Life is too short to be overly concerned or embarrassed about the top of your curtains, but these grommet top curtains have been on my project list for a while. I plan to add hooks and pleats or sew a rod pocket.

I recently replaced the plaid curtains in my son’s nursery with better blackout ones and thought I’d give the plaid a try in the living room.

I love the way the light shines through when I close them during naptime.

I love the way the lighter color and texture looks with my grasscloth and paneling.

There’s just something about the green velvet that I think this room needs.

Example A: the Obama-era White House Treaty room, designed by Michael Smith.

It’s not that I want my living room to look as stately as the White House. But… you’ve got to admit this is a cozy room. The grasscloth, leather, Persian rug, and velvet curtains feel perfectly layered and inviting.

I’d never even seen the Treaty Room until googling photos of Michael Smith’s Jasper fabric, Nathalie Bouquet. I scored a small remnant from a designer’s sale and used it to upholster the inside of my hutch. After looking for other photos of it in-use, I discovered it was used in Michelle’s FLOTUS office. Swoon.

This led me on a deep dive of Michael Smith x Obama’s White House. Think what you want about the Obamas- they have class.

With this Treaty Room inspiration in mind (that I love), I’m really waffling on a decision.

Pleat the green velvet drapes? Go with the light filtering plaid? Line the plaid with blackout fabric to put back in the nursery?

I’ve had one of each up for a week now and it hasn’t given me any clarity. Maybe we go with a mismatched look. On the left, Obama-era White House. On the right, cozy higgeldy-piggeldy English cottage.

What’s your vote?

Hosting

We hosted good friends for dinner last week. I made Easy Bolognese from The Modern Proper and a toasted Trader Joe’s baguette. I asked them to bring a salad.

I remembered that our friend, Austin, loves cheesecake because I wrote it down in my little guest file box. Its a vintage recipe tin that I use to keep track of friends’ allergies and preferences. (Some people over on Instagram said they do this in their phone contacts!)

I try to be analog when it’s an option, so I love my little tin. (If you’ve been to our house for dinner, you probably have a card!)

After dinner, we moved to the living room with cocktails.

Austin saw the thawing cheesecake in the kitchen and said, “Are you going to bring that out, too? Ever since I saw it when we got here… I really want a piece.”

I was so pleased. A brainless, storebought dessert that was exactly what my friend (and I) loved? This is further proof that your friends don’t want to be impressed. They want to be seen.

Will I serve cheesecake every time these friends visit? I don’t know. Probably not. But I do know that it is an easy win, so why overcomplicate things?

On their way out the door, after a fun and late evening of pasta and cheesecake and cocktails and stories, I asked them, “Hey- how clean were my baseboards?” They were caught off guard and completely clueless. Anna, always up for a bit, said, “Well, I did inspect them with a glove when we arrived and thought they could’ve been a bit more polished. Just kidding. I didn’t notice and don’t care.” Austin agreed. “I honestly have no idea.”

I did a quick vacuum and wipe of the bathroom before they arrived, but didn’t stress myself out deep cleaning the whole house to impress anyone.

My neighbor, Teresa, said it best when I shared this story with her a few days later.

“I don’t come to visit your house. I come to visit you.”

Amen. (Ben and I jokingly call her “Mother Teresa”. Without trying to be, she is very quotable. Like the time I told her I am easygoing and struggle with confrontation, and she said, “I’m real easygoing ‘til you f**k with me.” Well put. I can always count on my venerable neighbors to bring some perspective.)

Laughing

I don’t know what this screenshot is from but wow did the captions make me laugh. I kept seeing this meme on Threads last week and couldn’t get enough. What would you add?

That’s all for this week.

I’m really enjoying this “ing” format (piddling, hosting, laughing). I hope the things I collect to share are as inspiring and amusing to you as they are to me.

I feel most fulfilled and myself in life when I am cooking for family and friends. Preferably in my own home. “Hosting”, you might say.

I look forward to hosting all day. When it’s finally time to begin the meal, usually an hour or so before guests arrive, I pour a glass of cheap red wine, light some candles, and lock in. Usually with Taylor Swift on the speaker. It gives me life and enjoyment like nothing else.

I get to end the day with friends, giving them and myself the gift of rest and nourishment. We are going to eat every night anyway. I figure we might as well slow down enough to enjoy it with others. Even if it’s “just a Tuesday” and there’s nothing to celebrate.

I plan to have a lot of Tuesdays in my life. I might as well enjoy them.

So, yes, I love hosting. I think I’m pretty good at it, too.

It has not always been this way. I was not naturally good at this.

In 2016, the summer Ben and I got married, I had an actual nightmare- yes, nightmare- about meal planning and grocery shopping. I had never lived on my own before, and the sudden need to cook for not one but two people was entirely overwhelming.

You mean I have to decide what’s for dinner every night? And then next week I have to do it all over again?

The horrors.

Making dinner for my own family every night until I die is hard enough. Why in the world would I introduce other people into the equation?

If that’s how you feel about hosting, fair. It is more work to consider other people’s preferences, allergies, schedules, and social dynamics. It is objectively easier to just… not.

I’m tired, I’m people-d out. I just want to go home and recover from the day with the people I already live with. Even they can be a bit much.

Food isn’t even the biggest hurdle. There’s also the house.

Company is Coming

You don’t need me to explain it to you. We all know the dreaded “company is coming” feeling. The date is set, the audience is chosen, and now the dinner-and-a-show must go on, dammit.

You spend the whole day cleaning and cooking and when your guests finally arrive, you are spent.

This version of hosting sucks for everyone. The host is stressed, the host’s family is even more stressed, and the guests don’t get to relax either.

What’s even worse is if the host runs themselves ragged trying to impress with their home and cooking and still apologizes for everything.

If you greet me at the door with a, “Hi, sorry for the mess”, I’m instantly picturing my own mess back home. Should I feel bad about my own shoes by my door? Or the dog hair on my baseboards? They went to all this trouble to have me over. I’ll try not to be any more of a burden while I’m here.

If you’re worried about impressing your guests, you are not hosting. You are performing.

I polled my Instagram audience about hosting and received about 300 responses. I felt immense secondhand stress while reading the replies, and I think it all comes down to this performance mentality.

Please take the time to read some of the replies and notice the common threads.

I host meals for people other than my household…

“I would invite people over to my house more often if…”

• I had better recipes.

• My space was larger.

• My husband would let me, haha.

• My husband would help me more.

• I had more chairs.

• I didn’t have to think about food.

• The house was always clean.

• I had more time.

• I wasn’t so tired.

• Guests would say yes.

• I had something to celebrate.

• I had a separate guest bathroom.

• My house was less cluttered.

• I didn’t have two little kids.

• My kids’ toys weren’t all over the living room.

• My carpet was replaced.

• I was confident they would have a good time.

• I had a house cleaner and a yard boy.

• My kids were older.

• I had a go-to menu.

• My kitchen was renovated, floors were touched up, and trim repainted.

“Before I invite people over, I absolutely have to…”

• Get a real dining room set.

• Deep clean everything.

• Clear a toy-free path from the front door to the dining room.

• Clean everything and make both interior and exterior perfectly presentable.

• Clean everything, cook something everyone likes without knowing tastes.

• Declutter counters.

• Clean my baseboards.

• Figure out seating in a small home.

• Make evidence of pets disappear.

• Plan something fun.

• Make the house look perfectly clean and tidy.

• Deep clean, finish decorating, have the perfect hostess tools.

• Repaint, deep clean, update poorly hand built furniture.

• Dust, mop, and cook something impressive.

• Cook something that’s actually good.

• Be a better cook, serve alcohol, be less awkward.

• Clean, organize, grocery shop, clean again.

• Clean house from top to bottom.

• Deep clean and have my rooms “finished” and try to get past that since I know no one cares.

• Clean everything, have rooms “finished” design-wise, and good meal.

• Deep clean and have everything look perfect.

• Hide all of the products in our bathroom.

• Make the house look perfect. Cook the perfect meal. Be perfect.

I am so glad people were honest, and I am so sad they feel this way.

If 300 people replied and none of them think their house is good enough or finished enough or tidy enough to invite someone else in, whose is? How do you feel when you’re home by yourself? Is this really what you think your friends need or want from you? It’s sad, y’all. But it’s real. I get the pressure.

I’ve also learned to get over the pressure to perform and can report back that it is life changing. I have set up my home and my priorities in a way that hosting friends for dinner really feels effortless.

Must be nice, you might be thinking. And I’m sorry to be annoying, but, it kind of is nice.

I do not perform for guests. I host them. I invite them into my current life and I am always better off for it.

I am an introvert, and so is my husband. In chats about this post, he said, “You know, I have a really limited social battery. But I have never once regretted spending an evening hosting friends for dinner. You think it’s going to be draining, but it’s actually the thing that fills you up. You won’t burn out from hosting. But you will burn out from being alone. If you’re tired and overwhelmed, the solution isn’t to go into your little cave and hide. It’s counterintuitive, but you need to invite other people into your cave if you want to avoid being lonely and tired forever.”

I think he’s right. Even as introverts, we need to share life with other people.

Performing vs. Hosting

Performing says, “Come be impressed.”

True hosting says, “Come be part of my in-progress life tonight, plus food.”

Your house is in progress.

Your baseboards will get dirty again.

Your yard could always be better.

Your dining room could always be bigger.

Your cooking could always improve.

If you have kids, they’re growing up.

If you have a spouse, your marriage isn’t perfect. Will it ever be?

Your life is in-progress, and it always will be.

There will always be another project. Another busy week on the calendar. If the kitchen gets renovated in a few years, the sofa will probably be worn out by then.

There is no magical future moment where your house, your cooking skills, your finances, your marriage, your schedule, and your energy level become simultaneously perfect.

If you’re only willing to invite others into the finished version of your life, you will spend your whole life waiting.

You can’t invite someone into your Pinterest board. You can invite them into your imperfect, in-progress, one and only life.

Isn’t that what you wish someone else would do for you? Maybe you have to go first.

You can decide that hosting is not a performance. Hosting is an invitation for another person to join you in your ordinary, present reality.

Ordinary life is where we need each other.

You don’t host because you’re tired. Your house is dirty. You’re overwhelmed. You’re lonely and don’t know who to invite.

Hosting does involve effort. You clean the toilet and vacuum up the pet hair so you and your friends are comfortable. You cook dinner because feeding people is loving them and you were going to eat anyway. You light candles because Tuesday deserves candles and maybe with lower lighting you can better ignore all of the scuffed up baseboards.

If you’re waiting to erase all signs of life before you invite others in, you will always be waiting.

You don’t need a bigger dining room or a newer kitchen. You need to take the risk of inviting someone else into your ordinary, in-progress life. If the survey showed you anything, maybe it’s that everyone feels a bit in-progress. What a relief! I’m glad the people I’m inviting don’t have all their shit together. I know I don’t. Why would I pretend?

Stop waiting to host. Don’t wait for a finished life before you let people into it.

Your friends don’t need a renovated kitchen.

They need dinner. So do you.

This week, we’re doing a deep dive on “piddling”.

Then we’ll breeze through what I’ve been reading, cooking, wearing, and laughing about this week.

1. Piddling

It’s not peeing, if that’s what you’re thinking.

Landon Talks, a delightful person to follow on Instagram, gave my favorite definition of piddling a few years ago. If you don’t watch the video, please read his quote in the friendliest, least hurried southern accent you can imagine. It really adds to the definition.

“Piddling is not really doing much. Or, it’s doing a lot- but with a lackadaisical attitude. Piddling is strictly wants. It is not needs based. Piddling can be things like changing the hummingbird feeder, putting out your summer comforter. Little tasks to enrich your life, just piddling.

If you’re piddling, you’re probably also pondering. You’re clearing your head out, making that list. Getting those things worked out. Pondering on the possibilities.

So, you see, piddling and pondering are both effective means of self care. You can piddle enough to where your life is in complete order. And if you’ve pondered enough, your piddling will be a bit more effective. They go together.”

I agree with Landon. Piddling is my peak self.

Wandering around the house, shuffling artwork, maybe tidying a bit but not in a “need to” way? Sign me up. Getting out the tape measurer (often to the horror of my husband) to scheme the next project that will certainly interrupt his life but guarantee me more hours of piddling? Peak.

And uninterrupted piddling time? Feels like Christmas and my birthday all in one, but its just a Friday morning with nowhere to go.

As a stay at home mom, I’m rarely home alone. I do get alone time, just not in the house by myself. But every few weeks, Ben takes the baby to Costco for a field trip and I get to piddle totally uninterrupted. It restores me. Buoys me. This is piddling.

Remember, piddling is wants based. For me, it often involves home projects. But never in an, “I have to get this done today” sort of way. No ma’am. That takes all the fun out of it, which is probably why I have at least three home projects going at any time. They’ll all get done eventually. Maybe. Not the point.

Here are some fruits of my piddling this week:

Hundred Acre Wood Mural

I’m slowly making progress on a Hundred Acre Woods mural in my son’s nursery closet. He’s 18 months old and loves his books. I’m going to fill the closet with pillows and blankets and his stuffed animals.

It’s been difficult to find time to work on the mural since he’s in here for his naps, but I’m finding time here and there. Adding the black outlines really gave me that classic Winnie the Pooh style I love.

To Gallery Wall or Not to Gallery Wall?

A few years ago, I wallpapered our living room with grasscloth and added lots of millwork. I never knew what to do with this stairway wall since I wasn’t going to wallpaper the entire upstairs hallway.

I did what anyone would do- cover it up with a gallery wall (*jazz hands*). All the gallery wall did was create more contrast with the stark white. (Cue Jan Levinson- “It was white, white. Like an asylum.”) I don’t have anything against white walls, but they were doing nothing for the moody, muted art.

I put off trying to wallpaper even a section of this wall because I worried I wouldn’t have enough. I finally decided how to cap off a section and just went for it. And you know what? I had just enough wallpaper. (*jazz hands 2x*)

Maxwell, my son, was very interested in my wallpaper tools. He had a go with the plastic wallpaper smoother. And by “had a go” I mean he waved it around in the general direction of the wall. My heart.

TBD on if I’ll put the full gallery wall back here or move it to the snug. I’m living with it “quieted” for a while now that the wallpaper is up. What do you think?

Reading

Speaking of living with “quieted” decor, I’ve been reading an advance copy of Myquillyn Smith’s new book, House Hushing. (It launches on Tuesday, August 25th!)

House Hushing teaches a simple method to declutter and decorate for a more peaceful home. It’s not an all or nothing approach. She teaches how to “turn down the volume” when your home feels overwhelming. She says that peace isn’t found in emptiness; its found in intention.

I love that.

I followed her method to “hush” my living room last week, which was a really fun experiment. I moved all decor to the “holding zone” of my guest bed. You live with your room in this hushed state for at least 48 hours before asking yourself what really deserves to come back in.

It’s amazing how a quieter space makes room for more life to happen. More stillness, too. And just like she predicted would happen, I finally took care of a few things that were bugging me about the room itself. Finishing the wallpaper, painting the inside of my hutch to match the fabric I hung. Two things that were hard to do when they were covered with decor.

I restyled my hutch with far less “stuff”, but still added enough to get my signature style of cozy, collected, colorful, folky, personal. I need to decide what to do with the little leftover extras, but I’m not in a hurry.

That’s the great thing about house hushing and, as Myq calls it, “backwards decluttering”. You can take your time to decide where your items end up. If you’re ready to part with them or store them for a while for lower stakes. But living with and benefitting from a quieter room motivates you to keep it that way.

Cooking

This isn’t even cooking as much as it’s assembling. I love Trader Joe’s marinated chickpeas for an easy dinner. Paired with white rice, naan bread, and mediterranean-ish toppings. I use cucumber, tomato, pickled red onions, feta, and kalamata olives.

Wearing:

Stripes and Florals

Striped button down with a millennial half-tuck, paired with a thrifted JCrew Liberty London skirt. And a maple iced coffee, naturally.

I loved this stripe/floral combo so much I wore it twice this week. Maybe three times.

I love a stripe/floral combo for my home, and my wardrobe is no exception. This combo is easy to thrift if you’re looking for late summer, wish-it-were-fall inspiration.

Laughing

LOL to all of the above.

Next week, I’ll share some tips for stress-free dinner hosting and whatever else I get into during a week at home.

Enjoy your weekend!

P.S. What would you do about the gallery wall? Put it all back, or leave the wallpaper as it is? Help!

Welcome to Home Notes, the latest “home” for Holland Avenue.

If we’ve never met, hi. I’m Avery. I like long walks around thrift stores, piddling around the house in my robe, and inviting friends for dinner.

I’m a 30-year-old stay at home mom who is still finding my feet. After almost a decade of working in marketing and ministry by day and DIY blogging by night, I’m really slowing down and savoring this time at home with my son.

I’m still working out what it means to be a Jesus-follower after a traumatic few years on staff at a megachurch. I have a degree in Biblical studies and my husband is a pastor, so “the church” has always been part of my story. My disillusionment after spiritual abuse was shattering, but now I’m slowly rebuilding a faith that feels more stable and whole and true.

Since I got married at 19 (!) ten years ago, I’ve shared my home projects over on Instagram. I have a cozy, layered interior style that is entirely un-linkable. I’ve thrifted my home brick by brick, chintz by chintz, lamp by lamp. I can quit whenever I want. (I do not want.)

I share what I’m thrifting, making, cooking, reading, and other “ing”s over on Instagram. It’s a big mish mash of my hobbies and ramblings, but the one thread connecting everything I share is a whole-hearted pursuit of contentment.

There’s a lot of money to be profited from your discontentment. In this loud and consumeristic internet age, there’s nothing more desirable than your limited attention. “Buy this, upgrade that, and RUN don’t walk before this thing sells out.” It’s too much. At least, it’s too much for me. Maybe you feel the same?

I hope to offer a respite from the barrage of links and hauls that make up so much of the interior design and homemaking content world. I believe it’s entirely possible for you to love the way your home looks and feels no matter what kind of budget you’re working with. I know it’s possible because I’m doing it. Beyond that, I think the best joy we can experience in our homes is when we open them up to share meals with others.

I held off starting this Substack because I didn’t know how I could possibly “niche down”. I love learning and sharing about so many different things- how could I give it all some structure? Well, niche, be damned. I am the niche.

I’ve learned a lot about decorating, hosting, and homemaking over the last ten years and plan to share those bits and bobs here. But instead of being a “how-to” guide or yet another aspiring Martha Stewart, I want to share the things I’m still learning. The in-progress, as it happens inspiration. Maybe it’s a new recipe, an idea for how to repurpose thrifted goodies, or tips for hosting.

You’re going to get a weekly recap of the things I’m inspired by and thinking about that week, loosely categorized into “ing”s. (Making, cooking, wearing, reading, watching, etc. etc.)

I hope you leave inspired and more content with your own life after spending a little time here.

Cheers,

Avery