For a moment, I stared through the fragments of my own life to a time that no longer exists; longing to feel affection from a relationship that ended long before its love was born.

Grief for our deceased connection enthralled me. In the midst of food runners and drunken customers I wondered if I’d ever find my place in the middle: swaying in a nearly empty sports bar on a humid August night with my lover.

In an instant, I began to contemplate if I’d ever experience something like that in my existence. Better yet; if I even deserved that tenderness to begin with. But I know I deserve better because I had once settled for a man since I thought I could fall in love with him and not because I was in love with him. I can recall all the drunken nights I pleaded for him to dance with me and he would decline because he simply “doesn’t dance”. We remained sitting in the loveless silence and I was left wondering why I still stayed next to him.

9:08 pm. As I was just packing an Uber Eats order, an older man came from the bar and handed $10 bills to the closing waitress and I. He conveyed his love for us, and thanked us for the “good work” on his way out the door. It felt good to be compensated, but it felt even better to be noticed.

Something similar occurred the preceding Friday at rehab. After a group session in which I expressed my rapidly disordered eating and struggles with addiction, a fellow client pulled me aside to assert how beautiful I am inside and out. She told me how precious my presence is to the rest of the group, and how much I am missed on the days I choose not to attend.

A new week is ahead of us, and I’d like to ignite it with the promise that the light slowly comes back into your eyes, and it starts the minute you use them to recognize the love in your life that already exists.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE SPECIAL, JUST AS EVERY INDIVIDUAL IS. THE RIGHT PEOPLE WILL RECOGNIZE THAT, SO DON’T WASTE YOUR WHIMSY ON LAMES.

If you are reading this, I am sure that at one point or another, you have regretted being open with the wrong person. You revealed a lot to that person over time, thus developing an attachment to them. Maybe it went so far as to misconstrue the way you viewed yourself because you cared more about keeping them in your life rather than being in touch with your own being.

You may allow this to turn into a pattern that will reappear with every relationship, or you can move forward with the understanding that people only hurt you emotionally as much as you allow them to. However, this trait is reversible if you care enough to seek internal validation from yourself, rather than a fleeting sense of validation from others. As I try to prevent this pattern from reappearing for MYSELF, I will share my findings with you below.

THE LAW OF DETACHMENT: What is it?

Most sources claim their own definition of the Law of Detachment. From what I gathered, I may conclude that the law of detachment is a spiritual practice of letting go of the things that no longer serve you, to ‘release’ attachment towards what we truly desire for ourselves.

Furthermore, it is the ability to be content with something you once desired not working out for you. If something did not work out for you, it is because:

a) It served its purpose. Whether it was a lesson, a job, a feeling, etc… The world itself is constantly changing, and you are a living being amongst it all. You acclimate to your current position in time. Whatever you are attached to may have been beneficial to you at one point, but that does not mean you need it to move forward in life.

b) It is simply NOT FOR YOU. Simply put, everything happens for a reason. Just because you are meant for something different than what you are attached to does not mean it is wrong.

Practicing the Law of Detachment means learning to be OKAY with your desire not being manifested for you in the form that you anticipated. Yes, it sucks when things do not work out despite how much effort you put into it. But it is easier to come to terms with that rather than relying on your attachment to cope.

Attachment develops over time. Whatever you have become attached to, be it a person, a place, or a certain point in time, no longer exists in your current life. Therefore, you cling to these things for a sense of comfort with the misunderstanding that the IDEA of what you are attached to still exists.

Furthermore, whatever you are attached to no longer manifests in your life for a reason. The past no longer exists, yet it’s easy to dwell on when it contributed to making you into the person you are today. When you understand the Law of Detachment, you are accepting what has happened in the past while allowing yourself to move forward and create new experiences for yourself.

Life is fleeting. Everything is temporary in one way or another.

Some Helpful Things to Remember:

• Nothing belongs to you. It’s all an experience.

• Recognize what you have in your life RIGHT NOW. Appreciate it. Reflect on how you have obtained these things. You are strong enough to build a life for yourself without being attached to something.

• Just because something did not work out the way you anticipated does not mean you will not accomplish your desires. They will just manifest in a different form, in a way you could not imagine. Maybe they have already manifested, but your awareness is pointed at what didn’t work out; therefore, you are too ignorant to notice it.

• Indifference can be a form of power.

• Your emotions aren’t equivalent to YOU. They feel big right now because you are experiencing them right now. Your mind is a vast mansion not only of memories but of OPPORTUNITIES.

• Let go of what you cannot control. Attachment is not management. You can manage your problems, but if they are not manageable, LET IT GO. Do not get attached to the ‘what if’s’ or What could have been if I did this differently… It’s done, it’s gone. Take the lesson with the memories. It is all you have. Put the energy towards something new. Something that you are not certain will work out. It’s better than being attached to something that is not for you.

• Stop chasing what is not choosing you.

• Build a life that does not revolve around a single person, place, or thing.

There are plenty of ways to explore yourself despite your attachment. Meet new people, see new places, try new things. Your life is worth living outside of scenarios that only exist in your head. You are finding yourself. This is a journey, and there is no right or wrong way to do so because everyone is an individual, and they choose to live life based on experiences that are unique to them.

“Attachment is the root of all suffering” - Buddha

I am no life coach, I am simply a young girl trying to figure out her own life. There is not much left I can do for you other than make you aware of the importance of detachment. It is up to you to identify what you are attached to, and it takes time to find a life outside of that. It is easier said than done. I push you to take the first step nonetheless, and therefore, you can recognize all that is going on for you outside of whatever it is you are attached to. I am rooting for you, and if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to even message me. Thank you for reading.

philosophies we ‘liked’ but didn’t follow.

Cared more about feeling intellectual than knowing ourselves,

our hearts were hollow.

Our insecurities in one blend,

maybe we would have made it (To The End).

Time has misconstrued

the idea of a person I thought I could love.

We shared moments, but not each other.

For myself, you were above.

Nostalgia clung onto our heads,

maybe we would have made it (To The End).

Waiting for you to leave,

even though I knew it was done.

But when you did; it hurt regardless.

The man I thought you could have been had never become.

If we both tried to mend,

maybe we would have made it (To The End).

So I moved on;

your face is far away.

Yet sometimes I feel you with the breeze;

you’re gone, but you’re still in my way.

I should’ve kept you as a friend,

maybe we would have made it (To The End).

Thank you for reading my first poem! As I am using this Substack to express myself by the means of literacy, and literacy depicted in media, I am trying my best to do so in different forms. I hope to hear some feedback! :)

Three days ago, he left me. All the nights my body lay under his arms. The dinners where we would hold hands under the table. The walks we spent hours talking under the stars. I am writing my first article as I lie in bed on my phone, coming to terms with the fact that he left me for my silence, not my being. He was the first man in a long time I cared for so deeply, and my insecurities led me to hide a lot of my true self from him as we got closer. There was a part of me that was telling me he would inevitably leave, so once he did at least it wasn’t because he knew the true me.

There are a lot of errors in this logic.

a) No one needs to approve of who I truly am other than myself. I am content with my intentions and my perspective of life, and I should never let someone change them simply because I care for them, or they play a certain role in my life. No one truly plays a role in my life other than myself.

b) You attract what you are. There are people out there who are truly meant for you, and I know this because I have lived long enough to condition myself into believing otherwise, yet finding those meant for me when I started to do things that made me happy for myself.

The point of the matter is that there is a difference between silence that derives from self-respect, versus silence that derives from fear. And the driving matter for these differences is who you are silencing for.

The truth is, I knew it was over with my ex. But I remained silent. I recall telling a friend “I am waiting for him to break up with me because I know it is over, but I don’t have the heart to say it”. And so he did, he left. And I will never speak to him again regardless of how I once cared about him. And the consequences of silencing yourself because of fear are graver than the vulnerability of being transparent towards those you care for. Because one leaves you wondering what difference it would have made if you loved yourself enough to be truly known by others. And the other gives you closure and protection from those who aren’t meant for you. Pick your poison.