I started writing this week’s newsletter piece Tuesday morning, August 25. For some reason, I wanted to write about a bolo tie I bought myself decades ago when I was on my solo cross-country road trip when I came across a craft vendor in Santa Fe who sold turquoise bolo ties and other kinds of Southwest-styled jewelry for men.

Despite not having much money, I bought it. Made with braided black-leather strips, ornate sterling silver and featured a large turquoise stone that fascinated me. It was understated, masculine and unlike anything I’d ever worn. It became a sort of talisman I wore for years when I eventually got back to where I grew up.

Some people thought it was cool, most people laughed. Friends said it made me look gay or like a weirdo using comparisons to folks like Slim Whitman and spaghetti western movie stars, not in a complimentary way.

I didn’t care and wore it anyway. It was more than a piece of jewelry, to me it was an early step in claiming myself and who I was. Unapologetically.

Then, while I was writing about the things we keep, the news flashed across my screen that Dolly Parton had died. The timing stopped me. Here I was writing about a cheap piece of jewelry that had come to represent an entire chapter of my life, and suddenly I was processing the news about a woman (and one of my idols) who spent her career reminding us that humble beginnings aren’t something to hide.

They’re something to honor.

Dolly Parton’s Coat of Many Colors was made from scraps of fabric her mother had collected—pieces that once belonged to other things, with no idea they would someday become part of something treasured. The coat itself wasn’t valuable; what Dolly celebrated was the love and creativity of the mother who made it for her. And perhaps most beautifully, she turned something that might have represented the shame of poverty into something she wore with pride—a reminder that value isn’t determined by what something costs, but by what it means.

In Us, Before Everything, Will and Rob are young and have very little money, yet when they come across the bolo ties, they buy them anyway. These mementos eventually become much more in the stories - a witness to their love and commitment.

So why do we keep this stuff?

I’ve traveled the world, lived on two continents and have collected several things that remind me of those places. Besides my bolo tie, I’ve saved a scrap of paper my now-husband wrote when we met with my phone number and a footnote – sexy and sporty guy. One could argue that his standards may have been lower back then, but I choose to believe he really believed I was that sexy sporty man.

I save my mother’s first Christmas ornament, little notes and drawings my sons made, faded old photographs, a screenshot of a Father’s Day Instagram post showing two emoji dads holding hands – a courageous thing for my teenage son to post publicly.

Some of these things I keep in a safe. Other things I give away freely like clothes, appliances or other things other people may need more.

Our children may eventually look at these treasured objects and wonder, Why the hell did Dad keep this? It’s not about the thing, it’s about the memory or feelings tied to it. I’ll let them figure out what to do with it.

A possession is something you own. A memento is something that owns a piece of you.

Sometimes we don’t even know an object will become important when we acquire it. A piece of jewelry I bought as a souvenir in Santa Fe became a priceless reminder to where I came from and to be proud of it thirty years later.

It was a turning point when I made a small decision to buy something daring and wear it because I liked it and didn’t care if anybody else did. That’s why I save the bolo – it commemorates a moment in time when I made a choice that started a series of other choices that fell like dominos and created the amazing life I now have.

Never in a million years did I think that road trip or that bolo would be a turning point that would shape the next thirty years of my life.

As we grow older, memories change.

We forget conversations. Details disappear. Faces change. People come and go, places disappear entirely. Then I pick up an object and I’m twenty-two again. I remember the day, the weather, the sun beating down on me while I was over a thousand miles away from my comfort zone.

Mementos collapse time.

When Will and Rob look back over their life, they may look at their bolos from a particular moment in their relationship. They become a private language between them that evolves as Will and Rob age and change.

If I honor their story well, each of you will eventually understand why they matter.

Will, Rob, Pete, Drew and other characters that come in and out of their story will all have objects they keep tucked away, secret, important only to them. In future character interviews you will read in my posts, some of these precious mementos will become known.

I hope that hundreds of years from now, a future archaeologist digs up one of my old mementos and spends a lifetime trying to figure out what this bolo tie meant to someone. Carbon dating will determine its age and the materials from which it’s made. They may hypothesize what it meant to the person who owned it; was I an Indian chief? Maybe a high priest? Maybe the remains of Slim Whitman?

But they’ll never know it represented a simple act of independence and defiance by a young gay man struggling to figure himself out in the deserts of the southwest.

The bolo makes me think about that young guy and who he was becoming. I honor the creativity and guts he had, having no idea of the amazing life that lay ahead of him.

That was the lesson I learned from Dolly Parton. Instead of running from her humble origins, she embraced them proudly and without question. In doing so, she taught generations of people to honor their own lives, with or without physical objects, as a reminder of their journey and legacy.

• What are some mementos you keep and hold dear? I’d love to hear your stories and what these mementos mean to you today.

• What’s one object you own that probably means nothing to anyone else but that you’d never willingly throw away?

Maybe that’s why we keep these things. Not because we’re afraid of forgetting the past, but because every once in a while it’s nice to hold something in our hands that reminds us how far we’ve traveled.

Peace,
WGW

One of the things I enjoy about writing is the ability to create characters who not only think, speak and live, but ones who evolve throughout their lives. The successes and failures, happiness, disappointments, how they evolve and particularly how they age.

At the beginning of Us, Before Everything, Rob Greco is a nineteen-year-old high school senior, state champion athlete who suddenly has his life flipped upside down. He and his friend Will Weston embark on a life-changing road trip across America that becomes a transformative journey for both of them.

In these interviews, we will explore the characters at different points in their lives. For this first interview, I speak with a 60 year-old Rob Greco, forty years after the beginning of the series. Without giving away major spoilers, I will be spotlighting each of the main characters through an interview-style reflection on their lives decades after the book series begins.

In the next weeks, we will interview Pete, Drew and Will, plus other characters as the series develops. I hope you enjoy learning a bit more about each of them as individuals.

The Interview

I’m here with Rob Greco to talk about his amazing life and career. He recently turned sixty and viewers want to understand more about his life, his start in Hollywood and even a few insights on his closely-guarded private life. I spoke with Rob at his gorgeous Mediterranean beach house in the Algarve region of Portugal for this interview.

INTERVIEWER: Thank you Rob for allowing me to visit you in your gorgeous villa.

ROB: It’s just home. Welcome.

INTERVIEWER: You are a celebrated actor, Rob, with an amazingly successful life and career. Golden Globe winner, Academy Award winner and multiple nominations across your forty year career.

ROB: That makes me sound old.

INTERVIEWER: You recently turned sixty. That’s not old, but may be the beginning of your third act?

ROB: I’ve never felt better and now that the kids are growing up, it’s time to try some new things.

INTERVIEWER: I’d like to hear about your reflections on life so far.

ROB: Where do you want me to start?

INTERVIEWER: Nineteen

ROB: Seriously? We’ll be here for a while.

INTERVIEWER: When you were nineteen, did you know Will was in love with you?

ROB: No.

INTERVIEWER: Really? You’re smiling.

ROB: Looking back, I was an idiot.

INTERVIEWER: Did you work hard not to notice Will? What scared you about being gay?

ROB: Everything scared me about being gay. I had this picture of who I was supposed to be and gay wasn’t one of the things that fit.

INTERVIEWER: And Will threatened that?

ROB: Will didn’t threaten anything. He was just being himself. What threatened me was what I felt when I was around him.

INTERVIEWER: You had a girlfriend at the time. You and Will had been friends since Middle School. You were a state champion wrestler. What did Will have that you wanted?

ROB: Certainty. He knew who he was.

INTERVIEWER: You mean being gay?

ROB: He had self-awareness and confidence I didn’t have. I could walk into a wrestling match in front of hundreds, sometimes thousands of people and not be afraid of anything. Then this skinny blond kid would look at me a certain way and I’d completely lose my shit.

INTERVIEWER: Will was skinny?

ROB: He will tell you he wasn’t but he’s not here to defend himself.

INTERVIEWER: Tell me why you and he drove cross-country to Los Angeles for him to start at UCLA.

ROB: He asked me to go and I jumped at the chance. I had nothing to lose.

INTERVIEWER: Tell me more about that.

ROB: My parents had blown up our family. My house was gone, and everything I thought was waiting for me after graduation blew up overnight. And there was Will, trying to fix everything.

INTERVIEWER: And did you resent him for it?

ROB: I resented needing him.

INTERVIEWER: When did you realize that what you felt for Will wasn’t going away?

ROB: I knew a long time before I admitted it to myself, which I finally did during our drive out to Los Angeles.

INTERVIEWER: Tell me about the Bolo Ties

ROB: I’d rather not.

INTERVIEWER: Why not?

ROB: Because it’s our thing. We bought turquoise bolo ties in Santa Fe. We had no money but we wanted to buy them for each other.

INTERVIEWER: Why did you want to do that?

ROB: They meant something. Like I belonged somewhere.

INTERVIEWER: Or to someone?

ROB: Maybe. Next question.

INTERVIEWER: If you could talk to nineteen-year-old Rob, what would you tell him?

ROB: I’d tell him he’s going to waste a lot of time being afraid of something that isn’t actually frightening.

INTERVIEWER: Like being gay?

ROB: No. Being loved.

INTERVIEWER: So what’s the one thing you wish nineteen-year-old Rob had understood about Will Westen?

ROB: Will never asked me to become someone else.

INTERVIEWER: What was he asking?

ROB: To stop pretending I wasn’t already me.

INTERVIEWER: It’s strange hearing you describe yourself like that. Uncertain, even insecure at times.

ROB: Why?

INTERVIEWER: Because people looking at you now probably wouldn’t imagine you as that shy, insecure boy.

ROB: That’s because they don’t know how the story turned out.

***

See you all for our next interview with Pete Shephard and Drew Bennet.

Have a great weekend and see you next week.

WW

When I stepped aboard my very first gay cruise, I had more preconceived ideas than luggage.

A group of friends had convinced us to join them on a ship with three thousand LGBTQ travelers. Depending on the day—and usually depending on how much coffee I’d had—my expectations ranged somewhere between “This is going to be amazing!” and “What the fuck was I thinking?”

In my imagination there were only two possibilities

Either the ship would be one giant floating Bacchanalian orgy with three thousand men with perfect abs, nowhere to sit, and enough non-stop sex and partying to make me question every life decision I’d ever made.

Or it would feel like the world’s most awkward high school reunion. In Speedos.

My hope was that it would be somewhere in a realistic middle ground.

I came prepared. If things went pear-shaped, I’d simply retreat to my cabin, finish another novel, work through the stack of books I’d packed, and emerge only for breakfast, mandatory safety drills, or perhaps an errant iceberg that somehow wandered into the Mediterranean.

When I put on my swimsuit and headed to the ship’s pool, I expected it to be the Bacchanalian orgy, Awkward high-school reunion, a gay version of Love Island combined with 3000 passengers looking like they stepped out of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue.

But everything and everybody looked…normal. People laughed, drank coffee or cocktails. They searched for their cabins, laughed with friends and argued about dinner reservations and shore excursions.

Imposter Syndrome at Sea

Rationally, I had absolutely no reason to feel intimidated.

I’d spent decades navigating Fortune 500 boardrooms, building a career, raising three sons with my husband, paying mortgages, worrying about homework, soccer practice, dog food and everything else that comes with ordinary life.

None of that prepares you for walking onto a ship wearing a bathing suit as a 55+ person. I always took care of myself physically yet Abercrombie still hadn’t called.

For most of my adult life I’d comfortably lived between worlds. By day I often found myself as the only openly gay executive in the room. At home I wasn’t “the gay executive.” I was simply a husband, a father, and the guy who forgot to buy milk.

Somewhere along the way I’d quietly convinced myself there was a right way to be a gay man, and I wasn’t doing a very good job of it for all the reasons above.

Everything we did centered around our kids and their lives. We hung out with parents so our kids could play together. Our gay social life came to a screaching halt for twenty plus years.

Then I realized something. It wasn’t a Gay Cruise I was stepping onto. It was me stepping into the next chapter of life. Everywhere I looked, nobody seemed interested in being perfect. They were simply busy living.

I saw wrinkles, gray hair, dad bods, shaved heads like mine, six-packs, wedding rings, throuples, some men dancing like nobody was watching. Other men dancing like they were auditioning for Hamilton.

There were older and younger couples holding hands without worrying about being scorned or attacked. Friends laughed over breakfast. People read quietly by the pool. Some looked like they belonged on magazine covers. Others looked like my neighbors. Men and women of every body type laid in the sun with nothing on but sunglasses. Hookups met and disappeared to staterooms.

And every single one of them was far kinder to me than I had been to myself. That realization caught me completely off guard. For the first time, I understood there wasn’t one way to grow older as a gay man. There were hundreds.

Paging Dr. Freud

So why had I been so intimidated? Was I really worried about three thousand strangers judging me? Or had I spent decades doing such a thorough job of judging myself that I’d simply assumed everyone else would too?

I’d carried that version of me around for years like a concrete life vest, convinced it was protecting me when it was actually pulling me under.

The cruise didn’t change who I was. It reminded me who I’d become.

Before I ever wrote Us, Before Everything, I wanted to imagine Will and Rob growing old together and have them believe growing old together was possible. My husband and I are one example, but I found hundreds of others on that ship.

Not perfection. Not a stereotype. Not a scene I had to fit into. Just thousands of imperfect people living ordinary, joyful, messy, beautiful lives, just like I was.

When I stepped aboard, I wondered whether I’d fit in. When I stepped off, I realized I never needed to. I only needed to become more comfortable being exactly who I already was.

William G. West

Aging.

For some people, it’s something to fight.

For me, it’s something I once wasn’t sure I’d ever get to experience.

Writing about Will and Rob, coming out and falling in love during the early 2000s, I’ve reflected a lot on that period of my life. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I also took a road trip across the western United States when I was in my early twenties right after college. The difference was the timing.

My road trip happened in the late 1980s and the world, especially for gay men and women, was a very different place than it is today. I was twenty-two. I knew I was gay.

I was also pretty sure I wouldn’t make it to my thirties.

AIDS was mowing down scores of men faster than anyone could count. We didn't yet understand the disease, how it spread, or how to protect ourselves. A positive test felt like a death sentence. Some people survived, but most didn't. The silence from those in power was deafening, and many outside our community looked away. Others insisted it was somehow deserved.

It was a fucking nightmare for well over a decade. Somehow I survived it.

Now I’m on my third act, that phase of life when one’s career is largely over, kids are out building their own lives and we have the chance, the privilege of pursuing new things we’ve always wanted to do.

Some days I’ll get a nice compliment about how I look. I still like that validation, but those compliments will diminish even further over time. My new luxuries are not about how I look, but who I’m becoming.

Time, health, family, purpose, peace and the freedom to do and be what I want are the luxuries I have now.

Every wrinkle, gray hair and every year on my odometer reminds me that I’ve lived long enough to have them.

I got the life I wanted.

The older I get the younger Will and Rob seem. When I write them at age twenty, I remember what hope I felt against the backdrop of a plague.

I don’t want them to worry about living to age thirty or forty. I want them to focus on love and all the possibilities of building a life together and I want all my readers to feel optimism for these two, unlike the way many of us felt back at their ages.

This post is not meant to be about aging. It’s about finally becoming the person we hoped we would become no matter what age we happen to be.

I have two books currently in the process of development. Us, Before Everything is going through editing now and I hope it comes out in early 2027. Another book I’ve titled Outliving the Fire is also in development and it takes place in the 1980s. I’ll share more about that story later.

Aging does not reduce our value and importance. Aging shows the world what our value truly is. Remember to appreciate the amazing person you’ve worked to become every day.

Peace,

WGW

Readers sometimes ask whether writing romantic sex scenes is awkward. It made me think. Last week I wrote about dialogue and how the conversations between Will and Rob practically write themselves since I know the characters well.

The sex scenes are kind of the same. In Us, Before Everything, Will and Rob are best friends who are figuring themselves out. Emotionally, Physically and Sexually.

All they know is they can’t live without each other. Will knows he’s gay and yearns for Rob. Will’s baggage is emotional. His father is dead, his mother abandons him and he was raised by grandparents who were too tired to be parents again. Rob’s struggle is that he’s also in love with Will but can’t accept his own sexuality. All of this comes to a head during their road trip to UCLA. Both are terrified, alone and trying to figure things out and neither knows their best friend (each other) is in love with them.

They are young adults. Virgins. Insecure. They don’t see themselves as the attractive athletes everyone else sees. Rob sees himself as pudgy. Will thinks he’s the gangly teenager with braces. They are stunning men but still feel sub-standard.

So writing about their first and subsequent sex, I had remember that.

My job isn’t to invent passion. It’s to understand what each of them is feeling in that moment—what they’re afraid of, what they’re hoping for, and why this touch, that kiss, or even their silence matters. If I can make those emotions real, the intimacy almost writes itself.

Let’s Talk About Trust

For me, intimacy isn’t about bodies. It’s about trust. It’s about being seen. It’s the moment one person decides to become completely vulnerable because they believe the other person will protect their heart instead of breaking it.

Behind The Curtain

Will has fantasies about what he wants to do with Rob. Rob, however, is just coming to grips with the fact he’s in love with another man. Rob has to overcome years of shame and programming to accept that sex can be something wonderfully intimate, not just an act that gives immediate release. One domino starts to fall and pretty soon they are having feelings of doubt, insecurity that they’re not enough, guilt because they desire each other despite years of hearing homophobic comments from friends, coaches and parents. It takes a ton of courage.

Think about what their first time together would really be like. Neither of them has done this before. Rob has spent years trying to convince himself he’s straight. Will has known he’s gay but has never trusted anyone enough to be completely vulnerable. That means their first intimate experience wouldn’t be polished, choreographed with perfect lighting and camera angles. It would be awkward, uncertain, maybe even intimidating. There may be nervous laughter, noses bumping, arousal, stopping, talking and the realization that neither wants the moment to end and that they are no longer just friends.

Connecting to Real Life People

Looking back, the moments that changed my own life weren’t always the loudest ones. It was often the quiet moments. A shared glance, conversations, a touch, someone who doesn’t run away. Sometimes fireworks, other times something a lot quieter and intimate. Both situations happen to Will and Rob. They happened to me, too.

Will and Rob are in love first and the physically intimate phase soon follows. When they finally have sex, they open up to each other, experiment, laugh, learn what they really like and what the other likes. They’re two young men at their sexual prime years. They throb with testosterone and have almost endless libidos that keep their sex passionate, spontaneous and often short since they’re still new at this and haven’t learned to pace themselves. But they keep wanting to do it again and again and again. Different positions. Sometimes the top and sometimes the bottom. Understanding what feels good for them and their partner.

But it’s their love that holds it all together.

What starts as a slow-burn, friends-to-lovers, coming-of age romance becomes a lifelong partnership as the men grow through their twenties and thirties. They will face the ups, downs, successes, heartaches, temptations, forgiveness and all the other events that shape an epic romance.

I’ve been asked if Will and Rob stay together, will have an open or closed relationship, bring in a third or fourth person. Will children, marriage come into the mix or will they enjoy a life of sex with men as a couple or as individuals.

The honest answer is that I don’t know. Life changes and with it, new perspectives for both the characters and the writer. Just like in my own life, I have an outlook or ideas on what I want for the future, but things can change. It’s the same for the characters.

Insecurity is Real

Will thinks: “Rob’s the most handsome man in the world. He could have anyone. One day he’s going to realize I’m not who he thinks I am. He’s going to realize I’m nothing special.”

Rob thinks: “Will’s body is a well-tuned machine. I’m out of shape and my thighs are too thick. My body won’t look like the guys Will sees in college sports. I’ll look fat to him.”

With intimacy, insecurity should eventually disappear. One of the most romantic things I can write isn’t a compliment about appearance. It’s Rob tracing the scar on Will’s shoulder and asking, “How’d you get this?” Not because he wants to judge it. Because he wants to know the story. Or Will kissing the bridge of Rob’s slightly crooked nose and saying, “I kinda love this part of you.”

One of the myths about gay men—and increasingly everyone because of social media—is that confidence comes from looking perfect. But if you talk to enough people, you’ll discover that insecurity is almost universal. The six-pack doesn’t necessarily silence the voice that says, “Am I enough?”

Will and Rob are objectively attractive, young and athletic, yet they have completely different reasons for doubting themselves.

Intimacy and great sex happen when we accept ourselves. We gain and lose weight, we age, some of us lose our hair, but the self-confidence and acceptance of who we are, our experiences, our intellect, our humor is what makes us attractive.

Someday, when Will and Rob are in their eighties and they look back on the amazing life they built, they will be sexy and attractive because of the men they became.

WGW

People sometimes ask me how I write dialogue and the answer always surprises them. I rarely feel like I’m writing it.

Somewhere along the way, the characters stop feeling like characters. They become people I know. I know what makes them laugh, what scares them, what they’ll never admit out loud, and what they’re desperately hoping someone else will say first.

Once that happens, my job changes. I stop inventing conversations and start listening to them. For example:

• Will doesn’t waste words. He thinks before he speaks. Even when he’s hurting, he’ll often choose silence over saying something he’ll regret. A simple touch from Rob will all he needs to calm himself.

• Rob is different. His heart reaches his mouth before his brain can catch it. He’s impulsive, funny, protective and occasionally says exactly the wrong thing for exactly the right reason.

I don’t hear every word ahead of time. I simply know them well enough that when I put Will and Rob together, they start talking. Some of my favorite scenes weren’t planned, they just happened. Two characters begin talking, and one sentence changes everything.

I’ve laughed at them. I’ve argued with them. I’ve cried because of something one of them said. At that point I know the story is no longer only mine.

My family can tell when I’ve had an emotional day of writing, especially dialogue.

“Dad’s been writing dialogue today…” One of my sons will tell another one, as I’m spaced out at the dinner table, still wrapped up in the story I’m writing. It’s a reminder to get back into my own life, not the character’s.

I’m constantly thinking, rewriting, trying to make something sound clever, failing miserably and then returning to what the character actually said.

When I think I’m writing like William Shakespeare and the Pulitzer Prize is just waiting to be delivered, that’s usually when my writing is bad, sterile, boring, pretentious or I’m trying too hard.

If I get stuck in a scene or predicament, I put the characters to work and have them solve the issues through conversation, just like real people. I may write pages of dialogue only to come up with a paragraph or less that I believe really captures the tone of what I’m trying to describe.

At one point in the story, Will and Rob have a fight because they know they are in love with each other, desperately want to have sex but they are nineteen years old and don’t have all the words to explain themselves. They are best friends who grew up together and it’s scary and confusing. They argue all day. They sulk. They’re bitchy, irritable, snarky. By nighttime, they are in their small tent, arms crossed. One of them apologizes and the ice begins to melt. They lay in the darkness in silence.

Then Rob lets out a loud and very long fart. They both crack up and laugh until they fall asleep.

That scene was something I never planned out. It just happened. Men, especially young ones, don’t always know what to say. There was no pithy soliloquy nor pronouncement of their innermost feelings and thoughts. A fart breaks the ice and they laugh because these young men are emotionally teenagers when it comes to talking about love.

My goal isn’t to make my characters sound clever. It’s to make them sound honest. Real people stumble, they interrupt, they say the wrong thing, they try to win an argument without thinking of the collateral damage. They apologize. hey laugh in moments they are supposed to be serious.

That’s when characters begin to sound alive, just like real people. Maybe that’s why dialogue matters so much – not only in novels, but in life. We think we know someone until they say something completely unexpected.

Will and Rob still surprise me and there is a lot more to come as they begin to move into their twenties. I just don’t know what they’ll say yet.

They have been living in my imagination for years. I hope, someday, they’ll begin living in yours too.

WGW

When I was growing up, I searched for stories about men who loved each other. Most ended the same way – with tragedy, violence, shame or loss. It took me years to realize those endings weren’t just literary choices, they reflected the world many of us were actually living in.

So I decided to take a road trip across the United States by myself that lasted nearly a year. It ended up being one of the most pivotal decisions in my life. During that transformational journey, I met incredible people and visited amazing places. As the expansive western skies appeared through my windshield, new feelings of hope and possibilities took root in my mind. The audacity to believe I deserved a life. A family. A career. Success. Love. It was that simple. It wasn’t going to be easy, but I finally felt that life was possible.

That’s where Will and Rob come in.

Subscribe now

A few years ago, two young men wandered into my imagination. One knew exactly who he was but wasn’t sure the world would make room for him. The other spent years trying to become someone everyone expected, only to discover that the person he was trying hardest to outrun was himself.

Their names are Will and Rob.

That’s where Us, Before Everything begins. Not with certainty, not with perfection. Just two best friends standing on the edge of adulthood. All they have is each other, so they climb into a Jeep and head west with far more questions than answers. By the time they reach California, neither of them is the same young man who left home.

Will Westen and Rob Greco have been side by side since they were thirteen - through wins and losses, secrets and silence, first loves and first fears. When graduation ends the only life they’ve ever known, the road ahead is wide open…and terrifying

A cross-country road trip becomes the summer that changes everything. In the red rock canyons and starlit deserts, on mountain trails and ocean beaches, they discover a love neither planned nor could resist.

But the world beyond the road is waiting - success, fame, pressure, temptation and choices that could pull them apart. Somewhere between who they were and who they’re becoming, they must decide if their love can survive everything.

This is their story before the world knew their names

Subscribers, free and paid, get access to weekly updates, character profiles, things I’m working on and more. With so much angst in the world right now, my aim is to build a community where love, passion, hope and resilience prevail.

Us, Before Everything is the first book in a series that follows Will and Rob as young adults who have no idea their world is about to open in ways they can never imagine.

Until next time - WGW

“What’s the Dutch word for boyfriend?” Rob asked.

“Mijn vriend.”

“Okay. I like boyfriend better, but “my fiend” also works, I guess.”

Will burst out laughing. “Vriend is the Dutch word for friend, but you’re right, it’s pronounced the same way as Fiend. I never made that connection before. It’s funny.”

“I’m gonna call you FIEND sometime. My little fiend.” Rob laughed.

“Only when I deserve it,” Will smiled.

After six long hours, the road-weary travelers finally spotted Santa Fe when they crested the small mountain they’d been climbing and could see the valley sparkling with lights below.

“There’s Santa Fe,” Will pointed out.

“Why is it called Santa Fe?”

“Saint something…”

“It’s like I’m sitting next to the Tower of Babel.” Rob laughed.

“I don’t want to show off but the Dutch are known to speak several languages,” Will teased.

“And then there’s your American side that cancels it all out.”

“True,” Will smiled.

“Fe is Faith. Saint Faith,” Rob thumbed through the guidebook they picked up. “Holy Faith.”

“Well that makes sense.”

As they neared the outskirts of the city, Rob fumbled through his backpack and pulled out an envelope

What’s that?”

“It’s from Pete and Drew. They gave it to me before we left Colorado Springs. They told me to open it before we got to Santa Fe.”

“So open it.”

Rob read through the note. “Holy Shit,”

“They gave us two nights at a five-star hotel called the Velvet Coyote. It’s written here to drive to the valet and drop off the car. Everything is included like food. They also booked us in the spa for massages and facials. It’s a birthday gift. This is unreal.”

“Those guys. I want to be like them when I’m older.”

“Here is a small brochure for it. Wow. Looks really nice. Velvet Coyote – Luxury. Privacy. Desert Soul.” Rob continued to read. “Reservations by invite only.”

“What the heck does that mean?” Will asked.

“I guess they don’t let people just drop in? My family has only done roadside motels. This is not something I’m familiar with.”

Will guided the Jeep to the address on the brochure. He pulled in and stopped due to a large, quite ornate, door that appeared to be a gate. Will pushed the call button and a silky male voice came through on the intercom.

“Good evening, Mr. Westen and Mr. Greco. Welcome to the Velvet Coyote. Please pull through once the doors open.”

Will pulled forward as the doors opened and pulled the Jeep into a courtyard filled with huge pots of flowers. Valet attendants in white escorted the Jeep to the front door.

“How did they know it was us?” Rob whispered.

A man in his twenties walked out to greet them and went specifically to Will.

“Mr. Westen, I’m Sam and I’m your butler for your stay with us. I will coordinate whatever you need. You can leave your car keys with me and I’ll get your luggage delivered to your room. Mr. Greco, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” He shook Will’s then Rob’s hands and opened the doors to let them out of the Jeep.

“How do you know who we are? I mean who is who specifically?” Rob asked..

“Mr. Shepherd and Mr. Bennet made sure we had your details. We require them for all our guests, mostly for security reasons.” Sam explained.

“Are we dressed…I mean we just drove almost seven hours. This place looks pretty fancy and we look like…”

“You are totally fine. This is a sanctuary for you to wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Also Mr. Bennet said you may want our laundry service. We can do whatever you need us to do. It’s all on-site. Would you like me to escort you to your room?”

“Um…sure.”

“We have you on the second floor in a room Mr. Bennet requested. Please follow me.”

Rob and Will entered the main part of the lobby. Wooden beams arched above them. The adobe-colored walls brightened with large, colorful paintings. A kiva fireplace stood in the corner. A gas fire flickering for show. Sam returned from behind the front desk.

“Gentlemen, here are your keys.”

“Thanks.” What are these made from?” Will flipped the key card over admiring the woodgrain.

“Birch wood.” Sam replied. “We have no plastic used in our hotel. Gentlemen, would you like to take the elevator or stairs?”

“We can do the stairs”

They climbed three floors on a low-rise winding stairway and arrived at the top. Sam walked them to a wide doorway with twin doors and instructed each of the men to test their key cards. Uniformed attendants opened the door and welcomed the pair into their comfortable lodging as Sam showed them around the room.

“Here’s the eating area. You can order anything you want at any time of the day or night.”

Sam led them into gleaming white marble bathroom and showed off the palatial space that included a double vanity, a glass-enclosed shower complete with built in benches, and a massive soaking tub that could fit a family of six. He showed off the living area that featured a buttery-soft leather couch and two modern chairs. Another kiva fireplace flickered. An adobe hearth welcoming people to sit by it.

“Santa Fe can get pretty cold in the winter so guests love their kivas.” He demonstrated how to turn the kiva on and off or control the flame size depending on how much heat was needed.

“Then we have the bedroom area where a massive California-king bed sprawled across half the room. French doors opened onto what looked like a terrace.

“Now the best for last.” Sam led them into a massive courtyard lined with potted flowers and succulents. Magenta-colored Bougainvillea spilled across the top of the wall. A dining area sat beneath a trellis of vines laden with lavender flowers. Another massive tub bubbled in the corner.

“You have a private hot tub and an outdoor shower. You have complete privacy up here. Many of our guests recommend spending the day nude. We have a three-hour block tomorrow in our spa for a couples massage and facial. You can then eat in our restaurant or we can bring your dinner to you. Any questions?” Sam asked.

“What time does the spa open if we were to try and do that tonight?” Will asked.

“It’s six-thirty now. We can get you both in by seven for a two-hour massage and perhaps you can do the facials tomorrow. Would that work?” Sam was cute and accommodating.

Will and Rob nodded and looked at each other with surprise.

“Seven works for me,” Will said.

“Me too,” Rob seconded.

“Great, I will let you both get settled. One thing you might consider is piling your dirty clothes and leave them near the kiva. We can have it laundered and returned to your room. Would that work for the two of you?”

“Uh…that should work.”

One of the attendants approached them with a brightly wrapped box.

“Mr. Shepherd asked us to give you this as a welcome package. Would you like dinner on your terrace after your massages? Just let the spa attendant know and we can get that prepared. I suggest you both wear the robes and sandals warming in the bathroom. Oh, and it’s probably best you take the private elevator up and down to this floor. It’s specifically for you. The Spa is located one floor below the lobby. We’ll give you some privacy to prepare for your massages. Dial 1 to reach the butler station. It will be me or one of my colleagues ready to assist.”

Will reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten-dollar-bill and handed it to Sam.

“No, no. There is no tipping allowed here. All of us are paid well thanks to…the owners. Remember that everything is being covered for you so that you can spend time with each other and also to enjoy your birthday tomorrow. I best get going. Good-bye gentlemen.”

The hotel door clicked shut. Rob and Will looked at each other, dumbfounded. “Personally, I’d love to get my clothes washed.”

“Roger that.” They scrambled to pull out dirty clothes into an ever-growing pile.

“I guess we need everything washed.”

Rob nodded as he stripped his clothes off while Will did the same. The two friends stood together, a yard apart and took each other in.

“Damn, you’re beautiful,” Rob said.

“My God this day is fucking surreal,” Will replied.

“For me, too, my fiend.”

Will let out a laugh. “I am a fiend as you will eventually find out.”

“I can’t wait,” Rob smiled.

After pulling their plush terry robes on, they looked back at the pile of their dirty laundry.

“They’re gonna think we’re homeless people.” Will said as he closed the hotel room door.

Rob pushed the elevator button. “Yeah, because we are.”

***

Will and Rob scrubbed themselves clean in adjacent shower stalls. The Coyote Moon Spa was dimly lit by candlelight. Quiet music mixed with the scent of lavender and bergamot created a peaceful environment of relaxation. After drying themselves off, their slippers and a dry robe were handed to them by another attractive staff member who introduced himself as Stephan. He escorted them to a room where multiple waterfalls and fountains trickled, creating an even more soothing environment.

“I’ve got you both scheduled for a two-hour couples massage. What kind of pressure do you like?”

“I tend to like firm,” Will said.

“I guess I’ll do the same,” Rob answered.

“Are there any parts of your body you’d like to focus on? Any areas you’re not comfortable with your therapist working on?”

“Maybe not my feet. I’m kind of ticklish,” Rob said.

“I’m good wherever.”

“Great, I’ll take you to your therapists.”

Stephan led us into an interesting room, surrounded by water with views open to the outside courtyard. Two men stood at the heads of the massage beds like they were guards. Stephan introduced us to both therapists. One was named Manu, the other was Kai. Both men were shirtless. Defined chests and arms graced them both. Rob looked over at Will with a look of mild panic.

“I will take your robes and make sure you have dry ones when you are finished. Manu and Kai want to start you lying on your front.”

Rob and Will dropped their robes and stood naked next to their tables. Earlier that morning, the men professed their love for each other and talked about many things during the six-hour drive. Rob studied Will’s perfect body, from his strong legs leading to his perfect ass, developed through years of physical activity. Rob smiled when he caught Will’s eye. It was an acknowledgement of Will’s physical body as Kai guided Will to lay on the massage table. Rob loved the sight of Will’s hanging balls from his backside. He looked like Apollo. At one point Will dropped to his elbows, with his ass spread and in position to be fucked. Now Rob was getting a hard-on. Will flattened is body. His ass looked like it was carved from alabaster. Will dropped his face into the cradle. Kai dropped a small towel over Will’s ass. Rob wondered how he’d feel watching another man touch Will all over. It was a hot thought and image that aroused Rob even more.

Manu and Kai got to work starting with their backs and necks. The made small talk with Will and Rob, asking questions about themselves and their relationship, considering this was a couple’s massage. Will started snoring, the cumulative effect of almost seven hours in the Jeep had started to kick in. The masseurs worked their way to their lower backs, removing the small towel covering their buttocks. Rob fought having an erection as Manu worked on his glutes. It wasn’t working and Manu instructed him it would be most comfortable if Rob were to point his cock in the direction of his feet, exposing it to Manu but far easier than crushing his dick with his body weight. Manu massaged Rob’s hamstrings, stroking the muscles upward toward his torso. Manu’s hands massaged the inside of his thighs and brushed his dick and balls slightly, which sent shivers through Rob. Will turned his head to see how Rob was doing, enjoying the massage but horrified at how his body responded.

“You two hold hands,” Kai said.

Will extended his right hand and clasped Rob’s left, immediately calming Rob’s racing mind. Will smiled at Rob, who looked to be struggling and uncomfortable.

“Manu, can you work on Rob in a different spot. This is his first massage.”

“Of course, Rob. You can tell me what you need me to do. Just so you know, men get erections on these tables more often than not. Sometimes the body can’t help itself. Sorry if you are uncomfortable.” Manu said.

“No it feels amazing. I don’t want to make a mess.” Rob said.

“It would not be the first time for that either. But I think you should save that for when you’re with Will.”

Rob froze. Sex was bound to happen. He’d briefly forgotten that their new relationship status was only recent. He looked over and noticed Will gazing at him, their hands still clasped in a bridge between their two tables. Rob’s desire for Will flushed through him like electrical current. What am I doing here? he thought.

“Manu, Kai, do you think we could continue this tomorrow?”

Manu smiled. “We’ll be here at six tomorrow. I think you guys need some time to work things out first. Kai and I will leave you two alone.” The therapists left the room.

“Are you okay?” Will asked. “What’s going on?”

“My body. I need to come. I feel like I’m gonna explode.”

“Follow me. We need to work some things out,” Will smiled.

Will grabbed Rob’s hand and led him back to the locker room. Rob’s cock ached, his erection at a breaking point. Will dropped his robe to the floor and stood naked in front of Rob, who also dropped his robe. Rob nearly leapt into Will’s arms as they kissed hungrily, their hands explored each other’s bodies. Both of them hard as steel as they moved under the rain shower. Will kneaded Rob’s ass and chest as they kissed. Steam enveloped them. Their erections pressed against each of their muscular abdomens. Rob dropped to his knees.

“I’ve never done this before,” Rob said as his mouth engulfed the top half of Will’s uncut cock.

“You’re gonna make me come,” Will groaned.

“Stand up,” Will commanded Rob who obeyed him.

Now Will kneeled before the cock he’d only dreamt about. Will eyed Rob’s meat and took it into his mouth. Rob gasped at what Will was doing to him with his mouth. Will winked at Rob who had to support himself on the tiled shower wall or he’d collapse from the sheer pleasure of what Will did to him. Will pulled Rob out of his mouth and slapped Rob’s cock on his tongue.

“I want you to let loose baby. Enjoy this.” Will throated Rob’s cock with light strokes of his tongue. Precum dribbled out of Rob’s slit. Will could see Rob was close so he swallowed his cock again, actually more engulfed it than swallowed it. Rob’s hands pulled Will’s head closer down his shaft to his pubic hair. Will took it all, his nose grazed Rob’s bush and Will wanted more. Grabbing Rob’s ass, Will pulled himself all the way down and waited. In seconds, Rob let go of a torrent that gushed down Will’s throat. Rob’s body spasmed with jerky movements as Will drank every drop he could and slowly pulled Rob’s cock out of his mouth, gently kissing it sending Rob into shivers.

“Oh my God, what the fuck did you do to me?” Rob breathed heavily like he just finished a one of his track events.

“Get down on your knees again,” Will commanded Rob. “Suck my balls. Lick the inside of my thighs, which Rob obeyed.

“You wanna see what I’ve got stored up for you?

Rob nodded, his tongue swirling Will’s scrotum. “I’ve been saving this a long time for you,” Will pumped his cock before Rob grabbed it.

“I’m doin’ this,” Rob jerked Will’s cock, the sensation of which brought Will to an incredibly strong orgasm. Ropes of his cum covered Rob’s face and landed in his hair. As Rob pumped, he brought Will to a second orgasm.

“Fucking hell. That’s never happened to me.” Will said breathlessly.

“Pull me up,” Rob commanded him as Will’s strong arms complied. The two of them pawing each other as they kissed.

“That was amazing.” Will breathed.

“I think I got you pregnant.” Rob laughed.

“You could have gotten four people pregnant with that load.”

“Let’s go back upstairs,” Rob said, his eyes sleepy.

“Cool, I’ll squeegee the shower tiles and floor to make sure we don’t leave any evidence.”

They entered their room and immediately dropped their robes again and fell naked onto their huge bed.

“I’m gonna order room service,” Will said. “I’ll have it arrive in an hour so we can get a nap in and maybe anything else. I’m already getting a boner again.”

“Sometimes being nineteen has its advantages.”

“I want to do that again very soon,” Will said.

“I have a feeling we will.”

They had been on the road for nearly two hours. Will’s hand still touched Rob’s thigh. He had taken a bit of license to move to his upper thigh, more of an intimate area where he knew Rob had sensitivity.

“Okay if I do this?” Will asked.

“If you want me to crash off the road.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

They hadn’t been as talkative as their previous times in the car, especially extended distances like the one they were currently taking. Another hour passed.

“Is it weird?’ Rob asked.

“No,” Will laughed.

“Then why aren’t we talking?”

“Do we need to?”

Rob shook his head. “No.”

Thirty minutes later, Rob said he needed to stop for a restroom break, and most likely fill up the tank.

“Where is your dream house?” Will asked.

“What?”

“Just answer it. You can say by a mountain, ocean or name a city or place.”

“Mountain,” Rob said.

“Kids yes or no?”

“I think we already talked about this but Yes.”

“How many?” Will asked.

“Three or four.”

“Cat or dog?” Will asked.

“Dog definitely.”

“Dream vacation.” Will asked.

Rob looked at Will. “This one.”

Thirty minutes later, Rob maneuvered the Jeep into another large truck stop, which was quickly becoming their go-to one-stop-shop for gas, food and bathrooms.

“I’ll do the gas,” Will said.

“I’m so stiff from sitting so long,” Rob limped into the building.

After they both used the restroom and filled up the Jeep. Will went to the counter and Rob stood behind him.

“You boys headed somewhere fun?” the cashier asked.

“We’re headed to Santa Fe,” Rob answered.

“You boys enjoy and drive safely. Some crazy people on the road.”

Rob nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

After paying, they walked outside and sat in the front seats of the Jeep.

“Do we look that obvious?” Will asked.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Rob answered.

“You didn’t deny it.”

“Neither did you.”

“I didn’t feel like lying,” Will said.

“Neither did I.” Rob tossed the keys at Will.

“Looks like another three hours to Santa Fe. You good?” Will asked.

“I’m perfect.”

The guys had taken selfies in each state they passed through, including Nebraska. When they crossed over the state line into Colorado, they thought they may have taken a wrong turn, but they were on-course for Santa Fe. Rob placed his hand on Will’s thigh and squeezed the muscle on the inner part of his leg.

“Now I’m gonna wreck the Jeep.”

“Do you mind if I take a quick nap?” Rob asked.

“You? Take a nap? While I’m driving? Who’s gonna make sure I drive right?”

“I guess that’s a no?” Rob clarified. “Oh, and kiss my ass.”

“I plan to later.”

Rob scootched down in his seat and reclined the back of it slightly, crossed his arms and presumably closed his eyes that were hidden by the sunglasses. Will still couldn’t believe it. Rob This beautiful man next to him was in love with him. How could that possibly be true?

After a quick catnap, Rob was back on duty as the navigator. Will followed the signs that took him through Durango then into the northern part of the Southern Ute Indian Reservation and into the indigenous land of the Jicarilla Apache Nation Reservation. Neither of them had a deep understanding of how the reservations came to be and how they operated. Rob read out loud to Will about some of the interesting information.

“It’s almost nine-hundred-thousand acres which is bigger than the country of Luxembourg. That’s in Europe.” Rob read.

“The United States is so massive. It always amazes me.”

“Didn’t you have a soccer tournament in California last year?”

“Yep. In Palm Springs which was very cool to see. Also half of it is owned by an indigenous tribe there. I’ll take you there. It’s not too far from L.A.”

Rob rubbed Will’s bare thigh. They each looked out their own window.

“Are you scared?” Rob asked.

“Terrified.” Will said.

“Because the team will know you’re gay?”

Will shook his head. “Because if this doesn’t work, I don’t know who I am without you.”

Rob didn’t respond for several minutes. “Then let’s not screw it up.”

“I won’t if you won’t,” Will smiled.

Several minutes passed as each man looked out of their window.

“I keep thinking we’re idiots,” Rob said out of the blue.

“Why?” Will smiles.

“Because we’re acting like this is forever.”

“Maybe it is,” Will said.

Rob sighed. “Nineteen-year-olds don’t get forevers.”

“Maybe most don’t. Plus, somebody has to be the couple that proves everybody wrong” Will smiled.

“I love your stubbornly optimistic and competitive spirit.”

“Like you don’t have it?”

“Not with things that terrify me,” Rob said.

“Rob, I want you to promise me something. If we ever stop choosing each other, don’t stay because you’re afraid. Choose me because you want to. Every day.”

“That is so sweet. You’re so smart, Will”

“My papa taught me that.”

“I hope we fare better than your papa and his man.”

“I’ll do my best but no promises.”

They both chuckled. Will looked to the sky “Sorry Papa.”

“I think he’d be proud of you today, despite his son’s dark sense of humor.”

“Who do you think taught it to me?”

A dirt bike awakened Will. The loud but unmistakable roar from a motorcycle buzzed by our tent like a swarm of bees. He checked his watch and it was only seven.

“What the hell do people think? Will thought. He rolled over to find the sleeping bag where Rob normally slept was empty. The obnoxious motorcycle and not seeing Rob as a counterbalance put him into a cranky mood

Jus then, Rob crawled through the tent flap on his hands and knees.

“This place has an awesome bathroom and great showers. It’s like a hotel.”

Rob slid inside the tent, shirtless and wearing only his shorts. He lay on his side, head elevated by his bent arm and hand. Sweat dripped down his pectorals. The hair between his pecs slicked. Will couldn’t torture himself to look at Rob’s treasure trail.

“Streaking around the campground?”

“I earned twenty bucks!”

“I would have paid you fifty, but too late! Seriously what were you doing?

“This place is like a hotel, Will. I was able to take a shit in a private bathroom. With plumbing! I didn’t have to hold my breath. There’s also a private shower. I was in there for thirty minutes.”

“I’m afraid to ask what you were doing in there,” Will laughed.

“It’s the simple pleasures. What should we do today? Rob asked.

“Can we see Arches? That’s on my bucket list.”

“Canyonland, too?”

“Hey, it’s our itinerary. Let’s do those parks today and then we can drive to Santa Fe tomorrow so we can be there for my birthday. It’s about a six-hour drive from here.”

“Cool.” Rob appeared distracted.

“What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Unless you want to go find Trent and do something with him, I mean.”

“Who’s Trent?”

“That waiter last night. The one who was flirting with you.”

“The guy at Ponchos?”

Rob nodded.

“How do you know his name was Trent?”

“Name tag. He seemed to really like you.”

“Really? Huh, I didn’t notice.” Will lied.

“He probably wanted to have your babies,” Rob laughed.

“Whoa…man you ran through twenty years and have us married off already!”

“You two looked handsome together. He seemed nice. Funny, handsome, nice body from what I could tell. All the things that you like about a guy. Not sure about the cock.”

“Deals off then,” I laughed. “Are you trying to set me up with him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?”

“No need. I’m content.” Will assured him.

Rob’s eyes downcast. “I just thought…”

“Let’s get outta here. We can grab some breakfast and then head to the parks. Sound good?”

The road to Arches was less than thirty minutes from Moab. They stopped at a convenience store and bought several bottles of water, a Styrofoam cooler, ice and a bunch of power bars. Rob drove the Jeep through the red canyons and rock outcroppings.

“You okay?” Will asked.

Rob nodded. “Yeah.”

“Thank you for thinking about me. You know, with Trent. I appreciate it and he was everything I said I looked for. Someone closer to L.A. would be better.”

Rob nodded again. “Sure. No problem.”

Will sensed tension between them. He glanced at Rob. Making sure he was okay but knowing he wasn’t. Rob’s leg tapped rapidly. Will instinctively reached for his leg and placed his hand on his thigh. Rob’s tapping stopped.

“Thanks,” he took a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly.

“Are you feeling anxious?” Will asked.

Rob nodded. “Yeah. Kinda.”

“Okay. Let me know if I can…”

“You get me the perfect coffee every morning. Oat milk latte with one sugar. How do you always remember shit like that?”

“I just do. I remember a lot about you.”

Rob smiled faintly. “I know. Nobody else does.”

“Not yet. But someone will.”

“Damnit Will. I don’t want anyone else to. Stop pushing me away.”

Will’s mouth hung open. “I’m not pushing you away. I just meant…”

“I know what you meant…I just don’t need you pushing me to some girl.”

“Like you pushed me toward Trent?”

“He did give you extra salsa though.” Rob said.

“The universal sign of love…”

“I’m in a bad mood today.”

“I can see that. Did I not get enough oat milk today?” Will said.

“Fuck you.” Rob laughed and Will joined him. “Sorry Will.”

Rob drove toward the Arches ticket gate. Will ran to get the park passes while Rob searched for a parking spot. Once he found one, he began loading up their backpacks with large bottles of water. An odd silence hung between them. Will remained quiet but was surprised by Rob’s reaction. Maybe they were getting on each other’s nerves after nearly two weeks together or Rob was becoming understandably stressed about his own future. Talk of their futures seemed to agitate rather than soothe their situation.

Rob stopped Will at the entrance to the trail.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you. I don’t know why I did that.”

“It’s our second fight. Now we’re even. Let’s just enjoy the day, okay?” Will suggested.

The two men stepped into the magic of mazes carved from solid red stone over millions of years. After disorienting themselves with multiple turns and switchbacks, they emerged onto a wide plateau. Will and Rob stood on the rim of a wide stone bowl that extended for miles.

“Holy crap, look at that, Will.” Rob pointed to Delicate Arch, the most well-known and photographed arches in the entire park.

“It looks fake, like a movie set,” Will replied. I can’t believe it.

The two men hiked to get as close to the arch as possible. It did look delicate on one level, and eternally strong on another. Winds had whipped through the area for eons, carving the red sandstone grain by grain.

“The brochure said it used to be under water, like this whole area used to be a salty inland sea,” Rob read.

“It’s really amazing to see these in person. Way bigger than I thought it would be,”

“It says in the brochure that we need to see sunset at Canyonlands.”

“How far away is that?”

“Like forty minutes,” Rob said.

“Let’s head over there in a couple of hours. There are a bunch more arches we can see then head out.”

The mood had lightened somewhat since the morning’s edginess. Rob and Will saw multiple arches throughout the park. Some were long, some were tall. There was a double arch and multiple smaller ones. Each one had its own story, was unique and somehow turned the powerful forces of nature into something of wonder.

“What are you thinking about?” Will asked Rob.

“I feel so insignificant. But I mean that in a positive way. The power of Mother Nature blows my mind. Makes my challenges seem like nothing.”

“They’re not nothing, Rob. But with time, force, consistency, amazing things can happen. They do happen. We’re no different.”

Hours passed hiking and climbing to witness the vistas around the park. Will noticed that Rob had been oddly pensive and quieter than normal. He had seemed lost in the beauty of this park, which wasn’t difficult. When they started to pack up for watching the sunset at Canyonlands, Rob resisted.

“Can we just stay here to watch the sunset?”

“Sure. Of course we can.”

“I feel very drawn to this place, Will. The energy is so strong here. I don’t want to leave.”

“We’ll eventually have to.” Will smiled.

Rob didn’t acknowledge his comment. “I want to go back to delicate arch.”

“Okay. Let’s go back.”

Will drove the Jeep back to their first stop near delicate arch. They parked, got some water and hiked a mile and a half back toward the ledge facing west, the arch soaring in the distance. Already the sky had started to explode with colors impossible to describe. Rob spread out some towels so they could sit. Their legs dangled over a small cliff. They watched the fireball lower itself toward the horizon. In ten minutes, it would be gone.

“Hey guys, can we bother you?” A female voice with a unique accent came from behind them.

Will turned to find two older women behind them, probably in their sixties, holding hands. Turquoise jewelry gilded their necks and ears. It looked beautiful against their tan skin and white hair.

“Would you blokes mind taking a picture of us?”

“Of course not,” Rob jumped to his feet and posed them with their backs toward the sunset.

“Can we take one of you both?” One of the women asked.

Rob and Will returned to where they had been sitting as they watched the last few rays of the setting sun.

“Okay, now look at each other,” The other woman commanded while her friend snapped several pictures of us.

“You are two handsome lads. I’m Judy and this is my girlfriend, Dahla.”

“Hi, Judi and Darla, I’m Rob and this is Will. Where is your accent from?”

“ ‘stralia. I’m from Melbun and Dahla is from Perth, but now we live together in Adelaide.”

Will nodded, not sure he understood everything

“You guys mind if we can catch the sunset here with you tonight?”

“Of course not.”

Darla and Judi spread out a blanket. Darla looked a bit older than Judi, but both women were remarkably limber for their ages.

“Where are you both from?” Judi asked.

“Minneapolis. That’s in Minnesota.” Rob answered.

“Oh we know where that is. We’ve flown through there before,” Darla said. “Judi and I have been together for thirty years,”

“Thirty-two, Dahla,” Judi reminded her.

“How about you boys? How long?” Judi asked both of them.

Rob froze and Will chuckled. “Oh, we’re not together in that way. We’re just friends for a long time.” Will answered.

“Oh, my apologies guys. You look like a couple. We just assumed…”

“You guys looked romantic in your picture,” Darla said. “Take a look.”

Will scrolled through his pictures and he found the photo of Rob and him the ladies had taken. Rob was the first to notice.

“Our hands are touching,” Rob said.

“Yeah, they are. I didn’t realize that.”

Judi and Darla sat on the cliff ledge to watch the final few minutes of the sunset. They held hands and Darla put her head on Judi’s shoulder. The four of them watched in awe as another day came to a close. Will noticed a tear rolling down Rob’s cheek, before Rob wiped it away.

“That was just amazing,” Judi said. “Thanks for letting us sit with you. Sunsets are important to Dahla and me. She had cancer a decade ago and we promised each other that we would travel to places we’ve always wanted to see and watch a sunset.”

“Grab life by the horns, guys. Life is short and you want to share it with the right person. Whomever you both end up with, make sure that person is someone who is happy to see you every day. Someone you can laugh with, share the good and bad times with. Judi is my best friend.” Darla said.

“A lot of us lesbians end up with our best friend, which is why Dahla and I have made it so long without killing each other,” Judi laughed.

“Not yet, at least.”

Well boys, the park is going to close soon, so we best be going. Take care of each other. We only get one life, so spend it with the people who matter most.”

Judi helped Darla to her feet and they wiped the sand off their pants before heading to the car. They both turned and waved before disappearing over a hill, still pink from the sunset. Will flipped through his phone and saw the photo the women took.

“We are touching hands,” Will said.

“Maybe Dahla and Judi are like spirits who just appeared then disappeared,” Rob said in his best fake Australian accent. We both laughed.

Rob helped Will to his feet as they got ready to head to the car.

“Rob, what were you crying about earlier during the sunset?” Will asked.

“I was just…overwhelmed. The beauty, being here with you. I felt a moment of happiness and then a moment of terror it would all go away.”

Will took out his phone and scrolled to the photo of them. “We are connected, Rob. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ve got all these things going through my head.”

“I’m your best friend, Rob. You can tell me anything.”

“I need to get my thoughts into words. That’s all. We have a long drive tomorrow. Can you send me a copy of that photo?” Rob said, tears rolled down both cheeks.

Will wiped them from Rob’s face. It was an intimate gesture, Rob’s surprised face showed he realized.

“Let’s get some sleep.”

Exerpt from Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12 – Moab

Morning crept through the sheer curtains. Both of us had stripped off our clothes during the night as we pawed each other with post-fight sexual energy. I was on my stomach, my ass covered by Rob’s muscled leg that he had kicked over me while sleeping on his side. Sheets lay in disarray, wrapped around limbs or scattered on the floor. Rob made me come four times which I hadn’t thought was possible, but it happened. The fourth time I shot very little but convulsed with an intense orgasm so strong it left me light-headed. It was still early morning. My stomach growled with hunger and a reminder of the emptiness I’d felt hours ago. The feeling that I’d fucked up and ruined everything. Rob slept peacefully so I didn’t move a muscle, more appreciative than ever that he used me as a full-body pillow.

I must have drifted into sleep because I awakened to the most intense sensations. Still on my stomach, my legs were spread wide and I couldn’t see Rob anywhere. My cock was hard as a rock and pointing downward now. The angle felt like my dick was huge, engorged by its new position. A tongue dragged from the head to my balls, sending shivers of intensity through me. Rob swirled each ball with his tongue and gently sucked at my scrotum. The fact that I couldn’t see him made it so hot, especially in this position of vulnerability. My cock was then engulfed fully by a warm mouth sending more shockwaves through my body.

Now it wasn’t just a mouth, I felt his face, his nose poked into my ass cheeks. Silken hair brushed my inner thighs. Hands massaged the muscles in my ass. I began to buck my hips. My cock was stretched further as it continued to be swallowed, the angle of it driving up the intensity. The sensations were super-intense. Something about being captive and dominated. Pleasure only focused on me felt selfish but amazing. A fantasy crossed into the picture that I brushed away, but not for long. Was this really Rob? Maybe it was that cute front-desk kid we’d both seen. The one who looked mid-twenties and had a European accent. Did Rob go out for coffee and now this guy held me captive?

Orgasm blasted come out of me and into a warm mouth. I gripped the pillow and buried my face into it as my hips bucked against the mattrass. The pillow muffled my sound so hopefully the neighboring room didn’t hear it and think the person next store was being murdered. Fingers stroked my ass muscles, down my hamstrings and calves, finishing at the soles of my feet.

Rob’s handsome face appeared on the pillow next to me.

“That was fucking hot, Will. I’ve never seen you lose control like that.”

I continued to pant like I’d just run a mile. Out of breath. Dizzy.

“What did you do to me?”

“Obviously something I’ll have to do again,” Rob said.

“For sure.”

“See what giving up control can feel like?”

“Jesus, yes. It was hot to feel under your control,” I said.

“What was going through your mind? Any fantasies?”

It was a question I knew he’d ask me. “It was like I wasn’t sure if it was you doing that or someone else. I imagined being tied down so you could do whatever you wanted to me.”

“I’m gonna buy bed restraints then. Give you the full-on fantasy.”

“I want it to be you,” I said. “That’s what made it so hot.”

“It was hot seeing my boyfriend so turned on.”

The two of us moved to the shower where I devoured Rob’s cock as I fingered the outside of his asshole as I was soaping him up. Rob gasped since it was unexpected and told me to keep playing with it. When I stuck the tip of my finger inside, he came in a torrent similar to what I had experienced. As steam swirled through the shower stall, the two of us slid to the floor and kissed with the memories of the last twenty-four hours. There was something sexy knowing we could make it through a fight and still be animals in bed the next morning.

We ate a free breakfast from the hotel, filled up on coffee and loaded up the Jeep for the next part of our trip west. Leaving Aspen, we decided to take a photo of us wading in a lake. Rob said he wanted to capture the moment as a reminder that if we fight, we must make up. We used the timer to take a picture of us facing the water. Rob said he wanted it to show off our asses, which it did. We then jumped back into the Jeep. I drove this time, either a peace offering from Rob or he was too tired from the lack of sleep we got. I pulled out onto Interstate 70 heading west and watched the high peaks of the Rockies fade into the background. The mountains became smaller mountains, then foothills as we headed toward Grand Junction, the last major city in Colorado before Utah.

“The front-desk guy said we need to do two things in Moab. Mountain biking and watching the sunset from Arches National Park,” I said.

“The hot guy with the great ass?” Rob asked.

I burst out a laugh, shocked that Rob said that out loud. “That’s the one.”

“I talked to him last night after my walk. His name is Dakota, which is a cool name.”

“What did you guys talk about?” I asked. Jealousy creeped in. Familiar anxiety and fears of inadequacy clung to me like a drowning swimmer.

“Not much. He asked about you. I told him you were my boyfriend and we had a fight. But I told him I loved you more than anything,” Rob said.

Anxiety knob dialed down a bit. “What did he say to that?”

“He said we’re young and we shouldn’t limit ourselves, meet new people. He did that when he was our age and he told me he regrets it.”

A chill came over me. A detractor was already at work picking the bones of our relationship like a scavenger. It made me furious and scared.

“Do you think he is gay?” I asked.

Rob shot me annoyed face. “He said he wasn’t after I fucked him.”

Another snort laugh. “Jesus you’re on a roll.”

“I think he was straight but lonely. Maybe he was feeling us out,” Rob said.

“For what?”

“I don’t know, like fooling around, three-way stuff maybe.”

My cock stiffened at the thought of Rob, Dakota and me doing nasty things to each other.

“Did he ask you that?”

“No, but I knew you found him hot so I’m stoking your fantasies. I made all of that up other than his name actually is Dakota.”

“You are such a mean boyfriend,” I glared at him, then smiled. “I’m way too selfish to share you with anybody.”

“Same. But it’s a hot fantasy we can remember.”

“You took my heart to a new level,” I said. While Rob went down on me, I fantasized about sex that included Dakota, Rob and me. Just the thought gave me one of the strongest orgasms I’d had in my life, but I wasn’t interested in making that happen in reality.

“You’re an elite athlete. Your heart needs to be pushed to extremes.”

“Pike’s Peak gave me extremes so maybe not as strong as I thought,” I said.

I realized then how much I assumed Rob would always be there. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate him, because I did. He was the only person I thought about when I woke up and before I fell asleep. Rob was my dream man. I wanted to rip his clothes off and do things with him sexually for hours. I dreamt of these things regularly. Thoughts about us as old men, having a family and living together for the rest of our lives were part of the future we would make reality. When Rob walked out after our fight, my anger boiled, then simmered. As the hours passed, I got sad and then scared. Then the worst was when I felt anxiety, more like panic that things between us had been damaged beyond repair. I’d selfishly assumed that I held control and Rob was there for the ride, until he got fed up. He showed me that he had limits, that he has a heart that can break, too.

“Can we stop at the next exit? I need the bathroom and something to drink,” Rob asked.

“We’re almost in Utah. There should be something after we cross, okay?”

Rob nodded and smiled. He stretched his left arm and cupped my kneecap, stroking my thigh with affectionate fingertips. Relief overwhelmed me. He had been reading his book, which was something that turned me on. My hot little book nerd who became an animal when we had sex and I loved learning this side of him.

His muscled wrestler’s legs emerging from black running shorts turned me on. Rob’s bulge was visible and prominent. A dingy white tank top clung to his muscular chest and back. Our clothes definitely needed some washing. His beautiful eyes obscured by dark sunglasses and his wavy glossy black hair that contrasted his angular face. Rob was an adonis. My adonis. He was perfect. I couldn’t fuck this up again.

“I’m sorry I took you for granted, Robbie. I promise to do better.”

Rob’s eyes softened. “Thank you. The thought of you being sick, injured, I just…I’d never seen you like that.”

“Weak?”

“Vulnerable.” His eyes bore into me. “Breakable. It rattled me, you know?”

I processed the depth of Rob’s emotions. He had been rattled. So had I but for different reasons. “I know.”

We drove across the border heading toward Moab. Utah spread before us like an unending landscape from another planet. The highway cut through towering red rocks and sweeping valleys that seemed to extend into infinity. From a distance, it appeared no life could possibly exist here. No water. The few trees visible grew stunted and gnarled. Too parched to grow but stubborn like they had something prove by surviving.

“Probably what Mars looks like.” Rob said as we pulled into a dusty gas station with a convenience store attached.

“I’ll fill up since we stopped anyway. I’ll go when you’re done.” Rob jogged toward the restroom inside the little shop. A bell clanged announced his entrance.

The gas pump looked like it came from another era. Heavy and industrial, it was temperamental and took some time for me to figure out how it worked A large pickup truck pulled up, the cloud of red dust it kicked up gently fell to the ground and dissipated. An older guy, I’d guess was in his fifties stepped down from his extended-cab pickup with chunky all-terrain tires. A black cowboy hat made him look both intimidating and attractive. He confidently strode toward me, his eyes covered by mirrored sunglasses. The first thing I noticed were his jeans, faded, packed and tight.

“Hey,” he said to me, tipping his cowboy hat.

“Hey,” I replied, not sure what else to say.

“Haven’t seen you around before.”

“First time. Heading to Moab.”

“You an athlete?” he asked. “Look like one.”

“Soccer.” I wondered if it was normal to have conversations at the gas pump in Utah. The bell on the door rang as Rob, his arms laden with snacks and water, returned to the Jeep.

“Oh, didn’t know you had a…companion.”

“Yeah. We’re traveling to California.”

“Hey, I’m Rob,” he introduced himself from the other side of our Jeep.

“Cam.” He sized both of us up.

Rob reached for the pump “I’ll finish pumping. You go to the john.”

I kicked up dust walking toward the shop Rob had just exited. I was able to glance back at Rob, who was more engaged talking with Cam than I had been. Cam actually smiled and removed his mirrored sunglasses. A twinge of fear gripped my chest. Mild but unmistakable. It looked like Cam was hitting on Rob, which was my jealous mind at work.

When I exited the shop both our Jeep and Cam’s truck were no longer at the pumps. That same feeling in my chest, this time deeper. Abandonment. Had Cam run off with Rob? My head puzzled together vivid stories of what was possibly going on. Then I spotted Cam and Rob sitting on the edge of Cam’s pickup truck bed, smiling and chatting. Rob looked so sexy talking to this older hot man.

“Hey, I thought you took off without me,” I laughed as if it were a joke, but I actually wondered if he and Cam left without me. My stability with Rob was still wobbly from our fight. The sex relieved the physical tension, but the emotions were still on high-alert.

“Cam owns a cattle ranch nearby. He was telling me things to see around Moab,” Rob said.

Of course he’s an actual cowboy. A hot cowboy, I thought. “Cool, we’re gonna rent mountain bikes and ride around town, maybe head into the mountains.”

“Moab’s nice, but it’s the parks around it you gotta see. Arches and Canyonlands are epic.”

“Cool, great idea Cam.” Rob sounded like he’d known Cam for weeks.

“Well boys, I gotta get back to the cattle. I’m the cattle daddy of Eastern Utah,” Cam laughed. “You boys be careful out here.” Cam winked at us.

“Should we be worried?” I asked. My mouth dry as the sand we stood upon.

“You should pay attention to your surroundings is all I’m sayin’. People here, most are good. Some are nuts like they think they’re better than Jesus himself. My man and me been together almost thirty years. People didn’t like us at the beginning. All sorts of shit happened. We stood our ground. We have as much right to be here as anyone else. People eventually accepted us.”

“How did you know we were..?”

“Only an idiot can’t see it in my opinion. Two handsome boys, obviously in love, comfortable. Probably just had a fight and now you’re in make up phase. Am I readin’ it right?”

“Yeah. You read it right.” Rob paused. “This is my boyfriend, Will.”

Cam tipped his hat acknowledging the formal introduction. “And whatever your fight was about, don’t matter. Makin up and choosin’ each other every day is what’s important. Matt and me, man we fought about some stupid shit over thirty years, but here we are. Well, me. Matt’s home.”

“Does he work on the ranch, too?” I asked.

Cam laughed. “Nah, we’d kill each other if we worked together. We’re both alpha-type gotta be in charge guys. The ranch is my domain. Matt works in the movie industry, spends time in Hollywood and shit. I love that man but want no part of living in Hollywood, even though we have a house there. I go a couple of times a year and can’t wait to get back home.”

“LA is a long commute,” Rob commented.

“Yeah, but we got a plane so it’s only an hour.” I glanced sideways at Rob. A plane?

“Here’s my email and cell phone. Give me a call if you’re ever in LA.”

“That’s actually where we are headed. Will starts at UCLA in two months,” Rob said.

“Ah now the soccer makes sense. They got an excellent soccer program. You may get to the World Cup one of these days, so I’ll watch some of the games.”

“Haha. I’ll be lucky if I get off the bench my first two years on the team. But thanks for the card. I’ll be there starting middle of August. Rob’s still thinking about it.”

“I’m staying with Will.”

“Two goddamn handsome young men in L.A. Probably good you stick together. Help keep each other’s head on straight. What do you plan to do Rob?”

“Not sure, but I thought I’d take some acting classes at UCLA and maybe get into the industry. People told me I could model. I’ll figure something out.”

“Let me give you some advice. Use what ya’ got, looks, brains, whatever. Work hard and don’t sleep with nobody for godsakes to get a role. Just makes you look cheap and desperate. Talent always wins so focus on that.”

“I’m with Will, so no interest in doing that,” Rob said. “I’d rather wait tables.”

“Good. Good character you got there Rob,” Cam said.

Cam checked his watch. “Sorry but I gotta run boys. Nice to meet ya. Stay in touch.”

Dust billowed as Cam sped out of the parking lot. Another gay guy connection where we’d never expect to meet one. I calculated he was in his fifties based upon the time he and Matt had been together.

Rob and I got back on the road and headed toward Moab with Rob at the wheel.

“Cam was hot for an older guy,” I said.

Rob gave me the side-eye. “I was counting the minutes until you mentioned that but yes, he was pretty hot. Cowboy fantasy come to life.”

“I have an appreciation for hot men, what can I say? I’m with one right now who I can’t wait to jump when we get in the tent.”

“You are like that toy bunny who has batteries that never die. But the sex version.”

“Most guys would be happy to have a boyfriend want them all the time,” I said.

“As long as it’s with me, I’m happy!” Rob said.

“It is Robbie, only with you. I waited eighteen years to lose my virginity and I’m glad it was with you.”

“Aren’t we still virgins since we haven’t had insertion sex?” Rob asked.

“You inserted your cock into my mouth and blew a load down my throat. To me that’s insertion. You inside of me. Doesn’t matter which hole,” I said.

“Stop it, I’m getting a boner,” Rob said.

“We can try the other hole when you want,” I said.

“Don’t make it sound so romantic,” Rob said sarcastically.

“Seriously, do you want to fuck?” I stroked my fingertips up Rob’s inner thigh.

“Yeah. Eventually. I need to read about how to do it.”

A laugh burst out of me. “I think we can figure it out without a book.”

“By the way, I thought Cam was hot, too,” Rob said.

“You little whore.” I tried to look serious.

We both burst out laughing. Rob had to pull off to the side of the road since he almost lost control of the Jeep. My timing was perfect. We both smiled and held hands as Rob drove.

“God, you’re so fucked up,” Rob laughed.

“And you love it,” I said.

“True. Let’s find a place to set up the tent so we can go back to making up from our fight.”

The drive to Aspen was nothing I had expected. Rob insisted on driving so all I could do was stare at the Rockies, but even then I was antsy so I kept playing with Rob’s dick just to annoy him. I rubbed the outside of his shorts, get him hard and visibly breathing deeply. One thing I noticed about Rob was that his nipples got erect more or less when his dick was hard. It was only the two of us on the road. Very rarely did we see anyone who would notice anything amiss going on with these two young men. We drove through high pastures with bright green fields of young crops I couldn’t identify.

“Jesus Christ, Will, let’s just pull off the road and get this taken care of. I’m about to explode in my shorts,” Rob said.

“You have to say please,” I said.

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe sometime but not today.”

“God, you’re an asshole sometimes.”

Rob took a detour down what appeared to be an old dirt road leading to a wooded area that was not visible from the highway. After about a mile, he stopped the Jeep and pulled down his shorts, revealing his erection that was ready to go. I played with the head and milked some of the pre-cum from it, covering my thumb and forefinger and licking it off. Rob pulled off his tee-shirt, grabbed my face and kissed me with energy I hadn’t seen from him. He guided my head to his nipples which I kissed and bit lightly. I decided to try something new. Instead of sucking his cock, I went for his balls and licked them until they were wet. Rob’s crotch smelled like him. I continued licking him until he couldn’t take it anymore. I watched the show this time as Rob erupted in orgasm, shooting an impressive load all over his body and my face. His breath began to slow as I tortured him by taking his deflating cock into my mouth, eventually bringing him to another wave of orgasms.

“Jesus that never happened to me before,” he said panting, almost in disbelief his body could react like that.

“Glad I could be here,” I said as I jerked myself off, which he interrupted with his own hand. Rob’s touch instantly set me off and I was coming all over myself and him within seconds.

Once again, we sat dripping in our semen, half naked and breathing heavily.

“How come you always make me come first,” Rob said.

“I love to see you lose control and shoot your load. Watching you is what gets me off. I’m balancing on the edge. Then you touch me and I explode. It’s super intense.”

Rob reached back to his backpack and pulled out a clean tee-shirt, his current one glazed from our second session for the day. “We’re gonna need to find a laundromat soon. I’m running out of clothes.”

“Or we just stop having sex.”

“Um, sure that’s a great idea,” Rob said sarcastically. “How about no fucking way.”

“How far until we get to Aspen?” I asked.

Rob pulled out his map and showed route ahead that snaked through the mountains. Same two-lane highway, so hopefully no recreational vehicles decided on this same route.

“I can drive,” I offered.

“You drove all the way to Colorado. I can handle another hour,” Rob replied.

“Seriously, I’m fine.”

“Can you please just listen to me, Will? It’s only another hour. Enjoy the ride.”

Rob gunned the Jeep back onto the highway. About twenty minutes later we stopped for gas in Buena Vista. Massive mountains towered ahead. Perfect snowcaps crested angled slopes that reminded me of a movie set. I pumped gas while Rob went to use the restroom and clean up the best he could. He came back out with a bag of pretzels and two soft-drinks, a luxury we hadn’t yet indulged on our low-budget trip.

“The guy in there said those mountains are taller than Pike’s Peak. They’re called The Collegiates.”

“Cool name. Kind of appropriate.”

“The guy also said there are some hot springs about fifteen miles up the road. He recommended them. Said it’s super cheap.”

“Good, we can take a bath for reasons only we shall know.”

“Exactly what I was thinking. Let’s go.”

About twenty minutes later, Rob and I slipped on our swimsuits in the parking lot, discreetly doing so with a towel wrapped around their waist. We approached the entry desk and each paid two dollars for entry into the baths.

“Use only the ones with a sign that say you can use them. Some of the other pools will boil you alive. One of them is acidic and will leave no trace of yuz. You can spend all day, suit yerself. We close at five. No funny stuff either,” A crusty man wearing a cowboy had said, a cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Funny stuff?” Rob asked.

The man sighed and looked frustrated. “I’m just sayin. Nothing against folks like you, I tell all young men and women the same thing. Nothing personal. Kids here with their folks sometimes. That’s all I’m telling ya,” the man explained.

I nodded. “Understood, sir.”

“Here, take these robes to use. On the house. Return ‘em when yer done.”

“Thank you, sir,” Rob said.

“Not many young folk as respectful like you. Where ya from?”

“Minnesota,” Rob said.

“Cold up there. Thanks for bein’ polite. Yer parents done a good job. Enjoy the springs.”

Rob and I nodded and smiled. The man tipped his hat as we climbed through the boulders to find our assigned hot spring. Steam rose from the surface of the placid surface. We looked at each other for direction on what to do.

“I guess we just get in?” I asked.

“My first time at one of these but makes sense. I hope that guy gave us the right pool and not the acidic one that dissolves us.”

“Or boils us alive,” I laughed.

“You go first,” Rob said. “I’m the younger, innocent one.”

“In a couple of days I will be one year older than you, at least in age. Fine, I’ll risk my life for a child.”

“Fuck you,” Rob laughed.

Wearing flip-flops, my toes inched into the water. “Shit, I think we got the boiling one.”

“The thermometer says it’s a-hundred-and-five,” Rob read.

“Fuck that’s hot but my feet are getting used to it.”

Rob followed my lead but quickly waded past his knees before confidently leaning back against the pool’s rock ledge. His beautiful chest flushed pink.

“You okay?”

“My balls are now hard-boiled eggs, but otherwise fine,” Rob laughed. I followed him and quickly dunked myself into the hot water before sliding next to him and kissed lips.

“No funny stuff,” Rob smiled.

“This is funny stuff,” I slipped my hand beneath his shorts and cupped his dick and balls.

“Don’t make me come in a cauldron, please.” Rob laughed.

We sat back to relax, something I wasn’t very good at since I was a ball of energy most of the time. The quietness surrounded us. We spoke little, but when we did we whispered. Rob and I held hands beneath the water. Since this trip began, I recognized how often we touched now. After years of forcing myself to not do that, now it was all I wanted to do. Part of it was because I loved him so much. Part of it was I was so happy he chose me. But there was a little part where I felt that physical connection helped me feel like I wasn’t alone. He was someone by my side. A partner.

“Are you asleep?” I asked Rob.

“No.”

“You looked asleep.”

Silence.

“Everything okay, Rob?”

“I’m processing some things.”

“Like what?”

“Not sure. A lot happened in Colorado Springs. First chance I’ve had a minute to think about it.”

“I’m fine. Pete and Drew were there to help.”

Silence from Rob.

We sat there for another twenty minutes until Rob pulled himself out of the hot water. “I’m ready to go. Want to get through the mountains before dark.

“It’s summer, that won’t be for another five hours,” I reminded him.

“I’ll see you in the Jeep.”

I took that as my cue that Rob wanted to leave, so I threw on the complimentary robe to dry off and walked back toward the front. Rob was sitting in the Jeep. His head back and wearing sunglasses.

“Thanks for the robes,” I said to the guy who checked us in.

He nodded. “You boys be safe.”

I approached Rob. He hung his tee shirt and bathing suit over the rollbar to dry. I guessed that Rob washed his shirt in the hot spring, its water cleaning off evidence of our off-road sex and washing it away with the current.

“You want me to drive now?”

“I’m fine, Will. You rest,” Rob said a bit more cold than usual. He turned on the ignition. The Jeep’s thick tire tread spun on the sand and gravel before catching grip and engaging with the highway’s asphalt.

The mountains ahead of us loomed. Their secrets held in dark valleys and winding switchbacks. Crossing over or through them looked impossible from my vantage point. I couldn’t tell from the roadmap whether we cut through a valley or actually climbed the mountains. Not too far later, I got the beginning of my answer. The highway thus far had been two lanes – one lane in each direction. After we passed a sign for Independence Pass, the road began to narrow. Suddenly I saw the road begin to rise as we entered the mountains which evolved from rolling hills to more substantial foothills. Towering peaks flanked the west side of the highway, some of their peaks shrouded in clouds. Leafy trees I would later learn were Aspens, lined each side of the road like the entrance to a coliseum or cathedral.

“These mountains are beautiful, Rob! Can we stop?”

“Independence Pass is ahead. The road gets pretty narrow so there are rules where cars can park. Things will get pretty winding so keep your eyes ahead so you don’t get carsick,” Rob answered.

“I’m gonna come back someday and climb some of these mountains. Wouldn’t that be awesome?”

“Not really,” Rob answered a bit too quickly.

Will laughed. “Are you afraid of heights?”

“You know that I am not,” Rob said.

The Jeep continued to climb. We removed the top so we got an amazing view of the rivers below that cut through the valley. Ahead I saw the road rise more sharply.

“Here we go,” Rob said.

We climbed and we climbed and we climbed. Switchbacks twisted like drunken paperclips. Rob balanced keeping up with traffic with not plummeting off a cliff. When we hit ten-thousand-feet, the Jeep began to sputter a bit and lose speed.

“Why are we slowing down?”

“The Jeep is struggling a bit. The guy at the gas station warned me. It’s pretty normal but jarring at first. Everyone is slowing down ahead. It’s not just us.”

“Thin air I guess. Lower oxygen affects combustion and fuel efficiency. Keep an eye on the temperature gauge. The engine’s working hard and might overheat.”

“See? Altitude affects more than just Will Westen,” Rob said.

“I can feel it’s harder to breathe. We just passed the eleven-thousand-feet marker. Independence Pass is a mile ahead.”

“Cool, I’ll stop there so we can stretch our legs. No exerting yourself Will.”

“Okay mom,” I joked.

Rob didn’t laugh. “Here’s Independence Pass. I’ll park.”

We leapt out of the Jeep and ran toward some large boulders that looked like a giant had dropped them. Snow lay in patches. Still at least a foot deep in late June. We stood in front of an Independence Pass sign as a backdrop and took selfies before an older woman offered to take the picture for us.

“Let’s go over there,” Rob pointed toward a promontory that hung over a canyon.

We approached the cliff. Tourists stood in poses, some dangerously close to the edge since there was no safety rail. I turned my back and walked back toward the car so I didn’t accidentally witness someone fall to their death. Wind gusts rose from the valley with warm air compared to what we had at twelve-thousand-feet.

“I’m gonna go sit in the Jeep,” I called out to Rob. The thin air straining my lungs. I needed to take a quick rest.

Rob came to check on me, his hand draped protectively over my shoulder.

“Tell me how you feel,” he said.

“I feel fine. I’m ready to go if you are.”

“Cool, I’ll drive,” I said.

“I will drive us to Aspen,” Rob declared.

“I’m fine, why are you treating me like an invalid?” I asked.

“You collapsed on Pike’s Peak two days ago, that’s why.”

“Rob, I’m fine.”’

“You were unconscious and sick. I was scared.” Rob said.

“I’m fine now so stop treating me like I’m sick.”

“Either way, I’m driving,” Rob said before guiding the Jeep back onto the road.

Going down the mountain was a lot scarier than driving up. The Jeep’s tires hugged the side of the road. From my passenger seat, inches stood between the side of the road and a one-mile drop should Rob sneeze or swat a fly. Anxiety tightened my chest, affecting my breathing further. And I could tell Rob was mad at me for something, so I decided to close my eyes and sit back as Rob navigated through hairpin turns at high-speed. I placed my hand on his leg. It was a peace offering or salve to his nerves of whatever was bothering him. He didn’t move my hand away.

As we descended, the road widened a bit, which I found ironic that the narrowest part of the road was used for the most treacherous part of the drive. Maybe throwing in an ice storm or hurricane-force winds would have upped the ante. Rob remained silent. My hand still rested on his beefy right leg. I nervously squeezed his thigh which seemed to calm him.

“If we ever run out of food and you die, I’ll eat this beautiful part of you.” I said.

“That’s the most fucked-up thing anybody has ever said to me.”

“I thought you should know I’m a cannibal,” I tried to get him to laugh. “I’d also eat both of your butt-cheeks.

“Why are you talking about this?

“What part of me would you eat?”

“I can’t say I’ve thought about it,” Rob said trying to sound serious

We pulled into the campground parking lot that was filled with huge recreational vehicles the size of a busses. A quick look around and I noticed no tents. Loud music blasted from speakers placed on the ground. Jimmy Buffet? Flashing signs advertised campgrounds, hotels and restaurants. This was nothing like the pristine campground in Colorado Springs. Rob’s face indicated he was shocked as I was.

“This looks like a campground in Las Vegas. How does anyone get any sleep here?”

“I’m actually relieved there is no space available,” Rob said.

“I’ll run in to see if they have any other places they can recommend.

Aspen was packed with tourists, which I hadn’t expected since it was summer and the skiing season had long passed. I had to get creative in finding a place to stay for the night. I finally decided to splurge on a renting a hotel room with a kitchenette for the night. Since Pete and Drew gave us so much money, I figured fifty dollars for a private room and a bed wasn’t too bad, so we stopped at a convenience grocery store, bought some pasta, tomato sauce and fried chicken.

I figured that the room would have utensils and plates but the chicken was insurance if we were forced to eat with our hands. Rob and I barely talked other than to answer yes or no questions. Something happened that I didn’t notice because Rob had been short toward me since the hot springs. When we pulled the Jeep into the hotel parking lot, I paid for the room with cash. The front desk clerk eyed us suspiciously and handed me two key cards.

“It’s kind of like a mini apartment,” Rob said.

“We can make dinner and go to bed early if you want.”

“Where is the bed? I assumed this place came with a bed.”

“I found the bed,” Rob announced. We have a separate bedroom. Rather fancy.”

“Good, I’ll just eat my chicken and go to sleep,” Rob said.

“It’ll be nice to sleep in a bed on a real mattress.”

“I’ll grab stuff from the Jeep and bring it in. I don’t want a wad of cash sitting outside.”

“I’ll boil some water for the pasta,” Rob said.

The room felt claustrophobic not only because it was small, but Rob was clearly upset by something and I sensed it was going to explode if I didn’t address it.

“Hey save some of that chicken for me,” I tried to provoke a smile from Rob. No dice.

“Rob can you tell me what’s going on? You’ve been distant since the hot springs. Kind of all day. Did I say or do something to upset you?”

Rob inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly for ten seconds. This was how he calmed his racing mind and bring perspective and clarity to the situation.

“You keep making light of the fact that you collapsed on Pike’s Peak.”

“I was just joking with you…” I tried to explain

“You disappeared over a ridge and I waited for you to come back. When you didn’t I searched for you and eventually found you passed out and unresponsive. Unresponsive, Will. Do you know what that feels like? The person you love is not able to talk and I’m on top of a mountain alone with you. I didn’t know what to do, so do you know what I did? I got you to the shade, lay you down on your side so you wouldn’t breathe in your vomit and I held you for an hour. Your heartbeat was racing and your lips were turning purple. Thank God Drew and Pete showed up by some fucking miracle and helped me carry you to the train, down the mountain and back to camp.”

“Rob, I’m sorry.”

“Know what I did when I was with you on the ground? I held you so you felt safe. I also prayed to your dad to help me. I figured that the only other person who loves you as much as I do is your dad. Ten minutes later Drew and Pete showed up.”

“And I never thanked you. Baby, I’m sorry.”

“Pete and Drew were a miracle and I couldn’t have gotten you off that mountain alone. You’ve been talking about how much Drew and Pete did for you, and they did. I wish you could have seen me there before Pete and Drew showed up. I gave you the rest of my water and held you tight for over an hour and a half. I prayed that you wouldn’t die, Will. Losing you like this was worse than losing my own life.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I drove today because I thought you should rest and was nervous to give you control of the car. You make comments about climbing fourteen-thousand-foot mountains less than two days after the Peak. When I showed you concern, you blew me off, told me to stop worrying about you. You even referred to me as acting like a mother. Like caring for the man I love was a weakness. It’s not, Will. It fucking scared me to death. You made fun of me, like I was some mother hen with nothing better to do that wring my hands.

Rob hit me with multiple blows to my heart, each of which I deserved.

“Jesus Rob. I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you did. I’m going to take a walk. I need to clear my head.” Rob said, clearly not inviting me along.

“Can I go with you?” I asked.

Rob didn’t answer. “Will, I’m a protector. I worry about people I love. That’s who I am and I work on dialing it back, but with you, I panicked. I’ve never loved anyone before you, Will. Maybe I did it wrong. Maybe I’m a pain in the ass worrier. I’ll own up to that. But you mocked me. My panic and concern for you, no matter how stupid or overbearing it may feel, comes from the deepest part of my heart and a place of love. Please remember that.”

“Rob, let me come…”

Rob slammed the hotel room door and disappeared. Two room keys sat on the table, which meant he didn’t have his. He didn’t want to be with me because I made light of the one thing I should have celebrated. I promised to beg him to give me another chance.

Someone loving me was something I was not used to. Rob is my first one. The truth was that I hated looking weak in front of him. Actually in front of anybody. There was a level of control when I was the one pursuing love. Like a hunter stalking its target. Clearly that was not the case on the mountain. I acknowledged Pete and Drew’s actions, but not my own boyfriend’s. Why? I don’t know and need to figure out that part of myself.

I waited for an hour, then two, then three and Rob was still not back. I’d picked at my spaghetti and had one bite from a chicken leg. I felt sick to my stomach with guilt and remorse. I had to do better.

The sound of a key card snapped me out of my funk. The door opened. Rob was back. A flood of relief rushed through me but neither of us said anything. Rob rinsed off in the shower, put on his tee-shirt and boxers and walked toward the bed. The silence was more agonizing than ever. My mind told me to be proud and stand firm. The first one to speak is the weak one, like it was a contest.

“I got a new key card since I forgot mine.”

“Where’d you go?” I asked.

“Walked.”

He said nothing more. Silence echoed through the widening canyon between us.

“I’m sorry,”

“Okay,” Rob nods. His lack of emotion terrified me.

“Sorry I made you mad.”

“I’m not mad, Will.”

His statement filled me with dread. I’d done worse than anger him. He’s hurt by what I did.

More minutes of silence passed.

“Do you know why I got upset?” Rob asked.

“Because I made fun of you,” I answered.

“Because you made fun of me loving you.”

Rob’s statement felt like a punch to my gut. The reason why Rob was hurt was I had to make light of the fact that this man I’d loved for six years wanted me to be safe. On the mountain. In the Jeep. In the hot springs. I not only diminished his concern for me. I mocked it because that was easier than feeling weak.

“I hated that you saw me like that.”

“Like what, Will?”

“Helpless.” That was the root of it. Rob saw me helpless and I can’t handle that. I’d kept up my guard for most of my life. I was a survivor because there was no other option. Now Rob saw my vulnerability.

“Will, I was never disappointed in you,” Rob said.

Will’s lip trembled. He looked away from Rob.

“I was scared because I love you,” Rob said.

And that was when I realized something awful about myself. I was more used to people leaving my life than attempting to stay in it. The people who loved me were gone and I’d cried silent tears alone many nights learning to deal with the pain that caused me. Rob cracked through my concrete shell and saw the soft little boy inside desperately afraid more people would leave. Rob witnessed my weakness and automatically I began expecting he would leave, too.

We were both exhausted. I just wanted to start over and be a better boyfriend if Rob would stay with me.

Rob climbed into bed and I didn’t know if I should, too.

“Are we okay?”

It felt like the hardest thing I had ever asked Rob. I was terrified of his response yet I slipped beneath the covers, careful not to cross the boundary between us because I didn’t honestly know how Rob would respond.

Rob reached across the bed and touched me. “Yeah,” he paused. “But don’t do that again.”

I laughed, not sure that was the right response, but it was funny. Maybe it was enough to thaw the ice.

Rob and I lie there in the darkness. There was no sex that night because we had much bigger things on our minds. Rob fell asleep and I tossed around with too many thoughts. Something Pete had said to me when we came down Pike’s Peak stuck with me. He told me how real love isn’t always romantic. Sometimes it’s carrying your boyfriend down a mountain when they’re too weak to walk. Sometimes it’s sitting beside them all night or getting angry because you’re scared of losing them.

I never expected it would be harder being loved than loving someone else. I also realized something. Rob has so much power over me, not in an abusive way, but because of who he is in my life. During the time that Rob was out walking, my mind raced with possibility that this was it. My stomach churned to the point I almost got sick. What if Rob had enough of me? If he can hurt me so much by walking out for a few hours, how would I survive if he every truly leaves? The realization was terrifying. I loved him deeply. He was my family now and my partner in life.

Did Rob understand the power he had over me? I wasn’t sure if I understood it.

It’s the day after Will’s frightening incident on Pike’s Peak. They sense a connection with Drew and Pete who had been nothing but kind to them. They learn more about this cool couple and share parts of their own lives. Ch. 10 Exerpt below

***

I was awakened by the pop of an ember. Smoke, the pleasant kind from a firepit or grill, wafted through my nostrils. I didn’t remember making a fire before Will and I took a nap. I crawled on all fours to stick my head outside of the tent. Sitting around a campfire was Rob, Pete and Drew. Their faces glowed from the dancing fire.

“There’s our hiker!” Pete stood up and hugged me. The whole day seemed like a blur but when I saw them sitting with Rob, I knew something positive had happened.

“Will, how are you feeling?” Drew spoke to me with a motherly tone that was somehow exactly what I needed to hear.

“Hi baby,” I walked over to Rob and kissed him on the lips. “Sorry about ruining the hike today.”

“It happens to all of us. I got hit bad on the Inca Trail in Peru. Drew got nailed when we climbed Kilamanjaro. Sometimes the height doesn’t seem so bad and other times it was like you experienced today.

“How is your appetite?” Drew asked.

“I think I puked up food I ate last week. Damn I hate throwing up,” I said.

“Not many people do. How does steak sound tonight? By the way, all we have is steak tonight. That may make your answer easier,” Pete laughed.

“You fed us last night and now tonight. Why are you guys so nice to us?” I asked.

“Some old guys can be creepy. Others can be nice,” Drew said.

“We’re obviously the creepy kind,” Pete joked.

Rob squirmed uncomfortably like his earlier thoughts were read by the guys.

“That’s so obvious,” Will smiled.

“You two reminded us of our early years together. It’s very sweet to watch you both. You’re adorable by the way,” Pete said. He opened the cooler and displayed four beautiful filet mignon steaks sitting on ice.

“Did Rob tell you how wonderful I am?” I asked.

“He actually did. He told us is that you two were friends and are now lovers. It’s a romance novel waiting to be written.”

“We’ve only been…” Rob looked at me.

“Rob and I are boyfriends but I’ve been in love with him for six years. Since seventh grade,” I finished.

“How about you guys?” Rob asked.

“Twenty years. We met when we were about your ages. I fell in love with Pete…”

“You fell in love with my ass in cycling shorts,” Pete interrupted. He kissed Drew.

“That isn’t wrong. He has an amazing ass and looks great in just about anything he wears.”

Rob stood and handed out plates with forks and steak knives. “I fell in love with Will’s everything. Guys in soccer uniforms turn me on.”

“UCLA has an amazing soccer program, plus the weather is gorgeous. The people in SoCal can be hit or miss,” Pete said.

Drew opened a fire-powered oven containing four foil-wrapped bake potatoes. Will’s eyes opened wide in anticipation. “I haven’t had a baked potato in ages!”

“Nothing but the best for our momentous adventure today!” Drew said.

“Let’s not talk about it, okay?” I laughed. “I fucked up.”

“You learned,” Pete said. “Don’t dwell on what you did in the past, focus on what you learned from it.”

“I learned I’ll never go hiking without you three since you’ve proven to be lifesavers,” I said.

“The wilderness is pretty unforgiving. Between the weather, animals, terrain and sometimes bad people, it’s always good to buddy-up. You would have survived the altitude sickness, Will. You’re young and in-shape. The problem was dehydration. Puking everything up then running out of water is serious,” Pete said.

“Plus you can’t hike a fourteen-thousand-foot mountain in track shoes. The mountain is so steep that one slip could send you off a cliff. I guess your parents never took you camping?”

Rob and I looked at each other, not sure what to say. “We didn’t really have parents actively in our lives, at least the last seven years.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed,” Drew said.

“Will’s dad died. His mom took off,” Rob said. “Actually his dad was murdered.”

“Yeah, he and his partner were stabbed to death. He was a great papa. After that we moved from Amsterdam to Minneapolis,” I said.

“Jesus, that’s a traumatic adjustment,” Pete said.

“Yeah, but this sweetheart of a kid befriended me, got me into track and soccer and it just grew from there,” I said making very clear who this sweetheart kid was.

“Wait, let me guess,” Drew teased me.

I nodded. “While he was going through his own family shit. Anyway, when we graduated we figured each other out so here we are.”

“You two, unbelievable. I never could have done it at eighteen,” Pete said.

“What’s it like being together for twenty years?” Rob asked.

“You want to comment first?” Drew said to Pete.

“It’s been a wonderful ride so far. Drew is my best friend and also makes my heart flutter like it did when we were younger. In the early days we fought a lot, mostly about stupid stuff. Drew was working as an actor and I was CEO of a global electronics company you probably know. Different schedules, different priorities, but we chose to be with each other which is what you have to do every day.”

“Were you always in love?” I asked.

“Only when I didn’t hate him. It’s difficult mashing two lives into one, which was what we thought we had to do. We ended up each having a life and then building a life together,” Drew said.

“What do you both want for the future?” Pete asked.

“I want to go pro in soccer,” I said.

“Not sure what I want to do.” Rob said.

“I hope Rob is always in my life. Hopefully as my husband someday, but as long as he’s in it I’ll be okay.” I said.

“I’m more possessive I guess. Will and I will get married and have kids. We’ll live in an amazing place with our children and dogs. We’ll live our lives as long as we can.”

“Well Rob is a planner, I can see.” Drew pointed at himself. Apparently he was, too.

“Rob, remember I have a bunch of contacts in Hollywood. I’ll send them to you.”

“Why did you give up acting?” I asked. Pete and Drew eyed each other not sure what to say.

“Lots of things happened I talk about at another time, but the short story is that I was diagnosed with cancer, lost a bunch of roles and had to take a year off for chemo. My hair fell out, I was sick all the time and exhausted. Most of my friends disappeared. Fame was fleeting and then it was over. But Pete was always there. Still is.”

“He’s cured now, guys.”

“Remission, sweetheart. I’m in remission.”

The four of us gazed into the dancing flames of the campfire. Drew lay back, resting between Pete’s legs. His head resting on Pete’s chest. I held Rob’s hand and wanted to do the same thing as Pete and Rob but didn’t want it to look like we were copying them.

“Tell us about plans for the rest of your trip,” Pete said.

“Tomorrow, we’re heading to Aspen for a day, then we were gonna check out some parks in Utah and go see the Grand Canyon,” I replied.

“I’m gonna make a suggestion you can either take or blow-off. Go see Santa Fe, New Mexico before you drive to the Grand Canyon.”

“Why, what’s there?” Rob asked.

“It’s the most beautiful area in New Mexico. Lots of cool shops, art galleries, restaurants. It’s super gay-friendly and very open-minded,” Pete said.

“You’ve got to buy yourselves some turquois jewelry. Ranges from very gaudy to gorgeous. If anything, it’s a great souvenir from your vacation,” Drew said.

“What’s after the Grand Canyon?” Pete asked.

“Not sure yet. Depends on how much money we have left,” I responded.

“You should see Las Vegas. You’re probably too young to gamble there since it’s twenty-one years minimum. Fun to just people watch, enjoy the fun,” Pete said.

“Hopefully they have a campground in Vegas. From there, we head to LA for a couple of days and then practice starts.”

“And you’re camping the whole way?” Drew asked.

I nodded. “I got a travel stipend to get out to LA. Decided to use the money for Rob and me to see the west together before college starts.”

“Our first trip together was like yours. It was like an adventure. We learned about each other and where we visited. Plus Pete got to meet my parents.”

“Where’d you guys go?” Rob asked.

“British Columbia. Drew is Canadian,”

“My parents live in Kelowna which is like the Napa Valley of Canada. Very dry and inland from the ocean so the temperatures are pretty nice most of the time.”

“What’s Napa Valley?” Rob asked.

“Wine country.” Pete said.

“Oh. We don’t drink so I’ve never heard of it,” Rob said.

“Don’t start, trust me,” Pete scoffed.

“Pete and I stay as healthy as we can now. We had our fun!”

“We still have fun!” Pete said. “We’re planning my fortieth birthday trip. Not sure where we’ll go but it’ll be somewhere exciting. I like to try new places, but we also have our favorites.”

“When’s your birthday?” I asked.

“July 7,” Pete answered.

“No way, that’s Will’s birthday, too!” Rob said.

“Rob, you and I will have to talk about what it’s like being married to a Cancer.”

“We make the best husbands,” Pete said sarcastically. Drew patted his husband’s knee.

Another hour passed as we stared at the flames. I was still woozy from the earlier altitude issue but the nap helped. Rob’s head bobbed as he fought sleep.

“These guys look tired,” Pete said to Drew. “What time do you guys leave tomorrow?”

“Probably late morning. I hope we can see you guys before we take off,” I said.

“I’d love that Will. You two are very special men. We’ve enjoyed getting to know you guys. You’re both obviously crazy about each other. I’m glad we were part of your visit,” Pete said.

“Can we stop by around nine to say goodbye?” Drew asked. “Maybe we can get a photo of the four of us.”

“I wish you guys were coming with,” Rob said.

I was surprised Rob had gone from thinking these men were creepy to now wanting to be friends. They were great guys and very down-to-earth. They seemed happy and it gave me a sense of hope that Rob and I could have a life together like theirs.

“You are a sweetheart to say that, Rob. Both of you are delightful men. We’ll see you tomorrow morning at nine.”

Pete clasped his hand with Drew’s and they walked into the darkness back to the privacy of their tent. I wondered what they thought about us, being older, wealthier and cultured.

***

The next morning, the air was cooler, dripping with dew. The sun sat low in the sky and nothing seemed impossible. I was a morning person since moving to the United States. My grandparents gave me a home, warm meals and love, but they weren’t interested or capable of supporting the extra things I wanted to do, like playing soccer, swim team and getting the best grades as possible so I could get a scholarship. The other boys joined expensive travel soccer clubs to hone their skills. I had to work part-time jobs and discipline myself to achieve the things I wanted since I had very little money. Early soccer practice, weight training at the high school gym, working to save money, hanging out with Rob. All of it was to support the future vision I had for my life. I envied the boys who had parents cater to them, who smoothed the road ahead so their sons had all the advantages they needed. As I learned, discipline was the key to my future.

“Boys, time to get up!” Drew yelled into the tent.

Rob and I had gotten up early and walked to the lake to watch the sun begin its day. The second we weren’t visible to the campground, our speedos were at our ankles and we took turns sucking each other off. I felt a sense of control with Rob’s cock in my mouth as I worked my tongue around the head and buried his shaft into my throat. His jerks and spasms of orgasm were the precursor to him shooting his load down my throat. Then Rob got on his knees and worked to bring me to the edge and loved it when I shot all over his face and mouth. Something about subjecting the other to a torrent of cum was incredibly sexy and animalistic.

We dove into the cold lake to rinse off.

We’d often talked about having sex while swimming, our deeds hidden beneath surface, but we never made it that far. The mere thought of it overwhelmed our young-adult minds like a freight train out of control. We kissed a lot in the lake and my cock was already getting hard again.

We walked back quietly, each clad in the same red speedo we wore on the swim team and as lifeguards. In the distance, the voices of Pete and Drew bounced off the evergreens. We watched them search around our plot. They avoided looking in the tent, afraid of what we may be doing. They began to pack the grill they left. We decided to flank the camp from both sides, hopefully scaring them in the process.

Rob was the first assailant.

“Are you guys thieves?” he yelled, startling them both.

Pete and Drew both jumped when they noticed it was Rob in his speedo suit.

“Jesus Christ,” Drew shouted.

Rob laughed as both Pete and Drew were startled, their jaws dropped when they saw the Minnesota state wrestling champ poured into a tight swimsuit.

“Jesus first you scare me and now I’m supposed to talk to you wearing a fucking speedo?” Drew said, his acting skills coming in handy.

Will then approached and Drew gasped again.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Both of you like this? I’m ovulating right now,” Drew said.

Pete grabbed me from behind. “Boys should know better than to sneak up on two old men.”

“We just went swimming. Sorry we’re a bit late,” I said. “And you’re not old.”

Pete grabbing me from behind, his strength he had pulling me to his chest, his bulge pushing into my back sparked thoughts I didn’t expect. It was the first time an older man had been physical with me. I felt trapped in his strong arms, unable to escape. Honestly made me horny.

“You reminded us that you’re still young enough to have the energy to plan an ambush.”

“Sorry, we couldn’t resist,” Rob admitted.

“One day when you’re older may you be jumped by two men in speedos and alternate between being terrified and believing you’re in a porn movie,” Drew said.

“Karma’s a bitch guys,” Pete laughed. He circled the Jeep, everything in disarray.

“Did you guys eat?” Drew asked.

“We thought you’d be more packed up than this for what it’s worth,” Pete said. His shirtless body in great shape. A warm, slightly devilish, smile on his lips.

“Boys, I know you’re new at this but one of the first Gay Commandments is you don’t wear hot swimwear around older guys unless you mean to become our sex slaves immediately.”

I laughed. “Maybe on our next date,”

Rob stood confused. “Is that really what you thought we meant?”

“Well it could have gone either way. I don’t know I never had a half-naked man in a red speedo jump-scare me before.”

“Pete has a thing for red speedos from a trip we took to Greece,” Drew said.

Deep down I was flattered. Pete turned me on in a way I couldn’t explain. Sure, he’s handsome, in great shape, probably rich, but he seemed so in-control which made me feel calmer. I often felt like I had to figure everything out myself and it was nice to have someone else do that. It’s probably that he’s confident and takes charge of things. Watching him and Drew was funny and sometimes hilarious. Maybe this was what having a dad felt like.

“Gay guy photo time!” Drew announced as we scrambled to find a backdrop.

The four of us posed for a photo snapped by another tourist who probably wondered why four shirtless men stood side by side in a photo with their arms around each other. Pete and Drew helped us pack up the Jeep which somehow looked like we had more stuff than when we arrived. Each of us hugged each other and then we hugged as a group.

“It was so nice to meet you guys,” Drew said as he wrote their address and phone number on a piece of paper and handed it to me. “I feel like we’ve known you more than just a few days. If you’re in Tucson give us a ring.”

“Thank you guys. I’m gonna miss you. We’ll stay in touch,” I said. And I meant it.

“You guys were a lifesaver to Will and me on the mountain. Plus you were nice to tell us your love story. It gives me hope for us,” Rob seconded.

“And for the meals…you fed us like five times,” I added.

Peter stepped forward and handed us an envelope. “Open this when you’re in Aspen or wherever. I hope you get to Santa Fe. I also have a friend in Malibu right on the ocean, his number is on the paper Drew gave you. He said to give him a call and he’ll teach you how to surf.”

“He also works in the movie industry if you’re ever interested,” Drew said.

“Surfing, that’s cool,” I said.

“Drew and I want to give you something and only ask for two things in return. And no it’s not that. First is photos. Second is that you’ll visit us in Tucson.”

I tore open the envelope and inside was another envelope. A piece of stationery sat alone inside.

“Read the note.” Pete said.

“Will and Rob,” I began to read. “Drew and I are so happy to meet you and the love you two share warms our hearts. You have two nights at the San Rafael hotel on the Las Vegas strip.”

“What? Really?” I exclaimed.

“Like the San Rafael? Where all the celebrities go?”

“Your food and drinks are included at any of the restaurants on-property,” Pete said.

I was shocked as it all sank in.

“Damn guys, why? That’s unbelievable! Thank you,” Rob said.

“Open up the smaller envelope.” Drew said.

I tore the edge of it and pulled out a wad of cash. “What? How much is this?”’

“Five-thousand dollars. The San Rafael Concierge will take you out to dress you up for a night on the town. You’ll both need a suit living in LA. We want to see photos of you two having the time of your lives looking all spiffy.”

“Holy shit. I don’t know what to say,” I said.

“You’re both really good people,” Drew said. “I have a very good sense for that.”

“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not enough. You are. You’ve been through a lot in your eighteen years, yet you both are filled with joy and love. Don’t lose that. It’s your magic,” Pete said.

I was about to cry but forced myself not to. “Thank you,” my voice cracked.

“Call us anytime if you need help, want to talk, cry. We’re here every day, anytime.”

We made another round of good-byes and hopped into the Jeep. Rob decided to drive so I could navigate. Pete and Drew grew smaller in the distance as we departed the camp, their last images disappearing into a cloud of dusty road. Rob and I waved our arms in appreciation for meeting these guys.

“I almost cried back there,”

“Me too. I don’t think anyone’s ever done something like that for me,” Rob said.

“Maybe your sister and my dad sent them as guardian angels.”

“Onward toward Aspen,” Rob said.

“Go west on route twenty-four. It’s been an amazing trip so far.” I placed my hand on Rob’s strong leg and rubbed his thigh. He wore the same black running shorts, tight but with leg openings big enough for me to see his right ball sheathed beneath the fabric of his shorts liner. His shaft expanded, its outline clearly pronounced.

“You’re gonna make me crash,” Rob said.

To Be Continued

Sunlight filtered through the netting of our tent. My watch registered at 5:45 a.m. and we planned to arrive at the Pike’s Peak trailhead. We stuffed three liters of water into each of our backpacks and scrounged every piece of fruit, power bar or other snack we could find in our car or tent. Will put on his running shoes and I told him to put socks on first since we would likely be kicking up a bunch of sand and rocks. Blisters were also an issue. I had my running shoes on, the ones I got for graduation from the track coach. Not the best support but I heard the Pike’s Peak trail was pretty well groomed.

Will parked the Jeep in the last spot we could find. We’d been warned that early morning hikers would get a fast start so that they’d be on their way down the mountain when the sun was at its peak. An engraved wood map stood on a pole. It was less a map and more an artistic carving of the trails around the mountain. Everything was out of scale so Will grabbed some pamphlets that showed intricate drawings of the many trails that looked like a plate of spaghetti. A sign or directions somewhere in the middle would have made more sense. Will was eager to get going. Pete and Drew fed us well last night so neither of us was hungry this early in the morning.

Will led the way through a tree-covered area with plenty of shade. This was the entry to the steeper climbs that would come soon enough. After about thirty minutes, the slope upward increased. Each of us wore our black running shorts and tee-shirts. Will wore a UCLA cap and I covered my head with a bandana. The trail was rocky, our feet crunching then sliding as we walked up.

“How are you holding up?” Will turned and said to me. His smile showed he was having fun.

“I’m enjoying the view of my boyfriend’s exquisite ass and legs. No wonder I fell in love with a soccer player.”

“And I thought you loved me for my mind and personality,” Will said.

“Nope, it’s your ass and legs. Plus your chest. Your eyes are pretty good. That meat monster in your shorts, definitely.”

“Stop it, I’m getting horny.” Will turned to show the tent pole growing in his shorts and since no one was around, he did a few pelvic thrusts so I could see his junk in action. God, I loved this man.

In another thirty minutes, we found a small ravine that had some shade, so we popped into it to have a water break. Will bit off part of a power bar and handed it to me to do the same. I nibbled around the part Will bit, which was a stupid habit I had learned from my germophobe mother. Will laughed when he saw me do that.

“Force of habit,” I said.

“You never know where my mouth has been recently,” Will said.

“I know exactly where your mouth has been, I was there. Remember?”

“Dirty boy,” Will said. “You loved it.”

“It was okay.” I replied. Will shot me a double-middle-finger from both hands.

“Tell me a story. Something I don’t know about you.”

Will knew everything about me, so I concentrated. “I never told you about what happened to Bethany, my sister.”

“That’s true and I never asked because I know it wasn’t easy for you.”

“You’re right. It was difficult and I had no idea what was to come afterward. I met you and kind of forgot a lot of the bad stuff. My parents freaked out and changed so much I didn’t recognize them. They told me they were done being parents. They spent all of our college fund money, which is why I couldn’t go to college. My dad bought an expensive sports car, I mean they spiraled. One night I came home and there was this orgy-thing going on in the living room. It was gross to see that. They were super embarrassed and pretended like it never happened and I had imagined it.”

“Classic gaslighting,” Will said.

“Then I found out my parents were drinking a lot and were drunk during the day. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t want them coming to my sporting events. That was two years ago.”

“Shit. I’m sorry baby,” Will said. It kind of warmed my heart. We called each other by our first names and sometimes sweetheart. For some reason I really liked baby.

“Thanks for calling me that. I kinda like it,” I told Will.

“You mean baby?”

“Yeah.”

“Well you are, aren’t you?”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn’t answer. Will saw I was about to cry.

“Let’s take a break and sit down,” Will took me into an outcropping of large stones that created some shade. We sat down, Will put his arm around me and I just lost it. I sobbed quietly while Will hugged me close and continued telling me he loved me over and over while gently rocking me.

“Bethany killed herself. She met a guy, native American. Cheyenne. I never knew him. He wanted her to come live with him so she did. Then she got pregnant and the guy flipped because Bethany was only seventeen.”

“How old was he?” Will asked.

“Close to thirty. She called our parents for help. My dad flipped out and screamed at her. He called her a whore and a slut. He said things like he didn’t want to ever see a half-breed grandchild. I hid in my room but I heard everything. Two days later, we were in a car driving to Sioux Falls. Bethany had swallowed a bunch of pills to try and abort the baby and ended up killing herself in the process. My parents made me stay in the car when they went into the hospital. About an hour later, they walked back out, got in the car and drove back toward Minneapolis.”

“Jesus. I’m so sorry. It’s just awful. What did your parents tell you?”

“We stopped for something to eat and casually told me I was now their only child.” Then we drove back to Minneapolis like nothing ever happened. They never told me anything. One of my older cousins wrote me a letter that described everything. I read it and my mom found it. She blew up and told me the letter was all lies. She burned the damned thing on our kitchen counter right in front of me. They never really talked to me ever again even though we lived in the same house until my parents split. You were the only thing I had, Will. You gave me strength long before I ever figured myself out.”

Will watched me in disbelief. His eyes rimmed with red. He pulled out his wallet and burst into tears. “I take this with me everywhere.” He held out a school photo, worn and slightly wrinkled from years in Will’s pocket. “You see this beautiful little guy? He saved me and made me feel loved and welcome. All the time you were going through your own family shit. You rescued me baby, but nobody was there for you.”

“You were, Will.”

We hugged each other tightly. “I’m never letting go of you, Rob,” Will said.

“I won’t let you.”

After a good cry and a couple of swigs of water, we continued up the mountain in silence. I could tell Will was surprised to hear all of that, but I was glad I told him. It’s a part of my life whether I like it or not and may explain some of my challenges with people I love always leaving me. Will was so strong and sensible. I craved his stability and presence. It felt odd exposing such a hugely painful part of my life with someone I love. I never mentioned the story to anyone. Ever.

After an hour, I noticed Will start to slow down a bit, his breathing became labored. For every ten steps he took, he had to stop and catch his breath. We took another break while Will stood on a boulder. Skin tanned and turning a bit red, he stood atop a boulder and surveyed view below. Will was Apollo, a golden, beautiful and muscled God with unending strength and endurance.

Will caught me looking at him.

“What?”

“I feel so lucky we chose each other,”

“We sure did, baby.” He grimaced a bit.

“I feel like shit. Do you have any aspirin? My head is pounding,” Will said.

“You’re probably dehydrated,”

“Probably, your story made me cry too much.”

“Everything’s always my fault.” I smiled. Take some of my water.

“I’m good. We’re getting close to the top. Onward.”

The trail had been relatively easy up until now but reaching the peak looked to be a bit more challenging. Will called out and pointed at something next to him.

“Thirteen-thousand feet!”

“I know I’ve never been up so high before,” I said.

“Me neither. I’m gonna try and race up this hill and see what’s up there.”

I watched as Will climbed up several layers of rock. The trail was still there but less visible. From below, I saw him reach the top of the ridge and appeared to fall on his hands and knees.

“Are you okay Will?”

Silence. I waited a few minutes for him to appear but that didn’t happen. I kept calling his name but no voices answered. I scaled the rocks, the crevice radiated cool air while the sun baked down on the granite. I saw multiple snakes. Big ones. Rattles echoed off some of the rocks while I carefully climbed upward, my backpack filled with water and sometimes throwing off my balance.

I crested the same ridge Will had and looked around for him. Two legs stuck out from behind a large rock and I knew they were Will’s shoes. My heart dropped as I ran over to him. Will lay on his side, his body shaking like he had a seizure or was suddenly very cold. I sat behind him and lifted him from under his arms so that his back rested on my chest, like a spoon, but different. I was six feet tall and Will was six-foot-three. It felt awkward with him laying on top of me. I didn’t do anything but be there. Will suddenly retched and vomited all over the rocks next to him.

“I can’t breathe, baby.”

It was the altitude. Shit. Neither of us had planned for this. I wanted to kick myself for it. I grew up in Minnesota where altitude was not a challenge. Now we’re almost three miles up and Will can’t breathe. His lips had color as did his skin. I knew people eventually regulate to the new altitude but I worried it would take days, not hours. Will vomited again and I fed him water from the cup I had fortunately packed. My watch read ten o’clock and the sun would be getting much hotter. Panic started to grip me. We were alone with no way to get down with Will in this condition. I calmed my mind and held on to Will so he knew I was there.

I was a bit light-headed myself, so I decided to rest and think of something I could do to help Will get down to the altitude he needed. I dozed off for what felt like a few seconds but had been close to an hour.

“You guys okay or just taking a nap?” I heard a voice ask. Or maybe I imagined it. A figure stood before me, silhouetted by the sun. I prayed it was a park ranger who happened to be looking for us.

“Rob?” I heard my name.

“Rob? Is Will okay?” the voice asked.

“He can’t breathe. Puked a few times.”

“We need to get him down to a lower altitude,” another voice said.

“Rob. It’s Pete and Drew, neither of you look too good.”

“I feel okay. Can you help me? Pete and Drew?”

“Your friends. We met yesterday.”

“Hi guys. Can you help me get him down?”

“We sure can.” Drew answered.

“The cog train and summit lodge are about a mile away. It’ll take us about forty-five minutes to walk there assuming Will can make it.” Pete said.

“Will can you walk?” Drew asked.

“Slowly.” Will said. “I feel like shit.”

“Altitude sickness is nasty. It’s more than just thin air, it fucks with everything.”

“I puked.” Will said.

“Three times,” I said.

“Pete looked up and smiled at Drew. An inside joke or reference passed between them. “Tell them about Peru,” Drew laughed.

“I knew you’d bring that up. Guys, I’ve never been so sick as I was on the Inca Trail back when Drew and I backpacked through South America. I puked so much I was sure I had food poisoning. Nearly shit my pants I had such bad diarrhea and a splitting headache on top of it all,” Pete explained.

“He’s the ironman triathlete and he goes down hard. I was really scared and didn’t know what to do without Pete being able to help.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Not much we could do but suck it up and keep going. I didn’t eat for two days. A bunch of Peruvians saw me struggling and gave me some coca leaves the locals use to mitigate altitude sickness.”

Drew laughed. “That was another story in itself. Pete didn’t speak Spanish and the guys who gave us the leaves were yelling Coca! Coca! which we thought meant cocaine.”

“In fairness cocaine is made from the same leaf. Coca dilates the blood vessels and makes breathing a bit easier. Or at least minimizes the symptoms,” Pete explained. “You have one of those lozenges babe?”

“Got one here.” Drew said as he unwrapped it.

“So this is cocaine?” I asked.

“It’s the coca leaf extract put into cand…” Drew was cut off by Will suddenly vomiting and then proceeded to dry heave.”

“Will rinse your mouth out and take this lozenge. Suck it for a few minutes and I promise you’ll begin to feel better,”

I placed the coca lozenge into Will’s mouth and kissed him on the cheek.

“We’ll need to carry him. About twenty minutes until the next cog train heads down the mountain.”

Pete and I grabbed Will’s legs to lift him into a seated position using our arms as a makeshift chair. Drew supported and navigated. It was difficult to carry Will, so we took occasional breaks and rotated carriers. I looked west and saw a bunch of people crowded in the distance, all bundled in warm jackets. I was absolutely freezing in the forty-degree temperature at the summit. We had been so underprepared for this venture.

“There’s the cog railway,” Drew pointed out.

A red train climbed upward at a very steep angle. I heard what sounded like a hammer hitting metal at regular intervals.

“That’s the cog part of the railroad. Basically the cog is like a big gear that climbs up grooves in the track to be able to not slide backward. The original one was coal-fired steam. These new ones are diesel and a lot faster. That noise that sounds like the anvil chorus are the gear teeth engaging with the center rack rails that push the train upward. These trains can go much steeper than a normal railroad.”

“We’re going down, so how does it work that direction?” I asked.

“As a controller of the descent. Imagine a normal train going down a mountain, it would lose control and fly down uncontrolled,” Pete said.

Will continued to keep his eyes shut from his headache and the extreme reflection of the snow around the summit. Pete raced into the ticket area to explain the situation. I saw a bit of a confrontation between the ticket booth person and Pete.

We were back on the road by eight in the morning and drove west, hoping to avoid the recreational vehicle log jam on our way toward the Denver area. Rob and I slept okay but after a day of driving, sleeping in the car and our drying bodily fluids on our chests and abdomens, the first order of business was to find a truck stop to grab some breakfast and possibly a shower. This was the first time I’d done a road trip in America and I had heard truck stops were the place to find them. After less than thirty minutes on the road, we spotted a sign from the highway that looked like a place we could stop. My Jeep looked tiny compared to all of these big rigs and I was relieved we decided to leave the canvas roof and sides still snapped on since we had all of our luggage and camping supplies. Every time we stopped, I learned something new I hadn’t planned for, like a map, towels and moistened wipes to clean off our bodies when needed. Sex was still a very new concept to me, but I should have figured that one out.

Rob and I entered the diner area and the thick necks of at least twenty truckers turned our way because apparently we stood out. Their disapproving stares were interrupted by a friendly waitress asking how she could help us.

“We’re gonna get some food but wanted to find a shower. We got dirty from camping.”

The waitress smiled and pointed to all the truckers sitting in the diner. “See all these guys? They each booked a shower but you may be able to squeeze a quick one in before they finish their breakfasts.”

“How much?” I asked.

“Five dollars each,” the waitress said.

I checked through my wallet and had seven dollars in cash. Shit.

“Can I give you seven dollars if both of us used it together really quick?”

The waitress looked at us suspiciously. “Well I don’t know about that, boys.”

“We’re brothers. Twins actually. We’ve taken baths and showers together since we were toddlers,” I said.

“Aw that’s so sweet. But you don’t look like brothers. Especially not twins.” The waitress said. I noticed her name tag. Bonnie.

“Miss Bonnie, what my brother means is that we are not identical twins. We are…”
“Fraternal,” I answered. “We didn’t come from the same egg. Fraternal twins don’t look the same and sometimes can be both a boy and a girl. Completely separate people born at the same time from the same mother.”

“Okay. You only have five minutes. I’ll give you seven since that’s what you paid me. No funny business, understood?”

“Understood, ma’am. We are actually pretty calm so we’ll go superfast.” Rob said.

We ran back out to the jeep to grab our backpacks and sprinted toward the shower and chained the door locked. I looked at my watch as we stripped down to nothing and waited for the water to start.

“Don’t look at me that way,” I smiled.

“I’ll give you a minute tops.” Rob challenged me.

The water sputtered out of the shower head and both of us dived underneath the drizzle and soaped ourselves up. I was instantly hard because I had no control over my cock. Rob was the same. As I rinsed my hair and armpits, Rob soaped up my crotch and in less than a minute I shot all over him, my hand over my mouth in case I made a sound. Rob jerked both himself and me simultaneously and he came seconds after I did.

“Three minutes,” Bonnie yelled from the hallway.

“Drying off!” I lied. We found paper towels to dry our skin which was cumbersome but effective. Two minutes left.

I scrambled into my jeans and grabbed a spare tank top from my backpack.

“You go out first!” Rob said.

I walked out of the shower room only wearing jeans, my upper body, which I knew looked pretty good, suddenly became her focus. She swallowed hard and by now, some of the truckers came for a look.

“Wow you guys are fast.”

“We’ve been doing this for eighteen years. Got a system nearly perfected.” I said as Rob exited the shower room, also shirtless. I pulled on my tank top, then Rob did his. The plan worked.

“Where are you guys headed?” Bonnie asked.

“Will here is playing varsity soccer at UCLA and I’m going try and break into Hollywood.”

“You two be careful on the highway. Lots of creeps out there want to take advantage of a good lookin’ boy or two.”

“Mom warned us about them, but thanks for reminding us. We appreciate the shower. You all have a nice day.”

Bonnie and the truckdrivers watched us walk out of the restaurant and out to the Jeep to repack our backpacks. I glanced up and saw at least ten truckdrivers and Bonnie gawking at us from inside the diner. Another truck driver walked toward us and pulled something out of his jean jacket.

“You guys, take this.” He handed us two fifty-dollar bills.

“What the?” didn’t understand why he was doing this and then his eyes linked with mine.

“Enjoy yourselves and be safe. I may be a bit older but I can still see love on two faces. Lots of crazies out there. Be careful. You both are adorable,” the man said.

“Uh, I don’t know what to say. How did you know?” I asked.

“I had that same look on my face when I met my man. We’ve got to help each other.”

“That’s the nicest thing I’ve ever seen,” Rob said. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Larry. Heard you guys were headed to California. Maybe I’ll see you in the movies.”

“Thank you, Larry. Maybe I’ll see you at a UCLA game. Look for me and I’ll get you in.”

Larry turned and walked back toward the diner.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” I said in disbelief.

“Maybe Larry was our guardian angel.” Rob said.

“I kinda feel bad now for lying to Bonnie. That, and if we left a mess in the shower.”

“All taken care of, Will. Let’s go get some food.”

Less than an hour later, we crossed the Colorado state line. The Jeep was getting low on gas, so we decided to pull off and get some.

“We’ve got to plan this better. This is our third stop in less than two hours,” Rob said.

“But I get more time with you at these interesting places,” I joked.

“I’m gonna look for cool places to see in Colorado while you’re filling up.”

“Grab some brochures. There’s gotta be more stuff than just mountains,” I said.

A couple of hours later and a short nap, Rob started going through the brochures and looked over at me.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing, I just like looking at you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re fucking adorable, that’s why,” I said.

“Here are some places that I’ll read off to you but I’ve already decided which one I want to see. Garden of the Gods,” Rob said, attempting to be cool despite his heart fluttering at the compliment.

“That sounds cool. What else is there?”

“There’s Pike’s Peak which we can climb or take a rail thing up to the top and hike back down. There’s the Air Force Academy and some other things. I think we can make it to Garden of the Gods in about four hours.”

“That’ll get us there at about two. Does it say anything about nearby campgrounds if we decide to climb Pike’s?”

Rob thumbed through the brochure. “There’s one near the base. Oh shit.”

“What?”

“One way is six to ten hours to the summit. We can’t do it in a single day.”

“We could if we decided not to sleep for twenty hours,” I said.

“I can think of better things to do for twenty hours than climb up and down a mountain,” Rob said.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Oh wait, here’s an idea. There’s this railroad thing, like a trolley that takes people up and down from the base. Takes about an hour down. We need to buy tickets if we’re gonna do that.”

“Works for me. We can get up super early, do the climb and take the train back down. Let’s do that.”

“I don’t have any hiking stuff,” Rob said.

“We can wear our running shoes and stuff. It’ll be fine.”

“There’s also a warning about altitude and how the air is thinner up there,” Rob read.

“We’ll just walk slower. We are trained athletes so we should be okay.”

***

We entered the road toward Garden of the Gods. I nudged Rob to wake from his nap as our Jeep wound through the canyon and we gawked at the amazing red rock formations. Pike’s Peak loomed over the whole area like it was its own God.

“These are unbelievable. I’ve never seen rocks this color,” Rob said.

We hopped out of the car and rummaged through the back cargo area to find our running shoes. There was something magical about this place. Blue sky, orange-red rock that towered above and created intricate canyons and paths through what looked like a make-believe landscape.

“Which God are you gonna be?” Rob asked me.

“What do you mean?”

“Garden of the Gods – which God is your favorite?” Rob said.

“I like Apollo, how about you?”

“Eros, of course. The God of desire and the most beautiful man ever,” Rob laughed.

“That suits you perfectly,” I said.

“Do Adonis and Apollo ever have sex? Like were they boyfriends?” Rob asked.
“If they don’t we have the power to change that.”

We started down a gravelly path in search of Balanced Rock. When I stopped to tie my shoe, two men, older than us, appeared ahead of us on the path. They walked the opposite direction one of the guys gave me look that didn’t seem like a look that would come from a straight guy. I wondered if they might be a couple.

“Hi guys. Enjoying the park?” The blond guy said to me.

“Uh, yeah. We just got here so this is our first trail,” I said.

The other guy had auburn hair and a beard. Both of the guys were very attractive men, in shape and personable.

“Where are you guys from?” the auburn hair guy asked.

“Minneapolis area,” Rob answered.

“I’m Peter, but call me Pete,” the bond guy said. “This is my partner Drew.”

We both waved, not sure of what to say.

“What brings you out to Colorado?” Drew asked.

“I’m heading to soccer camp in California. Hi, I’m Will and this is Rob.”

“You two win the award the best-looking couple we’ve seen in Colorado and that’s saying something with all these athletic guys out here.”

I was stunned Drew was so forward but secretly liked the compliment.

“Where are you guys from?” Rob asked.

“Tucson.” Pete answered.

“Arizona. It’s about a two-hour flight from Denver. It’s brutally hot so we like to escape to the cooler mountains. Have you guys been to Balanced Rock? It’s pretty unbelievable,” Drew said.

“So are you guys a couple?” Pete asked us. The guys curious about us obviously.

“Yes,” I said at the exact same time Rob said, “Kind of.” I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me.

Both men laughed. “Sounds like us twenty years ago!”

Rob looked uncomfortable and I tried to catch his eye to see what was up.

“We have been friends for years. Just recently became, whatever it is we are,” I said.

“Aah friends with benefits. We started out like that, too. By the first real date I was already in love with Drew but it took him a little while longer but that didn’t stop us from the…benefits.”

“Too much information, dear,” Drew said.

“We just graduated from high school. I’m joining UCLA soccer team in the fall,” I said.

“Oh boy, those LA boys can be very aggressive,” Pete said looking at Rob. “Don’t let him out of your site and that goes for you too, Will.”

I could tell Rob was slightly annoyed and wanted to move on with our walk.

“Drew was an actor in LA. We lived there for about ten years before we moved to Tucson,” Pete said. Rob’s eyes perked with interest hearing about the acting, something he secretly wanted to try himself.

“Nice to meet you guys. We are gonna explore and then find a place to pitch a tent for the night.” I said.

“We’re climbing Pike again tomorrow. Really something to do once in your life. The view up there is amazing,” Drew said.

“What time is best to start if we decide to do it?” Rob asked.

“Probably seven in the morning. You’ll freeze at the top so bring layers if you go. The sun is brutal so wear sunscreen and a hat,” Pete advised.

“I’m the northern one, Rob is mostly from southern DNA,” I said.

“Well not sure how you both got those beautiful blue eyes then,” Drew said. “If you’re out in LA Rob I have an agent and a photographer contact for you.”

“Great. That sounds great,” Rob said.

“Do you have a place to stay. Camping sites are in short supply this time of year.”

“Last night we slept in our Jeep and I don’t want to repeat that.

“Bluebird Camps, It’s near the base of Pike. We’re staying there and plenty of open spots this morning,” Pete smiled.

“We’ll see you guys around, okay?” Rob was impatient and slightly cold to the guys. Something I’d never really seen in him before.

Will wants to climb Pike’s Peak while he and Rob are still young and in shape. Neither of them have ever been at an altitude much higher than sea level and they decide to tackle a 14er and one of the highest peaks in the lower 48. They decide to pitch a tent near the base of Pike’s Peak and go to bed early to get an early start. Problem is they can’t keep their hands off each other at night (or in the day) so they may themselves a bit tired in the morning.

Thanks for the support, subscribing and commenting. More content in my novel series The Men We Became coming soon.

Two things I miscalculated when Rob and I set out on our trek to Colorado. The first thing is how freaking wide Nebraska is. It never ends and then when we hit Colorado, we expected to see the Rocky Mountains ahead of us, but instead, it was just another four hours to go. Nebraska takes almost seven hours to drive from east to west. It’s beautiful but monotonous at least watching it from the highway. The second thing was the sheer amount of campers, trailers and other recreational vehicles that clogged the highways with visitors headed to Yellowstone or Yosemite. While I and every other driver pushed the envelope on exceeding the maximum speed limit, RV drivers did the reverse and drove as slow as possible without it being illegal. The massive line of these things had to be over one-hundred-miles long and looked more like people escaping an apocalypse rather than going on vacation.

The day we left, we crossed the Missouri River and the city of Omaha and I thought crossing to Colorado would take like four hours or something like that. The original plan was to drive straight through, but the highway was so long, boring and clogged with eighty-year-olds driving motor homes that timing was completely thrown off track. Our heads bobbed in an attempt to stay awake. It wasn’t going very well.

About four hours through Nebraska, we pulled off the road to find a place to park the Jeep and sleep inside which makes more sense on paper than in reality. Rob and I snapped the canvas sides and roof back on and reclined our seats which was very little due to all the stuff we had in the vehicle. It was two in the morning and we decided to sleep for a few hours and hit the road early. I packed a blanket for Rob and me since it was cold and we were both wearing shorts. The passenger door opened up and Rob climbed inside having just taken a piss outside.

“I swear I heard a bear or something outside,” he said.

“Then I’ll hold it until we have some daylight. Are you comfortable?” Rob gave me a look that clearly meant he wasn’t.

“It’s pretty creepy out here. I hope there aren’t any prisons nearby.”

“I will protect you.” I held Rob’s chin and kissed him on the lips. “You can hold my hand.” I reached out and touched Rob’s leg and rubbed his thigh. I’d brush my hand over his crotch to see his reaction and I felt a reaction.

“We can’t have sex out here,” Rob said.

“Why not? Nobody’s going to see us.”

“Except the serial killer who lurks the back woods of Nebraska.”

I slipped my hand up his thigh anyway and could see that Rob was ready to go. “Take your shorts off,” I said.

Rob pulled them down to his ankles and I had free reign to jerk him off. “We’re gonna need something to wipe it up.

Rob was enjoying the danger element doing this outside with the risk of getting caught or killed by a maniac. I could tell he was ready and his short breaths and stifled groans told me he had climaxed. I heard Rob spit in his hand and wrap his hand around my dick and within a minute, I was shooting all over my chest and stomach.

“Fucking hell, I’ve been holding that since Minneapolis. Shit you can just touch me and I’ll come, man. Thank you.”

We situated ourselves so that my longer legs could extend over to his foot well and he did the same. We were like a human X more or less and we were both able to touch each other’s belly and cock.

“This is an interesting pose,” Rob said.

“I am open to suggestions.”

“I liked how we were and how you were rubbing my leg. That was nice,” Rob said.

“Me too. Plus I want to be able to kiss you should I have the urge.”

Rob laughed. “The urge?”

“Sounds kind of caveman-ish, right?” I pulled myself up and bent my back and neck so that I could kiss Rob goodnight.

“I have a weird question. Since we were best friends and now we’ve had sex twice and I loved it so I plan to continue if you’re game,” Rob said.

“Absolutely in,”

“What are we now?” Rob asked.

“Like our relationship, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s see what we got. We are both boys and best friends as long has nothing has changed since last night.” I asked.

“We did have sex twice now,” Rob said.

“When we get to UCLA I will introduce you as my fuck buddy. How’s that?”

Rob snorted laughing. “You asshole.” We both continued laughing.

“I would introduce you as my boyfriend, I guess,” I said.

“That sounds like we are teenage girls from the 1950s. My boyfriend’s back and you’re gonna be in trouble keeps running through my mind.”

“Thanks, now it’s in mine head, too. I’m not sure what other options we have. Partner sounds too unromantic,” I said. “Plus you haven’t even asked me to be your boyfriend. Are we even dating?”

“Fine, I’m sorry I asked. Let’s go with that.” I said. “But why are you asking me this?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I don’t really have an identity anymore. I’m not the athlete, the son…life has changed so fast in a month. I’ve always had an identity.”

Rob had a point. It had been a month of change and even more was coming so I decided to tell him how I felt.

“I already love you, Rob. For six years I’ve dreamt of being more than just best friends with you and never imagined it would actually happen. And here we are. Fuck buddy is out since technically we haven’t fucked.”

“Yet,” Rob said.

“Touche. Partner sounds like it’s for older people. Lover sounds like we’re from the 1970s. I think boyfriend is what I would choose.”

“What do they call what we are in Dutch?” Rob asked.

“The Dutch name is simple. Mijn vriend, which literally means My Friend. You are not A Friend or The Friend you are My Friend. That’s how the Dutch would say it.”

“Why is friend pronounced fiend?”

“That’s just how it is. It’s spelled with a “V” not an “F”. Since we’re in America let’s go with boyfriend if you need to give it an identity. We know everything about each other except couple things. That’s going to take some time to learn and understand.

“Thanks Will. I’m just happy we’re here,” Rob said.

“Me too. And don’t ever forget that I love you.”

I leaned over to kiss Rob and he was already drifting off to sleep. Things were changing quickly for us and Rob’s question slightly annoyed me, although I understood why he asked it. My whole life shook apart when I was twelve with the death of my father and the move to Minnesota to start over. Rob was twelve when his sister died and his parents started spiraling toward their own split. We both found each other at a moment of profound loss and change and our friendship had now evolved as we moved into adulthood. I also reminded myself that I had UCLA and my future there to look forward to. Rob didn’t have anything like that except our relationship, which is why he had to put a name to it. A beacon of identity to ground him in a time extreme change.

I watched him sleep soundly all scrunched into the passenger side of my Jeep. His chest rose and fell with each breath. I was overcome by what a good and beautiful man he was. I remembered everything he did to help ground me when we were kids. When I had nothing and he was rising to the top of the world.

I whispered in his ear and his lips formed into a cute little smile.

“I love you Mijn lievered, which means my sweetheart in Dutch. My heart swelled at the thought of my good fortune to have met this guy when we were both twelve.”

Sunlight poured through the sheer curtains and woke me up first. I was on the sofa, my left hand was gripped around my cock that stood at full attention. I had unconsciously pulled the waistband of my underwear down that now scooped up my balls like I was purposely showing off an erection growing out of my pubic hair, my balls pushed upward by my underwear. My right arm was scooped around Rob whose head lay on my right pectoral muscle. I felt his dick on the side of my leg, still encased in his underwear but hard. My mind raced trying to recall memories from the previous night. We’d been watching movies after Rob had a horrible day, learned his parents sold their house without telling him and ran to me in a panic. I calmed him down and last night moved all of Rob’s stuff out of his parents’ house so the new owners could move in the next day. Rob had nowhere to go so of course I told him he could stay with me. We made some quick spaghetti, put on some movies and obviously fell asleep to awaken like this. I was horrified while at the same time, never happier in my life. Whenever I got horny for Rob, which was pretty much all the time, I’d try and think about something else or jerk off to relieve the tension. One of those wasn’t working and the other was something I couldn’t do while my best friend slept on top of me.

Rob stirred. My cock slapped against my stomach the minute I released it. Rob stirred and looked up at me briefly. He appeared to be confused or disoriented, one eye open and one closed.

“Hi,” Rob said calmly. I wasn’t sure if he was fully awake.

“Hi, um sorry. This is how I usually wake up.”

“Morning wood. Yeah, me too,” he said with calmness as if we did this every morning. “So that’s what an uncircumcised cock looks like hard. I see what you mean. It looks more normal now.”

“This is normal. It’s just the religious people who decide to cut off what God gave us naturally,” I said.

“I didn’t know you thought about God, Will.”

I tried to breathe and get my mind off the fact that the man I loved was checking out my hardon like it was a lab specimen. I never could understand straight guys’ fascination with dicks. Rob placed his hands on my shaft, stretching the skin all the way over its head and back down. He then rubbed my pubic hair. I was ready to blow any second.

“Bigger than what I expected,” Rob said. “You want to see mine?”

My mouth went dry. I just nodded. Rob pushed himself up, peeled off his tank top and straddled me. He pulled his hard cock out of his underwear. It was veiny and thick. Precum dripped out of his slit and pooled on my stomach. I had no idea this would ever happen to me with Rob.

“Jerk me off,” he said with calmness. “Let’s get on the floor. I’ll take care of yours.”

Never in all my fantasies about sex with Rob was he the one who initiated things. We both lay side by side, erections pointing upward, each of our hands on the other’s dick. The feeling of his hand on me was like pouring kerosene on a fire. One touch and some precum spurted out of my slit.

“Man, you’re close.”

I nodded. Desperate for release. My hand pumped his dick and I could tell he was close, too.

“You’re so beautiful,” I said to Rob.

His hips thrust upward and ropes of white cum shot out of his dick and landed all over his chiseled abs and chest. Rob shuddered and immediately went to work on mine and in less than five strokes my cock erupted with a volume of cum I’d never seen come out of me. I’d never had an orgasm so intense.

“Jesus Christ,” I said panting. “Fuck.”

Rob got up on one elbow and gazed at me as his fingers drew lines and shapes with the cum that landed on my stomach. He smiled at me seductively. “That’s for letting me stay here last night and coming to my rescue.”

I was mentally preparing for this to get incredibly awkward, but he made a joke. I couldn’t think of a quick retort so I just smiled like an idiot. He then leaned over and kissed me on the lips, another thing to blow my mind. His light kissing turned me on so fast I held his face, cum still trickling down both my hands and devoured him with my mouth. My tongue went wild. At times our teeth clanked as we ground our lips together. Rob moaned and intensified his kissing down my neck and to my chest as I still grasped what was happening.

“You want to make breakfast?” he asked.

“Jesus, Rob. Are you okay…?” I asked before he cut me off.

“I’ve wanted to do that since the first day we met. You stirred something in me I didn’t know was there. You okay with it?”

“Why now?”

“I’ve had a crush on you since seventh grade Will. Yesterday I honestly felt like I was gonna die and all I kept thinking about was how much I would have missed you and that you would never know how I felt. If I died you would never know I loved you.”

My eyes and ears nearly leapt from my head. “You loved me?”

“Love, actually. Present tense.”

“But I thought you were straight. What about Emily and all the other girls?” I asked.

“I’m not sure what I am, Will. Gay, Bi, I haven’t really cared. All I knew is that I loved you and that was the important thing. It doesn’t matter about me, but I’m not completely straight if that’s what you want to know.”

“Have you ever done this before? I mean like jerking off another guy.”

“Nope. Never had the desire to. First time. You?”

“I’ve had sex with you many times in my mind and company of my own hand. I’m pretty sure I’m only into men. But this is the first time for me having…was this sex?” I asked.

“I consider it sex now since it’s the only thing I’ve done and certainly you’re the only guy I’ve ever wanted to try it with. I know there are lots of other ways to have sex, but this way was pretty mind-blowing for me.”

“For me, too. And totally unexpected,” I said.

“You didn’t sense I was hot for you? Even when I touched your dick?”

“Especially when you touched my dick. You said it looked weird and ugly. It wasn’t a typical gay-guy reaction.” I said,

“Fair enough, it was kind of weird-looking though.”

“Fuck you,” I laughed. “When do you want to head west?”

“I can leave today since I’m homeless,” Rob said.

“You’re my tenant so you need to pay me back somehow,” I said.

“I think I learned one of your weak spots this morning. Would that suffice?”

“Yes. I think that’s acceptable,” I joked. “Plus you have to help me drive.”

“I’m in. What’s the itinerary?”

“Drive west to Denver. We can climb some mountains and shit like that. Then head south to Santa Fe, New Mexico.”

“What’s there?” Rob asked.

“More mountains, hot springs and Indian stuff. Then we head west toward Las Vegas. You ever been there?”

“I haven’t been anywhere,” Rob said. “Maybe we can get married there in one of those twenty-four-hour wedding chapels.”

“Well, I’m open to discussion once it becomes legal. By the way, that sounded like something a gay guy would say.” I laughed.

“Bite my ass,” Rob said.

“Maybe on our second date. Then we’ll drive from Vegas to Los Angeles. UCLA is going to put me up in a hotel, wants me to play a few scrimmages with the other freshmen players and then we can head to Joshua Tree.”

“What do you want me to do when you’re at UCLA? Rob asked.

“Huh? I want you to be with me. If that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want to make anything awkward for you.” Rob said.

“They’re not auditioning me for being straight. I’ve already got the scholarship so they should know what they paid for. A half European half American gay guy with an ugly weird dick.”

“And an amazing soccer player, too.”

“One of these days I’m going to expect an apology for calling my dick weird and ugly, asshole”

“Maybe those UCLA soccer players will find it not ugly.”

“I’ll probably fuck all of them by the second day so you can get their opinions,” I laughed.

“Well get pictures of that if it happens,” Rob said. “Or I’ll just have to join in.”

“Okay now you’re sounding like a bad boy becoming a slut.”

“It’s your fault. You broke the seal,” Rob said.

“If this goes the way I hope it does, you have no idea how many seals I intend to break on you, Rob.” I reached over and kissed him because I already loved him hundreds-of-times more since this morning.

“Will we need to go through South Dakota? I haven’t been there for…” Rob paused.

“We will avoid the Dakotas and go through Iowa and Nebraska, okay. Unless you want to.

“Thanks, Will. I appreciate you always thinking of me with stuff like that.”

I loved this man, but it had only been a few hours since we had our first more-than-just-friends encounter. Rob didn’t know that I thought of him more than I thought of myself. He was all I ever thought about. I would marry him this afternoon if it was possible. I already loved him and had no intention of stopping, but I wanted to give him space and time as he figured things out.

“Let’s grab some sandwiches. We can stop at a gas station and get some ice and drinks and head off into the sunset. Denver is about thirteen hours away,” I said.

“We can stop and camp or drive through right?” Rob asked.

“I’ve gotta be in LA in exactly two weeks so we can take our time getting there, okay?”

Rob nodded. “I can’t believe how much my life has changed in the last two days.”

I nodded. “Let’s make the next chapter about our life.”

“And for the record, your dick is beautiful.”

“I know. That wasn’t so hard to admit was it?” I kissed Rob on his lips.’

“Let’s get the fuck out of Dodge,” Rob said.

“I never know what that means when people say it, but okay. Off to the west.”