Demonology is not my field of expertise, but I think I developed an unhealthy interest in the occult around when I was a tween. Don’t get me wrong, oh, I wasn't trying to be recruited into any society, nor did I lust after anything they have. In fact when I was a little girl, I used to be a scaredy-cat who hid behind the cushion every time something scary came up on TV. For context, I thought Scar’s legendary ‘Be prepared’ song was scary, just like the ‘You’re playing with the big boys now‘ song in The Prince of Egypt. As a tween, my interest was born of an unchecked reading habit. I was curious how this dark underworld could conjure up things and turn natural, harmless things like herbs, roots, and animals into dangerous, life-threatening concoctions. I was confused and curious about the way it seemed like evil could mimick God's powers and the miracles of the Kingdom of light. By the time I was twelve, I was reading a book from almost every category in our school library, including the history of witchcraft (Western oh, not our African ancestors).

Then came the wave of the famed He Came to Set the Captives Free book by Rebecca Brown. It was a ‘Christian’ book, but it was spooky spooky, and it took me by surprise. I was raised in a conservative church, so a lot of the things I read in that book were as strange to me as Buffy the Vampire Slayer on MBC2. Then it was being infected by my sister’s intrigue with Dan Brown books, particularly Angels & Demons. Inchristi, you might wonder, what’s with the name Brown abi? Ni ma I still dey wonder.

For many years since then, Frank Peretti and a vague recollection of the book Angels on Assignment, which I found on my parents’ bookshelf, along with my selectively read Bible, made up my whole curriculum. I also have to mention my baptism class (we tried to cover essential doctrines), but by then, I had been to too many camps and had seen so many dramatic manifestations that I began to question the truth of the way the Bible had been presented to me. It wasn't until 2015, when I went through the Christian Dynamics class in my new church, that I had to re-confront my true beliefs about the most popular celestial beings.

By this time, my fear had given way and I had taken a liking to underworld and supernatural fantasy novels: angels, vamps, fae, demons, Nephilim and the whole nine yards. (If you like, judge me.) As for the shiny celestials, I was convinced they were imminent. I didn’t know I had even started thinking of them as more imminent than the Maker Himself. But I had slowly started to think of the dark forces as only fictional characters.

In the words of one of my favourites,

So yes, like you, I have swung from scepticism, cynicism, and mysticism. I have struggled with what I believe, why I believe it, and what I seem to see in comparison. Even though many of your questions were mostly on demons and the underworld, I'll start with the angels. Like many postmodern Christians, I grew up with the unaddressed cognitive dissonance of the biblical description vs the literature/media depiction of angels.

Inchristi, when you say “angel,” what comes to mind first? The strong, hefty men with a bronze-like or Caucasian appearance? They probably have a halo or an unnatural glow around their heads. Lest I forget, many have big, mighty birds’ wings added. From the popular Jehovah’s Witness ‘My Book of Bible Stories,’ which many children owned and loved, to our films, sculptures and paintings, angels always have a very strong humanistic representation. My all-time fave is the global picture we have of a cherub—an innocent-looking, cute baby with white wings. I have concluded that the Roman god Cupid was rebranded as the image of cherubs in our world, and we have just accepted it. I sha thought that angels looked that way, even though I knew that the bible described it differently. What I thought and what I knew seemed to be in conflict.

I never knew I was delulu until I started reading Madeline's book, A Wind in the Door, and her description of the angel startled me so much I had to check again. First of all, thanks to A Wrinkle in Time, I discovered more of her books. Secondly, I get why publishers were very afraid to accept her manuscript. It was very culturally inaccurate.

Yes, scripture repeatedly describes angels as having the appearance of men. It was like that in Joshua's battle and in the encounters of Manoah, Abraham, and John. In other instances, they are simply described as ‘an angel appeared.’ The beings Ezekiel described are nothing like our assumptions of celestial beings; we explore what Isaiah saw, what John saw, and it begins to make one scratch their head.

So what are angels? They are messengers of God, celestial beings with supernatural powers, who serve God and are in His presence. You already know the word for “angel” is “messenger.” Scripture tells us they are mighty and we see in different books of the bible their supernatural abilities, yet we're told they longed to see the things of the gospel.

But what do they look like? The short answer is, I don’t know. At least not more than what the Word has said. However, I am quite certain they have an otherworldly quality and perhaps a fearsome presence, because consistently in Scripture, when they appear, we hear them say almost immediately, ‘Do not be afraid.’ What does that mean? It means people had every reason to be afraid. Yes, even those who wore the likeness of men had a quality to them.

Well, now that we have spooked each other, what next? What do they do? My darling, you may disagree with me, but I don’t think it has been given to us to preview the entire job description of celestial beings. I mean, a JD is usually relevant to the person hiring or the person about to be hired, right? Why are we pressed to know the tea if we’re neither angel-employers nor being recruited as angels?

A Short Story

Let me tell you a story. From around when I was 10 until the year I turned 19, I had swung from end to end. I didn’t really put a frame to my beliefs, and I didn’t know they were in conflict. What changed? I read my Bible, like in between the lines, and cried (read as prayed) many months after a youth outdoor camp on the hills of Nkiendowro, Miango. The theme “Scripture over culture” made me look closely at the epistle in Colossians, not the Christianity I had come to absorb from sermons and televangelists. But more than that, my faith was shaken to the roots after the attack on that community.

It was October, exactly a year after one of the most thrilling camping experiences of my life. We pitched real outdoor tents on a plateau and had to draw our water from a nearby stream, and I felt like I was living my dream. We also received generosity from the residents of this community. I was one of the last to leave the camp location; I remember how I was looking forward to the next two years so I could do it again.

Then the news came. That wonderful community of warm people was attacked at night. I remember the look on our pastors’ faces. The ache in my chest. They were murdered in a gruesome way. And when one of the men was retelling the tale of scrubbing the blood of their wives and children off the classroom floor, I felt like reality was slipping away. I wondered if their angels were not on guard that night. If they, like the military, had been deployed to a different location while the women and children were massacred in that classroom. It was from there that my beliefs were lifted off like a woman’s old wrapper in a November whirlwind. I was left exposed, angry, afraid and confused. Did God desert them? If the angels were on guard, why did the herdsmen slaughter them?

I had this boulder in my chest through service, as the youth in church took of their shoes and dropped bags of donated items and walked back to their seats with bare feet. Where were the angels?

Yes, He will command his angels concerning you, but they're not security details recruited for us so we are immune to every single blow life will throw, or so we can live recklessly and be caught. Perhaps our obsession with the need to know we have guardian angels is all a quest and hunger for security. We want to be sure our spiritual perimeters are covered, and so, in the way of humans, we take from the experiences of others, tell stories, and make a general principle out of exceptions. God doesn’t owe us a promise of two permanently posted security details for us to believe He is watching over us.

Sometimes the supernatural is visibly present at our darkest moments, but it doesn't change the outcome of our situation. There's a picture of Stephen in Acts and how his eyes were opened at the end of his life and he saw Jesus, not even angels fa. Heaven was watching but why didn't they intervene? why didn't they intercept? Instead he looked up and the sight made him smile, eager to go home. That was comfort for my aching heart.

I pray that I say this well and that you do not miss what I mean. Inchristi, I have never seen the specified ‘guardian angel’ role in Scripture. Yes, the stories show us that they guard (Eden), they fight (Joshua, Elisha), they deliver messages (Daniel, Mary, and Joseph), they kill (David's kingdom); and they bring judgement and they rescue (Lot and family). But the way we behave shows that we don’t believe what the Bible says. We prefer our version of ‘having angels on guard’, which has increasingly become more like having waiters and servants we can send on errands and control.

So am I saying the angels do not guard? Absolutely not. I am saying they are His ministers, His messengers; He's the one who commands them. I confess, I used to pray and ‘command the angels’ to move and shake things. But the older I grew in the faith, the more I saw that even when the saints prayed for Peter in jail, they weren't recorded as having commanded that. They were simply praying earnestly. Our Lord commands that we pray like that; He honours that. God moves supernaturally, as He desires, when saints pray earnestly. Yes, there’s a world we do not see, and He’s actively at work. Life is spiritual, and we are very unaware of a plethora of things, yet it is not to our disadvantage that we don’t know everything. But for us to leave the holy command to pray heartfelt prayers in pursuit of divine certainty of spiritual surveillance is a distraction.

Naturally, I had to find where this belief in ‘guardian errand angels’ —angels we can send on errands and command to do our bidding— came from. Inchristi, I found only one scripture in Matthew 18:10 being stretched to support this belief, as well as many cultural beliefs. And I have heard this scripture quoted to support this: “You’re out of your mind,” they told her. When she kept insisting that it was so, they said, “It must be his angel.” Nothing in the Bible from Abraham's visit to Daniel's vision and John's revelation tells us that angels are for us to be sending up and down. Quite the opposite is seen; it is God who does the sending —both of men and His angels. Because we're all His creatures. And when He sends His angels to do mighty things, He gets the glory, not them.

Oya, so what should I do now?

Yes, you're right to wonder what to do with this information. I've had a stint of stifling spiritual fervour because of these things. Someone once said, “If you haven't seen your angels yet, you haven't started walking with God.” And for a brief time, I started believing them. Never minding the real and tangible fruit of kindness, patience, peace, and self-control I'd been seeing or the expression of other spiritual gifts. I would have gone on an angel-hunting, angel-sighting spree if not for God’s mercy. We’re not immune to the ideas that float around us, oh.

Then how did I get out of that space? You know my favourite question. I started asking why. Why are we so obsessed with the need to know we have a spiritual security detail for us to trust in His divine promise of protection? Or is it a desire to feel special as opposed to those not in the fold? Which I found heartbreaking. Because our ticket into God’s family is not a social class upgrade so we can look down on others. Instead, it’s an entry through which we might let others know that they can taste and see. I also noticed how it reduced my prayer from communing with the Holy and perfect God to a session of trying to engage His other creatures.

Another thing that helped me was first a sermon, which led to a Bible study that made me note that angels do not take worship. Throughout the tale in our Kingdom Charter, the only time supernatural beings appeared and took worship were instances that could have a straight line drawn to something called Christophany. Any angel that takes worship is not an angel of God. Why does this matter? Over and over in the epistles, the apostles tell us to be wary because our humanity is naturally intrigued by the supernatural. There's a hunger for the world to come in all of us, and when we come in contact with anything outside this plane, we tend to build a temple there and begin to worship it.

Knowing the truth insulates you from the poisoning of lies and the spells they cast over rational thinking. As always, you know I implore you to even disagree with me. Search the scriptures. Angels don't take worship, nor do they worship us. It is your duty to learn the truth and be wary of lies. As the letter to the Colossians says. “Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.” Colossians 2:8

We’re not the first to be fascinated and besotted by celestial beings. But our wise God already had the epistles written for us. “Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you. Such a person also goes into great detail about what they have seen; they are puffed up with idle notions by their unspiritual mind. They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow. Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: ‘Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!’?” Colossians 2:18-21

From your letter, these details and experiences from this person are the things fuelling your questions. Paul's letters don't relent. He speaks about it again in 1^st Timothy 4:1-2, 7, 11-12: The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. … Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. … Command and teach these things. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

As always, we are not the first, and except Jesus comes today, we won't be the last. You might be feeling you’re too young to disagree with spiritual juggernauts, but Paul told Timothy, and I remind you, do not let anyone despise you because you’re young (including yourself). There’s one truth, and age or maturity doesn't equate knowing the truth.

The argument in Hebrews 1 sealed my confusion when juxtaposed with David's contemplation. I used to think if they're celestial and supernatural beings, then they deserve reverence. I've been in meetings where we're told to be silent because angels just walked in. But something inside me shifted uneasily at the thought of the Lord of Hosts, who had been with us all along, nko? The God whom Habakkuk said Let the whole earth be silent, because He is in His holy temple. Wasn't he worthy of the silence and comportment? I used to be confused, but David said it in Psalm 8:4-6: What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honour. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet. Some versions say you made him a little lower than the angels (Septuagint), but put side by side with Hebrews, we see the coming of a legendary man who changed the game. ‘For to which of the angels did God ever say, “You are my Son, today I have begotten you”? Or again, “I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son”? And again, when he brings the firstborn into the world, he says, “Let all God’s angels worship him.”’ Hebrews 1:5-6. It’s no longer as relevant whether we are lower or higher because Christ, our firstborn, is high and above all, and only He is deserving of worship both from angels and men.

Read your Bible, Inchriti. Thankfully, you don't have to pick a large concordance and look up verse by verse; you can run a search on the word ‘angel’ on YouVersion and tell me what you find. Remember to read the Bible like a saint, not an indoctrinated person. Drop all lenses, see what the text says and plug it into the context. You might hear the decades of sermons and books crashing in your brain, but let God be true, and every man be a liar. Knowledge of the truth is what sets us free.

The same applies to demons. God alone is deserving of our worship, attention and prayers. When angels or demons take up too much airtime in our prayers, preachings, and conversations, they always lead somewhere. And the destination is not good, as the apostles have warned about.

I’ll stop with these wise words from this article. “The bottom line is that angelology (the doctrine concerning angels) is a matter of comfort for all of us, but especially when it comes to our missionary task. When faced with our spiritual struggles (not against flesh and blood), we can recall the experience of Elisha and his servant in 2 Kings 6:16-17. They were surrounded by a heavenly army of angels, prepared to fight the Lord’s battle. Angels continue to do battle today; they continue to serve our Lord Jesus. A heavenly host is warring together with us. We know that the power of God is on their side and ours, and thus we can have both courage and optimism in our work of proclaiming the gospel to lost sinners.

In different ways, Jesus Christ continues to gather his church: He sends his Spirit. He sends men. He also sends angels. Thus, the glory belongs not to the angels, nor to us, but to our faithful Saviour, the Shepherd who gathers his sheep!” - Wes L. Bredenhof, (2003), Angels and Missions- Christian Library.

How about the demons?

I promise to continue that in my next letter. I must send this off, as I have delayed quite a bit in dispatching this. I hope it answers your questions. Let me pray for you.

May the God of your salvation be your delight and fascination. I pray nothing created gets your affection or attention, these precious currencies that were solely designed for the Creator alone. I pray you find courage to turn down what is not true, even if it sounds sweet or empowering. I pray you hunger for God more than His power, His presence and intimacy more than the authority and status you may find in Him. I pray your love flourishes above all things so that even in the event of a massacre, your faith is not moved. May Yeshua show you the forgotten way.

In Love,

Inchristi ♥️

I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

When Darkness comes

Fish and Ships – On Migration, Assignments & Callings

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter

The fact that your letter started with the “Can I know my offence?” line sent me into a roar of laughter I never expected. The meme was playing in my head, and I get it. Your crash-out is valid. I get the shock of being uprooted from the world you know and the life you've built. I totally agree that your emotional response is valid. But Inchristi, your distrust in Yahweh’s wisdom is not. Do we have the right to dream and desire things? Yes! But for every saint, those rights are willingly surrendered alongside one’s will, all so we do the bidding of the King.

The Call

We are short-sighted. We think of God as the guidance and counsellor of a busy co-ed school who is so overwhelmed by the peculiarities of their graduating class that instead of carefully picking out their strengths and weaknesses and recommending career paths for them, he offers them things he ‘thinks’ they can cope with. God knows every capability within every one of your 206 bones.

If He calls you to do something, it’s not because He wishes you could do it or hopes you’ll find your footing when you start. He’s not a parent blindly throwing you into robotics class, catering class, sewing class and carpentry, hoping one of them sticks and becomes your gig. He only calls you to what He has pre-designed you to do. Are you shy? Ehn. So why did he call you into public life? You might think then that He’s mistaken because a shy person has no business talking to people; I raise you God calling a fugitive murderer who stammers to challenge the status quo of the country of which he is a fugitive. Coincidence? I think not. This is not a motivational charge to make you feel fuzzy and full of the ‘can-do spirit’. It’s a reminder about how, as creatures, we’re infinitely smaller than our Creator.

Quite often, we think the time God calls us into assignments is when he comes up with the plot. So picture this: Yahweh looks into the storyline and thinks, “Huh, it'll be nice to send Jonah to this city, so let me go and call him quickly and hear what he has to say.“ Absolutely not! That is not what happens. From before you were born, God had ordained that ‘these are the things I will use this person for.’ The moment of the call is about you being informed, and you are the only one being informed, not heaven. As your life progresses, like every character in a story, you discover your potential, you encounter challenges, and you make decisions that change the narrative.

Think of your life as a story Yahweh is writing. He is not a confused author, testing to see which plot fits. He already knows what story He's writing. You are the one who needs to yield, and, like every character, you have a choice: accept the challenge or back down. Now, I do not know what the inner workings of the Kingdom are like. I know there’s no prior announcement of who gets ‘tormented’ into obedience like Jonah, or left alone with the consequences like the man of God from Judah. Our job, Inchristi, is to be ready when our plot thickens.

When obedience seems painful.

Obedience always asks something dear of us. Our sense of identity, our willpower, our opinions, our desires, our ambitions, our fears. It is rarely a delicious thing. As Much Afraid says in Hindsfeet on High Places, “He will never be content until He makes me what He is determined I ought to be. I wonder what He plans to do next and if it will hurt very much indeed.” (pg. 166)
In our devotional about 2 week ago, we came across this commentary by A.W Tozer:

You see, obedience is the smallest unit of measuring love in the Kingdom. It is our only reasonable response to the love we have received. So yes, sometimes God calls us to some daunting things that feel like suicidal missions, but is there anything we can withhold from the one who gave us everything? Is there anything we should withhold if we believe He gave us everything?

I only fell in love with the story of Jonah a few years ago. I could relate to the horror of being sent to a place you detest. Somehow, I found that this story is not only about a big fish and a man, or a defunct minor prophet with temperamental tendencies. It's not really about animals fasting and the skilfulness of a preacher; it is about Jonah’s faith and view of God, about his heart posture towards God’s creation and how he had unknowingly set himself as the judge determining who deserved what (in this case, life). It’s a story about the deceitfulness of our sense of justice and our hidden idols. Yes, it’s also about his response to race, nationality and redemption.

Like you, I built a world in which God's will had a framework. I wanted to serve God, and the funniest part is that I always boldly claimed my life was his, but I secretly had my no-go-areas. Zones I thought were off limits. However, these areas weren't obvious to me because I was willing, open even, to be called into field mission work. I was very eager to find myself in some remote part of the world sharing the gospel and love with people. I’d imagined myself learning a new language and immersing myself in the most rudimentary act of breaking the gospel into everyday living. There's a song from my Sunday school days that goes,🎶“I'm a missionary helper, praying every day. I'm a missionary helper; my Naira goes God's way. I'm a missionary helper; I'll pray, I'll give, I'll go!” The melodious rhyme has played in my heart since I was little.

In my family, our lives were intertwined with missions from an early age. From family friends on the field to our own family's personal ventures to spend special holidays with missionaries in ‘forgotten’ places. All these made the grassroots work of the gospel very tangible to me. And though I didn't know it, a seed had been planted in my heart about what the most sacred way to work in ministry was. Unseen and unknown, but diligently serving the king. You see, Inchristi, our enemy is crafty. He takes good things, with our help and cooperation, mounts them up as the good, and soon enough, they become a god or an idol. So I had built a desired life of ministry for myself, and when Yahweh was calling me into what He had always wanted for me, I was upset with a long list of rebuttals, longer than Jeremiah’s.

Though you know this already, I'll sha seize every opportunity to bring up this story. I hate, can’t stand cities. They're so loud and smelly. Apart from the globally known sewer-like stench that cities have, there’s that impure air from endless industrial and automobile fumes. But even in my hating, I had one city that I considered the bottom of the barrel. Isn’t it so on brand for it to be the city that Yahweh planted my reluctant soul in? I was in the middle of grief; the last thing I thought I needed was to be in this ‘hellhole.’ I’ve been sent to other cities before oh. They turned out to be great assignments, and I was so confident that perhaps the next assignment would be to the capital city of another country. My sweet, lofty delulu. I was posted to my ‘worst nightmare.’

Was it mean of Him to send me at such a sensitive time? No. It was an assignment, and my High King thankfully is the Lord of angel armies. Though He’s a lamb, He’s also a commander, and when it is time for work, I have to put on my soldier hat, though crying, and respond “Yes sir!" He first taught me through Tim Keller using this same Jonah story that “God loves cities. Because there are more people than plants in cities, and he loves people more than any other kind of creation.” (Paraphrased according to my chant for sanity.) I don’t want you to think the city suddenly became more colourful; in fact, it has ranked among the 10 lowest cities on the EIU’s global livability index. Just in case you feel like I’ll motivate you to obey and promise that it’ll all be dandy. It might not be, because we live in a broken world.

Why was it easier for me to submit my will to Him even though it was hard? How did I go from reluctant to dutiful, and even now it’s growing into delightful obedience? Jonah’s story.

We must learn to view ourselves like the worm in Jonah's story, like the leaf and even the sun. We're all at the scene at God's behest, and it only serves us, His creatures, to do the very thing he created us for. It's for our good, yes, and still His glory. The root of all our fears that lead to rebellion or even disobedience is a distrust in God and His ability to protect us, provide for us, defend us, direct us or plain-old wish our good. We’re not the first to feel that way. I bet it was terrifying for Abraham to leave the wealth, stability and comfort of his father’s house to take his wife and nephew on a trip without a known destination. I am certain it was terrifying for Moses to think of going back to Egypt after killing a man (who was doing his job, albeit abusively maybe) in defence of a slave. But there’s something they all had in common. They overcame their fears in obedience.

To our fears, like to Much-Afraid, The Shepherd says: “…Remember also that it is always safe to obey My voice, even if it seems to call you to a paths which look impossible or even crazy.” (pg 80) “Always go forward along the path of obedience as far as you know it until I intervene, even if it seems to be leading you where you fear I could never mean you to go.” (pg 175) - Hindsfeet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard

What about Exile?

So, this Japa thing you slip into your letter often, in between things, thinking it'll slip and I'll forget. I don catch you! This is a very sensitive conversation in my opinion. Because I think God calls us to specific paths, and it is not something you should outsource to anybody. As one of my faves, Eva likes to say to us in The Study Room, it’s not on big topics like marriage or travel that you should start practising hearing God. A child of God should grow in their learning and discernment until it’s a lot easier for them to know or sense God’s will when it comes to major decisions. And who am I to tell your friend that she didn't hear God because things feel rough or look off-tangent in her new nation? Two things I learnt from the Bible. Most of the stories of immigration and exile were related to one difficulty or another in the nation of God’s people.

A thriving Judah had very little cause to be transplanted into Babylon. Just like it didn't need a special jiu-jitsu for the same sinful nation to incur the destabilisation that came as a consequence of sin. So first, sin is usually what makes a nation so uninhabitable that selective exile becomes a more appealing option. Exile used to be a punishment protocol fa.

The other thing is that for those God calls to go on a journey of exile, he equips them-from Jacob's family going to Egypt, which was prophesied many years earlier, to Abraham's movement from Haran, Nehemiah, Esther, Daniel and so on. From their stories, it seems as if they also didn’t feel equipped. One thing has been clear: if it’s Yahweh who called, He has already made the person suitable. After a few curated sheges of pruning, they will find themselves super fit for the role.

Sometimes, God, leading us through circumstances, will let us go into exile like Daniel or Mordecai. Yes, exile had a lot of negative baggage in the Scriptures, yet God still used it for His people. He did marvellous things through them, but most importantly, it always brought the people to repentance. I don’t think God leading her to Japa automatically implies an easy and smooth transition. Can it be easy? Yes. But it is the one who sends the people who determines their path. Not us. So she should not use that fear as a spiritual metric.

Amma, it is worth having as a big mental block that, genuinely, it’s the dysfunction of our homeland that makes living in freezing regions without easy access to yam or plantain very appealing. Exile is not a luxury. It is a necessity of a failing state. And in God’s redemptive story, He always used both those in exile and the remnant to restore the nation. So I would advise that she, and even all of us, cast our hearts on doing that, wherever we find ourselves. Our disposition must be hinged on more than survival. Rather, it should be on God’s will and purpose.

As always, I don’t think I have answers, but I can always tell you what I have found in our Kingdom Charter. Lastly, here’s one thing I wanted to chat with you about. I remember clearly being chilled by Naomi's story. I don't understand it fully. I’m not trying to draw conclusions from fictional threads, but one thing that struck me was the fact that, at face-value reading, Elimelek and Naomi's choice to leave seemed to be purely economic. Please hear me out. I am not trying to be one of Job’s friends. To say people only suffer terrible misfortunes like Naomi because they Japa’d by force is wicked and unfair to the text.

But I checked the book of Ruth, and, quite unlike the other stories of God’s people leaving their nation, chapter 1 left me so confused. Did they ask God? Did God send them to go? The text does not say. And we don’t make principles out of exceptions. Yet, somehow, I find that those details are not an oversight. They make me think deeply. I’ve concluded that God orders His own. He is the one directing our path. Who are we to say it was disobedience that led Naomi to Moab? We see how swiftly God ingrafted Ruth into the family tree of the Messiah, and you can’t help but wonder if that was His plan all along. There are many unanswered questions. Still, I believe there are even more answered ones, clearer areas than greys.

Did I bring this up to confuse you some more? No. The truth is, this thing is a case-by-case leading thing, but there is a way God speaks to His children— and it’s not fortune-telling or zodiac readings. I can’t know on your behalf or your friend's. God doesn’t do group chats. He calls His children and instructs them; Joseph to take Mary and baby Jesus to Egypt, Peter and the vision of Cornelius. But there are also things we don’t know to be commands but seemed to be part of His divine plan; Joseph going to Egypt (though he was sold as a slave by his bros), the Magi travelling from the east for probably more than a year following the star of Jesus’ birth (resulted in the deaths of many children in Bethlehem), Moses running to the desert and finding Jethro’s family, Samson falling in love with the first Philistine girl.

These threads are as tangled as the cords at the back of a TV stand in a Nigerian 90s house. But as He can uphold the almost 10-billion blood vessels in each of our bodies without getting confused (there are about 8 billion of us on the planet right now). He’s an expert at maintaining the finer threads of reality and creation without thwarting His glory, or our good or His will. Somehow, our King is able to make all of it work together, even when we don’t see or understand. I want you to remember that. Then have faith. Don’t be afraid. We’re often too scared to make mistakes; we forget to prayerfully follow those heartfelt desires with action. God still uses circumstances to guide us. Be brave. Obey Him even when you feel afraid.

I pray you do not learn rebellion or a hardening of the heart. May you remain tender to the voice and will of the King. I pray you remember you’re the creature and He’s the creator. I pray your heart learns to trust His plans concerning your call, assignment and posting. May you find the courage to obey, like a true soldier of Christ.

In Faith,

Inchristi ♥️

Here are a few resources you can check out below.

🎧Runaway Believer by Tim Keller

👀Tim Keller on a Fishy Story| Matt Smethurst

🎧Further listening, a deep dive on Spotify 🎧

Running from God

They greatly feared

Those who cling… forfeit grace

Let them give up their violence

Should I not love that great city?

I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

Jesus, Others And Yourself

When Darkness comes

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter

Inchristi, it’s me again. This time, I have questions as well as references. I hope they serve you. Once, a well-meaning believer told someone I love, quite emphatically, that a real and true Christian cannot get depressed. I call them well-meaning because I do not believe the person had ill intent; they were simply zealous without compassion. They were adamant that if a saint does get depressed, then it's probably because they're not a real Christian or their faith isn't fully rooted. My loved one tried to explain how in Scripture, we see saints like David, Paul and even Yeshua struggle with bouts of these deep emotions; they also stated that the person who shaped them in their Christian walk also has confessed to battling with depression in time past. The zealous but well-meaning saint told them that they can't use other people's personal experiences to judge what God said in His Word. To be candid, I clocked out and never traced what they meant by the things ‘God said in His Word’. Maybe I was wrong to conclude without listening to their exegesis and interpretation of the Word, but I hadn't seen where they could have possibly come to that conclusion without injuring the text. I was in my late teens when this happened, but this has reoccurred in different ways over time.

I genuinely love reading your questions, Inchristi. As always, I remind you that I have no answers save for what I have seen in the Kingdom Charter; nonetheless, I always invite you to read it for yourself lest I use you to catch cruise. Carry you bible and read.

I’d like you to get to the root of your beliefs.

You might agree with that well-meaning saint, knowing that Christ has redeemed us and hasn't called us into a defeated life but into one of continuous victory over all things. Or you might think that saints can be depressed or anxious seasonally; though it's sinful, it's a weakness of this broken world. Another side might be that, as with the struggle with sin and brokenness in this world, saints struggle, some more than others, with the plague of depression and anxiety. I'd throw you some extra toppings that you can add to any of these sides (of course, there are many more sides, you and I know that these are the most common in our world. The toppings are:

1. that these are totally spiritual conditions that demand casting out and deliverance sessions for freedom or

2. that they're purely medical and have no spiritual inclination and only need medicine and its prescribed treatment protocol.

3. that these are complex issues that should be handled as individual cases without rushing into conclusions.

I might be presumptuous, Inchristi; please forgive me if I'm wrong, and maybe instead of assuming which side you stand on, I should just go ahead and say what the charter says.

Before I ask so many questions, I need us to establish that the depression and anxiety mentioned in your question are not just fleeting emotional states, yes? It's not like the general feeling of being nervous before you get on a stage or the sad feeling that comes when things don't work out, right? I trust that you are referring to sustained and perpetual torment by these kinds of darkness in uncontrollable ways. I'll work with that assumption because of our last few conversations. Now to my basic questions.

Do you believe that depression is a mental condition? Not like in Gen Z slang, where everything is ‘about mental health’, but that its a state that can be diagnosed and assessed clinically and managed by different kinds of prescribed care? I want to start with this very obvious question because it's easy to misconstrue or wrongly define terminologies. I recently watched the podcast with JP, and a group of atheists surrounded him in what I consider a stretch to call a debate. For almost every person he spoke to, he had to ask them to define what they meant by common terms. A lot of people found it obnoxious and like a ploy to avoid conversation, but it hit me that we've gotten to a place where people wake up and disconnect words that have been held for thousands of years. For instance, have you watched the ‘What is a Woman’ documentary? It's ridiculous where we have gotten as a generation. Please forgive me, I digress.

Depression can come on us either as an ailment or as a result of a problem wey no wan finish. Scripture tells us that hope deferred makes the heart sick. It happens when we are weary from trials or faint from waiting for something or praying about a thing; it happens. It also happens as a fruit of a deeply traumatic event or even a genetic predisposition to that state of mind. You're not being faithless Inchristi, in fact, admitting your state is what saints before you and I have always done. Anxiety? The crippling kind that comes with flavours of panic attacks and terror you can't put into words; they're not all in your head or a result of unconquered fear.

I do not want to simplify complex matters, and many of these incidents are case by case, but Inchristi, as I read my bible, human emotions are plastered on almost every side of the walls of scripture.

When the darkness came again. I must confess I wasn’t prepared. You know how I mentioned that I lived under a heavy cloud for years. It used to come and go. I had learnt to compartmentalise my trauma banks growing up. But when an abuser from when I was under six came to apologise for what they did, things changed. They said they were now converted to Christianity and the Holy Spirit prompted them to apologise, it felt like my world came crashing around me. Suddenly, all that I had neatly packed in the back of my mind came tumbling down, not as my overactive imagination but as real and true concrete memories. That was the first time it stayed with me for long.

I know what it's like to wake up and wish you didn't. To want to stay in the dark, lacking the willpower to do as little as brush your teeth. But it was hard to face the day. And if I had to step out to where I might run into this person or anyone I knew had done the same to me, my heart would start beating an endless rhythm of chaos, my palms and feet slick with sweat, and a wave of dizzying fear would wash over me. But I had it easier, thank Yeshua. I was able to drag myself through the tough ones. I know people who haven't had it as smooth. Who have needed clinical intervention to be able to get through the most mundane daily activities, and Inchristi, they're also saints standing strong.

I don't want to bombard you with stories and takes or definitions and meanings. I want us to check the kinds of things in our Charter, perhaps it might convince you that you're in good company and there's help here. The Christian response to suffering and affliction I've seen is always prayer. It could be a lament or a cry of anguish. Whether you believe it is a purely spiritual or clinical matter, as a saint, you ought to start with prayer first.

You're not strange for feeling these things, and even if it is a clinical diagnosis that's weighing you down, depression and anxiety, like all ailments and afflictions, have a first approach in prayer. What kind, you may ask? I know it's not the kind where you're trying to do bold face for Yahweh sha. Because He already knows what is happening within you. Look how the saints before us prayed.

Psalms 119:28 NIV [28] My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

Psalm 119:28 AMPC 28] My life dissolves and weeps itself away for heaviness; raise me up and strengthen me according to [the promises of] Your word.

Mark 14:34 NIV [34] “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”

Psalms 42:3, 9-10 NIVUK My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’… I say to God my Rock, ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?’ [10] My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, ‘Where is your God?’

It goes on and on: Yeshua, the Prophets, the Psalms. All saying different things and the same thing at once. In fact, do you know there was a time Elijah became suicidal? The papa felt alone, afraid, and he was legit asking God to take his life because he thought he was the only one left. The lie the enemy tells us when the darkness comes is that we're all alone, we are the only ones struggling, and no one gets it. But saints have felt this.

The good news is that I found a response in our charter. King David said “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon – from Mount Mizar. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.”
You can talk to God about it, and then talk to other saints about it. Jesus told his disciples when he was in the trenches. The idea is that we act better than the disciples (by not sleeping when our brother or sister is in anguish).

Charles Spurgeon is a preacher whose sermons and books have impacted millions around the world. The first time my beloved told me that he struggled with depression, I could not believe it. And he admitted it publicly. Things like that are rare in our generation, aren't they? Oh, how horrible it is that our churches are full of people bearing such weights, and many are told not to speak about it, or they'll speak it into being. Inchristi, again, I remind you, you're not alone.

For the clouds that shower jitters and panic attacks, I found that it's a process. One of the weirdest things I discovered about the Kingdom Charter is the number of ‘fear nots’ or ‘do not be afraid’ in it. It comes up an awful lot, and low-key, I started feeling like the premise is our Yahweh always calling people into things bigger and scarier than they can handle, then giving them the pep talk. I wondered why He didn't just make them brave or immune to fear instantly, but as time went on, I began to see that our weaknesses are opportunities to lean on Him and get intimate. In PE, I learnt that there are different levels of closeness. You can train in basketball with your entire class and even learn how each person plays, but it might take an injury for you to learn how the sweat of a teammate smells as they lift you off the court for first aid. More often than not, our afflictions bring us into close contact.

Have you ever been hit by the classic“do not be anxious about anything…”? It's strange to me that something so profound and comforting can easily turn annoying and more like rage bait over time. You must have come across the clips and quotes. This particular one by Pastor Tim Keller rings in my head often about how anxiety and worry are sometimes signs of pride that we know how our lives are supposed to go, and God is kinda messing it up. Believe me, I understand how debilitating anxiety can get. But the naked, brief advice ‘don’t just be anxious’ is not a biblical thing. The Bible doesn't advise us not to be anxious. It doesn't give us a short directive that starts and ends with what not to do. It instructs us. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ”

Do these antidotes work? It's not a spell you cast, so you might want to get ready for process.

• Trust in the Lord with all your heart, not some of it. This means that you must accept that your understanding is not always reliable. You're not omniscient: He is.

• When you find yourself panicking about things that might not work out, commit your ways.

• When you feel alone and the darkness is closing in on you fast, remember that the temptations in your life are not different from what others experience.

• Tell your heart that His power works best in weakness, and then don't be afraid to be weak. He's a healer: you can trust him.

Let me pray for you.

I pray your heart knows the truth that you're loved, and know it more deeply than the scars the world has inflicted on you. I pray you are comforted that though winds may howl and clouds may gather, all are working for your good. I pray you feel the gentle, loving arms of your saviour and find his voice in the hum of your distress. May you find the strength to walk in humility and accept that things might be out of your control, but never His. I pray you learn to be weak with humility and dependent with grace.

In Love, Faith and Hope,

Inchristi ♥️

I have a few resources you can check out.

👀 The Sorrowing Have a Saviour by Desiring God

📚 Depression, Anxiety and the Christian Life by J.I. Packer and Michael S. Lundy

🎧 The Still Small voice by Timothy Keller

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

Does God have Favourites?

Jesus, Others And Yourself

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter

How I’ve missed you, Inchristi!

Yes, yes, I know. You’ve been writing to me and getting no response. I’m sorry. I haven’t stewarded my time well, and I allowed my heart troubles to get in the way of serving with my gifts. I am learning to do better. Before you ask, yes, I’ll gist you about the heart troubles as we go. In fact, I was writing about how instant messaging feels like a noose around my neck.

Inchristi, you make a solid case, as always. I know my favourite cousin and I often used to lament about how sometimes, it seems like God is only ‘using’ us and blessing others at our expense. I know it is a ridiculously childish thing, but it used to pain me oh. Even though it is irreverent to say ‘God is using me,’ not in a manner of service but in some exploitative sense, I get the feeling. God has led me to a job, a city, and even a vocation, and it wasn’t because he wanted to ‘add’ success to me (at least not in the Nigerian nominal Christian human sense,) but to bless others and purify/sanctify me in the process. I hope I am not confusing you. But I just want you to know I get it. It is annoying and frustrating.

Some years ago, I was trusting Him for an opening to volunteer at a non-pharmaceutical, faith-based rehab centre in Jos. I had gotten the reference letter from my pastor, started looking for where to live and was even trying to convince my parents. Because I have always had a heart for those struggling with substance addictions, I was excited to contribute in this way. Guess what? I got reassigned to a job in another city. I didn’t understand the work; I was so anxious I discovered firsthand that one can get constipated because of anxiety. It wasn’t ideal; the pay wasn’t anything to squeal about, and it wasn’t consistent, but I knew that was where he wanted me to be. A few months later, I got a clear instruction that it was time to leave. I was so livid. I felt like a FOOL. Because why did I pack my little life in a box to move to another city if it wasn't a long-term thing? Explaining to family and friends had me feeling like I would rather chew wet jeans because it was giving reckless Gen Z and low threshold for stress. But I knew that was not the case.

Inchristi, have I told you about how God has snatched my brand? I used to pride myself on being put together and clear; I have been humbled in both practice and projection as a day-by-day saint. I felt so much pressure to explain myself. ‘I’m not dull oh, if I wanted to plot my life, I would, but I am a disciple, and that means my life has to be malleable in God’s hands.’ But nothing consine Yeshua with my brand oh. Just obedience. That's all he's looking for.

The week I was to leave that city, someone told me they knew God sent me to the city at that time for them. Because if I wasn’t there, they probably would have taken their life. I was gobsmacked. Amazed and humbled that God will move my reluctant, complaining self from one place to the other so that by my presence and daily practice – from conversation and banter – someone might find hope to live again. He’d disrupt my life and cute plans, so he saves his child from taking their life. He’s that deliberate and intentional about his own. I can’t lie; it made all the pain and confusion feel worth it. But in the process, it didn’t feel like that oh. That's why I get Jonah! I get that man like mad.

I used to hide under the joy of knowing that I am a missionary. Always on the go, doing his work wherever he sends me, but to be candid, at some point, I started feeling like God was just using me, and not in a way of being his designated tool of service. Like he puts the wellbeing of others ahead of my dreams, goals and aspirations. I felt I had a right to have dreams and plans; all the books and talks on purpose said we should have plans and curate what we wanted, and God will bless it. Or at least that's what I understood from those formative years of young adulthood.

But what does our Charter say about our dreams and plans? Growing up, we used to pray with this psalm: “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” A romantic promise that made me feel all I had to do was tell Him the plan, and He’ll make it materialise. Inchristi, any scripture quoted out of context is dangerous. I raise you these verses before the popularly quoted one: “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. 2 All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord.” Proverbs 16:1-2. The day I sat with the chapter, it hit me again. Na God dey run this thing. A bar wa Allah abun sa.

There’s more where that came from. 'Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.' Psalm 37:4-5. It was easy to assume Genie Jesus had a recipe; Delight and Him and He’d do whatever I wanted. I learnt the hard way that delighting in Him rewires your desires and passions. That’s how we learn to align with what He wants for us, not what we want for ourselves.

One thing we struggle with as humans, is control. It's not a good feeling to be out of control, to be at the mercy of another. The Adamic nature rebels against that helplessness, and rightfully so, except it particularly allows (read as enhance) us to rebel against God, but doesn't alert us when lesser idols are trying to control us. That’s why we’d rather be at the mercy of our habits than an all-powerful, sovereign God. Somewhere at the back of our heads, we think since no one can hold God to account, putting our lives entirely in His hands is a huge risk. To be frank, even the tiny bottle of alcohol or the wraps of weed that we grapple with, the habits and hobbies, are out of our control. We’re never really in control. Our control is an illusion and only true surrender can give lasting peace.

For a long time, I was not happy with that arrangement sha. And it seems you aren’t either. I will save you the quote of Jeremiah, saying His plans are to prosper you and go straight to a Sunday School chorus that made me feel at ease with God using me in whichever way He chooses.

Why must it always be about other people?

I didn't mind it being about others growing up, because I love to include everybody. It was when adulting started hitting that I’d sit and think about my life like PawPaw in that meme. I learnt this song at one summer camp as a child. It goes like this: “J-O-Y, J-O-Y, this is what it means: Jesus first, Yourself last and Others in between. J-O-Y, J-O-Y, this is what it means: Jesus first, Yourself last and Others in between. J-O-Y is joy! J-O-Y is joy! J-O-Y is joy and this is what it means.”

I used to wonder why the ‘meaning’ of joy had me last in the equation, but I get it more as the days go by. God gave Himself freely for our redemption, and He’s not asking me to do anything He hasn’t done. If I ‘come last', it’s not because I don’t matter to Him, but that He’s working out something for me. It might be a painful pruning, a silent sanctification or even a fruitful harvest that is visible to all, but there’s always something. In the Kingdom, if everyone puts themselves last, and then others right after the Master, we would all be well taken care of.

What I have been teaching my heart to do on nights when I am in the middle of tears, needing comfort and guidance from another human, but instead of getting that relief, the call/text that comes through is from another of God’s children complaining about their ‘big’ problems. I have been teaching my heart to unlearn belittling anyone’s struggle. Not to grow weary in doing good.

Inchristi, the epistles are littered with reminders not to. I think Yahweh knows our tendencies. E dey pain when it looks like you are not the priority. Like your dreams are secondary to some cosmic plan. But please learn to tell your heart to first be still and trust the master builder. He alone can work your Good, always.

Secondly, remember that after the Master coming first, its ‘others in between.’ Our faith is not inward alone; it is very outward, and the Lord knows that outward part can be draining. That’s why our Charter says:

Galatians 6:9 (ESV) And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

2 Thessalonians 3:13 (ESV) As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good.

Hebrews 12:3 (ESV) Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

Isaiah 40:31 (ESV) but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Luke 18:1 (ESV) And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.

1 Corinthians 15:58 (ESV) Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labour is not in vain.

May you never let the accuser whisper the lie that you must always be front and centre in your life. In a world that celebrates selfishness and destructive self-love, guard yourself. Remind your heart on tough days that God has used others for you, it is only a privilege if He uses you for others. Instead of letting that feeling fester, find liberation in talking to our High King about it. He'll help your heart.

One dangerous but well-intended piece of advice for a disciple is the teaching of self preservation in relationships. I can’t lie, all the times I have tried to look out for myself, I have been in more anguish than when I let others get in between. When others get in between, I find fulfilment in pleasing the Father, even if I don’t please myself. But when I become conscious of my pleasure, I displease both the Father and His other children. That pleasure do usually taste like sawdust and a sprinkle of jan kasa. I’m most miserable when I withhold parts of myself because I am tired of being used. My mother once said to me, ‘You are God’s currency on earth. You are how He reaches/touches people. What use has money of itself? Does money spend itself?’ Let Yahweh love you and let that be enough even if humans don’t reciprocate in the way you want.

Inchristi, I’ll re-echo this painful truth Yahweh told one of my favourite characters in the bible.

Inchristi, is it right for us to be angry?

I’ll stop here, until I write again. When I was uncertain about a big decision, my beloved said to me to Trust in the Lord. I’ll ask you to do the same. Trust him with your pain and your fears. I pray you are rewired to seek His pleasure above yours. I pray you do not grow weary in doing good. And on days when the world reminds you of it’s brokenness, may you have reasons to remember Yahweh’s heart is always working for your good.

In Love, Faith and Hope,

Inchristi ♥️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

Can I Trust the Bible?

Does God have Favourites?

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter

How can I be sure that some of the opinions of the authors or the biases of the people who compiled the book didn’t influence the way the book we have as the Bible was made? Yes, I believe it is the Holy Word of God, but is it all of it? What does Sola Scriptura mean?

Well, my dear, you seem to want to drag me back into old waters. Waters I once almost drowned in. The confluence of the waters of curiosity and scepticism. It took me years to move on from this question. I read books, asked people, and, thankfully, kept my mind open to diverse opinions without feeling pressured to adopt one as my own immediately. I’d like you to do the same. But first,

In the early days of my walk with God, when I was a teenager who thought she could put faith in God, relativism according to the modern man, and a dollop of pop culture into the blender to get a nice smoothie of unaccountable liberal Christianity, I struggled. I struggled because I was not applying critical thinking to my faith. It seemed like I was being brainwashed to stop using my brain on faith matters or deliberately incited to think only halfway, in a manner that raised doubt. The same way my physics teacher didn’t drop Newton’s laws of motion on me without first teaching me how theories, hypotheses and laws of science came about, I also wanted to know the foundation of this Holy book. But I had to come to terms with the reality that I cannot believe in the ‘universe being in control’ or astrology or karma and at the same time hold the bible in highest regard.

First, how did this Bible come about?

“Story, story, once upon a time…” in my place of birth, it is “ga ta nan ga ta nan ku, ta zo mu ji ta…” that punctuates the start of an epic tale. Inchristi, we are among all generations most fortunate to have information at our fingertips. However, literacy is not equivalent to logical reasoning or comprehension. I mean no disrespect, my dear, because I also was once foolish. While we have so much information, we are also still guilty of being the most gullible.

I won’t spoon-feed you something as foundational as church history. Why? Because I know how important it is to actively seek truth and how it helps you sink deep convictions. However, I’ll try to answer the lies that popular shows, podcasts and posts have planted in my heart and in the hearts of a few saints who have spoken to me over the last decade.

“Who compiled the Bible, and how are we sure what we have is not compromised or full of their opinions?” This question haunted me in the 2010s and made me so distrustful of scripture. I never saw a Catholic Bible until I was in secondary school. And the awareness that such ‘duality’ existed short-circuited my teenage brain. My siblings went to a Catholic school and gisted me about the apocrypha books, but for some reason, I never took them seriously. By the time I read the chapters and chatted with my Catholic friend, I began to wonder who cheated us non-Catholics out of the gig? But now that I know better, I’ll start with the question that gave me security to seek the truth.

“Is the Sovereign God your God?” Suppose the answer to this question is yes. In that case, the next question I’d ask is, “Would a Sovereign King, an all-powerful, omniscient Being, sit idly on his hands while a group of mortal men compile whatever they want to determine the establishment of His church?” If your answer is no, then you have nothing to fear as you embark on a search through history. Even if your answer is ‘I’m not sure’, I understand, and I pray that the person of God, in all His might and wisdom be revealed to you.

Your letter has taken so long because I wanted to go into some details of church history and all. I’ve come to see it as an unnecessary ambition. The short story is that, for many centuries, Jews meticulously and painstakingly documented the books of the Torah. You can run a simple Google search to see for yourself. These were the books Jesus quoted while on earth, saying, ‘It is written.’ They were the Law and the Prophets, which He said He came to fulfil. And because we believe Jesus is God, it makes sense that we take what He called scripture to be scripture, abi? So, to summarise, let's say that kinda explains how we came about the OT. At least on the surface. You can dig deeper into how the different manuscripts came about if you want.

How about the New Testament, aka the NT, the one that causes people to be confused every two market days? There’s something called the canon. Along the lines of history, the apocryphal books were removed from what is known as the Protestant Bible for a number of reasons. Because our faith is peculiar, we have a trail of artefacts and historical documents to prove and safeguard the things we do.

A popular false narrative being retold by YouTubers and TikTokkers in our generation is that some men sat in Nicaea and concocted the canon. It’s not true. The Council of Nicaea, aka the ‘group of misogynistic bishops alongside a pagan king,' Constantinople, didn't create the biblical canon at Nicaea. The Gospel Coalition has this wonderful, easy-to-read article that might help you fight that lie. You can listen to Wes Huff talk more about it, but the Council of Nicaea didn’t give us the Bible. It was born out of a need to establish truth and fight heretic doctrines like the Arians’ belief about Jesus’ divinity.

What is the cannon? And who chose or closed the cannon?

I know this is a serious topic, but I couldn't help myself. You see, the cannon 💣 is not the same as the canon 📜. The one with double ’n’ is a weapon, like a bomb launcher, while the shorter word means a standard, rule, or authoritative list. The biblical canon was closed in the first century A.D for the Old Testament and the second century A.D for the New Testament. Inchristi, I'll be honest with you, it wasn't an easy ‘hot knife through butter ‘ thing. History shows there were rough edges, but one thing I know is that the fuller answer is still tied to God's sovereignty and His providence. Michael Kruger wrote something interesting about it that might help you slide down the rabbit hole.

Remember, a Sovereign King who holds the world in his hands and sustains it by His Word is our God. We can trust that the laymen, those He entrusted with his gospel, were a divine decision, not an accident. We can sleep well knowing that even the disciples of his own disciples learnt well. They were doing their human best along with God's providence to protect the faith from heresies and falsehoods. We can be sure about these.

So, when you read the finer details, the removal of the apocryphal books from the protestant bible and the decisions about what books were considered inspired can seem slippery (because of books like Hebrews and a few exceptions). But the criteria, though seemingly steep, were necessary for the bible to be what it is today. Christians believe that the Bible is God’s inspired Word, and until our huge wave of postmodernism and its sceptical relativism, the inerrancy of Scripture was a belief shared by almost all faithful Christians across the globe. You can read more about Inerrancy here.

Oya, so how do you defend the validity of the Bible?

Christians that like to use the bible to defend the bible are annoying—that’s bad logical reasoning and a terrible argument strategy. I agree, Inchristi, a lot of our arguments are ‘the bible says’… but what about when we're arguing with someone who doesn't trust the bible as the word of God? Or that it is inerrant? What about those who read The Da Vinci Code or any other fictional stories shrouded in half-truths and believe them? Those who have extra-biblical sources of doubts and queries? I’m very grateful for people who write. Josh McDowell’s book ‘God-Breathed: The Undeniable Power and Reliability of Scripture’ helped my faith grow into a personal conviction and an intellectual understanding. There are historical and archeological proofs written by unbelievers that prove what we are saying. The Talmud was writing in a hostile narrative POV against Jesus, but it only further solidified the evidence that he came, did miracles, had a teaching ministry and was killed.

Jesus actually lived on earth. My great joy is that there are historians who were not Christians who documented this, as well as the formation/beginning of the early church. I apologise that the story gets sad fast; you already know that it is the path of those on Yeshua's Way to suffer for His sake. To defend the bible from external sources, you must read and know history, not TikTok highlights and YouTube shorts rage-baits.

• Read about Josephus, the Jewish scholar and Pliny the Younger. Around 112 AD, Pliny wrote a letter to the Roman Emperor Trajan, describing the early worship practices of Christians: “They were in the habit of meeting on a certain fixed day before it was light, when they sang in alternate verses a hymn to Christ, as to a god, and bound themselves by a solemn oath, not to do any wicked deeds, but never to commit any fraud, theft, or adultery, never to falsify their word, or deny a trust when they should be called upon to deliver it up; after which it was their custom to separate, and then reassemble to partake of food -- but food of an ordinary and innocent kind.” ⁴

  This passage confirms the worship practices mentioned in the New Testament that involve joining together to sing praises for Christ and to partake in the breaking of bread. - Pliny the Younger, Letters, trans. W. Melmoth, as quoted in Geisler, Baker Encyclopaedia of Christian Apologetics, 10:96.

Is the God of the OT different from the God of the NT?

Providence is God actively working in his creation, from the start of human history into eternity. What do I do with the gory parts of the Bible? I learnt something a few years ago that helped my very tender, post-modern heart. Many things in this wonderful Holy Book fall into two categories: Prescriptive and Descriptive.

Remember that though this is a work of literature, it is also history, poetry, a collection of letters, allegories, proverbs, and so much more. Imagine if you were to pick up the journal of a doctor's assistant 29 years from now. And in it, you find a page with a prescription for malaria. You see the common ACT medication, painkillers and an instruction to avoid vitamin C during treatment, alongside age-old medical practices of sterilisation and using PPEs. Yet many pages into the book, you see a detailed explanation of how a patient who couldn’t eat was intubated in a strange and intrusive way for medication, and how that cost the patient their life, as well as how corpses were unethically embalmed after being harvested for organs. This doctor’s assistant was surely writing in his journal about everything he found of interest. Still, it’s not an exhaustive documentation of what he saw at the practice or a recommendation of some things observed. But is all of it instructive for medical practice? The malaria meds and sterilisation protocol probably won't change and are worth emulating. But the others, not so much.

For instance, is it normal that Judah slept with his daughter-in-law, Tamar? No. Did it happen? Yes. Is it a prescription? NO! If anything, it’s a cautionary tale about injustice and how sin and injustice make other people become rule breakers to get their due, about bad parenting, about a lost man learning accountability after selling his brother. It describes. How about the parables of the good Samaritan and the talents? Jesus uses it as both a description and a prescription. Or is it the story of Jacob’s trickery? Was David’s adultery prescriptive or descriptive?

One of the things that makes me trust the bible on a personal level is the fact that I know people will rarely ever allow their flaws to be captured in the same breath as their strengths. Humans don’t have it in them to willingly show the weaknesses of their heroes while recounting their brave escapades. The bible we have is rife with the good, the bad and the ugly narrations of powerful men who’d naturally rather not be known for these things. Moses is writing about himself, and apart from the shout-out he gave himself for being the meekest man, he openly displayed his weaknesses. A former murderer, nepo kid turned shepherd boy, a stammerer with anger issues. I don’t think it’s our nature to project ourselves in this manner. We always want to be perceived in an immaculate sense.

As I said to you in one of my letters, we humans have become queasy when it comes to evil and gore. I know there are horrible things documented in the text. Rape, murder, cheating, lying, but are they describing an occurrence or prescribing a behaviour? 2. Does God need you and I to make excuses for Him? For what is in His Word? Many times, we are on Twitter or TikTok doing the very thing that cost Uzzah his life — ‘helping God.’ I don't understand why God would send the Israelites to kill everyone in a town, but I KNOW He's a just God. So I can trust that though I don't know or have the full context, it was not an act of wickedness. He's good.

Human history and brokenness should not indict our Holy God. He doesn’t need us to ‘defend’ or explain away some things. Some are bigger than us. Yes, there are so many unforgettable things and details in the Bible, but I don't expect to comprehend everything divinely inspired with my finite mind. I may speak with such a level of surrender because I haven't lived a sheltered life. I know first-hand how ugly and brutal the human heart can get. I’ve lived in the shadows of those horrors growing up.

It’s hard to speak the gospel to people who do not believe in original sin or the holiness of God, but it is not impossible. We must also learn to hold truth without ‘harming’ the character of God. I understand how tough it is. Some of these things are so layered, like the problem of pain and war. There are delicate ways to handle them. I really love the wisdom of the third way God gave pastor Tim Keller in his ministry and teachings. But sometimes, there’s no third way, and that is also okay.

On translations, Inchristi, because this letter is getting too long, I’ll write you another. So I can tell you all about how I stopped reading my bible for a while because someone said the translations were corrupted and I couldn’t prove otherwise. I mean, what’s the point of reading a Holy Book when you can’t trust that the language you’re reading it in conveys the original writer’s intent?

I hope above all else that this letter points you in the right direction. There are so many resources that prove the validity of Scripture and support the 2 Timothy’s assertion that all Scripture is God breathed.

Isaiah 55:10-11 NIVUK
As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, [11] so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

This is God's Word. You can trust it. You can learn to read the bible in context and draw practical applications from it.

Please remember, Inchristi, “The basis for the doctrine of biblical inerrancy is located both in the nature of God and in the Bible’s teaching about itself. First, if God is perfect—all-knowing, all-wise, all-good—it follows that God speaks the truth. God does not tell lies; God is not ignorant. God’s Word is thus free from all error arising either from conscious deceit or unconscious ignorance. Such is the unanimous confession of the psalmist, the prophets, the Lord Jesus and the apostles. Second, the Bible presents itself as the Word of God written. Thus, in addition to its humanity (which is never denied), the Bible also enjoys the privileges and prerogatives of its status as God’s Word. God’s Word is thus wholly reliable, a trustworthy guide to reality, a light unto our path.”

I hope it helps your search. I hope it deepens your conviction. If you’d like to read more, here are a few quick reads you can engage with.

Let me pray for you. I pray that the knowledge of God's unchanging nature will help you see the uniformity in his person and character from creation to salvation. I pray your doubts are met with facts and that they fade away. I pray for bravery to ask questions and the courage to follow through for the answers, no matter how tough.

In Faith,

Inchristi ♥️

More Reading 📖

Is the Bible true? Wes Huff

The Authority and Inerrancy of Scripture — an Essay By Matthew Barrett

Who wrote the canonised Bible?

Suetonius and Jesus (what he wrote about the “impious superstition”

I’m not jealous oh. It’s just that sometimes, my heart feels some type of way when it looks like everyone around me just gets exactly what they asked God for, while I’m forced to wait or enrol in a never-ending character development class.

I'll begin in this way. Let the Scripture speak, give you a straight, short answer and then tell you a story. Please don't feel attacked. I really want you to have a deeply rooted confidence in truth.

The short answer to your question is no. God does not have favourites. I know sometimes it's hard to believe, especially when you see how ‘smooth’ some people's journeys seem. Or if, like me, you subscribed to some sweet-sounding teaching of being God's favourite child. Why am I so convinced? It doesn't tally with who God has shown us He is. Yahweh has revealed that He is just and fair; these characteristics do not mingle well with the ingredients of favouritism. Is he gracious, yes! God is just, and somehow, his justice doesn't subvert his grace. He showers us with unmerited favour, gives us things we can never deserve or earn, withholds the right judgement we deserve in mercy, but He doesn't do it on the metric of partial human preference or superficiality we see. Can God favour you? Absolutely yes, Inchristi, but it doesn't make you a favourite among His other children. Before you think I'm being too dramatic, here's the definition of the word.

Favouritism: the unfair practice of treating some people better than others. —Merriam Webster

One thing I've tried to do since I listened to a sermon series about Jacob's family is to draw the parallel lessons from the fallenness of human parenting & their family systems vs God's fatherhood & His family. Ever since Lamech got two wives, we never rest! There's no single story of polygamy in the bible that ends on a great note. Not one. If anything, from Abraham to Jacob, David to Solomon, their entire group chat is a cautionary tale of what not to do. Why am I going this route? Just as we see the malfunction of polygamy adding pain and strife to the families and people of God, we see favouritism playing the same drum beat on a mellow tempo.

Isaac loved Esau more; Rebecca loved Jacob more. What did that cause? Chaos. Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah. What did that cause? Pain and strife, competition and jealousy. They even started using their servants as tools and surrogates, degrading imago Dei to mere womb factories. It was transferred to Joseph, and we all know what that ended in. If not for God's divine script, Joseph, left to his father's excesses, might have become an insufferable, spoilt lad. And on and on it goes, my dearest. Let it not be that I am forcing things down your throat; read the stories, pick the lessons for yourself.

God doesn't have favourites, though He favours all His children and He does so justly. I'm careful to use ‘equally’ because our comprehension of this word is quite distorted. Perhaps the closest word that can paint it in our parlance is ‘equitably.’ Even this I am very skittish about.

To say He has favourites is to picture Him capable of injustices. Does He sovereignly elect people for specific things? Absolutely. He chose David, Jeremiah, Moses, Paul and Barnabas, all to the work He called them to. God calls us to different things, and those roles need different skill sets. Resist the urge to confuse those skill sets or estates with ‘favour.’ Peter tried to do that comparison thing, and Jesus rebuked him sharply. “…Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, ‘Follow me!’ …When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’”

I don’t want us to get into the long conversation about “Jacob I loved, Esau I've hated” and the doctrine of predestination. The general reaction to this doctrine has made the waters murky, and it is not something this letter can address. However, you must hold the truths you understand clearly in your hand. God is good, He is Just, and He is kind; we cannot attribute unfairness to Him, nor is He capable of injustices. That means, He cannot have favourites, otherwise it'll mean He treats others more preferentially than others because of how they behave or some hidden metric.

So why is it that He seems to answer me last or give everyone else exactly what's on their list except me?

Inchristi, let me confess this burden to you. One thing I've lived with over the years is that other saints around me easily assume that because I do not complain, or I do not say, ‘Oh my God, I'm trusting God for xyzy’ every 2 seconds, that means everything that comes my way is exactly what I asked God for. It's not true oh. I deal with great disappointments. Perhaps over time, the Lord has refined me to trust His Judgement. I learnt not to complain.

For instance, I desperately wanted to serve in Akwa Ibom, even though some friends and family had other plans; my desire didn’t change. Maybe because I can be quite quiet about the things I want, it’s easy for people to try to impose their desires on mine. I don't even think ‘quiet’ is the word. I just used to be more prayerful than talkative about my desires. I tried not to be loud(to humans) about my wants, but ensured that heaven heard it all. I use the past tense because I learnt the way of the wilderness folks along the way; I also started complaining. I am trusting God to teach me how to learn silent surrender once again.

Anyway, I really wanted to go to Uyo; while everyone else I love wanted me to go to different places —Lagos, Abuja, Jos, and Kaduna, among others. As you know, I was born and raised in northern Nigeria. Even though my parents did a good job of exposing us to travelling to other parts, it meant my wanderlustful heart was ready for adventure. I was hoping that I’d go to the south-southern part of the country or the Southeastern part, at the very least. I had big fantasies that I'd probably finally find my husband there, you know, and enjoy the state-of-the-art sports facility in the country, probably join the physiotherapy team and start shadowing, but that never happened fa. Instead, I got posted to Nasarawa State. Did I cry? No, because I had learnt over the years that when I say this is what I want, like Jesus, I try to close it with ‘not my will but yours be done.’ So when posting came, I was resigned because I told God he was in charge. I didn't ‘work’ it, and I was confident that wherever He ‘threw’ me was His will for me.

I realised that for everything I've desired in my life and not held this kind of mentality, I’ve suffered. Because it was almost as if I wanted to force the hand of God to do what I wanted. I don't need to tell you that it is a lost cause.

This has happened over and over again, in many areas with work, love, family, and I'm learning that the true source of that feeling, ‘like God loves some people more than you,’ is rooted in two untrue things. 1. That everyone else is getting exactly what they want from God all the time at their behest, and 2. that what I want is good and if God doesn't give it to me, it's because He is choosing one of His faves over me. And why does this second one hurt you more deeply? Because silently we're saying “I qualify for it and I deserve it’ but you're withholding a good thing from me.”

Don't gasp yet, my dear. Of course, we won't open our mouths and say that because it's blasphemous, but that's the posture our hearts have taken. Did you and I arrive at this by ourselves or by carefully reading scriptures? No. We learnt it from subtle and outright sermons, from songs and snippets of clips on the internet, sometimes, even from the testimonies of other saints. Things that were mostly shared in good faith, to stir up the faith of others to know they can trust God for impossible things, for good things, and He'll answer. Instead, they ended up subtly engineering a theology of a cosmic vending machine God. You prompt Him like GPT to get the best response. My heart breaks, Inchristi.

The illusion of the perfect life

Everyone is either going through a lot, coming from a lot or on their way to a lot. God in His wisdom apportions to each of us only what we can handle. To some, he allows prolonged unemployment, infertility, loss, delay in love, and child-rearing headaches. But Inchristi, Christians were not designed to look like what they're going through, and that's why e no dey show for face. Maturity in Christ is marked by the proverbial joy in suffering, thankfulness in all circumstances and hopeful expectation for God's deliverance.

The person who ‘got it all,’ whatever that might mean to you: marriage, ministry, career, impact, health, children, innovation, etc. That person may not be living a perfect life. Permit me this pessimism. Can people have a great life? Yes!✅ A perfect life? Not so much. Because I think perfection is not ours to hold on to in this broken world, and that’s okay. Just like Instagram reels and TikTok virals only highlight snippets, not the mundane. Not the redundant things, not the everyday motions, that's how you're experiencing everyone else's curated life from your outsider lens.

When you see Mary, you think “awwwww God chose her to birth the Messiah, what a hallowed life of dignity.” Mary was accused of breaking serious laws in her time. God's calling on her life cost her and Joseph their reputation and probably a lot of relationships. You see the boy David and think, “he went from grass to grace, what a sweet life.” Have you read the Psalms?

He deals with us differently. Even among the 12 disciples of Yeshua, he treated each one in a unique way. How He handled John was different from Peter. If that feeling of being treated unfairly is planted long enough in your heart, it'll stir up discontent. And when we are discontented, we grumble and we slander God's character.

The prodigal’s older brother mentality

Our tendency to feel entitled to God's cooperation and gifts shows that we are behaving like this older brother. God doesn't owe us anything Inchristi. Like, if all we get is the salvation of our souls and we have a rough life, it's enough. And if after reading this, a silent thought came, ‘except xyz because He promised and He’s done it for abc,’ then you still don't get it. You're held by a just King. He cannot abuse you or His power. But He won't be controlled either. If He's controlled by us, then He's not really King but a figurehead or puppet.

Most of the time, the things we see as signs and symbols of favour are fleeting things like material comfort, ease, wellbeing, stellar careers and sturdy relationships, etc. These are good things. And He does give them to His children. But are they the measure of His love? No.

I heard Tim Keller say in one sermon that we often forget that the parable of the prodigal son is about two sons, two brothers. The least discussed but very important character of the older brother holds more profound lessons for those of us already in the faith. Because just like him, we tend to think that unless our Abba slaughters a fattened calf for us, He doesn't love us as much as the returning wanderer. That is not true.

Many times, you and I sound like the older brother. And it doesn't mean our pain is illegitimate or unimportant. It simply means we have forgotten the essential truths. I love how kindly the father answers him. And I strongly believe that is how kindly Yahweh is speaking to you, Inchristi.

Please remind your heart about this unshakeable truth. When the job, healing, admission, relationship, baby or even friendships don't work the way you want. When it looks like everyone else is getting everything on their prayer list. Remember that He calls us to different paths and assignments. This difference in calling, gifting and assignments is not a scale of who He favours the most. If not, why did Paul suffer so much if it was by that? Our definition of ‘favourites’ is broken. Our explanation of the ‘favour’ is also broken. We think favouritism is a good thing, it isn't. That's why the epistles constantly warn us against it. We think favour is about things. It isn't.

God loves you. I know it sounds like a feeble response to your pain-filled questions, but it is a truth worth remembering. He cannot do evil. He cannot be unfair. And His favour is a divine treasure that cannot be measured by the size of a house or the job title you hold. Before passports or destination travels, speaking engagements and luxury weddings, God loved and favoured all His children. Sometimes, the favour looks like being promoted in Potiphar's house, other times, it looks like multiplying under slavery. The favour can look like more burden and responsibility rather than a flex and comfort. Mary was highly favoured, look what happened to the young woman. We venerate her now that we know how the story ended, but she was living in the harshness of the scorn and shame; her son of promise was often referred to as a child born out of sin. I can't imagine the anguish she must have felt.

So then, my dearest, remember that you have been called to a path. Lament your woes to the King, but do not let the seeds of discontentment be sown into your heart. 1 Timothy says it perfectly. “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.”

Remember that you are loved thoroughly by God and His favour can wear different garments, and to measure it by physical and fleeting things that would fade away is to cheapen it. Run your race. Cry to the God of your salvation. Pray your fears, worries, needs and dreams. Place it before Him and trust His goodness. There should never be a time saints don’t trust God for something. I’ll remind you of my first letter and then stop writing here.

May you find hope and healing in the knowledge that a just God loves you and rules your life. May it give you confidence to know that when waiting, you’re in good company. Like Moses waited 80 years to be the stuttering leader, and David about 15 years to be king, Joseph 13+ years to see the dream materialise. May you remember to pray your worries and learn contentment.

Until I hear from you again,

In Love, Faith and Hope,

Inchristi ♥️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

Smut, Steam and Sanctification

When my favourite teacher lies II

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter

I love reading! Because of how much I razed through the books around me, I never really cared for genres. Reading isn't bad. In fact, it’s an enviable skill and a precious hobby many people wish they had. I’m happy about it oh, but since I started this Christian walk, trying to be less lukewarm, I’ve been becoming more uncomfortable about some things. Everyone in my book club and on BookTok talks about smut like it's normal. Lately, I’ve found myself bingeing on the heavy romance stories, and I feel stuck in this loop. I love a good story, and it’s hard to read one without these scenes, so I tell myself, 'Ehn, I’ll manage it like that. It’s not like I even like dwelling on those pages anyway.’ But then I find my mind replaying some scenes from my favourite characters. Scenes I wouldn't want projected on any screen if you get my gist…

Inchristi, have I told you how much I love your honesty? Thank you for trusting me with this struggle and for being brave enough to ask for help. You know, one of the best things in life is when you find out that someone else has your struggles and that you’re not as completely and utterly alone as you thought. I’m always so pumped by the bravery of saints who confess their frailty and weaknesses. It’s a precious thing. Only one led by a humble spirit can do it, the humble ‘sheep’ spirit. I wrote here about how we’re sheep and we must use the only means of defense we were designed with —crying or bleating. It is the godly thing to cry for help; to cry to God and to other saints. Please don’t feel ashamed. Don’t feel intimidated by the way some people look holy and sanctified; everyone has a story. Never stop prayerfully seeking counsel. It’s Yahweh’s gift to us.

First of all, just like you, I’m a voracious reader, and because I have always been curious about how the world works, nothing was too dry for me to try and read. Yes, even my dreaded maths oh. My reading range in primary school was very controlled and healthy. Parents bought the books, and the school library was full of nice stories and Christian materials. The main drama started when I went to boarding school. My school had a rich library and before long, it became one of my favourite places.

I'd pored over the pages of the books in almost all the sections, read all the 8 editions of Guinness World Records on the shelf and could easily name records with quirks like the sword swallower. I'd read everything there about gardening and herbs. You already know how much I love food and believe in it as medicine. I even dabbled in some books on witchcraft and alchemy. I read history, architecture, war, economics, government, and politics. There was a lot to read, and Mrs Fwa was very brilliant in sourcing books. They were very insightful for my spongelike mind.

The only problem with the school library was that we couldn't take books out of the library to the hostel. I remember how slowly I read Chimamanda’s The Thing Around Your Neck, because like 4 other people were reading it with me. It was a race for free periods and break time. I was miserable on some days. I think that was where I started becoming a polygamous reader. Because I had to start reading other books while waiting for the ones I really wanted.

Something changed sha. I started getting a supply of really lovely short love stories (you know how much of a sucker for love stories I am), and the best part was that they were not from the library. It meant I was free to read it at any time, in any place. Kai! It smelled like freedom and answered prayers. Night preps that used to be torturous were suddenly beginning to be too short. In the ref, sometimes my nose will be in a book until food comes. You get the gist, ai.

I didn't immediately plunge into any games ‘Harlequin super romance’ books; I started from those dainty small-town stories. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, break up because one wants to leave town, and then they reunite… regular plots dai. Then it was some historical fiction with their prim and proper manners. Slowly, my love for mystery and folklore lured me into something deeper. With the other novels, when I got to those scenes, I'd literally skip because wetin consine me with their touchy touchy? I was there for dialogue, world-building and plots. But I remember the first time I lingered over the details, read every word on the page. It was a faerie story.

Again, take me to the Highlands and leave me with folklore. There was magic, there was history, and there were hunky Highlanders. I remember snapping the book shut when I reached the first very explicit page. I was feeling that ‘this ain't right’ in my heart, but I let my curiosity lead and I rationalised like mad. Inchristi, I was already walking with the King by this time, and now I know I was being rebellious to His Spirit's leading. I know too late, with a mind too broken and constantly in need of renewal. I learnt with my eyes what I could have used my ears for. As my father loves to say, experience is the best teacher, but (yours is) the worst way to learn. (Speaking of learning from the experiences of others vs personal experience)

By the time I was graduating from secondary school, I received an award during our awards and dinner night. The plaque read ‘Novel Freak.’ I trust that will give you an idea of just how much I consumed. I was a fast reader, and I didn't dig other forms of entertainment like watching movies in the common room with other people, nor was I fond of sports then. I was fine reading. In fact, let me give you one gist. One boy who liked me bought me birthday gifts. I was so pissed because I had friend-zoned him, and that his declaration of love just spoilt my platonic friendship. But I couldn't even stay mad when I saw the book he put in the box. Yes, I'm a foolish girl sometimes. Judge me freely. I gave away everything he got me; the jewellery, chocolate and stuff, but I kept the novel. I felt ‘seen.’ And yes, you guessed right, it had some small serenren inside too, but since it was more about medicine and humanitarian intervention, I excused it.

As I said in this letter, at that time, my body was not in any way responding to the imagery my mind was creating. Partly from trauma, but mostly God's mercy. I read those scenes with clinical attention. Oh, that's where that goes. Or that's how that happens?… fitting it to all my learnings from biology class and putting it in my little book of worldly wonder called ‘How the world works.’ I had no clue. No clue that I was sowing soft seeds of landmines in the war to come.

I'm so thankful for my mother. She was very kind to feed my love for literature. She, my sister, and brother introduced me to some of my favourite Christian fiction authors. I met Ted Dekker, Frank Peretti, and Francine Rivers, and for many years, I was immersed in consuming their wholesome stories. Feeding both my ‘I love Love bank ‘ and ‘I love action bank.’ I had a lot to look forward to at the Oasis bookshop. My faith and relationships were literally being transformed by those stories. And for almost 5 years, I'd go to the Christian bookstores to get more books monthly, unfailingly.

But somewhere in between, there was ASUU strike, and to be honest, I had left my books in Jos. I was bored and didn't want to watch TV (you'll find that I have a love-hate relationship with the telly.) I sha found some ‘free read online’ sites for novels. That's why I started reimmersing myself inside hot water oh. But like the proverbial toad, I didn't start with boiling hot water. They were just regular stories with crazy plot twists, science fiction, fantasy, some magic, and then the auto recommendations started coming - ‘here’s what other readers love.’ ‘People who read this also liked…’ And so I found myself drifting slowly from ladybird stories all the way to alien romance (I really love paranormal stories), all the way down into the pits of erotica. How did it happen? Alexa, play Slow Fade by Casting Crowns.

What kind of stuff is safe for Christians to read?

What kind of stories with smut are safe? At first, I hesitated to answer this question because my response might shock you. But then the Holy Spirit reminded me that you're not an unbeliever, neither are you a hedonist or a hardened ‘cultural Christian.’ You're like me, a once-hot saint who got lukewarm along the way, genuinely seeking truth no matter how uncomfortable, so I'll share what I know.

When I realised that a love for reading stories that had explicit scenes in them wasn’t a thing I ever heard in a sermon or those strong calls for repentance, I felt like an alien for my hesitance. To be frank, I used to feel like I was being let in on too many details when I was reading some books, but I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Everyone else I talked about books with didn't seem to mind. I've been called a prude more times than I can count, and because I didn't feel like adding to the list of reasons why, I was silent.

In most of the camps and conferences I attended, altar calls for pornography were usually filled with people who had watched videos or had pictures on their phones. In fact, I didn’t even know what pornography was until I attended a teen camp, and almost every night, there was a call for people struggling with pornography and masturbation. I’m a word nerd, so I was curious. The definition I got tilted towards multimedia graphic representations of sexual encounters. For some reason, I’d say an enemy’s sleight of hand or a veil of ignorance, I never considered literature in this category. But really, why should I? What does the word really mean, though?

What’s pornography?

‘But Ballie, everyone knows what this word means. Tbh, don’t waste writing space defining something we already know.’ I'll still go ahead just for nerdiness’ sake. New and improved, Old and proven definition.

Etymology

Greek: pornographos, adjective, writing about prostitutes, from pornē prostitute + graphein to write…

Well, who'd have thought that it began with writing? After all, words are just harmless little inscriptions, and it's our minds that do the world-building building, right? I read somewhere that reading is sorcery because how do we spend hours hallucinating to letters and symbols imprinted on pieces of dead wood? A bit over the top for some people, but I absolutely love that description. Why does it matter?

Because our Charter is constantly speaking about sexual immorality, sexual purity, and the like, I’d like to start from there. I know those words sound very old-school, fire-&-brimstone and stiff-necked, legalistic even, but hear me out.

Before we go far, Inchristi, I believe the definition of sexual immorality is very fractured in our society. If you grew up in church, you’ve probably heard it so many times you've come to think of it as synonymous with sex. Interestingly, it isn't. It's synonymous with all perversions of sex.

God is not against sex; He made it. Remember what I said here about entertainment? He made all pleasures, including sexual pleasures. But like all great inventions, there’s a manual for usage or a manufacturer’s guide, if you will. If you take your iPhone and try to use a USB Type B cord on it, it won't charge your phone. It’ll either destroy your charging port, the charger, or both. Imagine if you now get mad at Apple, saying they don’t want you to charge phones. Crazy, right?

Or imagine if you decided that, since you now own a washing machine, no one can tell you what to do with it. So instead of washing clothes, you decide that you'll use it to wash plates. Or instead of powering it with electricity, you'll use water. Shey, you know both you and the washing machine are in danger? You get this gist, abi? The Guy who made this thing said there’s a right way to use and enjoy it. Anything outside that is a misuse, a perversion. That is what sexual immorality is.

So what's safe? I can tell you what I know isn't. Anything that makes your body so gbrishbgrish or your heart pound with lustful longings is a floating red flag. You already know this thing; I'm only reiterating it. One rule of thumb I use is, ‘if this were a movie, would I be proud to watch this scene with everyone in my family on a big screen? How about with the kids I teach? If it were a clip, would I be comfortable seeing it projected in a gathering of saints?’ I don’t ask myself these questions to inflict shame or self-loathing. It is because I believe what Hebrews says about being surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses and an innumerable host of angels. I constantly and permanently ‘have an unseen heavenly audience’ and God of all wonders is chief resident in my body. How am I behaving with that knowledge? What is that awareness leading me towards?

My Body, My Choice

Okay, now that we’ve cleared that, what of that scripture that says if we sin sexually, we sin against our own bodies? We might think in our tiny postmodern minds, ‘Well, that’s not so bad. I’m not hurting anyone.’ I have bad news for that train of thought; It's going to crash. It’s ‘hurting someone’ like mad. How do I know? The same chapter, a few verses later, has this to say:

“Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit…You are not your own.” These verses are not talking about us being ‘mobile shrines,’ ‘conduits of supernatural frequency’ or something mystical. I've heard some saints use this as a cop. “Oh, I carry God, so I'm like a Jinchūriki with never-ending chakra.” No sah! Inchristi, ba haka ba ne fa, it's not so oh. You're not Naruto or Killer Bee, you're a saint.

It's a conversation to show us how much this topic is not about us at all. What do I mean by that? This conversation is about ownership. Very much like the conversation on taxes with Jesus. What was Yeshua’s response again? “Whose image is on the coin?… Give to Caesar what is his, and to God what is God's.” It's a conversation of ownership and image bearing. You are not harmlessly sinning against your body but against the real Owner of the body. I'm not saying this to illicit guilt or fear in you. When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. When we're not even aware of why our sexuality was given, it's easy to fall for the tales of our generation. Does this make any sense?

‘Live your truth. My body, my choice. Biology says it’s normal.’ These are all carefully curated ideologies that seem harmless on the surface but deep down are screeching about rebellion and a quest for being independent of the Great Designer. I really want you to understand what you're dealing with. It's not just about stories with steam; it's a deeper and longer game.

We've established the fact that even the body ma, sakabu ne (it's not ours). What about the science of it? I don't know if you've heard them say research has shown that it's normal to do this or that. But none of those studies will show how deeply these patterns affect you. I haven't seen any study conducted specifically on literature, but I strongly believe that it has a similar effect on our brains as the audiovisual forms.

See, the effect of this thing is so bad that a lot of people are suffering from sexual and emotional unfulfillment in their marriages because they had expectations. Just like people who watch audiovisual porn objectify and begin to view image bearers as objects of their pleasure, people who read literary porn also suffer.

Because the way you've come to envision moments of intimacy has been shaped by book boyfriends and book girlfriends who say the perfect things, growl/giggle on the right pitch and are so perfectly emotionally and socially attuned/dysfunctional (whichever fits your bill). You'll be thoroughly disappointed when you meet human men and women who do not match up with their prowess. You've got a bank of what things should feel like. Oh, bless my heart, as a writer, I know how powerful words are in describing sight, smell, feel, taste and sounds. You have just not clocked it, Inchristi. Stories are amazing. There’s a reason why they’re the most powerful carriers of information. They're also the fastest way you can learn something without even giving your permission. Look at me learning about Korean culture because of K-pop demon hunters. Those few lines and pages may look harmless, but they’re breaking something. The Greatest Showman intro music

Lord of the Show — Are you sure God cares about what’s on my TBR list?

Yes, God cares about what is on your To-Be-Read list, like He cares about every single thing that pertains to your life. Okay. Now that I’ve broken your heart by confirming your fears that it’s not okay to read those books, how do we get out of this? Inchristi, there’s a reason why we call Him Lord and Saviour. It’s not one or the other; it is both, always. And if He’s Lord, it means He’s master, and that means He has a right to regulate and control every aspect of your life because He OWNS you. Again, we return to the subject of ownership. I know it’s restrictive in our freedom-minded world, images of masters and slaves are deeply offensive because of the violence that men have meted out against one another. Yes, I acknowledge that. But Yahweh is not a man, and He’s a Good Master. You can trust Him with both your pain and your pleasure.

I wrote to you in this letter that our fun matters to Yahweh. What goes into you is as important as what comes out of you.

But is it in the bible? No. The Kingdom Charter doesn't explicitly say you shall read no novel with smut or heat, or steam. However, we're commanded repeatedly to guard our hearts with all diligence. To be transformed by the renewing of our minds. To think on whatever is pure lovely…

‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’ Proverbs 4:23

‘Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.’ Romans 12:1-2

‘And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.’ Philippians 4:8

Let's take, for instance, Jesus’s standards on lust. “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” If you judge by that, does that mean you and the book boyfriend or girlfriend have gotten down to business or not? The epistles sound many warnings about sexual immorality. You can type that phrase in your bible app and see what pops up. Remember that by the definition we have, it means anything outside of God's design for our sexuality. “But what about songs of Solomon?” What about it, Inchristi? It's it a love story about a couple proving to us the divine design of intimacy? What better place to put that than in our Kingdom Charter? It's not a switch you'll turn on and off, but you know I'll always say this, pray for new desires, for a renewed mind.

The road to healing

I strongly believe that for a lot of our struggles, the way out is through. The road to healing starts with words. In this interview with Ruth, Kathy Keller said, “Everyone’s sexuality is broken”, and it has been ringing in my head in a loop. Since the fall, we've been like Humpty Dumpty and the Spirit of Light has been doing a work of reclaiming every part of our lives we'll willingly surrender and let Him work on. None of us is okay without Yeshua. Even those whose eyes have never read words or beheld scenes of sensuality. We all need the hands of heaven, teeming with grace and healing, to touch us.

• To find healing, my dearest, you must let go of shame. Shame that you are one of them “porn problematic folks,” that you were indulging in lustful illustrations of the mind, even though you are a good Christian. Lustful desires tend to lead people to masturbate or have even more distorted sexualities. I've counselled one too many with these challenges. If you’re not yet there, praise be. If you are, there’s still a way out. God wants to heal us of addictions and habits that separate us from enjoying the full life He designed. He also wants to deliver us from objectification and those fantasies that make it impossible for us to even relate normally with people.

• For me, practical ways have been to starve off the supply while prayerfully seeking to do what Romans 12:1-2 says about renewing the mind. I wish I could lie and say it’s been super easy and enjoyable. I didn’t have such an experience. I know there are people whose desires were miraculously changed. I think it’s good to trust God for such, but your job is to prayerfully seek His help. I had to be on a book ban for almost a year. Yes. I was stuck with reading Nonfiction, faith-based books, not even Christian novels, as my treatment plan. I almost died of boredom. But it also showed me that my affections were sick. Now my heart is in a place that even if I am never allowed to read outside the confines of my faith, I wouldn't be miserable. It was a tough battle, but He held my hand.

• Let go of unreal expectations. I know a few wonderful people who have been unable to fall and stay in love because their standards are fictionalised. And the worst thing is, they're not self-aware enough to identify that. Your dream spouse is not your favourite Colleen Hoover character or the hottest guy in RR Martin's Game of Thrones. You're in a broken world with broken people with broken sexualities. We have scars, traumas, fears and wounds that run deep. We don't preorder tailor-made love on Amazon Prime. We join God in the work of redemption by receiving His good gifts even if they don't ‘look’ like what we want, and learn selflessness by being willing to work in the lives of others. We've come to expect we'll automatically get emotionally mature, psychologically aware and sexually excellent partners. That's idolatry. You're going to fall in love with a human saint being sanctified, and they'll work on you as you work on them. That's how you build my dearest.

• Do the deep work. Like with every journey of purity, you need help. This book and its workbook helped me —Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge. When I needed accountability, I asked to do some of the challenges in the workbook with my friends. It was hard, but it worked. Don't die in silence. Don't do this alone. If you have to throw away books or leave some sites, do it. Your sanctification matters.

“But I heard that the Christian love stories are mid!” I understand your concern. Some complain that they’re either fast-paced, mind-bending and very Caucasian or relatable & mid for the African heart. And to be candid, I had no personal qualms with the non-African stories, because I've not gotten any African Christian to dive into mystery and thriller stories with bone-chilling accuracy like Dekker. And t’was okay for me. I'd read Jennifer Makumbi on African heritage and weep, then turn to Dekker for psychological distress and deep faith. My needs were being met on all fronts.

It wasn't until a few decades ago that African writers began to slap lots of smut in their writing to portray ‘black joy’. I genuinely think our stories are poignant, profound and don't need the excessive sensuality to add any layer to them. Can I be a bit vulnerable? I don't know if it affects my Pan-Africanism that I wasn't troubled by the absence of life-changing, heart-racing African Christian fiction for a long time. And as I writer who is Christian, I simply embraced it as an indictment on myself. If these stories are there and I'm a writer with these experiences, then I should do something. I want to see better stories told with deeply African roots and tangible Christian lessons, so help me God. And of course, I'm trying to conscript my other writer friends. Do tell your older brother about this, Inchristi. I trust he'll be happy to join us.

For now, I’ll only recommend that you widen your palate. There's a lot to read, whether you love only romance or you're a soul with varied interests like me. Tessa Afshar, Tosca Lee, Gayle Roper, Francine Rivers, Rachelle Dekker, Varina Denman, Susan Page Davis, and Karen Kingsbury. (I never particularly enjoyed Karen Kingsbury because I felt those stories weren’t for me, though I read them.) For those who bend my mind, I'll always start with the greatest of our time, Ted Dekker! Frank Peretti, Bill Bright and Roosevelt. There’s a lot of gold in the classics: C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Madeleine L’Engle, Charlotte Mary Yonge and even good old John Bunyan.

Whatever you decide to do, Inchristi, I want you to know you're not alone, and in this journey of sanctification, we'll constantly have to lay down our desires for a surgical fix from heaven. Don't be sad. You might not be able to grind with all the African books of the year list because some of them conflict with your faith. I think it's okay. We’re called to live in the world, not be of it. Let me pray for you

I pray your desires are reconstructed by the Holy Lord. I pray you're drawn into intimacy with the Spirit of Light and that the intimacy pioneers even your search for entertainment and enjoyment of art. May you be drawn to stories that edify you and glorify Him. May you also be inspired to tell stories about your walk and faith. Who knows, perhaps like John Bunyan, your ‘layman’ writing is what would change the world.

Until I hear from you again,

In Love, Faith and Hope,

Inchristi ♥️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

When my favourite teacher lies II

When my favourite teacher lies...

Pure Desire by Gary Ingrid was a good read.

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter

What’s Heresy?

Oya, now that we’ve not really defined false teachers or what they do but I’ve only given you reading assignments, let me attempt to ‘not’ answer your question again. I hope you’re not offended? I really want you to read those passages and write me your findings. Yes, back to the heretics. I hope to send this letter before your response to my last one comes back.

What or who is a heretic? Because of your question, I went down one of my favourite rabbit holes called etymology. Basically, it’s trying to find the origin or history of a word. Language is ever changing and fluid, but one thing is sure, words have meanings. The question is, do we give words their meanings by context or by origin? My answer is both.

Yes, ‘bet’ means something entirely different to a GenZ than to my Baby Boomer mum, but English didn’t start with GenZ. So to describe it, nuance comes into play. Historically, the word ‘bet’ has been used as a synonym for gambling, risking a sum of money, and in recent times, to say ‘I’m sure…’ (I bet you read this in your head). However, it’s now an urban term for saying ‘okay’ or ‘for sure,’ thanks to my generation.

What we believe about who God is, how He made man, what He made man to be, about Jesus, His death, Salvation, the purpose of the church, the place of communion, baptism (why we do it, who said we should) these are non negotiables. Because historically, the church came together, and had an agreement (an agreement that our Sovereign King allowed and has used to keep people from falling away for millennia)

Why am I saying all this? I sense your anger about these terms and how they seem like strong allegations for minor things. The issue is that these things are not minor. But before I get there, since heretics are people who go their own way, deviating from a set of doctrines or teachings, in our Christian walk, there are core doctrines that cannot be tampered with. Doctrines of God, man, the Trinity, creation, salvation, the church, eschatology, or the sacraments for example. If your eyes are turning you because of these words, I tried to simplify it two paragraphs ago.

So anyone who comes with a teaching or belief outside these things is considered a heretic. Does the term make you uneasy? Yes, I know it’s a strong word. But it’s also because heresy is a strong thing. Heresy is cancerous. It’s not benign or dormant. It’s like pouring oil a smooth, glossy, tiled floor. It's not noisy, doesn't look life-threatening. It doesn't look as dangerous as littering the floor with broken bottles or nails. But a floor with oil all over it, will definitely make you slip and fall. Who knows what you'll break when you fall?

Let me use this picture of a driver. What does a driver do? — A driver moves a vehicle from one destination to the other. But doesn't it also double as a term/Job Title for someone, a member of staff, usually from a ‘lower social economic’ class? Yes. So it has some undertones to it. It's an action and it's a job. But there’s a way someone can say it that’ll have a somewhat insulting undertone somewhere abi?

Take someone who is rich for example, if we see that a Tesla ran into lamppost somewhere in Maitama in Abuja, we'd probably say ‘Oh that's bad. who was the driver?’ Imagine if we're told it was Elon musk. We will not automatically assume that Elon Musk's job is driver or his job description is driver of the Tesla. However if a luxurious bus were to run into a bakery somewhere in Okene, Kogi State for instance, and the question goes ‘who was the driver?’ the assumption will come that whoever is the named is not was not just driving the car but has being a driver attached the identity. it's how human beings work define things.

So just as driving is the act of moving a vehicle from one place to the other, heresy moves from one belief (that is unified and uniform as a doctrine) to another, any other really. The person who drives is called a driver; the person who speaks or teaches heresy is called a heretic. That's the logic behind the title or term, Inchristi. I'm oversimplifying, of course, but I hope it helps your heart.

From here we can now go into the nuances of ‘is this person driving by function (e.g., Elon Musk) or by profession (e.g., luxurious bus driver)?’ We're often too sensitive to settle down and hear well. We project that everyone called ‘driver’ is a ‘luxurious bus driver.’ But then again, if a driver is first someone who moves a vehicle from point A to B, then a heretic is simply someone who moves doctrine or deviates from point A to B. As to whether it's their job description or their hobby, I'll leave you to decide. Remember that the apostle John tells us to test all spirits, and Yeshua said not everyone who calls Him Lord will enter the Kingdom.

Why is it important to label heresy and heretic teaching? Like I said in my last letter, na small yeast dey make puff puff rise. Heresy, like one cancerous cell, if left alone, will only multiply and take over the body. It’s not harmless. It might seem so, it is always morphs into something. Twisting God’s Word or misrepresenting Him is not a minor thing. We should never sweep it under the carpet to ‘keep the peace.’

Why must we bring the fight outside? Can’t we do it nicodemously?

My short answer: I don’t know. But I know that Paul, John, and Jude warn us strongly. Sometimes, the warning would make you flip the book to make sure it’s the Bible you’re still reading. Extreme things like ‘don’t talk to them, don’t eat with them, and don’t welcome them to your house’. That doesn’t sound very Christian and loving, does it? ‘If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take them into your house or welcome them. Anyone who welcomes them shares in their wicked work.’ 2 John 1:10-11

‘As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!’ Galatians 5:12 You read this and you’re like, ‘Extreme much, Paul?’

Jude is such a short book, in fact, the letter is what we'll peg for a deviation from the main gist. But it was so important that the Apostle emphasised this. ‘For certain individuals whose condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you... They are ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into a licence for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord. These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit. …save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear – hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.’ Jude 1:4,19,23

I don't like chaos and I believe in amicable dialogue. In fact, Yeshua gave us a conflict resolution template. If your brother sins against you, talk to them, if they no gree, invite two or three brothers. If they still display coconut head vibes, it's to leave them alone oh.

So I know you will ask the question, ‘why won't we DM these people instead of coming outside to clap hands and call them heretics or false teachers?’ I understand completely. I have asked it too. I've felt that pain. The truth is, I think everyone has a ‘reason’ for their selected manner of approach. But I'll tell you why I agree with it as a second line of engagement if the first fails.

What makes the first line of action fail? First, I think a lot of these teachers are inaccessible because of this hierarchical system we've set up in our church empires. Number 2 is that the concept that we're all One body is lost on them. This means that anyone who disagrees with them is automatically perceived as a hater or a jealous critic. It's a crazy world we're in, Inchristi.

Romans 12 tells us ‘Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good’. 1st Corinthians 13 says ‘Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.’ Remember what I said in this letter about us being members of one body? How would you react if you leg decided to step on hot coals but the hands, (your leg’s best friend) started trying to get the eyes, mouth and all other senses to shut-off? Who suffers for it? The body, right? My question to you is, is it more loving to let the whole body suffer a burn, than to raise and alarm and make all the parts know that the leg is about to endanger the whole body?

It's only a dysfunctional love that will make you stay silent when something that can kill you is in the vicinity. For instance, you see a child playing with a beautifully patterned python. Is it loving to leave them to it? After all, they think it's a beautiful toy and it makes them happy. How about letting them giggle away with it coiling around their neck since what they don't know cannot harm them?

A lot of times, our arguments against calling out heretic teachings are emotional and clouded by foolishness. I say this with all empathy and gentleness for I have also been there. On mars hill, we see how eloquently Paul defended and presented the gospel. Jude tells us to contend for the faith. Our faith has been assaulted by heretics and false teachers since it's inception. The Way of Yeshua has always had charlatans disguising as shepherds. But truth must be proclaimed otherwise the most prevalent lie will become a ‘fact.’ I hope you're able to read all the texts I gave you in the last letter.

One last reason why I recommend open rebuke when the person doesn't respond to the private one is that these people taught in public. As Proverbs says, Better is open rebuke than hidden love. If someone was loud when they were teaching nonsense. They should be loud when they're revoking it. That's the biblical way to restitute. Maintain the energy, if possible, do more. If a preacher was called to order privately about their heretic or false teaching, they shouldn't stay ‘private’ in their repentance. It should be public.

Because of cases like Paul calling Peter out in public, we know it's not an ‘out-of-place’ practice. What Peter was doing was bad and could have had a terrible ripple effect on the body of Christ. Paul still goes on to write about it to the Galatians. So yeah, it's been done in the bible. But as to when and how, I think it's case by case.

I strongly believe that a sign of true repentance is open rejection or forsaking of a thing. Let's say someone has been teaching that ‘water baptism is not a sacrament’ or ‘that your entry to heaven can be secured with a heavy seed,’ they should come outside (where they spoke the first time,) to revoke it.

Words are not things you can call back by wishful thinking. You can never recall words you've spoken. The best you can do is declare another to overwrite the first. In this popular story of Esther, even after the king discovered Haman's conspiracy and the man had been put to death, the Jews were still not safe.

The discovery of his plot was a private affair, but his influence, in the form of the decree, had gone public. None of the governors and satraps would have been able to do the right thing if Esther had not pushed for the King to write another decree. Same applies in our Christian walk.

This, I believe is the Christian way to do things, Inchristi. After all, James warned that not many of us should be teachers, because teachers will be judged strictly. It’s a weight of responsibility that comes with the role.

As for the manner of speech, Scripture has told us not to let unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, that our speech should be seasoned with salt, to have answers for our faith with grace. That means those throwing insults up and down, no matter how well-intended are not really obeying the Charter. They're just trying to score points and have a debate. I usually wish such people a ‘happy birthday’ and move on.

Are Heresy Hunters doing the Lord’s work?

Gaskiya, I’ll say a big no. I’ve checked everywhere and I have not seen one person in our Kingdom Charter whose main job description is hunting heresy. From the prophets of old, to Yeshua, our champion and His Apostles, we see one continous thread. They were doing the Lord’s work; faithfully teaching the truth, but they never allowed falsehood to have breathing room where they were. So to the uncle and aunties who are content creators and have ‘niched’ on hunting heresies, I don’t know who sent them to be doing that as their full time work, but I’d recommend they turn off the cam, kneel down and pray to the God of their salvation for direction. He’s kind enough to answer and steer them towards His good and perfect will. God doesn’t call anyone to a fulltime role of fault finding and looking for errors in the work of others. If you see it anywhere in you bible Inchristi, please let me know.

Lastly, I’ll ask you one very big question on this. Do you feel more pain in your chest when your favourite preacher is slandered, misrepresented or dragged than when it is Jesus? Have you felt rage boiling when someone lies against the Lord the way you felt it when you saw that tweet? Does your head spark when the Yahweh is lied against and His Word is twisted or is it only when your fave is qouted out of context that you rise to the defense? Your answer will reveal to you who your true god is.

Now to answer your question about you pastor’s recent teachings, I know he has consistently taught the truth in time past. But what you described to me doesn’t sound like the other things he’s taught. This teaching is strange and you know it in you heart, hence your discomfort. You must hold Yahweh’s Word alone in the highest regard. Test everything against the proof of Scripture. Read in context, ask questions, pursue truth. Do not be cowardly with the uncomfortable. Seek. My advice is that you prayerfully seek the Lord’s face concerning what to do when you have found the answers to your questions.

I’ll stop here. And pray for you. That you may be thirtsty for truth. Thirsty enough to give no room for deception. That you’ll treat the Word of our High King with regard and His Person with the reverence due to Him alone. I pray like the Apostle did, that the eyes of you understanding will be enlightened, so you might know the glorious hope to which you have been called. May you have boldness to do the right thing and obedience to contend for the Faith in your space. I pray for your freind, that her heart is healed from the trauma of being led by a wolf in sheep’s clothing. And that when Yahweh leads her to another flock, she’ll learn to trust again so she can enjoy the blessings of being part of a local assembly. I look forward to your next letter my dearest. Until then,

In Faith and Love,

Inchristi ♥️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

When my favourite teacher lies...

I do(lol)

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter

Inchristi, I’m so sorry your heart is breaking right now. I wish that was something, anything humanly possible, I could do to shield you. To shield you from this soul-piercing pain, confusion and betrayal. And I know there’s fear too. Fear that all you’ve ever believed is a lie. All these Twitter folks and vicious keyboard warriors throwing heavy words around have thrown rocks at your glass house. I’m sorry.

I just wanted to tell you how proud of you I am. For most people in our generation, when they hear someone they ‘stan’ being dragged, they just off shirt and enter the ring to defend their idolo. They don’t even use their brain cells to assess the information. They don’t pause to ask, “But wait first. Is it true? Is it possible?” Nope. It’s red-rage vision and the next thing is, they’re tearing the other person. Many times I find myself saying like that Ghanaian debater, “oh my opponent, you see , you are deceived.”

Like I told you a while ago, we have a disordered view of our Christian walk. We are One Body. Not one religion with many denominations and parishes. We are literally organs and parts of the same body. So please, tell me, does it make sense that the hand goes straight to remove the eyeball because it (the eyeball) showed the body that the leg (who’s the hand’s best friend) is strolling casually in the potopoto? And it’s not even any potopoto, it’s Lagos gutter oh. No nau! The eye is showing the whole body what the leg is doing so they can move the leg. Because if the leg stays in that filth and germs or diseases crawl in, the body gets sick, and all the parts suffer. I believe this ‘our camp vs their camp’ thing we do is demonic. I’m proud of you for rising above that.

I’ll do my best to answer your questions, but before then, I want you to please open your heart. The things I say might trigger you, but please, please bear with me and read to the end. This is a sensitive topic, and it can get dicey quite quickly. But let me trust the Holy Spirit to guide our conversation. Please write to me as many times if you still have lingering questions.

What’s true, what’s not?

Before we claim to know or define falsehood, we have to acknowledge that it only exists because truth exists. Jesus said to his disciples, 'You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’ This means that first, unlike all the things we grew up hearing in postmodern culture Christianity. Unlike the Disney and Nickelodeon shows and Friends and all those sitcoms, there is an absolute truth. I’m going to crush your philosophy of tolerance for a bit. The farce that truth is relative is something our generation was sold under the disguise of tolerance. I wrote about it here; you can read it later.

The English nerd in me wants us to consider definite articles and whatnot, but I’ll spare you the torture. Let me just give you a direct example. When someone is gisting you about something and out of the blue they say ‘a president’, your mind might think of a president over an association, a nation, a club, etc. But when they’re talking about the economy or the Senate House and they say 'the president', you know they’re referring to a specific president. That’s exactly what Jesus was doing in the text I mentioned. The Gospel of John mentions ‘truth’ probably more than any of the other accounts. So there was a context to His comment. It was clear and declarative: The Truth exists, and He’s a person. How do I know?

Why does it matter? Because there are many lies, but as the Hausa saying goes, ‘gaskiya ɗaya ne' — there’s only one truth. If Jesus is truth personified and all through His teachings He said, ‘I tell you the truth’, shey, that means we can trust Him, ba? Exactly. Now, if we can trust Him, we can trust that He didn’t hand over His ministry to rubbish people. So we can also trust those He taught (His disciples and the apostles). This also means we can trust what they’ve said about false teachers, yeah? Like, trust that it is objective trust, oh, not like INEC election results. We can hold it and take it to the bank, ko ba haka ba? Abi bẹ́ẹ̀kọ́? Jesus and His students taught the truth, so anything outside of that can be a lie. Do you agree? If that is the case, my dearest, then you must hold your heart in your hand and press into it the balm of bravery. Because truth can be uncomfortable. It can go against everything you have believed.

What’s a false teacher?

Omo. If you’ve had any reason to listen to Jackie Hill Perry in the last year and half, you should have heard this term over and over again. She didn’t come up with it. Neither did Twitter nor Threads tailors. 🧵 There are so many texts referring to, describing or related to the term ‘false teacher’ in the new testament in our Charter. But false teachers didn't drop from the sky to start work when Yeshua began His ministry.

Rather, it was like a continuation of the same thought process of ‘false prophets’ in the law and prophets (OT). So there are about 662 texts that refer to ‘false teachers’ or their work in the New Testament, while false prophets are the stars of the Old testament. Same haircut, same barbing saloon, different generation. It's all skin cut they're doing sha.

Me, I cannot define what or who a false teacher is in this letter oh. Because it’s going to fill up a book or two, and we may not exhaust the different categories, causes, types, origins etc. But I can show you what I've found, as usual. Inchristi, you know my way. Our faith is not for the intellectually lazy, so I’ll give you a lot to read.

The first group we’re introduced to in Matthew's account are actually teachers oh. Like they're the Pharisees and Teachers of the law. That’s their 9-5 job —teaching God’s Word. One interesting thing about this group chat is that they never agreed on things like angels, heaven or resurrection. In fact, one category was about outward purity and making heaven, the other was about amassing influence and political power here on earth. Sounds familiar? But as different as these super-holy vs kingdom-takeover groups were, they were united in their evil practices as far as our Champion was concerned. Jesus had more beef with them and with anyone else. Why? because though they had God's law, they were twisting it to suit their own agenda. One rent free definition from Mrs Chinyere Adeyemo’s CRS class is ‘sin is twisting God's Word to suit our purpose.’

There are many texts on this (Luke, Mark) but one of the biggest showdowns happened in the seven woes in Matthew 23. Omo, as I dey read, my jaw dey drop because what?! The gist was hot! He called them blind, then blind fools, then hypocrites, then ‘a brood of vipers’ and to cap it all off, Jesus said they won’t escape hell.😭 Do you know how bad one has to be for Jesus to be preaching to them and telling them they’re going to hell and they don’t repent? ‘…“Woe to you, blind guides, … You blind fools! … “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! …You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell?… Like, ‘Jesus strong and kind’ preached to them oh. You should watch this scene from The Chosen S5, maybe it’ll help you visualise that Christian Twitter streets are learning work when it comes to dragging.

I just read a book by Kathy Keller and she was describing the cultural context of teaching in Jesus’s time. How by their synangoue tradition, the rabbis were travelling teachers and it was the Pharisees and teachers of the law who were supposed to audit the sermons preached. Yet Jesus did not even care. E no concern him at all. Now imagine in our context, if He was speaking to the most popular and famous Nigerian pastors today. Imagine if all He had to say to them were the seven woes. Of course there would be outrage, just like there was outrage then. But my question is, would you also be mad at Jesus if He talked to your favourite preacher like that? Infront of their entire congregation? Would you grumble and say He should have called them privately and not embarrassed them? Or would you have said He was jealous of their ministry success? Not that I am equating anyone who has called out false teachers to the Christ, for that is blasphemy and Inchristi, I’d rather die. But if using His metric, another calls another to book, and your first response is defense, please check your heart. You are a truth seeker.

So one thing false teachers are not is that they’re not ‘unbelievers’ I use this term loosely hoping you’ll get what I mean. They’re not external to the Christian faith per se (eg. Muslims or traditional worshippers.) Stop expecting them to be men who will have their pulpits decorated with shrine vibes. They’re in the faith, they’re just practicing/preaching it wrongly. Jesus warned his disciples to beware of the yeast of the pharisees. Inchristi, did you know that yeast is a fungus? Who likes fungal infections?

I found it weird in biology class when I discovereed that we were eating something that did not have the life chlorophyll gives, but I digress. Na small yeast dey make puff-puff rise. If you don’t want your pancake to turn to puff-puff, don’t let any yeast enter your batter. Yeast is small but mighty! E dey active. You don’t need to much for it to work through your batter.

By the description of Jesus, false teachers are what Paul describes to Timothy as having a form of godliness but denying its power. On the outside, they were pious religious leaders ✅ but they were handling God’s word wrongly ❌ and He no dey use his Word play. Falsehood no dey show for face. It is by their fruits we shall know them.

Another thing is that, its not by miracles and powers. I didn’t say it, Jesus did. ‘Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.’ and ‘For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you beforehand.’ If you have an attraction to spectacular performances, you have to be extra careful. It’s not by the size of their ministry or how many miracels you see. False teachers can do these things too.

How to spot them in a few secs?

His disciples and apostles described them as many things. PLEASE don’t take my word for it. Read. Read 2 Timothy False teachers can disguise but one thing is sure, they have the same format. There are things they like to do and say, you’ll easily identify them with these. Some places in Scripture that serve as a good Bible Teacher ID scanner are; II Peter 2 and Colosians 3. Please read it all. I don’t want to tell you all of it here in this letter because laziness is actually not a virtue to nurture. Truth needs seeking. Seeking has action attached to it. See for yourself what the Word says.

When ‘good’ men do bad things.

My beloved, listen to me. I’ll reecho the words of Christ to the man who wanted to ask him for advice. “No one is good except God.” I know that this will rock your Nigerian doctrinal backgrounds of ‘honour’ but sit tight. Godly men are real, and they’re growing in number. However, the title of good we bestow on men is the first mistake we make. They’re not good. Because that good you’re defining in your heart is the good that belongs to God alone, the one where He is blameless and incapable of evil. No man is like that. They may be godly and growing in sanctification, but not good in that sense.

I’m not insulting your pastor. I’m just saying, knowing that he’s also a mortal man, prone to wander and fall away, makes you empathise with him. It guides how you pray for him. It fuels how you honour those godly virtues in him. Because it’s coming from an understanding that he’s not immune to temptations oh. He has chosen to live a life pleasing to God. That also makes it easier to deal when you hear he has fallen. It won’t be feeling almost ‘blasphemous.’ I know. Sometimes you want to slap the face of that twitter handle owner because they don’t know this man and the sacrfices he has made. They don’t know how kind he is. But the thing is, you have given a man a ‘celestial robe’ of perfection, so when he falls, cognitive dissonance wants to wound you.

Now if such a man does something that is not good. Say he has a financial scandal or even a sexual scandal like your friend’s case, does that mean we should excuse him? Cover it up and say ‘eyya he’s just a man. Everyone stumbles’? Absolutely not. James tells us that not all should want to be teachers. Anyone who takes that role, should know that it comes with a demand. Unfortunately, I didn’t make the rules. Yahweh did. And it is because He has equipped us to live above these things in His grace.

But here’s what I’ll say. If a godly man does a bad thing, his godly response like with all saints, is repentance. To step away from the pulpit while accountably undergoing a realignment. He doesn’t cover up. Or silence those who call him out. He doesn’t say he’s above these things. A godly man of God is first a godly man. He should behave as any good saint should.

Does he confess to his church or other senior ministers? The way churches practice their bylaws aka ecclesiology differs. But my upbringing and opinion lean towards this: he owes his family and church an explanation (read that as confession) for things of that magnitude.

For your friend, I’m sorry she trusted a minister (as we ought, sheep must be able to trust their shepherd) who didn’t live up to it. I pray she takes her pain to Yahweh and learns that He uses men for us but we should hold only Him in Highest esteem. Does that mean we won’t feel disappointed when people we respect fall? No. But a human view of them makes it seem less like a plane crash and more like the stumble it is. If he did those things and hasn’t repented like she said, I advice that she should leave that place. As for your pastor, may I write to you in another letter, Inchristi? This one is getting quite lengthy and I’d like to treat it delicately.

Its painful when you find out someone you love and respect is doing the wrong thing. But the only way to know its wrong is to first know what is right. Then know that Jesus alone is the perfect man. And all of us, from church founder to kids in sunday school are in a continous sanctification journey of becoming like Him. Give grace when godly men stumble and repent. Don’t cover evil up, ‘Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.’ We have only one idolo that we stan —Jesus. Anything outside that is idolatry.

I pray for you, that you’ll learn to humanise your leaders and serve them as comrades in brokenness, while honouring them. I pray you learn what truth is, so that every kind of falsehood is clear to you. I pray your friend is healed. Healed to know Jesus is a Good Shepherd and He’ll give her a trustworthy one if she’ll trust Him. I’ll send the second one soon. Until then,

In Hope and Love,

Inchristi ♥️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

Less Love, More Ego

I do(lol)

Some recommendations that might help you:

🎧 to help you let go: Spirit Lead me by Influence Music & Michael Ketterer

🎙️ Sermons for deeper learning: How Do We Discern False Teachers? |Ask Pastor John by Desiring God

🎙️ “But As For You” (2 Timothy 4:1-8) | Jackie Hill Perry at Generations Conference 2024

(My dear Ghanaians potopoto means gutter in Nigeria, not the yam pottage.) T for tenx.

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter.

Here’s my disclaimer. I only used this title because of a deep reflection that was going on in my heart. Hours later, I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd heard something like this. Turns out, I inverted the title of a popular music album. Though I’ve never listened to the project in my life, I must say it's title has a nice ring to it. This is definitely not a recommendation or a nod to that work, but I hope you'll get why I believe we have less love and more ego by the end of this.

Your letter warmed my heart. I'm glad reading has been helpful for you. Books are like a warm bath to the soul in a world full of dirt and grime. Calming, cleansing and healing. I’ll try and finish what I started saying in that cold/frozen love letter on dying love, then see if I can respond to the last few questions you said your cousin was asking. To talk about when we experience reduced intensity of love in our hearts, we have to go to that letter the apostle wrote to his son Timothy.

1] But mark this: there will be terrible times in the last days. [2] People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, [3] without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, [4] treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God – [5] having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 2 Timothy 3:1-5 NIVUK

Have you noticed the reference to pride, boastfulness and conceitedness? Did it make you wonder why? We can't love the Lord if we're proud. Because love (and its evidence, called obedience) comes with a price of self-neglect and abandonment. ‘But I’m humble’, you might think silently in your heart. Me, I repented of thinking such about myself and have resorted to pleading for grace. I’m aware it could be me, like, mad. Recently I was confessing to my dear friend about how pride led me to disobedience.

Inchristi, I'm a woman from Lim Duguri. We wear pride like we wear our skin; we bear it like we bear our names, confidently. I come from a lineage of very proud and self-aware people. It's ingrained in us to learn to handle business and not let others disrespect us. Or as Nigerians say, 'Make nobody see us finish.’ Does being a Jhar woman exempt me from the biblical command not to be boastful and proud? Absolutely not. But I struggle. Struggle to do the calms when anything that will make people raina me (see me finish) comes up. I struggle because I desperately don't want anyone perceiving me as weak or lacking in some way. Especially people I need to keep at a respectful distance.

The King wanted me to be in a certain state, one that would not be easy to explain to people. And like He has with most of His followers, He asked me to play second fiddle, risk being misunderstood and judged wrongly. Heuh! E pain me! I rebelled and went to do things my own way; it backfired, oh. Like a little child, I ran back to Him, crying, tail tucked between my legs. He showed me how my love was absent. In the presence of that pride and needing to prove myself, my love disappeared. If obedience is the SI unit of measuring love, I was lacking in it.

But when I cried my eyes out for mercy, He showed me I was in good company. Barely anyone believed Mary when she said she never slept with a man. Her entire reputation and Joseph’s were tarnished with that pregnancy out of wedlock. All for doing His will. For choosing to obey Him. Or was it Paul, whom most of his learned colleagues would have thought went mad? Surely they suspected that he hit his head when he fell off that horse entering Damascus. Because how do you go from being a national treasure to an international nuisance? Yes, pride and love cannot coexist in our Kingdom.

Pride affects your love both horizontally and vertically, Inchristi. The vertical connects you and your Maker. It's obvious when we let our hearts get to the place of pride, we will begin to feel self-sufficient, like we don't need God. Yahweh is not just a Creator; He's the Sustainer. If he were an absent-minded artist who made a still sculpture and kept it outside at the mercy of the elements, we might even be justified in behaving like we don't need him or finding ‘alternatives’. But our Charter says He sustains everything by the word of His power. It makes my heart burn ❤️‍🔥 whenever I think about it, my dearest.

Analogies are always weak, but they help with learning. So here’s my feeble attempt. Imagine if your life was part of a code for a mega website; you were not made once and left at the mercy of errors and bugs, with no intervention whatsoever. Your developer’s constantly fixing glitches in your software, and he does this for every single one of his features. From the tiniest to the largest, visible to the invisible. This is only a minute fraction and terribly simplified version compared to what Yahweh does.

If the world were a farmyard, a correct farmer would not be putting goats, chickens, sheep, cats, yams, dogs and rice in the same space. He won’t lock all of us up to sort ourselves; he won’t only visit to pick one or two out of the pen. Because left to themselves, the goats and sheep will eat all the plants, chickens and dogs will dig up the yams, the cats will eat the eggs and the dogs will maul the lambs and kids. No. He'll be ensuring that each creature, regardless of species, is well cared for and preserved, moment by moment. That's how a sensible, present and mindful owner behaves.

I want your heart to unlearn that lie. The lie that maybe if he won't give you the job, partner, healing, visa, mending or breakthrough you want, you can get to work. You'll ‘Bob-the-builder’ your way through it. We’ll never not need Him. No matter how advanced our world gets, or how well we try to inoculate against pain with the highest of enjoyments and comfort. Las las, we still need Him. So what about pain? What about when he doesn't do what we ask? Our pride, birthed out of pain, is one of the most difficult to break. Because we feel justified.

You've tried fa. You did everything they said moved God. Gave, served, fasted, trusted, prayed, moved on sef. But my beloved, Yahweh owes no man. The apostle Paul in his letter to the Romans said, ‘Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, “Why did you make me like this?” ’ Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use? ' It's a hard pill to swallow and even harder to keep down.

Because, as it was in the beginning, there's an unnatural wrestle for independence. But you sef check your life Inchristi. When you play the keyboard, does the song ask you, ‘why did you make me sound like zumuntan mata?’ Or when you cook Marghi special, does the fish ask you why you didn't use star Maggi instead of Royco to prepare the soup?

Deep down, you and I know that the one who is greater reserves the right. Our resistance is sponsored by the same lie Adamu and Hauwa’u believed in the garden. A hidden distrust that He’s withholding something good from us. ‘…for God knows that if…’ And once our hearts hold this as truth, we begin to resent the King. Slowly, our love trickles from the gushing of heavenly rains, to the spaced drip of a tap waterboard supplies in Jos on a random day.

And as I said in the other letter, “I find that when my love for the Lord begins to grow tepid or cold, it affects how I perceive his love, even though His love does not ever change in temperature. So yes, the King loves us with lava-like burning passion, but when our responsive love begins to cool off, it's easier for us accuse Him of an absent love.”

Our comfort is that our Sovereign is fair and kind. He's not abusive. You can trust Him. You should. He's not against you. Even when life is looking like prematurely harvested groundnut (very useless and watery,) or very hard to chew like poorly cooked ganda (ponmo), you can rest easy knowing he has your best interests at heart. This knowledge naturally leads you to adoration and love. And the SI unit of love is obedience. So you'll find it easier to obey Him.

When Pride wears Shame

There’s a desperation that drives a man on fire to run out seeking help. He’ll not be so concerned about his ‘nakedness’ when seeking life. My grandmother used to say this when one of her granddaughters sustained some burns on her chest. The girl was still in her early teens, her body just learning to change into the form of a woman. The burns were bad; it was quite warm in Bauchi (not the ideal weather for fast, open-wound healing, compared to the dry harmattan). Many people were visiting and greeting the patient in her house, as is common with our communal life.

What was startling, however, was that they kept asking to see the burn wounds. She was mortified. My grandmother, on the other hand, had such thin patience for her perpetual covering up. ‘The wound won't heal’, she’d snapped. ‘hala it’s because you’re feeling better, she’d add. Because sick people aren’t shy, sai dai ciwo bai same ki ba (except if you’ve not gotten really sick). After all, what are you covering from these women? They all have it.’ Her teenage granddaughter did not care whatsoever for fast healing as much as she did for protecting her body. Ever so often, my mind wanders there. Truly , if I'm aware that I'm sick, I won't be trying to compose. If I’m quiet, it’s because I don’t believe I’m in danger.

Shame is one of the devil’s twin koboko whips that keeps us under. He’ll tell you that if men know what you’ve done, your entire life will be over. It'll have a whimpering voice saying ‘I’m not worthy of God's forgiveness. I've messed too much.’ Inchristi, shame is a fruit of a deformed pride. A sick man has no care for what direction his clothes face. A woman in labour pays no heed to the manner of her writhing. Shame stops us from going (make that running) desperately to the one that can save us and change our lives. Shame would have me not speak of my wrestle with lust or period of hedonistic pursuit, about my time with alcohol because ‘what about those who look up to you? Those you’ve counselled?’

Shame wants me to protect a non-existent brand, and it’s because I’m proud. Proud to have walked with the Lord for almost 20 years with a proverbial ‘boring testimony’, so how will I explain this one? When did I really gain all these experiences in kayan duniya, while being a servant in the body of Christ? Shame was how I denied myself a baptism in the ever-ready drowning waters of love. Shame to face men, and shame to face my King. And I only kept going deeper into the squelching sins.

Inchristi, this did not begin with us. Right from the garden, we see how Adamu and his wife hid from the King. Have you ever asked why? You’ll find the answer in the next few lines. Shame is also us trying to escape accountability sometimes. I say to my family ‘you can’t shame the shameless’ whenever my birthday is around the corner. Why? Because some people, whose names won’t be mentioned love to parade embarrassing photos of a younger me. Why doesn’t it bother me? Because I don’t care if someone who thinks I’m a nepo baby sees pictures of my dust-layered white legs. It happened, its part of my story, I’m no longer there. Literally over two decades past that.

But why was it hard for me to share those photos of me club hopping? Or even to cringe really hard at the thought of them emerging on the internet? Because I knew better. And there are people who would actually call me and ask me ‘me ke faruwa ne? (what’s happening?)’ To escape that possibility, I'd rather not speak about it. I was ashamed to talk about it because ‘my brand,’ this image of godly Ballie will be tarnished. What would my parents think? (insert gasp of horror.) Or my students?

Bruh, I’m praying daily to lose every care in the world. That I lose that ‘self-consciousness’ that makes following Christ hard. If I actually peel the garment off shame, I find a disfigured form of pride and self-preservation trying to disguise. The saint and an undead self cannot coexist. A saint belongs to a body. The body of Christ. And in that body, we're parts of a whole. Never the main character, but key players in a grand plan. Once you begin to obsess over ‘self’, an shiga hanya kenan.

My wounds, scars, history, victory, disobediences and consequences, obedience and growth are all not necessarily mine to keep. The King will use it however He pleases. I must learn that shame is an indication that something is wrong. And there's a way to use it. Take it to the one who fixes things, instead of sewing fig leaves and running away. Look at the Scriptures. Do you think David wanted people about 3000+ years later to know that he slept with Bathsheba? How about Saul and his refusal to kill Achan? But aren't we learning from them? So also you to the body of Christ.

Inchristi, when pride holds you horizontally, be careful. I heard Rev G say in a sermon earlier this year that its impossible to claim to love God and yet disregard one another. Don’t claim you love God and be proud about hating his creation. That your love has kwashiorkor. I didn't say it on my own; Apostle John did. 'If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. ' 1 John 4:20

If you’ll ask yourself the hard questions, that offence you're holding against that guy who soiled your white with his stewed piece of meat and lousiness, is it still justified? Yes, loud and lousy people should read the book of James and learn to control themselves. Yet, haven't you noticed that though you started treating him with a disdain because of what he did, you've now associated him with ‘a class’ beneath your level? I'm sorry. I'm not trying to judge fa. I only speak because I have experienced it also.

If we're all image bearers, then none of us is exempt from dignity, or undeserving of the regard God gives his creatures. But we've been raised in a society that sees almajiri boys like a subhuman nuisance and people who do menial jobs as less. We won't admit it, but even the way we speak to them says it all. We bark at their grubby hands holding those plastic bowls when pushed into our faces.

Inchristi, you know my background. Where I'm from, people are killed because they believe in the King. In a reverse way, instead of loving our enemies as prescribed by the Charter, we began to build walls. Walls built by the blood of loved ones, the carcases of betrayals and divide ourselves into we vs. they camps. It's the most natural thing to do, to want to keep away from that which is different from you, which is ‘other’ and in most cases, which has hurt you. But it's a slow fade my dearest. When you find the victim becoming the perpetrator. Or you find yourself immunised against the pain of people who are not like you. Pride and a sense of superiority will always interrupt the smooth flow of love. Always.

How do I get back to loving the Lord?

By finding out what doused your love to begin with. The Christian walk is a sober walk. You can't be in vibes and insha'Allah. You have to be deliberate and careful, introspective and sensitive. There's no magic formula. It's a painful soul-searching surrender. True repentance when you identify what made you drift. It could be pain, or disappointment with God, it could be shame or fear of being rejected when you ask (because e dey look like everything you ask God for get rejection stamp.) It could be work, where you've gone to drown yourself to get validation, or a relationship/friendship that now gives you meaning. It could be your new hobby or even the decision to become a Bedside Baptist church member. You need to find it, repent of it, then retrace your steps back to your first love.

It won't be easy but it'll definitely be worth it. I pray you're reminded of the bliss of being with the Creator of the Universe. I pray you unlearn the lies your heart has believed about you, about the King and about His creatures. May you learn to live and love again.

In Faith and Hope,

Inchristi ♥️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

I do(lol)

Cold / Frozen Love

Some recommendations that might help you:

🎧 to recentre you: Control by Tenth Avenue North

🎙️ Sermons for deeper learning: The Culture of Pride | Timothy Keller Sermons Podcast by Gospel in Life

🎙️ Pride: The Case of Nebuchadnezzar |Timothy Keller Sermons Podcast by Gospel in Life

📖 A read: Tim Keller and the Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness

I watched K-POP Demon Hunters InChristi. It was a very interesting movie. The animation, the storytelling, the cultural nuances (you know I'm a sucker for culture)! It was so good. It wasn’t the characters or the bands (Huntrix/the Saja boys) that got me stuck. It was the lyrics of the song ‘Your Idol’ that I saw on an Instagram story that got me. It arrested me with a firm grip like a parent grabbing a troublesome toddler’s hands with their defiant fists full of something they have no business with. You might be wondering why I'm writing to you about a Sony animation made for Gen alpha kids. I'll get to it right away.

True confessions

Do you remember what I said about the power of confession in this letter I sent you a while ago? Like true confession oh, not the vague thing we do as Christians speaking Christianese. Well, Inchristi, I fell again. Head first into the very pit Yeshua pulled me out of in Nov 2023. I know! I'm like that video of the sheep running right back into the gutter/barbed wire fence after being set free. I used both the gutter and fence references, depending on which one you've seen on the internet. Same haircut, same barbing saloon.

Yes, I have a tendency to deeply love things and people. I won't openly admit that I love them as much as the King, but my actions prove otherwise. So my confession is that I got ensnared in another bout of idolatry. This time, it got really dangerous. But tbh, when isn't it?

I know I've confessed to you that I'm a recovering people pleaser, yeah? I've since become very confident in my oddity and weirdness, so my perpetual people-pleasing no longer springs from discomfort in who I am. I’ve found that I shapeshift and contort into different forms and styles in an effort to ‘keep the peace’ and make everyone happy. See, it's exhausting. So many times, I am suppressing my true tendencies because I am trying so hard to keep the expectations of my loved ones afloat.

Since I don’t know anyone better than I know myself, I’m marvelled by my tendency to take a potential God put in me to do something for Him and always redirect it elsewhere. It's like how the kleptomaniac leaders in Nigeria cannot just help but misappropriate funds. Why am I saying this? It's wild that God gave me the ability to subject myself to an unpleasant condition for love — whole and perfect love for him. For example, even though I love to tell stories and I can embellish them with small maggi and salt to make them more juicy, it’s love for God and a desire to please Him that restrains me. Over the years, it has made me contort into a person of fewer words. I don't know if I've explained this well, but sha sha, it's just a by-the-way observation. We are good at taking God’s resources and putting them somewhere. What happened to me?

Pain knocked

The afternoon I got the devastating news of my friend's death, I was doing my laundry in two big aluminium basins by the side of my parents’ house. You've been there before ai. I was somewhere in between the tap by the gate and the clothesline at the back. There was no light, so I couldn't seek technological deliverance from the washing machine. I had to brave the merciless Harmattan breeze and risk frozen fingers. Inchristi, I think chores can be very time-wasting, but they help me talk to the Lord a lot. The repetitive motion and automated action give my mind and heart a chance to ponder, meditate or create. Don't get me wrong, I loathe the waste of time the redundancy many domestic chores come with. But let's be honest: after we save all the precious time from washing dishes and clothes, we more often than not use it to scroll and click rather than do something meaningful, but I digress.

Anyway, I was still scrubbing hard at my blue jeans, repenting of my reckless wandering, and professing my love to God when the Holy Spirit asked me a question. “Do you truly mean it when you say nothing will get in the way of our love?” I replied all so assuredly, “Nothing, oh. I won't trade this renewed intimacy for anything.” “Not even grief?” came the gentle probe. I stuttered, because that was an odd question. Yes, grief had moved me away from God in the past. It was more because of anger and confusion than grief in 2022. But even then, I still tried to study and talk with Him on everything else except the wound. It was misplaced affections that had me going into habits that were killing my soul. That was what made me an enemy of the King.

In response to that question, I said, “Nope. Not even grief, Holy Spirit. I won't let it take me.” And frankly, it didn't. Even when that news was supposed to shatter my shalom and make me go mad came, I ran to the King for comfort. He did give me supernatural comfort. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t through my effort or determination. Just His grace. I am a big feeler. I love as deeply and intensely as I hurt. Losing my beloved baby that way wounded me, but it was Yahweh who held me. I wrote about it here, you can read it ICYMI. I lost my grandmother on the 8th of January and my aunt on the 6th of March. These gaping holes caused by grief did not push me away from the Lord. If anything, I'd learnt from Naydo's episode in January 2024 about the divine analgesic found in lament. I held on to the King tightly. So if pain didn't take me away from loving the King with all my heart and soul and might, what did?

Pleasure barged in

What took me was pleasure. I know. It's crazy. A misappropriated love for the people God gave me, and a misplaced priority did the trick.

Don't get me wrong when I say pleasure barged in, I don't mean that it crashed on me in one overpowering moment oh. No, it started slowly but surely. I'm a lover of joy and I like to experience things in their fullness. So when I found that inexplicable peace and comfort in my grief, I held on to it for dear life. When found joy in my relationships, I didn't want to let them go. I didn't think I would have another source outside of them. I know it's foolish and short-sighted because how did I get there to begin right?

I made small sacrifices. Yes, my pleasure started to chip away at my devotion to the King, one decision at a time. You know how every time we read stories of the Israelites in the Charter, we get frustrated at them for never hearing word? Well, I am them Inchristi. I didn’t pick up rocks to build an altar to Molech or slice my skin to begin temple prostitution, but I took my own substances and built my own altar. It was those tiny decisions that looked harmless on the surface but were a deviation from my spiritual disciplines. Staying up a little later to text, send stickers or memes, and watch reels to laugh out loud, which are all good things. But by staying up longer, I ended up sleeping late. That also meant I was always late or sleepy during my time to talk to the Lord. So I was exchanging momentary pleasures for the anchor of my soul: time with the King.

It was every deliberate choice to stay on a call giggling with my friend when the Lord had laid on my heart to call another sister or to pray for someone silently. Or when a wave of anguish or grief would flood me and I’d call my lover to lament instead of turning it to prayer. I was enjoying myself so much that God was put on the back burner. Naturally, He was no longer my utmost joy or my deepest consolation. I’d go to those chats for the funniest reels and forget to gaze on the Beauty that takes my breath away. I’d even take pains that I would normally go to the Lord with, to my beloved, seeking comfort. This was how I began to build my altars.

It didn't make any sense that I was that anchored in deep grief and still very hopeful. Oh! My heart was light and full of expectant hope in that time. No one, not even I, understood it until I started to drift far from my anchor and the crashing waves came for me. I began to let little foxes into the garden of my affection. They ate the fruit of my love and intimacy with the Lord and under their feet trailed in with seeds of weeds — weeds of fears and anxieties.

It's like I was prepared for pain but I didn't know what to do with pleasure. I didn't know what to do with being in love, with having that foretaste of a ‘slice of heaven’, or even things feeling zen and calm. I knew what to do in warfare and anguish but not in times of peace. I think I have mentioned to you before that our spiritual disciplines are not a cage but a safety net. They are our lifeline to sanity in a world spinning with everything but God. If you let go of them, you’ll definitely find yourself worshipping something else

Saying I do

When idols come for your affection, they first whisper promises of compatibility, comfort or pleasures. They make you say those words with a big grin on your face. “Say I do” they'll coax, and you'd playfully retort, “I do (lol)”. You do not know that laughter or giggle is your cue to cast down the new shelf you've carved for that thing, person or desire in your heart.

Inchristi, the idol doesn’t show you it’s true nature at first ai. It’s the same with food and that insatiable gluttony that made you call yourself a foodie or the uncurbed lust made me identify as polyamorous. It's the love for security and comfort disguising as hard work and determination that won't let your brother sleep well or spend time with family. Or the slavery to pleasing men that I've worn as a blanket of being good with people and knowing how to manage everybody. Can we do life without any of these things I mentioned at a base level ? No, we must eat, love, work, serve others. Yet, when they morph into their true form as gluttony, lust, greed or love of money and fear of man, it's usually far too late. We're far too gone, like the people at the concert in the animation. We're in zombie mode.

I haven't quoted from the charter even once in all my ramblings — that's bad. We must search for truth from the thing that guides us in the Kingdom. Because if I am talking idols, it should not be because its my new buzzword. When we learnt about the High King as children, we were first taught the list of ten things Moses received on the tablet.

What happened when the law came? You probably know where I'm going. He said “Hear Oh Israel, the Lord your God is one’' — He demands their attention, then proceeds to establish His exclusivity and the personal nature of His relationship.

Why did He start with who He is? Who gives you an instruction by stating the obvious? Imagine that I want to send my niece on an errand but instead of giving her the instructions, I start with “hey, I am your aunt, the one who changed all your diapers…” Why was keen on He describing His deliverance and Sovereignty? I wondered Inchristi, until my experience taught me. I think its because every time I turn to an idol, it stems from a small view of God that I am developing. It is because I no longer see him as an all-powerful, worthy-of-fear and worthy-of-awe Holy deliverer. I can't turn to see another being or thing as a possible replacement until I start practicing forgetfulness. Of who he is and what he has done for me. I must have started seeing my beloved as the one who can save me from the heartbreak of a failing friendship or my family as the balm to my grieving heart or that job as the source of stability and provision for me, not Yahweh. Idolatry doesn't start by following your ‘Saja boys’ on TikTok, it starts from where you see God now. Is He really that big? Is He really Good?

When the Lord yanked me out of my idolatry in November, I was burnt on all ends. What did I not try? If I didn't go deep into some evil practices, it wasn't for lack of ideas, it was the King restraining my evil tendencies. However, that wonderful weekend when I was confronted with my sins and my heart felt contrite, what broke me was a rendition of No One (Yahweh)—Elevation Worship & Chandler Moore. I recommend you find the lyrics and use them for your first listen. The song doesn't sound like a song of conviction because it's groovy and the beat be going uppity up. But trust our Champion to use the most unconventional thing for our chastisement. It pulled me by my hair that Sunday morning. While I was in church, surrounded by jubilant saints singing, I was ugly-crying my repentance and chiming my promise that there will be no other god before Him. As a child and even as a growing believer, I didn't really understand this part of the 10 commandments. Gaskiya it wasn’t until I sat with this series on Overcoming the world that I even began to glimpse this topic from this angle. Inchristi, idols LOVE to share! They don't mind if you'll have them as second, third or tenth ‘wife’ they just need to sneak into your pantheon of gods. (A pantheon simply means groupchat of people of the same category or gods, in this case, idols.)

Let’s break it down, you’ll see that they don’t need you 100%, only Yahweh asks for that. They’ll take even 0.00009% as long as it eats into your 100%. As soon as you have anyone beside Yahweh, they've corrupted your worship. Imagine Yahweh on a royal throne in your heart, regal and towering, all powerful and majestic. Very Holy, Good and Complete. Deserving of your whole attention, affection and devotion. And you give Him all that is due to Him daily. Then after a while, you run in to the throne room of your heart with a tiny stool and slinkingly keep it somewhere. Not somewhere obvious sef, maybe by the corner of the first step (of 300) to where His throne is. It's even an ugly wooden stool called masters degree, relationship or social media validation. You didn't replace the Lord, but you've relinquished His total authority by having a new sub-ruler or governor. Sometimes, I put things above Him, other times, they are beside Him competing for space, and sometimes I even make excuses and say they're beneath Him. What I must do is Yahweh ONLY ALWAYS. Period. No add-ons, no salad dressings in careers or relationships or food. Just Him.

When we read this, we think ‘Ai I didn't pull out some red wood and sandpaper or melt some tin mined in Jos so I'm not guilty of this’. I listened to this sermon by Reverend Guruza (aka Rev G) in March where he made a strong argument about how we were made for worship. And whether we like it or not, whether we admit it or not, we're worshipping at all times. If you don't have clay or wood or metal to mould into the image of things created, you might think, “I dodge the pit and who dig this pit go fall inside.” Inchristi, you're moulding in your heart. Moulding men, things, experiences as your one great good. You and I are worshipping on their altar with our tears when they are withheld from us, and our affection and attention to show our gratitude when we get what we want.

As I said in this letter Inchristi I learnt that Sorrow and Suffering are not the worst companions, sin is. This quote from The Valley of Vision prayer has been on my phone screen for some weeks.

Conversations around idols usually get responses like “Well, that's just old testament nah. We're new creation and all these Mosaic laws were rewritten on the cross” or even “I don't think idolatry is a thing tbh. Christians who talk about it are just being extreme. It's old time talk.”

I don’t get annoyed by such comments. I used to be confused too. But I’ve learnt that its good practice to start from what our Champion said. Have you ever read this?

He said the exact thing in Luke 16:13 “No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

You might want to do a personal deep dive and take a closer look at why Yeshua said this. But I love how the flow of thought in Matthew continues into anxiety. Quite often, our sources of anxieties are tiny red dots acting as indicators of possible idols. In the letters to the early church, (which were written after the resurrection, in case you were using resurrection power to argue), Apostles Paul and John repeatedly tell us to keep ourselves from idols.

Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry. 1 Corinthians 10:14 NIVUK

Little children, keep yourselves from idols. 1 John 5:21 ESV

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5 NIVUK

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; [20] idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions Galatians 5:19-20 NIVUK

Outside are the dogs, those who practise magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practises falsehood. Revelation 22:15 NIVUK

The warning keeps coming up and I think it'll be foolish for us to wave it off as old school talk don't you think? If anything, it's reoccurrence is a sign that this thing is too important to be treated lightly. I treated it lightly again and it cost me. Oh, Inchristi it cost me consecration, peace, clarity, focus, intimacy and even stability in my human relationships. It paid me with deadweight coals of guilt, anxiety, fear, panic and shame. Shame for returning to my vomit of idolatry even after being delivered from it not so long ago. I’m thankful I got to share this with you. I hope it helps you in some way. In my journey of restoration, I have been dealt many blows by my unforgiving memory but the Holy Spirit is a good teacher.

The Valley of Vision prayer has taught me that my former sins can manifest as accretions. Think of them as version 1.0 vs 3.5 or even like a different app taking the same thing from you. Like leaving Facebook for Instagram or Snapchat for WhatsApp. The thing will just rebrand and if I'm not vigilant, I won't notice. Nothing is worth trading Inchristi. I’m learning to hold all things loosely except the King.

My prayer for you and for me is that we receive strength for when we stumble, that we may be able to ask for help from the one who withholds nothing good from us. That we may grow in wisdom not willpower when it comes to temptation. Because temptation is not the problem in and of itself, the issue is when we fall. I pray our hearts continually beat for the One who loved us enough to die for us. The One truly worthy of all our affection, attention and devotion.

Until you hear from me again.

In faith and love,

Inchristi ♥️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

Cold / Frozen Love

On Prayer

Some recommendations that might help you

🎧 to recentre you: At the heart of it by Benjamin Hastings

🎙️ A sermon I recommend: Removing Idols of the Heart | Timothy Keller Sermons Podcast by Gospel in Life

🎙️ A podcast conversation I found interesting John Bevere — Connection

📖 A read: Counterfeit gods Tim Keller takes on our idols —TGC

Inchristi, I did not forget you. Neither did I leave you on ‘read’ deliberately. The only explanation I can give is to echo words from one of my favourite hymns “Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.” Yes, I was wandering very far from my Lord and I had to sit in stillness for His sealing. I needed that restorative touch that has kept me in the safety of His care. That is why I couldn't respond sooner even though I got your question. Interestingly, in my wandering, I was grappling with the same thing. How did my love wax cold? Barely a year ago, I was feeling like the Evangelist in John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress - very undeterred in my relentless desire to please our High King. But before long, I found myself in a peculiar place. A place where I was struggling to obey, and in this our Kingdom, obedience is the evidence of love, so technically, I was struggling to love.

Whooosh. How do I begin? To tell you about the kind of shege I’ve used my two eyes to see or to go the route of simply peeling the layers of your question? I’ll start with this, and I trust that the Holy Spirit will help me articulate it well.

I know you were referring the the Lord’s saying in Matt 24:12 when you refer to the last day saints. I mean, it was He Himself who said in the last days, the love of many will grow cold. Toh, for love to grow cold, it means that it started on a different temperature, yes? We can also confidently infer this from the letter to the churches in the book of Revelation. I mean, even these letters I write to you are for those of us who once began on fire but have found ourselves doused by the cares of life, hence the title.

What is the love temperature and why does it matter anyway?

Our love was designed by Yahweh to burn with passion, very fiery and consuming. There's no other way we were wired except to express an all-consuming fully-devoted, ferocious love. Unfortunately, since the fall, we have traded the ultimate Object of our love for lesser lights. We seek pleasure, delight, identity, acceptance, validation and all sorts from other created things, rather than the Creator of all things. Inchristi, how has the High King loved us? With possessive determination. A love that burns for eternity, not choosing Itself above the beloved. And if that’s the kind of love we have received, one strong enough to snatch us from the hands of hell’s flames, how should ours respond but to match the energy? If you bring a cold love to a hot one, won’t you kill it? Picture two kettles of tea; one piping hot and still on fire, the other, with ice cubes clicking against the stirring spoon. No matter how hot the first pot is, once you dilute it with something ice cold, it suddenly becomes lower in temperature. I find that when my love for the Lord begins to grow tepid or cold, it affects how I perceive his love, even though His love does not ever change in temperature. So yes, the King loves you with lava-like burning passion, but when your responsive love begins to cool off, it's easier for you accuse Him of an absent love.

Does that mean I'm supposed to feel His love as long as I'm loving Him? Absolutely not. Have you read the Psalms? In this journey, you'll encounter seasons of aloneness. In fact, David speaking prophetically said words that he had not really experienced. The only man who has experienced being forsaken is Christ, and even then, the Lord's love did not waver or flicker. There are times when you will not feel this love. That feeling of absence does not equate reality. It is a feeling and it'll be genuine but it cannot cancel the reoccurring promises of Yahweh to never leave you and to never forsake you. When I get in a season like that, I remind myself that my feelings are subservient to the truth. Very like Much-Afraid in Hannah Hunnard’s Hinds feet on High places, I only need to learn that Sorrow and Suffering are not the worst companions, sin is.

What about my cold love?

Interestingly, the apostle’s letter to the saint Timothy does not exactly explain what the ‘waxing cold’ Yeshua spoke about is, but it tells us explicitly that there will be modification/adulteration/corruption of the love itself. Let's see what it says:

[1] But mark this: there will be terrible times in the last days. [2] People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, [3] without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, [4] treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God – [5] having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. 2 Timothy 3:1-5 NIVUK

First their love will be unto themselves. This may not seem like such a bad thing to postmodern saints like you and I, because popular culture teaches us that self love is a must, abi? But verse two and four already paint this simple, innocent-looking thing as enmity with God.

‘Why? Haba mana! How?’ You might want to ask. I know you think I'm jumping into conclusions faster than that meme of a woman descending into an empty pool but please follow. My conclusion might mortify you, and you can call it a stretch that I interpret it as enmity, but how does being unholy fall under the same category as being a lover of self? We know that our Charter has said without holiness, no one will see the Lord, and those who are lovers of pleasure, aka hedonists, are not lovers of God. Inchristi, please tell me how would you truly love the Lord your God with all your mind, might, strength, heart and still love yourself? Is it really possible? You might want to say the two can coexist nau, after all “the second is like it, love your neighbour as yourself ” therefore, we must have self love. Very sensible conclusion. I agree. But it is not a contextual or correct use/application of Scripture.

You and I know that the definition of love the world has is broken. Love has come to equate pleasure, and anything that drives us away from this pleasure seems like an evil thing. It's almost like a perpetual state of ecstatic delirium. This definition of love does not fit into what our Kingdom Charter describes. We see that the Lord chastises those he loves, and we know there's nothing pleasant about chastisement. Or is it the model of love we have in our Champion, Yeshua, bleeding, alone, naked and broken on a cross as a symbol of love? Our Kingdom's definition of love does not coincide with the one our world and generation have. Our love in the Kingdom does not operate on self-preservation, instead, we're told to consider others better than ourselves, to will the good of one another (Gal 6:10, 1 Thes 5:15, Heb 13:16). Yes, I think we are using love your neighbour as you love yourself way out of context.

Of course in our brokenness the only reference humanity had for love was the love of self. You instinctively want the best for yourself, do good to yourself, desire the best, and it is in this framework that the Lord was instructing the children of Israel through Moses to love their neighbours. Even our love of self is skewed. That's why people who have certain disorders can continually put themselves in harm's way and think it the best. Before the cross Inchristi, the closest love humanity had was the innate and intrinsic love of self. Even from the law of Moses, God was prying the hearts of men open to redirect that selfish love towards other people. How much more now, when we have seen the prime and ultimate example? Do you still think you can love anyone better than the Lord? This is why the epistles have a different tone. In fact, the Lord Himself said:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35 NIV

The apostle Paul in his letters continually encourages us to love as Christ loved, in the household of faith, in marriage. And if anything, our Champion increasingly tells us to hate ourselves, to abandon/neglect ourselves in preference of others. The summary my beloved, is that the love of the bible is antithetical to the love of our generation.

Jira, jira, jira! Wai what does loving my neighbour as myself even mean?

A simple answer lies in the 13th chapter of the letter to the Romans.

“The commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ ‘You shall not murder,’ ‘You shall not steal,’ ‘You shall not covet,’ and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ Love does no harm to a neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfilment of the law.”

So what does it mean to be a lover of myself?

I listened to one sermon in February 2024 and I got an unbelievably graphic imagery of what being a lover of myself means. It made me see how disgusting it is to God when we fellowship with ourselves instead of Him. Inchristi, the Word tells us that all things were made for Him and for his pleasure.

Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. Revelation 4:11 KJV

When you reroute the pleasure your life ought to give God and give it to yourself, you have begun to love (idolise) yourself and your pleasure. Love, by design, puts us in a position where it is difficult to say no to the object of our affection. I noticed that I flag off idolatry by noticing a habit or activity that has become increasingly hard to say no to, especially because of the way it makes me feel —the rush and pleasure I derive from it. I'll describe it with the example I got from that sermon, albeit graphic. It is like the dysfunction of exchanging the excellency and beauty of God's design for sex in marriage and replacing it with the never-satisfying, objectifying, brain-damaging and deeply distorted act of masturbation. A lot us are in bed with ourselves spiritually and morally. We think we're better than those who visibly ‘prostitute’ themselves or chase other affections other than God. We're worse, Inchristi. Because we seem celibate externally and our devotion intact, however, from the nucleus of our being, our love is defective. And we cannot deceive God. He sees all.

Another love malformed is the absence of love. The apostle spoke about those who would be loveless in the last days. I won't get into it until my next letter. I hoped to answer all your questions but they're so many, this letter cannot contain them. I know you are still pressed to know how you can get out of this place of cold love. I'll try to send the next letter as soon as humanly possible. I must please ask for your patience. I'll respond to you in two or three more letters until we get the cold love out of the way. I'll post this one to you now, otherwise, I might keep it incomplete and imperfect. Again, I am sorry it took so long. I hope these answers help your heart.

Inchristi, I pray for you. That your heart will not be hardened or get used to the absence of tenderness. I pray you are rekindled with fiery, godly love that consumes. May you be revived and your cold embers revitalised.

In faith and love,

Inchristi ❤️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

On Prayer

On Repentance, Saying & Being Sorry

Do you have questions about faith or life? Ask them anonymously here, and we’ll send you a reply or write you a letter.

You're so brave, Inchristi. Thank you for telling me how you feel. I don't think I'd have been brave enough to manage such raw honesty, especially knowing how I navigated my season of questions. It was pitiful. I only made it out because the King had mercy on me. I didn’t have your kind of courage to ask questions. I was sequestering in the dark. There was confusion, there was fear and also shame. Shame because I was leading (read as serving) some saints, how could I dare utter that I had lost the ability to pray? I didn’t know that there’s no brand worth preserving when it comes to the state of one’s soul.

Prayer is one hot topic we tend to swing from one extreme to the other on.

The voice of my CRS teacher in Junior Secondary School, Mrs Chinyere Adeyemo, lives rent-free in my head. I hear her reading from our textbook, making us recite the definitions of prayer and sin. I used to find it interesting that prayer didn’t have as many definitions as sin; it seemed so easy to define. Prayer is such a mystery, yet a miraculously simple discipline. Simple, not in ease of practice, but in what is needed. It is talking to God. The highlighted tiny words have more profound meanings.

I have one question for you, my dearest. In a sane conversation, a real, intimate moment with someone you love, do you talk and not listen? Isn’t it the way of love to speak and wait for a response? I mean, as a generation, we've mastered the art of talking into space without a responder. I even suspect it was on this model that Twitter was built. Say whatever thought fleets through your mind into the digital abyss; maybe you’ll find someone who thinks like you, maybe not. Even though now everyone is farming for the $, things are a bit different. We’ve sha schooled our brains to ‘say our truth’ and move on, but humanity has always done talking— communication with room to listen, room for feedback. Even oppressive leaders and dictators expected feedback from their wicked edicts and only worked hard at suppressing it. You cannot give information and not expect a response. No one does that. So how can the Just and Loving Yahweh, Slow to Anger and Rich in Love, create a system of communication that is one-way? If He so freely gave us a horizontal means to communicate, don’t you see that it only follows His nature that we commune with Him in like manner? Why do we talk at Yahweh? Our prayer tones lately are more decree orientated than they are intimate or conversational.

The wise words of this saint helped my heart, and I thought to share with you.

Inchristi,

I'm sorry. You must have been in the deep fog of poisonous apathy for some time. Being unable to pray is a slow, torturous 'death' for a saint. Like a fish forced to survive on land, gasping for its natural habitat. After doing all the religious gymnastics, you’ll find your strength sapped and your entire being weary. The words won't come. I know. I've been there. Where you're so hard-pressed, nothing escapes the crushing confusion but a groan. You’ve done all the things and implemented all the steps the sermons, books and podcasts said you should do. You’ve done the tarrying and travailing, but it seems to be vain. Now, I understand completely, oh. It’s not as if you have never experienced the ecstasy of divine communion. There was a prolonged season when you prayed, and you felt energised. Recharged. Refreshed. But this season kam, ana bala’i. I totally get it. Notice that I said you did everything the sermons, podcasts and resources mentioned. But if you search intently, you'll find that the last resource you consulted as a standalone authority is the Kingdom Charter. It is almost as if we've learnt to lean more on the add-ons, and the main thing Yahweh gave us is not enough. As I mentioned to you in my letter, lament is a holy thing. It is the way saints have prayed for aeons. If the source of your weakness is an unaddressed annoyance or disappointment in the King, please don't be shy or feel too sanctimonious to say so. We do feel disappointed by how the King operates in our lives. Ask the Saint David, I mean, you’ve read the Psalms, abi? You must start a conversation with Him on that, if there’s a wound in your heart. You can start with “God, I'm truly so very mad at you.” Or “…hurt that you didn't xyz.” or “…I feel disappointed that I trusted you'd do cyxy...” I promise, lament is good for your soul. And I sha know it is a waste of time to be doing hard guy for the Lord.

On the other hand, if it is not a wound per se, but a sense of deflatedness that has come upon you. Your prayer now seems lacklustre and dim, it has fewer goosebumps and spontaneous tears than in the beginning, the first thing I will say might annoy you and seem a bit rude. Inchristi, Prayer is not about you.

It is not about you, but it is for you. He doesn't NEED your prayer or praises to exist. You do. You NEED Him - desperately. He’s all sufficient and Self-sustaining. It is our feeble, frail minds that need daily refreshers of his magnificence and majesty. Prayer is a need for us, my beloved. It is like a fish needs water to survive. Like a chicken needs land to exist. Whenever we try to do without it, we kill ourselves slowly.

Inchristi, lest I do what I was complaining about, before any more recommendations of literature or quotes, let's look at what The Charter says about prayer.

[6] But when you pray, go into your [most] private room, and, closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open. [7] And when you pray, do not heap up phrases (multiply words, repeating the same ones over and over) as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard for their much speaking. [I Kings 18:25-29.] [8] Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. [9] Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name. Matthew 6:6-9 AMPC

Does your prayer resemble his prescription? Corporate prayer is great, but how are you doing when it's just you and the Lord? Have you been able to enjoy speaking with him with no Hillsong Worship or favourite song of the ‘soakings’ playing in the background? Let me show you something interesting. The recurrent mention of Jesus and prayer in the gospels was attached to how he went to be alone or went to a lonely place to pray. We glamourise the secret place, but it is like Eldorado in the lives of many saints. Their prayers are charged only in the corporate gatherings. We love the long hours and the stretches, the theatrics and thick atmosphere that comes with praying with other saints. It is a great gift, but it is not to replace the fundamental.

Does the King excite you, or does it feel like a chore to be with Him? Your personal time with Him is the pulse of your spiritual life. Do not exchange a command with experiential obedience. The Apostles repeatedly told the saints to pray in their letters. It is not until they felt a mode or a heavy presence. Pray. Speak to your maker.

Jesus prayed a lot. The gospels are littered with plenty of places where he prayed, but only a few of his prayers were captured lyrically. Two things are common in almost all of them except two the garden. He made constant references to One Person, Father, and Thanksgiving. It always starts with Yahweh. How did Christ, our champion, pray? I must confess that when life chokes me, I find that I am most unable to pray when I have to scavenge for reasons to be thankful. Thankfulness helps keep our hearts soft and dependent. I think we would be foolish to want to pray without acknowledging His fatherhood (which I tend to do sometimes, because I am also his servant and disciple.) There’s a reason why these two recur. I pray the King teaches our hearts to obey instructions even when we do not understand.

[41] So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. John 11:41 ESV

[11] Jesus then took the loaves, and when he had given thanks, he distributed them to those who were seated. So also the fish, as much as they wanted. John 6:11 ESV

[17] And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he said, “Take this, and divide it among yourselves. [19] And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” Luke 22:17, 19 ESV

Sometimes it was agonising pain. Some of the elements changed, but one thing was constant - The person, Father. I love the prayers in the garden because it is rife with so much emotion. His anguish is palpable. You’ll find the Father, you’ll find the son’s raw, honest pain being confessed, you’ll find His request for the cup to be taken away, but you’ll also find His ultimate surrender.

[39] Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’ [42] He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.’ Matthew 26:39, 42 NIVUK

[36] And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” [39] And again he went away and prayed, saying the same words. Mark 14:36, 39 ESV

[41] And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, [42] saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” Luke 22:41-42 ESV

My most recurring prayer-related rebuke is in his longest recorded prayer in history. The one Apostle John documented for us. In 26 verses, our Lord spent only 5 praying for himself (even this was towards glory to the Father, John 17:1-5) and the remaining praying for his disciples, (John 17:6-19) and all saints who'll believe through them (John 17:20-26)

No one had more tangible reason to ‘focus on himself’ than Jesus at this time because true shege awaited him at the cross and he was aware. Did he pray a different prayer at the cross? Yes. But He did intercede. Do we pray like this Inchristi? It’s always a loud rebuke for me, especially when I notice my prayers have become me-centred.

I know. I have not answered your questions. I would leave you with these for now. We can talk about tongues, praying in the spirit and how I stopped praying for almost 6 months because someone told me that it was gibberish and the gifts of the spirit had ceased. I’d be happy to share my journey with you.

My dearest, you can turn a good thing into a god. One of the reasons why this letter didn't come to you earlier was because I have also been wading through the thick, oily, slippery mess of prayerlessness. I was wondering how I could answer your letter when my soul was also brittle and dry in the drought of needing the living waters. Mercifully, the Spirit of Truth rebuked me and brought my idolatry to light. He reverse-engineered something for me until I found the root of my prayerlessness.

1. I had a hurt and disappointment I did not admit to God.

2. I had made a good relationship an idol and transferred my tender affections from the Lord to that place. So prayer was no longer as exciting.

3. I began to boast in the privilege the Lord gave me. For almost 10 months, the Holy Spirit would wake me by 3:00 AM to pray and fellowship. Sometimes I used my alarm, I missed some days due to bad sleeping habits, but for the first 5 months, It was an almost impeccable record. Then my heart began to enjoy talking about my 3 am prayer more than the actual act itself. It became a good thing that I had tainted with my pride, and I was seeking validation in it. See, our journey is a sensitive one. It is about our heart and its posture ALL the time.

I’ll stop here, but I hope you’ll be humble enough to ask His searchlight to illuminate where you lost your lamp of prayer. He meets us when we come humbly and naked. I have this last quote for you, and I hope you enjoy the recommended resources below. I created a playlist for you to help your heart. Perhaps, they’ll answer your questions better. I pray you are constantly aware of the awe and wonder of the Creator God. I pray you delight and marvel in His affection for you. I pray His Fatherhood is real to you.

Until I hear from you again,

In love and hope,

Inchristi ❤️

• Playlist

On Prayer - Spotify

On Prayer - YouTube

• Recommended Resources:

  Praying Our Doubts

Praying Our Tears

Praying Our Guilt

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

On Repentance, Saying & Being Sorry

Can we skip to the good part?: the Book of revelation is scary and End time convos are extreme

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To understand repentance, we must first grasp what the forgiveness of sins means. I first grappled with this after I heard a peculiar teaching from someone I greatly admired, about how Jesus paid for our sins; past, present and future. It was not exactly new information as I was raised knowing this, but here's the catch, the new factor that reeled me in like a fish on a hook. This person added this bit. They implied that it was offensive to God when we ask for something we already have, in this case, His forgiveness. This erroneous teaching went on to talk about how the practice of confessing sins or praying for forgiveness in our prayer is wrong & an ‘old testament thing.’ Omo, Inchristi, things dey happen oh. So the thing is that such teachings find fertile soil and take root in the heart that has started being lured or is already conquered by sin.

Inchristi, gaskiya, I cannot lie to you. I must tell you that your heart is in danger. Confession and asking for forgiveness will only be a problem if you feel entitled to God's mercy, if you've believed a lie or if you love your sin a little too much that the pricking of your conscience that happens during repentance is becoming too cumbersome to bear.

There's a false humility I practiced. I said to myself, (at least I thought I did, now I know it's obviously a suggestion moulded in the fires of hell and sponsored by the enemy that I adopted.) — “Since I keep doing this thing ever so often, and every eke market day I'm asking Jesus to help me, let me just gather it and when I finally overcome it, I'll just confess and repent at once.” The icing on top? “Even Holy Spirit is tired of how many times I keep saying I'm sorry.” Hmmm Inchristi. It is da na sani ta na bayan keya, sai an zaga ake ganin ta —’had-I-known’ (regret) is at the back of one's head, it can only be seen after one has gone round. Basically, no try yourself.

And if you are already deep in this pit, I pray for grace to leap out of that bed of fire. That humility is arrogance. Arrogance to think that you can set your mind to leave your sin on a certain day and it will work, arrogance to think God owes you restoration whenever you deem it fit to return (His gifts are without repentance, yes, but those who wandered from the faith also thought they could come back at will whenever they were ready).

Say for instance, it is lying I need deliverance from. Of course the enemy will not want my daily confession and request for help, because therein lies an opportunity for our King to use it and draw me even closer to Him. That daily act of humility and surrender to say, “I messed up today, I know I can't stop lying without your help, I need you”, is a tool Yahweh uses to make us like him. But our enemy is tricky Inchristi. He won't come to us with two large handheld signs in both hands. One big red sign saying STOP🛑 on the left and the other a milder, seductive instruction to Follow me on the path of iniquity 🐾 on the right. No. He'll never do that. He'll corrupt. Deceive. And make you believe a lie that looks harmless on the surface.

Before we even go on to interpret and decode hidden messages, here's a fundamental question.

• [8] If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. [9] If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:8-9 NIVUK

  First things first. Before anyone whines you, this letter was written to believers not some unsaved randoes in the wilderness. Shey you like quoting 1John 4? Ai you have to pass chapter 1 to get to 4. If you have time Inchristi, I recommend you read this is AMPC version for more descriptive words, I trust it will help you. In fact, read the whole chapter and then the entire book. You'll see why apostle John said we know those who are born of God do not go on sinning. It's all in there.

• [16] Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working]. James 5:16 AMPC

  This is one verse but I hope you get it! More often than not, we jump to quote the latter half of the verse and skip over the instructions. It is not a nice suggestion apostle James is giving, and he's not saying you should confess in your prayer journal alone. My question for you Inchristi is, if we're instructed to confess to one another, is it the one whose blood made us kin that we'll be exempt from confessing to? Does it make any logical sense?

• [4] Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation. ” ’ Luke 11:4 NIVUK

  The Lord's prayer even demands that we ask the Father for forgiveness.

If you insist on the feeble arguement that the word repent was only used in the gospels and Acts of the apostle in preaching the gospel message (that is to unbelievers), then you have not began to read Revelation as I told you to. From the letters to the angels to the seven churches, there was a judgement proclaimed with a condition ; (unless they repent). Inchristi, check your Charter, read chapter 2,3 and see for yourself. Repentance is not an old school thing. It is remedy for the straying saint.

After understanding the power and need for confession, let's see what lies in true repentance.

Isn't it interesting that the message the baptizer preached was one to REPENT? Ted Dekker helped me see it with totally new eyes. Metanoia is a change in thinking, seeing, and heart posture. It is a turning away from, towards another. Like someone running, your destination determines your direction.

This your question haunted me when I saw it, let me not lie, but I'll answer as honestly as I can. I struggled with a shameful habit for years. I had been confessing and asking for forgiveness all the while. Well, until I came across that specific teaching that suited my needs. I was raised in a home where we had ‘forgive us where we’ve erred knowingly or knowingly’ as a staple in our daily family prayer. It was rooted in the template of the Lord's prayer.

One painful truth I discovered and had to accept is that my repentance was incomplete. It is very possible to want to change, but lack the willingness to turn from the bad, or lack the desire/willingness to turn to The Good(God) even if we summon the ability to turn away. Repentance can be repeated but ingenuine. It can be continuous and incomplete. It can be.

I have been learning that repentance is a conversation of affection. Let's take for instance “this matter of asking for forgiveness every time. Haba. Ai even Jesus is tired of my crocodile tears.” Inchristi, I know your little sister loves kindrimo and fura just as much as you do. Imagine if after you got your first job, you decided that at the end every week, you'll always buy the coldest 1 litre bottle of Habib fresh fura da nono available so you guys can share. It'll cost 5% of your salary per week, but you really want both of you to enjoy it together, so you sacrifice. The first day, you told her, I got this 1 litre for you and I to share. And though she knows your shared love for kindrimo, she decides week after week to drink the whole thing alone. Never offering to leave some for you, not to even talk about forgetting a drop in the bottle. And the most painful thing is that she only drinks it after waiting for it to reach that sweet spot between almost frozen and so cold. Something both of you love beyond words. The first time she did it, she felt so bad when you confronted her and asked, “ah ahnnn, ina nawa?-where’s mine?” She even cried saying she didn't know if was for both of you. You tried to profer a solution so it won't repeat itself, but she got distracted before you finished speaking. She apologised and you forgave her and let it go.

The next week, she does the same thing and in her crying, she was saying she didn't know what came over her. Imagine if she keeps this up for five to six weeks always apologising after the incident, knowing full well you love her and nothing she does can overshadow that love. Yes, you felt hurt and disappointed every time, yes you'd have preferred it if apologies came with practical action points to not do it again but you love her. Love covers a multitude of sins, no? Now imagine if by week 7,8,9,10 you notice she keeps up with the same thing but this time, she doesn't even bother to apologise. Then you overhear her talking to her friend (with whom she had been sharing the kindrimo all along, “My siblings know I love kindrimo and I cannot resist the creamy call of the yoghurt. And once I say ‘I'm sorry, I'm forgiven’. In fact, even before I say it, the forgiveness is there. My immediate older one even told me that they've forgiven me in advance even if I kill them, so what's kindrimo? But I can't be saying sorry everyday ai. I'll say sorry when I mean it for real.” Then you hear them laugh under their breaths and continue gisting about other things. Tell me the truth Inchristi, how would you feel?

I know you might be annoyed just by imagining it, but you'd most likely feel taken for granted among other things, no? You'd feel hurt, betrayed and when we dissect it and look at it critically, evidence will point that she probably doesn't want to stop drinking the kindrimo without sharing. She's fine with the current arrangement. I do not want to impose human emotions on our High King but it is akin to taking his love for granted to refuse to confess and ask for forgiveness any time we stray. Because I mean, when do we not need it? And yes, even more so as he freely gave it, our response should be continuous gratitude.

True repentance demands a total turning away from. Daily. Moment. By moment. If I have genuine repentance, I ask for mercy to leave the sin of say, selfishness behind - but also ask for grace to learn and turn towards selflessness. It's not enough to turn away from the evil, there has to be a turning towards

“But I have tried” your letter said. My beloved, repentance would be hard when your affection is broken. The lure and delight of the habit draws on your heartstrings more than the Lord. If you're trying to turn away from a sin you love, you must find The True Love. The euphoria of every high, every climax and every orgasmic feeling is more pleasurable to you than worship & fellowship with the Lord and there in lies the problem. Your affection has been corrupted. You can't love both of them at the same time, there's no room for true affection for our King, if you want to share even a fraction with another.

Quite often we act as if our citizenship in the kingdom is purely intellectual or purely emotional. It's a combination.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5 NIVUK” This scripture always reminds me that there's an ‘emotional’ aspect to loving the Lord. There's an intellectual angle to it, my mind must be engaged. I recently heard an old sermon from Pst Tim Keller about how faith is deeply intellectual. There's also a kinetic dimension to it where my physical body will experience exertion and so on. (I use these words emotional, intellectual etc loosely.)

I know my answer is never what you expect. I could point you to the epistles, to Romans12:2 after all, you mentioned that was the first verse everyone you tried to speak with quoted for you. Colossians 3: 2-17 teaches us practical ways to turn from and turn towards. As always, I'll leave you with tasks to do. Study these things. Ponder and pray.

Pray for new affection and fondness, for passion and grace to enjoy the Lover of your soul. I pray every resistance in your heart is melted into repentance. I pray you are able to see just how dangerous wandering is, how desperately the King wants to keep you safe. May you not be blind to the wiles of the enemy and take things at face value.

Until I hear from you again,

In faith and hope,

Inchristi ♥️

Hi there, I hope you found this helpful. In case you missed our last two letters, you can read them here:

Can we skip to the good part?: the Book of revelation is scary and End time convos are extreme

On Temptation

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Confession. I laughed a little too hard at your story about the first time you heard the word eschatology. I get it. Let me tell you one embarrassing one. There was a time I was chatting with someone, and though his intentions towards me had not been declared, I wasn’t too sure I didn’t like him. That means I didn’t want to look like a fool in front of him. However, when he asked me what thematic area the organisation I volunteered with was focusing on, I blanked. ‘Mene ne thematic kuma?’ I thought to myself. I can't even remember the nonsense I responded with, but for someone who speaks carefully and quite often knowledgeably, I was stumbling over my words, and pride didn’t allow me to just ask him, “Please, don Allah, what does thematic mean?” I just did my Shalaye. He was graceful enough to rephrase his response in a way that gave me the contextual meaning without making me look dumb, but I still wanted the ground to open because Haba mana! At least eschatology sounds weighty and mysterious. Thematic literally sounds like the meaning, so my humiliation was plenty. Me that likes to act like the ambassador of language intelligence? God used it to humble me. I’m so glad you were able to laugh at yourself; it helps the heart.

Inchristi, You pose a very critical discussion. Or should I say, your questions bring us to an essential topic?

Have you ever wondered how things will end? Just like when you start watching your favourite show or pick up a famous book to read (and there are no spoilers; even though people who give spoilers have their use). You’d definitely have your suspicions about how things will end no matter what. But have you noticed that the best movies and books are those with plot twists you didn’t see coming? Eschatology is that aspect of Christian beliefs that tries to answer that. Simply put, it is the ‘doctrine’/study of how things will end. It looks at uncomfortable themes like death, the afterlife, heaven, hell, the second coming of our Champion, the resurrection of the saints, and the whole 9 yards.

Now, before you roll your eyes in boredom at the word doctrine, you must learn to accept that our Kingdom is not for the intellectually or spiritually lazy. Not everyone has been called to eloquent speech and fluid defence of our beliefs, but all of us have the responsibility to understand the operation of this Kingdom. This is why knowing the fundamentals of our Charter is essential. Doctrines are not the goal of our being in the kingdom, but they matter crucially. They serve as the lampposts that have guided saints through the ages to help us stay on the straight and narrow without veering off to the left or the right. Just as you need to have an idea where you're going, it’ll be easier to tell if you're in the wrong place. For instance, you want to head to the Yusufari desert in Yobe state Nigeria, but you find yourself surrounded by a mountainous range with rich and vivid greenery. You don't really need so much more than that to tell you that you're in the wrong place. Doctrines help us with a general sense of direction as to what God's Word says concerning certain matters. That way, we won't be in the wrong place without knowing.

Very often, after defining the word ‘Eschatology’ comes the usual reaction:

“Well, now that I know what it is, I think I'll pass. Why should I be having sleepless nights thinking about something that'll happen many years from now when my immediate challenge is how to buy mobile data?”

“Oh. cool. It’s a nice word, but I don’t like the Book of Revelation. It's terrifying—so much judgement and blood.”

“Why is the book of Revelations so scary? If we MUST read it, like, can’t it be poetic like Songs of Solomon or even the Psalms?”

Inchristi, I get it. I really do. In fact, I'd like to hear the gist of where you were during the 2012 end-time saga. I am so sure that if you watched that 2012 film, it did not help matters. That year was a wild ride. People were confessing their deepest secrets, terror-stricken, and repenting profusely so they wouldn’t be left behind. While I was too young during the turn of the Millennium, I heard stories about people who even sold all they had because they were told Jesus was coming in the year 2000. It’s easy to laugh at them for being deluded and easily misled, but some had faith in the King just like you and me. What was the difference? They were ignorant about what the Charter had said concerning these matters, so it was a lot easier for them to fall into deception. It is not a flex to be ignorant and to sit pretty, waiting for a podcast, tweet or reel to answer your faith questions. I love to reference that apt strategy of Screwtape’s that seems perfectly refined in our generation. (Please do not forget that Screwtape and Wormwood are devils, and the person they refer to as the enemy is, in fact, our High King.)

Whether it is the fear of the Mayan calendar drawing to an end in 2012 (or the 2009 film that was titled 2012, to add to our global distress), the misconstrued meaning of the Left Behind series in 2000, the suspected Y2K bug, or the never-ending prophecies of good old Nostradamus, we’re only easily terrified because we have not known and believed what our Kingdom Charter says. If your life was written by Yahweh, shouldn’t you go to Him to discover what the future holds? Why believe the nicely animated but theologically confusing post-apocalyptic films instead?

Yes, you might say you know vaguely what will happen, and because it is so far into the future, you do not want to worry about it, but do you know that knowing your stance on eschatology today can deliver you from false teaching tomorrow? Let me explain. I once saw some clips on the internet. One preacher was ‘selling real estate’ in heaven. I saw another, where he was selling cement for people who wanted to ‘build heavenly mansions.’ It is ridiculous, I know. But are they so different from the ones who want to dominate all the terrestrial mountains of the planet until Jesus appears? The thing is, you cannot be an effective believer if you don't have a clear direction of how the end will be. How many Scriptures that mention “…In the last days…” are you familiar with?

You cannot be agnostic about these things. You must learn what is to come. There's no shortcut. It's the only way you'll learn to live circumspect, with wisdom today and tomorrow. Your Eschatological stance will determine how you live - your relationship with the world, whether as a pilgrim or as a hostile takeover person; your posture towards suffering and the brokenness in this world; your value system; and everything in between. It'll determine how you perceive and use time, how you manage relationships with people and what you hold most precious. How do I learn about this eschatology then, you might ask?

For starters, Inchristi, you cannot be a Christian and be queasy about affliction and suffering. If you are, it simply means you do not know what faith you have been called into. You must be ready to be confronted by the stark nakedness of evil and its entrance into the world. When our Champion hung on that cross, bleeding and broken, he did not intend for us to have a cute symbol to carry around. His gruesome death, the greatest display of Yahweh's wrath, justice, and love, was to us a sign - no servant is greater than his master. He repeatedly invites us to share in his suffering (carry our cross, take communion in remembrance of him, and die to self). As He rightly said, no servant is greater than his master. You might say, ‘but he didn’t tell us to remember only the pain, just the victory.’ Fair enough. But to that, I’ll only respond, how has remembering only the victory made you more prepared for what is coming? You're to take the cross with equal parts wonder and sorrow. You see, my beloved, it is recorded nowhere in the Gospels that Yeshua promised us a smooth passage through this world. You can check. Instead, He promised us Presence, Peace, hope, and deliverance.

One of my favourite kinds of stories to read is fairytales - the real ones, not the revamped and overly treated versions we have now. My grandmother told me tales of a village where only heads existed and how fake people loaned body parts, of worlds inside the ear of a hyena, and the great treasures that could be found in the broken backs of annoying old women. If we were to publish such stories for children today, they’d be called horrible and unfit. We'd label them too graphic and gory. That's what happened to the Grimm’s Fairytales. Disney decided to infantalise the depth and mystery of those stories. To romanticise the spiritual and mystical angles to these folktales. To refine and airbrush them like a global brand ad. The sad thing is that we gobble it down like starving children.

We live in a generation so averse to oddity and horror. So fixated with our curated, perverted perception of beauty and perfection. We cannot curate our way out of the double edge of beauty and beastliness in the world. If God did not want us to understand both ends, the death of Jesus would have eliminated all suffering and evil in practice and in principle. I'm not making a case for masochism, for that is the next accusation that comes with this unpopular opinion. Neither is this an elevation of sadism. There's hideous and monstrous evil in the world. Scripture refers to it as this present darkness. We cannot wish it away or perform the out-of-sight, out-of-mind spell with it. God used it even at the most critical point of human history. Surely you must learn to sit with the tension of pain and love, new life intersecting with death. If you do not teach your heart this, you'll struggle in your journey. The enemy doesn't mind if you live in extreme delusion-whether in relation to pain or pleasure. But you must learn that as life-threatening as childbirth is, it is also one of the most wonderous life-giving mysteries. Do not cower or hide from the discomfort or ugliness of this broken world.

Where do you begin, Inchristi? Anywhere from Daniel to Ezekiel to the book of Revelations or even Matthew. You must learn to sit in discomfort and study. You must be diligent to follow the truth even if it makes your skin crawl or gives you reason to have sleepless nights. Why? I’d rather you know what the King prioritizes so you can give it your full devotion than chase frivolities that are not His great desires. Whether or not you read the book of Revelation or Daniel, those things will come to pass. The plagues and the tribulation, the chaos and global pain. The times and seasons are in the Lord's hands for He alone know those of us who will be in mortal bodies when the end comes. Nonetheless, it is good to know what is coming. The 7 letters to the angels in the churches in the first chapters of Revelation remind us to put what is important first. To choose our first love over service, to learn to expel Jezebel. In fact, the contrast between the church in Smyrna and the one in Laodicea always causes me to pause and ponder.

1. That some of us will be poor and afflicted, that some of us will be rich and wealthy.

2. That each of us must be wary of the trials that come with poverty & affliction - to give up and be afraid, and the troubles that come with riches and comfort - the lukewarmness and blindness.

If you believe in the words of this gospel, then no one shall make you feel guilty for being in either camps. Instead, you'll learn what the Lord needs from you and apply your heart accordingly. No one will shame you for how much you have in your bank account or deceive you into thinking you can buy your way into being an active Kingdom citizen.

Inchristi, it is not humility to refuse to learn and know these things. It is foolishness. While I do not expect you to be an instant theologian digging deep into the four stances of Amillennialism, Postmillennialism, Historic premillennialism or Dispensationalism, I encourage tempered curiosity.

I recommend you know the pillars that are reoccurring on these worldviews. All of them agree that there's a judgement, a second coming, the tribulation and the millennial reign. What they mostly do not agree on is the sequence of occurrence. I like to call those the minor cords.

I do believe however, that you first establish yourself in the Kingdom absolutes. The ones that cannot be called elusive or easily manipulated. The ones that are set firmly. But those major cords, the main. Like Creation, Man's Fall, Christ's Incarnation, Death, Burial and Resurrection, the Divinity of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Salvation, Evangelism, Eternity, Celestial beings and their place, God's Nature - Goodness, Sovereignty, Mercy, Love, Judgement etc. All these are your pillars Inchristi. Learn about them.

I like to think of Eschatology as I do things on the program of events. Let's picture a wedding. You know for sure there'll be solemnisation, singing, prayer and exchange of vows. You know what to expect from a wedding. What you may not know is how the couple want to arrange their order of program. It is because you know what to expect at a wedding that you'd get confused when the sermon switches to a eulogy or the exchange of vows is replaced with a congregational hymn or confession. This is what knowing does to you. So yes, I recommend knowing your eschatology so it influences your priorities even now. But most importantly, learn to know all foundational doctrines.

I pray you are delivered from fear of the truth. May you be bold in pursuing the knowledge of this kingdom. I pray you learn to live with the tension of beauty and horror. That none will have your affection or fear that should be devoted to the Lord alone. May you learn to be bold in your pursuit.

Here’s a mini roadmap to guide your curious mind. I’ll start with the word of Jesus, then others.

Matthew 24

Mark 13

Luke 21

1 Thessalonians 4:13-5:11

Ezekiel 47

Daniel 12

Revelation (Entire book)

Have I ever struggled with a temptation that was so overwhelming and overpowering that it seemed the only way to deal with it was to go through it, to let off steam? The short answer is, yes.

Inchristi, You are not alone. Yes, I have stumbled. Unnecessarily, if you ask me, but the Kingdom Charter says to comfort others with the comfort we have received, so here I am. I want to tell you one truth that you need, but it might come off as insensitive at this time. I pray the Lord keeps your heart open. Your temptations are not so unique. Your own is not so different. I am not minimising your pain or struggle; I am not in any way dismissing the war you’ve been fighting, but I want you to know this truth so the enemy does not whisper what he whispered to the prophet Elijah. That he was alone. That you are also alone in your plight. I may not understand the peculiarity of your situation, but I assure you, you are not the first. When he makes you think you’re alone in this, he makes you pity yourself and feel very defeated already. Ask the prophet Elijah. I’ll tell you more. You might ask, “How do I know?” Read with me, would you, my beloved:

I did not write that letter; I’m simply drawing your attention to what has been in the Charter. I encourage you to sit with it and read it in multiple versions if you must. There is a whole lot to meditate on here.

Let me tell you a hard truth. No sin starts in an instant. No temptation springs up out of the blues. Rather, it is slowly sown in moments we pay the least attention, incubated in the womb of our hearts until an opportune time. The enemy starts his work early oh. He scouts for little holes in the fence of your heart, tiny chinks in the armour, and he sneakily plants deadly seeds of weeds that will lie dormant in the soil of your heart, buried somewhere like a virus or bug in the system, waiting for the perfect conditions to begin germinating. But you only notice it the day it sprouts.

This is why the instruction to guard our hearts with all diligence will never be old advice. And yet, we are not without help, Inchristi. Even when we ignore the seeds of the weeds until they grow sprawling tendrils and almost choke us to death, as in the Lord's parable. Even when we drop our guards and invite the enemy over for dinner. Even then. When we silently whisper to ourselves, ‘abeg, no be me kill Jesus,’ ‘I need to live a little,’ ‘it’s not even stated in the Bible that this is a sin.’ Even then, we are assured, as the apostle said in Corinthians, that for every temptation, he’ll provide a way out.

Temptations in and of themselves are not the trouble. I know that might shock you, but really and truly, check all the heroes of faith and even our perfect example. It is how you handle them that matters. Our Lord himself was tempted by the enemy. Inchristi, here’s what used to amuse me, and now it amazes me. Scripture notes that He was full of the Holy Spirit, and He was led into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. I used to think to myself ‘Toh! Wato mu kam ba labari kenan?’

The question you might ask is, does that mean that God tempts us? Does he set a trap for us? Or even orchestrate circumstances that make temptation pop up? After all, He’s sovereign, and no one is checking Him, so He can do whatever he chooses. The answer is in the letter the apostle James wrote: 'When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ' James 1:13 In fact, I recommend the entire chapter of this letter if you are truly seeking to understand this matter of temptations. I know you will have more questions as you search; I anticipate them.

I know. It's a lot. He doesn't tempt us, but he allows us to be tempted? Yes! However, for temptation to be temptation, it must be a thing of interest to you. Inchristi, for instance, as much as I love tuwo, under no circumstances will I sit somewhere and fantasise, or even, when offered, be salivating for Tuwon dawa. What is there to like in that red tuwo? God forbid it! However, when I’m fasting and I get a whiff of tuwon shinkafa and miyan zogale, I will easily have an involuntary pool of saliva in my mouth. Without even thinking about it because there is a natural pull and desire. That is why chocolate cake doesn’t tempt everyone and money does not deceive everyone.

If temptation is sown in tiny seeds over time, what are the ingredients required for temptation to germinate and become a fruitful tree of sin? As a seed needs light, water, and air, what does temptation need to germinate into sin? I’ll reroute you to the same letter: 'but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. ' James 1:14-15

Again, no be me talk am. One of the greatest things the enemy uses to trap us is pride. We think, ‘It could never be me.’ If you’re not careful, it’ll be you like mad, my darling. I look in hindsight and wonder how things that were once disgusting and unthinkable chained me. This is how we get there. One, we let the seeds slip into the heart; they lie dormant, and when the perfect scene presents itself, the seed will germinate. This perfect condition varies from circumstance to location, state of being, or even our company. But the enemy only attempts us at things we are inclined to. Haven’t you wondered why he was testing our Lord and Saviour on turning stone into bread? Jesus was hungry, and that temptation cut deep because it was his immediate situation.

As I began to tell you in my other letter, when the King redeemed me, he gave me a gift that made living in consecration easy. I didn't even know what that thing was called. I just found my interests and desires totally inverted from those of my peers, and that was just my norm. I was bewildered by the struggles of my friends and other saints. I empathised, but I could not relate. Until I did.

It was almost two years after someone asked me a question, one I considered highly inappropriate and a bit off-handed at the time, that I considered masturbation. He didn’t force my hand or show me what to do. In fact, this person was no longer in my life when I began to struggle. He did not shout the question, nor did he send me a ‘we need to talk’ text before we had that conversation. Before you gasp in horror, let me tell you the gist.

It was a cold, windy evening in the city, and the sun was just going down with the light warmth it had been offering us. We quickly huddled into the car and were seated to warm up and escape the chilly wind. We were probably making a silly joke about frozen toes and cold noses while I tried to put on my seatbelt, and he tinkered with the AC to warm up the car. My cold hands were trying to lock the seatbelt in before the car light dimmed, racing against those few seconds. Lost in my little world, his voice pierced my thoughts with the question. Nothing unusual or out of the ordinary. It was curious and hesitant, a little gruff as though he felt embarrassed for asking me, but he did. ‘Have you ever touched yourself?’ I was appalled and pulled back for effect. “No! Jesus, why would you ask that? I actually find that thing very disgusting; I don’t understand why you should be fondling yourself. If you want to fornicate, abeg do it with your chest.” He looked down trying to start the car and said, ‘Yeah, I thought as much. I knew you wouldn’t have.’ I didn’t even want to entertain it any more, so I didn’t bother asking him why he asked. Anyone who knows me, Inchristi, will remind you that my sharp mouth is always calling a spade a spade and I don’t hide from labelling. I thought about it for months after this conversation, but I never got an answer to my favourite why question, so I closed the tab. Or I thought I did. Almost two years later, having moved like twice, I was in a different space, doing totally different things, when the first thought to put my hands on myself crossed my mind. You might ask, ah ahn. How would that conversation lead you there? What you do not know is that, as an avid reader, I had read everything I laid my eyes on. I received an award during my graduation from secondary school and it was an award for being the Novel Freak. As a young teenager, I consumed everything. I was not discerning enough to detect that literature can paint pictures and sow seeds. Because I love biology and I have always had a great curiosity about the workings of the human body, I read a lot of those explicit scenes with a mechanical and technical brain at the time. I was totally ignorant that that was pornography and harlequin super romance and others were seeds of imagination. On my own even in those days of ignorance, I knew somehow that erotica was too heavy and I could only read romance - God’s mercy. Now, do you remember what I said about the perfect conditions? These things were coupled with the fact that I broke my consecration in many ways including the boundaries of my physical purity. That was what made it easy for that voice to return one evening when I was alone, reading a very basic, very mid-fantasy novel about aliens. I literally shook my head when the replay happened because I was like, from where to where? It didn’t take long, however, for my heartbroken self and vulnerable foolish brain to negotiate and justify that ‘Enh, I’m not doing anything with anyone na. Where is it in the Bible that it is a sin sef? Shey, they said it is biologically normal to do this thing? There is even research abi?’ I already had almost a decade’s worth of dormant content sitting in my mind of great memory. I have learnt over time that my mind is the most vulnerable location. The place where it all starts. This is why my God-given consecration was strict in how it protected me. Inchristi, I’ll stop here.

Listen to me, you are at war. At war with a nature that wants to control you. You are at war with a world that wants to lead you deeper into those instincts and desires. You are at war with an enemy who wants to destroy your soul and take you with him. To turn you in rebellion towards The King. Whether you struggle with gluttony or drunkenness, lust or fear, anxiety or cowardice, laziness or gossip, you must learn to remember that you are at war. And yes, the enemy knows the best way to disarm you is to come through desires because they are easy, hardwired and naturally inbuilt in our fallen nature. All of it is to lead you to rebel. To turn on the one who sacrificed Himself for you. Whenever you succumb to a temptation, you are saying to the Lord, ‘I love this thing more than you. I worship this desire/pleasure more than you. This is my god right now.’ Yes, falling into temptation is serious business.

It makes total sense that our Champion will say to his disciples on that dark night history was being made to “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew, Mark and Luke record this. Watching is as important as praying. Do not be foolish Inchristi. The watching, the guarding, the diligence and offensive instructions are for prevention. There are also very direct and clear instructions for when you find yourself to have already let his slip through the cracks. You flee. As the Apostle Paul said in his letter, for every temptation, he will provide a way out. For Joseph, it was to flee, for Jesus it was open combat in the wilderness and engaging with the Word. It was literally Psalm 119 come to life - 'I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. ' For Peter, well, Peter denied Jesus and then he repented. Perhaps if he had taken the instruction of prayer very seriously that night, he might have had a different outcome. We do not know. But we know that there is always a way out! Always.

This letter was lengthy my dearest. I hope you have found these things helpful. I know you’ll have more questions. On trials, and stumbling, I am here for them all. I want to leave you with some hard facts you must always remember:

• None of your temptations are so thumbprint-unique. It has all been done before. All our temptations are common. We gather dey.

• God is Faithful, though He does not tempt us, He does not let us get tempted beyond what we can bear. Every temptation you encounter is what God has ordained that you can bear. Bear (not in succumbing but in overcoming)

• God always, ALWAYS provides a way out. It is our duty to pray for vision to see it, discernment to know the way and courage to take it!

• Temptations are normal. In that, they must come. If our Champion, the most Holy man to walk through time had to go through them, we must. They are not a problem in and of themselves. Falling into temptation is the problem. Overcoming them in fact, builds us up.

• Remember, our enemy doesn’t create. He’s a perverter and a slithering, crafty one. That means if you actually ‘watch’ and ‘pray’ you will not fall into temptation.

• Prayer is not talisman for disappearance or what Hausa people call, jingina bango. It is not a quick way to vaporise the temptation. The Lord taught the disciples to pray and there was a prayer about temptation there. E get why.

• You must guard against pride and foolishness. Learn the inclinations of your heart. Do not rule out anything.

• You are responsible for your soul. Nothing is too extreme to preserve your heart for the King. If you notice your hobbies are feeding those unholy desires, cut them off. Jesus said if your hands or feet cause you to sin cut them off, if your eyes, gorge them out.

Let me pray for you. May you learn to watch and pray with the dedication and vigilance of a soldier on duty. May God rewire your desires even as He teaches you to navigate the increasing pressures of the world. May you be overcome by courage for His Word says His grace teaches us to say No to ungodliness and worldly passions. I pray you do not fall into the deception of self-sufficiency as our Lord’s Apostle did on the night his mater was betrayed. We cannot keep ourselves but blessed are we for we know he is able to keep us from stumbling, from falling. I pray you win.

In faith and hope,

Inchristi ♥️

Some tools to remind you:

'But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. ' 1 Timothy 6:11-12

'Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry. '1 Corinthians 10:14

'Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. '1 Corinthians 6:18

'Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. '2 Timothy 2:22-23

I am sorry for my late response to your last letter. It must have been distressing to keep checking your mail for a reply to your burning question. I'm deeply sorry.

I must confess, I was quite relieved to see you asking one of the fundamental questions every true saint must come across upon deep reflection or encounter with the storms of life.

The will of Yahweh is not some abstract, elusive, mystical unknown. It has been made crystal clear in the Scriptures. It is not unknown or fluid. It is not something you need to rotate at 180° or hop on hot coals to access. It is not an inner secret encrypted information you need to press certain spiritual buttons to access. I know you've been bombarded with so many teachings and seminars about discovering your purpose and your calling through different practices and principles. Much has been said about how one must apply carefulness to discern the will of God. And it is true. We must. It is easy to misinterpret many things.

But when you read, truly read your Kingdom Charter, you'll find that it is a lot simpler than you ever imagined, and it has been spelt out on many occasions. It was also hard for me to accept the simplicity of the truth. I was deeply offended when I asked an older disciple what the will of God for my life was and he referred me to scriptures. I was livid. Because I felt like I was at a crossroads and I needed real and concrete answers on what to do, not some cryptic philosophical merry-goose chase. I’m glad he insisted because it changed my life. As the popular saying goes, the gospel is so simple you need someone to complicate it for you. This is not to trivialise the importance of knowing our King's will in specific situations but rather to superimpose His known will over the nuances and grey areas that keep us awake at night. For starters, I made peace with the idea that there might be two fragments to what we know as the will of God. One that has been clearly defined in scriptures and cannot be misconstrued. It is this one that even guides us to know and discern/infer what the second one, the one that can be case by case is, e.g., how many children to have as a young couple or when to send a job application. Inchristi, I hope I do not confuse you in this letter.

We want to know the will of God. Yes. But why? You already know that this is my favourite question to ask, and if you stay with why long enough, you'll always find a root cause. We seek to know His will because we need guidance. Sometimes, it is because we are careful and truly seeking to please the King. Other times, we do not want to be wrong, and in our quest for a perfect decision-making record, we refuse to budge until we can conveniently pin everything on God. Inchristi, He knows our hearts. He knows when fear or pride propels us. And truly, when you look closely, in most cases it is one of the two. We want to escape accountability and have someone to blame when things go awry. We also subconsciously think the will of God will be painless and blissful. By the way, you can do the perfect will of Yahweh and still see pepper. Look what happened to our Lord in Gethsemane!

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

There’s nothing wrong with having deeply dramatic Aha moments of clarity. The Bible is littered with stories of ordinary men and women like us coming into their divine calling, and yet, there are more who just existed and whose lives pleased God. Like Bezalel and Oholiab, excellent craftsmen just doing their jobs. There are also men like Moses who saw burning bushes and women like Mary who met angels. There are stories like Elijah’s to help our hearts. Our instant-answer, multi-choice generation, however, wants answers in the language and terminologies that suit us. So we reject the simplicity and instead embark on a quest, seeking something emotionally indulgent or psychologically thrilling. This is why we easily fall prey to the devil. The idols of our hearts make us seek certain signs; as the old weeping prophet said, they lead us astray.

You’d think because we reject simplicity, we would go the opposite direction, in which also there is safety, but unfortunately, we do not. We abhor mystery and complexity. God is both. And if we must know him, we must learn to be comfortable with these. What Scripture has explicitly said is what we hold on to in the very troubling waters of uncertainty. Our God operates in ways far above ours; as the prophet Isaiah said, ‘His ways are not our ways, neither are His thoughts ours.’ Mystery is a lost art.

You might be rolling your eyes in exasperation because you’ve heard this one hundred times and it has still not helped you decide whether to leave the country for greener pastures or to marry that person. We have been divinely wired in a way that makes us a summation of all our micro-decisions and micro-moments. If you and I find it difficult to abide by God’s revealed will, what gives us the idea that we will willingly go with his ‘unseen/unrevealed’ will? (I use these terms loosely, trusting that you understand where they apply.) Yeshua said if we love Him, we will obey His commands. He has told us what to do. So I ask you this difficult question Inchristi, have you ever tried to do an in-depth search on the places where ‘the will of God’ was mentioned in our Kingdom Charter or have you been waiting on the convenience of a nice sermon, podcast or quote to give you the answers? A lot is clear, but at the same time, a lot is unclear. They are not contradicting. It is the tension of being in a magnificent world.

Our tendency to assume that saying, "Even if God doesn't heal or deliver..." means the saint must have become faithless or quit praying to reach such a 'dismissive' conclusion is sinful.

Alas, we have seen even in the life of Apostle Paul that the Lord can will it that we have a thorn in our flesh. It is the responsibility of the saint to pray until deliverance comes or the comfort/respite of strength to live with the thorn/through the storm is given. And we must pray, for our God hears and He answers. We should not conclude on God’s behalf; we often do, and that is why we are constantly in such agony when things do not go as we presume. For instance, through the scriptures, we see that it is in God’s design that His people be fruitful and barrenness be far from them, and yet, we see that it is His superimposed will that made Elizabeth barren, for she was to bear John The Baptist who was to be born at a specific time, to do the work of the messiah’s forerunner. Shall we then say her barrenness was not His plan? We read the stories of the patriarchs and look at how he withheld promises, including the birth of children, for some time (decades in some cases) for the grand purpose and counsel of His will. That’ll probably make you sit up and scratch your head if you have been tracking with me. Do not be spiritually and intellectually lazy, Inchristi. Yahweh must engage all of you—emotions, intellect, body, and psychology. He sets mystery and leaves things for our discovery through study and intimate fellowship with Him. Study of what He has said about Himself and His character, nature and even revealed will. It will make it so easy to discern the others.

It is arrogant to assume submitting to the will of God is an avoidance or refusal to pray. If that is your first line of thought, your heart needs to repent. It is not the way Kingdom Citizens think. It is also ungodly to refuse to seek the Lord in the face of affliction and assume his will and stay without praying through it. Jesus said, ‘'… they ought always to pray and not to turn coward (faint, lose heart, and give up).'- Luke 18:1’’. How can you not pray when His Word has clearly said, ‘In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.’ Romans 8:26-27. Inchristi, you no go pray ke? Ban da wasa, please. If there's anything that's reoccurring in the epistles, the gospels, and the prophecies, it is prayer. Scripture tells us to pray without ceasing.

I think a lot of saints intrinsically do not trust the goodness of the will of God. When you have seen Rom 8:28 work in your life, even in the most minute detail, the will of God is not a threat or an abdication of responsibility. When we defer to the will of God at all times, we are honouring Him in every aspect of our lives. We are being like Christ. It's even embarrassing how believers have come to speak about the will of God as if deferring to it is lazy faith, whereas the saints before us and even us now know that wholly surrendering to his will is, in fact, the fuller and richer act of faith. But no, you've heard about how you can move God, so your heart has been hardened to even humbly defer to his sovereignty and wisdom. You think if you will it strongly enough, you can change His mind about the matter. I pray for you my dearest.

Our Google search life has made it hard for us to accept that there are questions that have no 'answers' except God Himself. So when the answers don't suit us, we dump his Word as though it is an academic peer review paper. Inchristi, we must be vigilant. Ted Dekker puts it as the ‘Origin is infinite’—the all-knowing, all-sufficient, infinite, and powerful creator God cannot be threatened by anything, nor is anything out of his control.

Sometimes, God, in his own wisdom, permits certain pains for certain things. Jesus said to his disciples, ‘…It was not that this man or his parents sinned, but he was born blind in order that the workings of God should be manifested (displayed and illustrated) in him.’ How can we now, with our small brains and unidimensional comprehension, say God cannot use these things for us?

I do not know if my long epistle has answered your question or at least set you on the path to ask better questions. I will leave you with this practice from the latter part of Romans 12:2. For every decision, I ask myself: ‘is it good? is it pleasing to God?’ I then ask for guidance on how to test and prove what His will is. I’m sorry to break your heart, there is no almighty formula or principle you can apply to everything. It is called a walk of faith for a reason.

I’ll drop my pen here. Until I hear from you Inchristi. I pray for you, may you have a deep knowledge of who God is in such a way that it is impossible to believe wrong things about His person and character. May you find His spirit hovering closely, leading you. He promised and said, ‘You will hear a voice saying to you, this is the way, walk in it.’ I pray you are delivered from any form of cognitive dissonance and that you do not hold on too tightly to ‘being right.’ Instead, I pray you learn to grip only the truth firmly and everything else, including your life, loosely in pursuit of the King.

In faith and hope,

Inchristi. ♥️

You may find these resources helpful in your search

What is the Will of God and How do we know it?

Ephesians 5:17

Micah 6:8

Psalm 40:8

Philippians 2:13

Ecclesiastes 12:13

1 Thessalonians 4:3

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Hebrews 13:21

James 4:15

John 6:38

Yes, yes, you are not crazy. There is a strange spirit that has been floating in this sphere since the garden. You have touched it, and if not for your sensitivity, Inchristi, you would not have sensed that the discomfort you started feeling was caused by the cloud over you. A lot of saints have fallen asleep under the intoxicating lull of this cloud. It is a subtle poisonous gas infiltrating our spiritual respiratory system, altering everything else in the spirit man.

If our King truly is the creator of all things good, you must know then that no pleasure known to man came or exists outside of him. Absolutely none. Our enemy is only skilled at perverting and twisting the common good Yahweh gave to his creation to enjoy, sowing seeds of doubt in our hearts to lead us astray and speaking in that his native tongue I wrote to you about. For millennia, he has not been able to participate in the wonder of creating, this special gift given to us sons of men but he devised a clever means by which he will corrupt what our King freely put in his creation, and it doesn’t matter whether you were born in 2000 BC or in 2013, what Romans 1 says is true.

Humans have enjoyed the beauty of nature, the power of the creative arts, as well as the miracle of science, irrespective of the nature of their civilisation or culture. This is what the saints before us called the common grace of God. Inchristi, I know when I speak this way, you might be tempted to think along the lines of proprietary beauty and grace, along the realms of themes enjoyed externally without cause for ‘blushing’ or what my people will call kunya, but I promised to tell you all; what I mean is that from the intimate reverence of climaxes to reckless peals of laughter, Yahweh made them all. There is nothing; absolutely nothing He did not make. Is it the food or drink(which the enemy twists into the idols of gluttony & drunkenness), the wisdom and wit to tell stories (which easily makes men stray into thinking they're omniscient as they create a world for themselves and make idols for themselves that suit their imagination), the magic of music or the delight of travel, the marvel of astrology, the mystery of sex or the depth of diving? This letter may not permit me to show you how the beautiful things given to us to enjoy have been so distorted; we're now in a world where credits for our Creator King go to the cunning enemy as though he ever had a creative bone in his body and he created certain pleasures. Everything you know and see as a tool of destruction found its way there through perversions.

Now, back to your questions. Let me tell you a story. The King gave me a sacred gift of consecration when I entered the Kingdom. I lived in such a bubble it was hard for me to empathize with my fellow citizens who struggled. My walk with Him started when I was about 10 years old and in that period, he shaped and refined my definition of good. I did not know why I did or did not do some things, but I found it really distasteful to engage in the activities that made my contemporaries excited. So bubbling into my teenage, I was considered the killjoy, the grandma and the orthodox, out-of-touch-with-fun one. It never bothered me. I share what I share with you in hindsight Inchristi, because I let the enemy pop my bubble.

There's an appetite that comes with the entrance of new life, but more often than not, we do not train our palate to desire that or because of years of satisfying a different craving, we tilt towards the natural, broken, rebellious and sinful desires. I did not find the entertainment of the day intriguing in any way, I found most of it disturbing and to be frank, quite disgusting. This is not to paint myself as an innocent person who knew no sin. Oh, I was actively immersive and a firm believer in Pop culture and postmodernism, the plague of relativism and non-absolute truths. How did I get these? From my ‘harmless’, hilarious, ‘kid-friendly’ not sexual or ‘immoral’ entertainment consumption.

You see Inchristi, stories are a magical ship taking us on a cruise around the world. The mystery about them is that they can get into you without your permission. Which is why I love to say they are the most powerful way to convey daring truths. The problem, however, is that stories are not exempt from the greedy meddling hands of corruption of the enemy. What am I saying? Entertainment, as you know it, in the arts and media, in nature and in biology, like all pleasures, come from the King but the prince of this world has darkened the hearts of those under him as the Apostle Paul said

When I started falling off my bubble of consecration, it was just a little discomfort tolerated per scene per story per time. And do not think I only speak of media projected through pictures and sounds alone, I know what havoc explicit unfiltered literature content caused my soul. One day, I shall tell you. But as I said to my friends here many years ago, it is a slow fade. The trick is to move just a teeny weeny bit and you'll soon find that you're worlds away from the plan of the King. My beloved loves to say that it is only our King who wants 100% all the time. The enemy is fine with 0.0000001%. That's all he needs to corrupt your devotion. That's all he needs to distort your obedience. That's all he needs for a foothold.

Whenever anyone gets into the Kingdom, there's a special package delivered to their spirit called the Joy of Salvation. It is the ecstatic climb that allows your spirit and soul to ravenously feed on the wonder of the King while immersing yourself in His story and His pleasure until they invariably get into you and change your nature as I explained earlier. However, the enemy tricks many saints by luring them out of that bubble by any means. Through comfort, fear, pain, anxiety, hurt, lust, boredom (oh, what a great tool he has found for our generation) and the like. Prayer is communication. And when you love someone, you always want to hear from them, no? So how did we get here, child of Light? Where you struggle to talk to your Father and being the presence of your first love is a bore. How did we get here where your desires are more in tune with Netflix, Prime and Apple TV than with what the spirit is saying to you? Can you see my point child of Light? You did not come up with that in a day, neither did your affections all turn to pleasures at once.

On appetites

Listen in on this conversation between Priscilla Shrier and Candace, and be reminded that we are really not at a disadvantage. We are not getting the short end of the stick. If anything, we get to live a lifetime of miracles and transformation. Like a pregnant woman, the new life in us has its own cravings and desires. Pregnancy does not care if you have kambar nearby when it hits you with a craving. It gives no heed to your hatred for garlic when it begins to demand a helping in every meal; it does not pay attention to your love for fries when it gives you bursts of nausea at the sight or smell of what was your favourite food. That is how our appetites get reworked in a way that suits the Spirit, the new life in us. When it doesn’t look that way, we’re suppressing it or exchanging our godly desires for something else.

God's Word is rich! It is full, complete and a very balanced diet. And as with all the things that are good and healthy for you, it doesn't have a natural appetite in us. We'd rather have sweet-tasting chocolates and overly processed foods that complicate our lives with all kinds of chronic disorders than plain-tasting roots, fibres, and vegetables that strengthen and nourish our bodies. It is the way of the fallen man. But remember that I call you Inchristi. You may be in the fallen world but you are not of it. You can have renewed desired and rewired passions. You can desire the nourishing crunchy salad of God's Word in its colourful glory instead of the salty, over-processed yet stimulating but destructive potato chips of the world's entertainment. Notice that I do not at any point deny the enticing nature of these things. It is foolish to act as if our king does things halfway. The pleasures he gave us to enjoy in this world were designed to be enjoyed to the utmost. As Screwtape told his nephew Wormwood in his letter,

Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy and normal and satisfying form, we are, in a sense, on the Enemy's ground. I know we have won many a soul through pleasure. All the same, it is His invention, not ours. He made the pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden. Hence we always try to work away from the natural condition of any pleasure to that in which it is least natural, least redolent of its Maker, and least pleasurable. An ever increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure is the formula. It is more certain; and it's better style. To get the man's soul and give him nothing in return-that is what really gladdens our Father's heart. And the troughs are the time for beginning the process.

(Screwtape is a demon and the person he refers to as ‘enemy’ in his letters is our King)

I need also to point out that my repeated mention of the enemy in this letter is not in any way implying he is so powerful and an equal & opposite opponent of our King. By no means! He's cunning. And that includes deceiving you to think he's more powerful than he is. Please do not belittle the need for knowledge of his cunning. That is why the apostle said we are not ignorant of the devices of the enemy. Inchristi, our easily bored generation seems to be though. And it breaks my heart that Warriors of Light have become playthings in his hands because they're thrill-seeking.

Inchristi, please learn that FOMO should not be yours. You're designed to function at optimum when you're on the sidelines of the world's systems. Of course, you'll miss it! It was never meant for you! Imagine seeing pigs feast on their slobs and feeling left out because they didn't invite you to eat with them. If you didn't grow up on a farm or a city dweller, that may be hard for you to concieve so think of the rats that scurry about from bin to bin. Imagine feeling blue and lonely because they never invited you to eat from the pile of rubbish! It's insane, isn't it? It is a cleverly designed tool to make you feel like you’re incomplete, lacking something, or needing an external thing to complete you. You have been made whole in Christ. Your taste will change if you ask for it. He wants to change it. He wants you to be like Him, to be healthy. But you must also learn to be strict with your diet. Discipline is ours to wield. I do not believe we're helpless to the powers in this world. The Apostle Paul said to Titus “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,”

I know you might have opened my letter expecting a list of shows to watch and not to watch, a group of songs marked as safe vs. the ones marked unsafe, what influencers to follow, what trends to avoid or fashion choices to embrace, but I hope these words will be of more help to you than those, that you might learn to discern. I look forward to reading from you. Until then, remember that you can send your heart-burning questions here and I will be happy to answer them.

I pray for you my dearest sibling, may the light of our King illuminate your heart, and may His truth perform a corrective surgery on your desires. May you die to self and live unto him. I pray you do not grow weary in doing good. May you enjoy the pleasures of life as He designed, as He intended. May you learn stillness and that boredom is not the end of the world but an invitation to reflection and meditation on the King and his Kingdom. May you truly love.

In hope and love,

Inchristi ♥️

My dearest,

It has been wonderful reading from you. I especially enjoy the vulnerability and honesty your recent letters carry. One thing I find curious about our faith is that though we are repeatedly enjoined to tell the truth, we somehow find ourselves overcome by a desperate urge to tell only parts of the truth. Selected parts that do not paint us in a bad light. For instance, I can send you a letter and say, “Oh, Inchristi, it has been a very turbulent few months. I keep asking God to help me, but I am struggling.” And this ambiguous statement can stir up empathy in you even though you do not know what exactly it is I struggle with. You are none the wiser, whether it is a battle of faith in God, a real war against sin, or an evil attack. If I were to be a child of the Kingdom fully, I’d speak our native tongue of truth-telling without a care in the world that my face might be scrunched up while I talk, neither would I pay attention to the seemingly unpleasant and non-aesthetic guttural sounds I make as I speak the whole truth. The whole truth is an uncomfortable thing. What I mean is, it would have saved us a lot if my letter came in simplistic foolishness, nakedness, and vulnerability. Like this: “Inchristi, I have been drowning in guilt and shame. I have battled with a pornography habit for years, and I have relapsed lately, and I need help." That is how we ought to speak at all times.

The gift of truth cannot be understated, as it showers us with the grace of confession, the mercy of intercession, and the guardrails of accountability. This little, tiny thing we call telling the truth has been so twisted by the enemy that we do not even notice when we stop speaking our language and shift to his native tongue. Alas, that is not the main reason why I am writing to you today. It was just a passing thought, and I simply want you to know that I appreciate your honesty and obedience. Obedience to the instruction of the half-brother of our Lord, who said to confess our sins one to another. Yes, yes, there are times you confide in the wrong people, and the outcome is devastating. But shouldn’t it be worth noting that the enemy only loves to attack the special means our King provided for us because he knows the power that lies in them? I digress.

Beloved, truly, it aches like a mortal wound when we pray and no answers come. It's like a perpetually bleeding amputation site, slowly, drip by drip of unclotted blood leading to terrible blood loss and eventual death. A little while ago, someone I love broke down in the corner of a restaurant on a tea date.

Why didn't God answer me when I prayed? I did everything. I trusted and fasted. I prophesied and even confessed positively; I believed in my heart without a doubt. Isn’t that what he said we should do? Why didn’t it work? I feel betrayed. Does He not care? Is it all a lie? Am I crazy?

I could feel the muscles in my heart constricting with each word that rushed out of their mouths. Their pain was carried in their sobs, its visceral nature in the thick saliva that lined the corners of their mouths as they cried and poured out their disappointment. The weight of it in the nasal tone their voice embraced as their crying began to bear evidence on their bodies. They were honest and unbridled, laying their justified accusations against the King.

Your letter reminded me of that. It made me weep, beloved. I cannot lie; I can’t imagine the agony you went through. It would be impossible to ‘put myself in your shoes,’ reckless to say, ‘I know how you feel.’ Yet, I want you to know that I feel your hurt and so does the accused, our King, in this case. I am even surprised you still speak with him. Many have wandered and renounced the Kingdom because they could not make sense of their pain and encounters. You, my darling, are brave.

There's a certain quality of hurt that comes with unanswered prayers. If it were to be compared to meat, it would be like being served a hot plate of spicy suya after a whole week of being hungry only to find out that it is, in fact, not meat but coated watermelons. Okay, I do not think my analogy scratches the surface, but what I am trying to say is that it is a searing, hot laser of betrayal and disappointment cutting through our hearts; it wounds us deeply because it makes us question the fundamentals.

I’ll try to be as delicate as I can be in opening and uncovering this raw wound saints have borne on themselves since before our Lord walked this earth as a toddler.

The Lost Art of Lament

The first thing I want to let you know is that you have to let it out. One of my favourite Bible characters is Job. This man was righteous, but a certain series of disasters came upon him. One thing he did not do was deny his circumstances. There's such a mercy God gave us called Lament. It seems to be a lost art in our generation. Inchristi, Yahweh knows you. He knows your heart. You cannot heal from a wound you do not acknowledge. You must be like the heroes of faith before you; take it to him in honesty and surrender. Dare you think it is an act of faithlessness, then you also condemn Abraham, our patriarch. Here were his words to God's promises:

When you are feeling like he's unanswering, perhaps you ask him the question the patriarch did and never forget that the next step is as important as the asking: Listen. Godly lament is good for your soul. The Psalms are littered with the raw, vulnerable, pain-filled prayers of those before us, Inchristi. The man of faith asked the God of the universe, ‘What can you give me?’ and then went further to explain. This one thing I've been trusting you for remains undone.

You're in Good Company

He didn't deny the delay in response, neither did he pretend his heart was not invested. Whenever you feel the delay in waiting for an answer, please remember that you're in good company. Isaac & Rebekah waited 20 years for children. Inchristi, a good read of Hebrews 11 will let you see that for centuries, our King has reigned in the affairs of men, and he has led them as he pleased. Let no one deceive you that you're the first or that it is your faithlessness that did not yield results. Remember that the King exists out of this limiting construct called time. He created it. He's eternal! Beloved, that means he has no calendars or deadlines chasing him. He does what His Omniscience knows is right when it is right. How humbling it is to realise that we cannot command the Maker of time and space, but he has given us the Holy Spirit to keep us company as he brings his will to pass. Blessed are you that you're not the first person to walk this path, and a whole cloud of witnesses is cheering.

The Mercy of ‘Rejection’ and Protection

You might not want to hear this, Inchristi, but I owe it to you to speak the entire truth. You are not God. You might be quick to respond with ‘I know,’ but do you, truly? Because what that means is that you accept that you have limited understanding; you do not know everything, and that includes what’s best for you. In fact, I plead that you remember that any good you find in yourself was by His mercy and transformation. It is not in us to desire what is truly good, Inchristi. What is pleasurable? Yes. What feels good? Absolutely. But what is truly good? Not a chance. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, said these words that our fellow Kingdom citizens might have thrown at you flippantly so much so that you hate to hear them. But Inchristi, there is nothing in this world, or the world to come, or even in the world that was, that is not working for your good, because you love the King and have been called according to His purpose. Sometimes, like a father denying a 3-year-old the keys to drive a car might seem merciless, our King does what is best for us. He seemingly rejects our desires that will destroy us. Please note that it is not us he rejects; it is those desires that, though well-meaning and good-intentioned, might destroy us. Sometimes, rejection is a mercy. Sometimes, it is protection.

And please do not fret if instead of a total decline, he keeps you waiting. Waiting is good for your faith. It is needed for your soul.

Inchristi, I am not immune to this. I still struggle. The two extremes we usually dangle between is the blame spectrum. The wise teacher Oswald Chambers puts it this way:

When prayer seems to be unanswered, beware of trying to fix the blame on someone else. That is always a snare of Satan. You will find there is a reason which is a deep instruction to you, not to anyone else.

If we pray because we want answers, we will get huffed with God. The answers come every time, but not always in the way we expect, and our spiritual huff shows a refusal to identify ourselves with Our Lord in prayer.

Indeed, the saint makes a point worth pondering. I'll leave you with this quote I found during my mediation. As always, I invite you to the path of truth, pain, humility, nakedness, and true surrender. Talk to the King about your hurt. Reclaim the lost art of lament. Bare your agony and loneliness to him and be willing to accept his help and comfort even when it doesn't look like what you want.

I pray our hearts learn the truth of his inescapable love. That we cast the idols in us that make us desire things that are not good for us. I pray you find saints you can confide in and bear one another’s burdens. Do not lose hope. I pray for you.

If you need further encouragement on some matters, here are a few resources that might help. Until I hear from you again.

In hope and love,

Inchristi ♥️

The Forgotten Art of Lament—With the Perry's ft Sarah Benibo

Bridge Church—Thy Kingdom

Tim Keller Praying Our Doubts

Dear Inchristi, all fear is deeply rooted in an imperfection of love. If any iota of corruption lingers in your heart, fear is the next symptom. You wonder why you still wrestle with this faceless, ancient foe even though you were set free on the cross. This is bound to be a long, recurring conversation, so I won't be in a hurry to answer.

Now if we were not so susceptible to fear, I do not think we’d have as many ‘fear not’ decrees in our Kingdom Charter. Our natural tendency is to baulk and shrink, to distrust and cower. But the King has not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power (boldness), love, and self-control (sound mind.)

I find it interesting that only one word is needed to describe fear, but to describe the spirit in us, there's more than that. Fear makes us cowards (that's why we need boldness/power); it is the root of hate and hate crimes (that’s why we need love). As Ted Dekker puts it, you must count it as of no value—self, love, position, identity; you must lose attachment if you want to love like Yeshua. Fear makes our mind a breeding ground for chaos (that’s why we need the soundness of mind and self-control.) It affects our creative ability and our ability to be rational. It affects our discernment and perception, tempting us and weakening us to wanton desires with an almost irresistible lure to say no.

Your greatest confidence lies in the perfection of love in you and a knowledge of Perfect Love. I do not know how to love, but Inchristi, Yeshua does. He is Love, Perfect Love personified. He is perfect, and his Love is whole. It is not lacking in any way; you can wholly rely on it. You can depend on it.

All fears have their roots in an imperfect view or knowledge of God. You’ll find that you fear sickness so much because, though scripture says He healed the sick and his disciples will lay hands on the sick, somewhere at the back of your mind is a gnawing feeling that perhaps he heals only when you meet a certain requirement. So what happens when you don't? Legalism sets in, with its own leash of fear yanking you into different ways to stay in line. You just want a definite, finite response from an infinite God. Is it yes or no to my healing? Because of this, you fear sickness more than you fear the reverse accusation your heart lays against the Father of Light. Thinking perhaps it is not true that he always heals, thereby calling him a liar. The same applies to my unshakeable fear of the future. I know in theory that He is sovereign and in control of my life, but I can’t seem to shake off the familiar worry that my life is not going according to plan. That blasphemous inclination that I know more than the One who made the universe and that He just might not have all the power to reroute me even when I make mistakes is the hidden seed behind my worry. I wish He’d let me in on what he was doing; once I have an idea, then I’d feel more reckless to trust Him with my life and have no fear. How foolish. How human of me.

What a slave I was before the King found me, Inchristi. You see, the enemy destroys, as Yeshua told us in John 10:10: 'The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.’

He did come into my life to steal my innocence. As a young girl of four or five, I'd seen and experienced abhorrent violations no one should. It set me in a loop. He tried to kill my dreams and hope. Daily, I wrestle out the lies of despair, and even now I am not immune to the whispers that perhaps my life has no meaning and that this is all a rouse to make me feel better. Inchristi, he has tried to destroy me. My faith in the King is literally all my life is about. And he came for it mercilessly. I fell, and I fell hard. So when you look at it, I have justifiable reasons to fear. And so do you. But Yeshua says to the men in the boat, “It is I. Do not be afraid”—it's such a powerful statement on identity. You can fear a ghost because you don't know if it'll capsize your boat. You can fear a squall because you're not sure your boat can endure such a storm. Your feelings are legitimate because they are about two things:

1. You know you're powerless and cannot trust yourself

2. The other thing (ghost, storm, or boat) is somewhat an unknown variable that triggers a legitimate insecurity.

But our King said, “It is I.” Peter, you know me. I save, I heal, I mend, I teach, I give. It is I. It reminds me of a song I learnt in Sunday school—He's got the whole world in His hands. Oh, how the childish melody gladdens my heart, Inchristi. Nothing is out of his control. Not your health, not your future in your career, your passion, your dreams, your grief, your hurt, or your desires for love & companionship. Fear thrives when love takes a backseat as darkness reigns in a room when the light goes out or is taken into a corner. Why then let it have the final say if this conversation with it seems lifelong?

What then must we learn to do? For the immediate threat of fear is ever present. Even now, as I write to you, I ponder on what saints surviving persecution do it. There must be a higher way. One that makes cowards like Peter, who deny their Lord when he needed them the most, to jubilate after a public thrashing and pray for more boldness to continue that which could get them killed. There must be a kind of learning to lose our lives because of love, which liberates us from fear. I see it all over the tales of our brothers. The question is, how do we get to where they did?

There’s a precious reason why I call you Inchristi. As the Apostles did to the early church, you and I need a constant reminder of who, whose, and where we are. We are God’s adopted children. His sons. We also belong to Christ—rightfully purchased by his priceless blood. We are His bride. His servants and His family. We are also intricately placed, hidden in Christ in God. Why then should we let fear torment us?

While this topic is almost inexhaustible as our adversary has millennia worth of experience in twisting our desires and chaining us to fears, I want to remind you that a fearful life is one not aware of love. Remember that you have a daily prescription of fear-nots in our Kingdom Charter. Each one is a reminder that every day might come with its threats and cares, but the love of our King is sufficient to drown them. Our increasing knowledge of who He is strengthens us to disarm the lies.

I pray you learn to love. May it tug at your heartstrings. May that awareness quicken you and dispel the darkness. May you take courage and live in Him. May you learn of Him.

In faith and hope,

Inchristi. ♥️