The aspiring life

Free range parakeets

Chava Witkes — Thu, 30 Jul 2026 22:25:24 GMT

“Giving away parakeets.”

“I’ll take!”

The WhatsApp group interaction led me to an apartment turned aviary. There were like 15 parakeets.

“They had babies,” the lady explained.

We gently placed them into a cardboard box and then later, I called the whole family together and had them guess what was inside the box.

“Clothes for the girls,” Avtalyon guessed.

“Noo…

Back from the dead

Chava Witkes — Thu, 30 Jul 2026 22:13:39 GMT

“You look alive,” a friend messaged me just now .

I had bumped into her at daycare pickup earlier. We chatted for a few minutes.

Me, alive?

She’s right, but also so wrong.

True, I had just gotten back from a glow facial. I didn’t notice any difference, which is probably why I don’t get facials very often. Reminds me of when my drum teacher has me move my d…

New home hu dis

Chava Witkes — Fri, 10 Jul 2026 00:40:30 GMT

People wonder why I don’t wear jewelry. It’s not because I’m sensory, ADHD, forgetful, frugal, can’t be bothered, or all of the above. It’s because up until last week, the master bedroom in our house was also my kids playroom.

In the master bedroom, our headboards were balance beams; our mattresses trampolines; our fireplace a diving board; our curtains …

Time to churn crap

Chava Witkes — Thu, 25 Jun 2026 01:51:19 GMT

“You haven’t practiced this in 3 months?” My drum teacher wants to know.

I am going through rudiments. Rudiments are boring. And they hurt my wrist.

“Um, Sorry, no.” My drum teacher thinks I should be practicing an hour a day. This way, he predicts, I’ll be ready to play professional gigs in three years.

“WOW. Thats just—wow, that’s amazing.” He’s very …

Life in Multiple Choice

Chava Witkes — Tue, 09 Jun 2026 00:41:41 GMT

Each day is full of so many moments when we can make truly impactful choices. And other people can also choose to make or ruin our days.

Here’s an example from my morning:

Me: I’m so sorry I forgot to bring ID

Receptionist:

A. I’m sorry, our policy clearly states that you must bring ID to your appointment.

B. You’re in the system already, so don’t worry a…

your free gift

Chava Witkes — Tue, 02 Jun 2026 10:48:19 GMT

I’ve been a ghost on Substack for a while now.

There’s a reason for that. Multiple reasons. Here are some of them:

I was pregnant
I turned 30
My mother-in-law
The DOB

Okay, I can’t think of any more reasons.

Let me explain. This isn’t exactly about my mother-in-law. Or only about her. Maybe. I have no idea.

I write on Substack when I am feeling highly anxiou…

need more minions

Chava Witkes — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 03:30:06 GMT

I just love telling people what to do.

Way back in third grade, that meant people called me “bossy” on the playground. In high school I was described as “aggresive” in some kind of anonymous personality-feedback-giving game. (I was highly offended.)

Nowadays, my best friend tells me I have “interpersonal issues.” (She’s a therapist.)

My husband used the E…

confessions of a SAHM

Chava Witkes — Wed, 15 Jan 2025 17:32:57 GMT

I’m proud to announce that I’ve been promoted from my husband’s Butler to my husband’s personal assistant.

In corporate America, you get a promotion when you’re doing a good job, but I don’t think I was doing a very good job as a Butler. The proof is that Zacci has been making his own coffee lately, before I even have the chance to wake up from my nap a…

showing up again

Chava Witkes — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 01:11:58 GMT

Life on SSRIs let’s gooooooo.

“Aha, so I see you’re more stable.” Zacci remarked last night. See, antidepressants result in compliment from musband. (I think that’s a compliment? It might be a backhanded insult.)

The volume of the voices in my head has been turned way down. Now I can DO STUFF without feeling like a loser.

Off medication, this is what my …

boring but good

Chava Witkes — Tue, 07 Jan 2025 02:59:54 GMT

Looks like Substack is going the way of Instagram.

Instagram used to be such a fun way to express myself. A cute picture of my kids, think of a fun caption, and post! Who cares how many likes you get.

Social media kills things. Now you tap the Polaroid icon when you want to watch Influencers post content that was most likely created by their content man…

cocktail party thoughts

Chava Witkes — Wed, 01 Jan 2025 09:58:06 GMT

Maybe I need to stop fighting anxiety. My last post was titled “almond angst” and it was also posted in the middle of the night. Anxiety is where all my creativity comes from. If not for anxiety, I would probably never post a thing. Although some would say that it’s precisely these limiting beliefs that are KEEPING me anxious.

Last night we went to the C…

almond angst

Chava Witkes — Tue, 10 Dec 2024 08:19:51 GMT

Let’s talk about food. This might be a painful one. After all, food is connected to our earliest and sometimes most traumatic experiences.

In our house, food was carefully measured. No matter what we were having for dinner—a simple omelette with eggs priced at a dollar a dozen, or something higher end like spare ribs—nothing was freely given.

Let’s take a…

flight brain

Chava Witkes — Mon, 09 Dec 2024 16:50:38 GMT

A light has finally been turned on in my brain and now it’s really really bright.

Everything is coming all at once. All these thoughts. A hundred tabs open.

It’s been more than twelve hours since my morning brew, but the jitters are still there. Because they have nothing to do with caffeine.

Ever been too jumpy to sit down at the table? That was me tonig…

brain has returned

Chava Witkes — Wed, 04 Dec 2024 19:29:09 GMT

Yesterday I woke up and I was like, “Wow, my brain is back.”

If you’re a woman who prides herself on her intellectual prowess, you are in for a bit of a rude awakening when you get pregnant.

“Mommy brain” is a real thing, guys.

I’ve literally become incapable of insightful thoughts.

“Hey, are you finished the article?” A client will text me.

How do I expl…

coffee for musband

Chava Witkes — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 17:48:07 GMT

The reason I need a career is so that I can attend social gatherings without shame.

“I’m a speech therapist.”

“I just finished law school.”

“I work in finance.”

“I’m a computer programmer.”

Then everyone looks at me. I scratch my nose and avert my eyes. “Um, I’m kind of a writer. And a stay at home mom sort of, I guess. I do a lot of random projects….I also…

thank you next

Chava Witkes — Mon, 25 Nov 2024 01:00:48 GMT

Okay, there might have been a part two promised last time. Except part II dissolved in my mind somewhere. So here we are, showing up with my laptop and a plate of cold french fries, ready to write.

Today was PTA, so we’re back on the topic of Oholei Torah Moms’ Club.

First of all, I brought my boys with me to PTA. What was I supposed to do, leave them wi…

second grade fail

Chava Witkes — Wed, 20 Nov 2024 14:27:29 GMT

Spoiler alert: the wolves ARE the second graders.

Let me explain.

So when my oldest son started Pre1A at Oholei Torah we were all in for a huge shock. This is a kid who still sucks his thumb and wets the bed…but now he’s sitting at a desk all day. The short haircut, the uniform, the backpack, it was all part of the big transition that we went through.

“T…

hi, winter

Chava Witkes — Thu, 14 Nov 2024 14:32:10 GMT

Winter in New York happens slowly and then all at once.

One day we’re biking in the park, admiring the bright red and orange trees, the next day we’re shivering at the dining room table, wearing turtleneck and leggings and socks, heat blasting, but still too cold to eat breakfast.

A few years ago I wrote this sappy “Ode to Winter” post on Instagram. All …

realtors and farm animals

Chava Witkes — Sun, 03 Nov 2024 16:26:11 GMT

Once upon a time some poor villager complains to his rabbi that his house is too small. The rabbi’s advice is to invite a goat, sheep, cow, and a couple chickens into his house to live with them for a week. “Come back to me a week later,” the rabbi says.

A week later the poor guy is back looking slightly disheveled after having to share his tiny living q…

guess who else is back

Chava Witkes — Sun, 03 Nov 2024 00:02:28 GMT

After I have a baby, an uninvited guest likes to make an appearance. Guess who’s back in my life?

Depression.

Yay.

Everyone’s depression will look different. Mine is basically me not feeling like myself.

Example. Regular me loves a random l’chaim. Dress up, see some people I haven’t seen in a while, grab a piece of sushi on the way out—what’s not to love?

…