Bombing SUCKS, there’s no way around it. It’s like being dumped by a whole room full of people. However, it’s a natural part of being a comedian. Even when you’re quite experienced you’ll still bomb, you just might shift what you consider to be bombing.

What is bombing?

You gave everyone the ick. Nobody gets what you’re going for tonight. Jokes aren’t landing. It’s a bit like being the weirdo at the party “Who invited this guy?”. In the worst cases the audience might start talking amongst themselves, like you don’t even register as a comedian any more. Just some escaped mental patient that somehow made it on to the stage.

This happened to be at a London gig a few years ago. An old friend & ex-collaborator invited me to do her professional gig in London. I was used to killing it in cosy ol Berlin so I thought it would be fun! I went on after a guy who went 40 minutes over time, the crowd loved him. When I went on stage I was a deer in the headlights. I felt completely out of my comfort zone and the audience were already exhausted. I started my “set” and very slowly the audience just started talking amongst themselves. Too polite to heckle, but too unimpressed to listen. For some reason I hung around with the other comics that night like some living monument to failure and humiliation.

Bombing is a little different when you’re a pro

In the case of more experienced comics, they might consider bombing as jokes not landing as well tonight. Bombing can be “not killing”. People are laughing but out of a sense of duty. You’re not getting them tonight, they enjoyed you, but they won’t remember you. Wow this is making me sad to write this. Bombing is sad!

Having said that I’ve seen pros bomb

I’ve seen countless comedians including Stewart Lee eat shit at Glastonbury Festival. What are you gonna do? It’s a massive tent with everyone spread out & mainly off their tits at 4pm. It wasn’t the place for their clever clever lefty rhetoric. Even a pro comic can be put in completely the wrong environment. Again, somebody could have killed - there is a right comedian for this crowd. A puppet show perhaps?

Why do we bomb?

It’s hard to define, but I think it’s an energy thing. You just aren’t gelling with people tonight. Perhaps you came out with a strange nervous energy. Or maybe you came out with too much energy? It’s like real life, sometimes you are bombing at a social gathering. Your epic shart story isn’t sounding vulnerable and quirky, but is being met with derision and disgust.

In my experience it’s more to do with vibe than the material.

You aren’t making a connection with the audience and the more you try and fix it the worse it gets, because the desperation is rising.

How can I avoid bombing?

The only way to avoid bombing is to never try anything new. This is the worst mistake a comedian can make. You don’t want to be that old guy doing the same set from 2002 “The internet, boy that changed everything!” (I actually heard a guy do that joke recently). You can’t avoid bombing, especially when you are new. But coming out with an honest an vulnerable energy, making sure you are being yourself and not a pretentious version of yourself can mitigate the bomb. But really, just like life, some days it be like dat.

What if I always bomb?

Jeez my guy maybe this comedy thing isn’t for you? BUT, I’ve seen the worst comedians stick at it for years and find their voice. And that voice they found was a truly unique one because it didn’t come to them easily. Just don’t do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. Take a class, get a mentor. Listen to people’s advice if they are more experienced than you. Record your sets, be honest. What’s working and what’s not?

What can I do if I am mid-bomb?

You’re sucking tonight, your killer opener didn’t land and everyone’s looking at you like this.

Don’t say that you’re bombing

Continually referencing it has 0 benefits and will probably turn the handful of people that are moderately enjoying it against you. “Oh I thought they were OK but I guess not - boo!”. I know it’s extremely tempting, I do it myself sometimes. Because a comedians job is to read the room and say what we’re all thinking. But in this case, don’t.

It’s OK to say a joke didn’t land as well as you thought it should have. Or give a “I guess that ones just for me”. But essentially saying “I am a bad comedian” is always a terrible idea.

It might not be as bad as you think

Sometimes people are enjoying your set in a quiet way, or it’s a quieter audience. Yes perhaps an absolute pro could go in and turn it all around but that’s not you, not tonight. Sometimes the bomb is mostly in your head. You’re just in a weird mood and are focusing on the one woman whose dad just died.

Don’t go over-time

I will never in my life understand the instinct to go over time when your bombing. I think it’s usually out of spite? I don’t even understand the need to go over-time when you’re doing well! Like get the hell out of there in case it all goes wrong! The producers will really think you’re a douche if you go over-time when you’re bombing. Producers are spiteful and petty, they’ll use any excuse not to book someone again. I say this from experience.

Change tactics

It’s madness to do things the same way and expect a different result. Was there something that did kind of work? Do you have more stuff like that? If you just have this set and that’s it - just get to the end of it gracefully like a deflating dinghy unceremoniously reaching shore.

Never ever ever turn on the audience!

It’s never the audiences fault that they aren’t giving you the response you think you deserve. If you turn on them you’re not only ruining it for yourself, but you’re making the audience pissed off for the other acts. Blaming the audience is always the worst idea. It’s unprofessional and totally counter-intuitive. Sure, sometimes an audience does suck! The host goes out and says “Who’s ready to have a good time!?” and the audience are like “No thanks”. They might have been rounded up at a bus-stop moments before the show. Perhaps it’s a reunion of survivors of the Indonesian tsunami of 2004 and they didn’t realise there was an open mic here tonight. It’s still not their fault you aren’t funny tonight.

Record your sets & learn from them

When you listen back to a “I bombed” set, it’s usually better than you think it was. The recording device is often at the back where people were cooler. There was a bunch of weird stoners at the front, and that group of people that met at the lobotomy clinic. Again, you could have got them if you were better. So learn from this set. A great set can kill in every room.

Check out this app I made for Improv nerds/coaches. It’s a directory of over 1000 improv exercises you can just browse, or organise into sessions. Plus other cool features.

improvcoach.app

Teaching plugs Berlin

• Stand-Up Beginner’s in June - Starts June 2nd - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Website - carolineclifford.com

• My improv app - improvcoach.app
  

I dislike structure in comedy sets in general. That is, when people pretend all their bits fit together in a neat little package when they are really just a bunch of random goofs. I talk about it more here:

In a 5 minute set, every word counts so don’t waste it.
Here are things that waste time in a 5 minute set:

1. Asking the audience questions when you don’t care about the answer “Who here likes hats!?”

2. Repeating yourself.

3. Long explanations to a joke. Get to the funny bit ASAP - we don’t need to know your mom was wearing her blue dress and it was Easter Monday.

4. Lists. I’m always amazed how many times comedians list things. If the list isn’t very funny it clutters the set.

5. Repeating yourself.

6. Stand-up isms. “The thing about hats is…” “You know, hats are a lot like condoms” “Here’s 3 things I like about hats”. The 90s called and they want their stand-up cadence back ! Talk in your own voice buddy-boy. Lock in!

Here’s my advice vis-à-vis “structure”

1. Start with a “handshake” - something you didn’t plan to say. This connects you with your audience. Pause for a moment and look around.

2. Your opening joke should be about you. This is a good place for some light self-deprecation. Your audience sees you, they have made some kind of judgement. Can you beat them to the punchline? Make it funny & punchy AF ! This is your first real joke, don’t start with a bunch of waffle.

3. Aim for 3 totally different topics. What? You might have a lot of great material on one topic, but save it. The audience really gets fatigued when everything is about one subject. Stand-up the same as meeting people for the first time and trying to impress them. Comedy is all about surprise. Use different textures and emotions in your set. I truly believe topic fatigue was the difference between the winners and the losers of the Berlin New Stand-Up Award this year.

   Obviously if you have an absolutely mind-blowing 5 minute bit on one topic that gets funnier and funnier until people are dying then yes. Yes do that.

   Even if you have a very big ism. Gay, poc, enormous, disabled ETC you don’t spend every waking moment of your life thinking about that so it’s not authentic to make an entire set about that.

4. Put the new stuff in the middle. You should try new material at every gig, it’s the only way you’re going to get better. Putting new stuff in the middle is a classic Shit Sandwich.

   

5. End on a banger! No it doesn’t have to all make sense, you don’t have to have a call-back (unless it’s really funny). Just end with a really strong joke. Thank you and follow me on linked-in byeee x

Speaking of hyper-focus I made this app for Improv nerds/coaches. It’s a directory of over 1000 improv exercises you can just browse, or organise into sessions. Plus other cool features.

improvcoach.app

Shows Berlin

• Thu 23.04.26 @ 8pm - Teacher’s Pet - The teachers at CCB do funny improv - Link
  9.30pm - Daisy Chain – LGBTQIA+ Ensemble - Queer-prov - Link

• Fri 24.04.26 @ 9.30pm - Fünfdollar - Just a super funny team of CCB veterans - Link

• Sat 25.04.26 @ 8pm - Exit Stage Left - I’ll improvise with a scripted actor. It’s so funny actually. - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• Stand-Up Beginner’s in June - Starts June 2nd - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Website - carolineclifford.com

• My improv app - improvcoach.app
  

Attitude part 1: Your personality

Attitude means simply the way in which you express yourself. It comes in two parts. The first part is your overall attitude, your persona or personality. Think about how you would describe yourself, or more accurately how others would describe you without describing your physical appearance. Are you relaxed, anxious, bubbly, aggressive, cool, needy… etc. Of course your personality can be more than one thing.

I often get described as deadpan, a bit low energy. But I’m also extremely insecure and want everyone to like me.

Attitude is the life blood of a comedy routine, without it even the best jokes will struggle to have an impact. Imagine your favourite comedians if they just said their material matter of factly, without any energy.

You can have a big attitude and still be low-energy & shy. Having a big attitude doesn’t necessarily mean jumping all over the stage and yelling, in fact many comedians use this as a substitute for having good material. Having a big attitude just means knowing exactly the best way to tell your jokes. It’s knowing who you are on that stage and how your audience sees you. It doesn’t have to be tangible, it can be a feeling - and it will develop over time.

A very low-energy comedian might walk slowly on stage, look around the audience silently nodding, then after a few seconds say “hey”. They might get a big laugh because it takes a lot of confidence to be so low energy at the top of your set, and now we know exactly who this person is in just one word.

A very anxious comedian might be like “Alright that’s enough, stop it! You’re embarrassing me! Shhhh!” as an authentic reaction to a room full of strangers applauding them for something they haven’t done yet. The key here is authenticity. The audience can tell the comedian's actions are aligning with their authentic persona as demonstrated by this Daniel Simonsen video above where he gets huge laughs from just saying “hey”.

Authenticity schmauthenticity

Your stage persona is a heightened version of your off-stage persona. Think about yourself telling a particularly cool anecdote to a group of friends, the way you embellish certain parts of the story for added comic effect and/or impact, that’s part of your stage persona, at least the beginning of it. How would other people describe your personality? Are you more bubbly? Low-energy? Dry? Stoned? Loud? Do you tend to have big reactions to things? Do you need a lot of attention, or are you completely “chill”? You might be a total mystery to yourself, and that isn’t terrible. It means your comedic personality is there to be discovered - and that’s exciting! Even if you consider yourself to be exceedingly boring with no discernible personality - that’s an amazing persona. Charismatic can be so annoying sometimes. Like we get it, you had a lot of friends at school!

Glue

Nobody on the surface is unique, any Buzzfeed quiz will tell you that. But if you examine your life in lots of detail, you will come up with something nobody else would. Your on-stage persona should be authentic, but should also be exaggerated so you can “play to the back of the room”. It’s you when you’ve had just the right amount to drink. And if you don’t drink - just the right amount of glue.

When you're performing material to a group, you should look for the parts where people laugh where you didn’t expect them to. Those are probably the places where you are being the most “you”.

Attitude part 2: How do you feel about a subject?

The second part of attitude is how you feel about the subject you are talking about. This can be a myriad of emotions, most of which are in this wheel below by Kaitlin Robb. It could be that how you feel about a subject changes throughout you talking about, you might start off mad as hell, but then as you unravel your own thinking you might feel optimistic and a little defeated.

This wheel is a great start, but if you can add detail to your specific feeling that’s even better.

What is important in comedy is that the audience knows exactly how you feel about a subject, especially if it’s a controversial subject. If you’re a queer person like me, then I might have a bunch of great jokes making fun of lesbians, but it still has to be clear to the audience that I’m not actually homophobic, and I’m just making fun of (mostly) myself.

I’m a lesbian with low self-esteem, that’s why I bought a flaccid dildo. When you press a button it says “It’s not you baby, I’m just tired”, but you can tell it is you.

If you press another button it puts Great British Bake-off on the TV. Did I say dildo? I meant TV remote. I really should wash it. Beause I masturbate with it. Has anyone seen the remote? yes, it’s inside my vagina. I don’t like this joke.

Use real emotions

You should always use real emotions as the basis for your writing. Look for topics that make you feel something. The audience can always tell when you are faking it. Sure you might be a tremendous actor, but what’s the point in tricking people into thinking vandalism makes you really angry, when in fact you don’t really care about it - and in fact care deeply about your partners sleep-farts. Real emotions make it easy to write because you don’t have to invent anything, it’s already there. One of the biggest problems with comedy is when people are pretentious. People have a microphone and an audience so they think, I can reinvent myself! I can finally be this woke warrior, who is great in bed. People can smell bullshit a mile off, and again, even if you are a tremendous actor and can convince people, you’re now just giving yourself a lot of inventing to do. Discover, don’t invent.

Once you have your great idea that’s full of emotion, THEN you can bullshit and get weird. Then you can explore the subject for all it’s worth until it’s a lifeless husk that’s blown away by a slight breeze, or a partner’s fart.

As with all joke writing, once you start a premise using real authentic emotions, that's when stuff can get weird and wonderful. Here are some of my favourite attitude exercises:

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Shows Berlin

• Wed 18.06.25 @ 8pm - The Improvised Stand-Up Show - Link

• Thu 19.06.25 @ 9.30pm - Action Jackson, with special guest Sebastian Conelli! - Armando improv - Link

• Sat 21.06.25 @ 9.30pm - It’s That Time Of The Month - Improvised variety show - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• No more stand up classes until late summer! Join a waiting list here - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Comedy Cafe Berlin - comedycafeberlin.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

The first gig I ever did was at the Edinburgh Festival. It was the graduation show of “Absolute & Almost Beginners” comedy class with Logan Murray. I had an enormous 1 gig under my belt, and I was already strutting around the mother-flipping Edinburgh Fringe Festival demanding open spots off people like I was the ghost of Joan Rivers. The jokes on you though because a man with no front teeth gave me a spot declaring “We need one of you(a woman)”.

I get it, we all just want to be loved and admired - preferably by strangers because that’s more difficult. But please don’t be like me, have patience and at least pretend you don’t have a huge ego. I burnt out and ended up having a shit time in the London scene, you can read more about that here:

I used to co-produce a very popular comedy show in Berlin - We Are Not Gemused. And as a result I’ve remained on some kind of list of people you should email for a gig, and it really pisses me off. It pisses me off because here’s someone who wants something from you, and they couldn’t put in the minimal amount of effort to see the show ended in 2020. Grr!

I now run mostly improv and thematic shows, and I periodically get DMs from stand-up dudes asking for a spot? At our all-female improv show? You suck.

Even when I was still running the comedy show, people would send me these 3 page comedy CVs full of bullshit that they had obviously copy and pasted to every show in town.

You have to get a hold of yourself and assess the reality of the situation. People don’t know you at all. Nobody likes DMs from strangers even if they’ve asked for them so the least you can do is read the show description! Be polite and don’t act like you’re special. Oh you’re funny? Wow what an incredible unique selling point! Just be normal and ask for a gig like everyone else. People want to work with low-maintenance nice people, not deluded maniacs.

What if I’m honestly good enough for a paid spot?

If you are a local comic already doing open mics at a venue that offers paid gigs, patience is the key. Don’t act like you’re entitled to a paid gig. It’s only the bookers reality that’s important in this scenario, not yours. If you haven’t impressed them yet then vow to smash it at the next gig you perform there. I can’t stress this enough, stand-ups are a renewable resource and bookers will always want to work with someone cool to be around, rather than a whining tool.

I asked some bookers around town how unknown comedians can get paid gigs at their shows. Kat Nip from Queen Bees Comedy says:

A good pitch email will include a concise spiel about you, any recognised show or TV credits, and a link to your website and/or socials. We make our decisions based primarily on the video though, ideally a link to an unedited set of minimum 5 minutes, as we all know self-written bios can be full of shit!

Remember always to check a shows acceptance policy before emailing them videos or anything.

Dharmander Singh from Cosmic Comedy says:

The application process for the showcase shows is either they smash it at the open mics and then get asked to do a paid 5 at the showcase. If they smash that a few times then they progress to paid 7 and so on.

If I don't know an act, then they need to send a recent set that is actually audible and viewable. Shitty vision on a clip or audio will he switched off after 10 seconds and not watched. A full set also is required not just a link to a clip on tiktok or Instagram .

As for the open mics we try to give priority to new acts. Due to massive demand for spots, acts can sometimes be overlooked. If acts feel this is happening to them then they just have to send me a personal message.

So as you can see, a good video is the key to getting a paid spot sight unseen, and less is more with the spiel.

How to get gigs

1. Research the show you want to perform at and apply for a gig exactly as they specify
   Even if you found out about the gig from one of these “every gig in town 4 years ago” excel spreadsheets, don’t just go down the list and blanket send the same dumb email with your really bad comedy CV to everyone on the list. There’s a person at the end of that email, remember that. Look up the show, they probably have an Instagram or something that says exactly how to sign up, and what they expect. Just do the thing they want and don’t be extra.

2. Don’t badger people if they don’t get back to you
   These people get a lot of emails so wait a respectable amount of time before you follow up.

3. Nobody cares that you’re from a big city
   There are tragically bad comedians all over the world. Don’t think you’re going to get gigs just because you’re from New York, London or LA, that’s really condescending. If you have some real credentials that’s different. In all honesty most comedy scenes enjoy having a bit of fresh blood so lean on that, just don’t act like you better than us because you ain’t Mr. fancy-pants big city!

4. Don’t ask people to suggest places you could perform at
   Why would they do that? I know I’m sounding cranky here but why would someone want to help you if they don’t know you and there’s nothing in it for them? Do your own research ya lazy bum!

5. Be patient and kind
   People will book you when they’ve seen you and they like you. Wait your turn to get on people’s shows, do a great job, be nice and you’ll soon make a name for yourself.

6. Be humble and realistic
   If you have to ask for gigs then you aren’t good yet, sorry! See above.

Drop these things from your comedy CV

Hopefully these tips will help you cut the bullshit from your spiel. And as Kat says only the video and real accolades are meaningful to bookers, so here’s why you should drop the rest.

1. Listing shows you’ve done that anyone could do

   Oh you’re a comedian, that has performed at venues? Wow! Most venues don’t mean anything to people unless they are legitimately impressive, and even then don’t put them down if you just did an open spot there.
   This includes things like Festivals, even Edinburgh - anyone can apply to put on a show at a festival. It proves absolutely nothing. I’ve seen some shocking shows at festivals.

2. Mediocre competition accolades
   Nobody cares that you Beat the Frog at the Finchley Cum-Shed. Just put down competition wins/finals on nationally recognised competitions.

3. Quotes and testimonials
   It’s stuck in my mind that a British comedian I knew had a quote from Frank Skinner saying “Jokes fall out of him like marbles from a split sack”, which is far more eloquent than anything said comedian ever said. Quotes are totally meaningless, and usually taken out of context. Testimonials? We’ve all been on Amazon, people are unhinged. None of that proves you are funny.

4. Reviews from publications nobody has heard of or that were for something else
   Wow did you get 3 stars from MyReview.pub.gov.uk that’s… you shoud have got more stars.

5. Saying you performed with a famous comic
   If you were doing a show and some famous guy did a drop-in, don’t put you were his opening act on your CV, you lunatic!

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Shows Berlin

• Wed 28.05.25 @ 8pm - Das Improv Festival Benefit Show - Come donate to this amazing cause - Link

• Thu 29.05.25 @ 8pm - The Indie Improv Show - Slacker with Smoke Break - Link
  9.30pm - Fun Time Stand Up Hour - Stand-up showcase - Link

• Fri 30.05.25 @ 8pm - Sketch Bomb - A sketch show created in 1 day - Link

• Sat 31.05.25 @ 8pm Bumpkin Abbey - Improvised period drama - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• Stand up classes are all sold out! Join a waiting list - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com
  

Berlin can suck it

One could say that Berlin is a very interesting place full of interesting people. What with all the sex-clubs, drug clubs, tennis clubs? And everyone here is foreign, and from wow you’re from Montana? Can I touch you? and everyone leads such interesting lives, and have jobs like tattoo artist and lighthouse keeper. EVERYONE IS SO DAMN INTERESTING ALL THE TIME, and do you know what that means - absolutely nobody is interesting! Do you know what would be interesting - if you got a real job and used a condom, Steven.

Do you know how many Berlin comedians talk about exactly the same topics, and I’m sure this happens in your town too. We’ve started to call it “Berlin Comedy Bingo” - Clubs, drugs, speaking German, bad customer service, I’m from “a country” and it’s different there, I’m exploring my sexuality, everyone else is exploring their sexuality but me, Germans are mean, Berlin dating is hard, finding an apartment is hard etc. I’m not saying these topics can’t be funny - all topics can be funny. But you have to find a unique angle in order to stand out from the crowd.

What is this article about? Am I OK?

So my point is, whatever unbelievably riveting stuff you get up to in your life, or whatever your zany quirks are are - they aren’t inherently interesting, and certainly aren’t inherently funny. If you grew up in a cult, that’s still only interesting to you unless you find a way to make it relateable to me.

Remember, the comedy formula is Believability + Surprise = Comedy

Some of the best comedians out there talk about the very mundane things in life

The quirks and stories you have are probably a great starting point for a joke, but they are unlikely to be the whole joke. As comedians we’re always looking for these “ah ha” moments. Simon Amstell has a joke about how he was in the 2004 tsunami - but the funny and relatable part is that everyone he was trapped with wanted to make “tsunami friends” and he didn’t. (I can’t find the clip).

So write about your interesting life, obviously. But make sure you are focsing on the emotional parts that make it relateable to your audience.

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Shows Berlin

• Thu 08.05.25 @ 9.30pm - The Hedge - Improv comedy - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• Last 2 spots for May Beginner’s Stand-Up - Link

• Teaching level 3 Improv in May - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

I am always very excited to share this technique with people. It's a simple way to enhance and edit your stand-up material.

First I'll give a detailed explanation of the exercise, and a more concise summary will be at the end.

Writing is winning 🏆

When I am teaching my beginners class I always encourage free-form writing. I have lots of writing exercises that encourage quantity over quality, with the mantra “writing is winning”. I believe free-form writing encourages authentic comedy, as opposed to “joke writing” which often encourages hack material from fledgling stand-ups.

Although as the student show closes in, we do need to think about editing down people’s clutch of mad notes. I’m never concerned because this editing exercise can help turn free-form writing into actual stand-up.

This is unedited material from my student Jake.

I really like going to crossfit… ok …I like the open showers after crossfit, its cheaper and probably cleaner than going to a sex club. Obviously I don’t have sex there. At my local cross fit box we have very abusive trainers. I keep accidentally booking classes with a lady called Anne-Sophie, she’s a cross between a yoga mum and a chav. She constantly berates me for not focusing on exercises “JAKE YOU ARENT FOCUSING ON EXERCISE”:. She really delights in being mean to members. I have found myself in a Stockholm syndrome situation; I’ve learnt not answer back to her anymore. I have accepted that it’s an important part of my muscle growth journey.

Give each section of your material a clickbait-ish heading

The headings should be so juicy that if your set was presented as only the headings, people would want to click through to hear the whole bit. Or at least think of a really enticing heading that sums up what your material is about.

I can’t tell you how important it is to know exactly what your joke is about! This stops meandering unconnected ideas - if it doesn’t add, it distracts. Also, the bit might not be about exactly what you think it’s about.

I write more about this here:

Tips for your headings:

1. The heading should summarise what the funny/interesting part is of the joke.

2. The headings should be detailed and specific.

3. This is the same as the Improv term “game” which I talk more about in this article:

3. The headings can be any length, and they don’t have to be in the classic Buzzfeed style (and you won’t believe number 10!).

4. Anything that isn't related to the heading should be moved to another heading, unless it's a deliberate tangent.

If you can't think of a good enticing heading, then maybe the material is… shit? Don't feel bad about that, what are the chances that everything you write is gold? But don't throw it right in the bin, this exercise could help you find a much better angle. Keep asking yourself, what am I trying to say here?

Let’s have a go giving Jake’s material an evocative heading. The first thing that strikes me is this is 2 bits of material. Lets focus on one at at time. Brainstorm as many headlines as you can.

Crossfit is cheaper than a sex-club

The best part about cross-fit is when it’s over and you get to perv at everyone in the shower room.

I only like to exercise if I get to look at strange peen after.

I was about ready to throw this bit in the trash compactor, but that last heading gave me a chuckle. Just writing these headlines has given me some ideas.

Let's try and re-focus the first part of Jake's material with this new angle.

I hate cross-fit, but as a gay man I am contractually obliged to do it as your percentage body fat is inversely proportional to how much love you are worthy of. (This could be it's own heading). It's not all bad, in the shower room after you get to ogle at least 17 different peens. I keep a log book like a bird-watcher. “June 16, lesser uncircumcised south west pointing” (come up with better, more specific mapping jokes later). In fact now I refuse to exert myself unless I get to see genitals. It's working out great, hardly any of my friends ask me to help them move any more.

This is a pretty good start. let's move on to part 2.

Abusive cross-fit instructors make your muscles bigger, I hope?

I’m in an abusive relationship with my cross-fit mommy, I hope it pays dividends on my physique.

Hurt me cross-fit mommy! Make my muscles big and strong!

No amount of abuse my cross-fit trainer throws at me can come close to the mental abuse I inflict on myself

I will put up with any amount of mental or physical abuse for abs

I had lots of fun writing these headlines and they gave me plenty of ideas. There's some crossover between this bit and the last but I'm not going to finesse these bits as they're just examples to show you this exercise really works.

…my cross-fit gym is run by bullies. And that's why I chose it. No pain no gain, right? No belittlement, mental abuse, self-harm and inferiority complex brought on by a society that values low body fat percentage over emotional well-being (cry a little). I'm ok. I just remember what my cross-fit trainer mommy told me “YOU CALL THAT A PLANK YOU FUCKING LOSER, TUCK YOUR LEGS IN YOU WORM!”. But it's working for me! (Lift shirt to reveal drawn on abs)

Again this is a pretty good start, inspired by having a solid heading(s) that tell me exactly what this material is about.

Exercise summary

1. Break your material in to bits (sections) and brainstorm as many clickbait headings as you can for the bit. You don't have to choose just one as your final heading. It's not like you'd say the heading out loud (unless you wanna?), It's just for the exercise.

2. If you can't think of a heading you like at all, maybe this bit isn't that good yet? Come back to it another time.

3. Make sure everything under a heading is related to it (or a deliberate aside). Move anything else to a new heading or delete it entirely as maybe it's just waffle.

I really hope this helps you. Please comment below if you liked it or if anything was unclear.

Shows Berlin

• Thu 16.04.25 @ 8pm - The Improvised Stand-Up Show - Link
  @ 9.30pm - Dennis Racket Deconstructs Smoke Break – Slacker & deconstruction improv - Link

• Thu 17.04.25 @ 9.30pm - Action Jackson - Armando improv - Link

• Fri 18.04.25 @ 9.30pm - Roadkill - Road Trip improv - Link

• Sat 19.04.25 @ 9.30pm - It’s That Time Of The Month - Improvised variety show - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• Beginner’s Stand-up in April is sold out! May classes are now available - Link

• I’m teaching Level 3 Improv with Comedy Cafe Berlin - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Comedy Cafe Berlin - comedycafeberlin.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

Read this first:

Write a list of things a highly judgemental person would notice about you when you walked in the room. Be specific! We can make this a world where it’s not weird that you’re somehow naked but clothed at the same time.

These should all form a list of at least 10 items. Mine is:

1. Short, but not petite, egg shaped?

2. Dykey but not in a sexy way

3. Tired eyes, massive bags like an old man. Crying out for 40 year old persons big stylish spectacles.

4. Shit clothes, Decathlon

5. Droopy boobs, sports bra?

6. Hairy as it gets

7. Hasn’t showered in a few days

8. Weird posture, needs to do yoga

9. Really spotty bottom

10. Climber’s feet

11. Covered in cat hair, and cat bites

12. Looks like she maybe works out, but also eats too much to be ripped.

13. Typical British teeth

14. Why is she injured?

15. Nail biter to the extreme

I know these kind of seem sad as they stand. It's poignant to note that the authentic core of any self deprecating joke is a little sad. But the kryptonite of sad is COMEDY GOLD!

FYI You can also run this same exercise with “what would a highly judgemental person say about your personality” but one crushing blow to your self esteem at a time ;)

Go through your list items one by one. The first task is just free-form brainstorming, what are any first thoughts?

Then for each item, brainstorm one by one from the sub-topics listed below (with detailed explanations).

Let the ideas flow freely and don't worry about being “off topic”. As I'll always say with these exercises, just free associate. It doesn't matter if they're funny or interesting at this stage.

People

What people real or imagined, specific or unspecific does this trait remind you of? This could be celebrities that share a similar trait, or any kind of archetype.

Uses/Superpower

What could this trait be useful for? If you were a superhero and this was your superpower how could it work?

Object

What object does it remind you of, real or imagined. Metaphorical or literal. Or just any objects that spring to mind.

What magic made it so?

This gift that hath been divinely bestowed upon you, how did it come to be?

Why you’re wrong, and how dare you!

This judgemental spectre is actually full of shit! Here’s why the observation they made is bullshit and actually you’re a beautiful unicorn. Probably they are triggered by your beauty? Get mad at this person actually, how dare they!? Imagine not having this trait, I feel sorry for them. They’re probably jealous.

It might help to make a table. I’ve made a template here.

If an item on your list sparks no joy just move on to the next. If 2 items are similar then merge them. If an item needs splitting up then do that. No need to be strict with the topic ideas, they’re just there to inspire you, if you have blank cells that’s totally normal.

A good way to make self-deprecation lighter, is to imagine this affectation you have as a gift and not a curse. Not as a mere human flaw but a god like super power! Not a bug but a feature! Of course comedy can be sad and dark, but you need to lift people back up again.

Now you have this matrix, see if it inspired you to write any empowering self-deprecation jokes. A classic albeit hack setup is “I know what you’re thinking…” I would warn you away from such a hack setup, but if what follows is something batshit crazy then I’m all in. Don’t be surprised if ideas not at all from the matrix come up. The whole idea of it is to get your brain cells sparking. Let this lead anywhere - I’m not looking for perfectly crafted jokes, we’re still at the unedited stream of consciousness stage. 

The whole idea of an exercise like this is just to get your synapses sparking and making connections you wouldn’t otherwise make. It’s to fire up your visual imagination. Don’t feel penned in by the exercise. Just because my topic was about being short and round, maybe it inspired a whole other thing (although in this case it didn’t)

What follows are my results of doing the exercise. I didn’t dedicate that much time to it, but I think I got some nice ideas out of it.

--

Many of people call me short, which is crazy and rude and not even true because I’m average size for a woman, I googled it so fuck off. OK I’m short for Finland but freakishly huge in Albania. You know who calls me short? People taller than me. What they should say is “hey, you’re shorter than me”, wow and you’re so good at noticing things, what a great conversation, what other things did you notice today? Dogs are nice you say? Marry me.

I’m short, but I’m not petite. I know this because I wear adults trousers, and children’s tee shirts. My size is “youth large”, my size is “plus sized teen” my size is “fat camp but also gay conversion therapy”. I know I’m not fat but (sing-song) I have low self-esteem! I have a low center of gravity, it’s hard to topple me, but I’m easy to store.

My mum and dad are short, but my older brother is massive. I bet I was an easy birth. They weren’t “push push” rather “pull pull! It’s too soon! Stick a sofa cushion up there!”

I’m a lesbian (hold for applause) But I’m not like the cool ones you see on TV, I’m more like one of the unapproachable ones you see hoarding dumbbells at the womens gym. (perky) “Are you using the 8s?” (me, grumpy) “I still have 2 sets PFFFFFFFEEP” I like to punctuate with a queef, I like to mark my territory at the women’s gym, I like to spray. These are my weights now, I protect them like a dragon protects their eggs, this is my bench, now go on, git! Git outta here! And she scampers away, but she was on the elliptical too long so it’s all (funny act out).

What’s great about being a beta lesbian is I don’t have to shave wax pluck or thread and why the hell should I? Why the hell should you? I get it, nobody wants to eat a pube sandwich. But do you know what? Life is hard, get over it, stop being a baby. Men are like “Actually It’s not sexist because I shave my balls, so it’s not sexist to expect my lady to shave down there” How can you compare what is essentially a sex toy that trims to the violent act of waxing. Waxed your balls recently? Men have a bad habit of equating their 0 hardship to women’s agony “Oh you gave birth? I had a really big poo, sadface”

I have big bags under my eyes, they’re actually pouches where little robins nest… is what I wish were true! Actually, I watched too much of a consumer complaints show called Watchdog when I was a kid and couldn’t sleep because I was scared that a carbon monoxide leak, flood, fire, house invasion, landslide was going to get me. And then to deal with that anxiety in my 20s I ate a barrel full of ecstacy and now I have the eyes of a 53 year old insurance salesman named Michael.

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Shows Berlin

• Thu 27.03.25 @ 8pm - Teacher’s Pet - The CCB Teachers do a set - Link
  @ 9.30pm - Daisy Chain – LGBTQIA+ Ensemble Improv - Link

• Fri 28.03.25 @ 9.30pm - The Glue Factory presented by Fünfdollar - Link

• Sat 29.03.25 @ 9.30pm - Drunk Classics Presents - Little Shop Of Horrors - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• New April Beginner’s classes in English are now available - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

If you’re trying to break into any kind of art-form there’s what I call a talent hierarchy, and it’s very unfair if you’re on the short end of it. Some people just seem to be born comedians, they have “funny bones”. They kind of have the right face and body for it, they just ooze comedy. But I do have good news for those of you with serious skeletons - it might still work out for you if this is what you want. You just need patience and grit.

You could argue that maybe only people with funny bones should be comedians, and the rest are wasting people’s time. But that’s a bit like saying only fit people should use the gym. Everyone has a right to do whatever they bloody want! And these non-funny people sometimes make the most original type of comedians, as they’re unburdened by fitting into a particular archetype. Of course many of them are delusional time-wasters, that’s just more gossip for the rest of us!

10000 hours baybee

Ask most comedians how you get better, and they’ll say “stage time” and that is so true. Practice makes perfect for all art-forms. An amazing beginner is crap compared to intermediates, a good club act is poop compared to a pro, and a regular pro looks like barf compared to a mega-pro. You’ve got to get in your 10000 hours and be yawningly humble about it to boot.

It takes a while to figure out how to present your funniest self to your audience. You may have heard it called “finding your voice”. New comedians are presented with this mysterious comedic nirvana that they’re supposed to seek out. The annoying thing is, some comedians seem to find their voice right away - the bastards! And some comedians hack away at it for years and never seem to get there.

But here’s the good news

These irritating overachievers often stagnate (yay!) because they never learn to put the hard graft in. Everyone keeps on telling them they’re amazing from the get-go, so they just kind of drift through the first 2 years of their career, then when it’s really time to step up their game, they’re so busy with their podcast, 5 shows and crowdwork tiktoks, they’ve never really though about how to get better because they have never had to try.

In my experience you need a dash of self-doubt to propel yourself forward and to want to improve. I suppose the sweet spot would be to be a talented bugger who is riddled with self-doubt. This kind of person exists - and then their self-deprecation comes off as attention seeking. You can’t really win!

Even if you suck for a really long time, you can still make it

I’ve seen it happen. It can take some people a really long time to find their voice but when they do find it it’s something very original and magnificent. It’s something that stands out from all the sexy confident “good out the gate” wankers. So please don’t give up too soon! Slow and steady wins the race, you got this champ! 🏆 As long as you seem to be making some kind of progress, and you love doing this thing then keep going!

Lots of famous comedians famously took a long time to find their voice. Lots of famous comedians did very badly at newcomer competitions.

How do you know you’re bad?

Give yourself - I think 3-5 years, but others have said 1000 gigs. In this time you should be regularly be doing showcase (paid) gigs. Here are some signs you’re still bad (sorry).

2. You hardly ever write new material

If you just do the same set over and over again, this is a bad sign. If you never want to try new material, because you know your old stuff will go better - this is a sign that somewhere along the line you fell out of love with comedy. You’re just stuck in the addiction of performing, but you gave up on getting better.

3. People rarely offer you gigs

If you always have to ask for gigs, nobody approaches you. It doesn’t count if you run an open mic and people are just trying to get a spot ;)

4. People aren’t laughing that hard

Any fool can go on stage and make people laugh. But are people laughing hard? It might happen now and again that you kill, but if on the whole you get a tepid response - it seems like you aren’t very funny. Sorry!

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Shows Berlin

• Fri 14.03.25 @ 8pm - Berlin New Stand Up Award Semi-Final - I’m co-producing this, don’t miss it! - Link

• Sat 15.03.25 @ 9.30pm - It’s That Time Of The Month - Improvised variety show - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• New April Beginner’s classes are now available - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

This can be a philosophical question, like what is yellow or why are cats? It’s difficult to describe fully. Supposedly its purpose is to help us get through traumatic events. I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but when my father got cancer we had a right old laugh! We loved him so much, but it was just our way of dealing with the pain.

Dad: *coughs while eating a losenge*

Mum: (outraged) Oh I suppose you’re going to choke now on top of it!?

All: *laughs*

For billions of years comedians have been asking themselves, how can one replicate that feeling of being in the moment, that hysterical laughter that comes out of the insanity of being alive. It’s not terribly easy to synthesize that doubled over, tears in your eyes hysteria that one gets with a group of friends goofing around. Any comedian of quality should be constantly asking themselves, how can I bottle that? Stand-up comedy is great, but have you seen Uncle Phil spill tea on his crotch!?

What’s great about these in the moment laughs, is they come out of nowhere. You’re utterly surprised by them so they create a truly authentic reaction. These funny instances are really hard to transfer to the stage, because the authenticity and naivety of the moment is lost.

I often see it in classes where someone will say something amazingly funny in the moment that gets a huge reaction. Then when they say it next time as part of their set we’re all BOOOO! Because now it sounds contrived. Isn’t comedy cruel?

This is where improv comedy has an advantage, it’s always happening in the present moment. Personally I’m a huge fan of long-form improvised comedy because when it’s done well, it’s the funniest thing in the world. But when it’s done badly, it’s worse than my dads cancer.

What is the comedy formula?

The improviser Philip Markle describes the comedy formula as:

Believability + Surprise = Laughter

All comedy is some form of surprise, usually - I expected you to say this one thing, but you said a totally other thing - what a jape! Take one of the oldest in the book:

Take my wife... please!

Henry Youngman

The brain expects a normal wifely anecdote to ensue - But, bam! Misdirect! He says please instead. It’s surprising and believable because all wives are cantankerous shrews responsible for 100% of marriage problems. Rim-shots all round!

It’s interesting to note that in my vast research for this article (Henry Youngman’s Wiki page), this line came out of an everyday moment when asking stagehand to escort his wife to a seat. Ain’t improv great?

What about if a 17 year old girl wants to play a joke on her slightly conservative parents? 

Mum, Dad… I’m pregnant

They’d probably lose their minds! No rim-shot just a sad trombone if you’re lucky. So what’s wrong here? It’s certainly surprising, and it’s definitely believable, but why is mum crying and dad punching a wall? Because it’s created too much interfering thought. “Her life is ruined” they think, will she have an abortion? I’m gonna kill him! What will the neighbours say? In comedy we always need to know you are joking, you have to nail the delivery of a bombshell like this. Sorry girl, you fluffed the delivery now moms back on the sleeping pills.

However, if Granny says the same thing, with a twinkle in her eye:

Jane, Dennis… I’m pregnant!

We'd laugh her all the way to the nursing home! Because there’s no way she could be pregnant, the old dried up codger! So she either landed a quality zinger, or she’s 2 months away from thinking you’re her husband’s ghost. To me the comedy equation is more accurately:

(Believability + Surprise) - Interference = Laughter

Something Logan Murray taught me was “If I’m thinking I’m not laughing”.

This “interference” can come in many forms. It can be as simple as poor wording. EG if Youngman’s joke was:

Take my bitch of a wife, please!

Firstly, the surprise that he would want his wife taken is lessened by the early reveal that she is of a bitchly nature (what women aren’t, am I right lads !?). Secondly, this wording has caused interference, at least to a lefty feminist like me by.  Calling some random woman I don’t know a bitch - now I’m mad at him before we even got to the punchline. However the relatability is still intact, as mentioned before, all wives are terrible. 

So with my notes, perhaps it would be re-written:

Take my awesome wife, please!

OK this is a surprise. Why would you want this lovely wife, with manga proportions, who cooks you Mitchilin starred meals every night, but not before an efficient BJ with some - but not too much eye-contact - be taken!?. It’s certainly surprising, but it’s now not relatable, and once more we have the interfering thought of “Why would you want some malevolent spirit to take this awesome wife away? Did the BJ eye-contact linger? SPORADIC GLANCES HELEN!”

Sadly Henry’s wife was taken in 1987, and apparently they had a very loving marriage. What a liar!

What about people that “Are just funny” - ohh I only have to look at Mr. Bean and I laugh until I do a long poo!

Jokes don’t have to come in word form, they can be slapstick - what’s funnier than someone falling on their arse!? Even better if they really hurt themselves - ha ha ha you donkey! People with great physicality can be extremely relatable without using any words, this means we concur up the jokes in our own heads and for comedy this can be very powerful, it adds to the surprise element. The surprise hits that much harder when we feel like we figured it out ourselves. As Mr. Shakespear said:

Brevity is the soul of wit

I mean he wasn’t my favourite comedian, but he is credited with the first “Your mum” joke:

Thou hast undone our mother.

Villain, I have done thy mother.

As you get more in touch with your authentic voice, you’ll notice some jokes benefit from brevity, and some benefit from too much information, it’s just something you get a feel for as you keep going.

Interfering thoughts that can ruin the wording of a joke, can also be themselves turned in to jokes if you’re in control of them. Try this exercise to see how.

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Shows Berlin

• Thu 27.02.25 @ 8pm - Teacher’s Pet - The CCB Teachers do a set - Link
  @ 9.30pm - Daisy Chain – LGBTQIA+ Ensemble Improv - Link

• Fri 28.02.25 @ 9.30pm - The Glue Factory presented by Fünfdollar - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• New March Beginner’s classes in both English & German are now available - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

Afterthought is a great way to tag jokes to your premises while keeping the style authentic & not too rim-shotty 🥁

Here are some afterthought ideas for you. I’ll try the first few with a premise lifted from my own notes. At the end I’ll put al the prompts into a downloadable document.

Waiting for the bus is so embarrassing “I’m a baby and my pram hasn’t arrived”

Remember that writing is winning, so even if your answer doesn’t exactly fit the question but it inspires you to write something, then you’ve won! 🏆 If you can’t think of an answer to a question just move on rather than getting blocked. Come back to it later, maybe you’ll think of something or maybe not - it doesn’t matter. Better to force yourself to write something unfunny than write nothing at all.

I have paywalled half of this as it’s technically an exercise 🤑

Time shift afterthoughts

What if this happened 100(or more) years ago?

If you think waiting for the M41 is bad, imagine in the old days where there was one carriage the whole month “We regret to inform you of the late running of the Northbound carriage due to horse death is delayed by -9 days-. And then you catch the plague on it. I suppose that puts non functioning USB chargers in perspective. Do you ever plug your power bank into one of those to give the bus more juice? Let’s gooo! What if you could see the file directory on the bus. Uh oh its all bus-driver porn.”

How would you explain this to an old person?

Old people love the bus, they’re bus royalty. They always know exactly when the bus is coming. Forget the timetable, one you see Heinrich hobbling over to the stop you know it’s crunch time. When they get on you have to give your seat to them “My leige”. They travel for free. As a lesbian I should get free bike repair - just kidding, I can do it myself.

How would a caveman react to this?

In The Flintstones they only really had 2 ideas to recreate modern conveniences - a dinosaur is doing it, or it’s propelled by feet.

They had buses or cars made of stone with little trap doors on the bottom and you just walk them along like a fancy dress costume. The Flintstones was fucking stupid. (I’m sure people have doe material about The Flintstones)

How would a time traveler from the past react?

Abusing horses is somehow more dignified than this. Why is it so hot? Everyone is wearing a jacket. I was prepared for the mini-screens, this was in my preparation class - but why do some play the sound out loud when they could just play it through the ear pieces? It seems very obnoxious.

What will people think about this 100(or more) years from now?

How pimitive the old ground buses were. They had old USB A ports than never worked. Now we have USB J ports that don’t work. Your buses are so quiet. We have JBL speakers that’ll literally explode your intestines. JBL are on trial for war crimes in our time. If you don’t give your seat up for an old person in our time you’ll get murdered with death rays.

What if this happened in the Middle Ages?

Perspective Shift Questions

How would a child interpret this?

A bus is a big smelly car with lots of loud strangers in it and it stops all the time and is realy slow. The seats are really dirty because they have had lots of smelly farting bottoms on them!

How would an alien react to this?

What if you had to explain this to an animal?

They should have bus cats, that would make it bareable. Just loose cats on the bus.

How would a conspiracy theorist spin this?

The government is tracking us through the BVG app man. They know our whereabouts at all time man (also the government) the bus is cancelled because of a leaf.

How would this look from a completely different culture?

I got a bunch of buses in Mexico and the driver was watching porn. This was different drivers. I mean whatever gets us over this mountain pass with no barriers in one piece. Is this bus stick-shift? Ey-ohh! Boner.

What if this was the first time in history that it ever happened?

I once went to Hiddensee an island north of German. Firstly, not that well hidden - it’s on all the boat schedules (lol). We thought it would be really cool because no cars are allowed. Nope! Humans ruined it! Their gimmick was horse-drawn buses and the horses looked so skinny and mistreated and were just shitting everywhere.

Read more

We’ve just started the Berlin New Stand-Up Award 2025, a competition in it’s 6th year! Tickets are on-sale here. Here are some tips I’ve amassed that can help you win a comedy competition, or just win the day at any show.

Doing a competition can be a great way to get bookers to notice you, or just have something to work towards to keep you focused. But competitions can be heart-breaking and knock your confidence. It’s important to remember they are just scored on your performance on the night, not on you as a comedian - or even a person! Easier said than done though.

1. Lower your expectations

If you’d put money on who you thought was going to win, you probably would have lost it all. Heavy-hitting scene regulars don’t always shine as brightly as they hope in a competition. They often put themselves under far too much pressure, and present a sub-par performance. The audience can tell if someone is being too cocky, or are just being comedied at and not with. Meaning someone is just rattling through the script of their set without letting the audience in.

The reason newcomers often do better than furious scene regulars, is they don’t have anything to lose, and the audience often connects with their vulnerability. Storming out, swinging the mic around and yelling “What’s up chuckle-fuckers!?” is not necessarily gonna get the audience on side. Audiences don’t connect with polish and shine, they only want to laugh and connect.

Be humble, be nice, don’t swing mics around, they’re not yours.

2. S l o w i t d o w n

Big rooms are slower rooms. Most newcomers have only played in small bars where everyone is trauma bonding. Playing to a larger room means slowing down, and letting laughs filter all the way to the back. Commenting on how odd the room is can work in your favour. Take some time to soak in the experience. Lots of acts rushed through their sets to the point I couldn’t understand what they were saying. They spoke over laughs and generally didn’t absorb the experience.

I get it, I remember my competition days. It can be very nerve wracking even if you’re good. Maybe especially if you are good and you want to do well. Just try and take a breath and take it all in.

3. Prepare by doing lots of mics, but also watch the other acts

Stick around and watch the other acts when you do practice mics, these are your competitors! You might find the material you have been writing isn’t that original, and that’s really going to show in a competition. In Berlin we have very “Berlin” specific topics. Clubs, dating is hard, Polyamory, I’m from “not here”, Germans are weird, learning German is hard, bureaucracy is bad, immigration ETC. Absolutely any of these topics can be made great, but when everyone is doing the same topics you need to find a way to shine. You might have the best “Dating is hard” jokes around but if you were the 3rd person in a row that night you’re going to loose votes.

Always write material that you love, not what you think other people want to hear.

4. Don’t do untested material, unless you are Floe Collins

I know a few people that did untested material this year, and to me it seems like an act of self-sabotage. Like, it doesn’t matter that I didn’t go through because I was trying new stuff. Don’t worry about repeating a set, it’s part of the stand-up life. There’s usually not a big crossover of audience members, so just present your best set.

Having said that Floe Collins won in 2020 with a set she had apparently written the night before. One of the other finalists smashed their runner-up prize and stormed out :/ She did an amazing performance and connected with the audience in a very special way.

I’m all for keeping it a bit loose and messing around a bit, just know it’s a risk to try new stuff.

5. Short sharp jokes work best

Sorry but competitions are not the best place to do routines that follow a narrative arc, even if its very funny. Short punchy bits work best. It’s just a very intense environment where every second counts. I’m not saying don’t tell a story, just make sure it has lots of legit jokes in it.

6. Move the damn mic stand!

It’s such a noob move to leave the mic-stand in front of you. You’re a comedian, not a stripper. Move the mic-stand to the side and keep the microphone close to your mouth.

7. Vulnerability, charisma, originality and great jokes win every time

Vulnerability comes from being honest with your emotions

Originality comes from being specific, and not pandering

Great jokes come from not being content with the first easy joke but working hard to find the gold

8. Invite your friends

There might be 1 vote between you winning and losing, so bring your friends! A competition like ours is not run for profit so the more tickets sold, the more we can put back in to the competition.

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Shows Berlin

• Wed 22.01.25 @ 9.30pm - Blumpkin Abbey - Downton Abbey style Improv Link

• Thu 23.01.25

  8pm - Teacher’s Pet - CCB Teacher-prov - Link
  9.30pm - Daisy Chain - LGBTQIA+ Ensemble - Link

• Fri 24.01.25 @ 9.30pm - The Glue Factory - My house team’s first weekend show! - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• My January Beginner’s Stand-Up Comedy classes are all sold out. I’m dropping new March classes soonish. Join a waiting list here - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

Shows Berlin

• Wed 15.01.25 @ 8pm - The Improvised Stand-Up Show - Link

• Thu 16.01.25 @ 9.30pm - Action Jackson (improv) unhinged armando - Link

• Fri 17.01.25 @ 9.30pm - Roadkill (improv) road-trip - Link

• Sun 19.01.25 @ 8pm - Improv Jam Hosting with Daisy Chain - Link

The Fourth Wall

If you have any acting experience, you may have heard of the concept of “the fourth wall”. This is an invisible wall that divides the audience from the actors on stage. Think of it as one-way glass with the audience being able to see the actors but not the other way around. In plays, the fourth wall is rarely broken; after all it’s usually hard to explain why there’s a room full of people all sitting in rows staring at you. In television, it’s sometimes broken where an actor will communicate with the viewing audience, even if it’s just a sideways glance. Of course the audience can never communicate back, at least not directly.

Stand-up is not acting

In stand-up there is no fourth wall. You are mostly speaking directly to the audience, when you’re not you’re talking to yourself or another character. You are in constant communion with your audience. You’re always talking to someone. Now that’s not to say acting isn’t a useful skill to have when performing stand-up. It’s super useful to be able to “act-out” your stories, and the characters in them. The more you comedy paints a visual scene in the audience's mind the better.

You are not acting the part of a stand-up comedian, you are very much you. There are people that perform their stand-up as a character, but that is not something I would advise any beginner to do. You want to get really good at being a heightened version of yourself on stage, and the only time you act is to personify another person.

Would you talk to your mother like that?

Take notice of your own stand-up. Is this how you talk to your friends? if not you could be doing a character, or an impression of a stand-up comedy. This might help you get over nerves, because if it goes badly, it’s not the real you they hate - right? But it’s an easy trap to fall in to, and a difficult trap to get out of - Like a pit, with slippery walls.

Stand-up is not a scripted play

Sometimes beginners come on stage with their scripts so tightly prepared it’s as if they’re doing a one person play. There’s no awareness of the audience in front of them. Even if the script is very good, there is this 4th wall between them and the audience and they don’t feel included in the performance, therefore they can’t relate as well. This often comes from nerves, and sometimes comes from too much acting. Often actor types do their best work in class before they take to the stage. The part of the class when we’re all just sat in chairs and chatting shit. Then as soon as they grab the microphone and feel the glow of the lights, the elevation of the stage, the applause, the music, did I say the lights?

This creepy vaudevillian amalgam of every stand-up comedian they have ever seen comes out “Offices, they’re crazy aren’t they?” who talks like that?? Do the thing you were dong when you were sat in a chair shuffling a clutch of unhinged late night notes. That’s my guy! This guy needs to be chloroformed “shh, shh, it’ll be over soon” “but did you hear the one about… zzz”

Stand-up is happening in the present moment

In stand-up, people often tell anecdotes that happened in the past: “My girlfriend just dumped me”, “Did you see this in the news?”, “On the way here…”. It’s not a well kept secret that when a comedian says a thing happened recently, the actual event probably happened several years ago. Even when you are talking about historical events, you need to bring them into the present by saying how you feel now, and who you are now.

Even though the events themselves might be set in the past, you are talking about them in the present moment. You do this by showing, not telling. Don’t tell people about what happened, but show them what happened. Your audience has to feel a part of what’s happening, or they won’t care. Imagine telling your favourite personal anecdote at a party to a group of people who have amazingly never heard it before. Your partner swiftly exits seeing a pretend long lost friend in the distance as they’d rather eat spoons than hear your “did a little poo during my A-levels” story again.

Stand-up is like being your most charming self at a party

You don’t just “read out” the anecdote “I remember it well, it was 1996, I was about to take my A-level in English Literature…”. No! People would slowly walk backwards away from you. You thrill people! You dance and do voices, you paint a vivid picture. Your A-Level poo story has probably changed 10 fold since 1996, but the point is the picture is vivid and fun and funny. Stand-up should be just like really feeling yourself at a party, and entertaining a group of people.

Most stand-ups word a past event as a present moment, just so it feels more like a conversation than an anecdote. “I first came out in Berlin in 2013, and it’s a terrible place to come out - because nobody gives a shit!” can easily be “Berlin is a terrible place to come out, because nobody gives a shit”

My mum is always complaining, she still complains about how I apparently ruined her vagina! I’m like, get over it! It was 4 years ago, I was drunk!

Caroline Clifford

Stand-up is not storytelling or a Ted Talk

Comedic storytelling is a thing, and it can be fantastic. Any fans of “The Moth” or similar can attest to the power of a well told story, and how humour can really make it pop. Many students come to my class from a storytelling, lecturing or business speech background are looking to “punch up” their existing texts. Aside from being comfortable in front of an audience, I find the skills a little non-transferable.

In some storytelling and speeches, you are the narrator, you act as a discombobulated person that is describing events and situations. Stand-up has no narrator, because it’s a conversation you are having with the audience. If you were gossiping with a friend, it would be weird if you were to suddenly start narrating the events. “It was a cold and sunny morning in late July, I hadn’t had much sleep - and suddenly my daughter Wendy came running in screaming…” your friend would get a little freaked out! You’d say it more like “My daughter was FREAKING OUT the other morning!”, that way the person you are talking to is also experiencing your emotions. 

Stand-up is a one-sided conversation

Stand-up should feel like a (very funny?) conversation you are having with close friends. The difference is you need to build up the same level of trust you have with close friends in just a few minutes on stage, seconds really. You do that by staying in the moment. This can come by simply regarding the entire audience as one entity, and that entity is your best friend. The stage is just like life, if you’re creepy (hiding things), people won’t like you, then won’t trust you. If you’re open, vulnerable and fun they will instantly warm to you. This might make it seem like I’m saying you’ll only thrive if you’re the life and soul of the party, absolutely not. Most comedians I know are anxious losers (don’t @ me). But even anxious losers have friends, or at least people you go bouldering with. You just have to be yourself, sorry.

Stand-up isn’t pointless crowd-work

I say one-sided conversation because in general it’s not good to ask the audience a lot of questions that you don’t care about the answer to, such as “how’s everyone doing!?” “Does anyone have pets?” “Who wears hats??” “Give me a cheer if..!” This kind of meaningless cheer-leading might seem like a good way to inject life into a lacklustre crowd, but it’s cheap and can irritate an audience who didn’t come to a show to perform. Bare in mind you might be the 9th comic on that night that’s asked “How’s everyone doing” “Yeah jeez we’re fine, why do you keep asking - are you my mom!?”

Some comedians are skilled at crowd work and that’s a different thing, where you have a deep interest in your audience and are creating material with them. It’s incredible to see a gifted crowd-worker, usually the host of the evening, weave an intricate tapestry of connections between the entire audience. Then can really make the audience feel like they’re alive in the room and as much a part of the evening as the comedians, while making sure they don’t get too involved when the actual comedians are on stage!

Stand-up is uncensored

Uh oh! trigger warning cancel culture red pill whaaaat? I’ve mentioned before that I am a tight-arsed liberal, but I do believe stand-up should be uncensored. That is to say you should write from the overlapping venn circles of things that are meaningful to you, and things that are funny to you and things that are funny to other people.

You shouldn't censor your true thoughts and feelings because of what you think an audience might think of you. At the same time you shouldn’t deliberately pick heavy and dark topics because you think it’ll make you seem more interesting, or that’ll be funny by its own merit. TALK ABOUT WHAT IS MEANINGFUL TO YOU. The audience are the only people that can tell you what they think. However please read the next section 👇

Stand-up is funny!

If you have chosen to be a stand-up comedian, you have chosen a performance art-form where the entire point is to make the entire audience laugh as deeply and as much as possible. None of this “I just want to offend people” or “I’m an anti-comic”, these are the rallying cries of failed comedians. If your comedy fails to make people laugh then vow to get better, or realise that comedy is not for you and stop. Don’t pretend that that was the whole point all along and carry on. Now you’re taking stage-time away from comedians that truly deserve it, and wearing down a perfectly nice audience for the rest of the comedians who actually give a fuck. 

I hate women - LOL

I had a student who had some very offensive things to say about women, and I have no problem calling that out. I can sense a person is just trying to be funny and probably isn’t a sexist monster? But I don’t really know them and neither do the audience. Audiences and strangers in general will tend to think the worst of you if your position on an uncomfortable topic is unclear. 

I’ve gotten pretty good at nipping this stuff in the bud without causing too many hurt butts.

1. Tell them how it made you feel: That made me feel uncomfortable

2. Tell them why it made you feel that way without assigning blame: I’m not sure if you meant to, but it sounded like you like to abuse women.

3. Give the “icky” speech: Some things just cause an “icky” feeling, and if there isn’t a great joke or point coming - the icky will just hang in the air like a wet fart. And everyone knows it was you that farted.

However, I really do believe you can joke about anything. I have heard sexist jokes that I thought were really funny because they were oddly specific and totally unhinged. I was lucky enough to see Patrice O'Neal shortly before he died, and boy was he a sexist monster but my oh my was he one of the funniest comedians I’ve ever seen! So I’m not saying don’t be sexist or any other “ist” but if you’re going to do it, make sure you’re bloody funny.

Stand-up should move with the times

Comedy can get dated very quickly. By being dated it means that it was probably funny at the time, but it isn’t funny in the present day because society evolved in such a way that we don’t say things like that any more. For example, it wasn’t that long ago that being gay was funny in itself. The very idea of same-sex attraction was a knee-slapping rib-tickler. I myself used to use the term “gay” pejoratively all the time, so much so in fact that I became gay :-( I know that in many parts of the world being gay is still some kind of insult/joke, but in most modern forward thinking situations there just isn’t anything funny about being gay. Sure there are funny gay people, and funny gay anecdotes, and funny little gay hats! But same-sex attraction in itself is neither funny, or an insult.

Again, I am never saying don’t say dated things or censor yourself, but at least have some awareness about the society you exist in. Your jokes will be so much richer if you perform them to and for everyone. If you investigate any topic hard enough, you will usually discover that the biggest joke of all is yourself.

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Teaching plugs Berlin

• My January Beginner’s Stand-Up Comedy classes are all sold out. I’m dropping March classes very soon. Join a waiting list here - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

10. How to stand out at an open-mic

A lot of stand-ups are samey, how to stand out and get more gigs.

The Authentic Comedian

How to stand out at an open-mic

This is follow-up to this recent article…

Read more

2 years ago · 13 likes · 1 comment · Caroline Clifford

9. How to be an "Authentic Comedian"

I wrote this as a starting point for new readers, but it works as a useful workflow through this Substack.

The Authentic Comedian

How to be an "Authentic Comedian"

Hey gang. This is my first “Lay out your case” article. Its a starting point for new subscribers, and a Golden Girls clip show for previous subscribers…

Read more

2 years ago · 15 likes · 2 comments · Caroline Clifford

8. Identify the emotional core of your joke, and write better jokes

My personal favourite article of the year - shows what I know! Great jokes are emotional, end of. Incredible jokes are emotional but also play with your expectations. Read on!

The Authentic Comedian

Identify the emotional core of your joke, and write better jokes

The question I most often ask stand-up students is “What is this joke about?” just like how I always ask improv students “What is this scene about?”. Most beginners answer this incorrectly, because they get distracted by shiny things, aka dick jokes. What I’m asking students to identify is the emotional core of a joke, thinking about this will help you …

Read more

2 years ago · 16 likes · 7 comments · Caroline Clifford

7. Drop the act and be yourself (+ 10%)

Are you being you, or are you doing an impression of a stand-up comedian?

The Authentic Comedian

Drop the act and be yourself (+ 10%)

In my articles I talk very little about the structure of jokes, because structure leads to predictable humour. You might say - isn’t it good to learn the structure, and then “break the rules”? I’m not so sure. In my 10 years of observing new comedians (that sounds creepy) at my open mic & 7 years of teaching, I’ve seen several new comedians get stuck mi…

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3 years ago · 18 likes · 5 comments · Caroline Clifford

6. From notes to jokes - with ME!

How does a little me go from an idea from notepad.doc to an on-stage joke. Come with me, and you’ll see, a world of pure joke-creation 🎩

The Authentic Comedian

From notes to jokes - with ME!

Although I’m semi-retired from stand-up, I absolutely love performing new material when I have it. The thrill of landing a new bit is still exhilarating. It’s just my will to perform it another five zillion times that’s waned over the years…

Read more

2 years ago · 19 likes · 1 comment · Caroline Clifford

5. Why the comedy scene is so male dominated, and what we can do about it

There are a fair few women on the open mic scene, but that number drops sharply towards the pro circuit. What the heck is happening?

The Authentic Comedian

Why the comedy scene is so male dominated, and what we can do about it

Repost from a year ago. Following on the theme of women in comedy…

Read more

2 years ago · 22 likes · 3 comments · Caroline Clifford

4. Make comedy nobody else can make

Some tips to being an original comedian - also a cute picture of me with a fish I just murdered.

The Authentic Comedian

Make comedy nobody else can make

On my Nordic biking adventure I’ve been listening to A LOT of Radiolab - I also learnt how to fish…

Read more

2 years ago · 20 likes · 6 comments · Caroline Clifford

3. Do female comedians talk about sex too much?

There used to be a time female comedians were burnt as witches, have things improved? I discuss in this article below these words:

The Authentic Comedian

Do female comedians talk about sex too much?

I’m going to split this article into: This is an Intro, Perhaps it’s true, Perhaps it’s untrue and How to make a good sex joke…

Read more

2 years ago · 27 likes · 20 comments · Caroline Clifford

2. How to write jokes that are like sketches by using improv theory

Thinking about your jokes like little sketches rather setup-punch jokes will unlock a much looser and original way of writing.

The Authentic Comedian

How to write jokes that are like sketches by using improv theory

Recently I was at the amazing das Improv Festival watching some of the best improvisers in the world do their thang, and it was incredible. Stand-ups can talk shit about improv as much as they like, but when improv is executed well, it hits and upper realm of hilarity that’s so much harder to achieve with stand-up due to the spontane…

Read more

2 years ago · 23 likes · 5 comments · Caroline Clifford

1. Lessons stand-ups can learn from improvisers #3: Flashing

2024 was a big year for me combining my 2 great loves of improv and stand-up. The two are intrinsically linked by well, comedy e.g a relateable suprise. There’s also an exercise included.

The Authentic Comedian

Lessons stand-ups can learn from improvisers #3: Flashing (+ Exercise)

Hello kind reader! Thanks for an amazing year 🥰 I’m going travelling! I’m going to be schlepping my 90s mountain bike and 80s body from Copenhagen to Nordkapp somehow. If you’re interested in that sort of thing I’m going to write about it which will probably be funny and weird…

Read more

2 years ago · 8 likes · Caroline Clifford

Here are the ither posts in this series.

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Shows Berlin

• Thu 10.01.25 @ 11pm - 2-Prov Roulette (free) - Link

Teaching plugs Berlin

• My January Beginner’s Stand-Up Comedy classes are all sold out. I’m dropping March classes very soon. Join a waiting list here - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

What is bombing?

There’s no way to sugar-coat it, bombing feels like crap. It’s a rejection of your whole being by a whole roomful of people, it’s the feeling of being dumped by everyone in the room. But the good news is - you get used to it! Yeah you get used to ritual humiliation - ain’t comedy the bees knees?

It can feel deeply unpleasant, especially if it’s a tried and tested set, because essentially the audience are rejecting you. It feels just like all those kids that wouldn’t let them sit with you at lunch - right guys?

Bombing gets easier

As you get more experienced, bombing doesn’t hurt as much. It still doesn’t feel great, but you learn not to take it so personally. You’re a person doing a performance, and that performance wasn’t so hot tonight. As someone with low self esteem though, I can’t help the sinking feeling that tonight I let all the grotesqueness in my soul bubbled to the surface, ad the audience saw my true soggy self. lols!

Bombing is relative

Bombing can also just be the feeling the audience response was way below your high expectations. I’ve often slouched into the green room and declared how I bombed so badly, even when I know it wasn’t that bad. It’s a cringey compulsion I have to beat people the insult, which reads as fishing for compliments - and I hate compliments!

Bombing doesn’t necessarily mean total silence. Feeling like you bombed can hurt just as much as actual bombing. It’s good to have high expectations as long as you don’t let it ruin your whole week. Too many comedians are satisfied with chuckles, you should aim for roaring laughter.

Bombing is always your fault

It causes me no pleasure to deliver this news. Yes, some audiences are total trash, but if you feel like a kick-ass professional comedian could have won them over, then there’s a way you could have as well. Instead of blaming the audience, think about what you could do better next time. Think about it all night, forever.

How can I avoid bombing?

Some peoples fear of bombing mixed is so great, that once they develop a strong(ish) club set they almost never try out new material, even at open mics. I assure you you don’t want to be that person. That is a wretched existence for a comedian, you can easily spot these comedians on the circuit by their dead eyes. That’s like being a chef that only cooks the one dish he’s good at. Ha imagine if I *only* made fish-finger sandwiches. The *only* way to improve is to keep writing and to keep trying out new material as often as you can.

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Teaching plugs Berlin

• I’m teaching Intro To Sketch with Comedy Cafe Berlin in January, it’s sold out! But join a waiting list or check out their other great improv classes - Link

• My January Beginner’s Stand-Up Comedy classes are all sold out, but join a waiting list here - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

I recently had a student “Barry”, that had some material that was often unpleasant (mysoginistic, transphobic etc.) and most of all, not funny. I told him “I don’t think you would say that to people, so why are you saying it to us? We’re people!”. I totally get it though, edgy comedians can be brilliant - so new comics want to emulate their heroes. But their heroes have arrived at that style usually after many decades of performing. This is why in my stand up comedy classes I make students do at least 3 weeks of just free authentic writing before they get around to writing any jokes. You need to learn life drawing, before you get to cubism.

The version of you that’s doing stand up is still you. It should still hold the same values. If you wouldn’t usually engage in bigotry or overly sexual talk etc then why would you do it if you’re holding a microphone? Because you assume that to be a comedian you have to go there. But that is just some comedians that you have observed, and this type of material sticks in your mind. A truly great comedian is 100% themselves.

But what if I am a piece of shit?

Barry’s argument was that he and his friends joke about this kind of stuff all the time. Oh please invite me to your next hang! 🙏 I guess I see his point. Isn’t art about expressing yourself, even if you’re a complete bell-end? Just because it’s not to my taste, it doesn’t mean it’s bad. BUT, funny is funny. You still have to write a good joke, and the darker the material, the more charisma and sharp joke-writing skills you need. So just start slow, I implore you!

Think about your set, are you being authentic?

I often observe comedians writing material for the zeitgeist, rather than just writing for themselves. When the brain detects inauthenticity you feel disconnected to the person. If you stick to this Venn diagram you can’t go wrong.

Video comedy coaching

• HMU for private coaching for your comedy set, or anything else comedy related, I operate a sliding payment scale - Email

Teaching plugs Berlin

• I’m teaching Intro To Sketch with Comedy Cafe Berlin in January,nearly sold out! - Link

• My January Beginner’s Stand-Up Comedy classes are all sold out, but join a waiting list here - Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

Last shows of the year!

If you are strapped for cash you can always email me for guest list.

• Wed 18.12.24 @ 8pm - The Improvised Stand-Up Show - Link

• Fri 20.12.24 @ 8pm - Improv with Funfdollar The House Show - Link
  9.30pm - Improvised road trip - Drive Time With Roadkill - Link

• Sat 21.12.24 @8pm - Miracle on Roseggerstraße - A Holiday Variety Spectacular - Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

Welcome to another round of Comedy Feedback, this time with who sent me his set both as text and video.

What is “rolling laughter” ?

Rolling laughter is when people haven’t finished laughing at one joke before they start laughing at the next joke, and so on. The result is laughter that builds uncontrollably. It’s easier said than done but it’s something to aim for. Along with people spontaneously clapping because a joke was sooo funny (not to be confused with clapture - clapping instead of laughing). These are the highest highs of a comedy set.

To achieve rolling laughter, your jokes need to be spaced out in such a way that the overlap slightly, so that a punchline comes while the audience is still laughing at the last joke. Also, the jokes should become more surprising and/or emotionally intense, while still remaining relatable.

Usually when I am working with peoples sets outside of class, I see them as text only and sometimes I don’t realise what a disconnect that gives from from the actual set.

When I first read Karan’s text I thought it was really good (I still do!) it’s packed with jokes, and it really explores it’s subject matter. But its only when I watched the video I saw how the energy remains a little flat.

Anyway, let’s dive into Karan’s “Tiny Indian Wedding” piece.

My younger brother in India, Varun, and his fiance are mavericks

Coz they are planning India’s first ever..

Tiny wedding

Now I don’t know how much you know about Indian weddings

For context, mine was mid size

Wanna guess how many people?

<crowd engagement>

One thousand two hundred people

Over 4 days

Sir / ma’am: what’s your name?

Have you ever crashed a wedding in India?

It’s impossible. 

Coz you’re already invited.

Varun tells me they want a small wedding

100 people. 1 day.

I’m like Varun that’s not a SMALL wedding

That’s afternoon chai

They are learning.. a small Indian wedding.. is not easy

First: the venue

After MONTHS of searching, they found one

Tiny enough

Varun goes “can we book this space for august 12th?”

“Sir, this is a school bus”

But the hardest was when he broke the news to the parents 

He goes “but there's something you need to know”

Mom goes : Varun, whoever you want to marry, we love you and support you 

He goes no I just want a small wedding 

Moms like “get out of this house!”

Varun goes.. “uh.. and.. we don't want kids either"

Dad goes “Karan! Find a gun. And shoot your mother!

And then shoot me”

I'm like why am I going to prison in the middle of all of this??

They’re still trying, and I hope they get their way

But if not

you all wanna come? 

 <count> No one will even notices

When I first read this I thought it’s a really nice bit. It’s packed with jokes and it really fulfils it’s premise of “My brother wants to have a tiny wedding, and in India this is very shameful”. It wasn’t until I saw the performance that I saw that the delivery is a little lacklustre.

Don’t let the audience catch their breath

Karan has a nice laid back style, but I notice he leaves a little too much space in-between jokes. To create rolling laughter you need jokes to kind of overlap so that people start laughing at the new joke while they are still recovering from the last joke.

Pacing is important in comedy. Too fast and people will have trouble understanding you. Too slow, and you won’t create rolling laughter.

Use unpredictable speech patterns

Karan tends to get into a predictable rhythm. So even if I don’t know what the punchline is going to be, I know where a punchline will land. This lessens the surprise and therefore the impact of the joke.

It’s important in authentic comedy to use your regular way of speaking(with a bit of razzle-dazzle on top) to hide the punchlines.

Boredom is a mood-killer

It could simply be that Karan has told this bit so many times he’s fallen out of love with it. I feel a little bit that he’s going through the motion of this joke, and isn’t emotionally connecting with it. This could just be this particular performace, but if you aren’t excited to tell a joke you can be sure you audience won’t be that excited to hear it. Maybe it’s time to move on from it?

Don’t ask the audience questions if you don’t care about the answer

Karan’s performance is generally good. He’s confident and articulate. One thing I would cut right away is the fake crowd-work. Perhaps it’s just a bugbear of mine, but I don’t like it when comedians ask the audience questions, if they don’t care about the answer, or have a specific answer in mind. Something they think is raising the energy, or is creating a bond with the audience, is actually distracting from their set. It also comes across as inauthentic, and actually breaks trust with the audience.

In improv we say “don’t ask questions, give answers” because questions stall a scene and put all the responsibility on your scene partner. This is exactly the same in stand-up. You’re stalling for time and making the audience do the work. Just say the thing you are trying to say.

What was interesting in this video is when Karan asked the audience member her name she replies like she doesn’t know her own name - she says “Shalamar??”. Karan was so stuck in his script that he missed an opportunity to do real crowd-work, that would have had a bigger impact.

Create a heading, and step on the accelerator

Heading: “My brother plans to have a tiny wedding and in India this is a very shameful thing”

This is a nice and simple heading. I’m going to have a go at compacting the text a little bit. Me, a white woman.

I haven’t actually made that much change to the text, just in my head the pace is more frantic, and the attitude is more intense.

My brother is… a crazy guy. A maverick. He’s trying to organise India’s FIRST… tiny wedding.

I’m sure you’re thinking, a tiny wedding in India. 2000? 1500? maybe as little as 1000 guests? WRONG! YOU ARE ALL WRONG! My insane brother wants to have a wedding of 100 people. That is not a wedding, that is afternoon chai!

There’s no word for “wedding crasher” in Hindi, because you’re already invited!

After months they found a venue small enough, but the venue cancelled last minute, BECAUSE IT WAS A SCHOOL-BUS!

It took him months to find the courage to break the news to our parents! They we're like “Son, son what is it you can tell us anything we’ll love you no matter what! Are you gay? Are you broke? Are you dying?
No pa I want a tiny wedding
FIND A GUN, SHOOT ME AND THEN YOUR MOTHER!

Ciao for now :-)

Online comedy coaching

• I do 1 on 1 classes and coaching sessions for stand-up comedians - Email

Teaching plugs Berlin

• I’m teaching Intro To Sketch with Comedy Cafe Berlin in January - Link

• I just dropped a new January Beginner’s Stand-Up Comedy class, spots are selling fast. Link

• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

Show plugs Berlin

If you are strapped for cash you can always email me for guest list.

• Fri 06.12.24 @ 8pm - improv with Funfdollar - House Show - Link

World Wide Web Plugs

• Berlin Stand-Up School - berlinstandupschool.com

• Linktree - carolineclifford.com

But first perhaps this?

I’m no marketing person but this seems so simple to me:

CREATE A SHOW YOU WOULD LOVE TO SEE!

CREATE A SHOW YOU WOULD LOVE TO PERFORM AT!

Don’t waste time brainstorming what you think other people like as if they’re some alien race you’re not a part of.

A good show is an extension of your personality

People always think of these things the wrong way around.
They think:

• how can I stand out in an over-saturated scene?

• How will people notice my show?

• What is a hit idea nobody has thought of.

THIS IS WRONG AND DIFFICULT! Create something you love, and put some effort in to it. Be consistent and patient. That’s all!

Create a show, create an experience, create a community. Create you, but as a show. Is this a correct use of italics?

What’s a kind of poster that would make you stop and say “That looks like something ***I*** would love”.

If you like old computer games, use these type of graphics. If you love sketch comedy then create a sketch show. if you’re a horse girl called Lindsey, create Lindsey's Horse-face galloping horse themed open-mic - NEIGH!

Branding not gimmicks

I get it, you’re probably trying to create a show in a very over-saturated market. You want to stand out from the other 97 open mics that are on Tuesday. Having branding is a good idea, having gimmicks is not. Gimmicks are pretentious ideas you have about “the market” and they might rope in a couple of curious idiots, but ultimately people will see it’s a desperate swing.

Actual advice in a list

1. Create your own artwork, or use an artist you like
   Your show should be an extension of yourself. So actually try and create your own artwork, even if it’s kind of bad! But OK, if it’s very very bad and looks like murders happen there, you might want to ask a more talented friend to help you. Good branding doesn’t even have to have amazing graphic design. It just feels like someone gave a shit that made it which means they probably give a shit about their show.
   

   Please don’t use drama masks or those vintage microphones or brick walls. Unless you’re taking the piss of course ;)

   

2. Try and change your artwork every show(!) if not regularly
   You’ll be surprised how quickly the initial excitement about running your own show dies down, and it suddenly becomes an enormous burden. Before you know it you’ll be posting this same JPG you made 4 years ago to an unenthusiastic algorithm, and friends who have long since unfollowed you. Personally I loved making artwork for my show We Are Not Gemüsed, it was the highlight of my week! I’m no designer, but it was fun to come up with a new film/vegetable pun and try and put it together in Photoshop. Even if you don’t have an idea like that, at least change the artwork to say who’s going to be on, or change the photos or something. Make it modular in some way so people aren’t looking at the same damn thing. If you don’t care I promise you nobody else will.

3. Focus one idea
   Be realistic about what you can achieve past the honeymoon period. Having too many things happening in one show is not adding value, it’s confusing. If you’re creating an open-mic then focus on making it the cutest best damn open mic in town. It doesn’t need a roller rink and a puppet show and speed-dating DJs and apple bobbing.

   

4. Don’t do it alone
   It’s a lot of work so try and have a friend help you out. Maybe you’re a total control freak and have to do it by yourself, that's fine too. The best case scenario is that you can find someone that compliments your skill set. Maybe you’re not so hot on socials, but are happy to host. Perhaps you’re not so “front of house” so find someone that likes hosting and networking you and you can make all the horse memes. If you take on too much of the work, you might find the quality of the show suffers.

5. You’ll need a good host, or at least one who is not actively bad
   It’s likely you started this show to get some hosting experience, and it can be daunting to host a show yourself if you don’t have any experience. Here’s an article I wrote on that very subject:
   

6. Find a cute venue you already have a relationship with
   A venue can make or break a show, so take your time picking one that works. As this show is hopefully a labour of love, it makes sense you would have it in a venue you already like. Look for interesting places like book shops, laundrettes, galleries. Not everything has to be in a bar, but it probably will be! If it is in a bar, try and make sure they have a separate room away from bar noise. Shushing people the whole damn time is no fun.

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I have the real kind of ADHD, so it’s really hard for me to pick up new healthy habits. At the first sign of getting to organised my brain will eject. Even if you’re not officially diagnosed, I find many creative people are on the ADHD spectrum. Or maybe ADHD isn’t even a real thing and it just means I’m just too real for this world, like a rugged lil’ cowboy.

Back in the old days I was happy to use a good ol’ fashion notebook for scraps of ideas, and writing set-lists. But inevitably I would forget said notebook, leading to joke ideas being on the back of receipts and bus tickets. Since I started teaching, using notepads has become a big no-no because I have so many notepads on the go for different classes, I literally can’t organise my jokes into one notepad.

Enter Google Docs

What’s a damn thing I have on me at all times, why yes it’s my trusty soul-sucking phone. I have an infinitely long document on there called Notepad. And that’s perfect for all my scraps of joke ideas. Buuut of course it’s also full of all kinds of random recommendations, photos of cafes, calculations, show promo texts etc. so it’s also not to be trusted as good ideas easily get lost forever.

And I know, I know. All you neuro-cool people are like, just have a bunch of google docs. I’m sorry, ADHD brain not work like that.

Enter Notion

I’ve only been using Notion a few months so I can’t vouch for it passing the ADHD “I’m bored of this now” test, but it’s pretty good.

Lol I am in no way affiliated with this product, I wish!

Amongst other things it’s a database app. So I now have a database of “Jokes” that I can tag with different topics.

And of course each joke has its own page.

And you can make sub-databases for sets or bigger routines. Although I usually use whatever notepad I have to hand for deciding on a set.

So it’s pretty pretty good for organising your material even if like me you have adhd and/or you ate to much mdma in the 00s. It also has a desktop app which I have never used.

If I had an iPhone I would try “bits”

This app looks good for iPhone but they don’t have an Android version so screw them.

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Subscriber sent me this message:

I have a bit that I’ve been using that works but I wonder if it could be explored more. Feel free to use it for an article if you feel it would be helpful!

Headline:

Mother disappointed after son goes to hell after losing in the semi finals afterlife spelling bee. Blames technology.

Walter’s bit

I was raised Catholic

Anyone else?

Anyone else’s

Mother beat the living shit out them

for Jesus?

Because Jesus hates little boys who can’t spell good

every devout Catholic knows that.

They know that’s how you’ll ultimately be judged

On your ability

to sound it out

St. Peter outside the pearly gates

Running the 2024th annual afterlife spelling bee.

I really like the attitude of this bit and what it’s about, Walter says it works consistently well up to “Jesus hates little boys who can’t spell good”.
To improve it I think it could use being more personal, and explored in more detail.

Get more personal

See, Nate Bargatze agrees with me!

For something to be funny it needs to follow the formula

Relatability + Surprise = Funny

Even Christianity isn’t a relateable subject to most people, even Christians. Sure everyone knows the stories more or less but it’s always peoples emotions that make a story or joke really engaging. Bare in mind, that could be the emotions of Jesus or a preacher or anyone in the story. I think Walter could write a more relateable joke if it was more personal, and focused more on the people in the joke.

Don’t ask questions if you don’t care about the answer

I don’t like questions when we don’t care about the answer. It means we’re wasting time and focus before we get into the joke. I know it feels good when the audience cheers (because you told them to), but really you want them to be going HAHAHAH! (because they feel compelled to). Asking questions is like asking permission to be funny. No, you tell that crowd what is funny!
But also I’m not seeing how Walter works the crowd on stage so maybe he has a whole going on.

I love that Walter is using headlines! I love to see my techniques put to good use.

More about headlines:

One joke at a time

Also don't be afraid to section your bits into several headlines. My feeling is that Walter is trying to say too much in a short space, and it could be unpacked and explored more.

Let’s try a re-write

So I’m going to dive into a re-write with more exploration, and more of a focus on the people. And after we’ve laid the groundwork, we can be as silly as we like.

Obviously I'm writing this without knowing Walters mother, I'm just doing a caricature of “religious American mother”. Also all my Catholic knowledge comes from chatGPT, so I'm sure Walter could come up with some better specifics from his own life.

Heading: My mom used her faith as an excuse for beating me up for being dumb

My mother is super Catholic. And I was super bad at school. So of course she used her faith in Jesus and the good word of the Bible to empathize with my struggle and my the inner beauty within…

Nope! She beat the crap out of me!
(Slap) You brain-dead idiot (Slap) you always embarrass me (Slap) which is spelt double r double s by the way (Prayer hands) Amen, praise Jesus.

Heading: If my mum was in charge spelling would have been a much bigger deal in the Bible

Yeah my mom was obsessed with me spelling things correctly but there’s no mention of spelling in the bible

(preacher voice) And lo, it came to pass that Walter, a peasant of humble estate, wrestled daily with his letters. One day a voice like thunder spoke from the heavens, saying, “I before E except after C… and but not ‘science’ or ‘ancient’ or ‘efficient’ or ‘species’… and Sword has a W in it for some reason… and do you want some Wor-cest-tur Woo-scter Wur-chester Sauce, no.
Anyway… with a steady hand, Jesus guided him, and the letters became true. And Walter was saved. Yadda yadda, The end, praise Autocorrect. Eat more protein. Hallelujah - try and spell that fucking word. Amen.

Imagine not being able to get into heaven because your spelling sucks

“I see here you fed the poor, and never took off your shoes on a plane, and turned off peoples bike lights - ohh but you couldn’t spell successfully - well BYE! (pull lever, fall to hell) Noooo!
Enjoy being teabagged by satans firey sack you dyslexic fuck!

Let me know if you prefer my act-out style or Walter’s more sharp and to the point style for the joke. I think both have merit.

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I have this “chat” here where people can ask me anything about comedy, and I try to give a good answer. Feel free to ask me stuff too!

substack.com/chat/1742905

I said some of them might inspire articles and this question by surely did. Thanks Zach!

I'm an open-micer just starting out, these past few months. I want to get better. And by "better" I mean be able to get more laughs. But I also desperately want to avoid being hack (because what's the point?) My question is -- how do you recommend balancing quality of laughs with quantity of laughs? If that makes sense...

My reply was this

Hello Zach! If you were in my beginner's class and I heard you do a "hack" joke, I'd just get you to examine what the joke is really about. I think hack jokes can pave the way to really good jokes if we deeply examine them. So make as many hack jokes as you like but wow your audiences by then deconstructing the joke.

In this article I’m going to explain what I mean in probably too much detail. But first things first:

What is hack?

Here’s a great quote I found on Reddit

I learned this from Robert McKee. A hack, he says, is a writer who second-guesses his audience. When the hack sits down to work, he doesn't ask himself what's in his own heart. He asks what the market is looking for.

The hack condescends to his audience. He thinks he's superior to them. The truth is, he's scared to death of them or, more accurately, scared of being authentic in front of them, scared of writing what he really feels or believes, what he himself thinks is interesting. He's afraid it won't sell. So he tries to anticipate what the market (a telling word) wants, then gives it to them.

In other words, the hack writes hierarchically. He writes what he imagines will play well in the eyes of others. He does not ask himself, What do I myself want to write? What do I think is important? Instead he asks, What's hot, what can I make a deal for?

The hack is like the politician who consults the polls before he takes a position. He's a demagogue. He panders.

It can pay off, being a hack. Given the depraved state of American culture, a slick dude can make millions being a hack. But even if you succeed, you lose, because you've sold out your Muse, and your Muse is you, the best part of yourself, where your finest and only true work comes from.

Steven Pressfield, The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle

Even though this book isn’t about comedy per se, this quote is 100% applicable to comedy and authenticity. I mean I have never read this book, and never will. But the title doesn’t make it sound like a comedy book.
One trick is to catch yourself in the act of being a hack, and make that the joke. Because the real joke almost always is you. I inadvertently just proved my own point, by catching myself being a hack/pretentious (implying I had read a book I had not), and wrote about that instead.

I would add to this quote that in terms of comedy, hack is a joke you feel you have heard before and it isn't always this deliberate act of pandering. With new comics they might literally not know the joke has been done many time before, and are not aware of the amount of detail a joke requires to be unique. A hack joke is often an undetailed joke.

Your father has his penis trapped in the sex robot

I asked a follow up question: What do you consider to be a hack joke you have made? He replied:

I once had a joke about how our parents call us to ask how to login to Netflix and in 30 years we'll be calling our kids asking them how to turn on our sex robots.

I haven’t heard the whole joke, but the concept is pretty good. The setup is very relatable and authentic, my mother is constantly asking me technology questions, and I do worry about becoming useless as I get older and having to rely on other people to navigate the modern world. It’s just the sex robot thing that doesn’t feel believable. That’s not to say in the right hands this couldn’t be spun in to a really great joke - anything can be. But it’s not authentic, and that’s what this whole substack is about damnit! Sometimes the truth can seem too mundane so we feel the need to zhuzh it up and make it silly, but the truth is what connects us so never ignore it.

What makes this idea “hack” is that the joke is pandering to the idea that sex is funny in itself. Sex sells, and rude jokes normally get a few free giggles. However Zach has made the common mistake of putting the funny idea before the authentic idea.

Future us asking our kids for help with our sex robots would be like our parents asking us for help with their dildos now, it's not a believable situation (I hope). After all:

Believability + Surprise = Comedy

from:

What realistically and authentically might we need help with from young people in the future? Lists are always a good idea.

It helps me to think of current needs I have now, and the kinds of tecky things my mum asks me in order to keep the list authentic. I can’t help throwing in some hacky ones, so I'll just let them flow. For example: pandemics and climate change are not exactly things that are authentically true to me, but rather an idea I pulled from the zeitgeist. Here's my list so far of: Current needs that could be filled in the future by technology & tecky things my parents ask me but make it futuristic (I never said lists had to have snappy titles). Following real emotions always garners authentic results for me as well.

• Next pandemic app

• Need help getting hologram from one device to another

• Food slurry Soilent green machine

• Holodeck “is doing that thing again” / needs setting up

• DHL package transporter. Package is in space depot.

• Virtual exerciser stuck on crunches

• Anti depressant / ADHD meds something

• Roomba has become sentient and refuses to clean and has formed a union

• Dad's ghost hologram has too many ads? I thought I had premium? What's the password?

• The Pirate Bay (still going)

• Alexa but a person, and she's always whistling. How do I make it stop?

• Mum’s desktop PC is so slow because it’s from 2006 but she refuses to replace it because “It’s fine”. if it’s so fine why do I have to reinstall Windows XP every damn Christmas?? “Can you make it faster?” No mum, only a trip to Costco can do that.

• We are subservient to chat GPT . You have angered chat GPT so

A thought that perhaps capsizes this whole premise is people of my generation (Gen X) and younger grew up with technology, so we'll never be as hopeless as the boomers. Even when I'm presented with a new technological advancement, I'm usually able to figure out how to use it in the same way a trained musician is able to apply their skills to new instruments. That being said I'm definitely not as sharp as I used to be. I can't stand anything Mac based as I'm an old school Linux nerd.

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I was also trying to think of a heading for this joke. What I mean by “heading” is explained here:

Brainstorming headings always helps me figure out what I actually want the joke to be about.

My parents always annoy me with tech questions, I wonder what tech questions I will annoy my hypothetical children with?

My parents always annoy me with tech questions but they didn't grow up with technology as I did so I should have more empathy. But I have low self esteem stemming from a childhood of never being accepted for who I was, so figure out how to transfer photos from your phone to your ipad your damn self!

Boomers are alwas asking the younger generations for technology help, what exactly are they useful for - casual racism? OK I guess they gave birth to us and raised us and stuff - CRINGE! LEARN TO USE A MAGIC GLOWING SQUARE INVENTED 50 YEARS AFTER YOUR BIRTH, ASSHOLE!

When our generation is seen as cringey boomers, what cringey boomer stuff will we be doing? What will be our “minions” etc?

Brainstorming these headings made me realise that for me this joke is about guilt for feeling so angry when I’m asked tecky stuff by my mum. it’s not about the thing at all, I usually love answering tech questions because it makes me feel clever. But when my mum does it I want to punch a wall! I wonder if it’s maybe about something else?? it kind of reminds me of this awesome Nick Kroll bit.

Here’s a little bit I wrote from my brainstorming the topics above.

My brother bought my mum the latest iPhone. Pretty generous, pretty nice… unless you’re the family tech support. That’s me. (miming a phone call - neutral calm voice) “Hello family tech support this is Caroline speaking…… I see and Barbara emailed you a photo to your phone? But it’s not on your iPad? Alright I’m going to take you through some steps here Mrs Clifford. (still in a calm tone) Is your fucking iPad connected to the fucking wi-fi? Like I’ve told you 157 times before? Your phone has its own internet and your iPad doesn’t. It’s just the way it is, you just have to accept that some things are the way they are like you have to accept I don’t want to wear a big puffy dress to my brothers’ bar mitzvah and I never want to wear dresses ever AND I WANT ROLLERSCATES!” (hang up phone) Bitch.

What the fuck does she need the latest iphone for? (mum voice) “It has an amazing camera” As I get older I want worse cameras, I want those cameras you used to get on mp3 players, I want photos printed out with a gameboy printer. I do not want to see the cruel never ending march to the grave in 4K

You’ll notice it diverged from Zach’s original bit, but this is what felt authentic to me and therefor more fun to write about.

Related:

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• I do 1 on 1 classes and coaching sessions for stand-up comedians - Email

Teaching plugs Berlin

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• Vouchers for my classes/coaching make cool presents! Link

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• Linktree - carolineclifford.com