I wish I could tell you that I immediately knew what to do. I didn't.

I got into a relationship in my first year of university. I was 17, free for the first time, and in love with a boy I had met in class.

I had grown up Christian. My dad was a pastor. I'd been in church my whole life. But the truth was, I knew about God more than I knew Him. Then, in university, I slowly stopped going to church. It wasn't deliberate. I started choosing convenience, missing a Sunday here and there, until it became easier to stay away.

One day, my roommate invited me to her church. I went and really loved it. I started going back, sporadically at first. And somehow, God finally caught my attention. I saw myself truly for the first time and knew I needed Him. I started falling in love with God.

But there was a problem. I had a boyfriend who wasn't even sure God existed. It was a hard place to be, between a God I wholeheartedly loved and a boy I was crazy over.

Eventually, we broke up, but the feelings didn't disappear. We still talked. We still spent time together. And I kept trying to find a way to make it work.

Maybe if he read the Bible, came to church, understood what I had come to understand about God, then we could somehow find our way back to each other. I was trying to get him to become the person I needed him to be so I could justify being with him.

Then God spoke to me through a dream. We were in a boat and he needed help. I wanted to help him but couldn't. I tried everything, but I was just unable to help. When I woke up, I knew what God was saying to me. It was time to choose.

He was going to have to find his own relationship with God, or he wasn't. I couldn't keep holding on to someone because I was hoping that one day he'd become the person I wanted him to be.

That was a difficult thing to accept at 18 because I still loved him.

I told a friend what was happening, and he became an important part of helping me walk through it. He never condemned or shamed me, but he also never used my feelings as an excuse to tell me what I wanted to hear. He held me accountable and through that, I learned to enforce my own boundaries. 

I blocked the guy's number and ended the friendship. We became cool again eventually, but we were no longer best friends. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. Some days, it hurt so badly. Sometimes, I couldn't understand what God was doing. Why He'd make me choose.

But now, more than ten years later, I can look back and see something I couldn't see at 18. God wasn't trying to punish me. He wanted His best for me, and that wasn't it.

Ending that relationship taught me that I didn't have to take responsibility for someone else's salvation. I could love someone deeply and still choose obedience.

And perhaps most importantly, I learned that my life was safer in God's hands than in mine.

So if you're in a relationship right now and you know, deep down, that God is asking you to let go, I know exactly how you feel.

You may still love the person. You may still hope they'll change. You may believe that if you pray hard enough, love hard enough, or wait long enough, things will somehow become what you hoped they would be.

But you cannot do God's work for another person. And if it comes down to it, you have to be willing to let everything go for God. He’s worth it.

Find someone you trust who can hold you accountable, and ask the Holy Spirit for the courage to make the hard decisions.

All my love,

Eniola

But it’s true.

It’s been 2 years, 11 months and a week since I packed my bags and moved halfway across the world.

I got the chance to come here for school, became a permanent resident, on my way to citizenship. And somehow it’s not what I always wanted.

5 years ago, after a terrible breakup, I knew I wanted to escape Nigeria. I wanted proof that the relationship had not broken me and my life had gotten better without him.

I wanted to do a bit of an “in your face” situation and what better way to glow up than to show off pictures with the clearest blue skies and blinding white snow.

So I put in the work, saved up my paltry allowance and salary to pay my application fees. I spent the commute, tightly squeezed between everyone travelling from the mainland to Lagos island, hunched on my phone, typing stories that I hoped to add to my portfolio.

I wrote and wrote and edited carefully. I even reached out to a professor who agreed to supervise me if I was accepted.

4 months later, the responses began to trickle in. The first rejection, the second, third, fourth, and the fifth, and with them my hopes for moving to the United States of America.

Now I had a failed relationship and multiple rejections to pursue a master’s in Creative Writing. 

I had finally come to the end of myself.

No marriage. No abroad glow up.

But that was not the end of my story. You see, the previous December, I had met another boy who had asked me to be his girlfriend and he’d told me he was moving to Canada shortly.

From one random Twitter DM, God had met two needs at once.

The two biggest rejections that wanted to end me, God had proved to me His way was better.

I ended up marrying the boy who slid into my DMs that December, moving to Canada for a master’s in law, and building a family with him.

And the more I look back over the years , the more I realise it was never really about the marriage or even moving abroad.

Those were just the things I could see.

I wanted one after the other. God gave me both at once.

The Scripture that comes to mind when I look over this time in my life is, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end thereof is destruction.”

I had my own plans. I really thought I knew what was best for me.

But God did know best and now, I know it.

So if you’re in a season of rejection, disappointment or what feels like one brick wall after another, I want to encourage you not to assume that every closed door means your story is over.

Sometimes, we can only see what we want and forget God is the author of our lives.

And maybe, just maybe, the thing you’re grieving is making room for something you haven’t even imagined yet.

Trust Him yet again.

All my love,

Eniola

(P.S this post is dedicated to Taiwo. She was so insistent that I picked up my pen again. Thank you ❤️)

1. I like white noise, especially rain sounds.

2. I am generally easy-going and even-tempered. It takes a lot to piss me off and I can't stay mad for long.

3. Writing helps me express my strongest and deepest emotions.

4. I’ve been writing publicly for 10 years. I started with a Wordpress blog back in the day, which evolved into an actual website and now this newsletter with over 1,500 subscribers.

5. I am Nigerian but currently live in Canada with my husband and son.

6. I hate being told, “you'll be fine” when I communicate a concern. It makes me feel like I'm being dismissed.

7. I also hate being told to calm down or take things easy especially when I am not actually freaking out.

8. I am a trained lawyer but I'm not practicing. Actually, I have never practiced law in my whole life. Presently, I work in the policy and governance sector.

9. My top 5 music artists are (in no particular order) Judikay, Greatman Takit, Pastor Nathaniel Bassey, Dunsin Oyekan, and Nosa. Yes, I typically only listen to Gospel music, and I love Nigerian artistes.

10. I met my husband on Twitter a few years ago, though to be clear, we attended the same church at the time. We just never spoke in person.

11. I like slow mornings and often start my day with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate while I read my Bible.

12. Living abroad is changing me. It’s changing how I think, what I care about, how I communicate, my relationship and interest with/in finance, seasons, and politics.

13. I have mostly worked remotely since I graduated from college 5 years ago, and I’m incredibly nervous about transitioning to an on-site role later in the year.

14. Since I had my baby, my style has evolved. I like big, loose clothing - sweatpants, sweatshirts, mum jeans, loose pants etc. I have nothing to hide but I’m most comfy in these clothes.

15. When I first started hosting, I used to worry excessively about my cooking. But in almost 2 years of marriage and cooking every other day, I’ve improved my cooking and am now pretty decent at it. Ask my husband, he loves my asun (peppered goat meat) pasta.

16. I don’t like comedy films because the acting is overly exaggerated.

17. I had two failed relationships before meeting my husband. Like they say, third time's the charm, lol.

18. I don’t read romance novels because many of them are soft porn. My favourite genre is literary fiction. I don’t know if it’s even a genre, but I like reading books set in places I’ve never visited. I also enjoy African fiction, by the way.

19. I don’t enjoy traveling (by road or air and I’ll probably hate by water) but I like visiting new places. 

20. I am on a journey to master speaking, reading, listening, and writing French. I started learning in high school, took a 10-year break because life got in the way, but now I’m back, baby and bonjour to you!

21. I am a sweet tooth and absolutely love cake - red velvet, carrot, coconut, and recently I discovered cookies and cream! I’ll take any excuse to get myself a cake.

22. I can’t stand yoghurt. It’s so icky in my mouth. I don’t know how you all take it.

23. I knew my husband was “the one” less than a week after we met. Yep, I had a dramatic encounter and all. I probably needed it given the heartbreak I was dealing with before we met.

24. I attend Celebration Church International (CCI). You may have heard about us, hopefully good things. I serve with the children’s team. 

25. I started creating content about my story of integration as an immigrant in Canada a couple of months ago. Follow me on Instagram and TikTok if that’s your vibe. Handle is @eniola_ash.

26. I wasn’t really sure how many kids I wanted when I met my husband. But after my first and very traumatic labour experience, I’m considering one more and I’m done. But who knows? I may go for another one after that.

27. I am not handy or artsy (well, except for writing), and I detest sewing. If you ask me to sew something for you, I’ll probably throw it away. Don’t judge me please. 🙏 

That’s it. I hope you enjoyed getting to know me. Share a random fact about yourself in the comments or in response to this post. I’ll be reading 😃.

All my love,

Eniola

For my birthday newsletter this year, I have decided to share 27 random things I’ve picked up in this little life. Think of it as my mini book of proverbs (if I dare to call it that). I’d love to know which resonates with you.

1. There are many versions of you, some you haven’t even met. As you grow in your walk with God and step into new seasons, you discover yourself a little more.

2. A seemingly random childhood dream can be a God-given desire.

3. Troubles are constant, but blessed be God who always causes us triumph.

4. Your environment shapes your interests, perspectives, and even your assignment. Choose wisely.

5. You’re better off committed to a local assembly. Your relationship with God is personal not private, and there’s safety in numbers.

6. Doing life God’s way is for your good. His restrictions are not punishment. They are protection.

7. Growth is uncomfortable but if you sit with the discomfort, you’ll love the results.

8. Nothing prepares you for the demands of motherhood. It is the most difficult but most fulfilling thing.

9. People come and go. But there are friends who stick close through it all. Treasure them.

10. You need boundaries. Decide what is sacred, draw the lines, and honour them.

    

11. There’s nothing outside Christ. Everything else is a smoke screen.

12. A failed relationship is not the end of your love story.

13. Marriage could only have been God’s idea. What a wonderful institution.

14. “Read your Bible, pray everyday” isn’t just a song - it is the foundation for spiritual growth.

15. Choose a spouse like it’s a business venture. Use your head, not just your heart.

16. Make space to see the world. Start with your immediate environment.

17. “What will people say?” should never keep you from chasing your dreams.

18. Failure is an essential part of success. It gives you insight and confidence to come back better.

19. Rejections are redirections. The story isn’t over because a door was shut. And some rejections are necessary to align you to God’s will for your life.

20. There’s more to life than your screen. Go outside. Talk to your family. Read a book.

    

21. A warm shower and a good meal can turn a hard day around.

22. You’re stronger than you think. Don’t run from the hard things—that’s how strength is built.

23. Pray. Pray often. Fight for your devotional fervor.

24. There’s no use in comparing your life to others. You’re not walking the same path. Even if you’re in the same season, your past and future are not the same.

25. Honour the season you’re in—life changes fast.

26. When you meet the right person, don’t be afraid to love deeply and fight if you must to make it work.

27. Do bold things. Shock yourself every now and then.

That’s all for now.

Next week, I’ll be sharing 27 random things about myself. I think you’ll enjoy it.

Until the next one,

All my love,

Eniola

On this day eight years ago, I woke up to the worst news of my life. I was in my school hostel when my phone rang that sunny Friday morning. It was my uncle. He had never called me before. He asked me to come to his house for the weekend. I was confused. As we spoke, my suspicion was roused, but I didn’t know what to think. Then my brother-in-law called a few minutes later. After some forced small talk, he also asked me to come to Lagos from Ibadan for the weekend. Two invitations in thirty minutes. At that point, I knew something was wrong.

I dialed my mum’s number. It rang, but no one picked up. I called again—still no response. Then I called my dad’s line—switched off. I called my mum once more. This time, her cousin picked up and gave me an incoherent reason why my mum couldn’t come to the phone. Still unsatisfied, I called my sister. She picked up immediately, sounding like she had a cold. But her tone was calm and helped ease my anxiety a bit. I tried my mum again, and this time, another person picked up—her friend. She also gave a vague response. I asked if my dad was nearby, but she deflected and quickly hung up. I tried calling my dad again. Still off. Then my brother-in-law called once more and encouraged me to leave for Lagos immediately. As I walked out of the hostel with my hastily packed luggage, I knew. But I didn’t want to believe it.

I don’t remember the two-hour bus ride to Lagos, but I got there late in the afternoon. My brother-in-law took me into a room and explained that my dad had transitioned to heaven around 4 a.m. that morning. I can’t recall exactly how I felt—I didn’t cry. I think I was in shock. Even though I already suspected, the news hit me like a brick. So much happened after that day that I can’t remember. I stayed in Lagos for a week, leaning on my family for support. Then I went back to school and traveled home for the funeral three weeks later.

My dad—larger than life, brimming with joy and mischief, quick to tease and laugh with reckless abandon—lay in a wooden casket, dressed in the clothes he was meant to wear for my sister’s wedding. My best friend, my partner in adventure and street food, my first storyteller and chief encourager, the one I expected to walk me down the aisle and tell stories to my grandkids—was gone. All that remained was a decaying body about to be committed to the earth. I’d never see him again. At least not on this side of eternity.

Our last conversation, just two days before he died, kept replaying in my mind. I don’t think I’d ever felt that kind of ache in my soul. My heart darkened with grief. My body was overwhelmed by pain. I lost sleep. Nightmares became a companion. And I shook my fist angrily at God.

How could You? Why didn’t You? Couldn’t You? How did cancer win this round? But he was getting better. I prayed, Jesus! I prayed more than ever. Why? Why me?

I didn’t even realize the depth of my anger toward God until three years later, when the pandemic hit and I was home for the first time since the funeral. Home without my dad. Just my mum, me, and two others living with us. The weight of my loss hit afresh. It felt like some measure of joy had been sucked out of our house. It truly wasn’t the same without him. Yet life refused to wait. The days kept going, and I had to confront my grief or be left behind, carrying an intense sorrow that threatened to swallow me whole.

So, I finally spoke to God.

Mind you, after my dad died, I kept going to church, praying, reading my Bible—but I refused to share my grief with God. That part of our relationship was off-limits. But not anymore. I was ready to throw my hard questions at Him, to question His goodness to His face, trusting that He’d understand and hold me together.

I did have some questions answered, thank God. I now have more clarity about why it happened the way and when it did. But I don’t think there’s any explanation in this life that will fully satisfy anyone who’s lost a loved one.

More than answers, though, God gave me healing.

It’s been five years since I finally broke down before Him. Eight years since I lost my father. I can’t say I’m over it, but here’s what I’ve learned:

God is always good.

When the loss was fresh and my heart ached relentlessly, I couldn’t say that and mean it. But now, looking back over these eight years, I can say without a doubt—I serve a good God. At first, I was mad at Him for not preventing my loss, but He has shown me such comfort and grace that I could only have experienced in this space of sorrow.

In the midst of what I thought would break me, the Lord has put me back together. He has seen every tear, every burst of pain, every overwhelming thought. Jesus has walked with me through it all.

As I reflect today, there’s no pain in my heart. Yes, I miss my dad. More than ever. I wanted him to meet Yomi, to carry my son (his namesake), to experience Canada’s winter with me—so we could laugh and complain about the cold together. But I don’t have that and never will. And it’s okay. I have my mum and sisters. I have my own family. I have the best memories. It’s honestly okay.

And even if I didn’t have all that, I have God—and He is enough.

He is good, even in the darkest seasons. He is there, even when I can’t see or sense Him. While I may not be able to prevent bad things from happening, I can trust God’s goodness. I can trust His mercy.

God is so good.

Today, I don’t mourn as those without hope. I rejoice in the assurance of resurrection. My heart overflows with gratitude to the One who’s seen me through it all. Time has passed and my grief has dulled, but God has been my greatest comfort.

Blessed be God.

This is one of the rawest things I’ve ever written. Forgive me if my thoughts are all over the place. I didn’t want to edit it too much. I wanted to capture the thoughts straight from my heart.

To anyone dealing with loss of any kind, I pray that God comforts you as He has me. I hope in my story, you’ll find the same comfort I’ve experienced. I pray your testimony will be anchored in the goodness of God above the weight of your loss.

Cheer up, Jesus is alive! Your hope is intact!

Here’s a song that’s been on my heart for today - Never Forsaken by Hillsong

All my love,

Eniola

As I read through them, I often try to pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with him. It’s not easy because within the first couple of weeks of meeting, our communication shifted mostly to phone calls. But one text conversation caught my eye the other day.

These words were captured at the height of our dating relationship. I was crazily in love with him—just the mere sight of his name on my phone made my cheeks warm and sent my heart fluttering. (We’ve been married for over a year now, and I still mostly feel the same way.)

But here’s where I’m going with this: even in the thick of all the warm, fuzzy feelings, I knew love is not complete without commitment. Let me reiterate: there is no love without commitment.

I know the media has sold us a narrative about what love should be. Think about your favorite rom-com or book: boy meets girl, and in a fairly complicated plot, they may hate each other at first or engage in endless witty banter, but they eventually brush hands, hearts skip a beat, a kiss is shared, and suddenly, they’re “meant to be” forever.

If only love were that simple.

Something being with another person for three years (and counting) has taught me, is that love includes feelings, but it goes way beyond them. True love requires the maturity to choose the same person every day, even when you see them at their worst, and the headiness of infatuation has long faded.

My relationship with my husband is far from perfect. We’ve had humbling moments that tested us. But one thing has remained unchanged even as my emotions have ebbed and flowed: I am deeply committed to him. After God, he’s number one in my life, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t take on—or give up—for him.

So, if I had to answer the question, “When exactly did I fall in love with him?” I’d say it was the day I committed to being his girlfriend. I fell in love a little deeper that lovely Sunday evening in September when he slid an engagement ring on my finger. And again, I fell even deeper as we stood facing each other, exchanging our vows before God and our loved ones.

A year and a half later, with one sweet baby boy in our arms, I love my husband even more. My knees still grow weak, and I blush like a schoolgirl when I see him—but I know it’s taken sacrifice, hard work, and unwavering commitment to build this love.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I wanted to offer some clarity to help you reflect on your relationships. This matters because until you’ve definitively settled in your heart that you’re committed to someone, you’re not truly in love with them. Yes, commitment grows with time, but without it, love cannot exist.

So, how do you know if what you are feeling is truly love? Here are three questions to help you gauge how you really feel about a love interest:

1. Out of the 7 billion+ people in the world, am I content with this person for the rest of my life?

2. Is there anything this person could do to me that I couldn’t forgive? If so, why?

3. Am I willing to stay as I watch this person grow and change?

Your answers aren’t necessarily right or wrong, and it’s okay to need more time to give an answer. These questions are simply a way to evaluate your relationship—or your crush—and act accordingly. Knowing where you stand can help you avoid unnecessary heartbreak and drama. Don’t let the haze of emotions cloud your judgment during this season.

Until you are ready to commit—and keep committing—acknowledge your feelings, but don’t let them lead. Protect your heart. Take your time. Love is a marathon, not a sprint. You have to be willing to see it through. Don’t let peer pressure or a skewed perspective of love lead you astray.

If this newsletter resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Just hit reply or leave a comment to share your thoughts. Please consider sharing it with a friend who may need this reminder too. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, make sure you do so. I'd love to have you here.

Also, there's a new episode on the podcast. My husband and I talk about the best and hardest parts of marriage. Do check it out and let me know if you enjoy it.

All my love,

Eniola

Thank you so much for engaging with me in 2024. I was incredibly honored to receive the gift of your attention every time you read a newsletter, left a comment, shared a post, gave me feedback, or listened to the podcast. I loved sharing bits and pieces of my life with you last year, and look forward to doing life with you in 2025.

To help me serve you better and create more of the kind of content you want to see, would you be willing to take out a few moments of your time to leave me some feedback? I’d appreciate your sincere thoughts and ideas as to how best to improve Big Sister Conversations. Please fill out this feedback form. Thanks a million!

In my preparations for the new year, I have been reflecting on the past year, and it has been quite an eye-opening process. I have been pleasantly surprised and awfully shocked at some of the things I’ve unearthed about myself. Sometimes you don’t know how good you are doing or how much improvement is necessary until you take stock. Taking a true reflection of my life has made me determined to make a difference this year.

I know, l know, you’ve heard it before. Everyone wants to change their lives at the start of a new year, #newyearnewme. I promise you, this determination is somewhat different. It’s not just about creating a dreamy vision board that stays forgotten by January 31st or setting a bunch of goals to be abandoned in the coming months. It’s sensing the urgency to escape autopilot and create a different life.

Maybe it has a lot to do with becoming a mother, but I realise how precious and limited time is. My son demands a lot of my time and attention and I find myself needing to prioritise tasks and activities in my daily life. I frequently have to ask “is it worth it?”, “is there something more important/pressing that needs to be done?”, “must I do this right now or can it wait?”, “if I choose to do it, what suffers? Am I okay with letting X suffer for Y?”, and “how much time will it cost? Can I afford it?”

Having to prioritise things in my everyday life has forced me to introspect. I have discovered that prioritisation and intentionality are tools I need to carry into general living. Just as my time is limited in daily life, so it is in the grand scheme of things. I’ll be 27 in three months and while I’m still young, I’m older than I was 5 years ago. Time is racing and I’m nowhere near where I want to be. I’m not entirely living the kind of life I envision. There’s so much untapped potential that needs to be unleashed. A new version of myself to be acquainted with.

This year, something must give. I can no longer live by default and run on autopilot. It’s time to prioritise my growth and live each day with intention. Time is a resource and I must spend it wisely in 2025. One way I’m going to do so is by making room for more quiet and stillness in my life. I know it seems counterproductive to choose stillness as a way to transform my life and accelerate my growth, but it makes total sense to me to slow down so that I can strike hard. It’s one of those upside-down Kingdom principles like losing your life to save it or servant-leadership.

As I’ve been praying and reflecting, I think one of the biggest things God requires of me this year is to keep in step with Him. I am quickly learning that God walks at an unhurried pace. There is so much I want to do for God. So many dreams, ideas, and visions to execute. But first, He calls me to simply be. To give up my Martha tendencies and adopt Mary’s heart. To give up the rush and chaos for quietness and rest.

Practically, what this looks like for me is concentrating on building my relationship with Him, loving and serving my family and loved ones, and being more present in my physical reality while I retreat from the virtual world. 2025 will be a year of great exploits. By His grace, I’ll do more for Him and in service of humanity than ever before. But I’ll do it all from a place of rest and the unforced rhythms of grace. However, more than the amazing things I’ll do this year, I’ll become.

I’m sharing my plans for this new year with you because I can sense that I am not the only one who wants to divorce default living for a more wholesome and intentional approach to life. So many of us want 2025 to be THAT year for us, just as with the previous years. But nothing will change if you don’t change. More than creating a list of accomplishments to work towards this year, God wants you to think about YOU. The quality of your life, the strength of your intimacy with Him, His vision for you, and the uniqueness of your identity.

Before you hit the ground running to tick off your goals and achievements, embrace silence and rest and flow from that place of quietness. Slow down and keep in tandem with God. Recalibrate your soul and refresh your spirit. Give up your striving and let grace carry you. Pause in His presence and listen to His heart. Cut out the noise and give yourself permission to simply be.

In my opinion, it’s the best way to start the year. There’s something about quietness that helps you identify what truly matters so that you can give yourself wholly to it. Quietness births focus and clarity. There is speed in the waiting. 2025 can be THAT year, only if you become THAT person. And to maximize the year, God says, “Come, child. Sit and be still.”

All my love,

Eniola

(A bowl of sweetness. I had a lovely New Year’s celebration with family. We had a birthday in the family and celebrated at a restaurant.)

When we headed to the hospital at 3 am that Thursday morning, I had no clue I was about to have the baby. As a first-time mum, I had been told that labour pain is so severe that I would just know that delivery is close. Another sign I was told to look out for was the water breaking or bloody show. I experienced none of these - just awful cramps that made it difficult for me to sleep.

Eventually, I called my midwife to ask for stronger painkillers as the Tylenol (paracetamol) she had told me to take earlier was not working. She asked me to come in for an IV infusion, and upon examination, it was clear that our son was going to make his grand entrance that day.

I was promptly checked in and taken to the delivery room, where I was given an epidural to manage the increasing pain. My midwife broke my water while we waited for my body to do the rest. After hours of pushing and with the help of a highly skilled team, our son arrived later that evening.

It’s been a few weeks since I stepped into this new role as a mother, and I'm still trying to figure out how to show up during this season of my life. Every day is a literal adventure with a newborn, and I don't know what to expect sometimes. Some days, it’s all about figuring out how to feed him. On other days, it’s adjusting to my new body. Having a baby has changed my life forever, and I am trying to catch up with my new life.

As I write, it’s Christmas Eve, but it feels like any other day in my life as a new mum. I have spent the day changing diapers, nursing, rocking my baby to sleep, and trying to nourish my body. I can't help but think about how different Christmas feels this year. Last year, I had a bunch of Christmas parties to attend and cute matching outfits photos with my husband to share on social media. This year, I am in mismatched pyjamas, holding my newborn as he sleeps while watching the news in Yoruba with my mum. Tomorrow (Christmas Day), I'll spend the day with family, and the only matching thing I'll have with my husband is a pair of Christmas socks I picked up randomly at the store.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not sad about what Christmas is like for me this year. It’s just different, and I acknowledge that. I am grateful for the gift of my son and the ways he's changed my life. I treasure this phase, where we can easily meet his needs and steward his growth. It’s the best Christmas present ever.

But I have been thinking about all the other people for whom Christmas may be different this year. Maybe you're spending it in a different city/country or on your own. Or without a loved one or in the wake of a missed opportunity. Or single and scrolling through “me and mine” photos, when you thought it would be your turn this year.

Whatever Christmas looks like for you, the good news is that the reason for the season is unchanging. This memorable holiday is a chance to worship our Creator God, who stepped into time to be born of a virgin and to die for the sins of the world.

As beautiful as Christmas traditions are, they do not define Christmas for us. When we can put up a tree, hang the lights, host and attend parties, take gorgeous Christmas photos, or go carolling, that's great! The birth of Christ is worth celebrating. But don’t despise the times when Christmas feels quiet and ordinary. It is an opportunity to appreciate what truly matters - God becoming flesh for our sake.

The best part about ordinary-ness is that it is often where you find God. Even our Lord and Saviour had a pretty ordinary birth. Ordinary is not wrong. Quiet is not less than. It is sacred, precious, and necessary even. Christmas may be different this year, but it isn’t less meaningful.

I pray that as you celebrate Christmas this year, even if it feels different, you find ways to bask in the beauty of the season. May your eyes catch glimpses of glory in the mundane as you celebrate our glorious God stepping into the mundaneness of humanity.

Above all, may this be your best Christmas yet.

All my love,

Eniola

P.S - My husband convinced me to sit for a few pictures in our matching socks. Hope our less-than-perfect picture brings a smile to your face. Merry Christmas from my family to yours! ❤️

Glory to the newborn king!

I know Christmas is still a few weeks away, but I can hardly contain my excitement.

Our Christmas tree is up, and the lights are shining bright. This is my first time putting up a Christmas tree and decorating the house for the holidays, and it makes me so happy.

It’s my second Christmas in Canada, and as you probably know, Canadians take Christmas seriously. I guess that’s why I’m feeling extra festive this year.

I’m also incredibly excited about the holidays because we will celebrate as parents for the first time ever. Yes, you read that right - We are having a baby!

I hope it explains why I’ve been on and off and even absent for long stretches. I’ve been busy growing a baby, which is a lot of work, not to mention having to work and study alongside. But I’ll continue to show up as my schedule accommodates.

I’m sorry this newsletter is a bit short, but I couldn't wait to share the good news with you.

Thank you for sticking with me this year, and congratulations to all of us!

All my love,

Eniola

There’s something I have been meaning to ask you. Do you think God is a misogynist? 

Or maybe you wouldn’t go as far as that, but you may believe some portions of Scripture, particularly the writings of Paul, are incredibly chauvinistic.

If so, you are not alone. So many women are convinced that it’s impossible to be Christian and feminist because both ideologies are incompatible. Their reasoning isn’t entirely strange when you consider Bible passages that prescribe silence, submission, and obedience for women without a corresponding requirement on men. 

But I want you to think about this for a moment. How can the same God who made you be against you? How can the same Apostle who declared that there’s “neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” be seen as an oppressor of women? 

You’d agree with me that something is not adding up somewhere. Let’s start with the Bible. It’s a divinely inspired book that is considered to be God’s word, even though it was written by humans. Since the Bible is God’s word, it is authoritative and serves as a roadmap for every believer. Our lives must be built around and centred on Scripture. 

Also, the Bible has a rich historical and cultural context, so every part must be read with this perspective. The Bible is a whole book comprising several small books, and its verses must not be taken in isolation. Since chapters and verses did not exist at the time of writing but have since been introduced for efficiency, we must read Scripture within a larger context. Thus, when you read your Bible, you should ask questions like:

Who wrote this book?

To whom was it addressed?

What’s the context in which the author is writing?

What was the historical context/culture of the day, and how has it influenced this text?

How does this passage align with what I already know about God, as revealed in other passages?

Let’s practise with a highly controversial Scripture.

“Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 NIV

1 Corinthians was written by Apostle Paul (1 Corinthians 1:1 - “This letter is from Paul…”) and addressed to the church in Corinth (1 Corinthians 1:2 - “I am writing to God’s church in Corinth…”)

The context in which it was written was to address church/Christian conduct. Beginning with the first chapter, Paul addressed divisions in the church, sexual immorality among believers, avoiding lawsuits with Christians, marriage, and food sacrificed to idols, among others. In chapter 11, he zones in on public worship and tackles topics like communion and spiritual gifts. By chapter 14, the relevant chapter for this discussion, his focus is on tongues and prophecy. 

If you read through the whole book, you will see that the context of this letter is orderliness in our conduct as Christians - orderliness in our relations with others and the world, as well as orderliness in the church. Chapter 14, in particular, focuses on orderly worship and judgment/interpretation of prophecy. Therefore, the context in which he writes verses 34 and 35 is with this kind of orderliness in mind.

Moving on to the historical context of the day, Corinth was a gentile nation, so its people were not well-versed in the knowledge of God. Furthermore, if there were any Jews in the city and the Corinthian church, it is highly probable that only Jewish men knew Scripture and could fully participate in the judgment/interpretation of prophecy, as the women of that day were not allowed to be formally taught God’s law. It was a cultural thing and had nothing to do with God. So, chances were that women would typically chat amongst themselves, trying to figure out/understand what was happening in the church, especially as they did not have a formal educational background. For orderliness, Apostle Paul asked that they direct their questions and inquiries to their husbands at home (who would probably know more because many of them were possibly better educated) rather than disrupting the church service with their chatter.

In addition, the word “speak” in these verses is the Greek word “laleo”, which has nothing to do with public speaking per se. Instead, it means chatter or any form of disruptive speech. So, Apostle Paul did not forbid women from speaking in church altogether. Instead, he condemned disruptive chatter because it undermined orderliness during a church service.

Finally, what we do know of God is that He created man and woman in His image, and we are all equal before Him. Jesus had female followers, and even at a time when men would naturally shun women in public, He spoke to a Gentile woman in broad daylight. When He had the chance to condemn a woman for adultery, He showed mercy and compassion instead. Therefore, God is pro-women, and any Biblical interpretation that contradicts this fact must be false.

I’ll wrap it up here. I hope you can see that God is not against women, neither is Apostle Paul a misogynist. God made women and He loves them dearly. His Word is a testament of His heart for us. It is unfortunate that we live in a fallen world that has suppressed and oppressed women for thousands of years, and we must continue to fight for the liberation and empowerment of all women. But you must remember that the most authentic source of freedom is in God. He embodies perfect justice and fairness. As a believer, you are automatically pro-equality and equity.

At the end of the day, true feminism and Christianity are way more similar than what we see on face-value.

I hope I’ve been able to convince you of God’s true nature and His perfect divinely-inspired Word. I look forward to reading your thoughts on this topic. If you have more questions on the subject, I’ll be more than happy to provide an answer if I can or direct you to the right resources.

All my love,

Eniola

P.S: here’s a fun fact about Apostle Paul - the Gospel advanced into Gentile territories because of his ministry, thus leading to the abolishment of many repressive laws against women.

I know it’s not Christmas, but I’m feeling pretty generous. So, you get another newsletter this month. Hopefully, it will make up for some of the time I missed.

As a teenager, I had struggles with some sexual habits, and it seemed like I would never break free. What started as healthy curiosity morphed into a stubborn addiction that refused to let go even after I found Jesus. Picture this - a young girl in her late teens lifting holy hands on a Sunday morning, worshipping God fervently and sincerely, only to get home and immerse herself in sinful indulgence during the week. Rinse and repeat. Mind you, it was not as though my heart had hardened, nor was I living in willful rebellion. I was struggling. I wanted to break free from these habits. I would cry and beg God and promise never to go back to my sin. It worked for a while, and my repentance would last for a few weeks or months at a time, but temptation always lurked around the corner, waiting to exploit my vulnerability.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when I broke free from these habits because gaining freedom was a long, arduous process. I just looked back one day and realised how much God had helped me in resisting the lure of sexual sin. Days fed into weeks, months, and years, and I was finally free to His glory. There’s so much to say about gaining freedom, but it is not the emphasis of this newsletter. If you are interested in my story, I will link a few resources below. I believe that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. You can find freedom just like I did. God is still in the business of breaking dangerous habits and addictions.

Now, I have been married for about a year, and you would assume that sexual temptation is no longer an issue for me. You would be right on some counts, but not entirely so. I love being married. I love that sex is no longer off the table for me. Thank God for marriage. But I still face daily struggles like you do. Every day, I am assaulted with a perverted version of the holy beauty that is sex. A lingering look at a steamy scene on TV, an unwanted flash of pornography on social media, or a detailed description of a sexual encounter in an otherwise “innocent” book can be fatal for me.

You see, lust is an issue of the heart. While marriage gives you a safe avenue to express and discover physical intimacy, it does not deal with lust. You can struggle with lust as a single or married person. So, you must never fail to guard your heart. Marriage will not eliminate your fight with sexual temptations, nor will it help you break free from addictions. You must deal with lust ruthlessly, thoroughly, and continuously. Some of the boundaries you have set for yourself as a single person must remain even in marriage. The devil still seeks to steal, kill, and destroy, and your marital status will not change his intentions toward you.

So, if you’re struggling with lust and banking on marriage as a trump card, allow me to shatter your illusions. If you do not build discipline as a single person, you will not be disciplined as a married person. If you are quick to satisfy every desire you have before marriage, you will continue to do so after exchanging marital vows with someone else. And if you have managed to build sexual discipline now, well done! But don’t be too quick to cast off all restraint because you have entered into holy matrimony. Lust does not take breaks; it only finds creative ways to come at you. Don’t lose guard.

In this fight for a heart that is pure in a sexually depraved world, remember that God is for you and always provides a way out of temptation. Stay close to Him. Remain accountable and enforce healthy boundaries. Don’t forget that some things are off-limits, whether you are married or single. Refuse to feed lust and pursue purity. 

Victory is ours!

Here are the resources I mentioned earlier:

Addiction, Shame, and the Gospel

The Thing about Masturbation

Please share this newsletter with your friends and anyone you know it would help. 🩵

All my love,

Eniola

I know it’s been a while since I last wrote to you. I have had quite a lot on my plate recently, and writing has been difficult. Between completing my Master’s program and working as a research assistant, I have been writing a ton of academic stuff that has left me feeling too depleted to process my own thoughts.

But all of that is over now. I finally wrapped up my Master’s last month! The relief and gratitude I have felt upon completing this program have been so immense that I don’t know if I ever want to go back to school again. Just kidding. I may apply for a PhD later in life. But right now, I do not want to see the four walls of an academic institution any time soon. I have paid my dues - 5 years of college, 1 year of Law School, and 1 year of a Master’s program. I think I’ve tried. What probably awaits now is taking exams and embarking on the requalifying process so that I can practise as a lawyer here. However, before I jump into another intense phase of my life, I will enjoy my well-deserved holiday (especially as I had to spend all summer staring at my laptop and wondering who sent me to school).

Speaking of summer, I finished school just in time to catch the last rays of summer. The weather is changing quickly, and leaves will soon litter the streets. I am excited about fall. I like cold weather. It’s a great excuse to wear a cute sweater and sip a hot beverage. What I am not looking forward to, though, is the onset of winter in a couple of months. Gosh, winter can be brutal in Canada. I once experienced - 31 degrees Celsius when I took a trip to Alberta earlier in the year. Thankfully, Ontario (where I live) does not get as cold. But I must still layer up properly and become besties with my winter jacket and boots.

Something cool that also happened while I was away was my husband’s birthday. It was a milestone birthday, so we just had to throw a party. Party planning brought out the Yoruba woman in me. Imagine me in a bubu, walking up and down, trying to ensure all our guests had eaten, and everything was going great. The whole experience increased my appreciation of the work of event planners. They are doing such a great job! Thank God for the immense help we received with planning this party. Friends and family stepped in to make it as stress-free and cost-effective as possible (P.S. - everything in this country is expensive, so you gotta grab the chance to DIY nearly everything to save money).

Interestingly, my husband’s birthday coincided with the day I landed in Canada a year ago, so it was also my first anniversary in Canada. I have a lot to say about what I have learned about living in Canada for a year, but there’s one thing I have to emphasise in this newsletter - the beauty of community. Seeing how our family and friends rallied around us in planning the party and celebrating my husband made me incredibly thankful. Canada can be very lonely, and many people often struggle to fit in when they first move here. Being thousands of miles away from home and all that is familiar can be a lot to deal with, but having a solid support system and community makes all the difference. I have had such a delightful one year in this country, mainly because I have family and friends around me. This time last year, I only knew a handful of people in this place, but now, it feels like I have built such a safe and warm space that it is starting to feel like home. I am so grateful for my church family because I don’t think I would have thrived in this country alone.

If you’re still “sleeping on” the benefits of belonging to a local assembly, here’s a wake-up call. God has designed the church to be a safe space and a solid support system for you. The advantages of belonging to a church may be more apparent when you live in the diaspora, but even in your home country, your church family can be such a huge blessing. God did not design life for you to do it alone. There’s a friend, brother, sister, mentor, mentee, prayer partner, accountability partner, boss, or even a spouse among the ones you get to fellowship with. Don’t take being in church for granted. You will flourish where you are planted.

“Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God.” Psalm 92:13 NKJV

That’s it from me for now. Let me know if you want me to share more lessons I’ve learned from living in “the abroad” for the past year, and I’d be happy to share.

All my love,

Eniola

(snippet from the party 😁)

I just want to thank you for sticking out with me so far. Even though I have been away for the past two months, you have continued to engage with me. Thank you for sharing the newsletter and podcast with your friends. Also, many thanks for reaching out to me on social media with your thoughts and feedback. It’s beautiful to see that we’ve indeed built a community here.

While I was away, I turned twenty-six and it was the most refreshing birthday I have had in so long. It wasn’t spectacular, mind you. I was at work the whole day and was struggling with schoolwork on the side. But my husband tried to make it memorable nonetheless. He brought me proper buka amala at work (this was such a big deal because it’s so hard to get good Nigerian food here) and we had a nice dinner when I got off work. The following day, I had brunch with my friend and birthday mate at a fancy restaurant.

As far as birthdays go, I did not have an extraordinary celebration. But I don’t mind. I was just so happy to be alive, to be sharing a life with my husband, to have my family, to be in this city, to have my friends,  to have a job, to be in grad school, and to be saved.

I’ve always had grand plans for my birthday. For the longest time, I’ve wanted to celebrate my birthday on a vacation, but it hasn’t happened yet. In the past, I’d become moody because my birthday plans were not unfolding as I wanted. This year was different, though. While I knew that I would not get to travel because of the demands of school, I refused to entertain negative emotions about my birthday.

Though I did not get my way this time, I learned not to put my joy on a schedule. I did not wait to have my ducks in a row before I celebrated. I’ve known for a long time that joy is not a feeling. But, this year, it became realer to me. Joy is a choice I am constantly presented with. Once chosen, my emotions will fall in line. 

Joy is a key to successfully navigate adulthood. It helps you see your life through fresh lenses. Joy compels you to find and celebrate your little miracles. Your life may not be perfect (whose life is, to be honest?), but you can choose joy every day. Don’t wait for the puzzle pieces to fit before you rejoice. Time won’t stand still for you to feel like it. Everyday that you have life, you can choose joy. 

Guess what, joy produces more joy.

I pray that in this month you will experience pure joy and delight in every way. Wishing you a joyful month ahead.

All my love, 

Eniola

I’m super excited to write this newsletter because the community engagement from the last one was amazing. I got some interesting emails in response, and I’m working on setting some time aside next week or so to talk about some of the questions I recieved about moving abroad, getting clarity in your career, and handling rejections. Let me know if it’s something you’d be interested in.

Speaking of the last newsletter, how are you doing with your New Year’s resolutions? Have you fallen along the way, still going strong, or you’re somewhere in between?

Setting goals at the start of the year is easy, however, following through is where the work truly lies. One common goal people set at the start of a new year is completing the Bible-in-one-year challenge. I did it for the first time last year and it was awesome. Well, finishing the challenge and receiving my YouVersion badge was amazing, but maintaining a daily routine of completing my alloted daily reading was tough.

I struggled with completing my daily Bible readings, especially on the days when I had as much as 7 chapters to read. It felt tedious and time-consuming, and progressively became more challenging as the days to my wedding drew closer. Wedding planning was so intense that my Bible reading plan suffered dearly. Eventually, things slowed down and life went back to normal, but the daily readings had piled so high that the only way to catch up was to read over 40 chapters at once.

I managed to catch up and miraculously, I finished my Bible plan a day after the original finish date. Thinking about the entire process of how I managed to hit this goal, I realised something I think you’d find helpful if you’re trying to build a consistent [Bible study] habit or complete a similar challenge:

IDENTIFY YOUR PRIORITIES and structure your life in a way that sets you up for success.

Consistent Bible study/completing the Bible-in-one-year plan will stretch you. So, you must know why you’re committing. Your greatest challenge is not time, the volume of what you must read, or even laziness. It’s not knowing what you want out of it.

Why do you want to build this habit? What do you want to achieve?

If you have an exam, you’ll do all it takes to pass. Why? Success is important to you. You’ll stay up all night if you have to, read multiple textbook chapters at a stretch, or watch YouTube videos if you think it would help. You’d even reorganise your schedule to ensure you have ample time for preparation.

Now, think about your Bible study habits. What’s your why? Once you identify your priorities, you can create structures that help you succeed. You may realise that you need accountability because you’d be more empowered, or you may see that you need to wake up earlier to have enough time for your quiet time. Alternatively, you may need to split your readings to fit morning and night routines, or create a reward/punishment system to keep you on track.

You need to know your priorities if you want to succeed. If you’re capable of hitting secular goals, you can build consistent spiritual habits. You just need to know why it’s important.

If you found this newsletter insightful, I think you’d enjoy the latest episode on Big Sister Conversations. That’s right! I’m back! Things look a little different and I have a new co-host for the first few episodes. In this recent episode, my husband and I shared more tips that helped or set us back in building solid spiritual disciplines. Go on and check it out and leave me a comment if you use Spotify.

All my love,

Eniola

I am super excited about 2024 because 2023 was phenomenal. When I look back at the previous year, my heart fills with gratitude for all God did with and in me. I am also hopeful about all that 2024 can and will be. With God, I hit big targets, saw my dreams become reality, and accomplished many goals in 2023. For the sake of our newest members, I’ll mention some of my top wins last year:

1. I married the love of my life. This win is such a big deal to me because, for most of 2021, I was recovering from a breakup and had resigned to fate that love was not for me. But towards the end of the year, God brought my future husband my way. After about 17 months of dating, we got married in 2023.

2. I moved abroad! I have wanted to live abroad since my third year in uni. Even though I did not know how it would happen, God did it, and I moved countries last year.

3. I started my master’s program. After multiple rejections in 2022 from graduate schools, God came through, and I got an offer to undertake a graduate program in Law.

4. I gained clarity on my career path. This achievement is huge because, for the longest time, I did not want to practice even though I studied Law. I thought I was going to become a writer but God had other plans. I still write, mostly research papers, assignments, and the monthly newsletters these days. However, I've begun building a career in law and have no regrets.

Let’s stop there; I’m pretty sure you get the gist. Thinking about why I had such a fantastic year, I realize some mindsets and habits set me up for success in 2023. Of course, I owe every win to God because, without his help and involvement, I would be and have nothing. But some things did help, and I want to share them in this newsletter to set you up for an awesome 2024.

First, DREAMS TAKE TIME. 365 days may not be enough time to accomplish some of your biggest dreams. God gave Joseph dreams that he would be greater than his family members when he was a boy, but it was not until he was 30 that he became prime minister. Samuel anointed David as king, but it took years before he sat on the throne to rule Israel. Dreams take time. Even God-given dreams. So, stretch your expectations beyond the confines of a year. Your dreams will come true. Refuse discouragement because they were unfulfilled last year; 2024 presents another opportunity.

Second, REJECTIONS ARE AN INVITATION TO TRY AGAIN. Just because you tried and failed doesn’t mean it’s the end of the story. Last year, I learned to see rejections as good for me. I applied for my visa in April 2023 and was denied. I cried my eyes out because my dreams seemed out of reach. But God gave me the strength to wipe my tears and go again. I submitted a second application, which was stronger than the first one. Even my husband joked that my visa application could not be rejected because I had dotted all my i’s and crossed my t’s the second time. I also asked for help from people whose visa applications had been successful and put more effort into my second application. My application was approved, and I was able to travel. All because God came through for me, and I tried again. So, dust yourself off and try again! Who knows, this time may be it!

Finally, WAR WITH PROPHECY. God gave me a word about moving and settling abroad. In 2021, he gave me a vision of my future family in a foreign country, and in 2023, he gave me a specific Bible verse as a word for my life. Even when my visa application was denied and my scholarship applications headed nowhere, I prayed this word God gave me over and over. I confessed, recited, memorized, and even temporarily made it my wallpaper. When he put the song “Tobechukwu” by Pastor Nathaniel Bassey in my heart, I sang it repeatedly until I saw the fulfillment of the prophecy. Even though God had said it, I had to pray, build my faith, align myself with the word, and insist on it until I saw it happen. You cannot see the impossible become possible if you don’t learn to war with prophecy.

I could share so much from last year with you, but I’ve summarised my top three points. Let me know if you want to read more about the tips and strategies that helped me last year. Also, we are a community, so if you need advice or help with applying to grad school or moving abroad via the international student route, I’ll be more than happy to share my thoughts and journey with you. In addition, you can reach out if you’re still confused about your career path and curious about how I gained clarity. Please send me an e-mail, and I’ll make some time for a conversation.

Wishing you a splendid 2024!

All my love, 

Eniola

I love the lights, festive air, songs, and decorations. Also, I grew up in northern Nigeria where the harmattan is harsh so I always got to wear long sleeves or a sweater, especially on Christmas Eve, which I absolutely love. I'm a sucker for anything with long sleeves.

But more than these things, I love the chance to celebrate the incarnation of Jesus and the lavish display of God’s love to mankind. The best part of Christmas, as this song says, is that man will live forever more because of Christmas Day. That's absolutely worth celebrating, regardless of what the entire year has been for you, or whether the 25th went well or not. Jesus is the reason for the season.

This Christmas, I went evangelizing with friends to remind people in our city of the true meaning of Christmas and share the Gospel. We gave out gifts, prayed with people, invited them to church, and listened to their stories. It was a great time. We also had an amazing Christmas Carol service in church on Christmas Eve, and I attended a couple of Christmas parties hosted by our friends and pastors. It feels so good to not be in the kitchen this year. I'm wrapping up my holiday with visiting family and it’s back to work on the 27th for me.

Let me go off here for a second. If you live abroad, community is KEY. It can get so lonely and depressing, especially if you don't have family around you. Winter can be bleak because of how cold it gets and how quickly it becomes dark. Please plug yourself into a community and build relationships. Church is a great place to find and grow your community. I met 95% of the people I know now and call my community in church and they have made Canada feel like home. Find your community. Join a church family.

If you are in the UK, Canada, or the US, my church, Celebration Church International, has multiple branches across these countries. Check them out and see if it's the place for you. Don't become isolated because you are abroad. God’s desire is for you to thrive in community.

That's it from me today. It's your turn. Tell me all about your December and how you celebrated Christmas. I'd really love to know.

All my love and Merry Christmas,

Eniola

Since moving to the side of the world that is five to six hours behind Nigerian time, it’s usually midday in Nigeria when I wake up in Canada. There's always so much to catch up on - the latest gist and arguments on Twitter, new posts from my favorite YouTubers, dozens of emails, new conversations, and continuation of old conversations and status updates on WhatsApp. Before you know it, an hour has flown past and I need to get ready for the day.

Lest I forget, there are some days when I wake up and I grab my Bible and journal for some quality time with the Lord and I can hardly sit still. My mind flits from one thought to the other. 

“I want to make jollof rice today.” “The clock is ticking and I haven't started my term paper.” “I hope the store isn't a mess today, I'm too tired to sort the trash.” “I need to reach out to XYZ. It's been a while since we spoke.” “Why does Apostle Paul write like this? I can barely understand the text without reading twice, and my Bible is an easy-to-read version.”

I readjust my thoughts over and over, but my mind rebels and refuses to focus. Eventually, I give up and tune in to corporate prayers as a way to salvage the rest of my quiet time. Sometimes, it works and I pray for the next few minutes. Other times, I'm listening absently as I take on my morning chores to “save time”.

I have been a Christian for over seven years, and it is still a struggle to master my morning routine, especially as life changes and my responsibilities increase. Yet, I know the beauty of time well spent with God. I know the strength and refreshment in my spirit that comes from sitting still, opening myself to His Word, and bending my ears closely in prayer as I trade my burdens for His. So, I keep trying to discipline my body and mind and create space for my quiet time.

Recently, I discovered another motivation to fight for my mornings. It's two small verses tucked away in the Bible.

“His pleasure is not in strong horses, nor his delight in brave soldiers; but he takes pleasure in those who honor him, in those who trust in his constant love.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭147‬:‭10‬-‭11‬ ‭GNT‬‬

God loves it when I depend on Him. As a fairly independent person, who loves to do stuff all by myself, it's humbling to see that I can't be that girl with God. I'm my best self when I completely depend on God. I give God permission to strengthen and direct me when I surrender my independence to lean on Him.

As such, I can no longer see prayer as a duty or chore to tick off my list. Forcing my mind to be still and resisting the lure of the endless entertainment my cell phone provides are choices I must make over and over. I must gladly trade all that time spent trying to catch up with life for a few precious minutes with God. I get to remove the burden of adulthood to become a baby with Jesus, depending on him for nourishment and sustenance in the word and prayer. 

Seeing my mornings (and the rest of the day) as opportunities to draw on the Lord, bring Him pleasure, and receive all that He is, makes it somewhat easier to have a steady quiet time routine. Would I rather do today in my own strength or rely on heaven’s inexhaustible resources? That's what is at stake every morning. It's the decision I make when my finger hovers above my apps as I peer bleary-eyed into a new day.

It's your turn. What's your morning routine like? Does it serve you well or do you need to create more space for God?

Looking forward to your response.

All my love,

Eniola

(This is what happens when you fail to take personal pictures 🫠. Don't be like me!)

How was church today?

I wanted to drop a quick reminder about our online community hangout this evening at 9:30 pm WAT. It’s an Instagram Live Event.

I can’t wait to see you and catch up! If you've got questions about dating, love, moving to Canada, dealing with addictions, or building a relationship with God, I'll be more than happy to provide some insight based on God’s Word and my personal experiences.

I also want to officially introduce my husband to the community. It's been a long time coming and I am super excited that it’s finally happening.

I hope you'll join in. All the details are in the flyer below. Please feel free to share with your friends. I'm pretty sure we'd have a great time.

See you soon!

Christmas is almost here! 🥳 

I went to the supermarket on Wednesday and noticed an attendant putting up Christmas decorations. I didn’t know people decorated this early. On Tuesday, there were Halloween decorations everywhere, and now, it’s red, silver, and green designs. I’m so excited for my first white Christmas. Judging by how people went crazy for Halloween here, I’m pretty sure Christmas will rock! 

However, I’m not ready for winter. I experienced negative temperature weather and saw snow for the first time on Monday. As I was rushing to catch the bus in time for my class, I noticed everywhere was covered with snow. It wasn’t a lot, but it was a fascinating sight. I couldn’t take many pictures, but here’s what it was like.

I can’t say that I like snow yet, because I missed my bus multiple times that day and was caught in the cold for some time. I guess I’d say snow is cuter in pictures than in reality. In reality, it’s freezing cold, mushy-ish, and causes extra work (like cleaning your car and clearing your driveway). Maybe I’ll come to like snow over time.

Anyway, this conversation is not about snow. I was hoping to have uploaded a new episode last month, but it’s been a struggle to find some free time. We go again this month in Jesus’ name 👀.

For now though, a friend suggested that I host an Instagram Live where we can meet and chat. I miss you so much, and am super pumped to meet all the new members of our community. Also, I’d like to officially introduce you to my husband. If you followed me because you think I give great advice or something along that line, then you need to meet my husband. He’s such a premium man. I hope you’ll join us this Sunday (November 5th, 2023), at 9:30 pm (WAT) on my IG account @eniola_ash. 

Also, some of you have DM’d me questions and sent me emails. Thank you for trusting me with the details of your lives. It’s such an honour and I don’t take it for granted. I love hearing from and interacting with you. So, if there’s something you have on your mind (about love, faith, sexual desires, my moving to Canada experience, wedding planning, or anything really), I got you. Bring your questions to the IG Live and I’ll do my best (with the help of the Holy Spirit) to answer them and hopefully provide some insight.

We’ll have a swell time! Please set your alarm (9:30 pm WAT this Sunday!) and mark your calendars so you don’t forget. I’m going to do the same now. I’m looking forward to hanging out with you this Sunday on IG!

Have a beautiful November and expect one or two more emails this month. 

All my love,

Eniola 

(I apologize if you got this email multiple times. Substack is tripping.)

Happy October!

It’s so beautiful to see how much our little community has grown since I started Big Sister Conversations over a year ago. I know the new members already received a welcome email, but I wanted to say welcome once again and thank you for joining the family. I’m so excited you’re here. And if you’ve been here for some time, thank you for sticking with me 

You already know I relocated last month. If you missed the tea, you can catch up here. Settling has been somewhat easy. Thank God for favour and family. We have enjoyed so much help and support, and I can’t help but be grateful to God for how good he is. But it has also been physically and emotionally challenging - finding our feet as a little family, dealing with the cold weather that came unannounced, fighting weird allergies, job hunting, and keeping up with grad school.

Yesterday, I remember beating myself up for not figuring out things as perfectly as I planned. There are still some loose ends here and there. I have a job, but it isn’t my dream job. I’m slowly making new friends here, but I’m also struggling to keep up with my other relationships with family and friends back home. And in some ways, it’s like I’m living two lives. A life in Nigeria that’s getting harder to keep up with and a life in a new country that isn’t taking shape as I want.

Then, God reminded me that I’d only been here for less than two months. I recently moved halfway across the world to a new country in a new season of my life. I’m also trying to break into a new career that requires extensive knowledge and practical experience. Alongside these changes, I’m learning to adapt to a new educational system and different work conditions than I’m used to. My new life requires significant adjustment. It’s demanding a lot from me - better time management skills, showing up for my family and friends despite the challenges, and learning to pursue my dreams even though I must sacrifice and compromise now to get where I’m going. 

But I’m growing even though it doesn’t feel like it, and growth takes time. I’m living in answered prayers. Some of the things I’m enjoying now were major prayer points earlier in the year. I prayed for admission, a visa, quick reunification with my husband, a new job, and clarity in my career. I have many of these things already. While I’m not entirely where I want to be,  I’ve come far. I remember being in my third year in uni, hopeful about the future. I knew I wanted to move abroad eventually, find love early, and figure out a career path, as law was not working for me then. All I had was a tangled mess of desires with no clear vision of making my dream a reality. 

Fast forward to about six years later, God has made it all happen, and it’s even more beautiful than I imagined. And the best part is that nothing was wasted. Not the tears and heartbreak from failed relationships, nor hours of intense study and enduring boring lectures for a course I didn’t care about. Not even the rejections from my initial application to grad school a couple of years ago. God worked everything together for my good. I didn’t have things figured out then, but six years later, it’s such a beautiful story of God’s involvement and how he makes all things beautiful in its time.

My desires differ slightly, but I still have dreams and hopes. God is not unaware of them. He put those desires in my heart, and if there’s anything I’ve learned, he controls times and seasons. When it’s time, it will all come together again. I will look back again six years from now, if Jesus tarries, and see how beautifully the puzzle pieces fit. 

Time is a gift. 

God could wave a wand like Cinderella’s fairy godmother and turn our lives around in a minute, and He often does (without the wand, though, because He’s All-Powerful like that), but he lets us grow through a process. He takes his time like an author who already knows the story's ending but must let the reader arrive there on their own. He lets time unfold and draws us into discovering who we are at the other end of our dreams and desires. As we grow, he refines our dreams, rids us of selfish ambition, calls us up higher, and stretches our faith, so that when it all comes together, we aren’t just gifted with realised dreams, but we’ve also become.

Time is a gift. This time is a gift. This place where you have loose ends and still dreams is a gift. You are growing. You are becoming. You’ve come a long way, and while there’s more ahead, pause, reflect, and celebrate the gift that is yours today.

All my love,

Eniola