An often-received question is...

Bob, how can I keep from being taken advantage of by those who constantly ask me for more and more of my time, energy, and expertise but have no desire to pay me for it?

Here the questioners are not referring to simply going above and beyond to provide extraordinary value to others. Doing *that* is a given. No, this is about effectively dealing with those requests and expectations that go beyond the point of being appropriate.

In responding, let me first suggest that there are several aspects of this, each with their own examples, so I’ll address them in a general way. While they may not describe your exact situation, the principles involved should be helpful.

Before that, however...

A Couple of Points: Please know that there are typically two types of people who will ask for things without wanting to pay (or pay additionally) for them.

• The first type doesn’t even realize that’s what they’re doing.

• The second type knows *exactly* what they’re doing. Their goal is to “get the most for the least” from everyone they deal with. It’s who they are, and it’s what they do.

You’ll soon begin to sense which type a particular person is. In either case, you’ll look to educate them in a kind, tactful, and diplomatic manner....not just because it’s the right way to do things (which it is), but because it’s also the most effective and productive.

The examples we’ll use might be from either of the above two types.

Free Coaching/Advice: Let’s say you’re a life or business coach or another type of service provider in which information is an important aspect of your business. In this situation, you’ve been kind enough (and/or it’s simply part of your marketing strategy — which is fine) to answer questions and provide insight for someone who needs some guidance.

However, they continue to ask — well past the point where it would be appropriate to now pay for your services.

How to Handle It: The next time they ask, the dialogue might be as follows…

YOU: Thank you for asking. Sounds like you’ve been finding value in our discussions.

THEM: Yes, it’s been very helpful.

YOU: I’m so glad to hear that. As you know, this is exactly what I do professionally. If you’d like to become my client and have me guide you to {the outcome/results they’ve previously stated they desire}, I’d be absolutely honored to do so. Is that something you’d like to pursue?

This works because...

Key Point: Here you have genuinely thanked them, established your value, let them know that this is a service you charge for, and helped them to understand that if they’d like to continue benefiting from your wisdom, it needs to be in the form of a fee-paid relationship.

Important: You’ve accomplished this in a very respectful manner without making them feel defensive, talked down to, or put on the spot. The best result will be if they pursue a business relationship with you. The second best result will be if they choose not to do so, but cease taking up your valuable time and energy.

Next post we’ll look at another example of a situation that often occurs and how to effectively handle that one, as well.

Today’s Exercise: Practice the above, gearing it to your specific situation. Keep in mind that what allows you to do this effectively is being prepared through practice and rehearsal so that when the actual situation arises, you’re not having to “think on your feet” regarding what to say. Instead, you simply know it; thus you are able to communicate it smoothly and from your heart.

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If you know me, you know I’m a “Franklin-phile” — a huge admirer of the printer, publisher, philosopher, scientist, philanthropist, inventor, diplomat, and U.S. founding member (and more), Dr. Benjamin Franklin.

Much of my personal transformation beginning in my mid-30s is owed to his book, The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin — most especially, his famous chapter on character development, titled “13 Virtues,” written when he was only twenty years old.

I was reminded of this while reading The Daily Dose: Mental Toughness in 30 Seconds or Less e-newsletter, written by my friend and colleague Christopher Dorris.

He cites one of Dr. Franklin’s many wise quotes…

“The things which hurt, instruct.”

However, Chris adds something to it which I believe is as brilliant as the original.

Chris notes…

Key Point: “The things that hurt CAN instruct, if we interpret them masterfully.”

He goes on to say, “Adversity (which itself is simply an interpretation and can be questioned always) doesn’t automatically teach us or bring value. The potential for that is always there, but in order for us to grow and benefit from it, we must CHOOSE to interpret it as a real opportunity to create from.”

I love that!

Now, let’s add one more bit of brilliance. This gem is from another great friend — a massively successful San Francisco-based Realtor® who attended a Go-Giver Beyond the MasterMind Retreat.

During that event, she stated one of her life philosophies…

Powerful: “May my past become wisdom.” —Maria Marchetti

Oh WOW! May my past become wisdom...which will most certainly be the result of interpreting those things that hurt in a masterful way.

Thank you, Maria, Chris, and Dr. Franklin!

Today’s Exercise: Take a look back at some of life’s hurts and determine if you used them in such a way that they became your instructor, eventually resulting in wisdom. If at times you didn’t (which I think we’d all have to admit), then see if you can use it now. This will also help to prepare you for future hurts, which I KNOW you’ll interpret masterfully.

At that point, your past WILL become wisdom.

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While the *focus* of an entrepreneur must be on creating value for their customers rather than on the competition, it is still important to acknowledge that there *is* competition.

Understand: They are either fighting for the same business you are, aiming to usurp your current customer, or trying to keep you from usurping theirs.

That’s life; that’s business.

It is also why super-entrepreneur, Tony Hartl, author of Selling Sunshine: 75 Tips, Tools, and Tactics for Becoming a Wildly Successful Entrepreneur, says that “In today’s increasingly competitive retail environment, it’s not enough to simply provide a product or service for customers; you have to transform customers into members, {and turn them into} raving fans.

“In other words,” he continues…

Key Point: “You have to create a little magic. Something has to happen when the public interacts with your business that sticks in their minds, that pulls them back because they want to have a repeat of the experience you created for them.”

Think of those places you visit that you are compelled to come back to again and again…AND you love telling your friends about so *they* can enjoy that same experience!

One way Tony does this is by personalizing his business to make every customer “touch-point” special and individual — from the moment they pull up in the parking lot, walk through the door, interact with team members, use the equipment, and until they get back into their car and drive away — which is simply not something his competition is apt to do.

How he describes it in his book is specific to his business and might not necessarily apply to yours, though I can guarantee you that the *principle* behind it does!

In order to develop this personal approach, Tony utilized research, observation, feedback, testing, and other methods that provided a “customer experience” like few others. It took extra work, effort, and caring…and was well worth it.

Tony built a typical “mom and pop” business into a powerhouse in his marketplace before cashing out at a huge profit and moving on to a new venture (he is founder and CEO of Crunch Fitness - Undefeated Tribe, also highly-successful — no surprise there!).

The good news is that you can make “doing business” with your company as special as Tony made/makes his. The only question is whether you feel it would be worth the time, effort, and commitment to do so. And that’s simply a personal choice.

Today’s Exercise: Get together with your team members and others whose opinions you value. Consider the various touch points your prospective and current customers experience throughout the process. Brainstorm how you can make every one of those touch points special — special to the point that they wouldn’t even consider utilizing a company other than yours.

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In his 1981 novel, A Savage Place, Robert B. Parker’s private investigator “Spenser” is asked by his client if he *disapproves* of a personal choice she had made. I love his response…

Key Point: “I do the best I can to approve and disapprove only of my own behavior,” he replies. “I don’t always succeed, but I try.”

Really, what a fantastic thing to *try.*

After all, isn’t it so natural to look at the behavior of others based on our own set of values, beliefs, morals, mores, and lenses through which we generally view life?

Whether we approve or disapprove then becomes more about *us* than about them.

Important to State: Of course, there are those monstrous, evil things that some people do that I would hope we’d all strongly disapprove of. However, that’s not what this message is referring to.

Really, it’s about becoming more aware that we often judge others and approve or disapprove of their behavior...even though we have little to no idea what they’ve experienced in their lives that would cause them to take the action that they did.

We have no control over their past. Thus the less “judgy” of others we are, the more mentally and emotionally healthy we will be.

When we approve or disapprove only of our own actions, especially as measured against our core values — and we absolutely do have control over that — we are now in a position to grow magnificently and become a much higher-functioning and effective human being…in all areas of our lives.

Great reminder, Spenser! I know I personally still have plenty of room for improvement.

Today’s Exercise: Catch yourself the next time you find yourself making a judgment, i.e., approving or disapproving of another’s actions. Simply ask yourself if there is a legitimate reason for you to do so or if you would instead be better off focusing on your own actions.

Genuine Influence: The Go-Giver Way

In a world shaped by AI and increasing commoditization, the greatest competitive advantage remains the human connection.

When your team knows how to communicate with empathy, emotional mastery, and value-based influence, they don’t just sell more — they build trust, inspire loyalty, and create sustainable profitability.

If you’d like your team to master these timeless, high-impact people skills, let’s connect about your next company conference or team meeting.

Feel welcome to visit burg.com, then call 561-575-2114 or email speaking@burg.com.

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Donuts taste REALLLLLY good. Yet they don’t hold much nutritional value.

Don’t get me wrong. Every so often it’s a great idea to partake of their magnificent goodness, but living off of them will not make for long-lasting health and happiness.

It’s a bit like life itself. (Ahhh, donuts — they even provide lessons.)

Activities for the sake of mere fun are…fantastic! (So long as they are not the only item on one’s “life’s to-do list.”) However, without substance, not only are we unfulfilled, but there is also a yearning that is difficult to identify — an unnamed vacancy. Yet it is there.

It reminds me of a brilliant quote from my great friend and prosperity mentor Randy Gage from his Success & Prosperity Blog...

Key Point: “A life without purpose is empty calories, and you’re always hungry.”

As human beings, we seem to have a deep-seated need — not just to survive our existence, but to thrive during it. And part of that is a feeling that we’re here for a reason or a purpose.

I’ve never met anyone without a “life’s purpose” who was sustainably happy and joyous. (That’s not to say there aren’t any. It’s simply a personal observation which seems to make sense based on human nature.)

Our purpose provides the aforementioned “substance” to our lives. We operate from a place of energy and excitement, looking for that next action to take that will bring us closer to ultimate fulfillment.

One’s purpose in life certainly need not be something spectacular or extraordinary, nor must it be wrapped in a specific goal.

It’s simply a purpose, individual to you. It’s what you feel you were put on earth for — what you were sent here to do and/or be. I hesitate to provide any examples, because your purpose could be anything — whatever you feel that it is.

I was probably around 40 years old before I “realized” my life’s purpose. Others recognize theirs much earlier, and some continue to search for it. (And, not to get too “meta” here, but there’s even purpose in searching for one’s purpose.)

Today’s Exercise: Consider *your* life’s purpose. Think about why you are here and what life is really all about for you. Perhaps begin with the question: “If I could choose my life’s purpose, what would it be?” That will get the creative juices going and flowing.

Once you decide what your life’s purpose is, determine how you can build your life around that, at least to a greater degree than it already is.

If your life’s purpose is something you’ve already discovered and embraced, ask yourself how you can create an environment to give even more of your energy to that purpose.

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In response to my suggestion that establishing rapport leading to the all-important “know, like, and trust” business relationship begins with a *genuine interest* in the other person…

A reader asked:

Bob, what about those times when even though you’re genuinely interested in the other person, they aren’t genuinely interested in you?

My response:

Thank you for your question. Indeed, sometimes they are not, as most people are not taught to be, and/or it might not be their natural inclination to be interested in others — especially when first meeting someone.

Often, your interest in them will eventually spark their being more interested in you. (Awesome when that happens!)

And, sometimes — often times — it won’t. They just won’t be interested. It has happened to me more times than you can imagine. It happens to most of us. It’s just the way many of those we meet simply are. A part of human nature.

However, the good news is that…

Key Point: You don’t need *everyone* to be interested in you. Just like a baseball player averaging only 3 hits in 10 at bats, that .300 average, over a career, is often enough to get them into the Hall of Fame.

So, be interested in them, knowing that *some* of them will respond in-kind (either now or eventually) and will want to learn more about you and your work.

And while having a positive expectation of that being the case, let go of any “emotional attachment” to their *having* to be.

I hope that helps.

Today’s Exercise: Work on your genuine interest in others, while having both a positive expectation *and* a lack of attachment to the results. This will actually make you even more attractive to those who would be potentially interested in you.

Genuine Influence: The Go-Giver Way

In a world shaped by AI and increasing commoditization, the greatest competitive advantage remains the human connection.

When your team knows how to communicate with empathy, emotional mastery, and value-based influence, they don’t just sell more — they build trust, inspire loyalty, and create sustainable profitability.

If you’d like your team to master these timeless, high-impact people skills, let’s connect about your next company conference or team meeting.

Feel welcome to visit burg.com, then call 561-575-2114 or email speaking@burg.com.

Subscribe now

My 8th-grade teacher, Mr. Higgins, was truly one of the nicest human beings I’ve ever met. He also seemed to be happy all the time.

“Mr. Higgins,” one of my fellow students once asked, “are you ever in a bad mood?”

“Sure. Like anyone else, sometimes I’m sad. But just because *I’m* sad, that doesn’t mean I need to ruin someone else’s day.” (Paraphrased, but very close.)

Please don’t interpret this as me suggesting that you never share your feelings or that you keep things *bottled up* inside of you. Not at all!

There are indeed appropriate times and places to share your sadness, negative feelings, and problems...and appropriate people with whom to share them.

However, I believe that Mr. Higgins was right on!

By and large, unless it will somehow serve for people to know the “yuckiness” you’re feeling, it’s best to proceed with a positive attitude.

The same is also true when it’s not just a matter of mood, but of general outlook. Some people (by nature and/or by conscious effort) see the world through a positive lens. Others (by nature and/or lack of conscious intent) see the world through a negative lens.

The generally-positive tend to uplift others; the generally-negative tend to have the opposite effect.

I love the following statement from one of my favorite thought leaders…

Key Point: “If you think of your negativity as ‘garbage,’ then someone is always collecting your garbage. We are always either polluting or purifying the world with our thinking. Purify more today.” —Chris Dorris, from his The Daily Dose email.

Chris makes a fantastic point, doesn’t he?

And we have the choice regarding whether we purify or pollute.

Let’s purify!

Today’s Exercise: Focus on your attitude and how you are communicating it to others. How are you greeting people and responding to their greeting? When a subject or topic is brought up, is your *general attitude* one of positivity or negativity?

As always, after every conversation, do a self-debrief and consciously take note. At the end of the day, see how you did. The results will be telling. Of course, the good news is that you can do this again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day…and experience continued improvement.

Important Note: This article pertains to general feelings and attitude. If you suspect that your sadness (or an ongoing sense of sadness or depression) is the result of deeper issues, then please obtain help and counsel from a qualified professional. Not only is there nothing wrong in doing that…there is everything RIGHT in doing that.

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In response to a social media quote I posted regarding a preference for collaboration (where both parties gain) rather than compromise (where both parties give up something), a reader wrote (edited):

Yes, we’ve always been taught that compromise is the best way to move forward, but really, it isn’t the ideal outcome. Why is it, then, that we always seem to default to compromise when collaboration is a much better option?

My response:

I love your question. Thank you! Most likely the reason that we as humans “default” (well-stated – that’s exactly what it is, a default setting) to compromise is because that’s what we are taught from the time we are young, and we’ve unconsciously accepted that premise as part of our overall belief system.

This is why, when a situation arises where we are about to unconsciously default to compromising, we need to “make the unconscious, conscious,” check our premises, and ask if that is truly the best way to go.

Of course, at times compromise is indeed the best option, but not usually. Better when both parties attain more of what they want, which is much more likely to occur via collaboration.

Thus...

Key Point: By staying conscious and asking ourselves the right questions, we are now in a position to provide ourselves another option…that of collaboration and a mutually beneficial outcome where everyone comes away better off than they were before.

By the way, there’s another reason for the “compromise default” and that is…

Important: It takes clear and creative thinking to come up with win-win, collaborative solutions. Often it seems *easier* (at least in the short run) to simply compromise, even if the results aren’t truly what you and the other person want.

Either option is a choice. And that choice is always up to you in terms of what direction you want to go.

Today’s Exercise: Begin to develop your mindset of collaboration over compromise (while knowing that compromise can also be a legitimate fallback alternative when appropriate).

Think of examples in the past where you could have found a creative win-win solution had you been aware of that option. Doing this will help you when these future situations arise...which they most certainly will. A true win-win!

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Remember the old computer acronym “GIGO,” which stands for Garbage In, Garbage Out?

It basically means that if data fed into a computer is flawed or otherwise nonsensical, then that is what will also come out.

A question we might ask is...

Key Point: If being careful to input the correct information into an external tool is so important, then how much more important is it to do so when it comes to our minds?

Young Jakob Risley (the 25-year-old sales and marketing phenom son of my longtime friend and colleague Sabrina Risley-Stowell) relates a terrific story titled “The Personal Evolution Letter” in an issue of his e-newsletter series.

Taking notice that some of his copywriting had become rather inconsistent, he decided to challenge himself with what he terms a “Dopamine Detox Experiment.”

Monday through Friday he would allow himself no entertainment except for books. Thus, no TV or movie streaming, no video games, and no social media (aside from necessary research).

To quote Jakob…

All I did in my free time was read books. The results were incredible.

Not only was I much more focused when working, but the quality of the content that I created this week went through the roof.

It wasn’t just because I wasn’t distracting myself.

It was because the quality of the content I was consuming was astronomically higher, so the quality of the content I created followed suit.

This is how your mind works. What you consume will always shape your thoughts, and your thoughts will invariably shape your behavior and what you create.

You’ve heard it before, quality input = quality output.

Yes, we have, Jakob. Yes we have. But I love how *you* said it!

Today’s Exercise: Consider doing a “Dopamine Detox” just as Jacob did. Cease feeding your mind with any mental junk food/garbage for a week, and see if your mental output is of a much higher quality.

Genuine Influence: The Go-Giver Way

In today’s world of AI and ongoing commoditization, the ultimate differentiator remains the ability to connect on a deeply human level!

If you’d like your team to master those timeless, high-impact people skills, bring me in virtually (or, if Florida, in-person) for your next company conference or team meeting.

Feel welcome to visit burg.com, then call 561-575-2114 or email speaking@burg.com.

Let’s create value together!

Subscribe now

One of the most often asked questions I receive during podcast interviews is: “What advice would you give your 20-year-old self?”

This is actually one of the easiest questions for me to answer.

To “younger Burg” I’d relate — with an exclamation point in my voice — one of my all-time favorite sayings…

Key Point: “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure...that just ain’t so.”

I don’t know who originally said that. Mark Twain is often credited. While he said something somewhat similar in one of his books, he didn’t quite say that.

Regardless, in my opinion, it’s brilliant...and it’s something I wish I’d known years ago when I thought I knew it all.

What a difference-maker that would have been! (Then again, at that time I probably wouldn’t have listened.)

At 20, I was absolutely, positively, and without question certain that I knew how the world worked, what made people tick, how they thought...and most importantly, why I was right and they were wrong.

It all came down to what I thought…no, what I *knew.* And, what I *knew* that I *knew.*

Except that it turned out I didn’t. Not even close. I ended up being so very wrong about so many things.

Important: As human beings, we make decisions and judgments based on very, very limited information.

We continue to do this long after we are 20 years old. I did. I’m sure I still do.

Why: Sometimes, what we know that “just ain’t so” simply fits the belief system in which we grew up. Other times, it’s the beliefs and words of our friends, teachers, peer group, political party, or even those things our favorite media personalities believe. And sometimes, it’s emotional self-protection.

Of course, there are times when what we know for sure is indeed true. But I suspect that’s far less often than we’d like to believe.

The good news is that the moment we become aware of this phenomenon of human nature, we can take steps to correct it.

One of today’s top leadership authorities posted…

Powerful: “Instead of believing everything you think, think about what you really believe.” —Jesse Lyn Stoner

Terrific advice!

Seems as though we see the “I believe it because I think it” syndrome displayed constantly these days — on television, social media, and pretty much wherever people meet in person. And from all the various points of view, right?

Not only would I like to see more respectful and civil communication between those with opposing viewpoints...I’d like to see us questioning our *own* beliefs just to confirm that what we absolutely know for sure really IS so.

Today’s Exercise: Think of some of the major and minor beliefs you hold to be absolutely, positively true...and question them. Really, really question them. Indeed, they might *be* true. Or… :-)

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Note: This is not the usual Daily Impact post you receive Monday through Friday mornings but rather a special post (I do that every so often) ;-)

Several years ago, after nearly 35 years on the road and speaking to wonderful audiences all over, I made the decision to no longer get on airplanes and stay in hotels.

However, thanks to the brilliant people who invented computers, the internet, and, well…cameras, microphones, and other cool stuff, I still get to do lots of keynotes and workshops — I’m just doing them virtually (and in person in Florida, if close enough to drive). ;-)

As 2026 continues, how are you and your team doing in terms of revenue, new-business generation, referrals and high-quality introductions? How about in terms of customer/client experience? Are your customers/clients amazed by how good they feel when it comes to working with you and your team members?

Communicating the Immense Value You and Your Team Provide

How is your sales team doing in terms of not just understanding the immense value they (and your products/services) provide, but effectively communicating that value, as well?

How would you say your team does in terms of selling on high value (and at the higher end of the price scale, resulting in being seen as a resource) as opposed to low price and being seen as a commodity?

If you’d like to take the above to an even higher level for the remainder of 2026 and beyond, then may I suggest that you…

Bring Me in to Speak at Your Next Conference, Convention, or Meeting

As a virtual keynote presenter, I will help instruct and inspire your organization to develop…

Genuine Influence: The Go-Giver Way. Master those all-important “people skills” in order to lead better, sell more, and attain the results you desire. Learn to build genuine relationships that will ensure you never run out of prospective and current customers and clients. Position yourself as the go-to resource in your field, and sell from a place of high value rather than low price.

To learn more visit burg.com. Or to discuss scheduling me to speak at your next event, feel welcome to call us at 561.575.2114 or email speaking@burg.com.

Yes, make “The Go-Giver Way” part of YOUR next company or organization’s conference or convention!

Hope to “see” you!

Best regards,

Bob

P.S. If you are part of a company or organization that holds these types of conferences (e.g., real estate, financial services, direct sales, corporate, franchise, etc.) and there is a specific person in charge of bringing in your keynote speakers, I’d greatly appreciate you passing this message along to them. Thank you!

A Kind Note from a Client:

“ProVisors retained Bob Burg to speak at our highly anticipated virtual National Networking Day event. Notable past speakers at ProVisors included luminaries such as Magic Johnson, Kevin O’Leary (“Mr. Wonderful”), and Katie Couric. The anticipation for Mr. Burg’s appearance was palpable, resulting in record-breaking attendance surpassing those of previous years. As a community of Trusted Advisors, ProVisors members were eager to learn more about Mr. Burg’s renowned ‘Go-Giver’ philosophy. His compelling real-life anecdotes and stories deeply resonated with our audience, making the event an exceptional success. Reflecting on the overwhelming positive response, it’s clear that finding a speaker to follow in Mr. Burg’s footsteps will be a challenging task.”

—Kristy Llamas, VP of Marketing & Events, ProVisors

There are simply some things that — for all but the most enlightened among us (and I’m not even certain about them) — we’re probably never going to *master* in our lifetime.

I was reminded of this while reading the following quote…

Key Point: “Imagine you could open your eyes to see only the good in every person, the positive in every circumstance, and the opportunity in every challenge.” —Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson (1904-1994)

Can you imagine actually having the ability to do that…constantly, consistently…and fully? Personally, I can *imagine* it, but also recognize not being even close to mastering it.

However, you and I absolutely can make the effort and build ourselves in this area on an ongoing, everyday basis.

In past posts, we’ve looked at how to improve in any area we desire:

1. Recognize the issue itself and devise a game-plan to make progress.

2. Visualize and rehearse correctly handling situations that may arise in the future. This allows you to mentally prepare yourself so you are ready and conscious of offering your most productive response.

3. “Self-debrief” afterwards in order to check your results.

It doesn’t take perfection to make a huge difference in both your personal and professional effectiveness, as well as in your overall sense of joy, peace of mind, and happiness.

Today’s Exercise: Begin by thinking about some troublesome people you know, difficult circumstances you’ve experienced, and challenges you’ve had to go through (or are currently going through), and practice doing exactly what Rabbi Schneerson suggested in today’s Key Point.

Then handle accordingly when similar circumstances actually occur.

As always, take pleasure when you succeed...and simply decide to improve next time when you do not.

Genuine Influence: The Go-Giver Way

In today’s world of AI and ongoing commoditization, the ultimate differentiator remains the ability to connect on a deeply human level!

If you’d like your team to master those timeless, high-impact people skills, bring me in virtually (or, if Florida, in-person) for your next company conference or team meeting.

Feel welcome to visit burg.com, then call 561-575-2114 or email speaking@burg.com.

Let’s create value together!

Subscribe now

In a past post, I shared that interrupting used to be a terrible habit of mine (which I referred to as “Interruptus Maximus Obnoxious”), and that once I worked on and overcame it, my ability to effectively communicate with others dramatically improved.

Many found it relatable to their lives, as well.

In a related question, a reader asked...

“How do you respond to or engage with someone who just doesn’t come up for air?”

Indeed, that’s one of the most difficult situations. Because, here…

Key Point: You don’t want to interrupt, but you do need to somehow subtly encourage the person to stop talking.

In the immediate situation, you have to wait for a natural pause, which could very well be a long time coming.

However, if it’s a *pattern* with this person, you might want to gently ask if you could share a thought that’s on your mind. When they say yes (giving you permission to do so), let them know how much you enjoy talking with them. If you can do this sincerely (and come across as such), point out an aspect of conversing with them that is very enjoyable to you.

Then continue by saying, “One thing I’ve noticed is that sometimes it seems like you don’t pause while you’re speaking, and I feel a bit frustrated in not being able to comfortably interact with you.”

Important: Saying “I feel” is what’s known as an “I message” — a term coined by the late, eminent clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas Gordon — which takes the onus of the challenge or problem off of them and places it on ourselves, thereby allowing the person to not feel blamed and become defensive.

Follow up by asking, “Would it be okay with you if, when that happens, I gently interrupt you without you taking offense?”

The chances are the person probably doesn’t even realize they do that, will be thankful for you pointing it out, and will give you permission to do so. Over time — though it probably won’t be the next conversation ;-) — you can help them to lose the habit of over-talking.

I hope that helps.

Today’s Exercise: Plan for when you might need to have this conversation with someone. As always, the more you prepare (and rehearse in your own mind) for when it might happen, the easier it will be when it actually does. And my suggestion certainly isn’t the only option. Perhaps come up with other effective ways of attaining the results you desire for helping this person overcome their habit of over-talking.

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Last post we saw that some people — while realizing that your fee or price is more than fair — simply believe that as a matter of principle they should attempt to negotiate it. So that’s what they do.

We concluded by saying that in order to maintain your fee integrity and obtain your asking price, three things must be established:

1. You know you are — without question — worth what you are charging.

2. You have effectively communicated value that exceeds the price.

3. You phrase your response respectfully, confidently, and tactfully.

Here, let’s take a look at how our client “Brenda” — with the first two in place — effectively handles the third part.

Brenda owns a private-duty nursing company. She recently received a call from someone who’d seen her advertisement. It was a woman who, along with her siblings, felt it was time their 90-year-old mother had a professional nurse with her throughout the day.

Brenda did the “discovery session,” quoted her fee of $30 per hour, and provided a number of references. Her fee is a bit higher than many of her competitors, which she also communicated.

Two days later she received a text from her prospective customer saying:

“I discussed this with my brother and sister. We’d love to hire you. If you would agree to $25, we’ll go ahead and sign the contract with you right now.”

What did Brenda do? What would *you* do?

It’s important to recognize that while $5 per hour might not sound like much, lowering her fee by that amount actually has two effects:

First, over time, it *is* significantly less money.

Second, and more importantly…

Key Point: It tells you — and the marketplace — that your market value is $25 per hour, *not* $30.

Brenda texted back a very nice message that read...

“Good morning, Sue! Thank you, and I completely understand if my fee is not in your budget. Your mom sounds lovely, and it would be my pleasure to help out if circumstances change.”

Just moments later Brenda received a return text that read...

“Please don’t walk away. We will pay $30 an hour, and we’re so excited to have found you. We will make it work. Please reconsider.”

Notice what Brenda did...

1. Knowing her value, she made the decision to stand by her fee.

2. Rather than react with disgust, disappointment, or indignation, she responded with respect, confidence, and tact.

3. She thanked the person, complimented their mother, and shared that it would be her pleasure to work with them if circumstances change.

As Brenda suspected, it simply *was* a matter of them instinctively trying to get a better price.

With that in mind, her job was to handle the request correctly, which she did beautifully!

And the family will benefit greatly, as will Brenda’s company.

Today’s Exercise: In advance, create responses to similar situations which relate to your business. That way, in case you don’t have a lot of time to compose a response, you’ll have its basic essence top of mind.

Remember not to simply assume they’re just trying to negotiate a lower fee — there might be other issues. But when you feel pretty certain that it *is* the case, then you’ll want to handle it in a way that communicates your position with respect, confidence, and tact.

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Are you often asked to discount your fee?

Typically when a prospective customer or client balks at your price, it’s because they believe that the value of your offering is less than what they are being asked to pay.

But...not always. There IS another reason. And it’s this…

Key Point: They subscribe to the belief that one should never accept the first price — that every price is negotiable.

In other words, yes, they absolutely feel that the value of your product or service is equal to or even exceeds the price. They want to buy. They just want to get the lowest price they possibly can.

And it is certainly an element of human nature to desire the most value from someone or something in exchange for the least amount of money.

However, if the fee you charge is appropriate, then there is no need to discount it. You are providing absolutely exceptional value, and as a result should be making a very healthy profit.

But they still want you to discount.

This can be unnerving, right? After all, you’ve worked hard for this sale. You’ve already invested so much time, research, and sweat. You don’t want to lose it. (By the way, all of this is exactly what that person is counting on you feeling.)

Good News: You *can* maintain your fee.

To do so, however, three things must be in place:

1. You know that you (or your product/service) are — without question — worth what you are charging.

2. You have effectively communicated value that exceeds the price.

3. You phrase your response respectfully, confidently, and tactfully.

In the next post, we’ll look at a powerful example of #3 from one of our clients, “Brenda.”

Today’s Exercise: Think about how you handle these situations when they come up for you. Consider how you’ve seen others successfully handle this in a way that both they and their customer/client were happy.

Genuine Influence: The Go-Giver Way

In an AI-driven world, human connection is your ultimate advantage.

If you’d like your team to sell more, lead better, and serve clients at a higher level — grounded in empathy and authentic influence — let’s talk about your next meeting or conference.

Feel welcome to visit burg.com, then call 561-575-2114 or email speaking@burg.com.

Let’s create value together!

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In his 2014 book, The Leadership Crisis And The Free Market Cure, retired longtime BB&T (now Truist) Chair & CEO John Allison defines integrity as “the harmony of mind and body,” asserting that, as a principle, it “guides us to act consistently with our beliefs.”

Notable: Named by Harvard Business Review as one of the decade’s top 100 most successful CEOs, Mr. Allison and BB&T refused to participate in the subprime lending calamity leading up to the 2007 financial meltdown, choosing to write only conventional mortgages. He states that the decision, as opposed to the majority of his banking colleagues, was actually an easy one for him to make. Why? Because subprime mortgages were contrary to the principles upon which he and his bank stood, namely “making their profit through providing value to their clients.” And when the cards came crashing down, his bank was left standing, both in great reputation and immense profitability.

After a brief but brilliant explanation regarding how one cannot act with integrity if one’s values are contradictory or not aligned with reality, Mr. Allison makes what I feel is another profound point…

Many people view integrity as some form of duty. Integrity is not a duty. It is a means to improve the probability of being successful and happy.

A powerful statement because...

Key Point: If one displays integrity *only* out of obligation to others, he or she cannot be truly happy. It’s only when one lives with integrity because it is congruent with their own values and how they wish to relate to the world that it can lead to happiness and personal fulfillment.

The *additional* benefit to living with integrity is that others respect you; they trust you more…and they are more likely to want to be in relationship with you (both personally and professionally).

Yes, living with integrity certainly makes you more *valuable* to those whose lives you touch and influence.

It affects *you,* however, on a much deeper level.

Because, when it comes right down to it…

End Result: It allows you to genuinely feel good about yourself and live with a sense of joy, peace of mind, and happiness.

And isn’t that how you want to feel and to live?

Today’s Exercise: Discuss the above premise (that integrity is about internal *self-benefits* first and external benefits second) with different groups of people: your team members, entrepreneurs, friends, your children, etc. See where the agreement and disagreement might be. This could make for some interesting conversations and deep-level thinking!

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Yes, thoughts are things. They are the *initial* cause to any ultimate effect. Each act of human creativity, solved problem, invention — indeed, all progress — is preceded by thought.

The right thoughts — combined with correct action and fortified by burning desire, belief, determination, and dogged persistence — are nearly unstoppable.

Let’s look at three different types of thoughts and how they serve (or do not serve) us.

Positive Thoughts: These make us feel good; they are empowering. They produce uplifting feelings that put us in a good place for productivity, accomplishment, and overall happiness.

While these good thoughts can simply happen on their own, by and large they are the result of conscious choice and *awareness.*

Indeed...

Key Point: Positive, productive thoughts are also the result of seeing the good side of things/people/circumstances rather than the bad (congruent with reality, of course). And, very importantly, feeling gratitude for the many blessings in life, big and small.

Neutral Thoughts: These bring forth neither good feelings nor bad. It’s not so much that they are realistic as much as they are without conscious perception or deliberation.

Negative Thoughts: These include anger, resentment, ingratitude, victimhood, complaining, grudges, etc. and can absolutely eat away at a person. They result in bad feelings and, unchecked, can only undermine happiness. Immensely counterproductive, they are also of an unconscious nature. And they go hand-in-hand with poor self-esteem.

As one who lived like that for many years, there are still times I can fall into this trap. However, I now quickly catch myself and consciously interrupt the pattern.

If you ever read the brief Daily Quote email sent from Abraham-Hicks, you’ll notice that nearly 100 percent of the time, the message has to do with allowing yourself to feel good and consciously “deciding” to feel good.

As shared by Eckhart Tolle in his wonderful book, The Power of Now, “Emotions are thoughts that reverberate throughout the body.”

Important: All of those emotions and thoughts affect our mental well-being.

Choose consciously and carefully!

Today’s Exercise: Determine where you usually stand on the continuum of thought, ranging from helpful to harmful. Work on upgrading that continuum to a more consistent level of higher, productive thinking. To do this, consciously check yourself. You might find it helpful to put a sticky note with a reminder of such at various places where you’ll see them throughout the day.

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One of the golden rules of human nature — as so perfectly illustrated by Dale Carnegie in his classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People — is that “Ultimately, people do things for *their* reasons, not our reasons.”

As such, in order to spur someone to make a decision and take the action *you* feel they should…*they* must feel they should. And, this will most likely only happen as a result of you asking the right questions.

One of the most powerful communicators I know puts it this way...

Key Point: “Questions allow the other person to collaborate on the data you’re collecting. That done, people {rarely} invalidate their own data when you use it to ask them to consider a change.” —Dianna Booher

In her book (her 46th book of 50, actually!), What More Can I Say: Why Communication Fails and What to Do About It, Ms. Booher provides a wonderful example of a mom who did just that with her teenage son and his choice of cars:

I recently overheard a mother using a series of questions to lead her sixteen-year-old son to trade in an older-model sports car for a newer sedan, not quite the model the teen had in mind:

‘What kind of gas mileage do you get in the sports car? What kind of mileage does the Kelley Blue Book estimate for the sedan? So, at the current price of gas, how much would you save on gas per year with the newer car? If you sold your used sports car and invested that money until graduation, plus the gas money you’d save between now and graduation, how much money would you have to buy a brand-new car for college?’

The teen opted to save for the newer car at graduation.

Whether you’re leading a huge team, a small committee, or one of your children…if your goal is to gently encourage the other person to willingly commit and buy-in to your request — rather than to make them grudgingly comply — then it’s most productive to help them see why it is in their best interest to do so.

And, as is usually the case, questions are the answer.

Today’s Exercise: Consider times when, in the persuasion process, you might have attained the more desired result by asking questions and what those questions might have been. Then, of course, utilize this information when you find yourself in similar situations in the future.

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AI-generated image for illustrative purposes only. Not an actual depiction of the person discussed.

Years ago I was in the Holy City of Jerusalem, Israel to visit and learn from a man whose books I’d been studying for several years.

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin’s writings are a combination of ancient Biblical wisdom and modern day personal development. While some of his 25 books are geared toward a Jewish readership, many are applicable to anyone and everyone who simply desires to have a happier, more fulfilling, and peaceful life.

His series of smaller books with titles such as Kindness, Patience, Happiness, Serenity, and Self-Confidence provide both methodology and real-life stories and examples designed to help the reader accomplish those specific goals.

My new mentor and I spent many hours in formal, valuable learning sessions. However, it was during an outside walk that I got to see the essence and character of the man and why I so admire him.

While engaged in conversation, Rabbi Pliskin stubbed his toe. He stubbed it badly. Upon seeing his facial expression, I knew he’d really hurt himself.

Almost immediately, however, he embraced the experience.

“This is good,” he said, his face still contorted with pain. “It’s excellent practice for me to learn how to....” And as he went on to explain what he would practice, his face suddenly seemed to transform back into a countenance of serenity.

Of course, what he was going to “learn how to…” wasn’t what I most took away from this incident. Instead...

Key Point: The huge lesson for me was seeing his authentic nature playing itself out in total congruence.

Much of his teaching focuses upon the lessons we are constantly being taught by our Creator — often through our dealings with others...or even, as it turns out, through a rock upon which we might badly stub our toe.

Seeing him immediately go into learning mode — despite the excruciating physical pain he was experiencing — provided me with one more hero to model when similar physical, mental, or spiritual “ouchies” would occur to me.

I cannot even tell you how often throughout the years since I’ve benefited from his example that day.

On one hand, there are those who teach one thing and do another.

And then there are those who both practice what they preach…and preach what they practice.

Rabbi Pliskin is the latter.

Today’s Exercise: Think of the people in your life whom you admire for that reason. It might be your priest, pastor, imam, rabbi, or other spiritual leader, or it might be…well, practically anyone in your life. Consider some of the life lessons you learn just from observing how they handle themselves in any less-than-ideal situation.

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You’re most likely familiar with the story about the scorpion who asks the frog if he can hitch a ride on his back in order to cross the lake. Assuring the skeptical frog that he won’t sting him because “If I did, I would also drown,” the frog relents and agrees.

Partway across the lake, the scorpion does sting him. As the frog is dying and about to sink them both, he asks, “Why would you sting me knowing that you’re now going to die, too?” The scorpion famously replies, “It’s just my nature.”

Inspired by Aesop, this brief, well-known fable serves as a warning that, logic aside…

Key Point: People generally act according to their nature or *character.*

Scorpions sting and kill because that’s simply what scorpions do.

As humans, we do what we do because of who we ARE.

If we are a liar, we tell lies. If we are honest, we tell the truth. If we are undisciplined, we break promises we’ve made to ourselves. If we are disciplined, we show self-control.

Back to the scorpion. We all know those *human* scorpions, don’t we?

Perhaps this scorpion deals dishonestly in business. You can bet he or she also deals dishonestly in their private life. I’ve seen very few exceptions to that principle. As the saying goes, “How you do anything is how you do everything.”

Whether you know this about a person either personally or by reputation, you probably won’t want to associate with them, and you certainly won’t want to do business with them.

Then again, there are the exact opposites of such...

Life’s Gems: The “Reverse Scorpion” is that man or woman who is totally and completely honorable, who does as promised, who stands firm on principle, and who always makes their win about the wins of those they deal with.

This is the person whose character is so high and so honorable — and his or her reputation the same — that you totally and absolutely trust that person to do right by you and everyone else involved.

And, they do!

Why?

Because...it’s who they are. So it’s what they do.

It’s just their nature.

Today’s Exercise: Think about the “Reverse Scorpions” you know and/or know of. Consider the traits that make them such, both in character and in reputation. Then determine how you can emulate that — both for your own growth and success, as well as for those in your life you are helping to do the same.

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