As women, we’ve been socialized to hide our power, shrink instead of stand up and speak up when appropriate.

But it’s time for women to understand that we are powerful. That power may not be visible in the traditional form of dominance…but it’s still power.

My newsletter this week is a follow up with last week’s interview with on the power that women have.

This week I write about how to use that power effectively.

After I published my interview with , on The Power Women Were Taught to Hide, last week, I received this comment from a reader.

“It’s one thing to know you have power. It’s another thing to know when and how to use it—especially when it matters.”

She made a great point! The recognition that you have power is only the beginning.

And so, I am writing this newsletter to answer her very challenging question:

What do you do with the power you have once you know you have it?

How, when and where do you use it without blowing things up and suffering the consequences, understanding the double standard and bias in society and the workplace.

What does it mean to have power?

First, let’s define power because, right off the bat, most of us still think of the traditional definition as dominance, power over others, and that can be off-putting and intimidating, especially for women.

I want you to consider another approach: power is the ability to influence what happens to yourself, to others, and to the decisions that affect you.

It’s not about controlling others. It’s influence. It’s your ability to shape a decision, change an outcome, open a door, protect your interests, create an opportunity, or have your voice heard.

And most importantly, you don’t have to diminish someone else to exercise your power!

You don’t need to become more dominant to become more powerful. You need to recognize the power you already have and develop the judgment to know when and how to use it.

Next, it’s important to know that having power doesn’t require that you constantly demonstrate your power. The knowledge alone alters your communication, body language, behavior, and presence, and people sense that strength. You gain respect and recognition because of it. And so, your self-awareness is critical as a starting point.

Use political savvy before using your power

Women who are politically savvy don’t display their power without knowing the dynamics, the players, how to read a room, the culture and politics. They demonstrate it by knowing how and when to use their leverage and influence to move something forward, to affect change. When they speak and offer ideas and opinions, people listen.

The goal is to use your power to be effective, to get things done.

In previous articles, I’ve referred to the importance of political savvy to read a room and pay attention to the unwritten rules to not only position yourself well but build influence.

This makes power situational. Once you understand the situation, the agenda, and the players, you can use your power strategically.

The reality is that the same behavior may be powerful in one situation and a deal breaker in another. Know the difference.

Ask yourself:

• Who actually has influence here?

• What does this person care about?

• What is at stake?

• What is being said and what isn’t being said?

• Is this the right moment?

• Is this a situation that I need to address or should I walk away?

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Power always comes with risk

Using your power strategically doesn’t mean there are no consequences. There may be.

Women often face a double standard when they exercise power. This is especially important for women because the same behavior can be interpreted differently depending on who is exhibiting it. A man who is forceful may be seen as decisive; a woman displaying the same behavior may be perceived as aggressive or difficult.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use your power!

It means you need to understand the potential consequences and decide whether the outcome is worth the risk.

Political savvy is about knowing which risks are worth taking.

Imagine you’ve been left out of an important meeting about a project you lead. You could confront your boss immediately. You could ask why you weren’t included. You could wait and gather more information. Or you could decide that the meeting isn’t worth the political capital.

None of these choices is inherently powerful or powerless.

The power lies in choosing the response that best serves your objective.

What does the situation require?

Here are some options:

Speak Up

When something important is at stake and you have enough leverage to change the outcome. Speak up.

“I’d like to speak with you about why I wasn’t included in the meeting.”

Persuade

When you need others to come with you rather than simply comply. It might be helpful to build consensus for your point of view and use a relationship to add more credibility.

“I’m not sure why I wasn’t included in the meeting. I’ve already spoken to a few of the team members, and they thought I should have been there. I have a lot of information on the subject that is valuable to the ongoing project. I think we need to discuss the benefits of including me next week.

Pause

When acting immediately would create more risk than benefit and you need more information or a better opening. It might be appropriate to schedule another time for addressing your concern instead of risking an emotional response immediately.

Walk away

When the situation isn’t worth your political capital, energy or reputation.

Walking away can be a power move and should not be confused with weakness. I know we’ve been conditioned to believe we need to speak up and assert ourselves but sometimes the best move is to walk away.

Choosing not to use your power is itself a power move.

Ask yourself: is this battle worth winning?

When the stakes are high.

The stakes are high. You know it’s important to speak up and challenge the situation especially in cases like:

Someone takes credit for your work

You’re being passed over

Your expertise is questioned

A department/company decision threatens your career

Someone crosses a boundary

If this is the case, use your political savvy to decide who to approach, when and where.

Then > Speak> Ask.>Challenge> Negotiate.>Say no.

It doesn’t need to be confrontational.

What’s the most effective way to do this?

Often the most effective power move is subtle:

• Ask a question.

• Describe the situation.

• Ask for the opportunity.

• Bring another person into the conversation.

• State the boundary.

• Document the agreement.

• Say, “That’s not going to work for me.”

Ask these questions of yourself before you make a move

1. What do I want?

2. What power do I have?

3. Who has power in this situation?

4. What does the other person need or care about?

5. What’s the risk of using my power in this situation?

6. What’s the risk of not using it?

7. What’s the smallest effective move I can make?

In Summary: Power is judgment

You are powerful.

But knowing that is just the first step.

The real skill is knowing when to use your power, how much to use, and when not to use it at all.

Don’t just own your power.

Learn how to use it.

This week’s newsletter is the first in my Badass Women at Any Age monthly interview series.

I’m excited to introduce you to Jaqueline Sussman, M.S., LPC cofounder of Inner.Vision, a platform to awaken the authentic feminine voice and potential inherent in each woman. Jacqueline is an author, a speaker, seminar leader, psychotherapist, executive coach and one of the foremost practitioners of Eidetic Imagery Psychology.

For over 40 years, Jackie has been committed to helping women embody their authentic innermost gifts and strengths, as the path to both inner well-being and outward success.

Here is her story….

What is your personal story, and how have you arrived where you are today?

My personal story begins in South America. I lived in Venezuela from the age of one to ten. My parents were Holocaust survivors, and from very early on I absorbed something of the magnitude of what they had endured—the devastation of losing family, home, culture, and an entire world, and then having to begin again. Their experience gave me an early sensitivity to suffering, injustice, and man’s inhumanity to man. It also created in me a desire to understand suffering and, eventually, to help heal it.

Growing up in Caracas shaped me in another way. It was a multicultural world filled with people of different races, religions, nationalities, and economic circumstances. There was also visible poverty. I remember the shoeshine boys on the streets and the makeshift homes climbing the mountainsides. I was exposed very young to people whose lives were profoundly different from mine, and this gave me a feeling for our common humanity and a curiosity about what lies beneath our outward differences.

There were also two remarkable messages I received from my parents. When I was in my early teens, my father said, “I see you writing a book one day and putting my name in it.” I eventually wrote two books, and I put his name in both. My mother, in her own way, had a vision that I would one day sit with people and counsel them. That, too, became my life.

I studied psychology, received my master’s degree and professional training, and became a psychotherapist. But beneath the formal path was always the same impulse: to understand what separates human beings from themselves and one another, and what allows us to heal and come together.

Looking back, I can see that the trajectory was there from the beginning. My parents’ survival, the losses they carried, my childhood among many cultures, and my early awareness of injustice all led me toward a life devoted to inner transformation.

What led you to focus on women?

In my twenties, I met Dr. Akhter Ahsen, the originator and leading theoretician of Eidetic Image Psychology. I studied the methodology deeply for many years and eventually became involved in research, teaching, and exploring how eidetic imagery affects personality, relationships, emotion, symptoms, and consciousness.

Over time, I worked with an extraordinary range of people—in individual practice, mixed groups, interfaith and interracial settings, and organizations including Google, Mattel, and UN Women. Again and again, I began noticing particular qualities emerging in women: relational thinking, empathy, playfulness, emotional openness, intuition, and a spontaneous question that appeared repeatedly: How can I make this better? How can I help?

I began to understand that there were forms of power women possessed that our culture did not necessarily teach them to recognize as power.

Then something happened that I can only describe as a profound inner knowing: I understood that my work was to address the wounded feminine. I had never consciously planned this. It came as a very clear sense of purpose.

I began to see how deeply women had been conditioned across generations to doubt their perceptions, mute their voices, accommodate others, mistrust their feelings, or believe that power meant becoming more like the dominant masculine model. These messages are carried through families, cultures, religions, and institutions. They enter the psyche so early that we often mistake them for ourselves.

Yet beneath that conditioning, the authentic Self has never disappeared.

That became the heart of my work: helping women uncover the essential self beneath the inherited self—the intelligence, intuition, creativity, tenderness, fierceness, relational capacity, and authority already there. I came to believe that feminine power does not have to imitate masculine power. A woman becomes extraordinarily powerful when she becomes more completely herself.

What are the major challenges women face in connecting with their inner strength and owning their power?

The greatest challenge is that much of what inhibits women is invisible.

A woman may consciously believe she is free, capable, and independent while another part of her still carries old messages: Don’t be too powerful. Don’t make others uncomfortable. Don’t speak too strongly. Don’t ask for too much. Don’t be angry. Don’t outshine someone. Don’t trust what you know.

These messages come from culture, but they also enter through intimate relationships. We internalize our mothers, fathers, grandmothers, and the ways men and women in our families regarded female power.

A woman may say, “I don’t know why I become small around this person,” or “I know what I think, but when I enter the meeting I lose my voice.” She may believe this is simply who she is.

But often it is not who she is. It is what happened to her.

The courageous work is to go within and see these influences clearly, feel how they continue to operate in the body and psyche, and discover what exists underneath them. I think of it as disrobing: removing one layer of conditioning after another until something more essential appears.

What continually amazes me is that the authentic self does not have to be invented. Beneath fear lies authority. Beneath compliance lies fierce clarity. Beneath self-doubt there is intelligence. Beneath anger may lie a profound sense of justice.

Our task is not to manufacture power. It is to uncover what has obscured it. Eidetic Imagery is one of the tools that allows this authentic self to emerge.

What is Eidetic Image Psychology, and how does it help women connect with their power?

The word eidetic comes from the Greek eidos, meaning form or essence. Eidetic Image Psychology works with something very immediate: the images that arise within us.

I sometimes describe these images as the movies of the mind. Our experiences with our mothers and fathers, childhood homes, relationships, conflicts, losses, love, work, authority, and sexuality leave patterns within us. Eidetic work allows a person to return to an image and experience not simply the story she remembers intellectually, but the image, bodily response, emotion, and meaning connected with it.

This matters because we often suppress what we originally felt. We adapt, reinterpret, and explain things away, yet the body may continue responding according to an earlier experience. Through the image, we can often see where we became stuck—and where we remain stuck today.

I worked with a woman at a major technology company who repeatedly asked her male boss for things she genuinely needed to do her job. She called these requests “favors,” and he continually said no.

In the imagery, she saw that something much older was operating: the impact of a father who left her feeling undeserving and a highly critical mother whose voice contributed to a feeling that she was never quite good enough. Without realizing it, she was carrying that diminished position into the room with her boss.

As we continued the imagery, she connected with a loving, strengthening internal presence. Her entire body changed. She felt deserving and entitled to occupy her position and ask for what her work required.

She walked into the next meeting carrying that different inner state. The external circumstances had not yet changed, but she had. This time, her boss gave her everything she asked for.

Another woman held a senior position in a global company. She had to bring difficult news to the CEO and was terrified. Her recurring pattern was, He’s going to fire me, so I should leave before that happens.

Through the imagery, she discovered that her authentic response was neither defensiveness nor bravado. It was humility, love, and truth. She entered the meeting from that place and told him what she genuinely believed he needed to hear. Not only did he receive the difficult news; he recognized the intelligence of what she was saying and elevated her position in the company.

This is something I have witnessed repeatedly: an inner shift creates an outer change.

I think of an oak tree. The biological intelligence within the acorn already contains the movement toward the magnificent tree it can become. Storms may damage it. Its environment may constrain it. It may grow crooked around an injury. But the formative intelligence has not disappeared.

Human beings are much the same.

Eidetic Imagery allows us to experience the injury and then discover what the deeper psyche brings forward—courage, compassion, anger, playfulness, love, or an entirely unexpected response. The solution does not come from my telling a woman who she should be. It comes from within her.

The movement is from conditioning to essence.

What have you learned from the women you have worked with?

I have learned how immensely powerful women are—and how many women have no idea how powerful they are.

Eidetic Imagery brings a woman into contact with qualities she may never have named as power: intelligence, perception, intuition, tenderness, authority, creativity, humor, eros, fierceness, compassion, and the capacity to connect.

I have also learned something profound from working with men. In one men’s group, I asked participants to see images of the significant women in their lives. What emerged was tremendous admiration, respect, tenderness, and longing—not simply sexually, but a desire to be near these women, to be known by them, and to have their presence in their lives.

I remember thinking: If women really knew this, how differently might they carry themselves?

I have also seen how patriarchal expectations injure men, teaching them to suppress vulnerability, tenderness, dependency, and emotional openness. We are all living inside systems that have constrained both men and women.

And I have learned the extraordinary power of women being together. When women enter imagery together and reveal what is genuinely happening within them, one woman’s courage gives another courage. One woman’s image can awaken something in another. A bond forms that feels like an unbreakable chain of recognition, truth, love, support, and sisterhood.

Above all, I have learned that vulnerability and power are not opposites. Some of the strongest women I have known are strong precisely because they are willing to be seen, to feel, and to tell the truth.

That is one reason my partner, Ivy Ross, and I created Inner Vision around experiences in which women gather and do this work together. There are moments in those circles when something enters the room that feels larger than any one of us.

I can only call it sacred.

What future is possible as women reject their conditioning and find their feminine power?

I believe that as women release their conditioning and inhabit their authentic power, they can profoundly change the world.

I do not mean that women should replace men at the top of the same hierarchical system and reproduce the same model of power. That would simply rearrange the players.

I am speaking about a different definition of power.

Throughout my work with women, I have repeatedly seen certain questions arise when women move beneath their defensive conditioning: How can I help? What does this situation need? How can I make this better? How can we do this together? What is the truth here?

Those questions contain a different conception of leadership. They do not eliminate ambition, authority, competition, intellect, or strength. They place those qualities inside a larger field that also includes relationship, empathy, intuition, embodiment, compassion, responsibility, and concern for the whole.

We live in a world profoundly marked by separation—between nations, races, religions, economic classes, political identities, human beings and the Earth, and even between intellect and feeling within ourselves.

Women have enormous capacity to bring another consciousness into leadership, families, institutions, communities, and culture. But first we have to stop believing that the very qualities capable of transforming our world are lesser forms of power.

Compassion is power. Relationship is power. Intuition is power. Truthfulness is power. The ability to nourish is power. The capacity to perceive the whole is power. And love—far from being sentimental—is one of the most transformative forces we possess.

But none of this happens simply because we are women. We have work to do.

Because when a woman changes within, she does not simply “work on herself.” She enters her relationships differently. She mothers differently. She loves differently. She leads differently. She creates differently. She makes different decisions.

Those changes ripple outward.

That is where I believe profound cultural change begins: inside the human being, and from there, into the world.

That is the work to which I have devoted my life: helping women move from conditioning to essence.

My Takeaway

Since becoming a coach in 2007, I have worked with hundreds of professional women to help them navigate a work environment not designed for them.

Today, I’m asking an important question: what, if anything, happens when women speak out against unfair treatment in the workplace? Does it lead to change?

Since 2007, I’ve been coaching professional women to “speak up.” Speak up in the meeting. Ask for the promotion. Push back when you’re interrupted. Negotiate your salary. Advocate for yourself. Learn to be politically savvy, especially because you’re navigating in a workplace full of landmines, a workplace that wasn’t designed for you.

Leadership programs teach women how to communicate, negotiate, influence, and yes, speak up.

But maybe it’s time to ask: What happens when you do speak up and the system doesn’t listen?

Or worse, when you speak up and the response makes your situation even more difficult?

That is the part of the conversation we don’t talk about nearly enough.

What We Don’t See

We can advise women to speak up til the cows come home, but the problem isn’t women being silent, it’s often that women don’t feel safe enough to speak up. Therefore, they stay silent. So if we consider all the women who never report anything in the first place, there’s a bigger issue we don’t see, especially when it comes to sexual harassment.

The EEOC’s Select Task Force on the Study of Harassment in the Workplace found that roughly three out of four people who experienced harassment never even talked to a supervisor, manager, or union representative about it.

The EEOC later reiterated that 90% of people who said they had experienced harassment never took formal action.

Why?

Maybe we fear no one will believe us or that nothing will happen so why bother. Our experience in the workplace validates this. It’s also possible we fear retaliation that could damage our careers. (That’s a real threat that many of us have also experienced after we speak out against mistreatment.)

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Sexual harassment is only one part of the problem.

What about misogyny, racism, gender bias, gendered ageism?

What about the woman who is repeatedly passed over for promotion because her boss thinks she is “not leadership material”?

The woman who is excluded from important meetings and then criticized for not being visible enough?

The woman whose ideas are ignored until a male colleague repeats them?

The woman over 50 who is quietly pushed aside because leadership wants “fresh energy” and she knows that if she leaves, finding another comparable position may be difficult because of the very age bias she is experiencing?

The Black woman whose assertiveness is interpreted as aggression?

The woman who returns from maternity leave and discovers that her career trajectory has changed?

These experiences may never become lawsuits or headlines, and they may never appear in an HR report. Let’s face it. They may never make it to HR in the first place. But that doesn’t negate the fact that this is happening. We just don’t know about it.

What we see in public is only a tip of the iceberg.

Sure, some cases eventually become public. We see some lawsuits involving sexual harassment, discrimination, retaliation and ageism.

But that’s a small sampling of women who finally decide they have nothing left to lose in these situations but to speak up.

What about everyone else?

The woman who quietly leaves.

The woman who transfers departments.

The woman who stops raising her hand.

The woman who stops asking for promotions.

The woman who decides it is safer to keep her head down.

The woman who tells herself, I’m too old to start over.

The woman who worries that speaking up will brand her as “difficult,” or call attention to her being “past her prime.”

The woman who says, I’m not going to make a big deal out of this.

The woman who thinks, what’s the point?

We don’t see those women in the statistics, yet organizations experience the consequences.

Women leave. They disengage and stop offering ideas. They lose trust in leadership.

And eventually, some of them walk out the door.

We have spent decades teaching women how to navigate workplaces that often aren’t designed to work equally well for them.

That is a very different problem.

And it requires a very different solution.

We need to stop measuring whether women speak up, and start measuring what happens when they do.

On the surface it may look like a company is doing everything right. They have an anti-harassment policy, offer unconscious bias training and leadership workshops. They may have an anonymous reporting hotline.

And yet none of those things necessarily mean an employee believes the system will protect her.

In fact, new research suggests that the infrastructure alone isn’t enough.

HR Acuity’s 2025 workplace harassment and misconduct research, based on more than 2,000 U.S. employees, found that 55% had experienced or witnessed misconduct; a near seven-year high. The issues included bullying, discrimination, age discrimination, gender discrimination, sexual harassment and retaliation. Twenty-two percent of employees who experienced or witnessed misconduct remained silent.

Yet, when employees knew that anonymous reporting was available, 91% reported misconduct, compared with 50% among those who were unaware of the option.

That tells us something important:

Women are not necessarily unwilling or unable to speak. They are assessing the risk of speaking.

And the organization determines much of that risk.

If employees believe their concerns will be investigated fairly, they are more likely to report.

If they have seen people punished, marginalized, disbelieved or ignored after speaking up, they learn a different lesson.

They learn to stay quiet.

These questions move responsibility from the individual to the organization.

And that is where it belongs.

DEI cannot just be about teaching women how to navigate bias.

A woman’s experience at work can be shaped simultaneously by gender bias, sexism, racism, ageism, disability, caregiving responsibilities, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status and other dimensions of identity.

The 2025 Women in the Workplace research from LeanIn.Org and McKinsey, based on more than 9,000 employees and 120 companies, found that women remain disadvantaged in advancement and that many women outside leadership feel less comfortable disagreeing with colleagues and taking risks. The report also found that two in ten companies have stopped or scaled back bias training and similar numbers have reduced their overall investment in diversity and inclusion.

We shouldn’t respond to these problems by simply giving women more training.

I will continue to encourage women to develop political savvy.

I will continue to teach women how to read the room, build relationships, advocate for themselves, recognize bias and use their voices strategically because those skills matter.

But they should not become a substitute for organizational accountability.

The real measure of a healthy workplace isn’t that employees are told they can speak up.

It is what happens after they do.

Are they believed enough to be taken seriously?

Are their concerns investigated?

Are patterns identified?

Are powerful people held accountable?

Are employees protected from retaliation?

Are leaders willing to hear information that makes them uncomfortable?

And perhaps most importantly:

Does anything change?!?

If the answer is no, we shouldn’t be asking women to speak louder.

We should be asking organizations to listen better.

Because the women we don’t hear from may be the ones we most need to hear.

I’m taking an acting class this summer and for our final session/performance, I was assigned a monologue from Neil Simon’s play, Brighton Beach Memoirs.

My character, Blanche, a midlife woman, delivers a poignant lesson for any woman who has had enough of keeping silent about being mistreated and humiliated and then finds the strength to stand up for herself.

“I’m not going to let you hurt me, Nora. I’m not going to let you tell me that I don’t love you or that I haven’t tried to give you as much as I gave to Laurie…..God knows, I’m not perfect because enough angry people in this house told me so tonight…But I am not going to be a doormat for all the frustrations and unhappiness that you or Aunt Kate or anyone else wants to lay at my feet.”

This is the opening of a monologue I’m learning for my acting class this summer. Blanche, the character from Neil Simon’s play, Brighton Beach Memoirs, is a 38-year-old widow, mother to two daughters, living with her family since the death of her husband six years ago. The words above are directed at her daughter, Nora.

Financially dependent, Blanche is grateful for her family’s help and does her best not to cause trouble. But what makes her a compelling character, especially as a midlife woman, is not just her vulnerability, but the point at which she decides that she can no longer absorb the criticism and humiliation from her family that she has willingly endured out of gratitude. She now understands that she has allowed herself to be treated poorly, allowed herself to be a doormat, and has become almost invisible because of it.

How many women, especially in midlife, have done the same?

We do so, not necessarily because we’re weak, but because we’ve been conditioned to keep the peace, and put everyone’s needs ahead of our own.

Blanche recognizes the emotional cost of that strategy as well as the part she’s played in that dynamic. She ultimately finds her voice and the strength to stand up for herself.

She’s had enough!

Late in the play, after enduring repeated criticism from her brother-in-law Jack, Blanche reaches her limit. She calmly, but firmly, refuses to accept being spoken to with contempt. She tells him that she has had enough. It is the first time she values her dignity over his approval and it’s a pivotal moment.

She simply says, in effect:

“You don’t get to treat me like this anymore.”

She decides her self-respect has value.

What’s interesting is that nothing about her circumstances has changed. She isn’t suddenly wealthy. No one rescues her. What changes is that she decides that her self-respect is important.

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Midlife changes the equation

One reason this scene resonates with midlife women is that many of us have endured decades of accumulated “small” indignities, especially in the workplace. We’ve been interrupted, underestimated, and overlooked. Over the years, we’ve been criticized more harshly than our male colleagues and rewarded for our silence. We’ve accepted a lower salary than men with the same experience and responsibilities, and often with gratitude for having the job.

Then in midlife something shifts. We’re tired of accommodating, taking a back seat, and remaining invisible. We’re ready to speak up and claim our value.

Blanche’s turning point reminds us that speaking up doesn’t require certainty that everything will work out. It requires believing you’re worthy of respect regardless of the outcome.

Why Blanche’s story still matters

Although Brighton Beach Memoirs is set in the 1930s, Blanche’s journey feels surprisingly contemporary. Women today still wrestle with the tension between being accommodating and being authentic.

It’s not that every disagreement deserves confrontation, but there comes a point when preserving everyone else’s comfort comes at too high a price.

For many women, midlife is when that calculation changes.

You stop asking, “Will they still like me?”

And start asking, “Can I continue living with myself if I stay silent?”

Blanche reminds us that finding your voice isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about reclaiming the person you’ve been silencing all along.

Maybe that’s one of the greatest gifts of midlife.

We stop trying to earn the right to be treated with respect.

We realize we had that right all along.

So I’ll leave you with the same question Blanche was finally forced to answer:

What will you no longer tolerate?

In today’s newsletter, I share a personal story about trusting my intuition in decision making.

I’d love to hear from you about your experiences and if you’ve ever made a big decision on impulse. How’s that work out?

It is almost 9 years ago to the day that I gave the opening keynote at a business management conference at UC Santa Barbara. I flew in from New York the day before to get somewhat adjusted to the time difference, attended a dinner for attendees that night, and settled in to the Best Western for the evening.

It wasn’t a good night. I tossed and turned for most of it. First of all, the pillows were as hard as bricks. It was impossible to get comfortable. Also, it was the first time I was presenting this keynote and I felt the need to run the 45 minute speech through my head all night. And that, along with the pillows, all contributed to a restless night.

Ugh, how was I ever going to get through this?

But, of course, I did. The adrenaline carried me through. Once I stepped off the stage, however, the exhaustion caught up with me.

One of the organizers approached me during the break that followed to congratulate me on a job well done. When I mentioned I would be heading back to LAX to fly home later that night, she suggested I stop for brunch at the Boathouse restaurant on Hendry’s beach, just steps from the Pacific ocean.

I successfully navigated there in my rental car, promptly ordered myself a big Bloody Mary, seen in the above picture, and congratulated myself on getting through the presentation despite my jet lag and lack of sleep. Whew!

After a few sips, I took a deep breath. The sea air was both comforting and invigorating. It was truly a glorious day.

Suddenly, the keynote, the conference, my insomnia and jitters were all behind me.

I looked around.

Mountains on one side. The majestic Pacific before me sparkling in the August sun. I was transported to paradise. And it wasn’t just the alcohol…although it might have helped a bit.

With the new found clarity that can only come with relaxation and the decluttering of one’s brain, I posed a question to myself.

“Why can’t I live in this magnificent place?” I already had a history of living in beautiful places, the Connecticut shore, Martha’s Vineyard, and a block from the public garden in Boston’s back bay.

Thoughts started to fall into place.

“I can work from anywhere. Why not Santa Barbara?”

And just like that I made a decision. I’m moving here.

That was August 7th and October 1st, I moved into my first apartment in Santa Barbara, without knowing a soul here. I listened, however, to my soul’s desire to surround myself with the beauty of this place. It felt like home.

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Now, for someone who is somewhat regimented with other parts of her life, this impulsive decision to move was not my first.

I took a day trip one weekend from Boston to Martha’s Vineyard looking for a potential weekend/vacation home. I saw about 12 different properties and by the end of the day, I made an offer on one. Another impulsive move to embrace the beauty around me. Again, I didn’t know anyone on this island but it felt like home and that was what mattered. After a health scare earlier that year, Martha’s Vineyard spoke to my soul and welcomed me to its sacred shores. It was my safe place for the few years I owned it. And each weekend before I moved there full time, I would drive down to the Wood’s Hole Ferry, park my car, walk on the boat and feel my shoulders soften their rigid position alongside my ears.

I eventually sold that little house on the island, and another home I owned in Connecticut to finance my move to California. The “how” became easier now that the goal was clear.

Decisions to relocate oneself, especially across the country, are big decisions.

But in both cases, moving to Santa Barbara and to Martha’s Vineyard, though impulsive, taught me a lesson in the importance of listening to one’s gut and heart.

One can argue that you should take more time to make a move of this magnitude. One can make the case that it’s wise to make a plan first, list the pros and cons, before finalizing your decision. But what I’ve learned through my own life experiences is that the answers often come when one turns off the noise and tunes in to what feels right.

Looking back, I don’t think either decision was really impulsive.

They felt impulsive because they happened in an instant. But the truth is that my heart had been gathering evidence for years. All it needed was a quiet moment to speak loud enough for me to hear it, for me to feel it.

That’s the thing about intuition. It rarely shouts. It waits patiently beneath all the noise until we’re finally still enough to listen.

It was Albert Einstein who said that intuition is a “sacred gift” over the “faithful servant” of the rational mind.

Has your intuition ever changed the course of your life?

I’d love to hear your story in the comments.

The Glass Cliff sheds a light on the importance of the politics and challenges that accompany a promotion.

My newsletter today explains the Glass Cliff, how midlife women are especially vulnerable, and how to avoid falling off the cliff.

You finally got the promotion. Or maybe you landed the executive role you’ve spent years pursuing.

You should be celebrating.

Instead, within weeks, you’re wondering:

Why does everything seem to be on fire?

The team is demoralized.

The budget has been slashed.

Customers are leaving. And the board is impatient.

Welcome to what researchers call the glass cliff.

It’s one of the least discussed and most dangerous forms of workplace bias because it doesn’t stop women from getting promoted. It sets them up to fail after they get there.

And if you’re a woman in midlife, you’re particularly vulnerable.

The promotion you’ve been waiting for...may come with hidden risk.

For years we’ve talked about the glass ceiling—the invisible barrier preventing women from reaching senior leadership.

But there is another pattern, the glass cliff, that researchers discovered decades ago.

Women are often appointed to leadership positions during periods of crisis, instability, or decline, when the probability of failure is dramatically higher.

In other words:

Women aren’t simply promoted. They’re handed a mess.

The failing division.

The impossible turnaround.

The toxic culture no one has been willing to confront.

The project that’s already months behind.

If they succeed, they’re considered exceptional.

If they don’t?

People quietly conclude they weren’t ready. But, in reality, they were set up to fail.

Recent research tells a more nuanced story

The glass cliff has now been studied across business, politics, higher education, and nonprofit leadership.

Interestingly, newer research paints a more complex picture than earlier studies. A large 2025 study examining U.S. corporate CEO appointments found no clear evidence that women were consistently more likely than men to be appointed during financially precarious periods, suggesting the phenomenon may depend on organizational context and how “crisis” is defined.

That doesn’t mean the glass cliff has disappeared.

Researchers continue to document glass cliff dynamics in other sectors and cultures, while ongoing work emphasizes that the pattern often emerges under specific organizational conditions rather than universally.

Perhaps the most important finding is this:

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Why midlife women are especially vulnerable

By midlife, you’ve accumulated experience.

You’ve built credibility and are seen as calm under pressure.

You’re collaborative. You know how to bring people together.

Ironically, these strengths can make you the “perfect” candidate when an organization is desperate.

But before you accept the role, ask a harder question:

Why is this position open now?

Did the previous leader leave voluntarily?

Was there a string of failed leaders?

Has funding disappeared?

Are key people resigning?

Has senior leadership lost confidence in the team?

Are the expectations realistic?

Or are they looking for someone to absorb the blame if things don’t improve quickly?

That’s the question too many women never ask.

Because they’re focused on proving they deserve the opportunity.

Competence isn’t enough

One of the biggest mistakes I see women make after a promotion is believing their new title gives them influence.

It doesn’t.

Influence isn’t granted. It’s built.

Who really holds power?

Who supports your success?

Who benefits if you fail?

Who controls resources?

Who shapes the narrative about your performance?

You can be the smartest leader in the room and still fail if you ignore those questions.

Before you solve problems, build allies

One of the biggest traps on the glass cliff is believing you have to prove yourself immediately.

You don’t.

Your first 90 days shouldn’t be about making dramatic changes.

They should be about building influence.

Meet people individually.

Listen more than you speak.

Find informal leaders.

Identify who others trust.

Understand past conflicts.

Learn which stakeholders can help—and which can quietly undermine you.

People support what they help create.

If you arrive with all the answers, you may unintentionally create resistance before you’ve built the relationships needed to sustain change.

Create your own safety net

Every woman taking on a significant leadership role should intentionally build a network of internal support.

That includes:

• Sponsors who advocate for you when you’re not in the room.

• Peers across departments who share information.

• Trusted advisors who tell you the truth.

• Senior leaders who publicly reinforce your authority.

• External mentors who help you keep perspective when internal politics become overwhelming.

Notice that none of those relationships happen automatically.

You have to build them. Intentionally.

Don’t confuse resilience with isolation

As a high-achieving women, you may believe you should be able to handle everything yourself.

Especially after a promotion.

But isolation is exactly what makes the glass cliff so dangerous.

Your next promotion shouldn’t become your biggest risk

If you’re offered a leadership opportunity, don’t let fear stop you.

Some of the most rewarding careers are built by leading through difficult moments.

Just don’t walk onto the cliff with your eyes closed.

Ask better questions.

Assess the political landscape.

Build influence before you need it.

Create allies before conflict arrives.

And remember:

You weren’t promoted simply because someone believed you could clean up the mess.

You were promoted because you’ve spent years building the expertise to lead.

Now make sure you’ve built the network that allows you to succeed.

Because breaking the glass ceiling should never mean being pushed toward the edge of a cliff.

Reading the room is a skill I learned when I stopped focusing solely on my work and started paying attention to what was going on around me.

This week’s newsletter gives you some tips on how assess the dynamics in the room to help you better understand how to position yourself.

Early in my career, I believed that if I had the facts, prepared thoroughly, and delivered a compelling argument, people would naturally support my ideas.

Sometimes they did. Many times they didn’t.

It took me years to realize that I wasn’t losing because my ideas weren’t good enough.

I was losing because I wasn’t reading the room.

No one teaches this skill!!!

Business schools don’t.

Most leadership programs barely mention it.

That’s what reading the room really means.

It’s not about being agreeable.

It’s not about becoming a chameleon.

And it’s certainly not about changing who you are to make other people comfortable.

It’s about understanding the context in which your ideas are being received.

For midlife women, this skill becomes even more important.

Why Midlife Changes the Equation

By midlife, you’ve accumulated experience, expertise, and perspective.

Ironically, those strengths don’t always translate into greater influence.

Many of us discover we’re no longer evaluated solely on what we know.

We’re navigating age bias.

Gender bias.

Changing leadership.

Organizational politics.

Unwritten rules that become even less visible as we move toward senior leadership.

You can walk into a meeting believing you’re there to solve a problem.

Someone else walks in protecting a budget.

Another person is defending their reputation.

Someone else is competing for the same promotion.

Another executive is worried about next quarter’s earnings.

The conversation isn’t only about the agenda.

It’s about everyone’s competing interests.

If you don’t recognize those dynamics, you’ll wonder why logical arguments sometimes fail.

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Reading the Room Means Seeing What Isn’t Being Said

Who speaks first?

Who interrupts—and who gets interrupted?

Whose comments immediately receive support?

Who stays unusually quiet?

Who keeps looking toward one executive before speaking?

Who changes the subject?

Who appears defensive?

Who seems unusually enthusiastic?

These aren’t random observations.

They’re clues.

Ask Yourself Better Questions

Before every important meeting, ask yourself:

What outcome does each person want?

Who stands to gain if this proposal succeeds?

Who has something to lose?

Who is likely to support this idea?

Who might quietly oppose it?

Whose opinion will matter most?

During the meeting, ask:

Has the energy shifted?

Are people engaged or merely being polite?

Has resistance appeared?

Is this the right moment to speak—or the right moment to ask a question?

These questions help you respond strategically instead of reacting emotionally.

Observation Is a Leadership Skill

Many women feel pressure to contribute immediately.

Sometimes the most influential thing you can do is observe first.

Notice who the informal leader is.

Notice who others defer to.

Notice where tension exists.

Notice who keeps bringing the conversation back on track.

Observation isn’t passivity.

It’s intelligence gathering.

The more information you collect, the more effectively you can contribute.

Don’t Just Watch People. Watch Patterns.

Anyone can have a bad day.

Don’t build conclusions around one interaction.

Instead, watch for recurring patterns.

Who consistently receives credit?

Who gets invited into important conversations?

Whose ideas gain traction?

Who always seems to know what’s happening before everyone else?

Patterns reveal influence.

Isolated moments rarely do.

Midlife Gives You an Advantage

One of the greatest gifts of experience is perspective.

You’ve seen reorganizations.

You’ve worked for difficult bosses.

You’ve witnessed promotions that made perfect sense—and others that made none.

You’ve learned that organizations are human systems.

Use that wisdom.

Instead of assuming people are irrational, ask what incentives, fears, or pressures might be shaping their behavior.

Curiosity often produces better leadership than certainty.

Reading the Room Is Not About Pleasing the Room

This is where many of us hesitate.

We worry that reading the room means softening our opinions or making ourselves smaller.

It doesn’t.

It means delivering your message in a way that has the greatest chance of being heard.

Great leaders don’t simply speak.

They connect.

They know when to challenge.

When to persuade.

When to ask questions.

When to build allies before the meeting instead of during it.

That’s influence!

The Most Powerful Question You Can Ask

Who had influence?

Who resisted?

Who surprised you?

What changed?

What did you miss?

Over time, those observations become your greatest political education.

No course can teach you what consistent attention will.

The Room Is Always Talking

Long before someone votes.

Long before a promotion is announced.

Long before a strategy changes.

The signals are there.

The room is always communicating.

The question is whether you’re paying attention.

Reading the room won’t make you less authentic.

It will make you more effective.

Because leadership isn’t only about having the right answer.

It’s about knowing how to move people toward it.

Today’s newsletter outlines how to create a power map to help you build influence across your organization. It’s a great strategic tool to use as a template for networking within your workplace.

The power map is also outlined in great detail in my book, The Politics of Promotion: How High Achieving Women Get Ahead and Stay Ahead.

For years, I believed that if I worked hard enough, delivered exceptional results, and treated everyone with respect, my career would naturally progress.

I was wrong.

Like many women, I was operating under the assumption that organizations are meritocracies. I thought promotions went to the best performer. I believed leaders objectively evaluated talent. I assumed that if I kept my head down and did great work, the right people would notice.

What I eventually learned—and what I wrote about extensively in The Politics of Promotion—is that organizations don’t simply run on performance. They run on relationships, influence, and power.

If you don’t understand who has power in your organization, you’re navigating your career without a map.

What Is a Power Map?

A power map is a visual representation of the people who influence decisions inside your organization. (Check out The Politics of Promotion for a usable template.)

Every workplace has people who influence promotions, assignments, budgets, visibility, and reputations. Some sit in the executive suite. Others don’t. Some have impressive titles but very little influence. Others seem almost invisible on the organizational chart but have enormous political capital.

The mistake many of us make is assuming the org chart tells the whole story.

It doesn’t.

The real power structure exists underneath it.

Why Women Often Miss It

We are frequently socialized to focus on competence rather than influence.

We’re taught to:

• Work harder.

• Be collaborative.

• Avoid office politics.

• Let our results speak for themselves.

Unfortunately, organizations don’t operate that way.

Decisions are made by people. And people are influenced by trust, relationships, credibility, reputation, alliances, and information.

Ignoring those realities doesn’t make them disappear.

It simply leaves you out of the conversation.

Too many of us discover this only after being passed over for a promotion they assumed they had earned. Yup! That was me!

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Every Organization Has Three Types of Power

When creating your power map, start by identifying three different groups.

1. Formal Power

These are the obvious decision-makers.

Your boss.

Your boss’s boss.

Senior executives.

HR leaders involved in talent decisions.

Promotion committees.

These individuals often have the final vote.

But they rarely make decisions in isolation.

2. Informal Influence

This is where many careers are made—or stalled.

Who does your executive trust?

Whose opinion carries weight during talent discussions?

Who gets asked before important decisions are made?

Who has relationships across departments?

Who knows what’s happening before everyone else?

These individuals often shape decisions long before they’re announced.

Sometimes they’re executive assistants.

Sometimes they’re longtime employees.

Sometimes they’re respected technical experts.

Sometimes they’re former leaders everyone still consults.

Influence isn’t always visible.

3. Connectors

Every organization has people who seem to know everyone.

They move easily across departments.

They introduce people.

They hear information early.

They connect ideas, opportunities, and relationships.

These connectors often become invaluable allies because they expand your visibility beyond your immediate team.

Ask Better Questions

Creating a power map is about observation.

Start paying attention.

Ask yourself:

Who gets invited to meetings they don’t technically need to attend?

Whose ideas receive immediate support?

Who do executives consistently seek out?

Who influences strategy even without the highest title?

Who sponsors rising talent?

Who seems connected across the organization?

Who has everyone’s respect?

The answers reveal far more than an organizational chart ever will.

Then Map Your Relationships

Once you’ve identified the key players, evaluate your own connections.

Who knows your work?

Who advocates for you when you’re not in the room?

Who could open doors?

Who barely knows you exist?

Who should know you better?

Many of us discover an uncomfortable truth during this exercise:

They’ve invested almost all of their energy downward—helping their teams—or sideways—supporting peers.

But they’ve invested very little upward or outward.

That’s not a character flaw.

It’s often the result of being taught that networking is self-serving or that visibility should happen naturally.

Neither belief serves ambitious women.

Your Goal Isn’t to Know Everyone

This isn’t about collecting LinkedIn connections.

It’s about building authentic, strategic relationships with the people who shape opportunities.

You don’t need dozens. You need the right few.

People who understand your value.

People who trust your judgment.

People who will mention your name when opportunities arise.

People who can sponsor—not just support—your advancement.

Update Your Map Regularly

Organizations change constantly.

Leaders leave.

New executives arrive.

Reorganizations shift influence.

Today’s power broker may disappear tomorrow.

Review your power map every six months.

Ask:

Has influence shifted?

Who has become more visible?

Who is emerging as a trusted advisor?

Where do I need to strengthen relationships?

Political awareness isn’t a one-time exercise.

It’s an ongoing leadership skill.

This Isn’t Manipulation. It’s Leadership.

Some women resist the idea of mapping power because it feels political.

But understanding how decisions get made isn’t manipulative.

It’s responsible.

Leaders understand systems.

Leaders recognize influence.

Leaders build relationships intentionally.

Ignoring organizational dynamics doesn’t make you more authentic.

It makes you less effective.

The women who advance aren’t always the smartest people in the room.

They’re the women who combine competence with political savvy.

They understand where power lives.

They know who influences decisions.

And they make sure their work is visible to the people who matter most.

Your career deserves more than hope.

It deserves a strategy.

Creating a power map is one of the smartest places to begin.

I’m a former CEO who made it to the C suite from an entry level position, published author, and executive coach. Since 2007, I’ve focused my coaching practice helping women leverage their talent and power to succeed in a workplace not designed for them; to overcome the bias and politics and step into their full potential.

This week, I am pleased to share the wisdom and expertise of , author of Empathy Elevated here on Substack. Her GUEST POST today focuses on how to use empathy with intention to build strong relationships and position yourself positively in the workplace.

Early in my career, I witnessed a Director at my company, a woman, new in her role for under 6 months, be highly successful but also receive backlash. She was highly competent and moving up fast. She had an internal sponsor who was also someone I worked closely with and had great respect for.

Behind her back, I would hear snide remarks like, “I don’t know why she got the role.” Others had worked in the role, men who were just as competent as, if not more competent than, her. She was detailed and dedicated.

Her warmth and empathy made people want to help her and get work done; overall, she was well-liked.

But the system read her empathy as a weakness.

She got pushed out. After her family left, she returned to a department that no longer existed, her role eliminated, and was placed in another role, but was asked to leave not long after.

The most effective tool she had was the one that cost her the most.

The Double Bind Has a Name

Empathy in women is read as niceness. At times, niceness is read as a lack of authority. Authority requires you to suppress the thing that was actually working.

This is not a perception problem. It’s a structural one.

The leader I knew was perceived as ineffective. No, she was quite effective at rallying the department to achieve our goals and cohesively come together in our mission.

The structural system we are in traps us, though, especially as women. It’s the double bind.

The instructions have always been contradictory. Be approachable, but not too soft. Be direct, but not too aggressive. Be warm, but do not let it show too much. The rules shift depending on who is watching.

Empathy can get mislabeled for leaders as weakness, when in fact it is a strength, but not in the way you are often made to think.

Empathy is accurate intelligence about what people need, want, and fear.

Empathy is not a personality trait; it’s a reading beyond the obvious and a subconscious awareness.

It is the reason you noticed the tension in the room before anyone named it. It is the reason you already knew what someone needed before they finished the sentence.

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What Empathy Actually Does When Used With Intention

In the same company but in a different situation, I intentionally used my empathy.

I was working with a sharp intern (who later got hired), but he was running into difficulties with our janky interface to extract data from our SAS instance. I admit, it was not easy. Some filters would null out the options selected elsewhere, then render errors.

He came over to my desk, flustered, as the data pulls seemed to be taking forever. I sat with him briefly, let him vent, and then redirected the conversation to how to tackle the system.

We worked together first, and then he ran with it.

Empathy was deployed with a boundary and a direction. It was not open-ended availability. It was specific and time invested. This, in itself, is the difference between empathy as a state and as an obligation.

An obligation is often accompanied by guilt. A strategy is met with empowerment.

Intelligence is knowing what someone needs and responding deliberately. That’s leverage. Knowing when not to give is equally a skill.

​

How to Stop Spending It for Free

Empathy has a cost. That does not make it inherently bad. Often, things that cost money do have value.

Empathy costs attention, time to listen, and emotional energy. There is a balance to be had, though, that you stay within your “budget.” Spending over your budget helps nobody, including yourself.

Empathy can become free labor. You give without intention. Boundaries are not set; when they are, it is too late, and they are resoundingly rejected. You do not necessarily get an ROI (return on investment) from the empathy you feel or show.

But you do gain leverage. This is not to say empathy should be used as a strategy to get something in return. No, assume you are empathetic with intention, and the results will follow.

Deploy it consciously where it moves something. It could be a relationship where you need to build trust. A decision is made that requires a tough conversation. A result needs to be reached in a short time period during a high-pressure quarter, but at the end of the day, you recognize you are in it with your team, and you are all people.

There are three practical moves to apply your empathy as leverage:

1. Read the room before you respond (use your intelligence first)

2. Set the container. Meaning, allow the brief vent, but be intentional with action. That intentionality is where empathy becomes leverage.

3. Know your limit to your empathy and your bandwidth to feel and think with others. Be honest with yourself.

It’s not about being cold. Protecting yourself is not a character flaw. You are kind. Kind to you and kind to others. You are being precise with your finite energy and where it can be empathic.

​

Empathy With Spine

Empathy is not the problem. The system that cannot categorize it correctly is.

But the reality is that we still have to operate within that system.

The move is not to suppress it, but to aim for it. Move in it. Adjust and spend your energy accordingly.

The Director I knew early in my career was not necessarily wrong in her approach. But the system we are in was not receptive to it. I have hope for the next century, as more women are moving into their own style rather than just trying to replicate male leaders, and men are becoming more attuned (and accepted in society) to recognizing the full spectrum of emotion.

Empathy is not gendered. It should not be. If someone tells you otherwise, they are speaking from a place of fear.

Empathy becomes your grounded power the moment you stop spending it for free.

The same intelligence that protects you at work is worth building, deliberately.

About Colette

• writes Empathy Elevated, a Substack newsletter on emotional intelligence as a professional skill for tech and mid-level leaders navigating the age of AI

• She brings 12+ years of analytics experience across the insurance, SaaS, and medical device industries — most recently in Sales Operations at a global medical device company, where she has led and managed teams focused on data and process excellence. Her writing is grounded in real organizational dynamics, not theory.

• Her work sits at the intersection of emotional intelligence, Stoicism, and human-AI partnership: practical frameworks for professionals who are analytically sharp and want their human skills to match

• Colette is based in Southern California and writes for professionals who want to lead with the full range of what makes them effective, not just the technical half.

I learned the hard way that it’s often the unwritten rules that rule. I was passed over for a promotion because I thought being a top performer would get me ahead. Then I learned that paying attention to the dynamics and building relationships with the people who had influence was the key. Understanding how to be politically savvy is the subject of my book, The Politics of Promotion: How High Achieving Women Get Ahead and Stay Ahead, which provides a road map to circumvent landmines and be successful.

For years, I believed that hard work was enough. And I worked my tail off to do my best work.

Like many women, I was taught that if I put my head down, delivered great results, and stayed focused on doing excellent work, my efforts would be recognized and rewarded. Promotions would come. Opportunities would appear. Leaders would notice.

That’s what we’re told, isn’t it?

Work hard. Be competent. Deliver results. And that worked for me for a while. I was recognized for my achievements and rewarded with promotions and raises.

Then, someone less qualified got promoted for a VP position I thought I deserved. I was the most qualified. I had the best track record.

And I started to understand that decisions weren’t made based on work alone. I had a reality check. I learned that decisions unrelated to performance were often made behind closed doors.

I realized certain people who got ahead had influence despite not being the smartest or hardest-working people in the room.

And I began to understand what I was missing.

The answer is often hidden in the workplace’s unwritten rules.

These rules are rarely discussed openly. They’re not in employee handbooks. No one explains them during onboarding. Yet they shape careers every single day.

Women, especially those who have spent decades believing in meritocracy, often find themselves at a disadvantage because they aren’t taught to recognize these dynamics. Instead, many of us continue playing by the official rules while others are succeeding because they understand the unofficial ones.

Understanding workplace politics isn’t about manipulation.

It’s about understanding how decisions are actually made.

And once you understand that reality, you can navigate bias more effectively, identify genuine allies, and build the network of support necessary to advance your career.

The Hidden Curriculum of Work

Every workplace has two operating systems.

The first is visible.

It’s the organizational chart, the job descriptions, the performance reviews, and the company values posted on the website.

The second is invisible.

It’s the network of relationships, alliances, influence, and power that determines how things really get done.

Most women are taught to focus almost exclusively on the first system.

We’re rewarded for being responsible, dependable, and collaborative. We learn to earn our place through performance. We become experts in execution.

But career advancement often depends on understanding the second system.

Who influences decisions?

Whose opinion carries weight?

Who has the ear of senior leadership?

Who sponsors talent behind closed doors?

Who controls access to opportunities?

These questions matter.

Yet many women avoid asking them because they’ve been conditioned to believe that success should be based solely on merit.

The reality is that merit matters—but visibility, relationships, and influence matter too.

Ignoring that reality doesn’t make it disappear.

It simply leaves you vulnerable to it.

Understanding Bias

One of the most difficult realities women face is recognizing the bias.

It can be subtle.

It’s not always intentional.

But often enough it affects opportunities, promotions, compensation, and leadership perceptions.

Research has consistently shown that men are often judged on potential while women are judged on proven performance.

Men are frequently viewed as ambitious and decisive.

Women exhibiting identical behaviors may be viewed as aggressive, difficult, or self-promotional.

Understanding this is critical!

It’s about becoming strategic.

Because when you understand the landscape, you can navigate it more effectively.

You stop personalizing every setback.

You stop assuming every rejection means you’re not good enough.

And you start evaluating situations more objectively.

Instead of asking:

“What’s wrong with me?”

You begin asking:

“What dynamics are influencing this situation?”

That shift alone is incredibly empowering.

Reality check: Not Everyone Wants You to Succeed

This may be uncomfortable to hear, but it’s important.

Not everyone in your workplace wants you to advance.

Some people will support you enthusiastically.

Others will support you conditionally.

Some will remain neutral.

And a few may actively work against you.

Many women struggle with this reality because we’re conditioned to seek approval and maintain harmony.

We assume that if we’re kind, supportive, and collaborative, others will naturally reciprocate.

Unfortunately, workplace dynamics don’t always work that way.

People have competing interests.

They have their own ambitions.

Their own insecurities.

Their own agendas.

Sometimes your success benefits them.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

The sooner you accept this reality, the sooner you stop wasting energy trying to win over people who have already decided not to support you.

That’s not a failure.

It’s information.

And information is power.

Learn to Identify Your Allies

One of the most important political skills you can develop is recognizing who is genuinely in your corner.

True allies do more than praise your work.

They advocate for you when you’re not in the room.

They connect you to opportunities.

They share valuable information.

They provide honest feedback.

They help increase your visibility.

Most importantly, they invest their political capital on your behalf.

These individuals are invaluable.

And they don’t always hold senior titles.

Sometimes a peer can become a stronger advocate than a vice president.

Sometimes a cross-functional colleague becomes your greatest champion.

The key is paying attention to actions, not words.

Many people will tell you they support you.

Far fewer will demonstrate it.

Watch what people do.

Notice who includes you.

Who introduces you.

Who recommends you.

Who speaks positively about your contributions.

Who consistently shows up for you.

These are the people worth cultivating relationships with.

Stop Chasing Validation From the Wrong People

One of the biggest mistakes I see women make is spending enormous amounts of energy trying to convince skeptics.

They work harder.

They prove themselves repeatedly.

They seek approval from managers who have already made up their minds.

They continue investing in relationships that consistently fail to produce support.

It’s exhausting. And often ineffective.

You do not need everyone to believe in you.

You need enough influential people to believe in you.

There’s a difference.

Political savvy means understanding where to invest your energy.

Rather than trying to convert every critic, focus on strengthening relationships with those who already recognize your value.

Build momentum where support exists.

Expand your network of advocates.

Create opportunities through allies who want to see you succeed.

That’s a far more productive use of your time and emotional energy.

Build Your Own Board of Directors

Every successful woman needs a personal board of directors.

This isn’t a formal group.

It’s a network of trusted people who provide different forms of support.

Some offer strategic advice.

Some provide sponsorship.

Some help increase visibility.

Some offer emotional support during difficult moments.

Some challenge your thinking and help you grow.

The strongest professional networks are diverse.

They include peers, mentors, sponsors, industry contacts, former colleagues, and leaders from different parts of the organization.

When you build this kind of network, you become less dependent on any single individual.

One unsupportive manager no longer has complete control over your future.

One missed opportunity doesn’t derail your career.

One political setback doesn’t define your trajectory.

You have multiple sources of support, information, guidance, and opportunity.

That creates resilience.

And resilience is one of the most valuable assets a woman can possess in today’s workplace.

The Real Goal

Many women become frustrated when they realize the workplace isn’t as fair as they hoped.

That’s understandable. I get it.

But the goal isn’t to spend your energy fighting every flaw in the system.

The goal is to understand the system well enough to succeed within it while helping create change where you can.

Political savvy is not about abandoning your values.

It’s about protecting your interests.

It’s about understanding how influence works.

It’s about ensuring your contributions are seen, your voice is heard, and your career doesn’t stall simply because you failed to recognize the rules others are already playing by.

The women who advance aren’t always the smartest.

They aren’t always the hardest working.

Often, they’re the women who understand both performance and politics.

They know how to build relationships.

They know how to cultivate allies.

They know where support exists and where it doesn’t.

And they know that success isn’t a solo endeavor.

If you’ve spent years believing that hard work alone should be enough, consider this your invitation to learn the other half of the game.

Not because the system is perfect.

But because understanding the unwritten rules gives you something invaluable: Choice.

The choice to navigate with awareness instead of frustration.

The choice to build support instead of isolation.

And the choice to create a career that isn’t limited by what others think you deserve.

This week I write about the personal and professional cost of putting yourself last.

Midlife women often reach a point where they begin questioning the role they’ve played for years. We’ve been the reliable one, the supportive one, the woman who makes everything work for everyone else. We were conditioned to believe that being selfless was admirable, that putting other people’s needs ahead of our own was simply what “good women” do. And for a long time, many of us built careers, families, and lives around that belief. But eventually, something shifts. We begin to recognize the quiet cost of constantly putting ourselves last.

It can show up as exhaustion, resentment, diminished confidence, or the unsettling feeling that despite everything we’ve accomplished, we’ve somehow become disconnected from ourselves.

Can you relate?

Many midlife women are highly capable, experienced, and accomplished, yet we still struggle to advocate for ourselves, speak openly about our ambitions, or prioritize what we truly want. Not because we lack talent or drive, but because we’ve spent decades trying to please everyone else first.

For me, that shift felt very selfish at first. I was so conditioned to please everyone that I forgot how to please myself. How to own my identity and talent through my own eyes, not through other’s. I was lost like a hamster on a wheel running round and round without purpose.

That is, until is became aware of the trap I had fallen into.

And that’s the shift midlife invites us to make.

Not from caring about others to caring only about ourselves, but from constantly seeking approval, validation, and acceptance from everyone around us… to finally asking ourselves what we want. What pleases us. What fulfills us. What kind of life, work, relationships, and opportunities feel aligned with who we are now.

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I see this often in my work with women, and I’ve experienced it myself. We are doing exceptional work behind the scenes, supporting teams, solving problems, mentoring others, and carrying enormous responsibility—yet remain under recognized and undervalued. We assume their hard work will speak for itself, only to realize that visibility and influence require something more. They require presence. Voice. Self-advocacy.

For so many of us, pleasing others became a survival strategy in a patriarchal environment. Be agreeable. Be accommodating. Don’t disappoint anyone. Don’t ask for too much. But over time, constantly managing everyone else’s comfort can come at the expense of your own happiness, ambition, and self-worth.

Midlife has a way of bringing clarity to these patterns. It becomes harder to ignore the imbalance between what we give and what we receive. We start asking bigger questions: What do I want now? Why have I spent so much time waiting for permission? What would happen if I stopped organizing my life around everyone else’s expectations?

Focusing on yourself at this stage of life is not selfish! It’s necessary. It’s about recognizing that your well-being, your ambitions, your voice, and your future matter too. It’s about learning to stop minimizing your contributions, stop apologizing for wanting more, and stop believing that taking up space somehow diminishes others.

The shift often begins quietly. Speaking up sooner in meetings. Setting a boundary without guilt. Sharing accomplishments without downplaying them. Asking for opportunities instead of hoping to be noticed. Making decisions based not only on what makes everyone else comfortable, but on what genuinely feels right for you.

And perhaps that’s one of the greatest gifts of midlife: the realization that you no longer want to abandon yourself in the process of taking care of everyone else.

You’ve spent years showing up for others. Maybe now it’s time to show up for yourself with the same commitment, energy, and intention.

Because you are not done yet.

My newsletter this week is an edited excerpt from my book, Not Done Yet! How Women Over 50 Regain Their Confidence and Claim Workplace Power.

I’m too old to be promoted.

I was 49 years old when I was lost out on a promotion despite the fact I worked my tail off, gave my life to that company for nearly a decade, and had a consistent record of great performance. The rejection sucked. I felt betrayed and I was pissed. Instead of the VP job I wanted, they offered me a lateral position of AVP that required me to re-locate, which I took as another slap in the face, and I left. Sayonara. Did I mention they gave the job to a man?

Now I was almost fifty and looking for a job. That wasn’t something I had planned for by any means. I naively thought I had some kind of job security because I was a top performer. But I also believed, perhaps naively, that it might take some time, but it wouldn’t be difficult to find another position in a new company. That actually worked out to be true. I reached out to my network of former colleagues and let them know I was on the lookout for another job, and my dear friend Cheryl, who had left the company a few years before, told me about an opening for a CEO position in her company. I interviewed and got the job. It was a big promotion.

Never once did I think that I wouldn’t get a job because I had just reached the big five 0. Never once did I think I wasn’t marketable. In fact, I believed the opposite was true.

Here’s the thing, remember if you’re looking for a promotion at this age, you’re at the peak of your career. This is when you have the most to offer. You know more today than you’ve ever known.

Ask yourself this: why should your age limit your value? You now have more experience and wisdom than ever before. Age enhances your value.

Experience = Value

Wisdom = Value

Therefore, Age = Value

See what I mean?

Listen, you didn’t get to where you are today by slacking off. You didn’t put in long hours and juggle the work life balance thing or do the political dance at work for nothing. You’ve worked hard. You’ve accomplished a lot over the course of your career so far. And guess what? You’re not done yet so stop telling yourself you are!

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Does your track record suddenly have no value? That’s bullshit. You deserve to be promoted.

Look at the some of the world’s most powerful women who were promoted after 50. Ruth Bader Ginsberg was appointed to the Supreme Court by President Clinton at the age of 6o. Nancy Pelosi was 67 when she first became Speaker of the House, and then again at 79. Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State at 61. And as of mid-2025, there are 55 female CEOs in the Fortune 500 and the overwhelming majority (effectively all, or all but one or two) of these 55 women are over 50, reflecting the typical experience requirement for top corporate leadership.

Did any of these women think they were too old to get promoted? Can you imagine Nancy Pelosi saying, “I’m grateful for honoring me with this position of Speaker of the House, but I think I’m too old to accept it”. How would that go? All of these women put themselves out there to get promoted. They wanted it. They’re ambitious and they don’t believe that ambition has a timetable. They know their value. And by the way, consider the consequences for us if they weren’t in these positions.

I often tell my clients that they’re stingy if they hold themselves back and don’t push themselves out of their comfort zone to do what it takes to get promoted; to ask for a promotion. They’re stingy because they have so much value to offer their team, their manager, their company. Sure, a promotion benefits you personally. You get more responsibility and power, more recognition, and probably more money. But your promotion also benefits others who will reap the rewards of your leadership and wisdom.

Message: Don’t let your chronological age be the barrier to your ongoing success.

Let’s say you do believe you’re too old to be promoted. Follow me on this.

How does this belief hold you back?

Example: If I believe I won’t get promoted, it decreases my motivation and energy level at work. I feel like a victim and consequently, feel powerless to control my future. I no longer volunteer for highly visible assignments which takes me off the radar. I rarely offer my opinions which decreases my credibility. I simply do the work required and nothing more. I most likely appear tired and disinterested in what’s going on around me. I don’t engage. I feel like an outsider at work and feel isolated, different, and uncomfortable.

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I won’t get the promotion but it may not be because of my age. It may be because I’ve unconsciously taken myself out of the competition.

Light bulb!

Here’s a direct link between your assumptions and your attitude and behavior at work which sets you up to be marginalized without your being aware of it.

Let’s reframe this and create a positive mantra to replace the negative belief.

I’m smart and ambitious and I have a lot of value to offer my organization going forward.

Doesn’t that feel better? Why tell yourself your days of advancing your career are over? Don’t let yourself get distracted by this bullshit.

Write out your own positive mantra, keep it visible, and say it out loud each day.

Instead of thinking about all the reasons you won’t be promoted because you’re too old, start a list of all the reasons you deserve to be promoted.

It might look like this:

· I introduce innovative ideas that keep our customers engaged and loyal.

· My work has resulted in $_________ of revenue in the past year.

· I have strong relationships with our clients who trust me to handle their most challenging issues.

· I help our team see things from the customer’s perspective which builds strong relationships.

· Over the course of my career, I’ve learned how to wisely assess situations and find strategic solutions.

· My value only increases with age as I bring to my team the many lessons I’ve learned about business over the years

· Individuals across the company respect me, trust me, look to me for advice and leadership.

· I’m ready, willing, and able for this promotion.

Create your own list of 3-5 reasons you should get promoted and focus on that going forward.

Here’s my point: as soon as you believe you’re too old, you’ll be stuck where you are the remainder of your career, and you’ll sabotage your future success. Is that really what you want? Don’t be afraid. Forget the self-doubt. This is your life and your career. Go for what you want.

I got a new coaching client last week. She’s an extremely talented and successful architect in her mid forties. My zoom call with her immediate manager along with the CEO of the company that sponsors her work with me, provided me with their goals for the coaching along with the the background I needed to get started.

What they told me in conversation was that Andrea was a great employee but she was very negative and hyper critical of her colleagues. “She has high expectations for herself and for everyone around her. She is frustrated with herself for not accomplishing enough (not true), and frustrated with her peers.” They went on to say that her negativity and criticism is affecting the overall morale of her department.

Well, I can relate to self-criticism! And I think many ambitious women can relate as well. We never seem to meet (in our minds) the high standards we set for ourselves and that can overshadow any of our successes if we let it. High expectations fuel our ambition and that’s a good thing, but if turned inward they can also sabotage our careers with self-doubt.

I sometimes find myself slipping into this trap. I’ve achieved alot, but can I fall victim to thinking it was not enough. I’m always raising the bar higher and not giving myself enough credit for my accomplishments. In fact, I question whether or not I could have done better or if I was just lucky.

Can you relate?

I frequently need to coach myself out of this mindset and in my newsletter today I’m giving you some advice I use in my own practice.

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You did everything right. You worked hard, delivered results, and achieved what you set out to do. And yet, there’s this lingering feeling that it doesn’t quite measure up. Not fully. Not in the way you thought it would. Instead of celebrating, you adjust the target. You tell yourself you should have done it sooner, or done it better, or that it probably isn’t that impressive anyway. And just like that, the bar moves again.

This is the trap no one warns you about. High expectations are supposed to drive success, and for a while, they do. They push you to prepare more, stretch further, and perform at a higher level. But when “enough” is always just out of reach, something shifts. You stop feeling motivated and start feeling inadequate.

At that point, success stops registering. You get the promotion but immediately question whether you deserved it. You complete a project but fixate on what wasn’t perfect. You receive praise but dismiss it as politeness. From the outside, everything looks like it’s working. Internally, though, you’re keeping score very differently—and in your version, you’re always coming up short.

Over time, this pattern creates a quiet but powerful belief: that you’re not as good as people think you are. You may not say it out loud, and you might not even consciously agree with it, but it shows up in how you operate. You hesitate before speaking, over prepare for everything, avoid opportunities where you might not excel immediately, and downplay your contributions. Not because you lack ability, but because you don’t trust that what you bring is enough.

This is where expectations start to backfire. The very standards that once helped you succeed begin to limit how far you’re willing to go. When your internal bar is impossibly high, you don’t stretch—you protect. You don’t take risks, you refine what’s already safe. You don’t step forward. You wait until you’re certain. You become more focused on not falling short than on actually moving forward.

And for many women, this intensifies in midlife.

By now, you’ve built a track record. You’re experienced, capable, and proven. But with that comes a different kind of pressure—the expectation that you should know, that you should deliver, that you should get it right. The margin for error feels smaller, which makes the stakes feel higher. So instead of expanding into new opportunities, you tighten your grip. You tell yourself you can’t afford to mess this up. But that mindset doesn’t protect your success. It quietly caps it.

It’s important to be clear about what this is and what it isn’t. This isn’t about ambition or having high standards. Those are strengths. The problem arises when your self-worth becomes tied to an ever-moving target, when no matter what you achieve, it somehow doesn’t count. That belief is what needs to shift.

Breaking this cycle doesn’t require lowering your expectations. It requires changing how you relate to them. It starts with separating your performance from your identity and recognizing that your value doesn’t fluctuate based on outcomes. When something doesn’t go as planned, it’s information, not a verdict on your worth.

It also means redefining what “enough” actually looks like. If your definition is perfection, you will never experience it. But if you begin to measure success in terms of progress, impact, and the willingness to show up even when it’s uncomfortable, you create a standard you can actually reach—and build from.

You also have to counter the natural bias your brain has toward what’s missing. That means intentionally capturing evidence of what’s working—your wins, the positive feedback you receive, the risks you take. Not as a way to boost your confidence artificially, but as a way to ground your thinking in reality rather than distortion. Here’s where I suggest keeping a success journal. Make an entry every day of at least one thing you accomplished that day (big or small), then review at the end of the week and ask yourself, “what does this say about me?” It boosts your confidence and helps you build new positive neural pathways over time.

And perhaps most importantly, you have to act before you feel ready. If you wait until you believe you’ve met your own expectations, you’ll stay stuck. Confidence doesn’t come first. It’s built through action—through speaking up, stepping forward, and taking risks before everything feels certain.

The most powerful shift, though, is letting go of the need to prove you’re enough. You don’t need more evidence. You need a different starting point—the belief that you already are enough, and that growth isn’t about proving your worth but expanding your capacity.

When ambition comes from that place, everything changes. It’s no longer driven by fear or validation, but by curiosity and possibility. You take smarter risks. You recover more quickly from setbacks. You stop shrinking in rooms where you should be leading.

And ironically, your success doesn’t just continue. It accelerates.

You don’t need higher expectations. You need to recognize that what you’re already doing counts. Because it does. And once you start operating from that place, you don’t just feel different—you show up differently.

And that changes everything.

This week’s newsletter focuses on the importance of political savvy for midlife women. The content comes from my books, Not Done Yet!: How Women Over 50 Regain their Confidence and Claim Workplace Power and The Politics of Promotion: How High Achieving Women Get Ahead and Stay Ahead.

The importance of political savvy, paying attention to what’s going on around you, cannot be emphasized enough.

Here are some tips for how to engage in office politics without losing your integrity.

You were told that if you worked hard, kept your head down, and delivered results, you’d be rewarded. But that’s not reality, and in midlife, that realization hits even harder. Because while you’ve been focused 100% on your work, something else has been happening all around you. Decisions being made, alliances forming, and influence shifts.

In other words: politics. And at this stage of your career, the cost of ignoring it is higher.

You’re more vulnerable to being overlooked. More likely to be sidelined.
More exposed to decisions you didn’t even know were being made. And it’s not because you’re less capable. But because you’ve been focused on performance, while another game has been shaping your future.

If you’re not paying attention to it, it’s already shaping your career without you.

When you believe in a meritocracy and keep your head down because you’re focused on your work, you miss out on what’s going on around you. You miss out on the workplace dynamics that can make or break your career. You miss out on the politics. I know politics might make you cringe. You despise the political animals who seem to get what they want at work, despite their obvious self-serving manipulation. I researched how women feel about office politics for my book The Politics of Promotion. Sentiments ranged from “it’s a waste of time” to “it’s evil.” Yup. That’s what I’ve heard from hundreds of women.

But now it’s time to accept reality before that reality bites you in the butt. Especially as you get older, you need to pay attention to office politics because you are increasingly vulnerable to being sidelined.

Your survival depends on your political savvy. This means paying attention to how things get done, who wins and how they do so, and what it takes to successfully navigate your workplace. It’s about relationships.

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Right about now you may be saying to yourself, I don’t care what Bonnie says. I’ll never play the dirty game of politics. Well, who said it has to be dirty? If that’s what you’re telling yourself, you absolutely need an attitude adjustment.

Stay with me on this. I want you to consider this scenario:

You go out with some friends, let’s say five or six, for a girls’ night out. Excited and giddy to be together, you grab a big round table where you all can easily converse. Everyone’s anxious to catch up, but for a few seconds before everyone sits, you stand around looking at one another and the table setup, assessing—perhaps unconsciously—who you want to sit next to, who you want to share your news and gossip with. Finally, somehow, it’s negotiated and everyone takes a seat. Likely someone doesn’t get to sit in her most preferred spot, but it’s done. Some girlfriends get what they want and some don’t. C’est la vie. Let’s order drinks and let the rowdy conversation begin.

I’m sharing this scenario with you to point out that subtle politics go on, even in our everyday situations. People have natural allegiances, favorites, and preferences, even within a circle of friends. And although everyone’s out for a fun night, maybe they’d like to sit next to one friend over another for the next couple of hours. This, girlfriend, is politics. It is the dynamics between people. Who dominates the conversation? Who’s getting the most attention? Who isn’t? Who’s everyone’s favorite tonight? Who’s trying too hard to gain favor? Is one friend hurt because she’s talked over or left out of the conversation?

Politics is not evil. It’s not bad karma. It’s how people relate to one another. It’s real.

In the workplace, it’s no different. It’s about people and relationships.

Here are some questions to answer to boost your political savviness:

· Who has power and influence over your career? Plan to build visibility and relationships with these people.

· How are decisions about promoting and firing made? Who decides? Make sure they know your value.

· What’s the culture like? Is it collaborative, hierarchical, formal, casual, toxic, youthful, innovative, stifling, status quo thinking? What type of behavior is acceptable and approved? What isn’t?

· How do you fit in this culture?

· How does the culture inform what you need to do to survive and thrive? What do you need to do, if anything, to better position yourself without compromising yourself?

· Is there evidence of gender bias? Ageism? Where? In which leaders? Who may throw you under the bus? Who could support you? Make sure you build a network of allies and champions who have influence.

· How does the culture affect your future viability and what can you do to adapt?

Write out a plan to position yourself for success. Use your political savvy skills to advocate for yourself, create a strategic network to support your career, and be visible and relevant. If you would benefit from some help with this, reach out to a mentor or hire a coach. Don’t be a victim waiting for doomsday.

Find a way to strengthen your relationship with your boss by letting them know how you can help them reach their objectives.

What challenges are they facing?

What’s important to them right now?

How can you become their advocate and help them gain more visibility for their work?

What does it take to get ahead or stay ahead? Don’t make assumptions here, and don’t state what you wish were true, for example, that your tenure will be based on your performance alone.

Are certain relationships more relevant?

Does a specific type of work carry more weight?

What is the key to success?

Most importantly for you, what does it take as an older woman to stay employed and be promoted?

Get real and figure it out:

· Does the company support women or just pay lip service to gender equality?

· Are there any older women in senior leadership?

· How did they get promoted? Through relationships? Executive presence? How much did performance count?

Key takeaways:

Don’t count on your great performance and hard work to advance your career or keep your job. Pay attention. Keep your eyes and ears open. Build visibility across the organization. Form strong relationships. Take control. Be proactive and learn to be savvy.

Political savvy isn’t evil. It’s not a waste of time. It’s necessary for your survival.

The newsletter today was written as an assignment in a creative writing program I’m currently enrolled in.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the content and tone.

There’s a shift that happens with age.

It begins in midlife, when you stand steadfast like wheat in a field facing an impending storm and say, I’ve had enough. You can’t knock me down.

I’ve had enough of compromising my values to fit in. I did that for decades, trying to avoid the male bullies whose sovereignty dictated the rules for right and wrong. Rules that consistently stomped on my rights as a woman.

I’ve had enough of staying silent when the rage builds inside me like a hurricane gathering force over the ocean. Staying silent about injustice, corruption, misogyny. That anger needs an outlet. It needs a voice.

I’ve had enough of putting myself last. Now is the time to give myself a break from routines that no longer serve me, from endless competition that demands my attention, from the self-doubt and fear that kept me playing small.

I’ve known what it feels like to slip into victim hood. To drown in guilt for not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, especially as age creeps in despite my resistance.

I’m gasping now for fresh air. For a life where the toxins, internal and external, are finally extracted. Where relief replaces that dull, throbbing weight I carried for far too long.

I’ve given away enough power over my lifetime to fuel a New York City utility plant.

Enough.

I’m ready to take it back.

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As a young girl, I had that power. My energy glowed like a beacon, an open invitation for possibility. I was precocious and ambitious. There was nothing I wouldn’t try, nothing I believed I couldn’t do. Failure wasn’t a dead end; it was part of the journey.

And I learned. I fell. I stood back up.

I was a powerful little girl with nothing stopping her from dreaming big—trips to the moon and back. A star among the planets.

My parents nurtured my curiosity and my courage. They encouraged me to be fully myself, to own every inch of who I was. I was a force. And they were on the sidelines, cheering me on.

So what happened to that little girl?

What dimmed her light?

She became a firefly caught in a patriarchal jar, her glow slowly fading under the weight of expectations.

Too many rules. Too much pressure to be the “good girl.” Too much energy spent trying to please.

But something shifts in midlife.

It sets you free.

I’m done living by rules that were never designed for me. I’m writing my own now, ones rooted in truth, self-respect, and freedom.

Here’s what I know at this stage of my life:

Stop giving your energy to what you can’t control.
I’ve spent too much time circling the same frustrations. And while there’s always something to complain about, staying there keeps me stuck. I can acknowledge what hurts or angers me, but I don’t have to live there. My power lies in what I choose to do next.

Practice gratitude—intentionally.
I just came back from a walk under a cloudless blue sky. Crisp air. Vibrant colors. A quiet reminder of how fortunate I am. Yes, the world can feel heavy. But I choose, every day, to notice what’s good. My family. My work. My friends. The simple fact that I’m here, still growing. Still evolving.

Learn to love yourself.
This one is still a work in progress. I’ve written a list of what makes me lovable and placed it where I can see it every day. Writing it was the easy part. Believing it? That’s the work. But I’m committed to it.

Stop creating impossible standards.
I could write endless rules for how to live a “perfect” life. But those rules only set me up to fall short. And I’m no longer interested in feeling like I’m failing at my own life.

So maybe the real rule is this: let the rules go.

Honor where you are. Do the best you can. Accept the stumbles, the overwhelm, the unexpected turns. Because alongside them are moments of tenderness, pride, joy, and the opportunity to begin again.

I’m standing tall now, ready to face whatever storms may come.

But this time, I’m not bracing for impact.

I’m rooted.

And I decide how I rise.

This newsletter is a wake up call for women who are feeling the pressure of a changing workplace, who are struggling with where they fit in the world of AI.

The time is now for you to recognize that what got you ahead isn’t necessarily what will help you move forward in the future.

This newsletter offers a new approach for women to build influence and visibility.

There’s a lot of anxiety in the workplace today. As I wrote in my newsletter last week, with the shift toward AI, women are increasingly aware of the danger of becoming irrelevant and possibly losing their jobs. The concern is what will the future workplace look like and how to be a part of it.

That fear of the future might lead to the desire to reinvent yourself. Some women have made the decision to look for a different career, leave the corporate arena, or perhaps start a business. But in my recent conversations with women, I sense that many are not looking to jump into something completely new. The market feels too uncertain for that. Too risky. Too unpredictable.

The bigger concern today is: How do I stay relevant? How do I make sure I’m not overlooked? How do I position myself for what’s next?

These are important questions to ask. Your response is equally important.

Why? Because many accomplished, experienced women are still trying to secure their future by doubling down on their past accomplishments. They’re leading with what they’ve done, what they’ve achieved. It’s their comfort zone. And while all of that matters, it’s no longer enough to stand out today.

Don’t get me wrong. Your experience is valuable. But if it’s the only thing you’re leading with, it can position you as someone whose greatest contribution has already happened. And you don’t want that! Especially if you’re a midlife woman.

In a workplace being reshaped by AI, with constant change and shifting expectations, the question is no longer “What have you done?” It’s “What can you do next and at what level?”

And if your narrative is still rooted primarily in past results, you may unintentionally be sending the wrong signal. You may be perceived as proven but not evolving, not strategic. You are seen as experienced but not forward-looking.

That’s how you get overlooked. It’s not that you lack capability. It’s because your positioning hasn’t kept pace with the moment.

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What used to make sense in a stable, linear workplace, doesn’t hold up anymore. And that’s the belief that if you just show them everything you’ve accomplished, they’ll see your value.

Because today, value is not just demonstrated through proof of the past. It’s demonstrated through alignment with the future. And that requires something different. It requires letting go of the idea that your past success will carry you forward on its own.

This is where the real shift happens. Not in what you’ve done, but in how you show up.

Showing up differently means moving from a retrospective narrative to a forward-looking one. It means talking not just about what you’ve accomplished, but how you think, how you approach challenges, and how you contribute to where the business is going.

Perhaps you’re a senior leader who has achieved excellent performance but you can’t understand why you’re not being considered for bigger roles. You need to ask yourself: Are you solely relying on your years of success to build influence?

What if you shift your positioning?

Instead of leading with what you’ve done, talk about how you approach complex decisions, how you evaluate risk, and how you think about growth and innovation.

When you start speaking about what you would do next, not just what you’ve already done, your visibility changes, you’re perceived differently, and that change in perception is important. Now opportunities will open up as the organization begins to see you as part of their future. They know how you will add value going forward.

To make this shift, there are a few beliefs that have to go. The belief that you need to prove yourself again before you can step up. The belief that you need to know more before you speak up. The belief that your credibility comes from being prepared and polished.

Those beliefs feel safe, but they keep you anchored in a version of yourself that is no longer enough for where you want to go.

Because in today’s environment, waiting to feel ready is a liability. The people gaining traction are not the ones who have it all figured out. They are the ones who are willing to engage, contribute, and be seen in the conversation as it’s happening.

Repositioning yourself doesn’t require a complete overhaul, but it does require intentional shifts. It starts with how you talk about your work. Move from describing tasks and accomplishments to articulating impact, insight, and direction. It continues with where you show up. Step into conversations that are forward-looking, even if you don’t feel like you have all the answers. And it requires visibility, not self-promotion for its own sake, but intentional signaling of your relevance.

Because ultimately, that’s what people are evaluating.

Your experience is not the problem. But relying on it as your primary positioning strategy is. The workplace is not standing still. And neither can you.

This is not about becoming someone new. It’s about letting go of what’s no longer serving you and stepping into a more current, more relevant version of yourself, one that is not defined by past results alone, but by the value you are ready to create next.

Because the women who will thrive in this environment are not the ones who hold tightly to what they’ve done.

They’re the ones who use it as a foundation and build forward from there.

This week the focus of my newsletter is on what women can do to stay relevant in the AI workplace.

I’m not an AI expert by any means, but I am an expert in helping women navigate complex work environments and position themselves for success.

In today’s workplace, that means learning how AI can help you stay relevant and influential.

There’s a lot of noise right now about AI and what it will do, what it might replace, and which jobs are at risk. And the hard truth that needs to get more attention is: AI is not gender neutral. And that means, for women especially, embracing AI now is not only critical to keep your job, but also essential to maintain and gain power and influence.

And if women don’t respond strategically, this moment could quietly undo years of progress in the workplace. Not necessarily overnight. But gradually, through missed opportunities, reduced visibility, and being left out of the rooms where decisions are made.

We know that some roles will disappear. The data is already pointing in that direction. Research from organizations like the World Economic Forum shows that jobs most exposed to AI—administrative, clerical, and support roles—are disproportionately held by women. At the same time, women remain underrepresented in fast-growing, AI-related roles.

Some estimates suggest that over 30% of women’s jobs could be significantly disrupted by AI, compared to a lower percentage for men.

The real threat isn’t just job loss. The real threat is that AI is eliminating execution work and elevating strategic work. And historically, women have been overrepresented in execution-heavy roles and underrepresented in strategic, tech-enabled roles.

As AI takes over administrative work, coordination, and routine analysis, the value shifts to decision-making, interpretation, leadership, and influence. If you stay where the work is shrinking, you don’t just lose tasks, you lose relevance and possibly your job.

Don’t fall into the ‘falling behind’ trap because you’re too busy to experiment with AI tools. Make the time. Don’t assume someone else will lead the transformation and you don’t have to. That passive approach could cost you your career. Maybe you feel you need to wait until you feel ready. But waiting is perilous because things are changing fast and while you hold yourself back from jumping in, your colleagues are learning AI, taking on AI-driven projects, and perceived as forward thinking. Then suddenly, you’re no longer relevant, no longer in the conversation, and it’s not because you’re not capable. It’s because you didn’t reposition yourself in time.

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Are you willing to take that risk?

One of the most limiting beliefs I see, especially among experienced, high-achieving women, is “I’m not technical.” In today’s workplace, that belief is a liability. Because AI is not just a technical skill. It’s a workplace tool, much like email or Excel once were.

The people who will thrive are not necessarily engineers. They’re the ones who use AI to think better, move faster, and expand their impact. In other words, they’re the ones who integrate it into how they work, not those who stand back and wait to understand it perfectly.

So what does that mean for you?

It means becoming an active user, not a passive observer. It means using AI in your day-to-day work when applicable whether that’s drafting, brainstorming, analyzing, or preparing for meetings. It also means consciously shifting your focus up the value chain.

If AI can handle parts of your role, your job is to spend more time on the work it can’t replicate: judgment, decision-making, and influence. That shift doesn’t require a complete reinvention of your career. It requires expanding it and layering AI into what you already do so that you become more relevant, not replaced.

It also requires something many women still struggle with and that is getting visible before they feel ready. This is where political savvy becomes necessary. Too often, women wait until they feel confident or fully informed before they speak up or step forward. But in a critical moment like this, visibility is positioning.

The people being seen as “AI-forward” are not necessarily the most knowledgeable, they are the ones willing to engage publicly, to share what they’re learning, and to raise their hands for new opportunities. If you wait for permission, you will be late. And in a landscape that’s evolving this quickly, late is costly.

In reality, this isn’t just a conversation about skills. It’s a conversation about power. Who gets promoted. Who gets visibility. Who is included in strategic discussions. Who has access to leadership. AI will accelerate all of those dynamics.

And the question is not whether your job will change, because we know it will. The question is whether you will change fast enough to stay in the rooms where decisions are made.

You don’t need to become an engineer. But you do need to become AI-relevant. Because the workplace is changing, with or without you. And the women who will thrive are the ones who step in early, experiment openly, and position themselves strategically before it’s too late.

Years ago, I noticed a trend in my coaching practice. Ambitious talented women 50+ were being sidelined as they aged. Despite years of excellent performance, they became invisible as they showed visible signs of aging.

This triggered my research on gendered ageism which confirmed the prevalence in the workplace of the bias, ageist assumptions and stereotypes that derail women, push them aside and sometimes push them prematurely out the door.

So, I wrote a book, Not Done Yet! How Women over 50 Regain Their Confidence and Claim Workplace Power, not only to expose the effect of gendered ageism in the workplace but to give women the tools and strategies to survive and thrive in a workplace pitted against them.

My newsletter this week is the introduction of my book aptly called The Rant.

My Rant

Okay. Right from the get-go, I’m gonna be straight with you. I’m pissed. I consider myself to be intelligent, wise, healthy, and fit. I know I have value. I can declare with confidence that I’ve evolved over the decades into a mature, level-headed woman with extensive experience and expertise. This isn’t meant to be a personal brag fest by any means, but if it’s taken that way, then let it be a brag fest for all women over fifty. Because we all have value, and I’m pissed that society seems hell-bent on pushing us to the sidelines and diminishing our contributions. And I want to scream: Hold on. Not so fast. We’re NOT DONE YET!

We live in a culture that worships youthfulness and requires daily sacrifices to the beauty gods. Every day we witness younger women in the workplace being favored. We’re also keenly aware that our skin is wrinkling, our hair turning gray, and that none of this is tolerated in a youth-tilted culture. We sense our power and respect slipping away.

I see signs of my aging every time I look in the mirror. And it sucks. Not because I’m unhappy with growing old. That’s a gift! It sucks because society won’t let me and my sisters age in peace. We live in a world eager to shove fifty-plus women out the door to make room for younger workers. And the rationale is that anyone younger or prettier has more value. Pure BS.

I want to be healthy and fit. I want to feel fulfilled by my work. And I want to be respected and acknowledged for that work. I want to keep working for the foreseeable future. Like many of you, I need to keep working. Sure, I could let my hair go gray and stop using the anti-aging products that slow down the visible signs of my age. But I know in my gut that I may face the consequences of such decisions. As with many of the women I’ve interviewed for this book and those I’ve met online and at conferences, I fear that the more my age shows, the less respect I’ll receive, the less I’ll be valued in the marketplace, and that my income will suffer as a result.

Given this bias, we all have choices about what compromises we’re willing to make to stay marketable and keep our jobs. Should I have an eyelift? Should I do Botox and fillers to maintain my status and income? But even as we take steps to erase the effects of aging, we understand deep down that aging will inevitably catch up one day. How much will it affect our careers? Navigating all this is something we face as professional women over fifty.

Age-related assumptions about women go beyond the cultural bias for youth and beauty. We’re told that people over fifty aren’t promotable, aren’t worth investing in, don’t have the mental capacity or physical stamina to compete—despite evidence to the contrary. Workplace practices remain based on these ageist assumptions. Policies about hiring, firing, promotion, and compensation reveal the underlying bias. And women, unfortunately, suffer earlier because of the perceived importance of good looks and the bogus notion that aging women aren’t attractive. This has a substantial impact on our career trajectories.

These assumptions are accepted as the god-given truth. And the real danger is that, over time, we accept them as our limitations. As we internalize these beliefs, we diminish ourselves, keep ourselves small, and as a result, accelerate our aging and jeopardize our health, job security, and financial viability. This needs to stop.

I’m pissed, because years of education and solid experience cease to matter. Years of managing to balance work and raising a family, often sacrificing our well-being in the process, doesn’t matter. Put everyone else first. That was the message we heard loud and clear from our mothers. Somehow, having followed that advice mitigates the guilt we feel for choosing a career, or maybe we had no choice. But we still feel guilty. We’ve met our boss’s demands for tight deadlines with no flexibility, no real maternity-leave, and certainly no family leave. Yeah, we’ve done all this. We may even have additional caregiving of our parents just as we’re experiencing an empty nest. Whew. When does it end?

Now, here come the fifties. Menopause, hot flashes, raging hormones, and we still go to work each day trying to do our best to win approval, acknowledgement, and promotions. But we sense change on the horizon. Our once sought-after opinion is dismissed, our workload reassigned. Younger people are promoted around us as we’re pushed into the shadows of irrelevance. Demeaning remarks about older people create an environment of fear, especially for those of us who feel the pressure to remain youthfully attractive to stay employed. We ask ourselves, What’s going to happen to me? Will I be forced out? And if that happens, who will hire me? The fear is palpable for those of us sensitive to the changing tide.

Yet, I’m here to tell you, if we approach our fifties, sixties, and beyond without that awareness, we may be blindsided, believing our track record will allow us to prevail to retirement, believing that we’ll be treated with dignity and respect because of our past success. We need to wake up. That isn’t reality!

We need to deal with our own mishegas, our own craziness about aging, create a strong positive image for ourselves, and march on boldly. We need to adopt a badass, winning attitude and do it ASAP—before we fall victim to continued age and gender discrimination. We need to regain our confidence and power to claim our rightful place in the world. The world desperately needs our wisdom, our experience, our voices more than ever.

There’s absolutely no point crying over lost youth, expending a ton of energy wishing you were thirty again, wishing you looked more youthful. Right now, at this point in your career, you have what it takes to continue to thrive. You need to celebrate who you are, what you’ve achieved, and what potential you still have to make a difference. Because despite all this ageist bullshit, lots of positives and opportunities are out there for you.

Reject the sentiment that it’s all downhill from here. Turn all this around and take back control of your life and career.

It’s time for women fifty and beyond to claim their workplace power. You can do it. We can do it. We’re Not Done Yet!

One thing I’ve learned from my corporate career, is that success doesn’t always happen the way you envision it. There are lots of missteps and hiccups and setbacks that will affect your career trajectory. And your reaction to those situations can make or break your career.

In my newsletter this week, I write about my own experience getting fired one month after my promotion when I got Lyme disease and had to start my career over.

If you’ve ever faced a career setback, this newsletter offers some advice on how to navigate the situation and position yourself for ongoing success.

It started with a tick.

After an early morning jog down along the beach, I noticed a small bite on my right forearm which soon turned into the classic Lyme bullseye rash. The onset of flu like symptoms and a quick visit to my physician confirmed that I had Lyme disease.

This was the beginning of three months in bed, barely able to move or think, and ongoing treatment with antibiotics from a team of infectious disease doctors.

I was so sick.

What complicates this story is that I was just promoted to a very visible prestigious position in my company leading new business venture.

Long story, short, after less than a month of my illness, they fired me.

If you’ve ever been blindsided by a setback at work, you know exactly how that moment feels.

You could argue that it wasn’t legal. That they should have put me on leave or offered an alternative solution. But the fact was that sick as I was, I now had no job to return to.

Yes, life sometimes knocks you flat.

I was angry but too sick to fight this, so I acquiesced. I retreated.

In the end, months later they rehired me for a lesser position, and I had to start all over again to prove myself, which I was determined to do….and did.

At the time, it felt humiliating.
I had gone from a prestigious leadership role to starting over in a lesser position at the same company that had fired me when I was sick.

I could have stayed angry.
I could have let the experience define me.

But eventually I realized something important:

The setback itself wasn’t going to determine what happened next.

My response would.

There’s a moment after every setback. When we start to rebound from the shock, from the embarrassment, and the anger calms down.

And it’s where everything changes.

Because when life knocks you down, you don’t control the hit.

But you do control the meaning.

And the meaning you assign will either empower you or paralyze you.

Your first reaction

As women, our normal reaction is to look inward first.

What did I do wrong?
Was I too direct? Too soft? Too ambitious? Not ambitious enough?

It’s our default reaction. But it’s important to note that though self-reflection can be powerful, self-blame is not.

At work, especially, the default reactions can often look like this:

• You speak less in meetings.

• You stop volunteering.

• You wait to be invited.

• You say yes when you mean no.

• You tolerate what bothers you.

These reactions can rob you of your power.

The Three Ways You Quietly Give Your Power Away

When something knocks you down, you may typically do one of three things:

1. You Internalize It

You decide the setback is about your worth.

Not about timing.
Not about politics.
Not about alignment.

About you.

That interpretation becomes the ceiling on your next move.

2. You Withdraw

You pull back.

Less visible.
Less vocal.
Less bold.

You may call it regrouping. But sometimes it’s retreat.

3. You Over-Accommodate

You work harder to be liked.

You prove your value through exhaustion.

You absorb more so no one questions your commitment.

You look for approval, but approval isn’t power.

None of these actions makes you weak. You’re conditioned to react this way.

The real question is:

Will your response be unconscious or intentional?

Intentional is power.

Try this Instead:

Instead of asking:

Why is this happening to me?

Ask:

What is this showing me?

Think of challenges as providing important information.

They reveal:

• Where you need stronger boundaries.

• Where you need new allies.

• Where you need better information.

• Where you’ve been tolerating misalignment.

• Where you’ve been underestimating yourself.

  Data is power, but you have to use it.

Setting Boundaries

We don’t normally don’t set boundaries when things are going well.

We set them when we’re exhausted.
Or resentful.
Or done.

But the knockdown is often the wake-up call.

It forces the question:

What am I no longer willing to tolerate?

Boundaries don’t have to be dramatic. They can be simple and clear.

Sometimes they sound like:

• “That doesn’t work for me.”

• “Here’s what I can commit to.”

• “I need more clarity before moving forward.”

• “I’m not available for that.”

Every time you don’t set a boundary, you are still making a choice.

And that choice shapes your future.

Resilience Isn’t Enough

This is where many of us stop.

We bounce back emotionally.

We journal.
We process.
And eventually regain confidence.

But we don’t adjust strategically.

Resilience without political savvy keeps you strong — but stuck.

In my situation, I took the time to think through my circumstances and shifted to adopting a strategy that involved what it would take to resume my career and succeed.

When something knocks you down at work, here’s what I recommend:

• Who actually influences decisions here?

• What narrative is forming about me?

• Who needs to see my results?

• Where do I need visibility?

• What assumptions did I make that weren’t accurate?

Power isn’t rebuilt in isolation. It’s rebuilt through relationships, positioning, and intentional moves.

A savvy woman doesn’t just “stay positive.”

She re-calibrates.

She gathers intelligence.

She strengthens alliances.

She adjusts her strategy without shrinking her ambition.

That’s leadership.

In Summary

Life will knock you down.

Publicly.
Privately.
Professionally.
Personally.

You may feel doubt. That’s human.

But after the emotion settles, you are standing at a crossroads.

You can choose:

Smaller.
Quieter.
Safer.
Resentful.

Or you can choose:

Growth.
Boundaries.
Strategy.
Power.

And you won’t make this choice once.

You’ll make it each time you interpret a challenge as information instead of an indictment…
Each time you speak instead of shrink…
Each time you protect your standards instead of protecting comfort…

You build something powerful.

Not because life stops knocking you down.

But because you stop giving the knock the final word.

And that decision is always yours.

This week, I’m in conversation with bestselling author and executive coach, Dr. Lois Frankel, on the new edition of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office. As always, she offers sound coaching advice and a valuable perspective on women in the workplace today.

Dr. Lois Frankel, an internationally recognized expert in the fields of workplace behaviour and female empowerment, and the president of Corporate Coaching International, launches the newest edition of her groundbreaking book, Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, this week—a title that has shaped the career conversations of professional women for more than a decade.

We focused our discussion on women’s leadership in the workplace, the opportunities, challenges, and future.

Our first exchange highlighted why women’s leadership matters now.

“We currently live in a bro-ocracy. It is almost entirely white men who are making the rules for the rest of us in society.”

As a result, we are seeing an erosion of civility, respect for differences, and decision-making that capitalizes on diverse viewpoints—all things that women bring to the leadership table.”

This is not about women being “better.” It’s about women being different—and that difference being exactly what the world needs.

“Women don’t make better leaders than men, they make different leaders—and that difference is precisely what we need today if we have any hope of healing the damage being done in society.”

“It will be women who bring the world more balance.”

Leadership is a woman’s art. And we’ve been practicing it all along.

Why So Many Women Still Hesitate to Lead

Despite women leading in homes, communities, nonprofits, and corporations every day, many still hesitate to claim formal leadership roles. Why?

Dr. Frankel points to five core reasons.

First: fear of humiliation.

“Being called out and embarrassed by men who are threatened by their potential power to flip the script.”

Second: lack of visible role models.

“If you see it, you can be it.”

Third: misunderstanding what leadership actually is.

Too many women still measure themselves against an outdated, hyper-masculine model of power—command-and-control, dominance over dialogue.

Fourth: open hostility.

“Resentment comes not only from men but from other women.”

And fifth: the chronic experience of having ideas criticized rather than built upon.

When every contribution feels like a battle, silence can feel safer.

But silence comes at a cost.

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Ways Women Hold Themselves Back

Dr. Frankel addresses the subtle ways women undermine their own influence.

“Every time a woman hesitates to speak her mind or speak truth to power, she misses out on an opportunity to influence outcomes.”

When she defers to louder voices?

“Her confidence diminishes.”

When she declines to step into new leadership because she doesn’t feel 100% ready?

“She is overlooked for future leadership opportunities.”

How can women own their ambition?

Frankel offers three bold directives:

1. Take more risks.

“Whether it’s the risk of speaking up or volunteering for a high-profile role, do it.”

You owe it to yourself. And you owe it to the women and girls watching you.

2. Ask for what you want.

“Don’t wait to be noticed. Just the act of asking demonstrates leadership.”

Political savvy begins with self-advocacy.

3. Focus on acquiring wealth.

This one stops women in their tracks.

“Don’t settle for surviving when thriving should be your goal.”

Money is not greed. It’s freedom. It’s leverage. It’s optionality.

“Money in the bank provides you with the freedom and confidence to take risks and ask for what you want.”

Leadership without economic power is fragile. Leadership with financial independence is formidable.

The Workplace Is Shifting—And Not in Women’s Favor

Dr. Frankel addresses the current workplace climate.

“For women, the greatest workplace challenge today is the erosion of DEI efforts.”

Diversity initiatives didn’t hand women advantage, they created access.

“It’s not that these programs gave women a step up, but it lent them a hand up.”

The rapid dismantling of these efforts reveals how shallow institutional commitment often was.

So what now?

“Now it’s time for women to support each other at all levels.”

Her prescription is practical and powerful:

• Start women’s discussion groups.

• Mentor deliberately.

• Hire women without fear.

• Build informal power networks.

“We are so much stronger together than individually.”

Then there’s remote work—a double-edged sword.

“Working from home is not a panacea for women. It’s far from it.”

Without boundaries, work bleeds into caregiving. The invisible load expands.

The antidote?

“Set boundaries and ask for help.”

In the 2026 edition of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, she devotes an entire chapter to navigating remote work strategically, without sacrificing visibility or advancement.

Women Lead All the Time. They Just Don’t Call It Leadership.

This may be Dr. Frankel’s most important point.

“If you believe as I do that leaders take people to places they would not or could not go alone, then you know that women are superb at this.”

Leadership doesn’t require a title.

The woman who chairs a nonprofit fundraiser using strategy, influence, and financial acumen? Leader.

The employee who heads a task force to increase productivity through research and relationship-building? Leader.

The executive assistant who ensures the right people are in the right place with the right information? Leader.

Women often practice leadership in relational, operational, and strategic ways—yet discount it because it doesn’t look like the stereotypical CEO model.

Leadership is not a corner office. It is impact.

Gravitas: The Missing Link

When I asked Dr. Frankel about gravitas, she referenced Sylvia Ann Hewlett and her book Executive Presence.

“Gravitas is the non-technical ways in which we communicate our ability to lead.”

It’s not about competence alone. It’s about how competence is conveyed.

Frankel advises women to:

• Communicate crisply and succinctly (harder than it sounds).

• Speak truth to power.

• Dress for the role.

• Exhibit grace under pressure.

And she recommends studying women who embody it:

• Margaret Thatcher

• Angela Merkel

• Kamala Harris

• Julia Gillard

• Coretta Scott King

Different styles. Different ideologies. Same unmistakable presence.

Gravitas is not mimicry of masculine power. It is disciplined self-possession.

Leadership Is a Woman’s Art

If leadership is about taking people where they could not go alone, women have been doing it for centuries—in homes, movements, classrooms, communities, and corporations.

But now we must name it. Claim it. Expand it.

We are living in a moment where civility feels fragile, institutions feel unstable, and power feels concentrated in too few hands.

Dr. Frankel’s message is an invitation.

Women do not need to become more like men to lead.

They need to:

• Take risks.

• Ask directly.

• Build wealth.

• Support each other.

• Communicate with gravitas.

• And stop waiting for permission.

The updated Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office is not as a polite career manual—but as a strategic playbook for women who are done shrinking.

Because leadership isn’t about occupying the corner office.

It’s about reshaping the room.

And that—now more than ever—is a woman’s art.