Even though technically we still have a few weeks of summer left, it feels like fall is in the air. The trees by my house are starting to change colors. The days are clearly getting shorter. Kids are starting to go back to school. I’m sad to see summer go because I love warmth and the sun, but fall has its pleasures too. Football season is coming. Sweaters will be back. All the warm and cozy fall foods will once again make their way into my meal plan.

But there is one indicator of fall that brings me no pleasure: the sudden increase in political ads and yard signs. I’m just not ready for a barrage of ads smearing the other side and claiming how much better the ad’s candidate is. To me, it just seems like a silly game and a load of propaganda, regardless of who or what the political ad is about. They never change my mind, and they make me like whoever is running the ad less, again, regardless of side or issue. By the end of the season, I’m angry at them all and don’t want to vote for any of them. But then again, that’s kind of par for the course for me. Maybe some of you are with me too.

My Early Political Life

There was a time when I followed politics fairly closely. It was kind of bred into me. My dad loved Rush Limbaugh, and we would end up listening to him on every road trip if we happened to be driving during his broadcast time. I never particularly cared for him. I found him simultaneously boring and off-putting. My mom didn’t care for Rush either, but she liked to listen to Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity. My middle and high school years we were always listening to them in the car while we were driving about doing whatever activities and such.

Besides the hours of talk radio I listened to in middle and high school, the single most influential political experience I had was a random seminar I attended my freshman year of high school for my debate club. To be honest, I don’t remember why I was at this seminar, but it was about libertarianism. From that moment on, I wanted to be a Libertarian, someone who wanted small government.

I listened to no talk radio in college (except when I was at home for holidays and things), and it was the first place I had ever been where I was around people who were on the opposite side of the political spectrum. I had no time for politics, really, which was ironic, because now I was old enough to vote. It was interesting to listen to people talk and to find out that people could have such different ideas than me.

College Memories

One of my strongest memories from college was two of my roommates talking about their ballots. The one was saying she hoped this California measure (which my other roommate got to vote on) to regulate the size of chicken coops or living conditions or something would pass. I remember saying something like, “That’s a silly thing to vote on. I would vote no on that!” and they were completely shocked.

“Do you not care about animals?” they asked. “No, not really, particularly not chickens because they’re gross. I mostly just like to eat them,” I said, “But also, I just don’t think the government should be involved in that. I don’t know anything about farming or animals to know if that would ultimately be a good idea or not.” That was the most ridiculous idea in the world to them. That’s when I found out that, apparently, libertarianism was not as common sense as I thought it was.

In college, I also encountered the other major political influence of my life: Jacques Ellul. I’ve mentioned him before, so I won’t repeat all my love for him, but I will tell you a little bit about his political leanings to make sense of why I’m even bringing any of this up. Jacques Ellul is known for being a Christian Anarchist.

Before we go any further, I feel I need to explain what that means, because I did not understand it well at first. Politically, anarchy is not simply another word for chaos, which is how we usually use the term in everyday language. The political idea of anarchy is basically local control. It’s libertarianism taken to the extreme: get the government out of everything. It’s suspicious of all authority figures and organizations.

Ellul’s Ideas and Reasoning

I’ve been re-reading Ellul all this year, and I’m currently finishing up his book The Ethics of Freedom. It’s actually a theology book about what Christian freedom really means. In the book, he explains why he is an anarchist, and his reasoning is actually more interesting than the stance itself.

The main thrust in all of Ellul’s work is the idea that the whole world is moving towards bureaucracy: things are becoming bigger, more centralized, more complicated. People aren’t really able to effect change anymore because of the vastness of the systems and how complex the machines are that are controlling and influencing everything (technology, the “expert-ization” of everything, things like that). If you’ve recently had any experiences with Xfinity or any government agency, you know what I’m talking about. You can’t get hold of a person who can actually help or who knows what they are talking about. You are simply lost in the machine. A widget to be dealt with, not a person.

The opposite of that is anarchy. It’s not a system. It’s a suspicion of every system. It’s wanting to leave people alone as much as possible and keep things local and small. That is why Ellul was a Christian anarchist. Not because it was the best system in his opinion, but simply because it was the one most different from the system we currently have. Therefore, he says, that’s the stance he’s chosen to take, and the one he thinks is, perhaps, best for Christians simply because it is going against the grain of the rest of the world.

Here’s the funny thing. He says that if his “side” ever won, if anarchy ever became the ruling political system, then he would switch sides. Because the point isn’t “winning.” It’s simply challenging the status quo. It’s fighting for the good and right against the bad. That’s what the Christian is called to do because the status quo is always tainted by sin.

The Christian Perspective

We know, as Christians, that no “side” is ever going to win and actually get it right. Sin is in every political party and every system. We’re not waiting for the “right” people to get in power to make everything better. There are no “right” people. There are only sinful people, who might fix some things but make a mess of a million others. Our hope is not in a side. Our hope is Jesus, the soon coming King who actually WILL set things right.

We cannot put our hope in politics. We can’t put our hope in any leader, in any party, in any law, in any system. Our hope should be in Jesus. We can be involved in politics. We can vote. We can even hold office if we decide to, but our allegiance is never to a president, party, or philosophy. It’s simply to Jesus. He comes first. He is the King. We follow him, which means we can never fully buy into any political party or system. They want all of you, but you already belong to someone else.

My Resolutions

And that is why I vote “no” on almost every single measure that is ever on the ballot. I want the government to be as small as possible and take as little of my money as possible. I want the complex machine to be demolished, and while I can’t do that, I can do my little part to keep it from getting any bigger.

It’s also why I gave up listening to talk radio. I found I was becoming more loyal to a side than to Jesus, or rather, I started to think that Jesus was on my side, when I don’t think Jesus is on any side. He’s only on His own side. Because He is the real King.

So, as fall progresses, don’t get lost in the ridiculousness of politics. Don’t get drawn into the fight. Don’t worry about who wins and who loses. If you follow Jesus, you are on the “winning” side, and all our political parties are just toddlers fighting over sand piles. Look to Him. How is He calling you to see people as His children instead of cogs in a machine? Do what you can to humanize when everything in our world is seeking to dehumanize. That is what God is calling us all to do.

The College Experience I Wanted

My college experience was not what I wanted it to be. I told you last month that I had been re-reading the Anne of Green Gables series. Anne has a wonderful college experience. She rooms with a friend from high school, makes a new best friend in the first week of college, and after her first year, ends up renting an adorable house with 3 other girls who are all great friends. Oh, and she also has two love interests, one of whom she ends up marrying, though their story ends up being more complicated than one might have wished. I wanted my college experience to be like that. It was not.

The College Experience I Got

Some of my lackluster college experience was not my fault. I started my freshman year in 2007. I had a pretty good crew of female friends by the end of that first year. Then came the crash of 2008. Of those five friends, only one of them made it all the way through my sophomore year, and then that friend didn’t come back for junior year. I never really had a “crew,” a thing I had really wanted. I never had a houseful of friends to get into hijinks with.

Some of my college woes were my fault, though, and those were the things that kept me up that night. I was 17 when I started college. I had been homeschooled since I was in 4th grade. It’s not that I was overly socially awkward (though I definitely was a little socially awkward), I just didn’t realize how important regular scheduled events were for me to make friends. I’m not good at spontaneity, but I didn’t know that yet.

My Midnight Regrets

I should have signed up for something, anything, to be a part of on a regular basis. I always regret not doing Women’s Chorale. My reasoning for not wanting to do it was 1)I think I was afraid of not making it through the tryout (which I’m pretty sure I would have), 2)I didn’t want to wear their boring black dresses, and 3)I didn’t want to commit to anything.

That last one was a big problem. I wanted to have time for homework and to do whatever I wanted, and in the process, I actually made things harder on myself. I needed those structured events to form relationships. My best college year was my sophomore year because I was involved in a student organization and saw the same small group of people consistently each week for the whole year.

I also regret being so serious about boys. I was so eager to find a husband (or afraid of thinking someone else wanted to make me their wife), that it just made cross-gender relationships weird. Ironically, my best friend in high school had been a guy, so it’s not like I didn’t know how to talk to boys or something; I was just trying so hard to be someone worth knowing, I overthought everything and was probably just stupid.

That’s another problem. My expectations for myself were too high. I was too proud and also too insecure at the same time. I wanted to be something great, but I also felt like I wasn’t cool enough to be anything. I went to a school that attracted high achievers, and for the first time in my life, I wasn’t always the smartest person in the room (I mean, probably not for the first time in my life, but it was the first time I was aware of it).

Really, what it came down to is that I took myself too seriously. That was my problem. I took the crush I had on a boy too seriously. I took every conversation too seriously. I took my classes too seriously. I wondered what everyone was thinking about me too much. I was the problem. I was too self-focused and too self-conscious.

I wish I could go back and do it again. 36-year-old Ashleigh would have had a much better college experience than 17 to 20-year-old Ashleigh did. But alas, 36-year-old Ashleigh had to be 17 to 20-year-old Ashleigh in order to get where she is today.

What I Needed, Not What I Wanted

It’s something that’s easy to forget. All my college silliness, all my taking myself too seriously, all my self-consciousness were part of me growing up. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be who I am today. It’s so embarrassing for me to think back to my college self and all the things I wish I had done differently (and all the things I wish had gone differently), but those things were apparently necessary for my development. There are definitely some things that I know I learned from that experience (humility being a big one).

I knew when I was making my college choice that God had called me to go to Wheaton. I still think that was true. It was one of the first times I felt the Holy Spirit telling me what to do. I thought it was because I was going to make great job connections, create a lifelong group of friends, or find a spouse there. Sadly, that was not the case for any of those dreams. But God was at work. He gave me the college experience I apparently needed rather than the one I wanted.

Why a Children’s Movie Is Making Me Cry

Last month, I took my 3 and 4-year-olds to see their first movie. The theater near us does $1 movies during the summer of older releases. They were showing the movie David, and I figured that would be a good first movie choice. What I was not anticipating was that the movie would make me weep.

Particularly, there is a point in the movie where a young David is trying to make sense of what’s happening in his life, and his mom is trying to guide him. Together, they sing a song called Tapestry. I have now listened to the song probably a hundred times because my kids love the soundtrack, and I still can’t get through it without tearing up at least once. The song is about how God is using every part of our lives to weave a beautiful tapestry, we just can’t see it yet.

I weep whenever I hear this song (and specifically when my kids are belting it out in the car) because 1) I just hope my children will absorb the message of the song and take it to heart forever. 2) I need the message just as much as my children.

Do I Trust Him?

Do I trust the story he wrote for me? Do I trust that he can redeem my stupidity and awkwardness and even my sinfulness? The answer is yes, though sometimes I still wish I had not been so stupid and maybe changed parts of the story a little bit. There were things I could have done better. But God knew that I wasn’t going to do everything perfectly. He wanted to teach me things, among them, to hold my own expectations loosely.

So, if there’s some part of your story that keeps you up at night, take heart. God uses our most awkward moments, our most destructive choices, and our stupidest decisions for our good and His glory. We can trust Him to weave whatever it is we’ve done into his perfect plan.

To me, summer always means summer reading, and by that I mean fun, light, enjoyable reading. The library trained me well as a child. The last month or so, I’ve been re-reading through one of my favorite series of all time, the Anne of Green Gables books by L.M. Montgomery. In case you don’t know, there are a total of 8 books about Anne and her family, the first starting when Anne is 11, and the last book in the series is about Anne’s daughter Rilla, who is 15 when the book opens at the beginning of World War 1. Fun fact: I really wanted to name my daughter Rilla because I love that book so much, but alas, Rilla Rich just didn’t sound so nice.

I’ve always loved this series, but it’s hitting me a little differently this time around. For one thing, I don’t think I’ve re-read it since I’ve had kids. It’s fun to re-read something I first read as an 11 or 12-year-old, longing for the various seasons that were to come (college, romance, marriage, having kids) and now to read them when many of those things are in the past. I especially have a new love for Anne of Ingleside, the 6th book and the one that focuses on Anne as a mother of young children. It’s fun to see how many things about motherhood are still the same and how many things are very different.

As I’ve re-read through the series, which is set during the time period of the late 1800s and early 1900s, it’s made me think a lot about how different things are now (and honestly, a lot of the thoughts are tied to my “year of Ellul”). Sure, Anne did not have indoor plumbing or air conditioning (two inventions I would rather not live without), but there are many other aspects of life in those times that I wish we could bring back. There are times as I’ve been reading through the books, that I’ve thought to myself, “I think we might be doing everything wrong.” Here are a few examples:

16-Year-Olds Were Teaching School

It’s a bit shocking now to think of a 16-year-old managing a schoolhouse full of children. But historically speaking, that’s been the norm. Between schoolteachers and governesses/tutors, much of young children’s education, historically, has been handled by men and women in their late teens and early twenties.

Whether or not you’re up for 16-year-olds becoming teachers, I think we expect too little of teens today. Prolonged adolescence has become the norm. There are multiple reasons for that (some of them related more to economics than anything else), but I don’t think it’s a good trend. For most of human history, teens have been mostly functioning as adults, not as kids. I think we’re doing them a disservice.

I think we’re also overcomplicating education, thinking it needs to be done by “experts”. That’s just not how it was done for most of history, and honestly, I think people had a better education back then. It was also more personalized as you moved up through “levels” determined by your competency, not in grades based on age, and even this was subject-dependent, so your one-room schoolhouse of 1-40 kids was a lot more individualized than our educational system is now.

The biggest con to the one-room schoolhouse (at the one that’s presented in the book) is that you could get a terrible teacher, and then all the students’ educations suffered. However, that wasn’t something that usually happened for long because teaching contracts were usually for only one year at a time, and there was something else at play, which brings me to my next point.

Everything Was Local

The Libertarian in me loves how localized everything was in those days, particularly in the small towns L.M. Montgomery loved to portray. Education was localized, government was localized, and improvements to the town were localized. A group of teenagers was able to get together and decide to improve the town without a bunch of red tape and bureaucratic nonsense (sure, they did accidentally paint the town hall an atrocious color, but at least they got it done, and later groups repainted it). People could actually make a difference in their towns because everything was smaller.

Also, gossip and comparison were local. The gossip chain, so humorously described throughout the series, was the Victorian version of social media. Unlike social media, though, it often highlighted the negatives of people’s lives, rather than just the highlights. In that way, it could be just as malicious as cancel culture today (in some ways), but it was also more realistic, and it was limited. You could only know the various comings and goings of your neighbors. You didn’t have to know everything about everyone in the world, and honestly, global news traveled very slowly.

This means that the majority of your time and mental energy was focused on things you had some say about and could potentially do something about, instead of being constantly inundated with information you can stress about, but are powerless to change. I’m guessing this was better for everyone’s mental health.

Friendship Was Highly Valued

One of the best things about the Anne books is that they celebrate the beauty of friendship. Throughout the books, Anne has many different friends: male and female. There’s a wide variety of friendships described:

Anne’s most faithful friend, Diana, is her first real friend and remains her close friend throughout her life. Diana is very different than Anne, but she is loyal, and the two remain close despite the fact that Anne is highly educated, and Diana marries young and has children early. Anne also has college friends, whom she connects with on a more intellectual level and lives with as roommates during her college years.

Throughout the book, she has close friends of various walks of life, those who are older than her, single and married friends. She makes friends with a grumpy male neighbor, a shy child next door, an off-putting co-worker, an elderly lighthouse keeper, and her local pastors, just to name a few. The variety of relationships she has is inspiring, and I think it reminds us that our friendships don’t have to look like the show Friends, but should include people of all walks of life.

The timing of her friendships is important, too. Some, like Diana, are lifelong friends. Some are just in her life for a season, but all the friendships bring something valuable to Anne’s life. The beauty of friendship is presented as one of life’s great beauties in the books, and it is a greater focus in the series than romantic love (though obviously, Anne has a romance of her own and gets married).

Romance Was Put in Its Proper Place

Our own world tends to see romantic relationships as the epitome of human experience rather than friendship. The best and truest relationship in today’s thinking is one that is consummated sexually. Those who never get to experience a romantic relationship or physical sexual expression are considered to be missing out on one of life’s greatest experiences.

Conversely, Anne’s circle of friends includes various characters who are “old maids” and “old bachelors”, but who are never painted as missing out on anything. Instead, they have very full lives, provide deep and true friendships, and are some of the best people in the books (Marilla and Matthew, a pair of siblings who adopt her, being a prime example).

While romance is clearly a focus in the book (evidenced by the number of matchmaking stories, including the romance between Anne and Gilbert), it’s not seen as the only or the best part of life. Even after her marriage to Gilbert, friendship still plays a huge role in Anne’s life. She’s always seeking to find new friends and to be a good friend to those in her path.

Our own culture usually sees friendship as a poor man’s version of romance, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Romance and friendship both have a place, but it’s worth noting that one (friendship) can always be pursued by all people, and the other has greater limits. Maybe we, like Anne, should start prioritizing friendship more.

Life Had a Slower, More Sustainable Pace

One of the things I always envy about Anne and company is their slower pace of life. Only halfway through the book series do telephones appear. There are no interruptions of texts or emails, no Zoom meetings. Work looks very different. People made many of their own things (which obviously took more physical work), but they were less mentally taxed. They didn’t have the news of the world bombarding them every day. Word traveled rather slowly.

There’s just so much less anxiety and stress present in the lives of the people in these books. It’s not that they had “easier” lives. They still had money problems, family drama, illness and natural disasters to deal with. Their lives were far more physically demanding and uncomfortable than our lives are today. They did have more time with family (granted, while working together to provide for their households). They also had more “free time” (time spent doing nothing in particular), though less “leisure time” in the form of vacations or trips.

Their lives were more interruptible. They weren’t filled to the brim with appointments, activities, work meetings, and such. Sure, there were regularly scheduled things: Ladies’ Aid meetings, prayer meetings, and the like, but there were simply fewer “things” vying for their time. There were fewer things to say no, fewer things to decide between, fewer things to fill the day with. It just feels so much more relaxed than our days and schedules.

It wasn’t Perfect, But It Had Different Problems (And Lessons to Teach Us)

I know that the past wasn’t perfect. More people died of illnesses that aren’t an issue today. More women died in childbirth, and more babies and children died young. People had fewer opportunities. They could be trapped in small towns where they never escaped family drama or the gossip chain. It was harder to stay in contact with friends who moved away. People were overly optimistic about how religion and technological progress would create a better world and prevent further wars.

Every era has its own problems. There will always be problems until Jesus returns because sin always influences things. I get it. But, I think we often have this chronological snobbery that says that our own world has figured a bunch of things out and we’re doing everything the best right way. But maybe we’re not. Reading about other times and places can help us see the blind spots in our cultural milieu. It can help us see places where maybe we’re doing things wrong or where we can at least be aware that our current way of doing things might not be best.

I know re-reading through these books, fictional though they are, has made me rethink some things about my life and my thoughts. Where might I be wrong? Where might I be following culture more than how God has designed things? What does our own time do better? What did Anne’s time do better? How can I incorporate the “better” things about the past into my own life?

One of my summer goals is now to live a more Anne-ish life, enjoying the beauty of nature, working to develop and prize friendship, and just appreciating the little things that make life wonderful. Here’s to an Anne-ish summer!

If you’re big into the Enneagram, you might have heard of the book The Road Back to You. It’s often one of the books people recommend to introduce others to the Enneagram. I read it a few years back, and I remember being put off by one particular aspect.

The Unavoidable “Childhood Wound”

In each chapter on each of the 9 types, the author talked about the “childhood wound” that impacts each type, which they say is often/always caused by parents. I can’t remember if I was pregnant or just trying to be at that point, but I was kind of offended by the idea that the author would think that all parents are going to somehow instill a deep wound in their children. I did not feel that my parents had done such a thing to me, and I didn’t want to think that I would do such a thing to my child.

I’m not saying the author of the book was 100% correct in their idea, but I think they were maybe more correct than I wanted to believe at that particular moment. I was overlooking one important thing while being annoyed by this concept: all parents are human. That means all parents have human limits and have been impacted by sin. Of course, they’re going to wound their children in some way!

The Impossibility of Perfect Parenting

I see this now in my own parenting life. Sometimes, I just don’t have the patience I need with my kids. It’s humanly impossible. I have limits, and sometimes my kids push right past those. Sometimes their needs are going to be more than I can handle. That’s just a part of being human.

I am, indeed, wounding my children, even though I never mean to. It’s just one of the many consequences of sin in this world. Even when we try to do our best, our limits and our lack of omniscient knowledge mean we often hurt others or do the wrong thing. It’s actually impossible for us to do anything truly good on our own. This truth impacts much more than parenting. It impacts our whole world.

The Worldwide Wound

Just look at the state of the world, both as it currently is and, honestly, how it’s always been. The world feels chaotic right now. There are wars and rumors of wars. There are bad leaders, and people trying to stand up to them. There is uncertainty about what is really true or how things really stand. But this is nothing new. Technology means that we know more about these things (and can learn more about these things if we want to go down a Google black hole) than humans have ever known before, but the actual state of things is pretty par for the course in the history of the world. This is just how the world is.

Why? Because of sin. Even when we humans try to do good things, we just fix one problem and cause ten others. Even when good people are put into positions of power, they are corrupted by it or misuse their position. Even when we rightly fight against poor rulers or laws or try to change things, we end up causing other problems that often are just as bad or worse than those we were fighting against. It’s the nature of the beast. There is no way to avoid it. We’re like parents who want to raise children without harming them, but we just can’t. We have limits, and the world requires more from us than we have to give.

There is no lasting hope for our world in the realm of politics or law or government or activism. It’s always going to ultimately fail. It can’t succeed because it’s the work of humans and therefore tainted by sin. It can’t be perfect. It will, somehow, always cause harm, even if we work with the best of intentions.

But There Is Still Hope…

But there is hope. The only hope the world has is God. God has told us the end of the story in the Bible and in the end, God wins. Justice wins. Love wins. Things are set right. But humans aren’t the ones to fix things (we’ve already said they can’t). Only God himself can set things right. He is our only hope.

What does that mean? Do we just sit on our hands and do nothing in our world? No, I don’t think so. We do know that God has given us good works to do while we are on this earth. He’s called us to be salt and light, preserving what goodness there is in the world and showing everyone who He is. That is our main task. Sometimes, that means speaking up, trying to get laws changed, or certain leaders elected or removed.

Healthy Detachment

However, as we engage with the world, we remember that our efforts will ultimately fail. The ends that we want to achieve (goodness, justice, what’s right) are never really going to be accomplished by us. Sure, our law might get passed, our person might be elected, but it’s not going to fix things. In fact, it might make more problems.

What we need is a healthy level of detachment. We care. We pray (this is probably the most important thing we do because it’s the only thing that can actually change things). We do the work God has called us to, but we remember that we’re just putting patches on a sinking ship that only God can truly repair and restore. We don’t put our hope in these things that we’re trying to accomplish.

At the end of the day, we’re just toddlers helping our dad do a project (see cute picture of what this looks like below). We do what he asks us to, but we must realize he’s the one actually doing the work.

We never put our hope in a political party, candidate, law, measure, initiative, program, or any human-created solution. Because it won’t work. It might fix a symptom. It won’t heal the disease. Only God can do that. And lucky for us, God has already told us He will.

I’m going to guess that you haven’t read it either (and knowing a bit about the book is essential to this newsletter), so here’s the Reader’s Digest version with no major spoilers. The book is about Valancy Stirling, a 29-year-old young lady who lives with her mother and cousin in Canada in the early 1900s. She leads a very boring life, as her family, particularly her mother, has ruled over her for her entire life. She is afraid of their opinions and never goes against them. Then, one day, she is told by a doctor that she has a heart condition and will probably only live for one more year. This is the start of the most extraordinary year of her life as she seeks to truly live (which she realizes she has never done before) before she dies.

It’s a lovely book, light reading and very funny. I highly recommend it. However, the story itself is not what struck me as I was reading it. What struck me in this reading of the book was how little the characters did or accomplished. The story is set in the early 1900’s (as are all of L.M. Montgomery’s books), so there are no phones, no to do lists, and no goals that the characters are trying to accomplish besides feeding everyone, maybe some knitting or sewing, and just keeping up a house. They aren’t trying to save the world. They don’t feel obliged to get involved in political problems or social ills. They’re not even out to make money or improve their standard of living (except relationally, in the case of Valancy). It sounds lovely.

The Drive to Accomplish: From God or from Satan?

It brings me to something I’ve been thinking of recently: is our desire (and the desire of our culture) to accomplish something from God or from Satan? Is it a holy desire or one that is actually twisted? Because here is my reality: I often feel that I am called to save the world, to do something big and important and make a lasting impact. I don’t think that wanting to do things is necessarily bad. My concern is, if I think that “accomplishing something big” is the true meaning of life, what does that mean for the millions and billions of people in history who accomplished next to nothing? What does it mean for us if we don’t live up to our own expectations?

What The Blue Castle reminds me of is that for thousands of years, people weren’t able to “make a big impact” in the world. The majority of their time was spent farming, hunting, preparing food, making clothes, raising children, caring for aging parents, and keeping up a house. All of these things took tremendous amounts of time and energy. There wasn’t much time for anything else. Sure, they could “make an impact” in their families and their very small communities. But there wasn’t much they could do that we would think was worth doing today. So I ask again, is my desire to accomplish and make an impact a holy desire if it were impossible for the vast number of people throughout human history?

I’m starting to think no. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves today to do great things, to accomplish, to make an impact. I don’t think the desire is inherently bad. God does call us to do good works that he has prepared in advance for us to do. The Bible tells us so. But I also think that maybe we overestimate the importance of our doing. Honestly, I think God cares more about who we are becoming than what we are doing.

What God Values

There’s biblical evidence for this. When Paul writes about what the fruit of being filled with the Holy Spirit is, he doesn’t list things we do. Yes, he talks about spiritual gifts elsewhere and how God equips us to build up the body of Christ (the church) with those gifts. However, if we look at the list of gifts, all of them can be (and have been) faked in some way or performed solely by human effort. But these gifts aren’t what Paul says is the ultimate evidence of God’s grace and Spirit working in our lives. God says that the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are things that can’t be faked because they’re not things we do (though they come across in our actions). They are things we are. And they don’t show up nicely on a resume or a CV.

Here’s another thing I’ve been thinking about lately. I think when we get to heaven, the people that we think of as the epitome of Christian good works and goodness aren’t going to be the ones most honored by God. I’m thinking of someone like Christine Caine (no offense to her, she just happened to be a good example for this mental picture). Christine Caine has an absolutely stellar resume and CV: she’s written books, she’s spoken at all the important conferences, she started/runs an organization that fights against sex trafficking, she’s a mentor to other leaders. She’s got it all and doing it all, in our eyes. She may also be the most lovely person. I don’t know for sure because I’ve never met her. I do know that listening to her talk makes me tired because of all the things she does. However, I’m pretty sure that in heaven, there is going to be a girl with Down syndrome that is more highly honored than Christine Caine is. Not because Christine hasn’t done good things. But because this hypothetical girl became so much like Jesus in the midst of her mundane, seemingly boring life, that she emanated the fruit of the spirit in a way few others have. She found God in the little things, right where she was at and she enjoyed the life God gave her.

Because here’s the truth: I think many of us are too busy to actually enjoy and cultivate the lives God has given us. I know I am. I envy the characters in The Blue Castle who spend time just wandering in the woods together and picking flowers and physically working together, because their pace of life sounds wonderful. They are actually enjoying the world around them. Their lives are not efficient; they are not desperately trying to accomplish something to make the world a better place, though they do that through the people they are becoming. Sure, they don’t have indoor plumbing or air conditioning (two modern technologies I don’t wish to live without), but they do have a healthier view of their own lives. Not selfish lives just spent and wasted away, but lives full of relationships, time spent with others, and truly enjoying the world God made. Did the people of the past have to work harder, physically, than we do, yes they did. But there is something about their work that I think is more human than our gnostic world, where so much of our “work” is done on a screen and in isolation.

So What Do We Do?

We can’t live in the world of The Blue Castle (sadly). It does no good to long for the past. The past had its own problems and wasn’t some kind of utopia. But we can have the wisdom to reject the chronological snobbery of our day and think that our lives are more meaningful because of all the things we’ve “accomplished.” I don’t think God cares much about our accomplishments besides stewarding the gifts he’s given us and becoming the people His spirit is helping to shape us into.

So that’s my goal for this season. I want to steward the life I have. I want to enjoy the gifts I have now. I want to take the pressure off myself to “accomplish something” for God or for any other purpose. Because God doesn’t care about my resume. He cares about developing the fruit of the Spirit in me. He cares about me becoming the person He created me to be.

Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow. And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men. But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you.” So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples. And behold, Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came up and took hold of his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.”

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

Matthew 29:1-10 and Revelation 21:1-7 (ESV)

Perspective

Christ is risen! He is risen, indeed! Jesus’ story does not end on Good Friday or Holy Saturday. Easter Sunday reminds us that God will one day defeat sin, brokenness, death, injustice, and grief once and for all. The same God who was able to resurrect Jesus will one day wipe every tear from our eyes and end suffering of any and every kind for His people. Though we still live in the messy middle, waiting for Jesus’ return and the ultimate restoration of things, Easter Sunday gives us hope that our story is not over. Even in the darkest season, the light and hope of God’s love and power can be found. That’s something to celebrate!

Ponder

What stands out to you about Matthew’s account of Jesus’ resurrection? What would it have felt like to be one of Jesus’ disciples that day? What words or phrases in Revelation 21:1-7 give you hope or speak comfort and joy to your heart? How do these two stories bring hope to your own life?

Pray

Today, thank God for the gift of hope. Thank him for his power, sovereignty and love. Express to him how much you long for him to set all things right and thank him that he is a God of justice, restoration, and kindness.

Practice

As this season of Lent ends and we rejoice in the goodness of God as displayed in the resurrection, commit to doing something daily or weekly during the season of Eastertide (from today until Pentecost Sunday) to celebrate and enjoy the hope, freedom, and joy that Jesus’ resurrection brings. This could be eating/preparing a special food(s), making time for a hobby you love but may have neglected, listening to joyful music, starting a gratitude journal or anything else that brings you joy and hope.

Thank you for joining me for this Lent devotional. I hope you found it helpful to you in this season. May the hope of Easter live in your heart in a new way this year!

After these things Joseph of Arimathea, who was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus, and Pilate gave him permission. So he came and took away his body. Nicodemus also, who earlier had come to Jesus by night, came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about seventy-five pounds in weight. So they took the body of Jesus and bound it in linen cloths with the spices, as is the burial custom of the Jews. Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb in which no one had yet been laid. So because of the Jewish day of Preparation, since the tomb was close at hand, they laid Jesus there.

John 19:38-42 (ESV)

Perspective

Holy Saturday is an awkward day. It’s the day between the grief of Jesus’ death and the hope and joy of the resurrection. For the disciples and those who followed Jesus, the story seems to be over. They have no hope in this moment. Jesus is dead. What good could possibly come of that? And yet God. The story is not over, they just don’t know it yet. They are stuck in the messy middle of the story. That is so often where we live out our days on this earth. We are stuck in a place between the grief we experience because of sin and brokenness, and the joy that we will experience when God redeems all things. In the awkwardness, it’s worth remembering that the same God who resurrected Jesus from the dead can redeem and resurrect anything. It may not happen this side of heaven, but God will make all things new.

Ponder

What do you think was going on in the minds of Jesus’ followers in that awkward time? Are there places in your own life where you feel like you’re in the messy middle? How is that similar or different from what the disciples were experiencing?

Pray

Bring before God any places in your life where you have experienced a death, whether the actual death of someone close to you, the death of a dream, an unexpected closed door, or an unexpected change. Express your feelings to him about this death. Then, ask him to give you the patience to wait on him in the messy middle between death and his ultimate resurrection and restoration.

Practice

On this awkward Saturday, read Isaiah 40:28-31. Work on memorizing this passage. Repeat it to yourself anytime you feel discouraged by waiting.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?

O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.

Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.

In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them.

To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by mankind and despised by the people.

All who see me mock me; they make mouths at me; they wag their heads;

“He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him; let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”

Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother’s breasts.

On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is none to help.

Many bulls encompass me; strong bulls of Bashan surround me; they open wide their mouths at me, like a ravening and roaring lion.

I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted within my breast; my strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to my jaws; you lay me in the dust of death.

For dogs encompass me; a company of evildoers encircles me; they have pierced my hands and feet— I can count all my bones— they stare and gloat over me; they divide my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots.

But you, O Lord, do not be far off! O you my help, come quickly to my aid!

Deliver my soul from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dog!

Save me from the mouth of the lion! You have rescued me from the horns of the wild oxen!

I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will praise you:

You who fear the Lord, praise him! All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him, and stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel!

For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to him.

From you comes my praise in the great congregation; my vows I will perform before those who fear him.

The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek him shall praise the Lord! May your hearts live forever!

All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations shall worship before you.

For kingship belongs to the Lord, and he rules over the nations.

All the prosperous of the earth eat and worship; before him shall bow all who go down to the dust, even the one who could not keep himself alive.

Posterity shall serve him; it shall be told of the Lord to the coming generation; they shall come and proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn, that he has done it.

Psalm 22 (ESV)

Perspective

As Jesus is hanging from the cross, he quotes this Psalm. Often, when people in the New Testament quoted an Old Testament passage, they were not just quoting the single passage; they were quoting the ideas and themes from the entire section of Scripture that the passage came from. While Psalm 22 accurately describes many parts of Jesus’ crucifixion, the pain and suffering that were a part of it, it also expresses hope in God and a confidence that God will restore goodness and righteousness in the end because He is sovereign over all.

Ponder

Why do you think Jesus might have chosen to refer to this Psalm? What emotions does it express? When in your life have you felt abandoned by God? Do you find any hope in this Psalm? If so, where?

Pray

Ask God to give you new insight into the story of Jesus’ death during this Easter weekend. Ask him to give you fresh eyes and a soft heart to receive the message of both lament and hope that this story brings us.

Practice

With this Psalm in mind, prayerfully read through one (or all) of the crucifixion narratives (found in Matthew 27:27-50, Mark 15:16-37, Luke 23:26-46, and John 19:16-30). Imagine yourself in the scene. What does it look, sound, smell, and feel like? Pay attention to new insights that the Holy Spirit may give you about what Jesus has done for you and God’s love for you.

Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”

While he was still speaking, Judas came, one of the twelve, and with him a great crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, “The one I will kiss is the man; seize him.” And he came up to Jesus at once and said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” And he kissed him. Jesus said to him, “Friend, do what you came to do.” Then they came up and laid hands on Jesus and seized him.

Matthew 26:36-50

Perspective

After sharing the Passover meal together, Jesus and His disciples went to the Garden of Gethsemane. There, Jesus asked his friends to stay up and pray with him. He passionately asked God to change the plan, even while remaining fully submitted to God’s will. This sorrowful prayer of Jesus is a reminder to us that even a perfect human wrestles with God and his plan at times. We can be submitted, even while we dread, question, or don’t understand what God is doing.

Ponder

What strikes you about Jesus’ words? What insights does this passage give you about how to approach your own sorrows? How might you have felt if you were the disciples? Have you ever failed a friend in a similar way?

Pray

If you are currently facing a difficult time in your life, pray the words of Jesus in this passage back to God. If you know someone who is going through something hard right now, pray these words on their behalf.

Practice

Celebrate communion today, maybe with friends or family. Read the passages from the last two days aloud. Spend time thanking Jesus for his sacrifice. Pray for any in your midst who are currently facing difficult times. End your prayer time by asking God that His will be done.

Now on the first day of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Where will you have us prepare for you to eat the Passover?” He said, “Go into the city to a certain man and say to him, ‘The Teacher says, My time is at hand. I will keep the Passover at your house with my disciples.’” And the disciples did as Jesus had directed them, and they prepared the Passover.

When it was evening, he reclined at table with the twelve. And as they were eating, he said, “Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” And they were very sorrowful and began to say to him one after another, “Is it I, Lord?” He answered, “He who has dipped his hand in the dish with me will betray me. The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born.” Judas, who would betray him, answered, “Is it I, Rabbi?” He said to him, “You have said so.”

Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you I will not drink again of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”

And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.

Matthew 26:17-30 (ESV)

Perspective

The Jewish Passover was the celebration of God “passing over” the houses of the Israelites in Egypt (marked by the blood of a lamb spread over their doorposts) when he delivered the last plague on the Egyptians who had enslaved the Israelites: the death of the firstborn in each household. During this meal (and still today), Jews remembered the saving work of God as he brought them out of slavery in Egypt and into the land He had promised them. God was about to bring all of humanity out of slavery to sin and brokenness by offering the perfect Passover Lamb: His own Son. This lamb was going to experience the worst of the human condition, including being betrayed by someone close to him. As Jesus and His disciples celebrated this Passover together, he instituted a new meal of remembrance: the Eucharist or Communion.

Ponder

Imagine yourself in this scene. What might you have been thinking or feeling if you were one of the disciples? If you were Jesus, what emotions do you think you would experience? What does it mean to you that Jesus has given his body and blood to bring a new covenant of healing, restoration, and justice? What about the last supper (or communion) do you find impactful, confusing, or comforting?

Pray

Spend some time thanking Jesus for his willingness to sacrifice himself in order to set the world right someday. Think through the various ways Jesus suffered throughout his life, and thank him for doing those things for you.

Practice

Traditionally, Christians worldwide commemorate the Last Supper on the Thursday before Easter, a day called Maundy Thursday. Today is your preparation day! Make sure you have some kind of bread/cracker and some kind of juice/wine on hand for tomorrow. You might even invite a friend, small group, or family members to join you tomorrow to celebrate Communion together. As you prepare, pray that God will give you fresh eyes for this ancient tradition.

Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off, and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.”

When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”

Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”

Many of the Jews therefore, who had come with Mary and had seen what he did, believed in him[.]

John 11:17-45 (you can read the whole chapter here)

Perspective

For the next few days, we will be following Jesus through his last week on Earth. In this passage, we see a beautiful example of how Jesus, though divine and all-powerful, fully enters into the pain and suffering of his friends. Jesus loved Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. He speaks with Mary and Martha in the midst of their pain. He weeps with them, experiencing in a very human way the grief associated with death. Then he displays his power by raising Lazarus from the dead. It’s a good reminder for us that God is with us in our pain. He suffers and grieves with us, even though he knows the suffering and grief are only temporary and one day he will redeem and resurrect all things.

Ponder

What do you find confusing about Jesus’ behavior in this passage? Can you relate to the feelings of Mary and Martha? Have you ever said something similar to God? How does it make you feel to see Jesus weeping and entering into the pain of his friends?

Pray

Sit in silence before the Lord. Think back to a painful circumstance in your life or, if you are currently experiencing suffering of any kind, present this to God. Ask him to show you where he was or is in the midst of your pain.

Practice

This week, as you go about your day, imagine that Jesus is in every room, vehicle, or place where you are. Spend time each day imagining/pondering how he would react to the various ups and downs of your daily life.

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In our final week of Lent (and our final week of this devotional), we turn our focus to Jesus. Traditionally, the week before Easter is known as Holy Week. This week, we will remember why Jesus came and how the last few days of his life unfolded. We begin with an Old Testament prophecy reminding us of why Jesus came to earth and his ultimate mission. We will then focus on stories from Jesus last week on earth: the resurrection of his friend Lazurus, the Last Supper with his disciples, and his impassioned prayer asking God for another way. On Friday, we go back to the Psalms, looking at the passage Jesus quoted from the cross. Saturday, we ponder his followers’ and friends’ reactions to his death. Finally, on Sunday, we celebrate his resurrection, what that means for us today and what that means for our future. Though we grieve and mourn during Lent, our mourning turns to joy as we hopefully await the ultimate restitution that Jesus will bring. That’s something worth celebrating!

Passage

Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights;

I have put my Spirit upon him; he will bring forth justice to the nations.

He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice, or make it heard in the street; a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.

He will not grow faint or be discouraged till he has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands wait for his law.

Thus says God, the Lord, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it:

“I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness.

I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols.

Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.”

Isaiah 42:1-9 (you can read the whole chapter here)

Perspective

We’ve read a lot in the past few weeks about the brokenness of this world: the painfully temporary and seemingly insignificance of life, the presence of injustice and suffering, and the fact that none of this ever changes. It’s true in every human life, in every civilization, and every time period. This passage contains a prophecy about Jesus: who is he and why he has come. He has come to do something new. To change the cyclical nature of sin of brokenness. He is the only one who can mend the brokenness, set things right, and, as the Jesus Storybook Bible says, “make the sad things come untrue.”

Ponder

According to this passage, what was Jesus’ mission? What is his work? What words or phrases in this passage give you hope or display God’s love and comfort to you? How does this passage relate to grief, lament, and injustice?

Pray

As we enter into Holy Week, ask God to do a new thing in your life during this Easter season. Pray that he would breathe new life and light into the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection. If God brings people to mind as you pray, ask God to do something new in their lives during this season as well.

Practice

Today, think through what you will do, what practical actions you will take to focus your heart and your mind on Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection in this next week. If you need some ideas, you might consider things like spending more time in prayer, attending a Maundy Thursday or Good Friday service (You can also look ahead to Wednesday and Thursday activities to get an idea to host your own Maundy Thursday event), fasting, spending time pondering/meditating on God’s word, or talking about what you’re reading and writing in here with a friend or family member.

Passage

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights!

Praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his hosts!

Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars!

Praise him, you highest heavens, and you waters above the heavens!

Let them praise the name of the Lord! For he commanded and they were created.

And he established them forever and ever; he gave a decree, and it shall not pass away.

Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures and all deeps, fire and hail, snow and mist, stormy wind fulfilling his word!

Mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars!

Beasts and all livestock, creeping things and flying birds!

Kings of the earth and all peoples, princes and all rulers of the earth!

Young men and maidens together, old men and children!

Let them praise the name of the Lord, for his name alone is exalted; his majesty is above earth and heaven.

He has raised up a horn for his people, praise for all his saints, for the people of Israel who are near to him.

Praise the Lord!

Psalm 148

When God questions Job, he reminds him (and us) that creation is a wonderful expression of the creativity, goodness, and knowledge of God. God’s creative work shows that he knows what he is doing and he can be trusted. Write down three things in the natural world/science that you find amazing and/or that you are grateful for:

Passage

Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck.

I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me.

I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched.

My eyes grow dim with…

Read more

Passage

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?

My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “…

Read more

This is not a period of my life I am particularly proud of. It’s a rather sad season, really. And, quite honestly, I had always seen myself as a victim in this particular time of life. I was living with my parents after college, working a temp job (which wasn’t terrible, but wasn’t really what I wanted to be doing), sadly single and feeling like I would be single forever. Honestly, I felt pretty sorry for myself in this particular season because nothing was going the way I wanted it to go. I was safe and making money and surviving, but I was jealous of basically everyone else who either was in a relationship or had some idea of what they wanted to do with their life and were making progress towards that.

A Revleation

It occurred to me, as I was thinking back through this period of my life, that I had been responsible for a choice that had seemed innocent enough at the time, but could have potentially negatively impacted my friends’ marriage over the long haul. Those particular friends had ended up almost getting divorced (about 10 years after the incident in question). All of a sudden, I could see how my choice, my action, my sin, had potentially contributed negatively to their lives.

Now, here is what I am not saying: I am not saying that I was responsible for what happened in their relationship. I was not. I was on the other side of the country when things really went bad in their relationship and I had not been close to those particular friends for about 5 years by then. However, the choice I had made all those years ago probably did not help things. I had not been a positive influence in their first year or two of marriage when I made that choice (even though I had intended to be). In retrospect, it may also have exacerbated things that were already brewing beneath the surface that I was completely unaware of.

What I am saying is this, in that moment, lying in my sick bed, I was profoundly convicted of my own sin. For the first time, I realized how much I had potentially negatively impacted my friends. I had not meant to. No harm to them was meant by my action. But I allowed my own selfishness and my own pity party to blind me to how my choice could have impacted others. I was pretty ignorant about relational dynamics at the time, too (having never been in a relationship at that point), and that did not help things. But my own self-centeredness had had a very real impact on my friends, and the true impact of that (big or small) I will never truly know (and honestly, they might not either).

The Kindness of God in Conviction

I was struck by two things: 1. I owed one of my friends an apology for being such a crappy friend to her. 2. This was a kindness from God. He had clearly and kindly shown me how my selfish actions potentially impacted other people. How many other ways had I impacted others negatively throughout my life? Because the truth is, we are all constantly impacting one another. We never truly know, this side of heaven, the way our actions (good and bad) impact the people around us. Sometimes we get glimpses of it, but I don’t think we know a fraction of the ways we impact one another, especially now in our hyperconnected, technical world.

Learning from The Good Place

It reminded me of the show The Good Place. If you haven’t seen it, I’m about to spoil the whole show for you. You have been warned. The show starts with the main character arriving in what she thinks is heaven. She thinks she’s there by mistake. It turns out, over the seasons, that she is actually in hell and no one has made it to heaven in hundreds of years because now all of our actions are so connected that what seems good (like giving someone flowers, as an example that’s used in the show) actually has a net negative influence (because the flower growing, picking, selling industry is destroying the planet). While the theology of the show is far from perfect (I mean, it’s a comedy, it’s not meant to be theologically accurate), I think the writers were on to something with that plot line.

We are all so connected, and we are all so sinful. Our sin is not only infecting our own hearts, but it’s daily impacting the hearts, minds, and lives of the people around us. We are in a desperate set of circumstances. There is no human way to escape the influence of sin or to undo its effects on the people around us. Even actions that we mean for good, like my stupid choice when I was in my 20’s, which was just meant to help us all have fun, can inadvertently cause incalculable damage.

The Devastation of Sin

We, especially in church, can so easily write off the impact of sin. Yes, we know it’s bad. Yes, we know it’s a part of our lives and our world, but we forget the devastating impact that it has on all of us on a daily basis. There is no escape from it. Even when we’re trying to help, we often hurt.

That is why the cross is so important. On our own, we just make more messes from our sin. The whole Old Testament demonstrates that to us clearly, in case our personal experience isn’t enough. The whole history of the nation of Israel and the failure of the Law God gave them to keep them distinct and holy shows us that even when we try, even when we have all the advantages, we fail. Humans are incapable of undoing the effects of sin or keeping ourselves from sinning. Only God can save us from sin. That’s what the season of Lent and the celebration of Easter are all about.

The Hope of Easter

The hope of Easter is not just an abstract, someday we will make it to heaven hope. It’s hope for now. Hope that our many sins and mistakes (and the sins and mistakes of others who have hurt us) are not the final word, but that God can redeem them. As we enter into Holy Week next week, I wanted to offer you an easy reminder of that hope if you need something to help get your heart ready for Easter. I’m going to be sending out the last week of my Lent devotional, which follows Jesus during his last week of life, to everyone for free. If you’re doing something else to prepare this Easter season, just delete the email and move on. But I invite you to join with me during Holy Week as we remember together why Jesus came, what he suffered on our behalf, the price of our sin, and the hope his death and resurrection bring.

Because here’s the truth. I can’t undo what I did when I was in my 20’s. I can’t wipe out any damage I may have caused. Sure, I have done my best to make amends. I mailed an awkward apology letter with my Christmas card this year. I can apologize, but only God can redeem any damage that I caused. But that’s what God in his grace so often does. He redeems our mistakes and uses them for our good and his glory. That’s the hope of the story of Easter.

Passage

Give ear to my prayer, O God, and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!

Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan, because of the noise of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked.

For they drop t…

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Passage

Then Job answered the Lord and said:

“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’

Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonde…

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This week we will finish Job’s story with God’s answers to Job’s questions. Then we will turn to the Psalms, a book made up of a collection of poetry. It was and is used by the Jewish people as a prayer book and a songbook. N.T. Wright describ…

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