"Where exactly are you going in those heels?” My partner came by and did what men apparently can’t help doing: commenting. Not as a compliment, more as an expression of confusion. In a way that makes you know instantly: you’re overdressed. At least in his eyes.

So what was I actually wearing in that moment? A pair of Capri Pilates leggings and a black top. Nothing special. Something I wear all the time without anyone commenting on it (he stopped commenting on Capri pants about two years ago—I guess he realized they’re here to stay). Obviously, it was the shoes. So I couldn’t help but wonder: Can you actually wear pumps without having anywhere to go?

—asking for a friend is a place for thoughtful conversations about personal style, modern motherhood and romanticizing everyday life. Part essay, part diary, part mood board.

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I’ve always loved a little heel. I mean, I grew up watching SATC and The O.C. In my imagination, I’ve always lived in a big city, worked in the media industry, and worn heels to the office. And even though most of that has actually turned out that way, working in the media industry today is much more casual than I had envisioned back then.

However, one thing that hasn’t changed is my passion for kitten heels. In fall/winter, I have a soft spot for heeled ankle boots. In summer, I enjoy wearing heeled flip-flops. So what’s the point of saving pumps for special occasions? I mean, if our 90s obsession wasn’t just about fashion, but also about the idea of actually wearing our clothes instead of building a wardrobe archive of pieces we save for special occasions — then why should we stop with our pumps? At least that’s what I did for a long time!

I own a pretty pair of black patent leather slingbacks that have long been my first choice whenever a special occasion came up. Every time I received an invitation, I knew I’d be wearing that exact pair. Until I saw an Instagram Story by my best friend. She posted a selfie from the elevator, and she was wearing an oversized denim shirt paired with some baggy jeans and—that exact pair of black patent leather slingbacks. I was obsessed. Not only because of the outfit, but also because of the fact that she was wearing it at the office.

Never would I have thought to wear pumps that way. Never would I have considered wearing pumps to the office. But why? Why didn’t I wear pumps in everyday life? What exactly kept me from doing so?

Only a few days later, I came across a Reel — one of those where people are being asked to describe their outfits. It was a woman wearing capri pants, an oversized band T-shirt, a vintage Balenciaga bag and a pair of pumps. But what she described weren’t pumps. She called them “heeled ballerinas”. And in that moment, it clicked for me — weren’t pumps just ballerinas with a little heel?

So I took my slingbacks out of the box, paired them with some washed-out denim Bermuda shorts, an oversized cashmere knit and headed to the office. That was the very first time I’d ever worn my favorite pair of shoes to the office.

—I mean, how could you not love pumps?

From left to right: Grey Suede Pumps | Ponyhair Kitten Heels spotted by | White Ballet Heels | Square Toe Pumps | Leopard Slingbacks | Croco-embossed Kitten Heel | Classic Pointy Kitten Heels | Croco-embossed Wedges | Ponyhair Slingpumps

—It‘s not the pumps, it‘s you!

It seems it’s all just a matter of mindset: We’ve collectively decided that certain pieces of clothes need to be justified by a special occasion. But sometimes the only thing stopping us from wearing them is the story we associate with them. So if you only associate pumps with special occasions, try looking at them from a different perspective: They’re really just ballerinas with a small heel.

So when I started introducing pumps into my everyday wardrobe, I began with more casual outfits and simply swapped my shoes for pumps — you know I love a wrong shoe. We’re talking worn-out jeans, an oversized shirt, maybe a cozy knit tied around the waist or draped over the shoulders, cool sunglasses, and a bigger bag. Pieces that balance out the whole look so everything feels super effortless — and then you just add that unexpected little heel.

Whatever works best for you — the important thing is: Don’t build an outfit around the pumps. Build an everyday outfit and let the pumps become the unexpected part. Or even better: start with outfits that feel 100% you and than swap the shoes for a pair of pumps.

—Outfits I would wear to the office

While I’m still on maternity leave, I mostly wear pumps when I meet friends, but I’ve put together a few late-summer outfits for inspiration that I’d wear both, to brunch with friends and on a busy day at the office.

Bermuda Shorts (alternative) | Boxy Longsleeve | Canvas Tote (alternative here & here) | Patent Slingbacks

Wool Jacket | White Boxershorts (similar) | Tote Bag | Pumps | Sunglasses

Merino V-neck | White Oversized Shirt | Capri Pilates Leggings (similar) | Bag (similar) | Sunglasses | Light Scarf

Boucle Knit (alternative) | Silk Drawstring Pants | Tote Bag | Sunglasses | Kitten Mules (similar)

—Substack writers I’ve spotted wearing their favorite heels all summer

Oversized Shirt | Skirt | Ring | Bag | White Heeled Ballets | V-Neck Knit | Sunglasses | Black Top | Scarf | Arm Cuff | Ballet Heels

It seems as though the ballet heel has become s signature shoe — and somehow a collective obsession. just called it the shoe that shared here life in a “before” and an “after,” and I get it, they feel like walking on clouds! A wide toe box, a familiar look and a heel that even works with Berlin cobblestones. I’d say these are the perfect invest, as they seem to have it all!

Cardigan | Earrings | Shoulder Bag | White Pants | Slingbacks | Tote Bag | Longsleeve | Sunglasses | Pumps | Pearls Necklace

owns a great selection of really beautiful pumps and wears them with such ease. The Aeyde Helia is a very sophisticated and feminine model: it has a subtly block heel and a toe area that looks super elegant. The slingbacks have the perfect little 3.5cm kitten heel, and even though they have a pointed toe, they’re still comfortable to wear. Trust me, I own a pair, too.

Drawstring Pants | Short Blazer | Necklace | Pumps | Top | Bag | Sunglasses | Skirt | Lipstick | Pumps | Lipgloss

I don’t even dare to say “chic” anymore — but in this case I just have to (sorry )! Every time I see a picture of she seems wearing her Katt Fore Pumps. And I love that! The shoes are made out of the softest leather, the heel is slim but square and the stitching is just the coolest detail. Kind of chic to pair them with pretty much everything — isn’t it?

Sunglasses | Lipstick | Silk Shorts | Knit | Bag | Pumps | Sunglasses | Denim | Merino Turtleneck | Bag | Wool Coat | Pumps

wears her classic The Row pumps all year round — whether paired with bermuda shorts in summer or an oversized woolcoat and sheer socks in winter. Very chic and minimalist looks that work perfectly from day to night.

—They can be everyday shoes — but they don’t have to do everything.

But let’s be honest — pumps will never be the new sneakers. I still don’t reach for them when I go for a 10-km walk. So naturally I’m not wearing mine very often right now.

My typical day with pumps looks more like this: I ride to the office by bike. I sit in front of my laptop for half the day, go to the kitchen to get a coffee, or change meeting rooms. I meet up with a colleague or friend for lunch. I cycle to Kita to pick up my son. I change into the flip-flops that I carry in my canvas bag. We can’t expect them to do everything, right?

Nevertheless, I would never go without protection — I always bring a big pack of blister plasters with me. If your feet are anything like mine, it’s better to be safe than sorry. I’ve been wearing some of my shoes for years, and yet I still get blisters time and time again. That’s why I usually put a blister plaster on the pressure points beforehand — trust me, it really helps!

And here’s my personal pro tip: As soon as you get a new pair of pumps, break them in before wearing them! This might sound strange, but use a hair dryer to warm them up — not to make them hot! — put on a thick pair of tennis socks, and walk around the apartment in them. Trust me, it’s magic — it’s the best way to break them in! I wish I’d known this sooner. And if there’s still a pressure point somewhere, do me a favor and take them to your cobbler — he’ll do the rest for you!

SOME READS I LOVED THIS WEEK — MAYBE THEY’LL RESONATE WITH YOU TOO:

Unfiltered Looks by

Dress for the Occasion by

What comes after clarity? by

—asking for a friend is a place for thoughtful conversations about personal style, modern motherhood and romanticizing everyday life. Part essay, part diary, part mood board.

Thank you for being here. I started this newsletter three years ago as a passion project, a kind of outlet for everything that stays with me and feels worth writing about. Writing afaf brings me so much joy, this is why I am very thankful for you to be here. If you want to support my work, I would love to welcome you as a free or paid subscriber and truly appreciate if you liked, shared, or comment this edit — it makes all the difference!

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The last few weeks have been fully packed with childcare. And this is exactly the reason I had to pull the pause-trigger, skip plans and give this newsletter a little break. There are so many drafts in my backlog, but once I told myself to really take that break and not to try to use every little moment to be productive here, it was quite difficult to come back to routines. So I figured I’d do something I usually leave to my friend and partner Janina — a brief guide on how to spend two days in one of the most beautiful cities in Europe: Vienna.

I had the chance to visit Vienna for a beautiful brand event and honestly — just the thought of having two days to myself helped me take the last few weeks in stride. I think that’s probably one of the secrets to being a better mom. At least for me. But let’s not dive too deep into that here.

It was not my first time in Vienna, I have been there two years ago and the city had me right away. As someone who has a true appreciation for the simple pleasures of everyday life, this city brings so much to the table — things like art, historical architecture, beautiful gardens and relaxed café culture. So, here’s how I spent my two days in Vienna — and what I’d definitely do again.

Kinga <3

PS: As you can read in the introduction, I’ve worked on this one for quite a long time now. It’s been really hard to find time to write over the past few weeks, So if anyone has been waiting for another —afaf edit, I’m really sorry you’ve had to wait so long! I hope you enjoy this anyway <3

—asking for a friend is a place to ask the questions that shape how we live and feel. Part essay, part diary, part mood board. A place for thoughtful conversations about personal style, modern motherhood and romanticizing everyday life.

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—What’s it like to be in Vienna?

Vienna feels like a trip back in time. The historic buildings, the magnificent streets and fountains, the horse-drawn carriages that still take tourists on tours through the city today. One beautiful scenery follows another.

As in most European cities, people stroll through the streets, and it feels as if they’re enjoying their everyday lives without rushing. Locals seem to have mastered the art of slowing down — whether they’re spending hours in one of Viennas typical coffeehouses, reading a newspaper, or enjoying a glass of wine at a neighborhood wine tavern. Among them, tourists from all over the world — even though they’re technically on vacation — seem more stressed than the Viennese themselves. They’re probably just overwhelmed by trying to take in the sheer number of sights Vienna has to offer.

We stayed at a small boutique design Hotel called Motto and I would definitely recommend it, at least when traveling alone. Its located in the middle of the town, the staff was super friendly. Unfortunately I cannot say anything about the food since I love to explore a city through their cafés and restaurants but I loved that there was a little Nespresso machine in the room, so I could enjoy my first coffee while getting ready.

—What do you pack for a 36 hours city trip?

I don't mind traveling light, but what always challenges me is fitting all my beauty products into a small plastic bag without it breaking. What I brought: Eye creme, a super light moisturizer, tinted day cream, SPF 50+, the scent I wear for more than 10 years now without ever feeling the need to change it.

Silk Bermuda Shorts | Silk Top | Ballet flats | Bag

There was literally no time to think what to pack, so it happened that I found myself packing until 01:30 a.m. without really getting a sense of what I wanted to wear in Vienna. On top of that, I’d just received a package and tried on the clothes, and after midnight, my tired self thought it might be a good idea to keep the clothes and wear them right away in Vienna. I usually don’t do things like that at all — and for good reason — it turned out that I didn’t exactly feel comfortable in my new clothes the next day. At least not the way I styled them.

I guess there was nothing really wrong with this look, since it was weather-appropriate. My idea was to wear my new silk bermudas (gifted; be patient, they keep coming back and they are truly perfect!!) as a set, as seen here on Monikh Dale — but to be honest, my version turned out super boring. The proportions were somehow a bit off, and I did not bring the right accessories to balance it all out. In fact the sunglasses seemed to hard, the bag had the same shiny fabric, the ballet flats felt boring. I guess that’s what happens when I just come up with outfits in my head instead of actually trying them on.

If I had my wardrobe with me I would have added something cute, like a summer hat, a silk scarf around the hips, a long pendant necklace, a basket bag, maybe the flip flop heels I wore in the evening (similar here) and brown sunnies instead of black ones (I can’t believe my Chimi Shades are finally back in stock!) — but again, I would have to try it on before and you know me, I would have definitely kept it simple, but not as boring.

Something similar happened to me with my evening look, too. A few days earlier, I had to attend a wedding, and there’s no such thing that stresses me out as much as trying to find the right outfit for a wedding. My wardrobe consists mainly of black and white pieces, and both usually does not feel very wedding-appropriate so I was still in the mood to find something new, even though the wedding was already over. Then there was this cocoon skirt that I still had in mind and that arrived in my parcel for a slightly different budget so I thought, let’s give it a try.

Spaghetti Top (Arket 2022, alternative here or here) | Skirt | Heeled Sandals (pre-owned in brown; alternative here and here) | Bag

I think it looked ok-ish but I am pretty sure I would have taken something else with me, if I had not opened the parcel in the middle of the night. Something that had felt way more me, maybe a pants, a cute top and a summer scarf.

The heels though were a perfect choice. I bought them years ago hand they even worked for a 40 minutes walk home. What else can one expect from a strappy heel?

Top (similar) | Knit | Drawstring Pants (currently available in many sizes!!) | Croco-leather Flip Flops | Sunnies (old Céline, similar here | Bag

I think it’s nice to have a folder full of outfit inspiration on your phone but what really works for me is to look back at the outfits I’ve been wearing myself, and this is one of those outfits I’ve been wearing this summer on heavy rotation. So this is my advice for you — and also for me, since I seamed to forget it in first place — bring the clothes that never let you down!

—Have you ever taken coffee-culture seriously?

In Vienna you don’t drink a cappuccino — you drink “Wiener Melange” (Espresso mixed with an equal part of steamed milk and topped with abundant milk foam, sometimes dusted with cocoa) or a “Verlängerter” (an espresso diluted with an equal portion of hot water, making it a longer mild coffee). There a several signature Viennese coffee varieties and every coffee is traditionally served on a small silver tray accompanied by a glass of fresh tap water.

Sitting there in my favorite Kaffeehaus Prückel, sipping Iced Latte (surprisingly they do not have another name for that one), watching the locals having their coffee while reading a newspaper, I started wondering, if there was something different between having a coffee in Vienna than in every other place in the world. So I asked AI about Viennese coffee culture and was quite amused that my gutfeel was right:

[…] Viennese coffee culture is much more than drinking coffee — it’s a social institution that has shaped the city’s intellectual and artistic life for centuries. In 2011, Viennese coffee house culture was added to Austria’s national inventory of UNESCO-recognized intangible cultural heritage because of its unique traditions and atmosphere.[…]

The Austrian UNESCO Commission describes a Viennese coffee house as a place “where time and space are consumed, but only the coffee is found on the bill.” And the Viennese really mean it — while in Berlin you feel the need to order another coffee or most of the cafés started to ban laptops (what makes me personally super sad, since writing my Substack at a café is my favorite thing to do) in Vienna you feel encouraged to sit, read or just sit for hours. It’s one of Viennas key deeply routed traditions and etiquette and you can instantly feel it!

I was at Café Prückel two years ago, and it was the first place I wanted to visit as soon as I arrived back in Vienna. It was just that feeling that drew me there: a little break all by myself, a quick call with my best friend, and watching the Viennese do what Viennese do.

Since it was super hot I ordered Matjes Salad and a large glas of Soda Zitron for lunch (why isn’t there any Soda Zitron in Germany? It’s super common in Vienna and simply the best drink — just a glass of sparkling water with lemon). But what’s definitely more Viennese would have been a Wiener Schnitzel with Potatoe Salad. For breakfast I can highly recommend a bread with butter and chopped chives and eggs in a glass. Simple but perfect!

The next morning, we went to Cà Phé Lalot for breakfast, a cute Vietnamese spot that was recommended to us by local friends. I slept until 10 a.m. (obviously a very much needed 10 a.m. and the first time I could sleep through the night since 7 month) and got up slowly ,while the other two had already headed off to their Pilates class on the other end of town, so naturally we arrived late. Too late for Vienna — unfortunately, they where already out of breakfast, so we only had some pastry, matcha and a Thai Coffee — I love sweet coffee and pastries that aren’t quite as sweet!

What caught my attention even more was a cute Viennese Café next to the one we were sitting at — they had ham and cheese sandwich (my absolute weakness) so I one to go, and it was truly delicious. If you’re anything like me and love trying local specialties to fully experience the city you’re visiting — then this one’s for you! Austrian cuisine is one of my absolute favorites, and even though a ham-and-cheese sandwich isn’t really an Austrian dish, it’s still a classic there.

Kaiserschmarn and Germknödel are, however, 100% Austrian, so we combed the entire city to find a gluten-free version (I didn’t know how hard it could be to live gluten-free) — and it was worth the effort!

—What about the Viennese?

There are cities where I can spend all day people watching and than there are cities where the people don’t inspire me at all. And there’s something super inspiring about the people living in Vienna! I would not say I was inspired by their style — to be honest, I can’t remember a single person at all, whose style I admired (aside from the event I was invited to, but that was a PR event full of fashion people, so that doesn’t count at all).

As so often, it’s not the clothes that make people seem appealing to me. It’s the way they carry themselves, the attitude with which they go through life. First and foremost is their coffee culture, which I’ve already written about. It seems to me as if their lunch break is endless and they literally just sit there the whole time, reading, talking, and enjoying coffee and cake, as if there were no deadlines and no work waiting for them. I’ve always found this relaxed attitude very appealing (I’m sorry to have to say this, but you’ll never impress me with a packed schedule and a stressed-out attitude).

And then there’s that sense of pride in living in Vienna or being Viennese. In my entire life I’ve never heard phrases like “I love living here” or “I could never live anywhere else” so often. And I’ve only been there for two days!

—Where to shop?

Unfortunately, I don’t know where to find good stores in Vienna. We weren’t really in the mood for shopping, even though I’d asked locals for recommendations beforehand, but the list turned out to be very short. But it was still fun to stroll through the streets and do a little window shopping. We let the city work its magic on us by simply going with the flow.

Besides a few small shops, there was this one store that had a nice selection of brands like Toteme and The Frankie Shop, but in the end, it was just too hot for us to try anything on.

One place I sadly missed was Tibi Studio Vienna, which — as far as I know — is quite rare here in Europe. I’ve been a bit obsessed with their style classes here on Substack lately, and I would have really loved to see their collection irl. And I read on their website that Amy Smilovic is there from time to time, so you can also book style classes with her.

—But what has brought me to Vienna at first place?

As someone who has spent my entire professional career working with different brands across different fields, I truly admire a brand that doesn’t just want to promote its product, but fully commits itself to the zeitgeist and creates space for culture to thrive. To me, that’s what makes a brand truly relevant: when it becomes part of a cultural conversation rather than simply advertising within it.

Since I love hosting events myself — both professionally and personally — I’m hard to impress. For me, it’s always a moment of inspiration: the venue, the decoration, the atmosphere, the food, and above all — something that’s often overlooked — the seating. To me, that’s the art of hosting, and since I’ve worked with Vöslauer before, and I have great respect for Magda Pichler and her team behind the brand, so the second I got the invite, I knew this would be devine!

Magda had sent me a photo of the venue beforehand, and I’d never seen anything like this: a palm house! Of course, it was way too hot, but I still loved it—something this special and aesthetically pleasing always gets me.

We celebrated “the art of joy” with Special Edition no. 14, which was created in collaboration with the artist Onka Allmayer-Beck. Onka Allmayer-Beck created three sculptural designs inspired by joy, connection, and table culture. You can read more about the collab here.

I was seated next to my friend Carola Pojer, who is originally from Vienna, and Alessa Winter, whom I had just met at the event. I already knew her sister Anna, who was there too. Anna and I had taken part at a pre-natal Lagree class in Berlin a few month ago, and she and her sister had had their babies almost at the same time — just around the time I gave birth to my second child.

It was such a lovely evening, and of course we did what moms do: We shared stories and photos of our children and talked — once again — about sunglasses. I love how easily women connect with one another, and fashion and kids are perhaps the topics that always work.

After a wonderful evening, Ari of course encouraged us to have yet another (non-alcoholic) drink, so we headed over to another very Viennese bar called “Zum schwarzen Kamel” — the perfect way to end this wonderful evening.

IF VIENNA HAS MADE ITS WAY ONTO YOUR EURO SUMMER LIST NOW, THESE MIGHT ALSO BE INTERESTING READS FOR YOU:

DAERE TO VIENNA | TRAVEL GUIDE by DAERE

LACK OF INSPIRATION by THE INSPIRATION CLUB

POSTCARD FROM VIENNA by THE GOOD MOOD BOARD

—asking for a friend is a place to ask the questions that shape how we live and feel. Part essay, part diary, part mood board. A place for thoughtful conversations about personal style, modern motherhood and romanticizing everyday life.

Thank you for being here. If you want to support my work, I would love to welcome you as a free or paid subscriber and truly appreciate if you liked, shared, or comment this edit — your support makes all the difference!

Share

On another note: I am using affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission if you buy through them—at no extra cost to you. Think of it as a thank you for the inspo.

A more personal look at how I actually get dressed and how I curated a wardrobe that I truly love and that works for real life without actually being funktional. Nothing but pure inspiration, honest wardrobe crises and a lot of outfit repitition.

These edits are usually reserved for paid subscribers, but every now and then I want to publish an issue that’s available to everyone — I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Kinga <3

Read more

A more personal look at how I actually get dressed and how I curated a wardrobe that I truly love and that works for real life without actually being funktional. Nothing but pure inspiration, honest wardrobe crises and a lot of outfit repitition.

These edits are usually reserved for paid subscribers, but every now and then I want to publish an issue that’s available to everyone.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Kinga <3

—asking for a friend is a place to ask the questions that shape how we live and feel. Part essay, part diary, part mood board. A place for thoughtful conversations about personal style, modern motherhood and romanticizing everyday life.

Subscribe now

Subscribe here to receive new edits directly into your inbox. For now, afaf is mostly free, but you might want to upgrade to a paid subscription to support my work and get full access to all future paywalled issues and weekly outfit edits.

Saturday

This was one of those days that I love: we had no plans other than deciding what to make for dinner, and we even ended up skipping that. We met some friends at the playground and just went with the flow.

I didn’t feel very good when I woke up this morning, so I needed clothes that felt like emotional support. In winter, that’s usually an oversized knit, but today it was super humid and hot, so I wanted something that felt light while still making me feel put together. My answer to that is usually my monogram silk pants, but today I wasn’t feeling a cute top, so I went with the shorts instead and paired them with a super-soft long-sleeve and my softest ballet flats.

Longsleeve | Shorts | Balett flats | Basket Bag

Read more

Some pieces seem to find all of us at once. Not because we dress alike, but because certain things spark different ideas in each of us. That’s exactly what this series is about. Each month, we’ll pick one item and style it three different ways. The goal isn’t to create a shopping list. It’s to show how versatile a single item can be, and how differently it can come to life depending on who’s wearing it. Because personal style isn’t about having more. It’s about seeing familiar things through a different lens.

Consider this a peek into our group chat: the outfit conversations, styling ideas, and little fashion rabbit holes we find ourselves going down all the time.

First up: the summer scarf – and three very different ways to wear it.

As always we’d also love to hear your thoughts! And if there is a particular piece that you’d like to see styled next, pleas…

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A more personal look at how I actually get dressed and how I curated a wardrobe that I truly love and that works for real life without actually being funktional. Nothing but pure inspiration and a lot of outfit repitition.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Kinga <3

—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

For now, afaf is mostly free, but you might want to upgrade to a paid subscription to support my work and get full access to all future paywalled issues and weekly outfit edits like this one.

Get 10% off for 1 year

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And with that movement comes something else: energy. A lightness. A sense of momentum. After months of slowing down, staying indoors, and conserving energy, May feels like an invitation to step back into life. To explore, to breathe deeply, to reconnect with the simple joy of moving our bodies.

It feels less like exercise and more like a fresh start — a gentle reminder of how good it feels to be in motion.

Kinga <3

Read more

Lately, I’ve been considering what I can offer beyond the archive. At the same time, it has never felt entirely right to hold back part of an edition. I’ve always wanted each edit itself to remain whole. Instead, I’m introducing something new: Every week, paying subscribers will receive a selection of seven unfiltered looks, as well as everything I’ve bought.

No outfit planning. No curation. No tidying up the mess in the back. No perfect light. Just seven outfits from real life. The pieces I reach for on Kita drop offs, coffee runs, workdays, weekends, events, and everything in between. A more personal look at how I actually get dressed and how I curated a wardrobe that I truly love and that works for real life without actually being funktional. Nothing but pure inspiration and a lot of outfit repitition. So lets kick off with this very first edit.

Kinga <3

—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

Subscribe now

Subscribe here to receive new edits directly into your inbox. For now, afaf is mostly free, but you might want to upgrade to a paid subscription to support my work and get full access to all future paywalled issues and weekly outfit edits.

Read more

The simple merino knit, that always ends up on the chair because we wear it every other day. The pants, that somehow work in every season. The coat that has seen different versions of us over the years. The bag we instinctively grab without even thinking.

And the more I think about personal style, the more I feel that it has very little to do with constantly reinventing yourself. In a world that constantly pushes newness — new trends, new aesthetics, new versions of who we could become — there’s something almost comforting about repetition. About having staples. About wearing the same things over and over until they soften around your life and truly become yours.

I sometimes feel like we’ve been taught that style has to look exciting at all times, as if repeating an outfit means failing creatively. But honestly, I think real style often looks much quieter than that. It’s living in your clothes. Reinterpreting the same pieces in slightly different ways. Staying curious while still remaining close to yourself.

And maybe that’s also why I’ve become less interested in perfectly styled “fashion people” and more drawn to women whose clothes actually look lived in. Women who clearly know what they love. Who wear the same jacket for years, not because they lack options, but because it belongs to them. I think there’s something incredibly personal — even intimate — about a uniform. About knowing what makes you feel like yourself and allowing that to repeat instead of constantly chasing the next version of you.

Maybe personal style isn’t about becoming someone new all the time. Maybe it’s about returning to yourself, over and over again.

So now I would genuinely love to know: what are the pieces you always come back to? The ones that have quietly become part of your life, your comfort zone, your uniform.

Kinga <3

—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

Subscribe here to receive new edits directly into your inbox. For now, afaf is mostly free, but you might want to upgrade to a paid subscription to support my work and get full access to all future paywalled issues.

Subscribe now

—There’s nothing worse than a pre-owned find that got away, is there?

For me, there is hardly any shoe that feels simpler yet cooler than a flip-flop. They go with almost every pair of trousers, no matter the cut, and somehow always work. The V-shape creates a subtle visual effect that elongates the legs, which I really like. And whether it’s a classic Havaianas or another brand, they always add a slightly undone, effortless vibe.

I’ve been wearing my Havaianas for years and I love them, no matter the look. And as a mom, I always keep them in the stroller in case I decide last minute to go to the playground or my toddler discovers a water puddle.

Because of that, I’ve always refused to spend more money on flip-flops. Even though I’ve often seen leather versions I really liked, I’ve stuck with the classic Havaianas. And to be completely honest I’ve also tried some more affordable leather options but those felt uncomfortable to me — and that’s something I no longer want to compromise on, especially not with a flat shoe.

The other day, I got lucky and came across this Toteme croco-look leather version on Sellpy. I had actually considered the dark brown version, but unfortunately I returned a pair when they were on sale and haven’t been able to stop thinking about them ever since. A clear sign that I probably should have kept them.

And even though this wasn’t my preferred color, the price convinced me, and black is usually always a safe choice for me — which is exactly the case here. I’ve been wearing them regularly ever since, which is probably also because all my summer shoes are currently at the cobbler.

These flip-flops have actually been around for years, and of course I’m not the first to have them. They’re also not really “in trend” right now — that would probably be the jelly versions instead. Still, I feel them 100%, and in the end, that’s really what matters.

—Do you really need another pair of white pants as a mom?

I’ve been wearing my white linen trousers for five summers now and, believe me, they’ve been in constant rotation. They even made it through two pregnancies, so I had a feeling these crepe pants by Almada would work just as perfectly as an alternative. I thought about buying these for quite a long time, but Almada generally makes it easier to take your time deciding on a purchase since their items are almost always out of stock. The price is a bit higher and if you are living with a toddler, its always life on the edge. I don’t necessarily prefer to wear them on days when we plan to go to the playground, but I still have plenty of occasions to wear them. And it turns out that the fabric isn’t that delicate after all — spot cleaning works brilliantly.

What I especially love about those pants is the heavier fabric, which drapes so beautifully and gives them a gorgeous, fluid silhouette. It makes them feel incredibly chic and elevated while still being effortless to wear. And since outfits like these are really all about the details, I’m oddly particular about drawstrings — I love when they’re subtle and clean, without loops or ties hanging out. Somehow, that always makes a piece look much more refined to me.

I’m also seriously considering getting the matching top and wearing it as a set, just like styled it in the picture below. Honestly, I would recreate the entire look exactly as it is — the sheer flip-flops, the red shirt, the light knit tied casually around the waist. It all comes together so effortlessly, and yet every detail feels intentional. I’m obsessed with this look. Unfortunately — or maybe fortunately — the top isn’t available in my size at the moment. You see me on the waitlist.

For everyone else who is also patiently waiting — this one comes in a slightly different cut, but still works beautifully with the trousers. The fabric is quite heavy, and I sized up by two sizes for a more relaxed fit. If you prefer a more fitted silhouette, I’m sure that would look just as nice.

—Why is it actually called “boatneck”?

In the summer, I’ve always loved wearing really simple tops — racerbacks, spaghetti strap tops, or styles like the one is wearing here. There’s something about these clean, minimal silhouettes that feels so effortless and beautiful to me, and somehow they always remind me a little bit of my childhood too.

Last year, I bought that boatneck top that quickly became one of my most-worn pieces, and I was so happy to see it restocked again this year — I immediately picked it up again and also got it in white this time. The cut is super simple and easy to style. I wear them on repeat, especially during the warmer days since they’re made of cotton. I personally prefer sizing up because I don’t love anything too tight, but overall I would say they fit true to size.

If you’ve read my latest —afaf issues, you know I’ve also been thinking about trying Flore Flore — and if I didn’t have a toddler who absolutely loves getting dirty, and a baby who constantly spits up on me, I would definitely try this Timmi Tank below.

I’ve also included a few elevated versions that have a subtle twist while still feeling timeless and understated — beautiful, minimal pieces that instantly make an outfit feel a little more refined.

On another note: for everyone living in Berlin, is hosting an exclusive pop-up next week so if you are in town — be quick and book your slot!

—Is there Botox for your feet?

I must admit I thought about writing about these shoes for a long time now. Not because the shoe itself but because I had a super weird experience with their customer service. Nonetheless the shoe itself is perfect so it deserves a shout out.

My initial idea was to buy pumps that are so comfy that I would wear them like heeled ankle boots in winter. Unfortunately, my feet are extremely sensitive, so if I ever consider getting Botox, I’d definitely start with my feet.

The moment I saw these for the first time, I immediately knew — these are for me. The leather is super soft, the stitching is a perfect little detail that makes them feel even more interesting and modern, and the heel isn’t too high since it is set slightly further back. This makes it look higher than it actually is, while also allowing the shoes to sit really comfortably on the foot. And because the heel is a bit wider, they work much better on Berlin’s cobblestones than a typical kitten heel.

—Does a summer scarf even make sense?

When it comes to accessories, I definitely lean more towards the minimal side and tend to wear the same jewelry almost every day. Every now and then I’ll add a statement necklace, but what I truly love most is a scarf.

Last years runway look from The Row really stuck with me — I loved everyone tying triangle scarves around their hips like this, but with my pregnant belly, that trend just wasn’t happening for me. This year though, I’ve really been enjoying playing around with a scarf and the different versions that are around right now — especially long, narrow silk styles like this one. I think it’s such a beautiful way to make a look feel a little more interesting, whether tied around the neck or wrapped loosely around the hips. It adds something effortlessly chic while still feeling very easy and wearable.

I don’t own a delicate slip dress like this but I absolutely love the idea of making a dress appear less naked. Imagine a sleek long bandeau dress — that’s exactly what I am planning to wear on a wedding this summer.

SOME READS I LOVED THIS WEEK — MAYBE THEY’LL RESONATE WITH YOU TOO:

Issue 101: On getting dressed in LA by

A Week of Outfits: California & Las Vegas Edition by

26. On Aging. by

—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

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The best time for something like this is probably exactly when you feel a bit overwhelmed or even bored by your wardrobe. It‘s such an easy way to find new Styling Inspiration but also to reconnect with what works for you and what does not.

For anyone who hasn’t read my first Toteme styling session yet, I’ve removed the paywall here again. And since this turned into so many looks, I’ll be doing a second edit with summer outfits — otherwise this one probably would never have made it online.

And now I don’t want to talk too much anymore — I’d love to hear your thoughts on the looks and whether you see things the same way!

Kinga <3

—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

Subscribe here to receive new edits directly into your inbox. For now, afaf is mostly free, but you might want to upgrade to a paid subscription to support my work and get full access to all future paywalled issues. Since this is my safe space, I usually put these editions behind a paywall after some time.

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What caught my attention here were the shoes. I own a pair of loafers in a very similar color — a pair of Tod’s Gommino in soft suede — that I rarely wear. If you’ve been following along for a while, you probably know about my ongoing struggle with loafers: somehow, they never quite feel like me. I bought them pre-owned on Vinted, and while I really love the fit, the color, and especially the way they look on other people, I still haven’t fully made peace with them myself. But the soft sole makes them incredibly comfortable, which is probably why I keep trying to make them work instead of reselling them.

I own exactly this jacket, which in my eyes is the hero piece of the outfit, so recreating the look came quite naturally. And I have to say, I liked it immediately. The combination of black, white, and that mustard-ish suede highlight felt right from the start, and honestly, I really could have figured that out myself. But I didn’t — at least not consciously. But more than anything, the way the scarf is casually hung on her. It’s hard to describe because it wasn’t really about how it looked — it was more of an unexpected feeling. I was wearing a spaghetti-strap top underneath, and the scarf somehow gave me a sense of comfort, almost like a layer of ease, so I didn’t feel too exposed with the leather jacket on top. Do yourself a favor and try a summer scarf yourself — no matter how tied up, it is my very favorite accessoire at the moment!

Leather Jacket (2023) | Scarf (2026) | Top (Filippa K, 2022) | Loafers (pre-owned Tods, 2025) | Wool Pants (2025) | Bag (pre-owned Toteme; 2023)

Some may say there is no color here, but for me this is a truly beautiful color combination — an all-black outfit finished with a lighter shoe and bag. I love the casual look, but even though I think the white patent leather ballerinas from Toteme are really pretty, I personally don’t like it when you can’t see any skin between the ballet flats and the pants, as is the case in the picture above.

The neckline on my mesh ballerinas is also on the smaller side, so that applies to me as well — which I like even less with white mesh. I think you should at least be able to see the white trim. Maybe I’m being a bit picky here, but these are details that really bother me personally, so I wouldn’t wear it for that reason alone.

Top (2022; pre-owned Toteme) | Wool Pants (2025) | Balett flats (2024; similar) | Bag (2023)

In the picture below, I’m wearing pointed patent leather shoes, and in my eyes, this looks much better as you can see skin here. Even though I love the “wrong shoe theory,” sometimes the right shoe really does it better.

By the way, the top is from Toteme, it is shorter and boxier than this years version. I bought it pre-owned a few years ago; it’s from one of my favorite collections, from 2017 or 2018 and it’s always a safe bet for slightly more elegant events or when I’m unsure about the dress code. Lately, I’ve been seeing it more and more often on Vestiaire and similar sites, I’ve also linked one that I found for you.

Top (2022; pre-owned Toteme) | Wool Pants (2025) | Shoes (2025) | Bag (2023)

I had just stored away my brown wool drawstring pants on the very top shelf of our wardrobe when I stumbled across this look. I bought the pants while I was pregnant, and they worked perfectly for me at the time, but somehow I lost the connection to them — and with it, any ideas on how to style them. So I thought it might be good for us to separate for a little while.

During winter, I mostly wore them in a monochrome look with a brown cashmere sweater, but this outfit is yet another reminder that brown and black work perfectly together — even though some of us still have that old rule in the back of our minds saying they don’t.

Temperatures dropped again these days, so I climbed up the ladder to give this casually thrown-on outfit a try, and I have to say: it was worth it. Until now, I was convinced flannel only really worked in winter, but the softness of the fabric actually makes these the perfect work-from-home pants. And what works as a WFH outfit naturally works for plenty of other occasions too.

Wool Pants (Cos, 2025) | Longsleeve (Arket, 2023; similar) | Cashmere Crewneck (Cos, 2025) | Slippers (Toteme pre-owned, 2024; pre-owned options) | Sunglasses (2025)

To be honest, I don’t really like that outfit. A pink button down under a v-neck, the collar kind of sharp and spread wide apart, the shiny pants, the white croco bag — nothing in that outfit speaks to me despite of the patent ballet flats. But thats not what this session is about — I don’t want to recreate the outfits that feel 100% me from the very first moment. I want to learn and broaden my perspective. To actually see —and more important— feel what’s for me and what is not. And maybe take new styling ideas with me.

Back to the outfit above — even though I don’t like it for me, does not mean, I do not like it on others. My friend did a great interpretation of it and looked stunning that day. She’s a master of layering and is wearing a top over a shirt here.

I tried this as well, but unfortunately all my shirts have too much fabric, and this kind of layering doesn’t really suit me either, so I went for the other look with the pink shirt and v-neck instead.

That probably does not surprise anyone but I do not own a pink shirt so I opted in for this buttery version. I put on my beloved merino V-neck over it and felt like wearing a school uniform. Kind of demure and girly — not like a grown woman. The vibe was totally different from the runway picture, which to me looks mature, confident, and office-appropriate. One thing is certain — you won’t be seeing me in that look again.

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And since the days here are currently very packed, my introduction will be a bit shorter this time.

I hope you enjoy my 8 looks for spring, and I’d truly love to hear your thoughts on them!

Kinga <3

—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

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Leather Jacket (alternative) | Light Merino Crewneck | Suede Ballet Flats (color-alternative 40% off) | Silk Bag (available color-alternative) | Silk Pants | Sunglasses

I bought these pants pre-loved a few years ago, which is why the fit and fabric differ slightly from the actual version — they’re a bit shorter, shinier, and don’t have pockets. Still, I really love them and wear them whenever the temperature allows.

The jacket was a Black Friday find from last year that I had been eyeing for a few months. To be honest, I expected it to be a bit more oversized and bulky. Since it’s slightly shorter, I find it a bit tricky to style — but I was 9 months pregnant at the time, so it was hard to tell whether it would fit perfectly or not. And since it only came in one size, sizing up wasn’t an option anyway.

Either way, I love the look so much, and it adds something really different to my wardrobe, so I’m committed to making it work. What I particularly like about this outfit is the contrast between the soft, silky fabrics and the vintage feel of the jacket.

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Leggings have always been the ultimate embodiment of comfort for me. While most people switch into sweatpants at home, I instinctively reach for leggings. Somehow, they’re never really “in style,” yet they remain the piece I wear the most.

So, let’s kick off this comfy but chic-series with an item that might not be considered a trend piece, but is definitely worth a closer look. Because while leggings are often styled in a sporty way, there are so many other ways to wear them.

—with love, Kinga

—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

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—How do you wear Leggings for Pilates?

On days when I have Yoga or Pilates, I almost always reach for leggings. They’re comfortable, reliable, and just make sense for moving your body. But while many people naturally lean into a sporty look—think an oversized sporty sweater, tennis socks pulled up, and sneakers—definitely a good look but I personally love taking a slightly different approach to feel a bit more put-together during the day.

Maybe you’ve heard of the “wrong shoe theory” by —a styling idea that suggests intentionally pairing an outfit with unexpected or contrasting shoes can make a look feel more personal, more elevated, and a lot more interesting. I keep coming back to this concept, especially when it comes to activewear.

Instead of defaulting to sneakers, I like to swap them for something softer and a little more unexpected—like ballet flats. It instantly changes the feel of the outfit, making it look more refined and less predictable, without losing any of its ease. The contrast between the athletic base and the delicate shoe just works. And the softer the ballet flat, the better!

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In my early professional years as a concept developer, I was used to doing things differently: starting with a clear idea, a name, a visual identity, a content plan, a creative strategy. A system where everything has its place. And while I’d never say that having a strategy isn’t valuable, this time I wanted it to be different.

I wanted to unlearn certainty. To quiet the noise, to let go of overthinking and perfectionism, and to reconnect with intuition. To simply create—following what felt interesting and seeing where it might take me. Without any formal background. Without following numbers or algorithms. With nothing but curiosity and passion.

Somehow, I feel like I’m surrounded by perfectionists. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say, “I’ll start once I have a fully thought-through concept. I want it to be perfect.”

And I get that! When everything is thought through in advance, it feels less vulnerable. Success becomes more predictable. But it can also mean staying inside the comfort zone you’ve carefully built for yourself.

It makes me wonder how many ideas never make it into the world simply because we’re waiting to feel ready. Because isn’t perfectionism the biggest myth that is only here to slow us down? Isn’t starting—imperfectly, uncertainly—one of the most liberating things in adult life? What if readiness doesn’t come first? What if the real freedom lies in not being ready—and beginning anyway?

—love, Kinga

PS: Since I’m following my intuition with afaf, I often find myself with countless drafts open—pieces that never quite make it into the world because there are simply too many ideas moving through my head at once. It made me wonder what you enjoy more: longer articles, that cover different topics, or shorter, more frequent ones? What kind of rhythm feels right to you? Once a week, twice a week—or maybe just one piece every two weeks? I’d really love to hear your thoughts—let me know in the comments.

—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

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—Is there anything simpler yet more powerful than black and white?

I don’t know who she is. I don’t even know if both photos show the same person. But what I do know is that this black and white aesthetic speaks to me. I’ve always loved black and white looks, but this is exactly how I want to dress as soon as temperatures reach around 20 degrees again.

Elegant, flowing white fabrics paired with deep black leather. I’m completely here for it.

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There is something beautiful about the rhythm of ordinary days —the familiar streets where you always bump into someone, the Italian deli where they already know your order, the clothes that slowly become part of your routine. The quiet satisfaction of a morning walk, a spontaneous meet-up with friends at the playground, or simply an evening with nothing planned but your newest series addiction and self-cooked food. I would rather spend money on a simple piece I wear every day than on an extraordinary dress for a single event. I love to travel, but even more I love coming back.

To me, there is something special about real life. Maybe that’s also why I’ve always been drawn to the beauty of everyday things. To people who live real lives and share their daily office and playground looks —rather than extravagant editorial shoots and red carpet looks.

And maybe that’s what this space is about, too —paying attention to those small things that quietly shape our days. Every day.

—with love, Kinga

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Since my baby has been waking up at six every morning, I’ve found myself rising with the sun — and there’s something so satisfying about feeling a little ahead of the day.

I’ve even managed to make breakfast for my family, which is quite rare, considering I’m usually the last one to get out of bed.

For me, the Moosgaard twins embody understated, everyday dressing at its best — outfits worn on repeat that still look good every single time. There’s nothing overtly spectacular about their style, and yet everything about it feels just right. They’re relatable, dressing not for social media but for real life. That’s exactly what I love about them — and it seems the internet is with me.

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And yet, that very freedom can be a little overwhelming. More often than not, I feel like I only truly arrive in the season just as it’s slipping away. Maybe you know the feeling.

But this year feels different. After that long stretch of snow, I’m not quite ready to let go of my ankle boots just yet. And after nine months of pregnancy — a time when so many of my clothes were simply out of reach — getting dressed again feels especially meaningful. I’ve missed my coats and jackets in particular; I’ve always had a soft spot for them.

So this spring is about rediscovering the pieces I love most. I hope these outfits offer a little inspiration for navigating this beautiful, and sometimes overwhelming, in-between season.

—with love, Kinga

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—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

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I bought this jacket pre-owned when I was pregnant for the first time. Back then, I imagined myself wearing it to the playground —I suppose that was the hormones speaking.

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Back then, the logo was still written in a handwritten-style font, with a tiny heart and flower tucked between the words —long before it changed into the bolder version that came later. They were dark blue, low-rise, slightly flared, with an integrated belt. And they fit —well, almost. They were actually a little too big, but that didn’t matter to me at all. From that moment on, I wore those jeans seven days a week and felt impossibly cool. Those jeans didn’t just mark the beginning of a small Miss Sixty collection; they marked the beginning of my love affair with perfect blue denim.

Today, I wouldn’t describe denim as the centerpiece of my wardrobe. I’m not someone who collects vintage Levi’s —in fact, I don’t even own a single pair ((although a recent article by almost convinced me to start hunting for a vintage 501).

Maybe it has something to do with how we were socialized back then. Magazines assigned jeans to body types as if they were rules: pear shapes should wear high-rise cuts, apple shapes looked best in low-rise flares. Denim came with instructions —and expectations.

For a long time, I told myself I simply didn’t like wearing jeans because they felt uncomfortable. Today I know it wasn’t the denim. It was me —or rather, my relationship with sizing. I treated the number on the label as if it meant something important, as if anyone else would ever notice. No one did. But I did. And slowly, the jeans in my closet became less something I enjoyed wearing and more a reminder of the body I thought I should have.

That changed instantly with my first pregnancy. After months of refusing to buy anything beyond a single pair of high-quality maternity leggings, I broke my own rule shortly after giving birth and bought a pair of oversized Weekday jeans on sale for 30 euros. They were more than just trousers —they felt like freedom. And they marked the moment I began letting go of sizes altogether.

Today, I don’t believe there is only one perfect pair of jeans or the perfect cut for a certain part of your body. Not only have I freed myself from sizing, I’ve also realized that we don’t need twenty pairs hanging in our wardrobes. Just the washes we truly love, and the silhouettes that reflect the full range of who we are —and how we feel.

In this edition, I want to give you a glimpse into my denim collection and the thoughts behind it. I’m curious —how many pair of jeans do you have in your wardrobe?

—with love, Kinga

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—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

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So here’s a look at my current blue denim collection — sizes 26 to 31 — and yet, I still wear every single pair and love them all.

Let’s start with my most worn pair: the Toteme “twisted seam”.

I fell in love with the twisted seam the moment I first spotted them in photos back then. The cut felt so unique — nothing like the typical skinny or mom jeans everyone seemed to be wearing at the time.

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A table in front of a huge construction site is hardly anyone’s idea of a peaceful coffee spot —unless you’re a mother with a toddler. So we stayed there for a while: me with my coffee, my son with his Brezel, my baby asleep in the stroller, all of us quietly warming in the sun.

Two friends happened to walk by —one of the things I love most about our neighbourhood is how you always run into someone for a short chat. It was, in its own simple way, a perfect morning. The kind made up of small, ordinary moments that seem insignificant at first, yet somehow feel the most full-hearted.

This edition is made up of exactly those small things and moments that have been inspiring me over the past days.

—with love, Kinga

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—asking for a friend is a place to reflect on style, motherhood, and everyday life. To ask the questions that shape how we live and feel.

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Remember one of my recent edits inspired by Toteme? Even though the idea behind it was styling over shopping, there was one piece I felt could truly complete my wardrobe in many ways: a soft white turtleneck. And since I’ve been trying to get my hands on the merino turtleneck knit in black for month now, I swapped the idea and got the light version instead. Unlike my other knits, it isn’t as thick, which makes it perfect for styling it in different ways: I wear it with tailored trousers, a light blue or even white denim and a black coat, wrapped around the shoulders or tied around the waist to add depth to an otherwise monochrome look, like the one I’ve been styling here. Don’t we all love a truly versatile piece? I went for a size M.

Still, the all-white look of my styling edit hasn’t quite let go of me. I bookmarked this look from Aiayu shared on substack notes— all white and beautifully layered and the shades of white feel much softer here than a typical, crisp white. I’ll keep you posted.

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While daydreaming about long spring walks, I had to face the reality that this colder season might easily stretch into April. Which made me ask myself: how do we actually get more out of our wardrobes right now? The honest answer might be the true winter uniform every Berliner wears —even if you can’t see it: layers of heatwear.

Even though this winter has been particularly unforgiving, somehow it feels like we have more ways than ever to dress in a way that lifts our mood. I’m sharing three ways here, and I’m curious to hear which of them you’ve already made your own.

—…

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I keep asking myself how we can make it through such times without constantly scrolling online shops for the next perfect item, giving us the feeling that it is the ultimate solution to a perfect wardrobe. Followed by all those ultimate guides and outfit formulas. I mean, does that really work for anyone?

Having so many fashionable friends around me made me realize one thing these days: its not shopping, that keeps the solution, its styling. And it made me also realize, that styling is something I am really not good at. I know my wardrobe very well but I tend to stick to a very simple and clean outfit formula. Kind of boring actually.

Playing with accessories, garments, proportions… There is obviously much more potential in our wardrobe than just mixing knits, pants and shoes. I mean, even a different hairstyle or sunglasses can completely change the vibe of an outfit.

So I thought it could be fun to take you with me on my “how to styling”-journey to learn how to make more out of our wardrobe. I picked out a few Toteme styles — some that feel 100% like me and some, that are slightly outside my comfort zone — to experiment with and understand, how styling the Toteme-way works and weather there is something that is for me or not.

I can already reveal: I still don’t have a solution for muddy and slippery streets but it definitely shows how much potential we have in our closets if we just spend some time playing with it! And it is much more fun than scrolling.

I hope you enjoy this edit as much as I do —let me know in the comments!

—with love, Kinga

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So here’s the inspo: 6 Toteme looks from 2019–2026. Why I chose Toteme?

Until now, I’ve always been somewhat afraid of styling —worried about looking overdressed. I want my looks to remain minimal and clean, letting styling simply add a subtle layer of interest while still feeling entirely like myself. Toteme is not only a brand I deeply identify with — and have for many years now — it is a place where I feel safe, where I trust the taste. A brand that feels wearable, even when presented on the runway

PS: As always, this edit is meant for inspiration —not to encourage you to buy anything. Still, I’ve taken the time to source and link similar pieces for those who are interested. Since I rarely buy anything new or at full price myself, I looked for the best possible options and shops for you as well. You can find everything at a glace in my ShopMy. Think of it as a kind of extra service as I do the work for you.

If there was one piece that caught my eye at the latest Toteme show it was that necklace. Funny though two friends of mine already tried recreating, so it seams this will be the next viral piece we will see on all those stylish women out there.

I guess my try was not the most creative one and you see me wearing that silk scarf quite often but this tiny twist made a totally different vibe. At least I felt so wearing it. To recreate the whole look I put on my long gray cashmere sweater, which I had never tucked into my pants before, and was really surprised at how much I liked it. I paired it with tailored pants, white pointy heels, and a small pouch.

Since I don’t have any white shoes for winter I’ve also tried it with black shoes and a white bag, just remaining the color-combo but surprisingly it really did not work that way.

I somehow knew it before but would have never thought I can wear it out of my own wardrobe: This is definitely a look that felt 100% myself!

Silk Scarf (55% off; 2022) | Pouch (2025; 55% off here, regularly restocked) | Cashmere Knit (Cos 2024; alternative) | Hoops (Aeyde 2024; alternative)ç | Sling Backs (50% off; 2025) | Hair Claw (2026)

That outfit felt like coming home. I wore it a lot already and to be honest, I bought a brown coat and riding boots inspired by that look. I guess it is on my pinterest moodboard for years now and that’s exactly why I chose it: It shows how long I’ve liked the same style, and that’s also reflected in my wardrobe. Here you can also see me wearing an outfit inspired by that look in 2024, combined with pointed high knee boots that I bought in 2019.

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That doesn’t mean working from the sofa in my pyjamas —quite the opposite. What matters most to me is stepping outside first thing in the morning, feeling connected to the world before I sit down to work. Whether that’s taking my son to Kita, grabbing a coffee, or moving my body in an early morning yoga class. It’s a small ritual, but it makes all the difference.

This edit is a little ode to working from home —to small rituals, thoughtful objects, and details that make the everyday feel more intentional.

—with love, Kinga

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