Cousin: Don't you feel lonely at times?

Me: Why do you ask?

In response, my cousin sent me a forward about a study which concluded that the people who live alone are 30% more at risk of dementia than people who do not live alone.

I get this question a lot; especially from my elder cousins who are all married with kids. They are worried about me being alone and constantly encourage me to get hitched even at the age of 46.

Now it is true that I do feel lonely occasionally and during those times, I feel pretty miserable. But after some soul searching, I ended up realizing that my loneliness was almost a forgone conclusion.

Anatomy Of A Decision

When my parents asked me to start thinking about marriage at 25, I had just finished my MBA where I had learnt the concept of cost-benefit analysis. And all I could see was costs when it came to marriage.

I realised that if I said ‘Yes’ to arranged marriage, my parents would focus more on family compatibility. And that would have meant potentially getting married to someone emotionally incompatible. I had observed my parents' marriage from close quarters. They had a lot of respect for each other but not much affection. I did not want to spend decades in such a situation.

When it came to love marriage, the main problem remained the same. The concept of getting legally tied to a single person for the whole life felt very uncomfortable to me. If I want to live with someone, I would want to do that without entering a binding legal agreement.

And then there was the big reason because of which marriage no longer remained an option for me.

Kids.

I had absolutely no interest in raising kids and for most women, that is a deal breaker.

So me staying single was almost inevitable. Which also meant that I would have to deal with the associated loneliness from time to time.

But what exactly happens during these attacks of loneliness?

The Attack

Most of my days are uneventful. I wake up at 7, prepare breakfast for myself, then a few household chores, then lunch prep, post lunch walk, then watching YouTube, then reading a book or articles, a light siesta, exercise in the evening, then dinner prep, post dinner walk, watch TV till 11 and then go to sleep. Months go by before there's any interruption to this routine and I am perfectly content with that.

But once in a while, I feel overwhelmed by loneliness. The trigger can be anything; bad weather, attending a family function, some article or video on the internet… and suddenly my mind is bombarded with questions.

• What will happen to me after the death of my parents?

• How safe will I be living alone in old age?

• Who will accompany me to the hospital if I get sick?

• Who will help out with daily chores when I am no longer physically capable?

• Who will ensure that I am being well taken care of in the assisted living facility?

My heartbeat increases, I start to sweat profusely and I feel panic rising in my mind. My mind can remain in that state for hours, sometimes even days. During this time, my mouth loses all its taste, I don't feel any enthusiasm for even my favourite activities and I find myself obsessing about the same things over and over again.

I start to feel that all the major decisions I took till now were wrong. Marriage, kids, job… maybe… had I given it a try, I would not be feeling lonely today.

I try various things to get out of this funk. I write down my thoughts in my diary. I watch my favourite stand up shows or sitcoms. I go for a walk. Anything to distract my mind.

The Other Side Of The Equation

What eventually works for me is the realization that the problems I am obsessing over are not existing problems. I may face these problems in future but they will likely have better solutions then. People around me are facing serious financial, health or relationship related problems right now. So me worrying about possible problems in the distant future is pointless.

Another thought that helps me calm down is that even if I had been married with kids, I could have still faced some of those problems. Having a wife and a kid is no longer a guarantee of care in old age.

But the concept that helps me the most is that no life decision is 100% pros and 0% cons.

For example, when you leave your current job for another, there could be advantages of a better job profile, bigger company and of course, more money. But you may also have to move to a city you do not care for and get away from your established social circle. You acknowledge the problems and still go ahead with your decision hoping that the overall advantages will more than compensate for those problems.

In the same vein, because of the decisions I took regarding marriage and career, I managed to retire at 41. My finances are streamlined and all about me. I was able to move away from tier-1 cities and get back to my hometown where I feel safe and relaxed. I am also able to help out my elderly parents.

But all these good things are bundled with occasional feelings of loneliness. I wanted a simple life without complications and I got it. But that also means I won't have assistance & companionship in my old age and I will have to deal with it.

But it takes time to organically arrive at this understanding and till then, I keep feeling scared and miserable.

So people who look at my life and think I am happy and relaxed everyday are wrong and so are the people who think I am consumed with loneliness all the time. You can never get a complete picture of somebody else's life looking from outside.

Solutions

But since I have identified the problems, surely there must be solutions? Well, the conventional one is rebuilding relationships with my relatives and old friends. Since I have nothing in common with most of my relatives and I have grown apart from my old friends, this will take a lot of effort but maybe it is worth looking into.

The second option would be to build a social circle in a modern way. This would entail meeting new people through yoga classes, book clubs, activity groups, religious gatherings etc. Again, a lot of effort is involved but maybe this way will give me a better quality social circle with shared interests.

But if I am honest with myself, I don't have any interest in other people's lives and I sure as hell don't want to share mine. So while I do see myself trying out both options, I don't see myself succeeding.

But I am hopeful that 15, 20 years is enough time for technology and society to come up with some solutions to my problems.

The Inevitability

I eventually come face to face with two truths at the end of my attacks of loneliness.

The first is that the future is unpredictable and I have very little control over it. I might die peacefully at 100 without ever needing any serious medical intervention or I might contract a costly, high maintenance disease tomorrow itself. Both scenarios and everything in between are possible. And while I can do my best to bring about the first scenario, there are way too many external factors which can lead to unexpected outcomes.

And the second is, to a large extent, your personality, philosophy and preferences are set by the time you reach adulthood. A lot of subconscious programming happens in your childhood when you are not even aware of it. Then you meet new people, have life experiences and get influenced by surroundings, personalities, books etc.

So, as an adult, many of our strongest preferences have already been shaped by things we didn't consciously choose. I don't know the genesis of my preference for solitary life. My life could have been a lot easier had I been an extroverted family man. But I am what I am. So, the only question remains is whether I will take my life decisions in line with my innate nature or succumb to external pressure.

So by combining these 2 realizations, I come to the conclusion that I was pretty much destined to live alone and its repercussions for my future are unknown. My decisions of bachelorhood and early retirement keeps me content most of the time but do make me anxious once in a while. And the dementia forward sent by my cousin does not help.

But if I could go back and make the decisions again, I will still choose a life of solitude. It has brought me peace & contentment for years. And if I have to pay for that with occasional anxiety now and a higher risk of dementia in my older years, then so be it. A well lived life is preferable to a comfortable death and fear of the future should not be the driver for decisions of today.

So if you happen to meet me when I am 80 and I don't recognise you, please remember that it is my conscious choice.

Until then…

But recently I have noticed that I have been revisiting the same themes, same philosophies, same arguments and reaching pretty much the same conclusions. Not surprising really given that I have a very narrow set of interests and there is only so much I can write about them. Plus, it is possible that I am feeling my age.

But still… around 100 posts over four years is not bad. I am satisfied with my output and feel completely at ease taking a break here. It's possible I may write in future but don't ‘stay tuned’! There are many talented writers on the internet. They deserve your patronage.

Until next time…

BachelorPython exits

I remembered watching Troy in the theatre with a friend when it was released. After the movie was over, I asked my friend his opinion on the movie.

Friend: Absolutely loved it! What a story! Can't believe it was written a couple of thousand years ago.

Me: You know the original story is different, right?

Friend: Obviously, some minor changes are inevitable to streamline the narrative for the movie…

Me: Not minor changes, dude….

• Menelaus dies early in the film, killed by Hector. In the Iliad, he survives the whole war and goes home with Helen

• Ajax also dies early in the film. In Iliad, he survives and later dies by suicide after failing to win Achilles' armor.

• In the movie, Achilles died during the sack of Troy itself, shot by Paris. In the myth, Achilles dies before the city falls and the wooden horse trick comes afterward.

• Agamemnon is killed by Briseis in the film. In Iliad, he survives Troy only to be murdered by his wife Clytemnestra years later back home

These changes practically change the whole story.

Friend: Yeah… I don't care much for the original story. The movie version works for me just fine.

And I realized something. People prefer simple narratives. ‘Boy meets girl and falls in love. Bad guys oppose their love. Boy and girl fight bad guys and win. They live happily ever after’ is as simple as it gets. Even the alternate ending ‘boy and girl dies heroically’ will be acceptable to many. It's straight forward, offers clear distinction between heroes & villains and ends up with either a real or moral victory for heroes.

But ‘Boy seduces a girl who is another man's wife. In the ensuing war, selfish Gods intervene constantly and everybody in the boys' city gets killed. The girl goes back to her husband’ is not the story most people want to hear. It's complicated, it veers into several directions, most characters are too flawed to root for and the conclusion of the story does not offer a satisfying closure.

In my younger days, I used to think that people prefer simple narratives only in fiction, that is, in books, music, movies etc. But I realised in real life too, people prefer a simple lie over a complicated truth.

Take politics, for example. If a politician tries to explain economical, logistical, constitutional, political, international, law enforcement and humanitarian facets of any hot button issue, even the most ardent supporters of that politician would be unimpressed.

But if another politician said ‘I know the problem. I know who is responsible and I alone can fix it’, many people would enthusiastically support that person. The fact that the first politician is being honest (or as honest a politician can be ) would matter a lot less.

But why would people choose a lie over the truth?

I have some thoughts.

Complicated

I think most people believe that their lives are already very complicated.

Everyday they get up and have to go to work where they have to do their job competently, manage their bosses expectations, maintain cordial relationships with their colleagues and keep themselves updated with the latest happenings in their field. That is complicated

Then they come home in the evening and have to work on their relationships with loved ones, manage the household and ensure they are behaving according to societal expectations. That is even more complicated.

And they have to do this each day, everyday, year after year. So, in all the other aspects of life, they prefer simplicity.

Politics? Simply vote for the party supported by your elders.

Sport? Support the team from your hometown.

Religious views? Borrow from parents.

What's the lesson here, you might ask? As always, I will come to that only after telling you a personal anecdote.

Simply Sharmila

This incident happened around 20 years ago. At that time, I would get up at 6:30 AM, get ready by 7:30, prepare and eat breakfast by 7:50 while watching morning news on TV, catch the office bus at 8 to reach the office by 9.

One day, I switched on the TV at 7:30 as usual but by mistake went to a movie channel instead of my usual news channel. The movie Chupke Chupke (1975) had just started. I thought ‘might as well’...

Then Sharmila Tagore appeared on the screen and I was stunned. The way she looked, talked, moved…I had never seen anything like that. I looked at my watch and realized that I need to leave in 5 minutes if I want to catch the office bus. The trouble was I didn't want to catch the bus… Not while Sharmila Tagore was still on the screen.

I thought for a couple of minutes and then messaged my boss.

Me: Taking a leave today

Boss: What happened? Is everything alright?

Now I could tell the truth. And what was the truth?

‘I switched on the TV in the morning and the movie Chupke Chupke was on. I can't take my eyes off Sharmila Tagore and therefore must watch the whole movie. It will get over by 11:30 and if I try, then I would be able to reach the office only by 1:00 PM at the earliest. That's already lunch hour and the return office bus is at 6 PM. So commuting 2 hours for working 4 hours hardly seems worth the effort. That's why I am taking an off today’

Now my tolerance for weirdness is pretty high but the truth sounded bonkers even to me. And I realized that if I told the truth to my boss, our relationship would change dramatically… And not in a good way

So I replied

Me: Fever

Boss: OK. Get some rest

See? … The point emerges

A simple explanation works better than a complicated one … and sometimes the simple explanation is a lie

Simple Lie Versus Complicated Truth

Now here things can get a little tricky

See, truth is a precious commodity. So no point wasting it on strangers. So when they ask you for any information or explanation, provide the simplest explanation possible. If that explanation actually is the truth, good for them. If it's not, at least they will be satisfied for the time being and later, it may not matter

But what about your near and dear ones? Surely you must always be truthful to them?

Of course not and you know it.

When a 4-year-old kid asks his/her parents ‘why grandma is in the hospital and when will she get better?’, nobody answers with the truth ‘No, dear. The grandmother is going to die and we are never going to see her again’. Instead most people go for, ‘grandmom will be visiting her mother’, ‘God has invited her to visit’ or variations along the similar themes.

And the reason you don't tell the truth is because many times the truth is complicated & brutal and you feel it is your duty to protect your loved ones from it even if that means telling simplified lies.

Does this mean we should never tell complicated truths? Certainly not. There are instances where a complicated truth is not only appropriate but also essential.

In the groups attempting to solve scientific problems, detailed complex explanations are expected and even welcomed. When your doctor is explaining your health situation, you would want him to go into as much detail as possible. If you feel your boss is about to take a very risky decision then you can prevent that by providing very complicated simulations, multivariate analysis, projections to overwhelm and deter him.

But barring such specific instances, it is always better to go with a simple explanation.

The world is a messy place. Real people aren't heroes or villains. Wars don't always have satisfying endings. Political problems don't have one-cause, one-solution explanations. Living in such reality can be very unsatisfying.

But a simple story provides you with a hero, a villain, a simple good versus evil narrative and possibly a happy ending. And maybe that is the greatest gift you can give to your loved ones… Simplicity.

And that's the truth.

Interestingly, I did not pay any attention to deeper themes of the movie such as illusion versus reality, free will versus determinism etc. In fact, when I watched the movie for the 3rd time, I remember muttering impatiently when Morpheus asked Neo to choose between blue pill and red pill, ‘Take the damn red pill and get on with it’. The enormity of that choice was lost on me.

When the sequels The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions were released in 2003, I was doing my MBA. This time around, I considered the question ‘red pill or blue pill?’ more carefully.

This was the ultimate metaphor for choice. The blue pill represented deterministic comfort i.e. accepting a pre-programmed life while the red pill represented free will, autonomy and the uncomfortable truth. And I came down clearly in favour of the red pill. Choosing truth, awareness and reality, even if it is painful, felt like the right thing to do at the age of 23.

When the 4th installment, The Matrix Resurrections, was released in 2021, I was 41 and no longer sure about choosing the red pill. In the movies, after making that choice, Neo had to live in an underground city with minimal facilities, eat awful food and work very hard. Not to mention the spectre of death always hanging over his head. With the blue pill, his only problems seemed to be an obnoxious boss and a vague sense of unease.

Why this change of heart? Well, I made my life decisions like a ‘red-pilled’ person, my friends & relatives made them like a ‘blue-pilled’ person and the results were not what I expected.

Let's go back a bit

Red vs Blue

When I was 25, my parents gently suggested that I should get married by 28. But I did not feel ready for the marriage and was curious about the necessity of it. So I decided to do a bit of research on marriage.

And I found out that marriage originated in early human societies where pair-bonding helped ensure cooperative child care and resource sharing. When agriculture became the norm around 10,000 years ago, societies formalised marriages to determine who can legitimately inherit property and land. Marriage also served as a tool for building alliances between families, clans and even nations. Later, religion layered moral and spiritual meaning onto the practice to impose their authority.

This knowledge made me conclude 3 things…

• No matter what society says, marriage is optional. ‘Because everyone does it’ is not a valid reason to do anything; least of all marriage

• Marriage is first and foremost a legal contract and rather than emotional compulsions, cost-benefit analysis should be the main deciding factor

• Marriage would be a hindrance in achieving my goal of living a peaceful life

Similar was the case about Early Retirement

When conventional wisdom insisted, ‘You must remain gainfully employed for as long as possible,’ my research suggested that people with power (politicians, religious leaders, businessmen etc. ) often glorify ‘work as worship’ to keep the gears turning by making ordinary folks toil endlessly. If one has the means to step off the treadmill, there is nothing inherently wrong with idleness.

And so on and so forth about purpose, politics, human nature, patriotism etc.

The more I researched, the more I understood and more decisions I took which went against the conventional wisdom. And that made me a target for society. I was questioned, ridiculed, bullied many times over the years because of my decisions.

(Now I am not saying I was right every time. For many decisions, the jury is still out and in a few cases, I was definitely wrong. But I am more comfortable with being wrong after taking a carefully thought out decision rather than being right after taking a default decision)

My friends and relatives, on the other hand, received a pass from society no matter how wrong their decisions turned out to be. Many of them got married to totally incompatible people, they kept working jobs they hated even after amassing enough wealth, they supported demonstrably corrupt politicians and nobody questioned their choices.

This is why at the age of 41 the concept of getting ‘red-pilled’, i.e. pursuing knowledge and understanding reality did not feel very appealing to me.

U-Turn

But at 45, I again started looking favorably at the red pill. And that was because? … I was getting wiser with age? Sure… let's go with that!

First, I became more honest with myself. I realized that I was not really bothered about all the trouble I faced for my choices. I mean.. to live is to suffer. I have always known that so that can't be the reason…. not the complete reason, anyway.

What I wanted was the payoff for my troubles …. in the form of suffering for my ‘blue-pilled’ relatives & friends. My expectation was that since those people did not take their life decisions mindfully, their lives should have been in disarray by now.

Once I uncovered my true motivations, I was not happy with myself. I mean… Only a simple minded person would think that if someone chooses option ‘A’ in life, then that will always lead to outcome ‘X’ and if someone else chooses option ‘B’ then outcome ‘Y’ is inevitable. Life is too chaotic for that. And I was too smart not to understand that.

But the argument that really did the job was the one that appealed to my ego. Which was… a truly enlightened being would not be bothered about what is happening in other people's life. For me, to have any chance of attaining enlightenment, I have to stop deriving pleasure from other people's misery.

Yeah… What can I say? Any appeal to my ego rarely goes unanswered.

And the second thing I realized was that your choice also depends on what kind of pain you prefer. Because believe you me… There will be pain.

We have already covered the pain due to societal opposition and uncomfortable truths if you choose the red pill. But if you choose the blue pill and live a life based on unproven beliefs, sooner or later, those beliefs are going to collide with reality. And odds are… your beliefs are not going to survive that collision. At that time there will be despair due to the realization that you might have wasted all your life.

So it's either the pain of understanding reality or the pain of shattered illusions. Choose your poison.

And I guess my curiosity, self-image and arrogance compels me to experience the pain of reality now rather than get my illusions destroyed later. After all, as per Garfield, ‘The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable’ (Garfield the 20th US President, not the cat)

And choosing the red pill is not all that bad. Remember… Neo did have to live a harsh life outside the Matrix. But with his newfound knowledge, eventually he was able to stop bullets.

So... are the ignorant truly blessed? Perhaps. But I would still choose the red pill

But after a couple of days, the blockage in my throat increased so much that I was even having trouble drinking water. Also, I had a bit of a fever. This felt very different from my regular episodes of sore throat. So I went to an ENT specialist.

The doctor told me that my throat inflammation is severe and I needed to be admitted to the ICU of a hospital. I was taken aback. I had always imagined the ICU as a place where brains blow up, hearts explode and limbs are flying around. Getting admitted to the ICU for what felt like aggressive sore throat seemed a bit of an overkill.

But the doctor told me that ICU is not only for critical cases but also for the cases which have the potential to turn critical. And in my case, any further increase in the infection might have caused breathing difficulties.

And that's how I ended up in the ICU.

Since my treatment solely consisted of intravenous administration of steroids, antibiotics and supplements, all I could do was lie in the hospital bed and enjoy the ‘drip medication’. Which, as you can imagine, got monotonous within a couple of hours.

So I started observing my surroundings.

Medical Drama

When I looked around in the ICU, it felt like the patients and the hospital staff were living in two different realities. Patients were scared, anxious, agitated, resigned while the hospital staff was relaxed, calm, cheerful and in control. At first, I felt a bit of resentment towards the hospital staff for seemingly having fun while I was suffering. But soon I understood that to be able to do this job day after day, they needed this emotional distance.

I had seen ICUs in many medical dramas such as Grey’s Anatomy, ER, House etc. where doctors flirt with interns, nurses gossip, wardboys steal medical supplies and cleaning staff work in the background invisibly. To my surprise, all that stuff was happening in my ICU too. Of course, the hospital staff did not look like runway models in flawless makeup but the rest was bang on.

But the most compelling people in an ICU are always the patients.

One of my fellow patients was loud and obnoxious. He was always complaining about something or the other. He repeatedly proclaimed himself to be a great sage who is immune to scorpion poison. A doctor patiently reminded him that he is admitted for liver troubles and not for poisoning.

Another patient was suffering from something which required a lot of invasive tests. He phlegmatically endured all of the pain without uttering a single word. If the word ‘stoic’ has a face in the dictionary, it must be his.

But the patient that affected me the most arrived the next morning. I was feeling a lot better than the evening before when I was admitted and even joked around with my attending nurses. Around 9:00 a.m. the ward boys wheeled in an 85-year-old woman and put her in a hospital bed directly opposite to mine. I did not think much about it until I caught one word from a conversation between a doctor and a nurse attending her.

DNR

Some of you may know that DNR stands for Do Not Resuscitate. It is an important part of end-of-life planning and advance directives. It is a specific, legally binding medical order instructing healthcare providers not to perform CPR if a patient's breathing or heartbeat stops.

This lady was about to die.

When I said ‘my close encounter with death’, I did not mean my death. It was hers.

Her

After my initial shock wore off, I looked at her carefully. She looked very frail and tired. She was attached to practically every type of machine in the ICU and she would feebly try to take off her oxygen mask every once in a while. But the nurses would put it back on gently but firmly.

A middle aged man, presumably her son, would bring a couple of relatives to her bed, they would talk to her for a couple of minutes and then the man would escort them back and bring in a new set of relatives. Some relatives seemed afraid to even touch her as if death is contagious. A few relatives just uncomfortably muttered ‘get well soon’ and left. A couple of relatives told the old lady loudly that she will be discharged soon and she must visit them in their hometowns.

Each had their own way of dealing with the impending death.

After some time, a doctor gently ushered all the relatives out of the ICU. The old lady closed her eyes and seemed to be breathing steadily. The nurses covered her with a blanket and tried to make her as comfortable as possible.

Every 10,15 minutes, one of the machines she was attached to would let out an alarm and the doctor would rush to her and adjust her medication. Everyone in the ICU was doing their respective jobs with one eye towards that lady. The atmosphere was subdued but tense with anticipation.

After an hour or so, multiple machines sounded an alarm and the nurses rushed to her bed but the doctor shouted ‘hands off’! The ward boys quickly pulled the curtain around her bed and I could not see the old lady anymore. After a minute, I heard the doctor’s voice, ‘Time of death, 3:52 P.M.’

And that was that.

The Aftermath

I was supposed to be moved to a private room the next morning since I was feeling better and no longer needed to be in the ICU. But I asked the doctor if I could be shifted right away. I had no business witnessing the grief of the relatives. The doctor understood and moved me immediately.

I was discharged the next day in the evening and was so relieved to get back to my recliner, books, internet connection… things I took for granted before. Before going to the hospital, I was worried about a few things but they all felt so trivial now. I guess that's what an encounter with death does to you. You appreciate your life a bit more.

That night I stayed awake late thinking about that lady. Did she live a good, fulfilling life? Did the family treat her well? Did she have any regret on her death bed? Did she welcome the death or was she frightened at the prospect of it? Then I realized that those questions were mine, not hers. Who was I to audit her life? Whatever answers existed had ceased to matter the moment her life ended.

The Only Certainty

I used to think about death very rarely but things have changed in recent years. When the covid pandemic started, a few of our elderly relatives perished and I was forced to think about the possibility of the death of my parents. And now that I am 46, if I die tomorrow, people will call my death ‘untimely’ but nobody will term it ‘shockingly early’ or anything. So, while I don't feel the death’s presence near me, I suspect it's lurking nearby and might drop by for a visit anytime.

Which should feel terrifying but somehow it doesn't.

Imagine in a cricket test match, a batsman arrives on the pitch to bat. He can lose his wicket on the very first ball… or by tea time… or after lunch… or he might end up playing throughout the innings. No matter how good or bad the batsman is, all the scenarios are possible.

And being very careful and playing defensive is not a guarantee of not getting out either. Sometimes the ball that gets you is simply unplayable. So all the good batsmen do not overly worry about getting out and just try to play their natural game. That way, whenever they get out, they at least have the satisfaction of doing their best and having fun.

In a similar fashion, I try to live my life on my terms while having as much fun as possible without worrying too much about death. Let's see how that works out.

In today's chaotic world, you can never be sure about anything but one thing you can definitely rely on is death. Sooner or later, it is going to come for every one of us and end our pain, regrets and doubts. So, while it is understandable to be afraid of things that MIGHT happen, what would be the point of being afraid of the thing that is DEFINITELY going to happen? The only logical thing to do is to be resigned to it and to face it with as much grace as one can muster.

As the famous quote from the movie Gladiator goes… Death smiles at all of us. All we can do is smile back.

Then I started looking for discussion about that incident on Reddit. By the end of the whole process, I was seething with anger. It's exactly the stuff like this which makes the life of people like me difficult when we travel abroad. Foreigners look at these idiots and then make the same assumptions about me.

To calm down, I had to watch quite a lot of Saturday Night Live videos on YouTube. I kept telling myself that, hopefully, the outrage generated by this incident will be a lesson to other Indian tourists.

And then later the same day, I saw another news item about Indians tourists dancing ‘Chhaiyya Chhaiyya’ on the famous Hanoi Train Street in Vietnam.

Arrrrghhhhh!!!

Anatomy Of An Outrage

A few days later, when I reflected back on this incident, you know what surprised me the most?

My own behaviour.

The headline was ‘Indian tourists perform Garba on Vietnam airport tarmac’. Why did I click on that link? Everything that I needed to know was clear from the headline itself. What additional information was I hoping to find from the article and the video? And why did I then go to reddit to track that incident further?

The answer was… I WANTED to get angry.

Indian civic sense, or lack thereof, has long been a pet peeve of mine. So every time I see negative news items about the civic sense of Indians, there is that minor satisfaction of being proven right but for the most part, what I experience is overwhelming anger.

And apparently, I pursue this anger voluntarily. Which is sub-optimal at best and stupid at worst.

First of all, what's my anger going to achieve? It will absolutely have no impact on Indian civic sense.

Second, even if I decided to dedicate the rest of my life for the betterment of the Indian civic sense, I doubt whether I will be able to positively affect enough people in my own pin code, forget the whole country.

It would take massive changes in education, societal attitude, government policy coupled with heavy fines and mandatory prison sentences if there has to be any chance of India developing civic sense in our lifetime. Obviously, pigs will fly first.

So there is absolutely no point in me tracking these news items about India's civic sense. Nothing on the ground changes while my blood pressure increases.

But choosing peace is easier said than done. Our mind often prefers the familiar friction of agitation instead of the unfamiliar quiet of stillness. Which is why no matter how healthy, wealthy and loved you are, internal tranquility remains elusive.

But that's my problem. I need to control my mind’s outrage seeking tendencies if I am hoping to have any shot at inner peace.

But that is just one side of the story. There is an entirely separate entity outside of us that is financially invested in keeping our minds permanently agitated.

Incentives Of Social Media

After the Vietnam airport tarmac incident, my social media feed was flooded with similar stories. At first, I thought this is just the algorithm giving me what I supposedly want. But on further reflection, I realized that there is a lot more to it.

Imagine an Indian tourist does something heartwarming abroad and media outlets publish that story. After reading such a story, maybe a couple of hundred people will drop a heart emoji and that will be pretty much that. There won't be a lot of discussion about this incident.

But if the same media outlet reports a civic sense fail story, you can bet your ass that there will be a lot of discussion. Elites, outrage seekers will condemn the incident, nationalists will try to provide excuses for such behavior which would generate even more furious response. And all this will create traffic and engagement for that social media site.

Think about it. Every year millions of Indian tourists visit abroad and we see thousands of videos where they are behaving poorly. That means there must be about 90% Indian tourists who behave reasonably well enough not to cause any stir.

But do we see this reality reflected in the coverage by media outlets? No, we don't. It simply makes more business sense for media houses to push negative stories.

And that makes social media the enemy of my mental state.

So how do I fight this enemy? The short answer is… in whatever way I can.

The Fight For Peace

The first thing I have done is reduce my social media participation. I have limited myself to 1 hour of social media interaction per day. I have to do all my WhatsApp birthday wishes, comic purchases from Facebook groups, respond to messages of friends, colleagues on LinkedIn or Instagram in that one hour. So this limits my ability to search for outrage.

The second thing is monitoring my passive consumption of social media. For example, in Reddit and in YouTube, I have subscribed to only non-controversial subreddits, channels. Travel, food, comics, stand up comedy, history, old music … There are so many places where the discussion is polite and non-confrontational. I stick to those and if I ever get a controversial recommendation from the social media site, I aggressively block it to train the algorithm.

And finally I try to read as many physical books as possible so that I will have less time for social media.

Of course, these are all defensive measures. The hope is that these will hold the fort while I gradually bring my mind to a state where even after seeing triggering content, my peace will not be disturbed.

The principal reason I retired early was to live a peaceful life. I stepped back from my corporate career so that I won't have to do tedious assignments. I left Tier-1 cities to get away from the hectic pace which kept me agitated. I limited my contact with problematic colleagues and relatives to avoid frustrations. It would be a shame if after all these efforts, I allowed something as shallow as social media to manipulate my mind.

They say ‘if you keep your mind like a deep, quiet pool, any event that drops into it creates only ripples and not a tidal wave’. I am going to fill my mind’s reservoir with history, philosophy, food, music, travel and Batman.

Social media, do your worst!

I hear this sentence all the time in real life whenever I talk to ‘working class’ people like shopkeepers, plumbers, taxi drivers etc. They lament about the multiple problems they are facing on a daily basis and wish for radical solutions. And that is not surprising given the current cost of living, low employment, healthcare expenses, corruption, pollution etc in almost all the cities in India.

Now I always agree with them when they ask my opinion. After all, I am not going to openly disagree with a person who is driving me or bringing me food. That would be unwise and I am anything but.

But recently some of my friends started echoing the same sentiment and I got a bit worried. These are highly educated, privileged, well-to-do people. If the number of such people starts increasing and reaches critical mass then anything can happen. Including aforementioned large scale changes.

But why don't I want that?

It is kinda obvious when you think about it.

Problems? No Problem!

Let's make a broad list of the problems India is currently facing and then check whether it is a problem for me, personally.

• Inflation and Cost of Living: Pretty manageable for my corpus

• Job Insecurity and Low-Quality Employment: I am retired

• Healthcare Costs and Accessibility: I have access and I can afford it

• Traffic, Pollution and Urban Overcrowding: Moved out of Tier-1 cities and now living in my Tier-2 hometown so traffic problems are gone. Less pollution in my hometown and I have an air purifier & RO water filtration at home anyway

• Lack of Public Infrastructure: It's a problem but I am retired so I don't step out that often. Consequently, I don't experience this as much

• Housing Problems: Have my own house in my hometown

• Poor Work-Life Balance: Again, retired

• Bureaucracy and Slow Public Services: I can afford giving bribes and more importantly, don't have any moral problem with it.

• Education System Issues: Don't have any kids… that I know of

• Safety and Law Enforcement Gaps: I live in a gated community so I am reasonably shielded from these

So as you can see, the country's problems are not exactly my problems. So how does any large scale change benefit me?

But wouldn't removing the power hungry ruling class, punishing corrupt bureaucracy and limiting the influence of religion on the government improve the quality of my life?

Don't be so sure because history says otherwise.

The Mother of All Revolutions

In the 1780’s France, ordinary people were struggling with social inequality, food crisis, heavy taxes, lack of political representation and undue influence of religion on the government (Sounds familiar?). They thought rebellion against the whole system was the only solution and they began by storming the Bastille prison in July 1789 and thus started what we call today The French Revolution.

The revolution did achieve many of its goals. Monarchy was abolished, the Republic was established, feudalism in France was dismantled, aristocratic privilege weakened permanently and secular government became stronger.

But that's not the complete story.

The immediate economic situation actually worsened during the revolution. The currency collapsed resulting in hyperinflation. Internal divisions, paranoia, economic hardship and wars with foreign monarchies pushed the revolution into extremism. The Reign of Terror saw mass executions by guillotine. Tens of thousands were killed or imprisoned, often on suspicion alone. France went through multiple governments in a short period. Corruption, factional fighting and violence became common.

The revolution ended after 10 years in November, 1799 when General Napoleon Bonaparte seized power in a coup. So after overthrowing a king, France ended up under another highly centralized ruler. Go figure!

The French Revolution promised liberté, égalité, fraternité (liberty, equality, brotherhood) and delivered all three… along with a decade of chaos, tens of thousands of deaths and a template for both modern democracy & modern tyranny. What the French Revolution teaches us is that revolutions often begin with hopes for reform and justice. But once old systems collapse, events can become unpredictable.

But, as patriots, shouldn't we take risks for the betterment of our country?

The Virtue Of The Vicious

Well, first of all, I have problems with the concept of Patriotism. If being a patriot means loving your country then I am certainly not one. Sure, I like certain things about India's culture, history, food, achievements etc but love? The bar is a little high for that one.

Also, technically, I did not choose to be a citizen of this country. I am Indian because my parents are Indian. And I choose to stay Indian because becoming a citizen of another country is too costly.

And if you think you are a patriot, try this thought experiment. Imagine the Norwegian Embassy gets in touch with you and tells you that you can get Norway citizenship but you will have to surrender your Indian citizenship and you can never visit India.

Safe to say that most of you will take this deal in a blink of an eye even though language, culture, weather, food etc is completely different in Norway. Let me up the ante even more. Let's assume the embassy asks you for INR 10 lakh for this. Many of you will still take this deal.

You will actually pay money not to be a citizen of this country. So unless you were a citizen of another country and you mindfully chose Indian citizenship as an adult, let's not talk about patriotism.

I believe patriotism is a useful tool for politicians to hide their corruption & incompetence. These politicians might be cruel, intolerant or greedy but by simply waving a flag and proclaiming a loud love for their country, they instantly claim a high moral standing while exhorting ordinary people to willingly sacrifice their self interests.

And I am not going to sacrifice my interests for what Oscar Wilde calls the virtue of the vicious. I pay my taxes and don't litter. That is and will remain the extent of my patriotism.

And then there is the issue of risk management.

Risky Business

Now you don't have to be a financial advisor to understand a rule of thumb which says retirement corpus should be invested in ‘low-risk, low-return’ instruments. Maybe in a ‘moderate-risk, moderate-return’ instrument if your corpus is a bit modest but never in a ‘high-risk, high-return’ instrument.

If someone suggests gradual, incremental reforms in India over a decade then that sounds like a ‘low-risk, low-return’ scenario and I am all for it. But revolution is a ‘high-risk, low-return’ instrument for me. Why would I ever support something like that at the age of 46?

But that's me.

There are millions of young unemployed people in India who have nothing to lose. To that, add anger, idealism, hope for a better future and you pretty much have a recipe for revolution. And that dish will leave a bad taste in my mouth.

So I am hoping that the government will announce some cosmetic measures to mollify common folks. Or worse comes worse… declare a war against another country to distract people and force them to unite against the common enemy (I am joking… I think).

Now many of you may be wondering whether all this is black humor or am I really this cynical. All I will say is that I can't help but view the world as it is and not as it should be. And I am all about me. Max Stirner said, ‘Nothing is more to me than myself! My concern is neither the divine nor the human, not the true, good, just, free, etc., but solely what is mine’

Ditto, Max!

The stories are interesting to read and there is a temptation to think about ‘What If?’ scenarios in your own life. Personally, I always believed that is a waste of time because life moves in one direction only…onwards. You don’t get do-overs. So instead of thinking about how much better your life would have been if you had taken a different decision 20 years back, it is more useful to concentrate on taking the right decision today for the betterment of your next 20.

But I do find myself indulging in ‘What If’ speculation in 1 instance. But as you know, I will get to it in a roundabout way like always.

Once Upon A Time

This incident happened when I was in 7th std. One day our history teacher entered our classroom carrying our semester exam answer sheets. Seeing him everybody got excited because in that question paper, one of the mandatory questions worth 2 marks came from a chapter that was not part of the declared syllabus for the exam. The teacher told us not to worry as everyone was going to get additional 2 marks because of that mistake.

The teacher then distributed the answer sheets in the class and told us to check if there are any additional issues in our individual answer sheets. After 15 min, he started calling out roll numbers from 1 onwards. That student would then get up, approach the teacher with his answer sheet and if the student had no additional issues, the teacher would write ‘+2’ on the answer sheet and make corresponding changes in his master tally sheet.

Eventually he reached my roll number and I stood up but did not approach him.

Teacher: Come on, come on. Don’t you want 2 additional marks?

Me: Not needed, Sir. My score is already 60/60

Teacher: How’s that possible? Must be a mistake

Me: Oh no, Sir. I did answer that out of syllabus question

The teacher approached me and checked my answer sheet

Teacher(puzzled): How did you know the answer to that question? That chapter was not covered in class

The reason I could answer that question was that at the beginning of the school year when I received my 7th std text books, the second thing I did was to read the history book cover to cover. The first thing was obviously smelling every book to enjoy the new book fragrance.

I loved history. To me, history was stories of great men and their great deeds. So even though the text books omitted all the juicy details about sex & violence to make history as dry as possible and teachers focussed more on memorizing dates & events, I enjoyed learning history.

And since this was a time without the internet, I would have to get my history fix by reading books in the nearby library. Soon enough, I became the most knowledgeable guy in my class when it came to history. At 12-13, I was too young to consider history for a future career but there were times when I had thought that I would have taught history a lot differently than my teacher.

The Moment

Cut to the day of my 12th std results. I got 88% and though today I will not be allowed entry even in the parking lot of a decent college with that score, it was considered respectable in 1996. My friends, relatives, cousins, neighbours had gathered in my house and all they could talk about was which branch of engineering would be best for me in which college. Which made me a bit uncomfortable. Why was engineering already finalized without my input? Maybe I wanted to…

‘Did you hear? Kulkarni uncle’s son got 70%. He is now thinking about B.Com’, said one of my cousins interrupting my thought process.

‘Yikes. But at least it’s not Arts. Anyhoo…Pythu, which branch of engineering appeals to you?’ asked another cousin.

Now this was that ‘What If’ moment for me. Instead of saying ‘Computer engineering sounds nice,’ I could have said, ‘I want to learn more about history.’ But this was 1996. Voluntarily choosing Arts when you could easily get admission in good engineering colleges was unheard of. Going against the advice of the elders was taboo too. And let’s be honest…I was not brave enough.

So what would have happened if I had chosen to graduate in history?

The Alternate Path

I think I would have been quite happy during my degree days. Researching my favourite historical time period, debating with fellow students, challenging my professors…it would have been fun and educational.

But what after that? How would I have earned my livelihood?

Well, the obvious way would have been teaching history in school or colleges. But I dislike kids and abhor interacting with people; two traits distinctly incompatible with a lifetime in a classroom. So unlikely I would have enjoyed that.

Then other jobs which are somewhat solitary in nature would have been museum curator, archivist, archaeologist (Indiana Jones, anyone?) I don’t think I could have pulled off a fedora hat and whip look but I can see myself enjoying those jobs. Might have tried my hand in writing books on history like Romila Thapar and Jadunath Sarkar.

But one thing is for sure. It's unlikely that I would have made a lot of money. No retirement at 41 with a big corpus and the subsequent tranquil life. No frequenting expensive pubs, no international travel, no pricey single malt scotch. Would I have missed that? Hard to say…you can’t miss what you never had.

Now the reason why I think about only this ‘what if’ moment.

Anatomy Of A Decision

Choosing the field of my graduation was the first major decision of my life. If you ask me, forcing a wet behind the ears 17 year old to make a decision that big was insane. But be that as it may, I think I failed my first real decision making test.

In 1996, it was the established wisdom that the things you love doing and the things you do for money are always 2 separate things. My dad loved photography but he worked in the accounts department of Railways. My uncle loved playing chess but he worked in the state electricity board. I don't think it ever occurred to them to try out photography and chess respectively as a full time career. Similar was the case with all the other relatives.

Now even at 17, I was arrogant enough to believe that I have the ability to be the exception to that rule. But unlike today where my arrogance comes from 28 years of adult life experiences, my sense of superiority at 17 was just a gut feeling. And because of that uncertainty, I gave the benefit of doubt to the elders.

But over the next few days, I did not like the way I had arrived at my decision. So I decided that I will take the next decision completely on my own disregarding any contrary advice from elders. That decision was to complete my graduation away from my hometown. And from then onwards, I did listen to other people before making a decision but when I eventually did decide, it was free of any external pressure.

Which is why I don't think about any other ‘what if’ scenarios as those decisions were consciously taken by me and I have no problem taking responsibility for them… no matter the outcome. Even when a decision backfired spectacularly, I told myself that the person I was and with the information I had at that time, it was the only decision I could have made.

No Regrets

Now I don't know whether this is applicable for other people but I think the more decisions you take under external influence, the more are the chances of regret later. If you consent to an arranged marriage under parental pressure, you are likely to wonder ‘what if I had married my college sweet-heart who was from another religion?’ every time you get into a fight with your wife.

So maybe it is a good idea to take every decision on your own even if people you respect are against it. That way, in your old age, you will have justified pride in the decisions that worked out and rueful shrugs for the decisions that didn't. What you won't have are the ‘what if’ speculations.

And that's a great win.

Remember what John Greenleaf Whittier said, ‘For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: “It might have been… ”’

You don't want those words rattling around in your brain in old age…believe me.

Friend: A bit tired, man. There was an issue with product deployment and now our customer is raising hell. Somebody from my wife's family is getting married and I need to buy a present and attend the wedding. My kids want music lessons so I need to arrange that. And my mom possibly needs a cataract surgery so will have to visit the eye doctor this weekend.

But enough about my problems. How are you doing?

Me: I am a little tired too. Today I could manage only a 30 minute nap instead of my usual 45 minutes afternoon siesta.

My friend gave me a look which can only be described as murderous. I think he calmed down only when he realized that there were many witnesses around.

Friend: Let me get this straight… me, a productive member of the society, is fielding so many problems while you, a certified निठल्ला (a lazy person), is cribbing how a half an hour afternoon nap is not enough… How is this fair?

Me: Not only is it fair, it's scientifically inevitable. And what's more… you have chosen to have those problems

Friend: I guess now I will have to hear a long, weird, self-serving explanation whether I want it or not

Me: Well.. Since you are insisting so much…

The Guiding Principle

Me: In my experience, the below principle holds true in most situations.

Simpler the system, lesser the problems.

That system could be a mechanical product, a social/corporate structure or even your life. In a simple structure with barebone functionalities, it is easy to identify potential problem areas and take preventive measures. In a complicated system with multiple functionalities interacting with each other, too many unforeseeable problems can arise and their solutions could be a lot trickier.

This is not at all to say a simple system is better than a complicated one. Quite the contrary, actually. More functionalities lead to more comfort and convenience. The whole point is if your main goal is less problems, a simpler product is the way to go.

Friend: For example?

Me: How about…

Nokia 3310

This cellphone was launched in the early 2000s and everybody over 40 has either seen or used this phone. Compared to today's phones, this was a very simple device. All you could do with this phone was send & receive messages/calls and play Snake.

But on the flip side, Nokia 3310 hardly had any problems. The battery would last for weeks on a single charge, no software glitches and short of a direct missile strike, the phone was indestructible.

Compare that with today's cell phone. They have cameras, stereo speakers, 4K displays and all sorts of apps for banking, entertainment and socializing. But it also comes with many problems such as fragility, overheating, display rot, battery drain etc.

Friend: So you are saying your life has less problems because it has less features?

Me: I am saying I have consciously designed my life to have less problems. And it didn't hurt that I don't really crave the so-called ‘must have’ features.

The ‘Features’

Take a spouse, for example. Somebody to witness your life and share your hopes & dreams, trials & tribulations? That's a great feature.

But you also get a mandatory house-mate who may be financially dependent on you and with whom, you may not get along as time passes by. That's a problem. Getting rid of the spouse can be difficult. And getting it done, legally, will be very difficult.

Then there are kids. Definitive proof of your fertility as far as the society is concerned. That's the major feature. And there are some minor features like deep emotional fulfillment, unconditional love etc.

But you have to clean up their poop, piss and puke. That's a problem. And there is that minor issue of mandatorily having to spend a lot of time, effort and money on them for at least 20 years.

Finally, a job. You get money. That is the only feature I can think of. Some other people also consider socialisation, problem solving, a sense of purpose etc as features of a job. To each their own.

But then you have to live in a polluted city, work on stressful assignments along with distasteful people and be stressed all the time. And this is even if you love the job. Heaven helps you if you don't.

I consciously chose not to have a wife, kids and a job so obviously, I don't get to enjoy the benefits that come with those. But consequently, I don't experience the associated problems. And since most of the problems in any person's life are due to spouse, kids and job… my life looks relatively problem-free when compared to others who had opted for those features.

Choices, Choices

Friend: And what did you mean when you said earlier that ‘you have chosen to have these problems’?

Me: Did anybody put a gun to your head to get married? Were you swindled into having a kid? Are you a bonded labourer in your company? You voluntarily got married, you wanted kids and you selected the company you are currently working in. Ergo… you choose your problems.

Friend: So you are saying that I have no other option but to suffer?

Me: Well, you can quit your job, divorce your wife, disown your kid and relocate to a beach town.

Friend: My morals will not allow that…Besides, my wife knows Krav Maga. So, in short… Am I doomed?

Me: Ugh, you are looking at this the wrong way. Features and problems come in a package deal and you can't have one without the other. So the best thing to do is try to enjoy the features as much as possible since you will be suffering due to the problems anyways. Boink your wife as much as you can, play with the toys you bought for your kid and steal stationery from your office.

And remember… The verdict on our life decisions is not in yet. Who knows… maybe I will regret not having a family and quitting my job early when I enter my 70's. And in your case, maybe once your kid starts working, you will feel a lot more relaxed.

Friend: Yeah, right... Pigs will fly first.

Having It All

My friend was obviously not convinced. After all, the new age influencers constantly keep on telling people that they can have it all. Apparently, you just need to manifest it. Which is why my friend did not see anything wrong in enjoying all the benefits of family & job and still desiring the same level of tranquility that I had.

But if he keeps thinking like that then he is in for a big disappointment. If we talk in investment terms, there is no ‘high return, low risk’ way of making money. The opportunity of making high returns will always come with high risks. My friend is living a ‘Cryptocurrency’ life; high returns with high volatility. Me, on the other hand, have chosen a ‘Fixed Deposit’ life; just inflation matching returns but without much risk.

And the important thing to understand is neither life is wrong.

It all depends on what kind of a person you are and what your risk appetite is. If you are a person who wants more out of life all the time then you should choose the ‘Cryptocurrency’ life and take the associated problems in your stride. And people who desire a tranquil life, should go for ‘Fixed Deposit’ life and make peace with the fact that they, most likely, will not have as much fun as the ‘Cryptocurrency’ folks.

So, it is of paramount importance not to choose a life which goes against your inherent nature.

Albert Einstein was of the opinion ‘A quiet and modest life brings more joy than a pursuit of success bound with constant unrest’. For me, the presence of a book and absence of humanity is all it takes to have a good day. That is as quiet and modest as it can get. So safe to say that my choice of living a ‘Fixed Deposit’ life is not wrong… so far.

Hosh Walon Ko Khabar Kya is the most complete romantic song I have ever seen.

“Most complete” needs some explaining.

A song, in my view, has four components; music, lyrics, vocals and the accompanying visual narrative i.e. music video

Many good songs excel in one or two of these:

• Great tune, forgettable lyrics

• Beautiful poetry, underwhelming composition

• Stellar singing, mediocre picturization

This one scores remarkably high across all four.

• The composition is restrained yet evocative

• The lyrics are poetic without being indulgent

• The vocals carry both technical finesse and emotional weight

• And the visual storytelling adds a quiet, aching layer instead of distracting from the song

You don’t have to agree with me. In fact, try this… think of another romantic song you consider a contender. Evaluate it across these four dimensions and give it a score out of 10 for each. Then do the same exercise for Hoshwalon Ko Khabar Kya.

You may still disagree. But you will at least see why I think the way I do

Endangered Artistry

So while you are trying to think of a song, I am going to tell you about my second realization.

It is extremely unlikely that I will get to hear new songs of such caliber in the future.

My Spotify playlist has close to 1000 songs. Out of those, only about 10% were released in the last 20 years. The majority of my playlist is from the era 1950-70. Then many Ghazals from 1970-90. And the remaining songs are from the 90's decade… which might very well be the last era of ‘good music’.

At this point, my younger readers might be rolling their eyes thinking every generation thinks that music in their era was the bomb and the new music is trash. Which is fair as my parents' generation said pretty much the same thing to me. Nostalgia does play its part.

But this time, I am afraid it might actually be true.

Here are some obvious reasons for this.

Music

Golden-era music was deeply rooted in Indian ‘ragas’, intricate harmonies and live orchestral arrangements. Songs featured complex interludes, evolving structures and rich instrumentation.

Modern songs, on the other hand, are often produced for 15-second social media reels. While catchy, these ‘earworms’ prioritize a high-energy beat over a complex, enduring melody. So, once the trend passes, the song feels disposable.

Vocals

Yesteryear's singers were classically trained virtuosos with distinctive voices, breath control and expressive range. They did not need any pitch correction or auto-tune and they consistently delivered soulful performances.

The current crop of singers are, at best, competent and at worst, melodically impaired. Some of them definitely can carry a tune but to make a song memorable requires a level of mastery that's beyond them.

Technology

With technological advancement, music producers are able to deliver a ‘Clean’ distortion-free, sharp sound… which feels unremarkable. As opposed to a ‘Warm’ sound with background noise and imperfections produced earlier with a full scale orchestra… which lingers in the memory.

But I feel there is a deeper reason. Something happened in the early 2000 which made today's situation inevitable.

And that was the rise of the internet.

I am going to take some time to arrive at my point so have some patience.

Love Aaj Kal

Imagine a situation in the pre-internet era where two lovers were not able to meet for a long time. Communication was a big issue due to the possibility of physical letters and landline phone calls being intercepted by potentially hostile parties. That silence and the distance would result in longing and deep mental anguish. And a lyricist from that era, Shailendra, could capture that feeling and put it in words like this …

Din dhal Jaye, Haye, raat naa jaye

Tu toh naa aaye, teri yaad sataye

The day somehow goes by, but the night does not end

You don't arrive, but your memory does… and it torments me

This situation is not going to arise today. You can know exactly what your paramour is doing from their social media updates without needing to get in touch. And if you want to have a conversation with them, there are many options. You can talk publicly over Facebook or privately over WhatsApp. Or really privately over Snapchat. You can have a video call if just listening to their voice does not satisfy you.

But isn't that a good thing? We'll see…

Eventually those pre-internet lovers manage to communicate and decide to meet. The guy reaches the meeting place on time and starts waiting. If she is late, he has no way of knowing when or if she will arrive. That uncertainty makes him afraid and resolute at the same time. Sahir Ludhianvi described that unique feeling in his own in imitable style as such

Hum intezaar karenge tera qayamat tak

Khuda kare ke qayaamat ho aur tu aaye

​I will wait for you until the Day of Judgment

May God grant that the Day of Judgment actually arrives, so that you finally come to me

Today, with Google maps and location sharing, you will know exactly where your beloved is and by exactly what time she will reach you. Till then, you can watch reels and entertain yourself.

This again sounds like a good thing. And it kinda is but let's continue…

They eventually meet and then the guy compliments her by comparing her face to the moon. Calling someone Chaudhavi Ka Chand (moon of the 14th night) was a high praise 70 years ago. Today, it might be construed as an insult because high resolution photos of the moon surface with massive craters are readily available on the Internet.

Did some of these things happen to me? Err.. That's not the point

The Structural Change

The point of this long trip down the memory lane is not to say that love and longing doesn’t exist today. It most definitely does. Ghosting, Situationship, Benching… this generation has its own love story and their own problems. But it certainly has transformed. Technology has made relationships more efficient but less mystical. And true romance thrives in the tension between desire and absence… not in constant availability.

Romance was never in the meeting itself… it was in the yearning to meet. It was in the wait, the pining, the exaggerations of imagination that turned ordinary faces into the moon and fleeting glances into poetry. Technology, with its instant messages and video calls, has replaced distance with constant availability. The mystery, the longing, the silences that once gave birth to love songs and dreamlike fantasies… all conquered by technology.

So in the absence of all that, can a Gen Z poet use beautiful words like muntazir(longing), humnasheen (close confidant), ulfat (affection) in his/her lyrics? The same generation who prefers to write GM instead of Good Morning?

Well, maybe…

OK… but will there be a virtuoso singer who can do justice to those lyrics? Possible.

Right.. And a music director who will refrain from smothering that poetry under heavy instrumentation? Perhaps.

And finally… Can we think of a director who can construct a beautifully poignant narrative around this song? Sigh…

You add up all these ‘maybes’, ‘perhaps’ and you will come up with ‘unlikely’.

Price of Progress

Now I am not one of those Luddites who harken back to old times. I have always said that the advent of technology has made our lives more comfortable. Even in the case of romance, because of technology, you can romantically connect with people from all over the world… as opposed to people in the 10 km radius which was the case in the free pre-internet era.

But I have to admit that the idea that I will not get to hear a new song favorablely comparable to Hosh Walon Ko Khabar Kya in future makes me a bit wistful.

I guess that's the price for the progress. You get more access, comfort and convenience but you lose fantasies, mysteries and focus.

So, maybe great songs aren’t disappearing.

Maybe we are slowly becoming people who need them less.

And Yet

At least I can take comfort in the fact that technology has made it possible for me to have easy access to all the music from the golden era. And I can listen to those in the state-of-the-art surrounding sound system. Every now and then I keep finding a few unheard or little remembered gems while browsing my music apps. So even if the current or future generation does not make any worthwhile contribution to hindi music, I should be able to get by with what we have.

And who knows? Some unforeseen developments in future might lead to production of even better music than earlier. The future has a way of surprising you and I have been wrong about the future often enough. But until then I will be wistfully watching Aamir Khan quietly ache for Sonali Bendre while Jagjit Singh makes Nida Fazali's words come alive with the help of Jatin-Lalit music.

P. S. Just like you, I was also trying to think of a song which can rival Hosh Walon Ko Khabar Kya while writing this post and I could think of only this one. It's close….but Arijit is not Jagjit.

• To focus on failing physical and mental health

• Spending more time with family

• Pursuing passion projects

• Toxic workplace

All valid reasons, to be sure. But in my case, none of these reasons were the major culprits.

When it came to physical and mental health, I was like a combination of Schwarzenegger and the Dalai Lama. I had the physique of the Dalai Lama and mental peace of Schwarzenegger.

I don't have a wife and don't know where my kids are. Nor do I want to.

As for passion, the only thing I am passionate about is becoming dispassionate

Toxic workplace? Actually, my colleagues would argue that due to my habit of deriving pleasure from their misery, my departure has actually made the workplace less toxic.

Then what was the impetus for my early retirement?

Safe Withdrawal Rate (SWR)

Imagine you have 1 crore corpus invested in the market. Considering 3% withdrawal rate which is deemed safe in Indian context, as long as your expenses are around 3 lakh, your corpus should easily last 30 years even with moderate inflation.

But if your actual expenses turn out to be 4 lakh, things become a little tricky. You would need some decent amount of luck in the stock market to manage your expenses over 30 years.

But if your actual expenses are 10 lakhs, then you are pretty much screwed. Your corpus will start declining from 2nd year itself and by 15th or 17th year, it will be completely depleted.

Why am I telling you something that you already know? Just park it for now. I will circle back to this later.

Personality & Energy

All of us operate with a finite pool of emotional energy. Every activity either drains it or replenishes it. As long as replenishment keeps up with expenditure, life feels manageable; even enjoyable.

But that balance is fragile.

I’m an introvert. Which means many things that corporate life rewards; constant interaction, meetings, collaboration, being ‘on’ all the time, don’t energize me. They drain me.

And that’s where the concept of an emotional withdrawal rate comes in.

Emotional Corpus

When I started working at the age of 24, I was a bit worried about the extroversion rewarding corporate atmosphere. But at the same time, I was confident that I would be able to navigate it as I seemed to have boundless mental energy.

In my very first job, I was not given any serious responsibilities. A little client research here, some documentation there. I would finish my work in a couple of hours and rest of the time, I would read novels on my laptop. I had to interact with only 3,4 people to get the inputs required. Even that was mostly on emails and I had to attend barely 2, 3 meetings in a week.

3% SWR

And I realised that though I am not passionate about my job and don't really like my co-workers, I can handle the emotional burden placed by my current job. It was like the 3% withdrawal of my emotional energy. Reasonably safe and I could have worked with this withdrawal rate for 30+ years.

4%

But then I started rising up in the organizational hierarchy. Over the next 4, 5 years, I was given more important assignments which took a lot more attention, time and energy. I had to interact with multiple teams for my work. There were many group assignments requiring a lot more collaboration. And the 2,3 meetings per week became 2,3 meetings per day.

Now this was a situation akin to 4% withdrawal. I was expending more energy than I would have liked. I realised that I can sustain it but would need some luck. And that happened with timely job/profile/location changes, frequent vacations etc.

But 12 years into my job, things started to change for the worse.

10%

First, inter-office politics entered the picture. Within the same team, there would be multiple people jockeying around for the top position and the winner would favour only the people supporting him with good assignments and higher hikes. So even by not doing politics, I was affected by it.

Second, additional responsibilities such as recruitment, industry forums participation, mentoring which had nothing to do with my actual work, burdened me further.

But the most problematic thing was my employer's expectation that simply discharging my responsibilities was not enough. I also needed to be passionate about my company. And I was expected to demonstrate that by organising team bonding events, championing the company's CSR initiatives and providing active support to the company on online forums etc.

At that point, I realised that I have reached the 10% withdrawal rate. My emotional energy started taking some serious hits. I was still replenishing my mental energy with vacations, reading and relationships etc but it was not able to keep up with the increased emotional expense.

Essence of Life

The scary thing was none of my jobs were particularly toxic. Had that been the case, the hit on the emotional energy would have been so sudden and severe that it would have propelled me to take immediate action. My jobs increased the emotional load so gradually that it took me quite a long time to figure out what was actually happening.

So, everyday after waking up, I would dread the required amount of emotional energy expense throughout the day. Everyday I would return to my flat more and more emotionally drained. It was not difficult for me to visualize a day when all my emotional energy reserves would be gone and I would effectively become a mindless zombie.

So once I reached my target retirement corpus, I decided to take early retirement to preserve my emotional corpus. People close to me looked at my retirement corpus and told me that it may not be enough and I should work just a little bit more. But none of them had any visibility to my emotional corpus and how depleted that was.

As we grow older, our physical energy keeps progressively decreasing. You can slow it down a bit by healthy living but your body is not going to cooperate for long. Your mental energy, on the other hand, can reach the same levels as that in your 20s. But that requires one crucial decision

And that is… not allowing your work or anything else to operate at an unsustainable withdrawal rate for too long. Because money, once lost, can be earned again. But if you spend years running on an empty emotional tank, you don’t just lose energy.

You lose parts of yourself.

Thousands of years ago, Aristotle had rightfully said, ‘The energy of the mind is the essence of life’. If I have to let go of some additional money to preserve my essence of life, then, for me, it's the easiest deal ever.

But I am not worried. And that's primarily because of what happened when I was 10 years old.

Now what possible lessons I might have learnt in 5th standard that is allowing me to calmly navigate stock market volatility?

Let's go back and see.

Exams and Holidays

I would look forward to the months of May & June during my school days for obvious reasons. Summer holiday meant waking up late, playing all day long, outstation trips and most important of all, no studying … all the good stuff.

But before I could reach this Shangri-La, I had to cross the post-apocalyptic barren wasteland that was the year-end exams. Those 15 days used to be hell on me. I was not able to eat well, used to be sleep-deprived, irritable and mentally exhausted during those 2 weeks. It's only on the last day of the exam, I would start feeling better after handing over my answer sheet to the invigilator.

I am sure none of this is surprising to you. Most of you must have experienced something similar during your school days. I just wanted to direct your attention to 2 things.

First, I was never able to take my exam or my vacation in stride. I would always be too worried during exams and too gung-ho during vacations. I was never able to wrap my head around the idea that since the exams and vacations invariably keep on coming one after the other, no point getting anxious about it.

Second, time relativity. During exams, I would start studying at 20:00 and after studying seemingly for hours, I would check the watch and it would be 20:05. Drove me nuts. It would feel like that time had intentionally slowed down during those two weeks.

On the other hand, in the last week of June, when my mom would give me money to buy textbooks for next school year, I would be super confused about where all the time had gone. Surely, it has only been a week since my summer vacation started!

By now you have guessed where I am going with this…

Just like exams are a mandatory feature of the education system, Bear runs are inevitable in the stock market. So no point losing sleep over them. Just like vacations follow exams follow vacations, Bulls follow Bears follow Bulls.

Also, even when a Bull run goes on for years, no one ever feels that it was too long. And during a Bear run, people keep on checking the stock market every day anxiously hoping that the run would end, even if it's only been a few months. People choose to forget that the consolidation that happens during a Bear run acts as a necessary foundation for the next Bull Run.

Which is why I am patiently waiting for this Bear run's inevitable end without worrying much.

Now you may say all this may sound ok in theory but what about the actual hit your corpus took during the current crash? That's a real and sizable amount. How can you stay unconcerned about that?

For that, you will need to hear another story from my childhood.

Comics

My father used to give me an INR 50 per month allowance when I was a kid. I was expected to manage bicycle maintenance, stationery purchases, school pantry expenses etc with this allowance. Now this allowance would have been enough except for one thing.

My passion for comics.

The 90s was the golden age for the Hindi comics industry. They would typically cost INR 6-7. My parents did not care much for comics. They were of the opinion that if I am passionate about books, I might as well read the school textbooks. At least, that would help me in my exams. So I had to conceal my hobby from my parents.

Now I would try to buy one comic per week. So obviously, I could not buy brand new comics cause that would have exhausted half of my allowance. So I would buy second hand comics which would cost INR 3-4. Even then, I had to be very careful and watch my other expenses so that my INR 50 would last me the whole month.

But there had been times when I had bought comics in the last week of the month and immediately after that, something unexpected happened. Like some major bicycle repair or losing a geometry box. At that time, I would not have enough money to cover that expense. So sometimes, I had to sell some of my comics at a loss just so that I would not have to approach my dad for more money and reveal my expenditure on comics.

So at the age 10, a financial setback would have real life implications for me like not being able to buy comics next week or foregoing bicycle maintenance for some time etc.

And finally… the point emerges

Over the last couple of months, my corpus took a 20 lakh+ hit. But that was ‘paper loss’. It was not as if someone came to my house and I had to hand over 20 lakhs in cash. So, what was the real life implication for me because of that hit? Did I have to stop buying Action figures? No. Did I have to reduce my expenses on organic food items? Again, No. Is there any change in my lifestyle now that the market has crashed? Not a bit. And if at all this hit proved to be significant, it would affect me in 20-30 years in the future. Armageddon can happen by that time.

So this market crash is not affecting me in any practical, visible way… not like the emergencies in childhood affected my pocket money. Which is why, I am finding it difficult to worry about the hit my corpus took.

Business as Usual

FIRE corpus math considers multiple Bull and Bear runs during a planned 40-50 year time horizon. My monthly expenses remain untouched by those. Just like I don't spend more money during Bull cycles, I don't have to reduce my expenses during Bear ones.

Society conditions us to constantly worry about our financial situation. One of the reasons why we see many people link their identity to the size of their corpus. And when that corpus decreases for whatever reason, these people find their sense of self shrinking.

Thankfully, I am not one of those people. I did spend my first 40+ years doing things directly or indirectly for money. I am not going to let money be the focal point for the remainder of my life. Market will rise and market will fall and with that, so will my corpus. I will listen to Sahir Ludhianvi's immortal words and not let it affect me either way

ग़म और ख़ुशी में फर्क न महसूस हो जहाँ

मैं दिल को उस मकाम पर लाता चला गया

मैं ज़िन्दगी का साथ निभाता चला गया

हर फ़िक्र को धुएँ में उड़ाता चला गया

Where there is no difference felt in sorrow and joy,

I kept trying to take myself to that point

I just kept going with the life,

Kept on making every worry fly like smoke

Not facial resemblance. Devastatingly beautiful though I am, Nani was in another league altogether. I am talking about worldview, disposition and preferences.

A bit of history first. Nani was born in a village a couple of hours away from my hometown. Nana (maternal grandfather) passed away when I was 2 years old. They owned a few acres of prime farmland because of which they were financially well off. They had three daughters and a son. The son was the eldest, mind you, before you get any ideas. He lived in the village with my Nani and worked on the farm. The three sisters, including my mom, lived in different cities after their marriages.

When I was 10 years old, Nani was diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure. And since the medical facilities in the village were not great, it was decided that Nani would spend a couple of months each with her daughters so that she could be rushed to good hospitals, if needed. That's how our Nani ended up spending 2-3 months every year with our family.

Location

She did not enjoy living in my hometown. My hyper-modern home in the late 80s had a gas stove, a black and white TV, a refrigerator and a landline phone. There were a couple of convenience stores right around the corner which sold Melody chocolates. Not to mention, nearly 30 cinemas throughout the city. Nani's home and her village had none of these and still she pined for it all the time. This used to surprise the hell out of me. I mean… Why would you want to live in a place which did not have Melody chocolates?

But after living almost 20+ years in Tier-1 cities in India and abroad, I am beginning to understand what Nani felt. Our flat was modern but her village home was spacious. Our city had bright lights but in her village, she could see all the stars in the sky. Our city was lively and entertaining but her village was quiet and peaceful.

And after a certain age, familiarity becomes more important than modern comforts. Nani never saw the famous American sitcom Cheers. But I am sure she would have agreed with the sentiment in the theme song, ‘You wanna be where everybody knows your name’

A few days ago, a US based, 20 year younger second cousin berated me for not opting to settle down in the US when I had the chance.

The history repeats, it seems.

Food

‘It just doesn't taste the same’

Nani used to say this about fruits and vegetables in my hometown. As a kid, I never understood that. Granted, she grew all her fruits and vegetables in her home garden but a tomato is a tomato. How can it taste different just a 100 KM away?

Years later, I went to the USA and I prepared my first chicken curry abroad. It tasted a bit off. American onions, tomatoes, chillies, ginger, garlic everything tasted just a little different but cumulatively it was enough to alter the taste of the curry. That was when I realized what Nani was talking about. She was eating organic stuff since birth and our hybrid food just did not measure up.

Also, Nani had no patience for what she called ‘fancy food’. In the late 80S, that meant maggi noodles and veg manchurian; food which are considered practically pedestrian today. All she wanted was bajara chapati, a red gravy, daal tadka and steamed rice.

When I got my first job, I started going to high-end restaurants and eating fancy food. One reason was to rebel against my middle class upbringing and another was food snobbery. I mean the pleasure I get when I tell my friends “It's pronounced ‘krwah-SAHN’ and not ‘KWAH-sant’” with a superior smirk while eating a croissant is just immeasurable.

But if I have to be honest with myself… whenever I ate sushi, pasta, paella etc, I never felt fully sated. This is no reflection on these foods themselves. It is just that some dishes fill your stomach and others fill your soul.

In the last few years, I have stopped going to fancy restaurants and I try to eat as much organic food as possible. I have a feeling Nani would have approved.

Stillness

This was my daily schedule when I was 15.

• Wake up at 6 AM

• Go to 2 back-to-back tuition classes from 7 to 9

• Come back home, have breakfast, get ready to go to college at 11

• Come back at 17:00 and play some cricket till 18:00

• Go to 3rd tuition class from 18:30 to 19:30

• Come back by 20:00, have dinner and study till 24:00

• Repeat

I don't think this schedule will surprise anyone here. For me, the surprise was my Nani's schedule.

She would wake up before me and have her breakfast. By the time I am back from my class, she would be basking in the morning sun. When I would be leaving for my college, she would be having her lunch. Then throughout the day, she would just sit quietly and in the evening she would talk to a couple of elderly ladies in the neighborhood. After dinner at 20:00, she would be asleep by 22:00.

My Nani came from a farming family. In traditional farming, there are a couple of months of forced inactivity in the year where apart from little farm maintenance work, there is nothing much to do. So people in the village learn to be comfortable with doing nothing.

At the age of 15, being busy and always on the move was like a second nature to me. On rare occasions when I found myself with some time on hand, I would feel a bit anxious by the inactivity. So my Nani just sitting patiently and doing nothing day after day baffled me.

Not anymore.

It took me years to realise that leisure is as important as work, if not more. We all have responsibilities and we do need to diligently work to discharge them properly. But when you have some time on your hand with nothing on your immediate to-do list, it is perfectly alright to do absolutely nothing.

Which is why I have been content doing practically nothing ever since my retirement 4 years ago. I still haven't reached my Nani's level of sangfroid but I am hopeful.

Late Is The Hour

My Nani passed away 15 years ago. I was in the US when that happened. When my mom informed me about the same, I felt very sad. Not because I couldn't attend her funeral. I believe the whole ‘paying our respect’ at the funeral is performative theatre for the benefit of the living so that they can properly say goodbye.

No, I felt sad remembering all those instances where I made fun of my Nani for pining for her village, not appreciating fancy food items I brought her or for just relaxing all day. The arrogance of my adolescence had convinced me that I was the one making the right choices and not her. I wished I could have gotten the chance to tell her how right she was while sharing a simple meal at leisure in the courtyard of her house in the village.

Today when I think about it, I can't help but remember my visit to her village when I was 8. She seemed to instinctively know what I wanted and when. I would feel hungry and before I even said anything, she would be ready with fresh fruits and snacks. She knew I would be bored in the afternoon so after lunch she would take me to the farm and let me pluck oranges from the trees. She knew exactly what bedtime stories I would enjoy the most.

So I would really like to believe that she had anticipated my remorse and forgave me a long time ago. Maybe she would have said something along the lines, ‘You are an idiot but you are my grand-idiot’. Then she would have ruffled my hair and complained about the amount of hair gel I was using. I do find myself having such imaginary conversations with Nani from time to time. At this point, that's all I can do to keep her memory alive. There is a saying which goes ‘A grandmother is a little bit of a parent, a little bit of a teacher and a little bit of a friend’. My Nani was all that and a lot more.

I miss her.

Recently at the India AI Impact Summit 2026, GU showcased a robot at their exhibition claiming that it was a locally developed innovation but was quickly identified by observers as a commercial Chinese-made Unitree Go2 robotic dog. A university representative later blamed miscommunication and misinterpretation for the confusion which sparked ridicule and criticism on social media and in the press.

And it was brutal. The amount of vitriol hurled towards GU reminded me of Rebecca Black and her song Friday Were the lyrics too childish? Maybe. Was there too much auto-tune? One could argue. Was the choreography awkward? Definitely. But ‘the worst song ever’? Surely not.

In the same fashion, the amount of flak GU received seemed way out of proportion for what they did. Actually, I would go further and even argue that they didn't do much wrong.

I know by now you are exasperated with me trying to justify every ‘wrong’ thing in the world. You may think I am The Devil's Advocate but in reality, I am more like a minor demon's paralegal. And as long as you are here, you might as well listen to my argument.

It's Just Business

Let's get the obvious out of the way… GU is running a business. Them saying they are ‘committed to excellence, innovation and impactful education globally’ may look good on brochures but their main goal is to increase revenue and profits… just like any other business. For that, they need a steady stream of students paying for their courses. But how to ensure that year after year? By offering courses that are much in demand. And there arises the first complication.

The job landscape has changed quite a bit in the last few years. Engineering and medical professions no longer guarantee steady income and stable careers. So, if a college wants to make money, it needs to offer courses in the fields with the highest job potential. Today that field happens to be Artificial Intelligence (AI) . And here arises the second complication.

To offer AI courses, colleges need top-notch infrastructure, latest technology and experienced faculty. That takes a lot of initial investment. Even after making that investment, if you are not a reputed college like IITs, you are unlikely to attract students of top caliber. It's only after your first few batches go out in the world and make a name for themselves, you will be able to attract top tier talent; both students and faculty. They will then do cutting edge research, publish papers, file patents and bring in more prestige and money for the college. Which, in turn, will attract more brilliant students. But all this will take a lot of time.

At this point, many people will say the same thing like they do in the infomercials… ‘There's gotta be a better way!’

The ‘Better’ Way

How about instead of actually investing in infrastructure, technology and faculty… you just repeatedly say that you did it? You make sleek advertisement videos, take up full page ads in the national newspapers, pay celebrities/influencers/politicians to promote your AI courses etc.

Is that wrong? This is India so the correct answer is ‘no, unless you get caught’. After all, global FMCG giants like Nestle and Pepsi sold substandard, even dangerous products in India for decades while selling safe variants of the same globally. GU would not be breaking any new ground here.

Will this attract brilliant students? Unlikely, since they will see through the hype. But here is the kicker… the number of gullible students exceeds the number of brilliant students by a very large margin. And fees paid by a brilliant student and a duffer are exactly the same. It will be a few years before the majority of the students will see your true colors. By that time, you would have made a pretty penny.

This sounds awesome. But then why does MIT, Oxford or ETH Zurich waste precious time and money in actually building their AI capabilities? It has something to do with the fairly strict enforcement of consumer protection laws in the US, UK and Europe. Any dubious claims by firangi universities lead to student lawsuits and hefty fines.

Demonstrably, that's not a problem in India. So GU took the easy way instead of hard. Totally understandable, I say.

Now let's look at what actually happened in the AI Summit

Scene of Crime

You cannot say you are offering high quality AI courses in your university and not participate in an AI summit happening 50 km away. So GU participation in the summit was a necessity. But there was this tiny problem of having nothing to showcase. Not to worry… there is a solution for that

Taking an existing product, making minor changes to it and then passing it off as your own is nothing new. Patent offices all over the world are filled with applications along the same lines. So GU showcasing a Chinese robot as their own invention was not exactly a capital crime.

So what did they do wrong?

Amateur Hour

First, whenever you need to declare something which is not the objective truth, either publicly or privately, it is wise to leave a little wiggle room. Instead of claiming ‘we have developed this robot locally’, saying something along the lines ‘This robot has indigenously developed AI capabilities’ would have been safer.

Second, the bigger the stage, the greater the scrutiny. Had this been a local event, GU could have ‘persuaded’ the local media not to air any unflattering coverage. This event had global participation and visibility. So keeping a low profile was the way to go. You can say anything while the cameras are off but be as boring and vague as possible the instant they switch on. Why do you think banks, insurance companies hide their most problematic clauses in dense, incomprehensible jargon in their Terms and Conditions?

Third, whenever you are lying, there is always a possibility of getting caught and sometimes you may get caught in a big way. At that time, you need to immediately back off, blame it on ‘a few misguided individuals’ and sacrifice a scapegoat to appease the masses.

GU messed up big time here. First, they doubled down on their claims. When that did not work, they claimed that they were misunderstood. When the organisers asked them to leave the Summit, they denied that being the case. And finally, when it was too late, they blamed one person from their team for overzealousness.

Tsk… If you must do wrong, do it right!

Anatomy Of The Outrage

Now let's look at the people who piled on GU. I am sure many of you were part of that mob. What got you so amped-up?

Some of you may claim that it's because GU lied. But that's like pot calling kettle black, isn't it? Because you lie too… all the time. If you ever gave a job interview, you had certainly lied. If you filled in your appraisal, your lies are in writing. You may claim your lies were small but then again, had you been a multi-crore business, your lies would have been proportionally bigger by necessity. So get off your high horses, please.

Some of you, who dislike the political party currently in power at centre, might have rejoiced because of GU's perceived sycophantic attitude towards that party. After all, this is the same University who published a scientific paper claiming ‘Corona virus is killed by sound vibrations produced by thali or ghanti’. That's some brown nosing.

The power of the Indian government has no meaningful guardrails to prevent its misuse. The government can break any individual or organisation for any real or perceived slight. So it's just common sense to maintain a good relationship with such a powerful entity. GU did exactly that.

And you don't have to go far to find out what happens when a University has an adversarial relationship with the central government. Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) is just 54 km away from GU. Protest, suffer and feel morally superior… or… kowtow, prosper and maybe experience moral degradation. Your call.

And others are angry because they feel that GU did not consider potential damage to the country's reputation because of their stunt. When most Indians spit on the street, litter in public spaces, repeatedly violate traffic laws … Do they think about their country's image? So can you blame GU decision makers for not considering India's reputation while making their claims in the AI Summit?

Many people look at the way GU operates and tell themselves that they would never do such things. I doubt that because they haven't run a multi crore business in India. We are not living in a timeline where ‘honesty is the best policy’. Many times lies, deceit and sycophancy is crucial for survival of business and is not just an easy way out. So it's difficult to find much fault with what GU did. Remember… In a den of thieves, it's the honest person who is the idiot.

I looked closely and found out that I had been added to a WhatsApp group called ‘Reunion 2026’. That's when I realized that it had been 25 years since I graduated from my Engineering College. And my batchmates were planning a silver jubilee reunion in a month's time.

My immediate reaction was that of indifference.

First, I had not been in contact with my batchmates since 2001 apart from a few LinkedIn interactions, a couple of email exchanges and 2,3 meetings. So there was no apparent emotional pull for me to meet them.

Second, my hometown and the city where I did my engineering are still not connected by air. So travelling is a bother.

And third, just a couple of months back, I came back from a trip to Japan and I was in no mood to travel again this soon.

But then I got thinking about my 4 years of Engineering. It was the first time I stepped out of my hometown and lived on my own. My first cigarette, my first drink and.. err.. many other my ‘first’ experiences happened in those 4 years. That was the place where I learnt how to manage money, interact with people and wash my underwear. I started smiling thinking about all that and something happened which I was trying to avoid assiduously.

I started to yearn.

And once I start yearning for something, sooner than later, I end up convincing myself to get that thing. So I threw up my hands in the air and booked my train tickets for the reunion.

Over the next few weeks, the WhatsApp group was abuzz with excitement. Hotel rooms were booked, reunion schedule was finalized and a surprisingly well researched ‘to-eat’ list was prepared. And much to my annoyance, I found myself looking forward to the union.

The Journey

Finally, one Friday morning in January, I found myself standing on the railway station of my hometown. I distinctly remember hating this journey during my first year of engineering. The train used to be dirty, overcrowded and the journey would take 7 to 8 hours.

This time around I was travelling on a Vande Bharat train which was relatively clean, less crowded due to high ticket price & constant TC presence and it took me to my destination in 6 hours. Was this a good progress over 25 years? If I compare this with my last train journey which was from Kyoto to Osaka, certainly not. But this is India and I will take what I can get.

The Arrival

I reach my destination around 3:00 p.m. The railway station looked very familiar; maybe because government buildings don't change much. My hotel was a short walk from the station and I tried to spot familiar landmarks in the area I had visited hundreds of times 25 years back but no luck. Either the area was changed or my memory was deceiving me.

I checked into my hotel and took a brief nap. I woke up around 5:00 p.m and then went down to the hotel lobby.

The Real Reunion

A few people were sitting on the sofas in the lobby and they looked vaguely familiar. When they saw me approaching, they got up one by one and greeted me enthusiastically. Not surprising since I am a delight. The surprising part was my reaction.

I was genuinely happy to see them.

To put that in context, I am the same person who pretends to be Pakistani while travelling abroad just to avoid interacting with Indian tourists.

I actually wanted to know about my batchmates’ lives. I did not mind their verbal jabs. I did not wear my usual mask of polite attention. I don't recall the last time that happened.

After some time, some of us reconvened in one of the rooms for a ‘mehfil-e-khaas’. There was booze, cigarettes, ‘chakhna’ and old friends reminiscing. This was the first time when I looked over my friends really carefully and noticed a few things

Health

Almost all of them seemed cavalier towards their health. When I was hugging my friends, their tummies reached me long before they did. Many of them drank and smoked heavily. Quite a few of them were popping pills right after their dinners. When I asked some of them about diet and exercise, they confessed that they started a few times but work-related stress derailed their fitness journey sooner than later.

In the battle for attention between money and health, there seemed to be one clear winner.

Self Image

After a few rounds, someone got this bright idea that we should stand up in the centre one by one and tell everyone their current job & location. Since most of us were drunk, standing up was vetoed and the rest of the idea was approved. And then something peculiar happened.

Instead of just telling their job and the location, most people were reciting their entire CV. The projects they did, the positions they held, the countries they visited. It felt like it was important to them that their batchmates should consider them successful. Some of them confessed to dyeing their hair just for the reunion.

I guess once you learn how to market yourself, it's difficult to stop.

Future Anxiety

Many of them talked about the layoffs they had been witnessing over the last few years in their companies. The consensus seems to be that they quickly need to reach higher on corporate hierarchy to keep their jobs a little longer. None of them felt that their current corpus is enough but were confident that they just need ‘5 more years’ to be financially independent.

They also displayed pride and anxiety about their offsprings in equal measures. They spent a lot of time extolling their kids' triumphs. The sentiment that their kids are way smarter than them was pretty much unanimous. But that did not assure them of their kids' success in future.

Odd Man Out

With that backdrop, my bachelorhood and early retirement raised quite a few eyebrows in the room. People questioned my retirement corpus math and tried to find faults with it. For some, lack of purpose seemed the bigger problem. I was genuinely amused when a few even offered to help out in job search.

Now normally, I would have taken an enormous amount of pleasure in extolling my lifestyle and making them miserable by comparing it to theirs. But this time around, I felt a great reluctance to do so. These were the same people who shared their booze with me, loaned me money when I was flat broke and let me copy their answers during the exams. So, constantly repeating to myself, ‘Luke 23:34’, I meekly told them that I am doing OK with my retirement and if I ever need a job, I will be sure to reach out to them.

But then they started talking about the joys of fatherhood.

Many of them started preaching about how much joy their kids brought into their lives. How their lives changed for the better. How they finally understood their purpose of life.

All that was an attack on my life choices. At least, I decided to treat that as such. Whenever in doubt, always assume that you have been disrespected. I could not let that go unpunished. But this was neither the time nor place for a detailed debate on the child-free lifestyle. So I decided to drop just this one-liner and let it fester in their mind over time.

‘The first breath of your child heralds the last breath of your dreams’

There was a moment of silence immediately followed by a chorus of boos but I didn't care. My job was to plant the seed. It was up to them whether to cultivate it with self doubts and what-ifs.

Midnight Pilgrimage

Later, around 12 at night, we went out for a walk in the city and visited our crime scenes of the past. The hostels, the breakfast places, the bus stops. Every now and then we would recall our misadventures and laugh like hyenas. It almost felt like the intervening 25 years have just faded away. Because we had done exactly the same thing back then so many times while going back to our hostels after watching a late night movie.

We got back to our hotel rooms around 2:00 a.m. to grab some shut-eye before the actual reunion ceremony in few hours

Reunion

The actual reunion ceremony turned out to be pretty anti-climatic. The stuffy nature of the program, the boring speeches took all the joy out of the ceremony. The teaching staff and the officials of the college during our time had either retired or moved away in the last 25 years so we did not feel any emotional connection with the present faculty. Roaming around the campus was fun and nostalgic. We were gratified to find out that though there is more variety in available breakfast options, the questionable quality had remained the same.

We got back to our hotel where we had booked the conference room for our informal reunion celebration. There was a laptop connected to the projector through which batchmates living abroad joined the festivities. There was good food, good DJ, good sound system and horrible dancing. A bunch of 45+ year old overweight people dancing to ‘Balam Pichkari’ was not exactly aesthetically pleasing.

To avoid getting pulled to the dance floor, me and a couple of my friends stepped out of the conference room and retreated to a smoking area to talk. After some time, I realised that all of us were trying to gauge how successful the others are in their lives. Which is natural

The interesting thing was when my batchmates and I looked at each other, we both saw the same thing.

The road not taken.

I saw a variant of myself who got married, had kids, took a home loan and could not manage his health. My batchmate saw a version of themselves who chose to remain single, did not acknowledge his kids, did not buy a house, invested aggressively and took care of his health.

Did my friends regret anything? No way to tell. I suppose the amount of regret they felt was directly proportional to their belief in free will.

Goodbyes

The next day everybody started leaving post breakfast so as to reach their homes by late afternoon. When I was saying goodbyes to my batchmates, I suspected that this could very well be the last time I would be seeing some of them and that made me a bit emotional.

Which was surprising since I had always thought that my batchmates’ connection was to a 21-year-old Python who was naive, rough and a bit of an idiot. I had always thought that person is long gone and is now replaced by a suave, charming, confident and a worldly wise Python. And this person was too cool to care.

But the emotions I felt conclusively proved that the 21-year-old Python is not gone. He may be buried deep under a lot of life experiences, conditioning and facade but he is there. And what's more… The 45-year-old python is actually jealous of him.

Because the 21-year-old python might have been naive and stupid but he did some epic shit the current Python can only dream of. That Python had enthusiasm, a belief system and a devil-may-care attitude. He barely passed his exams, was constantly broke and ate revolting food all the time. But he laughed loudly and often.

And a lot of credit for that goes to my batchmates. During those four years, there was always somebody with whom I could share my feelings, borrow a few bucks and learn new things. As I was waving goodbye to them, a lot of memories from all those years back flashed through my mind and I was reminded of that A. A. Milne quote, ‘We didn't realize we were making lifelong memories... we just knew we were having fun.’

Thanks for the memories, guys!

My relatives would ideally like to play it safe and forbid their kids from interacting with me. But they also know that telling a teenager not to do something is practically a guarantee of making that happen. So they let their kids meet me and fervently hope that their kids will pick up the good stuff and ignore the bad stuff.

Now I know there are enough elders in their families who will give them inspirational advice along the lines of ‘give your work your 100%’, ‘be loyal to your company’, ‘never stop learning’ etc. But as a weird uncle it is expected that I will give them some whacky pointers. So I oblige.

Don't Do Your Best

Imagine your boss gives you an assignment. You go through the parameters of the same and realise that if you spend only 1 hour on this, you will end up doing a bad job. To do a good job, you will need at least 3 hours. And if you spend 8 hours, you will do an absolutely best job.

With me so far? Now then… if you bring your one hour output to your boss, he/she will recognise that as a bad job and will chastise you. But instead, if you bring your 3 hour output to your boss, he/she will correctly identify that as a good job and congratulate you. Most bosses are able to differentiate between a good job and a bad one.

But here comes the rub… if you bring your 8 hour output to your boss, he/she will still think that it is a good job. Most bosses are not able to differentiate between a good job and the best job. So even though you spent 5 additional hours on that assignment, the credit you will receive will be the same as you would have received for 3 hour work.

What's worse… If you do this early in your career, your best output becomes your benchmark against which your future output will be measured. So even when you do a good job, you will receive ‘not up to your usual standards’ feedback.

So don't waste your best. Save it for those few maximum visibility assignments

Don't Accept All Promotions

A few years ago, my boss called me up in his cabin

Me: What's up, boss?

Boss: Nabin is quitting

Nabin was a manager in our team. I was an individual contributor and we both reported to the same person.

Me: Yeah, I know. He told me a few weeks back

Boss: You could have given me a hint.

Me: Snitches get stitches. So… are you going to poach somebody from other teams or hire someone from outside?

Boss: I won't have to do either if you take up the job

Me: No thanks

Boss: But this will come with a promotion and hike

Me: I understand but as an individual contributor I am doing interesting, hands-on work and if I take this position, most of my time will be spent only in managing people and administrative work.

I was lying and my boss knew I was lying.

The simple truth was that I was quite comfortable in my current position. I was only responsible for my work which I used to complete in a matter of hours and then relax for the rest of the work day. And since I work closely with Nabin, I knew how hectic and stressful his job was. And I did not see any benefit in trading my leisure for a few dollars more.

When you are offered a promotion and a hike, accepting it may seem like a no-brainer. But nothing in the corporate world is quite so straightforward. More money will always come with way more responsibilities. Which is fine… if you like the new profile. If you don't and you still accept the promotion then stress, frustration and humiliation is inevitable.

So DO look a gift horse in the mouth.

Don't Be a Master

The year was 2009 and every employee in our Lala company was panicking because of the impending layoffs. My boss called me up in his cabin and…

Boss: I have been told to reduce the head count in our team by 50% so let's make a list

Me: Will my name be on the list?

Boss: Not on this list but don't worry… your and my name will be on a list that is being prepared by my boss. And his name will be on a list that Lala is preparing.

Me: Thanks for the pep talk. Okay… let's begin. First thing first… we are not firing Pratiksha, right?

Boss: Goes without saying

Our team was responsible for mainly 3 tasks and we had 10 people in our team to manage that. So basically, for each task we had 3 designated resources. And most of these resources were experts only in the task they were assigned to.

But not Pratiksha. She was not the best resource in any of the activities but she was the only one who could do all 3 activities. Both me and my boss instantly realised that if we are to operate at 50% of the capacity then we need multitalented people. That's why retaining Pratiksha was a no-brainer.

But some of you may argue that being a ‘jack-of-all-trades’ worked in favour of Pratiksha during a layoff… which is a rare phenomenon. During normal times, being a master in one activity should work just fine.

Two problems with that. First; if you are very good at one thing, your bosses would want to keep you in that profile for as long as possible. They wouldn't want to risk things going awry by promoting you out of that profile.

And the second reason is AI. As you know, AI can easily be trained to perform a single task; no matter how complicated. If you are very good at only one process/tool/technology then the chances of an AI agent replacing you at a fraction of cost are very high. But the same AI agent won't be able to even attempt to do any other related tasks. And that's where humans have advantage over AI as of now.

For example, no matter how good a developer you are, AI should be able to write better code than you. But if you can do functional testing along with programming, that would be difficult for AI to replicate.

Conclusion

All this advice is, of course, shaped by my own luck, timing and temperament. It may be terrible advice for someone who wants power, visibility or legacy more than leisure. My relatives' kids usually smile indulgently when they hear me say all these things. Not surprising since this goes against everything they were told so far by their elders.

But I tell them that a corporate career is like fighting a war. And since companies are way more powerful than you, it has to be a guerrilla war for any chance of success. You need to conserve your ammunition, travel light, live off the land and attack obliquely instead of head-on. Things you would not dream of doing in a conventional war.

I hope at least a couple of them will follow my advice. Don't get me wrong… I am not saying this because I am concerned about their corporate wellbeing. I am just curious to see whether the tactics that worked for me in my career are still relevant in 2026. If they are not, at least I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing I corrupted a few young minds before the algorithm did.

Colleague: Dudes, good news. My wife has gone to her hometown with the kids for the weekend… so party at my place tonight. Santosh, Dipesh and Anirban are on board. Both of you reach my place by 9 PM.

Friend: See you at 9

Me: Can't

Colleague: Why?

Me: It's personal

The colleague shrugged and left.

Friend: Two things. First; It wouldn't kill you to bond with your colleagues after office hours. And second; you could have refused with regret after some friendly chit chat. Your refusal was abrupt and borderline insulting.

Me: Two things. First; you can't be sure that it won't kill me. And second; I have rules regarding friendly chit chat which are actually inspired by corporate processes.

Friend: This I have to hear

Me: You asked for it. So here it goes

Access Management

Imagine a company handling sensitive data. The access to this data is not granted willy-nilly. Generally, this is how the access management process works

• By default, a new person joining the company gets no access to the data.

• If this person wants ‘Read’ access i.e. ability to just view the data and not make any changes to it, he/she needs to submit an access request explaining why that access is required.

• If this person wants ‘Write’ access i.e. ability to edit the data, same process but more compelling justifications are expected.

• And finally, if ‘Admin’ access is required, basically the ability to change anything and everything, that request will undergo the highest level of scrutiny.

Friend: Thanks for telling me what I already know. What does this have to do with anything?

Me: Sois patient, mon ami

• When a new person interacts with me, he/she gets the basic courtesy and nothing more

• If the person wants polite chit-chat with me, then that person needs to prove he/she is worthy of it. A person can do that by being respectful and mindful of boundaries

• If the person wants to go one step above and desires friendly conversation with me, then the threshold becomes higher. That person needs to be funny, intelligent and knowledgeable

• But if that person desires deep dialogues with me, then in addition to previous attributes, this person will also need to be trustworthy.

Just like a company will not give ‘Write’ access to just anybody, I will not have friendly conversations with a mere acquaintance.

Friend: Very roundabout way of saying you are a snob. Why not offer friendly conversation at base level?

Me (indignant): How dare you assume that my brilliant mind did not consider the possibility? That has to do with how I view time.

Time

Most people, when asked about their life expectancy, visualise a number somewhere between 85 to 90 and that's what they input in their retirement Excel sheet. Nothing wrong with that. The problem begins when people start making life decisions thinking that living up to 85 is a certainty. The reality is… you can die at any moment. There is a non-zero probability that you will get murdered in the next 5 seconds

Friend: How is that possible? There are only two of us in my cabin at this moment

Me: And your point being…?

Friend (worried and moving his chair away from me) : Nothing. Continue

Anyways… so once you understand that the time you have can be very short, your viewpoint about how to spend it changes. You don't want to waste your time on banal conversations with people you don't care for. You would want deep, meaningful, fulfilling conversations with people you love and admire. And if that is not possible, then frank inner dialogues with yourself would be a lot more preferable than conversation with strangers about weather.

My friend was about to say something but at the same time, a lady knocked on his cabin door. He waved her in.

Friend: Aditi, perfect timing. Meet BachelorPython from the Development team. Please reach out to him for any questions regarding product features. Python, Aditi has recently joined our team and will be reporting to Selvarajan

Aditi: Hi

Me: Hello

Aditi informed my friend about some work stuff and left.

Me: I hate her

Friend: WHAT? Why? Were you in the panel who interviewed her for the job?

Me: No

Friend: Oh… so you already know her from somewhere?

Me (puzzled): No. 5 minutes ago I did not even know she existed

Friend: Let me get this straight. You met her for the first time, she said ‘Hi’ to you and that was enough for you to hate her?

Me: No, of course not. I hated her even BEFORE she said 'Hi’ to me.

Friend (stares at me silently) :

Me: Yeah I know how this sounds but I can attempt to explain.

See, you got ‘arrange marriaged’ at 28 so you wouldn't know but there is a thing called love at first sight. You see someone for the first time and immediately get a massive dopamine hit. Your brain rapidly evaluates face, voice, posture, smell and your mind unconsciously creates a favorable story about who this person might be based on absolutely nothing. Suffice to say, logic and common sense get bitch-slapped the instant you experience love at first sight.

People say love and hate are two sides of the same coin and that makes sense. Both involve high emotional arousal, both focus attention obsessively on the other person and the brain can re-label arousal when new information appears.

So if love at first sight can exist… Why not hate at first sight?

The process is the same; only with completely opposite results. You meet someone and instead of dopamine, your stress hormones get triggered. You instinctively feel that this person is a threat to your status, values or identity. Your mind assigns unfavorable attributes to this person without any visible proof. In short, hate at first sight is our evolutionary Rapid Threat Assessment process going on overdrive.

So I don't know why I hate Aditi. The only thing I do know is that I definitely hate her. I am aware this says more about me than about her… but it is what it is.

Friend: Even so… ‘Hate’ is a bit strong, isn't it? ‘Instant Aversion’ feels more appropriate, don't you think?

Me (looking at him with derision): Maybe for namby-pamby, wishy-washy men. I am decisive and resolute.

Friend: A class one lunatic; that's what you are. You do realise that because of your peculiar approach to interacting with people, you are going to suffer a lot in your personal and professional journey?

Me: Qué será, será… whatever will be, will be.

No Pain, No Change

My friend was a perennial extroverted optimist who got along with almost everybody. Needless to say, that served him well in his corporate journey. Me, on the other hand, muddled through my career. Nothing would have pleased me more had I been an extroverted, open-minded, friendly person. But it was not on the cards.

You don't get to choose who you are. You can make small tweaks to your personality here and there but who you really are, at the core, doesn't change much. And trying to change your core can actually be more trouble…

Ugh… that does not sound even remotely believable. If I conclude this post on a ‘I know I need to change but gosh darn it, I just can't do it’ uplifting and sympathetic note, you guys will assume that someone is making BachelorPython write this post on a gun point. Cause you guys have been reading my posts for years now and that ending will not pass the smell test.

The truth is… I am a narcissist and I can't even contemplate the possibility that I need to change anything about myself. And it doesn't help that I never faced any quantifiable consequences for my actions. I am perfectly content with my own company and can afford to wait for entertaining, meaningful conversations for as long as it takes. So, if one accuses me of being standoffish and supercilious, I can't deny that. But what I can do is write entertaining posts every couple of weeks to amuse you folks. That ought to be more than sufficient.

Friend: You won't believe what I am about to tell you

Me: OK, I won't

Friend: God, you're an asshole. Rakesh’s wife found out about his affair and complained to Urjit (his boss). Rakesh is fucked; both personally and professionally

Rakesh was a Department Head who was having an affair with a lady reporting to him. Almost everybody in the department knew that. And though there were rules against this kind of behaviour, Rakesh did not face any repercussions since Lala companies are notoriously lax about enforcing such rules.

Until now, it seemed

But Urjit sat on the complaint. Weeks went by and nothing happened.

Friend: Looks like Rakesh is going to go scott-free. I can't believe this

Me: I can

But the matter did not end there. Rakesh's wife sent a letter directly to Lala (and Lali, for good measure) highlighting the affair and Urjit’s inaction. Lala always projected himself publicly as a family man. He immediately called up Urjit and scolded him for his inaction. He ordered him to take action within a fortnight.

The news spread like a wildfire in our Vertical and my friend got excited again.

Friend: Justice is late but finally arrived. Let's start planning for Rakesh’s farewell

Me: You may want to wait a minute

A few days later, Urjit took action.

He fired the lady with whom Rakesh was having an affair.

Friend: I can't believe this

Me: I can't believe you can't believe this

This phenomenon has always surprised me throughout my life. If someone does a ‘bad’ thing, people expect that person to get punished. And when that person goes unpunished, which is often, people get indignant. I thought about it a lot and I realised that the fault lies with…

Fairy Tales

Surprised? Hear me out…

• The Evil Queen in Snow White is forced to dance in red-hot iron shoes until death

• Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty is killed in dragon form

• The Wicked Stepmother in Cinderella is exiled

• Captain Hook in Peter Pan is eaten by the crocodile

• The Witch in Hansel & Gretel is burned alive in her own oven

• The Giant in Jack and the Beanstalk falls to his death

• The Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood / Three Little Pigs is shot, drowned or boiled… depending on version.

Notice any patterns? The moral lesson at the end of most fairy tales is pretty much the same… the people who hurt others get punished. These stories are so entertaining that If a kid believes that the real world works the same way, he/she can easily be forgiven. It's when adults believe that the world is ‘Fair and Lovely’, they set themselves up for huge disappointment.

You want to know the guiding principle on which the world works? Of course you do and your All-Knowing Uncle Python will tell you.

A powerful person can do anything without suffering repercussions, as long as he/she does not directly confront a more powerful person or entity.

Doesn't sound right? Then let's leave aside Fairy Tale villains for a moment and look at some real life ones.

Why Tyrants Don't Pay

What do Stalin, Mao, Pinochet, Castro, Franco, Idi Amin, Pol Pot have in common? Well, two things. First; they were all brutal dictators and two; they died without facing any consequences for their actions. They ruthlessly crushed the internal opposition, no matter how insignificant and they made sure not to pose a direct threat to more powerful external forces.

On the other hand, Hitler, Mussolini, Saddam, Ceaușescu, Milošević, Trujillo, Sadat, Gaddafi did not follow the aforementioned guiding principle. They either let internal opposition gain incremental power over time and/or directly challenged external, more powerful entities.

And it's not as if this general principle became applicable only since the beginning of the 20th century. You can go as far back in time as you want and you will see powerful people doing all sorts of terrible things with total impunity. After all, ‘The strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must’ was said by Thucydides in the 5th century… BCE.

In modern times, you see this play out around you all the time

• Local goons extorting money from small shopkeepers

• Rich businessmen blatantly violating traffic laws

• Political party workers getting away with vandalism

• Government officials openly asking for bribes just to do their jobs

…the list goes on. These people use muscle, money, political, position power or some combination thereof to break laws.

At this point, some of you who are more optimistic than others may feel the urge to point out instances where businessmen, politicians, goons were punished for their misuse of power. And yes.. it does happen sometimes and usually public outcry is the reason. The power of public opposition can be substantial and it does have the capability to overcome other powers.

But there are vast limitations to this power. First; it is difficult to invoke it consistently. People have only so much bandwidth. Out of a thousand injustices, maybe one or two attract widespread public attention. And second; it is difficult to sustain it over a long time. The attention span of people is short. Laying low for sometime often works out well for the perpetrators.

Okay but does any of this have any practical applications? Glad you asked

Wasted Outrage

If you are one of those people who get angry about government overreach, corporate maleficence or administrative corruption, you may want to temper your expectations. It's almost a certainty that those people will not get punished and the only thing adversely affected will be your blood pressure.

Pick Your Fights

If you see yourself getting into a situation where you will be in conflict with someone else, try to accurately gauge the power dynamic between you. If the person is a lot more powerful than you, e.g. a cop or a politician, then cut your losses and back off immediately. Is that cowardice? maybe… is that common sense? Most definitely. But what if you are the more powerful party? I leave that up to you. I know what I will be doing.

Might is Right

Imagine you are in a conflict with a person with similar power levels; maybe a colleague or a fellow housing society member. Instead of trying to persuade your opponent with logical arguments, spend more time getting more powerful people in your corner. If you succeed in that, you will win… even if you are spectacularly wrong.

Conclusion

All this may seem unfair to you; especially those who believe in fairy tales. You may even want to look for reasons for why this is so and any possible remedies. But consider this…

Imagine you are playing a chess match and you are clearly winning. But then your opponent deliberately plays a move that forces you to make a move which results in a stalemate; i.e. a situation where your opponent cannot make any legal move. In such a situation, the game is declared a draw and the players split the points.

Now you may feel this is unfair. Equal points generally means equal position but that was definitely not the case here. You were clearly winning and how is it your problem that your opponent cannot make a move? But rules are rules and it's your responsibility to remember and play by those.

Similarly, on this earth and in this time-line, if you have enough power, you can play the game of life in God-mode. This rule is hard-coded and any number of software updates are not going to change it. It is what it is and very unfortunate for powerless people. But that is not necessarily a bad thing… for you.

If you are reading this post on substack, I am reasonably sure you at least have some money power. Which gives you a leg up over at least 90% of the population. Abraham Lincoln said “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” Let's see what you do with your power. But whatever you do, avoid fighting a more powerful entity. Remember… The real tragedy is not that the powerful escape punishment but that the powerless keep expecting fairy-tale endings.

Having said that, here are a few material things which have brought me lasting happiness…

Air Purifier

Whenever you travel abroad, one of the first things you notice is how clean the air feels in your lungs. No surprise there since their AQI is usually in single digits. And when you come back and land in Delhi, it's almost like your body gets a hard reset.

For years, I stayed in tier-1 cities of India and periodically suffered respiratory problems. So when I moved to my hometown in 2021, I had thought that won't be a problem any longer. After all, air pollution is essentially a tier-1 city thing, right? But then I watched AQI in my tier-2 city reaching 200 during winter months. And I started using an air purifier regularly.

I can't overstate the benefits of breathing in 30 AQI air throughout the day. Since the last 4 years, I have been relatively free from sore throat, runny nose, cough, cold etc and to a large extent, the credit goes to the air purifier.

Orthopaedic Mattress

Doctors advise 7 to 8 hours of sleep everyday. Which is not that difficult to achieve; especially if you are retired. The problem is achieving a good quality sleep. If the proportion of your ‘Light sleep’ is way more than your ‘Deep sleep’ Plus ‘REM sleep’, you are not going to wake up refreshed even after sleeping for 10 hours. That's where a good mattress can help.

Now some people say size doesn't matter. I beg to disagree. I need at least 6 inches, preferably 8. Also I like it hard… or at least medium hard but never soft. And I am not partial to latex…foam.

So I ended up buying a 6 inch, orthopedic, memory foam mattress.

And that was one of the best purchases I ever made. My sleep quality improved, my back pain subsided and certain R-rated activities became more pleasurable. Considering I will be spending nearly one third of my life on it, buying a good quality mattress is a no brainer.

Pair of Dumbbells

I started working out only in my early 30s and my exercise of choice was always cardio and never strength training. Lifting weights looked like too much work and also, there are far too many videos of people getting hurt doing deadlifts. Also, I think I was a bit prejudiced against lifting weights. I never once looked at a musclebound guy and thought ‘this could be a high IQ person’.

But then I researched a bit more and realised that strength training is a very important part of exercise regimen. It boosts metabolism for weight management, enhances balance and mobility, protects joints and significantly lowers the risk of chronic diseases like diabetes, heart disease and osteoporosis.

So the next step is obvious… joining a gym, correct? Except that I don't like gyms. I like to avoid contact with humanity as much as possible and in the gym, you have to workout in close proximity with dozens of people. Loud music, bad smells, sweat covered gym equipment is not something I want to experience day after day.

That's when I bought two sets of dumbbells; one light, one heavy. I was able to do many effective exercises with these. Sure, you need specialised equipment to target certain muscles but since I am not planning to compete in a Mr. India contest anytime soon so that is alright.

I don't have to wear gym clothes and go to the gym, I can exercise at my convenient time and nobody is waiting impatiently for me to finish. I am also saving money but the most important benefit is that I am able to regularly work out because doing it at home is very convenient. And consistency is the key when it comes to exercising.

Home Theatre System

I love music but listening to it on mobile phones or on portable Bluetooth speakers does not feel very satisfying (I don't know whether my nostalgia is deceiving me or what but I remember enjoying listening to songs on 2-in-1 tape recorders a lot more during my engineering days). And good ear phones can produce excellent sound quality but its prolonged use is bad for ears. So I got myself a Home Theatre System which produces excellent sound while being easy on my ears.

My parents thought that I bought it for movies and it is true that experiencing movies like Mad Max: Fury Road with the home theatre setup gets you as close to theatre experience as possible in your home. But it's when ‘Aaye Kuchh Abr’ by Mehdi Hasan gently envelopes me from all sides late at night, I realise what a worthy purchase my home theatre system truly is.

French Press

When I started working in 2004, one of the biggest surprises for me in the workplace was the free coffee. But then I took one sip of the coffee from the dispensing machine and I was surprised no more. The coffee you get in the office is an abomination and I am not really awake in the morning until I have my first cup of strong, full bodied coffee.

So I started brewing coffee at home. I bought a French press, kitchen scales, coffee grinder and a kettle. This setup may seem too much for a cup of coffee but it is totally worth it. Weighing the Arabica beans, grinding them coarse, warming the French press, letting the coffee steep for 4+5 minutes… the whole process is elaborate and meditative. The coffee you get at the end of the process is full-bodied, rich and robust with a strong flavor and aroma. It jump starts my brain and my colon. And you can't put a price on that.

I worked for 17 years (I was going to say ‘worked hard’ but then realised that a couple of readers of this blog know me IRL) in polluted cities doing frustrating assignments with despicable people. So to convince myself that it was all worth it, I had bought a lot of frivolous things with the the money earned. And I found the happiness thus achieved to be fleeting.

But these few purchases above were different. They either improve the quality of my life or make me happy every day. So I guess the idea is to identify what truly matters to you in life and buy stuff that can make that happen without feeling guilty. Genuine happiness does come from inside but listening to Jagjit Singh while sipping a strong coffee on an orthopaedic mattress, post workout, in 30 AQI air is not bad either.

The Setting

I had just turned 22 and had taken admission in an MBA college. During the 3rd year of my engineering, I realized that I was not mentally ready to start working. So to delay that as much as possible, I decided to do an MBA immediately after my engineering. Not for learning; nevermind what I told my parents.

So, one fine day in June 2002, I arrived with my luggage at a sprawling campus.

The morning and afternoon of the first day were spent in admission formalities and settling in my dorm room. The regular classes were supposed to start the next day.

Now our college has a case study methodology. For those who don't know, in this methodology, instead of professors teaching theory and then students using that knowledge to solve problems, students are expected to solve the problem first and then get feedback from the professors.

So instead of the traditional ‘Learn and then do’ model, case study methodology forces you ‘To do, make massive mistakes, get ridiculed by the professors and then learn’. Let's be thankful that our medical colleges don't use case study methodology.

The Curious Case Of An Airport Restaurant

My very first class was on Operations Management and I had received a case study about a restaurant in Singapore Airport. It was a 20 page case study with a lot of information about the menu, the operations, the competition, employee turnover, costing, profits etc but long story short… the revenue was down 5% from the last year and attrition was at 25%. Along with this case study, we were given readings on restaurant operations management and we were expected to solve the case study overnight and present the solution in the class.

Since this was the very first case study of the first year, everybody wanted to make a good first impression and display their intellectual prowess. So all of us worked late into the night and came to the class the next day with presentations.

The first group started their presentation. Their solution called for reworking the menu prices. The professor said that they are wrong… No problem. The next group suggested operational improvements. The professor remained unmoved... Alright. The next group advocated a marketing blitz to improve revenue. Thumbs down to that too…Hmmm.

By the time we reached the 7th group, the students were convinced that the professor was just being spiteful. After all, they were the best and the brightest in the country and all of them cannot be this wrong. The actual solution must be some minor improvement on one or two of the solutions already presented.

The 10th group finished the presentation and the professor told them too that their solution was wrong. The next class was supposed to start in 5 minutes and all the students leaned back in their seats smugly to hear the ‘correct’ solution from the professor.

The Reveal

The professor smiled at the whole class and said, “All of you worked very hard and came up with a lot of solutions but did any of you even consider for a moment…

… Is there a problem in the first place?”

It was like the whole class was doused with cold water. I saw shock, embarrassment, anger on the faces of my classmates. The professor continued…

“The attrition is at 25% but in the service industry, 30 to 40% is the norm so that's not a problem. And though the revenue is down 5%, it is still not a big enough problem yet to invest much time and money in finding solutions.

“Problem solving is an important skill for a manager, to be sure. But the most important skill a manager can learn is to evaluate the situation correctly. Not every situation calls for active measures. To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail. As a manager, resist the urge to find solutions for the problems which don't exist.”

With that mic-drop, the professor left, leaving behind the ‘best and the brightest’ utterly shell shocked.

Over the next 2 years, I learned a lot about accounting, brand management, finance etc but this very first lesson stayed with me throughout. And I did not have to wait long to actually use that in my life.

The Case Of ‘Bachelor’Python

I finished my MBA at the age of 24 and my parents broached the subject of my marriage within a year. I was living in a Tier 1 city, my job was comfortable, was able to indulge my hobbies, partying every week and dating regularly. My mind flashbacked to my first MBA class. What problem would I have been solving by getting married? I told them clearly that I didn't feel the need to get married.

My parents were not worried. They were sure that in a couple of years, my situation will change and so will my answer. And my situation DID change. My job got boring, bar hopping felt tiring and living in Tier 1 city took a toll on my health. But again, I could not see how marriage was the solution to any of these problems. So my stance on marriage did not change.

At that point, my parents got worried and they sent an elder cousin to persuade me

Cousin: Come on, dude. At least, there is one definitive benefit of marriage. Wink, wink

Me: Don't wink at me in public, man. Spell it out.

Cousin: Regular sex, of course.

Me: Are you seriously suggesting I should get married so that I get to have sex regularly?

Cousin: Well…Duh!

Me: That's like letting a snake loose in your house because you have a rat problem. Sure, your rat problem will be solved but now you have a way bigger problem. The reasonable solution is to borrow your neighbour's pussy… cat, as and when required. Wink, wink

Cousin: Don't wink at me in public and don't ever talk to me again either, you pervert!

Dirty jokes aside, I remained bachelor because I could not find problems with my situation over the last two decades. And boy did that work out for me!

Measure Twice, Cut Once

I hope this goes without saying that this lesson does not advocate inaction. It rather argues that any action taken without completely understanding the situation is likely to cause way more damage than the perceived problem would have. Once you have the right understanding of the problem, the solution, difficult may it be, becomes apparent. A problem well stated is the problem half solved.

Now you may not feel confidence in your ability to accurately assess your situation. What if you fail to take into account something important? Or maybe, all this sounds like too much work. At that point , it is tempting to look at somebody else's life and simply copy their successful solutions. Maybe that's why most people go for engineering or medical degrees, immigrate to the US or even get married. The thought that ‘if it worked for somebody else in a similar situation, it should work for me too’ is very seductive.

But ‘similar’ is not ‘same’ and ‘somebody else’ is not ‘You’. So it is always better to do your own assessment and arrive at a problem definition, no matter the efforts required. As Marie Curie said ‘Nothing in life is to be feared ; only to be understood.’ The more time you spend now in understanding, the less time you will spend later fearing.