i found myself saying recently:

“i don’t have to spend time worrying about the future because situations like this always remind me that god has been writing the story long before i even knew it existed.”

because i noticed the dots connecting, i met someone months ago without knowing they would be a crucial part of reaching my goal. this person had been watching my content long before we met, and she ended up being the missing piece to something i’m building. it’s so specific. so detailed. and so perfect that i wouldn’t even be able to think about it myself.

so relax, the path is already paved for you, perfectly planned out and perfectly measured.

“creation is already finished.” — neville goddard

meaning, all things that ever will be and have been are all created and here right now in a field called the 4th dimension. all versions of you already exist. if you can imagine it... it’s already a possibility.

i’ve always loved the teachings of neville goddard because i was always able to see how aligned they sometimes were with my religion. as a muslim, we believe in qadar (predestination) — the islamic belief that Allah has measured and decreed everything that occurs in the universe — and Allah says in the quran:

so the life that you are so desperately trying to build and create doesn’t need building or creating it’s already done.

there’s a hadith i come back to all the time that puts this into perspective:

the Prophet ﷺ told ibn abbas:

“know that if the entire nation were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you except with what Allah had already written for you. and if they were to gather together to harm you with something, they would not harm you except with what Allah had already written against you. the pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.”

(tirmidhi)

what stood out to me most about this hadith is the last sentence, “the pens have been lifted and the pages have dried,” which is the point neville goddard made. it’s done. it’s been done.

your future isn’t uncertain to God. the chapter you’re anxiously trying to force has already been measured, written, and accounted for with perfect precision.

i used to hear the phrases “if God wills” and, if i’m being completely honest, part of me resisted it.

because i thought:

what do you mean if God wills? i’m the one putting in the work, i’m the one staying up late, i’m the one taking the risks… astaghfirullah, lord forgive me.

but over time i realized i was looking at it completely wrong. i thought it was limiting, but in reality, it’s liberating.

because if i had to orchestrate every opportunity, every connection, every lesson, every closed door, every redirection, every breakthrough, every person i was meant to meet, every conversation that would change my life… i wouldn’t be able to do it.

some of the most important pieces of your future are already moving toward you while you’re completely unaware of them.

even the answers to prayers you haven’t even made yet are done. God is arranging things beyond the limits of your awareness. so why are you spending so much energy worrying? what if that energy was never meant to be spent on anxiety, but it was meant to be spent on your becoming?

because this doesn’t remove the need for action. we still need to show up for the things we pray for, but it removes the need for panic. you no longer have to carry the burden of controlling the outcome, and that changes everything.

and this is why decisions feel like portals. when you make a decision, you step onto a path, and all of a sudden you meet the right people, you see the right signs, you learn the hard lessons that you needed in order to move forward. it feels so coincidental and perfect because it’s already been measured.

and your job isn’t to see the entire path. your job is to walk in it.

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our need to place our trust in something comes from our understanding that there is a limit to what we can control. no matter what you believe in, i think we all eventually reach the edge of ourselves. you can be the most ambitious person in the world, work incredibly hard, make the perfect plan, and do everything “right,” and there will still be this layer of life that you cannot control.

and if my journey has taught me anything, it’s how deeply i need God.

not because i’m incapable of doing hard things, but because i was never meant to carry the weight of knowing and controlling everything. i can do my part. i can work. i can dream. i can make decisions. i can become. but eventually, i have to place everything beyond my control somewhere.

for me, i place it with God.

and maybe that’s why Allah tells us to put our trust in Him over and over again throughout the Quran. because trust is what frees our energy and allows us to create, dream, build, and live. overthinking, worrying, and stressing put us in survival mode, and you cannot uncover who you are meant to be.

i know when i’m experiencing a stressful season, overthinking, or even going through burnout, the first thing to go is my vision. i completely lose sight of who i want to become, and because of that, i’m unable to see the next steps clearly.

and this is why i always say it’s unfair to tell someone who is going through a hard season, or who has been in fight-or-flight their whole life, to “just think positive” or “just dream bigger,” because they can’t. we can’t see past our current state when all of our energy is being used just to survive it.

so learn to let go. you won’t lose anything when you loosen your need to control, but you gain more clarity.

and the best part is:

“and whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He is sufficient for them.”

surah at-talaq (65:3)

not only do we free ourselves of worry, anxiety, and panic, but He also becomes sufficient for us, and we’ll never lose when we have Him.

so let go of the how and focus on the becoming & the steps in front of you right now. the how will come. the path has already unfolded in front of you; you just have to trust it and focus on your becoming. and make sure you acknowledge the proof even if it shows up in a way you didn’t expect.

i recently found myself in a little pickle where something i wanted badly was in front of me, but there was absolutely nothing i could do or say to have it. it was just completely out of my control, and i literally had to say out loud to myself, “astaghfirullah, you can’t say you’ve placed your full and honest trust in God and still try to force something or panic,” and it immediately released the grip i had on the thing i wanted. there’s no need for that internal battle of, “i want this thing so bad. why can’t i have it right now?” it brings you so much unnecessary pain.

you can want the thing right now, but that doesn’t change the fact that you can’t do anything to move it closer. the timing of it all is perfectly measured. only when you release the grip will you see that there are opportunities for your growth toward that thing in front of you.

the tighter you grip, the more resistance you create. the more you chase, the further things run. the law of attraction is something i don’t see as woo-woo manifestation, but as alignment. if everything is already predetermined and measured… that means we do nothing but attract things into our lives. if every version of ourselves exists, it means who we choose to be (how we think, feel, the things we believe, and the actions we take) is our point of attraction.

so when you grip onto something and it creates emotions like anxiety, worry, and panic in you, that means it’s coming from a place of lack and fear, and you’ll attract and find more of that. you’re aligning yourself with the lack of the thing. but when you have faith, choose to believe that things are headed your way and that God only wants the best for you, then you attract more of that, and things naturally flow to you.

“it’s not possible to constantly feel positive emotions about something and have it turn out badly, just as it is not possible for you to consistently feel bad about something and have it turn out well—for the way you feel will tell you if you are allowing your natural well-being or not.” — ask and it is given by esther and jerry hicks

and i think this is where people misunderstand detachment.

people ask me all the time how i can tell you to keep your goals at the forefront of your mind, to look at your vision every day, put it on your lock screen, become obsessed with your potential…and then in the same breath tell you to detach.

because those things sound contradictory, but detachment doesn’t mean i stop wanting it.

detachment means i stop needing it to happen exactly the way i’ve decided it has to happen.

and i hate to kill the vibe but…

what if you never got the thing you want the most? would you still be okay? could you still be happy?

i truly believe that the best place to live is having full conviction that what you desire is possible for you while still leaving room to be surprised by God’s plan. the moment you decide, “i won’t be happy unless i get the thing exactly as is,” desire turns into fear. now we aren’t just moving towards what we want, but we’re terrified of the possibility that it won’t happen.

maturing is realizing that conviction isn’t attachment to one exact outcome. it’s trust that what is meant for you will meet you in a way that’s just as beautiful, if not better.

whether someone calls it faith, surrender, presence, nervous system regulation, manifestation, mindfulness, or simply living with trust, so many of these traditions seem to be pointing toward the same destination. they all invite us to loosen our grip, to become less consumed by fear, and to stop trying to control every outcome.

but as a muslim, the framework that makes the most sense to me is islam, and the more i learn about the quran, the more i realize that God acknowledges our human nature before He asks us to rise above it.

He tells us:

“indeed, mankind was created anxious. when adversity touches him, he is impatient. and when good touches him, he withholds.” (surah al-ma’arij 70:19–21)

i love that this verse doesn’t pretend we’re immune to fear. He calls us to a positive outlook on life but begins by acknowledging it.

so don’t shame yourself or judge yourself for being afraid of the unknown... it’s normal. but we are also being called to rise above it because that’s where our potential lives.

all my love,
bahja

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p.s. if you’re wondering why there are so many serendipity stills throughout this letter... it’s my favorite movie of all time, and i think i finally understand why.

the entire movie is about trusting that what is meant for you will find its way back to you without putting your life on hold waiting for it. the characters let go, continue living, grow, change, and allow life to unfold... all while this invisible thread continues pulling them toward each other.

waiting without waiting.

you can believe deeply in something. you can want it with your whole heart, have complete conviction that it’s possible for you... and still go live your life. still become. still grow. still say yes to what’s in front of you. still leave room for God to write the story differently than you imagined.

I actually wanted to be a journalist when I was younger, until my dad gave me a little insight into the salary. No tea, no shade… it just wasn’t going to fund the life I saw for myself. But I’m writing now, and it brings me so much joy, so I guess in a way I still fulfilled that middle school dream.

I love ambitious women. I love ambition. I love seeing women who are truly fulfilled by what they’ve built. And I love that slightly intense, high-standard, “I know what I want” energy—the kind that people love to label as “b*tchy” when it’s a woman, of course. It resonates with me. And I get that it won’t resonate with everyone, and that’s okay. I really believe we’re drawn to things that align with the life we’re meant to build. It’s like a part of us recognizes it before we even fully understand it ourselves… but that’s a whole other conversation.

There was a moment in the movie that really stuck with me. At the end, Miranda is talking to Andy and she mentions how she missed most of her children’s childhoods but that’s just the cost of being in the position she’s in. And then she says, “but God, I love working.” And you can hear it in her voice. That passion. That deep love for what she does. She’s a woman who loves her work, who’s living in her purpose, and who isn’t asking for permission to do so.

Everyone wants it… Until it Costs Something

It immediately made me think about all the conversation around Emma Grede lately. She IS a real-life version of that same energy—ambitious, direct, very “I know what I want.” She recently launched her book Start With Yourself, and I’ve personally been loving it because I resonate with what she’s saying. But people who don’t resonate have taken it upon themselves to misunderstand her completely.

She talks a lot about “trade-offs,” and how if you’re an “ambitious little monster” (her words, not mine), there are sacrifices you have to be willing to make. She has four children and openly says she refuses to box herself into the traditional version of motherhood that society pushes. She doesn’t believe she needs to be with her kids 24/7 to be a good mother… and people hated that.

But what’s interesting is that she never once shamed women who find fulfillment in motherhood. She just offered a different perspective. And I’m honestly grateful for that, because it makes women like me feel seen. And I know I’m not the only one.

Because the truth is, even going all in on motherhood requires sacrifice. I watched my own mom trade off so much in her 20s, 30s, and even her 40s (she would actually kill me if she knew I’m telling people she’s in her 40’s) to be the best mom she could be. And she did an incredible job. She taught me more about hard work and grit as a stay-at-home mom than anyone else could have.

I think that’s the part people don’t want to admit: no matter what path you choose, something has to give.

Emma talked about how we get tripped up when we think about our future because we’re not prepared for trade-offs. That we’ve been conditioned to believe we shouldn’t have to sacrifice anything for the life we want… that it should come easily, that we shouldn’t have to compromise.

And then she said something that kind of sat with me—

“Things in your life will have to give… and you’re not going to get what you want quickly. To win, you will often feel like you’re losing—and sometimes losing a lot.”

No one wants to hear that. But it’s true.

Because when you’re really in it, when you’re actually building something, it doesn’t always look balanced, and it definitely doesn’t always feel like you’re winning.

Sometimes it feels like you’re missing out, like you’re behind, like you’re giving up more than you’re gaining. But if it’s what you truly want… it’s still worth it.

And I think that’s the part people skip over. Everyone wants the outcome, but no one really sits down and asks themselves:

“what am I actually willing to give up to get there?”

Because there are no shortcuts. Just choices.

And I think that’s why people get uncomfortable with her… because she says the quiet part out loud.

You Can’t Waste a Life You Chose

I’m 24, turning 25 in just a couple months, and I’ve spent the last 4 years with my head down just working. I graduated college 2 years early because I didn’t want to sit around—I wanted real life experience. I knew for me, as someone who wanted to work for herself, that was going to be more valuable.

While the girlies my age were talking to boys, enjoying college, hanging out, building stable careers… a lot of them now married, some with kids… I went to work on myself. And I’d be lying if I said the thought never crosses my mind—what if this isn’t worth it? What if I’m wasting my 20s… the years everyone says are supposed to be the best of your life?

But then I catch myself. Because the truth is, I don’t have huge responsibilities right now. This is the season of my life where I can go all in. There will be a time, inshAllah, where I have children, a husband, where my parents need me more than I need them. And I don’t want to struggle. So I’m going to use this window of time for everything it’s worth.

And that’s what made me start thinking… what does it even mean to “waste” your life? I don’t think you can waste your life if you’re choosing it intentionally. To me, wasting your life looks like drifting—doing what you’ve always done, following what everyone else is doing, inheriting a life instead of actively participating in it.

So even though that thought crosses my mind sometimes, I don’t feel like I’m wasting my life. Because I love who I’m becoming. I love the experiences I’m having, the people I’ve met along the way, and I love watching my vision slowly come to life.

I also trust that God is intentional. The dream on my heart isn’t random, and along the way, Allah continues to show me that I’m exactly where I need to be. And I know this life isn’t the end. This world isn’t our final home, so as long as I’m God-conscious and using what I’ve been given to better my life and contribute in some way, I’m also building my hereafter. And that’s forever.

So ask yourself, did you choose the path you’re on, or did you fall into it? Are you living this way because you truly want to, or because it’s what you’ve seen everyone else do? Do your weeks and days actually reflect the life you say you want?

Because that’s the difference. That’s how you know if you’re living intentionally… or just drifting.

There was a point when I first started YouTube where I was really in it. I’m talking sitting at my computer on a random Monday, after already vlogging a full week of my life, and still editing for 14–16 hours straight just to get one video done. And sometimes… the video wouldn’t even do well. No crazy views, no viral moment, nothing that would make you look at it and say, “yeah, that was worth it.” But I kept going. I kept posting, I kept showing up, I kept choosing it even when it felt like nothing was happening on the outside.

And then the following summer, on a random day, I took my mom and my sisters to Paris. Just like that. We stayed in this beautiful, iconic hotel, the kind of place you walk into and you almost have to pause because it doesn’t feel real. With the Eiffel Tower view and EVERYTHING gurl! And the craziest part was that I paid for it with YouTube. Not brand deals, not partnerships…just the money I made from posting videos. I remember sitting there and thinking about all those long nights, those 16-hour editing days, sitting in my mom’s basement for hours at a time (which was freezing cold btw), and realizing that it was all worth it.

Being able to give back to my family like that, especially to my mom, brought me a level of joy that’s hard to explain. It made me realize that maybe that’s more of my purpose than anything else.

But even that moment came with trade-offs. Because people will always see the Paris trip. They’ll see the lifestyle, the outcome, the highlight. What they don’t see is what it cost to get there. The long hours, the isolation, the doubt, and the reality of putting yourself on the internet where you’re constantly being perceived. You sacrifice parts of your privacy, your peace, sometimes even your sense of safety. And that’s the part that doesn’t always “look” nice, but it’s real.

I’ve Seen What Sacrifice Builds

I work every day of the week, and I constantly have people telling me, “you need to chill… you’re taking on too much… you need to breathe… when are you going to get married?” And to that, I always think…you just don’t get it.

I don’t go out often. If you’re wondering what Bahja’s doing, I’m probably at home working. There are days where I sit in the same chair for 8 hours straight, and I’m not saying that’s healthy or something I want to promote, but it’s the truth of what this season has required from me. And don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy my life. I plan things, I travel, I have moments where I step away. I literally have a trip planned next week. But overall, I’ve sacrificed a lot for the vision that was placed on my heart.

For a long time, I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. Maybe I didn’t have the right routine, the right system, the right balance—because everything online makes it look so easy. There was this whole wave of “soft life” content and conversations about how hustle culture is toxic, and although there is truth in that… when you really want something, and you start working towards it, you realize how much it actually takes. It’s not always aesthetic. It’s not always balanced. And it doesn’t always feel good.

And I think a lot of that comes from what I saw growing up.

My mom always told me, “I don’t want you to raise your kids in struggle the way that I raised you.” And I think that stuck with me more than I realized. My dad was a truck driver when we were younger, so there were times where he would be gone for weeks, sometimes months at a time. And as a kid, that was heartbreaking. I remember one year he had to leave on my birthday, and I genuinely thought it was the worst day of my life… I’ve always been this dramatic so I felt like I was going to die from it.

But that was a trade-off.

He was doing what he had to do to provide for us.

And then when he eventually started his own business and was able to be home more, everything changed, —which I also think this is a big reason as to why I chose entrepreneurship cuz him being gone genuinely broke me lol— he would drop us off at school, come to events, be home every night. I used to brag about it like crazy!! Those kids were probably tired of me, but I didn’t care. I just loved having him there.

And then there are sacrifices I didn’t fully understand until I got older. My mom had a miscarriage, and that same day my dad had a job to go pick up a load. He wanted to stay with her, of course he did, but she told him to go. She told him everything was fine… knowing it wasn’t. Knowing she had just lost a baby. Knowing she needed him there. But she also knew that in that moment, for our family to make ends meet, he had to take that job.

And that was her trade-off too.

That’s why when people talk about ambition and sacrifice, I don’t see it as this harsh, negative thing because I’ve seen it up close. I’ve seen what it can build.

What I don’t understand is why men are praised for those sacrifices, but women are questioned for them. A man can pour into his work, miss moments, build something for his family, and it’s seen as admirable. But when a woman says she wants more, when she chooses to prioritize her vision, suddenly it’s “too much,” or “selfish,” or “unbalanced.” And a lot of the time, that criticism comes from other women. Boooo! tomato, tomato!

I’m grateful for women like my mom, and women like Emma Grede, because they’ve shown me that fulfillment isn’t one-size-fits-all. That showing up for your life fully—whatever that looks like for you—allows you to show up better in every other area too. And that it’s not wrong to pour into yourself with the same care and intention you so freely give to everyone else.

My way of thinking and living might not resonate with you and that’s okay. It’s not meant to. That doesn’t make you any less successful or any less valuable. It just means your path, your purpose, your mission… looks different. And that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.

But I do hope this gave the girls who feel a little overly ambitious—like me :)—a bit of clarity, or at least made you feel seen. Because that drive, that intensity, that desire to build something more… it’s a gift. And sometimes the world will try to make you feel bad for it.

As long as you’re not drifting through your life, as long as you’re making choices that actually make sense to you, and as long as you feel fulfilled in what you’re building, that’s what matters.

I’ve learned that being a little “selfish” in the right ways allows you to show up better, to give more, to serve more, to actually contribute something meaningful.

And at the end of the day… I think that’s the whole point.

That’s All,
Bahja

p.s. I hope you caught the Devil Wears Prada sign-off 😏

The main purpose of this letter is this: your paradigm affects the way you make duaa. And the way you make duaa ultimately changes your life.

We know that our lives unfold by the decree of Allah. Whatever Allah has written is what will happen. But we also know something powerful — duaa can change decree. And Ramadan is not just another month where we ask casually. Laylat al-Qadr is the night when the decree for the coming year descends. That means how you ask this Ramadan matters. The way you believe matters. The state of your heart when you raise your hands matters.

The Hidden Block: Your Inner Blueprint

We are only limited by our paradigm.

Your paradigm is the lens through which you see the world. It’s your inner blueprint. It shapes what you believe is possible for you. And you cannot think outside of it. You cannot believe outside of it. So sometimes we sit down and make duaa for something, but our hearts are not aligned with it. Not because we underestimate Allah’s power, but because we are limited by our own mindset.

So when make duaa this Ramadan, I want you to pause and ask yourself: how do I actually feel about this? Do I believe I could have this? Or am I asking while quietly thinking it’s impossible for someone like me?

This isn’t about shame. It’s not about feeling bad. It’s about awareness. Only when you can recognize the paradigm, can you start to shift it. Belief isn’t changed overnight — it’s changed through repetition. Through continued prayer. Through aligned action. Through showing up again and again until your brain starts to see opportunity, and opportunity builds evidence, and evidence builds belief.

And suddenly you’re saying, “Oh my God… maybe this is possible for me.”

Your paradigm isn’t just what you think. It’s what feels true. And you cannot believe outside of what feels true. So when you sit down to make duaa for something — marriage, impact, wealth, peace, influence, healing — your words might be asking for expansion… but your heart might still be operating from limitation.

Because somewhere deep down, your blueprint has already decided what’s realistic for you. What’s safe for you. What’s “too much.” That’s the hidden block.

Sometimes we don’t ask boldly because it feels uncomfortable. Sometimes we ask, but quietly assume it won’t happen. Closing the door ourselves.

And if you don’t become aware of that inner blueprint, you will keep making duaa from the same limited lens.

Your inner blueprint shapes your belief → Your belief shapes your duaa → Your duaa shapes your alignment → And your alignment shapes your life.

The Science of Duaa

An answered duaa is a journey, and the only thing that will invalidate that journey is giving up and closing the door yourself. This hadith doesn’t say you can’t have a moment of doubt. It doesn’t say you can’t feel weak. It doesn’t say you can’t cry. This hadith talks about impatience and choosing to believe that Allah hasn’t answered your call.

When you say, “I wasn’t answered,” you’re assuming you know better than Allah’s wisdom.

I was recently reflecting on why it seems like everything comes easy to me from an outside perspective (this is a longer process that I will make a video about soon I’A). From the outside it can look like things just fall into place for me, and sometimes I even feel like that myself. Like… what did I do to deserve this? But one of the reasons is that the hard part isn’t external. The hardest part isn’t something you can measure. It’s not something others can see. It’s sitting in the unknown. Being patient. Trusting in Allah’s wisdom and mercy.

The hardest, most uncomfortable part isn’t the actual work itself. It’s not giving up faith. It’s holding on to the dream when everything in your outer reality is so far from what you want it to be. It’s hurting so much but still saying, “Oh Allah, I’ve placed this in Your hands. I know nothing and You know everything, so guide me through.” It’s showing up every single day for something you have no control over but trusting it will work out.

It’s trying to see hardship as alignment even when everything in you wants to give up. That’s what most people are not willing to do. Sit in discomfort and have the courage not to give up. To continue asking even if it’s been years.

The reward of that is unmatched. And sometimes the reward isn’t even what you were asking for — it’s closeness to Allah. It’s witnessing how Allah shows up in your life. And there is nothing in this world that could compare to that.

Think of the long journey of Prophet Yusuf AS, for example (the surah I’m studying this Ramadan is Surah Yusuf so the references will be nonstop hehe)

Look at his timeline:

As a child, he sees a dream of greatness.
His brothers throw him into a well.
He’s sold into slavery.
He’s falsely accused.
He chooses prison over sin.
He stays in prison for years.
The man he helped forgets him.
He waits.
He is finally remembered.
He interprets the king’s dream.
He becomes the treasurer of Egypt.

That’s not overnight… that’s years of silence. Years where nothing externally looked like his dream.

But we want what we ask for this Ramadan by Eid?

When he is finally reunited with his family and elevated, he says:

“Indeed, my Lord has been Subtle with me.”
(Qur’an 12:100)

He didn’t sit there and say, “Finally.” “It’s about time.” “After all that suffering.”

He said, “Indeed, my Lord has been Subtle with me.”

That’s someone who recognized the hand of Allah in every stage. That’s someone whose paradigm was programmed to know exactly who Allah is. His inner blueprint was programmed to see Allah’s wisdom even in delay. The way you interpret what happens to you determines whether you give up or grow. If you see delay as rejection or hardship as punishment, you’ll lose faith and close the door yourself. But if your paradigm is trained to recognize Allah’s subtlety (even when you don’t understand it) you keep asking, you keep trusting, and you keep showing up. And that’s the difference.

Think of your duaas as a journey and make room for Allah’s wisdom. Allah does not place a dream in your heart without giving you the capability to move toward it. When you’re weak, pray for strength but don’t give up.

The hard part is keeping your dreams and goals at the forefront of your mind. Staying aligned by showing up. Continuing to make duaa for it. Embodying the version of you who receives the thing. It’s not a one and done. It’s a journey girl, one you have to show up for every single day.

That’s the part no one sees. And not everyone has the courage to do it.

Meet Your Du’a With Effort

A man said: “O Messenger of Allah, should I tie my camel and trust in Allah, or leave it untied and trust in Allah?”

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Tie it and trust in Allah.”

When you make duaa for whatever it is you want (health, stronger faith, a soft heart, peace, marriage, kids, wealth, a new job) your job isn’t to figure it all out. Detach from the outcome. Trust in Allah. Let go of the anxiety that comes with being in the unknown, the need for control — that does you good because it gives you space to recognize opportunities, to tap into your creativity, and to not overwhelm yourself with the how and when. But that doesn’t mean you stop creating momentum and aligning yourself through effort.

Align yourself through prayer and duaa, but also align yourself through effort. Effort doesn’t mean desperation or forcing doors, it means becoming ready.

And that looks different for everything.

When you make duaa, ask yourself: What is one small action I can take toward this duaa? What habits or mindsets do I need to shift? What can I release that may be blocking this?

For example, you’re asking Allah for a spouse. You really want to get married (may Allah grant you all a spouse who is the coolness of your eyes, ameen 😏).

1. What is one small action I can take toward this du’a?

Not: Standing outside your local masjid with a sign that says “I’m looking for a husband.” – It’s definitely an option and if you go down that route let me know how it goes sister because I just might try it as well.

But:

• Start healing your attachment style.

• Learn emotional regulation.

• Work on communication.

• Get serious about your relationship with Allah.

• Making sure you have a full life yourself (hobbies, friends, contentment)

• Tell trusted family/friends you’re open to marriage.

• Put yourself in halal environments where you could meet someone.

One small action could be:

• Booking therapy.

• Reading a book on attachment (everyone should read attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller).

• Journaling about your relationship patterns.

• Fixing your sleep and routine so your nervous system is regulated.

Small actions compound.

2. What habits or mindsets do I need to shift?

If your du’a is for a healthy marriage, ask:

• Do I believe healthy love is possible for me?

• Do I subconsciously expect abandonment?

• How has my parents’ relationship impacted how I see love?

• Do I romanticize chaos?

• Do I shut down when things get uncomfortable?

You cannot ask Allah for peace while being addicted to chaos and drama.

So shifting mindset might look like:

• Replacing “all men are…” narratives.

• Stopping self-sabotage.

• Letting go of scarcity thinking.

• Believing you are worthy of stable love.

3. What can I release that may be blocking this?

This is so important because even if Allah were to send you the one who is meant for you, you might not recognize it for what it is — or you might sabotage it — because you’re holding onto beliefs or habits that can’t coexist with a healthy, God-sent relationship.

You might need to release:

• An old situationship you’re emotionally clinging to.

• A fantasy about someone who is not written for you.

• A victim identity.

• Bitterness.

• Fear of vulnerability.

• The need to control how and when it happens.

And if you know me… you know I love a good vision board. Make a vision board for what that duaa looks like visually. What does it feel like? Sound like? Look like?

Sometimes the “block” or delay isn’t Allah withholding. It’s us holding onto something that contradicts what we’re asking for.

Let’s look back at Prophet Yusuf’s story. In all those stages of his life, he wasn’t being punished — he was on his journey of becoming.

He learned administration in the house of a powerful official (while literally being a slave).
He learned integrity under temptation.
He learned emotional regulation in prison.
He learned patience through betrayal.

By the time leadership came, he had the capacity for it.

Your dream requires development.

Reprogram Your Paradigm & Change Your Life

How seeing your duaas this way will change your brain, your paradigm, and ultimately your entire life.

Your brain is a goal-achieving machine. It has something called the Reticular Activating System. This part of your brain filters reality. We are exposed to millions of stimuli every second, and the brain deletes almost all of it — but it highlights what you’ve told it is important. That’s what you think about. That’s what you talk about. That’s what aligns with your paradigm.

Energy flows where attention goes.

When you consistently make duaa, think about what you’re asking for, visualize it responsibly, believe Allah can give it, and align your behavior with it, you are doing two things simultaneously. Spiritually, you are strengthening your tawakkul and your relationship with Allah. Neurologically, you are priming your RAS to notice opportunity.

So if you’re making duaa for marriage and you truly believe, “Allah can give me this,” your brain will start to notice good character in people. You’ll notice red flags faster. You’ll recognize opportunities to grow. You’ll find yourself in environments where alignment exists.

But if you believe, “This will never happen for me,” your RAS filters accordingly. You won’t even see the doors. And over time, that can lead to bitterness, jealousy, anger — and even negative beliefs about who Allah is.

And that’s how paradigm quietly shapes your life.

But the bigger picture is this: there is no losing when you move through life like this.

Our goal is to succeed in this life, yes, but also the next. And when you move through the world like this — when you make du’a with belief and alignment — there is not a single moment wasted. Not the delay, not the detour, or even the waiting. Because something is always happening within you.

When you consistently turn to Allah and ask Him for something,your awareness shifts. You begin to see differently. Not because of some magic but because you trained your attention. Dua focuses the heart. Focus trains the brain. Alignment changes behavior. And Allah brings the outcome. That’s the real “science”.

So when you meet a man with Godly character, or an opportunity lands in front of you, you recognize it and you see Allah in it. And that moment isn’t random or a coincidence but it’s intimate. It’s a chance to say Alhamdulillah. It’s a chance to know Him deeper. It’s a chance to know yourself deeper.

You start to realize that following your dreams isn’t fluff. It isn’t ego. It isn’t delusion. It’s intention. It’s purpose. It’s moving through the world consciously instead of asleep. It’s stepping into the capacity Allah is building inside of you. It’s fulfilling the mission you were created for, which is to worship Him — and worship isn’t limited to salah. It’s how you think. How you trust. How you strive. How you respond to delays. How you keep asking even when you can’t yet see.

There is no losing when every step is aligned with Him.

This Ramadan, we are allowing ourselves to dream big without limitation. We are actively working through the blockages that have been keeping us small. We are asking and aligning. We are getting comfortable in the unknown and strengthening our faith in Allah. We are not shrinking our duaas to match our fear. We are expanding our belief to match His ability.

We are choosing to trust that if He placed a dream in our hearts, He also placed the capacity within us to grow into it.

So this Ramadan, when you raise your hands on Laylat al-Qadr, will you ask from the same limited blueprint you’ve always operated from?

Or will you ask like someone who finally understands who her Lord is?

Ramadan Mubarak, my girls 🤍

I pray this month is filled with peace that settles your nervous system. With joy that feels soft and undeserved in the best way. With duaas that are answered in ways that bring you closer to Allah, not just closer to what you asked for.

I pray you experience Him in a way that changes you. May this Ramadan stretch you gently. May it reprogram what you thought was impossible.

And when Laylat al-Qadr comes, I pray you ask from expansion.

All my love,
Bahja 🤍

I was reading the story of the People of the Cave, and this ayah stopped me in my tracks:

“Some will say they were three, and their dog was the fourth. Others will say they were five, and their dog was the sixth — guessing blindly. And others will say they were seven, and their dog was the eighth. Say, ‘My Lord knows best their number,’ and only a few truly know. So do not argue about them except with sure knowledge, and do not consult those who debate with ignorance.” (Qur’an 18:22)

Do you understand how insanely relevant this is?

People were debating confidently about something they were never present for. Guessing, speculating, choosing sides, acting like their version was the truth.

And Allah shuts it all down with one message:

“They are only guessing blindly.”

When I read that today… everything clicked. That’s exactly what’s happening online right now. People who don’t know me, weren’t there, don’t know the truth, don’t know my intentions, CONFIDENTLY speaking like they witnessed it with their own eyes.

Speculating, projecting, inventing narratives, debating each other with zero knowledge… i’ve never seen anything like it.

And Allah is literally saying:

“Let them talk!! Their words are empty, their knowledge is nothing, Only a few know the truth.”

What touched me the most is this part:

“Do not argue except with sure knowledge. Do not consult those who debate about them.”

Allah is telling us:

Don’t waste your breath explaining yourself to people who never wanted to understand you in the first place. Don’t lower yourself to conversations rooted in ignorance. Don’t argue with those who speak without knowledge, and NEVER defend yourself to strangers who have already made up their minds.

The internet tried the wrong one! When you have faith nothing can break you. When you’re mindful of God, there’s always light in the darkness.

What they meant for harm only exposed how unshakeable God has made me.

Because the ayah reminded me of something I already knew but needed to hear again:

GOD WILL ALWAYS PROTECT HIS SERVANTS.

People can say anything, assume anything, create stories that make them feel good — but they cannot take away what Allah has written for you. They cannot erase your destiny and they cannot undo God’s protection.

They cannot touch what is divinely placed in your heart. And that’s why I feel so calm and unbothered. Not out of ignorance, but out of trust in Allah. Negativity gets clicks and views, but it can never dim the light of a believer.

Girls… this is why I always say your vision must be clear. You need a strong grasp on who you are. And your faith has to be unbreakable. Because God will test you, especially when He’s preparing you for greatness.

If you’re going through something right now… a heartbreak, a betrayal, a setback, confusion, pressure, or a season that just feels heavier than you expected, please hear me:

It’s not punishment. It’s molding.

And this has been the theme of my newsletters and YouTube videos lately because it’s so relevant in my life. If you needed to see that it’s possible, let me be your proof. Whatever you’re facing, someone else is too. You are not alone in it.

Allah doesn’t put you through a fire that won’t refine you. He doesn’t close a door unless what’s behind it was never meant for you. He doesn’t shake your life unless there’s something He’s trying to settle inside you.

I’ve used these letters to document the seasons of my life. I’ve used my platform to share what I’ve learned. It’s LITERALLY called Dear Bahja because I know that everything I face, I must get through it for you. I must walk through these storms so I can tell you what’s on the other side.

I’ve been through a lot in my life, but Allah has always found a way to reassure my heart. All you have to do is be mindful of Him, and you’ll see His mercy all around you.

Jummah Mubarak! You’re becoming. And you’re doing it beautifully. STAY FOCUSED.

All my love,

Bahja

Being super ambitious is such a blessing. But let’s be real, sometimes it also feels like a disease.

That constant urge to do more, become more, create more. The obsession with potential. The inability to rest even when you’ve earned it.

I’ve been self-employed for three years now, but honestly? I’ve been ambitious since I came out of the womb.

And in these past few years, I’ve learned so much. I’ve built things that didn’t work out. I’ve burnt out (badly). I’ve grown, evolved, cried, and rebuilt. Over and over again.

So this is a letter to my ambitious girls, the ones who dream big, who push hard, who care deeply.

These are some of the lessons I wish I knew earlier. Little reminders that might be exactly what you need to hear right now.

Celebrate Your Wins

That feeling when you accomplish something major, something you once prayed for… but you brush it off because your vision is greater? Because you’re already thinking about the next thing?

That’s your cue to slow down.

Here’s what’s actually happening in your body: when you’re always chasing the next goal, your brain releases dopamine in anticipation of the win — not during the celebration. So when you finally get there, dopamine drops fast. Your body doesn’t even register safety or satisfaction; it’s already scanning for the next high.

Over time, your nervous system adapts to that chaotic, “keep going” state — where stillness feels unsafe, and progress becomes your only source of peace.

And I fell right into that trap.

Recently, I had some major wins. Like, things that would’ve made the younger me cry. And I didn’t celebrate any of them. Because the vision is bigger. Because I told myself, “this is normal, this is what’s supposed to happen.” That’s not the flex I thought it was…

I realized this problem comes from being in that survival mode for so long — the part of me that’s always working, striving, proving, and forgetting to just be.

Because the gag is, tomorrow isn’t promised. That next vision isn’t promised. So why not enjoy this moment? Why not honor the version of you who fought so hard to get here?

I’m learning to celebrate my wins now, because I deserve to be celebrated at every stage.

If you find yourself here, here’s how we fix that:

1. Teach your body that safety exists after achievement.
   Pause after you win. Don’t rush to the next task. Sit in it. Breathe. Literally tell yourself, “We’re safe. We did it.” That small moment reprograms your baseline.

2. Shift dopamine from chasing to savoring.
   Replay the moment in your mind. Journal about it. Say it out loud. Feel what it took to get there. That reflection keeps the joy alive longer.

3. Pair celebration with grounding.
   Make your favorite drink, buy the cupcake, take the walk, call someone you love. Anchor that success in your body. Show your nervous system that joy is safe!!

Slowing down doesn’t mean we’re losing momentum, it’s means we’re expanding our capacity. When you start acknowledging your wins, your nervous system finally learns what safety in success feels like. And that’s where sustainable growth begins.

Create Your Own Definition of Excellence

I was listening to a podcast Emma Grede was on, and she said something that really stuck with me, she talked about creating your own definition of excellence.

Because when you don’t have one, you naturally start looking around — at social media, at what other people are achieving — and that becomes your standard. And suddenly, you’re chasing their definition of success, not your own.

And what happens then? you never feel enough. You never feel safe unless you’re achieving more. And that’s exactly what I found within myself, I didn’t have my own definition of excellence, so I was constantly chasing something that didn’t even EXIST. No matter how much I did, it never felt like enough.

And that’s exhausting because there’s no finish line. It’s just this endless cycle of more to do, more to prove, more to become.

But once I sat down and actually defined what excellence means to me, everything changed.

I realized progress, for me, looks like resting, taking care of my body, creating meaningful work, growing, learning, expanding. It’s not about perfection, it’s about intention. It’s about becoming better every single day in a way that feels aligned.

And now, when I end my day, I don’t feel that anxious emptiness anymore. I don’t feel the weight of everything I dream of sitting on my back. I can actually rest knowing that I did what I could today to move the needle, and that’s enough.

Let Things Take the Time They Take

Let things take the time they take — on a big scale and a small, daily-task scale.

As an ambitious girl, you’ll do anything to get the job done. It’s never about procrastination (at least I think… cuz if your anything like me, we be LOCKED IN) — it’s about time. Time that’s out of your control. And when you try to rush that, it just creates anxiety and stress.

We’ve all done it: writing an unrealistic to-do list, trying to fit twelve “needle-moving” tasks into one day. Then when one thing takes longer than expected, you start to panic. You feel that invisible timer above your head, counting down. I’ve been there — feeling so stressed just thinking about everything else that I couldn’t even focus on the thing in front of me.

And the truth is, when you don’t mentally accept that some things just take time, you’re constantly living in that pressure. You end up exhausted, burnt out, and convinced you’re behind — when really, you’re right on track.

Everything you do no matter how small, is moving the needle.

I’ve found myself rushing through my days, rushing through everything: my shower, brushing my teeth, making breakfast. And when those little things took “too long,” I’d get frustrated, because I thought that time could’ve been spent working. But all that rushing did was drain my energy before the work even began.

So now, I remind myself: If something is moving slowly, it doesn’t mean I’m stuck. It just means I’m in process.

Let things— ideas, projects, healing, growth— take the time they need to take.

Because when you stop trying to outrun time, you finally give yourself the chance to do your best work in it.

Surround Yourself With Driven Women

Surround yourself with people who are motivated and driven, it changes everything.

It’s kind of like when you go to a coffee shop and everyone around you is in their zone — typing, studying, building something — and suddenly you feel inspired to focus too. You get ten times more done than you would sitting at home. That’s the power of energy.

When you’re around women who are showing up every single day, putting one foot in front of the other, failure stops feeling like an option. Their consistency becomes contagious.

My friend Kady sent me this post the other day that said:

“Behind every successful woman, there’s another woman saying — get up, we’ve got this.”

And I replied, “You are her for me. And I am forever grateful.”

I can’t express how life-changing it is to have women in your circle rooting for you, believing in you, and wanting to see you win.

There’s no fear when your friend is trying too. When she’s building, failing, and getting back up right beside you. Suddenly, the things that once felt embarrassing, scary, or hard don’t feel as heavy anymore.

Because you’re not doing it alone.

But I didn’t always have that. In the beginning, I was building alone.

And honestly, that’s a big part of why I even started showing up online in the first place. I remember thinking, “There has to be someone out there who feels the way I do. Someone who could benefit from what I’ve learned, or at least feel a little less crazy hearing it.”

Before I had the kind of friendships and community I have now, social media became that space for me. I used it intentionally — I followed women who were doing the damn thing, who were building, evolving, and showing up for themselves every day. Women whose habits, confidence, and energy reflected the life I wanted to create.

And just watching them go for it. Seeing them move with purpose made me feel safe. It reminded me I wasn’t alone. It gave me hope.

Over time, God started aligning me with the most genuine friends, women who are building their dreams and rooting for me while I build mine. And that’s one of the biggest blessings.

So if you don’t have that now, use your social media as a digital home.

Focus on One Thing

Doing a million things isn’t the flex we think it is.

I know the “I can do it all” energy sounds good in theory — but in reality, it spreads you thin. You’re bouncing from this project to that one, trying to build ten things at once, and suddenly you’re not deeply excellent at any of them.

I learned this the hard way.

In theory, it sounds amazing to say, “I’m the founder of this, the creator of that, and I’m also doing this other thing.” It sounds impressive. But when your goal is to grow something, you have to understand that you can’t give your all to five things at once.

When I launched Riyah, my hijab brand, I realized quickly how much it truly takes to grow something from the ground up. If you want to build a brand, scale it, and create something meaningful, it takes everything in you. Every ounce of focus, energy, and consistency.

And I had to make a hard decision.

Because as much as I love Riyah, I also know I can’t give that my all and give YouTube, social media, and my personal brand my all. Something would have to suffer.

That’s when I learned, focus is power.

When you pour yourself fully into one thing, you give it the chance to actually become something. To grow. To thrive. And once it does, you can expand. You can build the other things. You can multiply your vision.

But it starts with one.

Because focus creates mastery. And mastery opens every other door.

And I’m not saying you can’t have both. I’m not saying you can’t build an incredible business and grow your social media or personal brand at the same time.

But when you’re doing everything on your own, it’s different. You only have so much energy to give, and dividing it between too many things makes it harder for any of them to actually flourish.

The way I see it now, it’s not about limiting yourself — it’s about being strategic.
Take one thing, go all in. Build it up. Get it to a place where it’s stable enough — where you have the systems, the team, and the resources — and then expand.

That’s how you create real freedom. That’s how you get to a place where you can build anything you want, without burning yourself out in the process.

Because focus isn’t restriction, it’s preparation for expansion.

Take Care of Yourself

When you’re super ambitious, you need energy. Real, grounded, sustainable energy.

Especially as a WOMANNNNN (I’m screaming at the top of my lungs right now) because most of the time, you’re the one carrying it all. You’re the one making things happen, showing up, building, creating, and holding everything together.

I experienced burnout this year. And it was horrific. I never want to go back there again.

Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury, but a requirement. It’s not something you squeeze in after your work is done; it’s something that has to be built into your day, the same way you’d schedule a meeting or a work block. Because when you’re burnt out, you can’t create, you can’t lead, and you can’t show up as your best self, no matter how hard you try.

Something I’ve been practicing lately is taking back my routines.

Especially my mornings.

I stopped going to the gym first thing in the morning and started using that time for myself. I still work out — but I go in the afternoons or evenings now. And don’t get me wrong, there was a season where the morning workouts worked, I’m simply not there anymore.

I wake up slow. I pray. I take my time.

I’ll stay in my pajamas, open my windows, light my candles, and turn on Surah Al-Baqarah while the sky is still dark. I love keeping the lights soft until the sun rises. It’s my favorite time of day — quiet, gentle, peaceful.

In those moments, I’m teaching my body that it’s safe. That I deserve a moment to breathe.

Lately, I’ve even fallen in love with wearing robes — and not just because they’re cozy, but because of what they represent. I saw a TikTok about the “robe theory” — how rich, successful women wear robes because they believe they deserve rest. They believe they’re worthy of slowing down. That really stuck with me.

For so long, I didn’t give myself that grace. I didn’t think I’d earned it yet.

But now, I see that rest is part of the work. Peace is part of the plan.

Once I take my slow morning, I ease into work. I genuinely love working. I love creating. I love what I do. I only stop loving it when I pile stress on top of it.

Now, when I head to the gym in the evening, it feels like closure, like the day has done what it needed to do, and I get to pour back into myself again.

We are not built like men. We’re not supposed to operate like men.

This grind culture that glorifies constant movement and “no days off” was never designed with women in mind. It teaches us to disconnect from our bodies, from our emotions, from our intuition — all the things that actually make us powerful.

And let me tell you… STRESS MAKES YOU UGLY!

Taking time to take care of yourself doesn’t put you behind. It moves you forward.

When you rest, when you nourish yourself, when you honor your body and your energy, you become magnetic. Your mind clears. Your creativity flows. You attract opportunities and ideas that don’t come from force — they come from alignment.

That’s the secret no one tells ambitious women: your softness doesn’t slow you down. It sustains you.

All my love,

Bahja

and to my ambitious girls — I’m proud of you. I pray everything you dream of becomes your reality.

This is where I found myself this year… again.
The feeling of being “lost” is a familiar one, but one I hadn’t felt in a while.

Sometimes things happen that are completely out of your control. Seasons of pain that linger longer than you ever wanted them to. But you’ve come too far to give up now.

Even when you know all the right things, have all the tools and self-awareness, life still finds a way to test you. You’ll have seasons that feel endless, days where getting out of bed feels heavy, and moments that make you question everything.

And that’s okay. Because growth isn’t linear. Even with years of healing and progress, God will still place you in situations that stretch you.

You can’t give up on yourself. You can’t believe you’re “unraveling” just because it hurts right now. Evolving comes with growing pains. No matter how much you know, or how much faith you have, it will be tested.

So what do you do in those seasons to stay grounded, to not completely crumble? Girl, let me put you on. Because I made it through. And even though it sucked, I learned the lessons, did the healing, and grew through it all.

That’s the whole point. I’m not the same girl I was a year ago, and THAT WAS ALWAYS THE POINT.

Your Suffering Isn’t for “Nothing”

This isn’t some motivational BS. I need you to really hear me when I say, your suffering is not for nothing. The pain will pass. And there’s always something in it for you.

If the inspirational, corny messages don’t do it for you… here’s the truth:

Qur’an:

Bible:

Science:
Neuroplasticity — the brain grows through struggle.

When you’re challenged, your brain literally rewires itself. Neuroscience shows that learning, emotional growth, and healing all happen when the brain is slightly stressed, it’s called desirable difficulty.

So when life feels heavy, your brain is actually creating new connections that make you stronger, more adaptive, and more resilient.

The breakdown creates new wiring for the breakthrough.

And even in nature (which we’re a part of, not separate from) struggle creates beauty. Diamonds form under extreme pressure, volcanoes destroy but also create new land, and a butterfly’s fight to escape its cocoon is what gives it the strength to fly. If you help it out, it dies.

So I’m not feeding you cliché motivation — this is law. It’s part of your becoming. If you don’t struggle, you don’t grow and what comes after is always better than what was before.

Remind yourself of this constantly. During my hardest season, I’d whisper to myself:

“I need this to step into my next level.” “I’ve handled hardship before.” “God doesn’t burden a soul more than it can handle.”

Say it out loud, write it down, repeat it until you believe it. Because you will look back and realize this season didn’t break you, it built you.

Meet Yourself Where You Are

Meet yourself where you are instead of trying to force yourself to be somewhere you’re not. When you’re going through a tough season, it’s so important to show yourself grace.

The only way to truly grow through it, to learn what you’re meant to learn, is to be honest about where you are…not pretend that everything is Pinterest-perfect. That’s the only way you’ll actually see the areas that need your attention.

Pay attention to yourself, because God will always shine a light on the areas you need to evolve in before you can step into the next level of your life.

For example, this year I experienced burnout for the first time. And I tried to push through it. I kept pretending everything was okay until I was literally forced to slow down, my brain LITERALLY stopped working. That season taught me that I needed to rest, but also that the way I was working came from a place of lack. I wasn’t working on the things that were truly aligned with me, and there were so many lessons hidden in that slowdown. If I hadn’t stopped BS’ing myself, I never would’ve learned them.

And you can’t rush that process either. You can’t force yourself out of the space you’re in, because that resistance only keeps you stuck. Growth happens when you stop fighting where you are and start understanding why you’re there.

Ask yourself, “Am I being honest with myself, or am I pretending everything’s okay so I don’t have to deal with what’s really going on?”

Because the truth is, you can’t grow from a version of yourself you’re lying about.

Document the Journey

I know what you’re thinking, “Bahja, what the heck do you mean document the journey? You want me to document my sufferingggg?”

Hahaha, hear me out.

When you’re going through a hard time and it drags on longer than expected, it can start to feel like nothing is moving but documenting it changes that.

Treat it like tracking your progress. Talk about the breakthroughs you had that day, the things you noticed within yourself, the patterns that keep showing up, or the limiting beliefs you finally recognized. Cry if you need to. Write it out. Speak it out.

Over time, you’ll start to realize that you are moving forward. You’ll begin to see the small shifts, the lessons, and the evidence that you’re growing — even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Documenting the journey reminds you that this season isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you.

Mindset is EVERYTHING

What is the story you’re telling yourself? How are you speaking about yourself and about your life? What thoughts are you entertaining on a daily basis?

It’s so easy to stay stuck in a negative headspace when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart, but that’s exactly when you have to keep your inner world strong. Because your outer world will always be a reflection of what’s happening inside.

When you speak life into yourself, you start to notice opportunities for growth, little moments of joy, and pockets of peace — even in the middle of a hard season.

But when you speak negatively, when you think negatively (and trust me, it’s so easy to do when you’re going through it), you trap yourself in that same cycle. You find more negativity, attract more of it, and create more of it.

Monitor your inner world. Nurture it.Because the story you tell yourself becomes the life you live.

Romanticize it

Accept that you’re in a season that’s stretching you, one that’s meant for your growth. It’s not meant to be pretty right now, it’s meant to be purposeful.

The real power comes when you stop fighting the season and start feeling it. When you take it day by day. When you show up even when you don’t want to. When you do the small things that move the needle, even when nothing seems to be happening.

And while you’re growing through it, don’t forget to live through it too. Romanticize your life outside the pain. Go on solo dates. Laugh with your friends. Dress up for no reason. Read at the park. Make your favorite matcha. Light a candle while you journal. Cook yourself something with love.

Create beauty in the middle of the chaos because you deserve to feel alive even when you’re healing.

That’s how you soften the hard season. You don’t wait for joy to come back — you create it.

♡

For those of you going through a hard season, know that even if you can’t see it right now, you are exactly where you’re meant to be. This moment is part of your becoming. It’s not a setback, it’s the exact challenge designed to help you level up.

I know it’s easier said than done, but I’ve been there… multiple times. In fact, I just came out of one of those seasons myself. And these are the exact tools that helped me through it. I truly hope they do the same for you.

I’m beyond proud of you!!! For showing up, for trying, for becoming. I can’t wait to see all that you grow into.

With love,
Bahja

I always joke that I’m the queen of sprinting. Not running (though lowkey I eat at that too ahaha). But I mean sprints in life—short periods where I decide to fully lock in on myself.

I just completed 75 Hard not too long ago, and I’ve been locked in on my “Golden Year Era.” This is the year where I go all in on myself, but even within this Golden Year, I create shorter sprints where the intensity is a little higher. Back in 2023–2024, I had my Look Good Feel Good Era where I locked in mentally, physically, spiritually—and even decided to vlog EVERY day of my life for a couple of months.

What is a “Lock-in Era”?

Sprints, or lock-in eras, are iconic. They’re short, intentional, focused seasons where you cut distractions, go all in on yourself, and make radical changes. Sprints work because they’re not forever.

Most of the time, we make these big promises to ourselves: “This year I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do that.” And we’re so used to breaking them. But with a sprint, it feels different. It’s not forever. It’s just: for this small amount of time, I’m all in.

I knew vlogging every day of my life wouldn’t be sustainable forever. But in that short period of time, I built momentum, gained confidence, got faster at editing, built a community, and it allowed me to grow really fast as a creator, even on the platform people say is the “hardest” to grow on. It ended up being my best year yet on YouTube.

That’s why sprints are so powerful. It’s harder to quit when you’ve only promised yourself a short window. You’re not expecting perfection forever—you’re just proving to yourself that you can lock in right now.

That small window of time changes everything.

• It changes how you see yourself.

• It changes how you see the world.

• It shifts what you believe is possible.

Even if you “go back” afterwards, you’re never really the same. You’ve already experienced what it feels like to eat well, to move, to post consistently, to keep promises to yourself. AND THERE IS NO BETTER FEELING! Once you know what that feels like, your old ways don’t taste the same anymore.

That’s the real power of a sprint.

Because for most of us, the identity we’ve carried for so long is: I can’t stick to things. I always fall off. I don’t have discipline.

But when you do a sprint? You build proof. You literally create evidence that you are someone who can lock in. That you can do what you say you’ll do.

And that’s how you shift your identity. That’s how you rewire the story you’ve been telling yourself.

Why Now Is the Perfect Time

Ugh, when the air gets cooler and fall rolls around, it just feels like the best time to lock in. And I think it’s because, for the first 20 years of our lives—honestly, for some of us, even into our mid-to-late 20s—we’ve been conditioned that fall = new season because of school.

Fall is the season of new schedules, earlier mornings, fresh starts. Our brains are literally wired to associate this time of year with structure and change. And that wiring doesn’t just go away once we graduate… girl it’s ingrained in us!

I remember hearing Mel Robbins talk about this exact thing. She said fall is actually the best time to make a radical change, because psychologically, your brain is primed for it. You’re already expecting a shift. You’re already used to starting fresh.

That’s why a lock-in era right now makes so much sense. You’re not fighting against the season—you’re using it. You’re syncing your growth with the rhythm your body and brain already know.

How to Design Your Lock-In Era

Decide the length.
For us, it’s the last four months of 2025. September just started, so we’re not behind. We have time.

Name your era.
This matters. Branding your era makes it fun, makes it light, and makes it easier to document.

Think: Look Good Feel Good Era, Golden Year Diaries, 75 Hard. Names hold energy.

Add a mission statement.
When you name your lock-in era, don’t stop at just the title, give it a slogan or mission statement. This becomes the energy behind the season.

For example:

• Look Good Feel Good Era → “I’m not ending this year without reaching my goals. These last four months, I’m pushing and stretching myself to glow up.”

• Golden Year Diaries → “I refuse to be a loser in my own story.”

That’s the secret sauce. The name gives it identity, but the mission statement gives it power. It’s your reminder when you’re tired, when you want to quit, when you feel like slipping back.

Example: watch the first couple of seconds of this video:

You can start with: “For the next 4 months, I promise myself…” or “In my ___ Era, I refuse to…”

Reflect on your life areas.
Choose 1–3 areas (career, health, mindset, finances, relationships).

Write down:

✴︎ How does each area looks and feels now?

✴︎How do you want each area to look and feel by the end of this sprint?

This is straight from my Becoming Her Notion Template — the exact system I used to track my 2023 lock-in era. If you want to use it too, you can grab it here: link

Set your non-negotiables.
What are the daily/weekly habits that will shift those areas? No excuses. These are the things you do regardless.

Create a daily list or put these non-negotiables in your Google Calendar—plug them into your day.

↑ Example from my 75 Hard.

Cut distractions.
What are you leaving behind for these four months? Scrolling? Dead-end friendships? Lazy loops? Remove what doesn’t allow you to evolve.

And if you need to, send the text to the group chat right now. Something gentle like:

“Hey, just so you know, I’m locking in until the end of the year. That means I might not be able to hang out as often, and I definitely won’t be going out to eat as much. But if you ever want to join me for a hot girl walk or a gym session, I’d love that.”

Track your proof

Document everything. Journal, vlog, keep a calendar. Create an evidence portfolio. You want receipts that you can lock in.

↑ This is also from my Becoming Her Notion Template — a space where you can have all the tools & resources that will help you lock in!

Lock in your energy + mindset.
This is the biggest one. Who do you need to become? Every time you catch yourself slipping, tell yourself: that’s the old man. The old version, the old programming, the old habits. Separate from her.

Create your vision board.
Visualize this new era. Put it on your phone background, laptop, or hang it up where you’ll see it daily.

↑ This is my current lock screen, its for my “Golden Year Era”.

Reflect nightly.

At the end of each day, ask: Did I show up the way I said I would? How did it feel? Journal it out.

Community + environment.

This is everything. Surround yourself with people locking in too. Whether it’s online, in your friend group, or through your feed. Do a digital cleanse and curate your environment. It’s so much easier when you’re not alone.

I know it’s not always easy to just go out and make new friends. But even small steps, like signing up for a class or going to an event, can surround you with people who carry similar energy.

One of the reasons I’ve been able to lock in so many times is because of community. You guys are literally my girls, my proof that I’m not building in isolation. Every time I evolve, I see you evolving too.

This Saturday (September 6th, 2025) we’re hopping on Zoom together, to set up our lock-in eras side by side. 🪞✨

I’ll be showing you how I built mine step by step (like my Golden Year Era where I focused on fitness + spiritual growth), and then we’ll each start designing our own. This is only the beginning, we’re definitely doing more of these calls, because I don’t want this to be a one-time thing. Locking in is easier when we hold each other accountable, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

Secure Your Spot Here & Join the Girls:

Join the Girls 👯‍♂️✨

Whether it’s 75 Hard, 75 Soft, the Great Lock-In, Look Good Feel Good Era…whatever you want to call your journey, remember, none of these are better than the other. They’re just tools. And every single one can be an incredible way to stretch yourself, grow as much as you can, and make the absolute most out of these last four months of the year.

More importantly, it’s about laying the foundation and getting ahead for the next one. The future you is going to thank you for what you decide to do right now.

I’m so proud of you guys. Truly. And I can’t wait to see all that you become by the time this lock-in era ends. We’re in this together, and I know the proof you’re building now is going to carry you into 2026 stronger than ever!!!

All my love,

Bahja

It was 2001. I was literally just a baby, but my mom had an appointment that day and needed a translator. She ended up meeting this man (the translator) and they got to chatting. As they were leaving the building, he casually mentioned he was single but hoping to get married soon.

And GIRL…listen to this. My mom asked him what kind of woman he dreamed of marrying. And this man, without hesitation, said:

“I’d like to marry a single mother of two, who lives in Section 8 housing, and is an older woman.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking… what in the world?? Even my mom was caught off guard. She just smiled and said, “May God bless you with exactly that.” Then they went their separate ways and never saw each other again.

Fast forward to 2003. I’m now an obnoxious three-year-old, sitting in the kitchen banging a pot with a wooden spoon, singing at the top of my lungs: “Auntie Asha is getting married!” Mind you, there was NO man in the picture. Nobody was talking about a wedding.

Later that year my aunt Asha came over and told my mom she was getting married and wanted her to meet the man. A little context: she was a single mother, two kids, living in Section 8 housing, and older than most women marrying at that time.

Would you believe me if I told you the man who walked through the door was the same translator my mom had met back in 2001?

They got married, and they’re still married to this day. They run businesses, travel the world, and are honestly my favorite couple on earth.

Crazy, I KNOW!

And it doesn’t end there…

Earlier this year, my little sister Riyan kept telling me, “We should go to Montana this summer.” And I was like… “Riyan. What the heck is in Montana??” She had no real answer—she’d just keep saying it was pretty and we could do nature stuff. I’m not even kidding this girl would not shut up about Montana! She said it so many times, week after week, that eventually I gave in like, “Okay fine, we’ll go.”

Here’s the wild part: when she was applying to med schools, Montana was just one of the random places she threw an application in. It wasn’t even on her radar.

But would you believe me if I told you she’s now living in Montana for medical school? And what blows my mind is, she started in the summer. So yes… we actually ended up in Montana this summer, just like she said.

Loud Desires vs Gentle Whispers

See, I’ve always believed this: there’s a part of us that knows more than we consciously do. A part that’s tuned in to something we can’t explain.

But I’ve noticed a difference in my own life. The desires that are loud, anxious, and rushed—the ones that make me feel like I need it right now—usually aren’t from God. In Islam, we’d call that from the nafs (your lower self, your wounds, your insecurities). or even from the devil whoes mission is to keep fearful, small and ungrateful.

For example: a relationship you knew deep down wasn’t right. But the desire—the insecurity of not being chosen, the fear of never finding the one, the pressure to settle—burned so loud it drowned out that knowing. It felt rushed. It made you anxious. It convinced you that if you didn’t have it, you were losing something.

But then there are those other desires. The ones that feel more like a gentle call. A whisper. A nudge. A bright idea that doesn’t always make sense.

Like Riyan talking about Montana. Like me singing about my aunt’s wedding before she even met her husband. Like my mom, in a refugee camp with metal roofs that leaked when it rained, dreaming of one day working and supporting her family (which came true many years later).

Those quiet desires? Those are the ones that come from God. They don’t scream. They linger, waiting for you to water them with trust, patience, and faith.

The Cost of Calling It “Just Wishful Thinking”

The problem is, we doubt them. We let the noise of the world get louder than our inner guidance. Other people’s opinions. Watching how others live and thinking that’s how we should live. Doom-scrolling, binge-watching, drowning in negativity.

But here’s what I believe: the dreams placed in your heart were not random. They are divine seeds pulling you toward something greater.

And when you follow those whispers, you don’t just find yourself. You meet God deeper.

I’ve been reading this book called Time Management for Mortals. One thing that stuck out: how often we avoid making the hard decisions.

Choosing what actually matters. Choosing what’s worth our time and energy. Choosing what’s worth saying “no” to.

Sometimes we avoid these choices because they’re scary. Scary to admit we want something. Scary to name the dream out loud. Scary to take on the work it’ll require.

So we write it off. “This isn’t realistic.” “Maybe this is just wishful thinking.” “That’s silly, it’ll never happen.”

But those “irrational” nudges aren’t random. That gut feeling that won’t go away is often the exact thing we’re meant to lean into.

The beautiful thing about this inner knowing is that it doesn’t come with a blueprint. You’re not 100% certain. You don’t always know how you’ll get there.

That’s where reliance on God comes in. The knowledge is with Him. The pieces are with Him. The timing is with Him.

Inner guidance isn’t meant to give you the whole plan. It’s just a nudge. A spark. A whisper. Your job is to stay curious, open, and brave enough to follow it—even when you don’t see the full picture yet.

And yes, most of the time that nudge comes with fear. Sometimes it feels heavy, uncomfortable, or even scary. But Allah says: “He does not burden a soul more than it can bear.” That’s truth. So if He placed it on your heart, it means you can handle it. You were built to handle it. Show up every day and remind yourself of that.

I got this comment on YouTube the other day, and it stopped me in my tracks:

“I’m built for a big life. I can never sit down and do an office job or be a house wife. I’ve felt this way since I was a kid. I have big dreams and not one part of me believes that I CAN’T do it. I absolutely can do it and I wholeheartedly believe it.”

That’s what knowing looks like. That’s faith.

It’s not loud, anxious, or rushed. It’s steady. It’s certain. It’s a conviction that says: I don’t know how or when, but I know it’s mine.

And that’s the piece so many of us miss. It’s not enough to just want. You have to move with faith. You have to trust the whisper, even when it doesn’t make sense, even when you don’t see the path yet.

Because the path isn’t the point. The reliance is. The bridge is always God.

I always say this, and honestly I need to put it on merch one day:
“God does not place a dream in your heart without giving you the capabilities to achieve it.”

The hard part? Not worrying about the how or the when. That’s easier said than done—especially because God created us anxious. But the cure to that fear is remembrance.

Remembrance that nothing is too big for Him. Nothing too impossible. That He listens when you call, answers when you ask, guides when you seek guidance, and strengthens when you ask for strength.

Faith is a muscle. You build it by putting it into practice.

So now—move with confidence. Speak well about yourself and your life. Move with faith. Move with trust that it can be no other way.

Show up like it’s already happened.

Because just like my uncle, sometimes you’ll say things that sound wild, unrealistic, even “diabolical” to other people. But if you speak it with conviction, if you move like it’s inevitable, if you carry the faith that it can be no other way—that’s when doors start opening.

✨🏹 Journal Prompt 🏹✨

What gentle whisper or lingering desire has been on my heart lately? What would it look like to trust it?

How Do You Tell the Difference Between Noise and Inner Guidance?

This is the tricky part, right? Sometimes we’re so used to being surrounded by noise—other people’s opinions, social media, fear, insecurities—that it’s hard to know what’s really ours.

Here are a few ways to get clearer:

1. Solitude & Quiet
Spend time alone. Be still. Journaling is one of the best ways to do this—because when you write honestly, you can hear yourself without the outside voices.

2. Notice How It Feels in Your Body
Not all guidance feels light and happy. Sometimes heaviness, unease, or even fear can be protection. The key is honesty with yourself:

• Why do I feel this urgency?

• Is it coming from fear? Lack? Desperation?

• Or is it a gentle conviction, a nudge that lingers?

3. Ask Questions
Be intentional. Be present. Keep asking: Is this noise, or is this knowing?

And then don’t underestimate the silly little things that don’t make sense to anyone else, but for some reason, make sense to you. That spark? That alignment? It’s not nothing. Don’t brush it off.

Even my uncle, remember his “ridiculous list” for a wife? At the time, it sounded wild. But he ended up getting exactly that. Why? Because a part of him already knew. And sometimes God has you say things you don’t even fully understand yet. Words that slip out of your mouth because they were placed in your heart first.

That’s the thing about life: It never really slows down. You can be celebrating one moment and mourning the next. So much can change in 24 hours. And the older I get, the more I realize — this is what it means to live fully. It’s never just one thing.

On our way back from my aunt’s house, my grandma said something that hit me deeply. A Somali saying that goes:

"Nin dhintay, kabihiisa ka roon." A man who died — his shoes are better.

It’s the idea that as soon as someone passes, people start asking, “Who’s taking his shoes? His shirt?” The world doesn’t stop.

Life moves on. Quickly.

And that truth, while a little harsh, is also freeing. It means you can’t get stuck in one thing forever. You can grieve the old version of you. You can cry over what you lost. You can feel the ache of growing through things you never expected.

But you still have to show up.

Even with puffy eyes.

Even with a heavy heart.

Even when you’re sore, you show up to the workout class.

Even when you're scared, you take the next step anyway.

It’s a muscle, a practice, and a choice.

I know it’s not easy. Sometimes we don’t even realize how long we’ve been sitting in the same thoughts, looping the same memories. But that’s what keeps us stuck. Not what happened — but how we keep reliving it.

The fact that you woke up today is evidence that there's still more for you. More to become. More to experience. More blessings waiting to meet you.

But you block all of that when you stay stuck — when you keep feeling sorry for yourself, when you drift mindlessly through the days, hoping for a change without choosing it.

Life is short. But staying stuck in your hardships, your past, your pain — makes it even shorter.

This year has stretched me. Humbled me. But it’s been beautiful because I chose to grow through everything that could’ve broken me. I still cry. I still feel it all. I just don’t let it stop me anymore.

The tears may roll… but I’m a sensitive gangster (s/o Amaya papaya). We feel. But we show up anyway.

Because one day, the feeling that weighs heavy on your chest — the one that feels like the end of the world — will just be another memory… if we even remember it at all.

Life gets good. With hardship comes ease. But you have to let the hardship pass.

You can’t hold onto it and expect ease to find you.

You have to seek it.

You can’t keep replaying the same moments, feeling the same pain, thinking the same thoughts — and expect life to change. You have to move differently. Think differently. Choose differently.

You have to ride the hardship through by focusing on the ease.

Smile because ease is already on its way.

Call it in by dreaming about it, talking about it, being grateful for it — before it even arrives.

Stop keeping yourself in hardship by obsessing over it, talking about it constantly, and crying about it over and over again.

Let it pass. Let yourself move forward.

Subscribe now

Reflection Question:

What are you still holding onto that’s no longer helping you grow?

What thoughts, what memories, what pain… is still living rent-free in your mind?

That saying — Nin dhintay, kabihiisa ka roon — keeps ringing in my ears.

It reminds me not to take life so personally. To keep going. To make peace with the past and focus on what’s next.

I love you all — and I truly can’t wait to witness who you’re becoming. It’s already unfolding, one choice at a time.

All my love,

Bahja

P.S.If this letter resonated… I have something special starting next week.

I’m launching an 8-week free series on YouTube called HER Academy — created for the girls who are done sitting in the same thoughts and ready to become the version of themselves they know they’re meant to be.

The first episode drops next Tuesday, and I’ll also be hosting live study calls every Saturday to reflect, unpack, and grow together in real time.

So if you’ve been needing a reset — not just a new routine, but a new way of thinking — this is your sign to lock in.Keep an eye out for emails and posts so you don’t miss a thing. 💌

This season is about real alignment, deep growth, and finally stepping into HER.

First Episode Drops Tuesday

I love writing. It’s where I feel most like myself. So when I started losing interest in the things that normally bring me peace — writing, reading, praying, even just being present with my family — I knew something was off.

I couldn't focus. Even when I was physically still, my mind was racing. All the things I had to do kept looping in my brain, and the pressure of it all left me paralyzed. I'd try to plan and organize, but my brain just wouldn’t cooperate. I’d wake up already tired, already overwhelmed. Every day felt like a chore. And that’s when it hit me: I was burnt out.

Here’s how I got here.

Back in July, I was building my brand (Riyah), and at the same time, I was preparing to move into my first home. My house was still being built, I was furniture shopping, mentally adjusting to moving away form home for the first time, filming content, editing videos, responding to DMs, managing launches, packing orders, building a community, and trying to keep everything afloat. I kept telling myself I’d rest after — after the shoot, after the inventory arrived, after we launched, after I moved, after I finished editing, after the next video went up…

But “after” never came. And suddenly, 11 months had passed.

Eleven months of pushing through. Of putting myself on the back burner.

And I hate to admit this, especially as someone who preaches self-care but even when you know better, you can still fall into the trap. Sometimes you have to relearn the same lessons in a new way. The truth is: everything suffered when I didn’t rest. My YouTube channel? Inconsistent. My newsletter? All over the place. Not because I was lazy or lacked discipline, but because my mind, body, and spirit were running on empty.

We think rest is time away from building but it’s actually the very thing that allows you to build something beautiful. Let my inability to stay consistent be proof of that.

I was surviving, not living. I wasn’t flowing anymore. My creativity was blocked. My vision got blurry. My purpose felt far away.

The first step in healing? I had to clock myself. Reflect. Be real with myself.

And now that I’ve poured back into me, truly rested, not just “took a break” I’m finding my rhythm again. And I want to share what I’ve learned through this whole experience so that maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to crash the way I did.

I love you. I missed you SO much. And I’m sorry I couldn’t show up for you… but I could barely show up for myself.

Let’s talk about it!

♡

The Hidden Danger Behind Your Drive

A lot of us connect success to struggle. We think if we’re not always working, we’re falling behind — that rest is something we earn only once we’ve reached some imaginary finish line. That if we’re not grinding 24/7, we don’t want it bad enough. But here’s the truth: this mindset will burn you out before you ever get there. And even worse, it’ll rob you of the creativity, clarity, and intuitive nudges that could’ve made the journey easier, lighter, and more aligned.

Your subconscious mind is always working for you. It’s like a supercomputer — solving problems, recognizing patterns, and spotting opportunities that your conscious mind could never plan. But if your brain is constantly jammed with to-do lists, comparison, and overstimulation… you won’t hear it. You won’t hear your intuition and that’s your compass.

And sometimes, it’s not even about the workload itself. It’s about how much mental energy you spend thinking about the imaginary finish line, all the things you think you need to do, all at once. That alone creates cognitive fatigue. You exhaust yourself before the work even begins, just by overthinking your way through it.

Think about how your best ideas come in the shower or on a walk. That’s not a coincidence — that’s your mind finally breathing. And for my creatives (which, by the way, is all of us) — boredom is a portal. When you constantly drown in busywork, doomscrolling, and fake productivity, you block your creative flow. So check your beliefs. If you believe, “If I’m not busy, I’m behind,” or “I’ll rest when I deserve it,” or “Everyone else is grinding, I need to keep up,” then of course you’ll feel guilty when you pause.

But what if resting is the work? What if it’s the most strategic, magnetic, aligned thing you could do?

Now here’s the thing, sometimes you do need to grind. Sometimes you do need to lock in and get things done. But the question is: from what place? Are you moving from urgency and lack, or from alignment, excitement, and grounded structure? There's a difference between hustling because you're panicking… versus locking in because you’ve set a healthy, self-directed deadline that feels good. That kind of momentum is rooted in clarity, not burnout. I will never be one to tell you to avoid hard work but, it’s about doing it from a place of power, not depletion. You’re not meant to build your dreams from exhaustion.

Because success doesn’t come from being hungry and desperate. It comes when you’re grounded, clear, and in flow. And that only happens when you give yourself space.

These beliefs can also easily trap you in comparison. You start comparing your journey to others, watching people on social media who seem so much “further” than you when you have a beautiful journey unfolding right in front of you. But you can’t see that if your focus is always on “what’s next” and how to get to the next step.

These beliefs can also trap you in ungratefulness and a lack mindset — and that only attracts more lack into your life. It creates resistance with this moment, because what you’re really saying is: “Where I am right now is not right. I need to get to that destination in order to be happy, to feel good, to appreciate and be grateful for life.”

Dissatisfaction is a creative state. When you're dissatisfied with something, it allows you to grow and evolve. It makes you see the next journey or the next path clearly. So I’m not saying to settle, but you have to acknowledge this moment as part of the journey to even recognize the next goals.

In The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, there’s a quote I’ll never forget:

“This moment is as it should be, because it took the entire universe to make this moment. When you struggle against this moment, you struggle against the entire universe.”

Please write that down. Because that line is beautiful. When you resist this moment, you go against the whole universe. Another way I like to think of it is: when you resist the moment, you go against God’s plan and that’s not a battle you’ll ever win.

Where you are right now is exactly where God intended you to be. It’s not God trying to punish you, He knows what’s in your heart. He wants what’s best for you, and He’s helping you get there. But He also knows that what’s in front of you now is exactly what you need in order to get there. He’s telling you: hold on. There are still lessons for you to learn. Experiences to be had that will serve your greater good.

You will never regret meeting slow seasons, difficulty and hardship with faith and patience.

But the only way you’ll recognize the good in your experiences is through stillness. Through accepting this moment for all that it is. That hit me hard. Because I realized I was resisting the moment. I was so focused on what I didn’t have, on what wasn’t happening yet, that I couldn’t even appreciate what I was already living. I was sitting inside of answered prayers and still felt behind.

That’s what urgency can do when it’s rooted in fear: it blinds you. It pulls you away from the present, from your blessings, from your peace. And it makes you MISERABLE because no matter how much you achieve, you will feel behind. But when you choose to be grateful, when you slow down and accept this season for all that it is, you will be increased. You stop chasing. And you start receiving.

The Law of Least Effort

There’s a law called the Law of Least Effort — do less and accomplish more. And some of the things that help you flow through your work, and through life, with more ease are:

Acceptance: Accept people, situations, and events exactly as they are. This moment is as it should be, because it took the entire universe to create it. Resisting the now is resisting the entire universe.

Responsibility: Without blame, without shame. Take ownership of your reality and find the creative response. Every challenge holds the seed of opportunity.

Defenselessness: Let go of the need to prove, convince, or defend your point of view. In doing so, you free up enormous energy and open yourself to presence, peace, and power.

When you catch yourself overwhelmed, rushing, chasing and, comparing– say to yourself “this moment is as it should be”.

Rest is Not Unproductive

Rest is not unproductive. Rest is not separate from productivity — it’s part of the process. It’s not a reward you get at the end of your journey, it’s what helps you get there.

One of the biggest shifts I had to make was changing my beliefs around rest. I read this book called Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, and it completely reframed how I saw it. He talks about some of the most impactful people in history and their relationship with rest — how things like naps, long walks, quiet routines, and even boredom weren’t distractions, they were essential. It was in those moments of leisure and stillness that they came up with some of their greatest ideas.

And I know this to be true in my own life – as i was driving, at the gym ust walking, i would have some of my greatest ideas pop up because my subconscious is always making connnection. But thats stopped because of the cognitive fatigue and overload.

So ask yourself: “What do I believe about rest?” Pay attention to how you move through your day. Ask yourself: “Does the way I live reflect a belief that rest is valuable — or that it’s lazy?”

Because the way you see rest is shaping the way you pursue your goals.

Reflection

So now that you’re here, let’s pause and really reflect.
Ask yourself:
→ What do I believe about rest?
→ Do I treat it like a luxury or a necessity?
→ Do I earn rest... or allow it?

Where is your overwhelm actually coming from? Is it the workload or the constant mental noise about everything you haven’t done yet? Are you getting any real rest, or are you confusing rest with scrolling TikTok for three hours and wondering why you still feel drained?

Be honest with yourself:

• How often do you feel guilt when you slow down?

• How much of your “rest” is actually numbing not recharging?

• How often are you mindlessly doomscrolling instead of doing something that actually restores your energy?

You deserve rest that actually restores you. Not rest that feels like a reward. Not rest that comes only after collapse. But rest that is woven into the rhythm of your life.

Because the truth is: a well-rested you will always go further than a burned-out you.

So... How Do We Actually Rest?

Rest isn’t always about laying in bed or doing nothing. Sometimes, rest looks like movement. Sometimes, it’s stillness. It’s less about what you’re doing and more about how it makes you feel. True rest restores your energy, your peace, and your connection to yourself.

Here are different types of rest that you might need:

1. Physical Rest

This can be passive (like sleep, naps, or stretching) or active (like yoga, gentle walks, or even foam rolling). It’s about letting your body recover, especially if you’ve been pushing it nonstop.

2. Mental Rest

Your brain is overstimulated 24/7. Mental rest might look like journaling, praying, meditating, doing a puzzle, or not thinking about your to-do list for once. Even going on a walk without your phone can give your mind space to breathe.

3. Emotional Rest

If you’ve been holding everything in, being strong for everyone, or pretending you’re okay when you’re not, you might need to cry, vent, journal, or sit with someone safe and be seen.

4. Creative Rest

Yes, even creativity gets tired. Creative rest is about finding inspiration without pressure. That might be painting just for fun, reading a fiction book, visiting a museum, or being in nature. No goals, no expectationsm, just joy.

5. Digital Rest

If you're doomscrolling all day and wondering why you’re still tired… that’s not rest. Put the phone down. Be bored. Be still. Let your brain reconnect to reality instead of reacting to content nonstop.

6. Social Rest

Sometimes rest means being alone. Especially if you're always around people or constantly performing. It’s okay to step back, say no, and not be “on” for a bit. Your energy deserves that.

7. Spiritual Rest

This one hits deep. When your soul feels disconnected, anxious, or lost, you may need to reconnect to your Creator, pray with presence, sit in nature, reflect, or just be. Spiritual rest gives your heart a safe space to land.

So no, rest doesn’t always mean sleep — but it always means restoration. Ask yourself:
→ What kind of rest do I actually need today?
→ What makes me feel like me again?

Let yourself move from burnout to balance. You deserve to feel whole again not just productive.

MY TIPS & TRICKS

Here are the tips, tools, and shifts that have actually helped me feel grounded, less overstimulated, and more in flow (not just productive):

1. Create systems that work for you

Your goals need systems. Without them, your brain is juggling 50 tabs open at once — leading to cognitive overload, decision fatigue, and burnout.

Simple routines, workflows, or even time blocks can lift the mental weight of “what do I do next?” Systems reduce overwhelm and help you make progress without chaos.

2. Delegate where you can

Delegation is not laziness — it’s strategy. If you can afford to, let your money work for you. I have a cleaning service that comes once a week to deep clean (luxury, I know), but I also have an editor who helps me so I can focus on what I do best. Ask yourself: What can I release? What’s draining me that someone else could support me with?

3. Regulate your nervous system

Here are a few tools that have helped me:

• Magnesium (morning & night)

• Ashwagandha + L-Theanine

• Deep breathing exercises

• Taking real breaks between long work sessions
  Important: Scrolling is NOT a break. It feels like a pause, but it actually just makes your system more frazzled.

4. Why phone time makes you feel worse, not better

Phones spike your dopamine (scrolling, texting, TikTok-ing), but your brain interprets this as input, not rest.
There’s no real output happening, so:

• Your working memory gets drained

• Cortisol increases

• Your nervous system stays in “on” mode

You’re “off,” but never really off. And that’s why you don’t feel rested after hours on your phone.

5. Better alternatives to help your body actually rest:

• Staring out the window

• Lying down and doing nothing

• Going outside for 5–10 minutes

• Long walks in nature or quick ones if that’s all you have

• Doing something with your hands: cooking, coloring, organizing

• Morning routines that ground you

• Night routines that shut things down

And a big one: disconnecting from work. Physically step away, close your laptop, turn off Slack, and tell yourself: “That’s it for the day. My shift is over.” That one sentence alone has changed the way I transition from work to rest.

6. Get lost in something that’s not work

Pick up a hobby. Watch a sunset. Paint for no reason. Go be bad at something. You’ll be shocked how healing it is to play, explore, and create without trying to be good or productive.

♡

Something that I did was actually start 75 Hard. You’d think, “Bahja, why would you start a challenge that requires two 45-minute workouts when you’re burnt out? Doesn’t that just add more to your plate?” But it feels so good to be doing something for me, to be pouring into me. Doing 75 Hard has taken me out of my mind and put me into my body. It’s given me structure for self-care, because resting and self-care isn’t always about doing nothing and laying around, it’s about building habits that pour back into you

Rest is productive! And if you feel guilty for taking time away, clock where that guilt is coming from. Because if you’re operating from fear and lack, you’ll only attract more of it. Your life becomes a mirror of your beliefs, so if you’re secretly telling yourself “I won’t get there,” “I’m stuck,” or “I’m not meant for this,” you’ll start living as if those things are true.

Don’t let fear disguised as ambition drag you into burnout the way it did me. You don’t have to hustle your way into the life you want. You can rest your way into alignment and when you do, everything flows.

love you all so much! please please pleaseee take care of yourself,

Bahja ♡

How many times have you watched those “how to get a guy to like you” or “text him like this” videos, hoping that maybe if you just fixed something about yourself, someone would finally choose you? Maybe if you did something differently, you’d finally get the princess treatment you see other girls receiving.

Write this one down: You will never find peace in a space that wasn’t meant for you to settle in, whether it’s a relationship, a friendship, or a job.

If you know your worth, even when you like someone, you’ll walk away when you’re not being honored. But if you don’t know your value, you’ll stay. You’ll twist yourself into shapes, study how to be better, try to fix yourself — just hoping they’ll finally see you. Just hoping they’ll finally validate you.

You don’t need to become ‘better’ to be loved. You need to believe you were already enough.

In today’s letter, I’m going to show you how to recognize your worth because once you do, you’ll start to see just how much you’re capable of.
How much you can create.
How much you can build.
How much you can become when you start pulling your energy back from people, spaces, and habits that don’t serve you.

When you keep pouring into places that don’t pour back, it subtracts from the energy you could be using to build something beautiful for yourself. It drains the energy that could be going toward becoming the version of you who effortlessly attracts the healthy love and life you deserve.

Because I don’t think we talk about it enough — just how deeply these relationships, these situationships, and these thought patterns impact our lives.

Every section of this letter is designed to help you understand yourself more deeply — and fall a little more in love with who you’re becoming.

The Cost of Not Knowing Your Worth

The cost of not knowing your worth isn’t just your heart, it’s your calling, your joy, your future, and the legacy you were meant to leave.

Yes it is deep…

Not knowing your worth doesn’t just make you settle. It makes you constantly search for validation in other people and external things. And when you don’t get that validation, or when you’re not chosen, you spiral.

You start questioning whether you’re good enough. Whether something’s wrong with you.

But the truth is: your entire life—your destiny, your relationships, your peace, your success—all of it comes down to how deeply you know your worth.

If you have low self-esteem or a poor self-concept, it will show up in everything.
The way you show up.
The way you let people treat you.
The opportunities you think you're worthy of.

Self-concept is everything. And it becomes fragile when you allow other people to dictate it because people will disappoint you. Not everyone is going to see your worth, and if you’ve built your self-esteem on other people recognizing you, you’ll crumble every time they don’t.

And what's crazy is, when you don’t have self-worth, people will often treat you poorly… and instead of realizing they’re the problem, you’ll internalize it. You’ll take it as proof that you’re not good enough, when really, they’re just mirroring the beliefs you already carry.

It becomes a loop. A cycle of not feeling good enough, getting treated like you’re not good enough, and using that to confirm all your worst thoughts about yourself.

And that loop? It follows you everywhere.
Into your career.
Your friendships.
Your relationship with yourself.

If you don’t believe you’re good enough, you won’t build anything bold.
You won’t start the project.
You won’t take the risk.
You’ll settle for average because you think that’s all you deserve.

Your brain will try to make it make sense. It’ll rationalize those low standards. It’ll say, “Yeah, this is fine,” even when it’s not because the brain always works to confirm whatever beliefs you feed it.

Low Self-Worth Shrinks Vision

• You won’t dream big when you don’t believe you’re capable or worthy of more

• You play it safe in life, love, and purpose

• You don’t allow yourself to be seen or supported, so you do everything alone and burn out

If your vision is small, it’s not because life has to be small—it’s because your self-concept won’t let it be big.

You can only stretch and grow to the extent of your self-concept.

The Danger of Needing to Be Chosen

• You start building your identity around who likes you

• Your glow dims every time someone doesn’t reflect it back

• You become overly performative—trying to earn love, instead of believing you already are love

It’s a shame, truly...
So many times, when you feel like you weren’t chosen by a specific person, you start to believe there must be something wrong with you.
But the truth is: that person wasn’t meant to see your value.
They weren’t equipped to give you the love you deserve.
They didn’t know how to handle you.

Have you ever done a puzzle?
When one piece doesn’t fit, you don’t get frustrated and start beating on the puzzle piece. You don’t question what’s wrong with it. You know that if it doesn’t fit here, it’ll fit somewhere else.

That’s exactly how this works.
The puzzle piece doesn’t become less of a puzzle. Its value doesn’t decrease—
Because the puzzle can’t be completed without it.

Just like you.

You are important. You are necessary. Your name was written next to someone else’s before the earth was even created.

But if you keep trying to force yourself into places you were never meant to belong,
you block yourself from seeing the opportunities all around you.

You keep yourself from ever finding the space where you fit perfectly.

The Loop of Self-Betrayal

When you don’t value yourself, you start abandoning your standards.
You abandon your goals.
You abandon your peace.

You start betraying yourself just to be liked.
You silence your needs.
You settle for confusion.
You stay longer than you should, hoping something will change.
And then—when it doesn’t—you end up resenting yourself.
And that resentment only lowers your self-worth even more.

You betray yourself every single time you stay in a situation that isn’t aligned with who you are and what you deserve.

But here’s the part we don't always see:

Every situation is a mirror.
That situationship you’re stuck in.
The relationship that broke you.
The divorce that felt like it ended everything.

None of it is punishment—it’s preparation.

Each moment is shaping you into the version of yourself who’s finally ready to receive the blessing buried in it. Whether that’s the man God has written next to your name, your purpose, a meaningful career, the chance to be a light in someone else’s life…Whether it’s becoming the mother, sister, or woman you were always meant to be.
Whether it’s doing the inner work, healing deeply, or finally… FINALLY… recognizing your worth.

It’s showing you something—what you need, what you desire, what doesn’t work for you. And that information? It’s sacred. You’re supposed to take that lesson and look for it elsewhere.

Because there is someone out there who you won’t have to beg to love you properly. It will come naturally to them—because they were always meant to.

Just like it’s unfair to beg someone to become something they’re not for you, it’s also unfair to keep yourself in a space where your needs aren’t met, where your presence isn’t valued, and everything you bring to the table is overlooked.

So please—remove yourself from those spaces.

And if you’re wondering why this keeps happening… why every situation feels like another test—look inward. Because here’s the truth:

Your beliefs become your life.

Beliefs → thoughts → emotions → actions → results.

If you believe you’re unworthy, unlovable, unattractive, or “too much”… you will act from that place.
You’ll settle.
You’ll shrink.
You’ll self-sabotage the very blessings you prayed for.

And you’ll start getting the results of someone who sees themselves that way.

You choose how you show up in the world. And when those beliefs become your subconscious truth, you’ll keep experiencing situations that reflect that truth back to you.

But this isn’t punishment—it’s part of God’s mercy.

He’s holding up mirrors in your life saying, “Hey. This is where you can grow. This is where you can shift. This is the piece that’s holding you back from everything I’ve written for you.”

Because He has beautiful things waiting for you—aligned love, purpose, peace, joy, fulfillment. But the more you suppress the signs, avoid the work, or ignore the mirrors, the longer it will take for you to experience those things.

If you don’t change how you see yourself, nothing else can truly change.

It doesn’t matter how many routines you start or journals you fill out, if you still think you’re not good enough, you’ll keep handing your power to people and places that were never meant to hold it.

How to Start Seeing Your Worth & Rebuilding Your Self-Trust

Because It’s not that you want him…it’s that you want to win. You want to feel chosen so you can finally stop doubting your worth.

So how do we actually start to see our worth?
How do we build self-trust, self-love, and finally stop relying on other people to reflect it back to us?

Let’s start here: you can’t fully love yourself if you don’t understand the power of being a woman. When you tap into it, you begin to see: you were never meant to chase or beg—you were meant to receive.

The Power of Feminine Energy

Feminine energy? It’s one of the most divine forces on earth. It’s magnetic. It’s intuitive. It’s nurturing. It’s powerful. Women are honored as the vessels through which life enters this world.

But so many girls are disconnected from their feminine energy not because they want to be—but because they’re stressed out over a man. Because society has forced them into their masculine. Chasing. Proving. Overworking. Performing. Exhausting themselves just to feel worthy.

You don’t need to follow a TikTok script that says, “If you want a man to like you, text him like this, eat 12 grapes, say this, don’t say that.” Like… are we okay?

We are constantly performing.

Society has made us forget the value of our presence — but men understand it. That’s why they want to keep you around without commitment. That’s why they want to stay friends, because while we’re taught to believe it’s "not that deep," they know exactly how powerful and impactful our presence is. They offer nothing but vibes, while we’re expected to give our time, our support, and our softness in return.

When a man isn’t rooted in his masculine—offering safety, intention, and consistency—you will start to feel anxious, unsure, and overextended. Not because you’re “too much,” but because your energy wasn’t being matched. Feminine energy thrives in safe environments. Without it, it begins to shrink.

Society has made us feel like we’re asking for too much when we ask for commitment.
A year-long talking stage. Ten years, a baby, a house — and still no commitment. It’s unsettling. And it’s not normal.

So if you ever feel like you’re doing all the right things and still feel depleted, it’s probably because you’re giving to someone who isn’t ready to receive it with the honor and responsibility it deserves.

Your presence alone is life-changing. And somewhere along the way, society made us forget that.

And let’s be clear…it has nothing to do with the physical. I’m talking about your feminENERGY. Your grace. Your heart. Your intuition. Your ability to pour into people with love.

Feminine energy is powerful. It lights up rooms, heals hearts, and changes men’s lives. And the right man will not just want to be near that energy—he’ll rise to meet it.

Now let’s talk about the actual steps:

1. Build a vision for yourself.

If you want to start seeing your worth—start building your life.

Even if you don’t know where to start, choose one area of your life that could be better.
Ask yourself: What’s a problem I can start solving?

• If you’re unhappy with your health, start walking, hydrating, nourishing your body.

• If your mind feels cluttered, start journaling, praying, reading.

• If your glow is dim, get into your skincare, move your body, go outside.

Because the more you show up for you, the more your brain says,

“Wait... maybe I do matter.”

2. Build self-trust through tiny, daily promises.

Forget the big goals for a second.
Start with the tiny ones.

• Drink a glass of water when you wake up.

• Stretch for 5 minutes.

• Read one page.

• Say your prayer before bed.

It doesn’t have to be massive. It just has to be consistent.

And here’s the magic:
When you start doing the hard things even when you don’t feel like it—your self-concept changes.

Something that’s really helped me is seeing moments of self-conflict as opportunities to strengthen my self-image and build self-trust. So when I don’t want to work out, or I don’t feel like filming, and that internal resistance kicks in, I remind myself— this is my moment.

This is an opportunity to show up as the version of me I know I can become. Because she shows up anyway.

Your identity shifts.
You start trusting yourself.
You stop breaking your own heart by abandoning your own goals.

Confidence follows clarity.

When you start building that confidence, you naturally start moving toward bigger things.
Bigger goals.
Bigger dreams.
Bigger energy.

And suddenly, one day you’ll look in the mirror and realize…

“I’ve been that b*tch this whole time.”

You’ll notice the resilience.
The creativity.
The potential.
The power.

And you’ll realize: no one gave that to you—and no one can take it away.

3. Celebrate Micro Wins Out Loud

• Create a “proof” folder. Every DM, photo, prayer you stayed consistent with—screenshot it.

• Affirm: “Look at the woman I’m becoming.”

4. Learn How to Sit With Discomfort

• Don’t reach for distraction. Watch the spiral without jumping in it.

• Self-worth is built when you pause, not just when you push.

5. Heal the Relationship With Your Inner Voice

Reframe thoughts like:
“I always mess this up” → “I’m still learning how to handle this better.”
“I can’t do this” → “This is new for me, but I’m showing up.”

When you can stand on business by respecting yourself—your vision, your goals, your standards—by showing up for you first, everything changes.

People begin to respond to that energy. They start treating you with more respect because they see you won’t accept anything less.

And that doesn’t mean disrespect will magically disappear…but it will no longer be something you tolerate. Because you know what you deserve. And you refuse to settle for anything beneath that.

You opened this letter because, deep down, you want to be chosen — maybe by someone specific, maybe by someone you haven’t even met yet… or maybe just by someone who finally sees you.

But here’s what I need you to understand: Who you choose to be in a relationship with can shift the entire trajectory of your life.

And when you’re so focused on being chosen, you forget that you have to choose wisely too. Because sometimes, the person you're chasing isn't even someone who allows you to grow. He’s not even someone equipped to be the father of your children…but because you’re scared to be alone, you stay. Because you have low self-esteem and lack mentality you continue chasing.

Beggars can’t be choosers. But you were never meant to beg.

There’s this book, Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and they write:

“Numerous studies show that once we become attached to someone, the two of us form one physiological unit. Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the levels of hormones in our blood. We are no longer separate entities.”

This person can literally make you sick…or help you thrive.

So girlies, please remember the power you hold. Work on your confidence. Build your self-image. Because it will shape your entire life. Stand on your values—that’s where your power lives.

I know what it feels like to want to be chosen. To spiral when you’re not. To give so much of yourself and feel like it wasn’t enough. But you were never meant to beg for love. You were meant to embody it. And I promise you, the moment you stop looking outward and start building inward… everything shifts.

Because the one meant for you will not just feel like home—he will protect the home you’ve built within yourself.

Journal Entries

Something to reflect on…

• Where have I been trying to earn love that should’ve been freely given?

• Am I shrinking myself to stay somewhere my spirit is trying to leave?

• What version of me would stop begging to be chosen and start choosing herself?

• What would my life look like if I only stayed where I’m seen, valued, and celebrated?

Love you all so much,

Bahja

p.s. there is a video version of this letter up on my youtube channel :)

watch here ♡

It’s something we’re taught to avoid, something we associate with embarrassment or shame. But failure is actually part of the process. It’s on the path, the multiple failures, that allow you to succeed.

Welcome failure just like you welcome success, because they’re not separate. They come as a package.

Failure itself isn’t some final destination you’re doomed to when things don’t go as expected. It’s part of the journey, part of the greatness.

Failure is just data. It’s guidance.

Let me say that again: failure is a guide to your success.

Think of it like a guide that walks with you, nudging you when it’s time to pivot, when something needs to be reworked, or when you need to completely change direction.

But instead of seeing failure that way, we’ve been taught to view it as this evil, disgusting monster standing in the way of our dreams.

“It didn’t work? Cool. Let’s regroup and iterate.” That’s what failure is saying.
“Hey, it didn’t work out…but what parts of it did?”
“It didn’t work out the way we expected…but what did we learn that can move us forward?”

We don’t fear failure, we fear the feeling of failure.

The disappointment. The embarrassment. The “what will people think?”

That’s why emotional regulation is EVERYTHING.

Because so much of what we avoid in life has nothing to do with real consequences and everything to do with how we think we’ll feel if it doesn’t work out.

Over Eid, while getting my henna done, I ran into a subscriber who told me she wanted to go back to school. She felt drawn to it, excited even, but she was afraid. Not of the work, not of the process, but of the idea that what if she gets to the end and it was a waste of time? What if it doesn’t work out the way she hoped?

But here’s what I realized as she was speaking:

She was already feeling the pain of failure.

She hadn’t even taken the first step, but the fear, anxiety, and doubt? It was all already here. She didn’t need to wait for a disappointing outcome, she was already carrying the weight of it.

So really… what’s left to lose? You already know what it feels like to fear failure.
Wouldn’t it be better to feel that while actually trying?

And this might sound silly but, sometimes I literally ask myself:
“Okay, what’s the worst-case scenario? And is it really even that bad?”
Because 90% of the time, it’s not.

What’s actually worse is sitting still, never knowing, and carrying regret that didn’t need to exist.

Sit With It!

Lately, I’ve been in a season where uncomfortable emotions visit me daily. Sometimes it's sadness. Sometimes it's longing. Sometimes it's anxiety that doesn't even come with a clear reason.

And I used to think I had to fix it right away. That I had to get rid of the feeling, figure it out, or do something about it immediately.

But I’ve been learning how to just… sit with it.
Let it live beside me, without letting it run me.
I can miss someone without reaching out.
I can feel anxious and still do what I said I’d do.
I can feel fear and still make a move.

The goal isn’t to be fearless. The goal is to not let fear have the final say.

There are 4 types of fear that hold us back from doing what we truly want to do:

1. Fear of Rejection

The fear of what people will think. The fear of judgment, criticism, or not being accepted. It keeps you performing for approval instead of showing up as your full self.

2. Fear of Success

This one’s sneaky. It’s the fear of what comes next if it actually works. The pressure. The responsibility. The question, “Can I handle it?”

So you stall. You avoid. You downplay yourself. You make goals that don’t stretch you just so it looks like you’re making progress, when deep down… you know you’re capable of more. You play small because success feels scarier than staying stuck.

3. Fear of Failure

This one’s loud. The fear of letting yourself down. Letting other people down. Wasting time.

It keeps you stuck in your head, overthinking every step. You’re not even failing yet, you’re just feeling the weight of failure in advance. And sometimes, that’s enough to stop you completely.

4. Fear of Being an Impostor

You finally get the opportunity… and suddenly you wonder if you even deserve it.
You think, “Maybe I got lucky,” or “There’s someone more qualified.” You wait for someone to call you out.

You question yourself more than anyone else ever could.

How Can We Override Fear?

The Two Mental Models:

The reason we fear failure is because of the mental model we’ve been conditioned to believe:

You either succeed or you fail. There’s no in-between.

This binary way of thinking is something we pick up from society early on. We’re taught that if there’s no obvious result, then there’s no outcome and therefore, no point in even trying.

But that’s not the model that successful people use.

Successful people don’t think in terms of “success or failure”, they think in terms of growth. It’s not about being good or bad at something, and it’s not even about whether something “worked.”

Because even if the outcome wasn’t what they hoped for, they still gained something. A lesson, a skill, a connection, a new direction.

If you’re too busy looking for that one perfect “result,” you’ll miss the real opportunity: the growth that came from showing up at all.

The Second Model: Growth Over Fear

This is the mindset we want to adopt!!!

The problem is, that first model (the fear-based on),is embedded in our paradigm, which is just the mental framework we operate from. It’s the lens through which we view the world, shaped by our past experiences, beliefs, and conditioning. So every time we try to step into something new, our mind pulls us back to “safety”. Back to what feels familiar, even if it’s holding us back.

You don’t apply for the job.
You don’t post the video.
You don’t send the email.

Why? Because your subconscious thinks it’s protecting you from failure.

You don’t take opportunities that don’t pay immediately, because there’s no instant reward. But the truth is, the real reward is the knowledge and growth within it and that’s the mindset of someone who wins.

This second model (the growth mindset), tells you to take the risk. Even if you fail, you learn.

You grow.
You meet new people.
You gain clarity.

Even realizing something is not for you is still a win, because now you’re not wasting years wondering.

The Truth About the Fear of Failure

The fear of failure actually has nothing to do with failure itself.

Because failure? Failure doesn’t even exist.

What we fear is our insecurities being exposed. That uncomfortable emotional moment when we feel embarrassed, rejected, or “not good enough.”

But those feelings aren’t always real. Your brain is just trying to keep you safe. It’s tricking you into believing that taking action=/__u/bahjaabdi.substack.com/danger, when really, inaction is the danger.

So how do we become the person who takes action anyway?

At the core of almost every fear is one thought:
“I’m not good enough.”

But your brain is built for survival, not greatness.
Its job is to keep you safe, not fulfilled.

So when you imagine failure, your brain triggers all the emotions that come with it before you even try. And that emotional response is often what paralyzes us, not the actual outcome.

A Tool You Can Use Right Now:

Whatever you focus on becomes your reality.

If you focus on failure, you’ll paralyze yourself and never take action.

If you focus on success, or at least growth, you’ll start to move.

Reframe your thoughts so your mind starts working for you.

✨ Every mistake gets you closer to your dream life. Every attempt is progress. ✨

Journal Prompt / Mindset Shift:

Write down your biggest fears.
→ What’s stopping you from taking action?
→ Is it fear of embarrassment? Letting your parents down? Financial instability?

Now, take that fear and reframe it into a question:

• “I’m afraid I won’t make enough money”
  → becomes: “How can I create something that supports me financially?”

• “I’m afraid I’ll get criticized”
  → becomes: “How can I become more confident in my voice and message?”

Now it’s not a dead end. It’s a starting point. A challenge you can grow through.

Why Adopt the Growth Model?

Because what you focus on becomes your experience.

If you focus on fear, you’ll stay stuck in low vibrations: overthinking, self-sabotage, frustration.
But if you focus on what’s possible, your brain opens up to solutions. You start seeing opportunities you were blind to before.

One of the biggest things that keeps people stuck is this exact fear.
It makes you do less than you’re capable of.
It silences your gifts.
It steals your dreams before you even try.

But when you realize this is just your subconscious trying to protect you, girl you gain power!

How to Override Fear:

• Acknowledge the fear: Become aware of the limiting beliefs in your mind.

• Challenge them: Ask yourself if they’re true, and look for evidence that proves otherwise.

• Reframe them: Turn the fear into a question you can work through.

• Take action: Your brain doesn’t change through thoughts alone. You have to move.

✨ Faith is the opposite of fear. And you are guided. ✨

You’re not here by accident. That desire in your heart? That vision that won’t leave you alone?

It was placed there for a reason. And with God’s help, you have everything you need to fulfill it.

The Challenge

This month, I challenge you to welcome fear just as much as you welcome success.
To stop waiting for confidence and start moving through discomfort.

To actively seek opportunities to fail, not because you want to fall short, but because it means you’re trying something new. You’re stretching. You’re growing.

Every single day, do one thing that makes you uncomfortable.
Let your nervous system feel it. Let your thoughts spiral a little,
and then… take action anyway.

Train your mind to understand that even when fear shows up dressed as “safety,”
you are the kind of person who moves anyway.
And eventually, fear will stop being the wall, and start becoming the door.

Let’s rewire the paradigm.
Let’s teach our brains what’s actually safe: growth, movement, risk.

Because your dream life? It’s on the other side of what you’ve been avoiding!

Chasing your dreams is embarrassing.
It really is. You’ll feel exposed. Awkward. Like everyone’s watching you try.
But we’re learning how to own it.
Because the most embarrassing thing? Is not trying at all.

Embrace the cringe, girlies. I’ll be doing the same!

Love you all,
Bahja 🤍

I had no clue what my paradigm even was, let alone how to rebuild a new one. I didn’t know how to acknowledge my emotions, let alone process them and shift them into something positive. All I knew was that I couldn’t keep living in the mental and emotional box that had been given to me by society, by old experiences, by past versions of myself. I wanted more for my life. I wanted to reach my fullest potential. And I knew I couldn’t do that as the person I was—I had to evolve.

And so I did. But evolving required extreme focus.

I couldn’t afford to slip up. I had to watch my every thought, every move. I learned how to regulate my emotions, how to stay on guard for anything that would pull me back into old habits. I policed my mind constantly, redirecting negative thoughts before they could take root. It was an entire SHIFT gurl, day in and day out.

It had to be.

I was unlearning 20 years of conditioning.

And it worked. At some point, I became that confident, disciplined, self-trusting version of myself. But that’s when I realized… I had locked myself into a new box.

I had spent so much time fighting against my old patterns that I became terrified of falling back into them. I overanalyzed everything. I was too self-aware. I wouldn’t let myself relax, wouldn’t let myself make mistakes. I had escaped one mental prison just to build another one.

That’s when I knew—self-development wasn’t just about becoming a better version of yourself. At some point, you have to allow yourself to live as that person.

I still journal, still reflect, still have to re-direct my thoughts at times—but only when I need to, not as a way to control every thought. I don’t overanalyze my every move. I let myself make mistakes and trust that I’ll learn from them. I remind myself that I’m 23—this is the time to live, to take risks, to see the world. So I’m saying yes to new things without obsessing over how they’ll serve my “highest self,” putting myself out there without calculating how it’ll impact my healing journey. I’m letting life be lived…not constantly measured.

Because when you trust yourself, you don’t need to control everything. You can let go and still know that you’ll come back to yourself. You’ll meet yourself in new experiences, in different cultures, in unexpected moments.

I trust that if I make a mistake, I’ll grow from it. I trust that if something doesn’t go as planned, it’s for a reason. I trust that everything I’ve built within myself will always be there, guiding me.

So now, I’m letting go. Not of my values, not of my dreams, but of the fear that I’ll lose myself if I stop trying so hard.

The Loneliness of Growth & The Fear of “Losing Yourself”

When you’re in your self-development era, everything feels personal. You’re in the trenches with your mind, your habits, your thoughts—rewiring everything to become your best self. It’s intense, and a lot of people isolate themselves in the process.

Because when you’re trying to grow, the last thing you want is outside noise.

• People pulling you in different directions.

• People who don’t get it, telling you you’ve changed.

• Situations that test your discipline when you just got it under control.

So you do what feels safest: You withdraw. You hyper-focus. You protect yourself.

And for a while, it’s completely necessary.

But here’s where a lot of us get stuck:

Once we’ve changed, once we’ve built this new self, we don’t trust the world with it.

We’re scared to go back out there because:

• What if I fall back into old habits?

• What if I lose myself again?

• What if this new version of me isn’t enough?

But the whole point of self-growth isn’t to stay in the cocoon forever—it’s to become someone who can live fully, love fully, connect fully, and still be grounded in who they are.

At some point, you have to trust that you won’t lose yourself again.

Growth isn’t just about protecting yourself from the past, it’s about stepping into the future with confidence.

Your self-development era prepared you. Now it’s time to live.

Think about it:

• You’ve built self-awareness.

• You’ve developed new habits.

• You’ve learned to regulate your emotions.

You’re no longer just “becoming” someone.
You are that person.

So now, the challenge isn’t “How do I keep growing?”, it’s “How do I live as this person?”

And that means stepping back into the world. Taking risks. Making mistakes. Letting yourself be seen.

It means:
✧ Letting yourself have fun without overanalyzing every move.
✧ Creating deep friendships without fear of losing yourself in them.
✧ Trusting that if something does knock you off course, you have the tools to realign.

This is the next level of your self-development journey: learning to be in the world without letting it shape you into something you’re not.

Because once you’ve built that foundation, once you’ve become someone who is self-aware, who can navigate their emotions, you will always grow. Growth becomes inevitable. You will evolve through every experience, every challenge, and every hardship, not because you’re desperately trying to, but because your level of consciousness is higher now. You see things differently. You are different.

The Perfectionism That Comes with Self-Development

You know what’s funny? The most beautiful moments in life are never the ones where everything goes perfectly. They’re the messy, unfiltered, unexpected moments, the ones where you weren’t overthinking, just vibing.

Like when you’re traveling, and the best memories aren’t the perfectly planned itineraries but the times you got lost in a new city, laughed with strangers, or almost missed your train. It’s the moments when you’re a little unhinged, a little unprepared, but fully alive.

I used to think self-development was about being in control all the time—saying the right thing, always showing up as my “highest self.” But some of the most real moments of my life have been the ones where I did everything wrong. Where I giggled too much, stumbled over my words, and left feeling a little embarrassed but somehow full. Because life isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present.

That’s what I’m leaning into now. Less overanalyzing, more experiencing. Less control, more trust.

Make Yourself Your Own Safe Space

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that you have to become your own safe space. That’s the key to navigating life without letting it mold you into someone you’re not. When you have that internal safety, you can come back home to yourself after a hard day. You can sit with discomfort and still comfort yourself. You can validate your own experience instead of chasing it from others.

Being your own safe space means you can bounce back when you fall off track. It’s what grounds you and grows you—it’s the very thing that allows you to evolve while navigating the world.

And the truth is… not everyone will care for you the way you wish they would. It’s actually unfair to expect people to fully understand your pain, your past, or your patterns. Even those who love you can’t feel what you feel as deeply as you do. That’s why building a relationship with yourself is non-negotiable.

A few years ago, I made a promise to myself:
"Bahja, No matter what happens, I will never turn on myself.”
Not even if the world does. Not even if I mess up. Because the moment you abandon yourself is when you allow your experiences to define you.

It’s not just what happens to us that shapes us—it’s the story we tell ourselves about what happened, and who we are because of it.

Your tools?
✧ Journaling—write to yourself, like you would to someone you love. Tell yourself it’s okay. Tell yourself you’re proud. Tell yourself you forgive yourself for the moments you didn’t know better.
✧ Voice notes or video diaries—look at yourself and say, “I’m still worthy. My feelings are valid. I can bounce back.”

This is what keeps you grounded. This is what keeps you you—in a world that’s constantly trying to shape you. You don’t need to overthink every little thing when you trust yourself to come back home, no matter what.

Build the Foundation, Then Play the Game

Your Checklist to Un-Self-Developing Your Life

The goal isn’t to overanalyze—it’s to live intentionally. You’ve done the inner work. Now it’s time to trust yourself and move differently.

Step 1 - Build Your Inner Foundation (Know Yourself)

Know your values → What do you stand for? What’s non-negotiable?
Define your morals → What guides your decisions and actions?
Clarify your vision for the future → Where are you going? What do you truly want?
Create a safe space within yourself → Can you trust yourself to come back home to you, no matter what?

And girls… I have something to help you with this. My Becoming Her Notion template was made for this exact process—to help you build your foundation, trust yourself, and step into the life you’ve been working for.

Becoming HER Notion Template

Step 2 - Get Out of Your Head & Into the World

Catch yourself overanalyzing → Ask: Is this real, or is this fear talking?
Ask “Do I trust myself?” → If you do, let go. If you don’t, revisit your foundation (Step 1).
Detach from the outcome → You don’t need to control everything. Experience, learn, adjust.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes → Mistakes don’t erase growth; they expand it.
Lean into experiences → If it aligns with your values and vision, say yes.

Step 3 - Play the D*mn Game

Say yes to new opportunities → Even when you don’t feel 100% “ready.”
Stop watching from the sidelines → Engage, participate, be part of the world.
Put yourself out there → Friendships, career moves, travel, romance, whatever calls you.
Take risks, but stay aligned → Trust your gut. If it feels wrong, you’ll know.
Make life fun again → You didn’t grow just to protect yourself—you grew to enjoy life.

When in doubt, ask yourself:
➝ Am I making this decision out of fear or trust?
➝ Am I shrinking myself or expanding into who I’m meant to be?
➝ If I knew everything would work out, what would I do?

♡

There’s never an end goal for self-development or growth, you have so much life ahead of you. As long as your foundation is locked in, you’ll always find your way. The goal isn’t to obsess over becoming your best self; it’s to live with intention, to be present. When you do that, every experience, every day, becomes an opportunity to meet yourself deeper.

Don’t let something that was meant to free you from the shackles of your past be the very thing that keeps you stuck. Growth should feel expansive, not restrictive.

Someone once told me, 'Stop gatekeeping yourself from the world,' and it stuck with me. I didn’t realize how much I was doing it until I finally let go. So I’m telling you all the same.

Love you all,
Bahja

This might seem personal—and it is—but I thought I’d share some of my Laylatul Qadr duas so you can take inspiration or… just copy them.

Forget the New Year—Ramadan has always felt like the real beginning for me. A fresh start. A reset. Especially as we step into spring, it feels like a renewal of the soul, a chance to align, refine, and dream bigger.

I pray not just for myself, but for all of you. May Allah accept our duas, grant us what’s best, and fulfill every longing written for us in the most beautiful way. Ameen.

These are the duas that carry me through the rest of the year, the prayers that pave the way for all that I can become. ✨

For Your Career, Impact & Success

Ya Wahhab (The Giver of Gifts), Ya Razzaq (The Provider), Ya Fattah (The Opener)
"Ya Allah, You are Al-Wahhab, the One who grants without limit. Open the doors of success that are best for me and allow my work to be a source of light, impact, and barakah. Ya Razzaq, provide me with abundant, halal rizq that allows me to create, give, and live freely. Ya Fattah, open opportunities that align with my highest good and remove any obstacles standing in my way. Allow my name to be mentioned in rooms of goodness and my work to be recognized by those who will uplift it, Ameen."

Read more

watch full video here 🏹

Surrender isn’t about passively waiting for life to unfold—it’s about doing your part, putting in the effort, and then releasing attachment to the outcome. It’s trusting that once you’ve done your best, the rest is in God’s hands.

As humans, we crave control. Our minds are wired to seek certainty and fill in the blanks. But life becomes so much lighter when you learn to trust God’s plan and surrender to the flow of what’s already written for you.

I’ve asked. I’ve prayed. And now? I’m being prepared to receive it all.

Not in the way I expected. But through discomfort, setbacks, and the stripping away of everything that no longer serves me. Because before you have what you want, you have to become the person who can hold it.

And the best part? When you focus on becoming better, the world aligns in ways you never expected. The Prophet ﷺ said:

"Whoever is concerned about the Hereafter, Allah will place richness in his heart, bring his affairs together, and the world will inevitably come to him. But whoever is concerned about the world, Allah will place poverty between his eyes, disorder his affairs, and he will get nothing of the world but what is decreed for him." (Tirmidhi 2465)

The moment you shift your focus—from chasing the world to chasing growth, purpose, and faith—everything starts to fall into place. You no longer feel like you’re fighting for every inch. Things start flowing to you instead of away from you.

I’ve been paying attention—watching, listening, waking up. And I’ve realized something: the very things frustrating me, the moments that challenge me the most, are not obstacles. They’re mirrors. They’re here to show me the subconscious blockages I need to clear before I can step into the life that’s already waiting for me.

Detachment: The Illusion of Control Is Blocking Your Blessings

A pattern has been repeating in my life. And one thing about me? I pay attention. I ask, “What is God trying to teach me right now?”

Even when things suck. Especially when things suck.

Because here’s the truth: when things start to fall apart, it’s not punishment—it’s preparation. It’s a sign that something better is coming, that God is making space for blessings beyond what you can imagine. But only if you’re willing to let go.

Because the tighter you grip, the more resistance you create. The more you chase, the further things run.

And sometimes, chasing doesn’t even look like working harder—it looks like checking your phone every ten minutes, waiting for a reply. It looks like refreshing your inbox, hoping for an opportunity to appear. It looks like constantly searching for proof that what you want is on its way.

But have you ever noticed? The moment you let go—when you stop overthinking, stop waiting, stop checking—bam, they text back. The opportunity comes through. The thing you wanted suddenly finds you.

That’s how life works. The second you relax and focus on being, instead of forcing, everything starts aligning.

When you surrender? When you focus on growth, purpose, and trust in Allah? The world doesn’t just open up to you—it runs to you.

Stop Pressing the Button

Okay, this actually pissed me off when I first found out, but… did you know the "close door" button in most elevators doesn’t actually do ANYTHING? Yeah. It’s literally a placebo—a button designed to make you feel like you have control when, in reality, the doors are programmed to close when they’re meant to.

And the funniest part? You swear it works. You press it, and it seems like the doors close faster. But nope, it was always going to close at that exact time. Divine timing, even for an elevator.

This just makes my nightmare-level fear of parking garages even worse. Honestly, I’ll take the stairs when I can—at least I control how fast I go. LOL.

But seriously—as humans, we crave control. Our brains are wired to fill in the blanks, to grasp at certainty. But life gets so much easier when you learn how to surrender to God's will.

Now, I won’t lie—I struggled with this concept for a long time. And I know a lot of people do.

I used to think, “I’m doing all the right things, I’m showing up… so what do you mean it all depends on God’s will? What if God doesn’t will for me to succeed in this?”

I know. It sounds bad. But it’s a real fear—a dangerous place to be—because that kind of thinking can mess with your faith, your mental health, your decisions, and the way you move through life.

Divine Timing: Nothing is a Coincidence

I don’t believe in coincidences. And if you believe in God and fate, you probably don’t either.

Everything is happening exactly as it should. The reason coincidences feel like coincidences is because they are actually divine alignment. God places you in front of the right people, ideas, and situations at the exact time you need them.

And if nothing is random, then that means the desires in your heart—as long as they don’t lead you away from God—weren’t placed there for no reason. That dream? That goal? God put it there because He knew you were capable of achieving it.

The moment you decide to pursue it—whether it’s something big like building a business or something tiny like finally buying that pair of shoes you’ve wanted forever— things begin shifting.

This is where divine alignment kicks in. Sometimes it’s smooth, but a lot of times, it gets really difficult. God starts bringing all your subconscious blockages to the surface—your limiting beliefs, self-sabotaging habits, the friends who no longer align with you.

And why? Because He’s preparing you. He’s arming you with wisdom, awareness, and the tools you need to step into this dream fully equipped.

And that process? It can be hard. You’ll start seeing the "uglies"—the hidden parts of yourself you’ve ignored or suppressed. Not to shame you, but to help you understand them. To heal. To integrate them into the person you must become.

This is your armor.

What If God Doesn’t Will for Me to Succeed?

Then it still wasn’t for nothing.

A lot of times, you’ll realize along the way that you don’t actually want what you thought you wanted. That your dream was leading you somewhere even better. But you wouldn’t have known that unless you took the first step.

Other times, God closes one door only to open a bigger, better one. You can’t even believe you once wanted that first thing because what He gave you instead? Way beyond what you imagined.

Ask, and It’s Given

You’re always given something. If it’s not that thing, then it’s something better—because God’s plan for you is bigger than your own.

Your pursuit of your dreams should always revolve around God. Because when you trust in Him—not just in the good times, but in the challenges too—you start to understand that you are exactly where He needs you to be in order to succeed.

And here’s where it gets really beautiful:

The moment you relax into every stage of your life—the moment you stop trying to force things and let them be what they are in the present—things start coming to you faster.

The Power of Surrender

Surrender. That’s the key word here.

And listen, as someone who literally chose not to work a corporate job because I couldn’t FATHOM the idea of someone telling me what to do… surrender has definitely been a hard one for me.

But ironically? That’s when the most beautiful things start to happen.

Because the more I tried to force things, the more frustrated I became. The more I chased, the further things ran. But the moment I started letting go—trusting that I was exactly where I needed to be, trusting that my effort was enough—everything started flowing.

Here’s what I’ve realized: When you chase, you step out of alignment with your goals.

Logically, this doesn’t make sense to us. We think that if we just push harder—if we keep pressing, pressing, pressing—the thing we want will come closer. But in reality? It does the opposite.

Chasing creates resistance. It stems from limiting beliefs, from a scarcity mindset that whispers:
"This isn’t meant for me."
"This won’t come easily."
"I have to fight for this or I’ll lose it."

But here’s the thing: you can’t hold the belief that this thing is truly meant for me, I am deserving of it and, at the same time, carry a lack mindset that says I have to chase it down or I’ll never have it. It’s one or the other.

And if you don’t believe in the thing you’re asking for, are you truly the person who receives it? No. Because the person who receives understands that it can be no other way.

If that dream is in your heart, God chose you. He chose you, and you are good enough.

But shifting that belief takes practice—reminding yourself often, catching yourself when you start chasing or getting frustrated. The faster you can do that, the quicker you become the version of yourself who receives.

This is why belief is everything. There’s a hadith that always sticks with me:

"The supplication of every one of you will be answered as long as he is not impatient and says: I supplicated but it was not answered." (Sahih Muslim 2735)

Your du’a can only be accepted if you truly believe it will be accepted.

And this is where the inability to surrender comes from—a lack of belief and faith. The moment you decide to trust, to truly believe that what’s meant for you is already aligning, you free yourself. You release the need to force, chase, or press the damn button a hundred times.

Surrender doesn’t mean sitting back and waiting for life to happen to you. It means you put in the work and let go of the outcome. You trust that it’s in God’s hands now. And you rest easy, knowing you’ve done your part.

And that’s when everything starts to align.

Why This Happens: The Subconscious Mind & The Illusion of Safety

Let me tell you a little something about your subconscious mind.

It’s the part of your mind that never sleeps. It runs the show—your thoughts, your habits, the way you take action—all of it comes from your subconscious programming. This is where all your beliefs are stored.

And its #1 job? To keep you safe.

Your subconscious doesn’t care whether “safe” means “better.” It just knows that anything unfamiliar is a threat. It literally registers change—even good change—as danger.

And one thing about her? She’s really good at tricking you into staying exactly where you are.

She makes you believe that anywhere but here is dangerous. She paints vivid pictures of why things might go wrong. She pulls out those old memories to convince you that you’re not capable—
"Remember when your 4th-grade teacher embarrassed you in front of the whole class? What makes you think you’re smart enough to pull this off now?"

She makes you hesitate, second-guess, put things off—and you don’t even realize it.
Instead, you just find yourself saying things like:
"Oh, maybe I should read another book first…"
"I’ll start after school is done."
"Let me just wait for the right time."

This is exactly what’s blocking your belief.

You don’t realize it most of the time because it’s all happening subconsciously, behind the scenes. But once you recognize it? You can overcome it.

Beliefs are created in your subconscious through repetition. The more you tell yourself something—consciously or unconsciously—the more it sticks.

Which means… if you want to shift your belief system, you have to train your subconscious mind to think differently.

How to Rewire Your Brain & Shift Your Beliefs

The best way to shift belief? Through action.

You cannot think your way into confidence—you have to prove to your brain that you’re capable.

• Verbal affirmations are great (and extremely helpful), but true confidence comes from actually doing the thing that scares you.

• The first step is always the hardest. But once you take it, you realize:

  • Oh, this isn’t as scary as I thought.

  • Wait… I can actually do this.

  • Hold on—this feels GOOD.

And that’s when you get a taste of alignment—when you start moving with life instead of resisting it.

You must become observant.

• Ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?”

• “Why do I keep putting it off?”

Because the moment you face those thoughts instead of running from them, you take away their power.

And from there? You step into alignment faster.

Staying in alignment with your dreams isn’t always pretty, magical, or fairy tale-like. Sometimes it’s slow. Sometimes it’s ugly. Sometimes, you fall back into old ways and have to get up again.

But as long as your heart is set on that dream? You are in alignment and you will get there.

What to Do While You’re Surrendering

So you’ve decided to surrender. You’re putting in the effort, letting go of control, and trusting that everything is unfolding exactly as it should.

But let’s be real—this part can be hard.

Because in this space, nothing “big” seems to be happening yet. You don’t have the proof, the external validation, or the finished result. It’s just you, your faith, and the small steps you take every single day.

And this is where most people struggle.

They start questioning: Am I doing enough? Is this even working? Should I be pushing harder?

But here’s what I’ve learned: this period isn’t about forcing, rushing, or searching for signs. It’s about learning how to live fully while you wait.

It’s about recognizing the beauty in the process.

It’s about focusing on the things that make you better, the small steps that compound over time.

For me, this looks like:

• Going to the gym

• Praying all 5 prayers

• Eating healthy meals

• Writing my weekly newsletter

• Posting one piece of content every day

• Reading and learning

• Spending time with my family and friends

• Enjoying my hobbies

And that’s it.

That’s all you need to do most of the time.

Yet we make it so complicated.

We think we have to be in hustle mode 24/7, and don’t get me wrong, there are seasons for that.

Sometimes, I lock in and go harder. I launch products, run challenges, push myself. But the majority of the time?

I’m just doing the little things and enjoying the season I’m in.

Because I trust.

I trust that it can be no other way.

I trust that Allah didn’t place this dream in my heart for no reason.

And so, I take it day by day.

By releasing resistance, you allow the path to unfold exactly as it’s meant to. You are destined for a beautiful life—trust that. Let it play out in divine timing, and thank God for every little detail along the way, because He has designed it perfectly to lead you toward something greater than you can imagine.

Wishing you all the best always. Love you & Ramadan Kareem. 🌙✨

This might send some hate my way, and I’m okay with that. But this has been sitting heavy on my heart for a while: It’s not an influencer’s or a brand’s job to teach you how to practice your religion.

Every week, it feels like the internet is outraged by another girl taking off her hijab. People say, 'It’s become a trend at this point,' and influencers and brands are blamed for not showcasing the 'proper' hijab.

But the real issue isn’t the influencers or the brands. It’s deeper than that. The core problem is the lack of backbone, self-control, and self-accountability within ourselves. And isn’t that what our religion is truly about?

When Allah made alcohol haram, influences were everywhere. You couldn’t escape it. But that was the whole point—self-control, fighting your nafs, and choosing faith over temptation. The test was never meant to be easy, and it certainly wasn’t meant to depend on who or what you follow online.

“Everyone is taking off their hijab.” Ummm... not really.

There are thousands of Muslim creators and influencers who wear their hijab with pride. There are hundreds of brands that showcase proper hijab styles. Not everyone is taking off their hijab—it only feels that way because negativity is amplified on social media. People love to attack the one girl who takes it off, while the majority of women who remain steadfast are overlooked.

And I truly hate to be the one to say it, but the gag is, every time I see someone attacking another woman for her hijab journey, I check their page only to find out they don’t wear their hijab properly either. How dare you?

As an influencer myself, my favorite comments and DMs are from girls who say they’re inspired to wear the hijab because of me. And that means the world to me because, before I even posted my first YouTube video, I set a genuine goal: “I want to inspire, reach great lengths, and do it all in the comfort of my hijab.” It wasn’t just about wearing it—it was about being strong in it.

But let me keep it real—I wasn’t always a hijabi online. When I first started posting on TikTok in 2021, I wasn’t wearing the hijab. I was rocking a different hairstyle every week. It was during Ramadan that year that I decided to try wearing it. Even then, I had my edges out. I loved curling those two front pieces of hair and letting them peek out of my hijab.

I still didn’t wear a hijab to the gym back then. I felt comfortable showing up in leggings and crop tops, sometimes pairing short sleeves with a hijab (I know, I cringe too). Eventually, I transitioned to a little scarf with my leggings and maybe a long-enough T-shirt to cover my glutes.

Then, I evolved to wearing long sleeves that covered me better, paired with that same little scarf. I ditched the leggings and started opting for sweatpants or wide-leg pants.

I know what it’s like to struggle—to fall short and to pick myself back up. And because of that, I will never judge another person. They might be somewhere on their own journey, taking it step by step. Allah is guiding them, just as He guided me.

Because even when I was walking into the gym in a crop top and leggings, I was moving towards becoming a hijabi. I was moving towards Allah and strengthening my faith, one imperfect step at a time.

Zoom out of your little social media bubble and take a look at the real world—where actual people are living their lives, not just posting them.

In real life, no one makes a big deal when someone struggles with their hijab. I know women who wear it every day except for their birthday, or when they go on vacation, or at weddings. I know women who don’t wear it to the masjid but put it on when they pray. I know women who don’t wear hijab at all and are still respected.

What is going on??

I get it—it’s easy to hide behind a screen, drop a harsh comment, and rack up a few likes that give you a quick ego boost. But honestly? That’s such loser behavior.

The truth is, in the real world, struggles with hijab aren’t as sensationalized as they are online. People have grace, empathy, and understanding. Meanwhile, the internet is out here blowing up over every small thing, amplifying negativity, and pretending it’s a moral crusade.

Not everything is as black and white as it seems online. Real life is nuanced. Real people are on their own journeys, and that deserves respect—even when it doesn’t fit your narrative.

"It’s an influencer’s JOB to influence—they are causing young girls to take off their hijab."

This is always the argument. And it’s so unfair.

Yes, an influencer’s job is to influence and inspire, but they do that in so many different ways—by sharing ideas, recipes, and personal journeys. It’s not their responsibility to be your personal “ideal Muslim.”

There are so many reasons to be inspired by someone.

It could be their work ethic, their healthy lifestyle, their vulnerability, or their ability to tell stories and connect with others. Inspiration comes in many forms, and it’s important to remember that just because someone falls short in one area doesn’t mean they can’t be strong in others.

Even when influencers fall short or struggle, their intention is rarely to corrupt or mislead people. That’s a heavy burden, and ultimately, only Allah knows what’s truly in their hearts.

We need to stop putting influencers and brands on a pedestal. It’s unfair. They are just as human and normal as the rest of us. They shouldn’t have to be perfect so that you don’t fall into sin.

A Reality Check: Personal Accountability

Whether or not you are influenced by someone is ultimately a decision you make.

But here’s the thing—many of those decisions are made subconsciously. If you’re not aware of your own thought patterns and inner world, you might find yourself influenced without even realizing it.

This is why self-awareness is so powerful. When you understand yourself, you can consciously choose what influences you and what doesn’t. You become the driver of your own life, not just a passenger swayed by every new trend or opinion.

On the Day of Judgment, you will be standing there alone. No influencer, no brand—just you and your deeds.

And honestly, how lame is it to let someone else control your life and your akhirah? How frightening is it to think that someone you don’t know could shape your decisions, your life, and ultimately, your mind?

This is why self-awareness is critical.

The Power of Self-Awareness

You need to understand yourself.

Question why you do the things you do. Establish a set of values and morals that guide you through life.

No matter how many people around me take off their hijab, I can look inward and remind myself of my own values and beliefs. I can stay steadfast because I’ve built that self-confidence and discipline.

I’ve exercised that muscle enough. My vision of who I want to be is clear.

When you see a video of someone deciding to take off their hijab and you decide that’s your cue to take yours off too—that’s not about that girl. That’s about you.

It’s about your paradigm. Maybe you have negative beliefs about the hijab. Maybe it was forced on you as a child, and now it’s become something you resent. Maybe you’ve never truly understood why we wear it, and that’s why you chose to take it off.

On the flip side, if you see that same video and say, “Omg, that could never be me,” and feel the need to leave a hate comment—that’s also an inner problem. That’s your ego and insecurities talking.

Maybe you hate yourself so much that seeing someone else struggle or fall gives you a perfect opportunity to feel good about yourself. And maybe that’s the only time you feel good about yourself.

Yes, It Is That Deep

“Bahja, it’s not that deep.”

But yes, it is that deep.

You don’t take action on anything unless it aligns with your belief system. And that’s what you’ll be judged on in the Day of Judgment—the actions you took because of what was truly in your heart and mind.

Not only that, but your life will become a series of things you hate. You won’t feel fulfilled because you’re not living in alignment with who you are and what you believe.

When you let your subconscious beliefs dictate your actions without checking them, you end up living a life that doesn’t even feel like your own. And that’s the real tragedy.

Nobody Is Perfect—And That’s Okay

I’m not perfect. I know, just like anyone else, I can fall into sin.

That’s why it’s so important not to judge another person. They are no less than you. You are no better than them.

Now, I’m not saying an influencer can’t inspire people to become better Muslims. There is pressure when you have a platform to set a good example for those who look up to you.

But perfection? It’s not possible. We can strive to be good, but expecting perfection from anyone—especially influencers—is not fair to them or to yourself.

The goal is to build enough strength and discipline within yourself that your decisions come from a place of clarity, not mimicry.

How to Build a Backbone in a World Full of Noise

The answer is simple but powerful: tap into yourself.

Check in on your paradigm. What do you believe? When you encounter not just someone taking their hijab off but anything that triggers you—how does it make you feel? What thoughts come up?

Why do you do what you do?

These are important questions to ask because only when you become aware of the subconscious parts of yourself can you start making real changes in your life.

The Work: Changing Your Beliefs

Changing your beliefs about anything takes time, effort, and patience. You have to create enough evidence for yourself to make a belief stick.

This happens through education, action, and repetition.

For example, if you see a video of a girl taking her hijab off and think, “Ugh, I want to take mine off too,” pause. Ask yourself why you feel that way. What beliefs do you hold about the hijab?

Write this out in a journal.

Here’s What That Can Look Like:

Current Beliefs:

• "I hate my hijab because I just feel ugly in it."

• "I love wearing cute outfits, and sometimes the hijab doesn’t always fit the vibe."

• "I feel embarrassed because all my friends don’t wear it, and it makes me feel less appealing."

• "Wearing a hijab makes me stand out, and I don’t like the attention."

• "I feel like I’m not as fashionable or 'cool' as girls who don’t wear it."

Now, What Would You Like to Believe About Hijab?

Desired Beliefs:

• "My hijab is a crown of strength and dignity."

• "I can express my style beautifully while honoring my faith."

• "I feel safe, protected, and proud when I wear my hijab."

• "My hijab is a reminder of my commitment to Allah, and that’s more important than fitting in."

• "I attract the right kind of attention—respect and admiration—for being true to myself.

The Practice: Building These Beliefs

It doesn’t matter if you’ve decided to take your hijab off, if you wear it one day and not the next—what matters is building these beliefs through practice and repetition.

Every day, remind yourself of these new beliefs. Repeat them. Say them out loud.

• Practice wearing your hijab daily, even if it’s just around the house.

• Curate your social media feed with hijabis and modest fashion inspiration.

• Experiment with modest styles that make you feel confident.

• Make duaa (prayer) and ask Allah to make it easier for you.

• It’s okay to unfollow non-hijabis for a while until your beliefs are strong enough not to be triggered.

Like I shared before, every day that I walked into the gym in a crop top and leggings, I was practicing a new way of thinking and feeling.

Those small steps eventually led me to show up in a T-shirt that covered my glutes. The more you practice, the stronger these neuropathways become in your brain.

It gets easier over time because it becomes a natural part of who you are.

And this doesn’t just apply to your hijab journey—it applies to everything in your life. Whether it’s your finances, your health, or your relationships, you are only as limitless as your beliefs allow you to be.

That’s why you need to check in with yourself constantly. Challenge your thoughts, question your habits, and make sure the story you’re telling yourself aligns with the life you want to live.

A Letter to My Girls

To my girls who are struggling—I pray that Allah makes it easy for you.

To the brands working to make modest fashion more accessible—thank you for what you do.

To the girls who share their journey and struggles—thank you for your vulnerability. It truly is inspiring.

Don’t let the hatred, disrespect, and chaos of social media make you forget the beautiful peacefulness, kindness, and gentleness of Islam.

What a blessing it is to know that no matter how many times you fall, Allah still loves you.

His mercy is endless, and His door is always open. So, hold onto that. Seek His guidance. Allow yourself to grow, stumble, and get back up—because, at the end of the day, the journey is between you and Him.

My corner of the internet will always be a safe space for us to navigate this world together, with love, honesty, and a little bit of tough truth.

I love you all so much,
Bahja

p.s. Jummah Mubarak 🤍✨

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