Writing and career updates

Books!

In case you missed my announcement on social media, I recently signed a book deal with Rogue River, an imprint of Roan & Weatherford. I couldn’t be more stoked! It’s for three psychological thrillers, the first of which, Climax, will be published late next year. Climax features a sexuality podcaster—so, very GB-esque!

Here’s a sneak peek at the books via Publishers Marketplace:

You can see how I celebrated the actual signing here. (Hint: oh-so-glamorous…in an animal sanctuary type of way.)

The podcast

Like last year, I’m taking the summer off from podcasting to focus more on novel-writing. I’ve been releasing one fun replay per month and plan to be back with new incredible stories starting mid-September.

Check out the latest replays on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Books and shows I’ve loved

I’ve been on a mostly-memoir kick while working on fiction, but I’ve managed to fit some gripping thrillers in, too. Some of my latest faves:

Powerful memoirs:

This American Woman: A One-In-A-Billion Memoir by Zarna Garg
I laughed, I cried. Such a moving and uplifting read!

Nobody’s Girl by Virginia Roberts Giuffre
The best way to gain understanding of the Epstein atrocities, IMO. Yes, it’s a dark story, but it also holds light.

Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage by Belle Burden
This one held up to the hype for me! It unfolds like a soft (and eventually moving) psych thriller.

Gripping thrillers:

The Stone Sisters by Margot Hunt
This is an Audible original I’m listening to now. If you love stories that delve into family secrets (with incredible full-cast narration), it’s such a goodie.

Next, I’m excited to read Razorblade Tears by S.A. Cosby
The neo-noir thriller follows two ex-con fathers, one Black, one white, who together hunt down their married sons’ killer.

Speaking of reads, my GB book turned 8 this month! It’s currently on-sale for about half price on Amazon.

A true-crime podcast:

My Mom’s Murder, hosted by Lauren Malloy
Lauren investigates her mother’s death after learning via a Facebook message that she may not have actually died of natural causes. Quite moving, thanks to the heart and care she infuses.

Movies and series:

Marty, Life is Short, a Netflix documentary about Martin Short. So funny and touching, and highlights important lessons about any creative path.

Song Sung Blue, also on Netflix. And also super touching! Based on a true story, this film really pulled me in and had me tearing up about love, art, and when the two collide.

If you wanna laugh:

Ted Lasso and Trying, both on Apple TV, are my favorite series of late. (I’m one of about a billion there.) Essential comedies, so full of heart!

What I’m watching now/next—not for laughs.

I just started watching the new Hulu show, The Shards, which gives me noir Gossip Girl vibes. It’s a serial killer mystery (based on a 1987 novel) involving affluent Los Angeles teens in the 1980s. 🕵️‍♀️

And I’m excited to check out Furious on Hulu soon…as well as UK’s next Love is Blind — or as I call it, The Wall People — season. (I know, I know…but I love it.)

Tell me what you’re reading, streaming, and loving?

Over 13 years of nonfiction writing later, I’m back to a genre I’ve adored since childhood. More on that soon! For now, a (lightly edited) throwback tribute to an author who changed my life and thoughts on what childhood heroes mean to us all.

Living in Los Angeles, I’m seldom starstruck. But partway through a writers’ conference in Cleveland, I morphed into a pile of quivering You’re my hero! mush.

I’ve just returned from the crime fiction convention, Bouchercon. In my three times attending, I’ve been struck by the incredible warmth of the community. And I’m not talking thriller-style heat. The general attitude among authors is, “How can I help you?”

While the fest is a blast, it’s also work. Authors mingle about in professional/friend mode, soaking up the experience with business cards at the ready. On day two, I snapped from adult professional to twitterpated teen. Sitting in the front row before a panel featuring Mary Higgins Clark, my heart pounding, I nearly burst into tears.

I first read Clark’s A Cry in the Night during fourth grade. The tattered library book I never returned accompanied me to school, bed, and my first—nearly last—babysitting job. (Picture two-year-old twins “playing” in a bathroom to the ignorance of their book-obsessed babysitter…) I’d finish the book then try to repress parts before reading it again. In all, I probably read A Cry in the Night eight times. Thankfully, she had other books to fill the gaps.

Into middle school, the Indigo Girls, Oprah, and Mary Higgins Clark were my peeps—the cool aunties I looked up to and relied on whenever times grew drab, confusing, or tough. According to recent studies, I’m not alone.

Research compiled by the British Psychological Society showed that celebrity fandom often peaks during adolescence, and might function as part of our extended social networks.

It makes sense that we’d look to those we admire when contemplating our identities and the plethora of changes that infiltrate our pubescent lives. The Indigo Girls taught me to play guitar, share honest feelings through song, and not place my self worth in brand names or makeup. Oprah taught me—well, that’s for another episode post. Mary Higgins Clark cemented in me the power of story. Seeing as I became a writer, she’s arguably the most influential.

Maybe our heroes show us the way. Or maybe they highlight what’s already in us, awaiting our attention. Either way, it feels like permission and encouragement at once.

Fearing I’d open the floodgates by asking Clark a question at the panel, I absorbed the presentation then headed to the book room to stand in line for her autograph. Though the crowd and vibe varied, it reminded me of waiting for the Indigo Girls after a concert, minus my guitar.

When my turn came, Clark’s kindness melted my nerves. Turns out, my hero was a person—living, breathing, real! Her sass reminded me of my lived-large grandmother-in-law, only New York-style. I shared what she’s meant to me, as nutshell as possible, then answered her questions about my career. She seemed genuinely curious. I couldn’t believe she cared.

I walked away full of gratitude for what Oprah would call a full-circle moment. I’d done my inner child proud.

As time goes on, I feel continually more connected to little-kid me. It’s as though life’s struggles sent me on a detour then back to my authentic self. Having an opportunity to thank someone who played an invaluable role in my journey made the conference feel like Christmas at its best.

When we love what we do and do what we love, most anything’s possible. (I know... But corny can = true.) And while I don’t have findings to support it, I suspect that connecting with likeminded others and pursuing our passions can make dreams we never realized we had come true. Worst case, we get to live the dream of doing it.

Mary Higgins Clark died in 2020. I hope she’s resting in peace, sass, and power.

Have you ever been starstruck? Or met someone you admired as a kid? I’d love to hear about it.

Okay, for everyone else. We all know times are tough. Current events are heartbreaking. Echoes of fascism whir nonstop. Financial strain, health challenges, caretaking — the list goes on for so, so many folks. Whether or not you’re directly affected by these stresses, it’s easy to feel helpless, hopeless, or both.

I don’t have a solution for the chaos, but I do know this: Writers must write — even, or especially, during rockiness.

The year before last, “this world” darkness sent me to a place where I knew I had to change my daily life. I knew I wasn’t experiencing mental illness. It was more of a questioning. I sensed a void.

Once I clarified to myself that I’d reached that point, the answer shone clear: I needed to return to writing fiction after over a decade focused on nonfiction. Last year, I took that mission more seriously and finished penning my second novel.

Adding “The End” to that manuscript was celebratory for sure. But you know what jazzed me up even more? Committing to it. As soon as I decided to make space for that shift I felt brighter, lighter, and full of hope.

Creating art of any kind isn’t the best or only way to change the world. It is, however, a crucial one. Creation also allows us to thrive in the world, even amid intense darkness.

With that in mind, here are a few reasons to write, write, and write some more these days.

1. Writing brings mighty emotional perks. Studies have linked writing with emotional regulation, resilience, stress relief, and improved brain plasticity.

2. Fiction writing, in particular, gives us a necessary escape from harsh realities, if even for a while.

3. Stories, poems, songs, and letters affect people in invaluable ways, bringing laughter, joy, catharsis, healthy fear, entertainment, relaxation, and more.

4. Fiction and nonfiction shed light on critical issues. Approached well, both forms humanize challenges in ways that affect positive change without “preaching.”

5. You want to write. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have read this far. Where there’s desire, magic awaits. (Would I make an excellent fortune cookie or what? 🍪)

So, please. If you’re writing these days, keep at it. If you’re not and wish to, take a step in that direction. You don’t have to write for hours at a time to benefit. Carving out a few minutes here and there, connecting with writer friends, and jotting down ideas in a notes or voice memo app are great ways to start.

What’s your favorite benefit or writing? How are you keeping it in your life lately?

The last Girl Boner Radio episode of the year is similar in some ways, featuring awkward sex and dating experiences that’ll make you cringe, laugh, gasp, or relate!

We all experience awkwardness in the intimacy department. So in addition to some fun entertainment, I hope hope the stories help normalize such happenings. There’s nothing “wrong” with us for things like dongs gone wrong (I couldn’t help myself). In fact, they show we’re human.

You’ll hear a tale about stealthy sex that found an accidental audience, one involving a wonky serenade, and another about mysterious blood that halted sex — only to make a ton of sense later. I shared one of mine, too, about a could’ve-been-scarier Halloween surprise. You’ll also hear about lessons learned and related advice.

In honor of the episode, here are a few delightfully “OMG!” experiences submitted to me by listeners:

MORE awkward fun

In addition to the awkward sex and dating stories in the episode, featuring Emily Zawadzki, Dr. Heather Bartos, and Sarah Fader, you’ll get a special bonus. My friend and colleague, Susanna Brisk, joined me to chat about the stories.

Listen to (or read) Not-So-Secret, Naughty or Nice and WTF Blood?! Awkward Sex and Dating Surprises here.

Have an awkward intimacy or dating experience of your own to share? I’d love to hear about it. Or let me know which story here tickled you most!

I don’t recall the brand or product I hoped to model, the casting location, the pay rate, or even what happened at the actual audition. But I do recall The Wait. Minutes ticking by like a continental drift, me lurching at every hint of a phone ring or pager buzz.

Such an alert never came.

Eventually, my agent let me know they hadn’t heard anything so they’d probably “gone in another direction.” I was stunned – not that I hadn’t booked the job, but that no one even cared to let me know. At least, that’s how I perceived it.

Gradually, I learned the art of “this is the job.” Simply showing up and doing my best for any given opportunity was the opportunity. Sometimes, that led to a booking.

In honor of Halloween, here’s a dusty Polaroid from one of my creepiest bookings. That’s human hair trailing from my eyes. (Yes, I was in Europe.)

I’ve carried that mindset with me since, through (all non-“normal” job) career shifts and gazillions of rejections. And it’s holding me up now, as I await news about my latest manuscript. I’m especially butterfly-sy about this one, partly because it marks another career shift — one I’ll share more about soon.

In the meantime, I thought I’d share practices that help me better navigate the Waiting Game. If you’re a passionate and persistent creative, perhaps they’ll help you, too.

1. Remind yourself that no matter what happens, you’ll have possibilities.

2. And that often, the timing of things works itself out. I don’t know why. It just does. Trust that.

3. Once a project moves on to the next stage, you’ll probably be swamped with things like revisions or marketing prep. Take advantage of the time you have now. Create or update your website. Finally start your newsletter. Go on a fun adventure.

4. Lightly daydream about your next project. I say “lightly” because I want my focus to stay with the project I’m awaiting news about. For me, jotting random notes about future novels down on an app works well. If you’re less of a hyperfocuser, daydream harder!

5. If you experience “Dark Night of the Soul” type emotions, know that that’s normal. They may mean you miss your art, the active doing-of-it. If so, find ways to dip back in. Or, they may mark an intense growth spurt in your life. (I love Dr. Martha Beck’s thoughts on this in her book, The Way of Integrity.)

If you’re really struggling, seek support. Regardless, don’t problematize your emotions. (That last part is so key!)

6. Journal and/or talk your feelings out with a friend. Many of us fear we’ll somehow sabotage a project or the Waiting Game outcome by talking about it aloud. I both relate and hypocritically think that’s a bunch of hoo ha. You don’t have to announce your plans/projects/feelings to the world. But get them out somehow, some way.

How about you? What helps you navigate The Waiting Game with ease? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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Earlier this year, I reached a crossroads, but I couldn’t make out the road signs. I longed for a change — needed one. But I wasn’t sure what or why.

I could tell it involved my creativity, which didn’t surprise me. My creativity has long been my compass, one that not only gives me direction, but allows me to thrive. I struggle profoundly when it flounders.

And that’s how these crossroads tend to feel to me: like piles of gloomy, rudderless blah.

Decades ago, a similar crossroads led me to acting. Years later, another helped me shift from acting to writing. That one felt like discovering who am. It hasn’t changed.

Even my podcast became a place for my writing starting five years ago, when I transitioned from interviews to a narrative true stories.

So why then, amidst plentiful writing for a show and journalism I find fulfilling, did I reach another pile of blah?

World stresses surely played a role, but my creativity is my best balm for that, too. Meanwhile, my show, while continuing to reach loyal listeners, has become a passion project (a positive way to say “makes no money”). Was that part of it?

I believe so, but not in the way you might think. Money has never been my show’s “why.” But the show does take an enormous amount of my time. Did I need to find ways to make it profitable?

I could litter my episodes with impersonal ads, I realized, but that didn’t appeal to me or seem helpful. I’m not interested in creating courses to sell to my listeners, many of whom already have my books. I could sense that I wanted to offer my readers and listeners something — but what?

Another nonfiction book wasn’t it. I’d let my literary agent know that after my last book, co-written by therapist Jamila Dawson, came out. I’d been on a sort of book-writing sabbatical for three years, investing my professional and creative energy into my show and my freelance writing.

This latest crossroads meant that this setup no longer fueled me. I wasn’t about to quit either (not that I could afford to quit freelancing). So, my blahs and I forged on, hoping clarity would come.

Finally, an epiphany

I don’t recall what was happening the moment I figured it out, other than increasing dread in the pit of my stomach. Perhaps it was the curiosity I let marinate while I threw metaphorical paint at the wall – trying ideas on for size, all of which fell flat.

Until, one didn’t.

The epiphany sort of sprinkled in. And suddenly, I knew:

I was going to finish writing my second psychological thriller! (My first in twelve years.) That knowledge washed my away blahs like a turbo cleaner. Within moments, I went from heavy unhappiness to ebullient light. That light has been carrying me since.

the morning of my epiphany

A plan came together

I’d started writing the novel two years prior, but only worked on it during rare times I had the bandwidth time to do so. (I’ve never been a 10 minutes here, 30 minutes there kind of writer — and so admire folks who are.)

My newfound light filled those pages with possibility. An actionable plan shone clear. I’d take part of the summer off from the podcast and dedicate time into my novel instead.

I created a sort of DIY, at-home artist residency: 1-2 days per week freelance writing and 4-5 days fully immersed in novel writing from late-July through, appropriately, August.

Leading up to my residency, I worked on the novel for half of a day here and there, all the while daydreaming about what the immersive time would feel like. I could almost taste it.

The residency itself did not disappoint. It was illuminating, exhilarating, challenging, playful, intense, and, honestly, life-changing. It ended with a completed draft I’d begun polishing and the bittersweet feeling that follows so many cherished experiences: Why did it have to end?

My biggest takeaway was this:

There are so many unknowns in the publishing world and the writer’s life, but the novel-writing itself can be a given. I can make it so. I need to.

Which is, in part, why I’m here…

Moving forward

There’s a lot more I could say (and thank you, if you’re still reading!) For now, I wanted share what I’ve been up to. I’ve not been the best at updating folks.

Moving forward here, I plan to share about life, writing, creativity, and perhaps a bit about spice and relationships – tentatively once (maximum twice) a month. I’ll also share very occasional news about upcoming books and events.

If that appeals to you, please hit the follow or subscribe button to stay with me. 🖤

And if you’re on a similar path or have related thoughts to share, I’d love to hear from you.