are deserving of respect. Love your neighbor. Love your enemy. Love someone even when it is really hard to love to them. Honor, and lift-up, marginalized persons. Welcome the stranger. Give to the poor. Nurture widows. Break bread with outcasts. Protect those who are weaker. As Jesus teaches in Matthew 25:50 (NIV) “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

Image-bearers?

• “You have to treat ‘em like shit.”

~ President Donald J. Trump, talking about his relationships with women10

• “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?”

~ President Donald J. Trump11

• “I hate my opponent, and I don’t want the best for them.”

~ President Donald J. Trump12

• “Rosie O’Donnell is disgusting, both inside and out. If you take a look at her, she’s a slob… I’d look her right in that fat, ugly face of hers and say, ‘Rosie, you’re fired.’”

~ President Donald J. Trump13

• 46 people have died in ICE custody since the beginning of the second Trump administration, January 2025 through April 2026. Data indicates the year 2026 is on track to be one of the deadliest years for ICE detention, with 16 deaths reported in 2026 alone by April 15, at a rate of one death every 6.3 days. No accountability, or legal justice, has been sought by President Donald J. Trump for these deaths.14

• President Donald J. Trump has a long history of making ableist comments about persons having, or appearing to have, disabilities15

• “I have black guys counting my money. … I hate it… The only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day… Laziness is a trait in blacks. It really is, I believe that.”

~ President Donald J. Trump16

• President Donald J. Trump rose in political prominence by pushing the false "birtherism" narrative, claiming that Barack Obama was not born in the U.S. and was ineligible to be president.17

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… Peace is Godly

While there has been philosophical discussion in Christendom about the role of self-defense and if there exists an ethical use of force to protect innocents18, it is undeniable that the Bible mandates against offensive violence. Assault is a sin. Murder is a sin. Rape is a sin. As it is written in the Psalms, "The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion” (11:5; NIV).

Peace?

• “Any guy that can do a body slam, he’s my kind of—he’s my guy.”

~ President Donald J. Trump19

• “The guards are being very gentle with him, I’d like to punch him in the face, I’ll tell you that. We’re not allowed to punch back any more… You know what they used to do to a guy like that in a place like this? They’d be carried out on a stretcher, folks.”

~ President Donald J. Trump20

• ABC News: “President Donald Trump on Thursday called for the arrests of certain Democratic lawmakers and even expressed support for a call to hang them.”21

• The New Republic: “Trump DOJ Announces It Will Start Executing People by Firing Squad”22

• Ivana Trump, President Donald J. Trump’s first wife, accused him in a divorce deposition of raping her in a fit of rage when they were married 23

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… Marriage is sacred

Once the vows of marriage are made, it’s a lifelong commitment; a commitment through sickness, incompatibility, as well as temptation. Marriage is work, and it mirrors the commitment we make, and the relationship we have, with God. Having an affair is a sin. Marriage to our spouse is our most important earthly relationship. As Jesus says, "What God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matthew 19:6; NIV).

Marriage?

• President Donald J. Trump has been married three times, divorced twice. Women with whom he has had marital affairs include:

  • Pornstar Stormy Daniels, the affair occurring shortly after Trump’s son Barron was born.

  • Former Playboy model Karen McDougal, who stated she had a ten-month romantic relationship with Trump while he was married.

  • Marla Maples, whose affair with Trump was widely reported as the cause of the breakdown of his marriage to his first wife, Ivana.24

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… Sexuality is sacred

Our bodies are beautiful, knit together by God, and are to be respected. Sexuality is a gift from God to be enjoyed within the context of a committed intimate partnership. The purpose of sexuality is connection, interpersonal and intrapersonal growth, and procreation. As it’s stated in Ephesians 5:3 (NIV), "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people."

Sexuality?

• “I better use some TicTacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful... I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything… Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

~ President Donald J. Trump25

• In May 2023, a jury found that President Donald J. Trump sexually abused writer E. Jean Carroll26

• In a 2005 interview, President Donald J. Trump said he would go backstage before the Miss USA and Miss Universe beauty pageant shows and would be the only man in the room while the women were “standing there with no clothes… I sort of get away with things like that,” he added.27

• In total, 26 women have spoken-out publicly to accuse President Donald J. Trump of sexual assault 28

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… Selflessness is Godly

Money can be corruptive. Greed is a sin. Hoarding money is a sin. Stealing is a sin. Tricking others to make a profit is deceitful, and a sin. As Jesus warned, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions… You cannot serve both God and money” (Luke 12:15; Matthew 6:24b; NIV). Serving others — sacrificing oneself for others — is Christlike. As Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13; NIV).

Selflessness?

• Forbes: “Donald Trump Shifted Kids-Cancer Charity Money Into His Business”29

• New York Times: President Donald J. Trump has raked-in a staggering $1.4 billion since returning to office, according to newly disclosed figures that are raising fresh questions about conflicts of interest and the blurred lines between his presidency and personal profit30

• “Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers.”

~ President Donald J. Trump, declining to visit a U.S. military cemetery because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain, and because he did not believe it important to honor American war dead31

• Revelations from Donald J. Trump's tax returns suggest he has spent decades dodging taxes, using his money-losing businesses as shields to avoid paying what he owes.32

• “We are not going to turn over the conservative movement to a con artist, who is telling people one thing but has spent 40 years sticking it to working Americans and now claims to be their champion… this is a guy who has taken Trump Airlines bankrupt. Trump Vodka? Nobody wanted it. Trump mortgage was a disaster. Trump University was a fraud.”

~ Secretary of State Marco Rubio33

• “He’s not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”

~ President Donald J. Trump, speaking about Senator John McCain34

• “I’ve been greedy, greedy, greedy. I’ve grabbed all the money I could get.”

~ President Donald J. Trump35

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… Nurturing children is Godly

Adults are adults, children are children. Parents are the leaders and must set a moral example for their children, holding appropriate boundaries, and guiding them along a Godly path. Mistreating or misleading a child is a sin. As Jesus states, "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matthew 18:6; NIV).

Nurturing children?

• Five former Miss Teen USA contestants stated that President Donald J. Trump, the owner of the pageant at the time, unexpectedly walked into the contestants’ dressing room while they were changing. One contestant said she rushed to put on her dress and remembered him saying, “Don’t worry ladies, I’ve seen it all before.” The youngest girl in the room was 15, the eldest was 19.36

• President Donald J. Trump has a long history of making lewd, inappropriate, and sexualized comments about his daughter, Ivanka Trump, including referring to her as “voluptuous,” “a piece of ass,” and stating he might date her if she were not his daughter.37

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… Honesty is Godly

Our credibility is central to our witness to others: we will not be viewed by others as credible if we constantly lie. Living dishonestly is sinful. As the scripture says, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy" (Proverbs 12:22; NIV), "Do not lie to one another" (Colossians 3:9a; NIV), and “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16; NIV).

Honesty?

• A hallmark of the Donald J. Trump presidencies has been a stream of false statements, many of which were repeated dozens or even hundreds of times38

• Trump’s false or misleading claims totaled 30,573 over the 4 years of his first term39

• "The Big Lie" refers to the verifiably false assertion made by President Donald J. Trump that he won the 2020 election40

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… Democracy shall be preserved

Obeying civic laws is a part of living a holy life. America is, and has always been, great. The American Experiment is historically unique in its democratic approaches, namely the peaceful transfer of power, citizen protections via the rule of law, and governmental checks and balances. Freedom of speech, and the freedom to worship, are central to America’s exceptionalism. We are a self-governing nation, as America broke-free from England in order to no longer be ruled by a king (“You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings,” 1 Corinthians 7:23; NIV). The Bible teaches that government leaders are accountable to God, and citizens must hold leaders accountable to high moral standards (Deuteronomy 1:13). Democratic leaders are Biblically-instructed to rule with justice and righteousness, not on personal whim (1 Kings 3:28).

Democracy?

• President Donald J. Trump has yet to concede the 2020 election. He did not participate in a peaceful transfer of power upon losing this election.41

• The Impeachment of 2019: President Donald J. Trump’s first impeachment occurred on December 18, 2019, when the House of Representatives charged him with abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. The charges stemmed from allegations that he withheld military aid to Ukraine to pressure President Volodymyr Zelenskyy to investigate Joe Biden, his political rival.42

• The Insurrection of January 6, 2021: Storming the U.S. Capitol building on January 6, 2021, a mob of Trump supporters attacked and disrupted a joint session of Congress convening to certify the results of the presidential election of 2020, which Trump had lost. Because its object was to prevent a legitimate president-elect from assuming office, the attack was widely regarded as an insurrection or attempted coup d’état. The FBI and other law-enforcement agencies considered it an act of domestic terrorism. 43

• The Impeachment of 2021: On January 13, 2021, President Donald J. Trump became the only U.S. president to be impeached twice. For having given a speech in which he rallied supporters to storm the Capitol in a violent attack that threatened the certification of the incoming president, Trump was impeached by the House of Representative for “incitement of insurrection.”44

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… There is one God

Idol worship is a sin. Replacing God with someone else is one of the most dangerous sins. People can be vessels for God’s work in the world, though they shall never be deified. As God commands, “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3; NIV).

And God does not like to be misrepresented. As Jesus says, “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them” (Matthew 7:15-16a; NIV).

One God?

• “To say ‘no’ to President Trump would be saying no to god.”

~ White House Faith Advisor Paula White45

• “Last Saturday in Butler, Pennsylvania, President Trump had a near death experience, no question. But God spared his life…. Our Heavenly Father, we come before you this evening with grateful hearts. Thank you for saving the life of President Donald J. Trump.”

~ Rev. Franklin Graham46

• “After three assassination attempts, some people say that President Donald J. Trump is one lucky man. I don’t think luck has anything to do with it—I believe it is the hand of God.”

~ Rev. Franklin Graham47

• “I am the chosen one.”

~ President Donald J. Trump48

My Evangelical upbringing taught me… They will know we are Christians by our love

The sign of a Christian, I was taught, is an increase in one’s moral behavior following their conversion. Even “Baby Christians”49 necessarily display some increment of sanctification after their conversion, the Holy Spirit bringing them closer to the heart of God. As the Apostle Paul teaches in Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV):

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

This blog entry from Adam Arnold, MA, LMFT, LADC is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, psychology, mental health counseling, chemical health counseling, spiritual or religious guidance, or other professional health care services, including the giving of clinical advice, and no provider/patient relationship is formed. The use of the content provided by Arnold is at the participant’s own risk. The content of this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Participants should not disregard, or delay in obtaining, clinical advice for any condition they may have, and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

The most harmful person you know may in fact be in therapy.

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I recently had the opportunity to walk the halls of my old elementary school.

Despite everything appearing much smaller than I remembered, I was struck by how much of it had largely gone unchanged. The cracks in the overflow parking lot on which we played touch-football, the musty smell of the downstairs bathroom in which we made too many double entendres, the exquisite sanctuary architecture within which I danced interpretively to “Lord I Lift Your Name on High.” And the gymnasium — did I mention we won the Lutheran state basketball championship when I was in 8th grade?

Go Wildcats, indeed.

Disturbingly, too many bad memories flooded-in. Not that I had an overwhelmingly bad time there. I remember altogether enjoying my nine years there, having some fun friendships (the sleepovers til 4am, omg), and participating in lots of extracurriculars, including performing as Gandalf the Grey in the The Hobbit and moshing to “Smells Like Teen Spirit” during a middle school dance that I helped to organize.

During this recent visit to the school, now as an adult, whenever I made a turn, revisiting these now tiny spaces from my childhood, I mostly remembered getting in trouble.

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This particular therapist was an avowed progressive Buddhist atheist, so hearing him talk of something as crusty as “evil” did catch me off-guard — it’s also an uncommon direction to take in a clinical setting, a setting usually devoid of piety or absolutes.

“I mean I do believe that people do evil things,” I replied, “Of course they do. But it comes from trauma, unmet needs, addictions… hurt people, hurt people.”

“Some people are evil,” was his steady reply.

Mental health therapists don’t always get it right. A state-issued license does not guarantee perfect insight. This time, though, this therapist got it right.

There are some humans among us who are just evil.

They don’t just lose their cool. They don’t just have a different political philosophy. They don’t just have unhealed wounds. They don’t just need Jesus, meditation, medication, or punishment.

Shaming them will absolutely not work.

Their inner bent is toward chaos. The brutalizing of others is their throughline. Dehumanizing others brings them joy.

Sometimes they dehumanize others by whom they are intimidated.

Sometimes they dehumanize others whom they deem weak.

Dehumanizing others is their sport.

If you have someone evil in your life, the feeling of being humiliated is likely a common experience for you. Your reality is denied, your sanity is questioned. Early in getting to know you, they mine for your deepest insecurities. Zeroing-in on those insecurities — beyond just teasing, often in the presence of others to increase your humiliation — they devour you.

Striking fear in others amuses them. This tactic may eventually reward them with increased dominance and control, but in the short-term it is a way to get-off, a way to get turned-on. The turmoil the rest of us experience is observed by them with interest, titillated by watching the suffering of others.

We fight evil by calling it what it is, standing steadfastly against it, and having no tolerance for those who enable it — those who absolutely know better.

Most principally, the best way to fight evil is ensuring we are doing all we can to be nothing like them.

This blog entry from Adam Arnold, MA, LMFT, LADC is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, psychology, mental health counseling, chemical health counseling, spiritual or religious guidance, or other professional health care services, including the giving of clinical advice, and no provider/patient relationship is formed. The use of the content provided by Arnold is at the participant’s own risk. The content of this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Participants should not disregard, or delay in obtaining, clinical advice for any condition they may have, and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

The above content is fictional, and does not depict actual persons or events.

They don’t always present as fragile. Brawny, puffed-up, costumed, they intimidate and terrorize and make it clear you will be abused if you challenge them.

These people are insubstantial and they know it. Thin-skinned, they stand for nothing but their own compulsion to dominate. Reactionary, they crush others so they don’t have to face their own breakability. Brittle, they grasp onto weaponry so as to cosplay as warriors. Unaccountable, they gaslight others. Unselfconscious, they scapegoat others. Flimsy, they submit to a presumed alpha in order to protect themselves against their own puniness.

And don’t you dare reject them or you will face violence, their unprocessed insecurities wrathfully oozing-out.

You know what’s strong? Facing your fears. Owning your insecurities. Delighting in women. Asking questions and changing your mind based on new evidence. Being grateful. Apologizing, then changing your behavior. Having vulnerable conversations. Taking accountability for yourself. Telling the truth. Embracing nuance. Forgiving. Pausing before responding. Holding others accountable. Listening to kids. Basing your opinions in fact. Believing in right and wrong.

And doing the right thing.

This blog entry from Adam Arnold, MA, LMFT, LADC is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, psychology, mental health counseling, chemical health counseling, spiritual or religious guidance, or other professional health care services, including the giving of clinical advice, and no provider/patient relationship is formed. The use of the content provided by Arnold is at the participant’s own risk. The content of this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Participants should not disregard, or delay in obtaining, clinical advice for any condition they may have, and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

The above content is fictional, and does not depict actual persons or events.

“Overreacting” is a naughty word. So is “overreaction,” “overreact,” and “overreacted.”

All feelings and perspectives are true experiences. They exist within our brains and bodies. Our feelings and perspectives are to be noticed, allowed, and investigated.

Though, not all of our feelings are rooted in reality. Sometimes I feel anxious in a social situation where there is ultimately no threat. Sometimes I feel angry with someone whom I discovered to be actually working toward my benefit. And I have felt affection toward someone whom I discovered to have actually been love-bombing me.

Not all of our perspectives are rooted in reality. I have felt certain I remembered dialogue or images that have later proved to be incorrect by a re-listen or a re-watch. I have made intentional decisions, despite the warnings of others, that turned out to be whopping mistakes. And I have held strong opinions on which I have decidedly flipped.

Where gaslighting comes in is when people challenge our feelings and perspectives by questioning our sanity. Psychologically manipulative, emotionally abusive, gaslighting can be subtle, a slow burn, à la the frog in boiling water. Or it can be brazen, the denial of objective evidence, à la the entire Trump regime.

The goal is power, to get people to doubt themselves enough to be controlled.

The term gaslighting derives from Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 stage play, Gas Light (followed-up by two films, in 1940 and 1944, of the same name). The story follows a woman whose husband attempts to control her by convincing her that she is psychotic. He does this by dimming the lights in their home - the lights powered by gas - denying that the lights had changed when his wife later points out the change.

Gaslighting is not someone disagreeing with you. It is not someone having a different idea, a different memory, a different account, a different opinion, or a different reaction. It is not someone asking for clarification, challenging your perspective, or trying to simplify a complex situation in order to solve a problem.

Gaslighting is a calculated tactic rooted in lies, with the goal of dominance, accomplished by weaponizing your open-mindedness. And these tactics are often a test to see how far the perpetrator(s) can go before more aggressive terrorism is ushered in.

What gaslighting may sound like:

“You’re overreacting.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

“You really do just make stuff up in your head, don’t you?.”

“Other people told me that they don’t think it was that big of a deal, it’s subjective.”

“My therapist says that you like to create your own reality.”

“That’s your sister, she would never do something like that.”

“Your neurodivergence is why I yelled.”

"I wouldn’t get so mad if you wouldn’t act so crazy."

"Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”

“I seriously think you have Borderline Personality Disorder.”

“You’re gaslighting me.”

Rest in what is objectively real. Listen to your senses. Use critical thinking, your whole brain. Avoid submitting, erasing yourself. Seek clarity, and be willing to change your mind when faced with new evidence. Set your boundaries and cease power-struggling. Vote for politicians who promote freedom. Lean on emotionally mature communities.

And don’t allow anyone outside of a mental health professional to diagnose you.

This blog entry from Adam Arnold, MA, LMFT, LADC is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, psychology, mental health counseling, chemical health counseling, spiritual or religious guidance, or other professional health care services, including the giving of clinical advice, and no provider/patient relationship is formed. The use of the content provided by Arnold is at the participant’s own risk. The content of this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Participants should not disregard, or delay in obtaining, clinical advice for any condition they may have, and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

The above content is fictional, and does not depict actual persons or events.

When we are unwilling to face our own dysfunction, we often find someone else on whom to blob it.

This is, of course, cowardly. And mean. It’s the opposite of taking accountability, the opposite of adult behavior. Scapegoating may look like strength to some — to some it may appear as a brawny campaign to kill the evil witch. In reality, it is a way to avoid ownership, a way to grasp control over others. And it persistently leads to destructive ends.

"Are people born wicked, or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?”

— Glinda, Wicked

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Compulsively engulfing ourselves in chaos can be an efficient way to shut away from our pain: the sensations felt while in chaos are uniquely potent, temporarily aiding in us forgetting our mistakes, our insecurities, our misery.

A compulsive need for chaos may look like:

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The adults were the ones who created the perilous world in the first place. The kids were born into it. And too often the adults are the ones who are actively making the peril even worse.

The final season of Netflix’s Stranger Things drops in a few days. Our invite list, costumes, and menu (Eggos!) are all set for opening night. This excessively brutal, exceedingly entertaining television series depicts adults coercing, taking, and abusing vulnerable kids while simultaneously mining the kids’ unique resources to meet the adults’ sick needs. Many kids die unnecessary, torturous deaths.

With such bleak, bloody themes, why will millions of us be so glued to our screens on opening night?

“I have this terrible feeling it might not work out us this time.”

~ Robin

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*** The following article contains spoilers from the new horror film, Weapons, which opened in the U.S. this past weekend. Continuing to read any further here may give you film details about which you may not want to know prior to your first viewing. ***

Several kids from the same town, the same classroom, all go missing in the middle of the night. Two-seventeen in the morning, to be exact. Each kid running in a uniform direction, their arms rigidly stretched-out to their sides.

Are they running willingly? Or is something - someone - controlling them?

“Those kids walked out of those homes, no one pulled them out. No one forced them. What do you see that I don't?”

- Captain Ed

Weapons. New Line Cinema.

Those of us who rushed-out to see Zach Kregger’s Weapons (it’s a solid film - indeed, a scary one) on the big screen for its opening weekend have come to learn that there is in fact a coercive leader behind these kids’ running behaviors. And this leader is mightily skilled in coercing others. Prissy and cowardly, the fiend in Weapons does not like to do the dirty work themselves, instead, they tactically employ a variety of modalities to turn people into weapons against each other, puppeteering others to carry-out their destructive exploits.

“I can make your parents hurt themselves. I can make them hurt each other. I can make them eat each other if I want to.”

- The leader

Julia Garner in Weapons. New Line Cinema

Despite the other-worldliness of the leader’s modalities in Weapons, I couldn’t help but see some parallels between their modalities and how leaders of cults weaponize their members. Beginning with the cultivation of a fear-based environment, exhausting modalities are employed by the cult leader whereby members’ critical thinking is shutdown, rendering members easier to control. This control over members can include the weaponization of members against others, including weaponizing loved ones against loved ones, as is shown devastatingly in the film.

Some finer tactics used by cult leaders to weaponize people include:

• Trumping-up an “us verses them” mentality toward outsiders by promoting distrust in, and fear of, those who may pose a threat to the group’s cohesion. The leader often identifies a scapegoat on whom they displace their inner dysfunction, turning the members against the scapegoat, manipulating members to believe that many (all?) of their problems are caused by the scapegoat. Fervent campaigns to destroy a person’s reputation are common, especially if the person is perceived to pose a threat to the leader’s dominance.

• Within the group, pitting members against each other is orchestrated by the leader, as in-group chaos keeps members off-kilter, self-unaware, and dependent. Members are directed to confront, attack, and intimidate fellow members into compliance with the group’s dogma. The leader engages in slandered gossip behind the backs of members while simultaneously love-bombing them to their faces. Having mined for each member’s vulnerabilities (cult leaders are uniquely skilled at sensing the individual needs of others as well as gathering personal and unfavorable information on members), the leader can now exploit their members, often using pressured and shock-filled group interventions on those who may be thinking of defecting, or on those who may be starting to think for themselves.

• All of the above is accomplished through fear-based conditioning by the leader, who utilizes calculated and repetitive shaming, ultimately programming members to behave in sometimes bizarre ways (like running out of the house at 2:17am with outstretched arms) that serve the leader’s crooked needs.

“What the fuck!?”

- Archer

Josh Brolin in Weapons. New Line Cinema

This blog entry from Adam Arnold, MA, LMFT, LADC is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, psychology, mental health counseling, chemical health counseling, spiritual or religious guidance, or other professional health care services, including the giving of clinical advice, and no provider/patient relationship is formed. The use of the content provided by Arnold is at the participant’s own risk. The content of this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Participants should not disregard, or delay in obtaining, clinical advice for any condition they may have, and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

The above content is fictional, and does not depict actual persons or events.

Here is part three (of three), the final of my very brief take-aways of the workshops I attended at the international cultic studies conference in Montreal. This conference was led by Info-Cult of Canada alongside the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA), of which I am a member, a content contributor, and now a Board Member.

Many persons attending and presenting at this conference were survivors of cultic groups and cultic relationships. In response to the “coercion trauma” present at the conference, general consent was encouraged and celebrated throughout. Additionally, an Assistance Team of trained professionals was on stand-by for attendees in the case that trauma symptoms bubbled-up - I appreciated how intentional the conference was in cultivating a soothing and supportive environment.

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Here is part two of my very brief take-aways of the workshops I attended at the international cultic studies conference in Montreal. This conference was led by Info-Cult of Canada alongside the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA), of which I am a member, and a content contributor.

A goal of the conference, as stated by one of its organizers, is to provide content that is “rooted in reality.” Oh, how good it can feel to be rooted in reality.

Another conference organizer noted that an additional goal is to “validate” survivors’ experience. As cultic abuse - and its wounds - are often invisible, survivors commonly experience confusion, shame, and doubt about their abuse. Conference workshops were appropriately consistent in their focus on the insidious nature of cultic abuse, with helpful ideas on how to heal.

In addition to my very brief take-aways of the workshops I attended, I’ve again included some of the photos I took during my time exploring Montreal!

Grand Quay of the Port of Montreal. Photo credit: Me

“Dissociation and Mindfulness: Mental Health Needs and Coping Strategies of Youth Raised in Cultic and High-Control Groups”

with Luna Cappelletti

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I am writing from Montreal, Canada while I’m attending an international cultic studies conference. This conference is led by Info-Cult of Canada alongside the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA), of which I am a member, and a content contributor.

This annual conference is known as the event in the cultic studies field. Attendees and presenters (of which I am one) include former group members, families, helping professionals, researchers, lawyers, and educators.

Unlike closed, cultic groups, the conference is committed to freedom of thought, expression, and religion, platforming people from diverse backgrounds, with diverse points of view.

Critical thinking, here, is paramount.

I’ll be posting three separate articles on my Substack to give my very brief take-aways of the workshops I attended. I’ll also include some of the photos I’ve taken during my long walks around this vibrant French Canadien city.

“The Ring,” Esplanade PVM. Photo credit: Me

“Measuring Spiritual Abuse in Demonic Deliverance”

with Anna Kitko, MA, MS

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I’m sorry you didn’t get to exist. Your ideas were rejected. Your thoughts corrected. Your feelings deemed to not be real. Whatever autonomy you had was an occasional allowance made by them, done only to make you feel like you had autonomy. The feedback you gave to them was met with rage, conditioning you to cater. Their compulsion to dominate became your daily reality.

I’m sorry your nervous system was in a state of confusion. You were wise enough to sense that a threat was present. Alongside the threat, though, you experienced some joy, some familiarity, maybe some excitement. Seeking admiration, they may have uttered some words and phrases that sounded healthy, impressive. They engaged in what appeared to be self-help endeavors, but not in an effort to look within themselves; not in an effort to increase emotional maturity; not in an effort to increase collaboration in their relationships. They were likely charming - intermittently, or at least at the start - but once they knew they had you, their exhausting fragility was exposed. Sensing your staunch empathy, they began to try and stabilize their fragility through you. It didn’t work. And that wasn’t your fault.

I’m sorry that you have felt alone. You spent humiliating amounts of time and energy covering for their belittling comments and making excuses for their bizarre demands for special privileges, protecting them out of fear of retribution. Some people in your life now believe the stories of the contempt you endured. Some people believe your stories but do not understand them. A handful of people will simply not want to believe your stories, as doing so may mean facing realities that they are not ready to face.

I’m sorry that the abuse you survived was likely not deemed to be criminal. Some survivors are physically bruised and broken, some even surviving violent sexual assaults. But you did not. Your abuse was legal, insidious, and unseen, all too often couched in what appeared to be affection, sometimes shrouded in fad jargon. They were not, and will never be, the enlightened person they promoted themselves to be.

I’m sorry you continue to struggle to know what is real. Though, you now get to have some of your own thoughts. Some of your feelings now feel like your own. You get to plan your days the way you’d like to plan them, spend your money on things that you value, and I’m really glad you’re now a bit less tired, less overwhelmed, no longer having to listen to them talk incessantly about themselves, the endless self-important monologuing about their perceived exceptionalism and how it’s never fully appreciated by others, perpetually the victim.

I’m sorry that your narcissist is now calling you a narcissist. So brittle inside, so intolerant to rejection, so absent of self-awareness, so allergic to accountability, they now project who they are onto you - as revenge, yes, but also because they know you have enough strength and integrity to not abuse them back. Cowardly, they don’t typically pounce on those who might bite back.

You are powerful and compassionate. Let being not like them be your revenge.

This blog entry from Adam Arnold, MA, LMFT, LADC is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, psychology, mental health counseling, chemical health counseling, spiritual or religious guidance, or other professional health care services, including the giving of clinical advice, and no provider/patient relationship is formed. The use of the content provided by Arnold is at the participant’s own risk. The content of this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Participants should not disregard, or delay in obtaining, clinical advice for any condition they may have, and should seek the assistance of their health care professionals for any such conditions.

The above content is fictional, and does not depict actual persons or events.