The end of summer is still my favorite time of year.

The nearby woods boast dozens of tree species—dwellings for the dog-day cicadas, katydids and crickets. They hand off their songs from one time of day to the next in their frantic work to mate before the season runs out. I stand on the deck in the changing light that slants warmer by the day to watch the first yellowing, rusting, and shedding.

Young geese, new aviators, practice for their upcoming high Vs, honking instructions to one another. Among the exquisite bird calls is the hilariously annoying gray catbird with its waa waa waa-ing all the day long. I’ve learned that the chittering and clicking at the edge of the woods isn’t birdsong at all, but a raccoon soothing its kit. I’ve also learned not to call the police late at night when I hear the terrifyingly human vixen screams.

What I cannot see or hear is the preparation already underway for what always comes next. Even now, the peepers that cheer us in early spring with their tiny bell sounds are preparing beneath the leaves. Soon, their hearts will stop completely. And they will wait for warmth to return.

Today is my birthday. Sixty-six summers behind, who knows how many ahead. I write at my desk, ritual coffee at my right hand, waiting for the day to wake up and for one son to arrive. Later, we will dine at an Italian restaurant appropriately named Antica. Many, many friends will stop their filled-up lives for a moment to send me a happy wish, and I will brim over with delight at the gestures.

I am encouraged these days. Sixty-six years have shown me how much wonder, love, heartbreak, and surprise are contained in an ordinary human life. Last week our planned kayak trip was rained out, so we plugged in the guitars, basses, amps, and created our own little musicfest. Our sons keep an extraordinary amount in their heads while I have to look up chord progressions and lyrics. Steve made things happen, as always—found a spare quarter-inch cord, added any harmony that was lacking, kissed the tops of heads just because, all while alternately cursing or cheering the Phillies on TV. Our sides ached from near-constant belly laughs. Did I mention love? Awe is what I feel for all of it.

So, happy birthday to me, gratefully.

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.

• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info

• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

There are things we like to do, and things we have to do. They are not necessarily the same things.

We spend a surprising amount of energy separating life into what counts as living and everything we have to get through first.

Have you ever spent time and energy trying to escape life’s ordinary burdens?

THREE MINUTES

It turns out, the actual tasks usually aren’t what exhausts us. Our resistance is. And so we suffer twice: once from doing the thing, and once from wishing we didn’t have to (Ask me how I know).

Of all the household tasks, for some reason I used to absolutely dread emptying the dishwasher. I would pick out the clean dishes and utensils as needed, as if I were saving time, or getting away with something. Invariably, someone would start putting dirty dishes in the half-empty machine, which turned into a bigger hassle than I started with.

One day I asked my kids to time me, so I could get a sense of just how much of my precious time and energy that particular chore stole from my already over-scheduled day:

Three minutes.

Clearly I had spent far longer than 3 minutes resisting, finding work arounds, and possibly indulging in a bit of whinging. That timed exercise was a revelation to me. The burden of avoidance was worse than the thing itself.

THE TINY CHOICE

Our chores and tasks and daily to-dos do not disappear. They are not living things capable of consciousness or change. We are. Every moment we choose how we relate to our reality: our bodies, our thoughts, our relationships, and everything required to move through a human existence.

Somewhere between “Ugh...I have to unload the dishwasher,” and “The dishwasher needs unloading,” there is a tiny moment of choice. We rarely notice it. But in that small space is where peace is waiting.

We don’t have to add a second layer of struggle. We don’t have to carry the task and our resentment at the same time. We can experience frustration without letting it drive our entire afternoon. In other words, the dishwasher doesn’t change. We do.

Of course, we do not always choose what we have to do, or what happens to us in life, and certainly we do not choose what other people think or do. The power we hold is how to respond to any and all of it.

CHOP AND CARRY

How many of us hold the belief that happiness begins on the other side of the to-do list? When the laundry is done. When taxes are filed. When the kids are grown. When retirement comes.

I am reminded of the old chestnut:

“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”

(Bummer. TBH, I assumed that enlightenment came with a staff.)

But what if the “have tos” and the “want tos” aren’t two different lives?

What if they’re simply...life?

A CARDINAL

Sometimes we become so good at chopping wood that we forget why we wanted a fire. We spend so much time preparing for life that we rarely stop to ask whether we're already in it. Must we keep moving the starting line for our own lives? What if our everyday lives were the actual lives we are seeking in some imagined future?

It is all too easy to put ourselves off, to postpone creativity and connection and delights. When obligations are done, I will paint, or write, or sing, or read, or call a friend, or walk in the woods, or watch the cardinal among the branches, or…or… or…

But everything else is never done.

Work is meant to serve our lives, and not the reverse. Maintaining our lives is not more important than the actual living, and our to-do list is definitely not the destination.

TOMORROW

I sometimes hear people my age complain that younger generations don’t want to work. There may be some truth to that. But I also wonder if they’re just asking questions we forgot to ask.

If all our chopping and carrying leaves us too exhausted or overwhelmed to make music, know our neighbors, raise healthy children, volunteer, create art, or notice a cardinal outside the kitchen window... perhaps questioning the bargain isn’t laziness.

Could it be wisdom?

Tomorrow… dishwashers will be unloaded. Emails will be answered. Loved ones will be tended. The wood will be chopped and the water will be carried, knowing that life isn’t divided into sacred moments and ordinary ones.

It’s all one life.

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.

• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info

• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

“The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”

—President Abraham Lincoln, First Inaugural Address, 1861

Yesterday, as America marked its 250th birthday in a scorching heat wave, we gathered with long-time friends in their comfortable, air-conditioned home. Only the husband-half of our gracious hosts braved the feels like 107°F heat to grill the traditional picnic fare while the rest of us arranged the buffet inside. We wore red, white, and blue. Our beloved and imperfect nation’s flag was prominently displayed.

As the years go by, this semi-amorphous group seems to appreciate one another more and more. We trade updates about our now-grown children, upcoming travels, and yes, the increasing indignities of aging. Beneath the conversation runs a quiet current of gratitude that we can still gather, laugh, debate, and simply enjoy one another’s company. Without the frantic pace that defined our younger lives, another signal comes through more clearly: friends are precious. Time is fleeting. We need one another.

Just another day in America.

Before a frenzied summer squall with 75-mile-per-hour winds sent us scrambling to batten down the hatches—leaving us to navigate a power outage and nature’s chaotic, uninvited branch-pruning—we had already moved beyond small talk. Sitting together in the strange calm before the storm, we found ourselves talking about another kind of weather entirely.

Today’s ideological divisions have become their own violent gale, leaving many of us to navigate a fractured landscape of trimmed friendships, strained family ties, and the exhausting cleanup that follows. We spoke honestly about the tension between remaining connected to people we have loved and remaining faithful to our own moral compass. At what point does preserving a relationship begin to feel like betraying one’s own humanity? How do we remain connected to people whose choices help sustain systems of exclusion, cruelty, or domination?

To love one’s country is not to avert one’s eyes.

We cannot afford the luxury of a naïve brand of patriotism that insists the storm is harmless or that its damage is normal. Love worthy of a democracy requires looking directly at assaults on the principles that make democracy possible: the weakening of public institutions, the erosion of constitutional protections, the targeting of vulnerable communities, and the steady normalization of political violence and intimidation.

Sometimes an entire era is captured in a single image…

On this Fourth of July — America’s 250th Birthday — a photograph taken on a Washington, D.C. Metro train showed a lone Black woman seated quietly while masked members of a white nationalist group surrounded her on every side. They would later march near the Capitol carrying Confederate flags. Looking at this photograph, it becomes impossible to pretend that our darker impulses belong only to history. It is present tense.

There is no olive branch to be offered to organized hatred. We do not owe compromise to cruelty.

Neither can we surrender to despair.

Our survival—and authentic patriotism—depend upon refusing resignation. The work before us is not merely resistance; it is renewal. It is a fierce recommitment to the promises embedded in our founding documents and expanded, generation after generation, by Americans who insisted those promises belong to everyone.

That work is sustained not only by outrage but also by joy.

We glimpse it in neighborhoods that celebrate together across differences. We see it in sporting events that dissolve our usual boundaries into shared delight. We see it as the World Cup arrives on American soil, reminding us that the beautiful game flourishes because of diversity, cooperation, and joyful participation. We saw it during the No Kings demonstrations, where millions gathered not only to reject authoritarianism but to discover one another again. What might have become a movement fueled only by anger instead became an affirmation of community itself.

Perhaps this is how we steady our moral compasses.

The political storms may tear at the branches of our relationships, but they cannot kill the roots of our need for one another. The opposite of authoritarianism is not simply democracy. It is healthy relationship. It is the stubborn human instinct to gather around tables, fill parks and streets, sing, march, celebrate, mourn, and begin again together.

Hope, then, is not optimism. It is practice.

It is choosing, again and again, to believe that our better angels are stubborn indeed. It is refusing to let cruelty become ordinary or cynicism become wisdom. It is hearing, even above the noise of the storm, Lincoln’s mystic chords calling us back to one another—and answering with voices strong enough to swell the chorus once more.

May we keep choosing one another.

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.

• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info

• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

Every writer, according to stereotype, secretly aspires to write The Great American Novel.

The idea dates to 1868, when a writer named John William De Forest proposed that America needed a novel vast enough to capture the essence of the nation and distinguish itself from the dusty Old World. He even suggested that one of his own novels might qualify. Clearly, this writer did not suffer from a lack of confidence.

More than 150 years later, no one can agree on a perfect specimen, and it is doubtful that any single novel could represent a country so large, diverse, contradictory, and ever-changing.

And so, if most writers are not producing The Great American Novel, what exactly are they doing? What is this drive to write?

It’s easy to envision the lone writer in a cold room with bare shelves, subsisting on nothing but black coffee, cranking away in the wee hours during marathon bursts of creativity—an artistic genius suffering for his art. A less romantic vision is the single mother with a full-time job and full-time responsibilities, who wakes early to squeeze in what writing time she can, day after day. The common thread is that neither is waiting for permission to write.

Voluntary Incompetence

As a young person, it’s reasonable to expect not to know what you’re doing, but by retirement age, one has spent decades becoming competent.

Early in my adult life, I wanted to become educated, so I got a master’s degree. I wanted to be an opera singer, so I did that. I wanted a family, so I did (am doing!) that, too. Then I wanted to teach singing, become a wellness coach, and learn guitar. I am still doing those things.

Many of my former colleagues continue to drill down into aspects of singing and teaching, building on their experience and expertise. It makes sense for people to spend the second half of their lives becoming increasingly competent in what they know.

I confess that it is a bit destabilizing to become a beginner in a new creative form. Yet I am choosing now to enter a space where I have no credentials, no expertise, no reputation, and no guarantee of success. Once again I am uncertain, awkward, learning the vocabulary, studying structure, and making mistakes. I am voluntarily choosing incompetence.

At this stage of life, the challenge is no longer mastery. The challenge is curiosity. What would I do if I didn’t need permission, credentials, or a guarantee of success?

Fortunately, the pressure to write The Great American Novel has largely evaporated. I’m simply trying to write a novel.

An Act of Curiosity

I am making a thing which has no practical purpose whatsoever. Does the world need another novel? No student needs it. No client needs it. No one assigned this to me, and certainly no one requested it.

A novel serves no one—at first.

Women, especially, are often taught that productivity should serve someone other than ourselves. So, why write?

My only goals are these: to keep choosing this new creative space, and to proceed methodically toward a ‘shitty first draft’.

The fact that writing feels therapeutic—a way to process tragedies and victories alike, and to become endlessly absorbed in discoveries, is far more interesting than laboring under the strain of the mythical masterpiece.

When Does a Creative Journey Start?

Depending on how one looks at it, I am either early in my writing journey, or I’ve been preparing for decades.

I was always a reader, and also a listener. As a small child, my mother read to me every night: The Secret Garden, Heidi, Misty of Chincoteague, and Little Women. Later, I regularly got busted for reading after bedtime under the covers with a flashlight. I couldn’t get enough of well-told stories, especially if they included maps, like My Father’s Dragon.

For the last decade or so, however, I’ve focused primarily on reading non-fiction—mostly vocal pedagogy and psychology. And now I find myself craving stories, especially ones in which ordinary people bump continually against the assorted shifts and jolts that make up a life.

After dabbling in short-form writing for years, last fall I took a five-session “How to Write a Novel” class at an adult learning center. The volunteer teacher was a retired trial lawyer who had published six murder mysteries after leaving the courtroom for good. Our first assignment was to create a simple bullet-point outline with a beginning, middle, and end.

The day before it was due, my husband sent me an interesting news story that instantly became the inspiration for my outline.

Now I have a cast of characters, settings, scene sketches, a timeline, some actual history woven through the plot, and, of course, a map. What I did not anticipate was how much joy the process would bring.

And I wonder: Why is inventing people so absorbing? Why does creating a fictional world feel restorative? Why is it sometimes easier to tell emotional truths through invented characters than through autobiography?

I don’t know the answers, and there may not be any.

What I do know is that when I sit down to write, I can’t wait to see what happens next.

We Can Simply Begin

It turns out that most artists are not driven by dreams of writing The Great American Novel, nor even by hopes of publication and acclaim. More often writers are driven by curiosity, a desire to make meaning, to follow an idea, to discover what happens when they begin.

I am content to embrace the beginner’s mindset: openness, eagerness, humility. To chase and stumble, explore and excavate, and keep showing up to the page. It is thrilling.

The Great American Novel can take care of itself.

I am simply moving toward a shitty first draft.

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.

• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info

• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

This essay reflects my personal reaction to a viewing of the new documentary Dear Lara by Lara St John, the classical violinist. The film exposes rampant and decades-long rape and sexual assault of children and other students within the über insular classical music conservatory and university system.

Ten minutes into the film, I was in physical despair… a sensation that weights the chest and slows breathing to a pall; the sensation that comes after panic, when the realization dawns that there is neither rescue nor escape.

93% of victims of sexual abuse know their abuser SOURCE

Every 9 minutes a child is sexually abused SOURCE

No ‘Poor me’ sob story, Dear Lara is a straight-forward exposé of how traditional classical music training and education protects sexual predators at the expense of a vulnerable student population, many of them children.

I deep-breathed myself into the present, and despair was replaced by a rage that sustained me for the next 2 hours.

The Article

In 2019, an article appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer. The paper’s investigation detailed violinist Lara St John’s account of being sexually abused and raped (repeatedly) at age 14 by her 78 year-old instructor, famed violinist Jascha Brodsky at the Curtis Institute of Music in Philadelphia. The article revealed that St John reported the abuse to the Curtis Institute of Music’s leadership, who ignored or disregarded her complaints. After the article was published, hundreds of people wrote to Lara St John to describe similar experiences. Dear Lara…

I cannot get behind the paywall for the original article, but here is one from the same time-frame:

Allegations of Sexual Abuse Raised Against Long Time Curtis Institute Violin Teacher

And here is a follow up article from 2024:

Lara St. John had her own story about sexual abuse in classical music. What she didn’t know was how widespread it is.

Classical Training Culture

It is critical to understand a bit about the culture of classical music training. The private 1:1 lesson and the master-student dynamic form the absolute core of musical study, and is often begun at an unbelievably young age. It creates a closed ecosystem that is uniquely vulnerable to exploitative and abusive personalities.

The master-student model produces extraordinary excellence, but its intense, insular nature creates an extreme power imbalance. The teacher becomes a potent mix of musical guru, life mentor, and career guide. When a student’s entire career, self-worth, and identity depend on the approval of one person, the psychological stakes become exceptionally high.

Back to the Film

At first I thought to myself, How on earth will this musician-turned-filmmaker be able to unravel this into a cogent story? But the film is exceptionally well-crafted and flows logically from one predator, circumstance, and institution to the next with admirable efficiency. It also somehow manages to portray each student target (let me repeat that most in the film were children when they were sexually abused) with great compassion and without a shred of survivor-blaming, an all-too-common occurance.

The film shows us a small sample of living, breathing people who, as children, had been delivered into a system that allowed men — mostly white and old — to turn their power and advantage into a torture chamber for the children entrusted to them, all while being fully protected by their peers and administrations.

Yes, I said, PROTECTED. Not the children; the predators.

Why Would Anyone NOT Believe a Child?

Actually, that is the wrong question. More to the point: why cover up abuse and protect predators? Only a pervert would think a child could make up the details of her own violation. And only the most craven could ignore the clear psychological scars that form and persist. The default should be to believe the harmed party.

Therefore, one can only conclude that those in authority view children as not fully human, and that certain men can do whatever they want.

The prevalence of false allegations is between 2% and 10%. SOURCE

Dear Lara shows us ruined lives. Lifelong pain. Suicide that devastates whole families, friends, and colleagues. Some artists are stopped in their tracks; their musical passion and joy transformed into a morass of shame, guilt, fear, and confusion. And yet, as usual, the survivors are the real heroes. Many, like St John herself, are not silenced — musically or otherwise — but still must fight the extra battle of perpetual trauma in addition to the significant pressures of a classical musician’s life. Meanwhile, the consequences the rapist faces are at worst being transferred to another school.

In The Opera World

One storyline in Dear Lara is that of famed opera singer and former University of Michigan professor David Daniels and his husband Scott Walters. Both were convicted after pleading guilty to sexually assaulting (drugging and raping before brunch) an adult (23 years old). Daniels and Walters received eight years of probation for this second-degree felony in August 2023, and were required to register as lifetime sex offenders.

Opera’s David Daniels pleads guilty and the victim speaks out : NPR

Pretty bad, right? In the film we learn that Daniels immediately posts on socials how he wasn’t really guilty, and soon after was considering accepting some new singing job offers.

And it gets worse.

Dozens of opera professionals — several with whom my husband and I have worked — leapt to his defense and fell all over themselves to praise and support this rapist, despite the process of the US criminal justice system, and despite over 20 separate other credible allegations of sexual harassment against him. Predictably, they also blamed and maligned — you guessed it — the survivor of the assault. WHY?

In this OperaWire article, one commenter is clear when she says:

“A teacher’s primary responsibility is to protect students. Faculty must do better. Stop making excuses for rapists. You cannot post about your school being a source of support and growth when you openly support a convicted sex offender who was also fired from his teaching position for sexually harassing students. You cannot say “I wasn’t there,” as if there is any doubt about his guilt. There is no gray area. No doubt. David Daniels pleaded guilty. He is a registered offender. He was fired from his job. These are facts. Professors who make excuses and show public support for sexual offenders have failed their students in every way. How can a student speak up, knowing that his professor publicly supports a rapist? How can a student feel safe when the people who are supposed to protect her make excuses for sexual offenders? A professor must put her students first.”

Please read the article for many more insightful comments.

The Q & A

Once the film concluded, Lara St John, Katherine Needleman, and Anne Midgette, each activists in their own right, took questions from the audience. Part of the discussion was about why there is any statute of limitations for sexual abuse in Pennsylvania (and 33 other states) and how activists are trying to change this. Two other questions I found interesting:

One was a clearly exasperated older man who wanted to know, “Why are these people not in jail ?!” to which St John answered, “I don’t know!” and this seems to me the crux of the film.

Another comment by a middle-aged woman started out with, “I know women must commit these acts too…” All three women (taking questions) confirmed in that moment, as if just realizing it, that of the hundreds of communications each received, none could identify a single instance of sexual predation coming from a woman teacher. The vast majority of predators were (and are) men.

This film shows us just a fraction of the stories of survivors tirelessly collected just by Lara St John. And also just a fraction of the sexual predators/child rapists that live and operate freely in society, many of them lauded and revered despite reports in the public record. What Dear Lara does show in abundance is the level of cover up, protection, excuses, and CYA that goes on in academia.

We Had No Idea

About 10 months ago this website was published: We had no idea. I wrote this Substack article about it, and recommend reading. Please also peruse the site.

The makers of the site have catalogued known sexual predators in the world of classical music, complete with relevant media articles. Only people who have faced legal or professional sanctions are included. In other words, no rumors or gossip, no matter how prevalent.

And just like the contents and scope of the Trump-Epstein Files, it all seems truly unbelievable. Yet this film reveals multiple institutions in America and abroad where students — mostly women and girls — suffered year after year, even after reporting.

I hate talking about this subject. The only thing worse is not talking about it.

The Proverbial Elephant

To be painfully obvious, sexual predators are bad - even if they possess some sort of skill, talent, or level of accomplishment. Their acts of violence violate another person’s bodily autonomy, inflicting direct trauma. Their self-indulgent malice comes at the expense of another. They are aptly called monsters.

The enablers and cover-up artists — presidents, provosts, chancellors, regents, deans, etc. — are morally complicit. Ethically, they are partners in the abuse. Their actions weaponize silence and institutional power to guarantee the predator’s continued access to victims as well as impunity from justice. They create the environment that makes the abuse possible or prolonged. This includes ignoring red flags, discrediting victims, or establishing institutional cultures of silence. By prioritizing reputation, institutional convenience, or personal comfort over human safety, they actively choose to sacrifice victims to protect the predator. No less than the monsters they shield.

Obviously, everyone should make it their business to know about — and help expose — systemic abuse, but if you are anywhere near the classical music industry, you must not just absorb this film, you must actively demand that it be shown in every conservatory and university music department everywhere in the world in order that:

• Children and all students are protected, believed, and nurtured toward healing.

• Confrontation of and consequences for sexual predators occur without delay.

• The consistent and cultural protection of predators ends immediately.

If provosts, presidents, and deans do not support the above, then there must be a campaign to ask WHY? Those not actively part of the solution are 100% part of the problem.

Dear Lara is a huge step forward in raising awareness of the calamity that exists in our revered institutions of the highest musical learning. With this film we now have a permanent record of both the culture and specific events, as well as a powerful tool to stop active harm and start holding monsters to account. There are no excuses anymore.

NEXT SHOWINGS OF DEAR LARA

And

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.

• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info

• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

Creativity.

Creative expression.

Being creative.

Where does it come from? How do we get there? What even is it?

A few weeks ago we explored the idea of presence, and opting for beingness over performance. I’m beginning to understand that presence is not separate from creativity—it is what makes it possible.

Creativity is a word that is thrown around in so many contexts that it can be hard to know what it means when we encounter it. These days I find this to be less confusing and more freeing, in that each of us gets to choose for ourselves.

For instance, long before I could describe my own creative expression, I felt it and lived it. As an opera singer, my preparatory work was done on my own, but always in relationship to someone else’s composition, text, and characters. My job was to bring to life others’ intent, yet it remained uniquely mine, because I am an individual. The final part of the process—the part the audience experienced—was always collaborative, shaped by many moving parts. A set of parameters was given, and I created within them. This was my joyous work for decades.

Now, as a writer, I find myself in a different landscape. There are no parameters beyond the ones I define. The structure is looser, the edges less visible. We all create in many forms, and it’s not so bold to say that being creative is a necessity for a well-lived human life. Like many, I began writing because I needed to—because something in me wanted expression, meaning, perhaps a sense of purpose. But unlike my life as a performer, there is no clear end-game here. The work is not leading toward a role, or a performance, or even necessarily an audience. It is the work itself.

L’art pour l’art— sans justification.

In trying to understand this shift, I am drawn to the idea that creativity is less something to generate and more something to enter into.

Living Ideas

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert is where I first heard someone say that ideas are living entities that seek out individuals in order to be expressed, and that writers (or, all creative types) must be open and receptive to the ideas that come their way. Sounds like presence to me!

The author also emphasizes that the relationship between an idea and its expressor is fully collaborative and dynamic. I agree. For me, ideas are like tentative lovers, seeking the safest and most authentic arms in which to be held. They insist on being attended to, nurtured, and that allows them to reciprocate beyond expectations.

And so, I recognize that creativity requires attention. And time. And what it asks for in return is availability — the heartfelt kind.

When we are not pulled between past and future, something opens. The noise settles, and ideas are no longer chased; they often arrive of their own accord. It is a vulnerable affair, and the required trust becomes a kind of soft footing—ground from which the unexpected can take shape.

Creativity feels generative - energizing in a way that doesn’t deplete. And sometimes, if we’re lucky, we enter that delicious state of flow—where the usual narrator grows quiet, and the entire process feels both anchored and enlivened at once.

Friction as Catalyst

I used to associate the creative state with ease—those moments when everything flowed and nothing resisted. And yes, that still happens. But more often, what I encounter first is tension. A stuckness. A question without an answer. A sense that something wants to speak, but hasn’t yet found its voice.

In those moments, I am definitely not ‘one’ with Csikszentmihalyi, and there just may be a bit of teeth gnashing.

But to my surprise, friction has become an unexpected companion in the creative process. My instinct, for a long time, was to move away from that feeling. To distract myself, to fix, to reach for something more certain. But presence asks something different.

It asks me to stay. Be still. Listen.

By staying, I notice that friction is not the opposite of creativity—it is often its threshold. Something is being worked out. Not by force, but by attention.

Last week I was teaching a lovely soprano who hesitated before a stratospherically high note.

“I get it!” I exclaimed, feeling in my body what she was experiencing. “High notes are TERRIFYING. You don’t know your own power. What if something goes horribly wrong? It is not logical, it is visceral!”

I could see a small smile beginning to form, along with the relief of being understood. So, with a grand operatic gesture, I continued:

“You must embrace the SUCK.”

After she stopped laughing, out came the most gloriously fearless, suspended high E she’d ever sung.

There it was. Not ease, exactly. But willingness.

When we stop trying to produce, something surprising happens: There is more space. And in that space, creativity breathes. And like any of us, creativity doesn’t respond well to pressure. It requires a certain kind of atmosphere. Spirare.

Creativity, at this stage, feels less like output and more like authorship. We are less a maker, in these moments, and more a listener. Not passive; actively receptive.

Self-Authored

A creative life for me then is not so much about producing something external, but more about becoming internally anchored. For much of my life, creativity lived within a structure—roles, expectations, external markers of success. There was a shape to it, and I understood how to move within that shape. Without that scaffolding, something both disorienting and liberating appears:

I am now the one deciding what matters. Not in a grand, declarative way—but in small, ongoing choices:

What I give my attention to.
What I return to.
What I allow to remain unfinished.

Creativity, in this sense, is not performance; it is initiation. There is less certainty here, but there is also less effort-ing. Creativity is no longer something I reach for; it is something I notice myself already inside of. Not always. Not perfectly. But enough to trust that it is available.

If achievement once organized my life around proof, presence now organizes it around attention. And from that attention, creativity continues to emerge—not on command, but in its own time.

And when I stay close enough to notice, it persistently asks to be given form.

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.

• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info

• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

A concept that has been circling me has finally taken up residence. The shift is internal, quiet—a gentle refinement. There is relief in managing finite energy, in honoring rest, in settling in.

Presence.

Are you yet at the stage of life where “allowing” makes more sense than “making”?

Living from the Inside Out

Different phases of our lives call for recalibration. Not necessarily a dramatic reinvention, but an awareness that something is changing—a yielding. Possibly even a graceful one.

As we tune to the hum of transition, the question becomes less,
Who am I?
and more,
How will I inhabit myself now?

Most of us move through phases shaped by achievement—competence, service, recognition, growth, mastery, belonging. In such seasons, everything must lead to something. Each effort becomes a stepping stone toward somewhere we currently are not. Over time, we become habituated—at the level of the nervous system—to push forward, to keep making, to achieve.

The danger in this state is subtle but profound: it trains us to discount the present moment, even when our bodies are firmly rooted in it.

And yet, with time and experience, there often emerges a quieter longing—one that is not tethered to utility.

Imagine: beingness without performance.

Not Needy, Just Alive

When I first noticed I was losing interest in what had long defined me, I was alarmed. Could decades of devotion dissolve so easily? What of the years of training, the relentless auditioning, the navigating of ‘interesting’ personalities, the unpredictability, and even cruelty? Why had I crossed so many literal and figurative distances?

Was it all for nothing?

And yet…I was madly in love with inhabiting some of the most exquisite music the Western world has to offer. That life demanded my best, and I gave it gladly. I adored the physical sensation of singing fully—alone, in ensemble, with orchestras big and small, or just a single piano. And yes, there was applause. There was recognition. There was a way to make a living.

It mattered. It shaped me.

And still, something has loosened.

Sensing a long-held identity gently detaching from my center is undeniable. Space I didn’t know I craved has appeared—like realizing how exhausted you are only after being offered a seat.

Even that sounds more dramatic than it feels.

This has not been a rupture, but a recalibration. What began as alarm has softened into opportunity. What once sounded like, Oh no—I’ve been on the wrong path for 40 years, has become, Oh—there is something else now.

A quiet, surprising yes.

After the Applause

Achievement once provided structure, feedback, and a kind of external mirroring. It was necessary in building both a career and a life. My identity was shaped by service to—and competence within—a demanding field. Approval functioned as orientation—it was how I knew I was ‘doing well’.

It also allowed me to cultivate discipline, rigor, and skill.

But applause, by its nature, is intermittent. As a source of meaning, it is unstable currency.

And over time, something in me began to seek steadier ground.

Presence Over Proof

Both a fact of existence and a state of consciousness, presence is the experience of being fully aware and engaged in the current moment—rather than pulled into the past or projected into the future. It is a returning: to the body, to attention, to what is actually here.

To live this way is not passive. It is a practice. A skill. A choice repeated, moment by moment.

Before turning outward, I first had to recognize what presence feels like, from the inside:

No agenda.
Appreciation.
Openness. Spaciousness.
Awareness of myself as part of the fabric—not separate.
Noticing thoughts without immediately engaging them.
A quiet authority that does not reference anything outside itself.
Observation. Curiosity.
Creative readiness.

And then, as if in quiet agreement, I began to recognize these same ideas reflected back through the voices of others.

That presence begins with attention—with what we are willing to notice, and what we allow to matter. That our experience is shaped not by everything available to us, but by what we attend to.

That presence can be disciplined—not rigidly, but through a steady returning. A willingness to come back, again and again, to the moment we are in.

That it is not barren or austere, but often infused with a quiet joy—one that becomes visible only when we are attentive enough to perceive it.

That in relationship, true presence is transformative. To meet another fully is to be changed, however subtly, in the encounter.

And perhaps most challengingly, that presence asks something of us; the courage to remain. To stay with discomfort rather than escape it. To resist the reflex to distract, perform, or seek proof of our worth elsewhere.

Across traditions and voices, the message converges in different language but with the same underlying truth.

A Different Organizing Principle

After a long season shaped by achievement, I find increasing ease in orienting toward something else—something quieter, but no less vital.

Not withdrawal, but choosing.

Not absence, but a different kind of participation.

With presence as an organizing principle, I notice a softening into self-nurturance, acceptance, and compassion. I show up less as a curated version of myself, and more as something truer—though always changing.

What happens when nothing needs to be proven?

From this place, a different kind of aliveness emerges. One that opens doors not through striving, but through attention.
To creativity. To play. To love.
To meaning that does not depend on applause.

Be here now.

Next Well Canto:
Retiring from Achievement and Approval
Part Two: How Presence Opens to Creativity

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.
• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info
• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

Every day it feels like something else is coming apart—division, conflict, isolation.
People can’t agree on reality. Or maybe we’re all just clinging to our version.

At the same time, we’re told that everything is about to change. AI will destroy the world—or save it. Technology is ruining us—or advancing us. No one seems to agree on that either.

Meanwhile, in the span of a single generation, we’ve become tethered to our devices, dependent on the conveniences of delivery and virtuals, and socials keep us in a loop of loud opinions and bad news.

It’s a lot… and it doesn’t exactly feel stable.

A brave new world.

One that changes faster than we can make sense of—and reminds us, whether we like it or not, that nothing stays as it is.

Ancient Technology

There is, however, an ancient protective technology in our arsenal—one that, like the ruby slippers, we’ve had all along. It costs almost nothing and is available to nearly everyone.

What am I talking about?

Connection

It sounds too simple—almost quaint—which makes it easy to dismiss. That would be a mistake.

Research consistently shows:

• Strong social bonds can increase longevity by up to 50%.

• They reduce the risk of premature death by 26–29%.

• High-quality friendships can make people significantly less likely to die over a given period.

• 61% of U.S. adults say close friendships are essential to a fulfilling life.

• Social connection lowers depression risk, reduces stress, and boosts self-esteem.

• Connected individuals show lower inflammation, reduced risk of heart disease and stroke, and faster recovery from illness.

In fact, loneliness is considered as dangerous to health as smoking, obesity, or physical inactivity.

Want more to explore?

The science of why friendships keep us healthy

Health Benefits of Social Connections

Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death

The Value of Friendships as We Age

The Health Benefits of Strong Relationships - Harvard Health

Friends - Such a Small Word for Such a Marvel

In my own life, as I’ve transitioned away from an intense and rewarding career into slower-paced days, I find I’ve been granted more time—and more space—for friendship.

And although I enjoyed a never-ending carousel of music colleagues during my working life, the people who fill my life now are those who did the steady, rhythmic work of living alongside me: families, marriages, parenting, moves, divorces, aging parents, diagnoses (mundane and terrifying), holidays, losses, and everything in between.

Let’s face it—one needs to live awhile to have long-lasting friends.

And if you live awhile, you also learn this: nothing about those lives stays fixed. Not circumstances, not roles, not even who we are to each other at different moments in time.

It’s human nature to take things like relationships for granted. We convince ourselves that only problems need our attention. So let this be a reminder—to you and to me—to cherish the people with whom we can be real, the ones who enliven us, the ones who make us double over with laughs, or who share tears when (not if) needed.

Connection Tips

It doesn’t have to be complicated

• Keep it simple. Overplanning makes staying home too appealing.

• Dinner, lunch, coffee, a phone call—just schedule it and show up.

• Learn (or relearn) cards: Canasta, Bridge, Spades, Poker. Make playing a regular thing.

• Connection doesn’t have to take all day. Take a walk. Sit by the water. Go get an ice cream.

• Make protest signs together—snacks and bevvies required. Then go make some noise.

• Host a movie night, or take in a show on a random Tuesday afternoon.

• Game nights; lower the stakes, raise the fun.

• Spend time across generations—I personally love time with the 20-somethings in my life (they’re surprisingly tolerant of us).

• Notice the gaps. If too much time has passed, reach out.

Decades of Friendships

Shout-outs
(Not pictured—because I’m still working on remembering to take photos):

Dina, Sharon, Amy—strong, brilliant women who pick up exactly where we left off. Each showed up fully during pivotal moments in my life. Together; about 62 years of friendship.

Janice, Marina, Beth—powerhouse women who always seem 40 steps ahead. For reasons I don’t fully understand, they tolerate my more artistic approach. About 60 years.

My now very small family—through deep loss, we’ve learned to lean on one another, and to find joy anyway. Over 90 years of connection.

Sue, who taught me hugs are OK; Cousin Sarah, that rare mix of blood relation and ride-or-die friend; Inger, who never stops being grateful for all of it; Yvette, with her Yoda-like wisdom—and so many others, past and present.

Keep the Connection

We must protect what steadies us, in a world where everything shifts — always.
We must tend to the source of belonging, comfort, and joy.
We must keep our lifelines—our connections—strong and alive.

Because in the end, it’s these quiet, lasting ties that hold everything together.

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.
• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info
• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

When tax prep time rolls around each year, I maintain a wince stance for a solid two weeks. My husband manages most of the tedium, and we pay an accountant to untangle and interpret and generally know things while she faces a hostile sea of deadlines and rules and God only knows what (I sure don’t). Truth be told, our taxes have gotten much easier because our lives have changed, as lives do, and mercy, mercy, we are glad of it. Now we only file in a few states and one country — a far cry from the dozens of states and handful of countries from years past, typical for freelance musicians — which created the acute wincing in the first place.

My task is to gather and sort papers, hunt for numbers and dates, record them into categories I must relearn every year, and tally. I do not like it. Consequently, I waste an inordinate amount of time resisting something that takes only hours to accomplish.

Timing is everything, as they say. This time of year also holds heavy anniversaries which loom and threaten to engulf. Possibly in the future the dates will slide by barely noticed; I have that to look forward to. Taxes plus painful death memories lend these cold, gray days a genuine downhearted air.

Adding to taxes and death is the collective exhaustion of witnessing, year after year, the steady slide into an ambient anxiety none of us ever quite expected to permanently inhabit. With each news cycle refresh, downheartedness threatens to mutate into despair.

Perhaps this is why the writing prompt found me today.

While peevishly chasing tax documents, I happened upon an impromptu essay written as an exercise with my dearest friend — the one who sparked this whole writing business in the first place. Dina and I raised our kids a few houses apart, and I maintain there is no greater bond between women who together experience the daily struggles and triumphs that momming strews in their paths.

Our kids have long flown, but it turns out they were not our only bond. One day (pre-Covid, I’m certain) Dina brought a book of writing prompts — one for each day of the year. We’d sit with a timer, pen and paper, and write. Then we’d read aloud what we wrote. No editing. We met faithfully for several months and sporadically thereafter. It was a genesis of sorts, a leaning into creativity — just because.

The prompt: One thing I have to say…

It feels relevant on this day, and so I share it knowing anything I personally feel, likely intersects with many of my fellow decent humans:

One thing I have to say… is that it isn’t ME who’s crazy. I’m almost certain of this.

I do realize I live quite consistently in my head (which I usually find interesting), but that awareness means I check in with the outer world at regular intervals, lest I lose reference and become overly bogged down in outsized minutiae.

My life is very quiet now — more than ever — which does mean I’m at risk for an amping up of garden-variety neurosis. But I fact-check my way through just about every interaction these days, and brush up on history too, which is supposed to ground me but mostly has me empathizing with Cassandra.

It’s the news that unmoors me — the constant reminder of outlandishness so extra that we’ve got a proverbial train wreck situation going on. And on. And on. If I look away, it will only get worse. But since I’m not nuts I need to C.T.F.D., and Lordy, I do want that.

I long for the days when I was so busy I was simply unaware.

No, that’s not right at all.

What I want to say is that there is little time left to fritter away on nonsense — especially on jerks. I want, like the famous actress whose name I can’t recall, “to be let alone.” Don’t we all? At least from nonsense and jerks?

I’m happy to live largely in my head while nurturing my garden-variety neurosis, and I don’t begrudge anyone else doing the same, but I’m only vaguely interested in anyone else’s cuckoo-for-Cocoa-Puffs outward behaviors.

My argument goes nowhere, and fast — which proves I am not the crazy one. Afterall, I’m still thinking about thinking.

There is a bee in here. Or a yellow jacket. I briefly considered murdering it earlier, but decided instead to sit down with my friend and a timer.

Death is inevitable. Taxes are inevitable. The news cycle apparently is too. And if I’m lucky, so is sitting at a kitchen table with someone who understands the particular flavor of my neurosis.

We can’t fix the train wreck. We can file the forms. We can write for ten minutes. We can let the yellow jacket exhaust itself against the glass.

And thank God Dina brought Prosecco.

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Barbara Shirvis works with individuals seeking voice work — literally and metaphorically.
• Singing lessons: www.WAVS.info
• Well Coaching: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

After two years of writing Well Canto, I’ve come to see how it is evolving alongside me. What began as a space to explore mindset and resilience for musicians has widened into something more spacious; reflections on creativity, loss, reinvention, and the strange privilege of continuing to grow older.

This feels less like a pivot and more like a settling into a broader landscape — a settling into the kinds of questions that seem to matter more as time goes on. In other words, I’m not changing direction so much as naming what has already been happening here: a deeper exploration of voice, in every sense of the word.

I realized it might be helpful to share a kind of ‘starting point’ essay for both new and longtime readers, with deep gratitude for all you creatives who insist on depth and clarity.

The Long Arc of Becoming

Years ago, I had a dream during one of the busiest stretches of my performing life, and it’s never quite left me.

I was standing alone onstage just before a performance. The thick red velvet curtain was down, and the quiet hum of the audience waited beyond. As the audience hushed, the orchestra began the overture … but I didn’t recognize the music.

I looked into the wings for someone, anyone, who might tell me which opera we were about to perform. No one was there. I looked down at my costume, hoping it would provide a clue to the role I was meant to sing, but all I could gather was a vague 18th-century silhouette.

The curtain began to rise.

Panic set in; I had no idea what I was supposed to do, so I stood straighter and smiled. The conductor and I made eye contact as he raised his baton. Aware of 3000 sets of eyes on me, I breathed in, felt the orchestral vibrations, and simply started to sing. Somehow, I knew the music. I knew the character. I knew the story. The panic dissolved, replaced by the familiar feeling of embodying deep preparedness, even if it had eluded my consciousness just moments before.

I woke up wondering what it meant.

Over the years, I’ve come to see it as a metaphor for the creative life, and perhaps for life itself. We spend so much time thinking we need certainty before we step forward, when often what carries us is the preparation we don’t realize we’ve been doing all along.

For a long time, I thought certainty lived somewhere outside of me — in instructions, expectations, or approval — when in truth it had been quietly forming within me my whole life.

Well Canto grew out of that understanding.

After more than thirty years as an opera singer, I welcomed a new chapter that included becoming a board-certified health and wellness coach. Both paths, in different ways, were about voice — not just the technical voice, but the deeper voice of identity, expression, and meaning.

Writing began as a way to explore questions I couldn’t fully answer onstage or in a coaching session. Questions about creativity. About aging. About awakening to collective feminine power. About reinvention. About what it means to keep growing when the world expects you to have already arrived.

Over time, these reflections became essays, and these essays became this space:

Well Canto.

I write about the long arc of becoming — about the ways we continue to evolve long after the roles we once played have changed. Sometimes I draw from my life as a soloist in the top-tier of vocal arts. Sometimes from coaching conversations. Sometimes from the quiet observations that surface when we begin listening more closely to our own inner lives.

Here, we reflect on creativity, identity, artistic courage, and the subtle transitions that shape us. Occasionally I’ll share glimpses into current writing projects, including a novel that is beginning to take shape, because storytelling feels like a natural extension of questions we explore.

If there is a common thread, it is this: our voices do not stop developing simply because we reach a certain age or milestone. Instead, they deepen and expand, shaped by experience, loss, curiosity, and time.

This space is for anyone who senses that there is still more to unearth; more creativity, more meaning, more possibility, even — or especially — now.

I’m glad our paths have crossed.

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Well Canto is a registered trademark.

Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

The final week of January is decidedly less shiny and optimistic than its festive beginning. For this particular year of 2026, that just might be the understatement of the century.

I acknowledge the world on fire reality that has us filled with disbelief and dread. So many thoughtful writers and responsible thinkers are sounding the alarm and sharing powerful action steps to inspire us to cling to community and what is - very simply - right. We must all read and heed and find our collective center while understanding that this is the brink, but that good is always more powerful than evil - even while we tremble in our uncertainty.

At the risk of sounding trifling, I want to make a case for continued, meaningful self-care. Preserving our peace is always a worthy endeavor, but right now it is critical. The New Year is a typical time to burnish our resolve to turn over a new leaf, start a new habit, set a new goal, or somehow work toward a new and improved life. And often, we stumble.

New Year’s Resolution Stats

A 4,000 year-old tradition, we humans make resolutions to start the New Year. However, in ancient Babylonia where the tradition has its roots, the new year began after the spring equinox, not during the dead of winter. Personally, I think there’s something to be said for timing. Here are a few modern statistics to consider:

• About 23% of people abandon their New Year’s Resolutions after just one week.

• Less than 10% of people successfully keep their resolutions throughout the entire year.

• Around 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February.

Did you know that the second Friday of January is called, “Quitter’s Day”? The term was coined after a fitness app analysed their data. Often people lose motivation when they don’t see immediate results, or after setting too-ambitious goals.

What to Do?

Maybe you’re crushing your 2026 resolutions, and bravo, if that’s the case. But if not, a little tweak here or there could make the difference between giving up and simply revising and updating. Do-overs are 100% allowed.

Reframing is a powerful tool when we find ourselves mired in the demoralizing force of negative thought patterns, which sometimes feel like ambivalence or lack of motivation.

Reframing: changing our emotional and conceptual perspective of a thought, situation, or event, in order to create a more positive and constructive outlook.

One way to reframe a resolution is to think of it as a promise we make to ourselves. A resolution is a declaration of intent, while a promise feels like a personal commitment. When we commit to ourselves we engage our internal values - like integrity, discipline, and trust. And, we do not want to be the one to disappoint our very selves.

Some More Gentle Suggestions

Get clear on your WHY - “Meaningful self-care” can take many forms. What does it mean to you, specifically? Create categories like physical, mental, and spiritual. What self-care actions in each category will you do consistently to move you toward your goals?

Break Goals into Smaller Parts - Someone recently lamented to me that he was failing at his goal to “Get up at 7:00, stretch and eat a healthy breakfast, then go to the gym” because he slept past 7:00 most days. His goal is actually several goals strung together. Since the very first part wasn’t met, he perceives a total failure for that day.

Building one habit at a time is more realistic, has a higher chance of success, and is WAY more self-compassionate. We must make sure we experience success in each step; maybe “go to the gym everyday” becomes “move my body for 15 minutes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this week”, separate from the gym or when you wake up. This is how we build the confidence to add more small goals a little at a time. Baby steps are enormously effective toward long-term goals.

Eliminate Barriers - Once you have clearly decided on your goal(s), make concrete, step-by-step plans to work toward them. This reduces the friction of decision-making that derails us. Set out exercise gear, stock the fridge with nutritious food, make an appointment to meditate. Effectively, you have already made the decisions. Now follow the plan without re-negotiating every step.

Create Accountability - Use online trackers for food and exercise. Journal through stress and difficult emotions. Hire a health and wellness coach or therapist. Find a good friend who has similar goals, and meet regularly. Make lists and cross off completed items. Incorporate positive, healthy rewards when milestones are met.

Give yourself a break - It’s possible that winter is a time for rest, resetting, and preparing for a burst of energy when the season shifts to spring. Remember that change is not linear, and restarts are part of the process. Small efforts add up, and ‘carrots’ are more effective than ‘sticks’.

And as Your Slavic Sister Anya says,

“Remember, you don’t have to love yourself yet, just don’t abandon yourself. That’s enough for now.”

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Well Canto is a registered trademark.

Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

One year ago, MLK Jr Day and the inauguration of the rapist-felon who tried very hard to steal a free and fair election fell on the same day.

A year ago we were stunned. Exhausted. Defeated.

Today we are outraged and energized. We understand the assignment. The stakes have never been higher. Regular Americans have no intention of accepting fascism in our great country, and there is much more work to be done.

Today, let us celebrate a great champion of humanity. And while we face so much of what MLK Jr fought and died for, let us perform our own acts of service and kindness in every way we can.

Here is last year’s article:

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Well Canto is a registered trademark.

Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

Most days when I wake lately, the pandemonium of our current reality floods in all at once, setting my nervous system afire - I am dry tinder, indeed.

Thoughts drive our feelings; I know this. I learned it. I live it, I advise it. So I wrestle with these morning thoughts and try mightily to shove them in a different direction. Yes, I attempt to aggressively coerce my anxious thoughts toward something like peace. Oh, irony!

Today, still wrapped in softness and safety, resisting the truth of a new day, I called on my Mom. “Let me be the peace. Show me how.”

Soon after Mom passed away almost 2 years ago, I had a funny dream. I dreamt she said to me (a little vexed), “Well, you can still email me!”

What relief this loophole caused in the dreaming version of me! Not perfect, but OK, still a connection; I’ll take it. And later this idea helped convince the awake me that I have only to hold someone in my opened heart to feel a link, a comfort against commotion, a chance to ask for wisdom.

Presently, I am not doing enough to stand against the bewildering, relentless stream of malevolence. Or better put, I don’t even know what to do. Posting on socials is futile (ask me how I know). And pointing exasperatedly to history, to facts and data, to events we witness with our own eyes? Also ineffective.

Last night after dinner we played cards, four of us. Just cards - no fussy entertaining, just 2 friends patiently teaching us Canasta. There was a fire going, and Sounds of the 70s as background. We talked about the treat of having our grown kids home for the holidays and how January is a time for rest. There was a little talk of universally wearied souls, but mostly we just played a game for a couple hours. Am I retreating? Or am I maintaining sanity?

Earlier I asked my last student of the day if he was ever concerned about I.C.E. He and his family are US citizens, but not born here. “All of the time”, said a 15 year-old boy with worries of a man.

I’d like to share a bulleted list of Things To Do to combat the takeover of hateful and violent white supremacy that is all the rage (literally) in today’s USA. But I am at a loss.

“Let me be a little light, a little peace. Show me how… help, please.”

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Well Canto is a registered trademark.

Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

Musical Chairs

As a child, I found the game of musical chairs to be a big stress-fest. Even as an 8 year old I was appalled that the kids who were aggressive and pushy (literally!) were rewarded with a seat, and the opportunity to collectively jeer at the one person left standing alone, befuddled. Guess which I usually was?

Life can feel like musical chairs… we go! go! go! until suddenly something jerks us to a stop and we are caught out, like the proverbial deer in headlights. It is only then that self-awareness seeps in and we think, “Wait a sec…what am I doing - exactly - and why?”

It’s common to self-identify as what we do, a tradition evidenced in surnames like Baker, Archer, Wright, Parker, Miller - no doubt a useful practice back in the day. But most of us no longer live in small, homogenous villages with professions represented by a single family, nor do most of us currently need Hunters, Fletchers, Baileys, or Haywards at all.

And yet it is still routine to see ourselves almost exclusively through the lens of what we do to fund our lives.

The biggest problem, as I see it, is that with any luck we will get to a stage where our professional work ends. Then what?

Doctor’s Orders

“I think we all need to reinvent ourselves about every 20 years.”

Decades ago I was in a doctor’s office; an uncharacteristically philosophical doctor, as it turns out. The context of the conversation is unclear to me now, but I do recall that it was the first time I was stuck in the grief cycle. The doctor was compassionate, dispensing reassurances that come from lived experience.

Our lives are like chapters in a book, sequentially laid out. No reading ahead or skipping around the chapters already written. But, we can direct the story yet to be told.

The idea of reinventing oneself every so often has stuck with me ever since. We make choices, change our focus, learn new skills, try new things, and lo and behold we are happening to life, rather than the other way round.

Mom Wisdom

Another moment of influence came from a fellow mom in an ice cream shop after the middle-school play. As our young performers celebrated their stage triumph, we moms sat responsibly but unobtrusively nearby. One mom had already raised a couple humans before her now middle-schooler came along.

“Make sure you start something for yourself now, before they leave the nest.”

She went on to paint a horrifying picture of a sad woman still in her prime but no longer needed on a daily basis.

At that time I felt safe because I was already a double-agent: dutiful mom half the time, ‘glamorous’ traveling opera singer the other half. It got me thinking about my future anyway. Singing so much of the greatest music ever written was the highlight of my professional life. But that form of music-making stopped eventually.

Thank God it wasn’t all I had.

And so, I am on the other side of a long and wonderful singing career. When that music did stop - abruptly, and sooner than I wanted or was ready for - there was a period of grief, bewilderment, regret, and if I’m honest, a sense of being cheated.

Until I started embracing my new, reinvented self. Of course, it’s rare for a musician to completely stop music-ing (and I haven’t!), but I am relieved to be released from the grind of pay-for-play. I now have more time to reflect on so many experiences and accomplishments. Time to devote to dormant interests. Time and freedom to enjoy.

And You?

In what ways have you reinvented yourself? Was it a big shift, or more subtle? How did it change your day to day? If you haven’t yet, or haven’t in a while, how would you reinvent yourself now? Why? I cannot wait to hear about it, and maybe your ideas will inspire others!

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Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

Happy New Year, Dear Well Canto Subscribers and Readers. I have a GOOD feeling about 2026! Wishing you and yours a peaceful, delightful, and creative New Year - and beyond.

Here are all of the Well Canto essays of 2025 in one email in case you missed some, or want to re-read any. Please feel free to share with anyone you like. (To overcome gmail’s automatic truncation of emails, please click “view entire email”).

THANK YOU with all that I have for showing interest in Well Canto, and for intentionally seeking your own wellness and healing.

May we all live in ease and kindness, with a free heart.

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Wellness Coaching with Barbara: https://www.barbarashirviswellness.com/

Singing Lessons with Barbara: https://www.wavs.info/

Do you celebrate the Winter Solstice? Many of us mark this time of year with traditions of this ancient festival - albeit inadvertently - but the date often passes us by with no fanfare and little notice.

This is partially because the calendar date is just days away from Christmas; a deliberate calculation. By using many of the symbols and rituals of established festivals like Saturnalia, Sol Invictus, and Yule, early Christians succeeded in absorbing popular Winter Solstice celebrations.

This year, December 21 is the longest night and the shortest day in the Northern Hemisphere. The Earth is at its most severe tilt away from the sun this Sunday at 10:03 am EST.

Darkness

The long darkness is an opportunity to sit vigil, to reflect on the past year and anticipate the new, and to rest for the increased activity that comes with longer days. We may choose the calm of solitude, or opt for the comfort of company.

And Light

After the longest night, days will lengthen until the Summer Solstice, when the process reverses. The ‘rebirth’ of the Sun is symbolized by bringing light into the darkness: fires, candles, or twinkle lights.

Awesome Nature

Even if the weather outside is frightful, winter’s unique beauty is an opportunity to humble ourselves in awe. Whether we breathe in the bracing air, catch a snowflake on our tongue, or simply run from window to window to see the outside world blanketed in white, we shift our focus to the bigger picture and calm our nervous systems. Even in snow-free areas we discern a variation in the light, the temperature, and the energy that coaxes us to embrace the natural world.

Community and Creativity

Gathering with others is a deep instinct which fulfills our need to belong. We celebrate one another with common experiences like feasting and catching up on one another’s lives. Creating together - music, special foods, rituals and traditions new and old - anchors us in a feeling of stability and warmth.

The Winter Solstice is a time for all good hearts to unite, to acknowledge our commonality, and to prepare our souls for whatever is to come.

The Shortest Day by Susan Cooper

So the shortest day came, and the year died,

And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world

Came people singing, dancing,

To drive the dark away.

They lighted candles in the winter trees;

They hung their homes with evergreen;

They burned beseeching fires all night long

To keep the year alive,

And when the new year’s sunshine blazed awake

They shouted, reveling.

Through all the frosty ages you can hear them

Echoing behind us—Listen!!

All the long echoes sing the same delight,

This shortest day,

As promise wakens in the sleeping land:

They carol, feast, give thanks,

And dearly love their friends,

And hope for peace.

And so do we, here, now,

This year and every year.

Welcome Yule!

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Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

Seasons Greetings, wonderful Well Canto Subscribers!

How is December going for you?

Are you getting into ‘the spirit’, or feeling the seasonal overwhelm?

Are you packed with plans and to-do lists, or hiding behind your Halloween decorations?

Are you looking forward to celebrations, visits, and indulgent treats, or ignoring the whole thing altogether?

Are you feeling ‘Joy to the World’, or ‘Blue, Blue, Blue, Blue Christmas’?

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I have felt like this for waaaaaay too many Holiday Seasons! Sing it, Johnny!

Oof. Here we go again!

I once had a jewish friend visit for Christmas week. She gamely folded into the family and all our traditions. By the end of the week she asked, “Do you mean to tell me you do this every year?!?”

I’d never considered that perspective before. Along with the many good things about The Holidays, it serves to acknowledge the dark underbelly this time of year may bring: relationship and financial pressures, painful memories, extra domestic work, expectations and disappointments, and questionable health choices.

Of course, The Holidays are supposed to fill us with joy and wonder and appreciation. We are to reflect on our many blessings, revel in all the love that surrounds us, and take a break from the demands of the other 50ish weeks of the year.

And yet, many of us feel a sense of dread, exhaustion, sadness, loneliness, and more.

Approximately 755 of overall respondents reported that the holidays contribute to feeling sad or dissatisfied and 68% financially strained. 66% have experienced loneliness, 63% too much pressure and 57% unrealistic expectations. 55% found themselves remembering happier times in the past contrasting with the present, while 50% were unable to be with loved ones. (from The National Alliance on Mental Health)

Listen to the great Jo Stafford get real.

Seasonal Recipe

To combat these seasonal ill-effects so we can increase our chances of enjoying our lives, our loved ones, and our traditions, try out this endlessly customizable recipe.

INGREDIENTS:

Awareness

First, acknowledge ALL the feelings that come our way. Our feelings are a useful alert system - what needs attention? What thoughts are creating the feelings? What actions need to be taken? The trick is to move through our feelings instead of staying stuck in them. Taking no action (ignoring, wallowing) makes us miserable.

The moment we feel pain, we’d take our hand off the hot stove, right? There’s no need to contemplate, analyze, dissect, or explore to know what needs to happen next! Stop the behavior that is causing the pain.

Feelings are clues to first acknowledge, then move through.

Clarity

What do you WANT to feel? What are your values that you wish to keep front of mind? Peace, positivity, chill vibe? Make a decision to stay in the driver’s seat regarding your moods and reactions. Anticipate situations and interactions that may trigger you, and make a plan. Rehearsed responses are more empowering than knee-jerk reactions.

Distractions and Boundaries

What do you really need and want to do, and what are distractions? Does baking 12 dozen cookies for the annual cookie exchange make you happy, or has it turned into an obligation? Is that work party a fun chance to catch up or does it feel like…work? Are you carrying on traditions that aren’t really yours? Do you want to make new ones? Do you find yourself procrastinating, avoiding, dreading?

Boundaries are self-care and self-compassion. ‘We teach others how to treat us’ is a helpful maxim to keep in mind. Also, how are we treating ourselves? It bears constant repetition that we must take extra care to get decent sleep, say no when needed, be careful with all the sugary treats, get outside often, move our bodies, drink water, and breeeeeathe. And we must not waste our energy defending or justifying our choices. Make yourself a priority at least once a day through the whole season.

Remember, the phrase “No, thank you”, needs no further explanation.

Need a ‘How To’ on managing tasks? Check out this Brain Dump article from last year.

The Grief Process

This time of year often brings forward memories of those we have lost, causing unbearable pain. But what if we really go there? As in, really remember: talk about our person to our therapist, a really close friend, ourselves, and even directly to our loved one who is no longer here. By staying connected in this way, we may eventually get to a place where we can feel mostly just grateful for the time we had together.

Two summers ago after my mom and two brothers died in quick succession, my friend Sharon showed up at my door with a houseplant and a card. She promptly sat down on the sofa while tears poured out, opening the door for me to drop my stoic act and join in. She hardly spoke except to prompt me to keep sharing memories, regrets, and pure pain. It was messy and went on for quite awhile but my dear friend never flinched. It was the first moment of something like relief I had experienced in weeks. I am still stunned at the courage and vulnerability that my friend showed me that day. I wish we could all be like Sharon.

A devastating song sung by the greatest American tenor, who left us much too soon.

Self-Empathy

OK, this is the big one, and really should come first, right alongside Awareness. It is simple: focus on kindness toward and understanding of ourselves. Non-judgmental awareness requires noticing and acknowledging our inner experiences—our thoughts, feelings, and desires—with an attitude of openness, rather than self-criticism. Let us treat ourselves with the same concern and support we give our friends, especially during moments of suffering. In other words, actively listen to ourselves to stay connected with our emotional state and needs. This keeps us emotionally stable and opens our hearts to treat others with compassion, too.

Embrace Humanity

It is humbling how hard people keep trying, even during this dark, terrifying period in our society where hate and chaos has gained the upper hand.

Here in suburban PA there is a home we drive past whose sizable yard is stuffed with lights and ornaments and gewgaws and a sign that says, “Welcome to the North Pole!” Every inch of ground is covered! Imagining the time it took to display all these things, not to mention where it is all stored for the rest of the year, or the accompanying electric bills, one’s head spins. It would be easy to mock the person who committed so hard, but I always marvel and smile, and silently thank them for their efforts to bring cheer to passersby.

AND! Did you know that nationwide, food banks are receiving higher-than-usual levels of donations and volunteerism? This is apparently in direct response to the very public and inhumane actions of the current federal government. I find it exceptionally comforting that regular folks quietly and practicably are standing with their neighbors and against pointless cruelty.

In other words, we don’t have to look far to find goodness amongst the horrors, but look we should! Look, see, rejoice, and become one of the good people doing good things for one another.

Gratitude

The grateful heart is always fulfilled because it recognizes beauty everywhere it goes. Need I say more?

Keep It Simple

Holiday activities don’t have to be elaborate. Grab your to-go cup of hot cocoa and go for a drive to look at Christmas lights. Host a movie night or game night with a couple friends - snacks optional. Bake or cook something just for fun. Visit one of those HolidayVillages or Markets that people work so hard to put together. Find a fireplace to sit near while you read. “Protect your Peace”, my friend Amy always says.

Please Share

What are you doing this holiday season to maintain your well-being and ensure your sanity? Maybe you always feel joyous this time of year! If so, what can you share with your fellow humans? We want to know!

Whatever and however you celebrate, I wish each of you a season of all that you want and need, and whatever fills your heart with contentment.

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Well Canto is a registered trademark.

Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

When I tell someone I am a Wellness Coach*, I usually get a blank look, or even a scoff. Most don’t ask for clarification, and I can see assumptions mushrooming within the cynicism.

*A wellness coach is additionally trained in health metrics and how to help a client improve them. A life coach is understood to focus on larger life goals. Both are future-focused and client-centered. I call myself a wellness coach since I trained through the Mayo Clinic Health and Wellness Coaching program, and certified with the National Board of Health and Wellness Coaches, but my Positive Intelligence certification is more firmly in the life coaching realm.

I do understand people’s confusion. Without reference or any real understanding, most people assume a Wellness (or Life) Coach is:

• Someone wanting to cosplay as a therapist without the hard work of schooling and training.

• A bossy, opinionated person who enjoys telling other people how to live their lives.

• Untrained, uncredentialed; practicing a made-up profession.

• Possibly a scam artist.

And assume that “Wellness” is:

• Not based in science or legitimate studies.

• Uses idealistic, impractical, or unconventional processes (“hippie-dippie”, “booey-ooey”, “new age”, “crunchy granola”).

• A jumble of vague, unproven healing techniques and the occult.

• Limited value; not effective.

• A nonspecific concept; too broad to have meaning or application.

Here’s the rub: all of the above can be true! Unlike others in the helping professions - therapists, counselors, social workers, nurses, and teachers - there is no legal requirement for someone to call themselves a wellness or life coach; no training, certification, or credentials of any kind.

Yikes. That explains the skepticism! And truth be told, without extensive training and practice, a wellness or life coach can actually do more harm than good.

What is Wellness?

This continuum shows health as a spectrum rather than a simple absence of disease. Simply having no illness does not imply being well. However, no matter where we are on the spectrum, we can always move toward the right - none of us are broken or in need of fixing.

Think of wellness as the actions we take to move us toward a state of well-being. And, obviously, well-being encompasses far more than physical health.

So, What IS a Wellness Coach?

Interestingly, the word coach comes from the name of the village of Kocs in Hungary, famous for building comfortable and innovative horse-drawn carriages. The metaphorical use of the word began in the 1830s by students at Oxford University as slang to refer to a tutor who helped them pass exams - a coach. The figurative meaning of helping someone move from one point to another evolved to include sports, career, wellness, and life coaching as we know it today.

And so! Coaching is a vehicle that helps people move toward the life they wish to live. The collaborative coach-client relationship promotes growth, elicits motivation, and facilitates the change process that leads to a sustainable, higher state of well-being.

As awareness, motivation, and self-regulation grows, so does confidence, competence, optimism, and autonomy. Wellness coaching is based in positive psychology, cognitive behaviorism, performance science, and neuroplasticity. While wellness coaches are not therapists or psychologists and are assiduously trained in understanding scope of practice, wellness coaching enhances therapy by translating insights into actionable, sustainable lifestyle changes.

Wellness coaches do more active listening than talking, use an evocative rather than didactic approach, and more reflecting than commenting. Wellness coaches do not hand out answers or prescribe advice. Coaches are co-creators, co-designers, and co-navigators. Your wellness coach is your reliable partner on your journey to reach your goals.

Why See a Wellness Coach?

People want to be well. We yearn to be in control of our mental, physical, and spiritual health. We want fulfilling relationships and a strong sense of purpose. We want to feel better and have more energy. Often, new insights and skills are needed toward these ends. When working in partnership with a coach who offers support and accountability, one can expect to:

• Attain personal and professional goals

• Increase life satisfaction

• Develop sense of purpose and meaning

• Manage stress

• Decrease anxiety

• Cultivate a positive mindset

• Create a strong foundation in emotional awareness

• Find more ease in relationships

• Adapt to life changes with grace

• Improve well-being and outlook

• Implement lifestyle changes

• Overcome obstacles to physical, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual health

• Become one’s best self

What to Look for in a Wellness Coach

Look first for an empathetic vibe. You want a coach who shows genuine care, is supportive, respectful, trustworthy, communicates clearly, provides a judgement-free atmosphere, and is rigorously client-centered.

A wellness coach must be professional at all times. This includes being prepared and punctual, adaptable to your needs, tracks progress consistently, practices confidentiality (like HIPAA laws), knows her scope of practice and if/when to ‘refer out’.

Your coach must help you identify your short and long-term goals, and have the skills and knowledge to help you achieve them.

Although not yet required by law, I highly recommend that you work with a credentialed coach. Certification shows that the coach has both ongoing commitment to proven skills, and regularly updates certifications through continuing education and an approval process. Look for certifications from the gold-standard organizations like the National Board for Health and Wellness Coaching (NBHWC) or the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

Drawbacks of Working with Untrained Coaches

Untrained coaches may provide harmful or dangerous advice, especially if a client has underlying mental or physical health conditions that require a licensed professional’s care. Non-trained coaches often fail to distinguish coaching, therapy, and medical advice - for instance diagnosing conditions or prescribing treatment, diet, or exercise plans. This is outside the scope of practice at best, possibly illegal, and can have serious deleterious consequences for the client.

Other risks include a lack of ethical codes, potential boundary issues, unprofessional behavior, and a lack of accountability for their actions. It is critical that a coach protects your personal information by following HIPAA laws, does not waste your time with ineffective methods, or seems more interested in financial gain than client well-being.

What Does the Client Do?

The client’s primary responsibility in wellness coaching is to be an active participant who takes ownership of their health and behaviors, makes their own decisions and drives the process. This includes setting goals, committing to action steps, and maintaining accountability for their progress and actions.

The coach provides support and tools, but you are the expert on your own life, and the driver of your health and wellness journey. Remember, a coach doesn’t move without a driver! You must be an active partner who takes responsibility for implementing change.

When a client communicates honestly, maintains openness, commits to action steps and accountability checks, and respects the scope of practice, they will achieve their self-directed goals. A wellness coach provides holistic support for physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Now you know!

In what areas of your life do you wish to see change? Mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual health? Relationships or a sense of meaning and purpose?

What will your life look like one year from now?

Two years?

Five?

When we define our own dreams while shedding what no longer serves us, we can live our lives to our fullest satisfaction. How can partnering with a skilled, empathetic wellness coach serve you?

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Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

This morning while doing errands my husband and I went to a diner. We had omelets and toast, potatoes, and coffee. Four hours later I felt a mild pang of hunger, so made some tea and munched a Larabar. A few hours after that was a sensible dinner created from a well-stocked fridge. I don’t recall ever being hungry in my whole life, unless it was a self-imposed diet scheme.

Tomorrow the federally funded Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) which provides groceries for 42 million Americans - mostly white, mostly children and seniors, and mostly people living below the poverty line - will be shut off. Not because there is no more funding - there is - but because starving human beings is a useful tool for the endless, heartless political bickering which defines these times. Nasty business.

You and I… we worry about people. People we know, people we don’t know. And this got me thinking: with all the goodness, beauty, resources, innovation, and technology in the world, can’t we imagine a better way?

What follows is a lot of data and bullet points. Facts tend to ground us in reality, which frees us to think critically, to dream, to imagine.

So, I searched the question:

“Can we create paradise on Earth?” and here is what I got:

Oops, something went wrong.

A little on the nose, don’t you think? But, OK, perhaps ‘paradise’ is asking too much, or the concept is just too subjective - not everyone’s vision of paradise is the same. Knowing how AI loves specificity, I changed my query to:

“Does the world’s society have the resources to create safety and security for all people?”

I figured safety and security was a good place to start, with the supposition that once people didn’t have to spend every waking moment fighting for survival, they (we) could spend time creating, innovating, sharing knowledge, and connecting. You know - loving life and loving each other. I realize this evokes a debate regarding human nature, but I’m self-soothing here, so stick with me.

Here’s what the robot said:

“While the world has enough resources to create safety and security for all people, their unequal distribution and prioritization prevent this from becoming a reality. Experts and institutions broadly agree that the main obstacle is not a global scarcity of resources, but rather political will, collaboration, and effective management.”

Right. I guess we already know that.

Mr Roboto goes on to explain the concept of ‘human security’ as the protection of individuals from threats to their safety, dignity, and basic needs, including access to economic security, food security, and health security.

Sounds reasonable, right? So, where might these mysterious resources come from?

• The world’s 10 richest men own more wealth than the bottom 3.1 billion (with a B!) people combined (Oxfam). TEN men vs 3.1 BILLION people.

• Also, an estimated 344 million people were pushed into extreme poverty in 2019 due to healthcare costs.

OK, these facts are not soothing at all, so let’s distract ourselves with a little intellectual exercise:

“How much would it cost to end world hunger?”

Can We End World Hunger?

Yes. Yes we can. The U.N. World Food Programme has a plan to end world hunger, and here are the numbers:

• There are 828 million people on the planet who are hungry. That’s 1 in 10 people.

• Of those, 50 million are on the brink of famine and desperately need help.

• The U.N. World Food Programme feeds over 100 million of the hungriest people each year.

• We need $7 billion dollars to deliver food to the millions of people facing famine this year.

• We need $40 billion dollars per year to feed all of the world’s hungry people and end global hunger by 2030.

• In 2021, Americans spent nearly $11 billion dollars on Cyber Monday.

OK. $40 billion dollars a year to feed everyone AND end world hunger within five years!!! But again, where will the money come from? MORE facts and figures:

According to Forbes’ 2025 World’s Billionaires List, (3/7/25) there are 3,028 billionaires in the world. Their combined net worth is $16.1 trillion dollars.

(Fun fact: If each of the world’s 3,028 billionaires donated $13.2 million dollars annually, which is 1.3% of one billion, that would equal the required $40 million per year.)

Wait, over 16 trillion dollars? Who can even imagine that number? Here is a physical representation of the difference between 1 million, 1 billion, 1 trillion in stacks of $100 bills:

Here’s one represented in time:

SO! One trillion dollars would feed the world’s hungry for 20 years.

Sixteen trillion dollars would feed people for 320 years. And that’s with just the wealth of 3,028 people.

FYI, the current net global wealth is around 500 trillion dollars.

Look, I get it. All my training as a musician did not include economics, and I am aware that the solution to world hunger cannot be reduced to a simple math equation. By the way, you are more than welcome to question my facts by looking stuff up yourself. My point is that with imagination and will, we - as a species - could greatly reduce suffering on our planet.

So, what’s the problem again?

Structural challenges prevent the equitable use of resources:

• Persistent global inequalities based on: income, gender, class, ethnicity

• Ineffective global governance

• Emerging unconventional threats: climate change, cybersecurity threats to infrastructure, biological threats like pandemics

• Geopolitical tensions: intense competition and conflicts (wars) divert vast resources toward military spending and away from human security needs

• Organized crime and corruption: global drug trade, human trafficking, firearm trafficking, redirect financial resources away from beneficial social programs

In other words, a lack of both political will and a lack of imagination.

‘Imagine all the people…sharin’ all the world.’

Ok, Ok, I am not a researcher, but I am imaginative, and so are you and many others. If we develop the will to promote human security as a shared value, we can create solutions. Our focus must shift from simply having resources to a more collaborative and equitable approach to distributing them.

LISTEN: Imagine - Jack Johnson

‘You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.’

We know what is possible, but feeding the whole world sounds overwhelming. Is there anything else we - the haves - can do right now, today?

Locate your local food cupboard. Donate and/or volunteer.

Search these questions if you’d like more guidance:

1. What does my local food bank need most? (Specific foods? Money? Clothes?)

2. When are the drop off hours?

3. Are there other collection spots in my community? (churches, synagogues, community centers, local representative/s offices)

You can also search, “How can I help people losing SNAP?” and you will find many established organizations who help people get the nutrition they need every single day.

And finally, VOTE! VOTE in every single election, and VOTE like our lives depends on it.

‘I hope someday you’ll join us, And the world will live as one.’

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Well Canto is a registered trademark.

Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com

As Steve and I tucked into our DC hotel room after a soul-shaking National Symphony Orchestra opening night concert (more on that soon!) this past Saturday, I saw that Well Canto has reached 600 subscribers! Whaaaaat?!?!?!?

That puts a pep in my step, because from the start my aim for Well Canto is to offer up what I’ve learned in order to help us all become aware of our way of being in the world, and with that awareness know that we may design our lives to feel meaningful, to decide our purpose, to experience connection, and to suffer less. All of which is our choice.

YAY!

Being well doesn’t necessarily come easy, and that’s because we’ve all been bombarded with the narrative that we have to do more, achieve more, collect more stuff, get validation (like number of subscribers to our Substacks), and constantly perform like dancing monkeys.

We can - and I’d argue we must - choose elsewise. The miracle of our astonishing brains is that we can alter habituation through self-directed neuroplasticity. By practicing consistent, deliberate actions and mindset shifts, we can change our neural pathways, allowing for new healthy habits and responses to develop. This is what wellness truly means.

Thank you, Well Canto Readers! Thank you for subscribing, for reading, for sharing, for always striving to experience this human exisitence in exactly the way you choose.

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And an Article to Read and Share

Here is one of the most comprehensive ARTICLES I have read on the subject of identifying and coping with emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is shockingly widespread and occurs everywhere in our lives, not just in our closest relationships. It can cause anxiety, depression, addictive disorders, insomnia, ulcers, heart palpitations, and perhaps worst of all, distorts our sense of self and our very reality.

Four more points I’d like to make on the subject:

1. It bears repeating: No one has the right to bully, belittle, withhold, control, yell at, gaslight, shame, lie to, or even criticize anyone else. There are no exceptions to this statement (please read the article for more examples of abuse).

2. Emotional abuse is not “better” or “less harmful” than physical abuse. Emotional abuse always accompanies, and in most cases precedes physical battery.

3. Conflict is not abuse.

   Conflict is a disagreement or struggle over different needs or goals.

   Abuse is intended to exert power and control over another person, and involves harm.

   You can tell the difference by the intent. Abuse involves power and control dynamics, with deliberate and repeated patterns of harmful actions intended to dominate and oppress.

4. Emotional abuse can happen on a huge scale by public figures. For instance, the current POTUS lies constantly, denies the truth and reality itself, blames, shames, engages in name-calling, threatens, yells and throws tantrums, manipulates, engages in fear-mongering, and on and on. It is easy to recognize, but hard to escape because his platform is so large, and his enablers so abundant. No wonder so many of us are exhausted and angry!

We Have Each Other

Keep seeking the better way, my friends. We all know what is right and wrong. Let us not allow ourselves to be pulled away from our own values into some chaotic mess just because that mess is loud and deviant and may even look powerful. We are caught off guard by behaviors so outside our norm, but we will not, must not accept them.

Real power lies in nurturing ourselves, our relationships, our creativity, our lives. I am grateful for each of you.

Well Canto is a registered trademark.

Singing lessons with Barbara: www.WAVS.info

Well Coaching with Barbara: www.BarbaraShirvisWellness.com