I check my department group chat

After seeing a notification that makes me immediately sat

Alas, lo and behold my incourse scores are visible and bold

I rush to check my matric number only for my heart to turn cold

I sit down and I write down my scores to see if where my CA is going is somewhere bright

But unfortunately after doing that I begin to question where did I not get right?

Could it be all the times where I sacrificed class just to buy time to prepare for another battle ?

Or what if it is the time I spend on this platform is way beyond the limit for a medical student to meddle?

I mean, since February, Substack has been my escape from reality and I guess that's good

But have I asked myself, "Aura, what are you going to do when reality actually starts coming to you?"

My parents call from time to time, asking for the numbers so they can know they are on the right track

But here I am, trying to adulterate them because African parents want favoured facts

I entered pre-clincals, by this time last year ready to make impact

Fast foward one year and it seems as if I am on the ground on my face flat

My parents have sacrificed everything to the extent of unlearning the African parent stereotype

Imagine me paying them back with grades that feel to heavy to type

Could it be, my relationship with my Creator, the one who came for me during various times of my academic life

What could I have done that between me and him that there could possibly be a strife

Infact, my name in Yoruba Language means "God has done it"

But faith is completely non-existent without me doing my bit

I still have about 6 months left till my medical board exams

Each and every day, I fear the psychological horror of repeating while holding my Guyton & Hall with my sweaty palms

I am grateful to God for showing me medical students on this app like and

But still I have to do the real work to carry myself to glory.

If you are reading this poem, do a prayer for me

I am just holding on to Isaiah 41:10 as a safety jacket as I embark on a journey in which the destination is very far to see

Hey guys, thank you very much for reading this

I wrote this poem, coz I was feeling moody about one of my incourse scores that I saw on Friday

My CA is a very complicated place and my MB is next year February/March and I need to lock in for the remaining months of the year to put my CA in the right place before them

With that, unfortunately I will soon take an hiatus from this app and it's a sacrifice I have to make because honestly Substack has helped my mental health and also helped me escape the realities of medical school since I first came here in February

Thank you to 107 of you for being with me so far, put me in your prayers and may God also answer your own personal desires, in Jesus name

Selah🙏

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Before, I start this article it's important to note that some of the Bible passages and majority of the doctrines I might be sharing hear apply to the Christians only. So to the atheists and agnostics reading this, feel free to read but just know that you don't have to abide to some of the things that are not comfortable for you. Also, please if you have questions or opinions to share let's be respectful. Ejoor I no get strength to argue back and forth. This is the first time I am writing something like this and honestly I am quite nervous but hey, this is why we are on Substack, to share our thoughts

Some days ago, I had an interaction with a friend of mine about her current religious status. As of now she is kind of indifferent about the existence of God and all. So I asked her how did she arrive at her current religious stance

She then went on to tell me about how her mother discovered she was sexually active and all. From there she kind of went for "deliverance" and to the African Christians reading this you must imagine what she must have went through under this "deliverance".

She then went on to tell me a sentence that rung in my ear and it was kind of what inspired this article . I quote this exactly as she said it

At this point of our conversation plus a discussion that I had with and and viral article which was one of the articles that I read when I first came to Substack. I came to a conclusion that many conservative Christians will refuse to accept up until now

Purity Culture is not a part of the Christian doctrine irrespective of any denomination whatsoever

It is a serious problem that has caused a lot of harm especially in the psychological sense to many women in our society today. When it is challenged or opposed, it's seen as a sign of rebellion , immorality and the most popular one "the flesh".

It's one of the many ways that God's Word has been manipulated to suit man's selfish and evil desires and it's very unfortunate that even the most mature Christians are still a victim of this

In this piece, we are finally going to eliminate this man-made parasite that has been sucking and removing the sacred value from God's word for many centuries

What Exactly Is Purity Culture?

Personal for me, based on what I have read and learnt about the concept so far, this is how I formed my own personal opinion of purity culture

Purity Culture can simply be defined as a religious and societal movement that connects the moral worth of a person to his or her abistence from any form of sexual activities before marriage.

If you notice, the she in that definition is in red text Why?

It has been enforced on the male gender but to compare it to how it has been enforced on the female gender is like comparing the size of an ant to that of an elephant. From the analogy and comparism, I can bet you have already seen the problem with purity culture but let's proceed. I will adress it later on

Purity Culture has been in existence but it wasn't really present in mainstream Christianity up until the late 1990s especially in the United States where HIV/AIDs and sexual exposure was on the rise and some concerned Christian groups were worried about the high rate of sexual immorality, hence the concept of purity culture started to appear in mainstream Christianity and the launch of book which goes by the name of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" which marked it's significance

Of course, here in Africa, Christians don't really question their beliefs and they swallow any doctrine that they come across like eba e.g Suicide as a Sin. Infact, even before Christianity arrived in Africa, purity culture has long been associated with traditional beliefs and practices. The emergence of Christianity was like a medium in which it could still be passed unto generations later. Why ? The Bible "said so" and the same idea applies to Islam

The concept of purity culture revolves around doctrines such as virginity as the greatest spiritual gift one can receive, fear based teachings about sex, the idea of sex as being forbidden to take part in, seeing sexual mistakes as irreversible damages and so on . To summarise the whole concept of purity culture, I put it like this

The main goal of purity culture is to ensure that an individual does not take part in any form of sexual-related activity at all and the reward for the individual's ability to do this is guaranteed sex in marriage and any individual who goes does the contrary is seen as a moral failure and a reject

The words "sexually-related activity" however is very subjective. For instance,someone who has hasn't taken part in any sexual activity consensually but has been sexually assaulted or molested can be seen by some people who take part of purity culture as a moral failure. It may nor even be sexual activities but appearance such as choice of clothes. From this scenario you can already see one of the problems that purity culture can bring to the society

Now, it's important to take note of something you might notice in this section

All the rules and teachings of purity culture originated from people in modern times not fron the commands of the Bible

The question now is, what exactly did the Bible say?. We addressing this in the next section

What the Bible Says?

To begin with, the Bible never condemned the concept of sex at all. Infact, why do you think the Songs of Solomon is in the Bible? Infact, the Bible reveals to us that God created sex for mutual intimacy for both the husband and the wife and presented sexual desire from a woman as something good, which is in huge contrast to the teachings of purity culture

However, God made a simple rule and that it is it should not be done outside the confines of marriage because as Christians our bodies are the temple of God and we are meant to honour God through our body. The misconceptions that many Christians are having which originated all from purity culture is what happens before marriage

Normally as Christians, we are meant to aim to be pure but purity culture just add a whole lot of nonsense attributed to all of this. Noticed that I said "aim" not "must" in that sentence and this leads me to begin the list of wrong doctrines that have been spread by purity culture.

● Any form of sexual immorality outside marriage is unforgivable- this is one of the major and most prominent teachings of purity culture especially in this part of the world. In the Bible, the only unforgivable sin is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit but for some stupid reason many Christians act as if the person is condemned to eternal damnation. Just at it is written in the Bible,once a person accepts that he or she has sinned, repented and makes continous effort not to sin again, that person is forgiven by God. So I don't understand where the whole concept of being permanently "unholy" comes from and the slut shaming comes from. Acts 8:1 says, when we are in Christ Jesus there is no condemnation and even in the same New Testament, when they were about to throw stones at the woman that committed adultery, Jesus said "let those without sin throw the first stone". Reading the passage has made me to ask, why are we slut shaming as Christians? Many of us start to act like saints when it comes to hearing about someone that commits sexual sin especially elderly women and Church leaders. My friend that I referred to, you can just imagine what she went through under the guise of deliverance. Some purity culture fanatics will defend this with the fact that a girl can get pregnant and this leads me to the next teaching

● The concept of sex must be discussed as something forbidden- This teaching of purity culture has destroyed sex education especially in Africa and it has become a grace problem. Like I said earlier, sex itself isn't bad.It was created by God for intimacy but only in the confinement of marriage. He didn't say that it's something that shouldn't be learnt about at all. When a girl starts menstruating rather than her parents to properly educate about the changes happening their body and all...they simply say "don't let a boy, touch you, pregnancy will come" I once read an article here about how one user was literally crying and crashing out simply because a boy touched her in secondary school and she thought she was pregnant. You can just imagine and not only that, most of these people that strictly obey the rules of purity culture ,when it's time for marriage and to have sex, they get confused on how to do about it. Why? They have zero knowledge of sex education and of course the churches will start kabashing for open wombs. I remember watching a video about a pastor not knowing the correct hole to insert on his wedding night and he was laughing and honestly it wasn't funny at all. You can imagine, they couldn't enjoy what God created simply because of a set of rules that never came from his Word but rather man. This doctrine of purity culture is one of the major issues affecting reproductive health today because purity culture has made sex so forbidden that it literally can't be said as a word just like that. It's one of the reasons why many young people die from STIs simply because they can't even open up to their parents or even worse medical professionals because of fear of judgement. It's even the issue why reproductive issues such as birth control and contraceptives aren't considered in this part of the world because of the religious centeredness of the society we are in. Looking at all of this, is this the light of the world and salt of the earth that we are spreading as Christians

●Sexual Desires shouldn't be expressed- this is another wrong teaching of purity culture and it has been heavily imposed on women. We are all human beings and we all have sexual desires. The problem with Christians of today feel that since they can control their sexual desires better than other beilevers, then it should automatic for them and that's a very wrong mindset. Christians who open up about their sexual struggles are rather shamed or just told to go and pray instead of pratical and actual applicable solutions. It's a serious problem and it's also another reason why many young people don't open up when it comes to their sexual issues

●The concept of dressing- This aspect of purity culture has seriously affected women in our society today. Let's be real and honest here because what 90% of Christians have been doing in relation to this had been a lie

Throughout the entire Bible, there was barely any restriction on the clothing of woman's clothing. Rather, the idea of a man looking lustfully at a woman was emphasised by Jesus above anything else. Infact, he even said that any man who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery and we should even pluck our eyes out as men if it's making you to sin

But look at what is happening in our churches today, when last did you hear a sermon talking about how men should control themselves in comparism to a woman's dressing. I still remember reading an article from a user who was crashing out simply because one of her favourite gospel artistes cleavage was showing during her wedding and when I saw the picture I was confused because the woman's appearance looked normal. I am not going to dwell more on this part of this article but if you are a Christian reading this just reflect on this part

●The issue of Viginity- As a Christian, I will say this. Virginity is a social construct. Why?. The concept of virginity is subjective. If someone uses tampoons, she is said to not be a virgin. If a woman's hymen tears, she is said to not be a virgin. If someone has been raped or sexually assaulted before marriage, in the eyes of some people, that woman is said to not be a virgin. All these subjective point of views are because of purity culture. The question now is, what does the Bible say about this? The Bible never taught us that a person worth was attached to their virginity, wether it be a social construct or not to those who don't agree with what I said earlier but rather being created and loved by God not from our sexual history.As Christians we are meant to aim to abstain from sexual activities outside of marriage but just because you have fallen doesn't mean you are useless or anything because like I said earlier, you are longer under condemnation ad long as you are in Christ. So I am asking why are Christians asking if someone is a virgin or not. The fact that it's enforced on women more in comparism to men is a whole new problem on its own. Even the fact that it's still subjective is still another problem

After debunking all the core teachings of purity culture with the Scriptures, as Christians we need to ask ourselves, how do we approach the issue of sex differently. Let's proceed with that

The Way Foward

●Stop slut shaming- This is the first step. As Christians we are not meant to slut shame anyone. As Jesus, let those without sin throw the first stone. Who are we to judge other people while some of us are sinning behind closed doors. Any form of shaming anyone who has had sex before marriage needs to stop. If you want to correct the person, do so with love and understanding just like it is stated in Galatians 6:1. Shaming the person is just evil and hypocrisy especially the elder women who must have obviously sinned against God by maltreating and abusing their children at home. You can just imagine what my friend went through. What do you mean "deliverance" over an issue that can be resolved over a brief conversation. Just imagine what she experienced

●Introduce sex education- Just because we beileve in God doesn't mean we are not human beings. As humans we need sex education. Sex education isn't encouraging them to do the action but rather educate and enlighten people about their bodies especially children and younger people. At the end of the day, if you want to have kids, surely you must have sex and this us why sex education is important, not that you will be kabashing and going on the mountain to solve a solution that can just be solved in the confines of the bedroom. Infact, not sound as if I am justifying fornication or anything but even if someone indulges in fornication, a proper knowledge of sex education will prevent further issues such as STIs or unwanted pregnancy through the concept of safe sex. Abi, don't we know the parable about the 99 sheep and the 1 that escaped and the shepherd returned back or do we want the 1 sheep to die

●Be a safe space-This one is for Christians who intend to become parents. The reasons why a lot of people are dying from STIs today isn't because of the diseases but because there is no one they can open up to about it. Even in the hospitals it's almost like a horror show with interacting with a doctor about your sexual history is a horror show. As a parent, if your child has an STI or opens up to you about their sexual escapades, your goal is to make sure your child knows what he or she is doing is wrong as a Christian and ask support them in situations such as them struggling their sexual desires. It's very sad that even in the time of death, parents will still continue to abuse or scold their children because of their sexual activity. Like I made reference to the parable in the previous point, some of us will kill all the sheep if we were the shepherd in that story and we will still blame the sheep for escaping the fence.

●What is being preached to women should equally be for men- This is a major solution that requires serious attention. The energy and focus when it comes to sexual abistence on both genders should be equal. Enough of the imbalance, men should be told to abstain too at the same rate of that of women. Even in the churches too, the concept of a man looking lustfully and lacking self control needs to be addressed too. God's name should stop being used to propagate and spread misogyny in thus 21st century

Conclusion

Honestly, speaking it's a good sign that many people in our generation have already started to stand up against purity culture but yet there are still people among us that are still upholding it

The concept of purity culture has chased many people from the Christian faith today due to the concept of God's love being replaced by the selfish and controllable intent of man.

It's up to us Christians to spread the light and let our world truly know what exactly our doctrine is from God's Word and not the opinion of man

I truly hope that in the future we will be able to separate this harmful practice completely away from what we are really about. Thank you and God bless you all for reading. Selah🙏

This article is dedicated to those who have been hurt because of purity culture

Your worth isn't tied to your sexual history but through being a creation in Gods image and his love🙏

As you are about to start reading this article, I want you to create this visual image in your head. Imagine this, throughout your educational life, from primary school all the way to your PhD program, you were number one

You were ontop in the sense that, there was never a single occasion that you were second at all. Infact, you won all the awards in each and every class to the extent that your shelf at home is no different to the trophy and silverware rooms of successful sports teams

You are very popular and well-respected in your neighborhood . You get married with children and with all the money you have accumulated as prizes all over the years, you invest it and start up a muti-billion dollar company that makes you the richest individual on the planet. You are in a glorious mansion and you are living the best life

But then, you pause and you reflect on every single thing you have achieved ever since you came out of your mother's uterus and you ask yourself a question that an average individual who had been observing your life will be astonished to hear

Did I really do all of this?

That question alone is the general description of a psychological concept that has affected many successful individuals in our society and it has changed their lives both positively and negatively

This psychological concept is known as

Impostor Syndrome

What exactly is it? According to psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in their 1978 research paper titled ; The Impostor Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice which introduced the concept to the science of psychology

Impostor Syndrome is known as an internal experience of intellectual phoniness among high-achieving individuals who are unable to internalise their accomplishments and persistently fear being exposed as frauds, despite objective evidence of their competence

It's a feeling in which a person develops towards his or her achievements in such way that they find it hard to acknowledge the basic fact that they totally had the headline role in making those things come to reality

It isn't a mental illness or condition rather it's a common occurrence that has occured to every individual once in a while, however the degree at which individuals experience varies

However, it's important to note that it becomes a problem for an individual when it keeps on occurring frequently and in reference to what I said earlier; at a very high degree

The question that needs to be asked is what exactly is causing impostor syndrome?

The Activators

Well based on personal experiences, which I will share in this part of the article,there are many events and occurrence that eventually lead to one experiencing impostor syndrome.

The first of them all is negative comments with the addition of discouragement and in the African society this is something that is very common .

Growing up, I loved writing and it was something that was a regular hobby for me in primary school.

However, my zeal for writing started to die when I entered secondary school and this was because of the harsh and rigid structure of the West African syllabus which doesn't acknowledge the actual creativity especially in essays and because of that, my scores in English were very low. This lead to regular insults from my parents and teachers especially who took every chance to make me look dumb during open day when my results were a subject of discussion

At a point, my zeal for it almost died and I was only concerned about just making sure I don't fail the subject in my WASSCE examination. To cut the long story short, I got A1 in English. Up till now, I keep asking myself if it was actually me that wrote that exam because all the mock papers I wrote in SS3 that year, I failed woefully to the extent that one of the teachers said that even if I decide to write casually for a contest or something, I will receive a prize for the worst writeup. Well guess who now had 100 subs on Substack with 10+ articles and a member of my department national association publication

Also another cause of impostor syndrome is fear and that fear could be either fear of failure or success. When it comes to fear of failure, you will not be able to fully accept the fact that you achieved what you dreaded will end up badly initially and I experienced this when it came to various aspects of my life while growing up mostly in my academics. Concerning, the fear of success, you might do so well, to the extent that people will be suprised at how you achieved that feat to the extent that you doubt your abilities on how you did that and this something I experienced when I gave a speech in my secondary school during our public speaking competition and a lot of people were suprised because I was dealing with low-self esteem that period in my life and the astonishment on people's faces made ask "how did I deliver this"

Speaking of low self-esteem, it is another activator of impostor syndrome and this is because as an individual you don't see yourself in a positive light and when you do things excellently you begin to downplay your abilities even when they are highlighted by others

There are more causes of impostor syndrome out there but for now I decided to share the ones I know from personal experience.

The thing is, we all experience imposter syndrome in our lifetime as individuals, but like I said earlier it becomes an issue depending on the degree and the way it occurs and I will be discussing that in the next part of this piece

The Forms of Imposter Syndrome

According to psychologist Dr Valerie Young's 2011 book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Chapter 6, she proposed 5 forms of impostor syndrome experienced by individuals and these are

• The Perfectionist

• The Expert

• The Natural Genius

• The Soloist

• The Superhuman

The perfectionist is the type of person that no matter how much he or she puts so much effort into something it doesn't feel good enough for them to the extent that any single mistake that make it appears as a disaster to them

The expert is the type of person that always feels that he or she must know every single thing about a particular concept to the extent that they constantly feel that their opinions in specific conversations are underqualified when expressed

The soloist is the type of person that feels that asking for help is equivalent to failure and this is where I will classify myself under the majority of the times I have experienced imposter syndrome because when I ask for help and I end up getting the job done, I kind of feel stupid in the sense that it wasn't 100% me especially when I was learning how to cook at home. I still experience it till now because at times I look myself in the mirror and I usually question my age

The natural genius is the type of person that feels that when it comes to some specific specialities that they are good at it doesn't has to come with effort and grit. They believe that whatever they are doing has to be done effortlessly and any sign of them breaking a sweat is like a personal failure to them

The superhuman is the type of individual that believes that his or her value is equivalent to his or her productivity. It's like the reverse of the natural genius. The individual feels as if they have to work extensively even if it's beyond their capacity so as to show how much value he or she has. I also experienced this form of impostor syndrome and it was fueled more by my parents because it made me feel as if me succeeding without working myself to death were two concepts that cannot co-exist especially in relation to academics

Now after looking at the above 5 versions of impostor syndrome, some of you reading might ask, isn't all of this just humility?

The question above is one of the misconceptions of impostor syndrome that I will adress in the next part of this piece

Humility or Impostor Syndrome

One of the common problems that most people face when they talk about impostor syndrome is that it is mistake for humility because the person isn't like being proud or arrogant about his or her achievements

However, this is a problem because there is a huge difference between humility and impostor syndrome and some of these differences

• Humility highlights both strengths and weaknesses whereas impostor syndrome diminishes strengths but make the weaknesses more visible

• Humility accepts praises and complements from others with gratitude whereas impostor syndrome dismisses praises with luck or an error made from others

• Humility still maintains confidence while being modest whereas impostor syndrome is characterised with the absence of confidence even in the presence of genuine skills and abilities

• A person who is humble doesn't compare his or her self-worth to others frequently but the reverse is the case for someone dealing with impostor syndrome

• A person who is humble sees his or her mistakes as an opportunity to improve on his or herself but someone suffering from impostor syndrome sees their mistake as an evidence of incompetence or fraudulence in the eyes of others

There are so many differences I could have listed here but to summarise everything in this section, impostor syndrome is just simply one depreciating his or herself based on internal conflicts in their mind despite the presence of authentic ability

Speaking of depreciating, impostor syndrome has a harmful effect on an individual and what these effects are and their solutions will be discussed in the next section

Impact and the Way Foward

From a personal experience, one of the consequences that impostor syndrome brought to my life was that it seriously affected my social life especially in secondary school.

It affected me so badly that I didn't feel worthy enough to be friends with anyone especially in friendship groups. I just decided to be alone and move on my own and that kind of created this form of "depressive-avoidant" bubble around me in the sense that I was the type of guy that brings negative vibes to the party

I was also affected academically too, because I will be getting the scores that a lot of struggling students in my class will be praying for but because of the delusional household I came from I didn't always feel those scores were mine. I felt it was for someone else

Speaking of household, up till now I still don't feel like a university student talkless of a medical student. My parents usually criticises me and compares me to other people that are my age and also my physical appearance. They also attack me whenever I am not living the life of the "ideal" medical student. Up till now, when I touch my beards while looking at the mirror, I still question my identity, is this really my age?

I am sure there are still more and more effects that this issue has done to many inviduals in our society today... but I have come up with a few solutions to deal with impostor syndrome as an individual

• Celebrate small wins- for every little ing you were able to achieve or do, celebrate them. Go out to a restaurant or play games, just try and do something. You are promoting gradual improvement rather than complete perfection

• Challenge your inner critic: When you feel like questioning your achievements, ask yourself "Which evidences are there to verify this?" It allows you to genuinely accept your natural abilities and talents without doubt

• Learn to recieve compliments- this is also a very important one. It doesn't have to be complicated or anything. Just simply say "Thank you". Over time, it gradually becomes a part of you

• Nobody knows everything- Try and understand that making mistakes is a part of learning and learning is a major component of learning not you being incapable. When you make a mistake try and see what exactly went wrong and understand how you can improve from them

• Talk about it- If you remember earlier on I referenced my parents as one of the major contributors of Imposter syndrome in my life. Well recently, I opened up to them about it and they have apologised and they have tried helping me out and all plus checking up on me. I know that in the part of the world where I stay, majority of the people are emotionally unintelligent but isn't worth a try than not doing do at all? Try and open up and talk to people about it especially your loved ones. They can find a way to help you out and deal with it

To close the curtain, impostor syndrome isn't any mental condition or issue but rather something that we encounter once in a while during our lives and it can either make or marr us

It's up to us to identify it and how we can turn it into something that can benefit our lives and society for the greater good

I end this piece with Joshua 1:9 “"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.". Thank you all for reading and selah 🙏

Before I start this article, for the avoidance of redundancy, the society I will be making reference to is the one that I am familiar with and that is the Nigerian one. I feel have over used “African” in my previous pieces relating to religion and I can bet it might feel exhausting especially to the people that consistently read my pieces and my subscribers

You see, during my early days on Substack I was first taken by suprised with the presence of agnostics and atheists here because I thought our society was so religious to the extent that you needed to believe in something for your psychological wellbeing. Infact the person that introduced me here later left because she felt that all these views might affect her faith in God and all( at least it's better than coming out to type notes and policing their opinions 🤣)

At a point, I was also conflicted but later on, this app fueled my desire and my motivation to be a better Christian much more than every other point in my life.

Throughout the 5 months that I have been here, I decided to be non-judgemental and for the first time in my life as a Christian, I started to really understand why people didn't believe in God. Growing up, all I was hearing was that they weren't strong enough and dedicated to serving God and all, however the reverse was the case with the time I spent here so far

From church hurt to ignored questions and unsatisfied answers, these are the reasons why many people have left the Christian faith. However, there is one particular reason that stands out among the rest and my theory about it finally became a verified fact when I read article about how she left Christianity

Apart from the lack of empathy that she experienced from her Christian “friends”(they don't deserve to be called friends sef😒). I also observed the behaviour of her parents

As of now, I am currently enjoying how people are finally discussing about the problem of abuse wrapped as parenting in our society but there is one part that I feel that a lot of people are leaving out and it's so hidden it won't even come initially to a Christian's mind

Many Christian parents thave used the name of God for an easier way of controlling than children rather than helping them to encounter him and have a genuine relationship with him

The thing is if you reason it, since God is a supreme being wouldn't that be effective in making my children do whatever they want?

The question I just asked is the mentality of many Christian parents in our Nigerian society today. They use God as some sort of fuel so they can have easier control on their children. They shove religion down the throats of their kids in such away that they can't ask questions or stand up for themselves and even if they do ,consequences will come

This is a serious problem because many of these children will find it difficult to encounter God and have a relationship with him because just imagine how you will feel when you are hearing a particular person say the same thing that pisses you off over and over again.

That's the same way these children feel everytime when their parents use the name of God to assert dominance over them. Even when they refuse to be controlled, the concept of hell is brought up and this is why till today, many people still don't believe God is all-loving.

This issue is one of the reasons why till now there is still a debate if tattoos, anklets,body piercings and hair of different styles are a sin and as a normal Christian outside our society looking at this you will be like “as how”.

It is also one of the reasons why Christians can't differentiate between bodily autonomy and God's temple. Is it because they just want control or to glorify God? This sentence alone is enough to just to make one leave the faith

Infact sef the church itself is even making things worse by bringing up the “Find God for yourself narrative”.

I once had a back and forth with a user on this app who just joined recently and was criticising the agnostics and atheists om this app and telling them to find Jesus for themselves saying that he won't do that to them.

I now told her that you are saying that these people should find who Jesus means to them personally that them coming back with a meaning of him that they have satisfactorily found personally is an opposition to you? I even ignored the user because her reply was just supporting homophobia asper using it as an example to me to refute my point

What am I trying to say with this

The family is suppose to help each other at an individual's initial step in finding God for themselves. Nowhere else but the family.

This is the problem I have with this “find God for yourself narrative”. The family is the first church according to the Bible. This issue of families using God's name to control their children doesn't consider the relationship with God that their children have but rather the so called “external” signs such as praying and performing works.

They just want them to display the appearance of a Christian rather than helping them out with their personal walk with God. This “help” that I am referring to isn't really like always helping them to pray and all.

Try and compare this to how birds start to fly. Their mothers will teach them until at a point they become fully grown to leave the nest. The same applies to Christianity. Parents are meant to be having a close relationship with their children so they can help them out with their spiritual journey and by the time they are mature in the spirit they can leave them alone and intercede for God to be with them

But of course, when your parents are the type of people that will reminding every single day about how you will go to hell for not wearing baggy dresses, how will you have the idea that he is all-loving.

Infact some parents don't even know God's Word to a reasonable extent. They just use his name to extent control and a grip on their neck. When the children now ask questions, we all know the responses that will be given

By the time, these children start to look for God on their own, ask yourself , how many of them looked for him the right way. This is the reason why I have issues with this “look God for yourself” narrative because it's just shifting the spiritual responsibility of Christian parents away

This is one of the reasons why many people say pastor’s children are “bad” and they still blame the children.

You are also meant to be asking, what exactly did the parents do during their walk with God or have we all forgotten the story of Eli in the Bible alongside his sons. But sure, the pastor is perfect hence his PR must be.

Sincerely speaking, it's genuinely sad that the so called first church is rather just a glorified military centre that works on the principles of control and people-pleasing

There are many non-believers in our world today that have left the faith today because of this problem and I am not saying that they are not free to leave coz we all have free will but even if they leave it should be on the basis that their parents have done everything that a real Christian parent is meant to do,such that the only way they can come back is if they pray for the Holy Sprit to speak to them

But my dear reader, ask yourself.

To the Christians planning to become parents in the future, all I cam say is know God's Word, try and be reading theology and also show utmost concern to your child's walk with God.

Don't just be pushing commands under God's name. Try and ask them how their walk is God is going and be ready to guide them

To wrap this piece up, a lot of people are leaving the Christian faith and many people are saying it's a sign of the end times. Is it really a sign or an instutional problem? To the believers that plan to become parents I pray God helps you and gives you wisdom to be one

To the atheists and agnostics reading this that genuinely want to come back, I pray you will encouter and experience him and to the others that might have also left the faith because of this, may God be with you

Thank you all for reading and Selah 🙏

In the average African Christian home, as a child wether young, adolescent or even an adult, you will surely experience negative changes and effects on your mental health.

When it comes to these issues being addressed or resolved especially through opening up to people, it's moreso like a seesaw which leans to it eventually being dismissed or people actually listening to these issues and trying their best to help you out.

However, there is one mental health issue that infact the African society has completely disregarded and literally thrown in the mud and it is one of the leading causes of death worldwide

You see when the topic of suicide is brought up in the average African society the following reactions will be observed

• Suicide is a sin. I will debunk this immediately after this section

• Some uninformed people especially parents will see it as a “white man” thing in the sense that they will see it as some kind of aesthetic rather than an actual problem

• Many people will see it as a form of attention seeking especially when the affected person is a woman

Infact sef, the list is literally infinite and all I can say is that the African society is like a literal catalyst to the process of suicide because quite literally the average African doesn't care even if the person closest to them takes their own life

I mean why would people be literally be blaming the victim by calling them “selfish”. I will also adress this later on the piece.

I know that a reasonable majority of us reading this article actually care about those dealing with suicidal thoughts and those affected by the loss of lives caused by it, but in a Thomas-Hobbes primitive society like that of Nigeria there a lot of things that you know about suicide that you can even enumerate once the word is mentioned that might have to change after reading this piece

So, let's get to it shall we

The Concept of Suicide as a Sin

In an extremely religious continent like Africa, the first thing that will be used to judge an individual is the Bible(90% of the time, I am not sure about the Quran tho)

In relation to this article;in the average African home, the first thing that will be brought up is that it is a sin. No questions asked or anything, they will go straight to the point that it is a sin

So now, let me dig deep into this. After, checking the Bible tho and fro and consulting other sources, I finally found out something that might even baffle the Christians reading this

There is literally no passage in the Bible thar suicide is explicity and directly stated as a Sin

So now, you might be wondering, what on earth are these pastors now saying?

Through extensive searching on the web and going through a lot of information on the internet, the concept of suicide being a sin originated in two ways, in which I will discuss extensively for each

Individually: Interpretation of the Scriptures

To start with, one issue we have with African Christianity is that God's Word has been interpreted to a meaning that suits the personal interests of many individuals majority of the time

When it comes to suicide being a sin, these are verses that many Christians must have made their conclusion from

• Job 1:21,Deutronomy 32:39- in these two verses some Christians interpret this as God is the only one that has the sovereign authority over one's life hence a human cannot take his or her life whereas merely looking at it, you can place like a dozen of subjective meanings to it

• Exodus 20:13- a bit similar to the verses above but once again, the interpretation of suicide being a sin is subjective because theologians are arguing if one taking their life is classified under murder or not

• 1 Corinthians 6:19-20- this verse is also used in the argument because some Christians believe that since the body is the temple of God, why should one take his or her life. This argument is a bit flawed because this scripture has been weaponised against bodily autonomy mutiple of times, so for me personally using it in an argument is quite pointless

• Cases of people committing suicide the Bible- If you read the deaths of Saul, Zimri,Ahithopel and Judas Iscariot, it was never explicitly shown that the suicides of these people were condemned by God and the circumstances surrounding these situations were tragic. The part that I feel that is even making people jump to the conclusion that people who take their lives are going to hell is Judas Iscariot's story. Let's be real and honest with ourselves. The Bible emphasised what he did to Jesus over him killing himself. Again, the interpretations are subjective

Societal: The passing of unquestioned theologies from one generation to another

After addressing the concept of suicide being a sin as seen through the eyes of a Christian as an individual, there is something else that needs to be said.

Like I said earlier, the interpretation of these scriptures are subjective, however if you should sit down and discuss with let's say various Christians about these scriptures and how they can be seen differently, many will still insist is a sin even with the evidence of subjectiveness in their statement. Why?

Theologies about suicide being a sin have been passed down from generation to generation without being questioned especially in Africa where majority of the Christians there rarely question their ideologies

These ideologies have been passed down from philosphers and Church leaders as way back as the 3rd century and let's sit down and think about this for a second

Apart from here in Africa, do you think that the issue of suicide as a sin has been that loud in other parts of world in Europe, Asia and the Americas

Just read this quote and think for a while. All I can say about this one is that majority of African believers don't question, we just swallow it at once just like we are eating eba. I will come back to this part later

So now, back to where I was talking about the ideologies that have been passed down, you might be asking how did it all start from and how it became the doctrine that many Christians talk about today. Well, this is the order of the events that lead to it in chronological order

• 2nd to 3rd centuries: It was recorded that early Christian writers generally discouraged suicide. However there was no formal doctrine of it being declared a sin at that time. What brought about this was the persecution of Christians at that time and many of them were taking their lives so to prevent dying from martyrdom instead. Due to this, the church leaders want to differentiate those who actually sacrificed their lives for the church than those who took their own lives

• Augustine of Hippo(354-430 AD): This was where the doctrine took its most influential form. In Augustine's book, City of God, chapters 17 to 27 to be precise, he argues that it is a sin because, it's disobeying one of the ten commandments (Exodus 20:13), human beings don't have the power to take their own life but rather God and killing oneself is in the same category of killing another human being because a life has been lost in both scenarios. Augustine's take has been the foundation of the doctrine for years

• Thomas Aquinas(1225-1274): Years later Augustine's take on the doctrine was strengthened by Thomas Aquinas. In Aquinas’ Summa Theologica ;Question 64 Article 5 to be precise, Aquinas expantiated on Augustine's doctrine by saying suicide is wrong because it violates natural self preservation, harms society by taking away one of its members and reemphasising that God is the only one who has authority over life and death. These arguments became a standard in medieval Catholic theology

• Medieval Church pratice: By the Middle Ages, suicide was already a grave sin in Christianity. This lead to practices such as refusing Christian burial for those who died by it and confiscating the deceased property in some regions. This is to show that Christianity and the law worked hand in hand during that time.It was even treated as a civil offense at a point

• The Alantic Slave Trade: This could be how the doctrine reached the African continent. Slave owners used the doctrine so as to prevent slaves from taking their own lives when they noticed thar their population was starting to reduce and it meant a serious loss in terms of production. Infact a lot of people in Africa believe the doctrine originated from there, however it did not. The slave masters rather used teachings from mainstream Christianity that were already existent way before then

So now after reading the two ways in which the doctrine came about. I have come to a conclusion

Suicide being a sin is subjective hence nobody has any right to judge or condemn anyone for doing so. Infact, the idea of someone going to hell for taking his or her own life is unverifiable and unknown

Now, the question many are going to ask is that, “Aura are you saying that suicide is not bad?”. The answer is NO

Suicide from the societal lines is a problem, because it leads to loss of life that can easily be prevented in comparism to murder. Infact,I have no problem with the doctrine at all because if you reason it kind of make sense if think about it

The problem that I have with it is how it has been used in which I will talk about in the next subsection

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African society: Care for mental health or just to obey God?

If you remember earlier, I made a statement about how this doctrine is more loud and prominent in African society compared to other parts of the world

Now, to the atheists and agnostic reading this that are based in Africa, I can bet one of the questions you must have asked while leaving your former religion must have been “Why will someone go to hell for killing themselves for a failing mind due to the fact that they were extremely hurt to save themselves?”

Well this is the answer

The average African society does not give a shit about one's mental health on any given normal day and when it comes to suicide the number one thing that will be brought up is that it's a sin instead of actually caring about the affected state of mental health. Due to this, repeated action over the years, African Christianity has automatically accepted that suicide is a sin without even questioning the doctrine at all

Just reason it for a sec. If someone in our African society should open up about having suicidal thoughts as a Christian, rather about looking on how to make sure the person's state of mental health is okay, it's always about “Oooh, God will not be happy, you are a Christian, open so and so scriptures, let's go for deliverance”……blah blah and all

It's like the concern isn't even about the person again but rather serving God and thar is very wrong because if we genuinely love our neighbour as Christians we wouldn't be doing such things with God’s name. It is even worse in African families because most of them are emotionally unavailable and they will rather use the doctrine as a weapon against instead of genuinely caring about their child's mental health. Infact…they will even say it is a demonic entity instead of seeing at as a situation

Let's not forget about the pastors ans ministers who play a role in this. I mentioned the story of someone in my religious insensitivity article who lost her sister due to suicide and the first thing this useless man of God said that her sister is going to hell because of her sisters death and that statement alone was what made her leave Christianity just like that

This is not to look down on my continent or anything but just look around different societies in the world and how they perceive the concept of suicide. Because of our poor infrastructure and development, Africans will do anything that they hear it pleases God so they can blessed and by anything it literally means trampling and destroying the mental health of their fellow human beings.

Infact, even after death sef…African society still doesn't care and this where I am heading too in the next section

The Concept of “Selfish”

If you really want to know if someone actually loved someone after they take their own life, there is one word you must not hear from them at all

Once you hear this word from their mouths,just know that they never loved that person. This statement has been very common especially ( you should already know where I am referring to at this point 🤦‍♂️😑) among the supposed loved ones of the victims

The thing about suicide is that it should not even be labelled as a selfish action because it is an individual who subconsciously took his or her own personal decision to take their life. Infact, it is the victim's life not theirs. Why do they even use the word?

If any loved one of a suicide victim should call the victim “selfish” they only cared about the emotional and psychological benefit that the victim gave them over what that person was going through

It's like a poultry farmer mourning over the death of his stock because there will be no money generated for a period. The same applies to the loved ones of suicide victims.

Infact the actions of those guys while the victim was alive and having suicidal thoughts also matter because if they really loved them, what did they do to help them and did they check up on them.

This is where some parents of suicide victims fall into because when their child was showing signs, when they reached out, what did they do and how did you treat them? Yet, you see some parents crying calling them selfish whereas you only wanted them to be alive and use them as property or livestock(This is for the African parents)

What we can do(from the African perspective)

Now that we have talked about how the African society has failed in relation to the concept of suicide, I reflected for a while and I thought of ways in which we can properly help suicide victims in the type of society we are in. This list is subjective so if you have any other suggestions feel free to drop in the comments. Here it goes

• First things first, for the Christians,if someone opens up to you about having suicidal thoughts or if you are observing anyone exhibiting anything suicidal or so. DO NOT start quoting Bible verses or do anything related to God at first instance. We are in the 21st century now and I believe God gave all of us brain to think way better than those in the 1800's. You saying those things will be annoying because we are already in a religious society already and they must have heard those things already. The only thing you should do early on is to pray for them on your own, interceding not placing your hand on our head like a minister or something. You can do what I mentioned later on when there are signs that they are getting better but at the early beginning don't do them. We have already used Christianity to destroy mental health in Africa years earlier so let's use it wisely

• When giving reasons on why these people shouldn't take their lives, don't say it's because they have to live for others or their loved ones. Tell them that they still fulfil their goals in life and all. Christians you can also bring up the fact that God still has a plan for them in their lives and all( but use it wisely)

• Take every statement about suicidal thoughts seriously. If someone should express having suicidal thoughts. Check up on them. Wether they are joking, lying or not, please do so.It will not cost you at all.Your overeactiveness will make it easier for the person to open up to you than someone who is bashing them for looking for attention

• If you can help the person on your own call others to help. If you are having a hard time helping them, tell others, so they can help you out. The presence of more people makes the individual more secure and acknowledge the fact that people want to help he or she out. Don't try and punish yourself by trying to help the person so that you won't look as of you aren't caring or something. There is power in community

So, to close the curtain on this piece, the previous generation on this continent has failed generally in the aspect of suicide using religion as a shield for their slip ups. With all I have said in this article is up to us now. Are we going to change things for the better or continue in the ways of our elders? Thank you and God bless yall for reading, Selah🙏

Dedicated to those who have lost their lives due to suicide and their loved ones of

May their souls rest in perfect peace

🕊

Neymar, ooo Neymar where do I even start from

As the full time whistle blew yesterday, I burst into tears

Many people were telling me why am I crying that Brazil isn't even my country

But how do I tell them the 12 year love story a football fan had between one of his favourite players ?

How do I tell them the memeseric feeling in my stomach which was synonymous to the one that many say are butterflies?

Every time I talk about you, my memory goes back to 2014.

I was a very young boy who just finished Primary 2.

That was when I started watching football as a proper fan.

I saw you during your time at Barcelona on SuperSport 4 224 on Dstv that time and I was like wow

I feel in love instantly, but the best was yet to come

At the World Cup that year, the very first match, you stepped up for your country who were the host nation

That goal from outside the box against Croatia and that lovely brace against Cameroon, made 6 year old me dream about you in my sleep

In the knockout stages, you were on fire.

Calm and composed against Chile in the shoot-out and also not to mention the skills you displayed in that match

But then, in the next round disaster struck

The Colombia number 18 that year, wherever you are I hope you asked for forgiveness from God because you single handedly jeopardised my love's dream

A knee to the lumbar vertebrae was just enough to get the evil deed done

My beautiful Neymar, was ruled out of the rest of the country

The whole of Brazil were worried that their tailsaman was gone

They had to play without him in the next match

But guess what happened, Brazil lost 7-1💔 7-1 against Germany

I remembered that Tuesday, me and my neighbours cried our eyes out in the house that night

I kept on asking “What if Neymar was fit to play them?”

An answer that only God knows and we might never know

I waited for another 4 years

2018, the year I was growing and also when I finished primary school

It was another World Cup again, this time in Russia

My beautiful Neymar had grown

During those 4 years he won the Champions league with Barcelona and he just transferred to PSG for a fee of £222,000,000 the year prior

He was an already established name in world football and he even already made some popularised skills

I remember trying to do the rainbow flick during that period of the tournament, but the ball will end up hitting my ass

During that tournament in Russia, you were sensational

Your skills and first touches made me glued to my screen

Your 2 goals against Costa Rica and Mexico were sensational

Surely, I was confident that Brazil was going to win the tournament that year

Along the way though, as they say the higher you go the more opposition you face

Many people said you were dramatic because of your playing style

Some said you usually liked diving, others said you were a very good actor because of your theatrics against Mexico

Despite all of this, they could never make you hate you Neymar

By the time, Belgium eliminated your country from the quarterfinals, their voices were the loudest

I watched that match, you gave in your best but unfortunately the fingertips of Curtouis ended your aspirations

So yet again I had to wait for another 4 years

And those 4 years were the most traumatic for you Neymar

Controversies and Injuries came upon you like hail

Your haters became more and more

You tried to prove them wrong during the pandemic but alas you lost in the Champions league final that year

They became more louder especially before the 2022 tournament in Qatar

This time I was a young secondary school student who sneaked into the security man's office just to watch your games

But once again they could never make me hate you, Neymar

You barely played in the group stages because of an injury

By the time you were fully fit, I saw your flare again

A penalty against Korea and a stunning goal in extra time against Croatia to break Pele's goal record

It seemed as if you were finally going to win it but the circumstances of life didn't go your way

I saw you on the ground reduced to tears as soon as Marquihnos attempt hit the post

I felt the pain you experienced that night

You gave in your all but it amounted to nothing in return

After the 2022 tournament, I realised that time was running out

You were already 30 years old and it wasn't guaranteed that you would play in the next tournament

But still I didn't leave you even when I saw how the next four years became one of the most horrible years of your life

From you tearing your ACL which ruled you out for a year to you struggling to play for your boyhood club Santos in the Brazillian league

I was still following and checking updates on you even in the midst of my peers mocking me for supporting a “washed” player

I just sat down and counted as the years went by hoping that maybe you would play in the next tournament

Fast foward to this year I am now a university student

On May 19, I got the biggest smile on my face when I heard Carlo Ancelotti called your name

I saw the joy on your face when your partner hugged you as your name was called

I was elated only for my joy to subside when I heard you had a calf tear days after your name was announced

People were making memes, including the AI video of you on a wheelchair

Nevertheless, I still stayed.

The six year old boy from 2014 was still with me for the past 12 years

I watched and I observed as Brazil played without you against Haiti and Morroco

When you came on as a substitute against Scotland, I screamed my heart out

Many people looked at me as if I was deranged however little did they know that it was a scream of hope

A scream that released 12 years of desperation and anxiousness

I watched as your country fought to beat Japan and then finally got to meet Norway on Sunday

I was confident that Brazil was going to win.

Infact my confidence increased when you came off from the bench

I thought maybe I was going to witness a magical Neymar moment

But yet again the circumstances of life took its turn

Haaland stood up to the occasion and became a hero for his country

Even when it was 2-nil, I still had faith

I was on my knees infront of the television praying for a miracle but it was already too late

A penalty was given way pass the additional time and you decided to take it

That penalty you scored was your last ever goal for Brazil in the very same stadium you scored your first 16 years ago

As that ball rolled inside the net so as the tears from cheeks

I cried and I wailed that night

Once again, my peers made fun of me as they were celebrating Haaland, while I was the only one in the living room of the hall.

I just sat down with my eyes red as a drunkard remiscing that goal against Croatia in Sao Paulo way back in 2014

As I lie on my bed typing this with all the emotions in my head being poured out here

I just wish there was a time machine, so that I could change the sequence of events in that match

Unfortunately, I have to face the reality of life and stop being delusional

As for you Neymar, I write this piece with the hope that you will see this

And if you get to see this writing, Neymar Da Siva Junior

I jusy want to let you know as that penalty rolled into that net as your last goal for Brazil

You are and you will always be the last Joga Bonito

When you put on that black gown

You are actually wearing a crown

Not the one that catches eye’s like your thick white wig

But something that makes the little hope of the oppressed big

From the Attorney General to the university students on white shirts

Appearing in courtrooms to interacting with various people, this is a profession that produces sweat

You grind your ass to ensure the existence of evidence

But yet alone, you put smiles and relief on faces by just your presence

You confront the most sinister of people in our society

But yet, you are not seen as a human but rather a deity

A deity that may come in a form that the Nigerian society knows as a SAN

But also another form that we know as a judge that passes the final verdict for the common man

Behind those stressful interactions and frustrations, you are genuinely seen

It's not that easy to put the mental energy behind some statements like “My honour, don't be deceived”

Thank you the ones that show up for the people that thought it was the end

To the ones that are currently being groomed, keep pushing because that one course by God's grace you shall comprehend

At the end of the day, by the time you get that LL.B degree

I know that there is a great future that all of us are awaiting to see

Dedicated to our lawyers and law students on Substack

and all other law students that are on this app

This poem was actually meant to be sent to my sister so as to encourage her but I just decided to share it here

To any law student or lawyer reading this, your struggles are seen. Don't give up, keep pushing. Our society needs you and I know fully well you be of great impact

Thank you and God bless the profession of Law

Authors Note: This article isn't to insult anyone's parents that are ministers of God. It's was inspired by narrated experiences shared by users on this app and my acquaintances. Let's all read with an open mind.

The inspiration of this article was a note that posted plus the interactions with her father that she has shared here on Substack.

With my interactions with some users here on this app and my friends that have parents as ministers, I started to notice a particular pattern.

You see there is always a popular Nigerian slang which goes by the name “Pastor's children no good oo”(I can't actually remember the exact words) which means that the children of ministers of God tend and at times behave in a way that is different than the expected character of their parents. Notice that I used expected in that last sentence

Now, along the line if you actually sit down and hear most of the children's side of the story, you will realise that the actual problem is among the parents and it made me come to a personal conclusion

The average African pastor is an hyperbolic and far more worse version of an average African parent when he or she is playing that role and most times it is in a huge contrast with when he or she is playing their ministerial role or relationship with others in comparism with their characters and personalities as an individual

Some Christians readings will be asking “Ahan, how is this possible?” My dear, unfortunately this is the sad and harsh reality of many families today. To show you how bad it is many of them don't realise it. They believe that they are just doing their normal parental duty and it's even supported by their partners and as usual in most cases outsiders (especially church members). What do you expect, parents on this continent hold the opinions of people outside the family than their own children

Back to what I was saying, some pastors on this continent are starting to wreck and cause emotional damage in their households while being all smiles and being an orator on the pulpit on Sundays. Some of them even preach about family love and all but the moment they step into that house they are a different human being entirely

So now, you may starting asking, “How are African Pastors becoming horrible parents?” Well through the personal experiences that I have gathered from reading users sharing theirs here on Substack and from my friends, I have compiled a list of all the negative behaviours and interactions that some average African pastor parents exhibit towards their children

Before, I talk about them. It's important to talk about two things.

• When discussing the behaviours of minsters that are parents in relation to their bad parenting, the fathers are more often found guilty of this than the mothers. This is based on stories that I have heard. Mothers too are also found wanting, but at times it is mostly the fathers that are in thus WhatsApp group. This info will be vital along the course of this piece

• These behaviours are exhibited either prominently and faintly, in the sense that the way they are seen and observed by individuals apart from the family may vary. The parents that exhibit these behaviours faintly are more dangerous because of their perception by those outside the family won't be easily detected. This too will be vital as we move in this article

So, here they are…these are the ones I could think of, if you know of any more…you can put them in the comments

• Weaponisation of the Scriptures: As a minister of God, you will obviously know the Scriptures at the back of your head. Due to this, many pastors use the Word of God to control and demand obedience from their kids at the most unnecessary of things i.e WhatsApp dp, music ….I mean how is it a big deal that I am putting someone wearing earrings as my profile picture. It's very unnecessary at times and it just brings up unnecessary anxiety especially among the parents coz why are you worried your child isn't serving God because he or she is listening to Asake

• Personal Brand Extension: Like I said in one of my articles that I wrote about parenting in Africa, this specific society has a communal mindset rather than an individualistic one in the sense that as an individual you don't have an identity of your own but rather you belong to your family and this has caused this issue of African parents considering the opinions of others over their children. However, in the case of a pastor's family it's a whole new thing entirely. The children are treated as advertisements and products of a brand to be displayed especially at a church. The opinions of the church members when it relates to the pastor's image are held to high regard by them over their own children even worse than the average African parent At a point, they are reduced to nothing but the church's property and even worse the members even becomes their additional parents. In the midst of all this, do you expect the self identity of that child to be intact?

• Misogyny in white garment: This one is very common especially among the fathers just like I said earlier and it's a very faint behaviour because to the eyes of the average close minded religious person seeing all of this, they won't seeing anything wrong. From controlling the dress code of the female child to dismissing the struggles that a girl normally go through and labelling them as “overeactory" e.g menstrual cramps, the daughters of church ministers would have experienced misogyny one way or another. It's really sad because just like what Deborah said in the comment section of that her note, how can my own parents not be a safe space. God forbid to the female readers, imagine getting sexually assaulted and the first thing you are thinking is how will my pastor parents not find out?

• Detoriation of emotional and mental wellbeing: Being the child of a church minister puts your mental health on the extreme edge and it doesn't only come only from the parents but other factors like church members, maybe travelling schedules for ministration and the likes. Where I am heading to is that many pastor's children try to have proper try to have sit down conversations with their parents in the hope of maybe they will understand then and if possibly fix their relationship. But what do you expect from an African Christian who grew up in an time where mental health was disregarded and knows the scriptures from back to front? At times, these pastors dismiss their child's personal struggles and use the Word of God and spirituality to support their actions. It's really heartbreaking because many of these people have to confide in people outside their family and that may not be always a right option. Many pastor's children still live with a lot of mental health struggles even till adult hood simply because of their parents inability to listen

• Difficulty in building a personal relationship with God: This is for those who still believe. Being a Pastor's children you are conflicted with if you are knowing God to please your parents or for yourself? This is a serious issue because it's automatically expected that you know God the same way your parents do as their child, but let's say you are having one difficulty or another in doing so and you meet your pastor parents for advice, but because they believe they found God easier than you..they get angry at you rather than helping you out in comparism to the people outside the family that meet them for counselling and prayers. At a point, that child will end up going to look for God in the wrong direction(I will write am article about the failure of many Christian parents in Africa but I am not referring to deconstruction) and it gets downhill from there. Many children can't even tell their pastor parents their spiritual struggles because of that self-entitlement of knowing God easier. Infact, it's stuff like this that makes these children stop believing. I am not saying that these children don't have free will to leave but the fact that a parent as a pastor neglected and dismissed theie childs spiritual struggles should paint something in your head

To end this piece, I had a discussion with one of my friends on Father's day, who was crying when I saw her at the libary. I asked her what happened, she said she is always grieving the relationship that she wished she had with her pastor parents all the time. She has tried pleading them, it didn't work. She tried talking to them, it didn't work. Her, and many others are out there with extremely complicated relationships with their minister parents

To even put a prayer at the end of this article feels wrong because you can't say you are serving God and you will treat your children like property. Sometimes I get more pissed when I see outsiders having an opinion about the family of a pastor especially their children. To anyone who had been affected and fall under this category of people you deserved to be loved and appreciated. Live your life like you own it. It's yours not your parents.

Well to the people planning to be ministers and possibly want to have a family in the nearest future, always remember that your first church is your household. Not any auditorium or huge arena but the four walls covering your home. That is where you serve God first before any other place.

Thank you all for reading and I can just hope that the general narrative of relationships between minister parents and their children will change in the nearest future. Selah🙏

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I'm writing this because of 2 articles that Dusin's Space(I am having difficulty tagging) wrote.One was similar to this topic the other was about queerness. The first one didn't go viral but the second one was and I saw something in the comment section that I think can testify because she was in that comment section

Infact, I think it's a serious issue of African Christianity that is very prominent today

There was one assumption kept appearing beneath the surface.

The assumption that Christian belief should function as the measuring stick for everyone else's existence.

So I want to ask a simple question to my fellow Christians

Are other people allowed to exist without being justified through our faith?

Not corrected. Not evaluated. Not treated as a future conversion project.

Just allowed to exist as human beings whose lives, identities, and choices do not require Christian approval in order to be legitimate.

I asking this because if someone in a causal conversation should just say that he or she is agnostic or atheist outside, you can just imagine the reactions that person will face. I mean that's the only way a celebrity can properly be cancelled in Nigeria

I am making reference to our continent because let's be honest,if the same person should reveal his or her religious beliefs in a different continent…the reactions will be way different. Orothokai knew what he was saying at the beginning of that his controversial article and it's a sad and hard truth. A lot of people's wellbeing are at risk in this continent if everyone reveals their actual religious beliefs

As a Christian, I find myself wrestling with this thought because of something Jesus repeatedly emphasized:

Human dignity comes before our ability to win arguments.

When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, He did not say "make sure everyone agrees with you." He said to love God and love your neighbor (Matthew 22:37-40).

The uncomfortable question is whether many Christians truly see people outside the faith as neighbors, or merely as problems or aliens that don't have the same right as human beings

Too often, some of us speak about non-believers, queer people, feminists, followers of traditional religions, or people who reject Christian doctrine as though their primary characteristic is their disagreement with us.

Most Christians would never consciously admit this. Yet our behavior often reveals it.

Psychologists call this in-group bias:

The tendency to favor members of our own group while viewing outsiders with greater suspicion.

Every community experiences it. Religious communities are no exception.

The result is that Christianity can quietly shift from being a faith we practice to a lens through which we judge the legitimacy of everyone else's existence.

But Scripture itself offers a challenge to that mindset.

In 1 Corinthians 5:12, Paul asks:

That question is remarkably relevant today.

Notice what Paul does not say.

He does not say Christians should approve of every belief or behavior.

He does not say convictions no longer matter.

He simply draws a boundary around Christian authority.

There are people outside the church.

They do not belong to the Christian community.

Why then do so many Christians assume they should be governed by Christian standards?

This becomes especially visible in many African societies.

Religion is often treated less as a personal conviction and more as a social expectation.

People assume everyone should believe in something.

Everyone should belong to a religious community.

Everyone should submit to a shared moral framework.

For instance, see what happened to that girl that died from a botched BBL. Simply because everyone expects her to be a Christian to be a Christian hence she has to pay the consequences of not preserving God's temple instead of holding the surgeons in the procedure responsible

When someone identifies as atheist, agnostic, or simply non-religious, they are frequently treated with suspicion.

Not because they have harmed anyone.

But because they have stepped outside what society considers normal especially here in Africa

This reflects another psychological tendency known as social conformity. When a belief becomes dominant enough, people stop seeing it as one option among many and begin seeing it as reality itself.

Anyone who disagrees appears deviant.

Not necessarily because they are wrong.

But because they are different.

As Christians, we should be especially careful about this temptation.

After all, Jesus Himself lived as a religious minority under political powers that did not share His beliefs. He never demanded that Roman society be governed by Jewish religious law. He invited people to follow Him.

Invitation is different from control.

Conviction is different from coercion.

This distinction becomes even more important when we consider Africa's history.

Christianity has ancient roots in some parts of Africa. Yet for much of sub-Saharan Africa, Christianity spread through colonial expansion and missionary movements.

Alongside Christian teaching came cultural assumptions, political power, and the systematic delegitimization of many African spiritual traditions.

African religions were often dismissed as primitive or demonic. Indigenous ways of understanding morality, community, and spirituality were pushed aside.

That history does not invalidate Christianity.

But it should encourage humility.

Many African Christians speak as though Christianity has always been the unquestioned moral foundation of African society.

Historically, that is simply wrong

And yet today, beliefs that existed in Africa long before colonialism are often treated as foreign threats, while Christianity is treated as the universal law

The irony is glaring

This same pattern appears in discussions about homosexuality

Many Christians sincerely believe they are acting out of love when they challenge queer identities.

I do not doubt their sincerity.

But sincerity alone does not determine whether an action is loving.

Paul writes in Romans 14:4:

"Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall."

That verse does not eliminate moral conviction.

It does remind us that not every disagreement grants us authority over another person's life.

At some point, Christians must ask themselves whether they are bearing witness to their faith or attempting to exercise ownership over people who have not chosen it.

There is a difference.

The New Testament repeatedly emphasizes persuasion rather than compulsion.

Even in Revelation 3:20, Christ says:

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock."

He knocks.

He does not kick the door down.

That image should shape how Christians engage with people who reject their beliefs.

People have the right to disagree.

They have the right to refuse.

They have the right to live according to convictions that are not ours.

That freedom is not a threat to Christianity.

If our faith is true, it does not become less true because others reject it.

So I direct this question once again to my fellow Christian reading this

Are other people allowed to exist without being justified through our faith?

Because if our answer is no, we should be honest about what that means.

It means we are claiming authority over people who never granted it.

It means we have confused witness with control.

Infact, we are no different than the Islamic extremists that force their religion on people, the only difference is we don't use violence and we are the automatic default

And it means we may have forgotten something Jesus understood clearly:

You can proclaim what you believe to be true without denying the humanity of those who do not believe it.

Thank you very much and I pray God helps all of us to become better human beings in Jesus name. Selah🙏

This article is directly angrily at people like Mummy G.O . Leave younger Substackers alone

Sometime ago, on this app…I had a conversation with a user who had left religion and all btw. I then went to ask her what made her leave and all. She went to tell me how much she always desired to have a relationship with God and all, that she was battling being “gay” and everything. At a point, she even left and she came back again crying coz she actually wanted to experience the Lord's presence and all. The part of the story that touched my heart and fueled me to write this piece….infact it's still pissing me off as of this moment

Her sister committed suicide( she hasn't written an article yet on Substack, but she said her sisters story will be her first ever article here) She was sad, heartbroken and everything after losing a loved one. Christians that are reading this, how can a pastor open his mouth seeing someone visibly mourning about losing a loved one, someone that you grew up with your whole life and the first you say is that she is going to hell.

Even if it is..(I don't want to say anything that may sound insulting in respect of her late sister, my next article will be about suicide so stay tuned) can't you read the room or keep it to yourself. It was at that point that she gave up and yet there will be many people that will still judge if she should say her religious status without knowing what happened behind the scenes.

This user's stories is one of the many cases of how they have been affected by a common word that has been associated with African Christianity for a long time

From people making personal declarations under the comment sections of videos talking about unfortunate events to people bringing up the tragedy of others during testimony time in church, intensivity is a ravaging disease in the Christian faith and it's more prevalent in our continent because of our current state(I will dwell more on this later on in this piece and also why I choose Africa to be specific).

It's a serious problem and it is the major factors that is fueling the rate at which some people are leaving the Christian faith today. It's so serious to the extent that even the average self-aware Christian often finds his or herself guilty of this. It's an issue that we need to adress or else Christianity will eventually defeats its actual God-given purpose to our society

Setting the Boundaries Straight

First things first, we need to know what exactly it means to be insensitive. According to the Mariam-Webster Dictionary.

Insensitive simply means having or showing a lack of sympathy or tender feelings

It's like the inability of an individual to understand and comprehend the emotions in which an individual is. expressing and most times theseexpressions are very visible andnoticeable. For instance, let's say someone sits down in a corner and starts crying profusely and you as a person sights that individual. Depending on your relationship and social proximity with that person (what I mean by social proximity is maybe you see the person on regular basis maybe at work,class or neighbourhood), the first thing you will ask naturally is “why are you crying?”. The person then goes on to say maybe something unfortunate or tragic that they experienced

The inability of you to fully understand the psychological effects of what that person is going through or give a proper response/reaction towards that individual is insensitivity. The same scenario happens also when people are angry. You see them all pissed off, then someone asks them what happened to them and then that person ends up saying or doing that piles up and infuriates the person more.

The thing about insensitivity is that when it is exhibited by individuals, it's either done consciously or unconsciously. At times, some people do it deliberately due to the hate or dislike they have to a person or a group of people. However the aspect of insenstivity that is of major concern is the one done unconsciously. It is a real issue to our society especially in Nigeria today because a lot of people are walking around with a mentality that doesn't seem harmless to them and they end up silently causing collateral damage to others due to the ways their minds have been conditioned without them ask themselves if what they are doing is good or not

As expected, Nigeria as the Thomas-Hobbes primitive society that it is, issues like this are always ever present. From people making memes about societal issues to our political leaders showing lack of unrgency during situations that are within their capacity to be controlled,insensitivity is like the blood flowing through one's veins in this nation

However, one aspect of our society that infact shouldn't be displaying this are the religious institutions and in Nigeria the religious institution that even exhibits this the most is Christianity. As a Christian, typing this it just feels completely awkward to type my religion and the inability to care for others in the same sentence. From what I have been learning from my doctrine as a child, we are meant to care and show support for our fellow human beings.

Sadly, with the way some of my fellow believers have taken our religion to the extreme of levels, insentivity has grown like a flower in the land it was once forbidden to even be planted. From the example I gave from the start of this piece to the issue of people putting personal prayer points in the comment sections of social media videos talking about a tragic event that occured, Christianity not only in Nigeria, but Africa at large has been seen as a selfish religion in the sense that it's more of a belief that promotes more of a personal development and progression rather than caring for others. From the stories and scenarios I have heard and listened to from various sources, I just ask myself, Why.

• Why is it that some African Christians lacks emotional intelligence?

• Why is it that there is a need to compare others pain to elevated your joy in God's name?

• Why is it that some African Christians lack basic humanity that should be exhibited by normal human beings?

Like the two articles that I have written about Marriage and Parenting in Africa, when it comes the issues like this we have to look into the deep picture and ask ourselves where did it all start from and look at the boundaries of this situation. So let's get into it

The Psychoanalysis

To understand some of the negative behaviours exhibited by the people in our African society today, we need to sit down and ask ourselves, “What exactly is going through the mind of these people and what is making them think this way?”

Well, I did some research about the possible psychological processes and terminologies in relation to the lack of basic humanity exhibited by Christians towards others. I will try and make these words palatable for you all to understand.

• Spiritual Bypassing- This is most common behaviour exhibited by many churches on the continent today. It's simply using religious language to avoid addressing the trauma or pain one experienced. It's like as if they are talking like they know exactly what God has for you or something like his P.A e.g “Jusy pray about it”, even after one had consistently done that over and over again.,"Don't be emotional, be spiritual” being used to silence lament. “God allowed it”, being used forgetting the actual pain of what the person is experiencing. It looks harmless to the average Christian but looking at it deeply it's actually insensitive

• Congintive Dissonance-This is one of the issues affecting the theology of the African faith today and it looks resistant to be challenged. In this scenario, a believer notices suffering amongst others such as in war or poverty. Rather than being honest about what's going on, they are like “Don't talk like that”, “Why are you being negative” instead of facing the actual reality and especially if it's their fellow believers that are going through this. It's like a mental discomfort when reality collides with what they believe in and this is why it more common amongst the elderly folks coz they have been deeply ingrained in this belief.This is psychologically understandable, but also realistically dangerous because they are protecting a belief system by refusing to fully acknowledge suffering. That refusal can become a form of emotional dishonesty.

• Toxic Postivity- This is somehow a bit similar to the “Congintive Dissonance” I mentioned above . In this case, a believer is always expressing the things God has done for him or her in such way that it's kind of makes it look as if he is not good to others who had a contrary situation. A perfect example is the giving of testimonies at the expense of others bad situations in such a way that it makes look like as if God wasn't there for them. The funny thing is that most Christians are guilty of this because we are thought that the tongue is powerful and all that we should use it to say positive things but not when to say them. It wasn't up until I got to Substack that I found out about the negative effects of this behaviour

• Desensitisation- this is when an individual becomes less emotionally reactive to certain actions due to repeated and continuous exposure. It's very common in Nigeria and prominent in the Christian community because when issues like insecurity, corruption and violence are brought up, in some cases its treated as background noise towards the ministry or used as a form of religious slogan

• In-group bias- this is the tendency of an individual to only show concern to those within their specific group or association. It's a very commonly displayed trait in the African Christianity setting today

• Defensive Atributes- this is simply an intellectual synonym of victim blaming. The victim is blamed rather than solving the root cause of the problem. Women have been on the receiving end of it in scenarios as abusive marriages and rape

• Confirmation Bias- this is the tendency to only notice the evidence that supports what one believes in and ignores the rest i.e prosperity Gospel in Christianity. Scenarios such as giving testimonies in church while ignoring the suffering of others and cherry-picking of Bible verses that “sound good to the ear” while ignoring the ones talking about suffering and lament fall under this behaviour

Why African Christianity?

The question that a lot of you all might want to ask is why exactly did I refer to the Christian community here on our continent. Normally, there has always been insensitivity in Christian communities all over the world. However, in Africa it's a whole new thing entirely. In most well developed countries, the state of the nation is in an effective and desirable state, so technically there are less things to ask God for. But here, due to the spread of a theology that romanticises suffering rather than seeing it as a real issue, the average African Christian becomes numb to his or her environment and he or she will go to any extent to receive whatever they see as their reward for enduring that suffering even if it means it's at the expense of the well being of others.

Also, African pastors and overzealous believers also play a role because unlike in other Christian communities in the West which try and understand from a believers point of view majority of the time, here on our continent majority of the time they preach this kind of Gospel in which it is “It worked for me so it must work for you” due to the fact that since they are both followers in Christ

Let's not forget the colonisers too. There is also the colonial inheritance worth naming: missionary Christianity often discouraged indigenous expressions of lamentation and mourning, framing them as pagan. What replaced them was a sanitised, "victorious" Christianity that had no liturgical space for grief. African Christianity inherited the suppression of sorrow.

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The Consequences

The insensitivity in Christianity has caused serious harm especially on this continent. You can just imagine the irony in that sentence and that brings me to my first consequence

Christianity in Africa is in a state of negative PR

Some people will still defend this with the concept of “we are not of this world”. I agree, but the question we should ask ourselves is the light that we are meant to spread to the world in Matthew 5:13….is it really light or destructive lasers under the guise of God's name

As am these destructive lasers are leaving trails of negative impact and damaging our world under the name of God…this thing leads to two things

People leaving the faith

And

Detoriation of one's mental health

There is a user . She shared that note about how the church hurt her and all to the extent that she had to avoid the church for the sake of her mental health. If you remember at the beginning of this article I made reference to the user here that left the Christian faith simply because of the emotional stupidity of a pastor

I will still share these two stories to many believers and some will still find a way to put the arrow of judgement, condemnation and blame at the face of these two people. Is this the light that Jesus said we should spread on the earth? Just ask yourself that question if you are a Christian reading this

What needs to be done and Conclusion

Well from what I have said so far there is just one thing I can say

You are a human being before anything label or identity. You are not a celestial being or some kind of angel or something. Put your humanity first

Learn to communicate to people properly and put yourself in their issues once said in a particular note that Christianity in Africa is kind of selfish and she is right. “As long as it's not happening to me” and “I am better than you” is the mentality of many Christians on our continent today thus no wonder the insensitivity

Insensitivity wouldn't even exist in Christianity today if people actually cared about others. Infact you are even meant to care as a Christian because we are meant to be Christ-like

Just because you had it easy for you in your life as a Christian doesn't mean because someone shares the same faith as you it's automatically the same for them

Just because you know the Bible from Genesis to Revelation doesn't mean your opinion of them equates to that of God..whom you haven't even heard from sef

Just because bad things happened to others doesn't mean that they didn't serve or obey God compared to you

I can go on and on till eternity and this is to show you that insensitivity in our religion is far from being eradicated

Do I still have hope in the future? Well our generation have started speaking up about the issue compared to our parents who didn't have the opportunity to express their hurt compared to now but nevertheless we still have the same set of fools among us as Gen-Zs

As for me, I will continue to do my part to ensure that the real definition of Christianity that Christ gave us continues to reign on this earth and I endeavour my fellow Christians reading this to do the same. Enough is Enough. “Insensitivity” and “Christianity” must never be found in the sane sentence and as believers let's all work towards that. Thank you all and God bless all of you that read this piece in Jesus name. Selah🙏

This article is dedicated to those who have been hurt by the insensitivity of many Christians especially in Africa. I can only pray that may God comfort and help you to heal and for those who had to leave the faith because of it..I pray that may God touch your heart and reveal his true nature to you

Have you ever experienced a situation in which you are busy.

Maybe with the daily and regular grind of your daily lives and all.

Then all of a sudden you just pause and you start thinking about every occurence in your life as way back as childhood

From the good moments to the bad moments and for each of these moments you look at what you could have done differently for each of them as a person

Some of these moments changed the trajectory of your life forever, some just passed by like the days of the earth

But for each and every single one of them, you look back and reenact the role of the person you were then and analyse every single thing you did during those moments

I call this self-reflection

It is one of the many ways in which we can properly develop ourselves as individuals

From resisting and evaluating yourself in your most embrassing moments to reliving the good times you had

Self-reflection is very essential in our lives

It helps us to develop ourselves better than any talkshow or seminar

It helps us to process our internal trauma…something that the older generation needs to do

Personally for me, I see self reflection as an escape

A moment in which I pause and forget about the reality of life

In thus divine moment, I am able to revisit various versions of myself and talk to them

See what I could have done differently and talk to that copy of me again

As we continue the journey of life, we must stop to refuel our engines, but with what fuel

That fuel is Self-Reflection

Hey everyone, this isn't your regular Substack article that I usually post,

I am just pouring out my thoughts here

You see, like you all have seen in my note, my friends father was kidnapped and coincidentally he is lecturer.

I just saw a video of the headmistress of the primary school in Oyo pleading for help from the government

Two users on this app, shared their trauma to me recently

One of them had to leave religion completely, coz it aggravated the whole situation, I won't dwell into her story coz it's something she will write an article about

And, of course I saw that low life old bastard on an interview with Channel News: blabbering the most incomprehensible thing to man

I sit down here minutes before my school church starts and ask myself,

Is my existence as a human worth it

I mean, look at the society, years keeping moving by and by, the same old vices and problems are still there

Misogyny and Particharchy is still breathing

Leadership problems are still breathing

Over-religous people are increasing more and more

All these cracks keeping growing more and more

Fine we have developed movements to combact these issues, but they are still there

I ask myself, what if we never get the result of an ideal society we all dream and crave about

Especially in this rotten nation called Nigeria

Fine, we all talk about the rapture, but what if the real rapture is using dying and the world just keeps moving

I mean I had this conversation with a JW member on this app and she said in her own belief 144,000 people will make it to heaven while the rest stay on earth

There is no hell, whatsoever that the World will be peaceful that no more sickness and all

But the real question is, will that ever happen?

Don't be confused I am a Catholic and I believe in God

But at the same time it's like the day all things become at peace in this world, is the timeline after death

A timeline that we will never know till we get there

And when we do get there, we will never be able to tell our story

It's society just continues in it's wretched state forever

I asked ChatGpt and I call this deep thinking “Existential hopelessness with nihlism”

Is my existence and life worth occurring

A form of thinking the average Nigerian will bind with holy Ghost Fire

As I sit here about to start church and pray with the little hope I have for my friends father release

I just ponder and I ask if I will ever get an answer to these questions

And so as you my reader❤️

In this current era that we all are in, I want you all to try something. I want you to ask yourself this very vague question, especially if you are in the field of computing. It's very plain and straightforward

What is the greatest threat that this current digital age had made towards the human society?

Merely, looking at it the average person will most likely say AI(Artificial Intelligence) as their response to that question and I totally agree because the hatred for it recently is at an all-time high, especially on this app plus other reasons and aspects but I will not dwell into that.

What if I told you that, there is a far bigger threat that the digital world has created towards the society, that it even incorporates the concept of AI and that is just the tip of the iceberg concerning this What if I told that this menance has already caused a lot of harm and damage to the society, but yet it's infamous name and reputation has been accepted and has not been addressed or challenged by the people simply because the person behind the chaos has not been held responsible because of his ego and his finacial status?

Ladies and gentlemen,my fellow readers, to unveil the curtain of this article, the name of this threat I have been referring to goes by the well known name of X,formerly known as Twitter. In recent years,this platform had done more harm than good, to the extent that the damages it has caused has been normalised similar to the average Nigerian's reaction to tragic events happening to the country and both scenarios are not nice at all.

It's about time, that as individuals of the society, we need to know exactly the damage and potential dangers that this platform entails and do what we have to do to ensure it stops

What Twitter was

To start with, we need to ask ourselves, “Where did it all go wrong?”. Twitter was founded in 2006 by Jack Dorsey and three other of his colleagues. I am not going to twelve deeper into the history, but what I can tell you is that, over the following years, Twitter gradually started becoming one of the earliest mainstream social media apps and it's popularity was skyrocketing due to its usage by notable figures and celebrities

Over a period of time, Twitter also had a very strict policy of controlling and monitoring the expression of opinions and ideas on its platform. The app's reputation for this careful regulation of its content received a crown of positive feedback when it suspended the accounts of Donald Trump and the late Mummhadu Buhari in 2021, who were then presidents of the United States of America and Nigeria respectively, due to the extremist comments that they made, which could have led to serious violent actions in their countries as a response thus leading to the breakdown of law and order

With the suspension of white-supremacist and other related accounts, it was already looking like Twitter was the ideal social digital platform that the average individual can use comfortably without any concerns, up until 2022 when a weirdo billionaire decided to raise his ugly head and change things

The Musk Effect

The whole evolutionary shoe started on April 2022. Elon Musk, the richest man in the world, declared his personal desire to buy Twitter. Why?

The above statement were the seeds of a diabolical harvest in which I will adress later on in this piece. After long tumultuous reports of boardroom and legal drama, on September 2022, the shareholders of Twitter, finally voted to approve Elon Musk’s takeover of the company.

Initially, it was looking as if the future of Twitter was going to be something of ethereal expectations, since obviously the most wealthiest man on the planet will be looking over it's operations.

Unfortunately, the events that followed will consistently remind me that in this lifetime, it's not just about having the money but also having an iota of basic sense inside one's cranium. By, October 2022, Elon Musk fired both the CEO and the CFO of Twitter as soon as he acquired the company. Why? The reason still has not been known. The situation became an absolute wildfire, when by the end of the month, he announced in a security filing that he had dissolved the whole board and decided to serve as the CEO himself. I hope you all can see, the situation that's playing out here

In an organisational crisis unfolding like this, I am pretty sure that the employees will obviously speak out against all of the commotion occurring. The question now is, Did any employees speak up? Yes, they did but unfortunately speaking out their minds and sharing their opinions about Musk's leadership cost them their jobs.

Pause for a minute, go back to the quote I put about Elon Musk’s reason to take over Twitter. Can you observe the contrast that's present in these two events? By January 2023, Elon Musk held the employees of the organisations by their necks stating that if they still want their jobs, they should be ready to work for an abnormal long amount of time.

Throughout that month, there were serious mass layoffs which accounted for 75% of the staff of the company, due to the barbaric and inhumane conditions that Musk had set. These actions alone affected virtually all the departments in the organisation, especially the trust and safety department which is one of the most important and vital part of the organisation. Despite all of this, it didn't end there.

Within a period of time, Musk started uplifting the bans of various users and accounts that suspended initially because of their extremist views especially the white supremacist ones. This action alone started eyebrows to start being raised and as usual Elon defended it with the same cliché words “free speech”

As an average person observing this whole situation unfold, it's quite obvious that the real reason why Musk turned Twitter upside down on his head during the early days of his acquisition of the company, was not because of anything related to freedom of expression or opinion but rather altering the content moderation policies for his own personal gain.

But now,the question that needs to be asked is Why?. The real answer will lead you to the next part of this piece

The Engagement Economy

After the series of shenigans and chaos that Elon Musk created from October 2022 to January 2023, Twitter was a whole new universe entirely. With this full control, Elon was finally able to implement and roll out his desired blueprint of his once fantasy vision of a social media platform.

Before Musk took over, the platform was funded by ads. However, by the time Elon arrived he was like “scrap that”. He decided to come up with a model that allowed for the pushing of creator-focused monetization tools as a way to keep users posting content and at the same time paying attention

This thought birthed the many ways in which Twitter users could earn money, but perhaps the most well known of all is Creator Revenue Sharing and this it how it works

In Creator Revenue Sharing, eligible creators earn from engagement with their content, and Creator Subscriptions, where followers pay creators directly. X’s own help pages say Creator Revenue Sharing is based on engagement from Premium users, while subscriptions can pay creators up to about 97% of gross revenue after payment-processing deductions.

Now, I want you take note of that word, “engagement”, because it is the central focus of this part of the article. This “engagement” literally means the attention that a tweet gets and this can come in formof:replies,reshares, impressions and subscriptions.

So now, let's say for instance two users make two different tweets

“Football fans from Country X have the lowest IQ”

and

“I enjoyed the match today.”

The first tweet that I mentioned will spread more faster than the second one. Why?, Posts that are controversial ignite an emotional reaction. Due to this emotional reactions, it can lead to other users to :share it to mock the tweet,reply to the tweet angrily, drag the user on the platform and if possible the user defends his statement and this causes a back and forth on the app

Ironically speaking, in all these interactions, little do these users know that they are actually benefiting the user that made that tweet in the first place. Why?

All those reactions and actions that came after is engagement.

So you can just imagine as a Twitter user are just earning from the comfort of your sofa by just typing a statement. Infacr the algorithm even helps it by pushing a tweet that has a lot of engagement, hence it will continue to be seen by more and more Twitter users. It's important to note that the algorithm doesn't care if the attention is negative or positive. As long as it's gaining attraction, the tweet will be pushed.

Merely, looking at this,you might say that “Oooh, Elon is a genius”. Honestly speaking, he is but at a cost. A cost so serious that the society had to pay for it.

The above fact up there planted the seeds for the infamous title the platform has today

The Desire for Elon Bucks

This content engagement model of Twitter, has already laid the foundation of a catastrophic digital space. Due to this reward to get paid by simply going viral, psychologically speaking, users become pushed to do some of the most insane things that an average human being will not even think of doing and the fact that this platform is available to a very poor and struggling society like that of Nigeria, adds kerosene to the godammn fire

To start with, because of this new business model, there is a spread of negative and extremely bigoted views on the platform. Go back to the beginning of the article.

Why do you think Elon fired the original staff members of Twitter and uplifted the suspension of extremist accounts?

It's very simple: The average user will automatically respond and criticise the views that are expressed by these users. By the time, that individual is already being commented on and reposted and all, every single piece of engagement is already a dime added to that person's bank account and for the fact that the person is an extremist even makes matters worse. Fine, you might ask, “Can't you just ignore it?”. Ignoring ragebait is not as easy as you think it is. It is a psychologically wired reaction that we all have human beings, eventually we will all react to what we have seen. I mean how many times have I said we should learn how to ignore on this app Substack, talk less of Twitter

This issue of ragebait traps is a very serious problem in our Nigerian society because naturally we have a higher tendency of always commenting on what we have seen than the average human being. So technically, a Nigerian Twitter user is more likely to bag cash than an American one because of the hypersensitivity of the people. Why do you think during trending issues in the country that's when you will see the outrageous tweets to man? The fact that many Nigerians don't know about the model and these views are the average ones in our society just makes a whole different ball game

Another problem this model has caused is misinformation. I saw a note from talking about how someone was spreading misinformation about a drug on Twitter all in the name of likes. I once had a discussion with someone who told me that if we should have a disease pandemic similar to the capacity of COVID-19 we are big in trouble. Why? False and wrong information in the name if likes and engagement. I mean, we all saw how it played out in the Hantavirus to the extent that I had to write an article about it to educate users here. Anything, that can generate people to cause a reaction is the principle promoting misinformation on the platform. The fact that Twitter before usually suspended accounts that were found guilty of doing this, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic should tell you the ulterior motive behind Musk's actions behind the early days of the takeover.

From the consequences that I have listed above, an intending Twitter user can be like “Ooh, how do I make money without expressing bigoted views and opinions” Looking at this statement, it looks harmless once again but still the love for money especially in this harsh Nigerian society pushes some Twitter users to another level of sheer stupidity: The Inability to generate original ideas. We all saw how two individuals from Twitter stole notes from Substack to the extent that one even copied the media along with it just to get likes. Why?, because of the fucking love for money and in a harsh environment like Nigeria, you won't be suprised that many people will still justify those actions. It just shows that apart from AI, Twitter is also able to reduce one's ability to think.

Speaking of AI, there is also another problem of Twitter that we also need to adress and it's a serious problem towards the women

The Perverted AI

When Grok AI was implemented on the platform in November 2023, it seemed as if maybe the new era of Twitter was going to have a glimmer of hope after all. At first it had a few controversies such as insults towards the Polish Prime Minister and antisemitic statements, generally the reception towards the AI was still positive because most people thought it was a glitch or something

However, the true colours of this AI were finally revealed when reports started circulating late last year that it could literally undress the images of anyone down to the extent of them wearing bikinis or even worse -butt naked. This discovery alone put a lot of female Twitter users at risk, especially the ones that usually post their personal media at risk.

As, expected Perverted users of the platform decided to experiment this disgusting feature and decided to use it against women during arguments. We all know the story of the user that used it against Ayra Star during a back and forth argument. To show you how bad it was it could be even done on children literally.

At this point, the issue of this pervert of an AI, Grok was already the icing on the cake for the horrible damage that Twitter already and ready to deliver to our society

Takeaways and Conclusion

It's important to note that Twitter has the lowest enforcement of laws guiding any social media platform in the world. This fact alone should be worrisome because it's a digital stimulation of what our world will be today in the state of anarchy.

The raiding of Twitters office in France in March was a glimmer of hope that finally Elon will be held responsible for what has been happening on hid platform. But, when you are literally the richest man in the world, all the tools to cut corners and escape are in your hands. It's without a shadow of a doubt that the only reason why that werey took over that platform was just to experiment the psychological nature of his fellow human beings for the sake of monetary profit, even at their very own detriment

Let's not forget the Nigerian society too. The nature of this new era Twitter has wrapped the anti-intellectualism of the average Nigerian with a bow tie and the modern day technological aesthetic of the Iphones and the Samsungs in such a way that you can barely even challenge it

To close this heavy curtain, I honestly don't know the proper solution to provide to all of this, but all I can say with the little hope in my heart for every Twitter user that has read this piece: Know what you are doing . Selah

People of Substack…how you are you all doing. Omo, I have gone through hell fire this week. Fortunately, Thank God for this app make I release all my emotions so I can feel better…

To begin this b.s of a week, this useless network we all know as Globacom. Before this past Sunday, Glo was the fastest network in my school…faster at the speed of light. Infact, MTN and Airtel used to bow down to them. I even have two sims MTN and Glo. MTN was my normal line while Glo was for data. Until, 6:30 pm this past Sunday, tell me why am I waking up from sleep to see the signal blank

I think say maybe na because I just wake up. After eating dinner, I tried again it was still blank..Ok, fine I called my uncle who works in Glo and I told him about the situation…he then proceeded to tell me it's a national issue that it might take days,. Infact even he himself was going through the same issue…I was like what, the helm do you mean days…He even proceed to tell me that why am I calling what do you expect him to do. I am confused ni…don't you work in Glo

Since then, I have been using the teaching hospital WiFi and my slow MTN sim and this isn't sage coz once they take light the hospital WiFi is gone and I just pray that Glo should fix this b.s . Infact as of now, I am at a huge risk coz I need the internet to watch read and Substack too. I want to launch a football publication during this year's World Cup and omo May go soon end…. Glo abeg😭😭😭🙏 ….June 11 no far oo . Infact, it came back and after I replied to note yesterday talking about her experience with the network…It actually came back….I said yes😫🥳.. but it only lasted for 5 minutes💔💔

Even next month sef, I even get two incourses Metab of Carbohydrate and Lipids in Biochem and Respiratory Physiology. The latter one, I already have that handled coz from what I have heard from my counterparts in higher levels the lecturer gives us AOC and it's always comes out so I fi remontada dis one… But the other one…omo😭😭…..I still dey TCA cycle..and I neva reach Lipid and Fatty acid. For the first time in my life I dey watch Ninja Nerd, I no understand anything…Ninja hwfr na, was right you talk too fast😭😭…

Omo I have to build my CA before next year, my part I MB dey. Some people in the class before us repeated and I genuinely feel bad them😔….I just pray God helps them too…it's not easy carry that psychological burden plus parental pressure especiall with the school fees that we are paying

Omo, Infact sef I even need to reduce my screen time on this app, despite writing an article about Content Homogenity on Nigerian Substack….I still find myself guilty of it. I even saw one note yesterday sef…omo infact just like what the great Jose Mourihno said

Omo all I can say is wether you are irreligious, agnostic, atheist or religious ooo.. let's all learn to respect ourselves. Labels don't determine the character of a person….this is the note sha…read and tell me your verdict after seeing this

Omo with what I have been hearing thus week I have genuinely lost hope in this country…whenever they say pray for Nigeria it's like a ritual…I am even doubting to even get my PVC sef…coz what if it's rigged…the opposition is still looking scattered and we still have numerous Tinubu dick riders…nna eh😔💔😭

Even the fellow citizens that we are saying are part of the problem.. some of them dey this app. Omo..we will soon have class now sef. To my unpaid therapists and judges on Substack thank you for taking your time to read this outpouring of frustration and kindly feel free to give me advice and the verdict of that note I linked too…very important….

God help you all and may he solve all our own personal issues…Adios Migos

Make I go chop my Fab biscuit in another stressful sigh😭

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As,we all know…earlier this month, we all watched and observed how Ilebaye the 2023 Big Brother Naija winner was beaten by her father and her brothers to the extent of her eyes being swollen. To the average Nigerian watching this, obviously you would expect like 90 percent of the viewers who watched that clip to publicly condemn the actions of the father towards his daughter

To my greatest suprise and at the same time,"as-usual” expectation because of the age demographic and calibre of the people involved, some came out and literally supported the actions of the father fully without any consideration of the physical state and the well-being of Ilebaye

Now, as we all know the average Nigerian society is the blood relative of Thomas Hobes description of the primitive society. Usually, the fault for this is from both generations respectfully. However, when it comes to the aspect of parenting in not only Nigeria, but as the continent as whole..there is one statement to encapsulate it

Parenting in the African continent is the biggest part of the society that the older generation has failed absolutely woefully

The above statement is a verified fact. The issue of parenting in Africa has caused an “ozone-layer depletion” impact of damage for a very long time. The saddest part about this situation is that it literally neglected. It's a problem thar individuals have brushed and put under the rug for a very long time. However, in this modern day and time, from the recent things I have been hearing and seeing(especially from notes from Substack) there is no doubt that it's an unignorable issue

A system that is meant to be built on love, trust, bonding and intimacy has been replaced with pronatalism, emotional repression and fear based obedience. It's about time we finally dig deep into this so called wolf of child abuse wearing the sheep's clothing of care. In this piece, we are going to look deeply into this problem of African parenting with psychology included. Yep, we really need to understand the roots of this crazy behaviour. So, my readers let's brace ourselves for a long read

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The Concept of having kids

This is where it all starts from. The question to be asked for every intending parent, although it has been biased towards the women

Do you want to have children?

A question in which it's simplicity and brevity had been jeopardised by the delusional and fucked up expectations of the average African society. The expected answer that must be heard is “yes”. The question now is why. I had a conversation with some days ago and after doing research on this article I came to a conclusion

To have a child in Africa is like buying a new car or a house. It's like a form of luxury

The decision to having children in the African society is not a personal choice but rather a communal “obligation” which is actually a “want” rather than a “need”. The idea of a family having a child is like a sign of social status and image in the the African society.

“Did you see our neighbour she get 3 kids”, ”Omo that family get triplets oo”, “Did you see that woman's baby daughter she is fine oo”. Similar statements like this proves that theory. Another argument is the issue of lineage, like what said in one of her notes. To the African society, a person's decision not to have children is like a tag of shame to his or her family because to them, he or she has ended the continuation of the bloodline whereas in reality like 90 percent of these families dont even have a legacy that is worth in consideration for a genealogy tree in the first place

With all these delusional protonalist expectations, the average African individual and his or her partner will be pressured in having children so as to avoid to the social stigma and to gain validation

However, in the process of all of this the intending parents most times fail to ask themselves and genuinely reflect on this question

Are you (mentally) prepared to be a parent?

The thought or the interrogation of this question would have been enough to save a reasonable number of child abuse victims today. The origin of this question would be referred to later on in this piece

Objectification of Children

This is where the real problem of African parenting starts. From various experiences that I have heard and read from various users from this app, I have come to another conclusion

The average African parent don't see their children as human beings but rather in two ways:Objects of emotional pleasure/release and extension of themselves( note) deliberately or unconsciously

About the issue of objects of emotional pleasure and release, African parents use their children's existence as a psychological punching bag. Imagine this, an average African parent comes back from work and his or her daughter/son trys to hug him or her because he or she hasn't seen their parent throughout the day. Normally, the normal reaction is “Sorry, I am very tired “ plus giving explanation and all. But, to many sick cunts on this continent, they see that child as a moment to ejaculate every single emotion out of their system. This ejaculation can be physical or verbally. All those pent-up frustrations all end up falling on the mental health of the child damaging it like a tornado ripping through a roof

Again, a normal thinking parent will be like “Omo, I really did/say some nasty things to my child. Let me apologise”. But again, let's me welcome you all to the 2nd largest continent in the world where apologising to a child is synonymous to weakness and over-familarity. To make matters worse, the parents will still do it again. Its like a daily routine, release everything on him/her and feel relived, whereas the child's feeling is like a dripping brush that had been used to scrub a toilet. At a point the child becomes as what once said “an unpaid therapist”

To the issue of a child being the extension of their parents, I have said it earlier on and on my previous article about marriage. I have said this

The African Society promotes more of a community mentality instead of an individualistic one, in the sense that the action of choices of an individual is seen as the action of the family or group of where he or she belongs

I have seen this concept many times and I think it's the core basis of the psychology of the African society but that's for another time. When a child doesn't do well in school or does something that they don't like in public even if is the most minor action, most times the parents are not angry at the child for what he or she did, but rather be they see their child as a part of them. They believe that no, my relevance, my ego is at threat. Thus, they end up using then a way to try and live their lives through another dimension or universe. It's like the child is a car that the parent owns and that car goes through various maintenance procedures without consideration of how it's feeling.

Noticed how I applied personification to a car which is a literal object. That's all I have to say about the objectifying of children in relation to African parenting.

The Inability to Confide

This is another aspect of African parenting that has infact has caused damage at the societal level. Due, to the e damage and wreckage to the mind of the child by the parents…there are unable to form an emotional connection between them and their parents. Why does this occur?

To the child, they see their parents as an auidence/guest and themselves as performers/waiters. Due to this, they have to make sure they are satisfied and in the process of ensuring that..it comes at the cost of their emotions, struggles and mental battles

Looking at that statement deeply, it is actually sad. Thus, in many situations the child has to navigate the chaotic space of his mental health on his or her own. In the process of this, their peers and the internet becomes their life manual. It is very bad because, they are not completely trusted especially in the areas of sexuality,identity and mental health. Thus in the journey, they end up tripping on the rocky terraces of teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, depression, suicide and the likes.

Upon though all of this, some parents will still see them as objects of themselves..in the sense that their child has ruined their personal image and identity whereas all this carnage originated from the supposed “confinde-with me”

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Normalisation of Violence

If there is one characteristic of African parenting that makes it distinct from the rest is the use of violence. From the leather belt all the way to the thick palm slippers, violence and African parenting are no different from the centre-back partnership of Gabriel and Saliba in Arsenal football club.

This all originated from the older generation which came with the suit of the weaponised biblical mandate “spare the rod,spoil the child” and the tie of “physical severity brings moral seriousness” . However, in expected contrast, this not making any of those effects on that child

Instead, it's just a breeding ground for the next African Brock Lesnar because that child ends up piling up all the moments of anger when violence is used by his or her parents and he or she then ends up using this against their peers, society or even their own parents as a form of retaliation or in extreme cases survival.

It also brings about fear(in which I will expatiate more on in the next section) and trauma. Someone posted a note about a mother beating a 5 year old to the extent that there was blood on her back and was screaming that she didn't want to see her mother. It's very horrifying to know that some elderly Nigerian individuals will still support that bitch. Now you can just imagine the amount of pain that a literal 5 year old is going through at that young age by the very person who is meant to be her first love 💔

Fear=Discipline

This is infact, the unspoken principle of African parenting

The fear of your parents is the beginning of wisdom

To the average African parent, it is absolutely satisfying seeing their child shiver because of a situation that involves them that they are involved and they want things done. To them, it gives them a sense of control and to be able to get what they want, but at what cost?

Psychologically, the child that obeys out of fear is operating from the amygdala, which is the brain's threat detection centre instead of internalised values because they see the wrath of their parents as a threat to them. However, the child that obeys with true discipline does that from the pre-frontal cortex because he or she had learnt his or her own values from personal experiences, proper reasoning and natural values

The consequences of equating fear to discipline in African parenting is that it automatically transforms that child to a people-pleaser at a very wrong time in their mental development and in some cases.. this can lead to serious consequences when they become adults in the future and are in situations that us lead to that situation. But of course, the parents don't care. They will showcase them to other families to see how “well-behaved” they are

The Trauma Chain Effect

Now, this is where African parenting is now a serious problem to the society.

The child who was never allowed to have an identity or personality of his or her own, now becomes the adult seeking to relieve his or her own childhood through the lives of their children.

This loop alone has caused a lot of serious damages. Infact, to even make it worse..it's quite alarming to know that in this older generation many of then don't know that they went trauma because it was more normalised then as of now.

This is the climax of the dangerous effects of African parenting and until trauma is processed from an intending parent the cycle stops

The Society's Failure

On this continent, when it comes to societal issues, always expect the society to mess up

In this case, regarding African parenting, the society has always normalised the consequences and damaged it has causes. It is just as of recent times that it is starting to get called out. But guess the set of people that are still refusing to accept the naked truth of its negativity- mostlymembers of the older generation . From the gaslighting of the fact that the people involved are parents to the rejection of the proper and orderly manner in which the Western world apply their parenting,the old generation will be responsible for this issue

To even make things worse, the agents of the society aren't helping at all. The church weaponising the scriptures and spiritualising suffering, the school using coporal punishment in the most uncalled for situations and of course our government with misplaced priorities that have made weak laws against child abuse throughout the continent

The culmination of all these factors still make African parenting a problem up till today

The Way Foward

To be realistic and honest, I doubt if this issue of African parenting can be solved at the societal level. The best thing I can say is that the government needs to make stricter laws and also focus on eradicating child abuse. Let's be honest, many of our parents would have been in jail if they did what they did to us in the Western part of the world. But both of us know it will take flying pigs for African government's to use their heads

At the individual level, there is still hope. said something that stuck with me.

There is no excuse for anyone to be transferring their trauma to their children because we are adults already and we should be able to process it

Think about it, this is the excuse that the older generation is given for their improper parenting. We are old enough to know what happened to us and how we should deal with it. Go for therapy and re-evaluate yourself. Also, it is not a must you should have children especially to the women too.Let all those old hags called aunties shout all they want, pick yourself first. You are doing yourself a good decision if you know fully well you don't want to have children. For those who want to have children, do whatever you can to develop your character.

Go for therapy, pray, self-evaluate. Remember you will play an important role in the life of another individual that will soon come to this earth

Also, as a society we need to call out bad parents. Any issue of bad parenting you encounter wherever you are…call it out and confront the parents involved. Don't let the older-respect narrative b.s shut you down, stand up to it

Conclusion

The family is the basic unit of the society. If the family has a problem, it will end up affecting the society. Parenting in Africa is an issue that had already become a stereotype for something negative and it's up to us as the next generation to change that narrative

Thank you very much and God bless yall for reading. Selah🙏

Dedicated to everyone who has experienced ant form of bad parenting or the other.

Especially you 🥹🫂❤️

There is a woman who goes by the name Abgail. Abgail grew up in the average African home. As usual, she was very obedient and dilligent. She never rebelled or spoke rudely to her parents. She was the perfect model for the ideal African daughter. She excelled well throughout her education, from primary school all the way to the tertiary institution. Infact, she was loved and adored by all members of her extended family

However, things were starting to change for the negative side. As soon as she finished school, the inquires started coming in. “When are you getting married”,”Do you have any man in mind”,”When will you settle down”,”What age will you get kids”. All these questions came from the average and typical aunties and female relatives, whose curiosity passed the boundaries of one's personal space. Nevertheless,Abgail never changed her character. She continued her same regular and constant behaviour and she still showed respect towards the people around her, but that respect was diminishing in reciprocation as her age continued to rise by a year

By the time she reached 30, it was as if she was no longer regarded a human being in her society, even in her very own home and sadly, in the eyes of her parents. To them she was a failed investment. A seed that has lost its value and at a particular time has become expired

To the average African person reading this, especially if you are a woman, there won't be an iota of shock after going through this brief and short story. It's something that is just orthodox in the African society. However, just because something is accepted does not mean its immune from questions and it leaves me with this

Why is it that a woman's worth in many African societies become so dependent on whether a man has chosen her ?

This question and this curiosity, is not an attack on African culture… Infact, I should not even call these sets of behaviours “culture” because this is a simple and honest review of a deeply ingrained pattern that causes serious psychological harm to women on this continent. It's a pattern that has been normalised for years even up to this current age…and I ask myself, why and what is the cause of all this?

The stigma against the unmarried African woman is not accidental. It is the product of centuries of economic systems, colonial interference, patriarchal tradition, and psychological conditioning — and it will not change until we name it clearly.

However, for us to really understand this statement, we have to unravel and dissect and also locate where on earth did we go wrong. So my dearest reader, permit me to take you on this journey behind breaking down one of the major handcuffs that are holding the African society back in the 21st century and in the modern era

Historical Roots-How did we get here?

Before the colonisers came, marriage was not just a social institution. It was a political and economic one. Systems such as the bride price represented the exchange of materials between the families of the groom and the bride…and I am still suprised it still happens in this present day. Due to this, the unmarried African woman was like a missed economic opportunity. She was like that game that the gamblers would have cashed in and made lots of money if only they didn't overlook it. Her value was reduced to nothing more than a catalyst for business transactions and that how it was seen as normal. It's important to note that this also occurred in other ancient societies but the specific form it took in Africa had a long term impact on modern day culture

By the time the colonial masters came, it would have seemed as if they will finally put an end to the partiachy in the various African societies that they were going to be accustomed to. But did that happen?. The answer is NO. Unfortunately it was hardened. The colonial administration made and recognised men as the head of the typical household and women were completely shifted aside from the equation. Thus, the African women was not seen to be dependent on a man traditionally but also legally and by a structural framework. By the time the colonial masters left, the foundation of the partiarchy was already hardened with the mortar of Western values and ideologies that were borrowed from them and as of now it's gradually starting soften but at the same time it's not noticeable

It's also important to note that religion has played a moral role in the issue of the African's society attitude towards the unmarried woman and when I am talking about religion I mean both Islam and Christianity. I am not going to go deeper into this aspect because of the recent occurrences that has happened on this app this past week. I can only recommend checking the articles and notes of various feminist accounts on this platform. You can do well to check online on the internet too. Just remember, religion has played a very significant role in this phenomenon.

Psychoanalysis-What exactly is going on?

Behind every human behaviour, there is always a psychological explanation behind it. This stigma isn't just a societal pressure on a particular individual. It is a complex arrangement of psychological occurrences that support each other. I have done research on thus part and this is what I have to say

• Collective vs Individual indentity: The average African society is collective in nature in the sense that the identity of an individual belongs to his or her family and the community, not in isolation. It is the reason why the average African parent feels shame when his or her child does something in the general public that they themselves don't like whether thr child is condemned or not. Unfortunately, to the average African family, the choices of a woman is not seen for her alone, but rather the family and the community. Hence, if she is unmarried, it looks like a problem to the family because other similar families have daughters that are married hence creating this comparism complex and to the society because the cultural complex which has long been existing from pre-colonial times does not have the framework to accommodate the autonomy of the woman outside gender roles

• The psychology of threat: In the average African society, the idea of an unmarried woman being successful and self-indepedent is seen as a threat to the society. This is because she is disrupting the long term built psychological narrative that she needs to be suffering so that a man can come in and be the one to make her “complete” and have that sense of control. Hence, she is seen as “proud” and “arrogant” because of the lack of control

• Projection and social anxiety: When it comes to this stigma on unmarried women in the African society, it's a projection of unfinished and abandoned dreams of older women who had to sacrifice them for the sake of marriage. Hence, when unmarried woman chooses her path or her own life choices, it causes an eternal mental conflict on whether they made the right choices in getting married in the first place. Hence, putting pressure on the unmarried woman to get married is the way in which they get that validation of making the right choice

• Scarcity mentality about the desirability of a woman: The African society had also established this concept that the desire for a woman is like an asset that is depreciating gradually in value with the increase in age. This concept has been largely been exhibited in various spheres of the African society especially the family. This creates a kind of anxiety that is internalised in the woman from girlhood up until adulthood. Thus, it makes the pressure to get married before the age of 30, not only external but also deeply personal

Before I move on, I want to take note that these takes were from research from the psychological nature of the African society therefore I don't claim or represent any of these views so I won't be taken out of context

The Soil where it all starts-The African Home

For a plant to successfully grow, it needs a foundation or a basis. Biologically, this basis is known as the soil or substrate. Without it, it is very unfeasible for that plant to even start growing at all in the first place. This is the same thing that applies to the society. Without the family, society cannot exist at all. It is what the society needs to even exist in the first place. From this logic, every societal issue that occurs all boils down to the family and this is because the family is the true basis of the society.

Now, from what I said, it's of no suprise that the stigma towards unmarried women stems from the African home. Infact, not just any home but a male-centred African home . In the average traditional African home, the boy child is raised on “becoming” and having a sense of his own personality. He is guided towards making a name for himself and pursuing his own future ambitions. Sadly, for the girl child, the complete and total reverse is the case. The girl child is raised on “belonging” and having a collective indentity with her family. She is pushed towards the point that she is likened to a “contract”. A link between two families so as to socially interact to have access to certain benefits, whilst ignoring their every own daughter's state of mental wellbeing

It is very ironic and questionable to note that in this very same African home, it is the mothers that are the chief, if not, the sole enforcers of this patriarchal culture. These African mothers aren't doing out of malice but rather out of fear. This fear is from the fact that they know the social exclusion that their peers went through for being unmarried. Thus, it leaves us with this

The typical African mother becomes an unwilling agent of the same forces that constrained her, passing the wound from one generation to the next.

A question that will now arise is, what about the father? It's very more sad to note that the father is absolutely mute when it comes to the circumstances involving marriage on the girl child in the African home. Infact, in most cases, when he makes a decision about the girl child, it's regarded as the final say that cannot be opposed. This silence reinforcement coupled with the mother's authority of enforcement is what constantly sustains this stigma up until this present day.

The Modern Revolution and the “Selfishness” rhetoric

As years and eras went by, the generation that was coming one by one, some individuals started to finally open their eyes and finally see the harm that this stigma was doing to the women of the African society . However, this marked the genesis of an ongoing battle between the radical and ever-changing young women of the current and young generation against the conservative and anchored elderly women of the older generation

The older generation always used a specific word when they challenge a young woman's stance on not getting married. That word is “selfish”. This word is uses because to the women of the older generation it's a disruption of the partiachal and societal framework that has been set in stone for many years. To the average conservative elderly African woman, seeing her fellow younger woman self sufficient and independent is like a disruption of power that is allocated to the husband. That word is used so as to put her back in her expected position in the state of need and availability. In relation to the African society, it normally places communal wellbeing over the ambition and desire of it's individuals. However this concept has been applied unevenly in the sense that it demands sacrifice from women in ways it does not demand from men. When a woman reclaims her individuality, she is accused of rejecting community. But the naked truth is, she is simply asking for the same grace that men in her community have always been given

Nevertheless, this weak and very unintellectual rhetoric, the women of the current generation have started to finally rise up and challenge the partiarchal frameworks of the African society. They are have done it through various means such as social media (this app as a honourable mention), literary and handwritten works through prominent authors with Chimmanda Adiche as a prominent mention also. The modern day African women are starting to become unapologetic and refuse to perform in the name of male validation. This has brought about both positive reactions and negative reactions mainly from conservative elderly African women which had even brought about disputes among family members in various homes and places.

A Readers Reflection and Take away

As I gradually close the curtain of this piece, despite the awareness of our generation, it's very important to note that there are still women who are still suffering from this stigma.

My fellow reader, the question that I would like you to ask yourself is that..what can you do about this? The answer is very simple and straightforward: Educate people and let them know that a woman's worth is not tied to her marriage. Talk to your family members and the people around you. Your gender doesn't matter on this situation. I am a boy as I am literally typing this. Even if you face opposition, still talk about it especially in the situation of the religious institutions.,they can call you blasphemous or whatsoever, but don't let that get to you. A society that is void of partiarchy all starts with you🫵

Thank you for reading and God bless you all. Selah🙏

Hey guys, so like normally I don't write articles like this but because of the recent occurrences that have happened with the people around me and my friends too.. I was inspired to write this I hope we all learnt one or two things from this article and let's use thus knowledge to become better individuals in this cold and bitter Nigerian society. I love yall ❤️

You see, I joined this platform about two months ago, with recommendation from a female friend and that recommendation was that “Substack is an intellectual platform, where we learn different and intellectual concepts compared to the brain rot of Tiktok and the likes”. I was so excited thinking that yeah, finally a social platform that will impact my life positively

However, fast foward that time to this current day and what my feed has being showing is well instead of intellectual information being discussed and learnt but rather a Roman colosseum where the battle of various users( pardon me for saying this…extremists…because that's the actual truth for some of you guys) fight for the supremacy of being acknowledged and accepted. They use their views as weapons and they just consist of two classifications

• Feminism

• Religion

These two views account for 80% of the average Nigerian Substack feed and they are artillery for this never-ending battle of the final acceptance and agreement of the society to accept these ideas

Atheists vs Christians, Feminists vs “People who understand Feminism”, Pro lifers vs Pro choices…..these are the battles that I have seen on this app when it comes to the clashing of ideas on Nigerian Substack. On a normal day, these type of ideologies are actually needed because the Nigerian society is already reaching a point that is indetical to what Thomas Hobbes described the early society. Generally, I was happy because these guys will actually help our society

However, over time I noticed that something was starting to get wrong…these two ideas were starting to get an “extraordinary” appearance on my feed than usual in the sense that other concepts and ideas on Substack started to disappear and the platform was starting to get monopolised mainly by those two. By early April it started to get more obvious. It would take me like fifteen minutes to find content on Substack that wasn't related to any of the two. This dominance on Substack by a prominent ideology being shared and discussed is what is known as Content Homogenity

Content Homogenity can be defined as when a certain ideological or topical content holds overwhelming dominance over a platform's cultural space.

Now, at first glance reading this, generally you will think it's a good thing because more Nigerians need to hear more about these things so as to the make the society a better place especially due to the current situation that the country is in and this is a good advantage of this situation we are experiencing on the Nigerian Substack space.

However, unknown to 95% of us, while we are tackling the problem of the outside world, we are already creating another hidden one amongst us within our small social community and it's about time we start to see it before it's too late.

The Cons of the Content Homogenity situation in the Nigerian Substack space.

●Our mental health is at high risk: Imagine yourself as an advocate of feminism. You wake up early in the morning and you see one misogynistic cunt say something stupid. Immediately, you get pissed you type your rebuttal with all the anger in your body with every single amount of anger in your body and from there in most cases you day gets ruined because of just two minutes of raw and unhinged emotion. The same applies to an atheist who sees someone that posts a note about religion that you are strongly against, the same exact process happens. You get to class or work and you can't concentrate. “Who the fuck was that asshole that was spewing b.s this morning”,"Very stupid people everywhere”, “Some people sef”. Even worse, with the average Nigerian society that we are today, your coursemate or co-worker says something homophboic or contrary to your personal views. You carry your phone rant on Substack and to make matters worse another person replies contrary to your note. From there your mind is haywire, you act erratic towards your family and the people around. What am I trying to say with this

Content Homogenity has seriously dettered the mental health of many of us Nigerians on this platform. It had affected our lives and relationships with others

It is a real problem because for some people it puts them in some kind of isolation from the real world. You will start to have mental breakdowns because of people that don't even know you in real life talkless of seeing you face to face. Your normal way of life will be affected simply because of a platform that many people don't know about

●Hate against free speech and expression will gradually start to be formed amongst us: Before I continue on this section, I want you all to take note that freedom of expression has limitations such as slandering one's name, insulting a group of people and all that. However in the case of Substack,some of us don't know when these limitations are applied. For instance, let's say a Christian Substack user just posts a note about God that does not even involve women's rights or anything like let's for instance “With what have been through, I can never say God does not exist”

Do you know, that someone replied to that note and called the person a stupid cunt. I think there was a note that someone dmed a smut writer and told her that she should stop writing her articles on Substack that it is a threat to society. I was genuinely shocked and confused because most smut writers on the app usually write warnings for people intending to read them before they scroll down and even if there is no warning, going as far as the extent to tell someone to take their work down after sacrificing time and mental energy to write is very appalling

Content Homogenity has made some of us Nigerian Substackers to have this mentality of a particular set of individuals to have no right to express themselves simply because their views don't align with us. We end up becoming the very monsters that our leaders are currently in Nigeria

Fine there are some people out there whose views are wrong and bad. I totally agree. But with what I am seeing on the app, it has gone beyond that. If some of us on that app become leaders of this country in the future, you will end up being surrounded by sycophants because you will be angry if you don't hear want you don't want to hear

●We will become less diverse and wide in our knowledge as individuals: This is also another issue that needs to be discussed in this situation. A lot of us usually call Substack an intellectual space that is worth to the extent of doomscrolling. However I want to ask you all a question.

Think about it, you keep on reading articles about those two ideas majority of the time and by the time you are done with a session of Substack scrolling, you begin to ask yourself: “What intellectual concepts did I learn today?” For some people you then begin to realise that you wasted most of your brainpower arguing with people back and forth about two popular abstract ideas instead of actually learning about pratical unpopular ones that can actually help our Nigerian society

“Content Homogenity on the Nigerian Substack space has made some of us unable to think outside the walls of feminism and religion.At this point, it's already defeating the “intellectual” that we say that Substack is”

The anti-intellectualism that we claim we want to get rid of on the likes of Instagram and Tiktok is already starting to begin it's gestational period here with this platform as the uterus

What can be done to deal with this

The question now is, can we still fix this content homogenity problem. The answer is yes,definitely we can. These are some solutions that I personally can recommend

●Ignore,Block and Report: This has to be the easiest of them all and it also applies to the supporters of the feminist movement on Substack. If you see anyone, especially the ones without profile pictures type misogynistic content or stuff you don't like, just ignore, don't engage, block and if it is really offensive, you can report. This actually works because I know of a friend this app that her account was suspended because she was reported by mutiple misogynistic people for writing a feminist article. If the people that don't have sense can you use these tools, what about you?

●Diversify your content: This is also something that I want to adress amongst the solutions. If you know you have extensive knowledge or interests in other fields of knowledge such as science, computer, sports,business and entertainment please do🙏. There is something that Kester's Daughter( one of my favourite users on this app) once said.

If you cannot think beyond feniminism (and religion) should you really call yourself an anti-olodo (intellectual) person

Those words in the bracket are words that I have deliberately put so as to pass across a message. When I mean diversifying your content. I don't necessarily mean that you must be a professor in all these fields. It can be anything like opinions in world events, educating and enlighten us on this app. Hell, you can even write about sports. I am even contemplating on doing a daily match day review on Substackwhen the World Cup starts in June this year. Anything that can make us learn new things generally as individuals is what we need on this app. Is it worth it, wasting all your brainpower on peoplewho has the most conservative of opinions and will refuse to change as you fight them on a daily basis?

●Learn how to communicate properly, especially when making comments and criticism of someone's work : This is also another vital aspect of solving this situation. Some of us on this app don't know how to communicate with our keyboard and I have it seen it here on this app. If someone criticises your work, and you don't like the feedback, ask “OK won't don't you like, which perspective are you seeing it from”…..at the same time too, read properly before making a review of someone's article…if its possible read it twice. Some of you all just read like what our English language teachers usually warn us about when answering comprehension in secondary school. The same applies to notes not just articles. Be polite when making discussions about a note or so. If any of these solutions are not suitable to you at all, just use the first solution I offered earlier. Your time and your data is too precious to be going back and forth in an argument with someone you dont even know. This is Substack not twitter

To close the curtain, I have seen some of you talking about how Substack is different from Instagram,Tiktok and rest and how intellectual it is but I leave you all with this question

Think about this for a while. Also for the record I am not saying we should stop posting about Feminism and Religion. Those two topics are serious issues that we need to adress to fix the Nigerian society, but are we really the problem solvers or we ourselves are behaving like the people causing the problems ?

God bless you all as of you have read this and I pray for the good of all the users on this app🙏 Selah

There is a particular kind of silence that settles over a ward round when a female patient says she is in pain.

You will notice it if you pay attention. A beat. A slight recalibration in the body language of the attending. And then, not always, but often enough to be a pattern — a measured, almost rehearsed response. We'll run some tests. It could be stress. Have you been drinking enough water? The patient nods. She has heard this before. She will hear it again.

If you are going to choose gynaecology — truly choose it, with full knowledge of what it asks of you and what it has already cost the women it was built upon — then you need to sit with that silence for a moment. You need to understand where it comes from, why it persists, and what role you are either going to play in prolonging it or, if you are brave enough, dismantling it.

This is not a discouragement letter. It is, I hope, an honest one.

The Founding Sin

There is a statue that stood outside the New York Academy of Medicine until 2018, when the city finally removed it after years of protest. It was of J. Marion Sims — a man widely referred to, until recently without any asterisk or qualification, as the father of modern gynaecology.

Sims developed many of the foundational surgical techniques in gynaecology in the 1840s. He pioneered the repair of vesicovaginal fistulas, a contribution that genuinely changed the lives of women across the world. Nobody disputes that. What gets left out of the textbooks — or relegated to a single careful paragraph if it is mentioned at all — is how he did it.

He operated on enslaved Black women. Repeatedly. Without anaesthesia.

The women's names were Anarcha, Betsey, and Lucy, among others. Anarcha alone underwent thirty experimental surgeries. The justification Sims would offer was that Black people had a higher pain tolerance — a claim with no biological basis whatsoever, rooted entirely in the racism of the era, and in the convenience of not having to care. These women did not consent in any meaningful sense of the word. They were property. Their suffering was considered irrelevant.

The deeper cruelty is this: those techniques worked. They worked so well that they became the scaffolding of an entire medical discipline. And so we built a field dedicated to female health on the foundation of the absolute desecration of Black women's bodies, and we spent over a century celebrating it without pause.

When you open a gynaecology textbook, you are holding that inheritance. The question is whether you are going to acknowledge it, or look through it as though it isn't there.

This is not ancient, abstract history. The dismissal of pain — particularly the pain of Black and brown women, of poor women, of women who are not articulate enough or well-connected enough to be taken seriously — is not a relic. It is a live clinical problem. The ghost of Anarcha is in every consultation room where a woman is told she is exaggerating.

The Body Nobody Fully Understands

Here is a thing you will learn in your third or fourth year, quietly, through accumulated clinical experience rather than any formal lecture: female physiology is genuinely, extraordinarily complex, and medicine has not kept pace with it.

The female reproductive system is in constant flux. Hormonal cycles do not simply regulate menstruation — they affect immune function, cardiovascular response, pain sensitivity, mood regulation, drug metabolism, and sleep architecture, among other things. A woman's body on day three of her cycle is pharmacologically different from her body on day twenty-one. This matters for how she responds to medication. It matters for how she presents with disease. It matters enormously for clinical outcomes.

And yet the majority of clinical drug trials — for drugs that are prescribed to both men and women — were conducted primarily on male subjects until the 1990s. In many areas, that problem has not been fully corrected. We still extrapolate. We still assume that what works in a male body will work equivalently in a female one, dose-adjusted for weight, and that is the end of the scientific inquiry. It isn't.

Endometriosis affects roughly ten percent of women of reproductive age globally. It takes, on average, seven to ten years from the onset of symptoms to receive a correct diagnosis. Seven to ten years. That is not a diagnostic gap — that is a systemic failure. Pain that a man would be rushed to investigate in a different organ system is treated, in this context, as a character trait. Some women just have painful periods. Some women do have painful periods because they have a progressive, inflammatory disease that nobody investigated for a decade.

Polycystic ovarian syndrome. Adenomyosis. Pelvic floor dysfunction. Autoimmune conditions that disproportionately affect women. The evidence base for many of these is years, sometimes decades, behind equivalent conditions in men. Research funding has historically followed a quiet, unspoken hierarchy of whose suffering is considered worth studying.

If you enter gynaecology thinking it is a settled field, you will be wrong. It is a field with vast, urgent unknowns. That is either exciting or overwhelming, depending on the day. Either way, it is the truth.

The Gender Question Nobody Wants to Have

Let us talk about the thing that gets debated loudly at the dinner table and then almost never in medical school classrooms.

Does the gender of a gynaecologist matter?

The clinical argument is that it does not. Competence is competence. Training is training. A skilled surgeon is a skilled surgeon regardless of the body they go home to. This is a reasonable position and I would not tell you it is wrong.

But medicine does not happen in a vacuum of pure technical skill. It happens in rooms. Between people. Within dynamics that carry the entire history of power and vulnerability that the patient and doctor bring with them.

There is evidence that female patients — particularly those who have experienced trauma, which in the context of gynaecological patients is more common than most people in medicine are willing to say plainly — disclose more fully to female providers. They ask more questions. They return for follow-up. They are more likely to report symptoms that they might otherwise minimise. These are not small clinical differences. They have real outcomes attached to them.

In Nigeria, this conversation has an additional texture. Many women from more conservative households, particularly in the North but not exclusively, face genuine cultural and religious pressure not to be examined by a male gynaecologist. This is not irrationality. It is a deeply held value that deserves to be treated with the same respect as any other patient preference. A healthcare system that refuses to acknowledge this preference is not patient-centred; it is just inflexible.

And yet — and this is where it gets complicated — Nigeria's ratio of female to male gynaecologists is not where it needs to be. The burden of this preference therefore falls on a much smaller pool of providers. Female gynaecologists in Nigeria are stretched, overworked, and concentrated in urban centres in ways that make the preference functionally undeliverable for many women in rural areas or lower-tier healthcare settings.

If you are a male medical student reading this and considering the specialty, I am not telling you to walk away. I am telling you to walk in with your eyes open. You will be working with patients who would have preferred someone else. What you do with that knowledge — whether you treat it as an inconvenience or as a clinical variable that requires you to be more careful, more deliberate, more attentive to building trust — will say a great deal about the doctor you are becoming.

If you are female and considering the specialty, I am telling you that the need for you is profound and unmet, and that the system will likely ask more of you than it asks of your male colleagues, as it always has.

The Abuse That We Do Not Talk About Enough

In 2018, Larry Nassar — the longtime team doctor for USA Gymnastics — was sentenced to prison after more than 150 women testified that he had sexually abused them under the guise of medical treatment. Many of his victims were minors. The abuse spanned decades.

In 2019, Robert Hadden, a Columbia University gynaecologist, was indicted after decades of patient abuse. More than two hundred women came forward.

The pattern in both cases — and in the dozens of similar cases that have emerged internationally in the past decade — is almost always the same. Patients reported discomfort. They were told it was normal. Some patients told other staff. Those concerns were minimised or ignored. The doctors were well-regarded, well-connected, and the institutional incentive to protect their reputation was stronger than the institutional incentive to protect their patients.

In Nigeria, we do not have the same culture of litigation or mandatory reporting that creates the paper trail necessary for these cases to surface in the way they do in Western countries. Which does not mean the problem does not exist. It means it is largely invisible.

Women in Nigeria navigate a healthcare system in which the power differential between a doctor and a patient is steeper than in many other contexts. Many patients are deferential to the point of not questioning anything that happens during an examination. Many have no access to a chaperone policy, or do not know that they can request one. Many have been culturally conditioned to believe that if a doctor does something, it must be medically necessary, and that questioning it is an act of disrespect.

This is the environment in which gynaecological care is delivered. If you are entering this specialty, these are the structural vulnerabilities you are entering into. The question is not just whether you will be ethical. The question is whether you will build practices, and advocate for systems, that protect patients even when the doctor is not.

Every gynaecologist should be practising with a clear chaperone policy. Every consultation room should have one. Every patient should be told, before examination, that they can have a chaperone present. These are not bureaucratic formalities. They are the architecture of safety.

"You Are Just Overreacting"

There is a phrase, or a variation of it, that follows women through the healthcare system like a shadow.

It is probably just stress. A lot of women feel this way. Your results are normal. Have you tried losing weight? It could be anxiety. Some discomfort is to be expected.

The dismissal of female pain is not a new observation. It has been studied. It is documented. Women wait longer in emergency departments than men with comparable symptoms. Women with chest pain — a sign that could indicate a cardiac event — are more likely to have their symptoms attributed to anxiety before a cardiac workup is initiated. Women report being told their pain is psychological when it is, in fact, physiological, for years before receiving a diagnosis.

This is not coincidental. It is the downstream consequence of a medical tradition that began by treating female pain as either acceptable collateral or outright fabrication. From the historical dismissal of hysteria as a female condition caused by a "wandering womb," to the Victorian-era view that female emotionality made women unreliable reporters of their own symptoms, medicine built into itself a framework for not believing women. We did not invent that framework. But we inherited it, and many of us reproduce it without ever examining where it came from.

In Nigeria, this dismissal carries its own specific flavour. There is an existing cultural tendency in parts of Nigerian society to frame suffering — particularly female suffering — as something to be endured quietly, or as evidence of spiritual attack, or as the natural consequence of womanhood. It is normal to bleed heavily. It is normal to be in pain. This is what it means to be a woman. These cultural narratives and the clinical ones reinforce each other in dangerous ways. A woman who has been told her entire life that her pain is normal is not going to push back on a doctor who tells her the same thing. She does not know that she has the right to.

Within medical schools and training hospitals in Nigeria, there is also a flattening of patient experience that happens when clinical volumes are high. When you are managing thirty patients on a ward, the individual contours of suffering can blur. Efficiency becomes a survival strategy. But efficiency applied to female pain complaints, without a deliberate, practised counter-instinct, defaults very easily to dismissal.

If you go into gynaecology, you will be in the room where this either gets better or gets worse, patient by patient, year by year.

What Nigerian Women Need and Are Not Getting

Maternal mortality in Nigeria remains among the highest in the world. A woman in Nigeria faces a dramatically higher lifetime risk of dying from a pregnancy-related complication than a woman in any high-income country. The causes are multiple and interconnected — access, infrastructure, anaesthetic coverage, blood supply, training — but they converge on a single reality: female health in Nigeria has not been treated as a policy priority in the way that it needs to be.

Beyond maternal health, the picture is not better. Cervical cancer is the most common cancer among Nigerian women and one of the leading causes of cancer death in the country. It is almost entirely preventable with vaccination and screening. The national HPV vaccination programme has existed on paper for years; its ground-level implementation remains uneven and underfunded. Women in rural areas, in particular, are not being reached.

Research into female-specific health conditions in Nigeria is sparse. There are a handful of dedicated centres doing important work — the University of Ibadan, the Lagos University Teaching Hospital, among others — but the volume of research being produced is not proportional to the burden of disease. There is very little locally contextualised data on endometriosis presentation in Nigerian women, on PCOS management in patients with different metabolic profiles, on pelvic floor outcomes in high-parity populations, on the long-term health consequences of female genital cutting, which still affects significant numbers of women in parts of the country.

We are, in many cases, treating Nigerian women with guidelines developed from studies that did not include a single Nigerian woman. We are hoping that the biology translates. We do not always know whether it does.

This is one of the most compelling arguments for going into gynaecology, if you are the kind of person who is energised by the idea of genuine medical frontier work. The need for clinician-researchers who understand the local context, who can run the studies, who can develop the protocols, who can push for the policy changes — that need is enormous and largely unmet. There is meaningful work to be done. The question is whether you are prepared to be the one to do it.

So Should You Choose It?

I want to be honest with you about what gynaecology will ask of you.

It will ask you to carry, regularly, some of the heaviest moments in a person's life. Pregnancy loss. Infertility. Cancer. Assault. It will ask you to be technically precise under conditions of high stakes and, in many Nigerian healthcare settings, inadequate resources. It will ask you to hold your own psychological weight while also holding your patients'. It will ask you to be an advocate in a system that does not always want to be advocated at.

It will also, in a Nigerian context, ask you to work within — and sometimes push against — cultural frameworks that complicate patient care. Families who make decisions instead of patients. Religious convictions that intersect with clinical management. Financial constraints that determine which options are actually available. Referral systems that are fragmented and unreliable.

None of this is unique to gynaecology. But it is concentrated here, in this specialty, around this particular patient population, in ways that make it more intense.

If you choose it because you want comfortable, you will not last. If you choose it because you want straightforward, you will be disappointed. If you choose it because you find the human complexity interesting, because you are genuinely curious about the science that remains to be done, because you are disturbed by the current state of female health in this country and want your career to mean something against that backdrop — then you might be exactly who this specialty needs.

But go in with your eyes open.

Know the history. Carry Anarcha's name with you as a reminder that the minimum standard of this work is that the people in your care are treated as fully human, with full dignity, deserving of the full weight of your attention and belief.

Know that the science is incomplete, and commit yourself to being rigorous — to questioning, to reading, to researching, to not defaulting to dismissal because dismissal is faster.

Know the structural vulnerabilities — the power differential, the cultural deference, the inadequate chaperone culture — and build your practice against them, not around them.

Know that your gender will be a variable in the room, and choose how you respond to it with intention rather than indifference.

And know, above everything else, that the women who will walk through your door have usually already been through several rooms where they were not believed, where they were made to feel like they were too much, where they were sent home with a vague diagnosis and a low-grade sense of shame.

You will get to be the room that is different.

That is not a small thing to get to be.

This article was written with medical students in mind, but is open to anyone who wants to think seriously about women's health, its history, and its future. If you found it useful, please share it — particularly with students in clinical years who are beginning to make specialty decisions. The conversation this piece tries to start is one that should be happening more in our training institutions than it currently is.

A few weeks ago, I was just chilling on my bed going through one of my coursemates WhatsApp status casually, when all of a sudden I paused on a tweet that he posted about how Nestlé has finally been exposed. I was confused and shocked initially

I then started swiping through his status after that, from there I started seeing similar images which were from a healthcare organisation or so. These images were presenting and analysing data from comparism studies between African and European Nestlé products and I was shocked .

From the images I saw, it was revealed that the African Nestlé products contained a lot of unnecessary added sugar and a lot of unrequired additives whereas the European Nestlé products were found to be completely okay according to WHO standard. I sat down and I was confused

I then later met my coursemate later that day, to tell me the more information that he knew about the situation, since I am not on twitter. He went to tell me that it's not the first time that Nestlé have been having issues with their products targeted towards African consumers. Infact, he went to tell me it has been happening for decades. The hell you mean decades

After my conversation with him, I sat down on my bed and I was reflecting on the situation in a whole and the conversation that I just finished having some minutes prior. I asked myself two questions

• “Why is it the African consumer demographic that Nestlé decided to do this to”

• “What could we have possibly done that would have warranted Nestlé to provide this very poor customer service to us as Africans”

However later on as I was wondering and pondering that night, I then realised that this problem is beyond Nestlé. I started thinking about how Gennaro Gattuso, former manager of the Italian national football team, made derogatory comments on why Africa has more World Cup spots than before (Thank God Italy didn't qualify…mtchew🙄), the Substack articles on how African women have been made to hate and detest their natural hair, the time when Trump was suprised at the fact that the Liberian President could speak good and fluent English, plus the reactions that came with it after. There were still more and more thoughts dancing around in my head and I finally came to a single point of conclusion

“Still despite all the work of the activists,nationalists, the messages that preach of peace and humility, the icons that have come out of Africa and everything, there are still people on this planet that look down on us”

This article that I am writing goes beyond the Nestlé drama. It's about the fact that out there are still individuals who have retained the same old negative values toward the continentof Africa, even in this modern era

Fine, I will be frank and plain.. Africa still has a long way to go when it comes in complete development and advancement in many spheres and aspects of the average modern society . But just because of that fact, does not mean that we should be treated as if we are animals or our biological ancestors like Homo erectus and Homo natherdals . We are in 2026 A.D now, we all have fully developed biological brains among us as human species so I see no reason we should be looked down upon

Infact sef, we were all on our own enjoying our cultural and native traditions, until the Europeans with their obese and fat egos decided to come here and take everything away from us. Some might argue that it was beneficial in the sense that it changed the contient for the greater good…well that's an unending debate among historians…but the point is these guys left a crater of destruction. Artworks stolen,we have been made to hate our hair and very own culture just to fit so called “Western” standards

However, at the same time too, some of our cultures have to go and this is also where us Africans we are also at fault. Some of us are conservatives that will refuse to let go of some of these cultures especially the ones that are against women and bring them down. That's why an average African is against feniminism, but let me not digress. The point is some of us Africans are too held on to our cultures that we forget to ask ourselves this vital question

“Are these cultures impacting the people positively or negatively”

This is why the Westerners call us barbaric because some of us still practice cultures that negatively affect people on the continent. Even upon the international condemnation plus calling out, some of our fellow Africans will still continue these evil acts. At this point you can't blame them for looking down us

To wrap this rant wrapped in a form of an article, I can just end it two sentences

• Looking down on Africa as a “no-good” land in 2026 is gutter behaviour. Your own continent too has issues that others don't like..so who the fuck are you

• Africans too..we need to stop doing things that are not sensible. If we can look out for each other as a normal average society

I am a proud African and I will always be proud from where I am from

Omo to begin this rant, the ways in which I escape the realities of life has been absolutely fucked. WWE has been ass for the past two years and I have tried my best to manage the b.s for a long time up until Friday. Someone please tell me why the hell is Pat McAfee the secret caller and why are they making the women's division boring…it's not nice honestly . Then my favourite club Real Madrid is playing like 2022 Manchester United knowing fully well we are playing Bayern tommorow, Arbeloa I hope all is well🙄

Then let's move on to the realities of life, currently I am medical student and the next incourse examination is getting ready and prepared to make an Undertaker entrance. Because of this everlasting fear of unpreparedness…instead of me learning what I am supposed to apply in my profession to save lives I have to end of studying… why ….so I won't fail…and this is not what the course is about…lives need to be saved…not me knowing all the bones and the muscles in the body😭😭

On top my academic life again, I want to run for an electoral post in my school but I am having serious doubts

• Can I balance the weight of medical school and leadership responsibilities

• Do I still have the qualities of a leader

• Will I even pass the screening process to even be eligible as a candidate

All these thoughts just running through my head mehn😫…..

Then my spiritual life too is in a quicksand…honestly speaking I can't remember the last time I had a serious prayer and my consciousness has just been in a boxing match with me, especially my usage and interaction with content on this app

On one hand my mind is like “Why are you reading smut, Why are you taking to people that have deconstructed they are sinners blah blah,Why are you engaging with people that desecrating the name of God, You did not win souls for Christ, You did not defend the Word of God while it was being insulted”

On the other hand it's like “Who am I to condemn, Remember Jesus and Zaccheus in the Bible, I am not God, What happened to Godly love, I am being overeligous”

Omo my mind is just messed up mehn…I don't even know sef

Omo, to add kerosene to this psychological inferno is the role of other individuals mehn. No please tell me how the fuck is it doing you that I am watching a video without earpods or ear piece….I literally lowered the volume so that it won't disturb other people but nooo, you just has to have echolocation like a bat

Chai, omo…..course rep just announced my blood physiology exam is next week….see what I was saying, after spending the entire holiday reading cardiovascular system…The irony of life😔

Omo at this point I need to sit down and scream mehn….I just don't know what to do…I was awake till like 3am thinking about life…doing an innermost self reflection

As a Christian, yes I prayed to God ….but at the same time I need to seek psychological and mental help…I am a realistic person and this is the problem of Nigerians today:Over Spirituality….person go get Parkinsons you wan take am for devilerance….make I no start sef I will divert from the focus…chai I can't even say “God help us” with full faith and belief

Omo see this b.s now, they just cancelled all my classes today after taking my time to wake by 7am to do some stuffs before preparing …the fuck is all this

Where was I….omo I don't have access to any therapist as of this moment….but the least I can do is to rant to you guys here.

I know by God's grace everything will be fine…but right now I need to find pratical solutions to leave my current situation

To my dearest friends on this app help a brother in need…God bless as you do so🙏😭🤧

Omo..they don take light.I dont get is this all part of a script or what😭💔🥀