<![CDATA[Big News Now!]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.comhttps://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!CLSe!,w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F359ae18f-3989-415e-94fb-9e1f7988e78f_1280x1280.pngBig News Now!https://bignewsnow.substack.comSubstackTue, 01 Sep 2026 23:33:42 GMT<![CDATA[God Asks ‘How Am I Doing?’ in His First-Ever Request for Feedback]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/god-asks-how-am-i-doing-in-his-first-48dhttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/god-asks-how-am-i-doing-in-his-first-48dThu, 20 Aug 2026 12:26:20 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Jesus Urges Use of Guns to Enforce Commandment to Love One Another]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/jesus-urges-use-of-guns-to-enforcehttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/jesus-urges-use-of-guns-to-enforceWed, 12 Aug 2026 13:01:14 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Pete Hegseth Forced Out at Pentagon after Failing Sexual Performance Test]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/pete-hegseth-forced-out-at-pentagonhttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/pete-hegseth-forced-out-at-pentagonFri, 24 Jul 2026 13:02:59 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Trump Says U.S. Will Seize 'Strait of Hormel' from Iran]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/trump-says-us-will-seize-strait-ofhttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/trump-says-us-will-seize-strait-ofThu, 16 Jul 2026 13:04:06 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Hacked Video Shows Trump Diapering a Wiggly JD Vance in Oval Office]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/hacked-video-shows-trump-diaperinghttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/hacked-video-shows-trump-diaperingWed, 08 Jul 2026 12:44:52 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[God Announces Recall of Eight Billion People]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/god-announces-recall-of-eight-billion-02ehttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/god-announces-recall-of-eight-billion-02eTue, 30 Jun 2026 13:02:04 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[AI Eliminates BNN Staff and Takes Full Control of Failing Satirical Newsletter]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/ai-eliminates-bnn-staff-and-takeshttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/ai-eliminates-bnn-staff-and-takesSat, 20 Jun 2026 13:31:30 GMT

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]]><![CDATA['American Ream' Still Very Much Alive, Trump Assures Weary Americans]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/american-ream-still-very-much-alivehttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/american-ream-still-very-much-aliveThu, 11 Jun 2026 13:01:11 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Gen Z and Millennials Sweep Up 'Boomers' in Nighttime Raid and Resettle Them on Pastureland in Midwest]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/gen-z-and-millennials-sweep-up-boomershttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/gen-z-and-millennials-sweep-up-boomersThu, 04 Jun 2026 13:31:49 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Jesus Foretells Rise of His 'Uncle Bernie' in Newly Discovered Bible Fragment]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/jesus-foretells-rise-of-his-unclehttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/jesus-foretells-rise-of-his-uncleThu, 28 May 2026 13:31:03 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[More Americans Opting for Animal-Conversion Surgery as Rising Prices Make Life as a Human Being Unaffordable]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/more-americans-opting-for-animalhttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/more-americans-opting-for-animalThu, 21 May 2026 14:01:23 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Potty-Mouthed Democrat Says 'Trump Doesn't Give a Frog's Green Gonad about Workers']]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/potty-mouthed-democrat-says-trumphttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/potty-mouthed-democrat-says-trumpThu, 14 May 2026 13:40:52 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[America Wakes Up Naked and Groggy in Trump's Bed, with No Memory of Consent]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/america-wakes-up-naked-and-groggyhttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/america-wakes-up-naked-and-groggyThu, 30 Apr 2026 13:15:48 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[God Releases Names of Americans Going To Hell Within One Second After Death]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/god-releases-names-of-americans-goinghttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/god-releases-names-of-americans-goingSat, 18 Apr 2026 13:02:02 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Worried Aides Find Trump Barking at Little Dog 'Toto' While Watching 'The Wizard of Oz']]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/worried-aides-find-trump-barkinghttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/worried-aides-find-trump-barkingTue, 07 Apr 2026 22:25:32 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Stone Age Restaurant Menu Found in Idaho Offers 'Daily Special' and Kids' Meals]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/stone-age-restaurant-menu-found-inhttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/stone-age-restaurant-menu-found-inThu, 02 Apr 2026 13:03:01 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[White House in Rubble after God Strikes Trump Administration with Barrage of DX-2 Anti-Greed Missiles]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/white-house-in-rubble-after-god-strikeshttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/white-house-in-rubble-after-god-strikesFri, 20 Mar 2026 13:30:52 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Trump: "Now that I Run Iran, We're Gonna Call Iran Irun"]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/trump-now-that-i-run-iran-were-gonnahttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/trump-now-that-i-run-iran-were-gonnaSun, 08 Mar 2026 15:10:39 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[Christ Appears in Carhartt Winter Gear for 'Healing Tour' Through Minneapolis]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/christ-appears-in-carhartt-winterhttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/christ-appears-in-carhartt-winterSat, 28 Feb 2026 18:10:11 GMT

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]]><![CDATA[God Is Hiring for the Following Position:]]>https://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/god-is-hiring-for-the-following-positionhttps://bignewsnow.substack.com/p/god-is-hiring-for-the-following-positionMon, 16 Feb 2026 17:22:37 GMT

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