“I’m sure I’m gonna have arthritis when I get a little older... I mean we can count on that, right? How long can I do repetitive movement like this?” (the motion of paddling on a surfboard)

My friend asked me this while talking about turning 50.

I thought, wow, this is such a true and untrue statement. Powered by current medicine, myths of aging, and the common denominator of what happens when we don’t tend to our bodies’ messages.

Here is what arthritis isn’t:

100% guaranteed because of your age and repetitive movement.

Here is what it is:

Our bodies are made of soft tissue (muscles and fascia) and dense tissue (bone). (There’s more to us than that, but these two are what matter for this conversation.) How they work together is called tensegrity: the bones float, suspended in the tension of the soft tissue around them. No bone is meant to touch another bone.

When an area gets overworked or chronically tight, the soft tissue tightens and shortens. That pulls the bones closer together, and the joint space, the buffer between them, shrinks. Less space means less movement, and less movement means less hydration and lubrication reaching that joint. Over time the tissue that should be moving and luxuriating in that fluid hardens instead.

This is arthritis: the slow loss of space between bones that were designed to stay apart.

So no, it isn’t a guaranteed toll for turning 50, and it isn’t really about the paddling itself. It’s about what happens to a joint that never gets to rest, reset, or move through its full range.

The strain that pulls those bones together isn’t just mechanical. It’s also a neuro-emotional and behavioral habit.

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Arthritis is the physical crystallization of our tendency to push past our limits.

We often wear our ability to force through exhaustion as a badge of honor. But when we constantly override the body’s natural boundaries with sheer willpower, our soft tissue listens. It braces. It hardens. It takes on the rigidity of the mindset driving it.

When you refuse to volunteer a pause, your body eventually creates a boundary for you. The stiffness of arthritis is actually the body’s intelligent message system, and the calcification is its emergency brake. It’s what happens when a lifetime of forcing a pace finally solidifies into the physical structure. The joint locks because the mind refused to stop.

So where do we begin? Rather than a Google diagnosis, or feeling doomed, we begin with attention.

Listen first.

Which joint feels tight when you wake up? Where does your body pull or ache? That tightness is information. It’s the joint telling you it’s lost some of its space and yummy lubrication. As you notice, ask the same question of your life. Where else am I tight, pulled, or bracing in order to push through or get things done?

Then create room.

This is where massage tools come in handy. You can use specific massage balls, a tennis ball, or even the corner of where two walls meet, something to give you a vector of pressure into the tissue that’s tight. You’re communicating with your soft tissue and releasing the grip that’s been slowly pulling those bones closer together, so the tissue stops hardening and begins moving again. While you’re creating room in the tissue, notice where you can create more room in your life for pause, for space, for a few moments of breath and contemplation. Why am I pushing here? What will happen if I slow or pause or NOT do?

Then move the other way.

Paddling doesn’t just round the shoulders and chest forward, it also has you lifting, sometimes craning your head up and forward, which shortens and compresses the muscles at the back of the neck. The counter movements begin with opening through the chest, and finding traction and length in the neck. Space instead of compression. The goal isn’t to stop the movement you love. It’s to make sure your body isn’t only moving in one direction. As you move in the other direction, whether it feels like opening or strengthening, ask the same of your life: where else could I open, or decompress more? What would it feel like to flow downstream with the current rather than push and paddle upstream?

Listen, release, counter. Do this consistently, and you're not managing arthritis, you're listening to the message of your body before it needs its emergency brake.

Osteoarthritis isn’t the price of getting older. It’s the cost of never checking in. Start tuning in now, and there’s ample time to change your story.

I flow between two distinct states. Longing to create, to serve, to offer my writing, my hands, my teaching, the small usable pieces of how to heal and align and live with less pain. And the state of wanting to disappear into somewhere like the Ionian, float in pristine water, watercolor, craft meals for my family from food I grow outside my own window, and speak a few words in Greek with the little yiayias who sit outside their homes in the village.

I know the real gift is finding the balance, but I flow between two states here too. Some days Topanga feels like I’ve struck it: barefoot in the yard before a session, the quiet before the canyon wakes up, tea with someone I love. Other days it’s just LA at a different altitude. Same traffic down the hill, same inbox, same feeling of being a cog turning at somebody else’s pace, just with better light and more trees.

This isn’t a post to resolve that. It’s just to say the contrast is ok. The not knowing is ok. I think it’s taking me somewhere, I just can’t see where yet. So today, barefoot in the yard is a beautiful touchstone of my Greek vision before writing, working, playing with Marlowe and driving down the hill for appointments. And maybe we’ll stroll along Topanga beach before crafting dinner. Ahhh see, I’m already finding balance.

What I’m reading to remember my connection the earth and life, and the thankfulness for it.

The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World

Robin Wall Kimmerer

You’ve had a bustling full life in your 20s, 30s, and 40s. You’ve maybe had a child or several. You fluctuate between feeling like you do everything and should be doing more. Your body is different than it used to be. Maybe you have a pooch, pee when you laugh, or have a gnarly prolapse and wonder “How the hell did I get here?” or “Why are none of these practices or protocols working?”

I’ve had many of those thoughts. “How is it that I’m a somatic bodyworker and I’m not healing?” But here is what I’ve learned over 25 years of studying and working with bodies: nothing helps if we don’t address the pressure system of our bodies.

The pelvic floor lives at the bottom of this pressure system, the breath regulates it, and our fascial network is where it lives, flows, gets stuck and wreaks havoc. You can isolate and strengthen what’s weak and even release what’s tight, but if the way you move pressure through your body doesn’t shift, neither will your pelvic floor dysfunction.

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What the Pelvic Floor Actually Is

Your very famous pelvic floor, which you’ve been told will be fabulous as long as you do your Kegels, is more like a spring and less like a floor. It’s a diaphragm. It breathes as you breathe, and it reacts as you rebound with every step. Its intricate design creates a hammock of love for your organs, your uterus, your ovaries and bladder. A buoyancy of support.

This hammock is woven with fascia, the network of fibrous tissue that wraps and weaves around and through your muscles. Your fascia is also responsible for your bounce and rebound.

Picture this. Underneath your rib cage lives your diaphragm, a big canopy that hovers above your abdominal cavity on your exhale, and on your inhale moves down and massages your organs and pelvic floor. Your abdominal walls live toward the front of your body. Your deep spinal muscles live behind. Your pelvic floor or diaphragm lives below. These four breathing walls become a magnificent pressure container.

When in balance, the inhale creates healthy pressure, massaging the goods, and the exhale creates a pressure release — the pelvic floor gently engages, nourishing your organs from below. An ongoing pressure system of massage for your viscera. Whoever designed this was a genius.

What creates healthy balance in this container depends on how you move, how you sit, how you talk, sing, dance, sleep and eat. Everything.

How Pressure Dysregulates

You can imagine your container now. You’re probably sitting. Notice how much pressure falls through your abdominal cavity as you sit. Depending on how you sit, and for how long, patterns begin to form in the container. If you’re a little slumped and your front ribs push down into your belly, the front of your diaphragm and abdominal tissue gets tight. The back line, directly behind the slump, becomes weaker, less springy.

Remember that fascia, the network of tissue that brings spring, elasticity and healthy tension throughout your body? It gets rigid from unbalanced movement and funky postural positioning. Now you have a container that is no longer balanced. Tight in the front, overstretched in the back. Squished. Pressure moves downward into your organs and pushes into the bottom of this system; your pelvic floor.

The tightness creates a pattern where pressure is consistently pushed downward, even when you’re trying to stand tall, because your fascia and muscle have become tense beyond being able to maintain a lift. The full breath system that helps regulate pressure is now compromised because your diaphragm is stuck and tight. To get a full inhale, other muscles overwork. Maybe your chest and neck muscles compensate, and that tension creates more downward pressure. Your exhale is less of a lengthened release and more of a collapse. Maybe you’ve begun to move less because you’re in pain, and movement is what hydrates your fascia. The spiral continues. The pressure grows. This is one of many examples. Dysfunction and pain arise from postural patterns, injury, trauma, surgery, scar tissue, biochemical and nutritional imbalances.

In simplest terms: how you sit, breathe, stand, move and nourish your body greatly affect your pressure system.

Why Kegels Alone Often Fall Short

You may already understand why Kegels do very little, or make symptoms worse, now that you can picture your pressure system. Rather than working from the root of the dysfunction, Kegels address only the weakness, which is a result of the pressure. They will increase muscle tone but do nothing for the continuous pressure being pushed through and down into your body, into that beautiful container.

Similarly, for those with hernias, disc herniations and many other physical injuries, pressure is the root of the issue. When there is constant pressure within a closed container, something has to give. Pressure is the root cause.

Often those with pelvic pain or discomfort have too much tone in the pelvic floor tissue from overcompensation — the body trying to hold it together. In those cases, Kegels are especially the wrong exercise. And similarly, those with hernias and disc bulges, strengthening the core increases intra-abdominal pressure, and often those muscles are tight from overcompensation as well. The faulty pressure pattern must be addressed first.

Healing happens when you listen to the signals your body is giving you and look toward healing at the root, not just the symptom. Kegels might temporarily tone your pelvic tissue and even pause your urinary incontinence for a while, but eventually pressure wins.

The Somatic Approach: Listening Before Strengthening

My approach with any body always begins with listening and awareness. This might sound basic, but when you tune in to your body’s signals there is a wealth of information.

Once you notice how pressure is moving or not moving through your body, where you hold, where tension lives, and how your breath flows or doesn’t flow, you have a foundation to build upon.

Can you begin to breathe more balanced? What is creating tension while you inhale? This is where you begin to undo and unravel through fascial bodywork, scar tissue release and dynamic fascial lengthening. You observe — is your breath more balanced? These tools begin the re-patterning process so your body learns a new way of moving, breathing and posturing. Strengthening begins during the re-patterning phase and continues as you begin to integrate. The last and ongoing step is integrating your new patterns, new way of being, and new beliefs into your daily life.

One Foundational Practice

The simplest place to begin is Breath Mapping — a short practice that shows you where your tension lives and how your pressure system is moving. You start by lying down and observing how you breathe, where you breathe, and what tension patterns are recurring on each breath cycle. It’s a way to notice how you are being, before you begin any doing.

Now you have a clearer understanding of what might be going on in your body. Your body that has done so much throughout your life and still longs to feel vital and free. The freedom, vitality and strength are here for you. They live just beyond the first step of listening, observing and shifting your relationship with pressure.

[Download the free Breath Mapping guide on my website → here]

photo credit: Lauren Purves

All of my energy has been going to my new website, which I cannot wait to share with you. It’s clear, easy to navigate, and expresses the heart of my work: slowing down, listening to your body, and healing at the root.

This process cracked me open.

My original website was built by a designer in 2007. Flash had just come out and websites were gloriously simple, and it felt super cool to have one! Did anyone use it? I have no idea. All of my clients were word of mouth and I worked at several physical therapy offices. I was booked to the brim because I was deeply integrated in the Pilates community and rehab world. I worked 10 hours a day!

Circa 2010, entrepreneurship started to get hip in wellness and DIY web platforms hit the scene. I started using Wix and kept at it for nearly 15 years, as my business became more mine and more online. I grew, my business grew and changed.

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As my work started to evolve, I knew I needed to clarify it. I’d left the Pilates bubble and was doing more breathwork, somatic coaching and bodywork. My work was becoming more me, and less defined by cultural wellness norms. But I needed to define it, so that it would bring those needing it in. I signed up for B-School, Marie Forleo’s business program, through Michelle Martinello, an ambassador and teacher in the program, which gave me the most fabulous gift of a website review after I’d done the work of tightening my copy, vision and upcoming projects through the B-School lens. Michelle gave me a lot to chew on. I chewed and chewed until this stage of my growth got me as clear as I could become... on my own.

And eventually I learned that DIY works, until you or your business outgrow it. I finally reached the point where the hours spent on design flow, updates, and SEO were simply beyond my skill set and way outside my scope. DIY had given me clarity, but it had also given me the illusion of control, and as a recovering perfectionist, I held onto that tightly. The irony? The level of perfection I was chasing was impossible to achieve on my own.

Letting go (of course) turned out to be the whole lesson.

Here’s what I discovered, and yes, I asked AI too:

• I have more time! Fifteen years of DIY hours were hours not spent with clients, developing content, or deepening my practice. My designer took that weight off and put me back where I belong.

• The process became a mirror. My designer asked questions that clarified my vision: my offers, my message, my people. It was less transaction and more excavation.

• A clear site, a clear self. When my site began to truly represent me, I showed up differently. There’s a quiet confidence that comes from sending people somewhere you’re proud of. That shift isn’t just aesthetic; it changes how you market, how you pitch, how visible you’re willing to be.

I felt this so viscerally recently. I went to my dear friend Stacey Lindsay’s book launch, where for the first time in a long time I was surrounded by women who asked questions and cared about the answers. Usually I find myself not really talking about myself, but asking questions because I’m genuinely curious and interested. I don’t know if the women were just different, or if the environment was crafted so intentionally, or if my inner being was filled with new layers of clarity, or all of the above. But when I did talk about myself and what I do, I felt so different than I did even a few months ago. I felt clear, like the expert in my field I am, and less afraid to let that shine. I felt passionate about my work in a new way and so happy to share my heart.

The clarity I felt that night was different and new. I had the cadence and breath of a late 40’s woman sitting confidently in her skin and light pink silk blouse. My hair was a little dirty, but it didn’t matter. My inner flame was steady.

Stacey’s book is called BEING 40: The Decade of Letting Go and Embracing Who We Are. Of course it is.

I feel like I went through a rebirthing process. 25 years in the healing and wellness industry is a long time, and this was a beautiful anniversary celebration to give myself, and honestly, to give to you; those I serve and long to serve.

I followed my intuition on this one deeply. I knew I needed a designer. I knew I needed to say yes. It took me time to find the right fit. That perfectionist in me nearly brought me to my knees. That little girl gets so darn scared sometimes. But I did find the right fit. Someone who is intentional, who listened to me, understood me, and then created a vision.

Is my website perfect? Yes. It’s exactly perfect in this moment. And now I have a collaborative partner to call on when I launch something new, want to change something, update copy or photos, or build a course.

My creativity always felt endless, but now it feels supported. I am supported. Saying yes to a website designer — so simple it’s almost silly, but it changed my entire way of being.

And of course I’m gonna link my designer! If your hunt can take less time than mine, great! If you’re looking for a designer who is thoughtful, skilled, calm and clear, I cannot recommend Aneet enough: brandunpuzzled.com

The incredible thing about being a classically trained dancer since the age of 3 is that I became highly sensitive to each and every sensation pouring through my body. The un-incredible thing about being a highly trained dancer is that I learned how to bypass all of those feelings, so that I might not ever miss a beat (pun intended). There was always someone waiting in the wings (again, a great pun!). Overriding became the way I functioned, and it was also a highly praised asset as a dancer. If you could push through injury and perform — wow, you were a beast.

But how long can a sweet little body continue this way? The pushing through doesn’t just happen a few times and then disappear. The push leaves a mark. The override lives on in the fascia and neural pathways. Just present enough to ignore most feelings.

The incredible thing about naturally healing a debilitating injury (naturally meaning no Western meds, no surgery, and deep self-care, awareness, and education) is that you feel powerful, awake, and nearly invincible. It also gives you the feeling that you know a lot more than the average Joe. The un-incredible thing is that it might just lift you up enough that you now live on a pedestal with the belief that natural healing is the only way; and if people choose meds and surgery, they are less than.

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So here we are. I’m grateful to say that at the near age of 48, I’ve played in both of these shadows. The shadow of bypassing symptoms, discomfort, and pain, not only in myself but with clients; and the shadow of my pedestal.

I’m learning to live in the both/and. In the gray.

I don’t know what’s best for you. I only know what’s best for me, and I have perspective through my lived experiences and my somatic education and exploration over 25 years. I can listen and guide and listen again and guide again. But none of us know what is best for our neighbor’s healing journey. We can share and listen, share and listen. Once I think I know better, I’ve left the realm of healing.

At dinner the other night, someone brought up a bodyworker who does very deep jaw releases — so deep that the work elicits an emotional response or release. Here we are in the gray. To some it looks like an emotional release; to some it looks like tears flowing after a physical assault.

I, of course, have my opinion, and it’s strong. But my opinion is mine. It stands for my body and my work. Is that deep release good for someone else? I have no idea. All I can do is share my experience and how it feels to me. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, because there is no such thing. It’s personal. Each of us is being guided by our bodies, our intuition, or maybe a force that lives beyond our physical forms.

Another wellness advocate, whom I respect and have learned from, has begun a discussion on HRT and peptides. And how if you’re taking them, you’re not addressing the root.

Is there truth to this? Maybe. Is it true for her right now? Definitely. Is it true for you and every other human being? Probably not.

As advocates, do we need to be judgmental?

How can we address problems we’re seeing, or express our opinions, without creating a “less than” or a “what I say goes” attitude?

Maybe advocacy doesn’t have to be a stand against. Maybe it can be a stand for. For our own truth, our own experience, our own healing. With room for others to find theirs, or with a road map we can share, offering it to someone who might want to go the same path.

All I can do is guide myself and those I work with to slow way down and deeply tune in to what we feel in our bones. What am I being pulled toward, and why?

Here’s a little dialogue between the part of us that longs for relief and the part that knows to slow down and ask:

Inquiry: “What does my body need right now?”

Pain Voice: “Well, to be out of this jaw pain!”

Inquiry: “Yes. But why is the pain here?”

Pain Voice: “I don’t know. I just want it to LEAVE.”

Inquiry: “Yes, of course we do. But what might it be telling us? Where is the root of this tension coming from? Why is this pattern here? Let’s just slow down, pause and breathe...”

Pain Voice: ...

Inquiry: “Do I need a massive external release right now? Or do I need to learn something from it first?”

We create the gray by slowing down, asking questions, and listening sacredly.

This goes for how we work with ourselves and with others.

The beautiful pain of being a mother lives in nearly every breath of presence. Holding and letting go, over and over again. Kissing and hugging the fleeting. Boys born with wings to fly further than the last generation. These flights feel raw in my heart; the heart of the mother. The free child is ultimate joy and tearful grief. Letting him go is the greatest work, the greatest joy, and the seed that carries within it all that this life is.

At around age 9, as children, we begin to recognize we’re separate from the world. We start to feel alone in a new way, to question, to develop a sense of our own boundaries; where we end and the world begins.

In Waldorf education, this is the 9-year change. During the 3rd grade, children study and design shelters. Sod houses, farm houses, pueblos; My son chose a yurt (photo below)! They discover their own inner shelter; their body, their boundaries, their separateness while they work it out through the physical world.

THE SHIFT

Until this point, they’ve been tuned to nature. One with the world; no real separation between themselves and the trees, the sky, the people around them.

But around this sacred time, something shifts. They begin to feel separate. It might feel scary, and it creates the possibility for something new.

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The body becomes home.

The concept emphasizes transforming the physical body into a secure “home” or refuge for their spirit. Fostering a sense of being grounded and safe within their own skin

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And from this ultimately births trust.

Trust in their home. Trust in what they’ve built. Trust that the body can hold them, shelter them, keep them safe in this new awareness of separateness.

They’re no longer just one with everything. They have a self. A container. A place to tune into.

Is your body your shelter?

Has it always been? Or is it something you’ve reclaimed through work and restoration?

This feels like the work of the past few years for me, my clients, and maybe the whole planet. Coming back to center. Coming back home. My body is my container, and I’m trusting this sacred vessel. Where do I end and where do you begin? What do boundaries feel like to me? Walls? A porous bubble? Strong and impermeable or loose and barely present? (I feel a meditation forming!) This is a poignant bit to ponder.

What was your 9-year change like? Did you ever feel that shift from oneness to self, from outer to inner shelter? I have absolutely no idea for myself… yet. But I feel that little 9 year old calling asking me to sit with her and discover what might be there.

The truth of your healing process:

You’ve spent years, decades or lifetimes building patterns in your sweet little bod and mind. They served you once. They kept you safe, or at least kept you functioning. Your body learned to hold, to brace, to compress. Your mind learned to control, to manage, to stay one step ahead. Your emotions learned to stay locked down, contained, unexpressed.

These patterns are deep. They’re wired into your nervous system, into your fascia, into the way you breathe and move and think.

You’ve possibly come to healing work hoping for a quick fix. You want relief now. You want to feel better, move better, breathe better, yesterday.

The pain is real. The exhaustion is real. The desire to just be done with all of it is so real.

Pain is scary, and it’s not easy to BE. Quick fixes sound relieving.

But true healing happens with grace, time, acceptance and patience. These are the most challenging bits of healing.

What re-patterning looks like.

You’ve got life to live! But what if your pain, your pattern, is teaching you to live completely differently? What if the old view of living also needs a re-pattern?

Rather than go back, you must go through to a new way.

Often with a quick fix, the root is not addressed. We often use the phrase “that’s just a band-aid.” But what’s actually cool about a band-aid is that it creates a safe space for a wound to heal on its own. You just protect the wound, and boom, the body heals.

The body is always healing.

Acceptance, patience and grace is that band-aid, that protected safe space. The nest your body needs to heal, to release and re-pattern. A nest for the body and for the mind.

Thoughts are as much a part of your healing as your wound care. A resilient nervous system heals more swiftly than one in tension and fight.

And magically, as you create this nesting space, answers arise. Trails that lead you to more support. A guide. A practitioner. A loved one. That action comes after the nest of patience and grace.

When the Soul’s Cry Is Louder Than the Mind

The soul becomes louder than the mind when old patterns can’t hold anymore. When grief breaks us open. When a medicine journey cracks the control. When hormones shift and diminish. When the ego’s grip loosens and what’s left is raw, vulnerable, uncomfortable.

We think this is freedom. Sometimes there is, or just a glimmer — but often, it’s not (yet). It’s the breakdown before the reformation. The caterpillar dissolving inside the chrysalis.

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BODY

The holding patterns that kept emotions down, that maintained control, begin to break away. The body becomes painful (physically and emotionally), uncomfortable, raw, vulnerable and undefended.

The dissonance: we thought letting go would feel good. But this doesn’t feel like liberation. It feels like falling apart.

The truth: This IS the healing. The dissolution before reformation. The soul’s cry is louder because it’s finally being heard, the mind is tired and the body is releasing what it no longer needs to hold.

“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

The pain, the rawness, the discomfort, the falling apart, is inevitable. The suffering comes from resisting it. From thinking we’re doing it wrong or the fear that we’ll fall apart or die (because a part of us will die). The suffering comes from trying to skip to the reformation before the dissolution is complete.

WHAT TO DO (or more accurately, how to BE)

Don’t rush to rebuild. Don’t add new practices or fixes to “feel better” faster. But also, we can’t white-knuckle our way through this alone.

We must gift ourselves what feels helpful, good and aligned:

• Safe spaces where we can let the rawness be seen

• Safe people who won’t try to fix or rush us

• Permission to release, to cry, to fall apart without performing strength

• Grace for the discomfort (this is not weakness, this is transformation)

• Love for ourselves in the mess (we’re not broken, we’re dissolving into something new)

This stage requires fierce gentleness. Not discipline. Not pushing through. Not “doing the work.” Just… being with what’s happening. Holding ourselves while we come undone.

The reformation will come. But we can’t force it. We can only create the conditions for it, and those conditions are safety, space, and self-love.

WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE

We want to be fixed. Solved. Made better. We might have been given a diagnosis alongside a prescription or two or three.

We want relief. We want the pain to stop and want to feel better now. And I understand that desire, the body is screaming, the mind is spinning, everything feels compressed, tight, overwhelming.

But the “fix” isn’t what we think it is.

The relief, the actual, sweet relief, doesn’t come from adding more practices, more solutions, more “doing.” It comes from going into the shit that feels really fucked up.

The resistance of going into the shit is what comes as tightness, compression, overwhelm. The mind spinning endlessly trying to find an exit.

There is no quick evacuation plan. We can’t go around it — only through.

The “doing” that helps isn’t more doing. It’s the uncomfortable work of allowing. Allowing the grief. Allowing the rage. Permitting the body to shake, to cry, to release what it’s been holding for years, decades, lifetimes.

From the outside, it looks like falling apart. From the inside, it feels like dying.

But it’s not death. It’s dissolution. The caterpillar becoming something new.

AND TIME.

There’s an old saying: time heals all wounds. I don’t know if time alone does that, but it sure does something. Time creates space. Time allows the dissolution to happen without forcing it.

But the other pieces that help? They’re not the ones our doctors, or anyone, can tell us to do.

They’re the ones that inspire from within. Or they’re suggested to us and our body either lights up or feels a slight resonance with.

I say slight resonance because I have a client who hit such a hard rock bottom that apathy is her day-to-day existence. Nothing feels “good.” So she has to go toward what feels neutral, or even a tick above “okay.”

Her doctor is telling her acupuncture twice a week alongside weekly mineral infusions and supplements. But what’s actually helping, even just a little bit, is doing less. More nature walks. Therapeutic sessions, talks, breathing, occasional massage or bodywork. These things help her shift and change her day to day functioning and allow her to be, listen and attune to herself, her soul.

Even when we feel like shit, our body is still guiding us.

The whisper is quieter when we’re in the chrysalis. But it’s there. And it’s not always saying “do more.” Sometimes it’s saying “rest.” Sometimes it’s saying “walk.” Sometimes it’s saying “cry.”

But here’s the thing about crying:

Many of us think we’re allowing ourselves this space. But we aren’t. Because right before the tears come, there’s a big hit of discomfort. A wave. A tightening in the throat, the chest, the belly.

And if we’re used to holding in our feelings, if we’ve spent years, decades, keeping it together, this is where we’ll hold. Right at the edge. Right before the release.

Unless someone, or something, gives us the space. The nest. The womb. The safety. The permission.

This is why safe people matter. This is why bodywork or somatic practices can crack us open when talking can’t. This is why sometimes we need someone to witness us, hold space for us, say “it’s okay, we can let go here.”

Our body knows. Even, especially, when our mind is broken down. But sometimes it needs help crossing the threshold from holding to releasing.

And here’s the magic:

In my experience working one-to-one with people, once the safety is created and the tears can flow, there’s self-realization. A wisdom that pops in.

“Oh. I’ve been holding for so many years because I’m so afraid of losing control.”

“Oh. I’ve been holding everyone else’s pain and I haven’t given myself space to release it.”

Profound golden realizations rise to the surface.

That is the soul’s cry.

That is what’s trying to break through.

That is what the holding is really hiding.

Not just the tears. Not just the grief. But the truth underneath it all. The thing the soul has been screaming about while the mind kept it locked down.

When the old patterns break down, when the body finally releases what it’s been gripping for years, what’s left isn’t just raw vulnerability. It’s clarity. It’s knowing. It’s the soul finally being heard.

So, the longer we can stay in this place of raw vulnerability, the better.

Because we know what else pops in once we start to feel better?

The mind comes back.

And it might want to resist the next step. It gets scared. It’s comfortable acting as it always had.

Then we have a little conflict. Soul versus mind. Both strong.

Who wins is up to us.

The soul is ready to take action. Ready to stop holding. Ready to set a boundary, express feelings to a partner from a raw, relational place, pick up an instrument we’ve been longing to play, declutter that closet. The soul guides us toward all sorts of things that help us let go, release, and re-pattern.

And the mind is like: HELL NO. Way too scary. Let’s just go back to holding.

This is the moment.

The chrysalis cracked us open. The tears came. The truth rose to the surface. The soul is asking us to act. The mind is ready to go back to its old ways of what is perceived as comfort and safety.

Both are understandable. The mind isn’t trying to keep us safe, it’s trying to keep us comfortable. Trying to keep us in what it’s been taught to know as “safe.”

But comfortable isn’t always free. And what the mind calls “safe” might be exactly what the soul is crying to be released from.

This is where we again and again keep tuning in and going toward what feels aligned, safety and permission, no holding. We do the process again and again, giving ourselves the courage and knowing to act in alignment with soul.

I write from inside my own chrysalis. Over and over again I go toward my soul, my need to express in new ways, set boundaries in new ways, love and create in new ways. Holding shows up again and again, and I release and unravel again and again, always and forever moving upward on the healing spiral. The helix of life. The chrysalis again and again.

This is our work. Our only work.

“A soul would rather die than live its life as someone else.” — unknown

The Golden Shadow is a Jungian psychology concept representing our disowned positive potential — hidden gifts, brilliance, and strength that we project onto others rather than owning and acknowledging in ourselves. It is the bright counterpart to the “dark shadow” (repressed, so-called negative traits). The Golden…

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Despite his tendency to find the good in everything, while we were growing up, my dad used to tell us how tough his summer vacations were growing up in Hermosa Beach. He worked all summer in the fields (empty lots where he, his dad, mom and brothers grew flowers) to take and sell to the LA market on Sundays. This was grueling work although my dad somehow still had a way of romanticizing it. They were dirt poor. He ran track barefoot because he only had one pair of shoes. Sometimes just bread for dinner dipped in lamb chop juice (he always made sure to give his mom his chop, just like he took on her work in the fields as she got older).

My dad still talks about my Yiayia Julia with reverence; a kind of smart most don’t have. Learned, skilled and embodied. She was spirited, soulful and wise. She predicted and willed herself to die 8 days after my Papou.

I didn’t have a word for what he meant until recently: Metis.

Metis is an Ancient Greek word meaning wisdom, skill, cunning, craft, or counsel. Specifically: practical intelligence and embodied wisdom.

This is intelligence that lives in the body. Felt sense. Metis is adaptivity, responsiveness, and intuition. Attunement.

Not from a book, but from the wisdom of craftspeople, healers and those who work with their hands, their bodies, and nature.

Coded in femininity and grounded in responsive intelligence—swallowed, like Metis, the goddess, herself. Devoured by power, jealousy, and fear.

Metis reminds us to reclaim what we’ve lost or felt disconnected from: Body literacy. Intuitive knowing. Adaptive intelligence. Listening deeply to respond wisely. Honoring and working with earth medicine.

This is what I’ve been reclaiming this entire lifetime and what I teach. When I help someone listen to their body, trust what it’s telling them, and respond with wisdom instead of protocol, we’re reclaiming metis together.

It’s no coincidence that as I’ve been in this period of life-review, my yiayia’s been showing up in my thoughts during 3 am wakeful moments — reminding me of who I am. Metis is here for all of us; giving us permission to access and integrate our deepest knowing.

Some prompts:

How are you integrating metis in your life? How have you been accessing your voice, wisdom and power? And how do you share it within community?

You’ve been breathing into your belly. But what if that’s adding pressure to an already overloaded system?

Most breathwork teaches belly breathing, diaphragmatic breath. And it’s not wrong. But for many people, especially those with pelvic floor issues, chronic pain, or postural patterns from sitting, belly breathing can push downward and add MORE load to an already overloaded pelvic floor.

There’s another way to use your diaphragm, especially the parts of it less engaged, and relieve pressure on your pelvis.

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Introducing Lateral Breathing

Lateral breathing in simplest form is breathing into the sides of your ribs, expanding laterally, not up into the chest or down into the belly. Yes, I know this sounds simple, but it can be life changing, especially if you’ve got pelvic floor dysfunction, hernias, or low back pain.

How it works:

When you focus on bringing air into the side ribs, the diaphragm stretches (or actually contracts) down and wide to the sides, rather than just down (belly breath) or barely engaged (chest breathing).

• The breath becomes three dimensional when we think laterally. (Necessary for engaging and stretching everything in balance.)

• The diaphragm massages the lower organs without an unnecessary amount of pressure. That massage keeps us healthy by increasing organ motility (think bowel regularity).

• We’re using full lung capacity, increasing oxygen intake (cells get happy), and on the exhale there’s more opportunity for a reactive (yes, without working or trying) pelvic core and core.

Lateral breathing creates a very three dimensional inhale where the lungs and diaphragm are working fully without added, unbalanced pressure into the abdominal cavity.

Why Your Pelvic Floor Needs This

Chronic sitting, holding patterns from stress, chronic bracing, all compress the lower abdomen, the joints around the lower back and sacrum, and our organs. That compression shows up as herniations, hernias, pelvic prolapse, incontinence, and joint pain (anywhere in the body).

Belly breathing, although we’ve claimed this breath helps with stress by down regulating the nervous system and strengthening the diaphragm, is a little, well, outdated. It’s one dimensional. When we breathe down, we create downward pressure. Lateral breathing does the down regulating while decreasing intra abdominal pressure, and the pelvic floor begins to remember to engage innately, reactively.

Down Regulating and the Nervous System

When you breathe in balance, the nervous system comes to balance. When we laterally breathe, we consciously slow the breath (especially the exhale), which directly affects vagal tone, which equals peace.

When we widen the ribs, the diaphragm has more space, is able to contract fully, and massages the vagus nerve, the queen of regulation. Not only is your vagus nerve being massaged, but also your heart, your viscera, and your pelvic floor. And the exhale, when lengthened, creates vagal tone, again, down regulating your nervous system.

This brings us to a feeling of safety. I’m safe in my body. My body is safe. This triggers a healing response. The body is free to do its work. This is the foundation of feeling centered, grounded, the foundation of true strength.

How to Practice

Lateral breathing is simple, but it takes practice to retrain your body after years of belly breathing or shallow chest breathing.

Here’s how to begin:

1. Find your position
Sit comfortably or lie down. If you’re sitting, feet flat on the ground, spine tall but not rigid. If you’re lying down, have your knees bent and feet flat.

2. Place your hands on your side ribs
Bring your hands to the sides of your ribs, right where your bra line would be, or just below your chest. Let your fingertips rest there gently. Let the thumbs rest toward the back ribs.

3. Breathe into your hands
On your next inhale, imagine your breath filling into your hands. Feel your ribs gently expand outward, like an accordion opening. Don’t force it, just invite the expansion.

4. Exhale and soften
As you exhale, feel the ribs soften back in. Make your exhale slightly longer than your inhale (this is what activates vagal tone and signals safety to your nervous system).

5. Notice without fixing
You might notice your shoulders creeping up, or your belly wanting to push out. That’s okay. Just notice. Over time, your body will find the lateral expansion naturally.

This is the foundation. Everything else builds from here.

I’ve recorded a full guided lateral breathing practice for paid subscribers. It talks you through the alignment, the breath, and what to notice along the way. You can find it here [Lateral Breath].

If you’re not ready to dive deeper yet, that’s okay. Just practice this on your own, in the morning, before bed, or anytime you feel pressure building (physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Your pelvic floor will thank you.

Your nervous system will thank you.

Sending you love.

Dear Uterus,

I’ve not yet written to you. I’ve shared quiet moments, asking what you need. You told me I have everything I need to heal. And that you will show me the way.

That’s hard sometimes. I still hold the belief that you should not be retroverted. You should not be prolapsed.

What if I accept that you should be? Right now, you need to be here in this way. You’re lounging back. Are you relaxing or confused?

Not confused. Got it.

Pissed?

A little.

Ok… tell me more:

You abandoned me when I most needed your care. I needed to be cradled, loved, and supported. We were injured. The beautiful pelvic sling could not hammock us because it was tired and hurt.

Feel the grief of wishing your mom lived with you for a year. Our DNA knows we need to be held; to live in communities and be deeply mothered when we begin to mother. You didn’t have that, and the grief lives inside of us. 4 months after birth, you went back to work, in service of others. Over-riding the fear, the sadness, the pain and the numbness.

There is nothing to do but cry and let the tears wash this pain away. Don’t do it — don’t bypass it. Yes, you’re grateful for all that you have AND that time was fucking difficult. Yes, hold yourself, me, your womb, your heart.

This pain lives inside your sacral vortex. It swirls with confusion and needs to be danced free. Every day. And we’ll find our way home. We’ll find our way home back to harmony. Back to love and alignment. Not because you’ll force me there, but because we’ll float there on the wings of love, allowance, process, expressed grief.

And of course… all the structured work you are doing… continue it. Allow it to be the architecture that we build together on a clean, clear slate of honest foundation.

Lastly, I love you. I am your sacred home — not only for your sweet boy, but for you, for your creativity, your mothering, your nourishment, your sacred artistry, and the love that you share with every human being. I am your power, gifted from the divine.

I love you.

In 2006, I was studying Buddhism through the books of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche. The teachings were changing my life in a beautiful way — setting me on a lifelong path of meditation and mindfulness practice. His book Sacred Path of the Warrior continues to resonate deeply in my life, practices, and teachings.

Then I learned he was an alcoholic. He incorporated his drinking into his teachings, calling it “crazy wisdom.” He had sex with many students — lots of them. The rationale often provided was that while ordinary people engage in sex out of attachment and desire, an enlightened being (a “mad yogi”) could engage in such actions without attachment, using them to work with energy.

I remember thinking: Another shady guru. I clocked it as an epidemic in spiritual communities.

I’d just come out of the dance world, where male choreographers used audition call logs to ask you on dates, or flat-out told you (while warming up in class) that they wanted to fuck you. I knew this pattern. I’d lived it.

Later, I learned Trungpa also had sex with children.

Similar to listening to Michael Jackson’s music — how could I continue with or believe in the practices of a shadow guru pedophile?

Cut to 2025, and this is the question spiraling through spiritual communities, publishing houses, and Substack:

Can we separate the medicine from the man?

THE SHADOW OF THE GURU

All archetypes have light and shadow attributes. Let’s look at the guru.

The word gu means ignorance. And ru means the removal of. The guru, in its highest form, is here to help us “remove ignorance and darkness.”

When in light:

• Removal of Darkness: Dispelling ignorance, doubt, and illusions

• Divine Knowledge: Imparting wisdom, truth, and spiritual insight

• Compassion & Love: Nurturing and protecting the disciple

• Selflessness: Lacking ego and selfish motives

• Inner Peace: Radiating serenity and humility

• Transformation: Having the ability to change lives and raise consciousness

• Equanimity: Maintaining balance in all situations

When in shadow:

• Manipulation and Control: Using spiritual knowledge to dominate followers, acting as emotional or sexual predator

• Narcissistic Infallibility: Claiming to have no “shadow,” believing themselves pure, enlightened, incapable of mistakes

• “Do as I Say” Dogma: Demanding blind obedience instead of fostering independent growth

• Exploitation: The relationship becomes transactional — money, fame, ego reinforcement

This shadow often appears when the teacher is projected upon as a perfect, omniscient figure. They begin to believe in their own infallibility, ultimately triggering a disillusionment crisis for their followers.

Here’s the tell: The shadow guru shows you that you’re lacking something they’ve attained. The light guru shows you that what you seek is already within, and gives you tools to find it.

If the guru is showing you that they have more than you, that they have special powers (that allow them to be drunk all the time, that their teachings can be abusive because you somehow need it) — this isn’t yours. This is their deficit, their pain body, their unexplored wounding that they’re projecting onto you to prove or validate their own existence.

This sounds like common sense. “Obviously I won’t sit through abusive drunk teachings that may end in a sexual relationship.” But the lens gets skewed by idealization, infatuation, the “honeymoon” phase — believing that what we seek isn’t within but held by this other godly figure. Ew. Barf.

Remember: this isn’t the student’s “fault.” It’s law of attraction. Gurus like this prey on the seeker, and the seeker is looking for the reminder that they’re whole — which is at first represented by this guru’s medicine, but unfortunately not the man.

THE NUANCE

This is where we sit together in the gray. We choose to leave black-and-white thinking behind.

Can someone offer enlightened teachings while quite literally falling from the grace of God? I believe so.

Often, the guru’s original wound is what brings them to become the mystic. Hence, mystical teachings are born — teachings that soothe the most disrupted parts of our souls. Maybe for a time, this was medicine for those wounds of the guru. But somewhere along the way — recognition, power, students’ reverence and idolization — it goes to their head.

I choose to believe that at some point there’s inherent good, possibly a channeling of the teachings from a highest power. And then what happens next can’t be mapped out clearly or bulleted. Maybe it’s quick. Maybe it’s gradual. The ego gets bigger. The practices are just for others now. Addiction seeps in. Addiction loves excuses — and the excuses somehow fold right into the established foundation.

Trungpa’s drinking became “crazy wisdom.” His sexual exploitation of students was framed as tantric practice, as working with energy in ways ordinary people couldn’t understand. The shadow hides behind the teaching, using enlightenment itself as permission to cause harm.

Here’s another nuance: This doesn’t mean all teachers with power are shadow. Teachers in guru status usually do know more — they’ve walked further and can point at what you can’t yet see.

All gurus hold both light and dark. It’s their work to move themselves toward light. Yes, the shadow will surface here and there — that’s human. But it’s their duty to uphold the light qualities, just as in any archetype. Ultimately, many gurus don’t. But it doesn’t change the transmission. We get to believe the transmission comes from the light qualities.

A good teacher dissolves that position. A good teacher gives practices while acknowledging their human-ness, not sitting in godliness. A good teacher is a guide, not a god. A good teacher leads you to yourself and becomes ultimately unnecessary, while a shadow guru makes themselves indispensable.

The transmission is real, but so is the harm. So how do we metabolize the medicine without losing ourselves?

HOW TO METABOLIZE WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF

The medicine is separate from the medicine man, but we’re human — filled with emotion, empathy, and nuance. How can we truly separate the wisdom from the wounds?

Here’s what I practice:

1. Remember you’re whole
When I learn from someone, I remind myself that I’m whole. The teacher is offering to me, but I also offer to them. As a teacher, I constantly learn from my students. This isn’t flattery — it’s the truth of how transmission actually works. It’s mutual.

2. They’re human, you’re human
They may be further along a path than I am. They may have tools I don’t know about yet. But we’re equal in the sense that we’re both human navigating this wild life. This isn’t false humility from them or inflation from me. It’s just fact.

3. Tune into your body
Am I open or contracted? Am I desperate or curious?

Desperate feels like ache, need, wanting — almost like addiction. It’s the feeling of “if I don’t get this, I’ll be lost.”

Curious is open and wonder-filled. It’s “I want to learn this” without “I need this to be okay.”

Your body knows the difference.

4. The golden shadow
Whatever positive attributes a teacher holds, I know I hold within too. I may not be able to see those sparkles yet, but I trust they’re there. That’s the nature of the golden shadow — we project onto others what we haven’t yet claimed in ourselves. A true teacher helps you see what you’re projecting so you can integrate and embody it. A shadow guru keeps you in projection so you stay dependent.

5. Separate the medicine from the messenger
Trungpa’s teachings on basic goodness (although ironic) are real even though he caused harm. We might even go as far as to say that teachers in this shadow struggle preach what they long for. The Dharma survived the man. Take what serves. Leave what doesn’t. You don’t have to swallow the whole system to benefit from the medicine.

6. Red flags vs. green flags

• Red flag: Gatekeeping (”I have what you lack”)

• Red flag: Making themselves indispensable

• Green flag: Using their position to make themselves unnecessary

• Green flag: Leading you back to yourself

If a teacher needs you to need them, that’s shadow.

I practice these pillars as a student, and hold them sacred as a teacher.

I remember my student is whole as they are, with or without my teaching. They’re human beings walking their own path, with experiences I don’t know about but might learn from and understand, because I too am a fragile human.

I tune into my body — pause and slow down. Am I desperate to share my wisdom, or am I curious? The curiosity creates questions for self-reflection rather than a pushy “one way only” answer.

I honor the golden shadow. If a student or client sees me in a beautiful glorious light — I know that this is a quality they too possess, and I get to shine it back on them.

Lastly, and this can be super tough sometimes on my ego — when a client leaves knowing they have the medicine within, and my position is unnecessary — I know I’ve done a great service. It’s my duty to let them fly!

Trungpa taught me that discipline is a way toward freedom. His work taught me to meditate, to live my life with an open compassionate heart, to sit in the discomfort of emptiness — that we inevitably distract ourselves continuously to avoid the fear of death.

These teachings shape the essence of my work: slowing down, tuning in to the body, noticing tension and discomfort — not to get rid of it, but to honor and listen to it even though it can be very uncomfortable. This is the foundation of healing.

I’ve received, embodied, and taught this medicine, while accepting and knowing the pain, wounds, and hurt that lived within and throughout the man.

Because we’re complex dynamic human beings, I believe we can hold complex concepts without losing our integrity. We can choose to live in the grey. We don’t need to throw the baby out with the bath water (or the medicine out with the man). And this guides me to the most important piece of this article: It’s never about the guru. It’s never about the man, the teacher — it’s about you. It’s about you remembering you’re the one you’ve been waiting for. You’re your guru.

Lateral breathing creates space in the ribs, taking load off the lower abdomen, lower back and our viscera. It’s designed to unwind tension, chronic bracing and the crunchiness of sitting — these patterns show up as herniations, hernias, pelvic dysfunction, and back pain.

This practice down-regulates your…

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Even though “do less” messages are on the rise, the old pattern of “do more” is nearly part of our DNA — entangled in wellness culture and impossible to escape.

More steps, more protein, more weight, more hormones, more peptides, more Pilates, more meditation, more journaling, gratitude practices, red light, sunlight, fresh air, insights, optimization.

Did your nervous system just go into overdrive? It should. It’s meant to.

The problem with this structure is that it overrides the truth: You’re not broken. You’re holding patterns you don’t need anymore. Undoing isn’t about becoming whole — it’s about remembering you already are.

What Undoing Actually Is

Physically: Before you add more load, release the load you’re already carrying. Unwinding compensation patterns you’ve held for 40 or 50 years comes before adding new ones.

Mentally: You can listen to podcasts and download new insights, but if your underlying belief is that you aren't whole, and "shoulds" dictate your choices — start here. Beliefs shape our minds, bodies and our energy.

Energetically: If you plan your day around red light and grounding but simultaneously fear the world, what is that armor doing to your nervous system? You’re protecting while receiving. That’s an energetic discrepancy.

The Practice

It’s not about more. It’s about less — but aligned, with depth and intention.

1. The Practice of Not Doing The pause and silence bring you to your gut. Rather than read more articles or download more “how-to’s,” get quiet and let your body be your guide.

2. Notice Where You Grip and Hold Awareness trumps what anyone else can tell you. When you’re standing in the kitchen or first getting out of bed, notice your body. How do you stand? Where’s your weight? Are you holding your belly in, squeezing your glutes, clenching your jaw? This is how we understand the holding patterns that shape us.

3. Breathe to Rest (not to achieve or control) Take 5 minutes in the morning to notice your inhale and exhale. Where does the breath go? Where doesn’t it? Gently fill your lungs and belly with air, then make your exhale 2 counts longer.

When you stop adding and start releasing, the overwhelm and anxiety melt away. And here’s what happens: your body shows you what it actually needs. Maybe it’s Pilates. Maybe it’s peptides. Maybe it’s walks in the morning. Maybe it’s none of it. The practices aren’t wrong — but without undoing first, they’re just more weight on an already-loaded system. Undo, then let your body guide you to what’s actually right for you.

Freedom, ease, and wholeness aren’t earned through accumulation. They emerge when you remember you’re already whole.

The Healing Spiral is a one of those hip terms that gets thrown around with new age-ists, Topanga Canyon healers (myself included!) and physiotherapists. Let’s dig in…

Healing is not linear… it’s a spiral.

What does this actually mean and why does it matter?

1. In any form of healing, we often retrace our steps. If we’re moving along on a spiral or upward trajectory of a helix, even though we’re re-tracing our steps, we’re also advancing, growing, getting better. This visual is much better than the image of slipping back on a linear path, which makes us feel like we’ve regressed, gotten worse and have lost our forward progress toward our “destination”. This linear thinking creates a stressful thought. The healing spiral doesn't mean regression — it means you're moving through familiar territory again, but this time with new perspective, new tools, and a deeper capacity to grow.

   WHY THIS MATTERS: Stress inhibits healing. And that feeling of regression? It's not just discouraging — it's physically counterproductive. Stress keeps cortisol levels elevated, triggering a constant fight, flight or freeze response that suppresses the immune system and actively works against the body's ability to repair itself.

2. Retracing or spiraling upward IS healing. As we heal, we teach our bodies safety and resilience. As we become safer, the nervous system brings up more complex layers to be reviewed. When these old patterns show up with seemingly new characteristics, we think, “how am I here AGAIN?” But being here again with that continuous upward trajectory insight allows us to look and listen more deeply to what is showing up. The thought of, “how am I here again?!”, ultimately DEEPENS our journey by encouraging us to ask new questions, seek more support, and listen more intently, with new perspective.

   WHY IT MATTERS: this process adds depth, nuance, and refinement needed to embody the new patterns we’re creating. We witness where we've been and the new strength needed for where we want to grow.

3. Neuroplasticity is a part of healing. We’re re-wiring our brains (which in itself is a miracle of being human)! Re-wiring is not linear or one-directional. Recent studies from the University of Sydney and Fudan University, published in Nature Human Behaviour, show that neural activity organizes into spiral-like activity rather than static networks.

   WHY THIS MATTERS: Understanding what's actually happening in the brain changes everything. Neuroplasticity isn't a straight path — it's spiral by nature. Which means when healing feels like it's looping back, your brain is doing exactly what it's designed to do.

4. Everything is spinning! So, why would healing be any different? While

   not literally every object is a spiral, the shape is, in fact, a remarkably ubiquitous, fundamental pattern of motion and growth across the universe. Life itself is cyclical. We inhale to exhale to inhale again. We wake to sleep to wake again. There is no destination. We are ever evolving, revolving, spiraling, orbiting, circling beings living on an ever revolving space ball!

   WHY THIS MATTERS: Healing complex dysfunction calls upon living in tune with the cycles of earth and nature. Not only are we connected to earth — we ARE earth. We thrive when regulated to its rhythms rather than to the noise of the external world.

How can you integrate this?

As you’re healing (whether you’re recovering from an injury or implementing a new daily practice to eliminate stress), remember the spiral applies to you and IS you. Remind yourself when you’re feeling like you’re regressing, taking steps backwards and feeling discouraged — you’re actually still progressing upward on this helix of healing. You’re exactly where you need to be. You’re making progress. Trust your body, stay curious, and keep spiraling forward.

I’ve been obsessed with this Buddhist practice for the last several months. You know how pharmaceutical ads have a certain tone that insinuates, “This drug is a miracle!”…You know the vibe. That is how I feel about this practice. It’s a miracle! I hope you’ll practice with me. The more you practice the easier it gets. You can sit and meditate for many minutes or you can practice it in small doses anywhere and anytime you are noticing someone suffering. There is no shortage of this. Suffering is everywhere.

A few months ago I opened up The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and turned to the pages on compassion. Compassion has become one of those words that exists in the mind, but I really don’t think many of us feel it, unless we slow down and really intend to get there. We can find sympathy on occasion, and for me, that’s easier than compassion. Because compassion is the place of true unconditional love for another human being without pity; without the judgement of circumstance. It’s a feeling that transcends sympathy and empathy and moves us toward loving action.

How do we get there?

Watching the news or hearing it from others can definitely get us to places of sympathy or anger possibly fueling advocacy, but most often they lead us to helplessly swirling and looking for relief from the pain. We become dis-regulated and lost in a sea of sorrow or anger. Ignoring world affairs completely or bypassing another’s discomfort will also not bring us to compassion. How do we find the healthy middle-path paved with the smooth stones of right and true compassion?

There is a way! It’s 100% neutral, unbiased and nonpartisan. It’s 100% free and nurturing to the self and to other. Maybe it’s even a little rebellious, because you undoubtedly have to slow down, while everything else is asking you to speed up.

Drum roll please! This is Tonglen. A practice I learned 25 years ago but never fully grasped until I started practicing it more recently and more consistently.

Rather than explain this practice of which I am very much a humble student, I leave you with a gifted beautiful teacher, Pema Chödrön to take you into this peaceful practice which for me, allows me to witness and experience suffering, while breathing, expanding and offering compassion from my heart.

May all of us, all beings, be happy and free.

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The quiet is deafening and it feels nourishing.

Time just slowed way down.

Thrilled to have two full days in my house alone.

But I cried when they drove off.

The aching mother’s heart. The wish for silence and the discomfort that comes with it.

The usual continual sounds of daily doing are wildly dis-regulating and deeply nourishing.

The floor full of legos and 3-d printed toys is no longer frustrating but endearing.

A foreshadowing of the empty nest.

Many joys I experience as a mother seem to be filled with a gentle layer of mourning, suffering, longing.

I think I’ll have a deep sit now… in this silence…..

I’ll hold my heart, shed some tears…..

And then put on some Fleetwood Mac, sing from the bellows and dance from the depths of my soul in all this empty space.

How will you stoke and share your light in 2026?

I’m sitting in one of the most active cities in the world for New Year’s Eve, and I write to you with a sweet silence within. Silence amidst spending full tender moments with my family. Bowing in gratitude that Marlowe has two sets of grandparents and so many cousins and aunties and uncles. I often fall into story about his loneliness as an only child on the planet, but then let that thought go, and SEE all that truly is. The holiest of nights, December 24th-January 5th, culminating on Epiphany on the 6th, guide us into just that; SEEING all that truly is. Below are some beautiful prompts to ponder as you fall into sleep each night during this time.

What are the blessings (no matter how small) of your year?

In what part of your life have you lost wonder?

What challenge have you overcome or are you overcoming?

How can you gently surrender and receive blessings from the divine without “doing”, “pushing”, “performing” or “striving”?

Epiphany in Christian and Steiner traditions celebrates the return of the Son, or the baptism of Christ at the Jordan river. In paganism, the 6th marked the return of the Sun! The 12 holy nights until Epiphany encourage inward reflection, quiet and contemplation. On the 6th, we’ll rejoice in the rebirth of our inner golden sunshine and divine light. We honor the cosmic Christ within; the divine being that walks within all of us in our incredible skin costumes. And it’s why in our Greek household we never took our tree down till after Epiphany. :)