They were entirely serious about our home being a safe place from the world. This meant our environment felt vastly different than everywhere else: what we watched, what we listened to, the private and shared worship, the daily family scripture study, the singing, the gatherings. The Spirit of God abided in our home, and because of that, we all made better choices. We wanted to be better. That is the truest indicator that the Spirit is with you: the quiet desire within your heart to be a little kinder, a little better, each day.

My parents set the tone in our home. Music, media, conversations—everything affected the energy of our space. Cleanliness, organization, and rhythm all played a role. The relationship between my parents mattered deeply, too. You cannot fake energy… it is either genuinely there or it is not.

Children can feel harmony. They can feel love in everything we do for them, and they are very sensitive to the energy we give off. The leaders of the fortress simply must do the personal work.

As a mother, I have to be right with myself first: make my bed, take care of my space, and keep my own energy grounded. From there, my marriage needs to be at peace—a place of emotional homeostasis. Only then can that peace naturally spill over into our children’s lives. In a peaceful home, there is no room for resentment, shame, guilt, or harsh judgment. We are human…we make mistakes, and we feel big emotions. But things are resolved quickly. Repentance is a daily practice, and we lean heavily on the power of the Atonement. We are made strong through Christ and what He offers.

Something a good captain of an army would do to prepare his troops for battle is fortify the weak points, train, and mentally prepare. That kind of preparation happens in the everyday… tiny drops in a bucket that eventually add up to a deep well of confidence, faith, and knowing. It builds an identity: We are soldiers who know who God is, how to rely on Him, how to have faith. We are resilient, and we have eternal perspective.

Growing up my home felt like a fortress because it felt like a holy place. A training center for life. At one point my mom even had a Turley Academy sign on one of our walls! She really took her role as teacher, mentor and leader of the family seriously.

I have a sacred responsibility to God to care for and teach my children. I want to make my home a place of laughter, learning, recharging, training and safety.

Principle: We respect our home and take care of our things.

Rule: We color on paper. We do not color on the couch.

After putting away all the groceries, we unwrapped the brand new poster and grabbed the marker bin from the craft cabinet. On the floor behind the couch, we all worked on a happy birthday sign for our little friend’s birthday. “Happy Birthday Ziggy! We love you!” We grabbed our confetti shooters and the poster and ran out the door to hop on our bikes to cruise down the street to surprise our friend with donuts and some birthday cheer.

When we got back home, we immediately started lunch because everyone was ravenous. After we finished lunch, the kids ran downstairs to play, and I walked upstairs to put the baby down for her morning nap. On my way towards the stairs, I kicked the marker bin that was sitting right by the couch. I grabbed it and put it back in its home—the craft cabinet. Why did I do that right then and there, you might ask? Well, that is a fantastic question I’d love to tell you.

When we potty-trained our dog Lucy nine years ago, we read the book Don’t Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor. I don’t remember most of the book’s teachings, but there is one principle that is burned into my brain. It’s something practical and easy to implement into any teaching scenario—dog or human:

Set the learner up for success rather than allow them to fail or make mistakes.

In Lucy (my dog’s) case, we would take her out to potty every hour to prevent her from having an accident in the house. We weren’t even giving her the opportunity to make a mistake. We were managing her training very closely and trying to prevent the unwanted behavior. This was hard work. Brutal, in fact. Setting timers and alarms (even through the night) to get her onto the grass and give her the chance to do her duty in the area that we deemed appropriate.

As a mother, I am currently training four little humans. I’m teaching them how to be in this world. I’m teaching them what’s right and wrong. What’s appropriate and what’s inappropriate. How to be polite, respectful, and not annoying. Jack (3) is learning how to use markers. He is learning how to take care of things in our house. He is learning what is okay and what is not okay. We have a rule: We use markers for paper. We don’t color on couches.

After I kicked that bin of markers right by the couch... I snatched it up quick because I knew that if I left it there it was basically an invitation for my toddler to go to town on my $6K beige couch. If I leave the markers out, on the floor, inches away from the couch, I am setting him up to fail. I’m setting him up to make a big mistake.

As I slide the acrylic bin into its little spot on the shelf, I was reminded that it would probably be good to remind all of my kids, especially the toddler, the principle for this:

We respect our home and take care of our things.

That is something my kids need to be taught. And as any good teacher knows, the real teaching and learning happen when kids are in a good headspace...not seconds after they’ve been caught scribbling all over the couch, panicking as they get sent to their room. Just like a little doggy, if they have an accident and you get mad, yell at them, or punish them after the fact, it won’t necessarily change their behavior for next time.

“They need to learn!” some might say. To that, Karen Pryor would reply: Reward their good behavior. That’s how they learn best.

So when Jack colors on the poster for his little buddy, I can say something like, “Dude! I love what you did. This is awesome. We color on paper, huh? Do we color on furniture? No, we don’t. We color on paper.”

I always try to teach principles and rules in an ideal learning environment, and set my little learner up for success by avoiding situations where he will fail or make a big mistake.

You know when a computer has too many tabs open and it starts to move slowly? Like the mouse gets all laggy and things won’t load well? Let me tell you about my tabs.

I needed to move all the dressers around, undo the crib to build it back up in the new room, pack up the clothes that didn’t fit, move 10 bins of clothes to the baby room to be stored, change sheets, and wash loads of laundry so they would have blankets to sleep on that night..all while breaking up fights, making sure my 3-year-old wasn’t out in the street on his little bike, and making sure my baby didn’t choke on marbles or Legos.

And then came the worry of my oldest getting booted out of her room and needing to move into her sister’s room. And little sister feeling like her room had been completely invaded and ransacked…talk about an invasion of privacy. I was worried about my 8-year-old not liking this new room-sharing arrangement. She has told me in the past that her room is her favorite place in the whole world. She had it all decorated, and her craft stations were used every night for hours while her yoto played. Her safe haven away from her needy siblings. So I was navigating those emotions while trying to frame all of this as a fun new chapter of life!

Not to mention I hadn’t eaten or gone to the bathroom since I woke up, and it was now 3 PM.

So I sort of crashed-out mid-project.

I laid down on my daughter’s bed. It felt as if I had gotten shot by a bad guy and I needed to just slowly bleed out and whisper my goodbyes. Tears welled up in my closed eyes and a knot formed in my throat.

Then I heard the words in my head from a famous motivational lady that I don’t really like: No one is coming. No one is coming for you.

She meant this to be motivation to get up and do the hard things, like a 5 AM workout. But I heard these words in my head and felt incredibly sorry for myself. No one was coming. To save me from the huge project I had taken on.

What was this project you might ask? Musical chairs with my kids’ rooms. Rearranging every bed and piece of furniture. The baby is old enough to need her own room, so the two girls moved in together and the toddler got the full-size bed.

My mom is out of town, and my husband was up to his eyeballs fulfilling orders and filming new ads for his startup. My sisters have a lot of kids and both work full-time. So, basically, all of my lifelines were unavailable.

Then I heard the words again. “No one is coming.” Followed by a pit in my stomach.

A feeling of despair and discomfort. Like, ugh! I wish I had an organization crew that could come organize all of this for me, along with an interior designer and a private chef, because dinnertime was approaching and everyone was getting hangry.

So I was lying there, clenching my eyelids tightly so no tears leaked out for my three children to see, who were probably starting to think their mom might actually be dying.

Then I heard this voice.

“Mom, are you ok?”

“Can I give you a hand massage?”

So, with a little lotion, my 8-year-old started to massage my hand. We call them “hand squeezies.” An act of kindness we do for each other if we can tell the other is anxious or needs a little love.

This slowly brought me back to my harsh reality: three bedrooms and a hallway...actually, make that four bedrooms, because I hadn’t made my bed for the day...in complete disarray .

I took a deep breath. Said a prayer that I could get through the day. And opened my eyes.

Tears flooded out, but I was okay. I will be okay. I said to myself. I just need to do one thing at a time. I just need to get through the next five minutes. I need to finish what I started.

The day dragged on into the evening. My dinner was simple. Bedtime was rocky. But I made it. I am alive to tell you this tale.

At 11PM I finally laid my weary bones down in bed. I closed my eyes and ended that heavy day. But this time, new words were playing in my mind. This time, it was the words of my mother: “Tomorrow will be a new day.”

Come back for part 2... the next day—spoiler alert, it was a really, really good day!

“How can I help you?”

I turned around to see a woman with empty arms outstretched toward me. She said, “I can open up your stroller, or hold your diaper bag, or your baby! I’ve traveled with kids before and I know what it’s like.”

In that moment, it was as if all my travel stress had dissolved. I handed her my baby, and she held her while I set up the stroller and my luggage to easily get through customs. I thanked her and took my baby back. With her southern accent, she wished me well and we went our separate ways.

As mothers, we are part of a wonderful club. It’s a club where, in order to be a member, you must survive pregnancy, postpartum, and the daily grind of actually raising these children. What an honor it is to be part of this elite group.

I hope and pray there is a day I can have empty mama arms and reach out toward a mom who needs her burden lifted. Help from a fellow mother is beautiful. There’s this sense of safety and understanding among us. We know the heavy load, we recognize the overwhelm, and we see each other.

So I guess this is your friendly reminder to look for ways to serve the moms around you. Be brave enough to ask the question, “How can I help you?” You never know the impact that simple gesture can make on someone’s life.

Here are some of the things they did or didn’t do with us.

-no sleepovers

-taught us to cheer each other on

-homeschooling

-family projects (garden, weeding, fruit picking, canning, granola, bread)

-no friends on trips

-little tv

-family time once a week

-family meetings morning and night

-supporting each other

-playing instruments/singing together

-memorization challenges

-horses, motorcycles, & bikes

-traditions

-serving others (singing in retirement homes, for neighbors, & grandparents)

-traveling together

-shared experience (picking up at the airport, letters of support, picking up from missions)

-respect and loyalty for each other

-letting us stay up together at night

-mutual respect for my parents

-no blackmailing allowed

-room arrangements depending on our needs

-pray, sing, read together, teach each other

-parents acted as mediators for our problems//mentoring us through our issues//helping us find peace

In this journey through motherhood, it’s very easy to look at all the things that are going wrong, notice the people that are making your life…worse lol. It’s easy to not have joy. In just one day, I have like seventy reasons to complain or to be grumpy. Even in the really great moments, I can find something terrible about that moment.

Let me illustrate. My two oldest girls got picked up by a family member for a fun outing. As I waved them off and walked back into the house, I thought, “Well, it’s too bad that this family member doesn’t spend more quality time like this with them. Things have changed and I miss the way it used to be, when this person had way more time to spend with my kids.” I stopped myself in that moment and thought, “Whoa! You stop that right now! This is really great that my kids are spending time right now with someone they love. I’m grateful this person took time to be with them today.”

That moment of realization taught me that if I’m not careful, a negative thought will creep in and fester if I don’t push it away.

Negativity is the thief of joy.

So, next time a thought like that creeps in, instead of calling my husband to tell him or Marco Poloing my besties about it, I say out loud, “Not today, Satan,” and speak a positive statement out loud. It’s what I’ve been trying to do ever since this day. I will not let a negative thought ruin the beautiful and joyous parts of my day anymore. I will look for something to be grateful for and I will try to find joy in that moment.

Watching a beautiful building being built has been a powerful symbol for me—a reminder of the creation of a family. Like a building, a family begins with an idea, a blueprint with a sacred purpose. Every detail is thoughtfully designed before it becomes a physical reality.

First, a place is chosen for this building. The land is cleared, and soon, machinery, tools, workers, and materials are brought together to begin construction. The process of turning a plan into reality requires many steps. At times, it looks endless—messy, chaotic, and noisy. But the blueprint, the vision, is what guides the project. When excavation begins to lay the strong foundation for this beautiful building, all you see at first is piles of dirt. Once the hole is dug and carefully prepared, cement is poured. Then the walls rise, followed by windows, the roof, and scaffolding to refine the exterior details. Slowly but surely, what once seemed chaotic takes shape—a masterpiece dedicated to the Lord.

Creating a family is much like the construction of a building. You begin with a vision: What kind of family do you want to create? What does your blueprint look like? This vision will be the guide for your journey. Clearing the land is like looking within—clearing your heart of anything that may hinder the process. The strength of your foundation will depend on how firmly and intentionally you build it. Laying that foundation often feels endless—messy, chaotic, and noisy.

The walls and windows of a family represent boundaries that protect us, a safe place where we can dwell in peace, sheltered from the adversary’s power. The scaffolding symbolizes the counsel, commandments, assignments, callings, and responsibilities that help shape and refine our family. But just like with the temple, the scaffolding is temporary. Eventually, it must come down. And when it does, we are left with the question: What will your creation look like?

As the scaffolding is removed, the building’s beauty is revealed—a magnificent work of art. When our children were young, our family had rules, counsel, teaching, and guidance. We nurtured their gifts and talents and constantly reminded them of who they truly are. Then the time came when the scaffolding came down. They no longer needed it. They stood on their own—strong and beautiful creations, ready to begin building their own buildings; their own families.

-MOM

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My Unmedicated Birth Plan

Name:
Expected Due Date:

General Preferences

• No IV (saline lock only) — I’ve been notified of the risks.
  
  

• I request a nurse who is experienced and comfortable with unmedicated births.
  
  

• I prefer to wear my own clothing during labor and delivery.
  
  

• Please keep staff to a minimum (no students, interns, or residents).
  
  

Primary Care Providers

• Doctor/Midwife & Contact:

• Pediatrician & Contact:
  
  

Support People

I would like the following people to be present during labor and/or birth:

Name

Relation

Labor Environment

I prefer:

• A quiet, calm environment with minimal interruptions
  
  

• Dim lighting
  
  

• Few vaginal exams as possible
  
  

• Freedom to eat, drink, and stay hydrated as approved by my midwife
  
  

• The option to touch my baby’s head as it crowns
  
  

Pain Management Preferences

I plan to use natural pain management techniques, including:

• TENS machine (I don’t have one, but i’m open to using one)
  
  

• Warm bath or shower
  
  

• Birth combs
  
  

• Massage
  
  

• Heat pad or cold towels
  
  

• Counter pressure
  
  

Delivery Preferences

• Planned vaginal delivery (open to water birth if available)
  
  

• No episiotomy
  
  

• Avoid directed pushing — I prefer to follow my natural urge to push
  
  

• Gentle guidance to help reduce the risk of tearing
  
  

• Maintain a quiet environment (minimal talking unless necessary)
  
  

• Allow space for my husband and me to experience birth together with minimal intervention
  
  

Fetal Monitoring

• Intermittent monitoring preferred
  
  

• Use sticker monitors if available
  
  

After Delivery

• Immediate skin-to-skin contact with baby; staff involvement only if needed or requested

• No immediate weighing, measuring, or medications for the baby
  

• Delayed cord clamping — wait until the cord turns white and/or placenta is delivered
  
  

“Here am I; send me.” (Isaiah 6:8)

The teacher talked about service and the blessings that come from helping those around us. One of the questions was, “How have you seen your service magnified by the Lord?”

I’m sitting in church listening to this lesson, holding my baby. I’ve been up …

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My mom said she didn’t come up with it willy-nilly…it took her and my dad many years to write out their vision for our family. So, with a lot of love and care, I am now attempting to make my own for my family of six. I hope you’ll join me, and let me know how yours is coming along in the comments.

As a brainstorming activity, I wrote out these (very random) questions to answer with my husband:

• What kind of adults am I raising?

• How does it feel in my home?

• What does “home” represent for me?

• What am I teaching my kids daily?

• What kind of skills are important for an adult to have?

• What role does Christ have in our home?

• What type of relationship do I want my kids to have with each other?

• How is my marriage?

• How will we practice the gospel of Jesus Christ in our home every day? What does that look like on a practical level?

• What are the attributes and qualities we want to focus on?

• What is important to my husband and me?

• What aspects of our children’s lives matter most? (e.g., education, social, spiritual, and emotional.)

• What foundation do we want to lay for them over the next 18 years?

• How will religion be practiced in our home?

• What type of ethos are we creating and supporting every day?

• What is the “vibe” in our home?

• What makes our kids want to come home?

• How do we establish respect in our relationships?

• How are we practicing communication skills?

• What do we want to take from our own upbringing?/What did our parents do right?

• What will we leave behind from our upbringing?

I also asked my mom what questions she was asking herself as she wrote hers:

• What kind of family do I want to have?

• What do I want my children to believe?

• Whats important?

• What really matters?

• What principles do I want my children to understand?

• After you (the parent) is gone, What is the message that will resonate in your children’s heart?

• What do you want your legacy to be?

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I had a session the other day with a young mother that shared her trauma from Saturdays chores at home. She remembers hating Saturdays. Her mother’s voice, yelling and demanding a spotless house. “The stress and the fear was real” she says as she wiped her tears. There was an atmosphere filled with fear and sadness instead of peace.

As I listened to her, I couldn’t help thinking: I hope I didn’t traumatize my children in the same way. And I hope my grandchildren are not being tortured either.

Of course, having a clean home is important—but teaching principles is more important: patience, compassion, love, service and helping them understand why keeping a clean home matters. Your home is like a laboratory, a place where your children are constantly learning, experimenting, and creating—and it cannot always be spotless. A clean and orderly home should be about creating space to welcome the Spirit. I had this idea that our spirits yearn for the sweet feeling of home—that feeling of peace we enjoyed when we lived with our Heavenly Parents, that was the reason that moved me to have an orderly home.

So my counsel to you, as a grandmother now, is this:

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• 7 Habits for Highly Effective Families by Stephen Covey

• The Color Code by Taylor Hartman

• Increase in Learning by David A. Bednar

• The Real George Washington by Allison, Skousen & Perry

• The Real Thomas Jefferson by Allison, Skousen, Maxfield & Cook

• Nurtured by Love by Shinichi Suzuki

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In no particular order, these are the things she rattled off:

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From a very young age (like 0–5 years old), our children must be socialized. They have so much to learn about this world and about getting along with others. So much of their future success will depend on their ability to interact with people, as well as their own self-confidence and outlook on life. My kids are surrounded by teachers, friends, aunts, uncles, and cousins every day, and these influences are actively shaping them.

I’ve noticed that in a group, we subconsciously mirror the behaviors or patterns of speech of those around us, for better or worse. The important thing to remember, and something my parents have mentioned, is to be intentional about what you are implementing into your life and the lives of your kids. Surround yourself with other mothers that share similar parenting styles.

Mothers in the past rarely raised their children alone; they did it alongside other mothers. This is helpful for so many reasons. I love it because I feel connected to people that truly understand what I’m going through. They are also in the trenches, and there is some level of comfort that comes when you go through challenges with other people. It makes your hard days bearable. It makes you feel less alone. You’re not the only one that benefits. Your kids also have the opportunity to learn interpersonal relationship skills. You are putting them in situations where they can practice sharing, communication, decision-making, etc.

Why I love raising my kids with a “village”:

• Stability and Security: My kids feel stability and emotional security from not only my husband and me, but from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends.

• Shared Wisdom: I feel less pressure as the sole educator of life skills. I recognize that there are people in our tribe that have strengths that I don’t have. This is beautiful because my kids can learn from the other adults in their life.

• Identity and Worth: I grew up with a tribe, and I found it comforting knowing I came from something bigger than me. I developed a strong sense of identity and worth. This helped me to feel less anxious and depressed.

• Emotional Intelligence: Raising emotionally intelligent kids involves putting them in a lot of situations that will test them. The more chances we give them to forgive, exercise compassion, or understand loved ones, the quicker they learn how to handle the wide variety of social situations. They are learning to empathize, critically think, love, and accept others—especially themselves.

• Confidence and Self-Worth: This comes from a child feeling seen and valued. When 30+ people know your kid very well, celebrate every single milestone, and show up in their lives, that child cannot help but feel whole, loved, and valued. This knowledge is monumental for when it’s time for that child to go out into the world and face the challenges that will come. No matter what storms blow their way, they have a solid foundation of love and security—not just from parents or siblings, but from teachers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends.

📽️When I replay the story in my mind, what are the main moments that stick out the most?

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I’ve asked her a lot of questions over the past couple of years. Things like “What did you do when you got overstimulated?” “Who would you go to for good advice?” “What was the hardest part of being a young mother?” “If you could go back, what would you do differently?”

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I grew up with a mother who loved being a mother. She took her role very seriously. She taught me who I was and what my purpose was in life. She helped me understand important principles that created a solid foundation for me as a woman. Now, as a mother to my own children, I understand my influence as the matriarch of my home. One of the things I love …

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