brought me in touch with the feeling of holding my mother’s hands

as she was dying. I want to stay connected with that feeling.

I don’t look like my mother - do I even have a photo of us together?

Our hands look alike with prominent veins. I cried healing tears

when I spoke about the painting in our art class and sobbed

for quite a while. Our teacher came and gently asked if I wanted a hug

and held me for quite a while. Today she shared that she had

told her mom about my painting and they both cried.

My mom and I got to say I love you one more time to one another.

Art heals and somehow, magically, this has healed the emptiness.

Reading Liza Minelli’s memoir about her amazing career and all of her relationships brings up a span of memories. I will always be grateful for my first relationship, when I was in high school, with a kind, gentle guy who played guitar and sang Peter, Paul & Mary songs. He was drafted and chose to join the Navy. I drove from Southern California to Memphis, Tennessee to stay near him while he completed his training.

When he returned to San Diego to complete his service, I returned to share a house with a roommate in Huntington Beach. He was miserable in the service and began to smoke, grow and sell marijuana, which changed his personality drastically and we sadly drifted apart.

Soon I was introduced to an older man on a blind date, of all things, and he asked me to marry him. Looking back I realize that I married because I didn’t know what else to do, not the best decision. I moved in with him and we were married in the back yard. Soon he was offered a promotion and we moved twice to a home that he chose without consulting with me. When he said, “It’s time for us to start a family.” I said that I did not want children and he said, “OK, I want a divorce!” In California at the time it was quite straightforward to obtain a divorce and I loaded up my car and left.

For a brief period my younger brother and I shared a place after our father tossed him out after divorcing our mother. I knew I was not going to stay there for long and eventually moved back to Huntington Beach. A friend of my father hired me as her housekeeper and offered to sponsor me to attend a church-sponsored retreat.

This was a life changing experience as I was able to center myself and become clearer on my life path. And met husband number two. We were wise to continue to see each other for several months after the retreat, then I moved in with him in Hollywood. We were both born in Hollywood Presbyterial Hospital a week apart and felt that we were soul mates. We married in his parent’s Episcopal church and soon transferred to Minnesota for his engineering job. We truly loved each other and communicated well for ten years while we moved back to California. We mutually decided to gently part ways and he went on to marry the love of his life and I met the love of my life.

Steve and I have recently celebrated our forty-first wedding anniversary. We met at work when I was unwinding my second marriage of ten years. I was reluctant to embark on another relationship and fortunately, Steve was willing to wait. We moved in together and married after one of the most transformative years of my life. I moved, changed jobs, went back to school to study photography, started my own business and then my mother died. I had made a list of what I wanted in a relationship, and Steve was and continues to be everything on my list. Wise, patient, funny, grounded, loving and affectionate and best of all, we are compatible.

Kissing a few frogs is how I affectionately refer to my relationship history. And I am truly grateful to feel no regrets for how my life has unfolded. I can’t imagine dating or any other way that my life might have progressed. The most important lesson I’ve learned is to be very clear about what I want to experience and who I want to experience my life with. Communication and kindness is the key as we continue to negotiate our time together and we have a lot of fun.

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My wonderful massage therapist helped me and physical therapy prevented rotator cuff surgery, I was in my late fourties and she knew how much I loved yoga. She suggested that I attend a weekend at The Expanding Light at Ananda in Nevada City, California. I’d never done anything like that and, for once, I trusted that this was where I was meant to be.

I attended a yoga and meditation weekend at the EL in early 1998. The program there is comprehensive, including cozy accommodations, vegetarian meals and yoga/meditation classes morning, noon and evening. Ananda Yoga is very gentle Hatha yoga and is shared as a spiritual practice, not simply exercise. And I loved it.

Hearing the Booming Voice

The second day, when I was meditating in the temple, asking for guidance for my life, especially since I felt that I would no longer be able to continue with my photography business that I loved. That’s when I heard the booming voice - Teach Yoga. That has never happened to me before and for some reason this time, without all of the usual hesitation and excuses, I went into the office and inquired about Yoga Teacher Training.

Learning that there was an opportunity to return to the EL in August for a month-long Yoga Teacher Training, I put down a deposit and committed to return for YTT. I was sent home with a big three-ring binder and a set of cassette tapes (remember those?) with guided meditations and yoga postures to practice at home for six months, until I returned. This was my improtant introdution to daily spiritual practice.

I had heard about daily practice for some time and had attended yoga and meditation classes. However, I had not committed to a daily practice, which makes all of the difference. This time I was dedicated to my gentle yoga postures and meditation practice daily for six months. Then I returned to the EL to stay for a month of training with the wonderful teachers at Ananda.

Ananda yoga postures are designed as preparation for meditation and are gentle, classic postures that you all may be familiar with, including Energization Exercises, Chanting, Breathing practices and Meditation with a two word mantra or repeated phrase. All this in preparation for turning attention inward and resting in the stillness.

After my month at Ananda, I returned to redesign my photography business, hire an assistant and significantly slow down my schedule. I also began to teach Ananda yoga and meditation classes every week.

Looking back now I can see that this was the beginning of a significant career change, as I returned to Ananda for Meditation Teacher Training two more times and eventually certified as a Health & Wellness coach, Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner Trainer and have thoroughly enjoyed Coaching and Teaching since 2002. Big transitions in life can be challenging and scary and I continue to give thanks that I trusted the booming voice that set me on my new path.

I’ve been contemplating lately what I learned from my father. He taught me to obey. To shut up. To never ask questions or question his authority. He never told me he loved me. He made his own beer and kept the brown bottles in my closet, where they somethimes blew up. He never could keep a job and it was always someone elses fault.

I knew he loved my mother, as you can see from this photograph, taken in Chicago in 1947 when they married after the war. They were actors and came to Hollywood to get into the movies, that’s where I was born in Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital in 1952.

My first memories are at a farm in Orange, where we moved for my father to milk cows. I remember sitting on the porch of the farmhouse and finding mice in the refrigerator in the barn. Soon after my brother was born, we moved to a tract house in Garden Grove, very close to Disneyland, so that my father could help to build the Pirate Ship before the park opened. After the park opened he took a job as a security guard. One of his duties was to stand at the bottom of a guy wire to catch Tinker Bell as she slid in a harness down the wire from the top the Materhorn.

So many jobs and failed businesses after that. Cab driver, Fuller Brush salesman, emergency room clerk, delivery truck driver, Kentucky Fried Chicken worker. When I started school, my mother worked as a secretary in an insurance office for several years. Her mother came to take care of us after school while my mother worked, from first grade to fifth grade in Santa Ana.

Then she was no longer able to work and we came back to school in Garden Grove, near home. I had skipped fourth grade in Santa Ana, which felt like a good thing at the time. I was tested and moved from my third grade class into a fifth/sixth grade class. No one explained to me that I would be younger than everyone else from then on. I always loved school and did well and never felt like I fit in socially.

My father kept me from interacting with anyone else. No one was invited over to play. We played in the street with our kites and our bikes. My parents had only one other couple that they socialized with from church. Friday night card games, smoking and drinking. My mother was very sad and depressed and stayed in her room most of the time. Children should be seen and not heard. Never ask for anything and be quiet.

I woke up the day I turned eighteen and walked out the door. Walked to my godmother’s house. “I expected you, where is your brother?” He wanted to stay at home and finish high school. I never went back. My mother eventually left my father after my brother graduated from high school. She took her mother to visit her family and I never say them again. Until my mother came to live with my brother and his family at the end of her life, when she was dying of cancer.

We were grateful because we thought we would never see her gain. She had a very hard life and I don’t understand her choices at all. She was beautiful, talented, loving and very sad most of her life. My father was angry, abusive and may have suffered from PTSD from the war. We will never know.

My brother died of depression when he was only sixty-two, after several suicide attempts. He was intelligent, funny and very creative. A wonderful father and very kind. As I continue on my healing journey, I continue to question the effects of abuse, neglect and mental illness in my family. Creating connection and meaning in my relationships, finding my way in the world, grateful for ongoing learning and all of the blessings in my life.

Is that my intuition, a hunch, a gut feeling or my Divine guidance? Really good question. When I remember to pause, take a breath and listen within, I experience clarity about my choice. I believe that acting on that guidance (whether you feel that it is internal, from your higher self or the Divine presence).

Sometimes I simply ask, “What is it I need to know or understand?” Open ended questions often result in very simple two word guidance, such as, “Slow Down.”

I trust and act on my body wisdom, I listen to my body. I have heard that our bodies are our subconscious mind, so we are accessing greater wisdom by listen to our bodies.

Muscle Testing

Have you heard about Muscle Testing? I’m curious about this practice to ask questions. It is suggested that we can loop our thumb and index finger together and link the thumb and index finger of the opposite hand through the first fingers. You might ask,”Show me yes.” And the fingers are strong. Ask, “Show me no.” and the fingers separate.

Then you can ask a yes or no question and test with the finger strength. For example: Is this supplement healthy for me? Then you might test the guidance by taking the supplement and seeing the results.

Another way that I practice accessing my guidance is by writing a question and then writing, stream of consciousness, allowing the information to flow. You might also write the question with your dominant hand and write the answer with you non-dominant hand. Perhaps this accesses your subconscious mind or body wisdom.

One More Thought for Today…

One more thought for today - one of the reasons I love to practice meditation is because when we are more relaxed, we are smarter and make better self-care decisions.

May you see if looking within might support you, rather than looking outside for clarity and guidance

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I’ve been studying Internal Family Systems for a while now and as I continue my healing journey, I’m reminded of my spiritual teacher telling us about the ice melting around our hearts. It’s uncomfortable and ultimately a good thing. Good to be reminded.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts work teaches us that “healing requires reintegrating our fragmented parts, restoring internal connection, and bringing more awareness and presence to our traumas to process and release them in the present.”

When I stepped into my first Al-Anon meeting in 1985 after my mother died, I sat in those meetings for six months crying. Perhaps a bit of the ice beginning to melt. At that point I didn’t remember hardly any of my childhood. I had one memory from each year of school and that was it. I was able eventually to connect with a sponsor and work the steps, as much as I could remember.

Now I’m learning that I was protected from remembering the painful experiences and that parts of me were frozen in time and stored in my body. Chronic pain and lifelong anxiety were the result of years of neglect, abuse, punishment and loneliness.

Now I’m in the process of connecting with my younger parts and thanking them for protecting me. Waves of sadness are coming up at times, along with compassion for my younger self as I listen and allow the feelings to flow. Amazingly I am also beginning to remember good memories as well.

I am committed to continuing my explorations and connections within, even when it’s uncomfortable. Along with the discomfort comes a warm feeling of self-acceptance, relief and possibility, with gratitude

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Set Up Statement: (tapping on the side of the hand)

Even though I'm so resistant to change, I'm acknowledging how I feel and allowing the energy to move. Whatever part of me that's holding on, consciously or unconsciously, for whatever reason, I now choose to be open and receptive to new possibilities. I love and accept myself and all of my feelings.

For more information: https://conta.cc/4erhFe

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something. For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes - they will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown

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This week we are exploring the eighth dimension of Playing & Working in the Twelve Dimensions of Wellness from the Wellness Workbook by Dr. John Travis.

I have shared in the past about my recovery from workaholism. For so many years as a professional photographer I worked seven days per week and never took time off, until I could no longer lift my arms! I loved what I was doing and was successful and I wore myself out.

I learned the hard way, with the body as my teacher, to take off one and then two days per week to rest and recover. Now I am semi-retired and loving working three days per week. It's been quite a process for me to learn to listen to my body and find balance.

What Nourishes You?

Whether you work in an office, work from home as an entrepreneur or are partially or fully retired, the key for me has been to create balance by focusing on what brings me joy and fulfillment - in work and in play.

Give yourself permission to quietly consider what nourishes you. Make a list, add to it over time. Contemplate aspects of your work, hobbies and family activities that are pleasurable and worth pursuing. Notice how long it has been since you enjoyed these activities:

• Short or long periods of silence

• Being alone or together in nature

• Dancing with abandon

• Writing a letter to a dear friend

• Enjoying a picnic in the park

• Traveling to new places, especially to a foreign country

• A quiet evening at home with family

I love coaching, teaching and writing and it no longer feels like work. Still, I know that I only fully relax when I am away from home, outdoors, especially at the ocean, with no agenda beyond relaxing, playing, wandering and exploring.

If you would like support in your Daily Practice, please join us

on Tuesday, February 18, 2025 at 1 p.m. PT on Zoom.

Send an email to pronchick.becca@gmail.com to request the Zoom link.

We are continuing our journey together through the 12 Dimensions of Wellness in the Wellness Workbook by Dr. John Travis. Thinking is the seventh dimension of wellness. Here are a few steps to move you toward your desired outcome:

Recognize - Acknowledge the underlying thoughts that cause anxiety and stress - perhaps you are able to notice sensations in your body that are uncomfortable, tense or tight.

Ask - When you notice you are fretting, see if you can ask, "Is this mine, or does this situation belong to someone else?" Perhaps it will be resolved without your efforts or worry.

Take One Small Step - If this is yours and there is an action you can take right now to improve the situation for yourself and others, take a deep breath, make a phone call, say a prayer or affirmation. Perhaps ask for support.

One Small Step Again & Again - Reinforce your healthy response with small reminders - sticky notes. Take a slow, deep breath each time the phone rings, before answering. Make a note to follow up when answers are not forthcoming.

Postpone - Get on with what you are able to accomplish today and come back to your sticky situation tomorrow. Put a reminder on your calendar to follow up and remember to breathe.

Grieve - When nothing can be solved, improved or relieved, allow yourself to feel sad and grieve the loss. Be gentle with yourself. Take some quiet time to release and let go. EFT Tapping works really well for this.

Gratitude - Instead of focusing on what you don't have, attend to the gifts and graces around you all of the time. It is true that what we focus on expands. When all is going well, we say, "More of that!"

Forgive Yourself - Accept yourself as you are, as gently as you would accept a friend in the same or similar situation.

If you would like more support for your practice:

Please join us on Tuesday, February 11th at 1 p.m. PT

for our Guided Meditation/Tapping practice on Zoom.

Send an email to pronchick.becca@gmail.com to request the link

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