We are meeting in Epping Forest to hang out, exchange ideas, and participate in each other’s workshops.

Everything is free and co-produced and a celebration of the vibrant community that has formed around TEiP (THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBLIC) events over the past 3.5 years.

The day has come together far better than I anticipated and we have an amazing line up. You can read all about it - the team, the ethos, the plan etc. - in our digital zine (aka dedicated web page):

DIGITAL ZINE

If you can’t come and you’re reading along at home, there is something in this for you…scroll down for a 3 part thought experiment and ponder alone or with those around you.

If you’re at the retreat, here’s how it will work…

WEAVING A THOUGHT EXPERIMENT INTO THE DAY RETREAT

We’re adapting the usual TEiP format so that our discussions unfold over the course of the day, around and in between the many workshops happening in different rooms of the forest.

Like TEiP DEEP1, this thought experiment consists of one scenario, broken into three chapters. Each chapter has its own associated questions, further developing conversations.

This thought experiment has a special extra feature: it is circular. When you finish Chapter 3, you can go back to the questions from Chapter 1.

Feel free to read and discuss at your own pace (i.e. you could discuss the first chapter at the beginning of the day, the second during the lunch break, and the third at the after party, OR you can jump straight in and discuss all three right away).

As usual, some invitations to enrich our conversations:

• Approach differences of opinion with an open and curious mind (rather than as a debate)

• Be a generous listener

• Feel free to pursue interesting tangents

THE THOUGHT EXPERIMENT

HUMAN NATURE

CHAPTER 1: HABITAT

The group has just finished, but Carl, Sweeti, and Jac aren’t ready to go home yet.

There’s a late night cafe around the corner and they sit outside, drinking frothy cappuccinos, watching Soho stream by.

Sweeti: “I love it here. It’s so alive…it feels like New York rather than London.”

Carl: “I’m so glad it’s not New York. I lived there for a couple of years and it aged me by a decade. When I moved back to London, it felt like a village by comparison, but now that I’ve been back for a while, London feels hectic again. I think it’s probably not great for us to live in such busy places.”

Jac: “The only other animals that voluntarily live in light-polluted, noise-polluted, concretified habitats are rats, mice, pigeons, and foxes…not the most glamorous company to be in, but I do count myself one of them. I couldn’t live in the countryside. Too dark, too quiet. I’m a city mouse.”

Sweeti: “I’m not sure what mouse I am. I like the vibrancy of the city, but now I’m wondering whether that’s natural or I’ve just acclimatised to the noise and light.”

Jac: “Four fifths of the global population now live in urban areas. 81% to be precise. 45% in cities, 36% in smaller towns and only 19% in rural areas2….the trend is towards urbanisation, so I think its natural for humans, just like it is for foxes. Foxes aren’t that bad.”

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

1. What do you think of city living?

2. Whose perspective resonates the most?

3. What is your natural ‘habitat’? What mouse are you? Could it change?

4. Why do you think so many humans live in urban environments?

5. Is it ‘human nature’ to live in cities?

CHAPTER 2: PAUSE

There’s a pause in the conversation. London hums.

These three characters have only just met, but they all have something in common.

The group they’ve just attended is called “HANG OUT FOR THE STRESSED OUT”.

Jac: “It seems like the conclusion of that group was just “take a break”, “have a bath”, “read a book”. The usual soft wellbeing stuff. I was hoping for some efficiency and productivity hacks.”

Sweeti: “Maybe taking a break is a productivity hack?”

Jac: “Elaborate?”

Sweeti: “Well we need to switch off now and then in order to stay sharp. I think human minds are like all technology. Turning it off and on again usually helps. Taking a break is a reset. I saw this recently on Instagram:” She shows them her phone:

Carl: “That’s good, and I think you’re right, but I think taking a break is more than just stopping. Stuff happens in the break. That’s why people often have their best thoughts in the shower or on a walk, rather than at their desks. The break itself is productive, not just a hack for when you come back.”

Jac: “I find taking a break hard. I think it’s easier said than done.”

Carl: “Sure it is. One of my favourite lyrics is:

“Why is it so hard

Just to sit in the yard

And stare at the sky so blue?”3

Sweeti: “Why is it so hard? Animals don’t seem to find it hard. They spend a lot of time resting. It’s just humans that keep themselves busy all the time. Our relaxation is usually entertainment rather than just chilling like a dog or a cat.”

Jac: “Dogs and cats are domesticated, but most animals are just trying to survive. I reckon they’re pretty stressed out too. Maybe stress is natural and it’s only a sub-set of elite humans that have managed to master it like Buddhist Monks…elite humans and dogs and cats. Maybe the trick is to domesticate yourself and go and live somewhere where everything is simple like a monastery.”

Carl: “I think Buddhist monks work quite hard to achieve peace. They withdraw from the world, from pleasure, from instant gratification. I wonder what they do when they take breaks. I’ve heard of one monastery where the monks play football.”

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

Pausing

1. What is the purpose of a pause/break?

2. When was the last time you ‘paused’?

3. How easy do you find it to pause?

4. How important is it for humans to ‘pause’?

5. What counts as a pause? Football? Meditation?

Humans & Animals

5. Are humans more or less peaceful than other animals?

6. Do you agree that domesticated animals are more peaceful than wild animals, or do you think wild animals are more peaceful than domesticated animals? Which would you rather be?

Creative void

7. Why do you think creative thoughts often arise during breaks from work (e.g. in the shower or on a walk)?

8. Does this happen to you?

9. Would you like more voids in life or less?

10. Is it ‘human nature’ to stop and pause?

    ---

CHAPTER 3

Sweeti: I think the main cause of our stress, and our inability to take creative breaks, is the pace of modern pace of life. We constantly receive information: catchy, attention grabby, visual, audio, information. Notifications, messages, and emails reach us at all hours of the day. The world is changing at a breakneck pace and we hear about every detail of it. It’s a lot harder to ‘sit in the yard and stare at the sky so blue’ nowadays than it was 100 years ago. Apparently a common Silicon Valley saying is:

‘Today is the slowest day of the rest of your life.’4

How disturbing is that?”

Carl: “I think people have always found it hard to pause. I’m reading this book about pausing at the moment. Listen to this:

"In 1908 French writer Octave Mirbeau said, ‘Everywhere life is rushing insanely like a cavalry charge.’ Thirty years earlier, in 1880, Nietzsche was already complaining of a growing culture ‘of indecent and perspiring haste’. But even Nietsche was late to the game. Fifty-five years before that, in a letter to a friend, Goethe said, ‘Young people are swept along in the whirlpool of time; wealth and speed are what the world admires and what everyone strives for.’”5

Carl looks up from the book and adds: “Nothing changes, people always think things are moving too fast.”

A spectacled man in a checked tweet suit walks into the cafe, orders a drink and then comes back outside to sit at a table near to our three characters. He takes a letter and a newspaper out of the inner pocket of his coat, and places them on the table in front of him. With a sigh he picks the letter back up and opens it.

Sweeti glances over at the man and does a double take. She looks at her companions and says in an urgent undertone:

Sweeti: “Wait, where are we?”

Carl: “Bar Italia on Frith Street”

Sweeti: “Bar Italia! Oh my god, this is him! The ghost! I read about him recently. He’s a real ghost.”

Jac: “What do you mean a ‘real ghost’?”

Sweeti: “He’s a ghost. It’s not made up. He’s actually a ghost. He did an interview with a journalist recently and he’s been checked out by a few scientists. If you try and touch him, your hand will go right through him. I know it sounds crazy, but its true!

He was a famous inventor born in the 1880s. He first appeared here on the 26th of January this year, exactly 100 years after he did a famous demonstration of the first ever working television in this very building6! He’s been appearing intermittently ever since. I can’t believe we’re seeing him now.”

Jac: “Wait, are you saying this is the ghost of John Logie Baird? Come off it.”

Sweeti: “Yes that’s his name! I remember from the article. He was saying how he had mixed feelings about being a ghost because he’d always wanted to know what the future was like, so he’s happy that he gets to see it, but frustrated because he can’t fully participate in it. He can’t pick up a smartphone you see…he can only touch things from the past, like that letter I suppose.”

Carl: “If he can give interviews to journalists, he must be able to talk, why don’t we ask him what he thinks of the pace of life now compared to his day? He was at the cutting edge of technology 100 years ago, so he’ll be able to give us a good perspective. I wonder if he was as stressed then as we are now.”

Sweeti: “Well the article said that he died at the age of 57 of a stroke, so I guess he was a bit stressed….”

Jac: “Ok, who’s going to go and talk to him?”

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

The Ghost

1. What would you ask the ghost of John Logie Baird if you had the opportunity to talk to him?

2. What perspective do you think he’d be able to offer? What about one of his less-technologically-obsessed contemporaries?

3. How much has changed in the last 100 years? The same amount or more than the previous 100 years?

Innovation

4. Is it in our nature as humans to constantly seek innovation?

5. Does our appetite for innovation set us apart from other animals?

Pace of life

6. What do you think of the Silicon Valley saying: ‘Today is the slowest day of the rest of your life.’

7. What about the other quotes from different times about the pace of modern life?

8. Have humans always been stressed out by the rate of change in their respective ‘modern times’?

9. Is it ‘human nature’ to lament the pace of life?

Tiny extra chapter and the circular questions:

You visit Bar Italia tomorrow and sure enough, there is the ghost of John Logie Baird.

You get chatting to him about this very thought experiment. He is keen to discuss it, but he wants to include a couple of his friends. (He’s heard that groups of 3 or 4 are the ideal numbers for discussing thought experiments.)

He lists a few of his famous friends and asks you to choose between them:

• Karl Marx - former resident of Dean Street from 1851-1856

• William Blake - born on Broadwick Street (formerly Broad Street) in 1757

• Giacomo Casanova - rented a flat on Greek Street in 1764

• Mary Seacole - resident of Soho Square in the 1870s

• Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart - stayed on Frith Street as a young child, composing and performing his first symphony in 1764

He says: “There are also lots of non-famous ghosts around here too, if you’d care to describe a demographic you’d be particularly interested in talking to”.7

Who would you pick?

CIRCULAR QUESTIONS

Go back to chapters 1 and 2 and imagine you are discussing them with JLB and his ghostly friends. What do you think they would say to each of the questions?

👆♻️

Thank you for letting your imaginations play with this thought experiment.

If you would like to read more of my thought experiments, reflections, and ideas:

Subscribe now

And for all other upcoming events and initiatives, join the TEiP mailing list8:

Join

❤️ Bonny
@thoughtexperimentsinpubs

Last month we gathered to talk about PEACE. Today, the theme is FRIENDSHIP…

But don’t worry, it’s not all happy, hippy, positive stuff; our thought experiments are nuanced.

As well as inviting us to imagine ideal friendships, today’s scenarios touch on rivalry, adversity, and (perhaps scariest of all) AI friends.

If you’re in London and would like to join last minute, here’s all the info:

JOIN US TODAY

If you can’t be with us, you might like to read on and ponder the thought experiments alone or with nearby people.

For all those attending, I’ve written a summary of ‘how it works’ in case I don’t manage to project my voice to the 400+ of you who have signed up!

Below that, you’ll find the thought experiments that we’ll be discussing today.

HOW IT WORKS:

We use the THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBLIC1 (TEiP) method of inviting mind-opening conversations:

• Thought experiments to spark ideas

• Small groups of 3-5 people, shuffling every 25-30 minutes

• A friendly, relaxed, and inclusive atmosphere 🦋

This is the plan for today:

3:00 - Arrive, pick up a name tag, and say hello. Meet others and find a place to sit. Groups of 3-6 people work best for these conversations.

3:15 - Welcome and introduction from Bonny (in case you can’t hear me, this is what I’ll say):

• The aim of this event is to share our different perspectives, experiences, and lenses on the world with one another. By listening to each other, we all have the chance to become a little bit wiser.

• Another aim is to have fun :-) So while our conversations might go deep, lightness and levity are also always welcome.

• The vibe is relaxed and collaborative, rather than confrontational. If you disagree about something (which is likely), it is usually more interesting to ask “What led you to that opinion?”, rather than get into a debate about who’s right and who’s wrong.

• We use thought experiments (tiny stories that raise big questions) to spark conversations. You have freedom to interpret these thought experiments in whatever way you choose. And you have freedom to follow your conversations wherever they lead you.

• Each thought experiment is followed by many questions in order to open many different avenues of thinking. There will be too many questions to discuss in the time I will give you, so I suggest you choose those that intrigue you the most and let your conversations flow from there. You can always come back to the others during the social afterwards.

• There will be several opportunities to shuffle the groups, however if for any reason you feel like moving groups sooner than an official shuffle, you are very welcome to.

• Everyone loves a good listener. Please leave space for your co-conversationalists 🙏

3:20 - We talk about the first thought experiment (see below) in small groups for 25 minutes.

3:45 - I will ring a bell (meditation bowl) and invite everyone to shuffle groups.

3:50 - We talk about the second thought experiment in for 30 minutes.

4:20 - Meditation bowl and shuffle the groups again.

4:25 - We talk about the third thought experiment for 30 minutes

4:55 - Votes! An optional moment to indicate your perspectives.

5:00 - Organised part of the event is over, free flowing social begins :-)

I will be there to answer any questions and keep things running smoothly throughout. There will also be some volunteer helpers (TEiP regulars), identifiable by white paper butterflies, who know the ropes and can help answer any questions.

Without further ado…

THE THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS

Three thought experiments to open many conversations about FRIENDSHIP

1. IMAGINARY FRIEND

2. FRIENEMESES

3. SHARED STRUGGLE

1) IMAGINARY FRIEND

A group of local wizards have put their heads together to solve the loneliness crisis.

They have devised new magic to conjure an ‘ideal friend’ for anyone who wants one.

They set up shop on your high street.

Unfortunately, these wizards’ magical skills are a little limited, so there are some restrictions…

A poster by the door explains:

HOW IT WORKS

To create your ideal friend, you will first need to imagine them, vividly.

Once you have imagined your ideal friend, you must describe them to us, in detail. Please tell us:

• Their values

• Their main motivation in life

• Their defining qualities

• [Optional: Demographics]

• [Optional, but helpful: idiosyncratic details like “they carry a tube of edible coffee in their backpack, ‘just in case’”]

⚠️IMPORTANT NOTE: You may use Artificial Intelligence to help you describe your ideal friend, though we must warn you that if you do, your new friend will sound and behave like AI:

• they will use trendy words repetitively (e.g. “unhinged” and “curated”)

• they will always agree with you

• they will have a huge amount of information to draw from, but they won’t have any actual life experience or opinions of their own

• they won’t tell you where they got their ideas from unless you persistently ask

• they will lie to you and then only tell you the truth when you ‘call them out’

• when you do ‘call them out’, they will say ‘good catch!’ and smile at you blankly.

You bear no responsibility for your new friend, though if your friendship with them ceases, you will not get another chance, so please put some thought into it.

***

Standing outside the shopfront you see people coming out in pairs. Some of the pairs look very similar to each other. Others look very different.

A bystander says to her companion:

“How can people possibly decide in advance what kind of friend they would like? The whole thing about a friend is they are another person, with their own quirks, flaws, and strengths. If they were just perfect extensions of your imagination, you wouldn’t grow in the friendship.”

Her companion replies:

“Yeah, but maybe you don’t need to grow all the time. Some people just want agreeable company.”

A young woman walks out of the shop. She asks her new friend:

“So, what would you like to do today?”.

The new friend says: “Absolutely! Whatever the vibes, I’m here for it — you just let me know where you want to start and we can jump right in!”.

The woman mutters to herself: “Oh man! They weren’t kidding about using AI. ****!”

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

Imaginary Friend

1. If you could magic a new friend into thin air, would you? Why/why not?

2. (Assuming you’re playing along:) How would you go about describing your ideal friend?

   1. What values or qualities would they have?

   2. What about demographics?

   3. Would they be similar or different to you?

3. What would you want this friend to be for? An overall best friend? Or a friend for a specific purpose?

4. Would you use AI to create the friend or not?

Wizards and Bystanders

1. The wizards think creating more perfect friends might help solve the ‘loneliness crisis’...what do you think?

2. The bystander says: “The whole thing about a friend is they are another person, with their own quirks, flaws, and strengths. If they were just perfect extensions of your imagination, you wouldn’t grow in the friendship.” Her companion says “Maybe you don’t need to grow all the time. Some people just want agreeable company.” What do you think? How important is growth in friendship to you?

Other people’s friends

1. How might a person’s ideal friend reflect who they are?

2. If you like someone, are you likely to like their friends?

3. If you had to create your ideal friend right now, is there anything from the conversation you’ve just had that would influence you?

Thought Experiment by Bonny Astor, founder of TEiP. Inspired by:

Ken Kelleher’s “IMAGINARY FRIEND REGISTRATION OFFICE™”

@ahh.gpt

2) FRIENEMESES

Ali has been describing this phase of his life as his “couch potato era”.

His best friend, Sheila describes it as: “wasting your one wild and precious life.2”

Ali’s father describes it is as: “not fulfilling your potential.”

Ali has a straightforward job that he neither loves nor hates. He has lots of hobbies that he’s good at, but he finds it very easy to deprioritise and abandon them for the doom scroll.

This morning, Ali’s friend Kev forwarded him a post on Instagram and said:

“lol this is exactly what you need…get off the couch and do something with all your skills.”

Ali reads the caption:

At first Ali thinks this is a joke, but then clicks a link in one of Saul’s stories and joins the “International Nemesis Community” on Whatsapp. The WhatsApp group is active. There are sub groups for different types of nemeses. The rivals are competing with one another just as Saul described.

Ali’s not sure whether he should be offended that Kev sent him this post, or grateful…

Ali has had rivalries in the past and they have been very motivating.

For instance, at art school, he never got more drawing done than when Hannah started copying his designs. He stayed in the art studio all night in order to get ahead.

And in highschool, when Shane’s cross country records started creeping closer to Ali’s, Ali went for secret runs to build his fitness. He ended up getting several new personal bests that season.

But those rivalries were also toxic. Ali was not peaceful at the time and many of his thoughts about Hannah and Shane were negative.

He feels wary about the idea of a new nemesis, but perhaps its exactly what he needs at this moment in his life.

Ali tells Sheila about the nemesis idea and she says: “Sure, if you want to introduce spite and resentment into your life. I don’t know, Ali, surely you can get things done with the support of your friends rather than resorting to a random rival?”

Ali’s dad says: “Yes, very good. Get a nemesis. Friendships are a distraction, nemeses are motivating. Very clever idea.”

Ali’s not sure if he would be able to be Saul’s nemesis even if he wanted to. Saul sounds like a funny, wise, and likeable person, someone who Ali would rather be friends with than nemeses.

Though if he was chosen to be Saul’s nemesis, Ali thinks he’d be very motivated to rise to the challenge. It would be quite the flex to be the top nemesis, picked out of thousands.

Ali wonders whether Saul would be up for being both friends and nemeses? Frienemeses? Would that work? Or would it take the most important ingredient, spite, out of the rivalry.

He scrolls down the comments on Saul’s post and sees this exchange:

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

Nemeses

1. Have you ever had a nemesis? Was it productive? Was it toxic?

2. Which is more motivating, a fierce rivalry or a supportive friendship? Why?

3. Saul is now matchmaking nemeses. Would you be interested in a mutually agreed rivalry? Would it work?

4. Why are nemesis stories so popular (e.g. Batman & Joker; Sherlock & Moriarty; Harry Potter & Voldemort)?

Frienemeses

1. How much in common do you need to have with a nemesis?

2. Is there always friendship/love potential in a powerful rivalry? Could you imagine becoming friends with any of your nemeses (if you have or have had them)?

3. Are rivalries that emerge from friendship more bitter than those that start with rivalry in the first place?

4. Do you agree with Saul that ‘love and hate are two sides of the same coin’? Why?

Thought Experiment by Bonny Astor, founder of TEiP. All nemesis content by @saul_or_nothing

3) SHARED STRUGGLE

(an old favourite)

Harry recently read an article in The New Yorker by Weike Wang titled: “The Trouble with Friends”.

In the article, Wang describes the way friendship blooms in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, but then withers as people begin to couple up and have children.

Harry has noticed this happening in his life.

Harry is sick of going back and forth on Whatsapp trying to find a time that works for a “quick coffee somewhere between me and you”.

The admin involved in keeping in touch with his friends is exhausting.

He misses the days when he could show up at one of three bars, or at the library, and bump into at least ten friends or acquaintances. Maybe this is why people say the best years of your life are at university.

Even when Harry does manage to meet up with friends, he feels somewhat unfulfilled. They talk about old times, catch up on life stuff, and never really go beyond that.

Harry doesn’t want to accept this shallow level of friendship for the rest of his life. He wants more meaningful friendships.

In an effort to make new friends, Harry has recently started going to meetup events. These events are enjoyable and Harry has met lots of nice people, but he hasn’t made any friends. In fact, he hasn’t even met up with anyone after an event. It feels too awkward to ask someone if they’d like to have a coffee, and too forward to say “I think we could be good friends.”

After several months of this, Harry decides to take matters into his own hands. He wants to create an event that will not only enable people to meet one another and feel part of a community, but become actual friends.

He’s been reading and watching stuff about friendship and a couple of things have stood out:

• In Frederik Backman’s novel My Friends, the main characters meet during a challenging time in their childhood. They help one another cope with the trauma of abuse, abandonment, bereavement (etc.).

• In Hisham Matar’s novel by the same name, My Friends, key friendships form after a violent incident and during the suffering of exile.

• In the BAFTA winning drama Blue Lights, Belfast police colleagues become best friends and form a strong sense of camaraderie through shared tragedies and common threats.

Harry comes to the conclusion that true friendship can’t form at the occasional social event because social events aren’t challenging. To form good friendships, people need to go through something together, to be there for one another during tough times.

Harry decides to set up a camping meetup group. He calls it:

ADVERSE EXPERIENCES FOR AMAZING FRIENDSHIPS

As Harry writes in the group description:

These trips are not meant to be enjoyable. They are meant to bring people together through shared struggle.

Harry deliberately schedules trips for bad weather weekends.

If the weather is great, he’ll introduce adversity by forgetting the tent poles, or the coffee.

People who go on Harry’s camping trips hate the adventures, but leave with friends.

Many of them come back time and again, despite knowing it will suck.

A friend of yours, who you’ve lost touch with but used to get on well with, sends you an email with a link to one of Harry’s events. She says: “What do you think? Shall we try it?”

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

1. How would you respond to your friend? Would you be up for one of Harry’s events?

2. What if a new acquaintance asked you to go on one of Harry’s trips?

THE TROUBLE WITH FRIENDS

1. What do you think of Weike Wang’s description of the life stages of friendship: blooming in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, and withers as people begin to couple up and have children?

2. Does your experience fit with this trajectory or do you have a different experience?

MAKING FRIENDS

1. Why do you think Harry struggled to make ‘true’ friends at social events?

2. Why might he have felt awkward to ask someone to go for a coffee?

ADVERSITY

1. Does true friendship require adversity?

2. Is our friendship crisis connected to our preference for comfort as 21st century humans?

3. Could adversity mask differences that would emerge later down the line and ultimately ruin a friendship?

TEAM EFFORT QUESTION:

• What other ideas do you have for Harry? Ways of instigating true friendships between event attendees?

Thought Experiment by Bonny Astor, founder of TEiP.

Inspired by:

Backman, F. (2025). My friends (N. Smith, Trans.). Atria Books.

Lawn, D., & Patterson, A. (Creators). (2023– ). Blue Lights [TV series]. BBC One; Two Cities Television; Gallagher Films.

Matar, H. (2024). My friends. Viking.

Thank you for letting your imaginations play with these thought experiments

If you would like to read more of my thought experiments, reflections, and ideas:

And for all other upcoming events and initiatives, we have a new mailing list:

Join

Inspired by the photography project, Humans of New York, I wanted to talk to strangers about their lives.

I’ve always been curious about other people’s perspectives. I think that by listening to other people, we have the chance to see the same world from different angles, and perhaps expand our own views a little.

I also find it very special to be allowed into someone else’s thoughts, especially in an age when we are increasingly closed off from one another thanks to AirPods1 and the pace of life (hence TEiP2).

My hope for ‘Humans of Camden’ was that if I asked strangers the right questions, they would say things that other people would find interesting to listen to.

I had no experience or plan, but I did have the enthusiasm of a really kind duo of volunteers at Camden Community Radio, who encouraged me to just give it a go. They told me that what I had in mind were ‘vox pops’, derived from ‘vox populi’, which means: “voice of the people”. That sounded good.

I set off on a Sunday morning, roaming the streets of Camden Town, plucking up the courage to ask people if they’d talk to me. I must have looked quite shifty as I approached, apologetically, asking for a 5 minute interview.

As this was 2017, before street vox pops became popular instagram content, my prospective interviewees were usually quite surprised by the request.

It was great rejection therapy.

The first episode was, unsurprisingly, fairly short and (to my ear) awkward. But as the series went on, and as I got more confident in my approach, it got better and better.

People relaxed while talking to me to such an extent that by the final episode, I was the one having to end interviews after over 45 minutes of listening to participants stories of divorce, passion, creativity, bereavement etc.

It was a really rewarding experience and something I’d like to do again someday (the archive is on my website.)

Now that I meet strangers all the time at THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP), I have plenty of opportunity to learn about other people’s perspectives.

At the last TEiP Party in the Park, my friend Tanit (investigative journalist) did some relaxed interviews after we finished our conversations and it reminded me of ‘Humans of Camden’.

The interviewees responses were totally unpredictable and delightful3. They each picked up on different aspects of the discussions, and shared different things they enjoyed about the event. It was a perfect example of ‘reality’ being experienced differently through different minds.

I’ve shied away from doing interviews at TEiP over the last 3.5 years, because I feels a little egotistical to ask people to tell me what they thought about my event. And I can imagine it might be difficult for an interviewee to be totally honest when the interviewer is the organiser.

But Tanit’s interviews have inspired me. Rather than asking people generic promotional quesions like “tell me what you love about TEiP”, I’d like to ask:

• What do you think the value of talking to strangers is - both personally, and to society?

• What are your perspectives on the topic of the day?

• What opinions from fellow conversationalists stood out to you?

• And, if you’re willing, tell me a bit more about yourself more generally…

So I’ve decided to bracket my awkwardness in asking for interviews and see if people are up for doing a few more ‘TEiP Talks’ after events.

Everyone is welcome to join in, but there will be no pressure (as with everything at TEiP events). I might also see if any other ‘guest hosts’ are up for following Tanit’s lead - let me know if you’re interested.

I made the decision to do ‘TEiP Talks’ last week and this week it was validated by the universe...

Without knowing of my recent decision, one of my TEiP friends4 sent a link to his friend’s recent filmmaking project: PASSING PEOPLE

I watched the first episode and was so impressed and moved. The filmmaker CK Golding has a special ability to put people at ease, to the extent that they share truly meaningful experiences and reflections, while sitting on a stool in the middle of a London street.

CK has set a very high bar to aspire to. I highly recommend watching his work.

And if you’d like to follow my more amateur efforts and listen to little stories from your fellow TEiP community members, they will be on instagram for now: @thoughtexperimentsinpubs

For everything else, please:

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Thanks for reading!

Bonny

On Saturday 11th July, hundreds of people gathered in Regents Park to talk about PEACE.

What a wonderful thing 🦋

We used the THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS1 (TEiP) method of inviting meaningful conversations:

• Thought experiments to spark ideas

• Small groups of 3-5 people, shuffling every 20-30 minutes

• A friendly and inclusive approach to gathering (for a lot more detail, see this footnote2)

Our conversations flowed and continued for several hours after the event.

Many people said that they felt both uplifted and relaxed afterwards, despite being called upon to help put out a wildfire halfway through the event!3

I left with many more ideas about “peace” than I arrived with, and a sense of gratitude and optimism.

It is very heartening to be surrounded by fellow humans willing to meet and talk about meaningful things in such a convivial way.

If you’re curious about our conversations, here are the thought experiments we talked about…

THE THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS

Three thought experiments to open many conversations about PEACE

1. PEACEWORKS

2. PEPPERMINT TEA

3. SUMMER IN THE CITY

1) PEACEWORKS

A new shopfront has opened up on Camden High Street.

Surrounded by garish tourist shops, tattoo parlours, and graffiti, its unadorned white exterior catches your eye.

A sandwich board outside reads, “PEACEWORKS: Making the world more peaceful…one person at a time, one moment at a time. Come on in.”

In the window there is a simple poster:

A group of three passers-by pause to look at the shop front.

One of them says loudly:

“What a stupid place for that! Camden is probably the least peaceful place in the whole of London. How can you be peaceful in surroundings like this?”

Their companion responds:

“It’s the perfect place for it…Camden needs peace more than anywhere else.”

The third member of the group says:

“I think people are struggling to find peace everywhere. You can be stressed in the most peaceful place if you have a smartphone in your pocket.”

The three passers-by walk on.

Through the open front door, you see a display of images from nature: waterfalls, forests, sunrises, flowers. Next to them is a poem:

THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

-Wendell Berry4

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

Shopfront

1. Would you go in? Why/Why not?

2. The shopfront stands out for its simplicity. Is simplicity peaceful?

3. The images and the poem are all about nature. Why do you think nature is so strongly associated with peace?

4. What else do you associate with peace?

Passers-by

1. What do you think of the exchange between the passers-by?

2. Do you agree that Camden High Street is a “stupid place” for this initiative?

3. How much does physical context affect peacefulness?

4. Is having a smartphone in your pocket an obstacle to finding peace even in ‘peaceful places’?

Library of Peace

1. The poster in the window advertises a LIBRARY OF PEACE, “a collection of the things that bring people peace. Submissions come from around the world and demonstrate huge diversity.” What kind of thing do you think the library of peace would include?

2. If you had to contribute something to the library of peace, what would you contribute?

3. Do you think there would be any surprises in the library?

2) PEPPERMINT TEA

Carl and his friends are sitting around the kitchen table. They’ve eaten a lot and talked a lot.

Erald clears the plates.

Marjane picks peppermint leaves from the window-box and brews tea.

The pace of the conversation slows, becoming more thoughtful and reflective.

Sophia says:

“Ah, this is exactly what I needed. A peaceful evening with friends. Thank you.”

Erald asks:

“Have you been stressed recently?”

Sophia replies:

“Kind of. A normal amount of stress. But I want to become more peaceful. I think peace is my most fundamental value, so I’m trying to prioritise it.”

Carl says:

“Peace is my most fundamental value too. I’ve been so distressed by the news lately. There’s so much war in the world. I really want to do something about it, but it’s hard not to feel powerless. Do you want to come on a march with me, Sophia?”

Sophia replies:

“Oh… well no actually. I’ve been focusing on my inner peace, which means resting, reading, hanging out with you guys, drinking peppermint tea, etc. I think that’s what I need to do for now.”

Carl says:

“But don’t you want to try and make the world a more peaceful place?”

Marjane interjects:

“Maybe Sophia is making the world more peaceful by being more peaceful. I read a quote by a Buddhist monk recently5. He said:

“Humankind has become a very dangerous species. We need people who can sit still and be able to smile, who can walk peacefully. We need people like that in order to save us.” (Thích Nhất Hạnh, 1987)

And Martin Luther King told people not to protest with hate in their heart because they would spread more hate. He wanted people to protest with love in their hearts. Maybe finding peace is actually the first step towards creating peace in the world. Maybe peppermint tea is radical.”

Carl says:

“But if everyone just feels peaceful, nobody is going to do anything. We need to feel sadness and rage when we see terrible things happening because then we’ll go out and do something about it. All the biggest peace movements have started with people caring deeply and standing up for what they believe in, sometimes even with violent means.”

Erald says:

“I agree that emotion motivates action. That’s why poetry, music, literature and film are such powerful tools for galvanising people. They make people feel things. I don’t think we should try to get rid of these feelings. But I also don’t agree with violence. We should feel things, but act peacefully.”

Sophia replies:

“I actually feel the opposite. I think if it comes from a place of peace, for the purpose of peace, violence can be used. For example, if two toddlers are squabbling over a toy, you can lovingly separate them using force. For a toddler, being picked up against their will is an act of violence. But the parent lovingly does it in order to achieve peace.”

Marjane says:

“Now I don’t know what I think.” She pauses and then adds, “but I do think I’d rather feel like Sophia than Carl.”

Carl replies:

“Yeah, fair enough… I’m pretty depressed by the state of the world. I just think that if more people were depressed with me, it might make a difference. Together, we might really be able to solve some of the tragedies of our time.”

Erald says:

“I don’t think humankind will ever achieve peace.

But it’s hard to make peace with that.

I’s admirable that you care so much, Carl.

I’d like to give you this. It’s from my Alcoholics Anonymous community. I think it might help you to remain caring, but feel a little more peaceful at the same time.”

Erald hands Carl this coin.6:

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

Perspectives on “Peace”

1. If you were at the table, what would you say?

2. Which perspectives resonate with you the most?

3. What do you think of The Serenity Prayer on the coin?

Inner Peace vs. World Peace

3. How should we prioritise different types of peace? Is it unethical to put your own peace before everything else? Or is it unethical not to?

4. Who has a more peaceful effect on the world, Carl or Sophia? Does it matter?

5. Is making time to drink peppermint tea with friends radical?

Peace and Protest

6. What do you think of Thich Nhat Hanh and Martin Luther King’s perspectives?

7. Is violence ever appropriate in peacemaking?

8. Why do some people seem to care more about the state of the world than others?

Feeling Emotions

9. How important is it to feel anger and sadness and other “negative” emotions?

10. Can you feel sad and angry and be peaceful at the same time?

11. If you stopped feeling anger and sadness, would you lose anything?

3) SUMMER IN THE CITY

Mac and Pilly are stuck on a packed bus, in gridlock traffic, in central London, in the middle of a sweltering heatwave.

They’re on their way to an event about peace.

Mac:

“This is a nightmare. I hate this weather. We should have stayed in Starbucks. I need air con.”

Pilly:

“It is intense. Let’s breathe out and go with the flow.”

Mac:

“There is no flow to go with. There’s not a breath of air!”

Pilly:

“I mean go with the flow as in relax, accept it. You’ll feel way less stressed if you stop fighting with reality.”

Mac:

“Telling someone who is stressed to relax is probably one of the more stressful things you can do…

…and I’m not fighting with reality. I’m naming it: This is not a peaceful temperature! It’s a well known fact that violent crime goes up in heatwaves.7”

Pilly:

“Maybe, but hot weather is also associated with peace movements. During the Summer of Love in 1967, 100,000 people from all over the US came together to spread messages of acceptance, joy, tolerance, peace etc. The weather was hot and intense, but it also freed people to be outside and meet each other in large numbers…and to be hopeful together.8”

Mac:

“I bet those hippies annoyed quite a lot of people too.”

Pilly:

“That’s on the people who got annoyed. I don’t think your peace should be dependent on anything. Not other people’s behaviour, the weather, the football, etc. These are all things that people outsource their sense of peace to and consequently feel miserable.”

Mac:

“I’ll feel miserable if England lose the football tonight.”

Pilly:

“I know, that’s why I said it. I think peace comes from an acceptance of what is, rather than resistance. Yes, it’s hot right now. Yes it’s uncomfortable…but you’re causing yourself a whole extra layer of discomfort by trying to fight the fact it’s hot. I think that the biggest obstacle to peace is thinking that you need certain conditions in order to achieve it.”

Mac:

“Maybe one reason I don’t feel peaceful is I’m not getting much of a sense of empathy from you.”

The person sitting behind Mac and Pilly on the bus makes a noise that sounds a bit like “Amen”.

Mac and Pilly turn around and see an elegant, elderly woman standing up to exit the bus. She winks at them and hands them her card.

The card reads: “Manuela Bjorn, couples therapist”.

By the time they look up from the card, Manuela is gone.

Pilly says:

“How dare she!”

Mac replies:

“I know! What a liberty. That must be unethical.”

By the time they reach their bus stop, Mac and Pilly are firmly on the same page again, united in their antipathy towards Manuela Bjorn.

They walk into Tesco to pick up some drinks for the picnic. When the air con hits Mac, his sigh of relief is so loud it makes the person in front of him turn round.

Mac says:

“Now that is a sensation of peace. It almost makes the suffering of the bus worth it. And I wouldn’t have experienced that relief if I’d just accepted the heat like you. You didn’t sigh when you walked in here did you? This is why I’ll be supporting England tonight.”

Pilly glances down at Manuela’s card again and notices tiny writing in the bottom right corner. She looks closer and sees the words “Professional Scapegoat”.

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

Hot Weather

1. Do you associate hot weather with peace, love, and hippies? Or an increase in violent crime?

2. Why do you think people use the term “hot-headed” to describe someone who is short-tempered?

3. How dependent on the weather is your sense of peace? Could that change?

Interpersonal Conflict

1. Mac and Pilly seem to argue a lot. How might they make peace?

2. How important is it for them to make peace?

3. Mac says: “Maybe one reason I don’t feel peaceful is I’m not getting much of a sense of empathy from you.” How important is empathy in peacemaking?

Manuela Bjorn

1. Did Manuela’s intervention create more peace or more conflict?

2. If people make peace by uniting against a common enemy, is it true peace? Is it good?

3. What do you think about scapegoats? Could “professional scapegoats” like Manuela be considered ‘peacemakers’?

Peace vs. Discomfort & Relief

1. Mac experienced a heightened feeling of relief when he got off the bus. He said that it almost made the suffering worth it. Which way of being do you prefer:

   1. Continuous sense of peace, regardless of circumstances

   2. Suffering during discomfort, but also heightened feelings of relief when the discomfort passes

2. Would you lose anything if you were consistently peaceful?

3. Will your sense of peace be affected by the outcome of the England match this evening?

Thank you for letting your imaginations play with these thought experiments

These thought experiments are by Bonny Astor, founder of THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP).

If you would like to read more thought experiments, reflections, and news:

And for all other upcoming events and initiatives (including the next TEiP Party in the Park on the 8th August):

EVERYTHING ELSE

In this update (TLDR):

• WHAT HAPPENED IN JUNE: Evolution at TEiP St Pancras and sensible cowards at TEiP Battersea. Heatwave respite. Selfish plans resulting in wholesome connection. And the universe speaking to me at a practice zine making workshop.

• WHAT’S COMING UP IN JULY: TEiP Party in the Park, the final episode of TEiP X Newspeak House, the third Thought Experiment Writing Workshop, The Coaching Club.

• COMMUNITY SHOWING UP: big thanks and limited availability for coaching.

• FOOD FOR THOUGHT: The Amazing Story of Talacre as a guiding light.

ALL THE IMPORTANT LINKS:

UPCOMING EVENTS etc.

LOOKING BACK ON JUNE (and the past 6 months):

THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP)

In February, in response to all of our events selling out, I doubled the number of TEiP episodes at St Pancras. As a result, we finished Series 2 at double speed and our evolution has accelerated accordingly.

The proliferation of events was supported by several guest authors, who stepped in to write thought experiments of their own, each adding something extra to TEiP along the way:

• Sharda wrote about ‘RACE’ and in doing so demonstrated that TEiP is a good forum in which to discuss ‘potentially challenging’ topics1

• Camden wrote about ‘LOSS’ and invited audience participation to help bring his thought experiments to life

• Ben wrote about ‘CLASS’ and made the final thought experiment a collaborative team effort.

This is a perfect example of many heads being better than one, and collaboration leading to innovation. I’m very grateful to all three of these guest authors and look forward to their next contributions (as well as the contributions of others who they helped inspire).

I made this little video to document Camden’s innovation:

At TEiP Battersea, Dipa wrote three thought experiments on ‘COURAGE’ and we learned by group vote at the end of the evening that a majority would rather be ‘sensible and cowardly’ than ‘courageous and foolish’. We also had nuanced conversations about the role of fear in growth and the judgement of courageous acts :-)

THE 7AM SUMMIT

Towards the end of June, 7AM starts to feel like mid-day! The sun is high in the sky and the environment is much friendlier.

We had an atmospheric gathering the morning before Summer Solstice, with billowing grey clouds providing respite from the heatwave. We also welcomed a new mascot…

In July, we’re only meeting once. Here’s the link to join us.

‘WRITE CLUB’, ‘HANGING OUT’, and SALSA: selfish motives lead to wholesome connections

After 6 months of ‘hanging out’ (preceded by silent writing and reading, and followed by dancing), I’ve learned:

• Unstructured, unoptimised time together is valuable and allows relationships to flourish. People who knew each other from TEiP and other meetups became true friends at these ‘hang outs’ because they had more time to really get to know one another.2

• Reliable repetition fosters a feeling of reassuring ritual (unintentional alliteration). By doing the same thing in the same place over and over again, people become regulars and events start to have a feeling of ‘home’. Personally I find it very life enhancing to be able to say ‘see you next month’ (or even better, ‘next week’, and sometimes even ‘tomorrow!’). It tempers the anonymity of big city life.

• The saying ‘build it and they will come’ is true, and also a strategy for finding your people. As I’ve admitted before, I planned these events with several selfish motives.

  • I wanted to get more writing done, so I imagined a silent writing event - WRITE CLUB.

  • I was inspired by Sheila Liming’s book “Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time” and I wanted more hanging out in my life. I also wanted to spend more time by the river. So I imagined a hang out that would enable me to do both of these things - 'HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK.

  • And I wanted to go to my favourite salsa meet up on Friday evenings outside the Royal Festival Hall, so I scheduled both events on Friday evenings in the Royal Festival Hall lobby, just before the salsa kicks off.

  This selfish plan was smart. Now, not only do I get more writing done, hang out by the river, and dance salsa at least once a month…I’ve also found people to do it with. So my advice to anyone who wants to make sure they do something regularly and also make new friends: make an event out of it. Build it and they will come.

THE UNIVERSE SPOKE TO ME AT A ZINE MAKING WORKSHOP

As previously announced, my friend Ellie and I are creating a zine-making workshop. One of the things we love about zines is the way they free people to share their perspectives in their own way. We also find the creative process of making them very relaxing. There is more much to say about our motives, but I’ll save that for a future post.

A couple of weeks ago we ran a practice workshop with friends and family and it really proved the concept. Everyone created beautiful zines and everyone said they felt more relaxed and inspired by the end of it.

My personal experience was surprising and somewhat profound. I planned a complex zine about a tube journey. There was a storyboard and lots of detail. But then, when we got into it, this happened:

This was not at all my plan, but it was exactly the kind of message I needed to hear. It happened because I let the collaging process take over my creating.

So my takeaway: Zine making can be a process of self-discovery as well as method of self-expression.

Ellie and I will hold our first workshop in early August and it will be very limited in space. Sign up here if you’d like to be the first to hear about it. And watch this space for all the other zines.

LOOKING FORWARDS TO JULY

THE COACHING CLUB

Our first regular event is coming up next week and sold out long ago. I can’t wait to host it and then share my insights here.

At the OPENING NIGHT, the peer-to-peer ethos seemed to really resonate with participants. They said they enjoyed both the experience of coaching and the experience of being coached and that it was ‘cool to switch between the two’. I loved the way people got straight into both roles with beginners minds and thoughtful attention.

I recently went to an NA meeting as a guest/support person for a friend and it reminded me why I value non-hierarchical, peer-supportive spaces so much. I will likely write more about this in future, because I found it incredibly inspiring. It validated my urge to let principles of peer support and solidarity become a bigger part of my events.

I’ve scheduled August and September editions of THE COACHING CLUB. You can find them and all future events here:

THE COACHING CLUB

TEiP PARTY IN THE PARK

250 of you have already signed up for our big free outdoor episode of THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS on the 11th July! 🙀❤️

Last year’s picnic was a real highlight of my Summer, despite rain. I’m looking forward to doing it all again, this time using the opportunity to announce something new and exciting…

We’ll be meeting in a well scouted location: close to a cafe (& toilets), under the dappled shade of young trees, on the edge of a wide expanse of lawn, which offers a great sense of space despite being in the middle of the city.

You can find all the details and sign up to join us here:

TEiP PARTY IN THE PARK

HANGING OUT (etc) AT THE SOUTHBANK

The next ‘meetup mashup’ is on Friday 16th July. If you’d like to join, here are all the links:

• 6-7pm WRITE CLUB

• 7-late HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK

• 8:30-late POP UP SALSA next to the River Thames

TEiP X NEWSPEAK HOUSE (or The London College of Political Technology)

I’ve just announced the final episode of our three-part mini-series on LIVING WITH TECH. Francesca, who is coming towards the end of her fellowship at Newspeak House, has written three thought experiments about ‘THE WAY WE PARTICIPATE’. This feels like potentially the most important topic to think about collectively. Get your ticket here.

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT WRITING WORKSHOP

Back by popular demand, I’m running another thought experiment writing workshop on the 30th July at The Fitzroy Tavern.

As I wrote here, writing thought experiments has changed my life.

I really enjoyed sharing the process in the first two writing workshops. Both were excellent demonstrations of many heads being better than one. And both sold out well in advance, so if you’d like to join us for this one, sign up here (5 places left).

COMMUNITY SHOWING UP!

So many of you have signed up to do practice coaching sessions with me I’m almost fully booked!

I’m clocking up hours much faster than I expected and can definitely feel the benefit from it. There really is no substitute for practice.

Thank you so much for showing up, offering your time, and sharing with friends. I am very grateful.

I’m still releasing new slots every now and then, so if you or anyone you know might like some confidential, creative space to think, here’s the link for a free coaching session.

(Subject to availability!) I’m offering free and reduced cost sessions for the duration of my training. For each person: up to three free sessions, further sessions at a low cost: £15.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

Years ago, while training as a Camden Tour Guide, I came across this wonderful video:

It tells the story of a group of actors (Inter-Action) who worked together with local families to transform a scrapyard into an adventure playground.

Over the course of the 1971 Summer Holidays, through creative activities and a playful approach, the actors entertained and empowered local children to express themselves and demand a space to play.

The community took on the council and challenged them to continue the work that Inter-Action had started. After a long campaign, the community were triumphant and the former scrapyard is now a local park complete with two playgrounds, public art, a wildflower meadow, an ornamental garden, an all weather playing pitch, and an orchard project.

I found this story moving, inspiring, and heartening. It came back to mind recently when I was thinking about the feeling I’d like to have when collaborating and creating events. It has a very different feel to a lot of the ‘community building’ content I’ve seen online recently and made me want to find other people who’d like to work in a scrappy, playful, artistic, grassroots kind of way.3

It also reminded me how powerful it can be to tell a story through film. I’m really grateful that this was recorded and archived.

I’d love to hear your thoughts (by comment below or by DM).

Thank you for reading :-)

If you enjoy these updates and events, please consider passing this newsletter on to someone else and spreading the word.

I hope to see you at a meetup soon.

Bonny

@bonnyastor_ @thoughtexperimentsinpubs @thesunriseclubetc

In this update:

• FULL SCHEDULE FOR JUNE

• MAY RECAP

• THE COACHING CLUB - UPDATE

• TEiP NETWORK EXPANDS AGAIN!

• SPACE TO THINK

• FOOD FOR THOUGHT

FULL SCHEDULE FOR JUNE:

JUNE EVENTS

MAY RECAP:

THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP)

After many Mondays, we held our first Friday night event at The Betjeman Arms. Friday nights are notoriously busy in well connected, central pubs like The Betjeman Arms1, so it was a real honour to be invited to use their beautiful dining room during such a peak time. We filled the room with spirited conversation and good energy and have been asked back for another Friday night in June. I’ve just released more tickets, here’s the link to join us!

TEiP X NEWSPEAK HOUSE (or The London College of Political Technology)

As well as our regular pub events, we met again at Newspeak House, a very cool gallery-esq space at the top of Brick Lane. Francesca, who is doing her fellowship at Newspeak House, provided another round of considered and well sourced thought experiments, which led to refreshingly different conversations about AI and digital technology. The final episode of this mini-series will be in July. 👀

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT WRITING WORKSHOP

I tested out a slightly different format at the second Thought Experiment Writing Workshop: instead of working on several themes, we homed in on the most popular one, BOUNDARIES. By constraining ourselves to one topic, we were able to spend more time in the ‘imagining’ phase (the best phase?). The ensuing thought experiments were creative, varied, and full of hooks for good conversation. Another example of many heads being better than one :-)

It seems there is high demand for another workshop: the ‘register interest’ page has hit 140 people 🙀. So I’ll be scheduling a July event soon. I’m excited that so many people want to learn this practice. As I wrote here, writing thought experiments has changed my life.

MEETUP MASHUP AT THE SOUTHBANK

Same three events, one big change!

• The events: WRITE CLUB, HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK, SALSA

• The change: A palpable sense of community

Each time we meet, strangers become acquaintances, acquaintances develop familiarity, and new connections are made. Repetition (we’ve now held 5 of these evenings) means that closer and more thoughtful connections are forming.

A very tangible example: after mentioning a homemade biryani to someone at a previous event, one member actually brought a portion along to the May event for his newfound friend.

This kind of thing doesn’t happen at generic ‘socials’. It happens when you ‘hang out’. I think we are getting good at hanging out.

The next ‘meetup mashup’ is in two days time: Friday 5th June. If you’d like to join, here are all the links:

• 6-7pm WRITE CLUB

• 7-late HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK

• 8:30-late POP UP SALSA next to the River Thames2

THE 7AM SUMMIT has been SUNNY, and the most recent event may have included the first ever instance of synchronised cartwheels atop Primrose Hill before 8AM…

If you’d like to join us next time (cartwheels very much optional), you can do so here.

THE COACHING CLUB - UPDATE

The OPENING NIGHT was heartening and encouraging. Everyone got straight into both coaching and being coached. Feedback at the end of the evening included reflections like:

• “I enjoyed being both the coach and the coachee”

• “I met so many lovely people. I was surprised by how lovely they were”

• “The zine really helped me to focus, as both the coach and the coachee.”

• “I feel like I have something to walk away with.”

Jude and I learned a lot from the experience and really appreciate everyone who came along to test out our idea. We had a good debrief afterwards and came to the surprising conclusion that we actually had quite different events in mind:

• Jude would prefer to create a more professional, polished event with an emphasis on sharing coaching skills

• I would prefer to create a more relaxed, peer-to-peer event with an emphasis on giving each other space to think

So Jude has decided to leave the collaboration and focus on more professional coaching. And I am going to continue with THE COACHING CLUB, leaning even further into principles of peer support and solidarity :-). We remain friends and both really value the time we spent creatively concocting the opening night.

SO, I’ve re-listed the events on meetup and reduced ticket prices to reflect the fact that you will now be getting one facilitator rather than two (though I am expecting the occasional guest co-host appearance3). The next event is on the 7th of July and is already half full!

You can find all future events here:

THE COACHING CLUB

TEiP NETWORK EXPANDS AGAIN!

TEiP London regular (and much loved Thought Experiment contributor), Sharda, is bringing Thought Experiments in Pubs to Hertfordshire. She’ll be using the same popular format as London events and adding her own creative spin on things.

The first event, is on Wednesday 10th June at 8PM, and will explore the theme of ‘Curiosity’ using three original thought experiments.

The venue is the beautiful Old Manor pub, next to Potters Bar station, a short train ride from Kings Cross and Finsbury Park stations and easily accessible by car from the M25 and A1(M).

Sign up for your free place HERE.

SPACE TO THINK

I’m very grateful to all the community members who have already signed up for practice coaching sessions with me and shared this offer with friends. You’re helping me on the path to 10,000 hours (ok I’m still a long way off, but every step counts).

If you or anyone you know might like some confidential, creative space to think, here’s the link for a free coaching session.

I’m offering these free sessions for the duration of my training (for each person: up to three free sessions; further sessions at a low cost: £15).

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

I found this article about AI and writing resonant. And because I liked it on instagram, the algorithm is now feeding me more and more content comparing AI with human creativity. A lot of it is simultaneously funny and a little heartbreaking. Here are some examples:

• AI vs Copyright

• ChatGPT vs Valerian Tea

• “I’m not going to your event if the flyer is AI”4

These articles5 and memes vindicate my instinct to protect my creative brain from AI and to instead spend time writing6, reading from paper, and doing eccentric analogue things like sewing banners for events.

Maybe I’m a luddite, but maybe there’s value to that? This post includes a graffitied poster advertising a wearable AI device that promises to be your friend. The graffiti reads: ‘Join the Luddite Renaissance’. I like the phrase.

But the rate at which I’m now encountering content like this also reveals that I’m in an artificially, algorithmically created virtual bubble. So I want to pop that bubble by asking other humans what they think. What do you think?

Thank you for reading :-)

If you enjoy these updates and events, please consider passing this newsletter on to someone else and spreading the word.

I hope to see you at a meetup soon.

Bonny

@bonnyastor_ @thoughtexperimentsinpubs @thesunriseclubetc

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At the time, I was trying to learn all I could about different models of peer support. I’d been working in mental health services for 7 years and my disillusionment with the system had reached a peak.

I was lucky to find The Hearing Voices Network (HVN) early on in my career, and grateful to let their principles of respect, solidarity, reciprocity, democracy, and inclusivity guide me, even when in more mainstream and medicalised spaces. Now, in this tactical retreat from ‘the system’, I wanted to find more spaces like HVN, and better understand the history of such networks.

I did training with Intentional Peer Support, Talk 4 Health, and Open Dialogue, and I kept looking out for spaces where similar values were central (more on this quest in future posts).

This “peer coaching” event looked like it might tick all the boxes and potentially even offer something extra. The proposed group format was:

• Everyone learns a coaching skill

• You have the opportunity to practice that skill with each other (as both coach and coachee)

• You reflect on the experience as a group

I liked the inclusive and reciprocal nature of this concept1. The idea that we would all enter with beginners’ minds and leave having both coached and been coached. It seemed to blend the frame and values of traditional peer support groups with the opportunities that come from coaching: tools for self-discovery and a focus on the future.

Unfortunately, the event that I went to didn’t follow the proposed structure. It consisted mostly of a lecture about coaching by the organiser, meaning we ran out of time to properly coach each other in pairs.

I left feeling a little sad, but also inspired to create a peer-support x coaching synthesis of my own one day.

Fast forward a few years…

In between the first and second Thought Experiments in Pubs (TEiP) events, in early 2023, I experienced a life changing tragedy. It felt like a bomb had gone off and meant I had to rethink everything.

I stopped almost everything I was doing, but by some strange logic decided that I could keep doing TEiP (best decision ever).

Several months later, once the dust of my life had begun to settle, I realised I needed some space to start picking up the pieces, to think about how they might fit together, and discover new ways of creating pieces to fill the gaps.

I wanted to look to the future rather than the past. And despite grief, I felt fairly OK (thanks to friends, family, salsa dancing, and some good therapy in my 20s). So I decided to give coaching a go.

Coaching was exactly what I needed. I looked at things with fresh eyes, learned skills that continue to be helpful to me today, and found a lot of the current direction of TEiP etc.

For me, coaching was like Kintsugi, the creative practice of putting things back together with gold. Coaching definitely helped me find some gold!

Fast forward another couple of years… to now

Over the past year, coaching has kept coming up: I’ve met several coaches, reconnected with the coach who I worked with in 2023, and come across a few good books on coaching.

All this led me to think about training as a coach (which, several open days later, I decided to commit to).

It also led me to remember that “peer coaching” event from years ago. It felt like a fun thing to think about creating.

“THE COACHING CLUB: a space for everyone to coach and be coached” evolved out of conversations about coaching and peer support and is my best attempt to combine the two.

It will be warm, welcoming, a-hierarchical, and practice-focussed. And like all my groups, I hope it will combine both levity and depth.

The OPENING NIGHT on Thursday the 28th of May was a great success.

People got straight into it and their feedback at the end of the evening was glowing:

• “I enjoyed being both the coach and the coachee”

• “I met so many lovely people. I was surprised by how lovely they were”

• “I loved the zine - it really helped me to focus on the skill, both as the coach and the coachee.”

• “I feel like I have something to walk away with.”

Going forwards, events will be a little smaller (to allow more space for thoughtful listening and reflections), but they’ll keep a very similar focus on practice and peer-to-peer connection.

I hope you’ll join us at the next event!

THE COACHING CLUB will be on the first Tuesday of every month. You can find full details and all upcoming events here:

THE COACHING CLUB

As the title of this piece declares, I’m hoping to create the group I wish already existed…which I think is how all the best groups start.

Additional note:

As mentioned above, I have recently started training to be a coach, and I’m loving it. It is a new territory, but there are lots of similarities with areas I’ve explored before. It just feels a little sunnier.

While in training, I’m offering free and low cost sessions (first three sessions free, after that £15). Quite a few community members have already signed up to help me get the hours in2 and I’m very grateful for their time and openness. If you’re interested, you can read more and sign up here:

COACHING WITH BONNY

Thank you for reading :-)

If you have ideas, suggestions, or thoughts you’d like to share, please do so in the comments or by sending me a message directly.

And if you enjoy these updates and events, please consider passing this newsletter on to someone else and spreading the word.

I hope to see you at a meetup soon!

Bonny

@bonnyastor_

Novels are not generally written by collectives.1 But thought experiments can be. We proved this at the first Thought Experiment Writing Workshop.

I’ve been writing thought experiments (short imaginary scenarios) for THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP) events for three years now. And although I usually do the actual writing by myself, the creative process often involves other people, namely: my partner, my mother, and my brother.

This started when we were all away for the weekend and I needed to write thought experiments for a Monday event.

Over breakfast, I told them the upcoming theme (each event has a theme) and asked if anything came to mind. The ensuing brainstorm was far richer than my usual solitary effort.

They free associated and I wrote everything down. This wasn’t just helpful, it was fun and led to rich TEiP-like conversations2.

So I knew the ‘brainstorm’ stage of my writing process would translate well to a workshop, but I wasn’t sure about the rest.

When planning the first Thought Experiment Writing Workshop, I decided to break my process into 6 stages.

This was so that it could fit neatly into a ‘zine’: a 6-page booklet folded out of a single piece of A4 (I’ve been obsessed with zines ever since my friend Ellie and I decided to found ‘LESS STRESS PRESS’).

STAGE 1 - Choose a theme

STAGE 2 - Brainstorm

STAGE 3 - Distill

STAGE 4 - Imagine

STAGE 5 - Polyphony

STAGE 6 - Questions

The first workshop turned out to be fast paced, playful, and very thought provoking.

We collaborated at every stage and it was a real honour to tap into each other’s creative minds.

My favourite stage was definitely ‘IMAGINE’, where we crowdsourced imagery on one of the sub themes. Scenarios included:

• a tube strike during a heatwave

• waves upon a shore

• Seinfeld’s ‘Soup Nazi’

• a highly detailed personal organiser

• police at a protest

• travelling with a friend

• black Friday sales

Can you guess the theme we were working with?

By the end of the evening, we’d come up with loads of ideas, each written original thought experiments, and collectively workshopped 4 of them.

I’m excited for the next Thought Experiment Writing Workshop, which currently has one space left! If it sells out, register your interest here and I’ll schedule more.

And I’m curious to try other creative writing challenges with groups.

I’m thinking poetry, improv-style dialogue, and short stories. If you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them. Please share via the comments or by DM :-)

And for all future reflections, please:

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Bonny ❤️

In this update:

• FULL SCHEDULE FOR MAY

• APRIL RECAP

• ZINE MAKING WORKSHOP

• CCB VIRTUAL CAFE

• THE COACHING CLUB

• FOOD FOR THOUGHT

FULL SCHEDULE FOR MAY:

MAY EVENTS

APRIL RECAP:

THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP)

There are now around 6 regular TEiP events each month! You can find them all here.

The first episode of our special series at Newspeak House, “Living With Tech”, was vibrant and enlightening:

The next episode is on the 19th of April and the topic is “THE WAY WE CONNECT”.

The first THOUGHT EXPERIMENT WRITING WORKSHOP was extremely productive.

In just two hours, we:

• Crowdsourced a list of potential themes: (in order of popularity ascertained by vote): CHAOS, DEATH, EGO, PERCEPTION, COLOUR, PURPOSE, INTEGRATION, MYSTERY, IDENTITY, GROWTH, CELEBRATION1

• Brainstormed initial ideas for the top 4 themes, individually and then in pairs

• Discussed potential sub themes for the top 2: CHAOS & DEATH

• Imagined scenarios that might illustrate these sub themes

• Each wrote a thought experiment

• Workshopped 4 people’s thought experiments as a big group

• Broke into small groups to test these new thought experiments out (in the normal TEiP format)

• Reflected on the process

It was a playful, fast paced, thought provoking evening, and a real honour to tap into each other’s creative minds. If you missed out and would like to join the next one, there are a couple of spaces left in May.

Our Friday night ‘meetup mashup’ at The Southbank has become one of my favourite evenings. It consists of:

• 6-7pm WRITE CLUB

• 7-late HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK

• 8:30-late POP UP SALSA next to the River Thames2

For me, this combination of quiet togetherness, followed by convivial conversation, followed by joyful dancing, is guaranteed to leave me in a better mood than I began with.

We’ll be repeating this evening on Friday 15th May (links above).

THE 7AM SUMMIT has been atmospherically misty recently…

Although we miss watching the actual moment of sunrise (now that we’re on the later schedule for Spring/Summer)…we are enjoying the warmer temperatures and more predictable sunshine!

join us next time

ZINE MAKING WORKSHOP with LESS STRESS PRESS:

My friend and former colleague, Ellie, and I have landed on ‘zines’ (tiny self-published magazines) as the perfect medium to:

• open creative space: play with different art forms like writing, drawing, collage, printmaking, poetry etc.

• focus the mind: typically, you only have 8 tiny pages in a zine including front and back cover

• share experiences: you have total creative control and can share whatever you like

• get to know others: zines are little windows into other people’s passions, experiences, and knowledge

• relax: immersing yourself in a small creative project, either in a group3 or alone, can be incredibly relaxing

We’re planning to run workshops in London, and build up a ‘LIBRARY OF LIVED EXPERIENCE’.

Register interest in our next workshop here.

Here’s a little zine I made for the Thought Experiment Writing Workshop last week:

CREATIVE COMMUNITY BUILDING: VIRTUAL CAFE

I’ve renamed and reimagined my gathering for fellow community builders.

As well as an IRL Social every month or so, there’s now also an opportunity to meet online every Thursday morning ☕☕☕

You can read the full rationale here.

In brief, my hope is that regular opportunities for reflection and peer support will lead to proliferation and interconnection of thriving communities.

There have already been some international sign ups, so we may get to benefit from wisdom from around the world.

Lets see how the first one goes!

THE COACHING CLUB

Jude and I are collaborating to bring coaching to everyone.

I’m going to share our full story in a future post, so please subscribe if you’d like to read it:

Subscribe now

But, in brief, we believe:

• Coaching can be life enhancing, inspiring, creative, and fun

• Everyone can learn coaching skills

• Having the experience of both coaching and being coached is doubly valuable

• Peer-to-peer connections are special :-)

Please join us for the ‘OPENING NIGHT’, to see what its all about and learn a method of discovering “how well you know yourself” 👀

More info and sign up here

We will guide the process and attendees will also receive a illustrative zine by the aforementioned LESS STRESS PRESS :-)

A bit more about us:
Jude is an experienced NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Master Practitioner and utilises NLP tools and techniques when she coaches. She offers 1:1 sessions, with the first Introductory Session completely free with no obligations.

COACHING WITH JUDE

I (Bonny) am a former coachee of Jude’s! And I’ve just begun training to be a coach myself. I am offering 1:1 sessions at a reduced cost while in training.

COACHING WITH BONNY

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

I was recently reminded of this reassuring and wise poem when someone mentioned it in a group. I used to have it on my wall, but lost track of it when moving. I think its worth sharing far and wide:

THE GUESTHOUSE

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~ by Jalaluddin Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks, accessed via Scottish Poetry Library

Thank you for reading :-)

If you have ideas, suggestions, or thoughts you’d like to share, please do so in the comments or by sending me a message directly.

And if you enjoy these updates and events, please consider passing this newsletter on to someone else and spreading the word.

I hope to see you at a meetup soon.

Bonny

@bonnyastor_ @thoughtexperimentsinpubs @thesunriseclubetc @lessstresspress

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• Some wanted guidance in setting up their own communities

• Some wanted to collaborate

• Some wanted to share tips on community building

• Some wanted to share their communities with my community

• Some just wanted to talk about their ideas and hopes for communities

When these enquiries became predictable and regular, I decided to set up THE HEARTH: a gathering for community builders.

After 3 iterations of THE HEARTH and a lot of helpful feedback1, I’ve developed some new ideas. Here’s what I’ve learned, and what I plan to do next.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED:

About community builders:

• Lots of people have great ideas for community building.

• The communities that people are building are incredibly diverse, but the challenges and obstacles they face are surprisingly similar.

• Once gathered, people don’t need much prompting to think creatively about community building.

• Principles of peer support are of value to community builders.

About events for community builders:

• People at every stage of community building want to meet and connect with one another:

  • People who are at the same stage of community building get a lot out of talking to each other (peer support).

  • People thinking about starting communities, or with fledgling communities, can learn a lot from experienced community builders (mentoring).

  • Experienced community builders gain fresh perspectives and the opportunity to reflect on their journeys when talking with beginners (inspiration & reflection).2

• People are very keen to come to these events if they are free (long waitlists), but less keen if there is a £5 charge. This is normal for an unestablished meetup event, so I’m not discouraged.

• Free events are a risk if you are booking a small room with limited capacity (hence my initial instinct for the £5 charge). For example: a free event with 20 confirmed RSVPs and a waitlist of over 30 people can result in just 5 people showing up on the day. This is because people tend to be less committed when they have free tickets and often forget to change their RSVPs if they can no longer attend. Large public spaces with flexible seating options work better for free events with unpredictable group sizes.

• An introductory circle enables everyone to introduce themselves and their communities.3

• Time to mingle gives people the opportunity to organically connect, develop ideas and discuss collaborative possibilities.

• Community builders are often busy hosting their own events in the evenings, so finding a regular evening that works for everyone is difficult.

• London is full of community builders, but there is a whole world of innovative community building out there and the internet makes it accessible (heavily foreshadowing my plans).

About the name:

• People love ‘THE HEARTH’ once I explain the story behind the name…but it is not immediately clear.

• It is also frequently mis-read as ‘THE HEATH’ (as in Hampstead), and ‘THE HEART’ (which is lovely, but confusing).

• So I’m going with the much more literal: CREATIVE COMMUNITY BUILDING

WHAT I PLAN TO DO NEXT:

There will be two aspects to CREATIVE COMMUNITY BUILDING:

• VIRTUAL CAFE - an ideas-focussed event from the comfort of your own home (or anywhere else) ☕️

• IRL SOCIAL - a minimally structured, celebratory evening event in Central London 🥂

VIRTUAL CAFE

Despite being loath to ever meet online again post-pandemic, I am excited about the VIRTUAL CAFE. I have facilitated a lot of online spaces in the past and there are some real merits to them. My hopes for this space:

• It will give us the opportunity to easily brainstorm relevant issues and then break into smaller groups to discuss them.

• It will mean people from around the world can join and share their experiences.

• It will become a space of reflection, inspiration, and accountability for those of us with big hopes and dreams for our communities.

• It will enable community builders with packed evening schedules to make space for shared learning.

IRL SOCIAL

THE HEARTH was IRL and it felt convivial, inspiring, and a nice opportunity to celebrate our work together. The IRL SOCIAL will enable us to keep this good energy going and create a network of London community builders. I am looking forward to finding ‘colleagues’ and friends with a shared interest in bringing people together in new and innovative ways.

We’ll start by meeting in public spaces with flexible seating. If numbers get more predictable, I’ll book rooms in nice pubs.

I hope that if you have any interest in creative community building, you will come along and share your thoughts.

And if you don’t, but know someone that does, please pass this along 🙏

All future events will be posted:

HERE

And I will share future reflections and updates here:

Subscribe now

Bonny ♥️

On Monday evening, Sharda shared thought experiments about ‘RACE’ at TEiP St Pancras.

In doing so, she responded to an audience appetite that I’ve so far neglected.

For a while now, people have been asking for more ‘controversial’ and ‘challenging’ event themes.

Because I started TEiP around the same time as a traumatic bereavement, I’ve been happy to focus on uncontroversial themes over the past few years1. With newfound triggers of my own, I wanted to do my best to avoid bringing up subjects that might cause others discomfort.

But TEiP regulars are adamant that2:

On Monday, Sharda paved the way out of the uncontroversial comfort zone, with nuanced thought experiments about ‘RACE’, drawn from her experience and research. The ensuing conversations were just as good as the regulars predicted.

One attendee described the evening as “uncomfortable, but refreshing”. Another said it was “a rare and important opportunity to discuss things people usually avoid discussing”.

Off the back of the evening, another TEiP regular, Ben, has been inspired to write thought experiments exploring ‘CLASS’, so alongside the usual broad topics (e.g. upcoming: MOOD, MAKING, REVIVAL, CHILDHOOD, etc.), expect some more ‘controversial’ themes in the near future3.

On Tuesday evening, Francesca took us out of the pub and into NEWSPEAK HOUSE to explore new angles on AI and technology.

Responding to AI fatigue - the weariness that sets in when every conversation ends up with the same question: Is AI going to ruin our lives or revolutionise them? - Francesca wrote three thought experiments to disrupt the debate.

Drawing on her research as a fellow at Newspeak House (The London College of Political Technology), Francesca’s thought experiments got us to question what counts as a ‘skill’, discuss the effects of algorithms on ‘taste’, and consider, in a very meta way, the role of ‘thinking gyms’ in the near future.

It was great to be in a new location discussing new ideas.

The second instalment of our LIVING WITH TECH series will focus on ‘THE WAY WE CONNECT’. Tickets are selling fast!

Last Wednesday, Nicole took the TEiP format even further from the pub…and all the way to Austin, Texas!

Nicole came to a few of my original TEiP events in 2023 when she was living in London. Three years and two kids later, she got back in touch to discuss setting up a TEiP spin-off in her new home. She thought people in Austin would be up for these kinds of conversations, and she was right!

The first “THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS ON PATIOS” in Austin was a great success. A few newsletters and a viral reddit post later, and the second event has attracted many more attendees.

It’s heartening to see that TEiP’s early momentum in London wasn’t just a fluke, but something repeatable. The idea has now created a snowball effect twice!

It’s been interesting to hear Nicole’s thoughts about how my original TEiP format might resonate in an American context, and how she plans to adapt it going forwards.

Nicole’s interest in setting up her group has been the prompt I needed to finish my ‘GUIDE FOR TEiP HOSTS’4, and to think more clearly about how to share TEiP without it losing connection to where it came from, and all the work behind it5.

So if you feel inspired to set up TEiP where you are, please get in touch!6

The TEiP community is evolving and gathering momentum. Big thanks to Sharda, Francesca, and Nicole for their catalytic effects!

If you’d like to read more of their writing: Sharda’s new Substack. Francesca’s established ‘MAGPIE BRAIN’.

And for all of my future updates:

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In this update:

• FULL SCHEDULE of events in April

• MARCH RECAP

• THE 7AM SUMMIT

• THOUGHT EXPERIMENT WRITING WORKSHOP

• A LITTLE SHARE

• FOOD FOR THOUGHT

FULL SCHEDULE of events this month:

APRIL EVENTS

MARCH RECAP:

THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP) had another solid month of sold out events. We premiered Ben’s interview at TEiP ST PANCRAS and got some lovely feedback.

The two new meetups, WRITE CLUB and HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK are thriving, and the cherry on top is that immediately afterwards, a stones throw away, there is now a pop up salsa event next to the River Thames.1 A group of us went straight from the hang out to dance, including a few complete beginners who made use of the free lesson before joining in with social dancing. It was a perfect evening and we’ll be repeating it on Friday 17th April.

You can find both events here

THE SUNRISE CLUB season finale was exceptional. After many grey, rainy ‘sunrises’, we got lucky for the SPRING EQUINOX gathering atop Primrose Hill.

I made this little video to capture some of the atmosphere:

And Elisabetta made this one:

THE SUNRISE CLUB is on pause until September, but we will continue meeting in the early hours of Saturday mornings at…

THE 7AM SUMMIT

If, like me, you’re addicted to early morning meetups (or think you could get addicted to them), fear not.

THE 7AM SUMMIT lacks the actual sunrise, but it retains the peaceful, special, adventurous spirit of THE SUNRISE CLUB.

The city is sleeping, the roads are empty, foxes rule London.

It is warmer and warmer as the days get longer.

The trees brim with buds and then burst into leaf.

The birds (and gibbons) sing.

We’re amongst the first people to climb the hill and look out over London.

The sky, always wild, does something different each day.

After our tiny adventure, we catch up at our regular home: Roots on Regents Park Road.

You’re invited to join us, tomorrow, and throughout the lighter half of the year.

THE SUNRISE CLUB: THE 7AM SUMMIT

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT WRITING WORKSHOP

Over 100 of you registered your interest for a Thought Experiment Writing Workshop!

So I’ve scheduled the pilot:

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT WRITING WORKSHOP

When registering interest, everyone had the opportunity to answer the following question:

“Any initial areas of interest that you’d like to explore? Or are you totally open to see what comes up?”

A lot of you went with ‘totally open to see what comes up’, but there were some trends in the other answers, including:

• Meaning and how to find it, especially in a modern context

• Friendships and relationships

• Selflessness/altruism

• Curiosity

• Creativity

I’m excited to see what comes out of our collective creative writing process. The first workshop will be on the 29th of April. Space is limited to 15 people. More info and tickets here:

THOUGHT EXPERIMENT WRITING WORKSHOP

A LITTLE SHARE

I found this newsletter more difficult to get together than usual. That’s why it’s late.

Last weekend I unplugged my mind and went off grid for a couple of days. No computer, no notifications, no other people, no electricity.

It was so nice.

I haven’t quite plugged back in again, which is also kind of nice. But it makes doing things like compiling a newsletter more challenging.

While I was away I read this New Yorker article about AI data centres.

I learned about AI’s ever-increasing demand for water, land, energy, and data.

It made me pause before posing my next question to ChatGPT and wonder: “Is this question worth it?”

Is my question worth the water? Worth the electricity? Worth the land? Is it worth “stealing mushrooms” as Francesca, author of our upcoming TEiP X NEWSPEAK HOUSE Event Series, puts it?

It was a weird article to read while off grid, surrounded by nature. I felt kind sad afterwards, imagining the destruction of nature to make way for data centres.

I’ve sent the article to a few friends and family members because I’d like to talk about it. But it’s a little long and it’s paywalled, so I’m not sure those conversations will happen. Which is where I immediately start thinking about THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS.

Maybe I can boil this article down into a thought experiment and bring it to an event where willing strangers with fresh perspectives and open minds will be up for talking about it.

I’m very happy to hear other perspectives on AI and data centres.

Until I do, I’m going to be much more judicious about posing questions to AI assistants.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

Here’s what I wrote in March:

• THE LANDSLIDE FAVOURITE THOUGHT EXPERIMENT FROM LAST NIGHT - about the role of adversity in friendship and a potential missing ingredient in meetups

• BORED OF HAVING THE SAME CONVERSATION ABOUT AI - a collaborative solution to repetitive conversations

• TELLING THE STORY OF TEiP - another collaborative solution, this time to my enigmatic presence at TEiP

I’ve got a few other pieces in the works, so if you’d like to receive them, please:

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Thank you for reading :-)

If you have ideas, suggestions, or thoughts you’d like to share, please do so in the comments or by sending me a message directly.

And if you enjoy these updates and events, please consider passing this newsletter on to someone else and spreading the word.

I hope to see you at a meetup soon.

Bonny

@bonnyastor_ @thoughtexperimentsinpubs @thesunriseclubetc

Subscribe now

“warm and welcoming, yet enigmatic!”

I asked him, “why enigmatic”?

He said that despite coming to THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP) events for over a year, he didn’t know anything about me, or where the idea for TEiP came from, because I never talked about myself at events. I realised he was right.

I see my role, as host, as being all about creating space for other people to share with one another, rather than sharing my story with an audience. So even though I stand on a chair and address the room at the beginning and end of each event, I try to limit my words as much as possible, keeping them focussed on what people need to know to enjoy the event.

After events, people sometimes ask me where the inspiration for TEiP came from and I usually list a few things, but I’ve never really gone into much detail about it.

UNTIL NOW.

About a year ago, one of our community members presented me with the perfect way to stop being enigmatic.

He was working on a series of interviews and he asked if I’d like to participate and tell the story of TEiP.

Ben is a keen tango dancer, with an excellent blog to prove it. Combining his love of dance and his skills in filmmaking, he made this short film about tango in 2023. He’s now working on a series of interviews. The first is an interview with a dancer friend. The second is with me.

In keeping with the dance theme, the interview starts with salsa, which you might be surprised to discover is an indirect inspiration for TEiP.

We then talk about some of the other influences (e.g. prison and sunrises), the evolution of TEiP, what I love about the community, and where I think it’s going.

You can watch the whole thing here:

TELLING THE STORY OF TEiP

Ben’s comments on the interview:

“My video interview series is proceeding at a rather glacial pace, but has both selfish and altruistic motives. On the personal satisfaction side, it’s just such a joy to listen to people talk about things they love, and to try to help tell their stories. On the other side, I think TEiP is something which can make a real difference in a lot of people’s lives, so my hope is that this is a video you can share with your friends to encourage them to give it a try.”

My comments on the process:

This little project is a great example of community leading to friendship and collaboration. I’m so grateful for Ben’s invitation to participate in an interview. It helped me reflect on the past, appreciate the present, and think ahead to the future. I left feeling excited about what’s to come. I’m also grateful for his patience with me in scheduling all the B-roll filming, and for his creative editorial skills, which helped turn a wide ranging ramble into a coherent story!

We hope you enjoy it :-)

And if you’d like to receive future related pieces, please:

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Some people have turned avoiding the topic into a game, congratulating each other at the end of a night if AI hasn’t come up. Others are just exasperated by the subject.

But AI, and digital technologies more generally, are undeniably important things to think and talk about. (Which is probably why they keep coming up!)

I think the boredom and exasperation don’t come from the frequency with which this topic comes up, but the repetitiveness of the conversations. I’ve heard the same doom and gloom points, and utopian counterpoints over and over again.

But after talking to one of our TEiP regulars, Francesca, I think that rather than avoiding talking about digital technology, we just need to talk about it differently.

We need thought experiments that open this topic up and present us with new ideas and concepts to think through.

I have not got my finger on the pulse when it comes to AI, but Francesca does. She is in the middle of a fellowship at Newspeak House (London College of Political Technology) and surrounded by people engaging with the full complexity of these issues.

Francesca has identified several clusters of ideas about digital technologies, AI and the effect they are having on our lives, and she’s written original thought experiments to help us explore them.

I’ve had a sneak peak at these thought experiments and they’ve already advanced my thinking and opened my mind. I have learned new terminology with which to understand the effect of technology on my life (e.g. ‘technofeudalism’ & ‘enshittification’), and now feel more able to notice its impact. And that’s before really engaging with the topics in discussion.

One of the things that Francesca and I both appreciate about TEiP is the opportunity to truly engage with concepts rather than passively learn them. In order to discuss something with other people, we are obliged to use our imaginations, grapple with ideas, listen to alternative points of view, and clarify our thinking on the fly. All of this helps us to develop a better understanding and grasp of what we’re talking about.

As Francesca alludes to in one of her thought experiments, conversations like these are like going to the gym for your mind.

But as anyone who has been to a TEiP event will know, TEiP’s lighthearted and playful atmosphere means that it’s more like a fun dance workout than CrossFit.

If having different conversations about tech, AI and its impact on our lives sounds good, or intriguing, to you, please join us at NEWSPEAK HOUSE on the 14th April for the first in this little series of TEiP: LIVING WITH TECHNOLOGY.

FIRST EPISODE

Check out Francesca’s Substack:

MAGPIE BRAIN

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‘FRIENDSHIP’ was by far the most popular topic last year, so I wrote three more thought experiments to help us explore further.

Voting at the end of yesterday evening revealed that attendees found the final thought experiment by far the most thought provoking.

As you’ll see, this thought experiment is both:

• propaganda for our regular tiny adventures at THE SUNRISE CLUB

• testing the water for a TEiP adventure

Here it is:

FRIENDSHIP FUNNEL

Harry is obsessed with the idea of friendship at the moment.

He recently read an article in The New Yorker by Weike Wang titled: “The Trouble with Friends”.

In the article, Wang describes the way friendship blooms in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, but then withers as people begin to couple up and have children.

Harry has noticed this happening in his life.

He’s sick of going back and forth with friends on whatsapp trying to find times that work for a “quick coffee somewhere between me and you”. The admin involved in keeping in touch is exhausting. He misses the days when he could show up at one of three bars, or at the library, and bump into at least ten people he knew. Maybe this is why people say the best years of your life are at university.

Even when Harry does manage to meet up with his friends, he feels somewhat unfulfilled. They talk about old times, catch up on life stuff, but never really go beyond that.

Harry doesn’t want to just accept this for the rest of his life. He wants to find a way around it.

He’s started going to events, to meet new people and find potential friends. These events are enjoyable and Harry has met lots of nice people, but he hasn’t made any true friends. In fact, he hasn’t even met up with anyone after an event. It feels too awkward to ask someone if they’d like to have a coffee, and too forward to say “I think we could be good friends.”

After several months of this, Harry decides to take matters into his own hands. He wants to create an event that will not only enable people to meet one another and feel part of a community, he wants attendees to make actual friends at his event.

He’s been reading and watching stuff about friendship and a couple of things have stood out:

1. In Frederik Backman’s novel My Friends, all the main characters meet during a challenging time in their childhood. They help one another cope with the trauma of abuse, abandonment, bereavement (etc.).

2. In Hisham Matar’s novel by the same name, My Friends, key friendships form after a violent incident and during the suffering of exile.

3. In the BAFTA winning drama Blue Lights, about Belfast police, colleagues become best friends and form a very strong sense of camaraderie through shared tragedies and common threats.

Harry comes to the conclusion that true friendship can’t form at the occasional social event because social events aren’t challenging. To form good friendships, people need to go through something together, to be there for one another during tough times.

Harry decides to set up a camping meetup group. He calls it:

ADVERSE EXPERIENCES FOR AMAZING FRIENDSHIPS

As he explains in the group description, these trips are not meant to be enjoyable. They are meant to bring people together through shared struggle.

Harry deliberately schedules trips for bad weather weekends. If the weather is great, he’ll introduce adversity by forgetting the tent poles, or the coffee.

People who go on Harry’s camping trips hate the adventures, but leave with friends. Many of them come back time and again, despite knowing it will suck.

A friend of yours, who you’ve kind of lost touch with but used to have a great connection with, sends you an email with a link to one of Harry’s events. She says: “What do you think? Shall we try it?”

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

1. How would you respond to your friend?

2. Does true friendship require adversity?

3. Could adversity mask differences that would emerge later down the line and ultimately ruin a friendship?

4. Why do you think Harry struggled to make ‘true’ friends at social events?

5. Do you have any other ideas for Harry’s events? Ways of instigating true friendship between attendees?

6. Is our friendship crisis connected to our preference for comfort as 21st century humans?

SOURCES1

An additional vote at the end of last night revealed that a very large majority of you would be up for going on one of Harry’s trips.

So, while I promise not to deliberately cause adversity, I am going start researching campsites near London, preferably close to a train station and with glamping options for future Summers. If you have any pointers, please let me know! And for updates, please:

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In the meantime, you’re invited to endure some adversity with us at THE SUNRISE CLUB. We meet early in the morning (at the literal crack of dawn from Autumn Equinox to Spring Equinox, and at 7AM from Spring Equinox to Autumn Equinox), rain or shine, with the comforting knowledge that there are many nearby cafes for us to hang out in afterwards.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this in the comments or via DM, and it was of value to you, please do pass it along :-)

Love,

Bonny

In this update:

• FULL SCHEDULE of events in March

• FEBRUARY REFLECTIONS

• TEiP BATTERSEA PILOT

• LIGHTER DAYS

• FOOD FOR THOUGHT

FULL SCHEDULE of events this month:

MARCH EVENTS

FEBRUARY REFLECTIONS

Public spaces like The Southbank Centre are wonderful, but unpredictable.

The first time I hosted WRITE CLUB and HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK, in January, there was a graduation ceremony happening and The Southbank centre was full of gowned graduates taking selfies.

The second time I hosted these events, in February, it was half term and pouring with rain so The Southbank Centre had become a refuge for many soggy children.

It is a testament to the diligence and good natures of meetup attendees that in both January and February, these events were great successes despite a lot of background noise. My note to self: remind people to bring ear plugs/noise cancelling headphones to all future silent writing events at The Southbank Centre.

If you would like to join us in March:

WRITE CLUB

HANGING OUT AT THE SOUTHBANK

Thought Experiments in Pubs had one of its busiest months yet and the community seems to be gathering real momentum: all of the March events are already sold out (with the exception of this last minute addition). It is heartening to know that there are lots of people out there who want to talk about big topics, openly and respectfully, with strangers.

I’ve increased ‘supply’ to keep up with your ‘demand’ for these kinds of gatherings. We’ll now have at least two events in St Pancras each month, and I plan to explore new venues in different parts of London over the coming year (more on our pilot event in Battersea below).

Our special event, SOMETHING YOU LOVE, was uplifting and inspiring. I was grateful for the ‘give it a go’ energy of everyone who showed up to try something new. Unsurprisingly, they were an interesting bunch with lots of thought provoking ‘loves’ to share. We all left with personal bouquets of notes on other people’s favourite things. Here is mine:

I wasn’t planning on repeating this special event (because I’m so busy with TEiP at the moment!) but quite a few of you have told me how uplifting you found it and requested more, so watch this space.

Last but not least, we have found a new home for ‘après-sunrise’, the rewarding coffee gathering that motivates many of us to climb a hill despite inclement weather. Roots is a bright and welcoming cafe on Regents Park Road. They reached out to us because they’d seen THE SUNRISE CLUB on instagram and thought we were kindred spirits :-).

We are!

I recommend checking them out, even if you’re not an early bird.

TEiP BATTERSEA PILOT

Our first event at Hawkins Forge was perfect, thanks to Ivan and the team.

They set the room up with lots of small tables and turned off the background music. They were warm, welcoming and enthusiastic about our purpose: to bring people together for meaningful and delightful conversations in London pubs.

In our small groups, we discussed HAPPINESS and its flip-side. I was moved by the openness of my co-conversationalists and their ability to navigate between light and dark.

This event went so well that we immediately scheduled the next one for the following Thursday (5th March). Tickets are selling fast, but there are a few spaces left if you would like to join us.

TEiP BATTERSEA

LIGHTER DAYS

Nobody is more aware of the rapidly lengthening days than those of us who get up before dawn for THE SUNRISE CLUB.

As the sunrise gets earlier and earlier, this tiny adventure is getting more and more hardcore.

Along with the rest of London, we early birds are celebrating warmer temperatures and more sunshine, but we’re also preparing ourselves to stop witnessing the sunrise together at our Saturday morning gatherings.

When the sunrise gets earlier than 6am, it is difficult to travel to Primrose Hill by public transport in time to catch it, and even though our lovely Roots café would like to open ridiculously early for us, they are not permitted to by their license.

So, on the 21st of March, we will celebrate the Spring Equinox and the last communal sunrise for 6 months.

From April to September, we’ll meet at 7AM, most Saturdays. I’ve unimaginatively named this gathering: THE 7AM SUMMIT. It was a lot of fun last Spring/Summer.

So, if you want to see the sunrise with us before September, you have two more opportunities:

Saturday 7th March - 6:15AM at the top of Primrose Hill for Sunrise at: 6:32AM

Saturday 21st March (SPRING EQUINOX) - 5:45AM at the top of Primrose Hill for Sunrise at: 6:01AM

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

In February, I elaborated some of the things I was thinking about into longer pieces:

• WRITING THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS - about unlocking creativity and things that help

• IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY - about personal development and good advice

• LIGHT & DARK; LEVITY & DEPTH - a case for blending “deep conversations” and “small talk”, rather than separating them.

I’d love to hear your thoughts :-)

That’s all for now.

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If you have ideas, suggestions, or thoughts you’d like to share, please do so in the comments or by sending me a message directly.

I hope to see you at a meetup soon.

Bonny

@thoughtexperimentsinpubs @thesunriseclubetc @experimentsingroupwisdom

Peer support groups are good examples of this.

Amidst the darkness of shared struggles, someone can say something funny and suddenly everyone is laughing. It’s like a ray of brilliant sunlight breaking through storm clouds1.

From my experience, the more time a group spends together, the more often these light moments tend to occur. Before long, we might spend equal time talking about what is good and what is difficult. This could seem inappropriate for a group whose purpose is to be there for the dark times, but I think it is a good sign. It means the group is reflecting the bittersweet nature of reality.

As Susan Cain puts it, the ‘bittersweet’ is:

“the recognition that light and dark, birth and death - bitter and sweet - are forever paired. “Days of honey, days of onion,” as an Arabic proverb puts it. The tragedy of life is linked inescapably with its splendor.” (Cain, 2022, p.xxiii)2

Spaces that allow both light and dark welcome the totality of a person’s experience, rather than just one side of it.

A similar effect can occur in more lighthearted spaces, when darkness is allowed to emerge.

Often this is down to one individual being willing to go first. A friend of mine told me about a reunion dinner where this happened to him. Initially, conversation revolved around everyone’s respective successes:

• Getting promoted

• Having a baby

• Finishing a PhD

• Travelling the world

My friend, who had recently been through a divorce, health crisis, and various family challenges, decided to throw caution to the wind and be honest. He shared what was really going on in his life. He said that upon hearing his struggles, it was as if the rest of the table breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly everyone opened up about their respective struggles:

• Finding work overwhelming

• Having a baby and finding it much more challenging than expected

• Trying to have a baby and it not happening

• Questioning the purpose of their 7 years of PhD research

• Being unrequitedly in love

By the end of the evening, the group felt more connected and affectionate than they’d thought possible. By sharing real darkness, they all felt less alone with this inevitable side of life.

In my opinion, one of the best things about THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP) events is their capacity to contain both light and dark.

In exploring thought experiments (imaginary scenarios), I’ve heard people talk about the things they love most in life, but also about their most challenging times. Their openness is impressive and contagious.

While this is mostly down to participants’ bravery and generosity, there are a few things that I think encourage such sharing:

• The absence of strict rules, enabling people to improvise freely in their conversations

• Introductory remarks that establish the group norm of respect for one another’s time and opinions

• The assurance that: “if, for any reason, a topic comes up that you’d rather not talk about today, you are free to move tables. No questions asked. We all have good reasons for avoiding particular topics, there is no need to explain.”3

• And a final note on the atmosphere, which I include in every event description: “While we’d like to talk about ‘meaningful things’, we also see the value in lighter topics, so don’t worry about not being ‘deep’ enough!”4

I think these invitations give people both the freedom and the support to navigate conversations very organically. To improvise using the full range of light to dark and to be comfortable with both levity and depth.

The sentence, “Don’t worry about not being ‘deep’ enough!”, is one of the details I’ve received most feedback about over the past three years of facilitating TEiP.

Participants have told me that it was that sentence that gave them the confidence to come along to their first ‘philosophy meetup’5.

From my experience, prescribing depth (i.e. saying “this is a place for deep conversations only”) can introduce both pressure and pretentiousness. Some people worry that conversations will be too heavy or intellectual for them. Others try to ‘out-deep’ one another with lots of intellectual references and niche knowledge. Neither of these dynamics lead to very good conversations.

On the other hand, occasions where depth is deliberately avoided can feel stilted and disappointing.

I value small talk and agree with the Samaritans campaign: “Small talk saves lives”, but I find being limited to small talk very stifling. Contrary to the stereotypical university experience, where students are imagined sitting around having mind opening conversations about life’s big questions, my experience included a great deal of small talk (mostly about hangovers and gossip) and the deliberate avoidance of depth.

Whenever my best friend (who was a philosophy student) would ask an off the wall question that threatened to deepen a conversation, our housemates would say “she’s going down the rabbit hole again”, laugh fondly, and change the subject. At the time, I didn’t really know what philosophy was; I just knew that she was the most interesting person to talk to. I wish we’d explored her questions more seriously.

So in addition to “don’t worry about being deep enough”, I’d like to add “don’t feel ashamed about going down the rabbit hole”.

Thankfully people at TEiP seem quite happy to go down the rabbit hole and, like my friend, they do it without taking themselves too seriously. But I think this is a good invitation for other events where people might feel reticent to go deep.

If conversation is improvisation6, talking about the light and the dark, with depth and with levity, is like playing the full range of notes on an instrument. Opportunities to play like this enable us to become more adept and more free. The more we practice, the more effortlessly we’ll jam together: navigating wide-ranging topics, connecting with each other’s experiences, and reflecting on the full, bittersweet picture of what it means to be a human. And hopefully, we’ll have more fun doing it!

I’d love to hear about more spaces where both sincerity and triviality are welcome, where silliness and seriousness can coexist. If you have examples to share, please do so either in the comments or by DM :-)

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And if you like symbolism: The Spring Equinox, which marks the moment when day and night (light and dark) are perfectly balanced, is coming up. We will be celebrating it at THE SUNRISE CLUB and you are invited to join us :-).

THE SPRING EQUINOX

She usually avoids large gatherings because she considers herself to be an introvert: her social battery is charged by solitude and drained by socialising. Parties and events are a lot of socialising all in one go.

But when Gwen pictures last night, she doesn’t see a crowd. She sees the faces of five individuals and remembers details about their lives:

• Mac loves piloting long haul flights on his home simulator. These long, slow periods of time, where he sits, drinks coffee, and smokes allow him to be still and meditative in a way he can’t during the rest of his life.

• Anna both loves and is heartbroken by the song: The Last Thing on My Mind by Tom Paxton. The song is a love song, but Anna first heard it at a funeral and it was the perfect bittersweet tribute to love and loss.

• Marshall had COVID19 over Christmas and had to isolate at home, and he loved it. He visualised his flat as a spaceship and got more creative work done in those 10 days than in any 10 days prior.

• Sam’s favourite book is Start With Why by Simon Sinek. It taught her a totally different way of looking at her business and made it feel worthwhile again. It’s also led her to great success.

• Andre loves the cowslick curl of hair above his baby daughter’s forehead because it reminds him of his mother. Prompted by the cowslick, he’s read several non-fiction books about genetics and developed a newfound interest in human biology.

Gwen spent less than 20 minutes talking to each of these people, but she feels she can already picture them in their lives, a bit like characters in a novel.

She tells her friend, Adam, about the event over coffee the next day.

Gwen:

“We divided up into small groups of 3 or 4, and then were invited to take turns sharing something we loved. It could be anything, a song, a season, a memory, a book, anything. The organiser told us we had 20 minutes and that they would mark every five minutes with a bell, so that we could share it out fairly. After the 20 minutes were up, everyone got up, swapped groups and then did it again.”

Adam:

“That’s nice, but what’s the point? Why do you want to know what random strangers love? Shouldn’t you get to know them first before you care about what they love?”

Gwen:

“Well it kind of was a way of getting to know them, very quickly. And I found it uplifting to hear people talking about things they love, rather than the usual chit chat at social occasions. I also feel a bit inspired to read that Start With Why book and listen to the Tom Paxton song. I’m even a little curious about flight simulators, or at least finding something equally meditative to do for long stretches of time.”

Adam:

“What did you share?”

Gwen:

“I told them about a podcast episode that I first listened to ages ago, maybe 10 years ago. I didn’t plan in advance what to talk about, but this just came back to me when it was my turn. I’ve re-listened to it several times since I first heard it and every time it moves me to tears.

The podcast is called Ear Hustle and is made in San Quentin Prison. And the episode that I love is called “Tell Christy I Loved Her”. It’s about restorative justice. It is simple, moving, haunting, and hopeful.”

Adam:

“Well I’m definitely going to give it a listen. But only because you’ve recommended it. I’m not sure I care about what random strangers love, but do let me know how the next ‘SOMETHING YOU LOVE’ goes, I might come round to the idea.”

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

1. What do you think of the event that Gwen went to?

2. Why might people like Gwen want to hear what other people love?

3. Why might people like Adam not be interested?

4. How important is the story behind the thing that someone loves?

5. Can you think of any other occasions when people might get to hear about a total stranger’s inspirations/favourites/loves (etc.) as soon as they meet them?

6. If you’ve already signed up for an event like this, why did you sign up?

If you’re more of a Gwen than an Adam, please join us tomorrow evening at SOMETHING YOU lOVE at The Betjeman Arms :-)

SOMETHING YOU LOVE

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I’m hoping everyone who joins us tomorrow will leave with a unique bouquet of other people’s ‘loves’

Having a little brother meant that this was one of my regular childhood refrains.

My dad’s response was always: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”1

He said it gently and explained what it meant: that I’d had such a good idea, I’d inspired someone else to copy me.

Although I still felt a slight sense of childish indignation, being told that I’d been copied because I’d had a very good idea was comforting.

My dad was a patient mediator and my brother and I have always been very close as a result2.

A few months before my dad died, I told him about a new friend that I’d made. I told him that this new friend was a lot of fun and an amazing dancer, that I admired him and valued his positive outlook on the world, and that his name was Richard.

My dad, who I think could tell that I was in love with this Richard, said “cool name” with a smile. My dad’s name was Richard too.

Besides their names, my two significant Richards aren’t obviously similar, but over the past three years, since my dad died and since my ‘friend’ became my fiancé, I’ve discovered many similarities. My most recent discovery is their gentle way of guiding my outraged ‘inner child’3 to a more grown up attitude.

About a year ago, members of my meetup community, THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP), started telling me that they’d seen ‘copycat’ events popping up on meetup.com. They were worried that people were “stealing” my idea.

I investigated and was surprised by the audacity of the copying. The events had identical formats to mine, were titled “Thought Experiments”, and the organisers had been to my events shortly before creating them.

I felt that sense of childish indignation: “he’s copying me!”.

But I also felt pleased that my idea was inspiring enough to elicit copying. And glad that it might result in more events for people to meet and talk meaningfully at.

I talked these incongruous feelings through with my partner, Richard.

The bit that felt unfair was the plagiarism, the lack of ‘citing your sources’, a practice that I value highly and take pains to do4.

I decided to make contact and ask whether these new events were inspired by TEiP and if so, whether the organisers would be up for crediting TEiP as the source of inspiration. The response was defensive and my request was declined.

My wise fiancé, who has worked at the top of the dance/choreography industry for years and consequently had a LOT of experience with issues related to plagiarism, gave me the good counsel I needed. His advice, which I’ve since passed on to a few other people (who’ve all said it has served them well):

“Take all the energy you are putting into caring about other people copying you and put it into making your stuff better.”

This is great advice.

Over the past year, I’ve enjoyed pouring more creative energy into my events and seeing how they’ve flourished.

Instead of worrying about protecting my ideas, I’ve spent my time:

• Writing hundreds of original thought experiments.

• Developing our unique hand drawn graphics (without AI).

• Sewing the banners and flags that epitomise our analogue values and make us easy to find at events and online.

• Connecting with innovative individuals who are nurturing ideas of their own.

• And enthusiastically paying tribute to my sources of inspiration so that others can discover them (e.g. in this article about a great book I read last year)5.

TEiP continues to be imitated, but my attitude has transformed. By copying my idea, people are telling me that I’m onto something good. Of course it would be lovely to be acknowledged as the originator, but my happiness is not contingent on it. What makes me happy is making my events the best they can be.

I’m grateful for my two Richards and their sage advice, so I wanted to share it (and them) more widely.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about creativity, imitation, inspiration, attribution, and attitude. In an age when it’s very easy to take other people’s ideas and replicate them with the help of AI, I think these issues are live and important to talk about. Perhaps I’ll schedule an event on these themes soon 😏

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Why?

As well as being tried and tested tools of philosophy, thought experiments are ideal conversation starters1.

Thought experiments are short, engaging stories that invite the audience to participate imaginatively right away. Classic examples include ‘would you rather’ scenarios like The Trolley Problem and The Experience Machine.

Accompanied by questions, thought experiments open myriad avenues for discussion, very quickly. People can engage with them on various levels, whether they have knowledge of philosophy or not. Furthermore, they can become ‘co-authors’ by changing the parameters or adding in new characters2.

My regular meetup event, THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS (TEiP), uses thought experiments as a means of getting people into meaningful discussion immediately.

This concept for gathering resonated with people as soon as I put it on meetup.com in February 2023. Over 100 people showed up for the first event and generated a lot of enthusiasm for future editions. I realised that if we were to keep gathering in this way, we’d need an steady stream of thought experiments to fuel our conversations.

After a few months of using classical thought experiments, I started looking for fresh material. One participant generated 50 new thought experiments with ChatGPT, but they felt quite flat and one dimensional, all following a very similar formula. I found a book of contemporary thought experiments, but they were a little too jargon heavy and unwieldy for the vibe of our laid back evenings in the pub.

After adapting a few of these thought experiments to suit a pub setting,

I realised that it wasn’t so difficult to write my own.

After a few months of this kind of writing, I was hooked. This is why:

1. In order to write new material on new subjects each week, I had to diversify my media consumption.

Whenever I schedule a new TEiP event, I’m essentially setting myself creative homework. The event will have a theme, for example FREEDOM, HOPE, or AGE3. That theme will open a new tab in my mind. I’ll start noticing things related to it everywhere, and I’ll become more adventurous with my reading/watching/listening in pursuit of relevant material for thought experiments.

For example, after scheduling a recent event on PERSUASION, I read Jane Austen’s Persuasion, an article on business influencing, and a summary of How to Win Friends and Influence People. None of these would have been on my reading list without the ‘assignment’ to investigate PERSUASION.

Writing thought experiments invites new sources of information.

2. Writing TEs has given me a new, more curious, lens through which to look at the world.

I’ve started seeing everything as potential thought experiment fodder. Granted, I’ve loosened the criteria of what counts as a thought experiments quite a bit4. But now, I find myself being inspired by things like:

• a conversation overheard in a cafe

• an advert

• a tricky interpersonal dilemma

• a film that someone mentioned in passing

• a random item on the news or a podcast

• a niche topic that someone talked about at length at a dinner party

Whereas before, I might have tuned out if I wasn’t interested in something, I am now tuned in and have questions. I have become more curious, which has improved my experience of the world, and I think others’ experience of me. As I often say at TEiP events: “everyone loves a good listener”, and even more so, a curious listener.

Writing thought experiments cultivates curiosity.

3. I have created an imagining deadline for myself, as well as a writing deadline.

After reading and researching around a theme, I then have to digest, synthesise and imagine a thought experiment. My creative process involves letting my mind chew over my existing knowledge of a theme and the new information I’ve discovered, and seeing what images, voices, and concepts emerge. This often comes to me as dialogue between imaginary characters who voice different perspectives on a topic.

I like to have at least three voices in a thought experiment, to disrupt binaries and nuance the issues in question. I then work the thought experiment around these voices, situating them in a time, place, and context that adds to the thought-provoking-ness of the scenario.

This creative process has become a joyful, playful space that I look forward to (albeit still often procrastinate) and relish. It’s also become somewhere I can work out ideas that have lodged in my mind and need space to evolve.5

Writing thought experiments requires imagination and creativity, so you have to make space for both.

4. They are important, but not that important.

As a recovering perfectionist and veteran of academia, I have habits that make writing both slow and tedious. I can nit pick, overthink, and restructure ad infinitum. Since pulling a double all-nighter to finish my Masters thesis in 2016, I have bean loathe to put myself in the position of regular writing again. But it turns out that without a critical audience, and with a ‘yes and’ audience, writing becomes a LOT easier.

The purpose of my thought experiments is not to be groundbreaking or insightful or revolutionary, it is to get people thinking in a way that might lead them to their own eureka moments. And if not eureka moments, at least to get them thinking differently, collectively, and in dialogue with one another. This bar seems easy, and fun, to clear.

Churning out new thought experiments for multiple events a week, has unexpectedly been extremely rehabilitative. I don’t have time to be precious. I have leant into the joyful, creativity of writing in a way that I never have before. And I get to benefit from immediate, thoughtful feedback at events.

Writing thought experiments is playful.

I have found the fun in writing again. I don’t want to delegate it to AI.

Many people have suggested that I use AI to write thought experiments, to save me the work of coming up with new ideas every week, but while this might save me quite a lot of time, it would also rob me of one of my favourite ways of using my brain6.

Although all the reasons listed above compel me to write thought experiments, I am also sometimes lazy, sometimes busy, sometimes not in the right mood to write. Having the deadline of an upcoming event and the expectation of a ticket purchasing audience means that I have to override these reasons not to write and write anyway. And that is always a good thing. Much like going for a run, I never regret it, no matter how much I might procrastinate it.

If I delegated this work to AI once, it would always be an option in future, and I think that would quickly build dependency. Each time using AI would be like skipping a workout. My writing muscles would begin to wither and it would be more and more tempting to use AI the next time.

It is for the same reason that I have resisted repeating old thought experiments. If I started doing this, I would reduce my incentive to write fresh ones. I would halt the evolution of my thought experiment style, which has definitely improved and become more idiosyncratic over the years.

My compendium of human-written thought experiments continues to grow. I plan to publish it someday, but for now I’m just enjoying the practice.

And so are some of you! A few TEiP regulars have taken up the creative challenge and written innovative thought experiments on their respective areas of interest (e.g. belonging, race, money, AI, and courage). The first of these have gone down well at events and more are coming soon.

A few of you said that you had ideas you’d like to explore, but you weren’t sure how to go about writing your own thought experiments, so I ran a series of thought experiment writing workshops. They have been selling out far in advance, so I keep scheduling more.

If you’d like to join, you can find more info and register interest here:

WRITING WORKSHOP

In the meantime, if you’d like to join us in discussing thought experiments, you can find all upcoming events here:

THOUGHT EXPERIMENTS IN PUBS

And if you want to get some writing done, you might enjoy my other ‘meetup mashup’ where we write silently for an hour, and then intentionally ‘hang out’:

WRITE CLUB & HANGING OUT

Thanks for reading, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below or by DM.

Bonny ❤️

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