I’m en route to BC to visit one of my best friends, Jo, on Hornby Island. I have no idea what to expect, but I’m thrilled to be going. She and I both moved away from Montreal (she to Vancouver, me to Toronto) around the same time this year and my heart feels definitively heavier in her absence. Spending the week with her will be—as she likes to say—chicken soup for the soul. I last saw Jo only a few weeks ago and BC looks soooooo good on her:

I wish I could say the same about me and Toronto, but if I’m being totally honest, it hasn’t been clicking in the way I hoped it would. I’m telling myself to be patient, but I’m also trying to get better at listening to my gut and moving towards what feels correct. The impetus behind my move was to try on something that I’d always dreamed of doing (living in my hometown as an adult), but I am increasingly feeling that the person I’ve become (and want to be) was born in Montreal (and belongs there). Still, I think that trying stuff and taking risks is very chic and sexy. But, none of that matters right now because I’m in the sky; I appreciate the liminality of travel which allows me to be here, there, and everywhere all at once.

With that said, here is where I’ve been over the course of the last few months:

I started my summer off (if one can sort of count May as a summer month?) by opening for The Goat Herself, Ms Eliza McLamb, on her UK tour. There’s no better way to describe Eliza—her sense of humour, her songwriting, her live set, the company she keeps, the crowds she draws, her takes, her energy—than to say she is the coolest, plain and simple. It was a total honour to warm up her audiences night after night and I sincerely hope that we cross paths again soon <33

My favourite part of the tour was actually completely unrelated to music. I balled out on the accoms for the Leeds show and booked an Airbnb that doubles as an animal sanctuary! Name a better way to unwind after a show than to feed a banana to a piglet and cuddle some (massive) cows. I’ll wait.

In June, I moved into a studio apartment in a building that I used to pass on my Toronto running route and think, “Fuck, that’s cute, I’d love to live there.” And now I do! So kismet. My spot is giving Sisterhood of the Travelling Heartbreak, re: the lease transfer: everyone who’s moved in has been going through a Big Breakup and then moved out healed anew. Put me in, coach.

One of the biggest highlights of my year so far has been a road trip that my friends and I took to the Gaspésie for the Bleu Bleu festival. I’ve long heard that the Gaspésie is among the most beautiful regions of Québec, but man, I was totally unprepared for the degree to which the festival, Carleton-sur-Mer, and the people who live there alike totally blew my hair back. James, Katherine, Brennan, and I drove 8h from Montreal in the rain, feeling pretty delirious. In fact, it rained the whole weekend, but that almost made for a more mystical voyage. The town we were in was very Maritimes-y but also super Québécois, so it was basically my own personal heaven. My set was supposed to be by a small cabin with an ocean view, but the rain had a different plan in mind: instead, I played a (sold out!) show in a church where I got to debut a handful of new songs.

I saw Brennan in Toronto a few weeks ago and she said, rightfully, that our roadtrip made her, James, and Katherine renew their vows to Québec, so to speak. I feel similarly.

Not long after I returned to Toronto from my Gaspésie trip, I boarded a bus to Montreal to play the Jazzfest with Arielle Soucy. A day or two after I arrived, though, I got horribly sick with one of those colds that feels like you’ve been hit by a truck. I’ve never had to cancel a show before, but I came pretty close. I probably would’ve had to had it not been for my dear friend Celeste bringing me a care package of remedies - chicken soup for the soul, this time figuratively and literally speaking. While spiralling about my sickness, I watched the movie The French Girl and was both entertained and triggered. Vanessa Hudgens x Québec was the crossover I didn’t know I… needed? Feared? The jury is still out on that one.

One morning in early July, Ray sent me a link to a 1958 Guild M20 that had been put up for sale at Capsule Music in Toronto just the day before. This guitar is widely considered “the Nick Drake guitar”, since Nick Drake is holding the same model on the cover of his album Bryter Layter. I don’t know that he actually ever played one of these bad boys on any of his recordings, but I also totally get why the association with him and this guitar extends beyond that album cover. Like Nick Drake, the guitar is warm, haunting, and charmingly quiet in its essence. I booked it to Capsule shortly after Ray texted me, played a few songs on it, and placed it on hold. I gave myself the weekend to ~think about it~ but realistically, I knew I wanted to buy it upon first strum. So I did! It’s an absolutely stunning instrument and I can’t wait to see what we write together.

^ That’s me playing “Place To Be” on my new guitar. I’m making funny faces in this video because it just sounds that damn good.

Next up, Ray and I headed west for the Winnipeg Folk Fest, which was definitely another 2026 highlight for me. I find experiences like the one I had out there incredibly life- and career-affirming. On the Friday night, we played a “tweener” (a short, 15-minute set on the side of the festival’s mainstage that’s positioned in between two headliner sets) in front of thousands of people and I will never ever forget the feeling of a crowd that big applauding after I contextualized Blurring Time as a project written by me, a trans man. It still makes me tear up to think about.

At the end of the month, I visited interior BC to spend some time with an old friend who’s just moved there. There are some gnarly wildfires in the area, so we got evacuated a few days after I arrived, but the trip was still a total dream. I fell utterly and completely in love with my friend’s dog, Molly :’)

And now… I’m back in BC! Or, I’m about to be. I’m still in the air, so technically I’m nowhere.

Where to find me next —>

9/13 - Hamilton, ON | Supercrawl Festival
9/24 - Toronto, ON | Second Summer Festival
9/26 - Québec City, QC | Théâtre Petit Champlain %
9/27 - Montreal, QC | POP Montreal - SOLD OUT
10/9 - Dartmouth, NS | Nowadays Festival
10/23 - Gatineau, QC | Cabaret La Basoche
10/24 - Sutton, QC | La Sag

% Supporting Arielle Soucy

Tickets for these shows can be found here, and all of them will feature new songs that I’m performing for the first time. Speaking of: a few days after this ^^ tour wraps up, I’ll be heading into recording mode and cooking up my next album with some heroes of mine who will be coming from near and far to help me make it. I’m just beginning to demo all of the tunes now and I could not be more excited. This album is going to challenge me and push me out of my comfort zone in many ways - I’m game.

Okay, I think that’s it! May the final weeks of summer be kind to you,

xx B

• What I’m listening to —> Lost Weekend by Phoebe Bridgers, You Are Spring! by Tasha, tiarn by Hana Stretton, Hot Creek by Duffy x Uhlmann, and A Crow Looked at Me by Mount Eerie.

• What I’m watching —> Kassia and I saw the new Spider-Man movie a few weeks ago. I totally loved it! I think Tom Holland is the best and was inspired to shave off my moustache thanks to him, but I instantly regretted it.

• What I’m reading —> I’ve been slowly making my way through Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

• What I’m eating —> It’s corn season! I had some delicious BBQ’d corn at Celeste’s cottage last week. Thank goodness I’ve been put on to some life-changing floss recently. Lemme know if you want to know more.

I won’t yammer on too much about the movie because I think it speaks for itself. But what I WILL say is that I am eternally grateful for the love, care, and time Ryan Faist (aka boy wonder) put into whittling 12h+ worth of footage into 17 minutes. I’m so proud of this little documentary about change, identity, love, grief, and becoming. As I say within the first minute, I hope the doc (and the album!) will feel like a hug to you, no matter what changes are going on in your life.

Thank you thank you thank you to all who came to the premieres in Montreal, Toronto, and Vancouver. It truly means the world.

If you’re reading this, then you’re probably subscribed to my Substack and thus know of my propensity for longform writing. I appreciate this platform as it offers me a degree of reassurance that I’m reaching you directly in a time where it’s harder and harder to ensure that one’s posts will be favoured by Instagram algorithms. I’m going to continue sharing updates on Substack, but I also want to offer you ~yet another~ way to keep up with my happenings in a more immediate/bite-sized fashion! You are now able to text me at ‭415-915-5689‬—yes, the first 4 digits were chosen intentionally—to be the first to know about new music, new shows, new merch, and everything in between. Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me etc. etc.

On Friday, I’m hopping on a plane to London to open for my hero . Here’s where you can find us:

Tix are available here!

Lastly, here’s a voice memo of a song that I wrote a few months ago that’s from the POV of the scorpion that stung me while I was on vacation in Mexico in 2024. It’s called “Sting”. Enjoy! xx

• What I’m listening to —> Alouette! by Les Louanges (fave album of the year thus far), One for Jackie by Rett Madison, Goodbyehouse by Snuggle, Middle of Nowhere by Kacey Musgraves, Golden Hour by Kacey Musgraves, Doubles by Duffy x Uhlmann, and Full Moon by Brandy.

• What I’m watching —> I’ll go see Mile End Kicks in theatres one of these days. Want some fun lore? The movie started filming in my apartment just as I was moving in; it was released 2 days before I moved out. Life immitates art, I guess!

• What I’m reading —> I’m going to be away from Montreal for the foreseeable future, so I want to make a real, concerted effort to maintain my French language skills. Maybe I’ll try reading in French?

• What I’m eating —> Gonna return to all my fave Indian spots in the UK that Ray and I discovered when we were there in Nov! Can’t wait.

I’ve never considered myself a good actor by any means; in school, I mostly composed the music for our school plays. Funnily enough though, the project I’m filming right now will be the second movie I’m acting in; the first movie was made in September. Me being in these films… kind of just… happened? I think it’s awesome that—by mistake—I am pursuing two careers in the arts. I won’t share anything about either project quite yet, but it turns out that I really like working in film. Acting feels like an activity that is an end in itself, whereas music stuff—by virtue of music being my first love and main thing—sometimes feels like a means to something else. A something I often can’t even quite visualize or articulate. I digress! What I wish to convey is that I love movies and am grateful for the people who have trusted me to be in theirs.

Saturday will mark the 1-year anniversary of my Visa gate post being published/going viral. I’m grateful to get to spend this April focusing on my documentary instead of being in throws of bureaucratic bullshit. The doc is a total celebration of my album/my becoming and has virtually nothing to do with the US tour cancellation (which, in some ways, felt kind of inextricable from my album rollout last year). I was pretty insistent on omitting anything to do with the Visa stuff because… my album and I are so much more than that! My nervous system fucking tanked after everything that happened last April and I kind of feel the body #keepingthescore now that we’re at the 12 month mark. It breaks my heart over and over again how, 12 months later, trans rights—especially in the States—are more under attack than ever. The Trevor Project, ASTTEQ, The Consent Collective, Interligne, GLITS, The 519, Buddies in Badtimes Theatre, and the Transgender Law Centre are all orgs/centres/arts spaces that do incredible work for my community/ies - donate a buck or two to any of these fine folks if ya can.

Here’s what I’m up to right now and where you’ll be able to find me:

The first couple of screenings for Blurring Time (the documentary) sold out super quickly, so we added a few more.

There aren’t many tickets left for either of the additional screenings, so scoop ‘em up while you can. I’m also working on organizing some BT doc premieres elsewhere! Stay tuned for that :)

Here are all of my upcoming shows:

06/19 - Féstival Bleu Bleu | Carleton-sur-Mer, QC
06/30 - Montreal Jazz Fest^
07/09-12 - Winnipeg Folk Fest

^ supporting my queen Arielle Soucy

I have some other cool gigs planned for later this year tooooooo, which I will announce soon! In the meantime, I will be finishing the writing of my next album. Woohoo! I think this is my best work yet and I can’t wait to share it one day.

More soon & much love,

xx B

• What I’m listening to —> Pleasure by Feist, The Throne of the Third Heaven of the Nations Millennium General Assembly by Le Loup, choke enough by oklou, Hannah Montana: The Hits, and Good Story by Eliza McLamb, who posted an excellent essay last week about Chaotic Good, a digital marketing agency that creates fake fans for many of your favourite up and coming indie artists. (Everything in the music industry is a hoax! Coolguyification is curated and contrived!)

• What I’m watching —> I loved the Hannah Montana 20th anniversary special! Gotta respect a queen who sings her old songs a few keys lower (I relate).

• What I’m reading —> Nothing! Give me your recos.

• What I’m eating —> I’m gonna try my best to hit up my favourite brunch spot in Winnipeg before I leave.

This is a quick note to let you know that I will be hosting screenings for Bells Larsen: Blurring Time (the documentary) in my two cities, Montreal and Toronto. We’ll show the doc, there will be a Q&A—hosted by my friends Eve Parker Finley and Emilie Hanskamp in Montreal and Toronto, respectively —and a short set from me.

Tickets are extremely limited for both of these screenings, so get ‘em while you can!

Thursday, April 16th | MONTREAL TIX
Monday, April 27th | TORONTO TIX

All my love,

xx B

I buy a 1999 VHS-C camera from an older gentleman, keen to get filming. I’m thrilled that the camera—a JVC camcorder that weighs about as much as a brick—is only a year younger than I am. How beautiful that the quality of the footage of my becoming as an adult will mimic that of the home videos my grandparents took of me as a kid.

I proceed to record 12h+ worth of footage from 2022-2025. I film studio sessions, lots of my firsts (injections, shaves, trans marches, etc.), tender moments between my loved ones and I, and intimate confessionals about my sense of self and the state of the world. The result? Well…

I made a movie!

Over the past little while, I’ve been working with my friend and filmmaker Ryan Faist AKA boy wonder, who distilled all of my footage into a 16-minute documentary. The film is a bilingual piece about change and the joy (and grief!) that come with it. I also think it serves as a good snapshot for where I'm at in my career right now.

So, check out the trailer for Bells Larsen: Blurring Time (the documentary) down below. The doc will come out next month—around the 1-year anniversary of the album’s release—and I’ll be hosting premieres/screenings in Montreal and Toronto to celebrate. Keep your eyes peeled for more info on that coming later this week.

More soon,

xx B

Montreal endured a tumultuous ice storm this week, so I didn’t leave the house much. I spent most of my time trying to cross cumbersome tasks off of my to-do list, most of which were related to the impending tax season and an upcoming move. In my free moments, though, I was noodling on my guitar. I’m currently in the midst of figuring out the who/what/when/where/why re: the writing and recording of my next album, which feels bizarre. Hell, Blurring Time hasn’t even been out for a year. It’s hard to believe I’m already looking ahead.

A handful of people have DM’d me over the last little while to ask for guitar tutorials for songs from Blurring Time. I’ve put off doing so, simply because I am not the best at explaining guitar stuff in real time. This is all the more true when I’m in front of a camera (even if said camera is the built-in one on my laptop). But, I gave it a go nonethless!

Here are tutorials for “514-415” and “Might”, from me to you:

514-415

Intro/verse: G | C | G | D | C | G | Asus | C

Chorus: C | D | G walkdown that leads to an Em —> on last line of chorus, you end up back at C | D

Bridge: C | G | C | D | G

Might*

Intro/verse: G | C

Pre-chorus: C | G | C | Em | C | G

Chorus: G | C

Bridge: Gsus | Asus | G | Elliott Smith chord that feels like a G/F (?) | C | D (only on second time)

*I am truly sorry for my lack of tabs for this one.

If you cover/post either of these songs anywhere, please do tag me! And if there are others for which you’d like me to make a tutorial, let me know and I’ll do my best <3

Happy strummin’ and pickin’,

xx B

I also wanted to share a song that I wrote in early January. It poured out of me in 20 minutes, which doesn’t happen very often (I tend to be a pretty slow writer). Who knows if it’ll ever become more than a voice memo. This is the first and only song that I wrote on a beat up 1952 Gibson LG-1 that I bought impulsively over the holidays; I was too heartbroken to notice that the guitar kind of sounded like shit. Thankfully, I managed to resell it. Anyways!

Here’s “Shadow Bent”.

• What I’m listening to —> I’ve been spinning is a Folk Artist by Hudson Freeman, The Best of Our Possible Lives by Boy Golden, Nothing’s About to Happen to Me by Mitski (when I can handle it - “Cats” makes me cry), and Passages by Arielle Soucy. Passages isn’t out yet, but I have the Google Drive link—thanks Arielle!—and can assure you that it’s fucking phenomenal. I’m also really looking forward to Les Louanges’ new record dropping in April.

• What I’m watching —> I watched the America’s Next Top Model doc with my family recently and was gagged. If anyone has ever tried Tyra Banks’ hot ice cream, let me know how it was. I also saw Pillion with my buddies last week and I think I liked it? Hard to say. TLDR: Harry Potter’s cousin delves into the world of kink and struggles to know what to put in his Grindr bio. I’m gonna watch the Oscars with my friend Kenza at the movie theatre on Sunday, woohoo!

• What I’m reading —> Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. Very good so far!

• What I’m eating —> Thank you Anna for recommending this sheet pan chicken number, it was truly fire.

Transitioning made me fall in love with my hair, though. My friend Noam, who is an awesome Montreal-based hairdresser and barber, gave me my Big Chop in the spring of 2021 when my hair was still really long. I don’t think I had ever ~seen~ myself quite so clearly.

Noam will always hold a very special place in my heart. He was the first person to make me feel truly good in my skin—aesthetically/physically speaking—since coming to understand who I was.

Tonight, I made the trek out so his salon in Verdun. It had been a while since I’d last seen him, yes, but I also wanted to ring in my birthday with that feeling of shedding something, of seeing myself. He crushed it; I am feeling very handsome.

If you’ve read one of my newsletters before, you probably know that I love making lists. Lists of lessons are no exception! So, here are the most important things I’ve learned over the course of my 28 years, as a birthday gift from me to you. Most of the following has an invisible asterisk next to it, but you’ll get the gist.

28 lessons I’ve learned in my 28 years of life

1. When you leap, the net will appear.

2. It’s always—ALWAYS!—better to be honest and run the risk of hurting someone’s feelings than it is to withhold hard truths. In choosing the latter, you’re lying to two people.

3. Not unrelated: if a friend lets you know that they’re upset with or mad at you, this is (usually) a really good sign. To me, it highlights that there is a strong enough foundation for difficult conversations to be had. I think it’s also a testament to the love and trust that exists between the two of you. Simply put: when a friend tells you when they’re pissed at you, it’s (usually) a huge green flag and ought not be grounds for a friend breakup.

4. A good pair of slippers is one of life’s greatest joys. I’ve been rocking the North Face puffs for a few years now and they improve the quality of my life pretty signficiantly.

5. Your inner artist and your inner child are the same person; freedom of creative expression is precious.

6. Finding the right therapist can be life-changing.

7. Finding the right hair dresser can be life-changing.

8. It’s better to say “oh well” than “what if”.

9. Apologizing is a skill, and a really important one at that. Further, there is an art to holding oneself accountable. Some sub-points here:

   1. Don’t (ever!) apologize for someone’s feelings or let someone apologize for yours. If an apology starts with “I’m sorry you feel that way,” then it’s back to the effing drawing board.

   2. Apologies don’t need to be coated in therapy jargon. In fact, it’s usually better for all parties when they aren’t.

   3. These days, I’m working on holding myself accountable without being too hard on myself/making myself small. And it’s a tough balance! While I really value being able to admit when I’m wrong, I don’t need to paint myself as the bad guy in a story when that isn’t called for.

10. Sometimes, though, you will be the bad guy in someone else’s story. But that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. (As someone who has a complex relationship with guilt and shame, I have a tremendously hard time with this!)

11. “You smell good” is one of the best compliments to both give and receive.

12. You need to warm up before a workout and stretch afterwards, especially as you age. Don’t skip doing either one.

13. Your gut always knows.

14. This is specific to live music, but being a good performer is just as important (if not sometimes more so) than being a proficient musician.

15. Lactose intolerance is a spectrum. Once you understand where you fall on it, however, you ought to stay in your lane. For example, I know that yogurt and parmesan are totally kosher for me. Ice cream and milk, though? I know my place and I stay away.

16. Anger is an extemely useful emotion.

17. Journalling consistently—ideally first thing in the morning, every morning—is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

18. You ought to be loved because of who you are, not despite.

19. Being friends with your sibling(s) is a gift, as is having friends who feel like family. Protect, nurture, and treasure these relationships with everything you’ve got.

20. Water, good sleep, and sunscreen are the most critical steps in any good skincare routine.

21. To expand on that last point, there is—to the best of my knowledge—no magic skincare brand or product that can make cystic acne disappear. The only thing that can is a dermatologist.

22. It’s crucial to have a hobby that you do not commodify.

23. Dentists are scammers. I’m not an anti-dentite, but my god is that shit ever expensive. And rather unnecessarily so, if I may!

24. Plants and rugs make every space feel more like home.

25. You can tell a lot about a person by their shoes.

26. There is a difference between loving people for who they are and for who you need/want them to be.

27. There is a difference between being nice and being kind.

28. It requires a lot of courage, confidence, and bravery to ask for what you want, be it from your parents, a sound person, a partner, or the universe.

I’ve been writing a lot these days—largely thanks to a Blake Mills songwriting class that I just completed!—but I don’t feel quite ready to share any NEW new stuff. So, here’s a voice memo of a song from 2ish years ago that will probably be on my next record. I wrote it from POV of a loved one who was watching me shame spiral about some of the things I experienced during my teen years. It’s called "Guillotine”.

I’m going to go for a night skate in the park across from my apartment now - I hope I’ll be doing figure eights when the clock strikes midnight and it’s officially my birthday.

Enjoy the tune, much love xx

• What I’m listening to —> Furr by Blitzen Trapper, Greyhound by Katie Tupper, S/T by yes/and, and the song "havana burning” by Dan Reeder (thank u James for showing me this tune, I can’t stop listening).

• What I’m watching —> I’m so happy that The Pitt is back! God bless ER doctors.

• What I’m reading —> I’m nearly done I love this version of myself that you brought out, which has been both a kind companion and a soothing balm over the past month.

• What I’m eating —> In the interest of using all of the shit in my fridge, I tried my hand at this brothy, creamy chicken soup/stew thing. No bueno :(

Whenever someone’s birthday rolls around, I ask them what their word of the year is. This is a tradition that many of my friends and I have picked up from Noah, who has long had the habit of asking ~the~ birthday person what word they hope will encompass the upcoming year and, further, what they wish themselves. I think these questions are beautiful and somewhat of a birthday gift in their own right. Noah keeps a list of everyone’s words (theirs, mine, their friends’, my friends’) on their notes app.

This year, my own word was “dreams”. My birthday is on January 27th, just three days before “514-415” came out and Blurring Time was announced. I chose “dreams” as my word because I knew that 2025 would be the year of me chasing mine. To accompany my word, I made a list of everything I hoped to accomplish. I feel a little shy sharing it, but here it is:

Two things are often true at once. On one hand, I crossed off most of the things on my list, and for that I am so so so proudandappreciativeandoverwhelmed. Like, insanely so. I figured I might achieve half of my goals at most, and I wasn’t expecting this year to be so fruitful in the professional sense. More people are listening to my music than ever; strangers have come up to me at shows and brought/worn handmade gifts/shirts that have made me cry; I’ve seen most of the country under the guise of playing music; I’ve been made to feel recognized and respected for my craft. Life has been good to me.

On the other hand, 2025 was fucking hard. There were high highs and low lows like I’ve never felt before, and all those ups and downs were super taxing on my nervous system. Over the course of the past twelve months, a lot of people from random corners of life have reached out to say they’re happy to see me thriving. While I’ve done my best to keep calm and carry on through weird shit and express my gratitude whenever possible, I’m ending the year with not a lot of gas in my tank. I’m tired and anxious. But I’m also happy and fulfilled.

Two things can be true.

I’m going to keep up with my own tradition of recapping/taking stock of the past year with some lists. In between each one is a photo I took :)

Favourite albums of 2025 (in order of release)

• Saya by Saya Gray

• Mayhem by Lady Gaga

• Warm Soup At The Big Rain by Liam Cole

• Progress Bakery by Eliza Niemi

• Patience, Moonbeam by Great Grandpa —> #1 fave

• Believer by Sister Ray

• Florilegium by Uwade

• Tether by Annahstasia

• SWAG by Justin Bieber

• To Keep by Dominique Adams

• Dog Eared by Billie Marten

• Eye of the Storm by Georgia Harmer

• Baby by Dijon

• Man’s Best Friend by Sabrina Carpenter

• Animal Poem by Anna Tivel

• Blue Reminder by Hand Habits

• Leo N*gro by Jaywood

• Live Oak Interior by Cass McCombs

• LUX by ROSALÍA

• Significance, Otherness by Burs

Fave movies I watched in 2025

I deleted my Letterboxd recently because I found myself watching every movie with a future Letterboxd review in mind. The pressure I was putting on myself to have funny or witty takes ultimately took away from my movie watching experiences. That said, I don’t remember every flick I watched this year, but here are a few standouts:

• Bugonia

• The Idea of You (yes, seriously!)

• Sinners

• Sorry, Baby

I’m seeing Hamnet tomorrow and I’m sooooooo ready to weep :’)

Every book I read in 2025

• Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler

• Parable of the Talents by Octavia Butler —> didn’t finish

• The Candy House by Jennifer Egan —> didn’t finish

• Julie Chan Is Dead by Liann Zhang

• The Tiger and the Cosmonaut by Eddie Boudel Tan

• The Bee Sting by Paul Murray —> still halfway through

I’ll be honest with you: I didn’t read a whole lot this year. Between being my own manager during an album rollout, dealing with the chaos of Visa gate, tour managing, and navigating some pretty tough personal stuff over the last few months, I haven’t had the juice to turn to books for respite as much as I would’ve liked. More often than not, it’s been easier and more alluring to disconnect than it has been to be alone with myself and just read. I yearn, however, for the feeling of not being able to put down a book because I love it so much. And I grieve my attention span more and more every day. I wish myself a peaceful and calm inner world in 2026 that fortifies a desire to read in my free time. I also wish myself the freedom to put a book down if I don’t like it.

Every show I went to in 2025 (not including shows I saw by virtue of sharing a bill with the artist)

• Potions @ P’tit Ours, Montreal

• Ada Lea and Charlotte Cornfield @ Sala Rossa, Montreal

• Mae Martin @ Danforth Music Hall, Toronto

• Hana Stretton @ Fairmount Theatre, Montreal

• Patrick Watson @ mai/son, Montreal

• Katie Tupper @ Jazz Fest, Montreal

• Hurray For The Riff Raf @ Hillside, Guelph

• The Swell Season @ Massey Hall, Toronto

• Georgia Harmer @ Mill’s Hardware, Hamilton

• Billie Marten @ Fairmount Theatre, Montreal

  

Best things that happened in 2025

• I released my frickin album

• I quit my 9-5 to pursue music full-time

• I was longlisted for the Polaris Prize

• I was in a movie (I don’t think I’m allowed to say anything about this yet)

• My face appeared on 2 billboards in downtown Toronto

• Blurring Time spent 5 weeks at #1 on the Canadian college campus radio charts

• I played exactly 40 shows, including 3 sold out headlining shows in Montreal

• I opened for musicians that I really look up to, including some lifelong heroes

• My dad and I released a children’s book that we co-wrote during my transition (illustrations by the amazing Tallulah Fontaine)

• For my birthday, Noah treated my friends and I to puppy yoga

• The Toronto Star published a beautiful article about Blurring Time, written by someone who has since become a good friend

• I toured through the UK for the first time

• I ate the best meal of my life in Ucluelet

• Some friends came over and made my favourite music video ever, for a song that…

• … was one of the 50 most viral songs in the USA in June

• I did 3 TV interviews, including one in French

• I can confidently say that my live set has never been stronger, especially as a duo with my friend Ray Goudy

• RANGE named Blurring Time as their 2nd best album of the year

• I grew a decently respectable moustache

Worst things that happened in 2025

• Visa gate, duh!

• Certain members of the music industry took an interest in me—seemingly—because of Visa gate and all that followed, but then disappeared once the dust had settled

• Similarly, certain music journalists/publications covered Visa gate within hours of my tour cancellation announcement, but, when push came to shove, weren’t interested in writing about the music itself. That made me feel like nothing more than personified clickbait. If I may: I created a pretty singular album and it puzzles me why more music writers weren’t keen to dive in. In general, I feel—despite being in a great spot career-wise—that the music industry takes me less seriously than it does my cis peers. I think that the people who get my project really get it and that those who don’t don’t and I’m trying my best to feel like that’s okay. Thank you to those who championed me and my music before/after Visa gate. You’re real for that

• The world feels like a much, much scarier place than I remember it ever being. So much so that I sometimes find it hard to project myself into the future

• I spotted my (newly) ex-therapist at the gym a few weeks ago after I fired him over email for being a dingus

• As I said earlier, it’s been a hard few months ‘round these parts. I don’t want to get too into it, but I recently learned that 2025 is the year of the snake. The shedding that this year has brought about has been… quite painful <3

What I’m most looking forward to in 2026

• Rest

• Writing

• Creativity (I’m hoping to do The Artist’s Way again in the new year)

• Receiving more help with music admin/management stuff! I just started working with my friend Kassia and I’m stoked

• More touring

• Establishing a routine for myself

• One of my favourite Canadian singer/songwriters will release a new (and absolutely fucking brilliant) album

• As always, more moustache

I didn’t feel like posting my 2026 ins/outs on here this year, but they’re up on Instagram if you’re curious about ‘em.

Signing off now. If you’re subscribed to this newsletter, there’s a good chance that you are part of the reason that this year was brimming with goodness. So thank you. Thank you for listening to my songs, coming to my shows, telling your loved ones about my music, and for being in my corner. Sometimes it can sound a bit hackneyed or overdone when someone says “I’m grateful” when reflecting upon a chapter as it begins to close. But I really really am. Thank you thank you thank you.

I hope the holiday season is kind and warm to you. See ya next year.

B xx

If you’re based in Montreal or Quebec City, I highly encourage you to attend Arielle Soucy’s Christmas show, on December 18th and 19th respectively. Myself, Klô Pelgag, Myriam Gendron, and Cedric Dind-Lavoie will be joining Arielle as her guests!

The music is reminiscent of Sufjan Stevens’ Christmas albums, but a little more medieval (Arielle arranged all of the songs, which blows my mind). There are few musicians who take my breath away as much as she does and I’m so happy to be in her orbit.

Tix here!

• What I’m listening to —> I recently ditched Spotify and signed up for Qobuz. Here’s why:

  • Spotify runs ICE recruitment ads and doesn’t plan to stop. Qobuz does not.

  • Spotify is Trumpy. I couldn’t find any proof that suggests that Qobuz is.

  • Spotify invested $700 million in AI military this year. I couldn’t find any proof that suggests that Qobuz has invested anything in AI military at all.

  • Spotify pushes AI bands to the front of their algorithm, taking away streams from real musicians. Qobuz does host AI music on their platform, but—to the best of my knowledge—it isn’t championed over sounds made by humans.

  • Qobuz’s audio quality is better.

  • Qobuz doesn’t show any vanity metrics on their interface (ie no monthly listeners, no streaming numbers). It’s just music for the sake of music.

  • It took less than 10 minutes to sign up for Qobuz and switch my entire library (songs, playlists, albums, etc.) over using this website. I couldn’t recommend making the jump more.

• What I’m watching —> I’m watching Schitt’s Creek for the first time. No show has made me laugh this much since Broad City. I can’t wait to watch the smutty gay hockey show over the holidays.

• What I’m reading —> As mentioned above, I’m not reading a whole lot right now and I’m trying to tell myself that that’s okay.

• What I’m eating —> It’s the most wonderful time of the year, which means that I’m eating President’s Choice’s candycane chocolate ice cream. I wish Gale Weston a very unhappy holidays, but also… long live PC brand desserts. Again, two things can be true.

It’s been five days since I landed in Toronto post-UK tour and I think I’m finally un-jetlagged. They say it takes a day per hour of time difference to readjust, which sounds about right. I told myself that mentally being on UK time upon my return to Canada would be an excellent opportunity to re-wire my sleep schedule and start going to bed/waking up earlier. Alas, lights off was at 1am last night.

My friend James and I drove to Montreal together this past Monday and he remarked that I look healthy. Despite eating nothing but beige food for two weeks, I do indeed feel remarkably well! The time I spent in the UK filled my cup (and then some!) and I’m glad to hear that it shows.

Here’s what I got up to:

My friend/guitarist Ray and I touched down in London on the morning of November 2nd. We were super out of whack for a few days, but quickly fell in love with the city after a few good sleeps. I’m happy to say that I never got lost on the tube, though I did anger a few commuters with the amount of shit I was lugging around and thus the amount of space I was taking up. I was quickly struck by the fact that London contains my favourite elements of both Toronto and Montreal: it’s trendy, chique, multi-cultural, urban, and easy on the senses - it looks good, it tastes good, it smells good, and it feels good. My mum’s family is English, so perhaps I’m a bit biased, but I feel like I just got it.

The first stop on the tour was at a great little venue called SJQ. It was wild to see strangers on another continent mouthing the words to my songs. That’s something I don’t think I’ll ever get over. The incredible Route 500 opened the night - I’m so happy to have made a friend in them. My highlight of the evening was having our performance live drawn by illustrator Chris Riddell. I thought I was familiar with his work by virtue of owning the vinyl for Phoebe Bridgers’ Punisher (see the vinyl booklet here), but in fact, it turns out that Chris wrote and illustrated one of my favourite books as a kid called Ottoline! He regularly attends concerts and draw his interpretations of each song as they’re being played. Check out his takes on mine:

I came home with about 15 illustrations and will treasure them forever. I think I might even get a few framed.

The next day, on November 5th, Ray and I played a set at the Pitchfork London Music Festival. This felt like a real milestone moment for me :’) the headliner that night, Hannah Jadagu, was phenomenal. I was so so touched to receive some absolutely gorgeous fan art by a lovely person who had flown in from Vienna just to see our set. By this point in my film photos from the tour, my moustache is looking pretty fire if I may say so.

Next up, we had a day off in Liverpool. I insisted that we embark upon the Magical Mystery Tour, AKA a big, painted, coach bus that took us through all of Liverpool’s important Beatles landmarks. Driving along Penny Lane and singing along to the song with a bus full of strangers made me cry. So did seeing John Lennon’s childhood home. Here’s a photo of the bus, which is parked right around the corner from Paul McCartney’s childhood home:

On November 7th, we took the train to Manchester to play a sold out show opening for Jamie Duffy at Hallé at St. Peter’s. This gig is definitely in my top 5 shows I’ve ever played. The acoustics were perfect, the crowd was generous, and I was surprised/stoked/blown away by these three angels and the shirts they showed up in:

The last show in England was in Brighton for the Mutations festival. Everyone told Ray and I that we’d love Brighton and we really did. That seaside air was great for the soul. I hope I get to spend more time there on the next tour.

On November 9th, we took the train to Edinburgh. Nov 9 will always occupy a tender place in my heart as it’s the anniversary of my first love’s passing. She was Scottish and, to the best of my knowledge, never visited Scotland. It felt very serenditpous to be there for such a day. Ray and I hiked up Arthur’s Seat on the 10th and, two weeks later, I’m still struggling to find the words to articulate just how beautiful that view was. We got to the top right around 4pm, so everything was bathed in the light of golden hour. On our way down, we bore witness to the world’s most beautiful sunset. The sky is always a beautiful shade of pink on or right around the anniversary of my first love’s death. The sunset moved me to tears as I silently thanked her for always encouraging me to pursue music. There I was, in a new place, under the guise of sharing my songs with strangers. I felt so grateful.

In Edinburgh, we played a nearly sold out show which is CRAZY because I know exactly 0 people there. The venue was very punk rock, which was funny, considering how quiet Ray and I are as a duo. But we had a great time and met some really lovely people that night.

Finally, on November 12th, we played the last show of the tour in Glasgow. That was a really fun show as well! There were a few people who were singing along to the tunes so loudly that I almost thought they were playing recordings of my old voice from their phones! That warmed my heart. Ray and I were very fortunate to stay with my friend Conor’s parents, who live in the most beautiful and cozy apartment. They fed us, made us laugh, and even gifted us with some cashmere they don’t wear anymore. Talk about the perfect send off! Speaking of cashmere, I highly recommend visiting Eunice Whyte if you’re ever in Glasgow for all of your sweater needs. I can’t post photos of what I bought as I don’t want to ruin certain holiday surprises for loved ones who are subscribed to my newsletter, but let’s just say I’m gonna win Christmakkah.

What’s next? Well, my last two shows for the next while will be:

12/03 - Montreal - PHI Centre (SOLD OUT)
12/04 - Montreal - PHI Centre - tickets available here

Both evenings will be stripped down, duo sets with Ray and I. We’ll play lotsa stuff from Blurring Time and try out some new material, too. There will be no openers.

It would be so awesome to close out my year with TWO sold out hometown shows (three, if you include my album release show back in May). If you know of anyone who you think ought to attend, please do forward along the ticket link. And, if funds are an issue, feel free to get in touch <3

After these shows, I’m going to hit the drawing board and get writing. This’ll be the first time in a while that I shift into creation mode. I’m nervous, but eager to see what I have to say.

Much love and talk to you soon,

xx B

• What I’m listening to —> In Brighton, I shared a bill with this incredible band called NIGHT FLIGHT. They just released an amazing record called Exit Stage Left. I’m also spinning Let It Hiss by The Barr Brothers, Strange Trip Ahead by Mariel Buckley, and Rubber Soul by The Beatles.

• What I’m watching —> I crushed all three episodes of Pluribus within a day or two of coming back home. Man, Vince Gilligan rules. I’m really looking forward to watching the new Wicked at the cinema with my friends next week.

• What I’m reading —> I’m stiiiiiill reading The Bee Sting by Paul Murray. It’s a big ass book, k?

• What I’m eating —> OKAY! UK tour food highlights include: A pie from this pub in London, pho in Liverpool, the best Indian food I’ve ever had from the restaurant Brighton Curry, and vegan haggis (lol) in Edinburgh. Now that I’m back home, though, I’m definitely craving some greens. I found it hard to consistently eat veggies while away. I think I’ll make this salad tonight.

In his older age, his eyesight started to fail him, but he kept painting the same subjects. I’m so touched by the fact that someone can capture the same thing time and time again through their art and, no matter how many times the capturer themselves changes, the core of their work stays the same.

I’m so touched by the fact that someone can capture the same thing time and time again through their art and, no matter how many times the capturer themselves changes, the core of their work stays the same. This was true for Monet as he painted his garden throughout the progression of his blindness and it’s been true for me as I’ve pieced together Blurring Time over these last few years. The deluxe version of the album features four alternative versions of songs from the original record, meant to highlight how these recordings have changed alongside me. I’m also sharing “Night Bus” a previously unreleased song, as a final farewell to my old, high voice. Change is the only constant we have; I hope these recordings will make you feel good in yours.

You can listen to Blurring Time (Deluxe Edition) here <3

xo BL

“Night Bus” is a song about yearning on the TTC (the Toronto subway) that I wrote when I was 18. When I listen to the lyrics now, nearly ten years later, it’s unclear to me as to whether I was yearning for someone or something - a feeling of familiarity, perhaps. It didn’t make the original cut of Blurring Time because it was the only song that I didn’t write between 2021-2022. Releasing a song with such old lyrics felt trite and tired initially, but I now feel that this track actually features some of my best songwriting. I think my 18 year-old self would be super stoked that they’re getting a bit of airtime now. My superstar brother Charlie and the brilliant dancer/choreographer Brittney Canda made my music-video-that-features-dancing dreams come true. And then some! Watch the VHS-ilicious video down below.

• What I’m listening to —> Come Away With Me (Super Deluxe Edition) by Norah Jones, West End Girl by Lily Allen, and Doubles by Gregory Uhlmann/Hand Habits

• What I’m watching —> I LOVED Wayward. A show about culty shit that kind of takes place in Toronto and stars Mae Martin AND Toni Collette?! Sign me the fuck up.

• What I’m reading —> I’m still making my way through The Bee Sting by Paul Murray, but am excited to pick up Schmutz by Felicia Beriner when I’m done.

• What I’m eating —> I schedule-posted this Substack prior to departing for my UK tour, so I unfortunately cannot tell you about all of the delicious food I’m eating over there right now. But I look forward to doing so when I’m back!

This is just a short note to share that I’ll be sharing new music next week. Consider this a big moment for folks with demo-itis and people who like to ride the bus at night. I shan’t say much more, but these offerings have been on the docket for a long time and I’m looking forward to them being yours. Here’s a sneak peak that I haven’t shared anywhere else:

In other news, I’m taking a redeye to London on Saturday night with my friend and guitarist Ray. Our dates are down below! If you have pals in any of these spots, it would mean a whole lot to me if you’d let them know there’s a show happening. It REALLY makes a huge difference. I can’t stress this enough. And, this sentiment—re: it making a big diff when you tell your loved ones about my shows—is even more true since it’ll be my first time playing overseas. Show promoters and labels spend lotsa their dough trying to advertise music, but nothing helps an artist like a good ol’ fashion friendly recommendation from a bud. Anyways, I digress! Here’s where we’ll be going:

11/05 - London - SJQ*
11/05 - London - Pitchfork Music Festival
11/06 - Liverpool - Kazimier Stockroom&
11/07 - Manchester - Hallé at St. Peter’s ^ SOLD OUT
11/08 - Brighton - Mutations Festival
11/11 - Edinburgh - Sneaky Pete’s*
11/12 - Glasgow - The Garage (Attic Bar)#

* with support from Route 500
& supporting Mumble Tide
^ supporting Jamie Duffy
# with support from Lori

Over the last few weeks, my friends have been asking me what I’m most looking forward to with respect to this tour. I’m a huge Beatles nut, so, right now, playing in Liverpool takes the cake for me. Speaking of cake, I’ve DM’d a couple of past Great British Bake Off contestants to invite them out to my shows. I’ll keep you posted if I get any responses.

Much love and rock on,

B xo

I’m writing this on an airplane that’s en route from Winnipeg to Calgary. I’m typing on a Word document as I do not believe in the concept of connecting to wifi on planes. In the sky, I should be unreachable. When travelling by air, I like to listen to an album I’ve been meaning to get to, riffle through voice memos for new song ideas, and/or snooze. I’m a pretty talented sleeper. My Nonna has always liked to say that I could sleep for Canada if sleeping was an olympic sport. Today, though, I’m taking stock of what I’ve been up to and what’s to come.

Ray, my friend/guitarist, and I played a (very packed!) show on Tuesday in Winnipeg. I was pretty nervous for this one - a headline show in a new and unfrequented place is scary! And, Winnipeg and I have a ~weird~ relationship (IYKYK). Thankfully, a lot of really kind and attentive people showed up and filled the room. I was touched by how quiet the audience was and stoked by how good Ray and I sounded together. There have been a handful of gigs these last few months for which I’ve been a bit in my head—be that because of bad sound or because of nerves—and thus haven’t been able to focus on how beautiful Ray’s guitar playing is. But man. They’re the best of the best. On Tuesday, I felt lucky to be present enough that I was able to bask in each of their thoughtful notes and textures. He’s the guitarist I’ve always dreamed of playing with. Also, Dom & Jacob opened the evening and blew my hair back - listen to Dom’s project here and Jacob’s here. You will melt!

My next show is my tomorrow/your tonight (Sep 25) at MacEwan Hall with Dan Mangan. From there, we’re heading west—all the way to Vancouver!—and then east to Toronto and Ottawa. Dan has been a hero of mine for more than 10 years and I can hardly believe I’ll be sharing a stage with him. Our Toronto show is a mere stone’s throw from where I went to high school and it brings tears to my eyes to think about how proud my teenage self would be. True, one is more likely to get weepy while on a plane (it’s something about the high elevation), but I think I’d be getting emotional about touring with Dan no matter the circumstances. These next two and a half weeks will represent my longest stretch of consecutive shows and I couldn’t be more thrilled that they’ll be with him.

Despite being pretty new to touring—my first show as “Bells” was in March of 2022, and even then, I didn’t play a ticketed show outside of Toronto or Montreal until January of 2024—I like to think that I’ve picked up a few do’s and don’t’s from my time on the road that make for more enjoyable experiences. If you’ve been following quite literally any musician over the last few years, you will have seen them write about how difficult touring is and continues to be. Between grueling travel days, exorbitant Visa costs and processing times, the Covid of it all, and a million other things, it’s rough out there. That said though, playing my songs and yapping about the stories behind them in front of a crowd is my favourite thing in the world and I plan on doing so for as long as possible. So, here are my hacks for making a famously tricky phenomenon less icky and more sicky.

1. Use your hospitality rider wisely

A rider is a list of things an artist gives to a promoter/venue in order to make their show run smoothly. Tech riders are super important (i.e. stage plots, input lists, gear requests, etc.), but I have much more fun putting together my hospitality rider. Not every show will have the budget to fufill a hospitality rider, but it’s always awesome when they do. No, I don’t ask for a specific colour of M&M’s, but I do like to get creative. Eating healthily and ensuring I get enough protein can be tough while on the road, so I like to include Rio Mare tuna salad on my rider. They don’t count as a full meal, but those tuna things give me the umph I need to make sure I’m not performing on an empty stomach. I also ask for Throat Coat tea + honey, orange Tic Tacs, hummus, baby carrots, and pita. If I don’t finish everything the night-of, I almost always bring it with me wherever I’m going the next day.

2. Stay with musician friends

You know the saying that having a career in the arts is often all about who you know? Well, I think that’s often true, but not in the way you would think. Here, I’m referring to the importance of being friends with other artists; community is everything. The musicians around me, regardless of location or genre, uplift and encourage each other in very beautiful and crucial ways that allow for growth, wellness, and sustainability. To be honest, I think it’s the only way to survive this fucked up industry. This support can come in the form of going to each other’s shows, sharing each other’s new tunes on socials, and even offering each other a place to crash when we’re passing through each other’s respective towns. Staying with musician friends while touring is obviously huge for saving costs on accoms, but it also just makes the country feel a lot less small. I’m speaking from my experience as a Canadian musician, but I’m sure this sentiment rings true in other places as well. When I crash with my buds/offer up my futon in Montreal, it makes me feel connected to my extended music community and happy that I’m able to be apart of it. In Winnipeg, Ray and I stayed with Cass and Kris. In Calgary, I’m staying at Wyatt’s place.

3. Move your body whenever you get the chance

Touring entails a lot of hurrying up and waiting, sitting, and exisiting in liminal spaces, all of which can result in a jumbly psyche and a stiff bod. When I’m able to, I like to either buy a day pass to a gym on a day off or take advantage of a hotel gym. I find it extremely helpful to exercise when the opportunity presents itself, even if it means answering emails on a treadmill that’s on an incline.

4. Budgeting and bookkeeping is key

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. I cannot emphasize enough the importance that is staying on top of your finances, ESPECIALLY for my fellow self-managed homies. Keep your receipts, make some spreadsheets, and try to make a note of how much merch you’re selling every night. Lmk if you want to see my bookkeeping template.

5. Tell people you’re not available…

Despite what my enneagram test suggests (I’ve done the personality test thing like 4 times over the last couple of years and keep geting the same result), I’m pretty introverted. I need a lot of alone time and find that my social battery depleats itselfs quickly, and this is especially true since I gave up drinking a few years ago. Tour necessitates being “on” a lot of the time, which I find draining. Being “on” and needing to keep track of a million things at once doesn’t leave a lot of time or energy for responding to texts and emails, so I try to be transparent with my people by telling them that I’ll be slower to respond.

6. … but also remember to phone loved ones during the in-between moments

At the same time, though, being gone all the time can be tiresome and lonely. When you have the juice, try to pick up the phone and send your friends and fam a voice note or hit them with a FaceTime. It’s good and important to stay connected to world outside of touring and a quick check-in message or phone call can be huge for this.

7. Preparedness and kindness both go a long way

Pre-make your merch signs! Remember the sound person’s name and make sure you thank them at the end of your set! Ensure sure your Square reader is charged! Thank people for coming to your show when they come say hi at the merch stand! Wear a mask when you’re not on stage! Doing all of this stuff just makes me feel like I have my shit together a little more/am being a mensch and can then be more present in the joy that is playing a show.

8. Invest in some tour-friendly gadgets

I brought a 600+ page book and shitty AirPods with me on this tour, so maybe I’m not really walking the walk here, but I think that it’s still great to pack with efficiency in mind! Maybe that means buying an e-reader or a pair of noise cancelling headphones before hitting the road. I did pack my Mudita alarm clock, which is e-ink and allows for less screen time before bed/upon waking up.

9. Soak it up!

This is maybe the most important part of this whole piece! Touring sometimes sucks, but it should overwhelmingly spark joy and make you feel good! That’s the whole point! Try to be as present as possible, journal, and congratulate yourself for being where you’re at <3

Music folks, I’d love to know your tips and tricks for surviving the road. Have you mastered the art of napping in weird places? Do you try to learn a new hobby with each tour? Lemme know.

Here’s where I’ll be for the rest of the year:

Tickets can be found on my website.

That’s all for now. Be well!

xo BL

• What I’m listening to —> Eye of the Storm by Georgia Harmer, The Purple Bird by Bonnie Prince Billy, Box for Buddy, Box for Star by This Is Lorelei, and Interior Live Oak by Cass McCombs. I’m also listening to Bite Down by Ribbon Skirt, SAYA by Saya Gray, and Verbathim by Nemhasis, all of whom I was rooting for to win the Polaris Prize. I hope that there will be queer/trans representation on the shortlist next year.

• What I’m watching —> Noah and I crushed Bad Sisters in August. It’s got a very similar vibe to Big Little Lies, but it’s Irish and funny. We loved it. When I was home in Toronto this week, my parents and I watched a handful of episodes of House Hunters/House Hunters International. Finding out that it’s staged and felt like finding out the Tooth Fairy isn’t real.

• What I’m reading —> I just finished The Tiger and the Cosmonaut by Eddy Boudel Tan which was phenomenal. If you want a non-scary murder mystery with a gay love triangle woven in there, I couldn’t recommend this novel highly enough. I’m now 70-ish pages into The Bee Sting by Paul Murray.

• What I’m eating —> I ate at Pichai, my favourite restaurant in Montreal, before leaving town last week. It’s soooooo good. If you like thai food and spice, check it out the next time you’re visiting! Also, this air fryer salmon recipe is a godsend.

I’m stoked as hell to share something that, I believe, is worth a Hollywood handshake: I’m going on tour in the UK this November! Here’s where I’ll be:

11/05 - London - Pitchfork Music Festival
11/07 - Manchester - Hallé at St. Michael’s ^
11/11 - Edinburgh - Sneaky Pete’s
11/12 - Glasgow - The Garage (Attic Bar)

^ supporting Jamie Duffy

There will be a few more shows over there, too, that I’ll announce in the coming month or so! In the meantime, though, you can get your tickets here. If you know of anyone who you think ought to attend one of these shows, please do let them know! I’ll be promo-ing my little UK run lots over the next while, but word of month is the most valuable currency out there for musicians.

I’ve been holding onto this news for the last few months and it feels wonderful to finally talk about it. I’m deeply grateful for all the wonderful folks—promoters, my agent, and my label, alike—who put this thing together in the wake of my US stuff getting cancelled. I appreciate and love y’all lots.

That’s all I have to say for now. Hope yer well.

Much love xo BL

Good day to you! I hope you’re well. I’ve decided to write a recap of my summer so far, both to catch you up on all of my happenings and to distract myself from the stickiness of this Montreal heatwave. I’m sweating in places I didn’t know I could sweat. I’m also trying not to feel too anxious about the climate at the moment, but it’s hard when the evidence of meteorological catastrophe is everywhere. I have two shows scheduled in Nova Scotia this week, but a wildfire broke out yesterday afternoon about 30 minutes from where I’m supposed to perform. Fingers crossed all will go according to plan and that I won’t have to cancel my tour… again. Haha. Too soon?

Climate stress aside, here’s what I’ve been up to!

In June, I performed at a fundraising event for The Consent Collective, which is a non-profit organization in the West Island (of Montreal) that offers support and resources for victims of sexual violence. It’s the first centre of its kind in Quebec to welcome trans, non-binary, and Two-spirit people. My partner, Noah, is the Collective’s coordinator of social change and transformation and it’s been quite remarkable to watch the ways in which the organization has blossomed since they started working there. I’m so proud of them and am constantly in awe of their work. Safia Nolin, another Montreal-based singer/songwriter, performed at the event, too. She rules. My dad first shared her music with me when I was in high school, so it was a true joy and full-circle moment to hang with her.

The night of the performance—which also happened to be the night that my US tour was initially supposed to kick off in Boston—my song “Might” was on Spotify’s Viral 50 USA playlist. Basically, it was on the list of the top 50 most viral songs in America. I was sad not to be down south that night, but I was also comforted to remember that music will reach whoever it’s meant to, regardless of restrictions, regulations, and borders.

Noah and I spent a week on Vancouver Island at the end of June/beginning of July. It was pretty gloomy and rainy, but I just pretended I was in the Twilight franchise in order to romanticize the less-than-ideal weather. We went whale watching, I swam in the ocean, and we ate what we both agree is the best meal we’ve ever had at Pluvio in Ucluelet.

In July, I played a show in an old church in Sherbrooke. Churches are my fave places to play - so reverberous and epic! I always feel a bit nervous in them though, being a gay Jew singing about… well, what I sing about.

I played some festivals in Thunder Bay, Guelph, and North Bay with my friends/band Thomas, Ray, and Aidan (pictured above!). I like this shot ^^ because you can’t really tell how tall any of us are. It seems that no matter who I play music with/no matter what configuration, I am always the smallest of the bunch. Check out this photo from Hillside in which I literally look pocket-sized:

Speaking of Hillside: wow. I’ve heard great things about this festival for years, but it was truly the dream vibe. There were stellar bands, lakes to swim in in-between sets, re-usable plates/cups for food and drink, and lotsa laughs. I took my mum and she got a total kick out of saying “happy Hillside!” to everyone she spoke to. Someone wrote this really lovely piece about my set. A particular highlight for me that weekend was meeting one of my heroes, Alynda Segarra AKA Hurray for the Riff Raff. If you haven’t listened to their 2024 masterpiece The Past is Still Alive, you absolutely should.

The day I got back from Hillside, my friend Rowan and I went to see The Swell Season at Massey Hall. This band was incredibly pivotal for my friends and I in high school, so it felt right to bring Rowan—who I met in the 9th grade—as my wedding gift to her (!!!). I cried when the band played all the songs from Once.

I’ve been feeling very compelled by the “global village coffeehouse” aesthetic this summer (pictured above). I read somewhere that it was born in response/as a rejection to the sleek modernity of the 80s. I find it very endearing and comforting. I can practically hear the guitar intro of “Don’t Know Why” by Norah Jones in my head when I see these patterns.

I played a show in Bolton, Quebec over the August long weekend at The Thirsty Boot, which is perhaps my favourite venue of all-time. The building is from the 1860s (I believe) and it’s almost all wood inside, so it truly feels like you’re inside a guitar. There was a lake out back, so my friends—who came in from Montreal to see the show!—and I went for a midnight dip after my set. Heaven!!!

Finally, last weekend, I attended the Wild Pride march in Montreal. Wild Pride is a new, alternative way of celebrating and acknowledging pride that is by the community and for the community. They do not subscribe to pink-washing, nor are they interested in receiving funding from businesses that fund genocide. Apparently over 10,000 of us marched. And on one of the hottest days of the year so far, no less!

What’s next? Well, I’m announcing something very exciting on Monday that has to do with me singing songs on a stage in a place that is not Canada. Keep your eyes peeled for more info. Until then, though, here are all of my upcoming Canadian tour dates:

8/14 - Hubbards, NS | The Shore Club ^ - low tix
8/15 - Hubbards, NS | The Shore Club ^ (SOLD OUT)
8/16 - Peterborough, ON | Peterborough Folk Festival - new show!
8/17 - Sudbury, ON | Up Here Festival - new show!
8/29 - Rouyn-Noranda, QC | FME - new show!
9/13 - Belleville, ON | Beautiful View Festival - new show!
9/23 - Winnipeg, MB | The Handsome Daughter
9/25 - Calgary, AB | MacEwan Hall %
9/26 - Edmonton, AB | Winspear Centre % - low tix
9/28 - Lake County, BC | Creekside Theatre % (SOLD OUT)
9/29 - Lake County, BC | Creekside Theatre %
10/01 - Victoria, BC | Royal Theatre % - low tix
10/03 - Vancouver, BC | Vogue Theatre % (SOLD OUT)
10/10 - Toronto, ON | Danforth Music Hall % (SOLD OUT)
10/11 - Ottawa, ON | Bronson Centre %- low tix
12/3 - Montreal, QC | PHI Centre - low tix
12/4 - Montreal, QC | PHI Centre

^ supporting Tim Baker
% supporting Dan Mangan

Get your tix here. Take care and stay cool!

xo BL

• What I’m listening to —> Blonde by Frank Ocean, Verbathim by Nemahsis, To Keep by Domonique Adams, when i paint my masterpiece by Ada Lea, Oh Vanille / Ova Nil by Diane Cluck, Goodnight Summerland by Helena Deland, and SWAG by Justin Bieber, which is (unironically) one my favourite albums of the year so far.

• What I’m watching —> I ploughed through season 2 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love in June. Oy. Hot take, perhaps, but there are some people who really ought to just open their relationships and/or #gettherapized. I also watched the new season of The Bear. Long live Ayo Edebiri <333

• What I’m reading —> Okay so while on vacation in BC last month, I popped into an indie bookstore in Nanaimo and picked up a book called Julie Chan Is Dead, which had a Staff Picks sticker on the cover. I felt very cool and hip whilst purchasing it. A few days later, I saw the same book on display at a Shoppers Drugmart in Port Alberni. Admittedly, I was a bit embarrassed to be reading pharmacy literature, but you know what? It was a great read and it made me laugh out loud multiple times. Also, support your local bookstore! I’m now reading The Tiger and the Cosmonaut by Eddy Boudel Tan.

• What I’m eating —> With so much time on the road, I’m not eating as many home-cooked meals as I’d like. The Tim Horton’s habanero chicken bowl has become a fave :)

Shortly before going to bed, I hung out with a few musicians outside the beautiful old building in which the whole thing took place.

One of them asked, “who wants to do some drugs?”

I darted my eyes to the ground and shoved my hands in my pockets. Since I stopped drinking roughly two years ago, I struggle to know what to do with my hands at parties and shows. Usually, you can catch me lugging around my blue Nalgene or nursing a Corona Sunbrew (or, better yet, a non-alcoholic Jelly King). Otherwise, my hands are in my pockets. Someone in a jumpsuit came up to me right then and offered kind words about my set. I was happy to be pulled away from the convo.

I cannot do drugs1 and I do not drink. I’m still exploring the “can’t/don’t” dichotomy and how they colour my not partaking in either activity. I’m not sure whether it changes anything. Regardless, since including alcohol into the folds of my ~sobriety~, I find myself lumping drugsandalcoholic together. They’ve become somewhat inextricable from each other; two things that precipitate my tail being between my legs.

Growing up, there was no alcohol in my house. There are a few folks in my family who have had past struggles with drinking, so I used to operate under the assumption that alcohol was something that made you lose control (bad). In high school and university, however, I discovered that it was a vessel through which I could let go (good). I didn’t particularly enjoy the taste. And my drinking was always a means, never an end. Still, in grades 11 and 12, I would crush a bottle of wine (or two) per weekend at parties. In college, the highlight of my week was my school’s Friday happy hour; picklebacks and double G&Ts galore!

The quantity of alcohol that I consumed in my youth is definitely questionable, but I now know that the issue within my relationship to booze has always been qualitative. I didn’t quit drinking two years ago so that I could address the how much; I did so in order to mend the why.

My song “Night Bus”—which I wrote at 18—is a testament to the fact that my motives for drinking have always been the same: I’ve wanted to muster the confidence to 1) connect with the people around me and 2) confess romantic feelings. I had the ability to do these things whilst sober, but they felt impossible when all I was equipped with, otherwise, was a faltering sense of self. So, again, I’ve always appreciated the release that accompanies alcohol. But, I’ve found the line between letting go and getting lost to be increasingly fine. This sentiment became all the more true in 2020. In the early days of the pandemic, I drank—with friends, family, and sometimes by myself—because I didn’t know what else to do. The first lyrics that are recited on my new album are “Friday night, drinking boxed wine, alone in my apartment blurring time”. I wrote that in 2021; I was languishing.

I want to learn how to see drinking as an end in itself, and not a means through which to escape. I’ve tried again and again to change my perspective and cultivate a healthy relationship with alcohol, but, at the moment, I don’t know how to do this. Being a musician makes this debacle all the more complicated. It isn’t uncommon for artists who are just starting out to be paid in drink tickets. Many would guffaw at the idea of getting drunk with their coworkers on the clock during their 9-5. But, in my work environment (i.e. before, during, and especially after concerts), it’s customary and even encouraged. You celebrate the fuck out of a gig if it goes well and you drown your sorrows if it doesn’t. The highs in my career feeling really high and the lows feeling really low have often been predicated on this polarity. When I played SXSW in 2023, I got drunker than I’ve ever been, and in front of my colleagues and peers, no less. I was celebrating the fact that I was in Austin under the guise of playing music, sure, but my drinking-in-excess that night ultimately stemmed from a myopic desire to fit in (and the belief that I didn’t). I’ve received reassurance that my behaviour wasn’t “that bad”; I wasn’t a sad drunk in the way that I was in university. But it was still embarrassing. Shortly after SXSW, during a particularly anxious summer, I challenged myself to a month of sobriety. I wanted to examine not only my whys around alcohol, but also if and how my life would improve without it. I haven’t drank since.

Yes, I’ve been poured a flute of something celebratory here and taken a sip of a friend’s beer there (hence the “ish” in “soberish”). Otherwise, though, I’ve been more or less sober for two years. It isn’t a coincidence, I think, that during this time I have reaped the benefits of transitioning, doing therapy, and being in a loving long-term relationship. I just haven’t felt the need to rely on alcohol as a crutch, basically. To put it plainly, it’s been hard to find a reason to drink. To put it plainly, I haven’t wanted to let go.

Here are my sobriety field notes:

• Concerts feel way louder than they used to. Same with bars. I’m way more likely to lose my voice in these spaces because I don’t know how to project in such a way—while speaking—so that my voice will stay on top of the noise.

• My memory is clearer. I like being able to remember the entirety of my night. It’s very nice (and useful) to pinpoint who said what and with whom I gossiped. By extension, I feel significantly less anxious the day after a party/show/event.

• When I share that I don’t drink, people will either carry on as normal or their eyebrows will curl upwards and their voices will soften as they ask why and if I’m okay. The latter happens a surprising amount. When I share that I am not sober for reasons pertaining to alcoholism, people will look relieved.

• I really miss the whimsy that comes with being tipsy. Especially in the context of dating. It’s a bit harder to tap into playfulness than before. I think I’m a bit more serious than I used to be.

• 90% of the time, it’s cheaper to go out. However, there are restaurants and bars that will charge you just as much for a non-alcoholic beer and/or a mocktail as they will the real thing. This is especially true in Toronto.

• I love to leave parties early.

• To return to my aforementioned quality/quantity dichotomy: I do think that I go out a lot less than I used to, but, when I go out, I have a much better time. Everything just feels much more intentional.

• And by extension, being sober doesn’t affect my ability to be myself in social situations. In fact, I think I’m sharper and wittier and more grounded than I used to be. But again, I’ve transitioned, I’m therapized, and I’ve cultivated a sense of self-love for the first time in my life. So… chicken or egg?

I suspect—and hope!—that one day I’ll be able to drink again in a way that feels moderate (even emotionally speaking) and healthy. But until then, I will stick to my trusty Nalgene.

Other stuff

I am so deeply pleased to share that Blurring Time has been long-listed for the Polaris Music Prize. I’ve looked forward to the nomination announcements since I was in high school; being included this year is a real “pinch-me” moment. And boy howdy, am I ever in good company! Fingers crossed I’ll make the short list, too :)

Come see the band and I on tour this summer and fall! Here’s where we’ll be —

7/03 - Sherbrooke, QC | Sherblues Festival
7/18-20 - Guelph, ON | Hillside Festival
7/25 - North Bay, ON | River & Sky Festival
8/02 - Bolton, QC | The Thirsty Boot
8/14 - Hubbards, NS | The Shore Club ^
8/15 - Hubbards, NS | The Shore Club ^ (SOLD OUT)
9/23 - Winnipeg, MB | The Handsome Daughter
9/25 - Calgary, AB | MacEwan Hall %
9/26 - Edmonton, AB | Winspear Centre %
9/28 - Lake County, BC | Creekside Theatre % (SOLD OUT)
9/29 - Lake County, BC | Creekside Theatre %
10/01 - Victoria, BC | Royal Theatre %
10/03 - Vancouver, BC | Vogue Theatre % (SOLD OUT)
10/10 - Toronto, ON | Danforth Music Hall % (SOLD OUT)
10/11 - Ottawa, ON | Bronson Centre %

^ supporting Tim Baker
% supporting Dan Mangan

Get ur tix here. I’m excited to announce more dates ~elsewhere~ soon, too!

• What I’m listening to —> Natural Light by Dan Mangan, Hide & Seek by BELOVED, Clean by Soccer Mommy, “Nettles” by Ethel Cain, Carrie and Lowell (10th Anniversary Edition) by Sufjan Stevens, the new Burs album (y’all aren’t ready), and Warm Soup At The Big Rain by Liam Cole

• What I’m watching —> I’m currently obsessed with a show from the 2010s called Millionaire Matchmaker. It’s so bad that it’s good, you know what I mean? I also loved watching my brother Charlie kill it on Overcompensating last month

• What I’m reading —> I’m halfway thru Evenings & Weekends by Oisín McKenna. I’ve been in a huge reading slump (too much time on screens) so lmk if you have any recos!

• What I’m eating —> My nonna made me a delicious fish dish when I was home last week. Noah and I are heading to Vancouver Island in a few weeks for a little getaway and I can’t wait to eat some suppppaaa fresh fish there, too. My friend Jaymes and I talked about “The Big One”—the catastrophic earthquake that’s supposed to hit the west coast within the next 50 or so years— recently. I’m petrified that it’s going to happen while I’m there. I wouldn’t worry, but I got stung by a scorpion on my last vacation. Between the scorp and visa gate, I think I deserve a karmic return for the rest of Q2…

My sophomore album, Blurring Time, is out now. Spin it, share it, enjoy it. And tell your friends about it!

About a month ago, I had a beautiful phone conversation with my friend and bandmate, Ray. We hopped on a call in the early evening, just after I’d come back from the Apple Store. I was feeling quite dissociated (I dunno the last time you took a trip to the Apple Store, but I recommend doing an in-and-out visit whenever possible), but our conversation helped bring me back down to earth. We chatted about how it feels to associate the release of an album with a particular season and Ray asked me if I felt like Blurring Time was a spring record. Jokingly, I said that I was just happy to take the earliest release date my label gave me, regardless of season (Conor and Menno, if you’re reading this, I was kidding!). My first album, Good Grief, was, in many ways, about the act of losing; it came out in the fall. Blurring Time, conversely, is about actualization. With Ray’s question in mind, I think it’s quite fitting that an album about death came out in the fall and an album about becoming was slotted for a spring release. To me, spring implies renewal and rebirth. I don’t know what Blurring Time is about if not these things. So, yes, I do think it’s a spring album. And on this April morning, it’s yours.

A tremendous amount of love and care went into Blurring Time. I figured out who I was in writing it; I hope that the music will make you feel held in your big life transitions, too.

This album wouldn’t be here without the following people, so I’d like to say thank you’s to: Leighton and Aidan for showing me what it means to embody and inhabit beautiful forms of masculinity; Lawrence for capturing me so thoughtfully and Monse for doing so throughout my transition; Jaymes, Rachel, Neve, Matteo, Ethan, Anna, Lesley, Nicky, Em, Jo, and GPK for coming to every show, listening to every iteration of these songs (from voice memo to master), and always cheering me on; Elliott Smith for inspiring so many of these sounds; Georgia for being a lifelong collaborator and friend; Graham for believing in me—in this—before ever hitting “record”; the Royal Mountain crew for being the kind of label that every artist dreams of working with; Evan for being my biggest champion, the Larbeids for your endless love and support; Dr. Armstrong for providing life-saving, life-affirming care; Ali and Elisabeth for guiding my voice through its changes, both literally and figuratively speaking; Laurence pour ton soutien et tes mots d’encouragement; and finally, thank you to Noah for seeing me, letting me see you, and showing me the sweetest, kindest, and most intentional love I’ve ever known.

Blurring Time is dedicated to my younger brother, Charlie. I love him dearly and am so proud of the man he’s become. Catch him on the new A24 show Overcompensating, out on May 15th!

I’d like to remind you that—while all of my US shows have been cancelled—I’m touring in Canada this spring, summer, and fall:

5/01 - Toronto, ON | The Great Hall ^
5/02 - Hamilton, ON | Mills’ Hardware ^
5/03 - Picton, ON | Base 31 *
5/08 - Montreal, QC | Bar Le Ritz ~ (SOLD OUT)
7/18-20 - Guelph, ON | Hillside Festival
8/02 - Bolton, QC | The Thirsty Boot
9/25 - Calgary, AB | MacEwan Hall %
9/26 - Edmonton, AB | Winspear Centre %
10/01 - Victoria, BC | Royal Theatre %
10/03 - Vancouver, BC | Vogue Theatre %
10/11 - Ottawa, ON | Bronson Centre %

^ w/ Sam Tudor
* w/ Hannah Georgas
~ w/ Cedric Noel
% w/ Dan Mangan

You can get your tickets here!

Obviously, the past few weeks have been a bit… dizzying. I’m so grateful—and overwhelmed—for/by the love and support I’ve received in the wake of Visa gate. To be honest, I find it both really heartbreaking a sort of funny that in cancelling a US tour out of necessity, I’ve reached more American listeners than ever before. There’s a sad irony there for sure. All I can do at this point is be like this emoji ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and think about life/lemons/lemonade. I feel exceptionally lucky to be able to share my music in person with people Canada (and, soon, elsewhere too).

To any Americans reading this: though I’m not able to be with you in person under the guise of sharing this music, you have all of my love and solidarity. I’m hugging you from here.

Alright, that’s all on my end for now. Much love to you and thank you for listening xo

• What I’m listening to —> MAYHEM by Lady Gaga, Soon by Hana Stretton, Jesus + More by Erin Mat & Paul, and Florilegium by Uwade

• What I’m watching —> I just watched the most recent episode of The Last of Us. Let me know if you wanna talk lol

• What I’m reading —> Still reading Parable of the Talents!

• What I’m eating —> My partner has been an absolute G (gangster, goddess, godsent etc.) as it pertains to cooking and meal prepping these last few weeks. I love them so much and have felt so cared for in the midst of all of the chaos re: Visa gate. They’re coming to to Toronto for my album release show here and I can’t wait to see them <3

I have to cancel all of the American shows on my spring tour (Boston, NYC, Beacon, LA, San Fran, Healdsburg, Arcata, and Merced). Refunds will be available at your point of purchase. I received an email on Tuesday from the American Federation of Musicians stating that I am no longer able to apply for a Visa because US Immigration now only recognizes identification that corresponds with one’s assigned sex at birth. To put it super plainly, because I’m trans (and have an M on my passport), I can’t tour in the States. I hesitate to include a “right now” or an “anymore” at the end of my previous sentence, because—in this sociopolitical climate—I truly don’t know which phrasing holds more truth. The irony of this announcement falling exactly two weeks before the release of my album, which is about my transition, is not lost on me.

Bureaucracy aside, I’ve been going back and forth for weeks now re: whether to go about business as usual with the tour or pull the plug while I’m ahead. The accumulation of border horror stories + worried check-in texts from loved ones + increasingly troublesome updates on the news and on official government websites with regards to travel precautions has resulted in a plethora of nightmares and anxiety. If random people are getting randomly questioned/stopped/detained at borders, how can I—as someone wanting to make money abroad by exhibiting my lived experience as a trans person—expect to pass go and get out of jail free? Before I heard about the policy, my plan was to tour with harm reduction in mind. “Yes, I’m doing something that has the potential to be risky and dangerous,” I thought, “but I’m going about it in the safest way possible.” I planned on travelling with another guy (who is cis), handing border agents a Visa and passport with M’s on them, crossing borders via plane, and performing exclusively in blue states. I thought I’d be good to go, but the distressing stories, texts, and updates kept multiplying. And again, I was thinking about all of this through a trans lens, which made everything all the more complicated. After chatting with two immigration lawyers this week and then getting that email from the AFM, it’s clear to me that there is no way to move forward here.

This new policy has crushed my dreams. I’m cradling a very broken heart and the realization that I don’t know if or when I will be able to tour in the States again.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I shaped my transition around Blurring Time. This album is, in many ways, my life’s work. I am more and more gutted with every day that passes by the (seeming) dissonance between the world in which I created this project and the world into which I am releasing it. I was hoping that the album would help me break into the US music market and connect with cool, likeminded American musicians. More than anything, though, I just really wanted to perform my album for queer and trans people in the US who saw their stories reflected in my own. As Marian Wright Edelman says, you can’t be what you can’t see. I’m so thankful for the work my queer and trans community members have done that has allowed me to exist more truthfully and I’m sad that I won’t be able to do that for others through live music in the States.

To my fellow Canadian musicians - with spring/summer tours and festival season around the corner, I feel like it’s really easy to get lost in the sauce of the music industry. As much as possible, let’s go to each other’s shows, check in on each other, and keep each other in the know about travel regulations so we can all make informed decisions in order to protect ourselves. Selfishly, I hope you will consider inviting me to accompany you on your Canadian or even EU/UK tours so that I can offer my album the longevity that it deserves.

To my Canadian friends and listeners - my shows in Toronto, Hamilton, and Montreal are scheduled to go on as planned and I’ll be putting my entire being into them. If you haven’t done so already, please consider buying a ticket to come see the band and I/support us. If you’re trans, would like to come to a show, and are experiencing financial difficulties, shoot me a DM and I’ll make sure you have a ticket. I encourage racialized trans people in particular to reach out.

While it has been progressively nerve wracking, I will continue to be my most authentic self in the public eye in the hopes that others might find courage and solace in the music I make. I consider it an honour, a challenge, and a duty to bring queer joy, power, and catharsis to audiences through my project and I can’t wait to perform Blurring Time on stages across Canada this spring, summer, and fall.

Take care of one another, stay safe out there, and please don’t forget to vote in the Canadian federal election at the end of the month.

xo Bells

“Might”, the third single off of my upcoming record, is out today. The song and the video that accompanies it are some of my favourite things I’ve ever made. You can listen to “Might” here and watch the music video down below:

Most of the people I’ve privately shared the video with are men, and most of them have cried upon first watch. If that’s not the whole point of this song/album, I dunno what is! Big props to my buds Sasha, Evan, and Mik for their incredible work on this piece. It was sooooo much fun to make and I can’t wait to work with them again.

Before my friend Georgia and I recorded my low vocals for the album, we sat down and decided which songs would be high voice songs (HV), which would be low voice songs (LV), and which would be duets (we took a sheet of paper, wrote out the tracklist, and scribbled a small “HV”, “LV”, or “HV/LV” next to each song). We knew from jump that the main character of "Might" would be HV. I wrote this song right around when I was deciding to physically transition, and by extension, when I came up with the idea for Blurring Time. To me, this song is the thesis statement of the album; it’s a love letter to present day me from past me. And the video is an offering - from me now to me then.

I just started reading Parable of the Talents by Octavia Butler. The protagonist of the Parable series—which takes place during a dystopian future that doesn’t look dissimilar to what we’re living through right now—is Lauren, a preacher’s daughter. In the hopes of fostering hope and guidance during an impossible time, Lauren invents her own religion called Earthseed. Its core principle? God is change; change is the only constant that exists. As Lauren wades through the waters of a crumbling world, her mantra acts as a salve for her and her community. And it does the same for me.

Change is hard and scary, but it’s all we’ve got. It’s all we know. I sing about this idea in “Might” and I hope it will be a sort of balm for you too.

xo BL

• What I’m listening to —> Patience, Moonbeam by Great Grandpa, Jellywish by Florist, Believer by Sister Ray, Progress Bakery by Eliza Niemi, “Nite Lite” by knitting, “Harmattan” by Uwade, and “Relationships” by HAIM

• What I’m watching —> I crushed Adolescence this past weekend - I’ve never had a TV experience like that before. It truly felt like watching the most gutting play you’ve ever seen unfold before your eyes. I couldn’t recommend it more. I’m also loving the new season of Survivor.

• What I’m reading —> In addition to Parable of the Talents, I’m still slowly making my way through Candy House by Jennifer Egan.

• What I’m eating —> This soup and this salad

I hope you’re having a good week! That feels like an email-ish thing to write. But, I really do hope you are having a good week. I think I have email jargon on the brain because I have exactly two weeks left at my 9-5 before I throw in the towel. Crazy.

I just wanted to let you know—in case you didn’t already—that the title track off of my upcoming album, Blurring Time, is out now.

My dear friend Daniel Crawford made the video, stop motion animation style. When I played him the Blurring Time rough mixes a year and a half ago, he sent me and email and a few sketches, articulating his vision: “The first idea that came into my mind was you traveling to a fantasy world through the mirror as you stare at this "body of mine." In this world you would encounter a mythical representation of your struggle. I kept picturing someone in a tower, you coming to free them in some way, perhaps you past self freeing your future self from the tower,” he wrote. “Then I day dreamed on that for a few days and this idea sort of tumbled out and the more I worked with it the more the lyrics connected to the symbols and narrative ideas. All very rough but something for you to react to and get the ball rolling.”

I’ve worked with Daniel a number of times now—for music stuff AND for day job stuff—and I can’t stress enough how much of a joy it is to do so. His imagination is glorious and epic, his talent is unmatched, and his heart is among the kindest I’ve had the pleasure of encountering <3

Blurring Time, the album, is out everywhere on April 25th! I’m really looking forward to playing it live this spring. Here’s where I’ll be:

4/10 - Paris, ON | DT Concert Series ^
4/11 - Guelph, ON | Sonic Hall ^
4/12 - Creemore, ON | St. John’s United Church ^
4/13 - Burnstown, ON | Neat Café ^
5/01 - Toronto, ON | The Great Hall
5/02 - Hamilton, ON | Mills’ Hardware
5/08 - Montreal, QC | Bar Le Ritz
6/17 - Boston, MA | O’Briens
6/18 - New York, NY | Night Club 101
6/19 - Beacon, NY | The Yard
6/24 - Los Angeles, CA | Scribble
6/25 - San Francisco, CA | 4 Star Theatre
6/26 - Healdsburg, CA | Little Saint
6/27 - Arcata, CA | The Miniplex
6/28 - Merced, CA | The Partisan
07/18-20 - Guelph, ON | Hillside Festival

^ w/ Hannah Georgas

Get your tickets while they’re hot!

See you soon and much love.

Best, (how’s that for email lingo?)

xo BL

• What I’m listening to —> The Party by Andy Shauf, Way Through by Cici Arthur and Could Have Done Anything by Charlotte Cornfield

• What I’m watching —> I can’t stop watching Orange Is The New Black :((

• What I’m reading —> I’ve been having a little bit of a tough time reading lately, if I’m being totally real. Hopefully I’ll have more time and brain space once I stop working

• What I’m eating —> I’m feeling sooooo addicted to chili crisp these days. The crunchier the better! This recipe was a huge hit this week

For the past year, having a flip phone has been a core tenet of my personality. I’ve been the green text gremlin, carrying around a brick-sized device in my back pocket, cold calling everyone, and never once getting tired of the thwack sound my phone makes upon being shut. My fighter? The Cat S22 flip, first introduced to me by my friend and bandmate Leighton. I’ve seen a few of these phones out in the wild before, mostly cradled between the tiny hands of elementary school kids on the bus. I too was given a flip phone when I was small, in part, so that the world wouldn’t feel so big and scary. In my late 20s, I’ve returned to this familiar flavour of technology, and for pretty much the same reason. The universe—especially in this digital age—feels too vast, spacious, cold, and daunting. I don’t feel like I have any agency in my relationship with my screen(s). Sure, social media has unfurled the fibres of our social fabric, but it’s more than that. The ailment of today is that no one can put their fucking phone down. No internet? No problem! I’ll just sift through my hundreds of voice memos or re-watch that one video from 2018 again. Why—no matter how much I want to—can I not put my phone away? Why, after a long day of staring at my laptop, am I too tired to do anything but scroll?

Re: social media, human beings are not built to contain so much knowledge about other human beings and what they’re up to. I’m not saying anything especially revelatory here, but it feels pertinent in providing context as to the precariousness of my relationship with smartphones. When I was releasing my first record back in 2022, I really struggled with comparison. I was constantly looking to the musicians in my circle and using their “success” (I only put this word in quotations because it is, by nature, a subjective term) as a yardstick with which to measure how legit my own achievements were. What playlists were my homies on? How viral were they? Who were they opening for on tour? By virtue of being online, I was privy to evvvverrrything that evvverrryone was doing and then shame spiraling if I didn’t feel like I was keeping up. Thinking back to this time makes me sad; I didn’t know how to make and share my art while protecting my inner artist. I still don’t, but I like to think I’ve developed a few strategies and tools that help me know when it might be time to put my phone away, be it a Cat phone or an iPhone. I’m writing this piece because I think that we can all agree that our smartphones are making us really dumb and really lonely. Again, I’m not contributing anything new re: the generational conundrum that is technology and the way it’s been re-wiring us, but I’d still like to share a bit about my experience in trying to re-wire my brain in the thick of it all.

In the summer of 2023, my mental health wasn’t great. I was wrestling with residual feelings of shame and guilt from things that I experienced in high school, which never went away. Plus, my dose of testosterone was way too high, so I was pimply and angry and totally cut off from my emotions. Sure, I lowered my dose and started therapy, but it felt like something needed addressing on a more rudimentary level. I wanted to slow down and distance myself from anything that felt anxiety-inducing, which—obviously—included my iPhone. I released an EP that summer too, which meant that I needed (or, thought I needed) to be online all the time for promo purposes. I felt subject to that familiar spiral of not being able to stand my phone but not being able to stand being without it. Said spiral being enmeshed with the aforementioned self-worth issues that can sometimes arise when trying to commodify and promote ones art made things worse. I was tweaking, big time.

I was also noticing the ways in which my phone addiction was seeping into the ways I went about my day. My attention span was garbage, I wasn’t reading as much, and I was having a harder time maintaining eye contact in conversations.

There’s this line from the Netflix docu-drama The Social Dilemma that’s stuck with me over the last few years:

“There are only two industries that call their customers “users”: drugs and software.”

As a harm reduction worker myself1, I wanted to practice what I preach. Adopting and employing safe(r) strategies for activities that have the potential to be harmful—be it doom-scrolling or doing drugs—is better than acting in absolutes and thinking that abstinence is realistic. With this idea in mind, I tried all of the tricks I read about online: I set my iPhone to greyscale in the hopes that the experience of using it would be more boring, I wrapped an elastic band around it as a sort of visual reminder that I probably didn’t need to pick it up, and I deleted all of my social media apps. To be honest, nothing worked and I felt totally out of control. I was hooked.

Enter a 2009 Blackberry curve that I bought for $50 off of eBay. I only spent 2ish weeks with the phone before it crapped out on me, but it was enough to make me fall in love with being disconnected. Having a cute, browser-less device felt like the answer I’d been searching for re: how to permanently log out. Previously, whenever I deleted social media apps off of my iPhone, I would just download them a few hours (sometimes minutes) later via the browser. It felt soooo good to have a physical keyboard, an OG headphone jack, and no real way of checking my email or socials. I think that Blackberrys were just starting to roll out phones with Facebook and email on them in 2009 or 10, but compared to the tech we have now, these features were unusable on my Blackberry. I was happy to be back to the basics. When someone mentioned a movie whose lead actors no one could name, I just let myself sit in the “not knowing”. It turned out that every email could actually wait until I got home. I felt more connected to the people I was texting (even if I was sending fewer texts) thanks to the distraction-less, bare-bones software. I still carried around my old iPhone sans SIM card for music listening purposes/in case of emergencies. No, the Blackberry didn’t last long, but it propelled me forward and inspired me to begin the journey of finding a new phone. Ideally one, that would be a phone and only a phone.

My next dumbphone love affair was even shorter lived, but I think this phone is my favourite that I’ve ever had. I bought a Lightphone, which is essentially a credit card-sized, e-ink phone that can call and text and that’s about it. It was funny going from a phone made in 2009 that was trying to do as many things as possible (and did so kinda badly) to a simple yet thoughtful device made in the 2020s that was intentionally designed to do nothing. I fucking loved it. The only trouble was that it wasn’t compatible with any cellphone carriers in Canada, which meant most of my calls got dropped. I was so bummed. After two days of trial and error, I sent it back.2

Post-Lightphone, I went down an internet rabbit hole, determined to find the best dumbphone for my needs. I’d been without my iPhone long enough to notice a difference in the way I interacted with myself, my world, and the people around me. My writers block had even dissipated (I’m a pretty slow writer in that I’m lucky if I write 4 songs a year, but I wrote 2 songs in the span of a month)! Ideally, I’d find a device that was easy enough to text on, didn’t have a browser, and had a built-in radio. Somewhere in-between the Blackberry and the Lightphone, I bought an old Walkman from a hip, young Quebecer on Facebook Marketplace, but that, too, broke after a laughably short amount of time. I’ll wait until I have my own car to play CDs, I figured, and in the meantime, I’ll listen to the CBC on my perfect little dumbphone while I’m commuting.

After countless hours reading “best of” lists from bloggers and rifling through hundreds of posts on the r/dumbphones Subreddit, I decided to try out the Nokia 2660 Flip, one of Nokia’s new phones that’s designed to look like their retro models. The phone was cheap and could send emojis, so I gave it a whirl. Sadly, it was a massive pain in the ass to text on and came pre-loaded with photos of a random old lady. I had bought the phone on Amazon, so I guess that’s my bad. I sent that one back too.

From November 2023 to March of 2024, I went back to my iPhone and tried to use it as mindfully as possible. My previous “less-is-more” approach with my iPhone hadn’t really worked, but I didn’t see a real alternative. I turned iMessage off (I was every group chat’s worst nightmare) and bought an app called Freedom to help limit my social media use. These solutions weren’t perfect, but they—the app in particular—did the job for a while. Downloading Freedom has been one of the best things I’ve done for my mental health in the last few years, no question. I think the paid version is like $150, but it’s been worth every penny. I lock myself out of Instagram and TikTok for most of the day, which has done wonders re: curbing my self-destructive tendencies with comparison.

I’m unsure if I’d say that using an iPhone/laptop with Freedom on it subscribes to a harm reduction approach of being online or whether it’s a red flag that I’ve paid money to physically restrict myself from certain apps. The jury’s still out on that one.

Finally, late last March, I bought an unlocked, unboxed Cat S22 Flip for $80 off eBay. My experience with this phone has felt a bit like watching a romcom where the protagonist falls in love with the loser best friend. It’s a slow burn, but ultimately really beautiful and rewarding.

My favourite things about the Cat S22 Flip:

• There’s an orange button on the side of the phone that you can program to be a (powerful!) flashlight

• The Cat S22 Flip is an Android phone, so you can use all of the apps that you’d use on a Samsung Galaxy or whatever. I have Uber, The Weather Network, and Google Maps downloaded, and I’ve disabled Chrome and Gmail (which come pre-loaded). The apps are not particularly reliable and crash often, but hey, we’re all a work in progress! I have a friend who had Hinge on his Cat phone if you can believe it

• It has a touch screen! You can choose between T9 texting or touch screen texting

• The battery lasts for 2ish days

• You know how you see the Apple logo when the iPhone is in the process of turning on? Well, the Cat S22 Flip version of this is a hilarious 4-second slideshow of people performing blue collar jobs (ie picking apples and operating forklifts). Hardcore phone = for hardcore people only

• You can send and receive emojis and photos. That said, the camera quality is very bad. Whenever I send my friends pictures from the phone, I usually get a text back asking where I am and if I’m okay

• The phone can act as a hotspot, which has come in handy on many occasions

• There’s a built-in radio

Like all of my previous dumbphones, the Cat phone has its problems too. But, I think my dumbphone journey has proved that “the perfect dumbphone” is a bit of an oxymoron in and of itself. Dumbphones are meant to be awkward, clunky, gimmicky, and annoying. That’s the charm!

Last May, I toured with Land of Talk across western Canada. I challenged myself to travel with the Cat phone as my main communication device. True, I wasn’t driving for this tour (I took buses and flew from city to city), but I was keen to see if it would be possible to travel to new places and embark upon unfamiliarity with my hunk of junk in tow. Again, I was still bringing around my iPhone with its SIM card removed so I could listen to music, show airline staff a boarding pass, and post on socials if need be. But most of the time, my iPhone was at the bottom of my bag. The memories I have from that tour are among my favourites from last year and I’m so happy and grateful that I was present and grounded enough—thanks to not being glued to a smartphone—to have taken it in. I decided to stick with the Cat phone for the rest of the year. I was online every now and then to post a Reel or whatever, but for the most part, I was disconnected from the internet and connected to my world. Sometimes I missed sending blue texts, efficient texting, and voice memos, but the new inner calm I was feeling made everything feel worth it. I wasn’t in the midst of a promo cycle (in fact, I was shopping around Blurring Time for the better part of 2024), so I didn’t really feel a pressure to be online.

Now… it’s 2025. My old iPhone is charging in another room and my Cat phone is in a desk drawer in another city (I’m in Toronto right now and the Cat is in Montreal). If using the Cat felt like dating an endearing nerd, using an iPhone again feels like going back to the toxic quarterback that cheated on you. Typing this out, I feel at a loss for how to justify why I went back to something that I know actively hurts me. I could go on and on about “being in the middle of a release cycle” this and “I need to be more easily reachable” that, but honestly? I think I’m just—still—addicted to looking at a screen. I officially made the switch at the end of December, right before my partner and I left for a two week vacation in Mexico. I wanted to be easily reachable and I didn’t know if that would be possible with the Cat phone. I remember feeling a rush of excitement and anxiety upon re-loading my SIM card into my old iPhone 11, but swearing that it wouldn’t be the same as last time. I would be in control and I would act in moderation. Hell, maybe I’d even go back to the Cat phone when I got home!

I haven’t gone back to the Cat and I honestly don’t know the next time I’ll realistically be able to use it in a consistent way again, which makes me really bummed. But touring in the States—especially as a trans person—is just not doable with a dumbphone right now. Neither is being a responsible, self-managed artist who responds to all of their emails in a timely manner. I’m trying to see this chapter as a dumbphone hiatus rather than an end to my journey. On screen-heavy days, I like to imagine myself 6 months from now, on the dock at my partner’s cabin, catching up with a friend on my Cat, the phone nestled between my ear and my shoulder. In this daydream, my iPhone is the device that’s in time-out mode, locked away in a drawer somewhere.

I feel shame about still being so glued to my phone after my many efforts to create distance between us. But I also try not to be too hard on myself, as the tech of this generation is quite literally designed for us to become dependent on and addicted to it. I don’t know what harm reduction-ing my way through this album release (and by extension, needing/feeling the need to be on my phone more) will look like. I guess writing this essay on a laptop with the night vision mode on and my phone in another room is a start.

Advice for someone wanting to disconnect/try out a dumbphone:

• Do it.

xo BL

• What I’m listening to —> Because It’s True by Laughing, the song “Junior” by Great Grandpa, s/t by Bon Iver, and Alligator Bites Never Heal by Doechii

• What I’m watching —> I’ll say it, I’m loving Orange Is The New Black. Also the new season of Survivor just started and I’m excited for weekly watch parties with pals! And speaking of watch parties, I have plans to watch The Oscars with my best friends this weekend <33

• What I’m reading —> The most adult thing I’ve done so far in 2025 is split a subscription to The New Yorker with my partner. When I was a kid, I used to skim through my dad’s old copies just for the comics, but now I actually read through them. I recently read articles about insomnia and Lorne Michaels that I liked

• What I’m eating —> Tiramisu and Rio Mare tuna salad in a can (but not together, of course)