• How am I feeling? So great - honestly almost back to normal completely. Tiredness is subsiding and I am finding I can stay up a bit later these days (but not too late…need to protect sleep).

• The Family? Mike and the kids have been busy! Braves games, softball and baseball practices, looking for a new swim club. School is great for all three and I believe they are starting the year off wonderfully! Our front yard has never looked better.

• Diet & Exercise? Still hyper-focused on this. I truly believe that I am working to clean up the soil, so to speak, and reset everything. If I can reset my terrain, I can have a good shot at keeping bad things at bay. Positives on this: my skin is incredible, if I do say so myself. Will report back if my esthetician agrees.

• Chemo & Radiation? Well…this is an update I guess. I thought I was waiting to take my next round of chemo after my scan (remember, ‘maintenance’ chemo is coming up for 5 days on, the rest of the month off cycled through for 6 months). I was wrong. I am now starting right after I get back from Harry Styles. So probably around the 11th of September. It is still very much pill form, but the dosage is a bit higher. Radiation is over - hopefully forever (RIP hair). I did not enjoy that.

• Scan Date? September 28th.

• Germany? I did talk to a woman this week about the logistics of this. The shortest time frame to get there and back would be 3 days (11x), and that is being generous. Its not a direct flight anymore, so flying through Amsterdam is the route to go it appears. Have I made a decision yet? No. Am I still considering it? Yes.

• Work? I am back. I think I am intentionally being left out of things that I used to do to protect my stress. I am trying to not take it personally, but its hard not to! I have gotten to see some clients (some who know about this, others who do not) and that has been wonderful. The small talk, while exhausting, can be a really nice distraction from myself.

• Holistic Things?

  • Energy Healing: I have talked to Adele again who is working on finding the energy I have lost. I feel pretty relaxed after our sessions (especially guided meditations) and she is giving me homework on a few items.

  • Yoga: I am still working with Lisa out of her house. Her youngest son was home from college recently so working around her schedule. Also helping to lean into the guided meditations.

  • PEMF Mat: I am still laying on this daily mainly because it is nice to feel warm.

  • Sound Bath: This is NEW! My friend is coming with me to a sound bath in Sandy Springs. This is September 21st - for anyone that wants to come, join us!

  • Chiropractor: I am really trying to get this back into the mix every three weeks or so.

  • Infrared & Cold Plunge: I am back to doing this again now that I am not in radiation anymore. It’s a nice time to catch up with a friend for an hour!

  • Rebounding: I have fallen off of this since I finished radiation. My sister said she is doing it 25 mins a day, every day. She is very happy to have been introduced to this it appears!

  • Religion: I fell off of this too. That said, I have been taking workout classes once a week at a baptist church and am around it enough. But what is really apparent to me is that all of the stuff above is rooted in believing that something out there is bigger than us. Everyone has a different view, but its all the groundwork of belief in something greater than all of us. I may not be studying the Bible, but I do like to listen and learn.

If you have made it this far, thank you for sticking with me.

I would like to leave this by recognizing that we lost a really great one this week, Dolly Parton. She brought so much light to the world and was truly loved by all. We all could be a bit more like Dolly - positive, smart, kind and humble…with a lot of sparkle.

Adele does all sorts of things ranging from podcasting to Reiki. A true jack of all trades with a great sense of humor. In talking with her about my current support team, it became abundantly clear that I didn’t have a therapist. I didn’t have someone to talk to when the thoughts got deep or dark. I didn’t have someone to cry to when things got rough. I have a lot of great support who are alongside me, but no one I can tell things to when I really need to just vent/talk and not be told to stay positive, but rather just listen. I needed someone impartial. Enter Adele.

So I have enlisted Adele to join my team for the next 6 months. She is going to not only heal my energy through Reiki and such, but she also is going to be my pseudo-therapist. She is the one I can tell all my fears to and not be scared of judgement. She is the one that is going to help me find legit joy in my life, however long I have left (hopefully a long time like Jennifer!).

Is this fairly woo woo? Sure. But gotta do whatever it takes to thrive and truly find that joy in life!

What else is new?

Well I am officially balding on the one side of my head which means I am always in a hat or head scarf. Going to social outings has become less than appealing (more so because I don’t want pity, like ever). But my energy is GREAT and I am happy to be done with radiation and chemo for a while. (reminder: scan is September 28th)

I am trying to push myself to rip off the bandaid with clients and school so people can be weird with me, and then they won’t be weird. Let’s just get this over with and move forward to the land of the living. Yes, I was given a terminal diagnosis - but we all are technically dying right? Like look at Jennifer…it has been 15 years since she was diagnosed with GBM and she is STILL here. I am not dying tomorrow…no ma’am. In fact, I am probably in the best shape of my life right now. Its amazing how good you can feel if you remove things like processed foods, sugar, alcohol, caffeine.

Kids are back to school (yep, and they are late for the south!) - they all had great first days yesterday except for AJ who was not please that he had to do ‘work’ the first week. It was a word search guys…4th graders!

So for a very expensive price tag, they provide highly detailed genetic testing (DNA, RNA, HLA, and all other acronyms ending in A). This tumor analysis takes about 4-6 weeks and then the vaccine goes to manufacturing, should I decide to proceed, which means the vaccine won’t be ready for 12-14 weeks. So if I decided today to do this, I would be in Stuttgart around Christmas time for about a week.

14 doses of this vaccine will occur to teach my immune system how to behave when it recognizes a tumor cell. The first 4 would be administered daily and after that the 9 boosters would be administered every 4-6 weeks. Later in the session the intervals become longer. So if you add that up: 11 trips to Germany.

So now I need to decide how much my life is worth. Is it worth going to Germany, leaving my family repeatedly, and not having the guarantee that it works for a very steep price tag?

Also CeGat is starting to do a clinical trial in the fall with Duke. This is for newly diagnosed patients only who haven’t received treatment yet. So unfortunately, timing didn’t work for me to participate in that. BUT the fact that it is coming to the US means there is a chance!

So now I need to weigh the pros and cons to determine if this is the right next step for me.

Quick wellness update while I have you: Hair is indeed falling out. I am more tired than I have been for the 6 weeks undergoing treatment. Other than that, everything remains status quo (diet, exercise, lifestyle changes).

ALSO THANK YOU to whomever sent me the two beautiful scarves from Amazon. It didn’t come with a note so I just thought I would put it out there!

I bet you are thinking that this time flew by…wrong. It has felt like well over 6 weeks of me trapsing to Piedmont, sitting in the lobby, getting the 3 mins of radiation, and going home. And yes, it is about 3 mins or the length of a song. I learned this since switching locations where they now play music. So next Thursday, I will get a break!

What is next?

Treatment will be done Thursday (yay! both radiation and chemo). My oncologist said that my first scan to confirm that the treatment worked will be about a month after I finish…so end of August-ish. After that, I will enter the next phase of this journey which is two-fold:

• maintenance chemo which will happen over 6 months. This will be 5 days a month of me taking chemo at home (still pill form) and then off the rest of the month.

• exploring the extras. I have submitted paperwork to talk to the vaccine people in Germany about options. Will keep you all updated on that.

How has it been going back to work?

Everyone has been incredible and slowing me back into the cadence of things. One thing that is very clear, AI is here to stay and I am recognizing I really need to embrace to make me work smarter…so that is on the docket for next week.

How are the kids?

They are still at camp! We pick them up tomorrow. But they look like they are having an amazing time and we haven’t received any panic notes. I plan to not hug them for about 4 days until I am clear that they didn’t bring back some weird bug that my immune system cannot handle.

How is Mike?

He has been working on a rock project in our front yard that definitely took him back and forth to Home Depot no less than 10x. Text him for updates…he’ll love it.

How is the wellness journey going?

Still maintaining focus on the things that matter most. Diet, exercise, meditation are all very much a part of my daily routine. Yoga is the one thing that surprises me constantly - I really think I need to be embracing this regularly in the future. There is a lot of depth to this training that I was not aware of and really translates back to healing of the mind, body and spirit.

How is the hair?

Well I have fully moved into hat and scarf mode. There is a balding spot right where the radiation beam points and unfortunately it just keeps coming out every day. I know I had a lot of hair to begin with…but this is crazy. I mourned it last week. This week I am embracing it.

How is your energy?

Honestly, aside from the evenings, I feel great. I am not letting this slow me down.

Today, in the waiting room, a lady was telling me and a friend about her husband and how he has lost so much muscle since beginning treatments. He, like me, has GBM. Unlike me, he was quite a bit older (which appears to always be the case).

Apparently he was an avid pickleball player previously. So the woman said to me: “what sports do you play?” Well, I don’t and I began to explain my wellness journey when my name got called and I proceeded to go back to the table. Apparently some judgement was thrown my way about not playing sports when I left and everything went quiet after.

What have I learned this week?

There is a lot of judgement and opinions out there in this world. My job is to not feed into that judgement. Everyone is different and has a different way to approaching their lives. While I appreciate suggestions and recommendations, that doesn’t necessarily mean it is the right answer for me. So taking things in stride, finding goodness in the intentions of others, but letting go of things that don’t serve me is how I am trying to live my life.

So…waiting room lady, no…I don’t play sports. I appreciate the concern but I am doing just fine doing things my way. I appreciate the sentiment and wish your husband well on his journey.

Right before I went into my radiation treatment this morning, a man stood up and gave a speech. He did ask permission to speak from the front desk gal - she granted him the space and time to do it.

He talked about the divisiveness of this country. Our inability to pull together. The negativity in the headlines. The fear-mongering that we all are surrounded by. Yet in moments of health crisis, all of that just stops. Everything that you think that matters washes away. Your health, and living, becomes top priority. And he summed his speech up by saying, in the moments we have had together, you become pals with the strangers around you because you are all facing the same struggles. Unity does exist. Goodness does exist. Humans are good.

How are you doing mentally?

I needed to get back to some mental stimulation. So I am officially back to work this week when I am not with a doctor or at a hospital. Yes, I am back. No, I am not crazy.

I will say, it is very hard to know how much to trust yourself in going back into an environment like this. How hard is too hard to push? How much stress can you take on? What do I care about and what do I not? I am trusting that by using the tools I have learned the last few months, I will remain centered on healing. Plus I have a band of people around me to remind me that work is just that, work.

How are you feeling physically?

Still tired. Nights I just feel like crashing, but I am sleeping wonderfully and getting up crazy early (5:30AM) so maybe this is just my new cycle. Someone asked me what the fatigue feels like - probably like a bad hangover without the sickness. It’s not debilitating.

Are you still working out?

Yes I am! Every morning without fail (mainly because of my inability to sleep in).

What is new with the family?

Kids are headed off to sleep away camp this week. Again, another reason I needed to get back to work for some diversity in my day.

How about those clinical trials?

This is an ongoing conversation with my oncologist. Understanding which would be best for me, the path to take and what I do next is where I am hyper-focused. Remember that custom vaccine I mentioned early on? That seems to be where the field is heading and I am focusing on exploring that as a next step.

What happened to mistletoe?

I am going to look to do that too! After this 6 weeks is over.

Any other health tips?

Did you know you carry a lot of your baggage in your hips? In yoga, tight hips physically mean a shortened range of motion in the muscle groups around the pelvis. Spiritually, the hips are viewed as the body’s "storage unit" for pent-up emotional stress, past trauma, and unexpressed feelings. So get your hip opener stretches going to open up the pathways for both your muscles and energy!

How are you feeling?

Honestly, fatigue is setting in. I don’t know if it is because my normal workout buddy is out of town right now or what, but getting up this morning to lift was tough without her. I did it, but definitely couldn’t keep up with what I probably should have been doing so a push would have been great.

How are the family?

They are doing great, still! The kids go to sleep away camp next week which will be a good opportunity for Mike and I to rest and relax from all of this stuff. When the conversation of “is the treatment working” comes up - Mike and Liam both jump to “of course it is, no reason to think otherwise.” And they are right. There is no reason to believe that everything I am doing right now is creating a terrain that is not friendly to cancer cells.

Whats happening with the hair?

Well that is now officially coming out too. Fistfuls of hair just coming out when I brush or shower. Today is going to be the moment of truth to get this mop top cut so I don’t leave hair all around the house.

Remember when I said I wasn’t going to get a wig? I am sticking to that (thanks to those that have given me beautiful headscarves), but I have to admit this is pretty hard to face. Women’s hair is their identity. People keep telling me I am going to look beautiful no matter what, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that is hard to hear.

In the spirit of leaving you with a positive, my showers are going to be a lot faster, and I am going to be getting ready a lot quicker than normal!

How is the diet?

It’s going super well actually. Lots of friends are inviting us over and actually catering to my nutritional needs - its been incredible to see people adapt themselves for me. Truly.

How is the spiritual side going?

I was challenged by a friend to listen to the Bible in a Year on Spotify. Its a Catholic priest reading different excerpts each day talking about books in the Bible. I usually listen to it while I am jumping or driving around. Does my mind wander? Absolutely. Has this changed me as a Christian? No it has not. BUT I am learning what the deal is with organized religion and having more thoughtful conversations with people about it as I continue to explore.

What sticks with me most is its good to believe in something else - it leads to more HOPE.

Any other wellness tips this week?

My instagram is FILLED with all sorts of answers about how to resolve cancer. There are people claiming all sorts of remedies (both traditional and otherwise) that led to either remission on living long-term with various deadly diagnoses.

This led me to an interview with Jennifer Dickenson who, if I have to admit, she is who I am aspiring to be. Take a listen if you are interested, BUT if you don’t have the time, here are the cliffs notes.

• Doctors telling her all this treatment was just buying her time - 12-18 months will be it.

• Doctors saying she should drink more coffee if she is tired.

• Doctors not talking about diet & exercise.

• Her reaction: “You don’t know whats possible in me. This is a wake up call, an opportunity, for you to take control.”

Net net - she didn’t just take what people told her at face value. Lots of doctors can speak to statistics. Lots of patients listen and roll over. Our job, as humans, is to push back on the status quo and do everything we possibly can to help achieve the best outcome. Its our job to prove nay-sayers wrong.

So my final word on this is: always keep pushing.

How are you feeling?

As I mentioned, still feeling pretty good. I do get tired late afternoon/early evening but a lot of that could be from me getting up so early. Long gone are the days of late nights - I would prefer to get to bed at a normal time and feel good in the morning.

No, but like how are your REALLY feeling?

Well - I would be lying if dark thoughts never entered my mind. Sometimes when things get busy you lose sight of the current day and worries creep in. Meditating has really helped me refocus and remain positive. But yes, I am worried about all the things that you guys are. BUT, this has taught me that none of us ever know when our time is up. So plan as best as you can for the future, but live in the present so you don’t miss the important stuff.

Any doctor updates?

I had a meeting this week with a holistic oncologist here in the Atlanta area that specializes in Mistletoe Therapy. I know you all are envisioning Christmas and wondering if this is what that means - let me burst your bubble, no ho-ho-hos in my future.

Mistletoe extract has been used in European integrative oncology for over 100 years as a complementary therapy alongside standard cancer treatment. It is widely used in several countries but is not FDA-approved in the United States, where it remains an investigational treatment available primarily through clinical trials.

As stated above, this would be complementary to what I am doing with the radiation and chemo to try and support my immune system. I am still deciding if this is something that I want to try, but as you can see, I am open to outside the box things (if you have ideas, share them!).

What are some other wellness things you are trying?

I went and tried a sauna/cold plunge today with a friend. This was a first for me - I have read that both have healing powers and are good for situations like the one I am in. So we tried it - surprisingly, I enjoyed the cold plunge. It helped me focus on my breathing techniques I have been working on, as well as prove that I can outlast my friend, even as a cancer patient. ;)

I have also been rebounding for 10 mins a day. I actually jumped right before I left for my hot/cold extravaganza to help open up my lymphatic drainage. Here is an article I found in case you are curious, but there are so many benefits, especially to a cancer patient. For me, bone density was a big one and maintaining that through all of these drugs felt super important. 10 mins a day is nothing.

Any other updates?

Not a ton, honestly. I have had quite a few people coming to visit which has been so nice, but also appreciate that people understand that I get tired towards the end of the day. I am still working out. Still eating Paleo. Still focused on meditation. Still going to radiation treatments daily. Health and wellness is a slow burn, not glamorous, but such a valuable journey if you invest!

How are you doing?

Honestly, all things considered with this news, I feel awesome. I still believe in positive outcomes with this and truly think if anyone is set up to beat this, it is me.

How are the workouts going?

Great! I am working out most mornings before my radiation treatments so that I can sneak that in before I feel tired. Staying active and moving my body has become extra important to me, so I am really leaned in here. Thanks to all my neighbors and friends keeping me motivated!

How is the diet going?

Really well actually. I haven’t had sugar or processed food in weeks which I thought I would miss, but I do not. Coffee also has been cut (I can hear some of you gasping) but I may sneak it back in at the recommendation of my nutritionist.

Are you meditating?

Yep. This has probably been the biggest shift for me through all of this. How to find quiet. How to calm down. How to protect my peace. I think all of us are used to running so fast that taking a minute to breath sometimes gets overlooked.

Have you lost your hair yet?

No, I have not (I am sure it is coming). And I think I have decided not to buy a wig either - just embrace the change, wear scarves and hats. So don’t be surprised when you see me.

Are you super tired?

Mainly that comes at later in the afternoons. But nothing crazy.

Any other health tips this week (a lot of you probably already know this)?

I went to a yoga session this week and learned that my parasympathetic nervous system really needed attention. The parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems act as two halves of a whole. While the sympathetic system kicks in to handle "fight or flight" stress, the parasympathetic system brings the body back to baseline, allowing you to feel calm, grounded, and at ease. So go get your nameste on and find that inner peace.

For those of you tracking, last night was my first night of chemo-pills and today was my first radiation treatment.

Chemo:

The interesting thing with this is you can’t touch the pills. So I have opted to put them into a shot glass and throw them back that way - my, how things have changed.

Radiation:

It takes like 8 mins, maybe. My neighbor Sara was surprised at how quick it was. Lay down on a table, smoosh your face down with that lovely green mask and this machine just goes over you twice. I think getting rid of the criss-cross on my face from the mask took longer than the radiation itself. One down - 29 to go.

How do I feel?

For now, just fine! I did wake up a little nauseous but breakfast solved that.

Diet updates:

I had a 3 hour call today with this nutritionist out in Utah who specializes in brain tumors/cancers and learned a lot. Your bloodwork can tell you so much and most modern doctors ignore small clues. This woman studies and studies all sorts of things to cultivate a custom diet just for me. Remember how I thought Keto was the path forward - I was wrong. Paleo is the path forward (thank goodness - think hunter/gather). We walked through food strategies based on my bloodwork which I can adjust and adapt to - I can do that.

Sunlight, it matters:

This will not surprise anyone but lack of sunlight is a real problem for most people. Apparently you need to get 5 mins of sunlight first thing, every day, to help your circadian rhythm. About an hour or two later, you need to get 20-30 mins of direct sunlight as well. Screens first thing with blue lights can really mess with you so we all might want to put those phones down first thing. Or just get them out of the bedroom completely. Happy to deep dive on what I am learning anytime.

In the last several weeks I have talked to so many doctors, surgeons, patients and caregivers learning their stories. When you get diagnosis’s like this, there is definitely a fact-finding time period. Everyone has an opinion, everyone has an answer. What I discovered through this is that I absolutely can be the exception to the statistics here. As my dad pointed out, I am a person, not a statistic and there is no reason to believe I can’t be the one. So I need you all to believe in me too - GBM is not my identity. It is a part of my story but not the only thing that defines me.

What is your diagnosis?

IV glioblastoma - IDH wildtype. Things that are positive in my case: full tumor resection, woman, young, exception functional status, MGMT methylated tumor (responds to chemo). “These are legit bonuses. I think I will see you next year.” - oncologist 3.

ChatGPT so eloquently summed up my appointment with oncologist 3 like this: ‘compared to the earlier consultation you described (oncologist 1), the doctor appeared (oncologist 3) much more focused on your individual diagnosis rather than population averages, and repeatedly emphasized that statistics are based on older patient do not necessarily describe someone with your age, health, surgical outcome and molecular profile.”

How did you figure this out?

It was Easter weekend and I started having Parkinson’s-like tremors on my right side of my body. I woke Mike up in the middle of the night thinking it was a stroke. Over the next few days, the tremors subsided and became less frequent. After a week of experiencing these “episodes” I went to the doctor who did witness one and thankfully recommended an MRI. After getting an expedited MRI that afternoon, I got the call on Monday that they had found something.

You had brain surgery?

I sure did! On May 1st, I went in for a craniotomy at Piedmont hospital. It was probably one of the scarier moments getting wheeled back that day, unsure of if I would come out with full mobility or speech. Looking back, I really repressed my feelings leading up to that which ultimately led to a full breakdown with the surgeon minutes before going in.

How bad was the recovery?

Honestly, not too bad. I had a LOT of support through people like you who visited, dropped off meals, walked with me around the circle in our neighborhood, offered emotional support, etc. If you believe it, I was out of the ICU in 48 hours and didn’t take any pain meds…the brain is a beautiful thing.

Getting the dreaded news, how was that?

It took 3.5 weeks to get the pathology report back. I think I got asked that question more than anything else during this time. From the beginning, I believed that I was going to be just fine. Something inside me was telling me that, so I never once thought I would get this diagnosis. Then oncologist 1 went through all the statistics, mentioned 6 months was the minimum of my life span, I should seek second opinions and clinical trials, but it wasn’t good. Mike sat next to me with both our jaws on the floor in disbelief. First thought was: the kids.

Speaking of the kids, how is everyone taking things?

Mike: for a while I would walk into the room and he would just be a puddle of tears. My coworkers got me a home organizer (highly recommend this gift) and we were cleaning out our basement storage with this woman the day after diagnosis. Mike just kept disappearing. He was upset. I guess I liked that I wasn’t allowing myself to get upset that day and just powering forward with this woman making decisions to keep or get rid of things. It was therapeutic to do a clean out like that.

Days later, Mike and I had a serious conversation about how we needed to show up for the kids. Since then, Mike has been my biggest believer of battling this. He knows I can do this and is helping me along the way.

Kids: the initial blow of the tumor to begin with was hard. They all process this in different ways. I don’t believe they are aware of the severity of this disease because we haven’t exactly told them the fine print of the numbers - mainly because I don’t believe I am in that camp of people. But also, I need them to live their lives without worrying about this right now. Until there is something to fear, we will continue to treat this as “managing the disease.”

What is your treatment plan and when does it start?

I am doing the standard protocol at Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta (with oncologist 2 who is incredible - truly) which will be:

• 6 weeks of chemo (pill form) - every day.

• 6 weeks of radiation (weekdays at Piedmont) - stay tuned, I might do a sign up for that so we can spend time together on these days.

• 6 months after, chemo (pill form) for 5 days out of the month

I am getting fitted for the radiation mask today (I envision Hannibal Lecter) and will know when I start very quickly. Stay tuned.

What happened to clinical trials?

I went on a journey to Duke and quickly discovered that most clinical trials for GBM are focused on recurrence, not initially diagnosed patients. So this is very much still on the table, but not for me to frantically worry about right now (thanks a lot to oncologist 1 for not explaining that well).

What has changed for you?

In talking to ‘thrivers’ of GBM, the main throughline I have discovered for people really surpassing expectations is diet, exercise, faith and mental health. I am on my own journey here with all of those things. Diet and exercise feel more in my comfort zone than the other two. I have cut out sugar and processed foods completely (think keto-ish) and am making sure I am active every day.

How can we help you?

• Keep things positive, upbeat, and focused on living, not dying.

• Questions are always ok - I am going to try and update this often and regularly to minimize the texts flying in. If I don’t respond, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you!

• My family need to stay busy! We welcome activities so don’t be shy!

• Keep me active too. This is so very important through treatment - so will be leaning on you all to come walk or workout with me, even when I don’t want to.

I chose not to do CaringBridge intentionally - I don’t feel sick and definitely don’t want to be treated that way. I want to be treated like I was before the diagnosis. Clearly that is naive. That life before is something never to return - I am in mourning a bit, but hopeful for what is ahead.

Ok so why are we here? Here are the details you all are craving for that I couldn’t bring myself to write down. In classic Betsy-form, I am going to bullet this out:

• diagnosis: IV glioblastoma, IDH wildtype (happy to share my research later)

• treatment location: Piedmont Hospital, Atlanta (yes I will be HERE)

• clinical trials: definitely open (Germany keeps popping up)

• diet: changing massively (happy to share that journey too)

Getting a diagnosis like this sure knocks you on the floor. Mike and I were in the doctors office when he rolled through all these statistics that didn’t make any sense (example: 6 months to live, at minimum). I was feeling good, surely he was confused. The surgeon said he got it all. I am young. I am female. This is not the way this is supposed to go. I was numb to the information - in disbelief. Rolling through this information with medical terms I had never heard of really felt impersonal, he wasn’t talking about me.

As reality set in, a host of emotions went through all of us. Sometimes I would walk into a room where Mike was sitting and he was crying alone. The dog even felt a little mopey for a few days honestly. Those first couple days a lot of sleep was lost scouring the internet for terrible, negative news.

In this initial journey of sadness - people, like you, started connecting me with their community. I think I talked to 50 people within the span of 72 hours - surgeons, doctors, nutritionist, or friends dealing with a diagnosis like this. What is astounding through all of this is the power of HOPE. Every person (aside from my initial oncologist) talked to me either about what was hopeful about my situation, or their own, even when they had more challenges than me. I spoke to people living with this diagnosis for 3-21 years without recurrence. Why can’t that be me?

Mike and I went to Duke for a second opinion and learned a lot. No, they didn’t change the diagnosis (a girl can dream) but again that word hope kept popping up in conversations. But all the things the first doc glazed over, she highlighted as positive: young, female, excellent functional status (ie. I feel good), gross total resection AND I have a genetic marker of the tumor called MGMT-methylated that expects me to respond to the chemo better. “These are legit bonuses. I think I will see you next year.” Standard treatment remains the best course of action today - so back to Atlanta I go so I can be with my family through treatment.

I know this only answers a few of a long list of questions you may have. Good news is, for today, I am not going anywhere. So I will continue to make updates here so that all of you can understand this journey.

But the biggest thing I want to leave you with is this: I am hopeful. There is so much goodness in this world if you really go looking for it. The news is depressing, the world is broken. But if you actually take the time to talk to others, you not only learn, but you somewhat heal and become hopeful. New connections are a gift as much as old ones - I think I lost that mindset for a while but believe this to be true. Always say yes to a new connection.