If you’ve been writing for any length of time, you’ve heard someone say, “Write what you know.” In fact, you might’ve been inculcated with it, which is the ten-dollar way of saying, “had it knocked into your head.” Often attributed to Mark Twain, the phrase has been repeated countless times in various forms by authors, editors, and other artists. The legendary jazz saxophonist Charlie Parker put it this way: “If you don’t live it, it won’t come out of your horn.”

The consensus today is that the rule is misunderstood and too broad, if not flat-out wrong. Brokeback Mountain author Annie Proulx once said, “What I find to be very bad advice is the snappy little sentence, ‘Write what you know’...If we write simply about what we know we never grow...What one should write about is what interests one.” Stephen King said, “It’s bad advice if you take it as an unbreakable rule, but good advice if you use it as a foundation.”

Even as writers walk back from the phrase, it seems to have acquired a corollary: “Write who you are.” A literary agent at the Atlanta Writers Conference told me her daughter and some other young women are “militantly” opposed to men writing female protagonists. For better or worse, I’ve done that in the alt-historical novel I’m pitching and in several short pieces. These include An Uncloudy Day, published by The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature (whose motto is, “No good Southern writing is complete without a dead mule”).

I took this creative leap because it was crucial to the story. I also blended it with lived experience from the time when, like the elderly narrator, my wife and I owned a Florida beach home that was sometimes threatened by hurricanes. Here’s the character remembering storms she’s been through.

“[Hurricane] Philip blew our shingles halfway to I-10 and Rachel, damn her soul, made me cry when she knocked down the tall sand pine shading the yard. (We had a sand pine that we loved). But the house Dad built, on land the government gave him in gratitude for flying bombers over Germany, always held up. (Our neighborhood was full of these houses).

“The waves aren’t blue-green and gentle anymore. Out the window I see dark, heavy swells that’ve swallowed part of the dune and our walkover with it. The warning flags are flapping madly under a raging sky. My street is underwater from the rain and it’s coming down harder by the minute.” (This didn’t happen to us but is based on real storms.)

My novel, whose protagonist is a woman astronaut at the dawn of the space age, is an example of Proulx’s advice about interest. I’ve been following space flight since I was a kid and vividly recall the early launches. For the book, I stuffed my brain with every bit of info I could find about those missions and the pioneer female aviators who, in an alternate timeline, might have flown them. So even though I’ve never seen Earth from a hundred miles high, I believe I saw a good story. I hope you’ll be able to read it soon. Meanwhile, you can find all my short fiction here.

Author bio: Dave Swan is a former broadcast journalist and a lifelong writer. Besides The Dead Mule School, his short stories have appeared in Tension Literary, the Raven Review, and elsewhere. When not writing or wrangling X and Bluesky for the club, he’s a freelance copy editor.

Dave’s website:

https://daveswanauthor.wordpress.com/

Substack: https://substack.com/@daveswan

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I’m delighted to write my first correspondence as your next Atlanta Writers Club President and open the door to what I hope will become a regular conversation between us.

Like many of you, I first joined AWC looking for community—a place to learn, challenge myself, and connect with people who understood the strange, wonderful obsession that is writing. I found all of that and so much more. This Club has become one of the most meaningful communities in my life, and I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to give back in this new capacity.

Writing has taken me on a remarkable journey. Today, I’m fortunate to have my debut upmarket horror novel publishing in May 2027. But long before book deals and publishing contracts, I was simply someone trying to improve my craft and find my people along the way. Through that journey, I discovered that success in writing rarely happens in isolation. It grows through encouragement, honest feedback, shared experiences, and a community willing to celebrate one another’s victories. That spirit is what makes the Atlanta Writers Club so special.

As President, my goal is to build on the incredible work led by our Board and dedicated volunteers. I want us to continue growing thoughtfully, welcoming writers from every background, genre, and stage of their journey—whether they’re putting words on the page for the very first time, pursuing publication, or simply writing because it brings them joy. I also hope to continue expanding the opportunities we provide for learning, networking, and building meaningful connections, while ensuring every decision we make keeps our members at the heart of our work.

Thank you for being part of this extraordinary community. I can’t wait to see what we’ll accomplish together.

Happy writing,

Maddison Bruer Zigtema

President, Atlanta Writers Club

Bio: Maddison Bruer Zigtema is a Senior Manager at Deloitte Consulting, where she specializes in business strategy and technology. She writes psychological horror under the pen name Maddison Dawn. Her debut novel, EATING VERONICA, will be published by Grand Central Publishing (Hachette Book Group) in May 2027. Learn more at maddisondawn.com or follow her on Instagram @MaddDawn_Author.

Writers often carry the quiet belief that one more edit will sharpen a sentence, that one more revision will perfect a paragraph, that one more pass will finally bring the work into full alignment with its intended vision. Yet every creative process eventually reaches a turning point where refinement begins to repeat itself, and improvement subtly shifts into delay. Recognizing that moment is its own kind of wisdom.

To know when a book is finished is not to declare that no further possibility exists, but to recognize that sufficient clarity has already been achieved. The work has spoken what it was meant to speak. Beyond that point, changes may adjust tone or polish structure, but they no longer deepen the message. Continued revision can even begin to soften the voice that once felt certain and true.

There is a deeper maturity in learning to trust the work as it stands, to release it without hesitation, and to allow it to exist beyond its creator’s constant return. Completion is not only a technical decision; it is an emotional one. It is the moment a writer understands that holding on too long can blur what was once clear.

So, there is wisdom in putting the pencil down, dropping the pen, and closing the laptop. Not as surrender, but as release. Not because there is nothing more to change, but because something has reached its natural ending, and it is time to turn the page.

You have said enough.

The completed work deserves to breathe. And so do you.

1. What inspired you to write Dawn Before Darkness?

Two things inspired this novel. First, I had a friend who had a terrible experience with a stalker, so I wanted to fictionalize her story. Also, I went through a lengthy battle for guardianship of my mom, so I felt compelled to expose how broken the probate court system is regarding guardianships and conservatorships of the elderly.

2. How would you describe your book in 10 words or less?

psychological thriller, stalker, guardianship abuse, suspense, fast-paced, twist ending

3. Tell us a little about DAWN BEFORE DARKNESS.

Dawn Smith, a vet tech living in rural South Carolina, catches her boyfriend in a series of lies and abruptly ends the relationship. Rather than accepting the break-up, he begins to stalk and harass her, forcing Dawn to seek a restraining order. Undeterred, he launches a deeply personal attack—suing for guardianship and conservatorship of Dawn’s infirm mother. In court, he manipulates the truth using evidence that he planted while the couple were still dating. And just when Dawn thinks things can’t get any worse, she is faced with an impossible choice: rekindle the relationship or lose her mother forever.

4. What do you hope readers will take away from Dawn Before Darkness?

My strong advice to all parents is to ensure that your estate planning is in order—that your personal representative is chosen, your POA and Will directives are clear and that this documentation is finalized before anyone can challenge your mental capacity.

5. How did your personal experience shape this book?

We’ve all heard stories about the court system taking children away from their parents,
presumably because the adults were unfit guardians. It’s equally possible for the legal
system to take aging parents from their perfectly competent adult children. I know—it
happened to my family.
I spent ten years and thousands of dollars to convince the court that I would be the best guardian for my mom. It took a change of attorney, a change of venue and a new judge to make this happen. Although I was able to eventually become my mom’s guardian, there are many families who are still fighting this broken system—and others who lack the resources for this kind of battle.
DAWN BEFORE DARKNESS is fiction, but what happens to the main character and her mom is all too real.

6. What advice would you offer writers currently working on their own book?

Write without expectations – of money, fame, or great reviews. Do it because it’s a calling that you enjoy ... because you can’t control the rest.

7. What will you be working on next?

I have an idea and a vague outline. That’s how these things get started.
I plan to stay in the psychological suspense and mystery genre. There’s nothing I like more than discovering a twist that I didn’t see coming, so when I can do that for my readers, I’m really happy.

8. Will you be having a book launch event for Dawn Before Darkness?

Yes, the book launches May 26, 2026, and we will be having a party at our home in Bozeman, Montana.

9. Where can readers connect with you online?

You can find links to my books / audio books and read sample chapters at: www.lizlazarus.com.
The e-book is available for preorder on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
I look forward to hearing from you, and please feel free to tag: #dawnbeforedarkness #authorlizlazarus
Thanks!
Liz Lazarus

1. What are the most common errors you see writers make during the querying process?

Incorrect genre/subgenre categorization
For example, ROMEO & JULIET is NOT a Cozy YA Rom-Com with Inspirational Themes (Complete at 90,312 words), nor is it Romantasy with “elements of dark academia and gentle horror.” Rely less on what editors and agents are looking for this week, and more on easy-to-establish categories.

Incorrect word count
Remember that 499 or lower means you go lower, while 501 or higher means you go higher. So, 78,498 = AWC 78K while 78,700 = AWC 79K or 79K AWC - your preference.

Irrelevant comp titles.
Just because your MG is about a boy named Harry, that doesn’t mean you can compare it to Harry Potter. Know your market. Use comps that are relevant and accurate rather than aspirational.

Lack of contact information or misinformation
It’s hard to get in touch with John Smith, whose email address is JohnSmith@gmail.com, but has been mistakenly entered as JhnoSmiht@gmail.com. Check before you send. It’s okay to include an email address and phone number. We won’t sell your information.

Misleading summary/synopsis
Reconsider before you mention that ROMEO & JULIET is a light, humorous young adult romance about first love, the beauty of communication, and finding your voice. It’s The Summer I Turned Pretty meets To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. (No, it’s not!)

Typos
Enuff sed.

2. Is there an additional skill, besides writing, that you would encourage all writers to cultivate for success in traditional publishing?

Just one?

Breathe with intention. Dream, and practice your autograph.

Build your social media platform.
It’s part of your professional presentation. Make peace with it and move forward.

Develop flexibility.
- Accept and respect structural revision under real-world constraints. Authors edit. Agents suggest edits, and authors edit. Editors suggest edits, and authors edit. This process will take longer than you realize, and please remember that this is all for you and the success of your work.

Learn to analyze markets.
- A writer with market awareness is not easier to “sell”—they are easier to build. You will not rewrite the industry, but you should know what the industry is writing, especially your section (genre/subgenre) thereof. Read with abandon. Learn from the books you love and the books you’d love to throw across the room. Both have something to teach you. Be curious and believe in the industry. If you don’t respect traditional publishing and all it has to offer, go elsewhere.

Take an Improv class or Toastmasters
Get that part of your brain going that helps you learn to speak on the fly, with people you don’t know. Big-picture results include successful interviews, podcast opportunities, and the level of celebrity that comes when a writer speaks in a way that encourages and enthralls. In terms of building dialogue, this ability will help you build a character voice rather than a voice that sounds way too much like you, the writer.

WWYD - What Would You Do
Show up as a professional collaborator. Trust and be trustworthy. Treat your agent and editor/editorial team the way you want to be treated. Encourage others. Be reliable, prepared, and constructive. Always believe in the best and promote gratitude. Nobody “must” read your work. When someone agrees to do a beta read, endorse, provide a blurb, review, etc., that’s the time you do the same for someone else. Grow as if your career depends on it because it does.

3. Do you have any predictions for the future of traditional publishing? Do you think any big shifts in the process are coming?

Traditional publishing is becoming more selective, more data-aware, more format-conscious, and more reliant on professionalism early on, so the days of authors without presence are dwindling. I do not believe publishing will become faster, kinder, simpler, or less collaborative, but the writers who will succeed will be the ones who think long-term, revise deeply, understand the market, and can work inside an imperfect system without becoming exhausted or burning out. The shifts? We need to find mutual respect, which is currently lacking. If I tell an author that the editor has a hundred manuscripts in front of ours, the author needs to work on a) a new project, b) their long-term plans, or c) their acceptance level. Editors are overworked. Agents are overworked. Authors should be overworked in all the best ways. I hope the big shift recognizes effort from all entities and a place of support for everyone.

4. Thinking back on your favorite submissions, what qualities stand out as the best indicator of a manuscript you knew would be successful?

My favorite submissions have included a level of respect, an explanation of why the world needs this book, and a clear sense of uniqueness in tone, presentation, and excitement. The submissions always include a level of professionalism, a solid belief, and an understated assuredness that tell me the author is willing to do the work, expand, and improve. It’s the candid submission that gets me every time, and if there’s room for humor or relativity (this book will affect people because...), I’m sold.

More information about AKA Literary Management can be found here

Check out the list of attending professionals for more info ahead of the conference.

1. What are the most common errors you see writers make during the querying process?

Not knowing where their book fits, book blurb too generalized without clear stakes, querying too many agents at once without feedback on their letter

2. Is there an additional skill, besides writing, that you would encourage all writers to cultivate for success in traditional publishing?

Read, read, read in your genre to get a feel for what’s selling and why!

3. Do you have any predictions for the future of traditional publishing? Do you think any big shifts in the process are coming?

N/A

4. Thinking back on your favorite submissions, what qualities stand out as the best indicator of a manuscript you knew would be successful?

Not necessarily the best indicator, but I love a high-concept, one-sentence pitch that immediately hooks you in and gets you thinking about where the story leads

More information about Andrea Hurst & Associates can be found here

Check out the list of attending professionals for more info ahead of the conference.

1. What are the most common errors you see writers make during the querying process?

Most of the time, I see authors submit their work too soon. Their ideas are great. Their vision is fresh and interesting, and they are so excited to get their work into the hands of readers... yet, they miss essential steps, such as getting beta reader feedback and editing. Although editors can see the promise of the work, they have to break the news to writers that it’s just not ready yet. Having said that, the key word is “yet.” So keep working on your craft and polishing your manuscript until you have a truly undeniable piece.

2. Is there an additional skill, besides writing, that you would encourage all writers to cultivate for success in traditional publishing?

I think the most essential skill in publishing is staying curious. There are tons of things to learn about both the craft of writing and the business of writing. As new authors emerge, they bring innovative ways of telling stories. Also, on the business side, technology and the way we engage with stories are ever-evolving. Stay open and always approach things with a growth mindset.

3. Do you have any predictions for the future of traditional publishing? Do you think any big shifts in the process are coming?

I think readers want more cross-genre fiction and stories that don’t necessarily follow traditional forms. They crave something new and interesting, and I really can’t wait to see what a new generation of storytellers brings.

4. Thinking back on your favorite submissions, what qualities stand out as the best indicator of a manuscript you knew would be successful?

I think the best indicator of a successful manuscript is one that understands the craft of writing and the craft of storytelling. Writing is when you have command of words. It’s beautiful passages that can be quoted and make us stop and revel in the language. The craft of storytelling, on the other hand, is understanding story conventions and leading the reader gently through the story. It’s revealing just enough at the right time to keep the reader so addicted to the story that they can’t stop until the final page. Even then, the story will stay with the reader long after.

More information about Running Wild Press can be found here

Check out the list of attending professionals for more info ahead of the conference.

1. What are the most common errors you see writers make during the querying process?

Failing to make the stakes of their story clear and specific (world-ending stakes can be harder to relate to than intimate and personal stakes). Rushing to query without putting their manuscript in a drawer for a while to give them fresh eyes, and not taking the time to share their work with critique partners.

2. Is there an additional skill, besides writing, that you would encourage all writers to cultivate for success in traditional publishing?

“Networking” (but really just being social!). This industry can be so tough and it’s important to find people who understand what you’re going through that you can vent to or strategize with. Plus, the more people you meet, the more resources you’ll have, the more opportunities you’ll encounter, and the more you’ll learn and grow.

3. Do you have any predictions for the future of traditional publishing? Do you think any big shifts in the process are coming?

We are living through a really difficult time in so many ways, and sometimes things can feel bleak in publishing, particularly in kid lit. But I’m seeing signs that middle grade may bounce back, which would be fantastic! And I’m optimistic that the many incredible movements fighting against book bans will continue making headway in preserving and returning children’s freedom to read, which will support the many diverse books and creators, published and unpublished, that our world needs.

4. Thinking back on your favorite submissions, what qualities stand out as the best indicator of a manuscript you knew would be successful?

A voice that sucked me in in the first couple of lines, feeling real and unique immediately. A concept that I’d never encountered before, particularly in high fantasy where a lot of big-picture plots don’t feel fresh. A pitch that makes it clear the book has something to say that will matter to current readers, without being didactic. A picture book main character whose humor is irresistible and that you can see leading a series. Art that is dynamic, invites curiosity, and can easily be picked out of a line-up.

More information about Gallt and Zacker Literary Agency can be found here

Check out the list of attending professionals for more info ahead of the conference.

1. What are the most common errors you see writers make during the querying process?

I believe most of the common errors are not following an agent’s submission guidelines, subbing to an agent a project they don’t rep, writing a synopsis instead of a hook, and being vague instead of specific.

2. Is there an additional skill, besides writing, that you would encourage all writers to cultivate for success in traditional publishing?

I would encourage writers to build an authentic writing community of other writers, agents and editors by following and engaging with them on your social media platform of choice. So many people in publishing find those authentic relationships very valuable. And you meet some great people.

3. Do you have any predictions for the future of traditional publishing? Do you think any big shifts in the process are coming?

I’ve only been in publishing for a few years, but if I could predict based on what I’ve seen so far, is due to a flooded market of more authors than ever entering the query trenches and more agents and editors leaving, manuscripts need to be very polished before submitting. It’s very competitive and even getting more competitive.

4. Thinking back on your favorite submissions, what qualities stand out as the best indicator of a manuscript you knew would be successful?

That’s an easy one! An author pitched me the absolute funniest picture book I’ve ever read and it was a time in my family where my youngest son was undergoing some challenges. I laughed out loud so hard! I immediately asked to see everything else she has written. Maybe a mistake! There were like 40 picture books. But I read them all and offered her representation. She got more offers! She didn’t go with me. But a year later she emailed me. She and her agent amicably parted ways. She asked if I’d still consider signing her. Of course I said yes! And I’m happy to say I sold that manuscript and it’s coming out this Fall! The whole publishing team at the publisher and I are SO excited! That is when you know a submission is good!

More information about The Purcell Agencycan be found here

Check out the list of attending professionals for more info ahead of the conference.

1. What are the most common errors you see writers make during the querying process?

Querying too early when it’s not done yet or needs heavy editing.

2. Is there an additional skill, besides writing, that you would encourage all writers to cultivate for success in traditional publishing?

Marketing. No one is ever going to advocate for your story harder than you, even at the top of the food chain that remains mostly true.

3. Do you have any predictions for the future of traditional publishing? Do you think any big shifts in the process are coming?

I think we are headed back towards dystopian fiction in a big way. I think there is a lot of desire for works of fiction that center cultural criticism in a unique way and we are seeing this done through Horror a lot, which is interesting.

4. Thinking back on your favorite submissions, what qualities stand out as the best indicator of a manuscript you knew would be successful?

Things really stand out to me when they take a genre that is well loved and really underscore it with something completely different. We are talking a lot in the industry right now about genre mash-ups, and for me, I really think that is so interesting. If you can take a Fae Romance and somehow also make it a Psych Thriller, count me in.

More information about D4EO Literary Agency can be found here

Check out the list of attending professionals for more info ahead of the conference.

To write well is essential. To be read requires more.

The modern writer must learn to move beyond the manuscript and into a broader skill set that supports the life of their work. Marketing, for instance, is not a betrayal of artistry; it is an extension of it. At its best, marketing is simply storytelling with intention. Communicating why a story matters and who it is for. When writers resist this, they often leave their work to chance, hoping discovery will occur without participation. It rarely does.

Public speaking, too, has become an invaluable tool. Whether at readings, conferences, or community events, the ability to articulate one’s ideas aloud builds trust and deepens connection. Readers do not just invest in stories; they invest in voices, perspectives, and presence. A writer who can speak about their work invites readers into a relationship, not just a transaction.

These additional skills do not diminish the craft; they protect it. They ensure that the time, energy, and care poured into writing are not lost in a crowded and fast-moving landscape. The average writer today is not just a creator, but a communicator, strategist, and, at times, an entrepreneur.

To resist this evolution is to limit the reach of one’s own work. To embrace it is to build a career with intention. One where the writing is not only created, but seen, heard, and remembered.

Learn more about one of our presenters, Michael Webb:

1. Will you please describe the journey that led you to self-publishing?

Originally, writing a book was a bucket-list idea. I thought it would be cool to write a story and share it with a few friends, so I had no dream of trying to go through a traditional publisher. It took a lot of work to learn the different aspects of self-publishing, but after a ton of articles, books, and videos, I figured out the various pieces.

2. What skills do you think are most important for success in self-publishing?

Having a business mindset. A successful self-published writer can’t just be a good writer. They need to think through business strategy, book launches, marketing, time management, networking, and on top of that, they need to be able to tell a good story, too. As soon as you stop “marketing” your book, your book will lose its momentum.

3. What programs and/or tools have been the most useful to you?

For writing, Scrivener has been the best. It is much easier to stay organized as I’m going through the story. I wish I’d had it from the beginning.

4. What do you enjoy the most about self-publishing? What do you enjoy the least?

I enjoy having no barriers. I can write whatever I want, promote however I want, and connect with whoever I want. And at the end of the day, there is no limit to the potential of my books. My least favorite process is writing blurbs or summarizing my books.

5. What advice do you wish you’d heard before you started to self-publish?

The best advice I can give is to get LOTS of honest feedback on your writing. You need people who will challenge your work and help you make it better. For me, that was the biggest part of helping my stories get better.

A Kennesaw resident, epic fantasy author Michael Webb spent his school days locally at Harrison High, Georgia Tech, and Berry College. He always enjoyed reading with a passion for fantasy and YA books. It wasn’t until he turned 40 years old that he decided to try his own hand at creative writing.

His debut book, the Last Shadow Knight, published in 2021, and the series has gone on to sell nearly 200,000 copies across English, German, and Italian translations. He enjoys creating stories with adventure, twists, sword fighting, and characters you can root for. Since 2021, he’s published a total of 10 books across 3 series.

Website: https://www.michaelwebbnovels.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michaelwebbnovels

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/michaelwebbnovels

Learn more about one of our presenters, Michael La Ronn:

1. Will you please describe the journey that led you to self-publishing?

I grew up as a voracious reader with a dream of being published traditionally, but I was writing works that weren’t in vogue and couldn’t get a publisher. A near-death experience made me realize that life was too short to wait for someone to pick me, so I jumped into a self-publishing to control my destiny.

2. What skills do you think are most important for success in self-publishing?

Tenacity. This is not an easy path, and success doesn’t happen overnight. Learning how to write and publish well are skills one must learn like anything else worth doing in life (cooking, your career, and so on).

3. What programs and/or tools have been the most useful to you?

Scrivener was my writing app for over a decade. It helped me get out of my own way and write on-the-go. These days, dictation through a voice recorder has done wonders for my productivity.

4. What do you enjoy the most about self-publishing? What do you enjoy the least?

What I enjoy the most: I enjoy the fact that all of my success is up to me; all of my failures are also on me. I find that risk exciting. What I enjoy the least: self-publishing can be a quiet endeavor. While it’s easy to find fellow writers, it’s not always easy to find those who are on your wavelength. When you do find those people, cherish them!

5. What advice do you wish you’d heard before you started to self-publish?

Have fun. It’s really easy to turn self-publishing into another “job.” There is no shortage of things to do: writing, editing, marketing, promotion, distribution, and so on. After a while, if you’re not careful, it can feel like you’ve traded your day job for another day job. The antidote is to have fun--find enjoyment in every part of this life, however you can find it. Most importantly, have fun with your writing and the stories you tell. If you have fun, readers will have fun. If you have fun with all the non-writing stuff, then it makes it easier to return to your stories so you can have more fun. It’s that simple, and also that hard.

Michael La Ronn has published nearly 100 science fiction & fantasy books and self-help books for writers. He built a writing career publishing while raising a family, working a full-time job, and even attending law school classes in the evenings. Visit his fiction website at www.michaellaronn.com and his resources for writers at www.authorlevelup.com.

YouTube: www.youtube.com/authorlevelup

Facebook: www.facebook.com/authorlevelup

But valuable writing lessons dwell behind its bushy-faced facade. They lurk in its cheesy pop songs — cheese of such exceptional quality that even today the ‘70s reigns supreme among American musical fromage. If, like me, you hold a grudge against the ‘70s because you came of age then, and blame its tackiness for permanently crippling your brain and therefore your writing ability, those songs demonstrate how that happened.

The Reign of Cheese begins with “Indiana Wants Me” (1970) whose climax of blaring police sirens and a bullhorn-welding cop demanding “Come out with your hands up!” achieved Cheese immortality. What does that song have that good composition does not? A melodrama pumping out the pathos so hard that it curdles. Did singer-songwriter R. Dean Taylor really have to throw a baby in with the sirens? Yes, he did. The baby thickens the cheese to make a song so passionately idiotic that it’s kind of adorable, like a blobfish.

Many ear worms infected your brain if you grew up in The ‘70s. The worst offenders are:

“Indiana Wants Me” (R. Dean Taylor) 1970

“Billy Don’t be a Hero” (Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods) 1974

“Seasons in the Sun” (Terry Jacks) 1974

“(You’re) Having My Baby” (Paul Anka) 1974

“Feelings” (Morris Albert) 1975

“Blind Man in the Bleachers” (Kenny Starr) 1975

“Muskrat Love” (The Captain and Tennille) 1976

“Afternoon Delight” (Starlight Vocal Band) 1976

“Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” (Rupert Holmes) 1979

A song had to hit at least one of the following categories to be a finalist. Except for Category #1, they are all qualities of bad writing:

1. It’s sincere, not a parody, satire, or spoof. This disqualifies Rick Dees’ “Disco Duck.”

2. It emotes until you want to vomit. “Indiana Wants Me,” “Billy Don’t be a Hero,” “Blind Man in the Bleachers,” “Feelings”

3. It has an aura of false sophistication. “Afternoon Delight,” “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)”

4. It’s shamelessly saccharine. “(You’re) Having My Baby,” “Feelings,” and “Blind Man in the Bleachers,” which is a Southern pop song whose cheesy sentiments, like Velveeta, appear almost real. That I never heard “Blind Man in the Bleachers” growing up is one of the few things the Midwest had going for it. That said, my home region did commit “Indiana Wants Me,” so, check and counter-check.

5. Emotions are muddy and cliched. “Feelings” is the best example. What feeling is Morris Albert talking about? Why, he’s talking about all the feels. But if you’re feeling all the feels, what are you supposed to feel? It’s like mixing all your paint colors; you end up with nothing but a taupe void.

6. The tone clashes with the story. Six of the nine songs are narratives. The tone of two of them jars with the story: “Seasons in the Sun” and “Escape (The Pina Colada Song).”

“Seasons in the Sun” started as a Rod McKuen poem. Not only does its emotional Naugahyde also land it in the fifth category, but its melodic jauntiness clashes with the story about a guy who’s dying.

“Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” is another jaunty bit about a married couple cheating on each other by posting for blind dates in the singles section, only to meet in a bar as each other’s blind dates. We both hate our marriage, yay! Let’s celebrate our faithlessness with a pina colada.

Here is the final category:

7. The lyrics are really dumb. A song gets extra points if the premise is really dumb as well. All the finalists have their moments, but “Muskrat Love” and “Afternoon Delight” own this category.

“Muskrat Love” is about muskrats having sex. Really.

The vapidity of “Afternoon Delight” surpasses even “Sugar Sugar” by The Archies (which would be a finalist if it hadn’t come out in 1969). The “skyrockets in flight” refrain evokes Saturday morning kiddie shows about cartoon characters making whoopie while cliched fireworks go off. The characters are probably human, but they might be muskrats. Doesn’t matter. Warning: if you never heard “Afternoon Delight,” don’t listen to it. It’s an earworm packed with military-grade cheese. Hearing it is like injecting cheese directly into your brain. (If mentioning this song trips that earworm, my apologies. Try blasting your brain with “Layla” to hose it out.)

The saccharine vapidity of “You Light Up My Life” (Debby Boone, 1977) makes it a contender, but it fails to reach the inspired idiocy that the others achieve. It’s only elevator music.

Though the ‘70s is easy mocked for its tackiness, a hate-scroll of its music also reveals an explosion of stars who launched their careers or hit their prime during this time, giving us both Pink Floyd and Earth, Wind & Fire, The Rolling Stones and The Bee Gees, Deborah Harry and Donna Summer, David Bowie, Bob Marley, Joni Mitchell, Stevie Wonder, Elton John, The Eagles, ABBA, Dolly Parton, Aretha Franklin, Bruce Springsteen, and more.

The ‘70s is easily dismissed as a homely transitional decade jammed between the revolutionary ‘60s and the materialist ‘80s, but transitions are transformational. It’s during such transitions that seeds sprout, intertwine, and create an entirely new landscape. Keep in mind that the amazing music of the ‘70s also formed those of us who came of age then.

Karla Jennings is a playwright and former newspaper reporter who’s working on her tenth novel, loves Florence + the Machine, and cries whenever she listens to “Reach Out I’ll be There” by the Four Tops.

You came to writing from a career in the law.

Yes, my real life was as a trial attorney. I was in the Brooklyn DA.’s office. I mostly practiced criminal law, had my own firm for a while. I had dabbled in creative writing when I was a young girl, a teenager. Then when I retired, I published my book of poems and I wrote a book, a memoir. Now I’m working on a book about my crazy life as a trial attorney.

When did you get that first spark that said, I need to write?

Well, when I was a young girl, I went to Catholic school, and they were very into writing in the arts and creative writing. So I started then, and I got into a lot of trouble with the things that I wanted to write about. I had an underground newspaper in high school that almost got me expelled.

Why do you love writing?

It’s something that’s yours, it’s uniquely yours, how you express yourself. So I love being able to do that. Sometimes we may be shy or timid to say things to people or to express things verbally. But when you write it, I feel like it’s no holds barred, and you can really express how you feel about a person or about an experience that happened to you. So I love that.

So what’s your writing process?

The way I write, I think, was developed when I was a lawyer writing summations. I would have an outline, and I thought that every case that I had, had a theme. So I wrote my summations according to the theme of the case, an outline, the main point, A-B-C-D, conclusion. And that’s how I’ve been writing my books. So even though it’s from a logical, evidentiary kind of writing to more creative, I still use that basic format when I write.

How does that apply to a memoir?

I knew that there were some basic themes in my book. I knew I wanted to talk about my family of immigrants, and I also wanted to talk about our quirkiness, superstitions, family curses, those kinds of things. So I had this theme about the American dream and immigrants. Then I had A-B-C, you know, our quirkiness, my adventures that I had in trying to find the family that we lost in Portugal and Italy, these adventures. So I wrote out those main points I wanted to get to, and that’s how I finally got the book written, during quarantine in COVID, when you were forced to sit down at the desk. That’s when I finally finished it.

Do you need quiet time? Do you need that focus when you’re writing?

You know, I grew up in a very loud house. I don’t know if it’s because we were Italian-American, but there was always TV on, radios blasting, mom yelling, brother and sister yelling. So, honestly, I could write on a subway car. I guess I was forced to learn how to concentrate. And I’m a night person, so I feel like I get a lot of my creative [work], or any kind of work done after four o’clock, or after dinner, when the house is quiet too. I just found the best time for me to write when I can think.

So you write at night?

Well, nowadays, you know, I’m retired. so I can do what I want. When I had to pay a mortgage, I had to be in court at 8 o’clock in the morning. I adjusted. But now I like to have a few cups of coffee, 10, 10:30, 11am, gradually wake up, maybe go to the Y, and save my writing for later on when I’m ready.

I set goals. I guess from being a lawyer, you had to have a schedule. So I set goals. When I wrote that book, I tried to write a chapter each time I sat down. And I kept my chapters short because other writers I met were talking about how the internet is these days. People have short attention spans. So keep your chapters short. People say, “Well, I have 15 minutes to read today. Oh, I could read a chapter of this book.” So I tried to follow that advice.

What is a successful writing day for you?

When I come down from my little desk upstairs and say to my husband, I need a gin and tonic quick. Because I think I feel that I got some emotional experience out in my writing. I found writing that book [was] very cathartic and rewarding in that way. So when I feel like I can relax with the gin and tonic, it was a good writing day.

What advice would you give to writers, with two books under your belt and a third on the way?

Don’t give up. I was distracted by many things in writing during life. If you’re not born rich, you have to get a real job that pays. And different things that happened in my family. My brother passed away and my husband and I took over raising a 15-year old girl, so that put writing on hold. But just don’t give up. And, you know, 60 years old, I published my book. If it’s something that you love, do it, and do it now because you never know what tomorrow will bring, right? Don’t give up.

This interview has been lightly condensed and edited for clarity.

Mike Mocklar is a Peabody award-winning writer, producer and storyteller whose work has been seen on CNN, The Weather Channel and weather.com. He writes short stories, flash fiction, children’s books, young adult novels and romantic comedies.

When did you know you wanted to write a novel?

I’ve been trying to write a novel since I was in my 20s, and now I’m considerably older than that. I wanted to write a book about something that haunted me, and the Vietnam War era haunted me. I’ve been thinking about it for many years, and I eventually sat down to write it about 20 years ago. It took a long time to actually write it and learn how to write a novel and learn my methods for writing, my techniques, my routines. So it took a while to figure that out.

What did you try? What did you figure out?

Well, my background is as a scientist. I was a professor of medicine for 40 years. I had to write grants. I had to be very succinct in my writing. I was an editor of a medical journal. So I was very scientifically oriented, and there was a lot of method, and a lot of organization, and a lot of neurotic attention to detail and how you do things in a structured way. So I thought that to write a book, a novel, you must have an outline first and then fill in the blanks. And I found out that that’s not how I write.

I sit down and I just write. I write what I want to write, and I acknowledge that I’m going to write too much and that it’s going to have to be shaved down a lot, maybe even 30, 40, 50%. But I always figure it’s better to write more and pare back than to write too little. So I start big and I hone it down and shave it down. I’m constantly doing it.

I have to write about something I’m passionate about. And so, I try to put my passion on paper, and then, sometimes that gets thrown out, and sometimes it gets worked on, and sometimes it’s fine the way it is. Then I just keep going.

Do you write every day? Do you have a certain time of day when you write?

No, because my life is busy. I’ve got a lot of stuff in it. I just bought a house. I haven’t been able to write at all. Then there’s the process of trying to get a book published, and when I’m doing that, I’m very focused on that. It’s hard to write at the same time. So a lot of things interfere and interrupt.

When I do [write], when I’m in a writing jag, I will write every day. I write longhand with a pen, and I write with spaces between the lines, because I go back and reread it, and then I’ll insert things. Sometimes the things I insert are so big, like paragraphs, pages, that I put the letter X there, and I go to another page at the top of the page, I put X, and then I write in X. It becomes a very involved jigsaw [puzzle]. And then finally, when I feel like the chapter’s done, I type it into my word processor. After that’s done, I will print it out, reread it, edit it right on top of it, re-type it in. I probably rewrite each chapter in that manner between five and 15 to 20 times, which is a lot, but I do it. And then sometimes those chapters get thrown out altogether, or just moved around. It’s just, yeah. It’s a big process.

Not everyone writes in longhand. Is that a function of working as a doctor?

I just think better writing [longhand]. If I make a typo [typing], it totally destroys my line of thought. So i’m just writing everywhere, immediately. I don’t want to wait a few seconds to correct a typo or to correct something if I hit the wrong keys and have a nonsense word. I don’t want to spend the time trying to figure that out, because it interrupts what I’m thinking about, what I’m trying to write. So for me, writing longhand obviates all those sorts of problems. I just write it down, and I know exactly what I’m saying. I can change it later, I may add to it, but I know at that moment, I know what I’m doing. So I have to do a long hand first. It’s very arduous.

You mentioned earlier you were haunted by Vietnam, and by your personal experience living through that time period.

I was haunted because the Vietnam era had pitted two ends of my generation against each other. One end of that was, let’s go fight and let’s be in Vietnam and win. The other end of that was this is a bad war. We’re gonna tear it down, we want to stop it.

I felt the men who went to war were patriots. But I felt the war wasn’t any good, and by the time it got around to my age group having to go there, I was lucky my draft number was high enough that I didn’t have to go. But I always felt bad about the men who went and who fought, and many of whom died or were hurt, and for a cause that was questionable.

There were these groups of people who were pitted against each other, much like today, they weren’t listening to each other. There was a lot of hatred and enmity between these two groups of people and the stakes were high because people were dying.

I myself later became a physician and worked mostly in VA hospitals. I have a pension from the Veterans Administration, because I wanted to take care of the guys who fought in Vietnam and the other soldiers. I ran an ICU for 15 years, and I took care of those poor souls who had been damaged by the war, many of whom had PTSD, and many of whom had physical problems. So I gave back where I could, and I felt guilty about not having gone, although I was relieved not to have gone at the time, to be honest. So, you can see already, I’m speaking in conflicting terms, because I was very conflicted over my generation and I was torn over it.

And at the root of everything was an intolerance of these two polarities, two polar opposites of opinions over Vietnam, and there was a lack of tolerance over other people’s opinions if they were different. I always feel that people should get together and acknowledge their differences. And maybe there’s some good reasons why this other group of people other than me has an opinion. But people don’t listen to each other, they didn’t then, and nowadays, it’s the same problem. People are not listening.

So I wanted to write a comprehensive story about the Vietnam era, which was dramatic and fun to read, which also imparted all the conflicting emotions, points of view, and how people treated each other badly.

It helped me process it. It helped me to come to terms with my problems. It was therapeutic for me. I felt much better about it when I was done, I could say, “Listen, if you have a feeling about the Vietnam War, read my book.”

Why do you love writing?

Writing sometimes is very painful, [when you have] to extract your thoughts and say it right, but I love it. I choose to write [about] things I have passion for. I have passion for the Vietnam War era and the Vietnam War. I just finished a book about Shakespeare and who [actually] wrote Shakespeare because there’s controversy over that. I have very strong feelings about it and I enjoyed writing it because I wanted to impart something to future readers about the Shakespeare authorship, conflict and issues. So I only choose to write novels about things I’m passionate about. That way I get that fulfillment. And it’s greatly rewarding to have come up with a completed product that I think is good and maybe even great. For me, if I write something I’m passionate about it, I love writing it, I love doing it, and I feel fulfilled.

This interview has been lightly condensed and edited for clarity.

Mike Mocklar is a Peabody award-winning writer, producer and storyteller whose work has been seen on CNN, The Weather Channel and weather.com. He writes short stories, flash fiction, children’s books, young adult novels and romantic comedies.

Both shops, ironically, feature love, as does my mentor Kim Conrey. It’s what she hopes readers take away from her books: that everyone deserves infinite love and light. The Georgia Romance Writer of the Year, Conrey, is working on her third book in her romance sci-fi series. An author of five books and the VP of Operations for the Atlanta Writers’ Club, she came into the coffee shop, ordered a latte, and shared what was currently troubling her—deep procrastination around her Reiki business. It was comforting to know that even with her success, the troubling torment we often put ourselves through was relatable. The resistance that’s truly behind the procrastination was our first fruitful discussion before I interviewed her for this article. Fear of failure frequently holds us back. I know it held me back, and that is why I signed up for the mentorship program. I thought it was what I needed to put my writing out there. If nothing else, I’m not scared of people reading my writing anymore.

On the theme of love, Kim and I are both empaths, and we seem to be hard on ourselves. It’s why her advice to new authors is often, ‘Don’t give up.’

She says, “Please don’t meet with 1-2 agents and think you’re not talented [if they don’t want your book].” She adds, “You need to let go of the perfect situation.”

That advice extends to the writing process, too. It won’t go perfectly, but perfection is the enemy of done. Or in the words of performance artist Taylor Mac, “Perfection is for assholes.” My writing through this process has been far from perfect, but I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned how I want to receive feedback, where my weak spots are, what I really need to focus on, and more.

We’ve passed the midpoint of my manuscript, or rather, the midpoint is with her as I type this. We agree that revising is one of the hardest things about writing. “If there’s a good line, scene, I don’t want to throw it away, but a critique group will say, ‘I don’t get it,’ and you’ll have to cut it,” she said.

The polarity of the revising process allows us to go back and see how much we’ve done and how far we’ve come. It’s reaching the summit of a hike and looking out at the vista. Kim calls this a gift, saying, “Damn, we can surprise ourselves, like I wrote that?” I didn’t think I would know what she meant, but rereading a short story I worked on with her, I felt like I was reading someone else’s work.

It’s hard to detach from writing, though. As a previous Atlanta Writers’ Club speaker said, the adage ‘write what you know’ isn’t only true; it will help your writing be richer. It’s why there is a piece of Kim in each of her characters, especially Harlow. Her heroine from her first Ares book. It’s no wonder I really liked the character while reading it.

The romance genre can have a poor reputation, but Kim makes a good point that it’s a metaphor for waking up and truly being seen and seeing one another. She called it resurrection. It ties beautifully to wanting each reader to see themselves as deserving of love and light.

It will be sad to close out this mentorship and not meet at a coffee shop with love in the title, but I can feel the progress I’ve made. I’m grateful for the structure of the program and hope to continue the momentum and not fall into deep procrastination. If I do, I know Kim is a text or email away to remind me not to let the fear win.

Read on for my rapid-fire question session with Kim!

What book made you cry?

Voyager by Diana Gabaldon

What book made you laugh?

Bridesmaid to Bride by Terra Weiss

What’s your favorite bookstore?

Poe & Company in Milton, GA

What’s your writing routine?

Getting cozy, usually in bed with lots of pillows

What’s your preferred beverage to write with?

Moscato or Iced Tea

Geena’s daytime work involves writing blogs, social media, and web copy. In 2023, Geena self-published a children’s book for ages 3-6-year-olds about a family trip with their dog called Sydney’s Adventure in New Mexico. Geena is currently in the Atlanta Writers’ Club mentorship program, working on a queer romance manuscript with mentor Kim Conrey.

To learn more about Geena, click here

Of course, I do not mean immortality in the sense that most people associate that word – living forever. If that were the case, I would much rather be immortal in my 28-year-old body than this 78-year-old, soon to be 79-year-old, body. I would, however, gladly swap my 78-year-old mind for my 28-year-old mind because that 28-year-old mind was not particularly bright. That younger, less experienced mind was capable of doing so many stupid things I frequently wonder how I survived.

People seek immortality in any number of ways. Some do it through the traits inherited by – or foisted upon – their progeny whether it be children or grandchildren. Some do it through their charitable contributions in the hope of getting their names on a building or a bridge or a highway somewhere, leaving those of us who did not know them to read those names and wonder: “Who the hell was that?” Some seek immortality merely with a headstone in a cemetery somewhere that their loved ones may or may not visit on occasion and may or may not think good things about them.

And then there are the reprobates, those people who want to be remembered not in a fond way, but for how evil they were. I will deal with them at some future date.

These days, it seems many people go to the Internet, specifically social media, chasing their immortality. They do so by being as outrageous as possible about everything that comes along, especially politics.

For writers, immortality is in their words, whether those words are in poetry or prose, fiction or non-fiction, stage plays or screen plays, or simple musings on the Internet in their posts to the awfully named “X” or Instagram or any other of a burgeoning number of spurious sites.

There is a great line in the movie “Breaker Morant” that speaks to this. The movie, which is based on actual events, depicts the court-martial of three Australian soldiers for war crimes during the Boer War in South Africa in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Harry “Breaker” Morant was an Australian warrior-poet who, along with two of his soldiers, are court-martialed by the British for killing Boer prisoners dressed in British uniforms. All three are convicted but only two, including Morant, are sentenced to death by firing squad.

As Harry and his mate are being led to the execution site, he hands his lawyer a sheaf of poems and asks that he see they are published. “We poets do crave our immortality,” he says.

And so it is with all writers. My books, the thousands of newspaper stories I wrote during my 40 years in the business, and occasional blogs on my web site are my way of chasing immortality, even if only a few people read what I write.

With my newspaper career now long gone, what I have left are books and blogs, and occasional articles on specific web sites related to my primary interest – the military. The books on which I am working take a long time to come to fruition. The blogs and articles such as this, however, are like public warmups. Much like athletes, or singers, or instrumentalists in an orchestra, warming up before a game or concert, and staying in practice, writers need to do the same. They need to continue to practice their craft.

As like those who work in many physical or creative disciplines, writers do not simply sit down and create, except on rare occasions. There has to be a warm-up period, a time to crack the knuckles, put the brain into motion, and get the connectivity between the head and hands in tune so that the words effortlessly jump onto the paper. Some of that warmup involves thinking through an idea or a concept before sitting down and actually writing.

Some days are far easier than others and when I re-read what I have written, I wonder where the words came from. Some days what shows up on the screen, or the paper, is pure crap and I wonder who was that fool who wrote that. It could not have been me. Except it was.

So, as I chase my immortality through my words, I am thankful I am still able to do this. And as I ponder both my mortality and immortality, I am particularly thankful for the first of two “t’s” in the word “immortality.” Chasing immorality would have been far easier but far less fulfilling professionally or spiritually.

Many writers have a fear of allowing what they write to be seen by others because those others might think it is less than stellar or might not be enamored of the ideas presented. In this age when instantaneous electronic and often anonymous criticisms are easy to hand out online, I would only ask of those critics of my work, as did Breaker Morant as he faced the firing squad: “Shoot straight you bastards. Don’t make a mess of it.”

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And yet, this is precisely why February is such an opportune time to write.

There is something about that stillness that invites us to write. The world slows. Social calendars thin. We are nudged indoors, inward, toward quiet. I find myself seeking out a small, quaint coffee shop, claiming a corner seat with my laptop and a hot cup of coffee, letting the hum of espresso machines and low conversation fade into background music for sentences forming. Other days, I don’t go anywhere at all. I snuggle up by the fireplace in my house, coffee in hand, and write while the natural light peeps through the windows like a reminder that nowhere else needs me right now.

This season makes cozy writing more appealing. It gives permission to linger. To stay put. To listen longer to your own thoughts.

At our first meeting of the year, we heard from Scott Gould, who echoed a truth writers have heard in many forms before, but always need to hear again: “Get your butt in the seat.” Sit down. Write. Don’t wait for warmth, clarity, or inspiration to arrive first.

As you revisit your New Year’s resolutions, consider putting this at the top of the list: get your butt in the seat. Because the work you do now, during the cold, quiet stretch of February, will be the work that’s ready when opportunity arrives. And the Atlanta Writers Club (AWC) has plenty waiting for you.

Dr. T. is a college professor by trade, an entrepreneur, and a published author. A true lover of all things memoir, she is currently working on her own. You can follow her journey on Instagram @drtlcsquaed, on TikTok @drtlc2, or learn more at drtcarter.com.

Join the Atlanta Writers Club today to support our work and connect with more fellow writers!

Learn more here: Atlanta Writers Club

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“You use this phrase twice, and I don’t know what it means,” she said.

“What is it?” I replied.

“‘Hit pay dirt’.”

At that moment I had more in common with a Gold Rush prospector than with my own daughter. I explained it, then asked. “What should I use instead?”

“Win the Lotto?”

I winced, smacked by another stone in the growing barren stretch between me and English. Where once I swam Language’s sea, now I find myself stranded on the rocky shore as my language pulls away.

Remember when you thought, “The English language is MINE!” as you spun out stories and articles and essays and poems, swimming in Language’s bright ocean beneath exhilarating skies? I remember that. From early on, Language was my closest friend. It was my first love, one that was always with me, so I was never truly alone. But now my love drifts away.

It’s a gradual estrangement. Part of it’s age; you forget names and common nouns, mentally fumbling for the closest approximation, hoping no one notices the hesitation in your voice. Words you once easily pulled from the air now tumble just out of reach as the blank page glares up at you. It’s proof that my brain is shrinking, though I find comfort knowing that everyone’s brain starts shrinking once we hit our thirties, because misery loves… how does that go again?

Another problem is American English’s accelerating rush of new slang, which shoves old slang into the pit (along with the occasional gold prospector). Slang once changed gradually. One generation’s “cat’s pajamas” became the next generation’s “killer-diller” and their next generation’s “da bomb,” evolving slowly enough that the generations still understood each other because new coinage had time to achieve respectable, middle-aged status. Today, the internet blasts tons of new slang at us as marketers and influencers push for clicks.

As The New York Times wrote (“What Does ‘6-7’ Mean? Maybe Tweens Don’t Want You to Know,” November 7, 2025); “Algorithm-driven social media platforms have also sent the natural cycle of slang formation into overdrive. In the ceaseless search for novel material to feed users, those platforms elevate new trends and coinages at a rate that can be exhausting for those trying to keep up.” That must be especially stressful for our kids, who were born into a language in continuous flux.

Acronyms are also multiplying as rampaging business-speak, therapy-speak, and text messages shoot up to enormous heights and flatten the village. Just a few days ago I heard an NPR commercial consisting almost entirely of acronyms. It went something like: “THR offers complete GMB annexation and UEN-level fidelity but without HFX infiltration.”

WTF, NPR! Why blast that at me when I’m a subscriber? FWIC, AFAIC, the situation’s FUBAR, but at this point IDC. DAE?

Not only are short-lived synthetic slang and acronyms corroding American English, but routine communication is acquiring a confrontational tone intended to provoke clicks. Even my cherished The New York Times is smacking us with in-your-face headlines such as: “STOP FAT SHAMING ME” and “I Don’t Have to Post About My Outrage. Neither Do You.” It’s like the news is yelling at me, even though I didn’t do anything.

A clinical coldness is also descending upon formal communication like an icy cloak. Letters once began with honorifics (Dear Ms., Mr., Mrs., Mx., Dr.) and concluded with closing salutations (Sincerely Yours, Best Regards, Respectfully, etc.). Such old-fashioned courtesy and friendliness is passé in business correspondence. As a writer, I know that literary agents will peg you as over forty if your query letter displays such bygone plaid-suit-and-boutonniere warmth. Today’s query letters from the more attractive younger generation read like this:

Dear Evan Hansen,

Pitch

Title, genre, word count

One- or two-paragraph synopsis that grabs’em by the knobs

Comp books

“I am seeking your representation because —”

Your creds

Your Name Here

This style’s more impersonal and abstract than what we were taught, but that’s how our language is evolving, toward the abstract, the cold. We don’t swing shovels anymore to “hit pay dirt”; instead, we “win the Lotto.” I predict that eventually the opening salutation “Dear” will disappear because it’s superfluous. After all, let’s not fool ourselves; we’re strangers talking to strangers in an electronic universe driven by profit-optimizing algorithms.

The semicolon is also heading for extinction because, as a fairly advanced form of punctuation used to separate two related thoughts, it exceeds today’s preferred readability level. Online writing tools such as HemingwayApp encourage writers to write at a simpler, more easily comprehensible level. According to the r/writing subReddit (I’ve been expanding my news sources ever since The New York Times started yelling at me), Hemingway wrote at a fifth-grade level. He didn’t use semicolons. He used short sentences. They worked for him. It was good.

I love semicolons and consider Hemingway a putz. So sue me.

It’s a melancholy fact that the sunny sea of language I once swam is now a swamp where I just try to stay afloat and avoid being stranded onshore. But then, it’s always been a struggle to make a perfect phrase or create a timeless story; it’s just harder now. Nevertheless, we beat on, boats against the current, struggling through the pages as our beloved language slips away.

Karla Jennings is writing her tenth novel. No, actually, she's only whimpering about trying to write her tenth novel while cowering under her desk, praying that AI won't find her. Unfortunately, resistance is futile — we're all gonna get screwed. Fortunately, AI trains itself largely on internet-based writing, most of which is crap, giving her hope that AI will continue churning out slop while we human writers continue working toward excellence. May this give you hope as well. Happy New Year!

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